White Woman Lists All The Things She Had To Learn After Marrying A Black Man, Goes Viral
Pamela Chandler got seriously fed up with all the posts in her social media feeds arguing that ‘racism isn’t a thing’. People in her online social circles were saying they are tired of the protests and didn’t understand Black Lives Matter. So, to give everyone a chance to broaden their worldview, Pamela — a white woman who is married to a black man — shared an open letter on Facebook about how racism has shaped her family’s everyday life.
And it really resonated with people. Pamela’s post has received over 124,000 reactions and 127,00 shares, and the numbers just keep getting bigger.
Image credits: Pamela Chandler
Image credits: Walter Chandler
Image credits: Pamela Chandler
Image credits: Walter Chandler
“Me and Walter met seven years ago on Twitter,” Pamela told Bored Panda. “He retweeted something I wrote, we started talking and never stopped.”
Fast forward a year after the two of them started chatting online, and Walter moved from the Bronx in New York City to Ohio to marry Pamela. The similarities in their sense of humor and core values, like faith, love, and family, were just too strong.
Image credits: Walter Chandler
The woman has received so much positive feedback over her post that she even created a family blog, called The Chandler Crew to connect with like-minded people all over the globe.
But as much as Pamela is happy that she got people to talk about such a difficult subject, she is still bothered it was her, a white woman, whose perspective has been going viral when “plenty of people of color have spoken to these issues many times.”
Image credits: Walter Chandler
“I’ve always known that we [as a society] needed to work for more racial unity but I got an inside and unique perspective of what it’s like to live as a different race by being married to a black man,” Pamela explained.
However, the woman doesn’t think that our racial problems are too big for us; Pamela still believes we can untangle them. “I see society improving. People are willing to talk about it, engage, learn, and try to be better humans. I think we are all trending upwards as a society, and I think that’s great.”
But still, it bothers her that it’s her perspective — that of a white woman — that’s going viral when “plenty of people of color have spoken to these issues many times.”
Here’s what people said after reading Pamela’s post
Once again, the only thing I want to say is: the US is such a f****d-up country
I live here and it has become so much worse since the orange one sitting in the white house.
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The difference is that it's your choice based on your values while for a black guy, it's because it's an hostile environment.
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Don't quite understand why the greetings card thing is a problem. Pick ones without people on them! Never understood why anyone wants random strangers or depictions of people they don't know on cards anyway. Go with the scenes of nature, animals, or weird and wonderful images - there is so much choice. Create your own! Also, and more seriously, any fella who looks like he's on his own gets eyed up warily by parents.
I didn't get that either. I don't even get greeting cards with people on them.
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Replace 'black' with 'brown' and you have our life in Ohio too. My husband is Mexican, and in some ways they are even more hated in this country. People accuse him of stealing their jobs, being illegal, and everything in between. Thank god he is a funny guy and can joke his way out of almost every nasty comment, but it wrecks me. I can relate to every one this woman's issues.
Yes, definitely. The one I hate the MOST is when a white person asks my spouse a question, (then without giving him time to answer) looks at me and snidely says, "Does he speak English?!?!" My spouse speaks two languages both fluently and eloquently...
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Yep, dear racists, just because it isn't happening to you, doesn't mean it's not happening. Sad.
As a mixed race South African person who was 16yrs old when Nelson Mandela was released; who was in the inaugural class of non-whites to attend certain schools and whose first love and father of my child was white...THIS. We were together for 4 years and people would seriously start singing "Jungle Fever" at us randomly. Unfortunately he died before meeting his beautiful daughter but had he lived I don't doubt we would have received some form of racism for eternity...
Move to the UK. Lots of mixed raced couples - we're one of the and we do have those troubles. Land of the free yeah right.
I was in a mixed raced relationship for a while and never had any problems in the UK either.
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Biracial couples are such a normal thing in Los Angeles. I can totally understand this isn't the norm, but it should be.
I agree completely Dorothy. Ironically, multiple-ethnicity IS actually the majority .... it's just that it's either not known, or denied, or never questioned if the ethnicities are similar enough in appearance that it's rarely questioned. As a 'bitsa' myself (bits of this, and bits of that
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That's just unbelievable. And in a way, I can relate to some of these things as a woman in a (still) quite patriarchal society.
I second what giovanna says. Also, I relate to some of these being an immigrant, but here, both parties are Americans, no? I mean, in my case, it can be frustrating sometimes, but I kind of understand why things are the way they are, but for this couple, there's no excuse for discrimination.
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When I was younger I always wished for a greencard. Now I see with fright how things evolved in the US, not only in "racial" concerns (maybe this is as it is since white people fell into this country and stole it from the natives) but also in thoughtfulness, social interaction, human sense and politics, or let's say what Trump has made out of it. Things really have to change. And don't tell me it's none of my business - it effects the entire world.
If people would be taught not to stereotype, this would not be a thing. How hard is it to treat all people with dignity and respect? (Apparently very difficult.) Hatred towards a group of people just for who they are is not something we are born with. It's something we are taught. Thankfully, I was taught anyone is welcome unless you have proven otherwise.
Sorry, far from topic, but, the greeting card thing is silly. I don't see many cards at all that even depict people on them. It's mostly just words and designs.
It isn't really off topic when she raised it herself. I don't understand the desire for cards with people on them at all - they're the ones I completely avoid! I do get wanting to see yourself and your circumstances reflected in things around you and the dolls are a better example. Children should be able to pick a doll from a range with different skin tones. Cards with people on them mattering so much that you'd use the same one though? Take photos of your family and make your own cards.
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As a white person , you may not actually see prejudice until someone you love is subjected to it. It hurts when that happens and you suddenly become aware of all the subtle ways you were doing the same.
People think Australia's a happy, friendly country, and for the most part it is, but not if you are one of the Indigenous people. Both my parents have one Aboriginal parent and one white parent but my mother turned out fair and my father turned out dark. They copped a lot of ugly stares, comments and racist hate when they were together and I still do when I go anywhere with my Dad - I got fair skin like my mum- despite the fact that I look exactly like him.
So basically he has to be Winnie The Pooh to not get killed? You have failed America >:I
Don't we know it. I really wish that Americans would just realize that because of someone's religion or race that doesn't mean that we are batter than others. We are different sure, but that difference makes us strong. If the world could unite to send racists to a Jurassic Park, that would be great.
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Sounds like my two years in Ohio. Dark eyes got me asked by strangers on the street, what I was doing outside my "part of town". I got pulled over by cops for walking, when living in Ohio. On the sidewalk. Walking. Hassled by cops for *walking*. I've dyed my hair lighter ever since. Sounds like a cheat, but if it gets me through the grocery store minus the BS? And I am, btw, not in any degree African-American... Just not quite shiny white *enough* apparently? (Or just a shade of too-not-white?) And in Virginia... yeah. Same c**p. Same stupid c**p. Canada? Same thing. ANywhere I've lived, studied, worked...Why am I there, do I need "help" (code for "we see you, don't you dare steal!)... And I get NO HASSLE compared to POC. All I am is darker-than-"white". So if you think it's "jsut the SOuth" or "just some..." Think again.
If you need years to find a non racist church, you should think about the whole religion thing....
Church = gathering of belivers, if 5% of the population is racist, odds are a church of 200 members will have 10 racists. Same with any non,-religious group...
Load More Replies... Fabulous family. F****d-up situation they have to unnecessarily navigate. :( (to clarify: it's unnecessary, because bigotry is completely unnecessary.)
Once I was in a toy store to get my daughter a doll. My daughter is white and she loved Doc McStuffins, so the got the Doc doll. Meanwhile, an African American grandmother and granddaughter were doing the same thing, only the little girl wanted a Caucasian rag doll. The grandmother saw my daughter with her doll and tried to talk her granddaughter into an African American doll. Each child got the doll they wanted. Kids do not start out racist. We influence them sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. It is said small children are like sponges soaking up all they see and hear. That is where we need to start. It will force us to work on ourselves.
I don't think humans are as evolved as we like to think. It's the 21 century with amazing scientific and medical advancements but we still have racism, bigotry, sexism, environmental pollution and politicians who are more likely to cater to their rich donors than to do what is right and just for the people. We are still living in the dark ages and hundreds of years from now our descendants are going to look back and wonder how we could be so blind.
The best hire I ever made was a 7ft tall, broad-shouldered, dark-skinned black man as a telephone customer service manager. It was obvious to me by the end of the first interview that a lifetime of overcompensating for his appearance had made him amazing at being calm and overly polite. Later, after I'd known him for a long time, I gently asked him if it was true (not because I doubted, but because I wanted to open him up to talk), he indicated it was and though he wouldn't get into the topic, his facial expression and demeanor told me it ran to a depth beyond my expectations. I felt so embarrassed to be white.
Don't be embarrassed about being white. Learn from the experience, I mean you start out from a position of empathy and that's what it's about. People are actually really bad at it and choose to stay safe by choosing things they think they understand and worse reject the things that are too far from their own experiences because. I saw this wonderful story about chess and the levels of mastery of the game. This applies to many things. I think when it comes to bigots, you can compare them seeing someone of a different skin color to you seeing an alien from a different planet. After you have seen one to many hostile alien movie. You would mistrust any green little man because you are not capable of understanding what those big cartoon eyes are saying. Now go back to someone carrying a Confederate flag. This is not the sharpest knife. He's a child playing chess. His range of what is not alien to him is limited to a stereotype white person. It's not an excuse, it's a vantage point...
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A beautiful family. Unfortunately, when you have a bigot leading the country who creates divisions between us, this will not only continue but intensify. My first wife was a woman of color, so I have an insight into your experiences. Usually, we found the more educated someone was the more willing they were to accept us. I wish you the best!
It was like this before the Big Orange, really all he has done is rip the bandaid off of an unclean wound
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I remember when I was younger, I dated a Black man. We were driving home from a date one night, going the speed limit and being safe, when we were pulled over by a white cop. I was confused and irritated because we weren't doing anything wrong, and I remember my boyfriend was very silent as the cop came up to the car while I complained a little. He asked for license and registration in a very sharp tone to my bf, and while he took the info and ran it another cop pulled up. The second one talked to his buddy a minute, then came up to my side of the car. My boyfriend was very tense, and his knuckles were almost white where he was clenching the steering wheel when the other cop came around. Cop2 asked me if I was okay, and when I said yes, he asked if I was sure, and had this attitude almost like he didn't believe me when I said yes a second time. I snapped a little and asked if we could go bc I was getting real fed up, and finally Cop1 came back with my bf's documents.
Cop2 lingered for a good five or six seconds staring at us before shuffling off. And when they said we were free to go, one of them followed us for at least half a mile. It was maybe 9pm at latest, I'm a white woman, and this was in the South. And it's only occurring to me years later that this incident was just a tiny glimpse of what my ex- has to deal with daily.
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From one Buckeye to another...I hear you and see you and stand with you AND your husband! Many positive vibes and prayers for peace to you and your family!
Growing up, I lived in a predominantly mixed neighborhood and it is still that way today. It wasn't until I started going to school that I realized that some people would not like me just because of the color of my skin. As I have gotten older, I have realized that the color of my skin either frightens people or just simply aggravates them. I have dealt with and seen so many incidents of racism in my life that I have lost count. One of my neighbors stared at my sister and I the entire time that we were moving into our apartments even though we were not doing anything wrong. My mother and sister got followed around a local store. I got passed over by a clerk in a store in favor of a white customer. These things happen in a world where the only thing that someone notices about you is the color of your skin. This is the reality of the times we are living in and something needs to change.
First, do not think for a second the US is the only country with racism problems. Things have come a long way, and need to go further. For whatever reason, ratings I suppose, the media focused on the looting, rioting, and violence rather than the peaceful protesters, which is a shame.
It's unfortunate that people still deal with these issues today. I grew up in an area that was pretty open to mixed race relationships but I know there are still parts of our country that just can't progress beyond that way of thinking. I will say though, I as well am growing tired of the violent protests. I'm tired of my city being destroyed, my store fronts being spray painted and windows broken. I'm tired of people taking over blocks of my city and terrorizing the residents. Victimizing innocent people is not the way to get the message across, in fact it's doing more harm than good.
Can I just say, most people don't say racism is not a thing, they say it's not systemic
i just literally cannot fathom being a racist. it just seems so foreign to me, although i am aware it is very real. i mean, imagine hating a wonderfully complex human being just because they have more melanin in their skin than you. it boggles my mind.
He isn’t a social person and yet talks to everyone he meets so people aren’t afraid of him..... 😞 I am very social but I know for my shy kids that aren’t, that would be torture. I hope this world gets better for their daughter.
Reading this infuriated me. Why why why??? Such horrible behavior! Stop it people just stop!!!
Heartbreaking and inspiring. Racists need to die off or crawl back into their cave.
This is downright wrong and changes need to happen! It can’t happen overnight though. This problem needs to continue to be addressed and not forgotten when another issue arises.
Unfortunately, this ignorant way of thinking will be around as long as a certain generation exists. This is the generation that taught those confederate flag wavers to be like them as well. It’s a deep-rooted ignorance that will take a very long time to be wiped out. This happens with a better education system, and also with parents who teach their kids the value of respecting human beings for who they are and not based on the color of their skin. I know racism exists in most states, but some are definitely better than others. I know I will get a lot of heat for this, but Ohio is not exactly where I would choose to live if I were in her situation. I know moving is a way of giving in to it, but it will save you and your child a lot of heartache because the truth of the matter is, it will take a very long time for racism to be wiped out everywhere.
The problem is that racists breed and teach their children to hate the same people they hate. Until that is done, this will never fully go away.
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It was not the topic here. But isn't their daughter the loveliest thing. Soooo cute....
I'm white, as white as white can get... When you look at my skin... Or genes (my father's mother was one quarter native American, tho) and I live in Vermont, a very white state, not many Confederate flags (tho some fools do fly them thinking the flag stands for bon fires and beer) but not much variety when it comes to race, the color palette is a bit... Well.... Bland. Anyway, to make a very long story short a black woman (I later found out wrote for our biggest local paper) once emailed a boss of mine at a cafe saying I was racist bc this woman came in at closing and I was cleaning up... I told her, as I had a couple just before her, when she was ready to order just let me know. I loved my job, I was great at my job, I was great bc I was great with the customers. Well, she thought this was bc she was black. That I was avoiding her. She had done this to the barber down the road, and written an article (yes, the barber was an older man and had told a black man that he didn't know how to cut a black mans hair so didn't feel ok doing it...) Anyway. My boss rocked. See my aunt (mom's sister). Had worked for this boss for like 20 years by then, so they knew much of each others lives.... So my boss knew that my mother and her siblings had been raised (my mom since birth) by my grandfather. The local fire chief. A Navy Vet. The most kind, caring, generous man I've ever known, and anyone who ever had the honor of meeting him still hold him in high regards. And he was Mexican. Now my skin and genes may be white, but my heart is all colors.
People in small midwestern cities can be the worst. When I was in high school, there were 4 Black kids in the entire school. I heard that one of them got stopped by police almost every day for WWB (walking while Black). It wasn't until his father initiated a lawsuit against the city for that to stop.
I know it won't happen soon enough for this couple but I really hope that their daughter grows up in a better nation than it is right now. I hope that this moment in time when the world is, possibly for the first time ever, focused on how badly black people are treated by the police in particular and the world in general will result in REAL and lasting change. I live in hope..
It's sad this family has to think about so many things I've never had to worry about although I do understand being scared for your husband, my husband is a tall, blue eyed, tattooed guy with a shaved head who is extremely caring but had gotten mistaken for a skinhead so often that he always keeps his hair grown out now, unfortunately it's not such a simple solution for a lot of people.
I am from Tampa, FL and I have to say that Bob Evans vibe is the same at every single location. Also there are a lot more black & bi-racial dolls on the market these days so I hope your local stores sell them. If not be sure to check online...I think you would be surprised at the variety now.
For those saying, "THE US IS SO (fill in blank)..." Take a look at Netherlands, France, Russia... It's *everywhere*.... THAT is the problem. (Police brutality, racism, etc. being "THAT".)
Firstly, can I just say that their daughter is adorable.... Secondly, wtf??? Why is America considered to be one of the most "advanced" countries if they're this backwards thinking?
Ignore bone daddy, he's just a dump tweety the orange bird supporter
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This is sad that in 2020 this is going on. It can not be blamed on one person or a country. It's the society we live in ..instead of us uniting as a whole we fight each other and until this stops this bigotry will keep going..
Good for you! No wonder you're exhausted! My heart goes out to you. I'm a middle aged white woman and taught very early that we are all equal.xxx
90 percent of this is absolute B******T, jesus christ what a bunch of pandering vomit. I grew up in Detroit dad was NEVER there, graduated, now a mechanical engineer, black and married to a white woman......So sick of this lying c**p, trying to pander to the lowest common denominator in order to make us out as "victims" its f*****g insulting and NOT true
PS We couldnt afford college so I went into the Marines and then went to school, Ive been all over the world and almost EVERY state in the Union, settled in the south small town.....NONE of this s**t is true about the south.....the WORST racism I ever experienced was in China, and Switzerland.....good god all mighty what a bunch of agenda driven lies being pushed
Load More Replies... I have issues with almost everything this woman says. I grew up in a biracial family. Black dad & white mom. They married in the 80s when I was around 5. He always drove. Some of her family hated him because he was black (her mom and sister liked him) and Some of his family hated her because she was white. I know places in this country black people don't go because of racial based dangers. I also know places white people don't go for the same reasons. FYI I am a white woman with one white brother and two mixed brothers. I'm the oldest. This woman's assumptions of what other people are thinking of her and her black husband are only assumptions. Old people are bored and stare at young couples all the time. People hating in church. What's new. I've never been in a perfect church. City workers giving you the run around because of race? Really? They want to waste their time just because your husband is black customer. Racism is everywhere you look if that's what you're looking for.
I think it depends a lot on where you live, but this is terrible. However, I don't know how Black Lives Matter could help. They don't focus on those things. They make no actualy demands except they basically just want speedy arrests when the police kill someone (just Black people), without knowing any facts, or even when it's clear the police were following their training (unlike Floyd's murder, which was...murder). There are MANY organizations and activists doing far, far better work to reduce racism and help Black people thank Black Lives Matter movement and charters. I know...every good person does know that Black lives do matter, and they think that's all you need to know. "Black Lives Matter" is not a concept. It is an actual group (collection of groups), and like any group, they might go about things the right way or the wrong way. And they don't go after random racist acts by individual people. (Kudos to you if you manage to glean much of an agenda/demands at all from BLM.)
Like this woman I also live in Dayton Ohio. I'm in a biracial relationship, my family is a mix of many different ethnicities. We don't have trouble honestly. I could find a few racist people and use it to generalize the population and accuse the whole area of being racist like a lot of the posts on bored panda lately. You will have some jerks with the current political climate. Generally you are fine in Ohio cities and the suburbs outside the cities. Small towns it might be more prevalent but I haven't spent much time there. I don't like presentations of entire areas as racist, I know there are a lot of international people on bored panda and I'm afraid they will think every single person is racist in a state because of all these posts.
I've been going through this for the last 20 years since I met my husband and the last 8 since we had our son. It's becoming worse in the last few months. People are becoming more emboldened with their nonsense racist BS.
Ask yourself one question ....what do you reall hate about these people? if you cant answer it and it be a legitimate reason then it issomething you learned or heard while growing up. You have been programmed to believe something that you have no basis to even hate. Think about it! Someone told you that black people were this or were that and you went ahead and made up your mind to agree with it just off what you were told to believe and it has affected your life and your childrens life in a negative way and willcontinue until people stop spreading the hate and believe in whats real and whats in front of them not just what there grandpa or their friends said to them growing up only repeating what they were told to believ and so onand so on.
My father told me negative things about black people. He also hated Italians for some reason. Appalling. I learned to just ignore his rubbish and formed my own opinions. I did go through a spell of arguing with him but that didn't go well. The point I wanted to make is that we don't have to be stuck with the c**p our families tell us. Those that are, well, it is awful that they can't think for themselves.
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i Think most people that think there racist ought to reallyask themselve one question "what is it that you hate about these people so much" just what is it? What has happened in your life that makes you feel this way? It is something that you heard or were told when you were young and it hasa stuck with you and made you to be the way you are today. Ask yourself that question... what is it that you hate so much and if you cant honestly answer that then it something you were told growin up and you need to let it go and quit subjecting youirself and others to a unnecessary pattern of unjustified and misdirected hate! Its ridiculous when you think about it.
I have a biracial child as well and I had him while I was in VA and let me tell you the hate and the looks I got while taking him out. One older lady stopped us and said he was adorable and said I was wonderful person for adopting him. I looked at her and told her he was mine, I birthed him and she snapped back and looked at me with disgust and said "oh". I was 23 and had never been put into a position like that before. I was floored it was only 9 years ago..I ignorantly thought we were past that. I was wrong. I can't imagine being a black family trying to just live and having to teach your kids about cops and how if you breathe wrong somebody could come after you because of sheer ignorance. It's a challenge trying to raise a biracial child and straddle that line.
I am not black. I am a man 6' 4". I find the same reactions as your husband does. I tend to, just by my presence intimidate many people. That being said, I never believed it was my race, but my size! I have to be overly nice too. My wife handles all the paperwork things too, she is better at it than i am, only because I get frustrated with bureaucracy and incompetence. I wouldn't go to a dangerous place with a bad element (like racist) hanging out around it either, that also means gangbangers playing loud rap, latino, country, rock, music and waving any flags! Especially with my family! As for the issue of dolls and greeting cards, i think supply and demand are more at play than racist corp. Mattel, and Hallmark don't care where the money comes from, just that it sells! I seriously, think selling to the largest demographic in a given area is a smarter business model than trying to sell to the smallest. I have friends around the USA,and in many countries I visit. Racism is perspective
I wish your post would make a difference BUT UNFORTUNATELY the old racists continue to eat between 4-5 p.m.! and the young racist continue to roam the gas stations. And they absolutely creep me out!! I used to have a parenting show and one LATE night I was the last person in the parking lot at a trader joes. I"m putting my groceries in - when this huge black man with dreadlocks and gold teeth is coming TOWARDS me. I don't know why - but I stood my ground and as he approached I said (as confidently as I could): "Can I help you?". and HE SAID: "Aren't you that lady who does that parenting show? I watch it all the time - I just wanted to thank you. You really helped me with my daughter." Well we hugged and he went on his way........MORAL of the story? I never looked at a black man the same again. As far as I was concerned they were all my fans! hahahhahaahhahaah :D and I was there's! hahahahahhaha.
Racism has always been alive and well in the US. It has NEVER been a "great melting pot". It's much more like a bento box -- everything is neatly compartmentalized so they don't touch. I don't see it changing in my lifetime. In fact, after the orange menace "won" the election, things to a giant leap backwards.
Sounds tiresome and overall really annoying, to be a interracial couple in the US. Nice to read, that they seem to doing well ... even if there are sure to be moments, when they want to yell at those who make idiotic comments or make stupid assumptions.
As a multiracial child I'm glad my parents instilled in me the pride of who I am, and the understanding that there are a lot of very ignorant people who will stare or try to intimidate you. They taught me to be strong and rise above the ignorance. All of my in-laws are white, & they will go off at anyone who even tries to say something. I have to calm them down!
We have to do better as a society. So many things as a white person today I take for granted, this couple have to double check their actions. This article really made me think. What a wonderful family. I can only wish them the very best and good luck. Thanx for sharing your story.
My husband and I knew each other for 36 years and were married for the last 21 of them. Unless you are in a "mixed marriage", you have no idea how difficult your lives can be. His aunt and uncle were married when it was still illegal and her family disowned her. Our life was uncomfortable sometimes, their life was horrendous. They were married over 60 years and loved each other every day of it as my husband and I did.
I applaud you for this because I am a 52 almost 53 year old biracial child of a black father and white mother. My mom and I were very close and I watched how she was treated compared to how I was in some situations. So I do understand how your family dynamic is based on where you are and the situation.
Why are you calling so much attention to race sounds prejudiced to me
Thank you for sharing your story. It's so sad and disappointing that this is still happening in our world. Much love to you and your family xx
You are enduring what my parents endured in the 1980s. I am so sorry. It's f****d up, it's s****y, and no one should have to go through that. I remember a particularly horrible occasion on which my dad, who has black (he died in 1993) took to to a Kmart because he wanted to buy me my first ever Lego set. When we were in the toy section, a security guard passed by, noticed my father and I, and asked if he was indeed my father. My father had not finished saying "yes," when the white devil turned to me and asked me if my father was my father. I was 6 and I started crying. So, the security guard handcuffed my father in front of everyone (I honestly don't understand why security guards must have handcuffs, but whatever) because, in his mind, he was a child kidnapper or something. So he handcuffed dad and threw him face first to the floor. I screamed "DAD!" so hard that the security guard took notice, uncuffed him, and left. When we were on the car, Dad pissed himself.
I remember like it was yesterday, when my cousin asked me if I wanted to see her boyfriend (she lived abroad, came only for holidays, and happened to have a picture of him). I was a kid, the last thing I expected was for him to be black, since I live in a country where you encounter a black person on the streets once in 10 years or so. I still remember my surprise xD but he is such a normal, kind and compassionate person, and they've been married for God knows how long now, they have 2 perfect daughters, and I'm happy to have them in my family. And I am glad they live in western Europe, so they don't encounter these situations like they do in the US.
It also depends on what part of the country they live in. There are still places where children are raised with the racism of their parents. There are plenty of places in our country where no one bats an eye at the color of your skin. It really does suck that there are still places where this is going on.
I never married my ex but when we were together, I noticed how people would not look at him and talk to me instead like they were afraid he was gonna attack them. It's a very heartbreaking moment when it happens but we both joked that it was ironic because I'm the one with the anger managament issues.
My x-boyfriend and I have a daughter. When we were together, we never had any issues like that. He helped raise my older 2 kids I had with my x-husband, who is white. And there were times he was out with all 3 of the kids without me and never had any encounters. He would've told me. I hate that you both have had to deal with things of that nature. I'm glad my x-boyfriend and I did not have to deal with things of that nature. He was 6'4
Why is that people think that only whites are racist? There is discrimination in every race!!!
There must have been quite a few racists passing by here, or maybe only one with multiple accounts. Please UPVOTE blugeagua who, as I am writing, has 9 downvotes for writing "Still imagine being a person of color and never having your race be represented. That would hurt." I can only agree.
Yes, it sounds really bad in the U.S. - but then, I live in Sydney and I think nobody would think twice about a mixed couple, but I wonder what it would be like in some tiny country town. Would people be as unfussed about an aboriginal and a white person? And I think most people would, but there would always be one or two who'd make it miserable.
They sound like a nice couple, but i don't know if it's all racism. Most dads in a kid's playground will get suspicious looks unless they clearly next to their kids. Women also get treated better in most social interactions too.
If it took years to find right church maybe it's time to rethink your religion and being member of the church. Just saying.
Maybe she should take a look at the movie Uncle Tom. https://uncletom.com/
Uncle Tom is great. Larry Elder is one of the smart guys.
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Changes definitely have to be made, but have they though of why people have been conditioned to think black men are more prone to theft or crimes?
It is more or less our society's fault. Racists won't hire people of color, people of color have to get bad jobs to provide for their family, the jobs don't pay enough, we are lead to steal, we go to jail, when we get out no one will hire us because of our record, and then the cycle just goes on and on and on.
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Most racist thing I'have read in years. Worst is that woman have no idea how racist She is.
this woman is so stupid its funny. the list of things she "had to learn" are ridiculous and not life changing. furthermore her insistence on it being a thing gives it more power which is probably the opposite of what she wanted. the change she mentioned of having to drive instead of her husband when going into small towns is just mind boggling. if youve been drawn in and accepted the idea that he will be pulled over because he is black, the right thing to do is not to drive instead of him. Wouldn't it be more "progressive" to just let him drive the damn truck when he wants and every time he does its an example of him not getting pulled over while being black and have more instances of that so it becomes the norm. thats progress. you driving for him is not. seriously ppl. come on now. and then we praise her? like tf?
You have to have a bit of imagination. She used the greeting card thing as an *example.* This couple hardly sees themselves represented anywhere. How many advertisements have you seen that feature an interracial couple? How many movies or TV shows, unless their race is a specific part of the plot? When I first started to watch British television, that was one of the first things that struck me - interracial families presented in a perfectly natural setting. There are some things about the US that are positively poisonous, and stubborn racism tops the list.
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That behavior infuriates me. MLK discouraged it - calling it the worst possible way to react, and that it would only make matters worse. If he were alive today he wouldn't approve.
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My parents r non practicing Christians (if anything) but they took my sister and I to our local church until we were both around 10, then let us decide if we wanted to keep going. We didn't. But what it did do was give me some insight into a different way of life and no doubt prevented me from being straight up ignorant about Christians. This curiosity led me to study philosophy of religion to gain insight into other beliefs. I'm agnostic, but I don't judge others for their choices. I don't support religion being manipulated into false reasoning for hurting people, and at their core most major religions do speak of tolerance and kindness.
Load More Replies... Once again, the only thing I want to say is: the US is such a f****d-up country
I live here and it has become so much worse since the orange one sitting in the white house.
Load More Replies... The difference is that it's your choice based on your values while for a black guy, it's because it's an hostile environment.
Load More Replies... Don't quite understand why the greetings card thing is a problem. Pick ones without people on them! Never understood why anyone wants random strangers or depictions of people they don't know on cards anyway. Go with the scenes of nature, animals, or weird and wonderful images - there is so much choice. Create your own! Also, and more seriously, any fella who looks like he's on his own gets eyed up warily by parents.
I didn't get that either. I don't even get greeting cards with people on them.
Load More Replies... Replace 'black' with 'brown' and you have our life in Ohio too. My husband is Mexican, and in some ways they are even more hated in this country. People accuse him of stealing their jobs, being illegal, and everything in between. Thank god he is a funny guy and can joke his way out of almost every nasty comment, but it wrecks me. I can relate to every one this woman's issues.
Yes, definitely. The one I hate the MOST is when a white person asks my spouse a question, (then without giving him time to answer) looks at me and snidely says, "Does he speak English?!?!" My spouse speaks two languages both fluently and eloquently...
Load More Replies... Yep, dear racists, just because it isn't happening to you, doesn't mean it's not happening. Sad.
As a mixed race South African person who was 16yrs old when Nelson Mandela was released; who was in the inaugural class of non-whites to attend certain schools and whose first love and father of my child was white...THIS. We were together for 4 years and people would seriously start singing "Jungle Fever" at us randomly. Unfortunately he died before meeting his beautiful daughter but had he lived I don't doubt we would have received some form of racism for eternity...
Move to the UK. Lots of mixed raced couples - we're one of the and we do have those troubles. Land of the free yeah right.
I was in a mixed raced relationship for a while and never had any problems in the UK either.
Load More Replies... Biracial couples are such a normal thing in Los Angeles. I can totally understand this isn't the norm, but it should be.
I agree completely Dorothy. Ironically, multiple-ethnicity IS actually the majority .... it's just that it's either not known, or denied, or never questioned if the ethnicities are similar enough in appearance that it's rarely questioned. As a 'bitsa' myself (bits of this, and bits of that
Load More Replies... That's just unbelievable. And in a way, I can relate to some of these things as a woman in a (still) quite patriarchal society.
I second what giovanna says. Also, I relate to some of these being an immigrant, but here, both parties are Americans, no? I mean, in my case, it can be frustrating sometimes, but I kind of understand why things are the way they are, but for this couple, there's no excuse for discrimination.
Load More Replies... When I was younger I always wished for a greencard. Now I see with fright how things evolved in the US, not only in "racial" concerns (maybe this is as it is since white people fell into this country and stole it from the natives) but also in thoughtfulness, social interaction, human sense and politics, or let's say what Trump has made out of it. Things really have to change. And don't tell me it's none of my business - it effects the entire world.
If people would be taught not to stereotype, this would not be a thing. How hard is it to treat all people with dignity and respect? (Apparently very difficult.) Hatred towards a group of people just for who they are is not something we are born with. It's something we are taught. Thankfully, I was taught anyone is welcome unless you have proven otherwise.
Sorry, far from topic, but, the greeting card thing is silly. I don't see many cards at all that even depict people on them. It's mostly just words and designs.
It isn't really off topic when she raised it herself. I don't understand the desire for cards with people on them at all - they're the ones I completely avoid! I do get wanting to see yourself and your circumstances reflected in things around you and the dolls are a better example. Children should be able to pick a doll from a range with different skin tones. Cards with people on them mattering so much that you'd use the same one though? Take photos of your family and make your own cards.
Load More Replies... As a white person , you may not actually see prejudice until someone you love is subjected to it. It hurts when that happens and you suddenly become aware of all the subtle ways you were doing the same.
People think Australia's a happy, friendly country, and for the most part it is, but not if you are one of the Indigenous people. Both my parents have one Aboriginal parent and one white parent but my mother turned out fair and my father turned out dark. They copped a lot of ugly stares, comments and racist hate when they were together and I still do when I go anywhere with my Dad - I got fair skin like my mum- despite the fact that I look exactly like him.
So basically he has to be Winnie The Pooh to not get killed? You have failed America >:I
Don't we know it. I really wish that Americans would just realize that because of someone's religion or race that doesn't mean that we are batter than others. We are different sure, but that difference makes us strong. If the world could unite to send racists to a Jurassic Park, that would be great.
Load More Replies... Sounds like my two years in Ohio. Dark eyes got me asked by strangers on the street, what I was doing outside my "part of town". I got pulled over by cops for walking, when living in Ohio. On the sidewalk. Walking. Hassled by cops for *walking*. I've dyed my hair lighter ever since. Sounds like a cheat, but if it gets me through the grocery store minus the BS? And I am, btw, not in any degree African-American... Just not quite shiny white *enough* apparently? (Or just a shade of too-not-white?) And in Virginia... yeah. Same c**p. Same stupid c**p. Canada? Same thing. ANywhere I've lived, studied, worked...Why am I there, do I need "help" (code for "we see you, don't you dare steal!)... And I get NO HASSLE compared to POC. All I am is darker-than-"white". So if you think it's "jsut the SOuth" or "just some..." Think again.
If you need years to find a non racist church, you should think about the whole religion thing....
Church = gathering of belivers, if 5% of the population is racist, odds are a church of 200 members will have 10 racists. Same with any non,-religious group...
Load More Replies... Fabulous family. F****d-up situation they have to unnecessarily navigate. :( (to clarify: it's unnecessary, because bigotry is completely unnecessary.)
Once I was in a toy store to get my daughter a doll. My daughter is white and she loved Doc McStuffins, so the got the Doc doll. Meanwhile, an African American grandmother and granddaughter were doing the same thing, only the little girl wanted a Caucasian rag doll. The grandmother saw my daughter with her doll and tried to talk her granddaughter into an African American doll. Each child got the doll they wanted. Kids do not start out racist. We influence them sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. It is said small children are like sponges soaking up all they see and hear. That is where we need to start. It will force us to work on ourselves.
I don't think humans are as evolved as we like to think. It's the 21 century with amazing scientific and medical advancements but we still have racism, bigotry, sexism, environmental pollution and politicians who are more likely to cater to their rich donors than to do what is right and just for the people. We are still living in the dark ages and hundreds of years from now our descendants are going to look back and wonder how we could be so blind.
The best hire I ever made was a 7ft tall, broad-shouldered, dark-skinned black man as a telephone customer service manager. It was obvious to me by the end of the first interview that a lifetime of overcompensating for his appearance had made him amazing at being calm and overly polite. Later, after I'd known him for a long time, I gently asked him if it was true (not because I doubted, but because I wanted to open him up to talk), he indicated it was and though he wouldn't get into the topic, his facial expression and demeanor told me it ran to a depth beyond my expectations. I felt so embarrassed to be white.
Don't be embarrassed about being white. Learn from the experience, I mean you start out from a position of empathy and that's what it's about. People are actually really bad at it and choose to stay safe by choosing things they think they understand and worse reject the things that are too far from their own experiences because. I saw this wonderful story about chess and the levels of mastery of the game. This applies to many things. I think when it comes to bigots, you can compare them seeing someone of a different skin color to you seeing an alien from a different planet. After you have seen one to many hostile alien movie. You would mistrust any green little man because you are not capable of understanding what those big cartoon eyes are saying. Now go back to someone carrying a Confederate flag. This is not the sharpest knife. He's a child playing chess. His range of what is not alien to him is limited to a stereotype white person. It's not an excuse, it's a vantage point...
Load More Replies... A beautiful family. Unfortunately, when you have a bigot leading the country who creates divisions between us, this will not only continue but intensify. My first wife was a woman of color, so I have an insight into your experiences. Usually, we found the more educated someone was the more willing they were to accept us. I wish you the best!
It was like this before the Big Orange, really all he has done is rip the bandaid off of an unclean wound
Load More Replies... I remember when I was younger, I dated a Black man. We were driving home from a date one night, going the speed limit and being safe, when we were pulled over by a white cop. I was confused and irritated because we weren't doing anything wrong, and I remember my boyfriend was very silent as the cop came up to the car while I complained a little. He asked for license and registration in a very sharp tone to my bf, and while he took the info and ran it another cop pulled up. The second one talked to his buddy a minute, then came up to my side of the car. My boyfriend was very tense, and his knuckles were almost white where he was clenching the steering wheel when the other cop came around. Cop2 asked me if I was okay, and when I said yes, he asked if I was sure, and had this attitude almost like he didn't believe me when I said yes a second time. I snapped a little and asked if we could go bc I was getting real fed up, and finally Cop1 came back with my bf's documents.
Cop2 lingered for a good five or six seconds staring at us before shuffling off. And when they said we were free to go, one of them followed us for at least half a mile. It was maybe 9pm at latest, I'm a white woman, and this was in the South. And it's only occurring to me years later that this incident was just a tiny glimpse of what my ex- has to deal with daily.
Load More Replies... From one Buckeye to another...I hear you and see you and stand with you AND your husband! Many positive vibes and prayers for peace to you and your family!
Growing up, I lived in a predominantly mixed neighborhood and it is still that way today. It wasn't until I started going to school that I realized that some people would not like me just because of the color of my skin. As I have gotten older, I have realized that the color of my skin either frightens people or just simply aggravates them. I have dealt with and seen so many incidents of racism in my life that I have lost count. One of my neighbors stared at my sister and I the entire time that we were moving into our apartments even though we were not doing anything wrong. My mother and sister got followed around a local store. I got passed over by a clerk in a store in favor of a white customer. These things happen in a world where the only thing that someone notices about you is the color of your skin. This is the reality of the times we are living in and something needs to change.
First, do not think for a second the US is the only country with racism problems. Things have come a long way, and need to go further. For whatever reason, ratings I suppose, the media focused on the looting, rioting, and violence rather than the peaceful protesters, which is a shame.
It's unfortunate that people still deal with these issues today. I grew up in an area that was pretty open to mixed race relationships but I know there are still parts of our country that just can't progress beyond that way of thinking. I will say though, I as well am growing tired of the violent protests. I'm tired of my city being destroyed, my store fronts being spray painted and windows broken. I'm tired of people taking over blocks of my city and terrorizing the residents. Victimizing innocent people is not the way to get the message across, in fact it's doing more harm than good.
Can I just say, most people don't say racism is not a thing, they say it's not systemic
i just literally cannot fathom being a racist. it just seems so foreign to me, although i am aware it is very real. i mean, imagine hating a wonderfully complex human being just because they have more melanin in their skin than you. it boggles my mind.
He isn’t a social person and yet talks to everyone he meets so people aren’t afraid of him..... 😞 I am very social but I know for my shy kids that aren’t, that would be torture. I hope this world gets better for their daughter.
Reading this infuriated me. Why why why??? Such horrible behavior! Stop it people just stop!!!
Heartbreaking and inspiring. Racists need to die off or crawl back into their cave.
This is downright wrong and changes need to happen! It can’t happen overnight though. This problem needs to continue to be addressed and not forgotten when another issue arises.
Unfortunately, this ignorant way of thinking will be around as long as a certain generation exists. This is the generation that taught those confederate flag wavers to be like them as well. It’s a deep-rooted ignorance that will take a very long time to be wiped out. This happens with a better education system, and also with parents who teach their kids the value of respecting human beings for who they are and not based on the color of their skin. I know racism exists in most states, but some are definitely better than others. I know I will get a lot of heat for this, but Ohio is not exactly where I would choose to live if I were in her situation. I know moving is a way of giving in to it, but it will save you and your child a lot of heartache because the truth of the matter is, it will take a very long time for racism to be wiped out everywhere.
The problem is that racists breed and teach their children to hate the same people they hate. Until that is done, this will never fully go away.
Load More Replies... It was not the topic here. But isn't their daughter the loveliest thing. Soooo cute....
I'm white, as white as white can get... When you look at my skin... Or genes (my father's mother was one quarter native American, tho) and I live in Vermont, a very white state, not many Confederate flags (tho some fools do fly them thinking the flag stands for bon fires and beer) but not much variety when it comes to race, the color palette is a bit... Well.... Bland. Anyway, to make a very long story short a black woman (I later found out wrote for our biggest local paper) once emailed a boss of mine at a cafe saying I was racist bc this woman came in at closing and I was cleaning up... I told her, as I had a couple just before her, when she was ready to order just let me know. I loved my job, I was great at my job, I was great bc I was great with the customers. Well, she thought this was bc she was black. That I was avoiding her. She had done this to the barber down the road, and written an article (yes, the barber was an older man and had told a black man that he didn't know how to cut a black mans hair so didn't feel ok doing it...) Anyway. My boss rocked. See my aunt (mom's sister). Had worked for this boss for like 20 years by then, so they knew much of each others lives.... So my boss knew that my mother and her siblings had been raised (my mom since birth) by my grandfather. The local fire chief. A Navy Vet. The most kind, caring, generous man I've ever known, and anyone who ever had the honor of meeting him still hold him in high regards. And he was Mexican. Now my skin and genes may be white, but my heart is all colors.
People in small midwestern cities can be the worst. When I was in high school, there were 4 Black kids in the entire school. I heard that one of them got stopped by police almost every day for WWB (walking while Black). It wasn't until his father initiated a lawsuit against the city for that to stop.
I know it won't happen soon enough for this couple but I really hope that their daughter grows up in a better nation than it is right now. I hope that this moment in time when the world is, possibly for the first time ever, focused on how badly black people are treated by the police in particular and the world in general will result in REAL and lasting change. I live in hope..
It's sad this family has to think about so many things I've never had to worry about although I do understand being scared for your husband, my husband is a tall, blue eyed, tattooed guy with a shaved head who is extremely caring but had gotten mistaken for a skinhead so often that he always keeps his hair grown out now, unfortunately it's not such a simple solution for a lot of people.
I am from Tampa, FL and I have to say that Bob Evans vibe is the same at every single location. Also there are a lot more black & bi-racial dolls on the market these days so I hope your local stores sell them. If not be sure to check online...I think you would be surprised at the variety now.
For those saying, "THE US IS SO (fill in blank)..." Take a look at Netherlands, France, Russia... It's *everywhere*.... THAT is the problem. (Police brutality, racism, etc. being "THAT".)
Firstly, can I just say that their daughter is adorable.... Secondly, wtf??? Why is America considered to be one of the most "advanced" countries if they're this backwards thinking?
Ignore bone daddy, he's just a dump tweety the orange bird supporter
Load More Replies... This is sad that in 2020 this is going on. It can not be blamed on one person or a country. It's the society we live in ..instead of us uniting as a whole we fight each other and until this stops this bigotry will keep going..
Good for you! No wonder you're exhausted! My heart goes out to you. I'm a middle aged white woman and taught very early that we are all equal.xxx
90 percent of this is absolute B******T, jesus christ what a bunch of pandering vomit. I grew up in Detroit dad was NEVER there, graduated, now a mechanical engineer, black and married to a white woman......So sick of this lying c**p, trying to pander to the lowest common denominator in order to make us out as "victims" its f*****g insulting and NOT true
PS We couldnt afford college so I went into the Marines and then went to school, Ive been all over the world and almost EVERY state in the Union, settled in the south small town.....NONE of this s**t is true about the south.....the WORST racism I ever experienced was in China, and Switzerland.....good god all mighty what a bunch of agenda driven lies being pushed
Load More Replies... I have issues with almost everything this woman says. I grew up in a biracial family. Black dad & white mom. They married in the 80s when I was around 5. He always drove. Some of her family hated him because he was black (her mom and sister liked him) and Some of his family hated her because she was white. I know places in this country black people don't go because of racial based dangers. I also know places white people don't go for the same reasons. FYI I am a white woman with one white brother and two mixed brothers. I'm the oldest. This woman's assumptions of what other people are thinking of her and her black husband are only assumptions. Old people are bored and stare at young couples all the time. People hating in church. What's new. I've never been in a perfect church. City workers giving you the run around because of race? Really? They want to waste their time just because your husband is black customer. Racism is everywhere you look if that's what you're looking for.
I think it depends a lot on where you live, but this is terrible. However, I don't know how Black Lives Matter could help. They don't focus on those things. They make no actualy demands except they basically just want speedy arrests when the police kill someone (just Black people), without knowing any facts, or even when it's clear the police were following their training (unlike Floyd's murder, which was...murder). There are MANY organizations and activists doing far, far better work to reduce racism and help Black people thank Black Lives Matter movement and charters. I know...every good person does know that Black lives do matter, and they think that's all you need to know. "Black Lives Matter" is not a concept. It is an actual group (collection of groups), and like any group, they might go about things the right way or the wrong way. And they don't go after random racist acts by individual people. (Kudos to you if you manage to glean much of an agenda/demands at all from BLM.)
Like this woman I also live in Dayton Ohio. I'm in a biracial relationship, my family is a mix of many different ethnicities. We don't have trouble honestly. I could find a few racist people and use it to generalize the population and accuse the whole area of being racist like a lot of the posts on bored panda lately. You will have some jerks with the current political climate. Generally you are fine in Ohio cities and the suburbs outside the cities. Small towns it might be more prevalent but I haven't spent much time there. I don't like presentations of entire areas as racist, I know there are a lot of international people on bored panda and I'm afraid they will think every single person is racist in a state because of all these posts.
I've been going through this for the last 20 years since I met my husband and the last 8 since we had our son. It's becoming worse in the last few months. People are becoming more emboldened with their nonsense racist BS.
Ask yourself one question ....what do you reall hate about these people? if you cant answer it and it be a legitimate reason then it issomething you learned or heard while growing up. You have been programmed to believe something that you have no basis to even hate. Think about it! Someone told you that black people were this or were that and you went ahead and made up your mind to agree with it just off what you were told to believe and it has affected your life and your childrens life in a negative way and willcontinue until people stop spreading the hate and believe in whats real and whats in front of them not just what there grandpa or their friends said to them growing up only repeating what they were told to believ and so onand so on.
My father told me negative things about black people. He also hated Italians for some reason. Appalling. I learned to just ignore his rubbish and formed my own opinions. I did go through a spell of arguing with him but that didn't go well. The point I wanted to make is that we don't have to be stuck with the c**p our families tell us. Those that are, well, it is awful that they can't think for themselves.
Load More Replies... i Think most people that think there racist ought to reallyask themselve one question "what is it that you hate about these people so much" just what is it? What has happened in your life that makes you feel this way? It is something that you heard or were told when you were young and it hasa stuck with you and made you to be the way you are today. Ask yourself that question... what is it that you hate so much and if you cant honestly answer that then it something you were told growin up and you need to let it go and quit subjecting youirself and others to a unnecessary pattern of unjustified and misdirected hate! Its ridiculous when you think about it.
I have a biracial child as well and I had him while I was in VA and let me tell you the hate and the looks I got while taking him out. One older lady stopped us and said he was adorable and said I was wonderful person for adopting him. I looked at her and told her he was mine, I birthed him and she snapped back and looked at me with disgust and said "oh". I was 23 and had never been put into a position like that before. I was floored it was only 9 years ago..I ignorantly thought we were past that. I was wrong. I can't imagine being a black family trying to just live and having to teach your kids about cops and how if you breathe wrong somebody could come after you because of sheer ignorance. It's a challenge trying to raise a biracial child and straddle that line.
I am not black. I am a man 6' 4". I find the same reactions as your husband does. I tend to, just by my presence intimidate many people. That being said, I never believed it was my race, but my size! I have to be overly nice too. My wife handles all the paperwork things too, she is better at it than i am, only because I get frustrated with bureaucracy and incompetence. I wouldn't go to a dangerous place with a bad element (like racist) hanging out around it either, that also means gangbangers playing loud rap, latino, country, rock, music and waving any flags! Especially with my family! As for the issue of dolls and greeting cards, i think supply and demand are more at play than racist corp. Mattel, and Hallmark don't care where the money comes from, just that it sells! I seriously, think selling to the largest demographic in a given area is a smarter business model than trying to sell to the smallest. I have friends around the USA,and in many countries I visit. Racism is perspective
I wish your post would make a difference BUT UNFORTUNATELY the old racists continue to eat between 4-5 p.m.! and the young racist continue to roam the gas stations. And they absolutely creep me out!! I used to have a parenting show and one LATE night I was the last person in the parking lot at a trader joes. I"m putting my groceries in - when this huge black man with dreadlocks and gold teeth is coming TOWARDS me. I don't know why - but I stood my ground and as he approached I said (as confidently as I could): "Can I help you?". and HE SAID: "Aren't you that lady who does that parenting show? I watch it all the time - I just wanted to thank you. You really helped me with my daughter." Well we hugged and he went on his way........MORAL of the story? I never looked at a black man the same again. As far as I was concerned they were all my fans! hahahhahaahhahaah :D and I was there's! hahahahahhaha.
Racism has always been alive and well in the US. It has NEVER been a "great melting pot". It's much more like a bento box -- everything is neatly compartmentalized so they don't touch. I don't see it changing in my lifetime. In fact, after the orange menace "won" the election, things to a giant leap backwards.
Sounds tiresome and overall really annoying, to be a interracial couple in the US. Nice to read, that they seem to doing well ... even if there are sure to be moments, when they want to yell at those who make idiotic comments or make stupid assumptions.
As a multiracial child I'm glad my parents instilled in me the pride of who I am, and the understanding that there are a lot of very ignorant people who will stare or try to intimidate you. They taught me to be strong and rise above the ignorance. All of my in-laws are white, & they will go off at anyone who even tries to say something. I have to calm them down!
We have to do better as a society. So many things as a white person today I take for granted, this couple have to double check their actions. This article really made me think. What a wonderful family. I can only wish them the very best and good luck. Thanx for sharing your story.
My husband and I knew each other for 36 years and were married for the last 21 of them. Unless you are in a "mixed marriage", you have no idea how difficult your lives can be. His aunt and uncle were married when it was still illegal and her family disowned her. Our life was uncomfortable sometimes, their life was horrendous. They were married over 60 years and loved each other every day of it as my husband and I did.
I applaud you for this because I am a 52 almost 53 year old biracial child of a black father and white mother. My mom and I were very close and I watched how she was treated compared to how I was in some situations. So I do understand how your family dynamic is based on where you are and the situation.
Why are you calling so much attention to race sounds prejudiced to me
Thank you for sharing your story. It's so sad and disappointing that this is still happening in our world. Much love to you and your family xx
You are enduring what my parents endured in the 1980s. I am so sorry. It's f****d up, it's s****y, and no one should have to go through that. I remember a particularly horrible occasion on which my dad, who has black (he died in 1993) took to to a Kmart because he wanted to buy me my first ever Lego set. When we were in the toy section, a security guard passed by, noticed my father and I, and asked if he was indeed my father. My father had not finished saying "yes," when the white devil turned to me and asked me if my father was my father. I was 6 and I started crying. So, the security guard handcuffed my father in front of everyone (I honestly don't understand why security guards must have handcuffs, but whatever) because, in his mind, he was a child kidnapper or something. So he handcuffed dad and threw him face first to the floor. I screamed "DAD!" so hard that the security guard took notice, uncuffed him, and left. When we were on the car, Dad pissed himself.
I remember like it was yesterday, when my cousin asked me if I wanted to see her boyfriend (she lived abroad, came only for holidays, and happened to have a picture of him). I was a kid, the last thing I expected was for him to be black, since I live in a country where you encounter a black person on the streets once in 10 years or so. I still remember my surprise xD but he is such a normal, kind and compassionate person, and they've been married for God knows how long now, they have 2 perfect daughters, and I'm happy to have them in my family. And I am glad they live in western Europe, so they don't encounter these situations like they do in the US.
It also depends on what part of the country they live in. There are still places where children are raised with the racism of their parents. There are plenty of places in our country where no one bats an eye at the color of your skin. It really does suck that there are still places where this is going on.
I never married my ex but when we were together, I noticed how people would not look at him and talk to me instead like they were afraid he was gonna attack them. It's a very heartbreaking moment when it happens but we both joked that it was ironic because I'm the one with the anger managament issues.
My x-boyfriend and I have a daughter. When we were together, we never had any issues like that. He helped raise my older 2 kids I had with my x-husband, who is white. And there were times he was out with all 3 of the kids without me and never had any encounters. He would've told me. I hate that you both have had to deal with things of that nature. I'm glad my x-boyfriend and I did not have to deal with things of that nature. He was 6'4
Why is that people think that only whites are racist? There is discrimination in every race!!!
There must have been quite a few racists passing by here, or maybe only one with multiple accounts. Please UPVOTE blugeagua who, as I am writing, has 9 downvotes for writing "Still imagine being a person of color and never having your race be represented. That would hurt." I can only agree.
Yes, it sounds really bad in the U.S. - but then, I live in Sydney and I think nobody would think twice about a mixed couple, but I wonder what it would be like in some tiny country town. Would people be as unfussed about an aboriginal and a white person? And I think most people would, but there would always be one or two who'd make it miserable.
They sound like a nice couple, but i don't know if it's all racism. Most dads in a kid's playground will get suspicious looks unless they clearly next to their kids. Women also get treated better in most social interactions too.
If it took years to find right church maybe it's time to rethink your religion and being member of the church. Just saying.
Maybe she should take a look at the movie Uncle Tom. https://uncletom.com/
Uncle Tom is great. Larry Elder is one of the smart guys.
Load More Replies... Changes definitely have to be made, but have they though of why people have been conditioned to think black men are more prone to theft or crimes?
It is more or less our society's fault. Racists won't hire people of color, people of color have to get bad jobs to provide for their family, the jobs don't pay enough, we are lead to steal, we go to jail, when we get out no one will hire us because of our record, and then the cycle just goes on and on and on.
Load More Replies... Most racist thing I'have read in years. Worst is that woman have no idea how racist She is.
this woman is so stupid its funny. the list of things she "had to learn" are ridiculous and not life changing. furthermore her insistence on it being a thing gives it more power which is probably the opposite of what she wanted. the change she mentioned of having to drive instead of her husband when going into small towns is just mind boggling. if youve been drawn in and accepted the idea that he will be pulled over because he is black, the right thing to do is not to drive instead of him. Wouldn't it be more "progressive" to just let him drive the damn truck when he wants and every time he does its an example of him not getting pulled over while being black and have more instances of that so it becomes the norm. thats progress. you driving for him is not. seriously ppl. come on now. and then we praise her? like tf?
You have to have a bit of imagination. She used the greeting card thing as an *example.* This couple hardly sees themselves represented anywhere. How many advertisements have you seen that feature an interracial couple? How many movies or TV shows, unless their race is a specific part of the plot? When I first started to watch British television, that was one of the first things that struck me - interracial families presented in a perfectly natural setting. There are some things about the US that are positively poisonous, and stubborn racism tops the list.
Load More Replies... That behavior infuriates me. MLK discouraged it - calling it the worst possible way to react, and that it would only make matters worse. If he were alive today he wouldn't approve.
Load More Replies... My parents r non practicing Christians (if anything) but they took my sister and I to our local church until we were both around 10, then let us decide if we wanted to keep going. We didn't. But what it did do was give me some insight into a different way of life and no doubt prevented me from being straight up ignorant about Christians. This curiosity led me to study philosophy of religion to gain insight into other beliefs. I'm agnostic, but I don't judge others for their choices. I don't support religion being manipulated into false reasoning for hurting people, and at their core most major religions do speak of tolerance and kindness.
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