40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One ‘Unwritten Rule’ You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?”
There are rules, stupid rules, and rules that nobody argues about. Like, the one where you don’t answer out loud if someone whispers to you. Call it common sense, human behavior at its best, or an unwritten rule, that doesn’t change it—you just whisper if someone whispers at you.
So what are these unspoken rules that never get written down and are considered logical arguments or actions? Are they that different when it comes to various people?
A person on r/AskReddit dared to find out as they posted the seemingly simple, yet very illuminating question “What is one 'unwritten rule' you think everyone should know and follow?” 44.7k upvotes and 18.3k comments later, we’ve got some of the most interesting replies. They show some rules worth respecting don’t need to be carved into stone and can perfectly live in the part of the brain where “it’s just like this” is enough to explain why.
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Never make fun of someone else's laugh — be it how they sound or how they look. Laughing is the most natural expression of joy and happiness, and for someone to feel self-conscious about that because of other people's comments is so brutal.
Don’t put your music on speakers when in a public space. It’s not like everyone wants the same genre or was in the mood for music. Get your headphones.
Don’t ever say ‘oh, you’ve only got one child. That must be so lonely for them.’
Because maybe that person tried for years to have that one child, maybe they chose one for good reasons, maybe that had another child that died that you don’t know about.
Or, maybe it’s none of your business how many children people have. Actually, it’s definitely not your business. So, shhhhh.
My opinion is the only time you need another 'child' is when it's an animal; example: I have 3 leopard geckos--not just one--so they have friends.
Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Daniel Wendler, a therapist and author of “Improve Your Social Skills.” According to Daniel, the unwritten rules are really just an expression of the golden rule, “which is to treat others as you would want to be treated (or even better, to treat others as they would want to be treated).”
Dr. Wendler continued: “Many of society's unwritten rules are simple expressions of empathy and courtesy, a way to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize what you can do to be kind to them.”
However, if you’re worrying about whether you or someone else lacks common sense, the therapist suggests not worrying about something “so vague that it could mean any number of things.” “Instead,” he suggests, “it's better to focus on the things we have control over—like trying to be a little more kind today than we were yesterday.”
Be kind to people who are working: food staff, medical staff, etc. Don’t take your bad day out on someone else.
For buses/trains/any other public transportation, let people exit first before you get on.
Don't say s**t about someone's appearance if it can't be fixed in less than 30 seconds. Spinach in someone's teeth? Let a homie know. Body type? Bad haircut? Worn-out clothes? Don't need to mention it.
Dr. Wendler also said that there are many people who struggle to pick up on the unwritten social rules. “Sometimes, this is because they didn't have a lot of opportunity to socialize with others growing up, so they never got experience in putting themselves in someone else's shoes and learning what was expected.”
Other times, “it's because they have a condition such as autism or social anxiety that makes it more difficult to read other people and learn how to interact socially.”
Dr. Wendler claims that the good news is that whether it's easy for you to pick up on social rules or difficult, everyone can get better at it. “Just try to challenge yourself to get 1% better each day—maybe learn one unwritten rule, or practice one social action—and before you know it, you'll see dramatic improvement,” he concluded.
Do not swipe left or right if someone shows you a photo on their phone.
I live by this rule I made after thinking about things late at night.
If someone does something that makes them happy and confident. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, animals included. Then leave them alone, let them do that thing. Let them be happy.
Don't propose at someone else's wedding.
That’s a given, the only time it is okay is if the bride and groom are happy with it. Also don’t wear a white dress.
Meanwhile, Lynn How, a life coach and author of “Positive Young Mind” who specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues, told Bored Panda that unwritten rules are important to establish a certain culture, whether it is in a sports, company, or societal context.
“They are needed to ensure at least a basic level of expected behavior. For example, your boss has never said to you that you can't drink alcohol at work, but you know this already without needing it written down or having verbal clarification,” the author explained.
While most people do share a common understanding of unspoken rules, some have more difficulty picking them up. “We need to take time for a more detailed explanation of something we feel doesn't need to be said where required,” Lynn suggests.
You can be wrong. It isn't a bad thing, either. And when you are wrong, acknowledge it, and learn from it, you don't need to dig down in your beliefs to try and comfort yourself because you can't handle not being right all the time.
Always say please and thank you. Just because your an adult doesn't give you the right to stop practicing manners. Drives me crazy.
Guys they made a good point, whether or not they spelled "you're" correctly. Maybe we should learn some manners like the author suggested and stop rudely pointing out other's grammatical mistakes.
Chew with your mouth closed. Shocks me how many adults i see chewing with their mouth open.
I agree for the most part but in some cultures it is a show of appreciation. We have a friend that is Chinese and he is an extremely loud chewer and chews with his mouth open and that is the way he was brought up. So whilst it maybe annoying for many we just have to deal with it because that is his culture.
“Perhaps the person has a particular additional need that would require a more detailed explanation or it may be that the person in question did not have good role models growing up, which means they may find that many things that were acceptable in their family are not acceptable to the wider world.”
Alternatively, there may be a solid reason why one unspoken rule or another has not established itself among groups of people. Lynn suggests various causes may be at play, like “maybe your company’s unspoken rules are quite strict or perhaps there is an unwritten dress code?” In that case, Lynn recommends turning this sort of unwritten rule into a written one.
There was only 1 rule in my house growing up...do not wake anyone up. My parents worked shift work. Its amaZing to me now how many people don't respect sleep.
There are 2 people in your life you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE TO. Your doctor and your lawyer.
If you're borrowing it for a third time, you need one of your own.
True but for some things the other person may not be able to afford one of their own. We have lent our lawnmower out to a friend a few times but he can’t afford to buy one for himself. He is trustworthy so we have no issues lending it to him.
FFS be self-aware. I mean, be aware of the space you occupy, of your movements, of where you are. Don't zig-zag on sidewalks, don't fill the entire width of the sidewalk. Be aware of your kid moving their arms like a helicopter. DON'T STOP IN YOUR TRACKS TO CHECK THE F**KING PHONE, walk slower, or step aside but don't be that kind of person.
Just be aware of your body and don't be a dummy. This applies to whole families too, and people in cars, in supermarket lanes, wherever.
This should apply to big family groups walking at a snail’s pace in staggered formation through IKEA. Why on earth have you taken 3 generations there for a day out anyway? IKEA is a terribly disorientating circle of hell anyway without making it worse.
Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle!
Don’t mess up an apology with an excuse.
When I moved back to New Zealand from Japan, I noticed that we tend to give a reason more than Japanese people do. I don’t dislike that; in fact, in a lot of cases I think just think “S**t happens; you don’t need to offer the reason for my approval”.
Wash your hands after the toilet. Walkouts are shocking.
surprising how many people don't wash their hands after using public toilets even in covid
If you borrow someone's car, fill up the tank before you return it.
Only borrow if you are insured to drive that car. Uninsured drivers are breaking the law.
Announce your visits.
You can't be offended that nobody is home when you decide to drop by at random.
Plus it's super unfair to the host since it gives no time to prepare anything and they might have to drop everything they were just doing just to entertain you or cancel their plans.
Don't let friends drive drunk. Maybe offer to get an uber or something for strangers, too, if you can
Always ask if a dog is friendly. You never know what kind of weird behavior things a dog can have, even when they appear friendly at first.
I had a dog who would be fine until someone bent down to pet him. He was very protective and nearly bit a few people. I'd they has asked first we could have told them that he doesn't like being pet by strangers.
I would hate to have to put my dog down because you are an idiot around animals.
Also, please put your dogs on a leash! I can't tell you how many times I have been walking my dog and someone's off leash dog has come charging at us. "Don't worry, he's friendly" they always yell. Well good for you, but my dog is not. He was bit by a "good dog" who was not on a leash and is traumatized by strange dogs running up to him. Just because your dog is well behaved doesn't mean everyone's is.
Turn down your bass! Be more considerate of your neighbors in apartment complexes.
I'm tired of people sitting outside my window in their car with their bass on full blast...at 2-3am! ((That's why I'm awake right now.)) I'm also greatly annoyed at my neighbors turning up their music (bass) to the point where it's rattling things on my walls. After getting multiple complaints you know it's a problem thus are choosing to be bad neighbors. *Also they have a lot of small children who should definitely be asleep but of course arent.
Be kind to strangers even if you’re having a hard time
Don't cook fish in the office kitchen
When driving a car, dont be nice, be predictable. People being nice leads to a s**tload of accidents.
be predictable = use your blinkers and use them before your car is already turning
When out to dinner with a group, only the person who ordered the least expensive meal/combo of things can offer to split the check evenly.
I have two:
1. do not wear perfume or cologne if you’re getting on an airplane.
2. do not use speaker phone or play videos on your phone without headphones in public places. Especially in public transit.
Why not perfume or cologne? I'd say "do not pour half the bottle" as many people do, but a little? Everything smells, really, and I think the smell of "people", like sweat or God only knows what else, is far more annoying than perfume.
Neither smell is ideal, but while sweat just stinks, perfume in an enclosed space may cause someone to have an asthma attack.
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Roll-on and stick deodorants are good, though. Also, perfume sticks rather than spray.
I've heard people complain about ALL scented products to include deoderant, shampoo, lotion, even detergent. They can be quite insistent that it's up to you to ensure that their allergies/sensitivities are not triggered. I agree that accommodations ought to be made, but I'm not willing to entirely replace every product that I use on the random chance that I'll come across someone who can sniff out stuff like a bloodhound. Perfume? Yeah. Forego bathing in the stuff.
I agree with you. I don't know what kind of allergies people might have. Should I organise my whole life thinking I might encounter an allergic person? Once I had a terrible argument in a bar because an idiot who came to sit next to me started to sneeze and have a strong allergic reaction. He started to ask everyone person around him whether we had a cat, because he was allergic to cats and people who owns cats shouldn't be allowed in public places. Excuse me? YOU are allergic, so perhaps you should stop going to certain places. I'm not going to get rid of my pets because you say so.
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Re: perfume in confined spaces. Most would be amazed at the number of people who have allergies to some of the ingredients in perfume. It is why nurses and other hospital workers are not allowed to wear perfume at work. Imagine the horror of someone going anaphalaxis in a metal tube 35K feet above the earth with no possibility of relief!
number one, i know some people that are actually allergic to perfume/cologne, like my old choir teacher, and my dad, who'se lungs freeze up when he inhales just a little bit of fake coconut scented stuff. ive gotten kinda scared of messing up peoples lungs from cologne
I....prefer perfume than smelling body odor... maybe not too much perfume?
how about "use half as much cologne or perfume as normal if travelling long distances", because coaches and trains are a thing as well. you can still smell nice without me smelling you from 10 seats away
I was dining in a restaurant and a lady decided to start using hairspray at her table only 1-2 metres away from people. Not kidding...
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THIS. I get Headaches and nausea from a lot of things. The smell of rubber/paint/cleaning products/soap/scented candles/certain flowers. And DEFINITELY perfume. Just... Don't be that person. It can cause serious pain to others and make it hard to breathe. (I have had experience of this)
::cringes in lifelong hereditary asthmatic:: it doesn't take much perfume sometimes to set me off tho I'm healthy as can be until I'm exposed to an allergen like synthetic scents. Many people pour it on. I have have sensitive smell and am annoyed how often people use a ton of perfume to try to mask body odor or smoke smells. For me, you just smell like those things + perfume.. I still smell the odor you're trying to hide. I wish people would just take more showers and don't smoke rather than wear perfume along with those smells. There are lots of us out there that perfume just makes you smell like an asthma attack to us.
or any other public, especially restaurants, food places.
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Most hospitals are scent-free now. They WILL send visitors home if they come in reeking of perfume. That includes men.
We are an unscented family and it's not always easy. I don't think some people have any idea how many odors they wear WiThOUT adding perfumes and cologne. Body lotion, soap, laundry soap, fabric softener, deodorant, shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner the list is endless. Even when you think you are only adding a little perfume you're probably using more than you know. When my son was young he had asthma and eczema all the products listed above had to be unscented and as chemical free as we could find or we did without for him. I'm much more sensitive to odors having spent so long avoiding them. I'd rather smell body odor any day.
I have allergies and some flights can be torture! That and most perfumes smell terrible anyway, and you shouldn't impose that on others who can't get away from you.
Certain perfumes will give me a migraine. If I am out somewhere, standing in line and someone near me is wearing the wrong perfume, I end up with a migraine before I can get home, not good to drive with a migraine. (Also a bright light or a high pitched sound, like a kid squealing will also give me a migraine)
The smell of Aftershave or perfume actually help cover the foul smells in airplanes – the food, bad breath, flatulence, B.O. etc. I’m grateful for a nice smell!
I have always said, when kids get tested for hearing and sight before going to school for the first time, they should get tested for sense of smell, too. At various points in their life too. Like getting booster shots or sight tested for a driver’s license. I feel like people w B/O or that use too much cologne could benefit if some personal data.
Airplane? I'm frequently assaulted by the toxic stench of perfume while sitting in a _restaurant_; someone walks by the table, or worse, someone sits nearby, and I get an instant headache.
Putting on perfume is just part of my dressing routine. I'm not even sure I'm aware of doing it. But I do the "walk into the spritz" method of application, so it doesn't go on heavily. Also, I've never been anything but complimented on my perfume (Red Door by Elizabeth Arden).
& for the love of God don't let your kid play their games without headphones!
Shower daily and use headphones! Use deodorant. Perfume or cologne is meant to be smelled when someone is really close, not to cover up body odor. Use it sparingly.
And don't wear perfume/cologne when you are going to a public swimming pool.
If you use perfume, you get used to the scent and don't smell it as strongly. If you want to use a little - if you can't smell it yourself, that is a little. Also, i got a strong perfume I don't use often but I love it. I used to spray in the air and then wave my arms through it, as I thought 1 puff was too much but trying to get only 1/2 puff out is impossible.
Maybe you could cut it with something? an unscented oil? Maybe put a puff into a bottle of something and dilute it? Spray some on a cloth? thanks for being considerate.
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Certain perfumes especially strong floral ones give me an instant migraine. Yes it's your right to wear it, however I cannot control my bodies reaction to it by vomiting everywhere!!!
Sue Bradley, Are you sure? they say a person s right to wave his arms around stops at the end of the other guy s nose. Shouldn't it be so with those sickening 'perfumes' too?
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sorry but i will, and i also will carry a tiny bottle of perfume in my purse in the planes cause i hate inhaling other people's disgusting sweat odors.. most of the time my perfume is the only way i can breath and survive during flights.
If I sat next to you, I would get a blinding migraine and vomit on you. I will in fact vomit before the migraine hits. I will vomit on you for about 5 minutes everything I ate that day and then all the acid in my stomach. It would be a almost comical amount of vomit. The doctor gave me something to help with the migraine after the vomiting, but not the vomiting itself. It will smell worse than body odor and your air quality won't improve with your little bottle of perfume.
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I always went to the shops in airports and puff myself with something I liked before boarding... I was very self conscious though, only used like 2-3 puffs that I could smell, but not the people across the aisle...
Many people are allergic to cigarette smoke. Hence the smoking laws. Many more people are allergic to fragranced products. There should be laws regarding this. If someone is allergic to fragranced products and you are near them and they have a violent reaction, you are at fault.
Wrong! A person with a strong reaction to everyday substances must seek medical help. Thousands of products have fragrances, and people are not going to stop using every kind of fragranced product just because they might encounter an allergic person. The problem with cigarette smoke is not that some people are allergic to it, but it causes cancer. That's why it's forbidden. The people who are allergic to fragances are very few. You can't expect everything becomes fragrance-free just because you are allergic. There are people who are allergic to cats, dogs, polen, flowers, peanuts, fish, feathers, chalk, gluten, milk, and millions of substances. Should we ban all of them?
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If someone asks you a question, finish what you’re saying with, “what about you?”
Enjoy noticing how many people actually don’t do this.
DON’T USE THE URINAL IN YOUR DREAM! You’ll thank me later.
I have done this once as a teen but instead of a urinal it was a toilet, and of course I ended up wetting the bed. I have had many dreams about toilets but they are usually gross, have no doors, flooded, full of crap, covered in toilet paper etc so I never use the toilet in those dreams and don’t wake up needing to pee. Bit of a gross dream I know but I can’t help it lol.
If you have to cancel on a friend, it should be your responsibility to reschedule.
If your going out to dinner with other people, and theyre paying, dont order the most expensive thing on the menu, go cheap
With one exception: if a billionaire ever takes me out to dinner, I am gonna enjoy. Yes, I know it's not gonna happen, but being honest.
If someone whispers, you whisper back.
If you're going to listen to music, videos, or anything else on your phone that requires sound and isnt a phone call, either wait until you get home or invest in some headphones.
Don't talk to anyone at the urinal.
"Hey man. Nice testicles" - Was the last thing Aaron said before he died
Note: this post originally had 50 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
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It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
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Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
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1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
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The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
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This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
Load More Replies... It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
Load More Replies... Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
Load More Replies... 1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
Load More Replies... The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
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