Family Blames Pregnant Mom With A 12-Hour Job For Not Doing Her ‘Wife Duties,’ Drama Ensues
Do you ever feel like the entire weight of the world is on your shoulders and that everyone expects you to carry it? That’s exactly what one redditor, a pregnant mom from Illinois, has been having to deal with. Not only is she pregnant and works a 12-hour job, she’s also expected to take care of her lazybones husband who is working from home all the time.
The family drama came to a head when the woman’s husband complained about her not doing enough around the house to both of their moms. That’s when they started shaming the woman for not taking proper care of her husband, including making lavish homecooked meals every single day.
Not only that, but one of the woman’s friend’s also thought that she was in the wrong. Have a read through the story below and let us know what you think, dear Pandas. Personally, I can’t imagine anyone guilting someone for not doing enough when they’re pregnant, working a full-time job, and their partner is a grown adult who can perfectly take care of himself.
I wanted to go in-depth about sexism and the expectations that some people still hold that women should be doing all the chores at home, so I reached out to award-winning activist and writer Elizabeth Arif-Fear, the founder and director of ‘Voice of Salam.’ She was kind enough to answer my questions about the need for equality at home when it comes to sharing housework and why some pregnant women are looked down on at work.
“A woman should not be expected to be responsible for the home just because she is a woman. A couple needs to discuss chores based on working hours outside of the home and any other caring responsibilities that affect schedules and workloads,” she told Bored Panda. You’ll find her other insights below, dear Readers.
A pregnant mom explained how her family accused her of being lazy even though she works 12 hours each day
Image credits: Ridofranz (not the actual photo)
Both her mother and mother in law expect her to take better care of her husband, a grown man who works from home
The woman had a couple of small updates to the story
In a couple of updates, the pregnant mom explained that the only person who seems to support her is her twin sister who lives in a different continent entirely.
Meanwhile, the woman pointed out that her husband had been moving towards a more modern view of relationships when they started dating. However, he started reverting back to his “misogynistic mindset” after they got married and she fell pregnant with his baby.
Previously, I’d spoken about how pregnancy affects how your employers and coworkers perceive you and your abilities with researcher Eddy Ng. He explained that prejudice in the workplace has existed for a long time.
“Managers and colleagues do develop prejudice of pregnant employees and view them as less competent or productive during this period. As a result, many employees hide their pregnancy from their managers,” he told Bored Panda earlier.
“Employees need to know they are valued before and during pregnancy while employers should provide the necessary accommodations, including making adjustments to workload, to retain them following pregnancy. There is also a need to create awareness and train managers on providing proper support to pregnant employees.”
Overwhelmingly, the AITA community over on Reddit said that the woman, who later deleted her throwaway account, was in the right in this situation. The kind of pressure everyone was putting on her was inhumane. Not to mention unrealistic.
It sounds absolutely ludicrous in the 21st century. And, to be honest, it would probably raise quite a few eyebrows if we traveled back in time when gender roles were more traditional, too.
Sharing the workload at home equally is vital
However much we’d love to see equality when it comes to chores at home, the reality is nowhere near what it ought to be. “If both partners are working full-time then they should be sharing the housework equally. Sadly, research shows that women still do more housework than men even when working. On a practical level, if a couple is committed to an equal level of partnership, drawing up a chore timetable can be useful, as can designating roles by working out who does what based on their likes and strengths,” Elizabeth explained to Bored Panda.
At the core of the issue lies the unfair expectation that someone ought to be doing more or less housework because of their gender. These gender-based stereotypes and sexist expectations, when they come from one’s partner, can put a lot of stress on the relationship. Honest communication and empathy can be tools that help the partner change for the better.
It all comes down to your partner’s attitude and willingness to change
“The woman deserves better and in this case, real communication, counseling, and reflection for deep change are needed around her role in the relationship. Change is possible—with communication and a division of chores if her partner is ready to change (and actively believes in this), but I would urge her to reflect on her role in and the value of the relationship,” she said. Things become very problematic, however, if the partner is unwilling to change their ways and attitudes.
“Then she may want to consider a separation,” Elizabeth suggested. “These attitudes go beyond chores. They are a symptom of sexism. In such a relationship, both partners are not equal. No woman should be expected to work two full-time jobs—one paid and one at home—while her able-bodied husband sits back and does nothing at home. In today’s world, looking after the home and/or children is a full-time job in itself and such work needs to be shared. Families often have to rely on two incomes and women have the right to pursue professional goals—something which their spouse should encourage as part of an equal partnership,” Elizabeth went into detail.
“Being financially dependent on a man is not a healthy or safe option. Spouses must be equal in opportunities and shared duties. As working patterns have shifted with the economy in the past decades, outdated sexist attitudes also need to shift. A women’s role is where she wants to be—just like a man’s. It’s not her job to pick up or look after male relatives/spouses. If she chooses to stay at home as the family is financially able to manage on one wage, that must be the couple’s joint decision. Even then, there must be mutual respect, sharing of responsibility, and a fair equitable division of chores.”
Getting help from a cleaner might be the answer in some cases
There are specific circumstances where one partner has to take the lion’s share of the work, for example, if their loved one is ill or otherwise incapable of helping out around the house.
“Unless her partner is ill or there are other specific circumstances, change is needed. In such cases of illness or other circumstances (finances permitting), I would suggest bringing in home help such as a cleaner,” Elizabeth suggested. “A couple may decide to pay a cleaner, but this cannot make up for sexist expectations brought upon the woman. In a partnership, a couple should be equal.”
Negative outlooks toward women extend beyond the home, unfortunately. At work, pregnant women are sometimes looked down on and their ability to perform their jobs is questioned by their colleagues. “Prejudice lives off fear, ignorance, and privilege. Changing beliefs takes time but is possible. We need to challenge gender-based stereotypes, unequal distributions of power and ensure that legal mechanisms are in place to protect everyone in society,” she told Bored Panda how we as a society can change for the better and that this change will take patience, as well as sustained actions.
Here’s how some internet users reacted to the tale. As expected, most were horrified that she was being treated like a servant
At this point it definitely seems like the best option.
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She is surrounded by assholes. Pregnancy + 14 hours of work?! Some women can't even work while pregnant. The asshole of a husband works from home and can't even pick up a duster or make his own meals and they're blaming it on online feminism. Ladies (and guys too), this is why the courtship process is very important. You can't change someone by marrying them. This story is just incredulous!
The kicker: "I'm a white American from Illinois. My MIL is a lawyer and my mom is a school teacher." WTF??
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WHAT. IN. THE. HELL. This poor lady works 12 hours a day, she's pregnant, and her family, friends and husband expect her to do everything? I dislike this. NTA. Poor lady!
The last comment Merla Pittman nailed it, it is a classic manipulation - men change to get you and after marriage and pregnancy they show true self. Happened to me twice. Divorce him, stop talking toy your mother and really carefully choose your partner from now on or you will end up alone like most the women I know, because men suck in general. But you will be better as a lonely parent than having a huge baby, which does as he please and spends as he wish. I've seen this thousand times.
This sounds like it's going to end up very abusive. Now she'll be a prisoner bc she'll have an extra person to take care of and to protect. If they have a daughter she will be the new slave and if they have a son he will be taught to treat women as slaves including his mother.
Start divorce proceedings and tell him to go live with his Mommy. Make sure you get as much child support as you can. Make it a condition of the divorce that your MIL is NEVER to be alone with your child. Taking care of a baby is enough work. You don't need two.
I don't know where she's from but I'm in Midwestern/Southern of the U.S., and this is a pretty prevalent attitude here still. The irony is that her working would also been seen as part of the 'Housewife' thing too especially nowadays. I would be willing to bet she's in the same area or more south than I am. I'm not a hardcore feminist, but crap like this calls that out in me. It shouldn't be an expectation it should be a choice. Some women love the housewife stuff and more power to them. Some want to work which is just as fine, but the spouse needs to be on her side. He chose her, he wanted to marry her so that's the person he chose to spend the rest of his life with. When it comes to family you don't choose your parents, you don't choose your kids, the only person you choose is your spouse/partner. The fact that attitudes like these are still around makes me want to shake people.
When I was 8 my mom woke me up one morning and handed me a notebook and pen. When I asked what it was for she told me, "I've spent the last 8 years with you and well... you are going to have to learn to take care of yourself, if you catch my drift. Starting today you are going to learn how to cook, clean and do everything for yourself...just in case." That summer I learned how to take care of myself and help around the house. When the time came to move out I even had to teach some of my roommates how to cook and clean up after themselves. Things did eventually work out, I found a wonderful woman who can tolerate me, we split all the chores evenly and take care of each other. Things aren't always perfect in our relationship but chores are one thing we don't worry about, if anything it strengthens our relationship. I know when I've been an ass, cleaning the house and preparing a nice meal is always a good way to start reconciliation.
I made the mistake of marrying a Mama's boy. Everything was fine for a while because we lived on a different continent; then I stupidly offered to have them stay with us when they emigrated; (now ex) husband's an only child. I put up with those people for 14 months, his parents made my life a living hell and he always took their side over mine. His mother was definitely a catalyst in our divorce even though that happened quite a bit later.
13 hour being pregnant? And the husband complains not doing wife duties? Its me or this woman is asking (screaming for help? What will she do when she is near the time when baby born? I am thinking the husband wont help her. I can say she made a mistake with that marrige.
Kick him out and go no contact with both parents, and then shame them all on Facebook.
NTA - Your husband is broken... run away. Tell MIL that she can have him back in all his glory if she expects you to kowtow to him (and her). Pregnant, 12 hour days, 2 hour commute... and you ain't waiting on HIM?? Sorry, I'm a guy.. I wash, cook, clean, sew and iron. I've done all of the cooking in my households for many years. Housekeeping is not just a woman's job. It's a joint effort. I'd tell the MIL to take a hike and take he little sissy boy with her.
I can clearly remember being around 10 or 11 and realizing what lay ahead for me in terms of gender roles....watching my mom work and do all the housework as well and my dad would get home and relax, I clearly remember thinking I wish I wasn't born a girl because I didn't want a life like my mom and most of the moms I knew and now that I look back on it I realize how sad that is.
I remember this. I remember my dad treating all of his 5 children the same way - we all knew how to the things we needed to survive. My mother (only had two of those 5) couldn't really handle a girl not being a girl and a boy not being a boy.... it drove her crazy. And now she's stuck because she hasn't got any support in her way of thinking.
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I hate reddit, I just hate it. It's pretty obvious she is NTA here. There is no way in hell the way she described that anyone would ever not be on her side. So what's the point here? Please, give up stupid reddit, see a therapist, and get a divorce! Some social network is not a place for really serious private and emotional problems which scream "abuse". If this is true story, she has problem with setting any boundaries and seeks validation from strangers, and her husband and MiL are just unredeemable aholes who abuse her on daily basis. This is really not for internet, this needs some serious real life action. Seek help!
I agree with the comments saying that she isn't acting like a "proper housewife" because she isn't one! Hubby once made a joke about my not doing my wifely duties and cooking him dinner. I said I'd be glad to quit my job and stay home, he could get a better job and support us both. Never heard those "jokes" again.
That poor girl. Is this the western world? She should leave and go to her sister.
I read on reddit that her dad always used her mother, her and her sister as maids. Nasty mother. I expected her to tell mil her son is lousy for not providing for her to be able to be a housewife.
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where the hell do these people live!? I see these posts on here all the time
throw the whole husband in the trash. if he can't support her at a hard time in her life, like pregnancy, he doesn't deserve her. this just proves that when she's struggling, he cant take care of himself, let alone help her. he's clearly misogynistic, and hasn't improved at all since she first started dating him
I have to split this down the middle. One: You married him knowing he was a momma's boy...what did you expect. Two: If you're working 12 hours a day, save up the money, do not contribute to the household expenses. If he protests, tell him that if he expects you to be the traditionally perfect housewife that cooks, cleans and raises the kids, then he can be the traditionally perfect husband that works his a$$ off to provide the sole income to the household. Third: If he expects you to contribute all of your pay to equally pay for expenses, then tell him he can equally help out around the house to make sure he's doing his fair share of the chores. And fourth: If that's not good enough for him, save your earnings, move out and divorce his a$$. See if he continues to starve when he's all on his own.
My guess about the whole "she knew who she married" thing ties in to her age and fear. She thought she could change him. Fat bloody chance. She thought she could force him into being a man if he had a child. Again, not going to happen. Really her only option at this point is to get a divorce lawyer and get out of this. It's going to cost her unfortunately and it will take far more time than she would have believed.... but I do not see any other option.
Load More Replies... The Mother and the MIL both need to butt out, and the Husband needs to stop whining to mommy.
I don't think it's stupidity. I think it's setting up for life. Just incorrectly. I think she found someone, had to get married and pregnant by 30.... And she likely won't be with him much longer.
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What the hell is wrong with this man ?! He’s complaining but can perfectly have the energy yo cook himself a easy cheese , rice bean , wrap ! Or like a salad ! or go out to the grocery to find pre-prepared food ! NTA . She’s pregnant ( congrats ! ) and working 14+ hours and your at home and doing almost absolutely NOTHING ! the husband , divorce him . He’s a red flag and a douchebag who requires everything be done for him . I hope this woman has a better future !
I will never understand why women settle for less than what they're worth. And I will never understand why men (and other women) think it's okay to treat women like servants. Ugh! Mujer, you deserve so much better!
The 20 somethings are constantly told by adverts and peers to get married and pregnant by 30. And it sort of goes downhill from there.
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Raising a baby and an older child is hard. She can get rid of the older child. He already has a mother.
Load More Replies... When the baby comes, she will actually have two children on her hands - her newborn and her husband. What's going to happen when she has to go back to work and leaves the baby with him? Will he have to call her every time the baby needs changing or feeding because he is too incompetent and too lazy to do it himself? It also seems like the mom and MIL expect her to have the kid on the warehouse floor, put it in a sling over her back and keep on working, after all, she's got to support their little boy too. She needs to cut ties with ALL of them NOW, baby or no. With people like them in its life, the child is in for many years of hearing just how bad a person its mother is.
Oh yes it is. And in many parts of the mid west and the bible belt (hell let's through Utah in there) this is a major part of society.
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This is why Islam came; to give more dignity, support and love to women. In Islam, the man is required, if he is able, to provide his wife with a cleaner and even a cook. The wife's duties are only raising the kids and bringing peace to her husband by caring for his emotions when he's stressed, greeting him with a smile, listening to him and respecting him. Islam also says that men are the sole providers of the household. So, women may work if they want, but their money is theirs alone. If the couple is poor, she may choose to help him but she is NOT obliged to do so. In Islam, women are referred to as: the QUEEN of the house. 😊🥰❤️ Such beauty and sophistication. 👌🏻😍 Islam is so amazing thank God. 🤲🏻🥰🥰
I was once married to a mama's boy, not a "normal" one, one exactly like that one. I was dumb enough to put up with it for 10 years, but after being a married single mom of 2, I couldn't handle it anymore. Now he has been seeing someone about 6 years younger than him so I was nice enough to warn her of what she's getting into with a mil like yours and a manchild. It's easier to be a single mom when you don't have that leech of a husband to deal with too.
Look, i don't know if you're still checking comments, but i've been in your shoes rather recently. When you described your husband, so he changed and then reverted back, is exactly what happened to me. Mine and I never married, but I did get pregnant after 9 years together. Once I had our daughter, that's what he completely changed and reverted back to his 50's attitude of gender roles. I'll skip the melodrama that was inevitable just to tell you how things turned out. When my daughter was 9 months I finally kicked him out. I couldn't afford where I was staying by myself-moved in with a friend and her family. I quit my job and started working 2 jobs at home, Vipkid and tax prep. I mostly had to do work while she was sleeping. She just turned two and now we have our own apartment and I have a much better job working from home. Things seem impossible, but you'll amaze yourself with what you can do when you become a mom.
Are you f*****g kidding me" You are most definitely NOT the asshole and I am so sorry that your mother is such a huge one!
A divorce might be the better solution in this case. And I'm very pro marriage. I've been married 28 years.
I bet , they would also blame her, if the fetus is harmed fromworking and trsvelling 14 hour days and then doing all housechores. That woman is close to being a slave. What an unloving partner. Horrible granmothers to be.
Leave the husband and the two mothers to make each other miserable. Move to live near your sister.
Frankly, I think you should tell your %%##%&^ of a mother-in-law that SHE was a bad parent! Or pack up husband and dump him back with his mother!
On the other hand, I DO wonder if this isn't jut a 'made-up' story. I know that MILs can be horrible. but in this day and age it seems surprising , unless they are poor Muslims or Indians
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I think individual, then couples therapy would benefit her. She can talk to an impartial therapist who can help her realize that her Hubs, M and MIL are poisoning each other against her. Once she has gotten some clarity, maybe marriage counselling, if hubs. is willing to go. Most likely not because those 2 harpies will tell him it's unmanly. You're going to be busy enough with a new baby, I'd hate for you to have to take care of 2 babies. Doesn't sound like hubs is going to be completely out of baby's life. That's not husbandly duty. I'd also keep baby away from Evil Twin Grandmas. They're going to try and get their hands on that baby, and squeeze you out.
No way in the world would I hang around in that sort of relationship.
So mayyn examples of shitty people, especially men on BP, today. Where do women find all these useless men and why on earth are they having their children???
Keep the job. Stay at a hotel rather than drive. Gradually move things out of gradually more messy house. You're pregnant and need the rest. You don't need them...
100% NTA! What kind of people is she asking for advice anyways? Even if she wasn't pregnant it is NOT her job to babysit her husband.
Two things: divorce him - you will be happier and richer on your own, or if you find someone else (assuming you don't make a bad choice a second time - but I really believe in 'once bitten, twice shy'. I know I was). The other thing is that I can only see this kind of hokey BS happening in the states. In some (other) backward countries she might be criticized for not cooking and cleaning, but she wouldn't be holding down a job. This kind of irrationality is American, plain and simple.
NTA. Also not a housewife if you work. So, I really do not understand what they are complaining about.
From the first two sentences, this started off wrong. I don't blame her one but she's stuck. I mean really stuck. She's married to absolutely the wrong sort and now she's carrying his child. She's in for a looong adventure.
Damn got crappy people all around you.. need a new support system
Cut out half the assholes in your life by throwing out that garbage of a husband. I really don't understand why people CHOOSE to date people with shitty beliefs and behaviors like they can fix them--people like the husband aren't the kind to really commit to an adverse route of change. They string people along until they get what they want--in this case, a marriage and kid, and figure the deal is sealed so they can go back to doing the easy thing. She's NTA, but she knew the type of guy she was dating.
Didn't even finish. it is women like the mom and MIL who are messing things up. You are not a house wife. You work full-time, hence, again, not a house wife. It is not like you sit around all day doing nothing. Your husband is (hopefully) a fully grown person who is well capable of taking care of himself. And, you are pregnant....the baby gonna be all your responsibility too? So according to your mom, MIL and sister, it is your job to essentially be a single mom, to your child and husband while working full-time. Tell them to get out of here with that outdated and misogynistic viewpoint.
If the husband was any more in the wrong, he'd drown in it, same with the mother and MiL. As you already realise, you married an adult (or thought you did), not a child, the guy should be helping out while you're pregnant even if you weren't working and he was, it's called being a decent human being. A few more years and this will be the guy gaming in the other room while your teenage sister has to rush round to babysit because you have to rush out to work.
BoredPanda is taking a wrong turn. Last weeks it's mostly these sh*t stories about people in sh*t situations. Where is the fun, where are the thrift finds, where are the kitties.
Click on "Latest" at the top and you'll get more of those stories. Enjoy!
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She knew he is a mama's boy and still married him and went ahead and had a kid with him. She should have known about the drama-filled future and I am 100% they will get divorced after the second child and some seemingly small shite will break the camel's back. He does what he does. Her choices got her into this situation. Full stop.
At this point it definitely seems like the best option.
Load More Replies... She is surrounded by assholes. Pregnancy + 14 hours of work?! Some women can't even work while pregnant. The asshole of a husband works from home and can't even pick up a duster or make his own meals and they're blaming it on online feminism. Ladies (and guys too), this is why the courtship process is very important. You can't change someone by marrying them. This story is just incredulous!
The kicker: "I'm a white American from Illinois. My MIL is a lawyer and my mom is a school teacher." WTF??
Load More Replies... WHAT. IN. THE. HELL. This poor lady works 12 hours a day, she's pregnant, and her family, friends and husband expect her to do everything? I dislike this. NTA. Poor lady!
The last comment Merla Pittman nailed it, it is a classic manipulation - men change to get you and after marriage and pregnancy they show true self. Happened to me twice. Divorce him, stop talking toy your mother and really carefully choose your partner from now on or you will end up alone like most the women I know, because men suck in general. But you will be better as a lonely parent than having a huge baby, which does as he please and spends as he wish. I've seen this thousand times.
This sounds like it's going to end up very abusive. Now she'll be a prisoner bc she'll have an extra person to take care of and to protect. If they have a daughter she will be the new slave and if they have a son he will be taught to treat women as slaves including his mother.
Start divorce proceedings and tell him to go live with his Mommy. Make sure you get as much child support as you can. Make it a condition of the divorce that your MIL is NEVER to be alone with your child. Taking care of a baby is enough work. You don't need two.
I don't know where she's from but I'm in Midwestern/Southern of the U.S., and this is a pretty prevalent attitude here still. The irony is that her working would also been seen as part of the 'Housewife' thing too especially nowadays. I would be willing to bet she's in the same area or more south than I am. I'm not a hardcore feminist, but crap like this calls that out in me. It shouldn't be an expectation it should be a choice. Some women love the housewife stuff and more power to them. Some want to work which is just as fine, but the spouse needs to be on her side. He chose her, he wanted to marry her so that's the person he chose to spend the rest of his life with. When it comes to family you don't choose your parents, you don't choose your kids, the only person you choose is your spouse/partner. The fact that attitudes like these are still around makes me want to shake people.
When I was 8 my mom woke me up one morning and handed me a notebook and pen. When I asked what it was for she told me, "I've spent the last 8 years with you and well... you are going to have to learn to take care of yourself, if you catch my drift. Starting today you are going to learn how to cook, clean and do everything for yourself...just in case." That summer I learned how to take care of myself and help around the house. When the time came to move out I even had to teach some of my roommates how to cook and clean up after themselves. Things did eventually work out, I found a wonderful woman who can tolerate me, we split all the chores evenly and take care of each other. Things aren't always perfect in our relationship but chores are one thing we don't worry about, if anything it strengthens our relationship. I know when I've been an ass, cleaning the house and preparing a nice meal is always a good way to start reconciliation.
I made the mistake of marrying a Mama's boy. Everything was fine for a while because we lived on a different continent; then I stupidly offered to have them stay with us when they emigrated; (now ex) husband's an only child. I put up with those people for 14 months, his parents made my life a living hell and he always took their side over mine. His mother was definitely a catalyst in our divorce even though that happened quite a bit later.
13 hour being pregnant? And the husband complains not doing wife duties? Its me or this woman is asking (screaming for help? What will she do when she is near the time when baby born? I am thinking the husband wont help her. I can say she made a mistake with that marrige.
Kick him out and go no contact with both parents, and then shame them all on Facebook.
NTA - Your husband is broken... run away. Tell MIL that she can have him back in all his glory if she expects you to kowtow to him (and her). Pregnant, 12 hour days, 2 hour commute... and you ain't waiting on HIM?? Sorry, I'm a guy.. I wash, cook, clean, sew and iron. I've done all of the cooking in my households for many years. Housekeeping is not just a woman's job. It's a joint effort. I'd tell the MIL to take a hike and take he little sissy boy with her.
I can clearly remember being around 10 or 11 and realizing what lay ahead for me in terms of gender roles....watching my mom work and do all the housework as well and my dad would get home and relax, I clearly remember thinking I wish I wasn't born a girl because I didn't want a life like my mom and most of the moms I knew and now that I look back on it I realize how sad that is.
I remember this. I remember my dad treating all of his 5 children the same way - we all knew how to the things we needed to survive. My mother (only had two of those 5) couldn't really handle a girl not being a girl and a boy not being a boy.... it drove her crazy. And now she's stuck because she hasn't got any support in her way of thinking.
Load More Replies... I hate reddit, I just hate it. It's pretty obvious she is NTA here. There is no way in hell the way she described that anyone would ever not be on her side. So what's the point here? Please, give up stupid reddit, see a therapist, and get a divorce! Some social network is not a place for really serious private and emotional problems which scream "abuse". If this is true story, she has problem with setting any boundaries and seeks validation from strangers, and her husband and MiL are just unredeemable aholes who abuse her on daily basis. This is really not for internet, this needs some serious real life action. Seek help!
I agree with the comments saying that she isn't acting like a "proper housewife" because she isn't one! Hubby once made a joke about my not doing my wifely duties and cooking him dinner. I said I'd be glad to quit my job and stay home, he could get a better job and support us both. Never heard those "jokes" again.
That poor girl. Is this the western world? She should leave and go to her sister.
I read on reddit that her dad always used her mother, her and her sister as maids. Nasty mother. I expected her to tell mil her son is lousy for not providing for her to be able to be a housewife.
Load More Replies... where the hell do these people live!? I see these posts on here all the time
throw the whole husband in the trash. if he can't support her at a hard time in her life, like pregnancy, he doesn't deserve her. this just proves that when she's struggling, he cant take care of himself, let alone help her. he's clearly misogynistic, and hasn't improved at all since she first started dating him
I have to split this down the middle. One: You married him knowing he was a momma's boy...what did you expect. Two: If you're working 12 hours a day, save up the money, do not contribute to the household expenses. If he protests, tell him that if he expects you to be the traditionally perfect housewife that cooks, cleans and raises the kids, then he can be the traditionally perfect husband that works his a$$ off to provide the sole income to the household. Third: If he expects you to contribute all of your pay to equally pay for expenses, then tell him he can equally help out around the house to make sure he's doing his fair share of the chores. And fourth: If that's not good enough for him, save your earnings, move out and divorce his a$$. See if he continues to starve when he's all on his own.
My guess about the whole "she knew who she married" thing ties in to her age and fear. She thought she could change him. Fat bloody chance. She thought she could force him into being a man if he had a child. Again, not going to happen. Really her only option at this point is to get a divorce lawyer and get out of this. It's going to cost her unfortunately and it will take far more time than she would have believed.... but I do not see any other option.
Load More Replies... The Mother and the MIL both need to butt out, and the Husband needs to stop whining to mommy.
I don't think it's stupidity. I think it's setting up for life. Just incorrectly. I think she found someone, had to get married and pregnant by 30.... And she likely won't be with him much longer.
Load More Replies... What the hell is wrong with this man ?! He’s complaining but can perfectly have the energy yo cook himself a easy cheese , rice bean , wrap ! Or like a salad ! or go out to the grocery to find pre-prepared food ! NTA . She’s pregnant ( congrats ! ) and working 14+ hours and your at home and doing almost absolutely NOTHING ! the husband , divorce him . He’s a red flag and a douchebag who requires everything be done for him . I hope this woman has a better future !
I will never understand why women settle for less than what they're worth. And I will never understand why men (and other women) think it's okay to treat women like servants. Ugh! Mujer, you deserve so much better!
The 20 somethings are constantly told by adverts and peers to get married and pregnant by 30. And it sort of goes downhill from there.
Load More Replies... Raising a baby and an older child is hard. She can get rid of the older child. He already has a mother.
Load More Replies... When the baby comes, she will actually have two children on her hands - her newborn and her husband. What's going to happen when she has to go back to work and leaves the baby with him? Will he have to call her every time the baby needs changing or feeding because he is too incompetent and too lazy to do it himself? It also seems like the mom and MIL expect her to have the kid on the warehouse floor, put it in a sling over her back and keep on working, after all, she's got to support their little boy too. She needs to cut ties with ALL of them NOW, baby or no. With people like them in its life, the child is in for many years of hearing just how bad a person its mother is.
Oh yes it is. And in many parts of the mid west and the bible belt (hell let's through Utah in there) this is a major part of society.
Load More Replies... This is why Islam came; to give more dignity, support and love to women. In Islam, the man is required, if he is able, to provide his wife with a cleaner and even a cook. The wife's duties are only raising the kids and bringing peace to her husband by caring for his emotions when he's stressed, greeting him with a smile, listening to him and respecting him. Islam also says that men are the sole providers of the household. So, women may work if they want, but their money is theirs alone. If the couple is poor, she may choose to help him but she is NOT obliged to do so. In Islam, women are referred to as: the QUEEN of the house. 😊🥰❤️ Such beauty and sophistication. 👌🏻😍 Islam is so amazing thank God. 🤲🏻🥰🥰
I was once married to a mama's boy, not a "normal" one, one exactly like that one. I was dumb enough to put up with it for 10 years, but after being a married single mom of 2, I couldn't handle it anymore. Now he has been seeing someone about 6 years younger than him so I was nice enough to warn her of what she's getting into with a mil like yours and a manchild. It's easier to be a single mom when you don't have that leech of a husband to deal with too.
Look, i don't know if you're still checking comments, but i've been in your shoes rather recently. When you described your husband, so he changed and then reverted back, is exactly what happened to me. Mine and I never married, but I did get pregnant after 9 years together. Once I had our daughter, that's what he completely changed and reverted back to his 50's attitude of gender roles. I'll skip the melodrama that was inevitable just to tell you how things turned out. When my daughter was 9 months I finally kicked him out. I couldn't afford where I was staying by myself-moved in with a friend and her family. I quit my job and started working 2 jobs at home, Vipkid and tax prep. I mostly had to do work while she was sleeping. She just turned two and now we have our own apartment and I have a much better job working from home. Things seem impossible, but you'll amaze yourself with what you can do when you become a mom.
Are you f*****g kidding me" You are most definitely NOT the asshole and I am so sorry that your mother is such a huge one!
A divorce might be the better solution in this case. And I'm very pro marriage. I've been married 28 years.
I bet , they would also blame her, if the fetus is harmed fromworking and trsvelling 14 hour days and then doing all housechores. That woman is close to being a slave. What an unloving partner. Horrible granmothers to be.
Leave the husband and the two mothers to make each other miserable. Move to live near your sister.
Frankly, I think you should tell your %%##%&^ of a mother-in-law that SHE was a bad parent! Or pack up husband and dump him back with his mother!
On the other hand, I DO wonder if this isn't jut a 'made-up' story. I know that MILs can be horrible. but in this day and age it seems surprising , unless they are poor Muslims or Indians
Load More Replies... I think individual, then couples therapy would benefit her. She can talk to an impartial therapist who can help her realize that her Hubs, M and MIL are poisoning each other against her. Once she has gotten some clarity, maybe marriage counselling, if hubs. is willing to go. Most likely not because those 2 harpies will tell him it's unmanly. You're going to be busy enough with a new baby, I'd hate for you to have to take care of 2 babies. Doesn't sound like hubs is going to be completely out of baby's life. That's not husbandly duty. I'd also keep baby away from Evil Twin Grandmas. They're going to try and get their hands on that baby, and squeeze you out.
No way in the world would I hang around in that sort of relationship.
So mayyn examples of shitty people, especially men on BP, today. Where do women find all these useless men and why on earth are they having their children???
Keep the job. Stay at a hotel rather than drive. Gradually move things out of gradually more messy house. You're pregnant and need the rest. You don't need them...
100% NTA! What kind of people is she asking for advice anyways? Even if she wasn't pregnant it is NOT her job to babysit her husband.
Two things: divorce him - you will be happier and richer on your own, or if you find someone else (assuming you don't make a bad choice a second time - but I really believe in 'once bitten, twice shy'. I know I was). The other thing is that I can only see this kind of hokey BS happening in the states. In some (other) backward countries she might be criticized for not cooking and cleaning, but she wouldn't be holding down a job. This kind of irrationality is American, plain and simple.
NTA. Also not a housewife if you work. So, I really do not understand what they are complaining about.
From the first two sentences, this started off wrong. I don't blame her one but she's stuck. I mean really stuck. She's married to absolutely the wrong sort and now she's carrying his child. She's in for a looong adventure.
Damn got crappy people all around you.. need a new support system
Cut out half the assholes in your life by throwing out that garbage of a husband. I really don't understand why people CHOOSE to date people with shitty beliefs and behaviors like they can fix them--people like the husband aren't the kind to really commit to an adverse route of change. They string people along until they get what they want--in this case, a marriage and kid, and figure the deal is sealed so they can go back to doing the easy thing. She's NTA, but she knew the type of guy she was dating.
Didn't even finish. it is women like the mom and MIL who are messing things up. You are not a house wife. You work full-time, hence, again, not a house wife. It is not like you sit around all day doing nothing. Your husband is (hopefully) a fully grown person who is well capable of taking care of himself. And, you are pregnant....the baby gonna be all your responsibility too? So according to your mom, MIL and sister, it is your job to essentially be a single mom, to your child and husband while working full-time. Tell them to get out of here with that outdated and misogynistic viewpoint.
If the husband was any more in the wrong, he'd drown in it, same with the mother and MiL. As you already realise, you married an adult (or thought you did), not a child, the guy should be helping out while you're pregnant even if you weren't working and he was, it's called being a decent human being. A few more years and this will be the guy gaming in the other room while your teenage sister has to rush round to babysit because you have to rush out to work.
BoredPanda is taking a wrong turn. Last weeks it's mostly these sh*t stories about people in sh*t situations. Where is the fun, where are the thrift finds, where are the kitties.
Click on "Latest" at the top and you'll get more of those stories. Enjoy!
Load More Replies... She knew he is a mama's boy and still married him and went ahead and had a kid with him. She should have known about the drama-filled future and I am 100% they will get divorced after the second child and some seemingly small shite will break the camel's back. He does what he does. Her choices got her into this situation. Full stop.
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