Someone Asks People To Share The Worst Marriage Advice They’ve Gotten, And They Deliver (30 Tweets)
Marriage, like most relationships, is all about communication, building trust, being vulnerable, and fighting off hordes of orcs back-to-back on a mountaintop. Or is that just us? But like childcare, politics, and the weather, everybody seems to have an opinion about marriage. What works. What doesn’t. What you should strive to do.
Unfortunately, a lot of that advice is absolutely bogus, as sociologist Samuel Perry from the University of Oklahoma drew attention to on Twitter. The scholar asked social media users to share the very worst marriage advice they’ve ever gotten and kicked things off with an example of his own about how couples should supposedly not go to bed angry.
Check out some of the best tweets below, upvote the ‘advice’ that you think is absolutely ridiculous, and share your own pearls of wisdom about marriage in the comment section below. And remember—happy panda, happy life!
Image credits: socofthesacred
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I previously had a chat about keeping the bonds of marriage strong with Suzann Pileggi Pawelski and her husband James Pawelski, the authors of 'Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts.'
"While it’s critical we all social distance, we must make sure not to emotionally distance with our friends and family. Positive psychology research indicates that one of the most important factors in human flourishing is building close relationships with others,” Suzie and James told Bored Panda.
As a kid with divorced parents i have to say this is the most horrible advice!! Kids always know and understand EVERYTHING!
i wish my parents had divorced and my mum actually found some love instead of creating a really confusing and cold environment at home.
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Heck No!!!! My parents did this..stayed together for the sake of the kids. My father finally sent divorce papers when I (youngest kid) was 17. I told him "It's about time." He said "Your mother and I decided to stay together for the sake of you kids." I said "No offense Dad, but we would have been better off coming from a broken home." He looked shocked. I said "How do you think is was for us kids to hear you screaming at the top of your lungs every other night? Did you think that makes for stable kids?" Never stay together for the sake of the kids. Never use your kids as a means to get back at your ex. And never bad mouth your ex or your their new partner in front of the kids. If your ex is a tool, the kids will eventually figure it out and request to not visit them anymore.
A divorce is the best thing you can do for your children if the marriage is unfixably toxic.
So, the child can carry guilt that they were the reason both parents stayed in an unhappy marriage?
You mean like when I spent the last two years of high school basically living alone because neither of my parents would come home until 10 at night, and then they would wake me up screaming at each other? My senior year they both essentially moved out. This wasn't so bad, actually because I had a nice house with a pool for my friends and I to party in, but I can't tell you how much my relationships with both of them improved after they split.
Deny yourself the right to be happy so that your kid grows up in a loveless and perhaps violent environment. Right... I'm sure kids rather live with just one parent than have 2 parents who are fighting every day.
My mom did this and it scarred me for life. She should have left my dad years before she did
My parents divorced when I was 17. It took 2 years to calm down, since then we've become a stronger family unit, and have been on several holidays together! Brother and dad sharing, me my sister and mum sharing. Only downside, mum snores. Don't stay TOGETHER for the kids, but stay FRIENDS.
my brother is currently doing this him and his wife r still married yet live in seperate homes. thankfully my nephew is so innocent that he wont show any kind of sadness. first time i saw him in a year or 2 was at my wedding and he told me he missed seeing me and asked if he could visit me and my husband sometime. i could tell behind his cheerful face was sadness and confusion bc of my brothers crazy wife. my brother has tried 12 times to get her to sign the divorce papers but she refuses every time saying my nephew is still too young...hes 11 now not exactly a baby. this has been going on for like 10 years
Wife is being a fool. What's the point of being married and living separately? It's already done bar the paperwork. The child knows otherwise he wouldn't have a sad face behind the cheerful one.
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My parents had the same idea basically stay together for me and my brother but the good thing is that over time they worked out their differences and are now Very happy together.
My parents divorced when I was 9. I didn't understand it back then, asked them if they wouldn't want to stay together a year longer for their 'silver marriage' of 25 years. As soon as they divorced and separated into two homes, I noticed the mood of EVERYONE involved getting better a LOT. Even back then I understood that they made the right decision, that it's better for them, by siblings and me.
I have a friend that lives with his "wife" and gives a show for their entire families that they are a happy couple because he wants their child to grow with his mom and dad toghether. But shes abusive with my friend, and when hes dating someone she threatens him she won't let him see their child again... I feel bad for him
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My parents got divorced when I was 8 and at a time when divorce wasn't very common. I am still so grateful. People were feeling sorry for me, coming from a 'broken home' but getting a divorce was the best thing my parents have ever done for me. I couldn't take anymore of their fighting and bad mouthing each other to me and expecting me to take sides.
You set an example for your kids too Do you want them to stay in an unhappy marriage themself as grownups? Seen far too many people don't get out of abusive relationships, because their parents stayed together for the kids too.
My parents got married and divorced just to each other 4 times. Not including all their other marriages and divorces. The last time our parents announced they were getting back together my sister and I begged our dad to reconsider. They were great friends but as soon as they got married it was like living on egg shells and waiting for a bomb to go off. Never ending fights and shouting matches day in and day out. It really messed us up. Leaving in the middle of the night, suicide attempts, drinking, breaking s**t, ending up homeless half the time. An unhealthy relationship is not a healthy way to raise kids.
After nearly 35 turbulent years together, my ex and I get along better now than we ever did when married. He's remarried and raising two teenage girls (and he though raising a boy was bad!) while I sit back and enjoy my retirement. It also helps that there is half a country between us.
“A wedding is a magical day no doubt, and of course something to celebrate, but what about planning for all the days to come in our marriage which is intended to last a lifetime? Many newlyweds seem to think that ‘happily ever after’ just happens. However, research shows it’s healthy habits that build long-term love," the couple explained that we have to work at relationships; they’re not something that automatically turns out great.
So THIS is how marriage works. No wonder I am getting a divorce.
"It’s interesting that it’s the only domain in our lives where we think that success will just happen without much effort of our own. For example, when it comes to our physical health, it would be foolish to think that merely buying a gym membership and working out once would strengthen our muscles and build flexibility (if only that were the case!).”
I'm so tired of the holy matrimony and sacred crap with marriage. Marriage is a legal issue. You want to involve the church? Good on you! My experience has been that the church has no place in marriage.
The couple said: “We all know that in order to increase our strength and tone our bodies we have to work at it regularly. So, too, when it comes to our relational health. However, popular culture seems to romanticize marriage making people think that once you get married you can merely ride off into the sunset together. That’s obviously not the case. It takes work.”
In some cases i think it's true not always of course! Edit: I'm referring to misogynist cultures that don't respect human rights of course! i just didn't want to be more specific cause i didn't want anyone to be offended! But these cultures in a marriage are always a deal breaker!
The couple sees marriage as an adventure. A challenging one but an adventure nonetheless. "Being open, curious, and having a growth mindset about ourselves, and our partners will help us be able to better navigate together in marriage. Marriage isn’t an end state but rather a beginning. It’s a process and a life-long journey. The more we seek to understand ourselves and our partners, the better equipped we will be to travel together on this beautiful, yet often challenging adventure."
There are various exercises that help strengthen relationships. Suzie and James shared a few of them with Bored Panda.
"They can focus on what they put into the relationship rather than what they get out of it. Truly happy couples realize that happily ever after doesn’t just happen but that it takes effort. These couples focus on action steps they can take to improve their relational happiness rather than relying on their partner to fulfill them,” was their first tip.
“They can share good secrets with each other. They can practice sharing important things about themselves that they have never previously revealed to each other. It might be a childhood memory, a life-changing experience, or a vivid dream. Perhaps it’s a hope for the future or a fantasy. It can be lighthearted or serious. The important thing is that they authentically share with one another something meaningful. It’s imperative that couples are curious, open, and welcoming of the secrets and nonjudgmental. By doing so, couples will feel safe and will strengthen their connection,” relationship experts Suzie and James shared.
Being a decent person will def get you sum more than being a bum.
“They can 'prioritize positivity' rather than just wait around for happiness to happen. In other words, they can schedule activities into their day that evoke joy and fulfillment. In the beginning of a relationship, we naturally experience a high level of positive emotions. As a relationship develops, we can’t expect to naturally experience the same frequency of 'high-arousal' positive emotions like amusement and joy. Rather we must notice what tends to lead to these feelings and then schedule those activities into our daily lives. Think back to the beginning of the relationship and those things that you enjoyed doing together as a couple and make it a priority to schedule them into your day. Also, try out something new that interests both of you. Research shows that seeking out and engaging in fun, exhilarating, and novel activities can increase mutual attraction and promote a healthy passion in intimate relationships.”
What’s more, couples can create a ‘Positive relationship portfolio. “It entails gathering some of the key mementos, pictures, cards, letters, etc. that remind you specifically of your significant other and how special he/she is, and how important your relationship is. Once you put together the positive relationship portfolio you then spend 15 minutes each day for a week savoring and basking in the positive emotions that these items evoke in you. This exercise helps us rekindle those positive emotions that we had during the honeymoon phase, remembering all the great things about our partner and how important he/she is.”
No one is perfect. The secret is to love someone with their imperfections instead of despite their imperfections.
I grew up in Montana. I stayed with my best college friend on their 50,000 acre cattle ranch regularly. Every night my friend's mother would come downstairs just to say goodnight. She looked like she was attending an Oscar awards performance (the hair and makeup). I asked my friend, "Why does your mom put on makeup and do her hair before going to bed?" My friend said, "My mom just wants to look nice for my dad." They were married for 70 years and sold the ranch ranch for $24,000,000. They're happy.
Note: this post originally had 108 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
The couple also shared that it’s a must to continue seeing old and new strengths in our partners as time goes by. “It seems that in the beginning of the relationship we notice one another’s strengths and see our partner’s differences as intriguing as evidenced perhaps by marathon conversations that last long into the evening. However, after some time we often fall into a rut, stop asking questions, and think we know all there is about our partner. What perhaps we once saw as intriguing differences we now see as annoying deficits! That’s dangerous to a relationship. It’s important to continue asking questions and seeing strengths in our partner to help build a stronger bond."
that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
I am incapable of putting something in a box and dealing with it later- problems must be resolved NOW, and issues are always larger than life at 2am. But, with practice and age, I am becoming better at managing it. If I cannot sleep, I take something to calm me down (warm milk, rescue remedy), because lack of sleep compiles the issue.
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Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
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My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
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The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
I am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called Dr Ibrahim helped me to fix my relationship. I was heartbroken when my fiance told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he works. I cried and sobbed every day,until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Ibrahim, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiance came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now living happily and all thanks goes to Dr Ibrahim for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Ibrahim through his Email dribrahimspellcaster@gmail.com Call or Whatsapp +2349038450264 Contact him for the following: 1)If you want your ex back. 2)If you want a child. 3) You want to make your husband/wife to be
Twice divorced here. My advice? Don't get married. It's a pain in the *ss to leave/divorce. Just live together. It's so much easier to leave when the other one f*cks up and you've had enough of their bullish*t. When I left the first time, it took 5 years to divorce. The second time was 1 1/2 years. Such a waste of time and money.
That’s terrible advice lol. Maybe commitment isn’t your thing though. Which is fine. But not good advice for those who do like commitment.
Load More Replies... that one about the separate beds meaning that the marriage was over: my aunt and uncle always had separate beds. as a kid, didn't really understand it was about their conservative faith. but, they had quite a few kids. as an older teen i asked her about it one day. her response: every night, ira throws his hat to me. sometimes i throw it back; other times i bring it back.
I actually agree with the "never go to bed angry" one. I will *not* sleep if I go to bed angry. I won't be able to "turn my mind off" and fall asleep, I will lie awake fretting all night long. Then in the morning, I will be overtired and cranky.
I am incapable of putting something in a box and dealing with it later- problems must be resolved NOW, and issues are always larger than life at 2am. But, with practice and age, I am becoming better at managing it. If I cannot sleep, I take something to calm me down (warm milk, rescue remedy), because lack of sleep compiles the issue.
Load More Replies... Ohhh I know a priest (Catholic) that used to say to future brides "He's going to cheat, and you must forgive him because that's your duty as a Christian".
I'm a Christian, and the priest was wrong. "You shall not commit adultery." I'm divorced, but I believe my husband was faithful. We divorced for other reasons.
Load More Replies... My husband and I have been married 39 years. Most issues between couples can be worked out with a little bit of effort on both sides. In the scheme of things very few things are really that big of a deal. As long as there no big issues such as abuse, etc. most problems have a solution. The key is cooperation and commitment. You will never agree on everything but compromise is an important tool.
*Small tip that works for me personally* If you got into an argument with someone, first of all try and talk to the person your angry with BUT, if that doesn't work/you just want to have some alone time to think and stuff, I like to imagine that i am a celebrity in a tell-all interview on a talk show. If it seems like a kinda big problem, then that needs to be addressed. But if it seems like a really stupid and tiny thing to be "confessing" then you might want to apologize. Personally it helps me vent to myself and process what happened.
Lol I love this. Gonna try it out sometime. Thanks!
Load More Replies... What I'm getting from this is you're both equal, what works for some people might not work for others, and COMMUNICATE!
We never go to sleep on an argument BECAUSE we've know two people who were in their 30s and healthy who simply never woke up one day.
That you have to stick it out, no matter what. No matter how hard you have to try. No. Sometimes things just don't work, and people change. Sometimes you try and try for years just to get nowhere. Sometimes you just can't anymore.
Don’t get married if you want a way out of your contract just because you “changed.” Too many people don’t understand the bond of marriage. You need to talk to Bettie Jean down there.
Load More Replies... The best advice I can give is try to love yourself first, and once you do the odds of healthier relationships may increase.
why do people give such awful advice? why do people say and do such stupid things? why are people so stupid?
I am here to give testimony on how this powerful spell caster called Dr Ibrahim helped me to fix my relationship. I was heartbroken when my fiance told me he is no longer interested in marrying me because he was having an affair with the other woman where he works. I cried and sobbed every day,until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help, that was when i read a review about the great work of Dr Ibrahim, then i contacted him for help to get my lover back, he helped me cast a powerful (reconciliation love spell) and to my greatest surprise after 48 hours of doing the love spell my Fiance came back on his knees begging me to forgive him We are now living happily and all thanks goes to Dr Ibrahim for helping me save my relationship you can contact Dr Ibrahim through his Email dribrahimspellcaster@gmail.com Call or Whatsapp +2349038450264 Contact him for the following: 1)If you want your ex back. 2)If you want a child. 3) You want to make your husband/wife to be
Twice divorced here. My advice? Don't get married. It's a pain in the *ss to leave/divorce. Just live together. It's so much easier to leave when the other one f*cks up and you've had enough of their bullish*t. When I left the first time, it took 5 years to divorce. The second time was 1 1/2 years. Such a waste of time and money.
That’s terrible advice lol. Maybe commitment isn’t your thing though. Which is fine. But not good advice for those who do like commitment.
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