What is revenge if not the sweetest feeling of serving a hot and steamy plate of justice. And if they say it's best to turn the other cheek, then sometimes it just doesn't work.
Bored Panda has already compiled a list of juicy revenge quotes and stories that will make you think twice before being an asshole to other people but this one focuses more on petty revenge.
Even something as little as making fun of the way a person talks can ruin their day and also though the act is not a felony, it's still harmful, completely unnecessary and absolutely worthy of the best comeback possible. Luckily, some heroes were in the right place at the right time and quickly came up with an appropriate punishment. Some of these are the perfect examples of how to get revenge without causing any real harm, so there's something to learn.
Scroll down to enjoy their funny, professional revenge tales, and if you also belong to the righteous - feel free to submit your story as well.
(I’m a manager. I am ringing up a woman I have sold things to before. We are making small talk as I ring her up. Note: I’m a lesbian.)
Customer: “I can’t believe the president came out in support for gay marriage!”
Me: “I know; kind of unbelievable!”
Customer: “That f** lover is going to burn in hell for that!”
Me: *biting my tongue* “Okay.”
(I finish ringing her up and hand the customer her bags.)
Customer: “They should round up all the gays and put them down.”
Me: “That would be bad for me, seeing as I am a lesbian.”
(The woman turns pale and walks out without saying a word. A few hours later, I get a call from the manager of another one of our stores. On the line, I can hear the same customer I previously sold items to ranting.)
Manager: *also a woman* “So, this woman is here wanting to exchange a bunch of stuff from your store. When I asked her what was wrong with the items, she said you tainted them; I have no idea what she is talking about. Could you maybe clear this up for me?”
Me: “Well, I bet it is because she found out I was gay.”
Manager: “I see.” *starts talking in sultry voice* “Well, I’ll see you tonight for our date. You should put on that that black lace bra and panty set I got you for your birthday! I love you!” *hangs up*
I am very confused, seeing as I have never dated that manager, nor did she ever get me underwear, and as far as I know, she is not gay.
Fast forward a few days later to the manager weekly conference call: apparently, the customer left the other store after thinking the other manager was also gay. That manager then called every other store in the area and told everyone about the customer. Over the next few days, the customer went to every store in a 20 mile radius trying to exchange the ‘tainted goods’. Everyone she talked to pretended to be gay when working with her and she left every time. To my knowledge, she never got her exchange.
I was at the post office one day when an elderly lady in front of me asked for a single stamp.
Obviously considering this a waste of her time, the woman behind the counter makes a snorting noise, rips off a stamp and flicks it across the counter where it lands on the floor. She doesn’t apologise or offer the lady another stamp. The old lady considers for a second, picks up the stamp and leaves her 50 cent piece on the floor in its place. She says a cheery “Thank you!” and walks out, and the woman behind the counter has to walk around to pick up the money.
I was at a Craft Store in my town, and it wasn’t too busy, but only one register was open. The cashier, a teen aged girl, I could tell was working as best as she could. The process was a tad slower however, because she had a stutter, and a bit of a lisp.
As she worked through the line, asking the usual questions probably mandated by the big wigs (I’ve worked in retail, it’s a thing), the man behind me began to huff and puff. He muttered something about having places to go, he was in a hurry, etc. I ignored him, until I heard him start to mock her to his kids.
W-w-would you l-like y-y-y-y-y-y-your reSCHKeet?
The kids began to laugh. It really made my blood boil. Especially since I could tell the cashier heard his mockery. That really made my blood boil. When a person doesn’t respect retail employees as people, it’s the best way to tell whether a person is an asshat or not.
So, when it was my turn at the register, she asked me in a small voice “Are you a member o-o-of the rew-w-rewards club?” And I looked smugly at the guy behind me, and back at her.
Me: The rewards club? Oooo that sounds great! Please explain it to me?
She seemed surprised at first, but then looked at the guy behind me, and then it clicked.
I have never given my information so slowly in my life. Never had I asked as many questions as I did. She smiled and answered my inquiries, while the guy behind me was seething.
Him: Can you hurry up, please?
Me: And miss out on these great rewards? As if!
I only held him up for about 5 minutes… but wooo child, it felt so good.
So I live next door to a couple (a VERY conservative couple) and their twin boys. The boys can’t be more than 8, and like most kids, they like to play in the back yard. Which is totally fine, doesn’t bother me at all. They’re kids and like to run around. What bothers me though is that they love to throw their toys over into my yard. Alot of toys. Action figures, balls, frisbees, rackets, etc.
Them throwing them over don’t even really bother me that much. What bothers me is that the parents keep demanding that we have to throw them back. They don’t ask, they don’t knock on the door and apologize, they just yell over there fence when they know that we are outside and TELL us to give it back. And that bothers me. They also seem to encourage their kids to throw it over to our yard.
So after Christmas I was at the store and saw that they had a ton of Barbie’s, nail polish, Bratz doll frisbees, and balls on the clearance. I bought 5 of everything I could find that I knew my neighbors would hate seeing their sons play with. Every time an action figure gets thrown over to my yard, I will throw a barbie back with it. Every time a ball gets thrown, a Bratz ball will be returned. I already threw a couple nail polishes over and the twins went crazy. They loved it. They’ve had pink, purple, and green nails all week.
It’s been 2 days and not a single action figure has crossed my fence. More importantly, not a single rude demand from the parents to return them. The kids are having fun, and I have pretty revenge.
People next to me are loud and rude. They just found the perfect name for their new business.
I just bought the domain name.
I took the family out to eat at AppleBees. The lot was full and I saw a customer come out to leave so I waited for him to pull out and take the spot. Guy pulls out and a car full of young girls just pull in to my spot. You know the type. Well I rolled down my window and told them I was waiting for that space and the driver says "to bad, your name wasn't on it". I was livid but just waited for another space and went in and ate.
Girls were at the bar doing shots getting wasted. We enjoyed our meal and paid the waiter. I then asked the waiter if he wanted to make $20. I asked him to go up to the girls, 10 min after we left, and tell them they got a call from someone that said that they had keyed their car and that they should have parked somewhere else. I DID NOT KEY THE CAR.
I called him about an hour later to ask how it went. He said they all went nuts, screaming and shit and even called the police.
BONUS: Cops came and found no damage to car but noticed the girls were to damaged to drive. Cops left and circled back and watched the car. Girls come out, get in car, start the car, and the parking lot explodes in blue light. Busted! DUIs and PDs for all.
I did not know about the bonus till a week later when I went back for a few beers. The waiter recognized me and told me the bonus story, laughing the whole time. Another $20 to the waiter. Best $40 I ever spent.
This happened a while back, study hall in 8th grade actually. I always brought two small sandwiches to school so I could have one at lunch and one in study hall since our teacher let us eat in that class. One day as I was about to eat my Sandwich, I get up to use the bathroom. As I walk back in the classroom, I see the kid in front of me eating my sandwich. I was pretty annoyed but nothing serious at this point, so I confront him politely and he denies it completely. I left my sandwich on my desk the next day just to make sure it was him, and what do you know, it is. So on the third day, I hatched a plan. I put habanero cheese on my sandwich, and then doused it all in ghost pepper sauce. That shit was everywhere, but it luckily didn't smell spicy. I get to study hall and my plan works flawlessly. I leave my trap sandwich on my desk and get up to use the restroom. This time I take as long as I can, and end up wandering the halls of the school. I did this because my study hall teacher was anal about the hall pass, and only one guy was allowed to leave the class at a time, even for water. After about ten minutes I come back into the class to be greeted by the sandwich thief crying hysterically with a bright red face waiting for the hall pass. He was in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
My mom was a language teacher at my high school. The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish, and had a week or so to prepare it, then had to perform it in front of the class. When she called for this group of guys to do theirs, they pretended that they already had, and she'd just forgotten. They refused to do it, insisting it was her fault she didn't take notes/scores down.
"She went in the next day and said, 'Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation and I do remember it, I don't know how I forgot!' She went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, that their dialogue hadn't been as long as required, that they didn't include the necessary vocabulary, etc. All made up. She failed them all on the project and they couldn't do a thing about it without admitting they'd made it all up.
A while ago my email address was added to a mailing list for a church group located in the southern USA. It was a Gmail address and I naturally assume it was added in error.
I deleted the first few messages as there were not many. After a week or so the volume of email started to increase a lot as there events being organised and everyone was responding with reply all.
First off I sent an email to he address that seemed to belong to the organiser, the one who was initiating the email chains.
"hi, I am not part of your group. Please remove me from this email distribution list."
Over the next couple of days, as each new message arrives, I send another one.
So far I have only been sending to the leader.
Next day I send a reply all. (they are not sending the messages BCC, so I can see all the addresses)
Again, I am ignored. I try again, no response.
I am now receiving 10-20 of this crap a day. So I take the nuclear option.
As each message arrives, I reply all with porn images.
"since you won't remove me from the list here is my imput"
I start mild and crank it up. Stuff that makes gaotse look like a gentleman boner post.
I recieve outraged replies about this being a Christian Church group, I reply with something worse.
"I asked nicely for weeks to be removed and was ignored. So here is another fine picture for you. "
The email list disappeared from my inbox within 24 hours.
My HOA in KC MO bylaws stated that residents could only paint a house 7 colors, they provided the list. My next door neighbor painted her house a color not on HOA list. After a bitter court fight my neighbor lost. She was ordered by the court to repaint the house according to bylaws within 60 days. So my clever 75yro neighbor painted her house ALL SEVEN COLORS on the HOA approved list. With in 3 days HOA filed suite again - The court ruled in her favor stating she was in compliance with bylaw rules. The bylaws never stated that only one of the colors could be used. The HOA appealed not only dis she win, the HOA was ordered to pay her damages in the cost of painting and legal fees - The HOA dropped the 7 color rule -
I am driving to work a few months ago and getting close, I have two turns remaining until I turn into the building. It is just a few blocks away. All side streets, no highways involved. This guy behind me is in a black bmw, and he is on my ass the whole time. I see him checking his phone, then making angry faces at me and getting closer and closer. I speed up a bit, thinking it might calm him down. 5 over, nope. Anyway, I make the first turn, and am now on the street where my building is, maybe 600 yards up ahead. The asshole is still behind me, driving inches from behind me and obviously pissed that I am still going the speed limit, (maybe 35 on this street). So I speed up a bit and see he does the same.
I drive an eight year old Toyota truck, not one of the big huge ones, but not one of the small ones. I do have all terrain tires, and I have certainly driven through pastures, over rocks, popped a curb or 10 in my time. My suspension is in good shape and have no problem treating my decade old truck like a truck.
Well as I get closer to my building there is a large speed bump in the street, effectively to get people to slow down as they approach the parking garage entrances. I look back and see asshole still riding my bumper. I remember thinking to myself I need to slow down for this speed bump, and looking back and thinking, if I hit my brakes, this guy is going to hit me.. The plan takes shape in my mind and I speed up..
I am doing about 45 when I hit that speed bump, and yeehaw.. I did a bit of a jump and land, never once touching my brakes. Didn't even tap them. I gave him zero warning for what was about to happen.
I am watching my rear-view window intensely during this because I wanted to see his reaction. He was cradling his cell phone between his ear and shoulder when he hit. His hood bucked up behind me, then slams to the ground. I see him go flying out of his seat straight up. He slams his head on the roof of his bmw and his head rolls sideways from impact. Then he slams back into his seat violently. He has a total "wtf was that" look on his face as he grabs the wheel with both hands to recover.
... and yes, he slowed right the f*ck down after that.
So, this just happened and the woman is still shooting me dirty looks.
So, I decided that I wanted to go see The Martian today. I took the bus and ended up showing up 50 minutes early. So I was the only one in the theater for a good 25 minutes so I took my time picking out my ideal spot. I decided to go the bathroom before the movie so I didn't miss anything. On my way back with a soft pretzel in hand, I see the a woman with her kids and she's moving all of my stuff to a different seat so her and her kids can take my spot. I stomach it, grab my stuff and move to a different spot. While I'm sitting there eating my pretzel, I notice her and her kids all going to the bathroom. I seize the opportunity. I run, grab all their stuff, and move it to seats right in front of the entrance so they'll see it as soon they walk in. I then reclaim my rightful place in my perfect spot. The lady comes in, sees her stuff, looks at me, connects the dots, and now has been shooting the occasional death glance from the front row and every other spot filled up.
A couple of years ago I was in the gym and I overheard this guy (we'll call him "LT" for Lying Tool) "warning" a girl. He said something to the effect of:
"Hey, sorry to bother you. But I just overheard that guy in the red shirt (pointing at my friend who was across the gym) saying some extremely crass stuff about you in the locker room. It was really sexual and graphic, basically talking about ripping off your purple spandex and violating you in front of everyone. I couldn't just listen and not tell you because you deserve to know what certain people are really like."
Listing to this I was furious. This guy had obviously seen my friend and the girl talking in the gym (she approached him) and gotten jealous because he wanted to get with her. So he made up this lie to throw him under the bus. I know it was a lie because 1) I was just in the locker room and nothing of the sort was said and 2) the dude he was lying about was actually a really nice, respectful guy.
So he finished up his tall tale and before the girl could respond I scoffed really loud and said:
"She knows you're lying just to try to get in her pants. That guy would never say those kinds of things about her because she's his sister, you moron."
The look on LT's face was priceless. He went pale and stammered something about how he must have gotten the guy mixed up. But the girl (who had caught on and was playing along) pointed out how he had been very clear about pointing her "brother" out. So LT shifted his story again and said he must have gotten the girl he was talking about mixed up. So I pointed out that she was the only girl wearing purple spandex.
He actually looked like he was about to cry, and I never saw him in the gym again after that.
I was just walking back to my car from class and had to cross the professor’s parking lot to get to the student lot. I came across an older man getting into his car and I noticed that his large coffee cup is still on the roof of his car. I’ve done this before and really appreciate when someone tells me that I’m about to drive off with my drink on the roof. So why not pay it forward, right? -“Hey mister, you..” -[In the most condescending tone I have ever heard] “NO! It’s Doctor!!” -“Oh, sorry Doctor…nevermind” So I just stood there and watched as DOCTOR Asshole throws his camry in reverse, spilling his FULL cup of coffee all over his windshield and window. Dr Snarky flashes me a look that could only be a look of remorse mixed with anger. He probably realized that I was just trying to help but was pissed that I decided not to. He didn’t even get out of the car, he just sped off.
My (ex) boyfriend wanted to see a sold out show to the foo fighters this summer. Him and his friends failed desperately in getting their hands on any tickets. I, however, managed to snag 2. I waited until Christmas to give them to him and he was beyond excited. Jumping up and down excited. Fast forward 1.5 shitty months later and he dumped me 2 days before Valentines day after (literally) ignoring me for 3 weeks. The entire breakup blindsided me after 1.5 years together. I haven't talked to him since, but little does he know that I wasn't quite finished with him yet. My brother just so happens to be a huge foo fighters fan as well.....I logged into my ticket master account and suprise suprise, tickets can be transferred. So my brother is going to have the time of his life while my ex boyfriend gets turned around at doors. Sucks to suck.
When I was a waitress, if a middle aged woman was ever rude to me (they almost always were) I’d happily offer them the senior discount, 65 and above only. It felt so good to see their eyes bulge out of their sockets and their mouths drop open in shock.
My Finance professor was telling our class a story today about how back in 2008 he did taxes for three farmers in west Texas. He said that the three farmers kept going on and on about how much they hated Obama and hoped to God that he didn't get elected because they feared he would raise their taxes and that they "didn't think America needed a black president in office". Well when the three farmers gave my professor his check for doing their taxes, he donated three $500 checks to the United Negro College Fund in the farmer's names and all three farmers received thank you letters from the UNCF.
Years ago in my high school AP economics class I was assigned to sit in the corner of the room where I was flanked by a handful of very popular, very lazy kids. After every exam the teacher would announce (much to my chagrin) my "high score" to the class.
After a particularly challenging exam where I only scored 93%, the teacher announced that the guy to my right (let's call him Matt) had ALSO scored 93%, his friend behind him 90%, and the friend behind HIM 90%! Needless to say I vacillated between self-doubt and suspicion for a few days before I finally "congratulated" one of the 90%'ers on his score. With an impish grin he admitted that his friend Matt had been cheating off me for months and "thanked" me for helping "so many people do so well" in the class. The petty revenge gears started turning in my head for what seemed like ages before I replied "no problem, I'm just glad to help!"
At the next exam I put my my paper in very clear view of Matt. He had been told that I was now willing to "help" him and his friends. I circled all wrong answers while making a special mark for the correct ones. Just before the time was up, I quickly changed my answers back when nobody was looking, turned in my exam, and smugly walked back to my seat.
What I didn't know at the time was that the cheating conspiracy didn't just involve the kids sitting next to me, but that my answers were written down and forwarded to the next 4 periods, all of which took an identical test.
One week later a record 22 people failed the exam. Matt empathetically remarked "Oh man, Accidentally_Upvotes, did you fail too!?" I flipped over my sheet: 100%.
Nobody ever cheated off me in that class again.
You know the scam. Whine about perfectly good food to get some sort of comp.
In their old age, my parents befriended another older couple who would pull this stunt everywhere they went. After my mother told me a few stories about how their new friends had shown them how to get discounted or free meals, I felt like I was suddenly the responsible adult, concerned about the bad influence these people were on my parents.
While visiting my parents with my girlfriend, this other couple attended dinner with us. As I expected, the food was brought to the table and they immediately began dramatically complaining to one another about the quality/taste/temperature/etc. They were making a scene in order to attract the attention of the waitress. When our waitress returned to ask how we were doing, the miserable old bastard who played the lead role in their act took a deep breathe, struck a dramatic pose (with his hand raised to begin gesticulating for emphasis) and bega–I leaned forward and cut him off before he could finish the first word: “Everything is absolutely fantastic. It’s all great! Thank you very much!” She smiled, and began her obligatory “Great, well if you need any–” when he made a second attempt. “We come here all the time an–”. I didn’t acknowledge that he was speaking at all, repeated that all was just as we ordered and thank her again.
He was stunned and thrown off from his routine by my interruption. During this pause the waitress walked away (It seemed clear that she knew what they were trying to accomplish). He turned bright red. I turned to my girlfriend and, smiling and without lowering my voice, stated how pitiful it is that some people could be dishonest, deceitful and put at risk the livelihood of a cook, server or hostess for a pathetic discount or a free early-bird special. My passive-aggressive reverse-parenting broke my parents of the habit in short time.
After a concert today, I’m lined up to purchase merchandise, and the line is absolutely enormous. All of a sudden middle aged Stacy mom dragging a very embarrassed teen cuts in front of me and 150 other people. “Excuse me ma'am you cut in front of me and a lot of other people” she turns to me and says “mind your own business” I’m pissed but I’m also patient. The line progresses slowly for another 15 minutes until we get near the front then I call over a security guard and tell her she cut in front of the line, and a few others behind me verify this. She gets bounced towards the back of the line which is now like a 20 minute wait so she’s gotta wait double the time.
I don’t know for sure if cats are capable of conniving revenge, but…
My fiancé has been having really terrible digestion problems for the past few days that’s caused him to fart almost nonstop. Horrible, painfully awful farts that stink to high heavens. They literally smell up the entire room LONG after he’s farted. Luckily for his colleagues, he’s allowed to work from home. Unfortunately for us, it’s been so bad that I’ve taken to sleeping in a different bedroom. Last night, he insisted that one of our cats sleep with him because he missed having company (the other cat only likes sleeping with me). This morning, he told me that he woke up to the cat’s a**hole grinding in his face and the cat letting out the deadliest, longest fart imaginable.
I gave my kitty some extra cuddles and treats.
When I was a tween and my sister had big sleepovers, I was allowed to have one person over to keep me company as well. I usually asked my cousin over, because she and I were around the same age and the only person I was really close with.
Things usually went pretty smoothly during the day, but come night time, my sister and her friends would begin pranking us mercilessly. Everything from putting our underwear in the freezer to putting shaving cream on us while we slept to
popping out of random places and scaring us. One night, we decided we had enough.
My sister had been warned earlier about the pranking after my cousin and I complained about it. We stayed up late, chugging soda to keep us going until all the older kids had fallen asleep. Then, we pulled out the markers and began drawing all over each others faces. Smears of red and green and purple, we left no areas untouched. We even added little marker streaks to our pillows, to make it look like somebody's hand had slipped while they were scribbling on our faces. Then we went peacefully to sleep and waited for the chaos to ensue.
Everything went as planned. Their pranks had been mostly harmless until now, they certainly never did anything that would stain or last more than a couple of hours. My sister and her friends were in deep trouble, and we got off scot free.
The highlight of this story for me is a conversation from the following day between my sister and my grandpa:
sister: But I didn't do anything!
grandpa: What? So we're supposed to believe they did this to themselves?
My sister posted a very anti-LGBT article on Facebook when the North Carolina bathroom bill was passed. She claimed she "no longer felt safe" shopping at Target if she might "be forced to use a bathroom" with a trans person. (The horror!)
So for her wedding the following month, I got her a Target gift card.
Your very gay brother ♥
On vacation, my boyfriend and I stop at the Louvre. There is a line up at the little cafe/snack bar. They have those standing barriers with ropes to guide the line up, but the ropes aren't pulled across - because people are grown ups and can see that its just a single line down one side of the front display.
Cue a group of young, bitchy girls in blinged-out clothes deciding they don't have time to stand in line. They go to the front and stand behind the person currently paying. They pretend to be oblivious to the 4-5 other people in line now giving them death stares.
I am not in line but I see their little act. So I go along and start hooking up the ropes. The girls are gossiping together and ignoring everyone else around them, because hey, what do they care right? So they don't notice when I move the barrier just a smidge forward ... and hook up the rope in front of them.
The look on their faces when they turn around to order their coffees and find themselves quite obviously outside the queue was just... soooo priceless. Huffing and puffing, they had to totter their high-heeled asses to the back of the (now much longer) line-up.
Enjoy your coffee, ladies!
My Ex cheated with a married man. He now lives with her. He is a POS.. but anyway, I still have login for her DVR. I logged in, erased all her shows, then recorded only the show "Cheaters." Petty, but it makes me laugh.
Roommate was being a d*ck so I rubbed some grease from the leftover fried chicken on his xbox's power button. Now, whenever he's playing, his dog will walk by and sniff the button, turning it off mid-game.
Obligatory "not me, but":
In Texas, there is a law that allows the US to take certain possessions to satisfy a debt owed, such as from a lawsuit. So this defendant had been committing Medicare fraud, got caught, has to pay back the money. He's also a total prick during the lawsuit -- obstructionist, rude, etc. When the US finally has its judgment and he's pleading poverty, the US Attorney that ran the suit basically ends up walking through the "impoverished" guy's multi-million dollar house to hand pick what is going to be seized. He takes the big ticket items that he's allowed, but it's not going to be enough -- so then he just starts taking little shit to piss the guy off. Book half-read on the nightstand? Gone. Can't take the garage -- but you can take the garage door-opener, so...gone. I don't know what else he took but I think the idea is brilliant.
In college (early 1990's), I lived with several guys in a suite. One liked to call me "chunky A", yes, I was chubby. I asked him politely but firmly to not call me that. He laughed and did it more.
I proceeded to call up every info-merrical I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair), Tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, had information sent to him about adult bed wetting, etc.
He accused me of it, and I told him, why would I do such a thing to him? I kept it up for 2 years while he lived in the dorms. His junior year, he moved out to an off campus place. I found out where he lived and I waited a couple of months and started it all over again.
Yeah, I bombarded him with junk mail.
We were sitting by a pool once, and a woman stood over my wife and started spraying sunscreen all over herself - and my wife. We asked her nicely to please move and she ignored us and kept spraying. When we left, I took one of her flip flops with me.
I make my husband a sandwich everyday for work. Once, I jokingly kissed it to show him that I made it “with love.” But then for some reason it stuck, and that just became the habit. Make sandwich, give it a little smooch, put into baggie. Except when I’m mad at him. Then that sandwich isn’t made with love. It gets no kiss. Yeah, enjoy that sandwich, jerkface. I hope it tastes like despair.
I like to end my relationships amicably. I am friends with a few of my exes. This one, however, has been a weapons grade douchebag to me for a couple of years and then threw me and my children out suddenly with nothing but the clothes on my our backs and made a few choice death threats to me. Don't worry, the police are involved. Well, a few hours earlier I went with a police escort to gather the rest of mine and my children's belongings. He was sitting on the couch with his new gf, both drunk af. The officer stayed with them. I went to what used to be our bedroom, packed my belongings quickly, packed my children's things, then released 100 crickets under his bed, in his closet, in his dressers, and in what used to be the childrens' bedroom. I made sure there were more male crickets than female, so they'll be noisy as all hell while attempting to find a mate, and these little buggers will eat anything, wood, clothing, and they're very good at hiding during the day.
I work on a college campus. It's the season for orientation and parents are herding their kids around checking out the school. I misread my schedule (arrived at 14:00 instead of 4:00 pm) and had a few hours to kill. I decided to take a walk around campus to look at the changing trees. I soon came upon a family that was clearly lost. two parents and a kid. The dad's got the map out (upside down) and the mom is asking anyone who will listen for directions. I decided to help.
I stroll up and ask where they're headed and am told they're looking for one of the libraries. It wouldn't be too far out of my way so I decided to take them there. As we're walking I make small talk asking what the kid plans to study and whatever. To be helpful, I started pointing things out on the way. This was my fatal error.
As we're walking someone interrupts and says "are you headed to the library?" I confirmed that we were and allowed them to tag along. I didn't go full tour guide and turn around, so as I'm walking I remain facing forward. I didn't notice that a few other families started following behind me. We get to the library and the first family is happy. I turn to leave and someone says "how about the political science department?" I check my clock, and think "what the hell, these people are nice" and off we went. At this point I have about five families with me. People are asking questions and laughing at my jokes and having a good time.
We get to the next building and it's time for me to leave for work. I motion to disband my little entourage and am met with opposition. "Take us to the English department." Some guy says. I was like "no can do, chief. I gotta go to work" and it clearly didn't register. I tried to tell him that this was an informal tour and I'm not affiliated with the orientation and he didn't understand. "What the hell kind of tour is this? We paid good money for this orientation. You're going to take us to the English department!" Imagine Mark Derwin's character from Accepted. The English department was actually pretty far away so I wouldn't be able to get him there without being late to work. He was pretty disrespectful so I decided to dump him instead.
"To get there it's easiest to take a campus shuttle" I said "I'll walk you to the bus stop." He was satisfied with that so off we went. We get to the bus stop and I tell him that I won't be riding with him because I'm only a tour guide for this particular area. Once he gets on the bus he should wait three stops, then get off and meet a new tour guide that will be there waiting. Instead of saying thanks he grumbles out a "was that so hard?" and climbs aboard.
Here's the kicker. Our campus doesn't have its own bus system. I put him on a city bus. Three stops would take him to a grocery store a mile or two off campus. There definitely wasn't anyone waiting for him there. I like to think he got what he deserved for being disrespectful.
So a while back I was given a UGA Bulldogs flag and a flag pole to mount it on my porch. Our Homeowners association (HOA) restrictions say that sports team flags can only be flown on a day in which the team is playing. My intention was to only fly it on Saturdays when the football team was playing. So I put the flag up on a Saturday the Dawgs were playing but forgot to take it down until Monday. On Friday I get a letter from the HOA stating that I am in violation of the restriction and could be fined. Okay, fair enough, they are correct on this one. I then noticed that the date of observation was on Wednesday. I called and said that couldn't be true because I took it down on Monday. Instead of admitting her mistake, she lied and said that she had seen it up on Wednesday. Now I was mad.
I printed off a schedule of every sporting event the Bulldogs had in every sport, even club sports and then proceeded to fly the flag every single day there was any kind of game, match, regatta, etc., which was almost every single day.
I then started getting letters stating I was in violation again. I would call on each one and explain that the water polo team had a match, or the rowing team had a regatta on those days. After about a month or two of this back and forth, they finally gave up.
Once, in first grade, I took off my shoe because I had a rock in it. Fo no reason other than this kid was a huge asshole, the class jerk stole it and took of running. I chase after him and he eventually throws my shoe down a hill into a field of tall grass and just looks at me with a huge shiteating grin.
In a badass stonecold firstgrade timbre I say: "Go find it" and shove him down the hill into the grass after it.
He starts crying and we run to the teacher. After explaining what happened she made him go into the field and find my shoe. He crawled through the grass for about an hour before it finaly turned up.
I had two jobs, one was at this country ice house in buttf*ck nowhere outside of my city. This place was pretty small, but was one of the few bars in a certain area so it would get busy. A lot off good ol' boys and oil field guys.
I worked the door, checked ids and such, and usually broke up fights or kick people out. The owner of this place was very "hands on". He liked to micromanage everything. Didn't want me to kick people out unless they were throwing punches, and even then to try and talk to them. Never cut anyone off. Had that "always be selling" attitude.
One night some trouble happens between some regulars and one guy tries to hit another guy with a pool stick. I happened to get hit in the arm but got behind the guy and put him to sleep.
Next day the manager calls me to tell me I'm being let go. Apparently pool stick guy spends a lot of money and me putting him to sleep left him bitter so he called the owner.
Anyways the bar has a nice fancy jukebox. If you have the app you can just pick songs on your credit card and they'll play. If you hit play next on a song, even if they turn the jukebox off, it'll play when it starts back up. It's also unskippable.
With the master remote you could skip a song but they lost that remote so they really can't do much if someone plays a certain song they don't like, and even if they unplug it, it'll play no matter what when they turn it on.
Here's my petty revenge:
The owner does inventory every tuesday night. It also happens to be a busy night because they do pool tournaments and it usually gets packed.
So here I thought, I could probably just play the same song over and over and there's nothing they can really do.
I got twenty bucks in credits and that usually gives you about 18 unskippable songs. Plus more depending if the app gifts you credits.
I picked a remix of Cotton Eye Joe, that comes in at around 7 minutes a pop. Usually when the pool tournament started.
Two hours of hearing the same song has killed their business on tuesdays. Even if they unplug it, it'll still play when they plugged it back up.
I've been doing it for two months so far, last I heard they had to buy a new jukebox at a cost 5,000. I'll probably stop for a month then start again. I'm an asshole I guess.
I used to work as a sound tech part-time at a nearby bar when studying for my computer science degree. It was great fun and even kinda relevant to my degree (and gave me a great excuse to binge on audiophile equipment).
So basically every Friday night we would give a slot to a band from the college to perform for an hour or so, and this rich guy's son would always turn up in some band or another. He had all the fanciest gear (Fender Strat, distortion pedals, etc.) but his technique sucked. But to anyone who would listen, he was the next Jimi Hendrix blah blah.
One thing about this guy was that he loved to pump his volume through the roof and play these crunchy chords with the distortion amped to the max, in the process drowning out the rest of his band members.
So instead of hooking up to the mixer and then through to the PA system, I just routed his signal through to his in-ear monitors, and every time he performed his miserable excuse for a "solo" he would gyrate around the stage for no apparent reason.
Really the most petty thing I've ever done, but revenge is sweet. (I heard he still plays amateur guitar through the grapevine)
Work related- My co-worker was always complaining and always lazy with his work, yet he got recognition for the simplest thing he would actually do. He also took credit for a full days work that was pretty much all me. I always got ignored. So one day, I came in early and I unplugged his Ethernet jack just barley to the point it looked like it was still plugged into his computer. For 4 hours he couldn't do any work. Meanwhile, I got my work done, and he couldn't take any credit for it since everyone knew he didn't have Internet access. Half way through the day, he left on break, I plugged it back in and bam, just like this it was working. By then, he couldn't claim my work, and I begun to get noticed more.
I take the train to work each morning and then again to get home. I like to sit in the quiet car because it allows me to think and do a little extra work each day. On the train ride home today a woman in front of me kept talking on the phone even after people nicely asked her to be quiet. The conductor also came through and informed her she was on a quiet car.
The seats we are in have very little support so someone behind you could push your seat and you'd feel it. Several riders decided it wasn't worth it and switched cars. I decided I had enough and slouched far enough so both of my knees were firmly in the back of her seat pushing fairly hard. She cocked her head around and told me to put my knees down. I closed my eyes and fake slept.
She got up and moved to a different seat. There was a person behind her and guess what he did? Knees to the back of the chair. People started catching on and she chose a seat with no one behind her. Another rider changed seats behind her and she got some more knees.
The conductor came through again and was unaware of our little revenge. She got up and told him that people were putting knees into her back and stalking her to each spot. The conductor put his index finger to his lips and said "Shhhh, this is a quiet car."
She moved to a new train car.
My mom made some comments invalidating the relationship between two of my friends who are both girls so i made an entire short film about my two friends and a sort of fictionalized version of their relationship and in it i had them address some of the nasty things they hear from people about their relationship and long story short i basically made an entire short film about gay girls to spite my mom and her homophobic comments.
I was sitting in a food court quietly eating lunch, minding my own business. This food court is in the CBD and filled with nine-to-fivers. It was crowded so strangers would share tables. There was one sole person sitting at a four-seated table next to me. Every couple of minutes someone would approach that table and ask the table-hog if it was free to sit. He always replied, “Sorry my colleagues will be here soon”. The entire time I was there, no colleagues came and sat with him nor did it appear that he was looking around for them (as most people waiting for others to join will look around and wave them over). He quietly finished up his lunch and left. Seems he just lied to have a four-seater table all to himself when even people on two-seater table were sharing with strangers. Well that's not right!
A couple of days later I saw him in the food court again. I was in a bit of a mood so I bought my lunch and pulled out the chair to sit at his table. As I was sitting down he told me he is waiting for his colleagues. I replied “That’s okay, I’ll move when they arrive. I won’t be long.” He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat as I quietly ate my lunch. I felt very uncomfortable and my heart was racing but I was pissed off at that table hog that I had to do something. If you choose to have your lunch in a busy food court, you don't get to live in your own little bubble.
Edit: I just want to clarify a few things - the strangers sharing tables DO NOT speak to each other beyond "May I sit here?". There is no awkward small talk. Everybody eats their own lunch quietly while looking at their phone and make no eye contact.
Also - strangers sharing tables is the custom for this particular food court. I'm sure it would be strange and weird to sit down at a table with a stranger at the food court in your area, however this story wasn't located in the food court at your area. I doubt I would ever find myself in your part of the world and if I did, I would observe the local custom and certainly not sit down at a table with a stranger.
I neither know nor care if he had social anxiety. By the confident manner in which he denied table access to those several people that he spoke to, I doubt he did. And if he did, he made things worse for himself.
Had a horrible boss at one of my tech support jobs, very rude, misogynistic, demanding. So one day took a print screen picture capture jpg of his background, then moved all his icons and short cuts on his desktop to an innocuous folder and put the print screen jpg up as his background. So the shortcuts and the links that appeared to be on desktop were just a picture and were not click able. He messed around with his computer for hours unable to get it to function normally.
So I posted on here a little while ago about my room mate using up all my baby wipes and he said to me he would stop. Well the past 2 days he started doing it again along with using my tooth paste and not even f*cking being kind enough to put the cap back on after using it.
So I confronted him about this AGAIN and he said "Whatever I don't give a shit, hide it somewhere then". Nah... nah I will keep it there, I have an idea.
A couple days ago he said he has a girl coming over and would like to get some action and leave him alone. I said OK no worries. So about an hour before she came over I pretended to leave and said I am heading out for the night. 5 minutes later I snuck back in while he was making dinner for the both of them.
I got to my room and hid in there knowing that for a fact at some point in the night she would ask to use the bathroom, and I needed to take a shit. So 45 minutes goes by and she arrived and I am just waiting. About 2 hours after she gets there I hear him go take a piss. AH perfect! he went first!
Now time to take a big fat f*cking shit. I run into the bathroom and crap as quiet as I possibly can. A huge load. And I don't flush or put the lid down. I go back to my room and wait. I stare at the clock and sit there giggling like Quagmire, exactly 28 minutes go by and whoooop There she goes, into the bathroom.
She was in there for exactly 6 seconds and came out. 7 minutes later she leaves.
Guess who isn't getting any pussy.
Someone I know divorced her douche husband under less than amicable circumstances. When she moved out he wouldn’t let her take the wireless router. I didn’t like that because I had paid for and set up that router for her. So I drove by the house and logged into the admin panel of the router from my car. Changed every setting and password I could find to render the router unusable. Have fun with your WiFi you tech illiterate a-hole.
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic ass lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, I don't know, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces.
So, after three bouts of this, and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I carefully removed his lunch box, emptied the contents (a gigantic sandwich, a Twinkie, chips, some vegetable pieces, and a few other bits), and ran over them with my car. I carefully packed it back in, and put it back.
He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
Personally, back when I was at high school this girl caused me quite a lot of trouble and shit throughout the years there by spreading rumours and causing my friends to turn against me.
Fortunately I was put in charge of designing the yearbook for our final year. I ended up cropping her out of pictures, sometimes subtle, sometimes obvious (like leave her leg showing but another picture on top). On other pictures where I couldn't easily crop her out, I just blurred out her face. It was very subtle and I was worried someone would notice before it went to print, but it managed to slip through and end up in the final book, which I have around here somewhere.
Needless to say, the day I walked out of school when everyone got their final grades and yearbooks was a great day for me.
I was staying in an older hotel in San Francisco. The elevator was very small, very old school and had signage everywhere about how you couldn't operate it with more than 4 people. I'd also been stuck in there twice already that weekend (the elevator would stop between floors). Each time, I called the front desk and they were able to recall it to the ground floor but I'd learned to be wary.
I should have started taking the stairs, but was on the 8th floor and was feeling lazy. So on Sunday morning I waited for the elevator for quite a while (it was pretty slow). It arrives, I hop in and a family of 5 walks up to the elevator and follows me in. They were all large people and they all had huge suitcases. I politely pointed out the sign and said that I'd already been stuck in the elevator twice and that we should split the group into two. They laughed and said they were all staying on. Welp, I thought, enjoy your ride.
I proceeded to run up the stairs and hit the call button on every single floor. The best part was that I could hear them complaining from the stairwell every time the elevator opened and nobody was there. Petty revenge never felt so good.
This happened a few months ago as I was driving my work van(the biggest Mercedes sprinter you can drive without a commercial licence) around Amsterdam delivering groceries. This story takes place on a single lane road with high curbs on both sides that takes you from one neighborhood to another. Speed limit is 50kph, although it could have been 70 imho except in some tight corners.
Now I've driven here so many times before that I feel comfortable doing 60-ish, just a bit faster than normal without the risk of getting caught speeding in an urban area.
Suddenly I hear a loud beep behind me, and wouldn't you know it, it's a BMW! "What a surprise!" I think to myself. I was quite impressed by my ability to guess the brand of this automobile, because everything forward of the rear doors wasn't visible in my mirrors.
The tailgating and honking continues for a little while until I spot the perfect opportunity to teach this Ikea-pencil equipped douche a lesson: a long straight section in the road. For those of you who haven't been to the Netherlands before, our government loves two things: taxes and using those taxes to build speedbumps.
As such we have a wide variety of speedbumps and this straight section was equipped with my personal favorite: the bus bypass variant, a trapezoid block just wide enough that a normal car has to pass over it with at least one wheel, but a bus can pass over it unobstructed.
I've had plenty of practice with these obstacles and line up for a flawless pass while accelerating to a mindnumbing 70 kmh, the BMW still glued to my rear bumper. I pass over the obstacle without the slightest inconvenience..... The oblivious BMW driver however hits it in the worst possible way, launching himself into the ceiling of his car and grinding his oilpan as the suspension compresses.
After that he kept a good distance.
I was in a big meeting (50 managers/supervisors) and two high level guys made fun of my car (Subaru Outback) in their presentation. I had access to their personal info (phone #, address, emails) and sent it to the Subaru sales group, asking for a test drive/quotes/etc. They got spammed pretty well for a while.
When I was a kid I had a bed wetting problem. My younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified.
Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued. So I decided to level the playing field. The whole "hand in cup of warm water" deal didn't work. I stood over him as he slept one night and pissed on him. The next morning, my mom was horrified and wound up taking a call from my grandmother.
"I don't know what to do, now BOTH of them are pissing the bed," she explained, clearly frustrated.
After a few more times of "framing" my brother as a bed wetter he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
When I was a kid I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch "Handbook" - it was full of kiddie experiemtns and stuff and was pretty fun.
My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the 'tricks' from the book, you fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, put some tinfoil on top of the cup, the kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil.
I put it under her bed, it takes a few days to "work", so I completely forgot about it, until one night I woke up to my two sisters whispering - it had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.
My brother is 2 years older than I. When I was about 4 and he was 6, he kept picking on me. Pinching me, doing the whole 'I'm not touching you' bit.
I told my dad that he was picking on my and my dad jokingly replied 'then punch him in the nose'.
Fun fact: 4 year olds don't understand sarcasm and that kind of humor.
So I hit my brother in the nose and gave him a bloody nose and he cried. Dad had to leave the room for a few minutes.
To be clear I am a male (sorry to ruin any dreams).
Basically, I haven't had the greatest landlord and have gotten screwed over a few times by him but never really did anything about it.
So now I am moving out in the next few months, and he has been showing my place to potential new tenants and the rate of showings is getting rather annoying. So this evening I thought it would be a good time to send a clear message that I have had enough of the showings.
I was given the standard notice of when they were going to be coming by, but I wasn't going to let that interrupt my 'schedule'. So when the landlord opened the door to show the prospective tenants in, the first thing the see is me doing the side-plank pose naked as the day I was born. The look of horror on the lady's face when she saw me was priceless. Long story short, to say the only thing that was shown was my naked glory, and a very bewildered landlord. I am still waiting for his response to my interpretation of a "showing"
My parents told me when I was 4 years old, my older sister had thrown my new toy truck over the fence intentionally. My dad said he then watched me go into the fridge, grab my sisters cup of juice and mix it with ketchup, mayonnaise, salt, some banana that I had chewed up already, and a whole lot of spit.
After that my dad told me I walked into her room and handed her the cup and said (with the lisp i once had) "I forgive you sissy"
My best friend at the time slept with my then boyfriend, and told everyone before I found out so that I looked like the bad person for being pissed. Jokes on her, for the rest of high school I was SUPER nice so that whenever she was bitchy with me everyone got pissed with her need to be a twat. Everyone hated her by graduation for her need to be so mean to someone so nice for no reason.
Well, when I was younger, my older brother used to pick on me all the time-- punch me and such. I had dealt with it for years. One day, we were in the backyard just talking, as families do, and out of nowhere I decide that I gonna get my revenge then and there. I ran with my arm out and my hand in a fist, and I hit him right in the junk. I hit him so hard that he dropped to the ground, and I'm happy to say, he cried. To this day, that is still one of my proudest moments. He was 16 and I was 8.
when my kids were around 10 and 12 , I noticed that when I would put my 2/3 full can of pop in the fridge to keep cold, when I went back there was always some missing. .so I took an empty can, put in pickle juice, sardine juice, catsup, hotsauce, salt, lots of pepper, put it all in the fridge in place of my pop and waited...... wasn't long before I heard cussin' from the kitchen.....turned out it wasn't the kids doin' it, it was my husband!! didn't touch my pop again.
I cheated on my ex during our relationship and she found out shortly after we broke up. She`s blocked me on everything, but briefly unblocks me every Monday to send me Game of Thrones spoilers before I can watch it. How can I get her to stop?
My ex left one day when I was at swimming lessons with our kids. He also took half the furniture. I had to explain where dad was and why our house was half empty. I was a stay-at-home mum back then. I had no paid work but he left me to pay the rent. When he came back to collect more stuff he took the groceries I had bought that morning. In short, he was a cheap, cowardly weasel. I threw the key to his vintage Harley in the ocea.
I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the prof told me tough luck. Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and began giving him edited versions.
I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things or just straight up write stuff that makes no sense.
An example of the crap I would put in: To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Echer's factorial (4.22).
If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him.
He retook that class.
We had a guy in our office take a crap in the bathroom every day after lunch and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had the one bathroom. He didn't listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork so 5 minutes before he went in I took all the toilet paper.... that's right. I forced the man to live with a dirty ass.
I got turned down, by the manager, at a job interview for team member at Dominos because of my stubble facial hair.
Weeks later I order from that same Dominos, and that same manager is the one who delivers my order, which is around $25, and I couldn't help but notice he has stubble facial hair ...
So I gave him no tip, and told him the exact same thing he told me ..
It's not exactly like this, but something similar
"Why do you have all that facial hair? Do you think customers wanna see that? Anyways, I won't be giving you a tip this time. Maybe when I order again, I'll be giving you a tip. But of course, remember to shave".
EDIT: He looked at me with one of those "Can't believe this shit" expression while having a slight smirk on his face. He snatched the receipt out of my hand once I gave it back to him.
In school, a boy named Sebastian picked on my 9 yo daughter by constantly calling her a whale and pushing her around because she was chubby. I suggested she started calling him SebastiANUS in front of their classmates. She did and he now learned to think twice before being an arse to other kids.
I live on a quiet residential street, lots of families, nursery, primary school and kids' playground - you can picture the type.
Unfortunately the road also runs parallel to a dual-carriage way to a busy roundabout and some people just think their lives are so important that they can skip the rush hour queues to do 60/70mph down our lovely 20mph road.
I'll always drive at 5mph whenever one tries to skip behind me - wouldn't want to hit any kids so you could get home 2 minutes faster hey?
My younger sister was notorious for shaving in the tub and not rinsing it out when she was done. Pubes. Everywhere. One day she was taking a bath and I asked her to rinse when she was done, because I planned on taking a bath afterwards. She told me to f*ck off. So I reached in my pants, snipped off a chunk of pubes, tossed them in the tub with her, and walked out.
I work at subway, and if someone is rude to me, I give them the ends of the tomatoes. haHA!
In college, I went to a concert one weekend and came back to find my friends with help from my roommates pranked me by messing my room, cling film on the wardrobes and toilet chairs stuck to the ceiling and my 300+ photos stuck backwards on the wall.. it took me hours to fix so I got them back by stealing all the doors in their apartment with help from the security officer who we were all friendly with (we lived in a big student apartment block)
So I'm returnin in a empty, late train. A girl gets in and stands near the door, I guess she'd get down at the next station. This young guy gets up, stands just behind the girl and starts to rub his groin on the girl's back. She tries to push him off but to no avail. I get up, walk to them, and plant my foot on the his, putting my wait on it.
I'm a fat girl wearing hiking boots.
He's wearing flip flops.
Nobody has ever screamed louder in a metro.
I never said sorry.
I had a 6 month school internship at a mobile phone store. The boss was a total asshole that treated his school-interns like full paid workers (even gave me some concerning money-responsibilities).
A while after the internship he called to tell me i would have to give a statement at court. He had a problem with some customer and a shipment and he planned to tell the court that he explained me everything concerning shippings precisely. Of course he didn't. And of course i didn't lie infront of the judge. My boss' attorney gave me a look i will never forget when he realized his stupid plans didn't work out.
Saw Stephen Fry live last week, and he told us this story: Just after the first Harry Potter book had been released, he was offered the role of narrating it for audiobooks. He hadn't read it, and was simply told it was a children's book, so figured it would be an easy afternoons work. When he met JK Rowling, she mentioned that she was writing a sequel. Stephen replied very condescendingly "good for you".
A few years down the line, the books are selling well, and he is doing the recording for the Prisoner of Azkaban, when he runs into the phrase "Harry pocketed it". Stephen could not say this line. It always came out as "Harry pocketeded it", unless he said it ridiculously slowly. They tried time and time again to get it right, but to no avail. Eventually, he called up JK and asked if he could say "Harry put it in his pocket" instead. She thought for a moment, then said "no", and hung up.
The phrase "Harry pocketed it" appeared in the next four books.
Years ago when a student I worked 8 hours a week in my local supermarket. There were loads of students.
On one occasion a snotty cow, thinking she was better than the checkout operator, said to her children "if you don't work hard at school you will end up on checkouts like this girl"
My friend replied "actually I have just qualified as a doctor"
I had a secret chuckle. But it didn't matter that she was a doctor that cow shouldn't be looking down on anyone
Some asshole at a bar told me that he hated smooth adult-contemporary rock. So, I went to the jukebox and just played "Free-Falling" and "Last Dance with Mary Jane" for an hour
I literally got "Petty" Revenge.
27 years ago...My ex had the classic comb over...hanging on to the last 10 hairs...so after I got all my stuff out ( Caught him cheating with our employee) any way. I dumped his shampoo out and filled it with Nair...then put his shampoo on top of that..so by the time he got to the bottom of it ....I'd be long forgotten...I'm sure his chest hair and final 10 hairs and leg hairs were falling out all over the place..
Whenever I was at work I would keep an eye on some of the coins I had in my till drawer that weren't "legal tender" in my country. I would then give these to customers who were assholes to me in their change. Muahaha.
After chorus in high school, my best friend came up to me with tears streaming down her face. She told me that this girl called her fat. Well, the teacher made us all brownies that day and I had mine in hand. I whipped that brownie across the hall and it smacked her right in the face. This was years ago but i can still remember how good my aim was, that brownie flying in between heads and smacking her right in the cheek.
Some jerk parked his lifted truck in the loading zone of our local big box home improvement store. He was so close that nobody could get their carts out. After I carried my 5th 80lb sack of concrete out to my truck by hand, I saw the driver walking around shopping. I took the valve caps off his huge tires and put them back on with little pebbles inside. The air was slowly leaking out and they wouldnt be flat until the morning.
New Jersey drivers are notorious for laying on the horn less than a second after the light turns green. I started stopping my car and going back to ask them what they wanted...
Roommate had a big dog. She left it daily with no food, water or shelter. I moved out and called the RSPCA for abuse. Months of her struggling to keep it, she loses. She posts to facebook about losing her "best friend" and I post on facebook about gaining a new family member, both of us use the same picture of him sitting happy in the grass.
Screw you and your abusive ways, he is the happiest creature I've ever met and I hate the suffering he went through. He is happy living with me now, bitch.
There's an eatery here where I live called COOK OUT. I love this place. The food is rather good and a decent price. There's a girl who works there in the drive thru and every time I go there she is a complete B***H and a half well one day she was being super bitchy and wasn't paying attention. My meal was $8 and some change I gave her a 10. She gave me back like 13 dollars so I kept it. She deserved it.
My name is Nat. When I was at my old school someone came up with the really clever idea of changing the vowel to get Nut, Nit, etc. Soon along of people were doing it, even after I asked plenty of times to stop. One day after someone called Cameron (everyone called him Cam for short), called me Nit again, I turned around and said shut up Cum in front of everyone. There was abit of an 'Oooo' from everyone, and he started turning red. For some reason no one called me those names again.
My wife is very picky about the mugs she has for different hot drinks: Tall mugs for coffee, wide mugs for tea, dainty cups for fruit teas.
When she's being irritating and asks for a cuppa she gets very plain, boring builders mugs and I delight at the mild irritation it brings.
Kid stole my water bottle. I opened it up and left it inside his backpack.
Back in college, I was sitting in the library trying to work on an assignment. All was quiet for a while until this one obnoxious guy came in and sat at a table near me and proceeded to pull out his phone and have the loudest, most obnoxious conversation with one of his friends. Lots of "BRO, SERIOUSLY BRO?" and yadda yadda. I was about to pack up my things and find somewhere else to work when the conversation turned to Netflix. The guy told his friend he should just use his account, and proceeded to loudly state his email address and password for all to hear. This was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up, so I promptly logged in and navigated to the "LGBT" section and started adding the gayest movies I could find to the top of the queue.
Several years ago I worked at the corporate offices of a national retailer. One of my coworkers kept a jar of snacks on her desk all the time. She began noticing the snacks disappearing and she knew no one was taking them during the day. The night IT guys were the only culprits. She replaced the human snacks in the jar with doggy pb pretzel treats. That night, sure enough greedy hands helped themselves. She left the bag out next to the jar and after that, she never had another snack disappear.
When I was in fourth grade I was a model student. One day my teacher claimed I hadn't turned in my paper and I was going to get an F. I was crying and very upset that she wouldn't believe me. When I was picked up from school by my Dad I told him what happened and we turned around and went back to the classroom. He walked in and told her that I wasn't a liar then he picked up the bookshelf and there was my paper and several other students. She made a new place to turn in work after that.
My neighbor always calls the cops when we have a fire in our brick-lined fire pit. We've tried being polite, even the cops always apologize saying we are doing nothing wrong but she calls repeatedly until it's out.
We bought orange Halloween lights and put them in the hole. Had a bunch of friends over and went out pretending to light it while another friend plugged it in. Cops showed about 10 mins later. They laugh and leave. She keeps calling. Gonna keep doing it until we can have a real fire again
There was a teacher who said we could not leave the class during tests or exams. Lucky me started my period 5 minutes into the exam. I know I'm not going to last for the rest of the 60-minute class, so I ask him if I can go. He says I can go if I hand in my test paper. I'm not about to give him my mostly empty paper, but I figure he'll understand, so I whisper to him that I started my period. He still says no. So I sat on the test paper and bled on it. It was completely illegible, but I got 100%
I worked with this hillarious, crazy old lady once who told me the craziest story!! Her man left for a few days with another woman and didn't even come home for Christmas. He finally got home the day after and she told.him to get in bed with her to "cozy up". He stupidly fell for it. She got him all reved up, but had super glue ready to go in one hand. She quickly put glue all over his stomach and super glued his penis to his stomach!! Can you imagine him trying to get that off?? Ouch. I honestly don't know he could do it. I've accidentally super glued my fingers together when I was doing my nails and that hurt so bad!!!
Very short story and not that amazing but... About a year ago I had to give my dog a bath but she is scared to death of water... Found her about an hour later chewing on my new glasses...
I was a high school teacher when a group of students told me that they saw a boy and a girl cheating off of another girl- let's call her Amber. I thanked the group for their honesty but explained that I had to have proof before I could do anything about it.
One of my tactics for dealing with unruly students was to send them to the hallway. Next text day, I sent Amber to the hallway. Guess who bombed that test! Not Amber...
I spread Justin Bieber photos all over the outside of his apartment... mainly shirtless. It took me hours to print them out that big. He was on vacation with "his family" (aka his TWO OTHER GFs and three children). Record poster size: 10ft by 7ft. Nobody called the cops and some of the neighbors actually helped. One of them even et me use his Go Pro to film his "Surprise." I dumped him then and there.
Listing a Playstation 4 as brand new on multiple second hand goods websites, for $50. I used my old landlord's phone number as the contact number, 'cos f*ck that guy.
He had to change numbers.
When I was 10, we had to paint birds for art, I was pretty good at art but a girl copied my exact one, even though we had to do different ones and I was not pleased. So while we were cleaning up paint brushes, (the painted birds were placed nearby), I put her painting in the sink with the tap running, pretended it accidentally fell in there and walked away like nothing happened.
i had a drunk guy wake me up and try to fight me one night in a hostel. i was cleaning up in the morning and he was asleep on the couch. i took his flip flops and put them in the lost property.
This one time, when I was about 15-16, I was about to walk inside my building, had just placed the keys in the lock, when, reflected in the door, I see two girls walking by behind me.
I can actually hear one of them say, as she points at me:
"Let's talk to this guy."
But then her friend goes:
"No, not him, he's ugly. Let's go."
The girl that actually wanted to talk to me was cute and everything, man. So, not only did her friend cockblock me (so to speak) but she also called me ugly. And that hurt.
I walk upstairs, walk into my place and then walk over to the balcony to see if I can spot the girls. They're right across the street, talking to eachother, and the cockblocker is being a bit loud and obnoxious. That did it for me.
I walk back into the kitchen, grab a slice of ham and swoosh, threw it at the girl. Direct hit. She had a total "WTF" look on her face which made me smile.
Of course, in retrospect, that was a stupid thing to do and I wouldn't do it again.
I used to work in a kitchen, and one of the cooks would use the cornstarch in the pantry to make sure he didn't chafe. Then would put the box back, like nothing ever happened. He was told multiple times that was disgusting and not to do it again.
I put freshly ground white pepper in the box...never happened again.
My roommate in college and I never really got along. At the end of the semester, I noticed him writing down formulas on a tiny, tiny piece of paper- obvious a cheat sheet. When I had the chance, I changed the formulas ever so slightly (turned -s to +s, 1s to 4s, etc). No idea how he did on the final, but I like to think he used all the wrong formulas and failed it.
I was driving down a city street as I notice a I'm in a school zone. I also see a parked unmarked police looking car a few blocks ahead in the parking lot to my left. I immediately slow down to 20mph, the black truck behind me did not appreciate that. He starts honking and accelerates changing lanes and speeding by me, and past the unmarked cop car. Like clockwork, the lights go on, truck gets pulled over. I smile and wave at him as I pass.
When I was in high school I went on vacation with family and bought my then girlfriend earrings to surprise her with when i got back. I came back to her introducing me to her new boyfriend and me subsequently being kicked to the curb. 2 years later we got to talking over facebook and I initiated a booty call. Afterwords, She told me she had feelings for me again and i responded with "cool, i'm late for dinner, talk to you later"
when i was in 4th grade a girl tried to pin me up against a tree and choke me. Guess what I did? I cut off all of her barbies hair but I put it in a plastic bag and put it in her book bag because I felt bad . Let me just say she never messed with me again. ( i was kind of a mean child😂😂😂 but if you think about it the girl tried to choke me soo.....)
Last year met a guy, thought he was my soul mate, mistake. Claimed he had served his ex with divorce papers and then spent over $3000 moving 2500 miles away to be with me. After 3 months he says he got a job offer back in the town that his ex lives in. But surprise within one week he is back with his ex. That cost him another $2000 to move back. Then it also cost him $2500 to live here for 3 months. So now he is out $7500 dollars. Well I maxed his credit cards for another $4000. Revenge
I was getting a hell of a lot of phone calls from some random company and I decided that I had had enough after I received 4 calls within 10 minutes. I picked up the phone on the 5th call and calmly answered "I regret to inform you that the owner of this cellphone has just died in a car crash. We assume that he was trying to answer a call from this number. Is everything ok?".
They hung up and never bothered me again.
So, I was in the supermarket and saw a teen pocket some candy. I followed him for like 10 minutes, and got really fed up. So, i took a string of Twizzlers and stuck them in his backpack, with the small part showing. I then told security about a "Suspicious looking man" Security caught on pretty fast. Best 5 minutes ever.
When i was around 19/20 I lived with a now ex friend. She was a total bitch used to leave for the weekend leaving half eaten dinners on the window sill in the sitting room and complain about how i always left the place in mess when I got home late from work (it would be a plate I left in the sink until the next day) yet I used to do the majority of the housework as well as pay for most of the bills etc. So I eventually got fed up with it and used her toothbrush to clean the toilet and other stuff
Sitting outside a club with a friend who had been spiked, I see a girl run out of the club followed by a big arabic guy.
The guy grabbed at her and kissed her in the most disgusting manner. She was crying and no one was doing anything.
I demanded that the bloke went to get water for my friend. He reluctantly agreed and ran inside.
I turned to the girl and told her that now was her chance. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered thank you before running to a taxi.
It felt good.
So a few weeks ago in the grocery store, this lady ran my foot over with her cart (I was in sandals) and proceeded to tell me to "watch where I was going". So I stealthily followed her around adding things into her cart when she wasn't looking. Must have put atleast 20 different items in her cart without her realizing. I don't regret it.
Buying white shoes for my 10-year-old daugher for an elegant event. We looked everywhere in the small city, no success. In the last store in town I saw the perfect shoes and grabbed them. Right size, the only ones left but expensive. A girl saw us and asked her mom to buy them. The mom said "Let's wait, they can't buy those shoes". They kept staring at us, looking us down and whispering. My daughter tried every shoe in the store and then we bought the ones I had in my hand plus other pair
Speeding up a coworker's double click speed and watch him squirm when his normal double clicking speed isn't working.
While working in retail, had a loud, obnoxious, and horribly rude customer. Came to me asking for "flavored" painkillers to cure her back pain.When I told her there were only coated painkillers etc, she got pissed.We happened to have chocolate laxatives in stock, so I gave her those.She looked right at it, I feared she'd yell for noticing the word LAXATIVE, but she took them with a snippy "Was that so hard?" & paid for them. Told her to take twice the dose. Hope that cured your back pain, bitch.
A gym used to call me all the time to get me to sign up. And after the countless standard 'I'm not interested's didn't deter them, I got really pissed off. The next time they called, I yelled 'I just got my foot amputated! You insensitive asshats expect me to what, run the treadmill?!'
They never called again.
I was at a waterfront bar that attracted a lot of college students for too-strong drinks. This d-bag picks a fight with a buddy of mine and at one point pulls out his BMW key saying "my car is worth more than your life". He puts his key on the bar and him and his friend go to the bathroom. I positioned the key precariously on the edge of the railing. He comes back and grabs his drink, which knocks the key off the railing of the dock into the deep water. Those keys are not cheap to replace.
im 8 weeks pregnant , the father means everything to me i love him with everything ive got , he left me for another chick who only got with him to get to me , i still live in the house, shes here all the time , id just finished a 2 hour bath (everyone else had allready showered) in that time she arrived and wanted a shower as i was getting dressed i heard her complaining about how long id been in the bathroom ... so i sat down on the bathroom floor and read my book for the next 3 hours .
I feel terrible about this as an adult... But one time when I was a kid, I peed on my older brother's toothbrush because he was being a dick to me
Cheating ex was still living in family home and we hadn't told the kids so we're pretending to get on until he could find new apartment and move out. He had a favourite, very expensive Arran sweater. It would've been far too easy to just boil it...instead, I hung it to dry on an airer, with one sleeve against radiator and the other, I stretched. He had quite short arms anyway so looked utterly ridiculous in the mismatched arms!
Someone I know and his wife were being harassed pretty badly over the phone (this happened often) so the husband made a Craigslist ad and put the harasser's phone number to it. She had to change her number.
p.s. if I remember correctly the ad was something like orgy partners wanted (with some really weird stuff)
This guy in my building has been a complete disrespectful jack ass, yesterday I saw him leave and get in his car with beer in hand. Reported it and so far I haven't seen him, part of me did it as revenge but part of me also hates people who drink and drive
I resigned from a company a few weeks ago for a better opportunity. My manager on my last day of work says mockingly... I guess this was not your cup of tea.. eh?! I worked there for years and was sent off with this.
Fast forward to 2 weeks later... The team quit because the manager was an ass. The management requested my return. Guess who was asked to make the call to me😁. Yup. The manager. Of course I didn't go back... But hell that call felt sweet.
Okay so my sister is in charge of laundry for the entire household. There's two types of hangers: the good metal ones and the cheap plastic ones that come from stores.
Every time somebody pisses her off, they find that all of their clothes are hung on the plastic ones.
So, I work in an area that the wealth have their ski chalets. As a secretary I deal with many of them. Their behaviours are nothing new.
I noticed a frequent client pull up behind me on my way home from work in his shiny red convertible with the top down.
Oh this guy gave me hell for 25 mins of my hour commute. And at one stop light I had had enough of his tail gaiting and honking (even though he could pass) so I revved my diesel jeep and watched him cough and flip out in my black exaust.
My dad is a taxi driver for over 20 years (I'm from Singapore).
One night, this young passenger ran off at his destination without paying and my dad chased after him but couldn't see where he went. Someone in the neighbourhood said that it seems to be a frequent occurrence there. When my dad went back to the cab, he saw that that guy had dropped his wallet which had his ID in it.
He was able to make a report with the police and cab company to get his fare back.
I was out with my supportive parents and homophobic grandma. I was dating my (now ex) gf and she lived near by. I told her where I was. Not even ten minutes later, she surprised with a big bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates for my bday. I was so happy and I kissed her. My grandma watched and basically disowned me. My dad told her (he was her fave) that if she disowned me, he'd disown her. She quickly changed for that day but bullied me til she died. Still the best thing I've ever seen.
was in high school and I had been dating this guy for like 3 months. He mentions how one of his female friends is interested in me and he suggests a threesome.
He an I hadn't done more than kiss by that point and so I reject the idea.
A week later it's circulating that he is sleeping with this chick and when confronted he broke up with me.
Long story short, I ended up stealing her away from him (She and I are both Bi) and he got known as the guy who was so bad in bed he turned girls gay.
[WARNING: Broken English]
I am working for a company which are managed by some toxic people. One of them are single and desperately want to get married. He approached almost every pretty worker in company but no one liked him. He also went to blind dates but still got no result. One day, one of his dates gave a good respond and he told everyone in company that he got a date. Unfortunately, the girl was a friend of my friend, and she asked my opinion. Sure, I said "Don't". There, he failed again.
When I was young 6 or 7 may be, I decided to get back at my brother for some reason. At night, before going to sleep I stuck a chewing gum on his pillow. After some time, I heard him screaming from his room, his hair stuck to the pillow. When mom went to him, he told her that it was probably me. Then, I entered the room, trying to look as innocent as ever and pointed out that it was probably one of his gums.
My brother had the habit of throwing his gums all over the house.
Guess who got the scolding
Friend was a guard for an HOA. One night, tons of people start coming in using one resident's code. She calls a guard on patrol near the house, turns some kid is having a party. Parents:on vacation. This isn't allowed without homeowner approval. She calls the parents, pretending not to know they're out of town, asking how many people they invited to their party. Of course, they're pissed. 2 weeks later: she is on patrol and sees the kid doing tons of chores while the parents sit back and watch.
This happened a few years ago. I was visiting my hometown for the weekend, and my friend who was like a little brother to me asked me for help on his project. He was supposed to make a poster of a tourist spot, but couldn't use Photoshop even if his life depended on it. I did it for him and made sure he would get a great grade. Then he told me he had groupmates who didn't help him. Since they were required to have their names on the poster, I purposely misspelled (except my friend's)their names.
Working as a housekeeper, had a guest try to check in at 10am (our checkout time is 10, official check in time is 2pm). The room allocated to them was still occupied when they arrived. They called to see if the room was clean four times while I was cleaning, so I added extra time to every task. Thoroughly clean room, but I toom my sweet time doing it. Note: don't nag housekeeping, we're all kinda petty.
A while ago my brother was being a complete a**hole, so my sister took one of his new PS4 games and hid it.
So today(four months later) he finally realizes it's missing and accuses both of us of taking it. He looks through the room twice -including a dresser that our mom uses for her tablecloths- and leaves. A minute later she gets up, walks over to that exact dresser, procures the missing game from under a napkin, and puts it back. "I was going to give it back but he pissed me off again."
When I was in first grade, there was this girl I met named Natalie. After only playing a few games with her, I realized that not only was she a cheater, but also a bragger. I quickly ended that short-lived friendship. Apparently she was still bitter about that, because at the end of the day when we walked to the carpool zone in a line, she accused me of cutting in front of her and shoved me. Not only did she get sent to the principal's office, she also got a handful of water thrown in her eyes.
Walk into class at university and BAM there is my cousin (she's only 2 weeks younger). This cousin expects everything to be handed to her. So she proceeds to spend that semester messaging me for the answers, but I wouldn't give them, she has to work just like I did. So our final assignment is a paper and she brags about how hers is so good and how she'll get an A being all up in my face. She got a P (Pity Pass) and I got an A, I low key bragged and told our whole family about it. Im still #1 grandkid
A few years ago my ex and I broke up and I moved in with family. I started casually hooking up with a guy who lived near my new home. A few months into this casual thing he starts asking if we can not use condoms, to which I said hell no, never ask again. A few weeks later he held me down and entered me without a condom. I told me ex and he asked me where this guy lived...what me ex (apparently) did was steal a power bill, got this guy's date of birth off Facebook and got his power disconnected.
I used to have a nippy little car (not the fastest by far but it could keep up), when I was on the freeway and cars would come up behold me and act like jerks especially when it was peak traffic hour I'd blast my windshield water which would actually spray the car behind me that was being a jerk. Forcing them to also clean their windows! Especially satisfying for fancier cars
When I was in highshool I had this rule of not letting my puppy Yorkshire Terrier come in my room when I was studying. One time he was scratching at my door for almost an hour until he gave up. Once I finished my work I open the door to see him come in and stare right at me as he was pissing on my carpet. After that I learnt to always leave my door a bit cracked open
Freshman year of college, loud neighbor used to play the White Stripes at full volume daily at 8am while he worked out. Technically not against the rules, but still douchey. He stayed in the dorm for spring break. I went home and set my alarm clock to go off at 5 am. It was one of the old ones that would blare until someone turned it off. Apparently campus security had to go in and turn it off, but it was on for at least 2 days straight. No more Seven Nation Army wake up calls after that.
So im currently waiting on the reaction but heres the backstory.
Yesterday my best mate pranked me by swapping salt and sugar on me and giving me the saltiest damn coffe ive ever drank.
Fastforward to now and we just left McDonalds and his coke has a little surprise...
The straw is stuck in a packet of ketchup thats IN the coke. This will be great.
Home now. He just took a mouthful as we walked in the front door and puked on his little brothers head. Oops
Got laid off from small shop "due to budget cut" and "I slacked too much". Truth is the job was just too easy so I got things done quickly & owner refused to train me on more. Asked me to train a totally brainless newbie, which i did for a day or 2 then moved on w/ job search. 2 wks later, on my first day @ new job (big corporation), he called to ask me back (cuz the newbie was too stupid). I respectfully declined & informed that I've started a new job. Felt great to shove it in his face!
My now ex was cheating on me with (( at the time )) A friend wanted to figure out who he was bringing to our apartment when I was at work. I quickly decided to put hot sauce in his astroglide. Every time I see ether of them "what's up Fire crotch" comes out of my mouth. Best part is he thought he has an std for a few weeks.
I had a friend who stole my root beer gum. I mean good gum. Denied it like a little b*tch. Invited him over to my house for a pokemon card opening. When he went to the bathroom I took all of his packs, slit them open, took the best pokes and put them in my pack. The dude ended up with 3 jiggly puffs, and I with a charzard Ex.
I was a caddy at a country club in my town. The job paid great but I had to deal with a nasty old caddymaster. He was the cheapest, most foul-mouthed person I had ever met. Constantly stealing our tips and talking shit on us to the members.
On my last day I used golf club super glue and glued two quarters to his work desk. Later found out he spent a good hour trying to get them off. Cursing at every kid in the shop and trying all sorts of tools. It was soooo satisfying.
Last year when I was addicted to eat Oreo Cookies with milk, I always bring them to my office. I put the cookies on my table but it always disappears. It happen about 3 days.
So on the 4th day, I open my Oreo cookie, eat the white cream and put a toothpaste in the cookie as the cream. I put on my table like the day before and later before lunch time, i see the cookies is on the floor, with bite on it and some spits.
The thief just eat a cookie and "refreshing' his/her mouth with a toothpaste.
When I was 11, I was seated next to a Bully who regularly took the treats my mother put in my lunch bag. After a few weeks of this I replaced the contents of a Hershey bar with chocolate Ex-lax. He was off school for two days and my lunch treats were never touched again.
Moved out with my bf when I was too young to know better, and we both got midnight jobs at a big store. Meet an older, hard-life woman, and started to hang with her a bit. Bf even gives her rides home from work now and then. FF a few months, and I find condoms in his car, we didnt use them, and confront him. Yep, he's cheating, dumps me, cheats me of money. When he didn't make 2 car payments and they call me, I told them where to find it, AND give them the spare key I have. He was NOT a happy camper
My sister would make fun of me for having a lot of zits. When she made fun of me in from of my crush I decided to get some well deserved revenge...
The next day I added body lotion (for extra dry skin) in her face cleanser... I could add that for about a few weeks I had a strong competitor in the "zit domain"😇
My ex left me 1 day before our 4th wedding anniversary, 2 weeks before our "honeymoon" trip, and a month before my birthday, citing many reasons (about me) why.
We agreed to divorce amicably, I got almost nothing and had to leave my house.
6 months after he left I learned he'd been having an affair the whole time. A year later I heard they were celebrating 2 years (do the math).
So, I took my best friend to Mexico and used all his travel miles! He forgot I was on that account I guess... #FDW
My missus leaves tea bags in the sink so I put them in her wallet.