“Tell Me You’re A Woman Without Telling Me You’re A Woman” (30 Tweets)
Interview With Author
For all the talk about gender equality, the truth is that being a woman is very different in reality, full of everyday struggles that some people might not be aware of until they’re pointed out. That’s what Twitter user Gayatri wanted to show the world with her viral thread where she asked women to tell her they’re women “without telling me you’re a woman.”
Gayatri, from Mumbai in India, caught people’s attention with her to-the-point and no-nonsense thread. She opened up by saying that she’s always on the lookout for “escape routes” whenever she’s walking in a dark alley. Other women pitched in with their experiences and Gayatri added a few more of her own. Gayatri told Bored Panda that she routinely talks about women's life and workplace experiences on Twitter. "I started this thread as a way for women to share their experiences and the prejudices they face in everyday life. The answers showed that women all over the country and world even had the same experiences. We fought the same battles."
Scroll down a read through the responses to Gayatri's thread and our interview with her, dear Pandas. What did you think of the thread? How would you answer her question? What do you think can be done to change the situation? Let us know in the comments. Gayatri’s fears aren’t unfounded. The situation with women’s rights in India is shocking, writes The Guardian, and both women and girls are frequently victims of violence.
This post may include affiliate links.
According to Gayatri, one of the things that the responses to her thread showed is that rights and reality are two very different things. "Instead of asking women what needs to change about women's rights, I think what needs to change is the perception of men. Women are still looked at as inferior beings who need to be told what to do and how to live every single day," she said.
"Men need to actively listen to women, overcome their biases and age-old mental conditioning, and treat women as equals. These discourses are being labeled feminism and the women who talk about this, feminists. But if you think about it, all women want is to left alone and not be told by men how to lead their lives."
I'm kinda waiting to turn 35-40 when family will stop asking me when I'm having kids
Load More Replies...
i told my parents I was going to wait until my eggs had gone rotten and then pelt the neighbours' doors with them. They never asked again.
My parents are more torn up about my crappy organs than I am. So what if I've got a shitty uterus, its not like I'm using it.
I decided this at 7, much before I was even aware about how babies come to this world. I didn't know how it worked but I always knew it was my choice. I'm 44 now. No regrets.
To those who still get hassled, how do you usually respond? What works best to shut the convo down about not having kids? My husband and I have been told that he's not a man until he has kids and I should be ashamed for not accepting Gods will and having a brood of kids. We're both over 30.
There are a few options. You can ask them why it matters so much to them and point out that they've made their choices and you have the right to make yours. Someone I know lies and says that they can't have children. I usually just say 'bring them into a world like this? No thanks, I'm not that selfish'. People who claim that not having children means you are selfish really get to me - the very act of wanting children is a choice that someone makes to please themselves and they don't do it for the good of anyone else. Gods will has nothing to do with it - if you are a believer point out that he gave us free will for a reason. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. Good luck. Fortunately I'm now of an age where it's no longer expected! People who bang on about others having children really should mind their own business.
Load More Replies...
I had kids, my cousin of the same age didn't. I (was) stuck at home with shitty nappies and snotty noses and she was jet setting around the world... she still does! 🤣😂 ....😭😆
Load More Replies...
My little sister had a baby, so I was asked how many kids I had and when I said I didn't have any and intended to keep it that way I got this look like I'd just announced I was a space alien. (It gets even more shocking: I'm not married or dating anyone either. Head asplodey time).
I changed my mind about having kids but unfortunately, they are now in their mid-20s womp womp wooooooomp
Oh I did change my mind! When I was little I thought I wanted them! Not anymore
I am defined by my child; if I'm out it's always "oh where's Flo?" My partner NEVER gets this.
I disagree with this one I am a man, I'm happily married and until my wife hit 35 we both got this all the time. Even men are expected to want to be parents. Now in my 40 still very happy being married without Children, just hope I can afford a robot to look after me when I am old!
However, there are problems in the West, as well. Writer and founder of ‘Voice of Salam,’ Elizabeth Arif-Fear told Bored Panda that women face sexist attitudes, harassment, and barriers to entry because of their gender both in the workplace and outside of it.
Her solutions to these issues is to continue to “dismantle gender-based stereotypes about gender roles,” push for “full parity in dividing unpaid work at home with their partners,” and report incidents of harassment and “illegal questioning of their marital status in job interviews.”
According to Arif-Fear, these kinds of actions will help in continuing the work toward “smashing the glass ceiling” that women face.
“Ladies, you can do it! Please believe in yourself!” she said. “Likewise, partners need to do their share at home, colleagues should check their attitudes (e.g. sexist comments), not mansplain in meetings, and managers and employers should ensure that they are creating fair equal opportunities and spaces at the table. Consideration for those with childcare responsibilities is also important.”
Take self defense classes. It Is important to make you feel more secure and for reducing anxiety.
I have Heard this one several times. I still dont get it and my reaction Is "ignore and keep lifting"
This Is true, most of the times women are in charge of child cre. When i travel kids stay with my partner, but he Is "assisted" by muy mother un law, the Nanny, and my female friends.
If she would have raised him correctly, he should be able to take care of himself!
Ooooh I feel this. Living with my MIL while I finished nursing school I reduced my hours to part time work and spent my "free time" doing things I enjoy to spare my sanity. She once very "kindly" told me that when she was married she always made sure there was food on the table for her husband when he got home from work. Now I'm a nurse caring for COVID patients and my husband is not working... he isn't cooking for me and I'd never expect him too. I don't believe she had the same conversation with her son. Such an antiquated expectation!
Agreed. Same thing here. "She has a PhD, but is just un Cats". Fxxk them, useless, frustrated pricks.
I've stopped doing this. It's amazingly freeing watching men'sreactionsthe first few times they realized that I wasn't moving.
I do the pretend to be on the phone thing because there are some creepy dudes in my apartment complex.
Good for you to recognize it. Now STOP. Count all your achievements un order. Say them out loud. You will feel proud.
Man, I'm only 12 but even I know this stuff. (I'm a girl btw) The world is a scary place.
You are teaching him something really important by being strong and a working mom. Keep up.
Note: this post originally had 60 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
(Rant warning) Many of those are more "I'm discriminated against" and that's not woman-specific. I'm a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and we have been nothing but allies to women. When girls were fawning over boys, we were being shoved in trash cans by said boys, then going right back to be their emotionnal support, harrassment shield "boyfriend", pregnancy scare buddy... When our moment in the polotical light came, we used our modicum of cultural influence to fight gender roles, for all of us. Now at last the third feminist moment has come, and minorities seem to be forgotten. Or even fought against on reproductive rights, political rights, even basic rights (trans especially). Women have overwhelming power over cultural transmission as mothers and teachers. #Metoo was long overdue, but where is the large call to use that power to free boys from the toxic masculinity we all suffer from?
When I started studying my PhD., one of my teacher told me, that they don't like girls studying for a PhD., because they leave their studies to have children...
I have a long list. I do all the grocery shopping, pay all the bills, take the kids to their appointments, do the Christmas and birthday shopping, remind my hubby when it is his parents or brothers birthdays so he can wish them a happy birthday, I do the bookwork for his BAS/tax etc, I do the housework and washing, I look after the dog, walk him and take turns with my daughter feeding him and I cook dinner. I am sure there is more but that’ll do. Now before people start jumping up and down about equality etc. I just want to make you aware that my husband works an extremely labour intensive job and can work very long hours. He barely has the chance to stop and go to the toilet, let alone eat so there is no way I expect him to contribute around the house etc. He is in charge of the garden and any maintenance at home though and he does pick me up from appts or our son from school IF he finishes work on time. This is how our family dynamics work and it is not for everyone.
Thanks for sharing. I believe is functional if it works for both of you. It would be unfair if you also worked away from home and it was expected that you took care of all of that by yourself. Every family has its own balance, what is important is to have a partner that Is willing to listen AND change habits if the load needs to be shared!
Load More Replies...
Even though I'm a woman, I did not enjoy this post and neither agree with it and some of it cements gender stereotypes, even if thru mocking. I feel it's about time discussion shifts from "how society is unfair to women" to something more useful like "what you can do". Former is giving power to the society they don't have over you and the latter puts the control back in your hands.
Frankly, I’m not sure this article is enjoyable to read, and certainly not the culture that led these women/females to air their grievances. I’m sick of complaining too, but as long as I still see those attitudes and behaviors and subjected to them I will continue to do so. Not just for me, and not just for women. I’m just afraid that people will ask “why should we do that?” Hopefully, it’s just their curiosity and true desire to understand, but I’ve heard/read things that suggest a different, dominating mindset. The “what you can do” answers and suggestions get a lot of pushback as discrimination towards the majority group. Just because I’m allowed to show an ankle and a collarbone and vote in my country does not mean I should be grateful and satisfied with that much. The discussion topics involve each other, and necessary for coherency. One day, the former would just be an introduction to the latter and inspire solutions that reach other marginalized groups.
Load More Replies...
I am proud to be a woman. I wear a sundress all summer, it feels like a semi-fitted, knee length, cotton T-shirt. In the winter, I chose more feminine garments, always with jewelry and makeup. BUT, being a woman does not mean I am weak. I am firm, will argue if treated like I am idiot, and always stand up for myself. I was the first woman to hold many jobs. Instead of complaining about the unfairness of gender roles, I silently worked hard, proved I could work as well or better than the men. My feminist friends were shocked I was amoung the first females beach, not pool, life guards where we lived, the first woman bartender elsewhere and more (1970's). Me, the girly girl, was the first one over the cliff in a mountaineering class. Women dismiss me. I returned a broken tent, the woman who helped me, assumed I broke it until she unfolded it. Yes, I have hit the glass ceiling. I am counting on the women who follow me to push it higher like I did. It isn't easy, I failed often, but in the end I made a difference. So can you, like all the women before us.
Also, society always expects us to wear bras, modest clothing, long skirts, dresses, ect. It gets really annoying.
If you prefer not to, find a solution you feel comfortable with that meets social norms of the job. Our world has defined gender roles. We choose how to meet the challenge. I have met successful women who have never worn a suit with a skirt or dress and I doubt they wore a bra. It was never obvious if they did or didn't so it wasn't an issue. If everyone there dresses in a way that you don't like, it is unlikely you would feel comfortable there. In most circumstances, nobody wants to see your boobs or men's penises. Neither should be obvious. Choose your environment and have reasonable expectations. I am thankful I dont have to wear a suit, like men. I don't wear suits, too uncomfortable. A dress with a jacket, sure, but never a suit. Other women didn't like it, but even they admitted I looked as professional as they did. For years I wore a uniform, as expected. Manners and respect work and are often part of success. As far as family, I don't want to argue so I wear what is expected. Annoying, but easier.
Load More Replies...
How does being agender impact your life? I'm asking this from a point of curiosity not trying to pick a fight. I saw Sam Smith say that he identifies as gender neutral which Is something I don't understand in a person over a certain age. I get why people raise their kids as gender neutral i.e they don't want society to force certain norms on them but as an adult you simply are who you are. What does it mean for you?
Load More Replies...
God, this whole thread is awful. Apparently, as I don't feel guilty for working and leaving my kids, I don't cook and am always to bed first, I must not be a woman.
Some people don’t try to make others suffer like them. The things you mentioned were used to shame and guilt females/women. I’m glad you don’t feel that way; it is not a requirement for womanhood.
Load More Replies...
I had a classmate. He sucked. Apparently it was okay for him to stare at my body, but not okay for me to look him in the eyes. I hate him
This is one of the saddest things i have ever read and i can relate to most of this even though im 13.
They always tell me to smile, and judge me if I don't wear makeup or dress according to social norms.
Expected to do everything right no matter my age or if I've done it before because" EVERYTHING.MUST.BE.PERFECT." and also feeling like I'm letting someone down with every choice I make
I keep my arms up and elbows out to protect my personal space in a crowd. It's my fault if anything hasn't been cleaned, organized or managed.
Im only liked by men because im "pretty" And then people tell me to grow my back hair when i cut it really short.
While on the train, a man manspreaded his thighs into my seat. Ya its a normal thing for them i get it. I usually just tolerated. Til i decided enough is enough. So i pushed my thighs into his side too. It was disgusting we thigh to thigh but i wanted to prove a point. He just gruntled & pushed into my side even more.
It’s fine to spread your legs. It’s the disregard and encroaching of other’s physical space that gets me. I’ve done what you did before too!! 🤣🤣 if anyone bigger than me needs more space, I’m happy to accommodate if they’ve already done what they can.
Load More Replies...
"You want to be a teacher? Well you better get a husband with a good job"
Its okay for a man to be overweight but bc Im a woman, Im not allowed to have those pesky extra pounds (lost 80 lbs so far, for ME!)
I hate that these are so true. Hi, I am female, my name is what it is for protection. sad but necessary
being told to shave my legs. i hate doing that so i stopped. my legs are hairy. so what? i HATE how shaved legs feel! it's too smoothe!
I just remember birthdays and mention it to my husband. The fact that i have a Child growing inside me or i remember birthdays does not define me as a woman. I understand the need of safety, I also just dont care if society will judge me on my hair, my tattoos, my clothes or the way i speak. If u think you are doing too many things în the house than share it with the husband, that îs what a couple does. I am not saying my marriage îs perfect but we do share responsability în cleaning and laundry or dishes because that îs what it means to be în a couple. I work hard and get paid accordingly, I dont live în a perfect society without judgment but I made a choice to sometimes discuss about issues when I feel down, but allways do something about it. I grew up with people telling me I must have kids and learn them about God, to listen to my husband, keep my head down when needed,cook and do what people around me do. So i did what i thought right and not what people expected.
I hate these posts. For one, many of these fears and irritants are not exclusive to women. Whole equality should always be an on going and evolving discussion, I find that sometimes women live in fear or inadequacy because they believe they should. Why are their no posts celebrating what makes us women? I was hoping there would be some. But to recognize a woman we only identify her challenges and victimization?
This leaves me with something to reflect on for later. When women celebrate their accomplishments, it gets belittled or they are told to be humble. This conversation can exist while others are being formed at the same time. I think my lips and breasts are noticeable, but they’re not worthy of an article/post. The other positive qualities are shared across genders and race so it wouldn’t fit what you’re looking for.
Load More Replies...
Why are these so negative. I'm treated like a queen by my fiancé. He never lets me carry in the groceries from the car, cooks special meals for me, goes out of his way to make me feel loved and special. I have a good job and the respect of my peers. Not everything is bad about being a woman.
Ok, i'm gonna pretend to be a woman: I have two X chromosomes and give birth to human babies.
Having XX chromosomes and giving birth does not make one a woman.
Load More Replies...
You do realize that there are still females beaten for raising a complaint about inequality right? It’s not that hard to walk and talk (standing strong and still complain). The most basic and difficult solution is for them to live for- and prioritize themselves. There you go, no need to air grievances now. You should have spent a moment longer, and think about what is implied. Most didn’t even mention what they want from others. The easiest thing you can do, and doesn’t even require any self growth is give people the space to highlight the problems in society. So that maybe, more compassionate and brilliant people can help solve them. I didn’t waste my time for you. I did it for a world I want to be a part of without regrets.
Load More Replies... (Rant warning) Many of those are more "I'm discriminated against" and that's not woman-specific. I'm a member of the LGBTQ+ community, and we have been nothing but allies to women. When girls were fawning over boys, we were being shoved in trash cans by said boys, then going right back to be their emotionnal support, harrassment shield "boyfriend", pregnancy scare buddy... When our moment in the polotical light came, we used our modicum of cultural influence to fight gender roles, for all of us. Now at last the third feminist moment has come, and minorities seem to be forgotten. Or even fought against on reproductive rights, political rights, even basic rights (trans especially). Women have overwhelming power over cultural transmission as mothers and teachers. #Metoo was long overdue, but where is the large call to use that power to free boys from the toxic masculinity we all suffer from?
When I started studying my PhD., one of my teacher told me, that they don't like girls studying for a PhD., because they leave their studies to have children...
I have a long list. I do all the grocery shopping, pay all the bills, take the kids to their appointments, do the Christmas and birthday shopping, remind my hubby when it is his parents or brothers birthdays so he can wish them a happy birthday, I do the bookwork for his BAS/tax etc, I do the housework and washing, I look after the dog, walk him and take turns with my daughter feeding him and I cook dinner. I am sure there is more but that’ll do. Now before people start jumping up and down about equality etc. I just want to make you aware that my husband works an extremely labour intensive job and can work very long hours. He barely has the chance to stop and go to the toilet, let alone eat so there is no way I expect him to contribute around the house etc. He is in charge of the garden and any maintenance at home though and he does pick me up from appts or our son from school IF he finishes work on time. This is how our family dynamics work and it is not for everyone.
Thanks for sharing. I believe is functional if it works for both of you. It would be unfair if you also worked away from home and it was expected that you took care of all of that by yourself. Every family has its own balance, what is important is to have a partner that Is willing to listen AND change habits if the load needs to be shared!
Load More Replies... Even though I'm a woman, I did not enjoy this post and neither agree with it and some of it cements gender stereotypes, even if thru mocking. I feel it's about time discussion shifts from "how society is unfair to women" to something more useful like "what you can do". Former is giving power to the society they don't have over you and the latter puts the control back in your hands.
Frankly, I’m not sure this article is enjoyable to read, and certainly not the culture that led these women/females to air their grievances. I’m sick of complaining too, but as long as I still see those attitudes and behaviors and subjected to them I will continue to do so. Not just for me, and not just for women. I’m just afraid that people will ask “why should we do that?” Hopefully, it’s just their curiosity and true desire to understand, but I’ve heard/read things that suggest a different, dominating mindset. The “what you can do” answers and suggestions get a lot of pushback as discrimination towards the majority group. Just because I’m allowed to show an ankle and a collarbone and vote in my country does not mean I should be grateful and satisfied with that much. The discussion topics involve each other, and necessary for coherency. One day, the former would just be an introduction to the latter and inspire solutions that reach other marginalized groups.
Load More Replies... I am proud to be a woman. I wear a sundress all summer, it feels like a semi-fitted, knee length, cotton T-shirt. In the winter, I chose more feminine garments, always with jewelry and makeup. BUT, being a woman does not mean I am weak. I am firm, will argue if treated like I am idiot, and always stand up for myself. I was the first woman to hold many jobs. Instead of complaining about the unfairness of gender roles, I silently worked hard, proved I could work as well or better than the men. My feminist friends were shocked I was amoung the first females beach, not pool, life guards where we lived, the first woman bartender elsewhere and more (1970's). Me, the girly girl, was the first one over the cliff in a mountaineering class. Women dismiss me. I returned a broken tent, the woman who helped me, assumed I broke it until she unfolded it. Yes, I have hit the glass ceiling. I am counting on the women who follow me to push it higher like I did. It isn't easy, I failed often, but in the end I made a difference. So can you, like all the women before us.
Also, society always expects us to wear bras, modest clothing, long skirts, dresses, ect. It gets really annoying.
If you prefer not to, find a solution you feel comfortable with that meets social norms of the job. Our world has defined gender roles. We choose how to meet the challenge. I have met successful women who have never worn a suit with a skirt or dress and I doubt they wore a bra. It was never obvious if they did or didn't so it wasn't an issue. If everyone there dresses in a way that you don't like, it is unlikely you would feel comfortable there. In most circumstances, nobody wants to see your boobs or men's penises. Neither should be obvious. Choose your environment and have reasonable expectations. I am thankful I dont have to wear a suit, like men. I don't wear suits, too uncomfortable. A dress with a jacket, sure, but never a suit. Other women didn't like it, but even they admitted I looked as professional as they did. For years I wore a uniform, as expected. Manners and respect work and are often part of success. As far as family, I don't want to argue so I wear what is expected. Annoying, but easier.
Load More Replies... How does being agender impact your life? I'm asking this from a point of curiosity not trying to pick a fight. I saw Sam Smith say that he identifies as gender neutral which Is something I don't understand in a person over a certain age. I get why people raise their kids as gender neutral i.e they don't want society to force certain norms on them but as an adult you simply are who you are. What does it mean for you?
Load More Replies... God, this whole thread is awful. Apparently, as I don't feel guilty for working and leaving my kids, I don't cook and am always to bed first, I must not be a woman.
Some people don’t try to make others suffer like them. The things you mentioned were used to shame and guilt females/women. I’m glad you don’t feel that way; it is not a requirement for womanhood.
Load More Replies... I had a classmate. He sucked. Apparently it was okay for him to stare at my body, but not okay for me to look him in the eyes. I hate him
This is one of the saddest things i have ever read and i can relate to most of this even though im 13.
They always tell me to smile, and judge me if I don't wear makeup or dress according to social norms.
Expected to do everything right no matter my age or if I've done it before because" EVERYTHING.MUST.BE.PERFECT." and also feeling like I'm letting someone down with every choice I make
I keep my arms up and elbows out to protect my personal space in a crowd. It's my fault if anything hasn't been cleaned, organized or managed.
Im only liked by men because im "pretty" And then people tell me to grow my back hair when i cut it really short.
While on the train, a man manspreaded his thighs into my seat. Ya its a normal thing for them i get it. I usually just tolerated. Til i decided enough is enough. So i pushed my thighs into his side too. It was disgusting we thigh to thigh but i wanted to prove a point. He just gruntled & pushed into my side even more.
It’s fine to spread your legs. It’s the disregard and encroaching of other’s physical space that gets me. I’ve done what you did before too!! 🤣🤣 if anyone bigger than me needs more space, I’m happy to accommodate if they’ve already done what they can.
Load More Replies... "You want to be a teacher? Well you better get a husband with a good job"
Its okay for a man to be overweight but bc Im a woman, Im not allowed to have those pesky extra pounds (lost 80 lbs so far, for ME!)
I hate that these are so true. Hi, I am female, my name is what it is for protection. sad but necessary
being told to shave my legs. i hate doing that so i stopped. my legs are hairy. so what? i HATE how shaved legs feel! it's too smoothe!
I just remember birthdays and mention it to my husband. The fact that i have a Child growing inside me or i remember birthdays does not define me as a woman. I understand the need of safety, I also just dont care if society will judge me on my hair, my tattoos, my clothes or the way i speak. If u think you are doing too many things în the house than share it with the husband, that îs what a couple does. I am not saying my marriage îs perfect but we do share responsability în cleaning and laundry or dishes because that îs what it means to be în a couple. I work hard and get paid accordingly, I dont live în a perfect society without judgment but I made a choice to sometimes discuss about issues when I feel down, but allways do something about it. I grew up with people telling me I must have kids and learn them about God, to listen to my husband, keep my head down when needed,cook and do what people around me do. So i did what i thought right and not what people expected.
I hate these posts. For one, many of these fears and irritants are not exclusive to women. Whole equality should always be an on going and evolving discussion, I find that sometimes women live in fear or inadequacy because they believe they should. Why are their no posts celebrating what makes us women? I was hoping there would be some. But to recognize a woman we only identify her challenges and victimization?
This leaves me with something to reflect on for later. When women celebrate their accomplishments, it gets belittled or they are told to be humble. This conversation can exist while others are being formed at the same time. I think my lips and breasts are noticeable, but they’re not worthy of an article/post. The other positive qualities are shared across genders and race so it wouldn’t fit what you’re looking for.
Load More Replies... Why are these so negative. I'm treated like a queen by my fiancé. He never lets me carry in the groceries from the car, cooks special meals for me, goes out of his way to make me feel loved and special. I have a good job and the respect of my peers. Not everything is bad about being a woman.
Ok, i'm gonna pretend to be a woman: I have two X chromosomes and give birth to human babies.
Having XX chromosomes and giving birth does not make one a woman.
Load More Replies... You do realize that there are still females beaten for raising a complaint about inequality right? It’s not that hard to walk and talk (standing strong and still complain). The most basic and difficult solution is for them to live for- and prioritize themselves. There you go, no need to air grievances now. You should have spent a moment longer, and think about what is implied. Most didn’t even mention what they want from others. The easiest thing you can do, and doesn’t even require any self growth is give people the space to highlight the problems in society. So that maybe, more compassionate and brilliant people can help solve them. I didn’t waste my time for you. I did it for a world I want to be a part of without regrets.
Load More Replies... 