Someone Asks People To Share The Worst Marriage Advice They’ve Gotten, And They Deliver (30 Tweets)
Marriage, like most relationships, is all about communication, building trust, being vulnerable, and fighting off hordes of orcs back-to-back on a mountaintop. Or is that just us? But like childcare, politics, and the weather, everybody seems to have an opinion about marriage. What works. What doesn’t. What you should strive to do.
Unfortunately, a lot of that advice is absolutely bogus, as sociologist Samuel Perry from the University of Oklahoma drew attention to on Twitter. The scholar asked social media users to share the very worst marriage advice they’ve ever gotten and kicked things off with an example of his own about how couples should supposedly not go to bed angry.
Check out some of the best tweets below, upvote the ‘advice’ that you think is absolutely ridiculous, and share your own pearls of wisdom about marriage in the comment section below. And remember—happy panda, happy life!
Image credits: socofthesacred
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I previously had a chat about keeping the bonds of marriage strong with Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski, the authors of 'Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.'
"While it’s critical we all social distance, we must make sure not to emotionally distance with our friends and family. Positive psychology research indicates that one of the most important factors in human flourishing is building close relationships with others,” Suzie and James told Bored Panda.
“A wedding is a magical day no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a lifetime? Many newlyweds seem to think that ‘happily ever after’ just happens. However, research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," the couple explained that we have to work at relationships; they’re not something that automatically turns out great.
So THIS is how marriage works. No wonder I am getting a divorce.
it works differently for different couples. u have found a way that doesn't work for u. all my best wishes for the days to come. here's a virtual hug if u need one. 🤗
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i was told the same, you need a bad fight early in your relationship or your marriage won´t be lasting your first bad fight...7 years married in a 11 years relationship still waiting a "bad fight". Comunication, honesty and understanding are the key.
This is one side of the pendulum, you also have people who believe that a perfect couple will never fight. You're going to disagree with your partner. Those disagreements will escalate. Whether its to yelling, or heated debate, or whatever, how you both handle it together, and your comfort in doing so is a real measure of compatibility in my opinion.
I think the point of this is "Don't marry someone until you see how they manage their anger/frustration", which i think is not a bad idea
You're right, the underlying idea is decent but the way it's expressed has the potential to do a lot of damage. There are plenty of instances in which someone will have to deal with disappointment, anger or frustration without it having to be a yelling match between partners.
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My husband and I have been together 19 years and I can honestly say we have never had a yelling fight or even a angry fight. Yes we bicker and pick on each other but if there is a problem we voice it like rational adults and conquer it together. Seems to work well for us. The biggest yell off we ever had was when we had a water gun fight in the house. (Just little dollar store water pistols not super soakers) we were yelling the dogs were going crazy. I barricaded myself and 2 dogs in the library while he hid behind couch and used a pillow as a shield. It was awesome. In fact. I just might need to find those pistols and start the good fight again.
I think this goes on the “you need to see the worst of each other so you know you can handle it”
We’ve been together over 30 years and still no yelling - we must be doing something wrong 🤔
First marriage: lots of yelling fights. Second marriage: maybe two over the last twenty years?
We’ve gone over 30 years without yelling - must be doing something wrong 🤔
I’ve been with my partner for 29 years and we’ve never had a screaming fight.
Yeahhhh... had a relationship like that. Yelling, past grudges, the kitchen sink.... now married to a much different man, and even the pandemic hasn't broken us... tension and sometimes hurt feelings, but nothing we couldn't talk through. I'm lucky and I never take him for granted.
21.5 years of wedded bliss here. About a month into our marriage, we started having an argument over bath towels (do you have to wash them after one use, or can you hang them up and use them again). Before it got super heated, I thought, 'Are we really gonna fight over towels?' So we decided some things weren't worth it, and that if it was important enough to fight about then it was important enough to discuss rationally. Yet some people think we're repressing some parts of ourselves because we've never had a screaming fight. Whatever.
Not married, but nearly 9 years together and we've had a few yelling arguments, I think maybe five or so. Every one has happened when we were exhausted and overwhelmed with stress. We've managed to get rid of most of the sources of stress in our daily lives and we barely have arguments anymore, of any kind. We calmly talk about things, even difficult things that we used to be quite defensive about. It's great!
Wait until you have kids, or something else which is really worth fighting.
I suppose though if you have the big fight first you know if he is violent? (or she)
You know, both types actually can work. Couples that don't fight tend to experience less satisfaction but also less stress, and couples who fight often can have healthy relationships to because they tend to put just as much work into making up with each other as they do fighting. There is a whole science to different couple types.
EXACTLY. I hate when people say "it's not real friendship/relationship if you don't fight" Bruh no, some people just get along better.
20 years and never once a shouting match. Some slammed doors but we get through it together.
We never had a yeeling argument in 22 years. Volume does not make sense.
I've been married for 16 years and had precisely 2 yelling fights with my wife in that time...
"It’s interesting that it’s the only domain in our lives where we think that success will just happen without much effort of our own. For example, when it comes to our physical health, it would be foolish to think that merely buying a gym membership and working out once would strengthen our muscles and build flexibility (if only that were the case!).”
I'm so tired of the holy matrimony and sacred crap with marriage. Marriage is a legal issue. You want to involve the church? Good on you! My experience has been that the church has no place in marriage.
The couple said: “We all know that in order to increase our strength and tone our bodies we have to work at it regularly. So, too, when it comes to our relational health. However, popular culture seems to romanticize marriage making people think that once you get married you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work.”
In some cases i think it's true not always of course! Edit: I'm referring to misogynist cultures that don't respect human rights of course! i just didn't want to be more specific cause i didn't want anyone to be offended! But these cultures in a marriage are always a deal breaker!
The couple sees marriage as an adventure. A challenging one but an adventure nonetheless. "Being open, curious, and having a growth mindset about ourselves, and our partners will help us be able to better navigate together in marriage. Marriage isn’t an end state but rather a beginning. It’s a process and a life-long journey. The more we seek to understand ourselves and our partners, the better equipped we will be to travel together on this beautiful, yet often challenging adventure."
There are various exercises that help strengthen relationships. Suzie and James shared a few of them with Bored Panda.
"They can focus on what they put into the relationship rather than what they get out of it. Truly happy couples realize that happily ever after doesn’t just happen but that it takes effort. These couples focus on action steps they can take to improve their relational happiness rather than relying on their partner to fulfill them,” was their first tip.
“They can share good secrets with each other. They can practice sharing important things about themselves that they have never previously revealed to each other. It might be a childhood memory, a life-changing experience, or a vivid dream. Perhaps it’s a hope for the future or a fantasy. It can be lighthearted or serious. The important thing is that they authentically share with one another something meaningful. It’s imperative that couples are curious, open, and welcoming of the secrets and nonjudgmental. By doing so, couples will feel safe and will strengthen their connection,” relationship experts Suzie and James shared.
Being a decent person will def get you sum more than being a bum.
“They can 'prioritize positivity' rather than just wait around for happiness to happen. In other words, they can schedule activities into their day that evoke joy and fulfillment. In the beginning of a relationship, we naturally experience a high level of positive emotions. As a relationship develops, we can’t expect to naturally experience the same frequency of 'high-arousal' positive emotions like amusement and joy. Rather we must notice what tends to lead to these feelings and then schedule those activities into our daily lives. Think back to the beginning of the relationship and those things that you enjoyed doing together as a couple and make it a priority to schedule them into your day. Also, try out something new that interests both of you. Research shows that seeking out and engaging in fun, exhilarating, and novel activities can increase mutual attraction and promote a healthy passion in intimate relationships.”
What’s more, couples can create a ‘Positive relationship portfolio. “It entails gathering some of the key mementos, pictures, cards, letters, etc. that remind you specifically of your significant other and how special he/she is, and how important your relationship is. Once you put together the positive relationship portfolio you then spend 15 minutes each day for a week savoring and basking in the positive emotions that these items evoke in you. This exercise helps us rekindle those positive emotions that we had during the honeymoon phase, remembering all the great things about our partner and how important he/she is.”
No one is perfect. The secret is to love someone with their imperfections instead of despite their imperfections.
I grew up in Montana. I stayed with my best college friend on their 50,000 acre cattle ranch regularly. Every night my friend's mother would come downstairs just to say goodnight. She looked like she was attending an Oscar awards performance (the hair and makeup). I asked my friend, "Why does your mom put on makeup and do her hair before going to bed?" My friend said, "My mom just wants to look nice for my dad." They were married for 70 years and sold the ranch ranch for $24,000,000. They're happy.
Note: this post originally had 108 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
The couple also shared that it’s a must to continue seeing old and new strengths in our partners as time goes by. “It seems that in the beginning of the relationship we notice one another’s strengths and see our partner’s differences as intriguing as evidenced perhaps by marathon conversations that last long into the evening. However, after some time we often fall into a rut, stop asking questions, and think we know all there is about our partner. What perhaps we once saw as intriguing differences we now see as annoying deficits! That’s dangerous to a relationship. It’s important to continue asking questions and seeing strengths in our partner to help build a stronger bond."
that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
I am incapable of putting something in a box and dealing with it later- problems must be resolved NOW, and issues are always larger than life at 2am. But, with practice and age, I am becoming better at managing it. If I cannot sleep, I take something to calm me down (warm milk, rescue remedy), because lack of sleep compiles the issue.
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Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
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My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
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The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
I am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called Dr Ibrahim helped me to fix my relationship. I was heartbroken when my fiance told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he works. I cried and sobbed every day,until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Ibrahim, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiance came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now living happily and all thanks goes to Dr Ibrahim for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Ibrahim through his Email dribrahimspellcaster@gmail.com Call or Whatsapp +2349038450264 Contact him for the following: 1)If you want your ex back. 2)If you want a child. 3) You want to make your husband/wife to be
Twice divorced here. My advice? Don't get married. It's a pain in the *ss to leave/divorce. Just live together. It's so much easier to leave when the other one f*cks up and you've had enough of their bullish*t. When I left the first time, it took 5 years to divorce. The second time was 1 1/2 years. Such a waste of time and money.
That’s terrible advice lol. Maybe commitment isn’t your thing though. Which is fine. But not good advice for those who do like commitment.
Load More Replies... that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
I am incapable of putting something in a box and dealing with it later- problems must be resolved NOW, and issues are always larger than life at 2am. But, with practice and age, I am becoming better at managing it. If I cannot sleep, I take something to calm me down (warm milk, rescue remedy), because lack of sleep compiles the issue.
Load More Replies... Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
Load More Replies... My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
Load More Replies... The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
I am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called Dr Ibrahim helped me to fix my relationship. I was heartbroken when my fiance told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he works. I cried and sobbed every day,until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Ibrahim, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiance came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now living happily and all thanks goes to Dr Ibrahim for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Ibrahim through his Email dribrahimspellcaster@gmail.com Call or Whatsapp +2349038450264 Contact him for the following: 1)If you want your ex back. 2)If you want a child. 3) You want to make your husband/wife to be
Twice divorced here. My advice? Don't get married. It's a pain in the *ss to leave/divorce. Just live together. It's so much easier to leave when the other one f*cks up and you've had enough of their bullish*t. When I left the first time, it took 5 years to divorce. The second time was 1 1/2 years. Such a waste of time and money.
That’s terrible advice lol. Maybe commitment isn’t your thing though. Which is fine. But not good advice for those who do like commitment.
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