Pregnancy In The Media Is Often Sugar-Coated And These Women Are Not Having It (30 Stories)
It’s common to see happy and glowing pregnant women in films, on TV and social media. But it’s also widely known that such portrayals not only have nothing to do with reality, they're strongly misleading and create false impressions.
In fact, studies have shown that the exposure of as little as 5 minutes of glamorized media portrayals can lead to lower body image in pregnant women. So how on earth did they become normalized?
In order to debunk the false depictions of pregnancy, women in this r/AskWomen thread are sharing eye-opening and honest facts about how carrying a baby alters you both physically and mentally. And the reality is far from pretty.
Below are some of the most important responses to “what is always conveniently left out or overlooked about pregnancy in movies and books” that should be read by everyone. Especially those who still think it’s normal for women to wake up dewy-skinned, joyous, freshened up and basically ready to hit the bar the morning after giving birth.
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oh let’s not forget the impact of terrible doctors. A few weeks after my first birth, I started hemorrhaging. I went to the ER and the doctor told me “I must’ve forgot what a period was.” Then with his head between my knees and a speculum inserted he said, “oh, i guess you weren’t lying.” I ended up needing emergency surgery and just narrowly avoided a blood transfusion. I had retained placenta. If that doctor had sent me home, i likely would’ve developed sepsis and could’ve died.
How hard breast feeding can be for some of us!
It’s not always as easy as stick the baby on the boob after delivery and off ya go.
It’s a real skill and can be hard to learn and doesn’t always work for everyone, despite best intentions.
Pooping for the first time after having the baby.... probably the worst pain of my life
We live in a society where women's bodies have constantly been misrepresented, maligned, unheard and thoroughly misunderstood. A woman’s body changes not only every month, it undergoes dramatic transformations during puberty, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and menopause. And while being repeatedly stigmatized, no wonder many women choose to suffer in silence.
How physically painful even early term miscarriages are. They always only show the emotional pain, which I didn't experience because I was relieved, but it felt like having the worst cramps of my life for a month straight.
I'm thankful more awareness is coming to light and woman are talking about early miscarriage and mental health effects, why should we not grieve for the loss of hope ,of potential,for our dreams even at six and eight weeks or earlier pregnant. And yes, please can we talk about it without guilt and shame ...
They never show the fatigue you get. Pregnant women in movies have nonpregnant levels of energy. It's pretty common to be completely exhausted all nine months. Growing a human is tiring
The bump doesn’t go away right after birth. It can take days, weeks, or even months for the bump to disappear, and the majority of women have loose skin, stretch marks, etc. from that- which is totally normal.
That's why I hate celeb photos. "XY is back in shape only after 4 weeks of giving birth!" Pray tell me, what shape? So if you were pregnant or just gave birth, did you count as "shapeless?"
We know now that by changing the education patterns of how we view female bodies, periods, pregnancies, and miscarriages, we change the narrative surrounding them. Crucially, these conversations pave the way for young girls to not feel ashamed and invisible but rather empowered by their female bodies.
So in order to open up one such conversation, we reached out to Lori Beth Blaney, the director at Rachel’s Gift, Inc. who devoted her life to validating each child's life and lending guidance on the path to healing for parents who lost a child. We spoke about one of the least talked about things in our society, which is women who have experienced miscarriage, a topic still widely seen as taboo or something we don’t know how to talk about.
They never show how you can get depression and anxiety before the baby is even born.
I got a cold during my first pregnancy and had a pretty nasty cough. I was about 8 months along and couldn't take any real medication because, pregnant, so just had to ride it out and the cough got pretty bad. It caused me to crack 2 ribs. Nothing like having someone literally kicking your already cracked ribs while you're violently coughing. And you can't take anything stronger than Tylenol. Yeah, it was pretty painful.
Pregnancy messes with your body in a major way. You can lose your teeth and or hair. Some people get gestational diabetes, like, that's a thing. I know one girl who was pretty healthy before she was pregnant but during her pregnancy her organs began shutting down. Afterwards she came out lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant and STILL has liver and kidney problems.
And that's only physical! Mentally - post partum depression is REAL and even if you've had multiple kids, no problems ppd can kick you in the face with your next kid with no warning.
“A lot of people who have never experienced a pregnancy loss assume that it's not as painful as other losses because we never got to 'know' our babies,” Lori said and continued: “They assume this because no one else lost a relationship with that child so it's a blip on the radar to them. However, most moms bond with their babies very early in the pregnancy as they have already formed a physical relationship with the child growing inside them.”
They show morning sickness, cravings, back pain, and waddling. Where's the character with the worst acne of her life? Or the one who can barely walk because her pelvis is literally splitting into thirds? Or the one who gains 50 pounds before they get diagnosed with gestational diabetes and are allowed one tortilla or glass of milk every 3 hours so they can only eat meat and green veggies for 6 months? I want a movie where the pregnant woman needs to have an emergency procedure done to suck the blood clot out of her hemorrhoid so she can exist without excruciating pain.
Or the one who busts all the veins in their face trying to push out the baby? Or where the doctor yanks the placenta out and you start hemorrhaging?
They never show the unglamorous things we experience after birth. I had to wear adult diapers for several weeks. Even now, if I sneeze hard or laugh too much, I might pee my pants
I'm not planning to be a mother but from the experience I heard from other women, new mothers aren't always head over heels with a huge grin on their face when they first see their first baby and feel like it's the happiest they've ever been in their life.
The way Mama Doctor Jones often reminds in her videos on YouTube, not every mother will feel this "magical" feeling and that's okay; the baby didn't do anything but make you suffer for 9 months for now and you still have to get to know each other, some will immediately adore it when their child is handed over to them and others will need some time for it to happen.
I was head over heels immediately with my first. It took a while with my second. I loved her but not as much. I also ended with post partum depression that I'm pretty sure began the second half of my pregnancy
Lori explained that they have changed eating habits, lifestyle, started taking supplements, all things to take care of their baby even from a very early stage. “Because the life is growing inside you, it also feels like a loss of a part of yourself and your future. It is very complicated and very debilitating to a lot of mothers,” she said and added that it is very isolating as many just don't understand.
How f*cking clinical it is. My first birth was in a hospital I was 19 and scared. They treated me like I was a horribly sick person, not a laboring woman. I was not allowed out of my bed, I wasn't allowed food or drink, wasn't allowed any birthing tools like a ball or anything. They allowed my whole family to come in (13 people) I couldn't rest. Then my epidural failed, they didn't believe me. Didn't believe me when I said I needed to push, didn't tell the doctor my epidural failed so I got 7 stitches on the inside without pain meds, I hemorrhaged and they didn't do anything about it. Let my entire family back in immediately after they put my legs out of stirrups, I didn't even see my baby the first hour because everyone had her. Then they made me get up and walk across the other side of the unit to a different room, except I was weak from blood loss, part of my body was still numb and I was exhausted.
My second and third births were totally natural and at a birth center in the water with a midwife and no visitors. My midwives actually listened to me and did a fabulous job.
I'm not saying all hospital births are bad but way too often laboring women are treated like sick people when they aren't sick they're going through a natural process.
Imso sorry you had that as your first experience. Thank goodness you got people that put your wishes first the next time
I’ve always hated that pregnant women on TV only see weight gain in this perfectly round belly. Yeah, you gain weight in most other places when you’re pregnant, too.
They don't show when something goes horribly wrong.
With my first pregnancy everything was perfect and then at 8 months I went in because I hadn't felt the baby kick in a while.
They don't show you still having to go through every moment of labor knowing that you've already lost your child.
With my second pregnancy ( twins) again horribly wrong. They don't show emergency situations. They don't show sitting on the toilet and then getting a gush of blood. They don't show the hospital staff running in. They don't show the panic. Or the medical staff quickly having my husband sign off on a hysterectomy neither of us was prepared for and the doctor saying if we don't do it your wife will die.
I have a c-section scar going down my abdomen not across. It isn't small at all. Also the scar itched for the longest and sometimes still does 9 months pp. I still can't feel about 3 inches on either side of the scar.
Also pregnancy I wasn't just sick in the mornings. No it was all day long 24/7 the whole flipping time. I'm pretty sure I vomited from the time I conceived the twins until two days after they were born.
Both pregnancies I lost more weight than I gained. I didn't hit my pre-pregnancy weight until 5 wks before the son we lost and 3 weeks before the girls were born. I finally hit 100 lbs 3 or 4 days before the twins were born and I think my max weight with our son was 104 or 105. So not everyone puts on a ton of weight. My doctors were very concerned about my weight but I couldn't keep anything down.
I was exhausted. As soon as I made it home every day I fell asleep on the couch. I didn't even have the energy to make it to my bed.
I had absolutely zero balance. I wasn't allowed to climb steps or anything like that from the time I started showing until they were born. I would get dizzy if I stood up from sitting or bent over. Also the joint swelling and the fact that I couldn't see my feet or where I was stepping. I have a 2 story house and unless I had someone to walk me up the stairs I couldn't get there.
Also if I dropped something I'd just stare at it because I couldn't get low enough to get it without needing help getting back up.
You never see them getting stuck in a recliner or just sitting and not being able to get up. The hell from trying to get up when you lay down is never shown.
Plus I'm a type one diabetic and insulin dependent. There is a whole host of issues with that.
There is a lot. Pregnancy is insanity. It is extremely dangerous and brutal the entire time. Sure it looks so lovely but its deadly to a lot of people.
Also there is no guarantee that you can breastfeed. I got lucky and could out produce any cow in my state but a lot of women either couldn't make enough or couldn't make any at all. There are a lot of people that shame those mothers who can't/ don't breastfeed and its awful. Then there is a whole different group of people that shame mothers that do breast feed their children. We have enough to worry about without being shamed for how we feed our baby.
I am so sorry that both pregnancies were a nightmare and you could have died with the second. My heart goes out to you that your first child passed away and the labor you had to go through knowing that. Some people do not realize that you will mourn the loss of your child for the rest of your life. That's so sad. Thank God you made it through your second and are there to raise your lovely girls.
“If a mom doesn't have any living children, her motherhood can feel very invalidated. What do you say to this mom on Mother's Day, for instance? Her physical motherhood was very real and tangible to her but not necessarily others. Others don't recognize her publicly as a mother,” Lori said, explaining that this can feel isolating and lead to feelings of rejection.
I feel like babies aren’t ever gross looking in films? Like right when they’re fresh out of the body and being passed to the birth mother to hold.
No baby comes out perfectly clean, plump, and smiling with lots of coos. They come out kind of gremlin like with lots of extra gunk on them. I feel like every baby I’ve seen has a slight blue/green tint too fresh out of the womb
Mine were purplish, especially my second. They both had very grumpy expressions as well 😂😂
First trimester fatigue. It took me by surprise. I couldn't do ANYTHING for weeks. We're talking sleeping 14 hours a day and still feeling tired.
I used to nap on my lunch break, nap when I came home from work, and still fall asleep at 9:30pm. I basically slept and went to work.
Turns out growing extra organs really takes it out of your body.
After birth. The placenta etc. I mean I'm not sure it needs to be seen but birth doesn't just end when the baby comes out.
This should be among the top issues. The delivery of the placenta comes with a different set of mess and risks and is NEVER talked about. Sometimes its delivery is "helped" by tugs at the "gate" and pushing of the belly by the doctors and nurses, in the absence of contractions. I will stop here.
Moreover, “physically, her body still goes through all of the hormonal changes as it moves from being pregnant to not; just like after you have a live birth. These hormonal changes/crashes on top of the grief of loss can be very dangerous and play a big role in maternal suicide rates.”
There is also the discomfort of Empty Arms Syndrome, a little talked about phenomenon that happens to a woman “walking out of the hospital after a birth without a baby, coming home to a nursery, and many more blows that add secondary traumas to the trauma of pregnancy and infant loss. These additional traumas complicate and elongate the grieving process,” Lori told us.
They never talk about the swelling. You don't see women wearing sensible shoes to accommodate the swelling. Instead, they're running around in heels to dinners, work, and parties
My hands swelled so fast with my pregnancy, I had to cut my wedding ring off my finger. My husband took his off so I wouldn't feel bad. Then they were stolen when wee moved from one coast to the other. We never replaced them. We've never needed to.
They never talk about the gas we get. Frequent farting is not included in most media depictions of the beautiful miracle of pregnancy.
Hyperemesis Gravidarum
I figured pregnancy would be pretty easy but I almost died. I violently threw up throughout my entire pregnancy. Lost about 20kgs. Could not eat or drink because my senses were so heightened that EVERYTHING made me violently ill. Everything smelt and tasted putrid...so rancid. I just wanted to die. I was so depressed with how miserable pregnancy made my life. Needing IVs to survive. NEVER AGAIN. One and done.
"Hyperemesis Gravidarum", which means something like "excess vomiting in a pregnant woman" has straight-up killed its victims more than once. It's what killed the last surviving Brontë sister, in fact. Her baby didn't make it either. :(
My dad is a doctor, he has always said that pregnancy is exactly the same as having a serious disease, your body is put into so much stress for a long period of time and things can go south so fast it's scary that women will have more than 1 baby
I think it’s funny in movies/tv how a pregnant person has one contraction and immediately knows she’s in labor, not really how it works lol. My water broke with my second child and i still took my like two hours to be convinced it was actually my water. I also think it’s weird how labor is always depicted with screaming and pain when a large portion of people get epidurals.
Oh, mine was all screaming and pain. In a regional area, where we got held at the local hospital for a couple of hours, by the time we got to a more major hospital it was too late for any drugs. The baby had a 40cm head, and was just over 5 kg (11lb 4oz)
They never show how isolating pregnancy can be. Suddenly, you can’t do regular things with your friends, like drinks after work or even going out to eat, because you feel nauseated or too tired
Childbearing hips are a lie! You can have wide hips, but still have a narrow pelvic opening on the inside.
When I had my daughter, I had a hard time pushing her out, as her shoulder got stuck. The doctor told me that if I had anymore children, we would want to induce early to prevent this, as my daughter was the biggest baby my body could handle. She only weighed 7lbs 4 oz!, which is actually a little smaller than an average baby!
Movies focus on the head - mothers would tell you that shoulders are actually wider (and thus hurt more)...
There are so many things. When you're pregnant, you're risking your health and life. In many countries, epidural isn't the norm, medical abortions are hard to get. There's the realization that now you're not in control over your own body, there's a lack of bonding with a kid after giving birth. I've known some women who were so glad to be done with the delivery and there was no love towards the kid if anything - just annoyance at how loud the newborn can be.
Permanent changes to your body. Skin, stretch marks - okay. Vision, bladder, shoe size, issues with kidneys, psychological and hormonal changes - people don't tend to talk about those much.
With my first pregnancy I miscarried at 20 weeks but actually had to have a D&C. My insurance at the time required a 2nd opinion before surgery. 2nd opinion doctor pranced in and said i see we are having an abortion today. I was incandescent with rage but couldn't say anything as I needed him to sign off for the surgery.
They never show how you can experience receding gums and rotting teeth from pregnancy
I had a dentist assume I was snacking too much and wasn't brushing my teeth as often because I was pregnant when I went in for a gum infection. He also had no idea what antibiotics I could have. I told him penicillin is fine and instead of checking, immediately took a step away and angled his body to ONLY speak to my husband. Never went back.
I have a lot of pregnant friends right now and am learning a TON about pregnancy. Honestly, it sounds awful. My one friend was having to catheterize herself everyday because the baby was sitting on her urethra and blocking it. Apparently that is something that is rare but not unheard of.
A lot of them also have horrible back pain. My sister had one hip stuck about 3 inches higher than the other and herniated a disc during pregnancy.
Postpartum depression. Not all women experience it after the birth of their children BUT there’s enough cases out there to prove it’s real and something that should be discussed.
Movies/books will document EVERYTHING there is to know about motherhood but literally skip over that part for a happy ending. It gives this false sense of reality that motherhood can only take a toll on your body and not your mind. That’s why so many people overlook obvious signs of the mother experiencing this.
One lady I cared for, I cannot say what happened due to post partum depression, but it was just heartbreaking. What happened could have been entirely avoided if her family had listened.
Note: this post originally had 37 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I hate how pregnancy and childbirth are still so romanticized and glorified in the media and by overall society. The media tends to depict them as quick and easy, and not show the realities of them. We need more realistic depictions of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood in the media, and show that they're not all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, as media tends to depict them as.
If we started depicting it realistically, they'd have a really hard time villainizing birth control and abortion.
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Good luck with that. I tried. It did not go well.
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I never thought I could become even less interested in having kids, and yet here we are.
Lol, it's certainly not for everyone! I'm very grateful I got to experience pregnancy and childbirth, but I do respect my fellow women who have no desire to do so.
Load More Replies... I hate how pregnancy and childbirth are still so romanticized and glorified in the media and by overall society. The media tends to depict them as quick and easy, and not show the realities of them. We need more realistic depictions of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood in the media, and show that they're not all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns, as media tends to depict them as.
If we started depicting it realistically, they'd have a really hard time villainizing birth control and abortion.
Load More Replies... Good luck with that. I tried. It did not go well.
Load More Replies... I never thought I could become even less interested in having kids, and yet here we are.
Lol, it's certainly not for everyone! I'm very grateful I got to experience pregnancy and childbirth, but I do respect my fellow women who have no desire to do so.
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