Husband Crushes Wife’s Self-Esteem During Celebratory Dinner, Is Mad After She Up And Leaves
Pregnancy can bring out a range of emotions in both soon-to-be parents, but there’s no excuse for belittling your spouse. Insults are mean and can make anyone upset no matter how you spin them, and Redditor Lillington579 knows this from personal experience. As this 25-year-old woman who is pregnant with her first child writes in her story on the “Am I The As-Hole” subreddit, she recently found herself in a heated argument with her husband after her in-laws hosted a gender reveal party packed with relatives.
You see, the man failed to mention how many people were coming, even when he knew how stressed it makes her feel. Not only that, he decided it was the perfect time and place to make a disrespectful “joke toast” and humiliate his wife in front of his whole family.
As you can guess, this didn’t sit well with the user. “I sat there staring in shock while he kept laughing with them,” she wrote. “I felt so much rage and my anxiety got out of hand.” What followed turned into a marital dispute that took a toll on the relationship. Unsure of her actions, the woman wondered whether she went too far and asked the internet for perspective. Read on for the whole story and tell us what you think about it in the comments.
Recently, this woman stormed out of a gender reveal celebration after her husband made a disrespectful “joke toast” and insulted her in front of his family
Image credits: Ryan Franco (not the actual photo)
Wondering whether she overreacted, she turned to the internet for guidance
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Putting each other down should never be tolerated in a balanced relationship, so it’s no surprise that many members of the AITA community were concerned for the woman. After all, hearing your husband repeat over and over again how he hopes your child will look “nothing like” you is extremely hurtful and far from the healthy and respectful behavior people hope to receive in marriage. The husband seems to go out of his way to erode the woman’s confidence in herself and then brush it off like it’s no big deal. This whole incident shows a hint of gaslighting, a kind of manipulation tactic by psychological means that leads people to question their reality, and it’s considered to be a big glaring red flag in any partnership.
We previously had a chat with relationship coach Marta, founder of MyCoachMarta, about insensitive remarks from our partners and how they affect our wellbeing. She explained that many women are subjected to discrimination and psychological abuse at home. However, their affection for the person can blind them and make them overlook or even ignore these unhealthy relationship patterns. “Sadly, they often fail to recognize it over time and instead question their own sanity,” she told Bored Panda.
When our loved ones act inappropriately, are constantly belittling us and throwing insults our way, it leaves us concerned and unsure of what to think of their actions. To better understand their motivations, it’s important to confront them about their actions. However, when they seem unable to apologize or even respond to our words with a harsher reaction, that is a huge warning sign for gaslighting, “a cruel and often covert kind of emotional manipulation in toxic relationship dynamics,” Marta explained.
According to the relationship coach, hurtful remarks have “no place in a healthy relationship. This type of behavior is triggering, so it’s difficult to respond appropriately in a heated moment. Short responses and avoiding heated disputes are the best reactions because gaslighters thrive on defensive behaviors and it fosters further gaslighting with comments like ‘you’re too sensitive.'”
She added that “women sometimes cease seeing gaslighting like this in relationships where it is prevalent, and it continues to erode their self-esteem, confidence, and takes a toll on their mental health.” But once you do notice these signs, Marta suggested it’s best to contact a relationship therapist or coach, or at the very least a trusted friend. An unbiased observer could assist in “gaining perspective and seeing the relationship for what it is, and either support the couple in developing a healthier dynamic or assist the wife in leaving a toxic situation.”
The vast majority of Redditors sided with the user, here’s what they had to say
Your husband is intentionally eroding your self esteem, pushing your boundaries and then gaslighting you. This behavior will likely escalate after the baby is born. Please, seek some support and prepare an exit strategy.
I mean the usual joke is that the parent wants the baby to not look like THEM, not the other person! If it was a self-deprecating joke like that it'd be fine. This is not that. NTA op.
Yeah, when I first read it, that's what I thought he meant until I kept reading.
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Here's a comeback: "You better hope it looks like me, 'cause it sure as hell isn't going to look like you!"
"She may have my looks but she'll definitely have a bigger d**k than you."
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At best his joke is emotionally abusive and degrading to his wife, at worst he's saying he doesn't want his daughter to look like the woman he is sexually attracted to, as if this might be a problem. I mean, I know the latter is a giant leap on my side, but something about his behaviour just sounds profoundly creepy to me.
That's an interesting comment - I hadn't thought of that. Yikes for the husband if that's the case!
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Among all the forest of red flags, the fact the husband is more worried about the wife disrespecting his family than how he is disrespecting his wife is one big one.
I wonder how his family views his behaviour..the mother asking if she was OK? No she's not OK.. ur son made a horrible joke aimed at her appearance in front of people.. he could be a mommy's boy..if he is then she is definitely screwed..I hope she has some sort of support.
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This is not funny, shame on the people in the room who laughed at that. I was in a relationship with someone who would do this stuff to me. It ended poorly. But now I’m with someone who actually respects me, and I’ve learned that that behavior is not normal or okay. You don’t need to tolerate it.
Ikr ?! What they laughing for...I dont see any mentions of support from his side with this behaviour.. I'd have called him out on it..having experienced this nonsense myself.
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I think you should reflect on why you are so anxious around lots of people, especially his family. Is it because he gives you little digs beforehand that affect your self esteem or criticizes you afterward? Or you are afraid he is going to make “jokes” about you? BTW, “you can’t take a joke” is a classic abuser’s response to being called out for saying something cruel. Think seriously about leaving this guy before the baby comes because it will not get better- abusers escalate when their partner’s get pregnant and get even worse when there’s a stressful newborn absorbing all the attention. This may be why you are seeing more of this from him.
For the people who say the OP was in fact being too sensitive, please re-read the post. She admits to anxiety in crowds, and is not comfortable in large gatherings. So he and his family flat out lied and told her it was a family only dinner, knowing full well she would bot be enjoying one minute of it, and would be wildly uncomfortable and self conscious anyway. OP let that go and didn't say a word about that deceit. In my opinion putting a pregnant woman through the stress of dealing with what amounts to a phobia is cruel to start with. Then to publicly ridicule her looks when she was already certainly having an expected panic attack?? No, OP was NTA here.
Oh please...nothing to do with being pregnant.. the fact she's really insecure makes it cruel alone.
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HE'S the one complaining about disrespect?!?! That's rich. GET. RID. OF. HIM.
NTA but can someone please tell me why we're still doing gender reveal parties? Even the mom credited with coming up with them admits they were a terrible idea. (Side note to point out the second most cringe-worthy baby related party - the "sip and see" lol)
They are increasingly popular here in the UK and I just don't get it. Surely you are going to love and care for your baby regardless of if it's a boy, girl or canine
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Married at 22, pregnant at 25, this poor girl knows nothing, amd he is making sure that she won't learn anything. Who do people make important life choices so early? Where are her parents? This is so sad...
Nothing wrong with the age...its healthier to have kids young..older mothers risk having children with issues,downs syndrome etc...its not normal for older mother to have kids either...heck the mothers in my kids class are old enuf to be my mom..that's not normal..I dont think the age is an issue on its own.
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How would he like if wife 'joked' the same way about him? Douchebag.
Wow. If her insecurity and anxiety had allowed, she should have stood up after his toast and asked him to explain why it was funny. Why did everyone laugh? Please explain. As it is, she did the right thing and left. What an a*s her husband is!
Honestly though, if thats how toxic he and his family are comfortable being in public, don't let your child near any of them, ever. They don't actually have a right to be Ina child's life, despite what many entitled grandparents and awful "parents" like to think. They're going to pass on either the hateful and toxic behavior to the child, or build them up to have really low self esteem, body image, and possibly mental health disorders. Possibly even both. It's in her best interest to only be around those kinds of people in moderation, and without the emotional and social baggage of considering such people as family or a source fo love or support.
Uh, do I understand this right ... you husband does want your daughter to not look like you because ... he thinks you're ugly? I've heard of people who love each other for other reasons than their looks, and I think that at least looks should not be the biggest part of something like love, but ... but, I also came to get that whoever I loved I thought of being the most beautiful one among them all, despite them looking a lot different from each other ... so I guess something's off here. Also, jokes about each other's looks may be very ok, even if they appear to be a mile over a top of inches to an outsider, or downright cruel, but ... but, this isn't the inside you describe. Sounds like him looking down on you, and it simply is not how you treat someone you love, let alone consider marrying, let alone having already married, let alone decide to have children together. Get rid of as much of him as possible - someone who loves you shouldn't do this to you.
NTA You need to really search your heart and make a solid decision before the baby arrives. I was your age when I was pregnant and my husband left me at the table at a New Years party, I found him later with his ex HS GF and she actually had the nerve to tell me I better be good to him or deal with her. I whispered back for her to basically get out of my face or she’ll deal with me. My “husband” never defended me but got mad over my response to her. When our Son arrived I almost died having him and my “husband” told me to get them to sign off and leave the hospital as it’s been 7 days and he’s had enough of it. I listened he brought us home, and dumped me at the house and went to work .. the marriage got worse from there. I tried therapy but he refused. We divorced when our son was 2. He is down right rude to you and belittles you to keep you “in your place “ DONT GIVE him your power, you & ur daughter are worth more than that.
The comment about the age gap was ridiculous...we've gone from it being normal for the guy to be older to acting like a few years older is creepy..as for the rest...really disgusting behaviour, and agree it is abusive ,this isn't jibes at one another in lighthearted way...this is telling someone they are ugly and to regularly tell her he hopes his baby doesnt look like her is just horrible and wierd considering he was fine to be in a relationship with her..perhaps perhaps doesn't tink she's bad looking.. this is all he plan,to make her question herself ,her appearance ..no wonder she is insecure ,this this jsut targeted her for her insecurity.. she needs to leave .
It diminishes with age, but when a relationship starts with one at 19 and the other at 25...yeah, that's gross. That's a power, maturity, and experience imbalance that reeks of manipulation and control issues, conscious or not. Not the same at 32 and 38, where both are adults with fully formed frontal lobes and no-one is being groomed.
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It's very common for a narcissist to try to blame the object of their abuse. He thinks because you are pregnant he has you trapped and can treat you so horribly. You need to see a therapist and make plans to leave because the abuse will only get worse.
This is awful, this man is verbally and mentally abusive, I hope she seeks help through therapy because he isn’t going to change. Don’t stay where you aren’t truly loved and cared for. These boots were made for walking!
He said she was disrespectful to the relatives who wanted celebrate and 'share their joy'. Yeah, hon. Not really feeling the joy right now.
Omg, leave this man! If he's this awful you now, it will get worse later and his mental abuse will also get directed at your daughter I too suffer from anxiety on large social situations and my heart just broke for you when I read this!!
Girl leave and find someone that deserves u. U are beautiful and your child will be too.
I would immediately exit thatrelationship. Obviously he is a male chauvinist pig and you deserve better. You are having a daughter. He will treat her the same way. You need to protect yourself but you are literally the only hope your daughter has for survival. His type always seeks the more vulnerable victims. He knew you experienced anxiety issues so you were an easier target. GO!!! You are young. You will learn from this nightmare and you will find happiness beyond your wildest dreams. And you certainly deserve it!!!
He is a narcissist, get the hell out of there before he destroys you fully and takes your daughter with you. My dad is a narcissist and I ended up in an 11 year relationship with a narcissist. My whole life I've fought suicide attempts and depression. Don't stay and get books on narcissism to help get you through this. Also books on healing from gaslighting. Teach your daughter how to adopt the same exercises to protect herself from her own father and future men that come into her life. But don't stay... I promise it never gets better, no matter how much you beg or pray and cry yourself to sleep.
NTA!! That is is so very wrong, so over the line that you can't even see the line anymore. Has he always treated you this way? Do you now, or have you ever had an issue feeling desirable and beautiful? If the answer is yes, I think this immature pig decided that you are insecure, that he could control you without any trouble, and that he has a problem with strong, empowered women. I have struggled with issues related to my looks as well, and the two men I've been with (I'm 56) always made it about looks once relationship trouble hit. Both were inexperienced and insecure, but I didn't figure that out until later. But there is NO excuse for this abhorrent behavior. Get you, and your daughter away from him NOW, before he gives her a complex, and before she grows to hate him, and possibly all men! Not emotionally or mentally healthy for either of you.
Anyone who has or is involved in "gender reveal parties" for people who aren't even born yet, are automatic assholes. These things just didn't exist until a significant portion of hyper privileged people decided to make transphobia and cissexism a core identifying aspect of themselves. This isn't some old tradition. It's not even actually a baby shower. It's just toxic Though the husband and his family (who suggested their toxic obsession with a child's genitals being turned into a full on dinner to begin with and likely taught him to behave and treat people like that as being normal or even loving) are definitely the worst of the worst here
Shame you got pregnant before it became clear what an AH he is. Absolutely the right thing to leave. If you don't start standing up for yourself, this jerk will just walk all over you to the point where your self esteem is permanently wrecked.
I thought it was always the best man's job during the toast to humiliate the couple...
Age is not the problem. My husband is 14 years older and it works. He just insulted himself, by disrespecting his wife. On the other hand, it's about the type of communication, between them, f. e. I'm pretty sarcastic. And my husband knows that and he knows how I mean things, he wouldn't get angry with mw for this type of comment.
I'm also a lot younger than my partner, but we met when I was nearly 30. This guy married her when he was 28 and she was only 22, which means they probably met when she was just out of her teens. That is probably not a coincidence.
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Tell him he has a small d??k. Or he's going thin on top. Or you are surprised you are pregnant at all as he is so bad in the sack. He is the not you get rid of him before he tells your child nasty things
He could very well end up repeating to the daughter "You're just like your mother" - and not as a compliment.
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You ever considered that he didn't tell you how many people were going to be there cause he wanted to weaponize your anxiety against you?
The retort is: "Of course the baby is going to look like me. One half of her comes from me. Babies always look like their parents. And that's how I already know that the baby will look like me, but not at all like you." "Not saying that you're inadequate as a man, but this baby is not going to look like you -- unless you have some African-American in your ancestry." "Hahaha! Pretty funny, right? Hey! How come you're not laughing? ... Hahaha."
Nta. You absolutely did the right thing walking out and in turn embarrassed him. I hope they are all ashamed of themselves for laughing along. In your most vulnerable state he chooses to cut you down. With the sacrifices you make carry his child and he insults you privately and publicly. Do not stay with the wrong person just because you share a child. I hope you do what's best for you in the end because your little girl deserves to see her mama happy.
Run, get your affairs in order as best you can and as quietly as you can. And prepare your exit and to co parent. He is an a*****e.
My ex husband did this before we got married. He picked me up from having my engagement photo done, and I was so excited because the video proof looked really good. He said "yeah, except for the head lice - I can see them jumping all over" I knew that was a lie, but it was so hurtful that I cried all the way home (he made fun of then of me being "too sensitive to take a joke")... and that was just the beginning.
Gotta agree with comments advising you to leave asap. I don't understand this level of cruelty. Also in-laws were wrong to assume you even wanted a gender reveal party; that should have been your call. These people will grind you down until there's nothing left.
When did FIVE YEARS become too wide an age gap? That seems fairly normal to me. This husband is just a jerk and the comments hinting that it's because the age gap is "a red flag" got me. Five years apart is nothing for any gender in my opinion. Blame him for hinting that he finds his wife unattractive by all means. But stop acting like he's using his age to get what he wants.
So sorry this happened to you, you did the right thing. Sorry no one defended you especially after your reaction. If my son belittled his wife like that Infront of me I would have scolded him Infront of everyone. I'm glad you stood up to this moron, you don't have to put up with it. Good luck.
Run, don't walk, to the nearest therapist to help you realize that you need a divorce. That is over the top abusive in the most underhanded way.
He's already set the expectation that his daughter be perfect. She won't be. If he criticizes and demeans his wife he'll do the same to her. Except it'll be worse because his daughter will be receiving that abuse from day 1. She could be 99% perfect looking and he'd make a big deal over that 1%. Another thing, babies generally don't come out looking cute. That'll be the first thing he notices and that first impression will sour the whole relationship going forward. Another thing is it's not uncommon for emotional/verbal abusers to become physical after the birth of a child. Newborns are stressful and they can push someone over the edge.
I have to agree with everyone commenting. However, I do believe that he may have said and done other things that accounts as abuse that she may not be mentioning or ignoring. Usually any kind of abuse whether verbal, physical or emotional is not a first time incident. I'm sure he has done and said other hurtful things..Yet I question why do she need permission from others to distinguish abuse? Young lady just pay attention to your feelings. If what he's saying or doing doesn't make you smile or feel good 365 days of the year, then it's bad. I do suggest as with the others to seek therapy, however your husband needs it more than you do.
Mt father hides insults as 'jokes' and then gaslights me when I get annoyed. "iTs jUSt A jOKe!" So, explain the joke then you f*****g coward. Cut those people out of your life. You'll be infinitely better for it.
So cruel! My husband was so attentive and affectionate when I was pregnant both times.He ignored the changes in my body which can be overwhealming to a pregnant woman. This guy has to go.He does not deserve a wife.
My first husband was kind when we were alone but sometimes a bit offensive when other people were around. I threw a hair brush at him once (I was 24 years old, not my most mature response) and his friends very quickly left. I made my point and he toned down the insults after that but we still separated 2 years later. 3 of the worse years of my life wasted on that a….hole. I was much happier without him. Once you leave that jerk, you’ll be amazed at how much happier you feel and your self esteem will improve.
OP, I agree completely with Kari-kateora above......You need to leave and divorce this man before you bring this baby into the world and never let him have contact with her. He needs to pay you child support because you'd be better as a single parent than to live with this abusive monster and subject your daughter to his "jokes".
People who love you don't play into your insecurities. OP said he "joked" and outright told her he doesn't want the child to look like her on multiple ocasions. That is such a major red flag. If your partner "makes fun" of you, particularly on subjects you are insecure about, he is an a*****e. You shouldn't waste your time on them.
I would not of handled it either. The anxiety would have overwhelmed my filters and I’m sure I would have said something really ugly
How will he treat his daughter if he has zero respect for her mother? Nta
I had an ex like that. His comment was about my supposed lack of education, at that time I had an early childhood diploma. He shot my esteem down so bad that day, I felt so embarrassed and I have not forgotten how it made me feel, and I have never ever forgotten it. Cut to the present, I have a bachelors in management, various other administration quals. I hope this poor woman doesn’t get railroaded by her husband, personally, I hope she leaves. It’s not going to improve, he is the type who is going to be always looking for the next best thing. She could save herself some grief and get out now. She didn’t over react and she is def NTA.
On my wedding day, my mother said “Well, it looks like all the men in your new husbands family, marry ugly women”…..
My mother tells people that I was a really ugly baby. I have seen photos and I wasn’t ugly at all. My youngest daughter looks a lot like me and she is gorgeous. She was a very pretty baby too, my mother didn’t like her though. We cut off contact with her when my baby was 6, she’s now 23.
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If he said it once and apologized, I would have chalked it off to him saying something idiotic. The fact he said it before, well obviously this is a thing that bothers him so much so that he is telling everyone. And he never apologized for hurting and embarrassing her and instead telling her to get her insecurities in check tells me he has low regard for her feelings. Not good. I’d love to hear his side of this story and see how he’d respond to this criticism
Wow op needs to leave like yesterday that's a setup for a life of emotional abuse that will leave her so bruised and battered. I hope for the sake of her mental health and any kids she ever has she leaves this piece of sh*t who is clearly rolling up his sleeves to mess her life up irreversibly smh.
Wait- if he said, quote, "healthy, happy and look nothing like me", he's referring to himself- he's joking that he wants the baby to look like her mother, not himself. He's putting himself down.
If he doesn't love your face, why did he marry you? People can judge your face all they want, but your partner/spouse should be in love with you in and out. They were all laughing, and no one voiced how wrong this was, even in private, or tried to make a counter-joke, like the kid would be better off looking like you???? How would he have reacted, had you made the same joke? Anyhow, you should try couple-therapy. Also, pray for God to help. I pray that He gives you discernment and wisdom about your situation... Be strong, and remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are made in the image of God, and no one, not even yourself, should make you believe otherwise. Your daughter will come out healthy, blessed, and beautiful, like you. The Grace of God is with you. Shalom!
Kari-Kateora stated OP was 28 H was 22. Actually OP said She was 25 and H was 31 when they married 3 years ago. So now OP is 28 and a$$hole is 34.
You should have said I hope she looks just like her father and then explain the complete opposite looks of your husband
Nobody thinks of the option, that he thinks of his wife as beeing very beautiful and hopes his daughter doesn't look as good to make him constantly worry?
Get out now. Gaslighting and emotionally abusive. He’s right, you do need therapy—to overcome the PTSD he’s causing
Wow. Domestic abuse survivor here, and you are definitely NTA. Please see the giant red flag(s) he's waving right in front of everyone's faces. This has me triggered, and I know you will have to realize in your own time, but don't lose yourself in the process. He is flat out emotionally and psychologically (and likely otherwise?) abusive, and if given the chance, he will continue and it will escalate. Do not let him away with anything, and once you've had enough, please find the strength to leave. Left mine 4 months ago after 15 yrs (no kids together) and it's a rough process to try to gain back everything that was taken, destroyed, minimized, and thrown in my face and get my life back. Just because there aren't bruises (hopefully), doesn't mean you aren't in pain. Take care.
I’m still confused as to WHO is he hoping the baby will look like. Is English your second language?
He was putting her done before this event. He meant to say it and in his defense he was joking. No he was being honest She did the right thing she left. He is a a**HOLE. She need to reevaluate her marriage is it worth staying married to him or not.......
What doesn't make sense to me is, if her looks are that bad, why did he marry her? He had to be attracted to her physically right? What husband doesn't think his wife is beautiful? I could understand not wanting his nose or her chin, but to say I hope she looks nothing like you is horrendous! No, you didn't overreact sweetie, you underreacted! I would leave immediately! How hurt you must be! 😭
Leaving will ensure the child turns out Nothing like the sadistic, former husband...
She should’ve hit go over the head with a bottle (I’m sure something was on the table) left the party and just kept going. Nobody especially, in that state needs to be treated with disrespect!
Run, get your affairs in order and as quilted as you can prepare to leave and to co parent. He is an a*****e
What a horrible story … I was married to a man rather similar. Looking back , I knew, when we continued to fight after our daughter was born, in front of her, and he continued to humiliate and crush me, that my daughter would not thrive watching her mother be bullied like that. I filed for divorced and knew that she would have more peace seeing her two parents at their best, apart, not being cruel together . We REPEAT what we know best, over and over, hoping to change the outcome,( hoping to have a happy ending this time) . On another note, only in America could something as tacky as a Gender reveal event be created. Barns burn down/ forest fires/ family fights /just me I’m sure ; tacky idea
He's a total and complete jerk. What is wrong with him. He's disrespectful and disgusting and so is his family if they were that insensitive of your feelings. What does he look like, prince charming... probably the frog. I think you should go too counseling for yourself and if he doesn't want to go, consider your options before your baby comes. I hope you have family of your own you can turn too also. I personally would have either slapped him or threw a drink in his face before I left.
Yeaaahhhh I think someone else needs therapy. Huge red flags. Huge.
I was going to write what the last person did about if the baby was a girl. My thoughts also is the woman (had she not been so floored) could have commented about being surprised they got pregnant considering his small manhood.That would have shut him up I bet. But definitely, I have a very strong suspicion that this isn't the first time he has made derogatory comments about something to her - cooking, cleaning, clothes, friends, etc. This is an abusive relationship in the making.
I would leave him completely and say that I hope our child doesn't look like him either or gain his personality or that will be the 2nd most ugliest mfer she knows smh
She shouldn't have walked away. She should say to him that it's not a joke when you say it on a daily and that he needs to grow up. Or otherwise you will make sure he will never even see this child. That you are tired from waking just ti hear from him that you're ugly. That he is mentally abusive and you don't want your daughter to grow up with a mentally abusive idiot as a dad like you. Than walk away. This way his family knows who is the a**hole. Just make sure you tell his family your story otherwise they think that you're the a**hole.
I have a great relationship with my husband. That being said he often comes up with one joke line and sticks with it for a really long time. He seems completely unaware of how annoying or hurtful that line may be. I don't know if this is a guy thing but every now and then I have to have a serious conversation with him about how even though he is kidding, the repetitiveness and unrelenting nature of the line gets really grating and can make me feel like there is an underlying non-joke. And those calm, serious conversations are very effective. Men are very used to repeatedly saying abusive things to each other and not having it mean anything. Again I have no insights into your marriage and who you two are as people. But if other things are great and it's this particular area that's causing the issue then it isn't grounds for the end of your marriage just for serious discussion and counseling if necessary. Counseling is healthy. Don't feel bad running out in your state at the time
Gender reveal parties are really stupid in the first.place in my opinion... Let's be real... Nobody really cares if you have a boy or girl... You don't need a party for anything other than attention..
NTA. A man should never treat his wife like that, especially in front of other people. As for the guests, they probably are not laughing at you, just laughing to make an awkward situation less tense.
That girl up there saying the first red flag was him being 28 and her being 22 and that he can't get with women his age because he's too immature.. ? Douchebags come in all ages, moron.
Her first mistake was as a 25 yr old gem, selling herself short on some used up dude 6yrs older than she was. She Being young and impressionable, he's been insincere and manipulating her from jump And he convinced her to waste her life on him, marrying her and knocking her up, when if he was worth his weight in salt he would have sought the companionship of a woman his own age. Problem with that is someone his own age could tell he was a POS So married someone young that he could abuse Because being cruel is the only way he feels masculine I would get MY BABY GIRL the hell outta that relationship Nothing worse than an insecure man compensating with someone who's too immature to see his short comings and using her to fulfill his beta male sadistic loser tendencies. He'll be even worse to his children He likes to abuse helpless people that are dependent on him He's not a protector nor a provider he's not a good husband and he won't be a good father he's the one whom needs therapy
You should not have to ask ANYONE about how someone makes you feel….only you know what makes you uncomfortable or comfortable. Of course, people can give you advice but no matter what everyone else says you were hurt by what the IGNORANT BOY said. You knew right away how you felt and you reacted appropriately to how you should deal with his ignorance. If there was any REAL MEN (Husbands) there they would have called your childish husband out. My wife and I have been together for 34 years (married for 28) we are 53 & 52 years old. I would never and never have embarrassed her in any way in private and definitely not in public. I pray you will really examine this situation and his true character and make the right choice. He very well may cause your child the same embarrassment one day. Take Care & God Bless You!
I wish a lot of younger 20 somethings stop trying to date people older than them. It seems like the 30+ somethings tend to be abusers in all of the relationships I've seen where their partner was decades younger. Sickos that are just creeping on those not mature enough to know the difference between love or abuse.
Wait, did he say "happy, healthy, and not look like me" as in not look like himself?
A perfect response to this insult in front of his whole family could have been - "Yeah. I hope you're right. I really hope she looks like her REAL father." I wonder how well that joke would have gone over.
Reading the story i thought he was doing the usual dad thing, being afraid of having a beautiful daughter & all. Reading the comments it looks like I was the only one.
There age difference isnt that much until you figure that he was six years years older when they staring dating, so he was around 25 and she was probably not quite 20. It tracks that he felt more comfortable with someone younger, unworldly and self-described overly anxious.
A) even two plain-looking folks can have a very cute child, a real heartbreaker in the making.B)With a good personality, it out weighs looks. People like folks who make them feel good, no matter what they look like. So the wife could have responded to his 'joke' with one of her own. Like 'well, a personality like mine will make a difference, too'. But, yeah get counseling, it helps her in getting the strength to see if a future with him is a positive outcome and most individual counseling asks to have a session or two with the partner to see the dynamics of the relationship. So it's not what he thinks will end too.
Step 1: find a child bride Step 2: tell her she's ugly every day Step 3: ? Step 4: profit
Child bride?? Haha wat a dumb response...she's a young woman..maybe not her but many young women today have been through alot of men and look worn out at a young age..plenty experience..not angels at all..beta males like yourself encourage this behaviour..the OP seems vulnerable..but as a general rule..Western women today of that age are no way near innocent as they like to appear ...Happy to go along with certain tings as long as it benefits them br wen it doesn't they cry 'I'm young I didn't know anything ' man up mikey
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These gender reveals need to stop..they are sick. Who cares??? If you have a safe human baby.....wonderful!! If not...our prayers.
On the plus side, this one didn't cause an environmental disaster. On the minus side, the husband has a metaphoric fire to put out after starting it.
Load More Replies... So she was just 22 when she married him? Yeah, this has red flags all over it. He's negging her even while she's pregnant with their child and I'll bet it isn't a coincidence he chose someone that young to marry.
From the way it was quoted I initially thought he didn't want their daughter to look like him, which would be fine. Nobody wants to look like a self-important jerkass.
Leaving a gender reveal party, regardless of reason, is always the right choice. The only option that is better is to never attend one in the first place. In today's modern landscape, it's the equivalent of having a party to celebrate the kid is white.
I don't know if this woman is psychologically heavy to bear, as it would seem from what she says about her insecurities and phobias, but what I do know for sure is that her husband is an idiot. In any case, gender reveal parties seem to me an idiocy made in the US which, like the others, is contaminating the weak minds of the rest of the Western world.
Wait... Is that an EXACT quote? Because if he's saying it then he's saying the baby hopefully won't look like him.
Not seeing a problem. No man wants his daughter to have a moustache and five o'clock shadow, so of course he wants the baby to look like his wife instead of himself. Unless the man is being misquoted here, the punctuation supplied clearly indicated that the "not look like me" referred to himself.
You seem to have missed her follow-up comment in which she made it clear he'd repeatedly said he hoped the child didn't look like her. That takes it from a one time stupid comment to Grade A AH.
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And now 99.98% of those who've read your comment know YTA. Funny, huh?
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I'm guessing you're a person that degrades people for fun then gets mad at them when they don't think you're funny? He's said this to her multiple times not only during this party. Then when she finally tells him to stop once again he accuses her of being insecure and dramatic. A husband telling his pregnant wife he does not want his daughter to look like her implying she's ugly multiple times then knowing she has anxiety in crowds makes her a butt of a mean spirited ridicule so everyone can laugh at her. Then tells her she has no right to have hurt feelings once again bc she's the insecure one? No only bullies are insecure, they love to drag people down it feels good to them to make others feel bad secure people don't bully others bc they simply do not think that way.
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There is nothing wrong with *his* communication skills. He is communicating loud and clear that he has contempt for his wife and doesn't mind humiliating her in public and then telling her she needs to "learn to take a joke" when she objects.
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Don't tell people when anxiety is normal and when it's not. The anxiety only added to the husband being a POS, making her more on edge. Nobody should have laughed along with that. And that he had said it before? It was definitely not an overreaction. Knowing she feels anxious in large groups, it was disrespectful of him not to at least give her a heads up.
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Your husband is intentionally eroding your self esteem, pushing your boundaries and then gaslighting you. This behavior will likely escalate after the baby is born. Please, seek some support and prepare an exit strategy.
I mean the usual joke is that the parent wants the baby to not look like THEM, not the other person! If it was a self-deprecating joke like that it'd be fine. This is not that. NTA op.
Yeah, when I first read it, that's what I thought he meant until I kept reading.
Load More Replies... Here's a comeback: "You better hope it looks like me, 'cause it sure as hell isn't going to look like you!"
"She may have my looks but she'll definitely have a bigger d**k than you."
Load More Replies... At best his joke is emotionally abusive and degrading to his wife, at worst he's saying he doesn't want his daughter to look like the woman he is sexually attracted to, as if this might be a problem. I mean, I know the latter is a giant leap on my side, but something about his behaviour just sounds profoundly creepy to me.
That's an interesting comment - I hadn't thought of that. Yikes for the husband if that's the case!
Load More Replies... Among all the forest of red flags, the fact the husband is more worried about the wife disrespecting his family than how he is disrespecting his wife is one big one.
I wonder how his family views his behaviour..the mother asking if she was OK? No she's not OK.. ur son made a horrible joke aimed at her appearance in front of people.. he could be a mommy's boy..if he is then she is definitely screwed..I hope she has some sort of support.
Load More Replies... This is not funny, shame on the people in the room who laughed at that. I was in a relationship with someone who would do this stuff to me. It ended poorly. But now I’m with someone who actually respects me, and I’ve learned that that behavior is not normal or okay. You don’t need to tolerate it.
Ikr ?! What they laughing for...I dont see any mentions of support from his side with this behaviour.. I'd have called him out on it..having experienced this nonsense myself.
Load More Replies... I think you should reflect on why you are so anxious around lots of people, especially his family. Is it because he gives you little digs beforehand that affect your self esteem or criticizes you afterward? Or you are afraid he is going to make “jokes” about you? BTW, “you can’t take a joke” is a classic abuser’s response to being called out for saying something cruel. Think seriously about leaving this guy before the baby comes because it will not get better- abusers escalate when their partner’s get pregnant and get even worse when there’s a stressful newborn absorbing all the attention. This may be why you are seeing more of this from him.
For the people who say the OP was in fact being too sensitive, please re-read the post. She admits to anxiety in crowds, and is not comfortable in large gatherings. So he and his family flat out lied and told her it was a family only dinner, knowing full well she would bot be enjoying one minute of it, and would be wildly uncomfortable and self conscious anyway. OP let that go and didn't say a word about that deceit. In my opinion putting a pregnant woman through the stress of dealing with what amounts to a phobia is cruel to start with. Then to publicly ridicule her looks when she was already certainly having an expected panic attack?? No, OP was NTA here.
Oh please...nothing to do with being pregnant.. the fact she's really insecure makes it cruel alone.
Load More Replies... HE'S the one complaining about disrespect?!?! That's rich. GET. RID. OF. HIM.
NTA but can someone please tell me why we're still doing gender reveal parties? Even the mom credited with coming up with them admits they were a terrible idea. (Side note to point out the second most cringe-worthy baby related party - the "sip and see" lol)
They are increasingly popular here in the UK and I just don't get it. Surely you are going to love and care for your baby regardless of if it's a boy, girl or canine
Load More Replies... Married at 22, pregnant at 25, this poor girl knows nothing, amd he is making sure that she won't learn anything. Who do people make important life choices so early? Where are her parents? This is so sad...
Nothing wrong with the age...its healthier to have kids young..older mothers risk having children with issues,downs syndrome etc...its not normal for older mother to have kids either...heck the mothers in my kids class are old enuf to be my mom..that's not normal..I dont think the age is an issue on its own.
Load More Replies... How would he like if wife 'joked' the same way about him? Douchebag.
Wow. If her insecurity and anxiety had allowed, she should have stood up after his toast and asked him to explain why it was funny. Why did everyone laugh? Please explain. As it is, she did the right thing and left. What an a*s her husband is!
Honestly though, if thats how toxic he and his family are comfortable being in public, don't let your child near any of them, ever. They don't actually have a right to be Ina child's life, despite what many entitled grandparents and awful "parents" like to think. They're going to pass on either the hateful and toxic behavior to the child, or build them up to have really low self esteem, body image, and possibly mental health disorders. Possibly even both. It's in her best interest to only be around those kinds of people in moderation, and without the emotional and social baggage of considering such people as family or a source fo love or support.
Uh, do I understand this right ... you husband does want your daughter to not look like you because ... he thinks you're ugly? I've heard of people who love each other for other reasons than their looks, and I think that at least looks should not be the biggest part of something like love, but ... but, I also came to get that whoever I loved I thought of being the most beautiful one among them all, despite them looking a lot different from each other ... so I guess something's off here. Also, jokes about each other's looks may be very ok, even if they appear to be a mile over a top of inches to an outsider, or downright cruel, but ... but, this isn't the inside you describe. Sounds like him looking down on you, and it simply is not how you treat someone you love, let alone consider marrying, let alone having already married, let alone decide to have children together. Get rid of as much of him as possible - someone who loves you shouldn't do this to you.
NTA You need to really search your heart and make a solid decision before the baby arrives. I was your age when I was pregnant and my husband left me at the table at a New Years party, I found him later with his ex HS GF and she actually had the nerve to tell me I better be good to him or deal with her. I whispered back for her to basically get out of my face or she’ll deal with me. My “husband” never defended me but got mad over my response to her. When our Son arrived I almost died having him and my “husband” told me to get them to sign off and leave the hospital as it’s been 7 days and he’s had enough of it. I listened he brought us home, and dumped me at the house and went to work .. the marriage got worse from there. I tried therapy but he refused. We divorced when our son was 2. He is down right rude to you and belittles you to keep you “in your place “ DONT GIVE him your power, you & ur daughter are worth more than that.
The comment about the age gap was ridiculous...we've gone from it being normal for the guy to be older to acting like a few years older is creepy..as for the rest...really disgusting behaviour, and agree it is abusive ,this isn't jibes at one another in lighthearted way...this is telling someone they are ugly and to regularly tell her he hopes his baby doesnt look like her is just horrible and wierd considering he was fine to be in a relationship with her..perhaps perhaps doesn't tink she's bad looking.. this is all he plan,to make her question herself ,her appearance ..no wonder she is insecure ,this this jsut targeted her for her insecurity.. she needs to leave .
It diminishes with age, but when a relationship starts with one at 19 and the other at 25...yeah, that's gross. That's a power, maturity, and experience imbalance that reeks of manipulation and control issues, conscious or not. Not the same at 32 and 38, where both are adults with fully formed frontal lobes and no-one is being groomed.
Load More Replies... It's very common for a narcissist to try to blame the object of their abuse. He thinks because you are pregnant he has you trapped and can treat you so horribly. You need to see a therapist and make plans to leave because the abuse will only get worse.
This is awful, this man is verbally and mentally abusive, I hope she seeks help through therapy because he isn’t going to change. Don’t stay where you aren’t truly loved and cared for. These boots were made for walking!
He said she was disrespectful to the relatives who wanted celebrate and 'share their joy'. Yeah, hon. Not really feeling the joy right now.
Omg, leave this man! If he's this awful you now, it will get worse later and his mental abuse will also get directed at your daughter I too suffer from anxiety on large social situations and my heart just broke for you when I read this!!
Girl leave and find someone that deserves u. U are beautiful and your child will be too.
I would immediately exit thatrelationship. Obviously he is a male chauvinist pig and you deserve better. You are having a daughter. He will treat her the same way. You need to protect yourself but you are literally the only hope your daughter has for survival. His type always seeks the more vulnerable victims. He knew you experienced anxiety issues so you were an easier target. GO!!! You are young. You will learn from this nightmare and you will find happiness beyond your wildest dreams. And you certainly deserve it!!!
He is a narcissist, get the hell out of there before he destroys you fully and takes your daughter with you. My dad is a narcissist and I ended up in an 11 year relationship with a narcissist. My whole life I've fought suicide attempts and depression. Don't stay and get books on narcissism to help get you through this. Also books on healing from gaslighting. Teach your daughter how to adopt the same exercises to protect herself from her own father and future men that come into her life. But don't stay... I promise it never gets better, no matter how much you beg or pray and cry yourself to sleep.
NTA!! That is is so very wrong, so over the line that you can't even see the line anymore. Has he always treated you this way? Do you now, or have you ever had an issue feeling desirable and beautiful? If the answer is yes, I think this immature pig decided that you are insecure, that he could control you without any trouble, and that he has a problem with strong, empowered women. I have struggled with issues related to my looks as well, and the two men I've been with (I'm 56) always made it about looks once relationship trouble hit. Both were inexperienced and insecure, but I didn't figure that out until later. But there is NO excuse for this abhorrent behavior. Get you, and your daughter away from him NOW, before he gives her a complex, and before she grows to hate him, and possibly all men! Not emotionally or mentally healthy for either of you.
Anyone who has or is involved in "gender reveal parties" for people who aren't even born yet, are automatic assholes. These things just didn't exist until a significant portion of hyper privileged people decided to make transphobia and cissexism a core identifying aspect of themselves. This isn't some old tradition. It's not even actually a baby shower. It's just toxic Though the husband and his family (who suggested their toxic obsession with a child's genitals being turned into a full on dinner to begin with and likely taught him to behave and treat people like that as being normal or even loving) are definitely the worst of the worst here
Shame you got pregnant before it became clear what an AH he is. Absolutely the right thing to leave. If you don't start standing up for yourself, this jerk will just walk all over you to the point where your self esteem is permanently wrecked.
I thought it was always the best man's job during the toast to humiliate the couple...
Age is not the problem. My husband is 14 years older and it works. He just insulted himself, by disrespecting his wife. On the other hand, it's about the type of communication, between them, f. e. I'm pretty sarcastic. And my husband knows that and he knows how I mean things, he wouldn't get angry with mw for this type of comment.
I'm also a lot younger than my partner, but we met when I was nearly 30. This guy married her when he was 28 and she was only 22, which means they probably met when she was just out of her teens. That is probably not a coincidence.
Load More Replies... Tell him he has a small d??k. Or he's going thin on top. Or you are surprised you are pregnant at all as he is so bad in the sack. He is the not you get rid of him before he tells your child nasty things
He could very well end up repeating to the daughter "You're just like your mother" - and not as a compliment.
Load More Replies... You ever considered that he didn't tell you how many people were going to be there cause he wanted to weaponize your anxiety against you?
The retort is: "Of course the baby is going to look like me. One half of her comes from me. Babies always look like their parents. And that's how I already know that the baby will look like me, but not at all like you." "Not saying that you're inadequate as a man, but this baby is not going to look like you -- unless you have some African-American in your ancestry." "Hahaha! Pretty funny, right? Hey! How come you're not laughing? ... Hahaha."
Nta. You absolutely did the right thing walking out and in turn embarrassed him. I hope they are all ashamed of themselves for laughing along. In your most vulnerable state he chooses to cut you down. With the sacrifices you make carry his child and he insults you privately and publicly. Do not stay with the wrong person just because you share a child. I hope you do what's best for you in the end because your little girl deserves to see her mama happy.
Run, get your affairs in order as best you can and as quietly as you can. And prepare your exit and to co parent. He is an a*****e.
My ex husband did this before we got married. He picked me up from having my engagement photo done, and I was so excited because the video proof looked really good. He said "yeah, except for the head lice - I can see them jumping all over" I knew that was a lie, but it was so hurtful that I cried all the way home (he made fun of then of me being "too sensitive to take a joke")... and that was just the beginning.
Gotta agree with comments advising you to leave asap. I don't understand this level of cruelty. Also in-laws were wrong to assume you even wanted a gender reveal party; that should have been your call. These people will grind you down until there's nothing left.
When did FIVE YEARS become too wide an age gap? That seems fairly normal to me. This husband is just a jerk and the comments hinting that it's because the age gap is "a red flag" got me. Five years apart is nothing for any gender in my opinion. Blame him for hinting that he finds his wife unattractive by all means. But stop acting like he's using his age to get what he wants.
So sorry this happened to you, you did the right thing. Sorry no one defended you especially after your reaction. If my son belittled his wife like that Infront of me I would have scolded him Infront of everyone. I'm glad you stood up to this moron, you don't have to put up with it. Good luck.
Run, don't walk, to the nearest therapist to help you realize that you need a divorce. That is over the top abusive in the most underhanded way.
He's already set the expectation that his daughter be perfect. She won't be. If he criticizes and demeans his wife he'll do the same to her. Except it'll be worse because his daughter will be receiving that abuse from day 1. She could be 99% perfect looking and he'd make a big deal over that 1%. Another thing, babies generally don't come out looking cute. That'll be the first thing he notices and that first impression will sour the whole relationship going forward. Another thing is it's not uncommon for emotional/verbal abusers to become physical after the birth of a child. Newborns are stressful and they can push someone over the edge.
I have to agree with everyone commenting. However, I do believe that he may have said and done other things that accounts as abuse that she may not be mentioning or ignoring. Usually any kind of abuse whether verbal, physical or emotional is not a first time incident. I'm sure he has done and said other hurtful things..Yet I question why do she need permission from others to distinguish abuse? Young lady just pay attention to your feelings. If what he's saying or doing doesn't make you smile or feel good 365 days of the year, then it's bad. I do suggest as with the others to seek therapy, however your husband needs it more than you do.
Mt father hides insults as 'jokes' and then gaslights me when I get annoyed. "iTs jUSt A jOKe!" So, explain the joke then you f*****g coward. Cut those people out of your life. You'll be infinitely better for it.
So cruel! My husband was so attentive and affectionate when I was pregnant both times.He ignored the changes in my body which can be overwhealming to a pregnant woman. This guy has to go.He does not deserve a wife.
My first husband was kind when we were alone but sometimes a bit offensive when other people were around. I threw a hair brush at him once (I was 24 years old, not my most mature response) and his friends very quickly left. I made my point and he toned down the insults after that but we still separated 2 years later. 3 of the worse years of my life wasted on that a….hole. I was much happier without him. Once you leave that jerk, you’ll be amazed at how much happier you feel and your self esteem will improve.
OP, I agree completely with Kari-kateora above......You need to leave and divorce this man before you bring this baby into the world and never let him have contact with her. He needs to pay you child support because you'd be better as a single parent than to live with this abusive monster and subject your daughter to his "jokes".
People who love you don't play into your insecurities. OP said he "joked" and outright told her he doesn't want the child to look like her on multiple ocasions. That is such a major red flag. If your partner "makes fun" of you, particularly on subjects you are insecure about, he is an a*****e. You shouldn't waste your time on them.
I would not of handled it either. The anxiety would have overwhelmed my filters and I’m sure I would have said something really ugly
How will he treat his daughter if he has zero respect for her mother? Nta
I had an ex like that. His comment was about my supposed lack of education, at that time I had an early childhood diploma. He shot my esteem down so bad that day, I felt so embarrassed and I have not forgotten how it made me feel, and I have never ever forgotten it. Cut to the present, I have a bachelors in management, various other administration quals. I hope this poor woman doesn’t get railroaded by her husband, personally, I hope she leaves. It’s not going to improve, he is the type who is going to be always looking for the next best thing. She could save herself some grief and get out now. She didn’t over react and she is def NTA.
On my wedding day, my mother said “Well, it looks like all the men in your new husbands family, marry ugly women”…..
My mother tells people that I was a really ugly baby. I have seen photos and I wasn’t ugly at all. My youngest daughter looks a lot like me and she is gorgeous. She was a very pretty baby too, my mother didn’t like her though. We cut off contact with her when my baby was 6, she’s now 23.
Load More Replies... If he said it once and apologized, I would have chalked it off to him saying something idiotic. The fact he said it before, well obviously this is a thing that bothers him so much so that he is telling everyone. And he never apologized for hurting and embarrassing her and instead telling her to get her insecurities in check tells me he has low regard for her feelings. Not good. I’d love to hear his side of this story and see how he’d respond to this criticism
Wow op needs to leave like yesterday that's a setup for a life of emotional abuse that will leave her so bruised and battered. I hope for the sake of her mental health and any kids she ever has she leaves this piece of sh*t who is clearly rolling up his sleeves to mess her life up irreversibly smh.
Wait- if he said, quote, "healthy, happy and look nothing like me", he's referring to himself- he's joking that he wants the baby to look like her mother, not himself. He's putting himself down.
If he doesn't love your face, why did he marry you? People can judge your face all they want, but your partner/spouse should be in love with you in and out. They were all laughing, and no one voiced how wrong this was, even in private, or tried to make a counter-joke, like the kid would be better off looking like you???? How would he have reacted, had you made the same joke? Anyhow, you should try couple-therapy. Also, pray for God to help. I pray that He gives you discernment and wisdom about your situation... Be strong, and remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are made in the image of God, and no one, not even yourself, should make you believe otherwise. Your daughter will come out healthy, blessed, and beautiful, like you. The Grace of God is with you. Shalom!
Kari-Kateora stated OP was 28 H was 22. Actually OP said She was 25 and H was 31 when they married 3 years ago. So now OP is 28 and a$$hole is 34.
You should have said I hope she looks just like her father and then explain the complete opposite looks of your husband
Nobody thinks of the option, that he thinks of his wife as beeing very beautiful and hopes his daughter doesn't look as good to make him constantly worry?
Get out now. Gaslighting and emotionally abusive. He’s right, you do need therapy—to overcome the PTSD he’s causing
Wow. Domestic abuse survivor here, and you are definitely NTA. Please see the giant red flag(s) he's waving right in front of everyone's faces. This has me triggered, and I know you will have to realize in your own time, but don't lose yourself in the process. He is flat out emotionally and psychologically (and likely otherwise?) abusive, and if given the chance, he will continue and it will escalate. Do not let him away with anything, and once you've had enough, please find the strength to leave. Left mine 4 months ago after 15 yrs (no kids together) and it's a rough process to try to gain back everything that was taken, destroyed, minimized, and thrown in my face and get my life back. Just because there aren't bruises (hopefully), doesn't mean you aren't in pain. Take care.
I’m still confused as to WHO is he hoping the baby will look like. Is English your second language?
He was putting her done before this event. He meant to say it and in his defense he was joking. No he was being honest She did the right thing she left. He is a a**HOLE. She need to reevaluate her marriage is it worth staying married to him or not.......
What doesn't make sense to me is, if her looks are that bad, why did he marry her? He had to be attracted to her physically right? What husband doesn't think his wife is beautiful? I could understand not wanting his nose or her chin, but to say I hope she looks nothing like you is horrendous! No, you didn't overreact sweetie, you underreacted! I would leave immediately! How hurt you must be! 😭
Leaving will ensure the child turns out Nothing like the sadistic, former husband...
She should’ve hit go over the head with a bottle (I’m sure something was on the table) left the party and just kept going. Nobody especially, in that state needs to be treated with disrespect!
Run, get your affairs in order and as quilted as you can prepare to leave and to co parent. He is an a*****e
What a horrible story … I was married to a man rather similar. Looking back , I knew, when we continued to fight after our daughter was born, in front of her, and he continued to humiliate and crush me, that my daughter would not thrive watching her mother be bullied like that. I filed for divorced and knew that she would have more peace seeing her two parents at their best, apart, not being cruel together . We REPEAT what we know best, over and over, hoping to change the outcome,( hoping to have a happy ending this time) . On another note, only in America could something as tacky as a Gender reveal event be created. Barns burn down/ forest fires/ family fights /just me I’m sure ; tacky idea
He's a total and complete jerk. What is wrong with him. He's disrespectful and disgusting and so is his family if they were that insensitive of your feelings. What does he look like, prince charming... probably the frog. I think you should go too counseling for yourself and if he doesn't want to go, consider your options before your baby comes. I hope you have family of your own you can turn too also. I personally would have either slapped him or threw a drink in his face before I left.
Yeaaahhhh I think someone else needs therapy. Huge red flags. Huge.
I was going to write what the last person did about if the baby was a girl. My thoughts also is the woman (had she not been so floored) could have commented about being surprised they got pregnant considering his small manhood.That would have shut him up I bet. But definitely, I have a very strong suspicion that this isn't the first time he has made derogatory comments about something to her - cooking, cleaning, clothes, friends, etc. This is an abusive relationship in the making.
I would leave him completely and say that I hope our child doesn't look like him either or gain his personality or that will be the 2nd most ugliest mfer she knows smh
She shouldn't have walked away. She should say to him that it's not a joke when you say it on a daily and that he needs to grow up. Or otherwise you will make sure he will never even see this child. That you are tired from waking just ti hear from him that you're ugly. That he is mentally abusive and you don't want your daughter to grow up with a mentally abusive idiot as a dad like you. Than walk away. This way his family knows who is the a**hole. Just make sure you tell his family your story otherwise they think that you're the a**hole.
I have a great relationship with my husband. That being said he often comes up with one joke line and sticks with it for a really long time. He seems completely unaware of how annoying or hurtful that line may be. I don't know if this is a guy thing but every now and then I have to have a serious conversation with him about how even though he is kidding, the repetitiveness and unrelenting nature of the line gets really grating and can make me feel like there is an underlying non-joke. And those calm, serious conversations are very effective. Men are very used to repeatedly saying abusive things to each other and not having it mean anything. Again I have no insights into your marriage and who you two are as people. But if other things are great and it's this particular area that's causing the issue then it isn't grounds for the end of your marriage just for serious discussion and counseling if necessary. Counseling is healthy. Don't feel bad running out in your state at the time
Gender reveal parties are really stupid in the first.place in my opinion... Let's be real... Nobody really cares if you have a boy or girl... You don't need a party for anything other than attention..
NTA. A man should never treat his wife like that, especially in front of other people. As for the guests, they probably are not laughing at you, just laughing to make an awkward situation less tense.
That girl up there saying the first red flag was him being 28 and her being 22 and that he can't get with women his age because he's too immature.. ? Douchebags come in all ages, moron.
Her first mistake was as a 25 yr old gem, selling herself short on some used up dude 6yrs older than she was. She Being young and impressionable, he's been insincere and manipulating her from jump And he convinced her to waste her life on him, marrying her and knocking her up, when if he was worth his weight in salt he would have sought the companionship of a woman his own age. Problem with that is someone his own age could tell he was a POS So married someone young that he could abuse Because being cruel is the only way he feels masculine I would get MY BABY GIRL the hell outta that relationship Nothing worse than an insecure man compensating with someone who's too immature to see his short comings and using her to fulfill his beta male sadistic loser tendencies. He'll be even worse to his children He likes to abuse helpless people that are dependent on him He's not a protector nor a provider he's not a good husband and he won't be a good father he's the one whom needs therapy
You should not have to ask ANYONE about how someone makes you feel….only you know what makes you uncomfortable or comfortable. Of course, people can give you advice but no matter what everyone else says you were hurt by what the IGNORANT BOY said. You knew right away how you felt and you reacted appropriately to how you should deal with his ignorance. If there was any REAL MEN (Husbands) there they would have called your childish husband out. My wife and I have been together for 34 years (married for 28) we are 53 & 52 years old. I would never and never have embarrassed her in any way in private and definitely not in public. I pray you will really examine this situation and his true character and make the right choice. He very well may cause your child the same embarrassment one day. Take Care & God Bless You!
I wish a lot of younger 20 somethings stop trying to date people older than them. It seems like the 30+ somethings tend to be abusers in all of the relationships I've seen where their partner was decades younger. Sickos that are just creeping on those not mature enough to know the difference between love or abuse.
Wait, did he say "happy, healthy, and not look like me" as in not look like himself?
A perfect response to this insult in front of his whole family could have been - "Yeah. I hope you're right. I really hope she looks like her REAL father." I wonder how well that joke would have gone over.
Reading the story i thought he was doing the usual dad thing, being afraid of having a beautiful daughter & all. Reading the comments it looks like I was the only one.
There age difference isnt that much until you figure that he was six years years older when they staring dating, so he was around 25 and she was probably not quite 20. It tracks that he felt more comfortable with someone younger, unworldly and self-described overly anxious.
A) even two plain-looking folks can have a very cute child, a real heartbreaker in the making.B)With a good personality, it out weighs looks. People like folks who make them feel good, no matter what they look like. So the wife could have responded to his 'joke' with one of her own. Like 'well, a personality like mine will make a difference, too'. But, yeah get counseling, it helps her in getting the strength to see if a future with him is a positive outcome and most individual counseling asks to have a session or two with the partner to see the dynamics of the relationship. So it's not what he thinks will end too.
Step 1: find a child bride Step 2: tell her she's ugly every day Step 3: ? Step 4: profit
Child bride?? Haha wat a dumb response...she's a young woman..maybe not her but many young women today have been through alot of men and look worn out at a young age..plenty experience..not angels at all..beta males like yourself encourage this behaviour..the OP seems vulnerable..but as a general rule..Western women today of that age are no way near innocent as they like to appear ...Happy to go along with certain tings as long as it benefits them br wen it doesn't they cry 'I'm young I didn't know anything ' man up mikey
Load More Replies... These gender reveals need to stop..they are sick. Who cares??? If you have a safe human baby.....wonderful!! If not...our prayers.
On the plus side, this one didn't cause an environmental disaster. On the minus side, the husband has a metaphoric fire to put out after starting it.
Load More Replies... So she was just 22 when she married him? Yeah, this has red flags all over it. He's negging her even while she's pregnant with their child and I'll bet it isn't a coincidence he chose someone that young to marry.
From the way it was quoted I initially thought he didn't want their daughter to look like him, which would be fine. Nobody wants to look like a self-important jerkass.
Leaving a gender reveal party, regardless of reason, is always the right choice. The only option that is better is to never attend one in the first place. In today's modern landscape, it's the equivalent of having a party to celebrate the kid is white.
I don't know if this woman is psychologically heavy to bear, as it would seem from what she says about her insecurities and phobias, but what I do know for sure is that her husband is an idiot. In any case, gender reveal parties seem to me an idiocy made in the US which, like the others, is contaminating the weak minds of the rest of the Western world.
Wait... Is that an EXACT quote? Because if he's saying it then he's saying the baby hopefully won't look like him.
Not seeing a problem. No man wants his daughter to have a moustache and five o'clock shadow, so of course he wants the baby to look like his wife instead of himself. Unless the man is being misquoted here, the punctuation supplied clearly indicated that the "not look like me" referred to himself.
You seem to have missed her follow-up comment in which she made it clear he'd repeatedly said he hoped the child didn't look like her. That takes it from a one time stupid comment to Grade A AH.
Load More Replies... And now 99.98% of those who've read your comment know YTA. Funny, huh?
Load More Replies... I'm guessing you're a person that degrades people for fun then gets mad at them when they don't think you're funny? He's said this to her multiple times not only during this party. Then when she finally tells him to stop once again he accuses her of being insecure and dramatic. A husband telling his pregnant wife he does not want his daughter to look like her implying she's ugly multiple times then knowing she has anxiety in crowds makes her a butt of a mean spirited ridicule so everyone can laugh at her. Then tells her she has no right to have hurt feelings once again bc she's the insecure one? No only bullies are insecure, they love to drag people down it feels good to them to make others feel bad secure people don't bully others bc they simply do not think that way.
Load More Replies... There is nothing wrong with *his* communication skills. He is communicating loud and clear that he has contempt for his wife and doesn't mind humiliating her in public and then telling her she needs to "learn to take a joke" when she objects.
Load More Replies... Don't tell people when anxiety is normal and when it's not. The anxiety only added to the husband being a POS, making her more on edge. Nobody should have laughed along with that. And that he had said it before? It was definitely not an overreaction. Knowing she feels anxious in large groups, it was disrespectful of him not to at least give her a heads up.
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