Harvard Grad Explains The Psychology Behind “Not All Men” So Well, Men Are Thanking Her In The Comments For Opening Their Eyes
Most people should know by now that “not all men” is not a good argument for explaining away sexist and harmful behavior toward women. However, despite this, lots of men still use it, stating that far from every guy is like the men who end up on the news for disrespectful and even physically hurtful behavior. Scholar Evelyn, who runs the ‘Herspective’ social media project, believes this has to change.
In a viral TikTok video, Evelyn, who has two master’s degrees from Harvard studying oppression, explained the psychology behind the “not all men” argument. She shared that, in her opinion, there are 3 core sources that lead to this argument and she went into detail about each one. And everything is built on the foundation of needing to be needed and the fear of deferring to women. Check out Evelyn’s full video below and let us know what you think of her analysis. Do you agree with her? Are there other nuances that you think are important? Drop us a comment with your thoughts below.
Bored Panda reached out to award-winning activist and writer Elizabeth Arif-Fear, who is the founder and director of ‘Voice of Salam,’ to get her take on how we as a society can move past the “not all men” mentality. “To really move past victim-blaming, as a society we need to learn to empathize with victims and instead condemn the perpetrators,” she pointed out the essence of the argument. You’ll find Elizabeth’s other insights below.
More info: TikTok | Instagram | HerspectiveFeminist.com
Evelyn went into detail about the psychology behind why men use the “not all men” argument
Image credits: herspective
You can watch Evelyn’s full video right here
@herspective##genderequity ##takedownthepatriarchy ##feminism ##tiktokk ##genderequality ##feminist ##leftist♬ Inspirational Piano – AShamaluevMusic
According to activist Elizabeth, there are a number of things that we can stop doing when it comes to cases of sexual violence against women. “We need to stop thinking about where a woman was, what she was wearing, how she got there, what she was doing. We need to stop and instead first loudly and clearly condemn the perpetrator of violence,” she told Bored Panda about how society should proceed.
“We need to offer complete emotional and legal support to the victims and do the best we can as a society to ensure that they get justice. We need to stop questioning the victim and focus on the perpetrator. We need to look at preventing sexual violence, challenging dangerous attitudes, creating safe spaces for women, helping victims to come forward, and getting perpetrators sentenced. Victim blaming is toxic and must be challenged,” Elizabeth pointed out that some people aren’t aware of just how harmful victim-blaming is, whilst others may deliberately use is a detraction technique—drawing on misogynistic narratives and stereotypes. As a society, we need to stand in solidarity with survivors and do the right thing.
According to Harvard graduate Evelyn, the first source leading to the “not all men” argument is male “pick me” behavior. In short, it’s the desire to be seen as different. You know—one of the good guys. You’d never do anything like those other guys. You’re different. Right? Well, not so much. The researcher believes that this is just a delusion because they’ve already internalized patriarchal values that need unlearning.
Secondly, Evelyn sees the “not all men” argument as a way to silence women and control their voices. She pointed out the hypocrisy that these men are spending their time and energy policing what women say and think instead of denouncing those men who are harming women.
And finally, the scholar identified the presence of what she calls the male superiority complex. Evelyn explains that by saying “not all men,” guys are trying to signal that they’re trustworthy, dependable, and can protect women from the violence and danger that some men pose. However, Evelyn sees this as disempowering women because it implies that the solution to male violence is yet another man with the potential for violence.
Here’s how some people reacted to the educational video. Plenty of men thanked the video creator for making things so clear for them
Evelyn shared with BuzzFeed’s Victoria Vouloumanos that she received a lot of support and appreciation from men after she posted her video on TikTok. According to the Harvard graduate, at the foundation of everything lies men’s lack of deference to women. “Deference is fear and respect,” she said, adding that a lack of it leads to the belief that “anything male is superior to anything female.”
White knighting is another form of this lack of deference because instead of focusing on the woman and her experience, the man would simply do things to boost his own ego and grab other people’s attention. In Evelyn’s opinion, what the knight should instead do is listen to the woman, acknowledge her painful experience, and then do what he can to prevent this from happening again.
Furthermore, Evelyn elaborated about how another fundamental aspect of the “not all men” style of thinking is men’s desire to be needed by women and other men. In fact, she believes that most (if not all) undesirable or harmful behavior that men do stems from this desire to be accepted by everyone. And that, frankly, is the best and most in-depth explanation of how everything connects to the “not all men” mentality that we’ve ever heard. But what about you, dear Pandas? What do you think?
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Maybe if we all stopped making divisive statements - women do this, men do that, blacks do the other, asians do this etc. - and just tried to get along as human beings there would be less anger in the world. Less anger would lead to our children growing up in a happier environment and then they would grow up to be nice people. Right now, it just feels like everybody is shouting at anybody who isn't identical to them and it just fosters hostility. Just be nice. Please.
Part of the problem with that request is that it's too vague and too generalised. If you want a specific behaviour to stop, you have to call out that behaviour. "Don't be angry" negates times when anger is an appropriate and valid response. "Just be nice" doesn't address those people who don't know how to measure "nice" as they've never experienced it - it's almost like saying "Have you tried not being addicted to meth because you were trafficked as a small child?" "Men need to respect women" without explaining what that actually means to women is going to lead to frustration - because men and women ARE different, and respect between two men is different to respect between a man and a woman - take "banter" as a prime example; men who are comfortable and even feel validated by jokes between men would be utterly baffled when a woman is offended and hurt on the receiving end. Specifics are needed to ensure the message gets across to everyone, and the world will still not change overnight
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I'm tired of this 'not all men'. It's an excuse to dismiss the problem without even trying to understand. When I hear about an abusive mother, I don't begin by "not all mothers", that's total nonsense. Why do -some- guys need to precise they are behaving properly? Only the facts can tell.
My dad left me with scars tstill visible on X-ray 27 years after he died. No joke. And I dnot say "ALL MEN" or even "NOT ALL MEN". SOme *PEOPLE* are mean/cruel/etc., and gender is irrelevant.
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There is a common hashtag that usually pops up on south African Twitter trends. Men are Trash. I ignore it, but it becomes a problem when that phrase is thrown at you even in conversations that are not about gender. they are being used by some women in making sure men don't even have a voice in some things.
anyone who says someone is trash, is actually trash themselves. I have to be careful how to respond, as i dont want to be all "not all women" (and having the shoe on the other foot is educational, having to think about how I come across, just as the same request is being made to males in this very article!)
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I agree in that language is very important and we should be careful with it. All of us need to be careful to not write generalisations because they just cause more hate towards others. So it is important to not write 'all men', 'all women' etc. We should encourage using expressions like 'too many men' or 'some women'. But if a woman in complaining about sexism it does not mean 'all men'. Unless she explicitly says that all men are like X nobody needs to make the clarification. If a person is talking about something bad (like being groped in the metro) and you are more interested in how she said it rather than what happened to her perhaps you are indeed part of 'those men'
Agree that using determiners better can help - like your suggestion of "too many men" - but also, think we should focus more on the issue that is being raised rather than whether or not the generalisation is hedged properly.
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@Bored Panda @Jonas Grinevičius Please correct referring to Evelyn Nam as a scholar to as an influencer. This is her job. She is, even with a lenient definition, *not* a scholar. She holds no PhD, there are no traces of scholarly publications, and she does not seem to interact in scientific discourse. What she does on social media does not link to research work, let alone cite scientific articles. By still calling her a scholar, you discredit her as someone who sells opinion as research results, and you mock actual scholars.
You need to grab a dictionary and look up the word "scholar." In no universe does it mean only someone who holds a PhD or publishes scientific literature. Evelyn Nam has two masters degrees and has chosen to spend some of her time sharing what she's earned her degrees in on social media. You attempting to reduce her to nothing more than a silly female with an opinion only makes you look like a misogynistic douchebag.
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I recently had a conversation with my husband, asking him what goes through his head when the elevator door opens and there’s only a couple men inside, or if there is a guy hanging around his car in a dark parking lot, or when he has to walk to his car alone at night. He then heard what automatically goes though my head, and it totally blew his mind.
Nearest exit, nearest weapon, phone in hand with mostly 911 dialed, check the back seat check under the car while approaching, always park under a light nearest the door as possible. Or wait until threat has passed.
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So, basically if one has a penis, one is automatically guilty by association for all the bad things other penis havers have done, and if you deny it, you're being a bad penis haver. Got it.
If one has a penis, they have a certain privilege (the general feeling of safety in most situations), which those of us who do not have a penis would like them to acknowledge.
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reason magazine published an article about four years ago nothing that over 70% of all social science studies are based on conjecture and cannot be replicated. In other words, they do not begin with an open mind, they start with a conclusion and then pick data to support their thesis. So when someone says to me that "studies show" or "I have concluded, through research" I immediately know what they are going to say. And it is always something that supports the "current" sociological thesis. I would like to remind you that "studies have shown" that women can't do a lot of things that they CAN do and all those "studies" were nothing more than attempts to justify sociological and societal demands.
I'm sorry, but I find her very patronizing. No, not all men are the same. Not all women are the same. We are not clones. We may have some ideas and education instilled into us, but most of us are clever enough to decide and think for ourselves now. Stop making everyone feel guilty. We are all doing our best.
That's one way to look at it. You're not entirely wrong though.
Load More Replies... I tend to flip these things around to get an idea of how it might be perceived from another viewpoint. The number of men who abuse women is significant, but statistically of course, it isn't ALL men or even a majority of men. "Not all men" is statistically therefore valid comment to make. So let's try it in reverse. A man is talking to a woman about negative behaviour that is also statistically rare- let's say a mother who abused her child. Would a woman start her response with "yeah, but not all women..."? I highly doubt it, and I've certainly never heard it said. So reflect, why would men feel the need to make the distinction? It's an interesting one.
Browse a bit through some "social issues" posts on bored panda and read the comment sections. you'll see a lot of women use statistics that will make you understand why men feel the need to make a distinction. Even you agree it's a valid comment. But then try to make it sound invalid by comparing what you think a mothers response would be if she is confronted with a different issue.
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This BP post surely sparked a debate. This is masking two quite curious things: a) If someone opens a video with "I have two relevant degrees" it usually means "I have opinions but not a clue". "My Tiktok went from 0 to 400K in less than three months" from the Web site completes this picture. Degrees matter nothing, facts do. In case you want to make a point, cite scientific sources. There are plenty works in both psychology and gender studies that could have been referenced. b) This seemingly coindidental viral video is mainly clever marketing for Evelyn Nam whom you can book for 100 USD per 30 minutes.
By the way: do you people realize that Evelyn is an influencer, the probably most frowned upon profession based on BP community's views? (Before any of you downvote me pleaze realize that I am pointing to facts with no connotation whetsoever.)
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I typically don't like being grouped with rapists. I'm sure people don't like being stereotypically grouped in with murderers, rapists, gangsters, thieves, or whatever negative things people come up with. But I guess also don't feel the need to defend my entire race/sex all the time.
I think this is an issue with people who use "not all men" in cases like this. If a response to someone talking about rapists is to say "not all men" and to feel grouped alongside them, then the responder has very poor reading comprehension (it's not (necessarily) about you as an individual) or they themselves are grouping "all men" with rapists (which is very telling).
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A school in Australia made its male students apologize for crimes against women....for the simple reason that they share a gender with people who committed violent crimes against women. And yet you wonder why "not all men" is a thing.
Omfg. I googled to reference coz I hadn't heard this: https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/brauer-college-school-assembly-boys-stand-up-apologise-gender-backlash/ That is just so wrong. How dare they shame innocent people. And I obviously need to keep casting my net wider, if I didn't come across this and I'm in the next door country so I kinda should have. Thank you for bringing up this example. It's a tangible example of the horrible extremes some misandrists are going to, and is very very wrong. My heart goes out to the kids they subjected to that, and that they have done as much as possible to heal the hurt caused by that stupid, jaw dropping sexism.
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My least favourite thing about modern feminism is that it pictures women as weak, helpless, constantly scared victims and encourages self-pity. No, men saying "not all men" don't instil on women fear of independence.
My girlfriend said she wants to rip off the balls of all the pedophiles. I told her not all pedophiles have balls. Is that the same as this?
No. In your case you are pointing out the very real presence of predatory pedophiles who are women.
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I have to raise my hand here and say I had not noticed this 'not all men' thing, to be a thing. But that's possibly because I man and so obviously have no emotional sensitivity or value on this planet.
No, just means you haven't even vaguely been paying attention. There is a simple solution to that though... start paying attention.
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A year ago I was told by a man that he doesn't think there's any sexism in our group. Around the same time I had gotten angry at another guy who kept talking over me all the time and tried to assert dominance over me and I just had enough because his behavious had been going on for months, and when I had raised my voice some guys had wondered behind my back "is she on her period or something?" and then when I was talked to about the situation a few days later, I said I got angry because of this guy, he had been pushing my buttons for so long and nobody did anything about it, but the guys just kept asking what else was causing the anger. Then there was a dude who had already harassed one woman in our group, but he was allowed to stay around and he ended up harassing 4? other women and he was just told not to do it and also to just stay away from women if he wants to be a sexist piece of s**t around other guys so that girls don't get uncomfortable.
A man judging there's no sexism in a social group? Sounds very familiar.
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Under patriarchy, everybody suffers. Men. Women. Other. Children. Squirrels. EVERYBODY.
The "Not All Men" is a way of asking to be heard. Otherwise, when men try to speak they are immediately dismissed because well they are men and can't possibly understand. I have literally been told that I can't understand because I'm a man. Even though I was trying to participate in the conversation in order too understand!!! So, I feel this is a two way street. You can't expect us to be part of the solution but then also shun us because we are men.
That's the problem. Why are men so intent on being heard whenever a woman is talking about women being physically or sexually harmed by men? If men in general had stepped up a long time ago and stopped their male friends or family members or co-workers from physically or sexually abusive and stopped laughing at rape jokes at the bar or the water cooler, maybe the rate of physical and sexual abuse inflicted on so many women in this country wouldn't be so damned high. If you were honest with yourself, you'd realize that you've shrugged off, laughed at or accepted the behaviors of other guys in your life. So no, not ALL men physically or sexually abuse women, but it's a real safe bet to say most men haven't done their part to end the culture that perpetuates it.
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Is all men's behaviour nature or nurture? If it's nurture, their mothers bear some of the responsibility for their behaviour. If it's nature, it's genetic, in which case men are being coerced into behaving against their nature to please women, which is misandrist. This is a big issue for me when I'm told that saying "not all men" is wrong. Frankly, i find it incredibly insulting & disgusting that anyone can make such blanket, hateful, statements about other genders. The argument appears to go that men cannot deny this because they're not women. Similarly, I don't believe women can justify this because they're not men. This male/female divide is hateful, on both sides. At the end of the day, we're all individuals. Women, as well as men, are capable of gender specific hatred & prejudice. We're also capable of loving each other & respecting each other, of being downtrodden by each other & bullying each other, of having fun with each other & working with each other, in peace.
Let's flip the genders to make it easier for people to understand: Person 1: "Women are cheating wh ores." Person 2: "Most women aren't like that." Person 1: "Are you seriously going to #NotAllWomen?" Do you see the problem with Person 1's response? It's the same problem that the argument made by the woman in the article has.
This Harvard Grad (really?) and her misandristic tosh makes my blood boil. Why is Bored Panda peddling this crap? This brand of feminism propounds the kind of gender rancour it professes to abhor.
I always assumed the men who say "Not all men" just don't want to be lumped in with the abhorrent creeps of the world who do these awful things, purely because they're the same gender. If someone is talking about a male rapist and follows by saying "men have blah blah..." that would make me feel like I was being grouped in with them. What's wrong with saying "Some men do X". If someone gave a stereotypical statement about women it'd make me uncomfortable, I'd want to stand up for myself too.
The real response should be, "Not always men." There is a high percentage of women who do the exact same thing. Deep down it's not about gender, race, religion, or any other classification we try to put people in. It's about one person's need to control another in order to feel better about their own existence.
All men are x y and z? So your grandfather, your father, brother, son, nephew, grandson, the fireman that carried you out of a burning apartment, the dr that treated your depression etc etc are inherently bad? Do you think it is at all possible that when men say ‘not all men’ there is a chance that they feel embarrassed and maybe a little hurt that they are grouped in with the bad just because of what they have between their legs and the could actually be nice people? Is it only straight men that aren’t allowed to say ‘not all men’? Do gay guys get a pass?
Whoosh! You're talking as if "not all men" is a response to the statement "all men..." - which it is not. And if the men are grouping themselves with the bad, why? And are they really that self obsessed that when someone talks about men, they have to immediately make it about themselves as individuals?
Load More Replies... I'll stop saying "Not all men..." if women stop saying "All men...".
You know what, as a woman myself, whenever someone explicitly says "all men", be it for something good or bad, my spontaneous reaction is a face expression that basically translates as "not all men". Having said that, I notice that many times women don't really say "all men are x", but their statements do get misinterpreted this way, and here is when this "not all men" reaction gets criticised. So, ask yourself, did you hear this well? Try shifting points of view and then you'll see whether you heard correctly or not.
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Is anyone else looking forward to the "not all men" comments on an article explaining "not all men"? :D
Is it not possible that offense is taken because the language used implies that it is all men?
It's more than possible. You hit the nail on the head.
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So what she's saying is "I have 2 Masters degrees in useless subject and am now trying to get a castrated male to support me". Got it.
And how about those guys who write comments like: "It's a bloody outrage women aren't safe out on the streets at night. They shouldn't have to live in fear like that." Actually contributing nothing to the discussion and just fishing for likes because they present an opinion nobody disagrees with. If this "pick me" behaviour is actually a thing, than this is definitely an example of it.
Confused and a bit saddened. Has she not considered that men saying this are just feeling defensive? Say what you will about male-fragility, I have yet to find one race/gender that enjoys negative generalizations being made about it
Black people are also victim of oppression but they use hashtag #BlackLivesMatter NOT "# kill all white people ". and this is the reason why there are lot of white people who support them Fact is you can achieve nothing by spreading hatred in society She is just trying to provoke more men by mocking them. Next time try highlighting what is going wrong and what needs to be changed, if you really want to see progress. Hastag should be "smash patriarchy or Stopviolenceagainst women.
This Harvard Grad (really?) and her misandristic tosh makes my f*****g blood boil. Why is Bored Panda peddling this crap? This brand of feminism propounds the kind of gender rancour it professes to abhor.
Any bad thing (physical or emotional) that happens to any person is just wrong and bad. Gender does not matter! It is good to call out people who do wrong. And there are for sure patterns that re-appear e.g. mens actions towards women. HOWEVER There seems to be a recent trend to demonise all men and kind of degrade them into a stupid, abusive, violet sub-race. Following all the crap that I recently see on BP I need to apologize at least 3 times a day for beimg a man and best do not leave the house which I guess is evil as well as I would exploit my wife for going to going work. Sorry but this generalizes men-bashing has to stop. It is as worng as generalizing and attack any group. Sorry for this lady - 2 Degrees and nothomg learned!
Someone needed to write a long speech and wrote this. Same story, same overused themes, over-overused explanations, over-over-overused simplifations. People doing this are tiring. Even more, they do a bad job to the cause. Finally: Do you have 2 masters in Harvard and the only place where you can expose your ideas is here? C'mon, I do not believe you
Agreed. The men who don't need to hear this are tired of hearing it, and the ones who do need to hear it aren't going to listen, so what's the point? And Aunt Messy, go f**k yourself. I'm sure no one else would.
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OMG - I've been a professional bookkeeper for almost 30 years. I have been trained & certified in 13 different accounting software programs. SO - this business owner wants a certain report, but he wants some specifics that the program doesn't recognize. I explain in detail WHY I can't "just make" this report, BUT - I can export the information into Excel and create the report he wants, however, it will take at least an hour. He goes ballistic and basically calls my ability into question, all the while INSISTING the program CAN create that report. I just stood up and shoved my chair at him. "Oh, really - then why don't you show me f*****g how, since you seem to know more about my job than I do". Surprisingly, I did not get fired. And he stopped questioning me. Win/Win - I guess?
This post misses an extremely important point: generalizing about people when describing negative behavior is bad. When women say, "Men do (fill in the blank)" it's a normal automatic response for men who don't do that thing to react by saying "Not all men do that". If you reverse the gender, most liberated women would be outraged if a man said, "Women do (fill in the blank)" because it's a blanket statement about an entire gender, which is NEVER correct, therefore doing it is always going to be incorrect and likely offensive. NO ONE should be making those kinds of statements and there's nothing wrong with objecting to them on that basis.
So... two nice little certificates make her an expert in how members of the opposite sex think and act... right... got it.
I seriously have always believed in the equality of women and championed their rights. Yet now I find out that it was all a lie. I'm condemned because I have "internalized misogyny and sexism". Perhaps Evelyn is a misandrist.
I just really strongly disagree with this entire perspective. It's important to acknowledge that not all of ANY demographic are *ANYTHING* except that demographic. The only characteristic shared by ALL men is being men. The only characteristic shared by ALL women is being women. The only characteristic shared by ALL white people is being white. The only characteristic shared by ALL Hindus is being Hindu. The only characteristic shared by ALL children is being children. You get the point. I don't want to be tarred & feathered with "all women" any more than a man wants to be tarred & feathered with "all men". We're human beings. Stop viewing through the lens of "oppressed" and "oppressor" & start seeing humans.
Evelyn: "I have a certain view on society. Firstly I mention my university degree. All people who don't understand that my particular field of sience is actually a still ongoing process of debate and research will be convinced my opinion is fact. Subsequently I present a plea suggesting anyone who tries to discuss my opinion is actually part of the problem. Making my view impervious to discussion. Also I draw away the attention from the fact that the statement that not all men misbehave is still factually 100% true. So instead of adressing the argument I dismiss the person making it by suggesting his motives are always impure. (attacking the messenger and not the message)"
It's true though, not all men do it. The way the problem is fixed is by exiling the offenders but that takes the community or at least the peers around that person. This isn't just a sex thing either, people need to stand up for people who need help EVERYWHERE and CONSTANTLY instead of just going "none of my business". If it's not RIGHT, it's your business.
Isn’t it women who always say that they need men to step up and start confronting? So aren’t they themselves the ones who reinforces the thought of the way to stop men’s violence is another man? Either way. Yes these points might very well be true, yet it’s these women who states that they want men to step up and confront but at the same time writes/speaks as if men as a group are the ”enemy”. This at least to me seems like an unnecessary and easily avoided thing in the first place which would have avoided this äshitshow in the first place with men being butthurt.
I'm so sorry for being a man. I never considered anyone else's feelings. It's my fault. I'll try and do better next time.
1- That's a low bar, below bare civility, wow! "not a violent criminal or a vile man". Sounds like a motel that sells itself as "not Bates Motel". Please, please don't "pick me" ever in this context. I'll show interest in people with higher standards than that in other contexts. I have much higher standards of behavior and intelligence which I strive for because dignity and sense of self-worth demand it, not to impress "mates". 2- I am actually angry at violent criminals and vile men. No excuse ever for their behavior, punishment and/or reeducation for all. I don't want to be grouped with them because I am innocent and way above that, if ever I don't I'll take my punishment and shame and lose my hard won reputation 3- Your own safety and self-defense is your own concern, not mine, I don't owe you but what civism demands. If I am near and the police isn't I'll take the risk and try to help defend you out of civic duty and humanity. Because I want the same concern and civism (Golden Rule) when it will be me or somebody I love that needs defense. Also, it's ugly, to take sexual advantage of abusers and attackers and the fear of them, both of which I want so much to end forever.
So the "not all men" is bad in every way? Either you are a delusionist, want to control womens mouth or say men are superior.
My rebuttal to "Not all men" is "Keep working on your comprehension skills."
For anyone who doesn't know, there are only 2 reasons to have a masters degree: You're still working on your PhD, or you aren't smart enough to earn the PhD. This woman brags about having 2 masters and makes no mention of a PhD. Take from that what you will
I didn't have any men in my childhood to look up to. They weren't all bad people, but they were misogynists, and some of them abusive. Now I'm so moved by dads who say things like "I have learned from my daughter". If I see a really gentle nice guy it's a miracle. And as Evelyn said, we are all misogynists. And some of the good guys too, say things that they don't really want to change this situation and they have ridiculous reasons, like "this particular female colleague is a little bit unreasonable, we shouldn't have women in this field". Or "I'm tired of this feminist bs".
@vanurtle tweeted this yesterday: https://twitter.com/Vanurtle/status/1392366952639729671?s=20
I feel like the person saying "not all men" is trying to point out that he is not like that (which is misguided to be sure, but also innocent and undeserving of the wrath it draws). It's pretty much the same as declaring how smart or nice or brave you are; if it's the truth, you don't need to declare it. It helps me put it into perspective when I remember how I was falsely accused of rape by a woman; the person in front of me telling me they wouldn't do that is completely inconsequential - there's a deep-rooted fear there that will never go away.
is assigning a certain behaviour to men because they are men sexist?
I'm a man and I think it's a lot safer for women to assume that all men are pigs and work from there. There are still way to many guys who mistake 'she's nice to me' for 'she wants to sleep with me' or guys who simply think women telling them no are playing hard to get. I just wouldn't risk it if I were a woman.
It's clear to me that she's a liberally minded, snowflake that subscribes to the idea that all men are evil. Her "Master's degrees" are nothing more than bits of paper given to her by a college that rewards her for thinking the same way that the course instructor does... now let's see her take those masters degrees and use them to get a real job, without blaming men for how useless those degrees are going to be in the process. If she had a degree in engineering, or some other constructive field of endeavors, where the end product is to the betterment of human society instead of aimed at its destruction, then I'd be impressed... but at this point, I'm not.
the man who says I am the king is no king... damn, this applies to so many situations
Except for the case when the king says it off course.
Load More Replies... The idiots that say "not all men" are the same idiots that say "all lives matter". Idiots because they miss the whole point. Black lives matter doesn't mean all lives don't matter, and engaging in such juvenile whataboutery shuts down discussion and dismisses valid criticisms. The only use of it that's justified is to say #notallmen think using #notallmen is a valid response. Lol.
1. How often do people actually say "ALL men are/do X"? More often, people generalise without the determiner "all" and someone douche comes along and says "not all men" - well done, but no one was saying "all men" and if you read a generalisation as applying to all of a group, you've made that meaning yourself. 2. In cases where someone does say "ALL men are/do X", why come in with a dismissive "not all men" instead of having empathy for the issues the op has faced? If they say "all men harass women", and why focus on the "all" rather than the "harass"?
Load More Replies... 1. Today's woman? #notallwomen? 2. "No deep thought" - yeah, that's pretty clear from your opinion. 3. "Good men" = "nice guys" and I think we all know how toxic that is.
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Completely ignoring your sarcasm: Say your opinion if you want, whatever it may be. I agree with some parts, disagree with others. That's just how I feel. And I'm open to listening to what others have to say, as sometimes I hear a new perspective, and realise I had been too glib/not understood the situation at hand.
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Don't let the door hit you on the way out :)
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Maybe if we all stopped making divisive statements - women do this, men do that, blacks do the other, asians do this etc. - and just tried to get along as human beings there would be less anger in the world. Less anger would lead to our children growing up in a happier environment and then they would grow up to be nice people. Right now, it just feels like everybody is shouting at anybody who isn't identical to them and it just fosters hostility. Just be nice. Please.
Part of the problem with that request is that it's too vague and too generalised. If you want a specific behaviour to stop, you have to call out that behaviour. "Don't be angry" negates times when anger is an appropriate and valid response. "Just be nice" doesn't address those people who don't know how to measure "nice" as they've never experienced it - it's almost like saying "Have you tried not being addicted to meth because you were trafficked as a small child?" "Men need to respect women" without explaining what that actually means to women is going to lead to frustration - because men and women ARE different, and respect between two men is different to respect between a man and a woman - take "banter" as a prime example; men who are comfortable and even feel validated by jokes between men would be utterly baffled when a woman is offended and hurt on the receiving end. Specifics are needed to ensure the message gets across to everyone, and the world will still not change overnight
Load More Replies... I'm tired of this 'not all men'. It's an excuse to dismiss the problem without even trying to understand. When I hear about an abusive mother, I don't begin by "not all mothers", that's total nonsense. Why do -some- guys need to precise they are behaving properly? Only the facts can tell.
My dad left me with scars tstill visible on X-ray 27 years after he died. No joke. And I dnot say "ALL MEN" or even "NOT ALL MEN". SOme *PEOPLE* are mean/cruel/etc., and gender is irrelevant.
Load More Replies... There is a common hashtag that usually pops up on south African Twitter trends. Men are Trash. I ignore it, but it becomes a problem when that phrase is thrown at you even in conversations that are not about gender. they are being used by some women in making sure men don't even have a voice in some things.
anyone who says someone is trash, is actually trash themselves. I have to be careful how to respond, as i dont want to be all "not all women" (and having the shoe on the other foot is educational, having to think about how I come across, just as the same request is being made to males in this very article!)
Load More Replies... I agree in that language is very important and we should be careful with it. All of us need to be careful to not write generalisations because they just cause more hate towards others. So it is important to not write 'all men', 'all women' etc. We should encourage using expressions like 'too many men' or 'some women'. But if a woman in complaining about sexism it does not mean 'all men'. Unless she explicitly says that all men are like X nobody needs to make the clarification. If a person is talking about something bad (like being groped in the metro) and you are more interested in how she said it rather than what happened to her perhaps you are indeed part of 'those men'
Agree that using determiners better can help - like your suggestion of "too many men" - but also, think we should focus more on the issue that is being raised rather than whether or not the generalisation is hedged properly.
Load More Replies... @Bored Panda @Jonas Grinevičius Please correct referring to Evelyn Nam as a scholar to as an influencer. This is her job. She is, even with a lenient definition, *not* a scholar. She holds no PhD, there are no traces of scholarly publications, and she does not seem to interact in scientific discourse. What she does on social media does not link to research work, let alone cite scientific articles. By still calling her a scholar, you discredit her as someone who sells opinion as research results, and you mock actual scholars.
You need to grab a dictionary and look up the word "scholar." In no universe does it mean only someone who holds a PhD or publishes scientific literature. Evelyn Nam has two masters degrees and has chosen to spend some of her time sharing what she's earned her degrees in on social media. You attempting to reduce her to nothing more than a silly female with an opinion only makes you look like a misogynistic douchebag.
Load More Replies... I recently had a conversation with my husband, asking him what goes through his head when the elevator door opens and there’s only a couple men inside, or if there is a guy hanging around his car in a dark parking lot, or when he has to walk to his car alone at night. He then heard what automatically goes though my head, and it totally blew his mind.
Nearest exit, nearest weapon, phone in hand with mostly 911 dialed, check the back seat check under the car while approaching, always park under a light nearest the door as possible. Or wait until threat has passed.
Load More Replies... So, basically if one has a penis, one is automatically guilty by association for all the bad things other penis havers have done, and if you deny it, you're being a bad penis haver. Got it.
If one has a penis, they have a certain privilege (the general feeling of safety in most situations), which those of us who do not have a penis would like them to acknowledge.
Load More Replies... reason magazine published an article about four years ago nothing that over 70% of all social science studies are based on conjecture and cannot be replicated. In other words, they do not begin with an open mind, they start with a conclusion and then pick data to support their thesis. So when someone says to me that "studies show" or "I have concluded, through research" I immediately know what they are going to say. And it is always something that supports the "current" sociological thesis. I would like to remind you that "studies have shown" that women can't do a lot of things that they CAN do and all those "studies" were nothing more than attempts to justify sociological and societal demands.
I'm sorry, but I find her very patronizing. No, not all men are the same. Not all women are the same. We are not clones. We may have some ideas and education instilled into us, but most of us are clever enough to decide and think for ourselves now. Stop making everyone feel guilty. We are all doing our best.
That's one way to look at it. You're not entirely wrong though.
Load More Replies... I tend to flip these things around to get an idea of how it might be perceived from another viewpoint. The number of men who abuse women is significant, but statistically of course, it isn't ALL men or even a majority of men. "Not all men" is statistically therefore valid comment to make. So let's try it in reverse. A man is talking to a woman about negative behaviour that is also statistically rare- let's say a mother who abused her child. Would a woman start her response with "yeah, but not all women..."? I highly doubt it, and I've certainly never heard it said. So reflect, why would men feel the need to make the distinction? It's an interesting one.
Browse a bit through some "social issues" posts on bored panda and read the comment sections. you'll see a lot of women use statistics that will make you understand why men feel the need to make a distinction. Even you agree it's a valid comment. But then try to make it sound invalid by comparing what you think a mothers response would be if she is confronted with a different issue.
Load More Replies... This BP post surely sparked a debate. This is masking two quite curious things: a) If someone opens a video with "I have two relevant degrees" it usually means "I have opinions but not a clue". "My Tiktok went from 0 to 400K in less than three months" from the Web site completes this picture. Degrees matter nothing, facts do. In case you want to make a point, cite scientific sources. There are plenty works in both psychology and gender studies that could have been referenced. b) This seemingly coindidental viral video is mainly clever marketing for Evelyn Nam whom you can book for 100 USD per 30 minutes.
By the way: do you people realize that Evelyn is an influencer, the probably most frowned upon profession based on BP community's views? (Before any of you downvote me pleaze realize that I am pointing to facts with no connotation whetsoever.)
Load More Replies... I typically don't like being grouped with rapists. I'm sure people don't like being stereotypically grouped in with murderers, rapists, gangsters, thieves, or whatever negative things people come up with. But I guess also don't feel the need to defend my entire race/sex all the time.
I think this is an issue with people who use "not all men" in cases like this. If a response to someone talking about rapists is to say "not all men" and to feel grouped alongside them, then the responder has very poor reading comprehension (it's not (necessarily) about you as an individual) or they themselves are grouping "all men" with rapists (which is very telling).
Load More Replies... A school in Australia made its male students apologize for crimes against women....for the simple reason that they share a gender with people who committed violent crimes against women. And yet you wonder why "not all men" is a thing.
Omfg. I googled to reference coz I hadn't heard this: https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/brauer-college-school-assembly-boys-stand-up-apologise-gender-backlash/ That is just so wrong. How dare they shame innocent people. And I obviously need to keep casting my net wider, if I didn't come across this and I'm in the next door country so I kinda should have. Thank you for bringing up this example. It's a tangible example of the horrible extremes some misandrists are going to, and is very very wrong. My heart goes out to the kids they subjected to that, and that they have done as much as possible to heal the hurt caused by that stupid, jaw dropping sexism.
Load More Replies... My least favourite thing about modern feminism is that it pictures women as weak, helpless, constantly scared victims and encourages self-pity. No, men saying "not all men" don't instil on women fear of independence.
My girlfriend said she wants to rip off the balls of all the pedophiles. I told her not all pedophiles have balls. Is that the same as this?
No. In your case you are pointing out the very real presence of predatory pedophiles who are women.
Load More Replies... I have to raise my hand here and say I had not noticed this 'not all men' thing, to be a thing. But that's possibly because I man and so obviously have no emotional sensitivity or value on this planet.
No, just means you haven't even vaguely been paying attention. There is a simple solution to that though... start paying attention.
Load More Replies... A year ago I was told by a man that he doesn't think there's any sexism in our group. Around the same time I had gotten angry at another guy who kept talking over me all the time and tried to assert dominance over me and I just had enough because his behavious had been going on for months, and when I had raised my voice some guys had wondered behind my back "is she on her period or something?" and then when I was talked to about the situation a few days later, I said I got angry because of this guy, he had been pushing my buttons for so long and nobody did anything about it, but the guys just kept asking what else was causing the anger. Then there was a dude who had already harassed one woman in our group, but he was allowed to stay around and he ended up harassing 4? other women and he was just told not to do it and also to just stay away from women if he wants to be a sexist piece of s**t around other guys so that girls don't get uncomfortable.
A man judging there's no sexism in a social group? Sounds very familiar.
Load More Replies... Under patriarchy, everybody suffers. Men. Women. Other. Children. Squirrels. EVERYBODY.
The "Not All Men" is a way of asking to be heard. Otherwise, when men try to speak they are immediately dismissed because well they are men and can't possibly understand. I have literally been told that I can't understand because I'm a man. Even though I was trying to participate in the conversation in order too understand!!! So, I feel this is a two way street. You can't expect us to be part of the solution but then also shun us because we are men.
That's the problem. Why are men so intent on being heard whenever a woman is talking about women being physically or sexually harmed by men? If men in general had stepped up a long time ago and stopped their male friends or family members or co-workers from physically or sexually abusive and stopped laughing at rape jokes at the bar or the water cooler, maybe the rate of physical and sexual abuse inflicted on so many women in this country wouldn't be so damned high. If you were honest with yourself, you'd realize that you've shrugged off, laughed at or accepted the behaviors of other guys in your life. So no, not ALL men physically or sexually abuse women, but it's a real safe bet to say most men haven't done their part to end the culture that perpetuates it.
Load More Replies... Is all men's behaviour nature or nurture? If it's nurture, their mothers bear some of the responsibility for their behaviour. If it's nature, it's genetic, in which case men are being coerced into behaving against their nature to please women, which is misandrist. This is a big issue for me when I'm told that saying "not all men" is wrong. Frankly, i find it incredibly insulting & disgusting that anyone can make such blanket, hateful, statements about other genders. The argument appears to go that men cannot deny this because they're not women. Similarly, I don't believe women can justify this because they're not men. This male/female divide is hateful, on both sides. At the end of the day, we're all individuals. Women, as well as men, are capable of gender specific hatred & prejudice. We're also capable of loving each other & respecting each other, of being downtrodden by each other & bullying each other, of having fun with each other & working with each other, in peace.
Let's flip the genders to make it easier for people to understand: Person 1: "Women are cheating wh ores." Person 2: "Most women aren't like that." Person 1: "Are you seriously going to #NotAllWomen?" Do you see the problem with Person 1's response? It's the same problem that the argument made by the woman in the article has.
This Harvard Grad (really?) and her misandristic tosh makes my blood boil. Why is Bored Panda peddling this crap? This brand of feminism propounds the kind of gender rancour it professes to abhor.
I always assumed the men who say "Not all men" just don't want to be lumped in with the abhorrent creeps of the world who do these awful things, purely because they're the same gender. If someone is talking about a male rapist and follows by saying "men have blah blah..." that would make me feel like I was being grouped in with them. What's wrong with saying "Some men do X". If someone gave a stereotypical statement about women it'd make me uncomfortable, I'd want to stand up for myself too.
The real response should be, "Not always men." There is a high percentage of women who do the exact same thing. Deep down it's not about gender, race, religion, or any other classification we try to put people in. It's about one person's need to control another in order to feel better about their own existence.
All men are x y and z? So your grandfather, your father, brother, son, nephew, grandson, the fireman that carried you out of a burning apartment, the dr that treated your depression etc etc are inherently bad? Do you think it is at all possible that when men say ‘not all men’ there is a chance that they feel embarrassed and maybe a little hurt that they are grouped in with the bad just because of what they have between their legs and the could actually be nice people? Is it only straight men that aren’t allowed to say ‘not all men’? Do gay guys get a pass?
Whoosh! You're talking as if "not all men" is a response to the statement "all men..." - which it is not. And if the men are grouping themselves with the bad, why? And are they really that self obsessed that when someone talks about men, they have to immediately make it about themselves as individuals?
Load More Replies... I'll stop saying "Not all men..." if women stop saying "All men...".
You know what, as a woman myself, whenever someone explicitly says "all men", be it for something good or bad, my spontaneous reaction is a face expression that basically translates as "not all men". Having said that, I notice that many times women don't really say "all men are x", but their statements do get misinterpreted this way, and here is when this "not all men" reaction gets criticised. So, ask yourself, did you hear this well? Try shifting points of view and then you'll see whether you heard correctly or not.
Load More Replies... Is anyone else looking forward to the "not all men" comments on an article explaining "not all men"? :D
Is it not possible that offense is taken because the language used implies that it is all men?
It's more than possible. You hit the nail on the head.
Load More Replies... So what she's saying is "I have 2 Masters degrees in useless subject and am now trying to get a castrated male to support me". Got it.
And how about those guys who write comments like: "It's a bloody outrage women aren't safe out on the streets at night. They shouldn't have to live in fear like that." Actually contributing nothing to the discussion and just fishing for likes because they present an opinion nobody disagrees with. If this "pick me" behaviour is actually a thing, than this is definitely an example of it.
Confused and a bit saddened. Has she not considered that men saying this are just feeling defensive? Say what you will about male-fragility, I have yet to find one race/gender that enjoys negative generalizations being made about it
Black people are also victim of oppression but they use hashtag #BlackLivesMatter NOT "# kill all white people ". and this is the reason why there are lot of white people who support them Fact is you can achieve nothing by spreading hatred in society She is just trying to provoke more men by mocking them. Next time try highlighting what is going wrong and what needs to be changed, if you really want to see progress. Hastag should be "smash patriarchy or Stopviolenceagainst women.
This Harvard Grad (really?) and her misandristic tosh makes my f*****g blood boil. Why is Bored Panda peddling this crap? This brand of feminism propounds the kind of gender rancour it professes to abhor.
Any bad thing (physical or emotional) that happens to any person is just wrong and bad. Gender does not matter! It is good to call out people who do wrong. And there are for sure patterns that re-appear e.g. mens actions towards women. HOWEVER There seems to be a recent trend to demonise all men and kind of degrade them into a stupid, abusive, violet sub-race. Following all the crap that I recently see on BP I need to apologize at least 3 times a day for beimg a man and best do not leave the house which I guess is evil as well as I would exploit my wife for going to going work. Sorry but this generalizes men-bashing has to stop. It is as worng as generalizing and attack any group. Sorry for this lady - 2 Degrees and nothomg learned!
Someone needed to write a long speech and wrote this. Same story, same overused themes, over-overused explanations, over-over-overused simplifations. People doing this are tiring. Even more, they do a bad job to the cause. Finally: Do you have 2 masters in Harvard and the only place where you can expose your ideas is here? C'mon, I do not believe you
Agreed. The men who don't need to hear this are tired of hearing it, and the ones who do need to hear it aren't going to listen, so what's the point? And Aunt Messy, go f**k yourself. I'm sure no one else would.
Load More Replies... OMG - I've been a professional bookkeeper for almost 30 years. I have been trained & certified in 13 different accounting software programs. SO - this business owner wants a certain report, but he wants some specifics that the program doesn't recognize. I explain in detail WHY I can't "just make" this report, BUT - I can export the information into Excel and create the report he wants, however, it will take at least an hour. He goes ballistic and basically calls my ability into question, all the while INSISTING the program CAN create that report. I just stood up and shoved my chair at him. "Oh, really - then why don't you show me f*****g how, since you seem to know more about my job than I do". Surprisingly, I did not get fired. And he stopped questioning me. Win/Win - I guess?
This post misses an extremely important point: generalizing about people when describing negative behavior is bad. When women say, "Men do (fill in the blank)" it's a normal automatic response for men who don't do that thing to react by saying "Not all men do that". If you reverse the gender, most liberated women would be outraged if a man said, "Women do (fill in the blank)" because it's a blanket statement about an entire gender, which is NEVER correct, therefore doing it is always going to be incorrect and likely offensive. NO ONE should be making those kinds of statements and there's nothing wrong with objecting to them on that basis.
So... two nice little certificates make her an expert in how members of the opposite sex think and act... right... got it.
I seriously have always believed in the equality of women and championed their rights. Yet now I find out that it was all a lie. I'm condemned because I have "internalized misogyny and sexism". Perhaps Evelyn is a misandrist.
I just really strongly disagree with this entire perspective. It's important to acknowledge that not all of ANY demographic are *ANYTHING* except that demographic. The only characteristic shared by ALL men is being men. The only characteristic shared by ALL women is being women. The only characteristic shared by ALL white people is being white. The only characteristic shared by ALL Hindus is being Hindu. The only characteristic shared by ALL children is being children. You get the point. I don't want to be tarred & feathered with "all women" any more than a man wants to be tarred & feathered with "all men". We're human beings. Stop viewing through the lens of "oppressed" and "oppressor" & start seeing humans.
Evelyn: "I have a certain view on society. Firstly I mention my university degree. All people who don't understand that my particular field of sience is actually a still ongoing process of debate and research will be convinced my opinion is fact. Subsequently I present a plea suggesting anyone who tries to discuss my opinion is actually part of the problem. Making my view impervious to discussion. Also I draw away the attention from the fact that the statement that not all men misbehave is still factually 100% true. So instead of adressing the argument I dismiss the person making it by suggesting his motives are always impure. (attacking the messenger and not the message)"
It's true though, not all men do it. The way the problem is fixed is by exiling the offenders but that takes the community or at least the peers around that person. This isn't just a sex thing either, people need to stand up for people who need help EVERYWHERE and CONSTANTLY instead of just going "none of my business". If it's not RIGHT, it's your business.
Isn’t it women who always say that they need men to step up and start confronting? So aren’t they themselves the ones who reinforces the thought of the way to stop men’s violence is another man? Either way. Yes these points might very well be true, yet it’s these women who states that they want men to step up and confront but at the same time writes/speaks as if men as a group are the ”enemy”. This at least to me seems like an unnecessary and easily avoided thing in the first place which would have avoided this äshitshow in the first place with men being butthurt.
I'm so sorry for being a man. I never considered anyone else's feelings. It's my fault. I'll try and do better next time.
1- That's a low bar, below bare civility, wow! "not a violent criminal or a vile man". Sounds like a motel that sells itself as "not Bates Motel". Please, please don't "pick me" ever in this context. I'll show interest in people with higher standards than that in other contexts. I have much higher standards of behavior and intelligence which I strive for because dignity and sense of self-worth demand it, not to impress "mates". 2- I am actually angry at violent criminals and vile men. No excuse ever for their behavior, punishment and/or reeducation for all. I don't want to be grouped with them because I am innocent and way above that, if ever I don't I'll take my punishment and shame and lose my hard won reputation 3- Your own safety and self-defense is your own concern, not mine, I don't owe you but what civism demands. If I am near and the police isn't I'll take the risk and try to help defend you out of civic duty and humanity. Because I want the same concern and civism (Golden Rule) when it will be me or somebody I love that needs defense. Also, it's ugly, to take sexual advantage of abusers and attackers and the fear of them, both of which I want so much to end forever.
So the "not all men" is bad in every way? Either you are a delusionist, want to control womens mouth or say men are superior.
My rebuttal to "Not all men" is "Keep working on your comprehension skills."
For anyone who doesn't know, there are only 2 reasons to have a masters degree: You're still working on your PhD, or you aren't smart enough to earn the PhD. This woman brags about having 2 masters and makes no mention of a PhD. Take from that what you will
I didn't have any men in my childhood to look up to. They weren't all bad people, but they were misogynists, and some of them abusive. Now I'm so moved by dads who say things like "I have learned from my daughter". If I see a really gentle nice guy it's a miracle. And as Evelyn said, we are all misogynists. And some of the good guys too, say things that they don't really want to change this situation and they have ridiculous reasons, like "this particular female colleague is a little bit unreasonable, we shouldn't have women in this field". Or "I'm tired of this feminist bs".
@vanurtle tweeted this yesterday: https://twitter.com/Vanurtle/status/1392366952639729671?s=20
I feel like the person saying "not all men" is trying to point out that he is not like that (which is misguided to be sure, but also innocent and undeserving of the wrath it draws). It's pretty much the same as declaring how smart or nice or brave you are; if it's the truth, you don't need to declare it. It helps me put it into perspective when I remember how I was falsely accused of rape by a woman; the person in front of me telling me they wouldn't do that is completely inconsequential - there's a deep-rooted fear there that will never go away.
is assigning a certain behaviour to men because they are men sexist?
I'm a man and I think it's a lot safer for women to assume that all men are pigs and work from there. There are still way to many guys who mistake 'she's nice to me' for 'she wants to sleep with me' or guys who simply think women telling them no are playing hard to get. I just wouldn't risk it if I were a woman.
It's clear to me that she's a liberally minded, snowflake that subscribes to the idea that all men are evil. Her "Master's degrees" are nothing more than bits of paper given to her by a college that rewards her for thinking the same way that the course instructor does... now let's see her take those masters degrees and use them to get a real job, without blaming men for how useless those degrees are going to be in the process. If she had a degree in engineering, or some other constructive field of endeavors, where the end product is to the betterment of human society instead of aimed at its destruction, then I'd be impressed... but at this point, I'm not.
the man who says I am the king is no king... damn, this applies to so many situations
Except for the case when the king says it off course.
Load More Replies... The idiots that say "not all men" are the same idiots that say "all lives matter". Idiots because they miss the whole point. Black lives matter doesn't mean all lives don't matter, and engaging in such juvenile whataboutery shuts down discussion and dismisses valid criticisms. The only use of it that's justified is to say #notallmen think using #notallmen is a valid response. Lol.
1. How often do people actually say "ALL men are/do X"? More often, people generalise without the determiner "all" and someone douche comes along and says "not all men" - well done, but no one was saying "all men" and if you read a generalisation as applying to all of a group, you've made that meaning yourself. 2. In cases where someone does say "ALL men are/do X", why come in with a dismissive "not all men" instead of having empathy for the issues the op has faced? If they say "all men harass women", and why focus on the "all" rather than the "harass"?
Load More Replies... 1. Today's woman? #notallwomen? 2. "No deep thought" - yeah, that's pretty clear from your opinion. 3. "Good men" = "nice guys" and I think we all know how toxic that is.
Load More Replies... Completely ignoring your sarcasm: Say your opinion if you want, whatever it may be. I agree with some parts, disagree with others. That's just how I feel. And I'm open to listening to what others have to say, as sometimes I hear a new perspective, and realise I had been too glib/not understood the situation at hand.
Load More Replies... Don't let the door hit you on the way out :)
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