Man Walks Out Of Meal Over Sister-In-Law’s Racist Remark About His Cooking Which Leads To Huge Family Divide
Don’t mess with chefs. Not only because they are in direct contact with your food and you are effectively risking ingesting something that they may or may not meddle with, but also because they have a pointy kitchen utensil in their hand.
But no, this isn’t about that—no food poisoning or kitchen cutlery were used in the making of this story. This is a story that started with a question of am I wrong for calling my sister in law a racist after she compared my cooking to “making kung pao chicken”? and it ended in a literal family feud.
More Info: Reddit
You don’t mess with the cook. You just don’t. Or else you end up in a family feud
Image credits: kelly
Reddit user u/throwaway23235982353 recently went to r/AmITheA-hole to ask if he was wrong to call his sister-in-law a racist after she compared his cooking to making kung pao chicken. In context, it sounds much worse, so let’s break it down.
Throwaway is a professional chef and was preparing food for the family. Now, his wife’s sister was also a chef, and a bit of a braggart who’d often criticize him when it comes to food.
No matter what he did, he’d always hear some iteration of “you should actually do X like this…” or other forms of relentless critique. He tried to be patient for the greater good, but patience wore thin one day.
This Reddit user ended up starting a literal war in his family for not putting up with his sister-in-law’s bullpies
Image credits: u/throwaway23235982353
He was getting some food done, and at one point the sister-in-law spouted out yet another one of her comments, effectively saying he was doing it wrong. Not wanting to take it anymore, he asked her to stop criticizing his cooking—he’s a chef, after all—to which she replied “making Kung Pao chicken at some Chinese restaurant doesn’t count.”
Following a short dead silence and a very brief “what’s wrong with you” exchange, Throwaway left. This also sparked a huge fight between multiple family members, with the extended family somehow finding out about this.
Image credits: u/throwaway23235982353
Despite all of this, Throwaway’s wife begged him to apologize, seemingly for the greater good, but he refused and that’s where his question arose: was he wrong here?
Image credits: u/throwaway23235982353
Well, it gets better. The Reddit user provided some updates on what happened later as it was happening. His sister-in-law got into trouble at work and blamed Throwaway for it. Why? A coworker heard her rant about this incident and reported it to management.
Oh wait, there’s more. Wife’s cousin found this Reddit post and shared it on the sister-in-law’s Facebook wall, asking if this was her and many of her friends starting to shame her.
OH WAIT, there’s more! At this point, Throwaway was considering that this might have gotten a bit out of hand, and now was the time to maybe remove the post. Well, the father-in-law butted in, pouring more gas into the fire that is this family feud, in response to which the Reddit user decided to keep the post up.
Image credits: u/throwaway23235982353
OH WAIT. The fourth, biggest, and last update. Wife gets a call from the sister, who continues to be racist and blames her husband for getting demoted at work (cause everyone there knew about her at this point), to which the wife responded with some more swears and was now fully on Throwaway’s side.
The mother-in-law also had some beef with the father after she found out about his little comment to Throwaway, which led to even more screaming. And lastly, that post on Facebook effectively became a verbal war zone.
All in all, the whole family as well as extended family and friends are now at each other’s throats, which the Reddit user referred to as “nuclear” in terms of its size and scope, also sharing a GIF of James Norrington from the Pirates of the Caribbean calmly walking as his ship turns to rubble in the most violent way.
A perfect depiction of what’s going on in Throwaway’s family right now.
“Me right now”
Image credits: Walt Disney Pictures
Anywho, the story was very well received by the AITA community, garnering nearly 39,000 upvotes and receiving a whopping 580+ Reddit awards in just two days’ time. Needless to say, the AITA democratic community ruled that he’s not the bad guy here, far from it.
You’re welcome to read through all of the comments that succeeded the post here, but before you go, let us know your thoughts on this in the comment section below!
Since when is Asian cooking not "real" cooking? I think someone here let her "French cuisine" dreams distort her reality. SIL was out of line. Not her kitchen, not her cooking, NOT HER PLACE. That's basic COURTESY in any kitchen. She'd make a rotten head chef if she can't handle how anyone else does anything, anyway, IMHO.
And as a french i would probably laugh out loud at what she think is "french cuisine". I love french cuisine but oh dear god of food, i love a lot of cuisine around the world and i'm eager to try everything. Every cook deserve respect, even if it's not really good (except Sarah the racist) and every cuisine deserve respect too, there is a strong history and culture behind every meal.
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Exactly. That headline pissed me off. He didnt cause anything, unintentionally or not. SIL caused the split and FIL is making it worse. Not putting up with being insulted is not causing a split. Being a racist asshole is. And he had NOTHING to do with her being demoted. She chose to rant about it where co-workers could hear and they chose to report her. She just doesn't like the fact that there are apparently consequences for being a shitty person and a shitty sister.
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If this is not the perfect example of the "Butterfly effect", I don't know what is. Just for completion: Your wife should have been in your corner from the very beginning; asking you to apologize while her sister is constantly belittling you is just not acceptable. So, big A**hole trophy goes to your SIL, but a tiny bit of that also goes to your wife.
Can't say I don't agree. But family affairs r not black & white. Sil maybe a racist bitch but if she has a relationship with the wife it's not easy to detangle that f**k. Nothing is black & white. It's like a divorce, kids will always get f****d.
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The title is misleading. He did not cause a divide. He was on the receiving end of a racist attack. The person who attacked him Is the one who started the divide.
Bingo. and to correct the FIL's statement: Husband was not "Being tolerated up until this point." That's not tolerating the husband, it's just hiding the fact that FIL DOES NOT tolerate him. Apparently you can only pretend to not be racist for so long. I'm glad the wife came around and firmly understands where right and wrong are.
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NTA. If Sarah had even once attempted to cook a traditional Chinese dish, she would know how complex, yet nuanced Chinese cooking really is. The only reason for her remarks is racism, period.
So refreshing to read an intelligent, educated, culturally aware comment.
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Wow, the snotty SIL compared herself to Anthony Bourdain? Chances are, the worldly man would say, "F**k off, we are nothing alike!"
Exactly! Especially since he celebrated all cultures - he would have no patience for this racist cow.
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When I read the headline I was "oh come on! Professional chef are assholes and extremely competitive, grow a thicker skin." Then I read it and decided that this woman is awful. I've been a professional chef for 10 years and have said some crazy s**t but I nor the others I work with would never be so purposely mean or racist nor would we stand for it.
Your initial reaction is pretty shitty, tbh. Why do chefs get a pass for being assholes just cause other chefs are assholes?
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oh, contrare!!! asian cuisine is hardly easy to do correctly, especially if you don't have the kitchen set up for it. for those, like me, who were determined to learn this exquisite cuisine, you learn how to do it literally the hard way without the proper equipment. that being said, the SIL is definitely the a-hole w/FIL coming in a close second. sincerely hope his wife accepts that some of her family are jerks & continues to support her husband.
I agree! I love to cook & have a few asian meals i make at home. They are not easy! Especially without having woks & good knives! The few meals i make took me a fair amount of time to learn/semi-master as a home cook. Lots of timing changes, rice cooking trial & error (id mainly cooked spanish rice before then...so not the same!) & cutting techniques to learn.
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What's wrong with cooking Kung Pao chicken at a Chinese Restaurant? It's literally part of his job. He's a Chef.
Some people have to be elitist and look down on others - she clearly has issues.
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The SIL must know that the OP is also a professionally trained chef. So everything she has been saying about his technique is rude and condescending. And everything that she has mentioned regarding race/ethnicity and national origin of him and/or is clearly racist. Glad it's coming back to bite her in the ass.
She also told him the family only “tolerates” him. How hurtful. His wife should be solidly on his side.
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Unfortunately, wrongly, stupidly, and for no reason French/European has been considered "high brow" while a lot of Asian and other cultures is "low brow". The same is true when studying art, you tend to only study "the masters" aka old, dead, white guys. It's wrong and small minded and people who get stuck in this line of thinking are small minded and end up doing what rhe SIL did. As the human race we need to eliminate the "high brow" way of thinking and realize that all cultures equally bring so much to the table [no pun intended]. I'm glad the OP stood up for himself and unfortunately it went nuclear but that wasn't on him. The SIL would have said or done something of a similiar nature another time, that thinking has been ingrained into her. Hopefully she will open her eyes, step down off her high horse and realize that everyone deserves to be celebrated.
It's not just the French/Chinese cuisine comparison. She criticised his knifing skills. She's a racist plain and simple... everything else was just a symptom.
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So besides the point he and his wife are not interested racial, they are inter ethnic. The fault in my eyes lies with the FIL who decided to turn this into macho head games with the chef, and of course the SIL is the main culprit with her racist comments and then tell a grown man who happens to be a chef how to run his kitchen at home. Also when you post something on line it gets everywhere and her co workers have every right to be upset by her comments. If she feels that way about her family members imagine how she feels about her co workers?
Wrong title. Not "Asian guy causes..." but "racism causes..." you're welcome.
Her comment was not based on comparing the cuisines. It was a thinly veiled racist comment that she felt/knew would be bolstered by at least part of her family. She picked the fight and it was poorly picked. My assumption, therefore, is that she is a garbage human who is bad at humaning, social sensitivity, probably cooking and definitely war. Poorly chosen.
Well said, except for the "thinly veiled" bit. That was flat out overtly racist. She was saying that kung pao chicken was mass marketed fast food from an ethnic tradition that was of no account -- either for the chefs or the consumers. I bet she has trouble sleeping, what with her burden of anger and denial.
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So Sarah is blaming YOU for something she posted on her OWN social media and is mad that her obviously racist ass is getting flack for what she did. She is stupid and sadly even with all the criticism she received and the fact that she may get fired won't changed her at all, she even called you a slur in front of your wife. SIL and FIL both are racists trash
She did not post it, someone found it on Reddit and posted it on her Facebook asking if it was her. However, she got her own dumbass in trouble by ranting about it at work and her co-workers complained because obviously who wants to work with a snobby racist.
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SIL's attitude that Asian cooking doesn't count is way off. How many people in the world eat Asian food every day and how many eat French? Her remark was also definitely racist as proven by her later tirade at her sister.
Sarah could have apologized and contained the damage. The Asian chef is not the one who made her act rude and racist and then double-down and blame him for the backlash. I choose not to label bigots, but I certainly tell them off. The writer just happened to go one step further than I do. If reasoning (even angrily) with someone didn't work, I might very well go there and say what I'm really thinking. By the way, simple rule: "Don't make the boss look bad" - someone who does that will be kept away from clients and possibly colleagues - and sometimes fired.
French chefs (by which I do not mean chefs who happen to be French) are the most arrogant. Not all of them but if you meet a chef who thinks they are God's gift and the only person who knows anything they're always a French Chef. I don't know much about Bourdain as a person but I would bet good money that if she'd pulled that s**t within earshot Ramsay would have told her she was being a d**k and probably a lot less politely than her BIL did.
Thanks for the giggle! Well done, you. To throw in my totally irrelevant two bits, he's NTA-to-the-nth-power. He put up with her trash-talk for far too long. Hang in there, OP. Ya done good.
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I was at my Grandfather's house and he is using racial slurs left and right. The n-word, calling people monkeys, etc. My sister's boyfriend was with her and he is white, but his two younger siblings are mixed race and I politely tried to get my grandfather to stop. Then one night I shouted, if you say that word one more time it is the last time you will ever see me. He said it, I got a ride to the airport and haven't spoken to him in 7 years. There is this lie that family is the most important and you should love them no matter what. No, screw that. I will never sit there and listen to that again and all my family I have cut off know exactly why I did. It is their choice and if they decide that their bigotry is more important than I am then that was their choice, not mine, and I have no problem never speaking to them again. Just what if you have kids? I would never allow my children to ever have contact with certain members of my family. Absolutely not.
Sounds like the event in the kitchen is not the real problem. The lady working in a French restaurant also sounds extremley insecure in her skills. 1 of the main treats a real pro (in just about any field of work) is that they can readily acknowledge that there are other experts - and that they cannot know everything. That said, a French chef may be totally useless in Chineese cooking, and vice versa.
It’s only a “war” for one reason: the racists want to continue being racist, and are fighting do so, even to the point of alienating family members. They hate their daughter’s/sister’s/cousin’s husband more than they love her.
I think the response the SIL received from the chefs at work says it all. Her actions and attitude are unprofessional and unwelcome. They do not represent the professionals who are her superiors, and she needs to learn from those above her if she wants to advance.
Not only is the SIL acting like a racist she's also not acting like a chef. The greatest gift one chef can give to another is their cooking. Its the same as a painter doing a piece specifically for another painter. If a chef is close to another, they invite them to cook with them and teach them their technique so their friend can now be better. A true chef is thankful for the gift of the food. If someone gives you the food equivalent of the kindergarten picture, its still worthy of your fridge because of the love behind it. A true chef knows that Chinese hand pulled noodles takes as much technique as the hardest French pastry and a properly prepared Peking duck takes more skill than coq au vin. The SIL criticism of technique and dishes are also racist. For instance, it is more common in some Asian cultures to peel with the knife going away from you while its much more common in western cuisine to peel by pulling the blade towards you. A chef does not belittle another chef because they do something different. Instead they try to learn it that way. Harder to cut your palm if the knife is moving away.
Don’t air your dirty laundry on Reddit or FB! Air your grievances in person. DUH!
Update: It's worth reading yourself, but the family (and extended family) has been torn asunder along predictable political lines. Sarah is out of a job and FIL is out of a wife. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5pzzy/aita_for_calling_my_sil_a_racist_after_she/
I feel you, Throwaway. I'm in a similar sitch (Asian with a caucasian wife and a bigoted FIL and marginally less bigoted extended in-laws). I once had to threaten to throw my FIL out of the house just to get him to shut up when he said using chopsticks was uncivilized. I'm sorry, brah.
Did the ‘whole world’ need to know about what was a family argument, families argue everyday if what is said within the home is now fair game to shame people publicly and potentially cause them to lose their livelihood then we are all screwed
The guy posted this on reddit using a throwaway account. It's just coincidence that someone recognised the people involved and posted it on his sil facebook.
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She's getting the full consequences of being a racist s**t and still can't pull her head out of her ass and neither can this father. Wow. The wife better be on the husband's side. FOC over rules FOO!! Especially in this case!
Well Sarah is a c**t and the whole of the Internet is on your side dude, that is how the cookie crumbles and she deserves all the s**t she got ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The only thing I would think the wife possibly did wrong was air the dirty laundry on social media. That part is the only part I would say was unnecessary and possibly petty. She ruined her sister's career aspirations for her sister being a d**k. And yes, the SIL is being a horrible human to the husband.
Chinese food is awesome. No offense to the French, but French food kinda makes me want to barf. maybe if I became more of a smug asshole, French food would taste better?
I like both. I'm half-French and got along really well with my Chinese boss, in part because we both like good food. No offense taken for your cuisine preferences. That said, I must now try to forget the "barf" part. I want to be able to enjoy a gratin dauphinois without imaging someone bent over porcelain because the cassoulet was an emetic. :(
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Just because her expertise is on French cuisine it doesn't always mean it's above at all types of cuisines in the world! Insecure c**t! Look what happened to her? I'm lmfao reading this. So wholesome! NTA, at all!
In addition, if my husband is in your position, I would totally first to say to my sister "WTF did you just said?"
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It's a shame the SIL thought she had the right to continuously berate her BIL. Sometimes you just can't win for losing!
If she had criticized me- I would've said; "If YOU'RE such a "GREAT" Chef... Why are they always asking ME to cook? Stop being a lazy witch & HELP or STFU!"
So nobody is suggesting that the SIL and FIL are the ones who could apologize and reunite the family? That's insane. The responsibility for ending the division by apologizing to throwaway is clearly theirs.
Throwaway is definitely NTA. real Chinese cuisine is NOTHING like strip mall golden panda or whatever that chain is.
Does the SIL know just how hard it is to make great Kung Pow? I bet she would stuff it completely.
F**k that bitch. She just showed her true colors, as did your FIL. SIL is not only a racist, she's a narcissistic stuck up snob, and I'll take Asian over French food any day. I think maybe her losing her job, which is ALL on her and is NO WAY your fault (she should have kept her opinions & criticisms to herself and her big f*****g mouth shut) may be just what she needs. Actions have consequences. I wouldn't be surprised if her employer was trying to find a way to get rid of her anyway.
`What a Good Story! Learning how not mess with anyone cooking in kitchen.
I was on his side until the word "racist" started getting used. I stopped reading when tertiary parties got involved and tattled to her place of employment. What is wrong with these people? 🤷♂️
losing your mind over a comment like that? everyone was probably glad you got up and left, grow up
The racist remark is just plain stupid. It isn't 100 % fair because this is only your side. You should have apologized for the remark. However, the raw truth is that people don't remember to engage brain before putting mouth in gear. The family will do/say things that aren't appropriate. You were wrong to swear at her and she reacted. Not appropriately, but you were both wrong. She was acting like an ass and then you reacted the same way. If the reactions of both parties were reversed, how would you feel?
Petty Fighting. Personally I think "Too many Cooks spoils the broth". Or stay our of the kitchen if you are not the cook. (Gee whizz! I even ATE my M-I-L's cooking!! On the other hand I let her into my kitchen once and I vowed NEVER AGAIN!)
No one is perfect and every family has it's drama but it sounds to me like OP's SIL is a drama queen who has to have all the attention on herself...when someone is better at something than her, i.e. cooking, she has to take over and do it "the correct way" I would have told her off years ago. He's a saint for holding out as long as he did. And she screwed herself in regards to her job and her friends! Did she really expect that no one would find out she was a racist bitch?
HINTA, FIL and SIL definitelky are. Too many people put up with insults of all kinds to avoid afgumentd and splits, family, work and other kinds. They should stand their ground instead. SIL made this problem--over a long period of time. She showed her true color and got what she deserves.
I don't see anything racist about it , what if it were mashed potatoes or green beans would that also be racist . Her remark may have been insulting and infering he's not a real cook . Todays climate on race has caused most anything and everything to be racist and it needs to stop .
First, Asian cooking is incredibly complex. SIL is an idiot, and obviously doesn't know jack beyond her (imo overrated) French cuisine (French cuisine is very good, but not the be-all and end-all of fine food). Second, she brought it up at work, and management decided that they do not want an overt, biased, vilely racist person working for them, AND GOOD FOR THEM!, and third...why on earth do people feel the urge to air all of the family's dirty laundry on a very public forum? It happens disgustingly often. Is NOTHING private anymore?
This is hidden racism, obvious jealousy. SIL has issues that has nothing to do with OP, but were easy to project onto him. FIL and SIL need to look at themselves in the mirror, and realize they are racists. The people around them already know it, but they also know it is going difficult for SIL and FIL to change. They both owe OP an apology. Should OP apologize for the name-calling? It would be a good opening for this very difficult situation, without losing any self-respect. Good luck to the fractured family to become whole again.
Sometimes things need to go nuclear to clear away the bull sh*t. No one gets to tell someone else what they should or should not be offended by. SIL is def out of line.
Like the man said, "Families. Can't live with 'em. Can't take 'em down to the river an' drown 'em."
NTA clearly, but this is the hospitality industry. Abuse is endemic. You'll find more humanity and compassion in child sex traffickers. I was only in the industry for a few months, but it was made ABUNDANTLY clear to me that this is where the truly callous and evil, like to hide and play. This industry can push tacit calm yoga types into sadistic spiteful scars on humanity, that live each day with no purpose grander than to visit at least a fraction of the psychological torture that was wrought on them, on others. I doubt I will ever live a day where I don't have to restrain myself from attacking people with a pairing knife. I feel for this so-called racist, although I don't see anything racist in naming the first dish that comes to mind when referring to a restaurant. She was likely abused the exact same way, perhaps even using the precise terms she now uses to belittle the cooking of others. Put another way, she's not doing blackface; she's a burn victim. Cut her a little slack.
Thanks for that! I nearly got persuaded to join F.B. Talk about a mountain out of a molehill. I think, seriously, that racism exists in everyone however we try to hide it.
This is so "colonial" of her thinking anything European is superior to their Asian counterparts. I can't say the hubby has done anything wrong. If he has any passion for his profession, then by god he should stand up for himself. Any cuisine brings with it a long history and centuries of tradition and has kept millions of people fed. That deserves respect.
He was in the right at first but by putting it on the internet and getting his SIL demoted and shamed etc. he put himself in the wrong. Has he never done anything wrong? If he did not like her then don't invite his SIL over and don't go to her house His SIL being an a-hole is not a criminal offense. Did she ever cause him to be demoted at work ruining his career? I am sure he would not his family members to air his dirty laundry, his career to be ruined. I am sure what goes around will come around, (everyone has secrets there are no perfect human gods) he wil get his as well and he and his entire family both sides and he will be the losers. He is a loser!. What a mistake his wife made marrying him.
I feel for the wife too here. You can't choose your family sadly and clearly what has happened, may have been in the pipeline anyway because of their attitudes, but his wife is caught in the middle too. On one side is her husband and the other, her father and sister who have been a large part of her life. It's not easy to walk away from that and by the sounds of it, she has been keeping a fragile peace so far, so probably feels devastated to have it all implode around her now. Easy for us to judge, but if it was your father? Your sister? The family you love? There are no winners here. It's just a very sad situation that has divided a family and caused irreparable damage. I guess it goes to show that once you realise there are issues, address them early on instead of letting them simmer.
She's wrong. You're right. Don't give in, no matter if the majority is on her side - that is totally a different question to begin with - or who is on which side and who is not. Maybe it's already too late for that, but you could challenge her to compete against you in ... cooking. I have seen people like this, and exactly all of them couldn't deliver, they were just bigmouthed losers. Knowing a different way of cutting something and making up that this was right, other wrong, doesn't really qualify as a cook, let alone a good one. A jury unaware of who cooked what, I think, garuantees you seeing her cry over losing against the oh-so-incompetent asian guy without any humor.
Standing up for yourself does not cause any issues. The initial shitty behaviour does. Change the headline please. This man walking out of that dinner did not cause a family divide. The woman's racism did. The headline should read "Woman's racism causes family divide, as man walks out of family meal"
All I can say is I'm so sorry for this poster. He deserves better from his FAMILY, for god's sake. Racism is so...pathetic.
That’s not Norrington in the epic Pirates GIF. That’s Cutler Beckett. Just FYI.
*Sahah* The Mouth That Roared. Sarah is accustomed to letting whatever fly out of her mouth and you better like it, not sidestep it, LIKE it and agree with her. FIL + MIL are obligated to sit her down with a lecture she should have had 25-30 years ago about kindness, civility, and keeping the peace. OP needs to not cook anytime The Mouth is present in fact I would not be in the same building with her. She will never change.
I am so, so relieved to hear how much of the friends and family actually took OP's side on this. Way too many times when there is a racist f**k in the family, it is kinda the whole family and ppl. around them as well. Hope it can all get better for them. Family drama blows.
Damn, well, I am glad your wife stood up for you in the end. And SIL deserves what she got. I hope her demotion HUMBLES her. Her ego was getting a big too big.
In family situations like this, I suggest taking the high road. Another family member being a loser is on them, not you. I know first hand how stupidity can destroy a family. Lifes too short, so if at all possible, let it go. An insult is not worth whatever you think you got out of this. Does anybody feel better for it?
Wow... Maybe someone should tell "Sarah-the-Karen"... "Well, making glorified beef stew isn't real cooking either" (or whatever she does). It's obvious she's a racist piece of s***, as is the FIL. Which means that no matter how good it actually is - if it has a touch of "Yellow Peril" it must be AWFUL. If someone could please get those two to win a Darwin award...?
The funny thing here is that in another story today here on BP about global foods is someone saying about how easy and boring French cuisine is really. Personally I would prefer Asian because of the diversity in taste, texture, colour and styles. If you have never been to a Nepalese resturant you have not lived! It is like an Indian and Chinese resturant crashed into each other!
Obviously Sarah was the a-hole here but there's something I don't get. How can a chef be demoted for a personal disagreement within the family? Is that even legal?
Jerk. You can come cook for my family anytime! I have international family members ( Korea and Colombia) and LOVE eating different food types!!
Funny thing about French cuisine (I've heard this from quite a few famous French chefs, btw) is that it's basically peasant food done properly. (I cook mostly Mediterranean Anythings) #2 on this list encapsulates it with more accuracy: https://www.boredpanda.com/common-food-foreign-delicacies/
Damn this is amazing and I need to find the whole fb post. Fck Sarah and Fck her dad. I watch a CRAP ton of cooking shows / competitions, so I'm basically an expert... (/S) and Asian food is NOT easy. Neither is french but she needs to stay in her lane. She is not God's gift. What I would love is if Gordon Ramsey came in and tried her food and told her she was absolute s**t. lol
I think the worst part was FIL saying OPs presence was being only tolerated up until this point!
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" is the (Western) expression. So the (Western) SIL should sleep in the bed she made without blaming anybody. I'd send an empty bag to FIL with a reference to the cat in it --- he'll have to figure out that taking the post down after his daughter's trouble is pointless. Also I don't get why it's good to have a racist line cook but not a racist executive cook --- if the racism is bad for the job & colleagues, don't employ; if it's no influence, do... This makes no sense.
The entire problem is not his cooking/prep over hers...its because she's a racist a$$hole and got off on denigrating him. (Ditto with the FIL). So, she is now getting demoted/possibly fired not because she's a better cook/preparer, but because her racist abuse was made public and brought to the attention of...well...everyone.
I would say that SIL must have already been pretty hated at her workplace, otherwise her colleagues wouldn't have reported it and management wouldn't have been so quick to take action. She probably had the same condescending attitude there which, with or without the side of racism, isn't going to make any friends.
FIL better come around to wife's thinking or I see him moving in with Sarah for the remainder of his time on Earth. My aunt was married to a man who's father was Filipino and his mother was Native American. OMG...the food that this man made was amazing!!!! I have never been able to make anything as good! SIL needs to get the stick of white privilege out of her a$$.
Regardless of how it started or why it started or what the subject is, in the end this is just a case of bullying. And the SIL is just a typical "playground bully". And whoever is on her side has enabled her and allowed her to get away with this type of behavior plain and simple. She probably has been like this her whole life and her family has chosen to see her as strong or opinionated or whatever, if the behavior continued it's just bullying 😀
Hey. She got the food, right? She didn't pay for it, or something, right too? So. It is a free meal. She can like it, she can dislike it. Thats all what she can do. Everything else is a overstep. If she don't like the "way how it is prepared", she doesn't have to eat it. My father's wife hates when I cut the lettuce, she says it needs to be tear up by hands. And if I do a lettuce, she simply doesn't eat it. But she never brags about it. She mentioned it once and made her way, end of story.
It's a pretty common story I'm afraid. I'm married with a Japanese woman and face similar comments when I go home. It's even worse because they want to be "nice" and "inclusive" by making sure she is always different. "That's like in your country! I love it". No, it's Chinese. That's often the problem when ignorant people meet other cultures...
Sarah probably done more stuff than this. A cousin asked if that was her.. you don't do that if you don't half think it is her. which means her racist side was not very well hidden anyway. And I doubt her work would have done anything if they hadn't seen that side of her at work already and this just confirmed it. She the A. Dad 2nd place.
I'm glad OP's wife moved on to his side. Of course she's unhappy, her family is divided and her parents are fighting; it's not OP's fault or her fault, but it still sucks.
Isn't there a "thingsthatmakeyousmile" subreddit or I know there's a "justiceserved" one. I think this is turning out much better than anyone could have anticipated! I love me some good Asian food and hate racist bullies and my Lord I hope she's been fired by now! I'd really like to rent an airplane banner with "F*** HER!" on it. Love you OP. ❤️
You put up with it too long. First time Sarah opened her trash mouth you should have put a stop to it. My advice is to back away for a time, not comment any more, don't take calls. Let everybody cool off and re-evaluate what they did. YOU ARE FAMILY and they trashed you. You deserve better, especially after all this time.
Usually not a Vengeance & Brimstone Retribution kind of person but Dam~ that uppity racist pig got what she deserved.
He didn't cause anything. His SiL is a racist jerk and the whole thing is her fault.
I know this is almost completely unrelated, but these are the reasons I can't stand being around most chefs. They are some of the most combative, insensitive, egotistical d**k holes. (Source: I have been a chef for 20+ years.) That being said, not much intrigue here, Sarah was obviously the wrong one here, and she should apologize.
There are just too many A holes in the world F Sarah. And everybody stop letting these people get away with it tell him to shove it hey Sarah shove it
I think the SIL owes you an apology bigtime. I also think you might've did something EXTREMELY wrong. It's not about whether what she/you did was ok/no, it's about the internet. People will look at our rights/wrongs under a magnifier online, exaggerating everything. I don't think she deserved to lose her job, cuz of your online post bringing her bad reputation. I thought a lot about whether you are to blame or it's just her behavior that got her fired. If it weren't for the online post, if you had dealt all this offline, she would've kept her job, right? Meaning, You got her fired for a reason non-work related. For all we know, she worked hard at her job, treated everyone nice there. But got fired because of you taking your fight online. One day if she genuinely apologizes, you will get your justice. But she won't get her job back. You'd care if she genuinely is racist or changes that one day. Internet won't. She's "that racist woman" forever.
So the racist woman should keep her job because she works hard? Naw, I don't think so. Imagine what she thinks of coworkers who are people of color. Imagine how she treats diners who are people of color. "Working hard" isn't enough. Her coworkers and diners deserve better. She can learn some respect while she works on finding a different job.
Load More Replies... cooking is a science 2 of my cousins r chefs and ive seen them create masterpieces. its not an easy thing to do and it has nothing to do with race. the SIL is just a racist b****. its her own fault her job went to s**t not his. he didnt do anything wrong. everything that happened none of it is his fault and the SIL had no right to say racist things to him.
All of this is bad. All of it. She’s wrong, he … helped it spiral. I feel for him buuuut… (but I do not feel bad for her. I’d never talk to her again.)
Ok. Asian Canadian here. Here's what I think. EVERYONE IS RACIST! Yup I said it. Loads of Chinese people are insanely racist towards other Chinese people too. What got out of hand is a family member behaving badly and it got on the internet and went nuclear. Is Sarah right oh hell no, she's learning how being racist can negatively affect her life. But in another perspective, does her bad behavior at home justify getting fired from work? As far as I know being racist doesn't affect French cooking skills. I am not siding one way or another, but maybe asking questions with a different perspective
Being racist affects French cooking skills. It impacts how she interacts with coworkers. It impacts how she treats customers. Both her coworkers and diners deserve better. It's understandable that she's demoted or even let go. She can focus on learning respect while she searches for another job.
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The couple needs to move away from the family and never contact them again. The sil got what she deserved.
I don't understand why the original comment was racist, can someone explain it? I see it as a pretentious chef comment, they would say devalue any other cuisine but the one they cook. Like her saying ''making fish and chips in an English restaurant doesn't count'' if the person worked at a pub. Losing her job and starting a family war over a throwaway comment = extreme
The Asian chef, Throwaway, works in an award-winning upscale Chinese restaurant. Sarah the SIL implied that what he cooks is done wrong (she kept criticizing his technique), easy (it's not), and inferior to French food. In saying "Kung Pao chicken", she's implying that he doesn't know how to cook anything else and that Chinese food is very limited. In fact, Chinese cooking varies by region - Cantonese, Szechuan and Hunan are the better known but not the only ones. The reason for the family war is simply that some people really like him and his cooking and came to his defence, but Sarah refused to apologize. As for the possibility of losing her job, she vented against Throwaway at work and her colleagues heard her. I imagine that the colleagues didn't like what she said and thought that it was racist. Some people don't mind working with bigots, some do. I've worked with people who were openly prejudiced and I found it stressful.
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Throwaway is obviously a better person than his SIL. I wish at some point in the past he would have turned the tables on her when she was cooking for family. A few remarks like she'd been making to him might have opened her eyes. Being told Chinese knife work would be better for her dishes, etc.might have released some of the pent up anger he'd been harboring. FIL's behavior is almost unforgivable but Chef may have to.
Wow ...openly racist and entitled to the point of blaming him for her racism poster child for white privilege . If her name is Karen the universe will implode .
Another white cracker making racist remark to asian and then proceeds with "you're being too sensitive, get over it". Nothing is new here.
Looks to me like you're also racist. Maybe you should refrain from using racial slurs like "white cracker".
Load More Replies... Honestly, this did not require the world's input. This was a family squabble. Sarah is clearly a snob who knows nothing about Asian cooking, and clearly a bit of a racist, but she certainly does not deserve to lose her job over this. Cancel culture is such tiresome bullshit. People really need to not take up their pitchforks and torches for this kind of mundane crap. it's a family matter, and should have stayed within the family.
Please don't take family arguments online. It was racist yes and this, updating and sharing everybody's emotions and family trouble to the whole world is ridiculous? Imagine being that other SIL or BIL, I would be super upset over this, the argument should have been argued then and there in the kitchen.
Just so I can get more people playing the aggrieved Victim and down checking, this is simply just another 1st World Problem. People literally looking for things to complain about, because they do not have any real problems in their lives.
SIL is obviously threatened by this man's superior cooking skills and dropped whatever bomb she could to try to diminish him. Her technique of throwing out a racially ignorant comment doesn't seem to have worked for her. I hate when people air their family business on the internet though. This could have been dealt with within the family, but now it's become catastrophic because the internet has chimed in. The rift will never be healed.
To Throwaway, from one Asian guy to another :- 1. 家丑不可外扬 2. 大事化小，小事化无 3. 家合万事兴
That's actually not that much of a nice comment to be honest. He shouldn't hide his feelings for the sake or family harmony.
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"Racism" is not a card. It's an action -- like lumping all diverse Chinese cuisines into one common, Westernized, cheap dish to demean your Chinese BIL who, like his SIL, is an upscale chef.
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She lumped all diverse Chinese food together into one cheap, common, Westernized dish to demean her Chinese BIL, who, like her, is a professional, trained, upscale chef. How is that not racist?
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The first comment on Reddit explains: ""cooking asian food doesn't count as cooking" IS racist"
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Since when is Asian cooking not "real" cooking? I think someone here let her "French cuisine" dreams distort her reality. SIL was out of line. Not her kitchen, not her cooking, NOT HER PLACE. That's basic COURTESY in any kitchen. She'd make a rotten head chef if she can't handle how anyone else does anything, anyway, IMHO.
And as a french i would probably laugh out loud at what she think is "french cuisine". I love french cuisine but oh dear god of food, i love a lot of cuisine around the world and i'm eager to try everything. Every cook deserve respect, even if it's not really good (except Sarah the racist) and every cuisine deserve respect too, there is a strong history and culture behind every meal.
Load More Replies... Exactly. That headline pissed me off. He didnt cause anything, unintentionally or not. SIL caused the split and FIL is making it worse. Not putting up with being insulted is not causing a split. Being a racist asshole is. And he had NOTHING to do with her being demoted. She chose to rant about it where co-workers could hear and they chose to report her. She just doesn't like the fact that there are apparently consequences for being a shitty person and a shitty sister.
Load More Replies... If this is not the perfect example of the "Butterfly effect", I don't know what is. Just for completion: Your wife should have been in your corner from the very beginning; asking you to apologize while her sister is constantly belittling you is just not acceptable. So, big A**hole trophy goes to your SIL, but a tiny bit of that also goes to your wife.
Can't say I don't agree. But family affairs r not black & white. Sil maybe a racist bitch but if she has a relationship with the wife it's not easy to detangle that f**k. Nothing is black & white. It's like a divorce, kids will always get f****d.
Load More Replies... The title is misleading. He did not cause a divide. He was on the receiving end of a racist attack. The person who attacked him Is the one who started the divide.
Bingo. and to correct the FIL's statement: Husband was not "Being tolerated up until this point." That's not tolerating the husband, it's just hiding the fact that FIL DOES NOT tolerate him. Apparently you can only pretend to not be racist for so long. I'm glad the wife came around and firmly understands where right and wrong are.
Load More Replies... NTA. If Sarah had even once attempted to cook a traditional Chinese dish, she would know how complex, yet nuanced Chinese cooking really is. The only reason for her remarks is racism, period.
So refreshing to read an intelligent, educated, culturally aware comment.
Load More Replies... Wow, the snotty SIL compared herself to Anthony Bourdain? Chances are, the worldly man would say, "F**k off, we are nothing alike!"
Exactly! Especially since he celebrated all cultures - he would have no patience for this racist cow.
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Load More Replies... When I read the headline I was "oh come on! Professional chef are assholes and extremely competitive, grow a thicker skin." Then I read it and decided that this woman is awful. I've been a professional chef for 10 years and have said some crazy s**t but I nor the others I work with would never be so purposely mean or racist nor would we stand for it.
Your initial reaction is pretty shitty, tbh. Why do chefs get a pass for being assholes just cause other chefs are assholes?
Load More Replies... oh, contrare!!! asian cuisine is hardly easy to do correctly, especially if you don't have the kitchen set up for it. for those, like me, who were determined to learn this exquisite cuisine, you learn how to do it literally the hard way without the proper equipment. that being said, the SIL is definitely the a-hole w/FIL coming in a close second. sincerely hope his wife accepts that some of her family are jerks & continues to support her husband.
I agree! I love to cook & have a few asian meals i make at home. They are not easy! Especially without having woks & good knives! The few meals i make took me a fair amount of time to learn/semi-master as a home cook. Lots of timing changes, rice cooking trial & error (id mainly cooked spanish rice before then...so not the same!) & cutting techniques to learn.
Load More Replies... What's wrong with cooking Kung Pao chicken at a Chinese Restaurant? It's literally part of his job. He's a Chef.
Some people have to be elitist and look down on others - she clearly has issues.
Load More Replies... The SIL must know that the OP is also a professionally trained chef. So everything she has been saying about his technique is rude and condescending. And everything that she has mentioned regarding race/ethnicity and national origin of him and/or is clearly racist. Glad it's coming back to bite her in the ass.
She also told him the family only “tolerates” him. How hurtful. His wife should be solidly on his side.
Load More Replies... Unfortunately, wrongly, stupidly, and for no reason French/European has been considered "high brow" while a lot of Asian and other cultures is "low brow". The same is true when studying art, you tend to only study "the masters" aka old, dead, white guys. It's wrong and small minded and people who get stuck in this line of thinking are small minded and end up doing what rhe SIL did. As the human race we need to eliminate the "high brow" way of thinking and realize that all cultures equally bring so much to the table [no pun intended]. I'm glad the OP stood up for himself and unfortunately it went nuclear but that wasn't on him. The SIL would have said or done something of a similiar nature another time, that thinking has been ingrained into her. Hopefully she will open her eyes, step down off her high horse and realize that everyone deserves to be celebrated.
It's not just the French/Chinese cuisine comparison. She criticised his knifing skills. She's a racist plain and simple... everything else was just a symptom.
Load More Replies... So besides the point he and his wife are not interested racial, they are inter ethnic. The fault in my eyes lies with the FIL who decided to turn this into macho head games with the chef, and of course the SIL is the main culprit with her racist comments and then tell a grown man who happens to be a chef how to run his kitchen at home. Also when you post something on line it gets everywhere and her co workers have every right to be upset by her comments. If she feels that way about her family members imagine how she feels about her co workers?
Wrong title. Not "Asian guy causes..." but "racism causes..." you're welcome.
Her comment was not based on comparing the cuisines. It was a thinly veiled racist comment that she felt/knew would be bolstered by at least part of her family. She picked the fight and it was poorly picked. My assumption, therefore, is that she is a garbage human who is bad at humaning, social sensitivity, probably cooking and definitely war. Poorly chosen.
Well said, except for the "thinly veiled" bit. That was flat out overtly racist. She was saying that kung pao chicken was mass marketed fast food from an ethnic tradition that was of no account -- either for the chefs or the consumers. I bet she has trouble sleeping, what with her burden of anger and denial.
Load More Replies... So Sarah is blaming YOU for something she posted on her OWN social media and is mad that her obviously racist ass is getting flack for what she did. She is stupid and sadly even with all the criticism she received and the fact that she may get fired won't changed her at all, she even called you a slur in front of your wife. SIL and FIL both are racists trash
She did not post it, someone found it on Reddit and posted it on her Facebook asking if it was her. However, she got her own dumbass in trouble by ranting about it at work and her co-workers complained because obviously who wants to work with a snobby racist.
Load More Replies... SIL's attitude that Asian cooking doesn't count is way off. How many people in the world eat Asian food every day and how many eat French? Her remark was also definitely racist as proven by her later tirade at her sister.
Sarah could have apologized and contained the damage. The Asian chef is not the one who made her act rude and racist and then double-down and blame him for the backlash. I choose not to label bigots, but I certainly tell them off. The writer just happened to go one step further than I do. If reasoning (even angrily) with someone didn't work, I might very well go there and say what I'm really thinking. By the way, simple rule: "Don't make the boss look bad" - someone who does that will be kept away from clients and possibly colleagues - and sometimes fired.
French chefs (by which I do not mean chefs who happen to be French) are the most arrogant. Not all of them but if you meet a chef who thinks they are God's gift and the only person who knows anything they're always a French Chef. I don't know much about Bourdain as a person but I would bet good money that if she'd pulled that s**t within earshot Ramsay would have told her she was being a d**k and probably a lot less politely than her BIL did.
Thanks for the giggle! Well done, you. To throw in my totally irrelevant two bits, he's NTA-to-the-nth-power. He put up with her trash-talk for far too long. Hang in there, OP. Ya done good.
Load More Replies... I was at my Grandfather's house and he is using racial slurs left and right. The n-word, calling people monkeys, etc. My sister's boyfriend was with her and he is white, but his two younger siblings are mixed race and I politely tried to get my grandfather to stop. Then one night I shouted, if you say that word one more time it is the last time you will ever see me. He said it, I got a ride to the airport and haven't spoken to him in 7 years. There is this lie that family is the most important and you should love them no matter what. No, screw that. I will never sit there and listen to that again and all my family I have cut off know exactly why I did. It is their choice and if they decide that their bigotry is more important than I am then that was their choice, not mine, and I have no problem never speaking to them again. Just what if you have kids? I would never allow my children to ever have contact with certain members of my family. Absolutely not.
Sounds like the event in the kitchen is not the real problem. The lady working in a French restaurant also sounds extremley insecure in her skills. 1 of the main treats a real pro (in just about any field of work) is that they can readily acknowledge that there are other experts - and that they cannot know everything. That said, a French chef may be totally useless in Chineese cooking, and vice versa.
It’s only a “war” for one reason: the racists want to continue being racist, and are fighting do so, even to the point of alienating family members. They hate their daughter’s/sister’s/cousin’s husband more than they love her.
I think the response the SIL received from the chefs at work says it all. Her actions and attitude are unprofessional and unwelcome. They do not represent the professionals who are her superiors, and she needs to learn from those above her if she wants to advance.
Not only is the SIL acting like a racist she's also not acting like a chef. The greatest gift one chef can give to another is their cooking. Its the same as a painter doing a piece specifically for another painter. If a chef is close to another, they invite them to cook with them and teach them their technique so their friend can now be better. A true chef is thankful for the gift of the food. If someone gives you the food equivalent of the kindergarten picture, its still worthy of your fridge because of the love behind it. A true chef knows that Chinese hand pulled noodles takes as much technique as the hardest French pastry and a properly prepared Peking duck takes more skill than coq au vin. The SIL criticism of technique and dishes are also racist. For instance, it is more common in some Asian cultures to peel with the knife going away from you while its much more common in western cuisine to peel by pulling the blade towards you. A chef does not belittle another chef because they do something different. Instead they try to learn it that way. Harder to cut your palm if the knife is moving away.
Don’t air your dirty laundry on Reddit or FB! Air your grievances in person. DUH!
Update: It's worth reading yourself, but the family (and extended family) has been torn asunder along predictable political lines. Sarah is out of a job and FIL is out of a wife. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/o5pzzy/aita_for_calling_my_sil_a_racist_after_she/
I feel you, Throwaway. I'm in a similar sitch (Asian with a caucasian wife and a bigoted FIL and marginally less bigoted extended in-laws). I once had to threaten to throw my FIL out of the house just to get him to shut up when he said using chopsticks was uncivilized. I'm sorry, brah.
Did the ‘whole world’ need to know about what was a family argument, families argue everyday if what is said within the home is now fair game to shame people publicly and potentially cause them to lose their livelihood then we are all screwed
The guy posted this on reddit using a throwaway account. It's just coincidence that someone recognised the people involved and posted it on his sil facebook.
Load More Replies... She's getting the full consequences of being a racist s**t and still can't pull her head out of her ass and neither can this father. Wow. The wife better be on the husband's side. FOC over rules FOO!! Especially in this case!
Well Sarah is a c**t and the whole of the Internet is on your side dude, that is how the cookie crumbles and she deserves all the s**t she got ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The only thing I would think the wife possibly did wrong was air the dirty laundry on social media. That part is the only part I would say was unnecessary and possibly petty. She ruined her sister's career aspirations for her sister being a d**k. And yes, the SIL is being a horrible human to the husband.
Chinese food is awesome. No offense to the French, but French food kinda makes me want to barf. maybe if I became more of a smug asshole, French food would taste better?
I like both. I'm half-French and got along really well with my Chinese boss, in part because we both like good food. No offense taken for your cuisine preferences. That said, I must now try to forget the "barf" part. I want to be able to enjoy a gratin dauphinois without imaging someone bent over porcelain because the cassoulet was an emetic. :(
Load More Replies... Just because her expertise is on French cuisine it doesn't always mean it's above at all types of cuisines in the world! Insecure c**t! Look what happened to her? I'm lmfao reading this. So wholesome! NTA, at all!
In addition, if my husband is in your position, I would totally first to say to my sister "WTF did you just said?"
Load More Replies... It's a shame the SIL thought she had the right to continuously berate her BIL. Sometimes you just can't win for losing!
If she had criticized me- I would've said; "If YOU'RE such a "GREAT" Chef... Why are they always asking ME to cook? Stop being a lazy witch & HELP or STFU!"
So nobody is suggesting that the SIL and FIL are the ones who could apologize and reunite the family? That's insane. The responsibility for ending the division by apologizing to throwaway is clearly theirs.
Throwaway is definitely NTA. real Chinese cuisine is NOTHING like strip mall golden panda or whatever that chain is.
Does the SIL know just how hard it is to make great Kung Pow? I bet she would stuff it completely.
F**k that bitch. She just showed her true colors, as did your FIL. SIL is not only a racist, she's a narcissistic stuck up snob, and I'll take Asian over French food any day. I think maybe her losing her job, which is ALL on her and is NO WAY your fault (she should have kept her opinions & criticisms to herself and her big f*****g mouth shut) may be just what she needs. Actions have consequences. I wouldn't be surprised if her employer was trying to find a way to get rid of her anyway.
`What a Good Story! Learning how not mess with anyone cooking in kitchen.
I was on his side until the word "racist" started getting used. I stopped reading when tertiary parties got involved and tattled to her place of employment. What is wrong with these people? 🤷♂️
losing your mind over a comment like that? everyone was probably glad you got up and left, grow up
The racist remark is just plain stupid. It isn't 100 % fair because this is only your side. You should have apologized for the remark. However, the raw truth is that people don't remember to engage brain before putting mouth in gear. The family will do/say things that aren't appropriate. You were wrong to swear at her and she reacted. Not appropriately, but you were both wrong. She was acting like an ass and then you reacted the same way. If the reactions of both parties were reversed, how would you feel?
Petty Fighting. Personally I think "Too many Cooks spoils the broth". Or stay our of the kitchen if you are not the cook. (Gee whizz! I even ATE my M-I-L's cooking!! On the other hand I let her into my kitchen once and I vowed NEVER AGAIN!)
No one is perfect and every family has it's drama but it sounds to me like OP's SIL is a drama queen who has to have all the attention on herself...when someone is better at something than her, i.e. cooking, she has to take over and do it "the correct way" I would have told her off years ago. He's a saint for holding out as long as he did. And she screwed herself in regards to her job and her friends! Did she really expect that no one would find out she was a racist bitch?
HINTA, FIL and SIL definitelky are. Too many people put up with insults of all kinds to avoid afgumentd and splits, family, work and other kinds. They should stand their ground instead. SIL made this problem--over a long period of time. She showed her true color and got what she deserves.
I don't see anything racist about it , what if it were mashed potatoes or green beans would that also be racist . Her remark may have been insulting and infering he's not a real cook . Todays climate on race has caused most anything and everything to be racist and it needs to stop .
First, Asian cooking is incredibly complex. SIL is an idiot, and obviously doesn't know jack beyond her (imo overrated) French cuisine (French cuisine is very good, but not the be-all and end-all of fine food). Second, she brought it up at work, and management decided that they do not want an overt, biased, vilely racist person working for them, AND GOOD FOR THEM!, and third...why on earth do people feel the urge to air all of the family's dirty laundry on a very public forum? It happens disgustingly often. Is NOTHING private anymore?
This is hidden racism, obvious jealousy. SIL has issues that has nothing to do with OP, but were easy to project onto him. FIL and SIL need to look at themselves in the mirror, and realize they are racists. The people around them already know it, but they also know it is going difficult for SIL and FIL to change. They both owe OP an apology. Should OP apologize for the name-calling? It would be a good opening for this very difficult situation, without losing any self-respect. Good luck to the fractured family to become whole again.
Sometimes things need to go nuclear to clear away the bull sh*t. No one gets to tell someone else what they should or should not be offended by. SIL is def out of line.
Like the man said, "Families. Can't live with 'em. Can't take 'em down to the river an' drown 'em."
NTA clearly, but this is the hospitality industry. Abuse is endemic. You'll find more humanity and compassion in child sex traffickers. I was only in the industry for a few months, but it was made ABUNDANTLY clear to me that this is where the truly callous and evil, like to hide and play. This industry can push tacit calm yoga types into sadistic spiteful scars on humanity, that live each day with no purpose grander than to visit at least a fraction of the psychological torture that was wrought on them, on others. I doubt I will ever live a day where I don't have to restrain myself from attacking people with a pairing knife. I feel for this so-called racist, although I don't see anything racist in naming the first dish that comes to mind when referring to a restaurant. She was likely abused the exact same way, perhaps even using the precise terms she now uses to belittle the cooking of others. Put another way, she's not doing blackface; she's a burn victim. Cut her a little slack.
Thanks for that! I nearly got persuaded to join F.B. Talk about a mountain out of a molehill. I think, seriously, that racism exists in everyone however we try to hide it.
This is so "colonial" of her thinking anything European is superior to their Asian counterparts. I can't say the hubby has done anything wrong. If he has any passion for his profession, then by god he should stand up for himself. Any cuisine brings with it a long history and centuries of tradition and has kept millions of people fed. That deserves respect.
He was in the right at first but by putting it on the internet and getting his SIL demoted and shamed etc. he put himself in the wrong. Has he never done anything wrong? If he did not like her then don't invite his SIL over and don't go to her house His SIL being an a-hole is not a criminal offense. Did she ever cause him to be demoted at work ruining his career? I am sure he would not his family members to air his dirty laundry, his career to be ruined. I am sure what goes around will come around, (everyone has secrets there are no perfect human gods) he wil get his as well and he and his entire family both sides and he will be the losers. He is a loser!. What a mistake his wife made marrying him.
I feel for the wife too here. You can't choose your family sadly and clearly what has happened, may have been in the pipeline anyway because of their attitudes, but his wife is caught in the middle too. On one side is her husband and the other, her father and sister who have been a large part of her life. It's not easy to walk away from that and by the sounds of it, she has been keeping a fragile peace so far, so probably feels devastated to have it all implode around her now. Easy for us to judge, but if it was your father? Your sister? The family you love? There are no winners here. It's just a very sad situation that has divided a family and caused irreparable damage. I guess it goes to show that once you realise there are issues, address them early on instead of letting them simmer.
She's wrong. You're right. Don't give in, no matter if the majority is on her side - that is totally a different question to begin with - or who is on which side and who is not. Maybe it's already too late for that, but you could challenge her to compete against you in ... cooking. I have seen people like this, and exactly all of them couldn't deliver, they were just bigmouthed losers. Knowing a different way of cutting something and making up that this was right, other wrong, doesn't really qualify as a cook, let alone a good one. A jury unaware of who cooked what, I think, garuantees you seeing her cry over losing against the oh-so-incompetent asian guy without any humor.
Standing up for yourself does not cause any issues. The initial shitty behaviour does. Change the headline please. This man walking out of that dinner did not cause a family divide. The woman's racism did. The headline should read "Woman's racism causes family divide, as man walks out of family meal"
All I can say is I'm so sorry for this poster. He deserves better from his FAMILY, for god's sake. Racism is so...pathetic.
That’s not Norrington in the epic Pirates GIF. That’s Cutler Beckett. Just FYI.
*Sahah* The Mouth That Roared. Sarah is accustomed to letting whatever fly out of her mouth and you better like it, not sidestep it, LIKE it and agree with her. FIL + MIL are obligated to sit her down with a lecture she should have had 25-30 years ago about kindness, civility, and keeping the peace. OP needs to not cook anytime The Mouth is present in fact I would not be in the same building with her. She will never change.
I am so, so relieved to hear how much of the friends and family actually took OP's side on this. Way too many times when there is a racist f**k in the family, it is kinda the whole family and ppl. around them as well. Hope it can all get better for them. Family drama blows.
Damn, well, I am glad your wife stood up for you in the end. And SIL deserves what she got. I hope her demotion HUMBLES her. Her ego was getting a big too big.
In family situations like this, I suggest taking the high road. Another family member being a loser is on them, not you. I know first hand how stupidity can destroy a family. Lifes too short, so if at all possible, let it go. An insult is not worth whatever you think you got out of this. Does anybody feel better for it?
Wow... Maybe someone should tell "Sarah-the-Karen"... "Well, making glorified beef stew isn't real cooking either" (or whatever she does). It's obvious she's a racist piece of s***, as is the FIL. Which means that no matter how good it actually is - if it has a touch of "Yellow Peril" it must be AWFUL. If someone could please get those two to win a Darwin award...?
The funny thing here is that in another story today here on BP about global foods is someone saying about how easy and boring French cuisine is really. Personally I would prefer Asian because of the diversity in taste, texture, colour and styles. If you have never been to a Nepalese resturant you have not lived! It is like an Indian and Chinese resturant crashed into each other!
Obviously Sarah was the a-hole here but there's something I don't get. How can a chef be demoted for a personal disagreement within the family? Is that even legal?
Jerk. You can come cook for my family anytime! I have international family members ( Korea and Colombia) and LOVE eating different food types!!
Funny thing about French cuisine (I've heard this from quite a few famous French chefs, btw) is that it's basically peasant food done properly. (I cook mostly Mediterranean Anythings) #2 on this list encapsulates it with more accuracy: https://www.boredpanda.com/common-food-foreign-delicacies/
Damn this is amazing and I need to find the whole fb post. Fck Sarah and Fck her dad. I watch a CRAP ton of cooking shows / competitions, so I'm basically an expert... (/S) and Asian food is NOT easy. Neither is french but she needs to stay in her lane. She is not God's gift. What I would love is if Gordon Ramsey came in and tried her food and told her she was absolute s**t. lol
I think the worst part was FIL saying OPs presence was being only tolerated up until this point!
"If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen" is the (Western) expression. So the (Western) SIL should sleep in the bed she made without blaming anybody. I'd send an empty bag to FIL with a reference to the cat in it --- he'll have to figure out that taking the post down after his daughter's trouble is pointless. Also I don't get why it's good to have a racist line cook but not a racist executive cook --- if the racism is bad for the job & colleagues, don't employ; if it's no influence, do... This makes no sense.
The entire problem is not his cooking/prep over hers...its because she's a racist a$$hole and got off on denigrating him. (Ditto with the FIL). So, she is now getting demoted/possibly fired not because she's a better cook/preparer, but because her racist abuse was made public and brought to the attention of...well...everyone.
I would say that SIL must have already been pretty hated at her workplace, otherwise her colleagues wouldn't have reported it and management wouldn't have been so quick to take action. She probably had the same condescending attitude there which, with or without the side of racism, isn't going to make any friends.
FIL better come around to wife's thinking or I see him moving in with Sarah for the remainder of his time on Earth. My aunt was married to a man who's father was Filipino and his mother was Native American. OMG...the food that this man made was amazing!!!! I have never been able to make anything as good! SIL needs to get the stick of white privilege out of her a$$.
Regardless of how it started or why it started or what the subject is, in the end this is just a case of bullying. And the SIL is just a typical "playground bully". And whoever is on her side has enabled her and allowed her to get away with this type of behavior plain and simple. She probably has been like this her whole life and her family has chosen to see her as strong or opinionated or whatever, if the behavior continued it's just bullying 😀
Hey. She got the food, right? She didn't pay for it, or something, right too? So. It is a free meal. She can like it, she can dislike it. Thats all what she can do. Everything else is a overstep. If she don't like the "way how it is prepared", she doesn't have to eat it. My father's wife hates when I cut the lettuce, she says it needs to be tear up by hands. And if I do a lettuce, she simply doesn't eat it. But she never brags about it. She mentioned it once and made her way, end of story.
It's a pretty common story I'm afraid. I'm married with a Japanese woman and face similar comments when I go home. It's even worse because they want to be "nice" and "inclusive" by making sure she is always different. "That's like in your country! I love it". No, it's Chinese. That's often the problem when ignorant people meet other cultures...
Sarah probably done more stuff than this. A cousin asked if that was her.. you don't do that if you don't half think it is her. which means her racist side was not very well hidden anyway. And I doubt her work would have done anything if they hadn't seen that side of her at work already and this just confirmed it. She the A. Dad 2nd place.
I'm glad OP's wife moved on to his side. Of course she's unhappy, her family is divided and her parents are fighting; it's not OP's fault or her fault, but it still sucks.
Isn't there a "thingsthatmakeyousmile" subreddit or I know there's a "justiceserved" one. I think this is turning out much better than anyone could have anticipated! I love me some good Asian food and hate racist bullies and my Lord I hope she's been fired by now! I'd really like to rent an airplane banner with "F*** HER!" on it. Love you OP. ❤️
You put up with it too long. First time Sarah opened her trash mouth you should have put a stop to it. My advice is to back away for a time, not comment any more, don't take calls. Let everybody cool off and re-evaluate what they did. YOU ARE FAMILY and they trashed you. You deserve better, especially after all this time.
Usually not a Vengeance & Brimstone Retribution kind of person but Dam~ that uppity racist pig got what she deserved.
He didn't cause anything. His SiL is a racist jerk and the whole thing is her fault.
I know this is almost completely unrelated, but these are the reasons I can't stand being around most chefs. They are some of the most combative, insensitive, egotistical d**k holes. (Source: I have been a chef for 20+ years.) That being said, not much intrigue here, Sarah was obviously the wrong one here, and she should apologize.
There are just too many A holes in the world F Sarah. And everybody stop letting these people get away with it tell him to shove it hey Sarah shove it
I think the SIL owes you an apology bigtime. I also think you might've did something EXTREMELY wrong. It's not about whether what she/you did was ok/no, it's about the internet. People will look at our rights/wrongs under a magnifier online, exaggerating everything. I don't think she deserved to lose her job, cuz of your online post bringing her bad reputation. I thought a lot about whether you are to blame or it's just her behavior that got her fired. If it weren't for the online post, if you had dealt all this offline, she would've kept her job, right? Meaning, You got her fired for a reason non-work related. For all we know, she worked hard at her job, treated everyone nice there. But got fired because of you taking your fight online. One day if she genuinely apologizes, you will get your justice. But she won't get her job back. You'd care if she genuinely is racist or changes that one day. Internet won't. She's "that racist woman" forever.
So the racist woman should keep her job because she works hard? Naw, I don't think so. Imagine what she thinks of coworkers who are people of color. Imagine how she treats diners who are people of color. "Working hard" isn't enough. Her coworkers and diners deserve better. She can learn some respect while she works on finding a different job.
Load More Replies... cooking is a science 2 of my cousins r chefs and ive seen them create masterpieces. its not an easy thing to do and it has nothing to do with race. the SIL is just a racist b****. its her own fault her job went to s**t not his. he didnt do anything wrong. everything that happened none of it is his fault and the SIL had no right to say racist things to him.
All of this is bad. All of it. She’s wrong, he … helped it spiral. I feel for him buuuut… (but I do not feel bad for her. I’d never talk to her again.)
Ok. Asian Canadian here. Here's what I think. EVERYONE IS RACIST! Yup I said it. Loads of Chinese people are insanely racist towards other Chinese people too. What got out of hand is a family member behaving badly and it got on the internet and went nuclear. Is Sarah right oh hell no, she's learning how being racist can negatively affect her life. But in another perspective, does her bad behavior at home justify getting fired from work? As far as I know being racist doesn't affect French cooking skills. I am not siding one way or another, but maybe asking questions with a different perspective
Being racist affects French cooking skills. It impacts how she interacts with coworkers. It impacts how she treats customers. Both her coworkers and diners deserve better. It's understandable that she's demoted or even let go. She can focus on learning respect while she searches for another job.
Load More Replies... The couple needs to move away from the family and never contact them again. The sil got what she deserved.
I don't understand why the original comment was racist, can someone explain it? I see it as a pretentious chef comment, they would say devalue any other cuisine but the one they cook. Like her saying ''making fish and chips in an English restaurant doesn't count'' if the person worked at a pub. Losing her job and starting a family war over a throwaway comment = extreme
The Asian chef, Throwaway, works in an award-winning upscale Chinese restaurant. Sarah the SIL implied that what he cooks is done wrong (she kept criticizing his technique), easy (it's not), and inferior to French food. In saying "Kung Pao chicken", she's implying that he doesn't know how to cook anything else and that Chinese food is very limited. In fact, Chinese cooking varies by region - Cantonese, Szechuan and Hunan are the better known but not the only ones. The reason for the family war is simply that some people really like him and his cooking and came to his defence, but Sarah refused to apologize. As for the possibility of losing her job, she vented against Throwaway at work and her colleagues heard her. I imagine that the colleagues didn't like what she said and thought that it was racist. Some people don't mind working with bigots, some do. I've worked with people who were openly prejudiced and I found it stressful.
Load More Replies... Throwaway is obviously a better person than his SIL. I wish at some point in the past he would have turned the tables on her when she was cooking for family. A few remarks like she'd been making to him might have opened her eyes. Being told Chinese knife work would be better for her dishes, etc.might have released some of the pent up anger he'd been harboring. FIL's behavior is almost unforgivable but Chef may have to.
Wow ...openly racist and entitled to the point of blaming him for her racism poster child for white privilege . If her name is Karen the universe will implode .
Another white cracker making racist remark to asian and then proceeds with "you're being too sensitive, get over it". Nothing is new here.
Looks to me like you're also racist. Maybe you should refrain from using racial slurs like "white cracker".
Load More Replies... Honestly, this did not require the world's input. This was a family squabble. Sarah is clearly a snob who knows nothing about Asian cooking, and clearly a bit of a racist, but she certainly does not deserve to lose her job over this. Cancel culture is such tiresome bullshit. People really need to not take up their pitchforks and torches for this kind of mundane crap. it's a family matter, and should have stayed within the family.
Please don't take family arguments online. It was racist yes and this, updating and sharing everybody's emotions and family trouble to the whole world is ridiculous? Imagine being that other SIL or BIL, I would be super upset over this, the argument should have been argued then and there in the kitchen.
Just so I can get more people playing the aggrieved Victim and down checking, this is simply just another 1st World Problem. People literally looking for things to complain about, because they do not have any real problems in their lives.
SIL is obviously threatened by this man's superior cooking skills and dropped whatever bomb she could to try to diminish him. Her technique of throwing out a racially ignorant comment doesn't seem to have worked for her. I hate when people air their family business on the internet though. This could have been dealt with within the family, but now it's become catastrophic because the internet has chimed in. The rift will never be healed.
To Throwaway, from one Asian guy to another :- 1. 家丑不可外扬 2. 大事化小，小事化无 3. 家合万事兴
That's actually not that much of a nice comment to be honest. He shouldn't hide his feelings for the sake or family harmony.
Load More Replies... "Racism" is not a card. It's an action -- like lumping all diverse Chinese cuisines into one common, Westernized, cheap dish to demean your Chinese BIL who, like his SIL, is an upscale chef.
Load More Replies... She lumped all diverse Chinese food together into one cheap, common, Westernized dish to demean her Chinese BIL, who, like her, is a professional, trained, upscale chef. How is that not racist?
Load More Replies... The first comment on Reddit explains: ""cooking asian food doesn't count as cooking" IS racist"
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