Woman In This Online Community Asks If She Really “Ruined” Brother’s Wedding By Putting His Rant On Speakerphone For The Bride To Hear
There are a million-billion things that can go wrong on the wedding day, but none sting as painfully as a groom who fails to show up for the ceremony. But it can be worse. And it was.
A bridesmaid recently went online to ask if she was a jerk for putting her very drunk brother, the groom, on loudspeaker without him knowing it while his wife-to-be heard all of the ranting he did, mainly how he didn’t want to marry her despite having been together with her for 18 years.
More Info: Reddit
A lot of things can go wrong at weddings, but nothing really hurts as much as a groom not showing up
Image credits: David (Davo) Smith (not the actual photo)
So, let’s unpack. We have “Ben”, the 39-year-old groom, and “Abby”, the 39-year-old bride in this story, who have been together for 18 years. 8 of which were lived out in engagement, and 3 years ago, the two “nearly” got married, but Ben got cold feet some months before, so the wedding was called off.
Well, fast forward to just several days ago when they were attempting to take another stab at this marriage thing and the groom was nowhere to be found. While at first they were giving Ben the benefit of the doubt, several hours of waiting only led to more worry, so while the bride went back to the hotel, everyone else went out to search for him.
And this woman seemingly added fuel to the fire by putting the groom on loudspeaker while he was ranting about the wedding and the bride… who heard everything
Image credits: Ok-Example6948 (not the actual photo)
And find him they did. Drinking at a bar. OP got a text from her brother-in-law about it, and that they were trying to talk him into going to his own wedding. It was so ridiculous, OP described the ruckus she overheard over the phone as him acting like “a 5-year-old who didn’t want to go to the doctor.”
So, OP had had enough of him leading Abby along for 18 years, so she turned on the loudspeaker, went to the bride’s room, and let Ben rant about how she wasn’t “the one,” and he’s only with her because he’s scared to be alone at this point. He was not aware of this improvised eavesdropping.
Image credits: Ok-Example6948 (not the actual photo)
After this, Abby grabbed the phone, told Ben he had one hour to appear at the church, or it was over. He ended up appearing there in 20 minutes, at which point Abby simply left him at the altar and bolted on their honeymoon alone.
Image credits: Ok-Example6948 (not the actual photo)
The end result was that nearly everyone in OP’s family “disowned” her, leading her to ask if she was wrong to do what seemed right
Image credits: Ken Walton (not the actual photo)
Needless to say, there were people who were furious with OP, but she didn’t expect a lot of people to be. In short, almost the entire family, save for her two sisters, were upset with her and “disowned” her. It was so intense that she had to have one of the other bridesmaids collect her suitcase which was very conveniently (not really) left there by her mother.
So, she turned to the Am I The A-Hole? community for some perspective on the issue, and perspective she got. Most were actually supportive of her, saying she did the right thing by doing the bride a favor and just getting it over with, especially after 18 years. If anything, some thought the bride needed to hear him say it.
For the most part, folks online were on OP’s side, though there were some who argued that she could’ve just not butted in
Some others opted for calling everyone a jerk in this situation, with the most backlash dedicated to the brother as he was leading someone on for that long. OP could’ve taken a different route, but her intentions were good, so there was that. The mom was overreacting, period. The only person who could truly be called a victim was Abby, so some were hoping her honeymoon-now-turned-vacation is at least good.
Whatever the case, the post got over 21,600 upvotes and engagement reached over 2,400 comments, which you can check out here. And you can also take a look at other AITA posts we’ve covered here.
But don’t go just yet, as we’d love to hear your opinion on this whole situation in the comment section below!
Being left at the alter was clearly traumatic. TBH-She should've left him years ago after his inability to commit. I guess she thought he just needed time, but 18 years? He didn't force her to stay despite Ben's stringing her along. The family is treating Ben like a victim. Nobody's holding him responsible for his immature behavior. And disowning the only one who isn't enabling Ben is crazy. They are all AH's. But having her hear his drunken rant may have been harsh. But it was possibly the only thing that'd make her see the truth. So, NTA. I hope Abby doesn't go back to him and find someone who is truly committed. She deserves better. Ben needs to grow up and get more therapy.
I really hate that everyone's saying it was wrong to put Baby Ben on speaker, like they're saying "oh, he was drunk, he didn't mean it". Bull. Sh!t. When someone is drunk is pretty much when you hear the actual truth from them. Granted, it was a very emotional situation after waiting 4 hours to find the guy, but hey - the truth came out. And I wouldn't have waited that long to look for him - by the one hour mark I would have the search parties out there! Who the hell waits that long to look for a missing groom???
Ouch. Putting him on speaker phone like that was kind of an AH move, but Abby needed to hear it. Being strung along for 18 years is horrible. The fact that he'd rather go and drink, hiding away from her without telling anyone where he was or what had happened to him, while whining and saying he didn't want to go is incredibly childish. The guy didn't deserve her, and the family are AHs for encouraging it to go on for as long as they did. Drinking lowered his inhibitions, but those were still his feelings. Hopefully Abby can get on with her life now and find happiness. However, she probably now has gotten her own issues-- the fear of being abandoned, the fear that someone doesn't really love her. Poor Abby.
I've known LOTS of drunks in my life (alcoholic father, 2 alcoholic uncles, too many others to count!), and one of the top 3 things I've learned about them is that the booze lowers their inhibitions & they will absolutely reveal their true feelings. Every. Damned. Time.
Load More Replies... Being left at the alter was clearly traumatic. TBH-She should've left him years ago after his inability to commit. I guess she thought he just needed time, but 18 years? He didn't force her to stay despite Ben's stringing her along. The family is treating Ben like a victim. Nobody's holding him responsible for his immature behavior. And disowning the only one who isn't enabling Ben is crazy. They are all AH's. But having her hear his drunken rant may have been harsh. But it was possibly the only thing that'd make her see the truth. So, NTA. I hope Abby doesn't go back to him and find someone who is truly committed. She deserves better. Ben needs to grow up and get more therapy.
I really hate that everyone's saying it was wrong to put Baby Ben on speaker, like they're saying "oh, he was drunk, he didn't mean it". Bull. Sh!t. When someone is drunk is pretty much when you hear the actual truth from them. Granted, it was a very emotional situation after waiting 4 hours to find the guy, but hey - the truth came out. And I wouldn't have waited that long to look for him - by the one hour mark I would have the search parties out there! Who the hell waits that long to look for a missing groom???
Ouch. Putting him on speaker phone like that was kind of an AH move, but Abby needed to hear it. Being strung along for 18 years is horrible. The fact that he'd rather go and drink, hiding away from her without telling anyone where he was or what had happened to him, while whining and saying he didn't want to go is incredibly childish. The guy didn't deserve her, and the family are AHs for encouraging it to go on for as long as they did. Drinking lowered his inhibitions, but those were still his feelings. Hopefully Abby can get on with her life now and find happiness. However, she probably now has gotten her own issues-- the fear of being abandoned, the fear that someone doesn't really love her. Poor Abby.
I've known LOTS of drunks in my life (alcoholic father, 2 alcoholic uncles, too many others to count!), and one of the top 3 things I've learned about them is that the booze lowers their inhibitions & they will absolutely reveal their true feelings. Every. Damned. Time.
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