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Mom Rages After Ex Removes Son’s Moles Without Telling Her, Says It Was “Cosmetic Surgery”
Parenting often requires navigating sensitive choices, especially when it comes to a child’s health and well-being. For many families, even minor medical decisions can bring about tension, particularly in co-parenting situations where both parents share custody.
What might seem like a small procedure to one parent can feel significant to the other, and today’s Original Poster (OP) found himself in an argument with his ex-wife when he allowed for his son’s moles to be taken off his face. The ex-wife was unhappy about not being consulted, but this left the OP wondering if she was just making a mountain out of a, well, molehill.
More info: Reddit
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For co-parents, seemingly minor choices can become points of tension when opinions differ about what’s best for the child
Image credits: Krycheck Cre / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author shared that his son was self-conscious about two small moles on his face and expressed a clear desire to have them removed
Image credits: Cheap-Ad-9016
Image credits: pixel-shot.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
During a visit to the hospital for something unrelated, he then asked about his son’s mole, and the doctor offered to remove the moles immediately as a quick, low-risk procedure
Image credits: Cheap-Ad-9016
Image credits: stefamerpik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The procedure was done successfully with one stitch, minimal discomfort, and fast healing, leaving his son happy and more confident
Image credits: Cheap-Ad-9016
When he dropped off his son at his mother’s house, she became upset for not being consulted before letting their son have “plastic surgery”
The OP shared that his son was increasingly sensitive about two facial moles. Unlike most minor complaints, he was very vocal and clear that he would like them removed. When the OP took the son to the doctor for something unrelated, he seized the opportunity to ask the doctor if anything could be done about the mole on his son’s face.
The doctor recommended a plastic surgeon, explaining that mole removal was a quick procedure. In fact, it could be done immediately during the consultation, taking less than ten minutes. Faced with a waiting list that stretched until October, the OP asked his son if he wanted to go ahead right there and then, and the answer was a definite yes.
The procedure itself was straightforward and entailed one small stitch, and minimal discomfort, and the OP noted that his son was happy with the results. However, when he dropped off the son at his mother’s house, she insisted the OP should have consulted her before letting their son have “plastic surgery”.
The OP, however, argued that for two tiny moles, and with the son’s clear consent, the procedure was minor and didn’t warrant prior approval. Still, this left him wondering if he was wrong for letting the son have his moles removed.
Image credits: hryshchyshen / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Body image concerns can begin surprisingly early, sometimes as young as 8 or 9 years old, and even in preschool-aged children, according to Carespace. Kids may start worrying about their size, shape, or appearance well before adolescence, and these early feelings of dissatisfaction can affect self-esteem, contribute to anxiety, and even encourage unhealthy habits.
In the context of medical decisions related to these concerns, HJW Attorneys affirm that children around age 12 are increasingly recognized as capable of providing input, particularly for low-risk or simple procedures.
They explain that children under 16 may also consent if deemed “Gillick competent”, which means that they have the maturity and understanding to appreciate the implications of a treatment. For more complex or higher-risk procedures, however, they consider age 18 the threshold for independent decision-making.
Minor mole removal, like the procedure in this story, is a clear example of a low-risk treatment suitable for children to weigh in on. In fact, Cleveland Clinic highlight that these procedures are typically performed in outpatient settings under local anesthesia, and that recovery is often short, therefore making mole excisions a practical option for children concerned about appearance.
Most netizens sided with the OP, emphasizing the son’s age and autonomy. They highlighted that the procedure was minor and comparable to common decisions kids make at that age, like ear piercings or hair dye. However, a smaller group of netizens focused on the importance of communication between co-parents, even for minor procedures.
What do you think about this situation? Would you have done the same as the OP, or would you have waited to get the other parent’s permission? We would love to know your thoughts!
Some netizens insisted that the author did nothing wrong since the procedure was minor and the son was happy, but others maintained that he should have consulted the mother
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What do you think ?
Ellinor she/they/elle 3 weeks ago (edited)
Well... The son wanted this, it had no risks and no major consequences on him beside his self-confidence boost, but the mother should absolutely have been made aware. So NTA for having the son get his moles removed but YTA for not having told the mother.
Michael Largey 3 weeks ago
Yes, 50/50 custody involves sharing both decisions and information. And the OP's equation of teeth cleaning with facial surgery is way off.
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Vinnie 3 weeks ago
According to the OP, it was 1 stich each and no bleeding. They went to a plastic surgeon because they have experience with faces.
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Ace 3 weeks ago
Even if they're completely harmless now. some moles may turn cancerous later in life, so it's not a bad idea to get them removed. The doctor should have advised a better way of wording it to avoid riling up the mother.
Papa 3 weeks ago
From what I gathered I doubt if different wording would have kept the mother from getting her panties in a wad. Some people just go through life looking for things to get pissed off about.
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Vinnie 3 weeks ago
Apparently, she hates making decisions because it might be the wrong one and she'll get blamed for it. So preventing change is a form of control.
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Child of the Stars 3 weeks ago
Maybe it's because I have such a good relationship with my kids's dad, but I really don't understand why the mom is all bent out of shape. It's not even plastic surgery, it's mole removal, which (as others have pointed out) is also a preventive measure. With that being said, I don't understand why they were referred to a plastic surgeon and not a regular dermatologist just because the moles were on his face. I've had two moles removed from my face (although they were both potentially cancerous and not just for my self-esteem) and both were done by the dermatologist.
Ellinor she/they/elle 3 weeks ago (edited)
Well... The son wanted this, it had no risks and no major consequences on him beside his self-confidence boost, but the mother should absolutely have been made aware. So NTA for having the son get his moles removed but YTA for not having told the mother.
Michael Largey 3 weeks ago
Yes, 50/50 custody involves sharing both decisions and information. And the OP's equation of teeth cleaning with facial surgery is way off.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 3 weeks ago
According to the OP, it was 1 stich each and no bleeding. They went to a plastic surgeon because they have experience with faces.
Load More Replies... Ace 3 weeks ago
Even if they're completely harmless now. some moles may turn cancerous later in life, so it's not a bad idea to get them removed. The doctor should have advised a better way of wording it to avoid riling up the mother.
Papa 3 weeks ago
From what I gathered I doubt if different wording would have kept the mother from getting her panties in a wad. Some people just go through life looking for things to get pissed off about.
Load More Replies... Vinnie 3 weeks ago
Apparently, she hates making decisions because it might be the wrong one and she'll get blamed for it. So preventing change is a form of control.
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 3 weeks ago
Maybe it's because I have such a good relationship with my kids's dad, but I really don't understand why the mom is all bent out of shape. It's not even plastic surgery, it's mole removal, which (as others have pointed out) is also a preventive measure. With that being said, I don't understand why they were referred to a plastic surgeon and not a regular dermatologist just because the moles were on his face. I've had two moles removed from my face (although they were both potentially cancerous and not just for my self-esteem) and both were done by the dermatologist.
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