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Someone Asks “What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?” And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers
Kids are not for everyone. Yet, many default to expecting people to start procreating once they settle down, even insisting that those who claim not to want children will surely someday change their minds. Especially women.
But there are plenty of valid reasons for living child-free. And if a person doesn't want to commit to spending around 18 years of their life caring for another human being whose well-being depends entirely on them, maybe we shouldn't force them into it? Regardless of whether or not they belong to the heteronormative part of society.
Drawing attention to the problem, Redditor AGstudios22 asked other platform users who don't plan on having kids what made them come to that conclusion, and we thought that reading through the answers can provide you with quite a few interesting insights, regardless of your own position.
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From my own experience, I don’t like the thought of bringing a kid into the world we live in. I’d much sooner adopt a kid who’s in a shifty place or in a struggling area. There are millions of kids starving out there, there are millions of kids being abused out there. Rather save one of them than bring another kid into this retched place
Well there will be more children struggling with this abuse/homelessness. thanks Supreme Court!!
That's the point. Some of us DONT want to birth our children but would rather adopt. I don't want to birth my own children for many reasons esp Including the above. I do really want to adopt. I can kinda choose any age and I'd rather start with the older kids who might feel hopeless. I have so much I conditional love. Why bring a child into this horrible world when there are kids already alive and in need of not just a good home but lots of love.
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I'm 68. Due to paternal parenting issues, I chose not to have children. Great choice for ME. No regrets at all. You do you.
This is why I want to adopt a child in the future instead of bringing another one into the world.
It's the same for animals! It's effing sad that children and pets are abandoned, abused in all sorts of way, neglected, and in a really messed up environment. It's some of the saddest and most disgusting shitake ever. I hate people.
I have one child but would have adopted however there are almost no adoptions in Australia. There were 42 inter country adoptions last year and the rest (about 200 total) were almost all existing carers or family of the child. To adopt a child as you might in the US is almost impossible.
The only difficulty adopting a child in the US is that the goal of the foster system is to reunite kids with their families. That's fantastic if it is successful and children are well-cared for, but kids are typically in foster care a few times before parents permanently lose their rights. It's heartbreaking for the foster parents who want to adopt.
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Well, their censoring sucks. Also there is no button to report users.
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As an adopted child born from a 16yr old crack addict I was able to live my best life, even though my adoptive mother wasn't to motherly to me but was to my biological twin sister ( adopted together) I could have grown up in a crack house or not grown up at all... however birth mom also willingly gave us up telling social services she knew she couldnt give us the life we deserved for that I will always thank her i can't imagine how hard it must have been to give us up, as a mother myself i don't think i would have been able to
I knew when I was 12 years old I never wanted a child and everyone said, "oh you'll change your mind." I'm 50 years old now and still child free. Why would I want to bring children into this world, when we're taking woman's rights away? Yet men can STILL obtain Viagra and rape women, or children? Let's not forget they all claim to be religious; however, they're quick to judge.
FINALLY! Someone said it! My mom and dad are asking me constantly if I'm going to have kids in my future like my brothers (ha! I'm 17,mom). Because my little sister likes girls and my older sister HATES the thought of having kids. My 3 older brothers have kids and seeing the awful way my oldest brother raises his kids, makes me not want to have any. He's always saying he's never afraid to "discipline" a kid. (Even if it's not his..) he even slapped me till I was bruised one time because he was shouting homophobic/anti trans stuff at my sister and, im pansexual, so I don't like it, plus to my 13 year old sis? Not cool.I him to "shut it, l". Now he just jokes about hitting me to his kids and his sons are huge jerks about it. And my niece always stands up for me. She is staying at my parents house for a day to hang out with her aunties! She kinda makes me want to have kids but I'm scared if I do get any my brother will be awful to them. Anyway sorry for the long comment! Have a good day!
OHSHIT! So sorry you all go through that fuckedup life. Hope everyone can somehow get away from those vile monster bitchfungus toxic wastes of atoms fucktard psychocunt assholeviruses+!!!
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Thanks. As someone who has been adopted, this means a lot. Go for kids who are older as most people look them over because they are harder to teach
I don't want to take care of a 3yo anyway lol. I plan to go for an older kid.
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I decided at 32 it wasn't for me and had tunbes tied. Never been interested in friends kids. Suffer major depression. Don't want to add to that. Been enjoying a social life and travelling. Would rather have dogs than kids. Kids grow into bratty teenagers.
I decided this too at 17. I wanted permanent sterilization and discovered it was illegal for any US physician to do so because, "people can change their mind." Well, I never DID. I am TERRIFIED for my accidental son. I am TERRIFIED for my niece. I fully suppoet those who no longer feel that this planet is fit for child-rearing.
People should ask themselves: What's so uniquely special about my DNA that I just have to keep it going? Mine wasn't that special, and I find that true in most cases.
My kid is wanted. And he is 19. And sometimes I lay awake feeling guilty that I brought him into this s**t show.
Especially now that there will b so many with abortions not being legal everywhere now. I wonder if those states r prepared for that influx and the funds that will b needed to care for them all?
People seem to think that the government is making them pregnant. Use birth control, get fixed, or abstain. Getting pregnant is avoidable.
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Adopting a kid can be extremely expensive. Most people end up having their own because they can afford that over time instead of tens of thousands of dollars at once. I've had plenty of friends that tried going that route.
I don't get this one. Caring for your child? That's a reason not to have a kid? If you care? Sorry, not following.
In my middle-high school, (In China). At that time has a lot of news about 11 something years old children's suicide because of Family origin， for that time, China had an open Two-child policy, whose parents spoiled the younger than older children, and older children felt the imbalance and suicide. 2. I had seen one program that is the China program (X change ). This program is about urban areas children send to the countryside, to experience countryside life, and countryside children are sent to the urban. And they changed their parents. After the end of the program, one common said:” The urban parents are always making money, they don't have time to accompany their child. I still remember my middle school teacher telling us, said nowadays, becoming a parent needs to take an exam.
Most people that say this don't ever actually do it. They are just grandstanding to prove once again they are better than the rest of society. Edit: If you've done this, great for you. You probably are better than the general public. But overall its just another thing that people preach but don't practice.
By all means don’t have children, I don’t think anyone should even give a reason but don’t tell people who want kids how to have them. Adaption and birthing children are not the same thing and neither is better than the other; I’ve seen idiots screw up both because they don’t prepare for either one the right way.
I knew at the age of 17 yrs old I was not going to have children till I was in my late 30s. My 30s came around, I was a Flight Attendant flying all over the world even managed to get my degree in finance. Even thru out my 30s, I knew I was not ready to make the commitment to raise children. I personally felt immature. Now I'm retired after 36 years of flying and 62 years of age, I have no regrets...this how it's supposed to be for me. I have many nieces and nephews who now enrich my life. I love them and treat them as if they were my own.
I have 4 kids..one passed 24 hours after birth....now I have friends that don't want children...and I've never asked why because #1 it's not my business #2 it's fu@king hard and I would never ever suggest someone should have children.....and people (women especially) should be down right ashamed for the anti feminist behavior of trying to emotionally guilt trip,and Mind Fu@k a woman into something she doesn't want to do....what is wrong with you people, to suggest you know what they want they just haven't figured it out yet..,OMFG
Read all these comments. To each their own. BUT while you're enjoying your choice, PLEASE refrain from the eye rolls, huffy attitudes and snide comments toward those who have kids. Its their choice and just as valid as yours. I had an outing with my 6 grandchildren recently, ranging in age from 6 to 13. They were behaving appropriately but the rude, judgmental behavior of some of the people around us made it exceedingly hard for me to maintain a good example for the kids.
People is red to think I was as crazy for not wanting to have kids. I never cared lol. I love doing what I want when I want. Kids drain you physically mentally and financially. I never found it rewarding having to have that responsibility
Today's youngest generation will be the second to last to breath freely. Bringing more people into the world will just be more people to suffer, in this stage of climate change.
Okay, all you hear is the preference of raising/adopting a fostered kid. However, how many actually do? And, are we simply not going to acknowledge the mental capacity needed to do this? I am not hating, but a little tired this being thrown out there like some saviors doctrine. It almost comes off like the saying, "I would have joined the army but... " You don't get rewarded for thinking it. Do it, then. Please, the kids are waiting... and if you're gonna say, about me.. I never said I would or rather. I am not in the mental capacity to help a broken down child. I am literally surrounded by them due to sister-in-law and at a time, my sister. These kids living in shitty situations need the strongest mentors ever. The will to love unconditionally! Stop using them as a scape goat for not engaging in social norms. You don't want kids, you just don't want kids.
In fact this is quite true. I was one of those kids abused because my mother brought me into this world and hated me sense I opened my eyes. She hurt me and my dad and sister so bad I don’t get how she could even keep going. I hated my life and knew many many things I shouldn’t know at the age of 3-6 years. I knew what suicide was at like 5 and struggled with depression and wasn’t even feed by my mother, she just sat and drank and did drugs and be the classic jerk she is, while I went hungry. I honestly rather not have been born than deal with the trauma and live.
Ok but if these people ARE actually adopting, then they ARE HAVING KIDS!!! THEY WILL BE PARENTS AND THEREFORE SHOULDNT BE ONTHIS LIST AT ALL!! If they ARENT actually ever going to adopt and just think they dont wanna bring a kid into this awful world but still would rather not raise kids, period, without adopting them, then those are 2 separate issues!!! You cant include people on this list if they actually ARE seriously planning to adopt cuz then they ARENT saying they dont want kids, now are they!?? There is a difference between wanting to STAY CHILDLESS and WANTING TO ADOPT CHILDREN. I thought the whole point here was to show reasons why people choose NOT TO BE PARENTS, not why they choose NOT TO PROCREATE/have their own bio kids!
What if someone want to adopt but can't afford it? Single people, lower income people, there is no chance for them
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I would totally adopt a kid for this exact reason. No point bringing a kid into a difficult life when there are kids that have had one and need love
Aw, you poor little martyr...there will never be a cross big enough, will there?
This is not answering the question why not wanting a kid. This is from a non-parent seeing a problem and doing nothing about it. Question to this person: why don't YOU save kne of them (or more) and enjoy how beautiful and more meaningful life is with kids. 🥰
Strange answer. If you don't want kids, you also don't adopt them. Which sounds the writer also didn't do. Sounds like talking no action. Go out and "save kids" then... 😁
This world has always been bad and always will be. Let's hope the child or children you adopted can go out there and fix this place. Thank you for adopting or even fostering. I think that is very noble !
I DO want kids, but my agreement with this sentiment is stronger than my maternal instincts. Also... Hello 40, now I can't have a child bc society says I'm a dusty ancient wrinkled useless hag whose parenting skills obv peaked when I was a clueless 25 year old
I don't think anyone should be having kids unless they have a family business(es) they can eventually employ them in and housing or land they own they can provide to their young person when they grow up to live in/on, otherwise they've just provided a person to the meat market for employers, landlords, etc to exploit, or they could lose their kid to the military for a foreign war.
YES! let's help out the people who are already here. to paraphrase: i think the goal is to make LESS people suffer, not more
Nope, adopt a dog ... at least they don't turn on you when they don't get their own way.
The global conditions and economics are unfavorable, I would not want children to pull on this planet any more than is so.
If I were at child-bearing age, I wouldn't want to have children because they would have no furure. Unless the morons who are alive today decide to take global warming seriously.
Good for you to rescue a kid who's seen worse, but lose the gloom n doom. Our world is still beautiful despite man s efforts and seems you could use a little of that yourself.
So ... you are saying if you want a kid get a rescue? Got to say - the world might be a little better (and a lot for the kid) if everyone did this.
I have 2 kids and i will never in my life go for adoption. These struggling kids does grow up ine day and will go and look for her/ hus real families, country and parents. I cant share my kids love with anyone and it is just s**t that these kids cant be happy with what they got. Atleast my own blood kids wint go around the world ro find out real parents, real families and real home country. I might consider ro adopt but baby should have no families, name, parents or any siblings left, atleast on this earth. My kids are mine and will never/ can never share them with anyone. Good luck to anyone who is going for adoption.
because having kids is an enormous sacrifice for women and there are already plenty. I believe in supporting the people who have kids properly and the US does nothing of the sort.
Amen! And there will be so many more now that Roe vs Wade has been overturned. Thank you SCOTUS.
As long as you live up to it. Have you adopted a needy child yet??
Thank you. There is enough kids already and many of them don't have home.
I have 2 kids who I love dearly. I fear for their futures. This just feels like an excuse that everyone seems to use. Hopefully that isn't true in your case.
Agree. 💯 there are already WAY too many people on the planet. Adopting actually saves children!
While growing up, dreamt of studying well, getting a decent job, marry an eligible bachelor, having own family and settling down to a peaceful life. But, by reaching 28, I realized that things I wanted in life had almost become unachieveable. Always been reminded me of how overweighted and not so attractive and fair I am. I always had bad childhood, worse teens and worst youth. Still unemployed and unmarried, never been in any relationship even as joke. Profiles coming to me for marriage are less qualified and ugly looking and very old. Now, I don't want to get marry and have kids since don't want to see, them go through like what I am going through. I want to end this jinx with myself.
Your thought is not bad. But if you're married and conceiving kids then you can't destroy a new life just because of this reason.
This is absolutely correct! I was abused as a child and my spine is messed up to remind me of it everyday for the rest of my life. I also deal with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. Why would I want to bring a child into this world so they could feel the same way I do?
I adopted 2 kids from a shitty place and guess what? They brought their s**t with them and continue s******g in the house I work for like it’s their own.
Wretched. To “retch” is to vomit. Hmmm, maybe that works after all.
I was busy with my horses and running up and down the road. It costs me 2 marriages, my horses and rodeoing. But I enjoyed it. Sometimes I do wish I had had kids but like someone told me, I had a career basically. I got hurt and can't ride anymore, now I wish I had children. At the time, though, I didn't want them.
The simple truth is most people do not want the responsibility.. we have raised a very selfish isolated generation.
But they are making the responsible choice for recognizing that they don’t want the responsibility of raising a child. I think that’s a smart decision already. Let people who want kids have them. There are plenty that do
Load More Replies... I wondered how long before someone made this a political comment. Surr way to keep from getting pregnant is get tubes tied or a vasectomy. So couples practice monogamy and one partner gets permanently fixed. People need to start taking responsibility for their actions. Abstinence is also a good option.
At an early age I knew that I never wanted children. I feared the responsibility of being a father. That of course goes against what most women want, so finding a partner who shared your feelings. Luckily I did and we have been married for 45 years.
👁myself did not wanna have kids! Because I had a very very bad learning disability and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone ever. The only way I can write this is talk to text.
Life happens and it is wonderful. It is short and full of awful things sometimes. You can look at it two ways...you are forcing someone into terrible life or adding someone into life that may be very grateful for it. How do you know how that child would feel about it? Either way..like Jurassic Park...life finds a way lol. I won't judge you but it's good to see a more positive outlook from perspective life.
I absolutely agree. Why bring a child into this world when there are so many children out there waiting to to be adopted. These children are already in this world struggling. They are waiting for someone...a single person or couple to adopt them. Waiting to be rescued, waiting for a sense of normal in their lives but most of all waiting to be loved unconditionally. I have a friend who adopted two children from China. She & her husband adopted a boy and girl. They gave them a home and lots of love. Today, the son and daughter are in college and doing well. What would have happened to them if they were not adopted??? I used to want children at some point in my life. I even considered adoption. I changed my mind. I love kids but, I don't desire to have them. Kids are not for everyone. I truly believe that people want children for the wrong reasons. I also believe that others deserve to be parents...single or married because they truly love children and desire to have t
I had a wonderful childhood!!! My parents were loving and kind. To the woke generation I say,” conceived in anger and rape, adopted in love!”
Children are a very big responsibility but, we live in a world 🌎 that tells you you can have any amount you want!!!. These people produce children that they themselves cannot care for and don't really give a damn, give them to society to care for them. Welfare and irresponsibility is on special all the time for them.. Anywhere you fine people, hundred of thousands of children are Suffering, generation into generation.
But adopting a child is even harder. You have to be mentally very strong to deal with the child's traumas. And a negative attitude that this world is a retched place will not help an adopted child develop well. Bad things happen every day in the world that's true. During the pandemic I felt like my whole life was thrown around. But I made the best of it. Nature walks instead of going out. Small intimate wedding instead of something big was still the most beautiful day of my life. And instead of traveling to visit other places in the world I got to know my own area so much better. And yes I lost a friend to Covid (and her unborn baby). And yes I struggled for more than a year with the effects of Long Covid myself. But I never lost my positive mindset. If life gives you lemons make lemonade. Life's too short not to enjoy even if it's just small things. And that's the attitude and mindset I want to raise my kids with whether adopted or given birth to myself.
I'm had 3 children and am now a grandmother of 4 beautiful grandchildren. Not a day goes by without me wondering if they will have a future and how I can spare them from the hell I can't help but be sure is coming. There is simply nowhere to run to. All of those babies being bombed in Ukraine - they are our babies. I wish I could have known what was coming 35 years ago.
I always babysit with everyone kids since I was 11yrs and was told I'll never have kids because most the children were horrible brats,but I always wanted a house full of boys and one daughter,I never complained not never wanted a break from my 4 kids , they're THE LOVES OF MY LIFE 🧬🙏😘🌹
I'm guessing you meant wretched. And I'm guessing you've never opened a history book either because if you had you'd know there's literally never been a better time in human history to be alive. If you were given a time machine there's no way you'd choose a time in history more than a few years back. Before the internet was invented? Forget about it.
I never wanted children. I love babies and toddlers that are family members or friends of the family, but I experienced physical, emotional and SA for years growing up and I kept it a secret and shoved the memories down so far in the back off my mind, I didn't come to terms with it until my mind could no longer contain the secret and every memory came flooding back all at once. I kept the secret for 40 years. Needless to say my relationships with people have suffered but part of me doesn't care. My circle of friends I can count on one hand. That being said, the effects of the SA had f*cked me up mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I've been seeing my therapist since 2010 and my psychiatrist since 2013. I still don't like intimacy though. The thought of sexual intimacy makes me gag. I told my therapist I feel robbed of who I could've been. I have family support on this journey of healing and a long journey it's been. I'm grateful the Lord saved me. He's why I'm a survivo
Bunch of miss informed whinny, entitle idiots. But love the idea of adopting, would do the same. Open up a history book, no better time to be alive, now stop been so damn entitled and stopped letting CNN and Twitter be your source of information is better for your health=:3
First of all, when I was little girl I used to watch Dr Ben Casey show and when it showed a woman having a baby that just it just really made up my mind that I'm not going through that. Second of all I don't like the sound of babies crying and I don't like the smell of them. Third of all I just don't think I would make a good mother.
I don't have any of my own kids and I'm a 57 year old male. I've been with my girlfriend for 15 years and she has 4 grown kids. They are 25 , 27 girls and a 35 and 39 year old boys. I have had to bail them out of so many things, such as rent, grocery money, electric bill, dentist procedures, probation payments, car payment, insurance payment and the list goes on and on. The amount of money I have spent in the last 15 years is astronomical. It is unbelievable that some grown kids never will become independent. What a bloody nightmare!
As with my wife and I. Unfortunately child services doesn't tell you that majority of adoption break down leaving Adoptive parents traumatized and feeling like failures. Case in point 3 out of 4 of the siblings we've adopted have FASD. The boy is in a secure group home because at 12 he attempted to murder my wife and his sister and tried to set a police officer on fire. Our oldest daughter, doesn't have FASD made it to University and has decent employment. However our second daughter is back with child services and 3rd has severe cognitive impairment. The mother that bore them also gave birth to 7 more with moderate to sever FASD that other Adoptive parents are coping without much success.
And that is not only in developing countries, here in the US and all over the world
I wish adoption was more accessible for people in the U.S. I looked into it in my late 20s/early 30s and was shocked by how expensive it can be. Many adoption agencies are also run by religious organizations that are biased against anyone who's not straight and married.
1-I do NOT like them. 2- They are self centered parasites. 3- they make me EXTREMELY nervous. #4- I do NOT like noise. 5- I don't need anything bobsledding me to an early grave. In my 60's and NEVER a moment of regret.
Exactly how I feel. Unfortunately they'd rather let kids rot in centers or bounce around foster homes than get adopted, it's insanely difficult to do.
My sister and I both have never had kids. I'm 41 and she's 37(We won't either) we both have endometriosis. We tell ourselves (makes us feel better) that god didnt let us have kids cause he knew there were children that were gonna needs us. Thus far we have taken in our brothers children and a couple of our cousins kids. I'm good with this! I now have three step children(they're adults now) and two grandsons. If this was gods plan for me then he nailed it!! After all these years I believe I wasn't mean to have them.
I am definitely going to adopt when I'm older, esp if I end up marrying my gf but the thought of raising a person to be good and kind in this world warms my heart and I would love to.
I remember reading a factoid somewhere years ago about how there are enough people to adopt children out of these situations that we actually wouldn't need an adoption agency, but because they don't allow LGBT to adopt, the kids suffer. It's almost like, once the kid is born, it's a fend for yourself 🤔
this is my thought every single day and this is what i tell everyone who asks me when i'll finally get a kind of my own. (i add some rather unpleasant things but hey, you are rude for asking me Personal stuff like that)
So far as we can tell, this is the most wonderful place in the universe. We have our challenges, to be sure. But don't buy into the doom machine, trying to get you worked up and buy their pharmaceuticals. Drastic measures call for drastic circumstances, and greedy parties stand to gain from fomenting "revolution."
I would actually like to know how many children has a person who had written this adopted. I have heard this reason (and a legit reason it is to be sure!) being offered by people who never adopted a cat, let alone the child.
Yes, but what if you really want to do it but can't afford it? There is so many people with lower incomes living paycheck to paycheck..
Load More Replies... I get that. I was like that and then i found out I was pregnant at 40. She has made me a better person, because she is a better person. Taking on a child from another culture or lifestyle is very hard. Not an easy job at all. But if you make it through all of that, it has to be worth it.
I was happy and child free until right before I turned 40 when my friends , who I had not talked to in many years, were going through a rough time, and long story short and after a series of unfortunate events, we were the foster parents of 4 siblings... technically, the oldest was 19, but still. It all happened really fast, but I remember sitting in front of the judge as he asked the birth father, who was in shackles due to his most recent incarceration, if he objected to this placement, and I was an instant parent. I had only recently met the 4 year old a couple weeks before all this, but now, 4 years have passed and they still make me crazy as two have entered adult hood, but I still think about how adamant I once was about never having kids...
Then I assume you also don't buy water in plastic bottles or eat fast food.
For all you know this person could be in their 20's and not yet in a position to adopt.
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I really, really don't want to be a parent and I feel like that should at the very least be a prerequisite to having them. My grandmother didn't seem to enjoy parenthood, my mom certainly didn't. They did it because they were "supposed to". I'm breaking the cycle.
I’ve occasionally questioned my normal-ness: shouldn’t every healthy adult animal want to perpetuate the species, at least a little? Shouldn’t I have instincts to reproduce? But I don’t XD I want cats and dogs!
Selfishness. I like the freedom of being able to wake up or go wherever i want without worrying “whos gonna watch my kids” or “my kids are awake so i have to be awake” so i guess I value my personal freedom more then anything a child could provide me
It concerns me that it is often regarded as ‘selfishness’. Your entire life is changed, completely. There is nothing wrong with looking after ‘you’. There are enough children in the world, focus on being a better human being for yourself, so the your own freedoms.
The fact that nothing really makes me WANT to have them. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent - I don’t, so why would I have a kid?
Good point. You need to be wanting kids 100%. You can’t take it back. Plus it’s important that a child is brought into the world and know they are absolutely wanted.
You know when you are out in public, and you see parents of children and immediately think, "Those people should have never had kids."?
That's me. I'm those people. Not only do I agree with you, I also took your advice.
Can I answer even though I have them?
The fact that I have them makes me not want them.
I love my kids and will lay down my life for them, but raising kids SUCKS!
They financially, physically and mentally suck the life out of you.
Sure they have their moments but there is nothing rewarding about raising kids, the only thing you get in return is judgement and premature aging.
I don't regret having them, but man I'll be celebrating hard when they're adults and leave home.
Well the total lack of wishing to have a child. Zero desire. Just like I have no desire to have a pet rhino or become a lawyer.
I watched my friends, single moms, with their kid issues. Kid's sick? I have to call out from work. School issue? I have to go see to that. Groceries? I have to make sure the kid has appropriate food, I may have to eat ramen myself though. I was never ready to make those kinds of decisions. Even two parent households had a lot to shovel through with just one kid. No thanks, I'm good by myself.
I can barely take care of myself sometimes it feels like, can’t possibly take on another human. More selfishly there’s still a lot of things I want to do that I couldn’t if I had a kid. Lastly, just a pessimistic view of the world and the desire to not want to bring new life into that.
It’s not considered selfish if you’re choosing to look after yourself. Also, you’re thinking of the sorry world that hypothetical child will be left with in the future.
Not wanting to pass on genetic chronic pain/mental illness. Also kids = no money
This is really important. Many illneses are inheritable but it is so normalised to have biological kids that many knew the risk and still choose to have kids. Knowing that they might live in pain for their entire life. There are alternatives like egg/sperm donnors or adoption that at least avoid the genetic issues. I cannot resoect a person that will force their diseases on a child just because they want a bio kid.
The screaming in the next aisle over at the grocery store because they can't have the <insert item> they want.
I've just never wanted any. I never played with baby dolls as a child, I never thought twice about babysitting as a teen, and I was always uncomfortable whenever people said "*when* you have kids" (as opposed to "*if*").
I never found babies cute, I can't imagine spending 24/7 with a little human, and most of all the idea of being responsible for this little creature's happiness and growth, and making sure they become a decent, functioning human being, is *incredibly* intimidating.
After what’s going on in America right now I’m considering getting my tubes tied
I've been dealing with a mentally disabled older brother for nearly all my life. He's 32 yrs old, but acts like a 7 yr old nearly ALL the time. I love him to death, but after so long of dealing with him growing up (I'm 22), I just do not have the patience to handle something like that again.
VanessaClarkLove replied: This is my big one. I feel terrible for this, but the fear of having a child that isn’t going to grow into a fully independent person with no limitations stopped me dead. If there was a guarantee they would be of average mental capability, I might reconsider.
You know, at least as someone with handicapped issues, it's understandable (and often challenged people hold down jobs and can take care of themselves well!). What's worse- and a big fear for me- is when you have a fully functional adult child who doesn't take care of themselves. You see it all the time; grown adults still living at home and can't hold down a full time job, these man-babies/ princesses who are taken care of by pushover parents. I don't mean someone who's in college and paying rent is still young and figuring things out, etc. I mean these people who still act like children when they're 30 and yell at their parents from their smelly and messy basement rooms, depressive and being willfully unhealthy or becoming drug addicts and being THAT kind of burden is a fear for some people, too. I hate to say it this way, but having loser kids is a legit fear. It's hard to live with someone who enjoys victimhood or is in an out of rehab. You shouldn't go into it thinking it's an 18 year commitment; it's possibly a lifetime commitment.
*gestures wildly* the state of the f*****g world, maybe?
It’s irresponsible to bring a child into the world not knowing if you can provide for them a happy, healthy childhood. And as an American, I just can’t envision a future where my next of kin doesn’t suffer terribly for the economic and ecological blunders of our leadership.
The vast majority of parents I meet complain subtley about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, no free time etc.
Then, they usually realise they can't be seen to complain about having children and finish their complaints by saying "But its the best thing I ever did." This part always feels like the least genuine bit and everything before feels like the truth.
Furthermore, one of my best friends has a child and spoke candidly about it, saying "I love him to bits but wish I hadn't have had a kid."
Source: Im a teacher who deals with kids and parents daily.
Two things can be true at once. You can love your child fiercely but also wish they’d sleep past 5am 😄
Because all the "best" kid moments to me are not worth losing the ability for my husband and I to spontaneously take off a random Wednesday from our jobs, have some THC, and enjoy the 1200$ Xbox bundle we just got.
Which is what we did today. No ragrets.
World's overpopulated, would rather rescue a kid from the system
Those poor souls need so much love, and the government wants to add to their ranks instead of letting same sex couples have them
- history of severe life altering mental health issues I would NEVER wish to risk passing on (bi-polar, clinical depression, psychosis etc) my Mother and Grandmother on her side. Somehow I seem to have turned out okay but it meant I had a really difficult upbringing, but I would hate to go through what she does and don't want to risk passing it on.
- Lack of freedom / spontaneity. My fiancé and I are like adult children, we're in our 30's and love to play computer games, go out for random ice cream at 11pm, last minute overseas holidays, go out for meals etc whenever we want, I do not want to give that up. A holiday with a child sounds like a chore to me too. Every outing has to be calculated and organised, a simple trip to the store is now a huge chore and time consuming.
- Loss of self, I don't want to become "Mummy" and nothing else. (Not saying that's what happens to everyone, but I feel some people get lost in their kids and lose all sense of themselves as their world now revolves around their children, which is understandable).
- Cost. I do not want to struggle financially, I absolutely cannot afford children and I think it is selfish to have them when you can't provide for them appropriately. Unlike some childfree people, I don't want to put all my focus into my career, I have an average job, it pays enough, without kids I am able to have a comfortable life but I also LOVE my job and am happy. If I had kids we would have to change careers or get second jobs, which I am not willing to do.
- No experience with kids, I don't know what to do with them our how to talk to them. (Please note, I don't hate kids at all, I just don't want any am and awkward with them) I have zero first cousins, my brother is also child free so no nieces or nephews, I've always been awkward around kids even as a kid, and knew from quite a young age parenthood wasn't for me. I do not feel like I have a maternal instinct at all. I do not get giddy seeing babies, but show me a puppy and i'll be melting!
- Lack of sleep, stress. I want a peaceful and somewhat simple life. I enjoy quiet, I enjoy alone time, I enjoy my sleep. Children to not align with that whatsoever.
- Affect on relationship. Children can ruin relationships, it's not their fault but they do. Lack of intimacy, lack of quality time, financial issues causing problems etc. This is something people can work through, but I don't want to risk putting a strain on my relationship as things are perfect for us as they are.
- Risk of severe disability. I absolutely am not willing to look after a severely disabled child for the rest of my life. I have seen how absolutely broken some of these parents are. I saw 2 people yesterday who were clearly husband and wife in their 70's pushing around what appeared to be their profoundly disabled 40ish year old son. That is not the life I am willing to have, but I also don't want to put myself in a position to have to give a child up for adoption.
I have tokophobia (extreme fear of pregnancy).
Cannot upvote this enough! Catholic all girls school run by nuns, where it was rammed home that the worst thing that can happen to you was teenage pregnancy. Classmates also amplified this “fear” and judgement. For some of us, this fear stuck for life not just the school years. I’ve been explaining/citing tokophobia for decades.
Honestly, TikTok etc..
I can raise a kid how I think right but there’s only so much you can shield them from the internet and I’m scared of what the future holds with celebrity/influencer brainwashing culture.
I feel like my generation (early 90’s) was the last generation that was largely safe from this..
I feel this so much. I want kids, but this is something that really worries me about how I'm going to raise them. The Internet is as harmful as it is useful.
I find them annoying.
Also I have no paternal instinct, don't have the temperament to be a good parent, and I'm poor.
It would be unfair to any child to have me imposed on them as a parent.
Those kids who have parents that are perfectly normal but still somehow act like mini serial killers.
Children are born without ethics and morals pre-installed. Of course they’re tiny sociopaths until their parents teach them better… and sometimes, not even normal/good parents can teach them better because the kids don’t WANT to learn society’s rules and conform to them.
my mental health and financial situation. i wouldn’t want to raise a kid the same way i was raised.
It costs too much. The average birth costs like 40k without complications. Decent daycare near me is $1400 a month. That alone is crippling.
It's bad for the environment and I question the morality of putting my children through the potential climate wars and/or apocalypse.
Also, sometimes despite your best efforts and doing everything correctly, your kids turn out to be a**holes.
The cost issue is really dependent on where you live. We have free maternal care and delivery in Sweden and the max cost of daycare is about 150 dollars for the first kid and cheaper for siblings. (Sweden)
I’ve been clinically depressed for almost a decade. Post partum depression is one of the things that terrifies me about the prospect of having kids. Also I am in no way mentally stable enough to be a parent.
Pregnancy and childbirth gave me severe ptsd. I had PPD and anxiety. I can’t have any more children due to the impact on my mental health. The struggle is real. I still wouldn’t change a thing as my child is the love of my life but if I had never known that love I wouldn’t miss it.
Watching my sister's kid get kicked out of daycare for slamming a kids face into a table and hitting a teacher. he's 3, and the most difficult kid I've met.
I love my kids but they completely ruined my life and i don't advocate for anyone to have them
My neighbor has 7 of them. The only form of communication in that house is screaming. The teenage boy just screamed in the middle of my typing this. Kid is absolute s***e at whatever game he's trying to play. My work meetings are constantly interrupted by his whiny cursing/crying sessions.
Pregnancy.
I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy, but I thought I’d feel more comfortable with it as I got older.
Nope. I’m 34 and the thought of being pregnant still freaks me out to no end. I’d love to adopt, but I don’t think I ever want to be pregnant.
Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
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I think a lot of parents do, too. I don't think people who intentionally planned kids were sitting around thinking, "I just have WAY too much money and free time. I'll have a kid. That'll fix it." A lot of people have a deep desire to have children. They know it's going to be hard work and sacrifice and they do it anyway because they simply could not be fulfilled otherwise. Me. I have no desire to have kids. So I enjoy my quiet house, sleeping in until noon on the weekend, fabulous trips, etc. I've got a very short list of worries and it is Glorious.
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1, I don't feel any need or desire to have them. My partner feels the same. 2, I've never felt a bond with any child under 15. Sure I can find them cute, smile when I see an adorable picture of a baby, but that's about it. Their crying irritates me, their - natural - needy, clingy behaviour drives me crazy. I appreciate adult company, and don't enjoy being among kids. 3, I like my life as it is and hope to continue without disruption. 4, I can be a responsible caretaker, but I don't enjoy it. I was a live in nanny for 18 months. I did my job, cared for the children as needed. Then left them without even a sigh, and never for one moment missed them. I was told a million times that I will love them so much. I did not. 5, The world had enough of us. I feel the best thing for an individual to do for this planet is not have kids, plant trees, cover the ground you have access to (e.g. you garden). 6, I don't feel that my personal genetic material is so special that it must be preserved.
She wasn't even blaming the kids for this. She used 'I feel' phrasing. Just completely easy to read and without the toxicity that we all have actually seen before. Where on earth are people getting the impression of any child hating. "I don't enjoy it" is basically the harshest thing that was said. Jesus, some people really need to go touch grass.
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No kids. Mainly because of the possibility of passing on my mental health issues. I couldn't put another human being through that $hit, not ever.
As someone who inherited severe ADHD when there wasn’t a considerable amount of research on treatments for children and teens I would never want a child to feel like they were a burden.
Load More Replies... As much as it's refreshing to read the honesty in these, it's also sad that so many people still think they get a say in someone else's decision. I'm a proud mum of two (nearly) adult children and I wouldn't change anything. But being a parent is very difficult sometimes, is expensive and absolutely not for everyone. As a species, we're also a far larger burden on our planet than we should be. People shouldn't have to be explaining why they don't want kids.
I got adhd from being raised in an environment wher i was bouncing one place to another or task to task without. Finishing. Neither of my birth parents have it. My half brother has autism. I think genetic mutation or his dad's side or possibly he got it due to medications mom needed to be taking or stress from mum while in the womb. So ADHD is not necessarily passed through genetics.
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I can't have children, which is a pain like no other and something I struggle to deal with constantly, but we have built a lovely life for ourselves. Being childless (even though it's not through choice) gives us freedoms that our parent friends are jealous of and we try hard to make the most of those things.
My favorite excuse isn't even an excuse. I don't want to deal with them. It's my choice because I don't owe anyone kids or grandkids. I don't like them and I don't want them.
YES!! exactly!! Especially cause my friends daughter ran off and left the grandkids with her! She is 70 and having to care for a 3 year old!!!
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I simply never have had an interest in parenthood and like the freedom not having children allows me to have.
This should be higher. Some people still forget all the many medical complications that can happen with pregnancy let alone child birth itself. People still die in childbirth in this country….it’s worse in underdeveloped countries.
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I always worried I would regret it once it was too late to conceive. I'm 61 and I still haven't regretted it 1 day. I kept waiting for that yearning to have a child and it never came. Just an overwhelming desire to rescue animals!
You are literally my role model!! 😂 I love animals to goodness- but I in no way want kids!! Sometimes I wonder if ill someday regret it... and then I remember all my hobbies (art) id have to give up- and I remember why lol xD
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I have one adult daughter and I have always loved being a mom. But it’s not for everyone. I’ve met people who had kids because they felt they “had to” and resented it. I would rather people not have kids and be happy then have them and make everyone—including their kids—miserable.
I am sick and tired of people trying to make my life a shopping list with the highest priority item "have kids". Well peops, it is not yours to decide what I do with my life. Also, there are so many children in the world that do not have parents, are abused or even killed by their parents. Let's safe them first. I won't judge you if you have 20 children. But please don't judge me if I don't want any. I have my life together, I have a loving and caring spouse. We are happy. Why should we change that just to live up to a standard that is fabricated. I live under the premise live and let live. Let people of whatever gender who really want a child have one or many and educate the uneducated so they can make proper decisions in regards to having children (or not)
Not everybody wants to be a Duggar . Im glad 17 and counting with all it's issues has plummeted and i no longer hear about. The bs. They had sonny kids it became a danger to the newborns life and possibly the mother's. That is unhealthy.
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Working at a retail pharmacy for more than two decades. Imagine trying to count pills, type out a prescription, check accuracy of a prescription, talk to a patient, or physician on the phone, or administer a vaccine, while children run around, knocking over stuff, bouncing balls, throwing toys, and screaming? Does that sound safe to you? It's ridiculous how parents let their children act in public.
Exactly! And I have neither the willpower nor strength to run after 3 munchkins for the next 18 years😅... let alone look after their morality, mental state, financial state and everything else...
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Not to mention kids are absolute germ factories and will give you EVERY illness under the sun. Nahh keep them away from me at all costs 😂
I’ve always really really really wanted kids. I love to bits the three that I have. I’d love to have more. It is super rewarding for me. And I am very lucky to have the health and resources to look after them. BUT. It is a lot of work. Like really a lot of work. And it’s expensive. Sometimes it’s very hard. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s very frustrating. I definitely have made a lot of sacrifices for them. I can’t imagine being able to do all of this, and not lose my sanity in the process, if I didn’t want children to begin with or didn’t have the means to provide for them.
I am planning to adopt a kid or something (I don’t really know), but never have kids until they can be put in a world that doesn’t have problems and won’t turn into a burning hot dystopia
See, this is what EVERYONE should be telling themselves but they definitely aren't. It's purely egotistical
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BP rotates the same topics over and over. America, Things in Work, (no)Children, Same AITA stories. It is really boring after all this time….
Commenting and liking feeds the algorithm. If you ignore them completely they will dissappear
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Ive known since i was 10 that I didnt want kids. I had to raise my 4 brothers and sisters. That was enough "child rearing" for me. Bit i don't have a husband and 2.5 kids so I cant get birth control or tubes tied either. I'm also too poor and my family medical history is *all* kinds of messed up (everything from mental illnesses to Gastro paresis (paralyzed digestive system) to IBS to Crohn's to heart conditions.)
If you don't want children don't have them, because it is not true that a mother ALWAYS love her child. Sometimes the child is an unloved burden on the mother, and I don't think such a child has a good chance of a happy life.
I WAS that child (she wanted me only to manipulate me and secure a future) so im definitely not gonna have kids... I don't want to be her. I have enough trauma for myself- I don't want to pass it along to an innocent being..
Load More Replies... As I mentioned in one of my replies above, I knew at 14 I didn't want them. I'm 61 now and guess what? I *still* don't want them and thank God every day I don't have them. Ladies - when someone accuses you of being selfish (which, admittedly is a valid reason) tell them you're not selfish, you're *self-aware*. I knew how hard it would be and I also knew my limits.
I want kids, but I have really bad anger issues so I know it's not a good idea for me to have them
For me, I understand that children require more than love. What frustrates me the most is people that say, "my love is all they'll EVER need". I not only think that's selfish and codependent, but I think it's extremely irresponsible. Children also require time, structure, money, resources, stability, and many other things. What if your kid has a lifelong illness? Are you fully prepared for everything that comes with that, for LIFE? I've even witnessed people say they love their kids on one hand, but on the other hand, they don't protect them, they don't teach them, they can't provide, and the list goes on and on... but somehow that's love!? No! That's called delusion. I'm admittingly selfish and I'm not willing to give that up. I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it. I can't do that with kids. I don't care about being judged for being child free. Unlike most parents, I think about everything. It doesn't seem like people do that anymore.
I don't agree with people who say you are being selfish if you don't have children. I was told that by my mom when I was a teenager when I told her I didn't want kids. All that kept going through my mind was, who am I being selfish to? Myself? If my mother wanted more children she could have adopted or become a foster parent. None of that happened. This is your life. No one else and you only have one.
Here's my reasons. Firstly, I'm not cis and AFAB. I do not want to be dealing with a gross pregnancy body, it would be so uncomfortable and not me. So that rules out carrying my own child. Secondly, my ideal career path involves international travel, irregular hours and basically devoting my life to it. I want that, it's something I'm really invested in, but that's no situation for a child to grow up in. Thirdly, my grandmother is a narcissist and for some reason I am her favourite child. Spiting her by not having kids would make me feel I'd done my bit getting back at how she's treated my mother. Four, I don't particularly like children. I find them very annoying and loud and dirty. I have short patience and I would not be able to deal with that. No, I don't want kids. I want a family of geese, four dogs, the ability to afford video games when I want and an interesting job in wildlife conservation. And I'd be very very happy with that.
When my fiancée and I met we clicked instantly and even discussed children (I was under the impression that I really want them) anyway about 1 year into the relationship and a little reddit addiction (so not sorry) my views changed completely. I've been scared of pregnancy for all of my teenage years and even now with 29. We're pretty committed then and are still. I played directly with open cards and told him that I reconsidered having kids and if he still wanted them, we should split. He said he would rather be together with me than have kids, when I reminded him that he might regret it and would hate me, he said that wouldn't be possible. We are going strong for almost 4 years now and will be getting married in December this year. We talked about adoption especially when his nephew was born last year. It didn't come lightly and we are constantly checking if it's OK with one another. I guess my SO changed his mind like I did, when we had to watch his 13 year old other nephew for a weekend a month. It was pretty exhausting and we both love him but we were so glad when we got to be alone again. That's when we decided we would rather be a cool uncle and aunt. Especially cause we both love ro travel, game and sleep in. And if people say we should split cause we don't want the heartache later in life, I've got a colleague 30 years my senior. He and his wife decided against kids cause she has severe medical issues and he said to me that kids would be nice but didn't have to be. So here we a have a cool aunt and uncle pretty happy with their relationship and life in itself and I believe my soon to be husband and I can achieve that as well 😊 (Especially with the blessing from his mom and grandmother - one of them said and I quote "if I could suck them back in and abort, I would do it")
A godparent is a way to be a parent without being an actual parent.
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My own reasons 1: kids are annoying 2: I wanna do my own thing 3: babies and teens I'm cool with but everything in-between is just uggh 4: I'm bipolar and I don't want to accidentally hurt my own baby
Man, this thread is depressing. Many of these are legit concerns, many boil down to “Don’t want kids, don’t have em”. That’s all cool, but there’s just as many positives too! I looove my kids and happy we had em.
Why can't you just accept that everyone doesn't want that life? Why is it so hard? How exactly does it affect YOUR life that people don't want kids?
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Don't want them, don't have them. Don't pretend you know what it is like to have them from your own limited data. I think we would all prefer that people who don't want them don't have them. Who wants to be raised by someone who doesn't want them?
You made a point and then kept rambling. Why are you mad that people who don't want kids aren't having them?
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Having a child is selfish there’s millions of kids in this world that need better. When I was 8 I was up for adoption it was horrible I went to 5 foster homes they all brought me back because they said I was to much and to country all of them said that. Until I was 10 they moved me to San Antonio, Tx it was only three days I got adopted by this young couple George and Norma it was the best day of my life!!! My life turned around I went to school and college got my self a job bought my self a 600 acer ranch. I’m not bragging about my life I’m saying you could give a child a new life teach them, love them, care for them because every kid in this world needs your love and warmth. You can change their life around just like George and Norma did for me.
Bounced around in foster care myself. I was 5 when it started. all the wrong reasons to be taken as well. Even my adoption at age 12 isnt legal for several reasons. I was always smarter, more open minded, empathetic, and caring than the people raising me. They hated it. Save one. Her hisband left her because she wanted kids later she took me in for one of the group placement homes a few weeks after my 8th birthday. She had to get rid of me for her mental heath. She was in her later 40s early 50s possibly early 60s. I k kw she was not 40 and i know she was younger than 70.i was 8 so honestly didn't care because she was good to me. I met her mother's and sisters. They were horrible to her. They were putting so much pressure on the woman threatening her and trying to force her to marry somebody to keep me. I think the pressure go to much. I got taken again. time out all day no food water or bathroom breaks. Only asked what we were having for brunch. Too late/early for breakfast or lunch.
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More than anything I have always wanted a child. I wanted to be pregnant, feel the baby move for the first time, kick etc. I had 4 miscarriages and we stopped trying. As time went on and I watched my family and my husbands family, I understand why the universe didn't want us to have kids. It still kills me to go to baby showers and see people with new babies and know I will never have that but with how mental our families are it would have been a c**p shoot.
When I was thirteen, I made the decision to never have kids. My sister & mother both said I'd change my mind. Well, here I am almost 40 years later - childless. This is a decision I have never regretted, nor will I ever regret. For one pair of simple facts: Kids require time and money. I've always had time and no money, or money and no time.
Because when I was a kid, we were rarely allowed into adult spaces (pubs, bars, restaurants, gyms). If you were... you'd better damn well behave and if you don't, you'll be swiftly removed and punished by your embarrassed parents. Now, the little shits are allowed everywhere and anywhere with little to no discipline or respect for the fact that it's a "grown up space" where you should consider it a privilege to be allowed and ought to be seen and not heard. Infants are allowed to sit there and play with the noisiest toys, throw food on the floor, run amok around a restaurant and then throw a tantrum and start to scream and bawl when they are tired and irritable. I am determined one day to sit in the Early Learning Centre or some soft playground, drinking wine, smoke cigars (I don't even smoke), play Grunge music (I hate Grunge), swearing loudly and breaking s**t just to even the score a little and spoil their protected space!!!
We went to a restaurant once with 2 small kids. They behaved well, I thought. No whining or running around, but they're kids, so some cauliflower fell on the floor and such. A group of ppl was watching us. I was like: awww they just love our kids. Later: oh wait, were they annoyed? LOL Ever since I only went to the Mac Donalds play ground part. Go yell and have fun. https://youtu.be/YHxVfs4UiOs
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Edit: This is my experience and I am happy to see so many people being real with themselves about whether they want children: I never saw myself as a mom and it was a big ol’ surprise when we found out I was heavily pregnant. However, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. BUT I realise that we have been incredibly lucky with our situation. I had a great pregnancy, pretty awesome kid, minimal disruption to our social life, and we travel with her quite a bit (extensively overseas prior to COVID) What makes it hard at times is that along with working full time and I am building a startup - which can cause stress, however we’ve mostly gotten into a routine now. We are not the norm I guess. I also feel having been an animal foster for some time prepared me for having the forethought, love and patience when things were extra stressful. Yes daycare is expensive, no we don’t have any other help, we have no family in the country we live (but could always move to be closer).
KIDS ARE JUST TERRIFYING? They scare me okay? They make me so uncomfortable, screaming, crying, the inappropriate jokes, the annoying nursery rhymes. Pregnancy is scary. They're always trying to kill themselves. Just to grow up and leave you to never call text or even say I love you. That's just my experience with my cousins and siblings. I just do not like children and I feel like that should be more normalized!
I don't understand why people feel like they need a reason not to have kids. I think a better question is why someone would want a child.
As someone who grew up in an extremely religious and incredibly toxic environment where I was told/taught by just about every adult in my life that it's a person's duty to have at least 2 kids to sustain the earth's population and gods will, I have zero desire to have a child. Mental health in my family is crippling and to pass it on would be irresponsible and psychotic. Further more, cancer and early mortality also runs in my family. My family breathed down my neck my whole childhood with the idea of having children. To the point where they made me terrified of getting rid of my childhood toys because I'd pass them on one day. Also, and this is my main reason above all else, I'm lesbian. I lived in fear my whole childhood because of that fact. I grew up not wanting to disappoint my highly religious family knowing they'd be disappointed if I'd never have kids. For me, bringing a kid in this world is the worst thing I can imagine.
Raising a kid is just hard. There're so many things you have to teach them cause of the shitty world we live in. Social constructs (like gender), CORRECT value systems, self expression, etc. Its just not possible to tell them everything. And I wouldn't know where to start. Another reason is the fact that I'm physically disabled. Chronic pain. If i had a biological child (which probably wouldn't happen since im scared of pregnancy and I'm asexual) i would be really anxious about the kid having it too, and if they do get it, i wouldn't be able to help them and help myself at the same time. Chronic illnesses like this take a lot of time to figure out, diagnose and "treat". Physical therapy few times a week, gym, lots of pills (like steroids). I wouldn't do that to a child. Next thing is sensory issues. I'm neurodivergent and kids are loud and sticky. They don't know what personal space is and are way too energetic. I wouldn't know how to take care of them and not get a sensory meltdown.
Never wanted one .. then found out I couldnt have one... Now after egg donation and 5 years later I am a parent. And she is the most spectacular person. The very best part of my whole existence. Shes the reason I was born. Sometimes what you dont think you want turns out to be what you needed all along.
With ALL the birth control methods available, there's no reason or "excuse"(for some people) to get pregnant unless you want to.
I have no paternal instincts. Brotherly instincts at most. Couple that with my social ineptitude, unwillingness to have a relationship (necessary for a nuclear family) and planning for a military civilian job (definitely not going to have enough time to create another human being) I just don't think I'd be a good dad.
Sterilised at 20, hysterectomy at 40 .. chances of me having kids = 0. Living my happily ever after 100%
I don't like children, if I had my way there would be child free planes, children free restaurants, child free everything, shopping transportation, holidays, beaches, swimming pools, they ruin peace and tranquility due to screaming like banshees .. if you must feel that you need one, go buy a huge cage and train It ...
Ok well this 1 maybe a new 1 but it's takes 2 very skilled educated & loving & responsible & respectable & both a mother & father need to be civil & good to each other & be mentally healthy & have personal lifelong goals with their physical health & both a mother & father need to be good if not excellent in being able to give not be takers & be good at who is going to proved what when how where & why & both a mother & father need to have goals along time frames in both of their lives that r making a father & mother only progress & building their portfolios so that a mother & a father have assets & wealth they build during their required life long marriage see when u show children these healthy relationship skills u work at for as long as a mother & father r blessed to live & stay married u show children how to do the same thing & develop the same ways so they have a good enough reasons to continue that healthy lifelong marriage having the ability to last generations
I'm so glad I never got married or became a parent. Neither would have ever gone well. Fortunately, I've been able to live my life as I chose to do so and ultimately experienced so much more not having any rugrats disrupting my life. Kids are noisy, disruptive, nagging menaces that I can absolutely do without. Sorry, but procreation will have to find another way.
No worries..it surely will. For millenia people have f!#ked..had kids..and survived. I didn't want kids either.
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I don't think I could ever love a human child as much as I love my dogs. And - this might sound insane - I don't want any human child to come in and take any of the resources I devote to said dogs. I'd really rather just have more dogs (and other critters)! 🐩
Raising kids SUCKS!!!!! I never wanted kids. But...got pregnant early...17. Then married at 19. We both had a child and my hubby thought we should have 1 of our own. So we did. Then the 3rd was a HUGE OOPS!!! I do love my kids. They are funny and sweet. But OMG...the daily struggles are insane. I'm absolutely exhausted. My 18 is on his own now, but his teen yrs were brutal. My 15 I fear will never leave and become permanently bonded to his Xbox to the point we'll have to get it surgically removed from him. And my 9 is a good girl, but I am having severe anxiety attacks about when she starts her period. I am petrified!! In conclusion...DONT HAVE KIDS!!!
My oldest son is serving a 7yr sentence in prison and I tried everything since he was 14 to stir him in the right way. As a single mom, father was absent parent and never wanted to be part of his life. I'm a good person, a Christian and a public servant and I just feel so ashamed that my Son ended up this way, Im so ashamed and sometimes I want to ask God why? What was the purpose of having a child like him or Children, specially when they take nothing after you and put you through hell which I'm still going through...
I'm really impatient, have a nasty temper, and I've always struggled with empathy. There's no way I'd be a good parent and I'm not about to ruin a kids life because "it's different when it's yours"
When people talk about how much bigger families (6-10 kids) years ago and they say it was to work on the farm, I tell them it's because they didn't have birth control.
I decided to remain childfree because I didn't want to lose my money, freedom, or sanity. Bringing a kid into this world is like breeding more animals even though there are millions in shelters - totally ignorant, arrogant and irresponsible.
Choosing not to have children is not selfish or self centred. It is a valid choice and a smart one when you really don't feel any desire to have children. I love my daughter to pieces and I have no regrets about having her but if I had my life over, I would definitely make different choices, and I probably would have never had a child.
The tokophobia one hits right at home for me. I have nightmares of becoming pregnant. I also know that it’s expensive to raise kids and the anxiety of wanting them to turn out okay when you didn’t and you don’t want the cycle to continue makes the whole idea so much worse.
What I take away from this is: children are undesirable because childless adults don't want to make sacrifices, they're scared of all the possible ways that things could go wrong and so don't want to even try, and they have some bizarre idea that children are "for" literally any other human being. If they don't want children, I'm not interested in changing their minds, but people need to know that children aren't "for" anyone; parents are "for" the children.
Taking away the world being s**t for a moment, these are my personal issues with having children: depression, anxiety, possible autism, biraciality, being LGBT, anger management issues, no parental nature, family history of cancer and Alzheimer's, and the best reason: I do not care to have one. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we need a goddamn reason to not have children? Plenty of idiots are (and those not so stupid), why do you care that each and every individual has a kid? It's like asking a person why their favorite color is their favorite. Just leave it the hell alone.
Reading all of this while my toddler is sitting in my lap watching peppa pig. Nothing in life can prepare you for having kids. If you don't want them that's ok. The world doesn't need more unwanted children, born to poverty or to any kind of illness. F what everyone is saying. They will not raise your child if anything happens
For me, a big reason is that I'm just not sure I'd be able to raise them "properly." If they grow up unhappy, I'd just hate myself for failing and bringing someone into the world just to make them miserable. And then I also worry about any hidden genetic surprises I might pass onto them.
Honestly did the no kid thing til late, married my wife with 3 kids. I have been there from 2 and 5yo and honestly you don't know what you're missing without them. Yes it's work but good things take effort. The oldest was 13 when his father passed. He's been a chore but I hold hope. I didn't enter wanting kids but she is with it and they are too.
That's fine for you. I've managed to live for 69 years being blissfully child-free. I have enough on my plte taking care of other people's.
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I like the free and easy nature of my life too much to do that. I don't even feel the urge. So that's that. Besides, having gone through a violent childhood, I really don't want to turn into my old man and continue that f*cked up cycle.
Tokophobia for me. How anyone calmly discusses childbirth is beyond me. my brain thins "Don't you know where they come out of??!!!!" There just aren't enough drugs. That and climate change and I'm terribly lazy and not that interested. The whole kit-n-kaboodle.
I agree 100% with each & everyone of you! I'm a 69 year old woman who has never once regretted not having children.
Being the oldest sibling, I not only see how much of a toll my little brother takes on my parents, but when they have other stuff to do, I get stuck playing parent. I've had him choke once under my supervision (luckily he was able to cough it out on his own with me patting his back firmly, I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been able to) and I've seen him be sick, I can't imagine being totally responsible for a little human ALL the time. And while I would be a good mother, I just don't want to be. I do love kids though, and I want to be an elementary school teacher in the future. If I do ever have kids, they'll be adopted teens.
I do have kids, I love them and dreamed about being a a Mom.... but I screwed up with the Father I chose, now I'm stuck, trying to raise them and heal myself at the same time. No regrets? Kind of hard to tell.
My experience is that one, average (read: what people would call normal) kid in a two person, healthy relationship is feasible. But so many people who have one kid end up having multiple, without being able to properly manage them, and without any outside support that it just rightfully embitters the experience for so many others.
I hate the idea of identity loss and freedom. I was heavily emotionally abused and forced into isolation as a teen, being locked in my room 24/7, and I was homeschooled and had no friends. Now I'm 20, in college, living with my mom and new dad (disowned my biological father), with a bunch of friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a job, this is the greatest part of my life and the idea of losing all that for some drooling meatloaf is just extremely unappealing. The idea of being pregnant sounds awful, especially considering I love the way I look and don't want to change it or feel consistently sick for 9 months. I have PTSD and I'm autistic and I don't think I'm stable enough, especially considering I tend to be sensitive to noise. Maybe I'll change my mind some day, but it won't be for a while.
They're too expensive, I like my sleep, and I get irritated very easily.
I like kids, I work with them as a therapist and teacher and I love that. But I still don't want to have any of my own. My job teaches me every day what a challenge raising kids is and I am certain I am not capable of it. On the other hand, I love my job and the kids I work with so much I wouldn't want to leave them for months or even years.
30 examples of self-centered sociopathy. Wouldn't surprise me if a handful went on to shoot up a couple schools...
I would like to have kids but I know it's not a good idea (for now at least) so I don't. I can't afford them, I like sleep, and I know I have to work on sensory issues that I know they would make worse.
As a child who was born unplanned, and the wrong gender, I was resented all my life. My father had a family before. They did not even raise me. So - that's what makes me a pro-choice, do not be forced to bring a child into this world unless you absolutely want to. You will save a lot of heartache. Funny that no one really thinks about all this from the child's point of view...
My own parents were enough of a reason not to have any. Couldn't imagine them as grandparents.
I would never have kids because A.) I do not, and likely will never have the sanity to take care of a child, and B.) Have three siblings who, unless they decide to go childfree, can give my mom all the grandkids she wants. Idgaf.
I agree. You're responsible for a whole human from the time they pop out to the time they're no longer minors, and even after, they're still connected to us in ways they won't be to anyone else. It's a lifelong title and responsibility not to be taken lightly.
Kids these days are so dumb, the economic system is depressive and is only getting worse. Too much child trafficking, and the state of the world is in shambles. Women who have kids think they will have a disney-esque marriage when men are not biologically built to enjoy one woman for life. They entrap the man with kids and ignore the man's needs. Mental health issues, population issues, to have kids just to force your beliefs upon them and produce more labor rats. This world is cruel enough, why force another being to endure what you hated.
i rather adopt a child since i have a huge fear that i may die giving birth. i fear this because ill never see the child grow up and my husband may have to raise the child on his own. so i rather not risk my life and adopt a child in need
I've been told by multiple people on multiple occasions that I'd make a wonderful father. I don't doubt that, however I can barely take care of myself, so why would I want to take care of kids? I like having the freedom to do what I want when I want how I want. If something happened and got someone pregnant I would do the right thing and man up, but I guarantee it wouldn't be easy.
I have struggled with chronic Epstein-Barr my whole adult life and its common for me to have extreme fatigue episodes. I also have Lipedema, which is a fat disorder and is commonly exacerbated significantly by pregnancy. Simply put, I don't think I have the physical stamina for pregnancy and child raising. I think it would ruin my health and my body. Women don't talk enough about the long-term consequences of pregnancy and child raising on their physical health.
What makes me not want to have kids? Being around other people's kids.
i personally have a very thin band of control and would never want that to be put on a kid as both my parents have the same thin band and i am in a horrible mental state . also im not very responsible and dont want to neglect a kid. long story short dont want to ruin a kid. i might adopt an older kid when i get older but not a really young child
The headline suggests people want kids by default, when I don't think that's the case. Disinterest is self explanatory, but I put it this way: Whatever experience you had that made you want kids, I either didn't have it, or didn't react the same as you. As a child I daydreamed about being an adult all the time but never about being a parent. Whenever I see a father and son, I never identify with the Dad. I see only my past, not my future. I grew up with several married relatives that weren't ever having kids and it was never an issue, so all options were known. I also joke that I wasn't interested in kids even when I was one. I was always more interested in adults.
I honest to goodness wish I could understand why ppl want kids (or have a drive to have them) but I simply DONT. and I hate because literally everyone acts like I'm either terrible, selfish, stupid, crazy, or that ill "have them someday" i am so sick of this mentality. I'm tired of being called selfish when the main reason I don't want kids is tokophobia, the state of the world and my physical and mental illnesses. I'm so fvcking sick of this world..
Being a parent means coming to grips with pain. I grew up unprotected from an abusive father Yet, when I became a victim of the Dalkon Shield device and told I’d never be a parent - I wanted a baby in the worst way. IVF left me infertile poorer and second-guessing myself. We adopted -- a beautiful 7 week old baby boy. I was never happier - I was part of a happy family that was/is full of love - for 16 years. Needless to say - that was when the pain set in - it’s called adolescence. He is an adult on his own living 2000 mi away - I am happy - when he is happy. I know he loves us but getting him to love himself - honestly - is another issue altogether. So, while I don’t love the pain - I acknowledge it as a fact of life - whether it’s brought on by kids or other factors.
I don’t regret having kids but it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have 3 children 14,12 and 11. Two boys and a girl. The guy I had them with left before my daughter was born. No contact since then. I have been raising them myself. My 12 year old is autistic and has adhd. I have been in a relationship for 10 years. He has two boys ages 20 and 16. We have lived separate for over 5 years now because sometimes blending children does not work. We love each other and will spend the rest of lives together but having to live separate is so very difficult. I love being a mom and love my children but I would never tell someone to have kids.
I have a congenital birth defect that I f*****g refuse to pass down, I’m currently trying to get sterilized but I’m only 23 so it’s been a giant pain in the a*s.
Sterilization of one or both parties in a marriage can be a factor. ;) [Yah, one kid was enough!]
I was the oldest daughter of 5, and then some extended family members moved into our house from a bad situation, so there were several small children and 3 babies. I was mini-Mom, with no time to myself at home. I had to give up my bedroom for my grandparents; I had a reclining chair for sleep, a dresser in the living room, and 1 bookshelf for my things. I fell asleep in my classes, my grades plummeted, I failed out of the nice high school I'd gotten into. I eventually got sent to live with other family members who were unwilling to help with the rest of the extended family situation (but always rubbed it in that they "took me in" as if I was some kind of delinquent... not even close!) I love my little siblings and cousins fiercely. They were so cute... I would often fall asleep holding the little ones (they didn't have beds then either). Watching them grow up has been amazing. All the things I sacrificed so that they could be okay, I couldn't possibly take back. But this has...(cont'd)
(wow, I guess Bored Panda doesn't do line breaks in comments? 😑 Anyway...) ... But this has left me with a strong feeling of "I've already done it." I've already made major, deeply difficult, permanent alterations to the course of my own life for the well-being of a gaggle of little children and babies, who I loved so mind-bogglingly much that I was 100% willing to go without the opportunities and personal life milestones I will never be able to get back. Parenthood holds no novely for me now. I may not have done it as an adult with control over my own life, but I've already experienced all of the feelings, hardships, joys, closed doors and sacrifices. I don't have any inner need to do it again.
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Genetic health issues including severe mental illness, generational trauma, personal trauma, my inability to coordinate my own s**t (how would I coordinate someone else's too?), the state of the world, the state of the US, etc, etc.
1. I had baby nephews and sibling when I was 13. Best contraception, EVER. 2. Selfishness? Or self-careishness. I have chronic illnesses and mental ill health. 3. State of the planet. 4. State of the planet’s population. 5. Can’t rule out risk of multiple pregnancy. (Sister had bio-identical twins so my risk is naturally increased). 6. Cats are much easier. 7. Even as a kid, I avoided the “homey” areas at playgroup. No kitchen, no babies, no prams. 8. Lack of equity. It all falls to mum. In the 1950’s perhaps that worked. But nowadays, kid is sick? School calls mum (in the majority of instances). 9. I would refuse to use people for support. My sister had mum, and now dad running around to her tune as her husband left. 10. Can’t guarantee a “healthy” child. My friends son was severely disabled due to birth errors. My sisters son was healthy until 17, rare virus, brain damaged, mobility issues, severe epilepsy. 11. Kids are forever, not just for 18 years.
One thing that really makes me laugh about this topic is the notion that people need to have kids to take care of them when they are old. I cannot tell you how many people I have known that are totally gobsmacked that their kids don't have time for them and some don't even communicate with their parents that much. And then there is the other disaster that nobody talks about... the kids have kids and leave them with the grandparents to raise. I know of one woman who adopted a girl....at 16 she had a child , handed the responsibility of raising back to her mom because she couldn't handle it, and then went on to have more kids...which she raised. I lost contact with the family- don't know how things turned out. Oh, the kid that was given to granny to raise..he was divorced twice before he was 30. And yes - he had a kid too. It's really nuts.
My reason is that I'm hideously ugly, and no woman would want to have a child that looks like me. I don't blame them either.
Sleep!! There are several reasons I do not want kids, but #1 is that I love and need my sleep. If I don’t sleep well for several nights, I get grumpy and angry and I don’t like myself. When you have kids, you don’t ever get a chance to sleep well! No thank you! I’ll stick with kittens! 🐈⬛
I strongly believe that if someone doesn't want kids then they shouldn't have them... But! Do not get annoyed or pissed at parents who try to have family dinner out or the parent who is just trying to get the shopping done. Remember, when we need the next generation to take over as we age out. Side note, had i be able to see the mental health problems that developed, i would not have had kids. I love them but i feel I'm not giving them what they need and want. It hurts.
We had our son young and are now free of responsibility and it’s fantastic.
My responses over the years when asked why my wife and I don’t have any kids varies. 1. My wife and I figured out what causes kids and we stopped. 2. We thought we would wait until we are mature enough to raise kids. (I’m 69 years old now.) 3. We would be the perfect parents and don’t want to show up our friends and make them jealous. We are doing it for you. 4. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
I like kids in the same way that i like horses and Newton's Cradles. I like them, I have fun with them. But i like them for other people. I like going over and saying hi, maybe playing a few games. I would not enjoy having my own, because as terrible as it sounds, they are expensive and I would tire of them quickly. I am much better at and am much happier being the Aunty figure.
My former upstairs neighbour obviously doted on his two little girls. But, I got fed up with him playing hide and seek with them at ten o'clock on a Wednesday night, when other people - me for example - are in bed trying to sleep.
A lot of this hit home. I never really wanted kids but have been pregnant. Once by assault. Lost each one and blamed myself for it while constantly having people tell me I would be such a good mom. I have so much trauma I did not want to pass on. Later married a man with two daughters. The youngest was in her late teens when we got married. I still damaged that relationship - not even my own biological child - because of untreated mental health issues. I know it goes both ways but I own my part, and fwiw that was the push I needed to finally start unpacking the decades of abuse I have survived. I do love both of my husband’s daughters but cannot ever envision being close to them.
Most of these are ppl complaining about children whose parents taught them to be sh*tty in one way or the other. Most of my life I thought I hated kids. Turns out it's their parents and their behaviour I hate. Well, in many cases it's only when the adults enter the parenting-role that I hate them. I have some friends that are so great! But I don't think they are good at parenting which results in badly behaved children that demands so much attention.
Good the world doesn't need more whinny people like you, that the idea of raising innocent souls disgusts you so much. Only have kids if your capable of loving someone other than yourself. If you treat them like mistakes and burdens then yes they'll grow up to be little shits like their parents. Kids and babies are the BEST people in the whole world because they know nothing of hatred that is something thats learned from pessimists like you who are blind to all the beauty on this planet. Raise them with love and they'll be good, happy people, if not they'll grow up to be as miserable as you.
So much to unpack. I planned my children, I loved them and gave up myself and everything I was for them willingly. The sore nipples, the sleepless nights, night after night whilst I watched their father sacrifice nothing, continuing his life like a single man, including his girlfriends one after the other. No matter. I loved, I gave, I gave up myself. When I finally gave up the marriage, finally understanding that I married an immature, selfish, egotistical, inauthentic and dishonest man-child, and then was confronted by the hate that only the hate of children can effect you. Hate based on the lies of a patent who gave up nothing, lived the single life and gaslighted me and the children. Then I realised how I should never have had children, for their sake, not mine. The pain of losing your children in this circumstance is beyond words.
Lot of these i can relate to. I like the freedom to go to conversations n travel. The world is shitshow that i cant justify bringing a kid into (especially going into psychology) i dont have the body to handle it (im very short n skinny). I have genetic condition that can be very frustrating to deal with. Id 100% rather adopt
Besides just not liking children, I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and epilepsy. Also, being on social security and making less than $11,000 annually (which means I have to live at home), there is no way I could ever afford everything needed to raise a child. Lastly, one of my dogs isn't kid friendly.
If you love kids and choose to have good for you ☺️. If you don't like them to much and don't want, please have sex with protection and make sure you never have, and even if that does not work there are plenty of programs for people that does not want kids and they can place them on a lovely family that can't have one on their own. If you want to adopt, good for you too ☺️. There are a lot of different ways to form your own family, people stop judging others just because you don't think the same as them.
While I enjoyed and loved my kids, you have no real clue as to what your partner and their influencers will devolve into.
So many topics lately about not wanting kids and no topics how people actually are happy that they have kids or actually want them. Why is that so?
There are a billion articles of pro parent propaganda. It's about time the stigma of wanting to remain child free is removed, because we are STILL judged by angry parents who either didn't know they had a choice or just had so little sense they didn't even consider if it was a good idea or not
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No one mentioned the potential child justice system railroading you, because your ex lied and they don't care. 120,000 dollars and counting and that's for losing
I have kids, I absolutely adore them and love them soooo much. I'm single mom of two.. it's very difficult to raise kids on my own. HONESTLY I thinks age 2, 3 and 4 are absolutely WORST, WORST!!!! my last baby who is 3 now omg. Just omg! Lol. If I could rewind time, I would rather adopt older children lol. But I don't regrettably having them. I just can't wait for my last baby to turn 5 in two years later cuz my oldest son who is 5 now and he's absolutely ANGEL I absolutely love that boy! I love my last baby as well it's just man, toddler sure driving a parent nuts!!! Lol. And this is why I got tubes tied as well. I'm so done having kids and I'm absolutely don't want to go through toddler phase all over again as well. So if you are a person don't want any children then it's understandable, they are alot of work that's for sure!
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then😂😁
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then.
No worries I am working on having lots of kids for you. They are the best thing that could happen to a human being, sure its hard, but it makes you less centered on yourself, if you are a lover of self, without natural affection, don't have them.
When I was in my 20s, I shared pretty much all the thoughts listed here about kids. But things started to change after I turned 30. I felt my life was just keeping running after goals, each goal became less meaningful after achieve d. My kid has provided an anchor for me in life. I get to build a relationship with someone deeply and experience life all over again with him. It's like planting a little tree. Like gardening, parenting is hardwork but it's also very rewarding. Yes we are all flawed and we probably will all unconsciously cause damage to our kids. But as long as you love them, you will want to improve yourself too. I grow with my kid every day, as a parent, also as an individual.
I have kids. I do not regret them one bit. I was told I wouldn't be able to carry a child, and that tore me up inside. Then unexpectedly I got pregnant by someone that I wasn't serious with. I was just a fling and we both were ok with that. Long story short, her bio dad chose not to stick around. It was a shock to both of us when I actually carried a child unlike what the doctor stated before. It's been a struggle giving her the correct parenting by myself. If it wasn't for my mom, idk what I would have done with work, school, ect. What worse than being a single parent to a beautiful baby, is years later having a son that passed at 2 month, 2 weeks, and 2 days. Yes I hate the number 2. It kills a part of you. Today actually makes the 3rd year since he passed. I'm scared of even if my daughter has kids when she is older. I'm terrified something could happen to her baby, AND SHE'S ONLY 12! It puts a dark cloud on having a baby. Some things you can't control and losing a child that you love changes you.
Lol yes they are love hate relationship!!! I agree with a lot of the captions but you always forget old age!!!! What happens when your spouse dies and your alone or disabled? Pretty sure you wished you had a family to take care you!!! Nope nursing home and you die alone.... Kids are a burden with benefits for sure and beat any darn video game!!! Plus who do you leave all your stuff too?
Raising a children is the sweetest experience of my life. Nothing worthwhile is often easy! No amount of travel, comforts, girls trips, spa days or quiet nights in could ever replace the joys of family life and and parenthood. This is honestly the saddest collection of comments I've ever read. Children bring light to a home and to the world- if they don't, that's on us as parents and mentors. If you fret about the state of the world, then change it by raising powerful humans who will do good!
#32 Kids grow up to be assholes who hate people not just like them. At least in your case.
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Honestly, some decent responses on this list but a LARGE portion of it is just "Cause I don't wanna" rephrase. I get that's the point of the list, but when paired with some of the actual good points in the article a lot of it just feels like filler in comparison. I respect it though. I enjoy my daughter, I was doing s**t else but be irresponsible with my life anyways, wanting to be a dad helped me more than hurt. The passing on of trauma one is one that hits home the most so I'm always scared of overparenting or messing up in some way that continues instead of breaking the cycle. But, that made me actually confront and try to fix my own s**t instead of sinking in it. Again, I always respect people taking precautions to prevent pregnancy though instead of being one of those "You shouldn't be a parent, parents" so nice list of reasons and seeing other perspective.
All these people will likely have kids at some point. It’s the same ole song and dance until the biological clock starts ticking.
Sounds to me like you think everybody has the resources to do what you did.
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. Have some respect for the others, we speak about giving life, here. I guess you have or want a child, i respect that. But I hope for them to not have your mentality.
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I love my daughter with every fibre of my being and having her has changed my life in some hugely positive ways BUT if I knew then what I know now I doubt I'd do it again. Not just for my sake but hers too. Having children is so very utterly selfish and what we are "programmed" to want. Poor mites have no idea what awaits them.
Honest question from someone who has no kids: why do you think having children is selfish? All I usually see is talk about the sacrifices that need to be made to be a good parent. Where does selfishness come into it? Is it the "programming?"
Load More Replies... I think a lot of parents do, too. I don't think people who intentionally planned kids were sitting around thinking, "I just have WAY too much money and free time. I'll have a kid. That'll fix it." A lot of people have a deep desire to have children. They know it's going to be hard work and sacrifice and they do it anyway because they simply could not be fulfilled otherwise. Me. I have no desire to have kids. So I enjoy my quiet house, sleeping in until noon on the weekend, fabulous trips, etc. I've got a very short list of worries and it is Glorious.
Load More Replies... 1, I don't feel any need or desire to have them. My partner feels the same. 2, I've never felt a bond with any child under 15. Sure I can find them cute, smile when I see an adorable picture of a baby, but that's about it. Their crying irritates me, their - natural - needy, clingy behaviour drives me crazy. I appreciate adult company, and don't enjoy being among kids. 3, I like my life as it is and hope to continue without disruption. 4, I can be a responsible caretaker, but I don't enjoy it. I was a live in nanny for 18 months. I did my job, cared for the children as needed. Then left them without even a sigh, and never for one moment missed them. I was told a million times that I will love them so much. I did not. 5, The world had enough of us. I feel the best thing for an individual to do for this planet is not have kids, plant trees, cover the ground you have access to (e.g. you garden). 6, I don't feel that my personal genetic material is so special that it must be preserved.
She wasn't even blaming the kids for this. She used 'I feel' phrasing. Just completely easy to read and without the toxicity that we all have actually seen before. Where on earth are people getting the impression of any child hating. "I don't enjoy it" is basically the harshest thing that was said. Jesus, some people really need to go touch grass.
Load More Replies... No kids. Mainly because of the possibility of passing on my mental health issues. I couldn't put another human being through that $hit, not ever.
As someone who inherited severe ADHD when there wasn’t a considerable amount of research on treatments for children and teens I would never want a child to feel like they were a burden.
Load More Replies... As much as it's refreshing to read the honesty in these, it's also sad that so many people still think they get a say in someone else's decision. I'm a proud mum of two (nearly) adult children and I wouldn't change anything. But being a parent is very difficult sometimes, is expensive and absolutely not for everyone. As a species, we're also a far larger burden on our planet than we should be. People shouldn't have to be explaining why they don't want kids.
I got adhd from being raised in an environment wher i was bouncing one place to another or task to task without. Finishing. Neither of my birth parents have it. My half brother has autism. I think genetic mutation or his dad's side or possibly he got it due to medications mom needed to be taking or stress from mum while in the womb. So ADHD is not necessarily passed through genetics.
Load More Replies... I can't have children, which is a pain like no other and something I struggle to deal with constantly, but we have built a lovely life for ourselves. Being childless (even though it's not through choice) gives us freedoms that our parent friends are jealous of and we try hard to make the most of those things.
My favorite excuse isn't even an excuse. I don't want to deal with them. It's my choice because I don't owe anyone kids or grandkids. I don't like them and I don't want them.
YES!! exactly!! Especially cause my friends daughter ran off and left the grandkids with her! She is 70 and having to care for a 3 year old!!!
Load More Replies... I simply never have had an interest in parenthood and like the freedom not having children allows me to have.
This should be higher. Some people still forget all the many medical complications that can happen with pregnancy let alone child birth itself. People still die in childbirth in this country….it’s worse in underdeveloped countries.
Load More Replies... I always worried I would regret it once it was too late to conceive. I'm 61 and I still haven't regretted it 1 day. I kept waiting for that yearning to have a child and it never came. Just an overwhelming desire to rescue animals!
You are literally my role model!! 😂 I love animals to goodness- but I in no way want kids!! Sometimes I wonder if ill someday regret it... and then I remember all my hobbies (art) id have to give up- and I remember why lol xD
Load More Replies... I have one adult daughter and I have always loved being a mom. But it’s not for everyone. I’ve met people who had kids because they felt they “had to” and resented it. I would rather people not have kids and be happy then have them and make everyone—including their kids—miserable.
I am sick and tired of people trying to make my life a shopping list with the highest priority item "have kids". Well peops, it is not yours to decide what I do with my life. Also, there are so many children in the world that do not have parents, are abused or even killed by their parents. Let's safe them first. I won't judge you if you have 20 children. But please don't judge me if I don't want any. I have my life together, I have a loving and caring spouse. We are happy. Why should we change that just to live up to a standard that is fabricated. I live under the premise live and let live. Let people of whatever gender who really want a child have one or many and educate the uneducated so they can make proper decisions in regards to having children (or not)
Not everybody wants to be a Duggar . Im glad 17 and counting with all it's issues has plummeted and i no longer hear about. The bs. They had sonny kids it became a danger to the newborns life and possibly the mother's. That is unhealthy.
Load More Replies... Working at a retail pharmacy for more than two decades. Imagine trying to count pills, type out a prescription, check accuracy of a prescription, talk to a patient, or physician on the phone, or administer a vaccine, while children run around, knocking over stuff, bouncing balls, throwing toys, and screaming? Does that sound safe to you? It's ridiculous how parents let their children act in public.
Exactly! And I have neither the willpower nor strength to run after 3 munchkins for the next 18 years😅... let alone look after their morality, mental state, financial state and everything else...
Load More Replies... Not to mention kids are absolute germ factories and will give you EVERY illness under the sun. Nahh keep them away from me at all costs 😂
I’ve always really really really wanted kids. I love to bits the three that I have. I’d love to have more. It is super rewarding for me. And I am very lucky to have the health and resources to look after them. BUT. It is a lot of work. Like really a lot of work. And it’s expensive. Sometimes it’s very hard. Sometimes it’s scary. Sometimes it’s very frustrating. I definitely have made a lot of sacrifices for them. I can’t imagine being able to do all of this, and not lose my sanity in the process, if I didn’t want children to begin with or didn’t have the means to provide for them.
I am planning to adopt a kid or something (I don’t really know), but never have kids until they can be put in a world that doesn’t have problems and won’t turn into a burning hot dystopia
See, this is what EVERYONE should be telling themselves but they definitely aren't. It's purely egotistical
Load More Replies... BP rotates the same topics over and over. America, Things in Work, (no)Children, Same AITA stories. It is really boring after all this time….
Commenting and liking feeds the algorithm. If you ignore them completely they will dissappear
Load More Replies... Ive known since i was 10 that I didnt want kids. I had to raise my 4 brothers and sisters. That was enough "child rearing" for me. Bit i don't have a husband and 2.5 kids so I cant get birth control or tubes tied either. I'm also too poor and my family medical history is *all* kinds of messed up (everything from mental illnesses to Gastro paresis (paralyzed digestive system) to IBS to Crohn's to heart conditions.)
If you don't want children don't have them, because it is not true that a mother ALWAYS love her child. Sometimes the child is an unloved burden on the mother, and I don't think such a child has a good chance of a happy life.
I WAS that child (she wanted me only to manipulate me and secure a future) so im definitely not gonna have kids... I don't want to be her. I have enough trauma for myself- I don't want to pass it along to an innocent being..
Load More Replies... As I mentioned in one of my replies above, I knew at 14 I didn't want them. I'm 61 now and guess what? I *still* don't want them and thank God every day I don't have them. Ladies - when someone accuses you of being selfish (which, admittedly is a valid reason) tell them you're not selfish, you're *self-aware*. I knew how hard it would be and I also knew my limits.
I want kids, but I have really bad anger issues so I know it's not a good idea for me to have them
For me, I understand that children require more than love. What frustrates me the most is people that say, "my love is all they'll EVER need". I not only think that's selfish and codependent, but I think it's extremely irresponsible. Children also require time, structure, money, resources, stability, and many other things. What if your kid has a lifelong illness? Are you fully prepared for everything that comes with that, for LIFE? I've even witnessed people say they love their kids on one hand, but on the other hand, they don't protect them, they don't teach them, they can't provide, and the list goes on and on... but somehow that's love!? No! That's called delusion. I'm admittingly selfish and I'm not willing to give that up. I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how I want to do it. I can't do that with kids. I don't care about being judged for being child free. Unlike most parents, I think about everything. It doesn't seem like people do that anymore.
I don't agree with people who say you are being selfish if you don't have children. I was told that by my mom when I was a teenager when I told her I didn't want kids. All that kept going through my mind was, who am I being selfish to? Myself? If my mother wanted more children she could have adopted or become a foster parent. None of that happened. This is your life. No one else and you only have one.
Here's my reasons. Firstly, I'm not cis and AFAB. I do not want to be dealing with a gross pregnancy body, it would be so uncomfortable and not me. So that rules out carrying my own child. Secondly, my ideal career path involves international travel, irregular hours and basically devoting my life to it. I want that, it's something I'm really invested in, but that's no situation for a child to grow up in. Thirdly, my grandmother is a narcissist and for some reason I am her favourite child. Spiting her by not having kids would make me feel I'd done my bit getting back at how she's treated my mother. Four, I don't particularly like children. I find them very annoying and loud and dirty. I have short patience and I would not be able to deal with that. No, I don't want kids. I want a family of geese, four dogs, the ability to afford video games when I want and an interesting job in wildlife conservation. And I'd be very very happy with that.
When my fiancée and I met we clicked instantly and even discussed children (I was under the impression that I really want them) anyway about 1 year into the relationship and a little reddit addiction (so not sorry) my views changed completely. I've been scared of pregnancy for all of my teenage years and even now with 29. We're pretty committed then and are still. I played directly with open cards and told him that I reconsidered having kids and if he still wanted them, we should split. He said he would rather be together with me than have kids, when I reminded him that he might regret it and would hate me, he said that wouldn't be possible. We are going strong for almost 4 years now and will be getting married in December this year. We talked about adoption especially when his nephew was born last year. It didn't come lightly and we are constantly checking if it's OK with one another. I guess my SO changed his mind like I did, when we had to watch his 13 year old other nephew for a weekend a month. It was pretty exhausting and we both love him but we were so glad when we got to be alone again. That's when we decided we would rather be a cool uncle and aunt. Especially cause we both love ro travel, game and sleep in. And if people say we should split cause we don't want the heartache later in life, I've got a colleague 30 years my senior. He and his wife decided against kids cause she has severe medical issues and he said to me that kids would be nice but didn't have to be. So here we a have a cool aunt and uncle pretty happy with their relationship and life in itself and I believe my soon to be husband and I can achieve that as well 😊 (Especially with the blessing from his mom and grandmother - one of them said and I quote "if I could suck them back in and abort, I would do it")
A godparent is a way to be a parent without being an actual parent.
Load More Replies... My own reasons 1: kids are annoying 2: I wanna do my own thing 3: babies and teens I'm cool with but everything in-between is just uggh 4: I'm bipolar and I don't want to accidentally hurt my own baby
Man, this thread is depressing. Many of these are legit concerns, many boil down to “Don’t want kids, don’t have em”. That’s all cool, but there’s just as many positives too! I looove my kids and happy we had em.
Why can't you just accept that everyone doesn't want that life? Why is it so hard? How exactly does it affect YOUR life that people don't want kids?
Load More Replies... Don't want them, don't have them. Don't pretend you know what it is like to have them from your own limited data. I think we would all prefer that people who don't want them don't have them. Who wants to be raised by someone who doesn't want them?
You made a point and then kept rambling. Why are you mad that people who don't want kids aren't having them?
Load More Replies... Having a child is selfish there’s millions of kids in this world that need better. When I was 8 I was up for adoption it was horrible I went to 5 foster homes they all brought me back because they said I was to much and to country all of them said that. Until I was 10 they moved me to San Antonio, Tx it was only three days I got adopted by this young couple George and Norma it was the best day of my life!!! My life turned around I went to school and college got my self a job bought my self a 600 acer ranch. I’m not bragging about my life I’m saying you could give a child a new life teach them, love them, care for them because every kid in this world needs your love and warmth. You can change their life around just like George and Norma did for me.
Bounced around in foster care myself. I was 5 when it started. all the wrong reasons to be taken as well. Even my adoption at age 12 isnt legal for several reasons. I was always smarter, more open minded, empathetic, and caring than the people raising me. They hated it. Save one. Her hisband left her because she wanted kids later she took me in for one of the group placement homes a few weeks after my 8th birthday. She had to get rid of me for her mental heath. She was in her later 40s early 50s possibly early 60s. I k kw she was not 40 and i know she was younger than 70.i was 8 so honestly didn't care because she was good to me. I met her mother's and sisters. They were horrible to her. They were putting so much pressure on the woman threatening her and trying to force her to marry somebody to keep me. I think the pressure go to much. I got taken again. time out all day no food water or bathroom breaks. Only asked what we were having for brunch. Too late/early for breakfast or lunch.
Load More Replies... More than anything I have always wanted a child. I wanted to be pregnant, feel the baby move for the first time, kick etc. I had 4 miscarriages and we stopped trying. As time went on and I watched my family and my husbands family, I understand why the universe didn't want us to have kids. It still kills me to go to baby showers and see people with new babies and know I will never have that but with how mental our families are it would have been a c**p shoot.
When I was thirteen, I made the decision to never have kids. My sister & mother both said I'd change my mind. Well, here I am almost 40 years later - childless. This is a decision I have never regretted, nor will I ever regret. For one pair of simple facts: Kids require time and money. I've always had time and no money, or money and no time.
Because when I was a kid, we were rarely allowed into adult spaces (pubs, bars, restaurants, gyms). If you were... you'd better damn well behave and if you don't, you'll be swiftly removed and punished by your embarrassed parents. Now, the little shits are allowed everywhere and anywhere with little to no discipline or respect for the fact that it's a "grown up space" where you should consider it a privilege to be allowed and ought to be seen and not heard. Infants are allowed to sit there and play with the noisiest toys, throw food on the floor, run amok around a restaurant and then throw a tantrum and start to scream and bawl when they are tired and irritable. I am determined one day to sit in the Early Learning Centre or some soft playground, drinking wine, smoke cigars (I don't even smoke), play Grunge music (I hate Grunge), swearing loudly and breaking s**t just to even the score a little and spoil their protected space!!!
We went to a restaurant once with 2 small kids. They behaved well, I thought. No whining or running around, but they're kids, so some cauliflower fell on the floor and such. A group of ppl was watching us. I was like: awww they just love our kids. Later: oh wait, were they annoyed? LOL Ever since I only went to the Mac Donalds play ground part. Go yell and have fun. https://youtu.be/YHxVfs4UiOs
Load More Replies... Edit: This is my experience and I am happy to see so many people being real with themselves about whether they want children: I never saw myself as a mom and it was a big ol’ surprise when we found out I was heavily pregnant. However, I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. BUT I realise that we have been incredibly lucky with our situation. I had a great pregnancy, pretty awesome kid, minimal disruption to our social life, and we travel with her quite a bit (extensively overseas prior to COVID) What makes it hard at times is that along with working full time and I am building a startup - which can cause stress, however we’ve mostly gotten into a routine now. We are not the norm I guess. I also feel having been an animal foster for some time prepared me for having the forethought, love and patience when things were extra stressful. Yes daycare is expensive, no we don’t have any other help, we have no family in the country we live (but could always move to be closer).
KIDS ARE JUST TERRIFYING? They scare me okay? They make me so uncomfortable, screaming, crying, the inappropriate jokes, the annoying nursery rhymes. Pregnancy is scary. They're always trying to kill themselves. Just to grow up and leave you to never call text or even say I love you. That's just my experience with my cousins and siblings. I just do not like children and I feel like that should be more normalized!
I don't understand why people feel like they need a reason not to have kids. I think a better question is why someone would want a child.
As someone who grew up in an extremely religious and incredibly toxic environment where I was told/taught by just about every adult in my life that it's a person's duty to have at least 2 kids to sustain the earth's population and gods will, I have zero desire to have a child. Mental health in my family is crippling and to pass it on would be irresponsible and psychotic. Further more, cancer and early mortality also runs in my family. My family breathed down my neck my whole childhood with the idea of having children. To the point where they made me terrified of getting rid of my childhood toys because I'd pass them on one day. Also, and this is my main reason above all else, I'm lesbian. I lived in fear my whole childhood because of that fact. I grew up not wanting to disappoint my highly religious family knowing they'd be disappointed if I'd never have kids. For me, bringing a kid in this world is the worst thing I can imagine.
Raising a kid is just hard. There're so many things you have to teach them cause of the shitty world we live in. Social constructs (like gender), CORRECT value systems, self expression, etc. Its just not possible to tell them everything. And I wouldn't know where to start. Another reason is the fact that I'm physically disabled. Chronic pain. If i had a biological child (which probably wouldn't happen since im scared of pregnancy and I'm asexual) i would be really anxious about the kid having it too, and if they do get it, i wouldn't be able to help them and help myself at the same time. Chronic illnesses like this take a lot of time to figure out, diagnose and "treat". Physical therapy few times a week, gym, lots of pills (like steroids). I wouldn't do that to a child. Next thing is sensory issues. I'm neurodivergent and kids are loud and sticky. They don't know what personal space is and are way too energetic. I wouldn't know how to take care of them and not get a sensory meltdown.
Never wanted one .. then found out I couldnt have one... Now after egg donation and 5 years later I am a parent. And she is the most spectacular person. The very best part of my whole existence. Shes the reason I was born. Sometimes what you dont think you want turns out to be what you needed all along.
With ALL the birth control methods available, there's no reason or "excuse"(for some people) to get pregnant unless you want to.
I have no paternal instincts. Brotherly instincts at most. Couple that with my social ineptitude, unwillingness to have a relationship (necessary for a nuclear family) and planning for a military civilian job (definitely not going to have enough time to create another human being) I just don't think I'd be a good dad.
Sterilised at 20, hysterectomy at 40 .. chances of me having kids = 0. Living my happily ever after 100%
I don't like children, if I had my way there would be child free planes, children free restaurants, child free everything, shopping transportation, holidays, beaches, swimming pools, they ruin peace and tranquility due to screaming like banshees .. if you must feel that you need one, go buy a huge cage and train It ...
Ok well this 1 maybe a new 1 but it's takes 2 very skilled educated & loving & responsible & respectable & both a mother & father need to be civil & good to each other & be mentally healthy & have personal lifelong goals with their physical health & both a mother & father need to be good if not excellent in being able to give not be takers & be good at who is going to proved what when how where & why & both a mother & father need to have goals along time frames in both of their lives that r making a father & mother only progress & building their portfolios so that a mother & a father have assets & wealth they build during their required life long marriage see when u show children these healthy relationship skills u work at for as long as a mother & father r blessed to live & stay married u show children how to do the same thing & develop the same ways so they have a good enough reasons to continue that healthy lifelong marriage having the ability to last generations
I'm so glad I never got married or became a parent. Neither would have ever gone well. Fortunately, I've been able to live my life as I chose to do so and ultimately experienced so much more not having any rugrats disrupting my life. Kids are noisy, disruptive, nagging menaces that I can absolutely do without. Sorry, but procreation will have to find another way.
No worries..it surely will. For millenia people have f!#ked..had kids..and survived. I didn't want kids either.
Load More Replies... I don't think I could ever love a human child as much as I love my dogs. And - this might sound insane - I don't want any human child to come in and take any of the resources I devote to said dogs. I'd really rather just have more dogs (and other critters)! 🐩
Raising kids SUCKS!!!!! I never wanted kids. But...got pregnant early...17. Then married at 19. We both had a child and my hubby thought we should have 1 of our own. So we did. Then the 3rd was a HUGE OOPS!!! I do love my kids. They are funny and sweet. But OMG...the daily struggles are insane. I'm absolutely exhausted. My 18 is on his own now, but his teen yrs were brutal. My 15 I fear will never leave and become permanently bonded to his Xbox to the point we'll have to get it surgically removed from him. And my 9 is a good girl, but I am having severe anxiety attacks about when she starts her period. I am petrified!! In conclusion...DONT HAVE KIDS!!!
My oldest son is serving a 7yr sentence in prison and I tried everything since he was 14 to stir him in the right way. As a single mom, father was absent parent and never wanted to be part of his life. I'm a good person, a Christian and a public servant and I just feel so ashamed that my Son ended up this way, Im so ashamed and sometimes I want to ask God why? What was the purpose of having a child like him or Children, specially when they take nothing after you and put you through hell which I'm still going through...
I'm really impatient, have a nasty temper, and I've always struggled with empathy. There's no way I'd be a good parent and I'm not about to ruin a kids life because "it's different when it's yours"
When people talk about how much bigger families (6-10 kids) years ago and they say it was to work on the farm, I tell them it's because they didn't have birth control.
I decided to remain childfree because I didn't want to lose my money, freedom, or sanity. Bringing a kid into this world is like breeding more animals even though there are millions in shelters - totally ignorant, arrogant and irresponsible.
Choosing not to have children is not selfish or self centred. It is a valid choice and a smart one when you really don't feel any desire to have children. I love my daughter to pieces and I have no regrets about having her but if I had my life over, I would definitely make different choices, and I probably would have never had a child.
The tokophobia one hits right at home for me. I have nightmares of becoming pregnant. I also know that it’s expensive to raise kids and the anxiety of wanting them to turn out okay when you didn’t and you don’t want the cycle to continue makes the whole idea so much worse.
What I take away from this is: children are undesirable because childless adults don't want to make sacrifices, they're scared of all the possible ways that things could go wrong and so don't want to even try, and they have some bizarre idea that children are "for" literally any other human being. If they don't want children, I'm not interested in changing their minds, but people need to know that children aren't "for" anyone; parents are "for" the children.
Taking away the world being s**t for a moment, these are my personal issues with having children: depression, anxiety, possible autism, biraciality, being LGBT, anger management issues, no parental nature, family history of cancer and Alzheimer's, and the best reason: I do not care to have one. Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we need a goddamn reason to not have children? Plenty of idiots are (and those not so stupid), why do you care that each and every individual has a kid? It's like asking a person why their favorite color is their favorite. Just leave it the hell alone.
Reading all of this while my toddler is sitting in my lap watching peppa pig. Nothing in life can prepare you for having kids. If you don't want them that's ok. The world doesn't need more unwanted children, born to poverty or to any kind of illness. F what everyone is saying. They will not raise your child if anything happens
For me, a big reason is that I'm just not sure I'd be able to raise them "properly." If they grow up unhappy, I'd just hate myself for failing and bringing someone into the world just to make them miserable. And then I also worry about any hidden genetic surprises I might pass onto them.
Honestly did the no kid thing til late, married my wife with 3 kids. I have been there from 2 and 5yo and honestly you don't know what you're missing without them. Yes it's work but good things take effort. The oldest was 13 when his father passed. He's been a chore but I hold hope. I didn't enter wanting kids but she is with it and they are too.
That's fine for you. I've managed to live for 69 years being blissfully child-free. I have enough on my plte taking care of other people's.
Load More Replies... I like the free and easy nature of my life too much to do that. I don't even feel the urge. So that's that. Besides, having gone through a violent childhood, I really don't want to turn into my old man and continue that f*cked up cycle.
Tokophobia for me. How anyone calmly discusses childbirth is beyond me. my brain thins "Don't you know where they come out of??!!!!" There just aren't enough drugs. That and climate change and I'm terribly lazy and not that interested. The whole kit-n-kaboodle.
I agree 100% with each & everyone of you! I'm a 69 year old woman who has never once regretted not having children.
Being the oldest sibling, I not only see how much of a toll my little brother takes on my parents, but when they have other stuff to do, I get stuck playing parent. I've had him choke once under my supervision (luckily he was able to cough it out on his own with me patting his back firmly, I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't been able to) and I've seen him be sick, I can't imagine being totally responsible for a little human ALL the time. And while I would be a good mother, I just don't want to be. I do love kids though, and I want to be an elementary school teacher in the future. If I do ever have kids, they'll be adopted teens.
I do have kids, I love them and dreamed about being a a Mom.... but I screwed up with the Father I chose, now I'm stuck, trying to raise them and heal myself at the same time. No regrets? Kind of hard to tell.
My experience is that one, average (read: what people would call normal) kid in a two person, healthy relationship is feasible. But so many people who have one kid end up having multiple, without being able to properly manage them, and without any outside support that it just rightfully embitters the experience for so many others.
I hate the idea of identity loss and freedom. I was heavily emotionally abused and forced into isolation as a teen, being locked in my room 24/7, and I was homeschooled and had no friends. Now I'm 20, in college, living with my mom and new dad (disowned my biological father), with a bunch of friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a job, this is the greatest part of my life and the idea of losing all that for some drooling meatloaf is just extremely unappealing. The idea of being pregnant sounds awful, especially considering I love the way I look and don't want to change it or feel consistently sick for 9 months. I have PTSD and I'm autistic and I don't think I'm stable enough, especially considering I tend to be sensitive to noise. Maybe I'll change my mind some day, but it won't be for a while.
They're too expensive, I like my sleep, and I get irritated very easily.
I like kids, I work with them as a therapist and teacher and I love that. But I still don't want to have any of my own. My job teaches me every day what a challenge raising kids is and I am certain I am not capable of it. On the other hand, I love my job and the kids I work with so much I wouldn't want to leave them for months or even years.
30 examples of self-centered sociopathy. Wouldn't surprise me if a handful went on to shoot up a couple schools...
I would like to have kids but I know it's not a good idea (for now at least) so I don't. I can't afford them, I like sleep, and I know I have to work on sensory issues that I know they would make worse.
As a child who was born unplanned, and the wrong gender, I was resented all my life. My father had a family before. They did not even raise me. So - that's what makes me a pro-choice, do not be forced to bring a child into this world unless you absolutely want to. You will save a lot of heartache. Funny that no one really thinks about all this from the child's point of view...
My own parents were enough of a reason not to have any. Couldn't imagine them as grandparents.
I would never have kids because A.) I do not, and likely will never have the sanity to take care of a child, and B.) Have three siblings who, unless they decide to go childfree, can give my mom all the grandkids she wants. Idgaf.
I agree. You're responsible for a whole human from the time they pop out to the time they're no longer minors, and even after, they're still connected to us in ways they won't be to anyone else. It's a lifelong title and responsibility not to be taken lightly.
Kids these days are so dumb, the economic system is depressive and is only getting worse. Too much child trafficking, and the state of the world is in shambles. Women who have kids think they will have a disney-esque marriage when men are not biologically built to enjoy one woman for life. They entrap the man with kids and ignore the man's needs. Mental health issues, population issues, to have kids just to force your beliefs upon them and produce more labor rats. This world is cruel enough, why force another being to endure what you hated.
i rather adopt a child since i have a huge fear that i may die giving birth. i fear this because ill never see the child grow up and my husband may have to raise the child on his own. so i rather not risk my life and adopt a child in need
I've been told by multiple people on multiple occasions that I'd make a wonderful father. I don't doubt that, however I can barely take care of myself, so why would I want to take care of kids? I like having the freedom to do what I want when I want how I want. If something happened and got someone pregnant I would do the right thing and man up, but I guarantee it wouldn't be easy.
I have struggled with chronic Epstein-Barr my whole adult life and its common for me to have extreme fatigue episodes. I also have Lipedema, which is a fat disorder and is commonly exacerbated significantly by pregnancy. Simply put, I don't think I have the physical stamina for pregnancy and child raising. I think it would ruin my health and my body. Women don't talk enough about the long-term consequences of pregnancy and child raising on their physical health.
What makes me not want to have kids? Being around other people's kids.
i personally have a very thin band of control and would never want that to be put on a kid as both my parents have the same thin band and i am in a horrible mental state . also im not very responsible and dont want to neglect a kid. long story short dont want to ruin a kid. i might adopt an older kid when i get older but not a really young child
The headline suggests people want kids by default, when I don't think that's the case. Disinterest is self explanatory, but I put it this way: Whatever experience you had that made you want kids, I either didn't have it, or didn't react the same as you. As a child I daydreamed about being an adult all the time but never about being a parent. Whenever I see a father and son, I never identify with the Dad. I see only my past, not my future. I grew up with several married relatives that weren't ever having kids and it was never an issue, so all options were known. I also joke that I wasn't interested in kids even when I was one. I was always more interested in adults.
I honest to goodness wish I could understand why ppl want kids (or have a drive to have them) but I simply DONT. and I hate because literally everyone acts like I'm either terrible, selfish, stupid, crazy, or that ill "have them someday" i am so sick of this mentality. I'm tired of being called selfish when the main reason I don't want kids is tokophobia, the state of the world and my physical and mental illnesses. I'm so fvcking sick of this world..
Being a parent means coming to grips with pain. I grew up unprotected from an abusive father Yet, when I became a victim of the Dalkon Shield device and told I’d never be a parent - I wanted a baby in the worst way. IVF left me infertile poorer and second-guessing myself. We adopted -- a beautiful 7 week old baby boy. I was never happier - I was part of a happy family that was/is full of love - for 16 years. Needless to say - that was when the pain set in - it’s called adolescence. He is an adult on his own living 2000 mi away - I am happy - when he is happy. I know he loves us but getting him to love himself - honestly - is another issue altogether. So, while I don’t love the pain - I acknowledge it as a fact of life - whether it’s brought on by kids or other factors.
I don’t regret having kids but it is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have 3 children 14,12 and 11. Two boys and a girl. The guy I had them with left before my daughter was born. No contact since then. I have been raising them myself. My 12 year old is autistic and has adhd. I have been in a relationship for 10 years. He has two boys ages 20 and 16. We have lived separate for over 5 years now because sometimes blending children does not work. We love each other and will spend the rest of lives together but having to live separate is so very difficult. I love being a mom and love my children but I would never tell someone to have kids.
I have a congenital birth defect that I f*****g refuse to pass down, I’m currently trying to get sterilized but I’m only 23 so it’s been a giant pain in the a*s.
Sterilization of one or both parties in a marriage can be a factor. ;) [Yah, one kid was enough!]
I was the oldest daughter of 5, and then some extended family members moved into our house from a bad situation, so there were several small children and 3 babies. I was mini-Mom, with no time to myself at home. I had to give up my bedroom for my grandparents; I had a reclining chair for sleep, a dresser in the living room, and 1 bookshelf for my things. I fell asleep in my classes, my grades plummeted, I failed out of the nice high school I'd gotten into. I eventually got sent to live with other family members who were unwilling to help with the rest of the extended family situation (but always rubbed it in that they "took me in" as if I was some kind of delinquent... not even close!) I love my little siblings and cousins fiercely. They were so cute... I would often fall asleep holding the little ones (they didn't have beds then either). Watching them grow up has been amazing. All the things I sacrificed so that they could be okay, I couldn't possibly take back. But this has...(cont'd)
(wow, I guess Bored Panda doesn't do line breaks in comments? 😑 Anyway...) ... But this has left me with a strong feeling of "I've already done it." I've already made major, deeply difficult, permanent alterations to the course of my own life for the well-being of a gaggle of little children and babies, who I loved so mind-bogglingly much that I was 100% willing to go without the opportunities and personal life milestones I will never be able to get back. Parenthood holds no novely for me now. I may not have done it as an adult with control over my own life, but I've already experienced all of the feelings, hardships, joys, closed doors and sacrifices. I don't have any inner need to do it again.
Load More Replies... Genetic health issues including severe mental illness, generational trauma, personal trauma, my inability to coordinate my own s**t (how would I coordinate someone else's too?), the state of the world, the state of the US, etc, etc.
1. I had baby nephews and sibling when I was 13. Best contraception, EVER. 2. Selfishness? Or self-careishness. I have chronic illnesses and mental ill health. 3. State of the planet. 4. State of the planet’s population. 5. Can’t rule out risk of multiple pregnancy. (Sister had bio-identical twins so my risk is naturally increased). 6. Cats are much easier. 7. Even as a kid, I avoided the “homey” areas at playgroup. No kitchen, no babies, no prams. 8. Lack of equity. It all falls to mum. In the 1950’s perhaps that worked. But nowadays, kid is sick? School calls mum (in the majority of instances). 9. I would refuse to use people for support. My sister had mum, and now dad running around to her tune as her husband left. 10. Can’t guarantee a “healthy” child. My friends son was severely disabled due to birth errors. My sisters son was healthy until 17, rare virus, brain damaged, mobility issues, severe epilepsy. 11. Kids are forever, not just for 18 years.
One thing that really makes me laugh about this topic is the notion that people need to have kids to take care of them when they are old. I cannot tell you how many people I have known that are totally gobsmacked that their kids don't have time for them and some don't even communicate with their parents that much. And then there is the other disaster that nobody talks about... the kids have kids and leave them with the grandparents to raise. I know of one woman who adopted a girl....at 16 she had a child , handed the responsibility of raising back to her mom because she couldn't handle it, and then went on to have more kids...which she raised. I lost contact with the family- don't know how things turned out. Oh, the kid that was given to granny to raise..he was divorced twice before he was 30. And yes - he had a kid too. It's really nuts.
My reason is that I'm hideously ugly, and no woman would want to have a child that looks like me. I don't blame them either.
Sleep!! There are several reasons I do not want kids, but #1 is that I love and need my sleep. If I don’t sleep well for several nights, I get grumpy and angry and I don’t like myself. When you have kids, you don’t ever get a chance to sleep well! No thank you! I’ll stick with kittens! 🐈⬛
I strongly believe that if someone doesn't want kids then they shouldn't have them... But! Do not get annoyed or pissed at parents who try to have family dinner out or the parent who is just trying to get the shopping done. Remember, when we need the next generation to take over as we age out. Side note, had i be able to see the mental health problems that developed, i would not have had kids. I love them but i feel I'm not giving them what they need and want. It hurts.
We had our son young and are now free of responsibility and it’s fantastic.
My responses over the years when asked why my wife and I don’t have any kids varies. 1. My wife and I figured out what causes kids and we stopped. 2. We thought we would wait until we are mature enough to raise kids. (I’m 69 years old now.) 3. We would be the perfect parents and don’t want to show up our friends and make them jealous. We are doing it for you. 4. Are you talking to me? Are you talking to me?
I like kids in the same way that i like horses and Newton's Cradles. I like them, I have fun with them. But i like them for other people. I like going over and saying hi, maybe playing a few games. I would not enjoy having my own, because as terrible as it sounds, they are expensive and I would tire of them quickly. I am much better at and am much happier being the Aunty figure.
My former upstairs neighbour obviously doted on his two little girls. But, I got fed up with him playing hide and seek with them at ten o'clock on a Wednesday night, when other people - me for example - are in bed trying to sleep.
A lot of this hit home. I never really wanted kids but have been pregnant. Once by assault. Lost each one and blamed myself for it while constantly having people tell me I would be such a good mom. I have so much trauma I did not want to pass on. Later married a man with two daughters. The youngest was in her late teens when we got married. I still damaged that relationship - not even my own biological child - because of untreated mental health issues. I know it goes both ways but I own my part, and fwiw that was the push I needed to finally start unpacking the decades of abuse I have survived. I do love both of my husband’s daughters but cannot ever envision being close to them.
Most of these are ppl complaining about children whose parents taught them to be sh*tty in one way or the other. Most of my life I thought I hated kids. Turns out it's their parents and their behaviour I hate. Well, in many cases it's only when the adults enter the parenting-role that I hate them. I have some friends that are so great! But I don't think they are good at parenting which results in badly behaved children that demands so much attention.
Good the world doesn't need more whinny people like you, that the idea of raising innocent souls disgusts you so much. Only have kids if your capable of loving someone other than yourself. If you treat them like mistakes and burdens then yes they'll grow up to be little shits like their parents. Kids and babies are the BEST people in the whole world because they know nothing of hatred that is something thats learned from pessimists like you who are blind to all the beauty on this planet. Raise them with love and they'll be good, happy people, if not they'll grow up to be as miserable as you.
So much to unpack. I planned my children, I loved them and gave up myself and everything I was for them willingly. The sore nipples, the sleepless nights, night after night whilst I watched their father sacrifice nothing, continuing his life like a single man, including his girlfriends one after the other. No matter. I loved, I gave, I gave up myself. When I finally gave up the marriage, finally understanding that I married an immature, selfish, egotistical, inauthentic and dishonest man-child, and then was confronted by the hate that only the hate of children can effect you. Hate based on the lies of a patent who gave up nothing, lived the single life and gaslighted me and the children. Then I realised how I should never have had children, for their sake, not mine. The pain of losing your children in this circumstance is beyond words.
Lot of these i can relate to. I like the freedom to go to conversations n travel. The world is shitshow that i cant justify bringing a kid into (especially going into psychology) i dont have the body to handle it (im very short n skinny). I have genetic condition that can be very frustrating to deal with. Id 100% rather adopt
Besides just not liking children, I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and epilepsy. Also, being on social security and making less than $11,000 annually (which means I have to live at home), there is no way I could ever afford everything needed to raise a child. Lastly, one of my dogs isn't kid friendly.
If you love kids and choose to have good for you ☺️. If you don't like them to much and don't want, please have sex with protection and make sure you never have, and even if that does not work there are plenty of programs for people that does not want kids and they can place them on a lovely family that can't have one on their own. If you want to adopt, good for you too ☺️. There are a lot of different ways to form your own family, people stop judging others just because you don't think the same as them.
While I enjoyed and loved my kids, you have no real clue as to what your partner and their influencers will devolve into.
So many topics lately about not wanting kids and no topics how people actually are happy that they have kids or actually want them. Why is that so?
There are a billion articles of pro parent propaganda. It's about time the stigma of wanting to remain child free is removed, because we are STILL judged by angry parents who either didn't know they had a choice or just had so little sense they didn't even consider if it was a good idea or not
Load More Replies... No one mentioned the potential child justice system railroading you, because your ex lied and they don't care. 120,000 dollars and counting and that's for losing
I have kids, I absolutely adore them and love them soooo much. I'm single mom of two.. it's very difficult to raise kids on my own. HONESTLY I thinks age 2, 3 and 4 are absolutely WORST, WORST!!!! my last baby who is 3 now omg. Just omg! Lol. If I could rewind time, I would rather adopt older children lol. But I don't regrettably having them. I just can't wait for my last baby to turn 5 in two years later cuz my oldest son who is 5 now and he's absolutely ANGEL I absolutely love that boy! I love my last baby as well it's just man, toddler sure driving a parent nuts!!! Lol. And this is why I got tubes tied as well. I'm so done having kids and I'm absolutely don't want to go through toddler phase all over again as well. So if you are a person don't want any children then it's understandable, they are alot of work that's for sure!
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then😂😁
I love the little rug rats. Im having kids. I work at a car dealership and my customer or client had her son he couldn't sit still. Why she filled out the paped work me and him had a ball chasing and hiding from each other in the dealership.😂 I had more fun play with the toodler then making money. If thats not a sign or the baby bug I dont know what it is then.
No worries I am working on having lots of kids for you. They are the best thing that could happen to a human being, sure its hard, but it makes you less centered on yourself, if you are a lover of self, without natural affection, don't have them.
When I was in my 20s, I shared pretty much all the thoughts listed here about kids. But things started to change after I turned 30. I felt my life was just keeping running after goals, each goal became less meaningful after achieve d. My kid has provided an anchor for me in life. I get to build a relationship with someone deeply and experience life all over again with him. It's like planting a little tree. Like gardening, parenting is hardwork but it's also very rewarding. Yes we are all flawed and we probably will all unconsciously cause damage to our kids. But as long as you love them, you will want to improve yourself too. I grow with my kid every day, as a parent, also as an individual.
I have kids. I do not regret them one bit. I was told I wouldn't be able to carry a child, and that tore me up inside. Then unexpectedly I got pregnant by someone that I wasn't serious with. I was just a fling and we both were ok with that. Long story short, her bio dad chose not to stick around. It was a shock to both of us when I actually carried a child unlike what the doctor stated before. It's been a struggle giving her the correct parenting by myself. If it wasn't for my mom, idk what I would have done with work, school, ect. What worse than being a single parent to a beautiful baby, is years later having a son that passed at 2 month, 2 weeks, and 2 days. Yes I hate the number 2. It kills a part of you. Today actually makes the 3rd year since he passed. I'm scared of even if my daughter has kids when she is older. I'm terrified something could happen to her baby, AND SHE'S ONLY 12! It puts a dark cloud on having a baby. Some things you can't control and losing a child that you love changes you.
Lol yes they are love hate relationship!!! I agree with a lot of the captions but you always forget old age!!!! What happens when your spouse dies and your alone or disabled? Pretty sure you wished you had a family to take care you!!! Nope nursing home and you die alone.... Kids are a burden with benefits for sure and beat any darn video game!!! Plus who do you leave all your stuff too?
Raising a children is the sweetest experience of my life. Nothing worthwhile is often easy! No amount of travel, comforts, girls trips, spa days or quiet nights in could ever replace the joys of family life and and parenthood. This is honestly the saddest collection of comments I've ever read. Children bring light to a home and to the world- if they don't, that's on us as parents and mentors. If you fret about the state of the world, then change it by raising powerful humans who will do good!
#32 Kids grow up to be assholes who hate people not just like them. At least in your case.
Load More Replies... Honestly, some decent responses on this list but a LARGE portion of it is just "Cause I don't wanna" rephrase. I get that's the point of the list, but when paired with some of the actual good points in the article a lot of it just feels like filler in comparison. I respect it though. I enjoy my daughter, I was doing s**t else but be irresponsible with my life anyways, wanting to be a dad helped me more than hurt. The passing on of trauma one is one that hits home the most so I'm always scared of overparenting or messing up in some way that continues instead of breaking the cycle. But, that made me actually confront and try to fix my own s**t instead of sinking in it. Again, I always respect people taking precautions to prevent pregnancy though instead of being one of those "You shouldn't be a parent, parents" so nice list of reasons and seeing other perspective.
All these people will likely have kids at some point. It’s the same ole song and dance until the biological clock starts ticking.
Sounds to me like you think everybody has the resources to do what you did.
Load More Replies... . Have some respect for the others, we speak about giving life, here. I guess you have or want a child, i respect that. But I hope for them to not have your mentality.
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