There’s one question that trips us up. "What do you do for living" over a dinner table with some people we barely know either puts us on the defensive, or we paint it in the brightest colors possible only to realize it’s a lie. Describing something so obvious turns out to be out of our comfort zone, so what if we change the game rules?
“Poorly explain what you do for a living,” wrote Jeremy Padawer on Twitter, and guess what? People were more than happy to deliver some absurdly funny truth bombs. Like, watching tiny humans exit larger humans or taking used clothes from big people and making them right for smaller people. If it doesn’t make sense, read it again and wait for the “aaah!”
Below, we compiled some of the best responses from the thread to show that you don’t be so serious to reply to that tricky question.
Image credits: JeremyCom
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This just goes to show that when you break something down that far, things get weird. Very Weird.
In the Floyd case, they showed up, then waited minutes before asking one of the cops to start CPR. Of course we know that minutes without oxygen means brain damage, so why weren't the EMTs charged with something? In the Tony Timpa case, it seemed like the EMTs didn't do their job. Took forever, sedated him, then didn't even realize he'd died until it was too late. You think you will call the EMTs and they will rush and do everything to save you. I'm not seeing it.
ah yep! then we go to diners and make other people leave with our stories!
If you electrocute someone, they can't thank you. Electrocute means to execute someone with electricity.
Uhhhhh man.... look at this WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defibrillation
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Not everyone can (or want to) be what that extremely dumb and dangerous maniacal clown is
Bored Panda reached out to the Twitter user who goes by Bitter Proffit from Nashville, Tennessee and works as a high school teacher.
When asked to poorly explain what he does for a living, @bitterproffit answered “I silently judge 18-year-olds for 5 hours a day, then I review their work and judge them again, but this time on a graded scale. I then make lists of my judgements of them. Plus, I get to discuss economics and US government all day.”
The response got 2.4k likes with many people guessing what his profession was. The teacher told us that part of his response was an inside joke with his students, “specifically former students who follow me on Twitter, about judging their work. They caught the reference.”
When asked why so many people find the question irritating, @bitterproffit said that he, on the contrary, finds it an interesting conversation starter. “Although I’ve had jobs that were harder to explain than my current one,” he added.“
The best part of my job is the relationships I develop with my students. Senior year in high school is such a pivotal year in their lives and I feel privileged that they allow me to share and be a part of their experiences in their successes and their setbacks,” the teacher said.
He also concluded that being a high school teacher is simply “the best job on the planet for me,” and we couldn’t be happier to see the man happy in his shoes!
Are they a race studies professor? A sociology professor? A history professor?
My job is to be judged by him and make my parents pay him for it. Then forget what was taught and do it all over again next year till i get a promotion.
A big thanks to career counselors. They're correct. A lot of wannabe physicians aren't suited for the responsibility and will be miserable at best, dangerous at worst.
Now I understand why I always ended up playing cards in stead of working on the spreadsheet.
Note: this post originally had 100 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I dig up dead things and put them in a building for people to stare at
I used to use emotional blackmail to extort money from people and give them nothing in return. These people are always very grateful for everything we do.
I pay people when they get into car accidents or their house burns down.
I sit at a table staring at a blank screen and am told things i dont really want or need to know. I dont get paid. XD
I rearrange the alphabet in a way that makes you never want to listen to sporadic music intervals again.
i work at a government funded building, I have over 30 bosses and a couple hundred co-workers. We never stay in the same place for more than 50 minutes, we really like to complain about our jobs, we can be very talkative amongst each other, and we're constantly judged on our time management and focus skills. Both of which I have none. Sometimes, a group of workers and a boss will host events for the rest of the workers to attend, while taking another worker they are fond of to accompany them if they are lucky. When we do go home, we have more work to do, and usually end up with three hours of sleep before going back to the building. I don't get paid, but the bosses do.
I spend my days coming up with creative solutions to prevent a game from changing its rating for the market of Italian speaking audiences.
I relay facts to people who prefer falsehood even if it costs them their lives or the life of a loved one, and then relay facts to the people who'd save those lives if they were allowed about the people who want nothing to do with being saved if it involves accepting facts.
🤔 Well, this one has me stumped! More clues needed.
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I destroy the homes of thousands of wildlife creatures on a daily basis.
I spend most of my time trying to help people get people get jobs, get more money and more interesting work, and then get blamed when someone loses their job because they got stoned at work.
Career counselor. You can't fix stupid. Not your fault.
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I imagine new things. Then I make them visible to other humans. I make measurements of those things and other humans make my imaginary things real. Then you can buy them. I also help young humans to imagine new things and judge them on the quality of their imagination.
I take money from people just because they live in a house so that little people can go to school and old people can be cared for.
I tell children to use words from far away places instead of the ones used here.
I get shouted at and bullied all day by people, pretend like I like them, and smell like grease constantly.
I give drugs to animals and video what they do. Then I kill them and steal their brains.
OMG this is the creepiest one. Your name suits you.
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I go to the place where someone called someone else and they told me to go and then I deal with whatever the someone was calling the other someone to come deal with and sometimes put people in the back of my car and take them to a big grey building where some stay a long time, and others stay a short time.
I put a pencil to paper and move my hand accordingly to my brain thoughts. I later exhibit them in a big hallway.
I babysit a so-called "college degreed professional" that knows nothing, has no skills, isn't interested in understanding what I do, constantly complains "I don't understand", has no concept of organization, can never be bothered to remember anything, blames others for her mistakes, and refuses to adhere to any solid business principles, much less any principles of decency, honesty, or professionalism.
Either an admin assistant, or you went into business with your ungrateful child?
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Me and a team of highly untrained people spend hours doodling with computers (Group of amatuer digital artists)
i make you workout after you get a surgery, electrify - put needles and beat you sometimes
I sometimes go to a big hollow weird shaped box and sit in it for hours staring at a little glass and metal boxy thing and click buttons and pretend to be paying attention to how wiggly air feels in my flesh/cartilage blobs that connect to my squiggly thinky blob.
I take food to strangers' houses. Sometimes when they open the door their pets run out. They give me money, I give them food, I leave. I also wash dishes that don't belong to me.
Doordash. I laughed at the dogs running out. My landlady's dog gets out every time she opens that door. :-)
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I try to keep some order in a huge collection of books, and also CDs, DVDs, newspapers... people come to that place to hang around at certain hours of the day. They always put a big mess in the books I've been trying to sort and store properly. There are too many books anyway so I lend some to this people, trying to get rid of them (both the books and the people). Problem is, they usually return them back and I have to store them again and again.
I go to a place I hate, to do things I hate with people I hate, so that later in life I can go to another place I hate, and do something else I hate with different people I hate and get paid for it.
I am going to preempt this by saying this is in the past I am in the middle of a career change. I get yelled at for 8 hours a day by people on the phone, fill out forms no one cares about, then get yelled at in person.
My grandson is under orders to travel around the world, asking people how they feel.
I make people fat and diabetic. They like it so much, that they keep coming back!
Late 2 the party but I feed, dress & advise a 43year old when he makes toddler like decisions....yes - im gay & married 2 a man.....
I lift up big heavy things up(usually over a 1000 pounds) and put them down
I draw lines on a computer screen and send them to people who put the lines in another computer, which puts the lines into a big box that carves the lines into metal shapes that are used in other boxes to send out invisible wavy lines to little boxes that turn the wavy lines into little squiggles on another screen or into wavy lines in the air that go into people's ear holes.
I guide little people into adulthood while praying that they are better at adulting than I am.
I rearrange the memories inside people's heads by wagging my fingers at them
I strategically place and arrange small household items in a giant building and help lost people
I make people aware of a need they already had but didn't know about.
I am the chief interpreter of a woofer who finds good and bad people who may or may not want to be found and most often are seriously hurt. After finding them, I interpret his signals to other humans so they know what the person we just found needs in order to eventually get home safely. Sometimes we're too late and on those days we are extremely sad. Especially if the human was small.
I draw and daydream. I also make small dolls houses out of different materials and dried out flowers and stalk my clients' neighborhoods, I sometimes interview them too and psychologically analyse them so I can guess and paint for them beautiful places that they imagine themselves in. Then I make them appear in real life. At least, I WILL do those things, once I graduate. Maybe.
That was interesting and thought provoking actually, a different way to look at what we do. Thanks!
I currently go to a government-funded building but for tiny humans. Sometimes a group of others and I walk in sync and make wiggle air through tubes. Some don't make wiggle air but rhythmically bang objects with sticks. I happen to have a long yellow curly tube with a teacup on the end. I might get paid in the future because of my long yellow curly tube so I can go to a bigger government-funded building out of state.
I stab people’s mouths with sharp things, make them bleed, and they thank me and pay me. It’s so fun!
I make people think bad tv shows, movies and soap operas are the best out there.
Google paid for all online work from home from $ 16,000 to $ 32,000 per month. The more youthful sibling was jobless for a quarter of a year and a month prior her check was $ 32475, working at home for 4 hours per day, and procuring could be much greater… . So I started…….https://xurl.es/1pnr5
I dig up dead things and put them in a building for people to stare at
I used to use emotional blackmail to extort money from people and give them nothing in return. These people are always very grateful for everything we do.
I pay people when they get into car accidents or their house burns down.
I sit at a table staring at a blank screen and am told things i dont really want or need to know. I dont get paid. XD
I rearrange the alphabet in a way that makes you never want to listen to sporadic music intervals again.
i work at a government funded building, I have over 30 bosses and a couple hundred co-workers. We never stay in the same place for more than 50 minutes, we really like to complain about our jobs, we can be very talkative amongst each other, and we're constantly judged on our time management and focus skills. Both of which I have none. Sometimes, a group of workers and a boss will host events for the rest of the workers to attend, while taking another worker they are fond of to accompany them if they are lucky. When we do go home, we have more work to do, and usually end up with three hours of sleep before going back to the building. I don't get paid, but the bosses do.
I spend my days coming up with creative solutions to prevent a game from changing its rating for the market of Italian speaking audiences.
I relay facts to people who prefer falsehood even if it costs them their lives or the life of a loved one, and then relay facts to the people who'd save those lives if they were allowed about the people who want nothing to do with being saved if it involves accepting facts.
🤔 Well, this one has me stumped! More clues needed.
Load More Replies... I destroy the homes of thousands of wildlife creatures on a daily basis.
I spend most of my time trying to help people get people get jobs, get more money and more interesting work, and then get blamed when someone loses their job because they got stoned at work.
Career counselor. You can't fix stupid. Not your fault.
Load More Replies... I imagine new things. Then I make them visible to other humans. I make measurements of those things and other humans make my imaginary things real. Then you can buy them. I also help young humans to imagine new things and judge them on the quality of their imagination.
I take money from people just because they live in a house so that little people can go to school and old people can be cared for.
I tell children to use words from far away places instead of the ones used here.
I get shouted at and bullied all day by people, pretend like I like them, and smell like grease constantly.
I give drugs to animals and video what they do. Then I kill them and steal their brains.
OMG this is the creepiest one. Your name suits you.
Load More Replies... I go to the place where someone called someone else and they told me to go and then I deal with whatever the someone was calling the other someone to come deal with and sometimes put people in the back of my car and take them to a big grey building where some stay a long time, and others stay a short time.
I put a pencil to paper and move my hand accordingly to my brain thoughts. I later exhibit them in a big hallway.
I babysit a so-called "college degreed professional" that knows nothing, has no skills, isn't interested in understanding what I do, constantly complains "I don't understand", has no concept of organization, can never be bothered to remember anything, blames others for her mistakes, and refuses to adhere to any solid business principles, much less any principles of decency, honesty, or professionalism.
Either an admin assistant, or you went into business with your ungrateful child?
Load More Replies... Me and a team of highly untrained people spend hours doodling with computers (Group of amatuer digital artists)
i make you workout after you get a surgery, electrify - put needles and beat you sometimes
I sometimes go to a big hollow weird shaped box and sit in it for hours staring at a little glass and metal boxy thing and click buttons and pretend to be paying attention to how wiggly air feels in my flesh/cartilage blobs that connect to my squiggly thinky blob.
I take food to strangers' houses. Sometimes when they open the door their pets run out. They give me money, I give them food, I leave. I also wash dishes that don't belong to me.
Doordash. I laughed at the dogs running out. My landlady's dog gets out every time she opens that door. :-)
Load More Replies... I try to keep some order in a huge collection of books, and also CDs, DVDs, newspapers... people come to that place to hang around at certain hours of the day. They always put a big mess in the books I've been trying to sort and store properly. There are too many books anyway so I lend some to this people, trying to get rid of them (both the books and the people). Problem is, they usually return them back and I have to store them again and again.
I go to a place I hate, to do things I hate with people I hate, so that later in life I can go to another place I hate, and do something else I hate with different people I hate and get paid for it.
I am going to preempt this by saying this is in the past I am in the middle of a career change. I get yelled at for 8 hours a day by people on the phone, fill out forms no one cares about, then get yelled at in person.
My grandson is under orders to travel around the world, asking people how they feel.
I make people fat and diabetic. They like it so much, that they keep coming back!
Late 2 the party but I feed, dress & advise a 43year old when he makes toddler like decisions....yes - im gay & married 2 a man.....
I lift up big heavy things up(usually over a 1000 pounds) and put them down
I draw lines on a computer screen and send them to people who put the lines in another computer, which puts the lines into a big box that carves the lines into metal shapes that are used in other boxes to send out invisible wavy lines to little boxes that turn the wavy lines into little squiggles on another screen or into wavy lines in the air that go into people's ear holes.
I guide little people into adulthood while praying that they are better at adulting than I am.
I rearrange the memories inside people's heads by wagging my fingers at them
I strategically place and arrange small household items in a giant building and help lost people
I make people aware of a need they already had but didn't know about.
I am the chief interpreter of a woofer who finds good and bad people who may or may not want to be found and most often are seriously hurt. After finding them, I interpret his signals to other humans so they know what the person we just found needs in order to eventually get home safely. Sometimes we're too late and on those days we are extremely sad. Especially if the human was small.
I draw and daydream. I also make small dolls houses out of different materials and dried out flowers and stalk my clients' neighborhoods, I sometimes interview them too and psychologically analyse them so I can guess and paint for them beautiful places that they imagine themselves in. Then I make them appear in real life. At least, I WILL do those things, once I graduate. Maybe.
That was interesting and thought provoking actually, a different way to look at what we do. Thanks!
I currently go to a government-funded building but for tiny humans. Sometimes a group of others and I walk in sync and make wiggle air through tubes. Some don't make wiggle air but rhythmically bang objects with sticks. I happen to have a long yellow curly tube with a teacup on the end. I might get paid in the future because of my long yellow curly tube so I can go to a bigger government-funded building out of state.
I stab people’s mouths with sharp things, make them bleed, and they thank me and pay me. It’s so fun!
I make people think bad tv shows, movies and soap operas are the best out there.
Google paid for all online work from home from $ 16,000 to $ 32,000 per month. The more youthful sibling was jobless for a quarter of a year and a month prior her check was $ 32475, working at home for 4 hours per day, and procuring could be much greater… . So I started…….https://xurl.es/1pnr5
