Someone Asks “What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?” And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers

I agree with you because is true. That's why, I always tell my mom (who raised 4 kids on her own), that she's young, and should go and enjoy life with the partner that she have had for the past 10 years. All my sisters are out of home, with jobs on their own and only two of us had has kids, wich is me (1), and my older sister (1). We are doing good on our own, and everytime that I can I tell her how proud I'm of her for raising us 4 and that now she should think on her future. She's only 44 years old, and healthy, I know she will always worry for us but me and my sisters want for her to relax and just enjoy life.

Ask yourself why so many people your age fall back on the excuses of depression, anxiety, etc as a reason not to engage in the world and take care of yourselves? How did young people your age (and younger) throughout history manage you look past all of their feelings and do what had to be done? Young people growing up in wars, economic depression, holocausts, genocides, extreme poverty, plagues, etc. It's because you are too privileged. You are privileged to be able to sit around all day every day and self diagnose anxiety, depression, autism, bipolar disorder, etc and spend all your time making it your identity. Because someone else is paying your bills, providing shelter, clothing, food, medication, internet, phone, computers, etc. I guarantee if you were forced to provide for yourself, forced to get out and focus on the needs of others, 99% of your mental health problems would disappear as you learned gratitude.

That's also because there are many that didn't plan the pregnancy. So these conversations weren't even in their thoughts. When someone engages in sexual activity they should always have an idea of what they would want to do in regards to a child. Although this requires the person to be mature and when someone is having sex when they aren't even able to support themselves this would probably never occur to them. It wouldn't to me as a 16 year old.

This. Also, what happens if you have a healthy child who grows into a healthy adult but then has, say, a stroke or a serious car accident or whatever that leaves them unable to take care of themselves? The possibility of something going seriously wrong carries on into adulthood too.

My son suffered with drug addiction for 7 years. He was not a loser! He did not choose addiction. I lost my son 2 years ago. He was only 24 years old! Fentanyl poisoning killed my son. My son went to multiple inpatient rehabilitation centers. He lost his battle. People who become addicted to drugs do not choose to live a life of struggle. My son did not choose addiction!

I think it's tricky to say you don't have to be responsible for their lives and you can write them off but if you talk to a lot of parents I'm sure they'll tell you it isn't that easy. My parents were constantly afraid my brother would die because he had nowhere to go and was a drug addict. He was enabled a lot because he played on my parents fear of finding him dead somewhere. He would say things like, "if i die, it's your fault because you could have helped me," and as manipulative as that was, they loved him. They kicked him out plenty but he always ended up coming back because he was in dire straights. He eventually did overdose while he was living with them, so it was all for naught. But it took a lot of time for them to realize they did everything they could. These adult children still at home- while they may not be in the same situation- parents feel that same fear of pushing them out and then they end up in a bad situation and they feel responsible for it.

Unfortunately, it's not always a parenting issue. Sometimes it's just on the person themselves, and that's where the fear comes from. Because even if you do the best things, they can still turn out super shitty.

Sadly - its not always the case. Children are born with their personalities pre-made. you can guide them... but if a kid is a little s**t as a child, its even odds it grows up to be a big s**t as an adult. I have special needs child. I still have hope that with proper support she will be an independent adult. It was one of my biggest fears when I was pregnant, that she may be autistic etc. Well, she is not autistic. She just has issues with processing speech and it has NOT been a picnic, because among other things what's up with her is not "usual" like autism. Beyond that, she is nice child who draws horrible cartoon monsters and skeletons with rainbow shirts and a really cool personality. She was very much wanted. And that makes it all bearable most of the time. -100/10 recommendation for isolating with 5-7 years old who mostly communicates with screaming tho.

Sometimes you can't, especially when they have all kinds of mental issues

Gatica

The current economic situation doesn't really make the type of selfish person I imagine when I talk about this. Someone who can't get work or has to move back home because of what's going on doesn't mean they aren't going to help out around the house while they're there. They won't treat their parents badly if it's not in them already to do that. And some people stay living at home because the family prefers it. A friend of mine is 35 and lives at home because they pool their incomes to help take care of their home. Again, these are really not the people I'm talking about. I'm talking about selfish adults to leach off their elderly parents because it's easy, and have never bothered to try and make it on their own because they haven't had to. They go from job to job because they haven't learned sometimes you have to suck it up in order to pay your rent. Sometimes you have to push through it because you're an adult and work isn't always perfect. Parents enable this but not always.

Stephanie - your family was dealt a mean hand. 🙏🏻

That's not entirely true. They don't always magically become responsible people. Sometimes you kick them out and it gets worse because they never learned to do anything for themselves. So there's a fear that at least at home they're safe and for parents that's paramount. Trust me in MANY cases, it's a matter of the parent allowing the behavior. But I'm not sure if that can be predicted when you're making the decision to have a child. We think of the bad being difficult babies, crying pooping puking, difficult teenagers, etc. but people don't think past that teenage timeframe. I don't want kids because I DO think of that stuff and worry about it. The possibility of having a douchebag adult child - someone I love but don't like- is something people don't talk about enough. You hear about it with parents a lot- you love your parents but don't like them. They're racists, homophobes, etc. But it goes both ways. Your kids can be disappointments, too, and it's incredibly sad.. and long term.

So true.

I think that's a tricky statement. I've seen people who grew up in nightmares with horrible parents who end up successful. So it's not all mom and dad's influence. And I've seen people who do everything seemingly right and their kids grow up to be disappointments. They get in with the wrong people and become racists or homophobes. Grow up and expect their parents to take care of them and get angry when they don't. I think a lot of parents give everything they are to try and raise their kids well and they still end up with emotional issues that lead them to having to be taken care of. I agree that certain things are avoidable and I don't understand the parent who doesn't put some kind of time frame on moving out. They wouldn't be so quick to quit a job if they knew they didn't have somewhere to go when they run out of money. But at the same time, I think environment plays a role and not just upbringing. Parents are fighting environment all the time.

Genuine question: Do you feel as though you have a life or identity outside of your children? (Please, be honest...)

i can tell by reading this that you do not have the ability or aptitude to raise the kind of kids you expect to have. they suck because you suck

You are the epitome of NOT being a burden. Your disability has not stopped you and even if it did, you'd have good reason. Congrats to you on your perseverance! I think a lot of people have misunderstood my original comment to include people who are disabled-whether that is physically or mentally- or addicts, families who choose to stay living together, etc. and that's not whom I meant at all. I'm generally talking about people who are purposely and selfishly taking advantage of their parents and who are given all the opportunities in the world and squander them out of laziness and a self-victimization that they aren't entitled to even feel. I understand some people have mental illnesses, depression, etc. But I just think there's a difference between that and what I'm talking about. I feel like this is common sense and some people are just trying to create a controversy where there isn't one.

It's kind of hard to tell at this point what people are responding to, but if it's to my comment... the point of this topic is about why we chose to not have children. Being a toxic parent is absolutely a reason to not want to have kids, too, but not having kids is a way to keep that from happening. You can't choose your family. And it's naïve to think that the only reason people end up this way is because they didn't get enough love and care. I've seen people who grew up in horror stories who were successful despite their upbringing. And it's really an insult to parents who did everything, gave everything, to their kids and still had to watch them destroy themselves to then blame them entirely for their kids becoming horrible people.

As a woman, if someone called me a princess it means the same as man-baby: some entitled little jerk who needs to be taken care of. The only grown women who like being called princesses are... spoiled, entitled little princesses. It's not sexist so relax. But let me rephrase for your fragile sensibilities....douchebags. Douchebag children. Assholes. There's another word if 'douchebag' offends you. Grown people who need mommy and daddy to take care of them. Like spoiled princesses and man-babies.

That's because the man-baby rolls off the tongue,as well as being quite appropriate. I've never heard an older mother exclaim, oh that's my baby! about a daughter. The princess routine comes from expecting to be waited on hand and foot. We don't have useless 'princes', a prince of a man is one who steps up and does his best no matter what the situation. We don't have a proper term for the useless gits of both sexes.

Having loser parents *IS* a legit fear, the same as having loser kids. But you can't choose your parents. We can choose to have children or not. Would you really not be disappointed if your kid grew up to be a racist who joined the klan? Or if they hated women? Or were homophobic? I consider these loser kids, too, and sometimes your parenting and guidance can only go so far to help direct them away from this. You can hope and pray that you'll show them how to be a good person, but it doesn't always happen with even the best intentions. Sometimes it happens anyway.

It is utterly pathetic when someone has no respect for their elders or themselves... I believe this comes from being neglectful in disciplining for fear of "being mean"