30 Of The Best ‘It Doesn’t Work Like That’ Tales Shared By Representatives Of Different Professions
It’s no secret that fiction spreads faster than truth. Myths are no exception. Blame the communal imagination, internet folklore, word of mouth and so on, but in reality, we are all susceptible to false claims and and wrong assumptions.
Jobs we do are no exception. Just think of the way we imagine a spy (thanks, James Bond!) or a crime detective (thanks, X-files!) and you see how easy it is to succumb to cliches.
So in order to debunk those stubborn myths surrounding common professions and see how they really work, we looked at various Reddit threads where people share the myths behind things they do for a living. The results are in below, so scroll down!
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IT - that we just Google everything. It's not true. Sometimes we remember the solution from the last time we googled it.
Contrary to popular belief, not every magician has a beautiful assistant. In fact, the only time I make women disappear is when I tell them I'm a magician.
No longer my profession - BUT I was a stripper for 5 years.
We, in my experience, tend to have MOTHER issues, not father.
I'm dead serious. I've been to a lot of ex-stripper weddings. Their dads are *always* there.
The mothers not invited.
Although a myth exists for probably every profession, it’s no secret that the jobs that attract the most myths are the ones that are the most unusual, intriguing and mysterious, like detectives and forensic experts.Other professions that feed our shared imagination are the more unique ones. Think of fragrance creators, ghostwriters, taxidermists and so on and so on.
Sheila Lowe has one of these incredibly fascinating professions people don’t normally know much about. Lowe is a professional handwriting examiner with more than four decades of experience. She has been qualified to testify in cases of handwriting authentication since 1985, and has also qualified in cases of personality assessment. Lowe is also a multi-published and award-winning book author with the “Forensic Handwriting Mystery” fiction series, among others.
So Bored Panda spoke with Lowe to find out more about what it takes to be a handwriting examiner, and the myths surrounding this unique profession.
People always think welders are all stupid alcoholics. In my experience most of the welders I've worked with, and including myself, are pretty intelligent alcoholics.
That scientists know everything about every science subject. Typically, we are very specialized. I don't know shit about biology, for instance. Nonetheless, people think I know about anything sciency even though I only studied a very particular slice of something.
Another myth is that we are scientists all the time. When I play golf, I'm not calculating the trajectory of the ball. I'm just hitting the fucking ball. Usually off into the trees.
I work retail. We are human beings with feelings and emotions. We just want to help you out.
If you're an a*****e to us, we won't help you.
“In my case, my handwriting career has taken me in two different directions. The first twenty years I focused on personality assessment through handwriting,” Lowe told us. “After that, I branched into handwriting authentication—working within the court system to identify forgeries. These days, that’s mostly what I do,” she added.
What Lowe likes the most about her profession is her ability to help people. “Whether it’s understanding them better or helping them with their legal battles—though I am not an advocate for the client, but for the truth.”
Farmer here.
I do not delight in killing the livestock, nor are any of them mistreated. We do not all support factory farms.
From bomb squad, I'd say the "Do I cut the red wire or the blue wire!" cliche is tiring.
Terrorists don't follow standardized wire coloring codes.
That I, a simple cashier, am responsible for the pricing in the store.
When it comes to myths surrounding Lowe’s profession, she argues that some people believe that handwriting tells everything about a person, which is certainly not true. “People are too complex for that,” she adds.
“At the other extreme, there are those who think handwriting doesn’t reveal anything about them. Also not true. I could write a lot about that.”
Moreover, According to Lowe, most people don’t know anything at all about handwriting analysis and are surprised when they learn just how much it reveals about them.
Unemployment is not as relaxing as people may believe.
> 'Therapists will make me talk about s**t I don't want to.'
We really don't. If we are working on your anxiety I'm not going to ask you about your first sexual experience unless YOU think it's relevant.
> 'Therapists get in to your head and make you do s**t you don't want to'
That's Jedi. Not us. If I could do that I wouldn't be a therapist.
That doctors are super humans who don't need to eat, sleep or have a life.
We are all human and almost all of us would put your lives before ours at the drop of a hat so please don't abuse it.
Having said that, Lowe pointed out that with so few students being taught how to write in cursive these days, there is a tremendous loss. “Brain research shows how important handwriting is to training of young brains, and how it helps develop many areas, including reading, spelling, and retention.
“Historically, illiterate people have been kept at the bottom of society. Plus, many kids today cannot read historical documents, nor even letters from grandma. We must maintain this vital skill,” the handwriting examiner concluded.
Criminal defense attorney. People think our job is to find "technicalities" that allow alleged criminals to go free. Those "technicalities" are most often fundamental constitutional protections, not something like a typo in the charging documents. Our job is to make sure the government is playing fair.
No, not everyone should learn to code. It is not the new literacy. Literacy itself is a worthy enough goal, and we are losing on that front.
Also, programming is hard, and not necessarily that fun when you have to do it for work.
Everyone should learn how computers work, and everyone should be able to understand what code is, but people who imagine some kind of utopia where 80% of the population are happily employed as computer programmers...you are all smoking crack.
Dog trainer
No Cesar Millan did not fix all those dogs issues in 30 minutes. He spent all day with the dog and family working with it getting the dog to a point where HE could prevent some of the behavior issues from occurring while in HIS control. Which is great and although the methods he used in the Dog Whisperer series tend to be pretty controversial he accomplishes a lot with the dogs he worked with. But watch the video testimonials at the end, the families always say, "we're still working with behavior X things are getting better..."
Also quick rant about people who watch Dog Whisperer and try to replicate his "Alpha" methods. Be really careful, you can do more harm than good. If you see a dog on his show being aggressive and he alpha rolls it and dominates it and your dog does the same thing and you try to replicate it, first be prepared to get bit. Second if the dog is displaying aggression because of fear or lack of socialization and you do this you'll make it worse almost without exception. Also there are other and arguably better methods of dealing with genuinely aggressive dogs.
Also most of what you learned about pack theory is wrong. It was taken from watching captive wolves from differing packs the behaviors you've been taught are "pack" behaviors are actually stress behavior occurring because of captivity and because of the mingling of different family units. So the social interactions that we've learned about don't actually occur with packs in the wild.
Being an accountant does not require good math.
Whenever I tell people I'm an accountant, I frequently hear, "oh, you must be good at math."
Math in accounting is adding and subtracting. The difficulty lies in the rules and regulations of accounting.
That wait staff/bartenders are uneducated/stupid.
I've worked in hospitality for seven years and worked with so many highly educated people. Nurses, refrigeration mechanics, robotic engineers, marketing graduates, aged care workers, marine biologists. I have a degree in ecology.
I can almost guarantee that your waiter has studied something after high school, whether it was a certificate, trade or university degree. But waitressing pays the bills while you're searching for something better.
I am a cable man. No sex is given to me by ladies who need the cable fixed.
Men in the nursing profession aren't necessarily gay. (Not that there's anything wrong with that) Many of us were Paramedics and military medics/corpsmen before going into nursing.
Librarian. I don't sit at a desk and read all day, I don't shush you, I don't get an advanced degree to learn how to shelve books in order, and I'm not a woman.
"Librarian" is a bit like "engineer" in that it's a term that covers a lot of sub-fields and jobs. A public librarian will do things like developing the collection (buying books for the community and removing books from the collection that aren't circulating), developing and running programs like classes and special events, and doing outreach and administrative things like budgeting. A digital librarian will work with special collections - digital or not - to organize and display them and don't interact with the public at all (one I've worked with recently: https://d.lib.msu.edu/). An academic librarian is assisting with research, conducting research of their own, assisting students in learning how to use the library, and assisting professors in developing coursework.
I work in the laboratory, background in medical lab science.
People in other departments of the hospital seem to think that the lab is full of antisocial introverts who don't care about patients at all, and that we think of our work like an assembly line.
The introvert part is usually true, but that doesn't mean we don't care. We f*****g care, a lot. In my experience the lab is usually full of empaths who want to help people, but can't afford to get emotionally invested.
We don't abuse inmates or arrange to the death fights. The f****d up system deals with them far more cruelly than we ever could. No need to take it further.
You don't "go to sleep" under general anesthesia, and the chances of you "waking up" in the middle of surgery are practically nil.
I get that your worst fear is watching people operating on you and you can't do anything about it, but the instances of that are so low, you have a bigger chance of dying in a car accident on the way to your surgery than that actually happening to you.
I have worked at a hotel for 8 years now in positions of power at the front desk, reservations and group sales.
First, we do not hold rooms out of inventory! When we say we are sold out, we are sold out. We are here to make sure you have an enjoyable stay, but we are a business, why wouldn't we want to sell all possible rooms? First come first served is a real thing.
Also, being rude when there is the smallest thing wrong with your stay will not get you a free night. Comping a whole stay is very rare, compensation by discounting your room rate, parking or food is much more common. If you approach me with respect I am more likely to compensate a greater monetary amount than if you're a d**k.
Graphic Designer.
No, my job is *not* colouring in.
No, it does *not* mean that I know how to draw or paint perfectly well.
And no, just because you watched some Photoshop tutorials on Youtube, does *not* mean you can suddenly do my job for me.
EDIT: Spacing. (Yes, bad spacing *does* make us cringe)
I'm an accountant. No, I don't actually enjoy talking about tax law on my day off, so your "quick tax question" that takes me 30 minutes to explain beyond 'that depends...' is really annoying at a family BBQ.
Storyboard artist in the animation industry. Making cartoons isn't playtime. My position in particular is demanding, physically exhausting, and under-appreciated. On top of that, it is more "cog in the machine" work than "creative fulfillment." My faith in my work is tested constantly.
And I am not the only one who feels like this. Virtually every artist I know always thinks about changing careers or retiring all-together. It's a hard job, and it really doesn't have to be, but... it is.
That working in the film industry and especially doing what i do which is directly on set is glamourous.
Let me tell you its the opposite of glamour.
14 hour days , 6 days a week, sh**ty weather, sh**ty actors, sh**ty director, sh**ty crew ( of which I am part of), sh**tymembers of public trying to get photos and asking dumb questions, sh**ty mud, sh**ty creative types making delusional demands etc.
But there are some fun things
good food, good pay and filming sex scenes is hilarious.
QA tester here. We find glitches/ bugs all the time. But it is impossible to find every one. But some that get through baffle me.
1. Engineers do not design every cool thing in the world.
2. Most engineers never actually make all that much money.
3. Chances are, if you study engineering you will end up with an insanely boring office job, or an insane high pressure job working 16+ hours a day.
4. Not all engineers are super intelligent, quite a lot are actually below average intelligence.
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Speaking from my position as a medical doctor? No, we can't tell what's wrong with you if you *do not tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth*. If you do drugs recreationally, even once a week, we need to know. If you go to hookers, we need to know. If you're not sticking to your diet and exercise goals, we need to know. Et cetera. We're bound by law to not discuss you with anyone but you, and whoever yous ay we can talk to. You lying will only make your medical treatment less accurate, less helpful, and more frustrating for everyone. We *can't know* what we're not told. On an average day, during Covid, I'd see over 2 dozen people a shift, sometimes over 3 dozen, in an ER. About half would lie. Like we can't tell a needle track from a cat scratch?... Oy.
You know I’m with you on that one! Please tell us everything. We do not judge. At all. That’s not part of our jobs. We genuinely want to help you. If you have drug issues we definitely need to know. If you’re having surgery we need to know so we can keep you comfortable. We have pain control specialists, so there are plenty of ways we can do that. Also, if we aren’t aware that withdrawal could be an issue, we need to know that. If you aren’t truthful about how much you drink, and we encounter withdrawal we and you are going to have a serious, possibly life threatening issue. We aren’t going to judge. What we are going to do is give you medications before and after surgery that prevent withdrawl. We will thank you profusely for telling us.
Maybe you don't, but I've had horrific doctors that do judge and make assumptions. when I was in my 20's, I had a doctor call me an addict. I didn't drink, do drugs, but had sudden onset of severe pain in my neck and he said I was drug seeking. Literally could not have been more wrong. I had a 100 pound overweight doctor tell me I could stand to lose 20 pounds. I could go on and on. I've had good doctors, but a lot more trash ones. It's near impossible for me to trust in doctors anymore.
@Molly, I've had docs like that and I *am* one. Real joy when one's own alleged "colleagues" in a profession say "Oh but that's normal" and I'm doubled up vomiting in pain, thinking, "No, this isn't!" But for the most part, as a profession, we do try. I think there are just certain places that seem to attract the worst docs. I lived in one for two years. They'd let you die to avoid interrupting their breakfast ----- and I wish that was exaggeration. I'm sorry you don't trust your docs. The doc's health, btw, is often shi**y, but we *are* human. I've had docs who were super-fit-conscious and they were the worst. "Just do CrossFit" is *not* a cure-all! Rant over. Hugs. (And I hope they treated the pain?)
@molly morrison I have chronic migraines, they're controlled now, but I got labeled as a drug seeker. I was in the ER so much, it was literally the kind of pain that made you suicidal, it would cross my mind while I laying on the bathroom floor in between puking, and I was labeled a drug seeker. It happens more to women than it does to men. I have a heart condition, before the ekg, the doctor told me it was anxiety, after the ekg, all of a sudden he believed me. I threw out my back so bad I went to the ER, I ended up being admitted for a uti, the doctor says the back pain is just anxiety, again. My GP tells me the radiologist diagnosed me with degenerative disc disease. All this because doctors believe women's symptoms are emotional.
@ Miss Frnakfurter, amen! Even things you think are silly, as a patient ---- "well, I can't seem to handle the smel of XYZ lately" ----- can be a diagnostic hint. We've heard it all. While a patient may make choices I wouldn't, it's not my job to judge. it's y job to fix the damage, an dno, a hay baling accident does *not* look like that, so just tell us you were making a pipe bomb and failed. speed things along for everyone, y'know?
Ok. I shouldn’t be laughing at that. But, I am. Just know folks, we can have a very dark sense of humour. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets us through.
I try very hard to be honest with doctors, I worked in healthcare, myself, for almost 10 years and didn't judge people. Well-adjusted people don't get out of rehab and go right back to the substance, they're dealing with something that's not my business. But, I did have a GP, that was quite judgemental and disapproving. Had. I started not being honest, it was time to find a doctor I could be honest with and belived me.
yes! my late mother was the kind that would never tell the doctor everything. as she got older and wanted me to go with her to make sure that she would understand everything that she was told she also hated it because i would pop up with important information. have never understood her logic on this.
@Patti, my mom was a nurse 45 years and I still have to "out" her at her appointments. She spent over 4 decades complaining about patients like *her*!
I have read that if your doctor asks how much alcohol you drink, whatever you reply - unless you are teetotal - the doctor knows it is at least twice as much.
An alcoholic is traditionally defined as a man who drinks more than his doctor.
I tried being completely honest with my doctor. Said sometimes I might have a bottle OR two a week and sometimes I go months with nothing. They wrote down 'drinks two bottles a week'.
Ah but then a whole host of us with chronic illnesses tell the truth (repeatedly, to each new person we see, none of whom has ever read any of our notes) & aren't believed.
I have been trying to tell my old (91 years) old mother, that doctors are not omniscient, but rather detectives who need as many clues as possible to find the correct diagnosis, so tell your doctor all you can think of, even though you may not think it pertains to your case.
Moderator. No your comment wasn't removed to hide your opinion, to censor you or because the company is hiding the truth about poor service or products - it's entirely because you said f**k. Don't say f**k, and repost.
Just add my own asterisks now. I don't want to offend anyone, and everyone that isn't offended knows what I'm saying anyway.
Fuckity f**k
As a bus driver, can I say we don’t know what happened to the bus in front and we don’t know when your bus will arrive (if we say ‘it’s right behind’ that’s because we need to get on our way. Also the chances of us knowing street names are slim as we’re unlikely to live there and there’s a lot of streets on the many routes we drive. Oh and if you hit your head on the mirror on your way out, please put it back
Speaking from my position as a medical doctor? No, we can't tell what's wrong with you if you *do not tell us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth*. If you do drugs recreationally, even once a week, we need to know. If you go to hookers, we need to know. If you're not sticking to your diet and exercise goals, we need to know. Et cetera. We're bound by law to not discuss you with anyone but you, and whoever yous ay we can talk to. You lying will only make your medical treatment less accurate, less helpful, and more frustrating for everyone. We *can't know* what we're not told. On an average day, during Covid, I'd see over 2 dozen people a shift, sometimes over 3 dozen, in an ER. About half would lie. Like we can't tell a needle track from a cat scratch?... Oy.
You know I’m with you on that one! Please tell us everything. We do not judge. At all. That’s not part of our jobs. We genuinely want to help you. If you have drug issues we definitely need to know. If you’re having surgery we need to know so we can keep you comfortable. We have pain control specialists, so there are plenty of ways we can do that. Also, if we aren’t aware that withdrawal could be an issue, we need to know that. If you aren’t truthful about how much you drink, and we encounter withdrawal we and you are going to have a serious, possibly life threatening issue. We aren’t going to judge. What we are going to do is give you medications before and after surgery that prevent withdrawl. We will thank you profusely for telling us.
Maybe you don't, but I've had horrific doctors that do judge and make assumptions. when I was in my 20's, I had a doctor call me an addict. I didn't drink, do drugs, but had sudden onset of severe pain in my neck and he said I was drug seeking. Literally could not have been more wrong. I had a 100 pound overweight doctor tell me I could stand to lose 20 pounds. I could go on and on. I've had good doctors, but a lot more trash ones. It's near impossible for me to trust in doctors anymore.
@Molly, I've had docs like that and I *am* one. Real joy when one's own alleged "colleagues" in a profession say "Oh but that's normal" and I'm doubled up vomiting in pain, thinking, "No, this isn't!" But for the most part, as a profession, we do try. I think there are just certain places that seem to attract the worst docs. I lived in one for two years. They'd let you die to avoid interrupting their breakfast ----- and I wish that was exaggeration. I'm sorry you don't trust your docs. The doc's health, btw, is often shi**y, but we *are* human. I've had docs who were super-fit-conscious and they were the worst. "Just do CrossFit" is *not* a cure-all! Rant over. Hugs. (And I hope they treated the pain?)
@molly morrison I have chronic migraines, they're controlled now, but I got labeled as a drug seeker. I was in the ER so much, it was literally the kind of pain that made you suicidal, it would cross my mind while I laying on the bathroom floor in between puking, and I was labeled a drug seeker. It happens more to women than it does to men. I have a heart condition, before the ekg, the doctor told me it was anxiety, after the ekg, all of a sudden he believed me. I threw out my back so bad I went to the ER, I ended up being admitted for a uti, the doctor says the back pain is just anxiety, again. My GP tells me the radiologist diagnosed me with degenerative disc disease. All this because doctors believe women's symptoms are emotional.
@ Miss Frnakfurter, amen! Even things you think are silly, as a patient ---- "well, I can't seem to handle the smel of XYZ lately" ----- can be a diagnostic hint. We've heard it all. While a patient may make choices I wouldn't, it's not my job to judge. it's y job to fix the damage, an dno, a hay baling accident does *not* look like that, so just tell us you were making a pipe bomb and failed. speed things along for everyone, y'know?
Ok. I shouldn’t be laughing at that. But, I am. Just know folks, we can have a very dark sense of humour. Sometimes it’s the only thing that gets us through.
I try very hard to be honest with doctors, I worked in healthcare, myself, for almost 10 years and didn't judge people. Well-adjusted people don't get out of rehab and go right back to the substance, they're dealing with something that's not my business. But, I did have a GP, that was quite judgemental and disapproving. Had. I started not being honest, it was time to find a doctor I could be honest with and belived me.
yes! my late mother was the kind that would never tell the doctor everything. as she got older and wanted me to go with her to make sure that she would understand everything that she was told she also hated it because i would pop up with important information. have never understood her logic on this.
@Patti, my mom was a nurse 45 years and I still have to "out" her at her appointments. She spent over 4 decades complaining about patients like *her*!
I have read that if your doctor asks how much alcohol you drink, whatever you reply - unless you are teetotal - the doctor knows it is at least twice as much.
An alcoholic is traditionally defined as a man who drinks more than his doctor.
I tried being completely honest with my doctor. Said sometimes I might have a bottle OR two a week and sometimes I go months with nothing. They wrote down 'drinks two bottles a week'.
Ah but then a whole host of us with chronic illnesses tell the truth (repeatedly, to each new person we see, none of whom has ever read any of our notes) & aren't believed.
I have been trying to tell my old (91 years) old mother, that doctors are not omniscient, but rather detectives who need as many clues as possible to find the correct diagnosis, so tell your doctor all you can think of, even though you may not think it pertains to your case.
Moderator. No your comment wasn't removed to hide your opinion, to censor you or because the company is hiding the truth about poor service or products - it's entirely because you said f**k. Don't say f**k, and repost.
Just add my own asterisks now. I don't want to offend anyone, and everyone that isn't offended knows what I'm saying anyway.
Fuckity f**k
As a bus driver, can I say we don’t know what happened to the bus in front and we don’t know when your bus will arrive (if we say ‘it’s right behind’ that’s because we need to get on our way. Also the chances of us knowing street names are slim as we’re unlikely to live there and there’s a lot of streets on the many routes we drive. Oh and if you hit your head on the mirror on your way out, please put it back