40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One ‘Unwritten Rule’ You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?”
There are rules, stupid rules, and rules that nobody argues about. Like, the one where you don’t answer out loud if someone whispers to you. Call it common sense, human behavior at its best, or an unwritten rule, that doesn’t change it—you just whisper if someone whispers at you.
So what are these unspoken rules that never get written down and are considered logical arguments or actions? Are they that different when it comes to various people?
A person on r/AskReddit dared to find out as they posted the seemingly simple, yet very illuminating question “What is one 'unwritten rule' you think everyone should know and follow?” 44.7k upvotes and 18.3k comments later, we’ve got some of the most interesting replies. They show some rules worth respecting don’t need to be carved into stone and can perfectly live in the part of the brain where “it’s just like this” is enough to explain why.
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Never make fun of someone else's laugh — be it how they sound or how they look. Laughing is the most natural expression of joy and happiness, and for someone to feel self-conscious about that because of other people's comments is so brutal.
Don’t put your music on speakers when in a public space. It’s not like everyone wants the same genre or was in the mood for music. Get your headphones.
Don’t ever say ‘oh, you’ve only got one child. That must be so lonely for them.’
Because maybe that person tried for years to have that one child, maybe they chose one for good reasons, maybe that had another child that died that you don’t know about.
Or, maybe it’s none of your business how many children people have. Actually, it’s definitely not your business. So, shhhhh.
My opinion is the only time you need another 'child' is when it's an animal; example: I have 3 leopard geckos--not just one--so they have friends.
My dog is extremely possessive of me. She would not like having another dog in the house.. (heck.. we have a cat and chickens here and she is jealous of them too)
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And please don’t ask women if they have children; that can be a painful question that will ruin their day
I agree. Given the context, just the one question can even be fine. But do not ask why and further details, unless she really seems eager to talk about it with you.
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Exactly, my wife and I don't have kids for a good, and very personal reason. If people press we'll sometimes tell them, and then they are sorry they asked.
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OMG THIS. I had a coworker tell me I was selfish for only having one child, even after I told her I had lost a daughter she told me I should still have another and a lot of people have miscarriages. EVEN AFTER I told her it wasn't a miscarriage she STILL told me I was selfish for not giving my son a sibling, so I told her to mind her own goddamn business and not to push her s**t on me. Needless to say she didn't last long at my office. I still think about her and wish I would have slapped her.
wha? how are you selfish for only having one child exactly? she made absolutely no sense
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This is very painful, so I've gotten to the point that I tell everyone who mentions it everything they don't want to know. If you've got a minute to tell me my child is lonely, I've got time to share with you my infertility journey of pain, anger and heartbreak. I've had many strangers become wide eyed and slack jawed, but I've given them somthing to think about. I'm just grateful that I have one child because I could never have had the strength to do this when I had none. I'm educating others for my past self's sake, and for the sake of the millions of others like me.
Why do people feel the need to comment on other people's choices regarding children is something I will never understand. Nor do I tolerate it when it's happened to me.
I was an only child. We develop rich inner lives and have imaginary friends. Not a problem. Mind your own biz.
I'm glad to hear things like this. My daughter is an only child and we couldn't have another. She wants a sibling so bad. I always feel terrible about it because I'm the one with fertility issues and feel responsible for her loneliness. I'm glad to hear from only children who find the positive in it.
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And besides, sometimes siblings end up being the most abusive people in your life.
Yeah, sometimes kids are lonely and it’s horrible to be the only child, sometimes it’s horrible when they have siblings. If the kid doesn’t care and the parents don’t have another kid, then oh well.
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I'm also a single child- never missed having company (I had friends over), loved my own company, was creative and entertained myself for hours outside- I had a wonderful childhood and wouldn't change a thing.
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My mom only had one child because she got cancer not long after having me. She had a reason, but people don't need to have a reason. People just need to mind their own business and let people make choices for themselves since they're the ones with all the information they need to make that choice for themselves.
Let's stop asking women any questions about their procreation. Infertility is a bitch. Secondary infertility is a bitch. And it's not anybody's business when I will have a baby or why
We decided after having our first that one was enough. I had (still do) some health challenges that made carrying a child and being the mommy of an infant/toddler/preschooler a very hard job. Plus I had grown up with sibs whose mental health issues wrecked my childhood. So we were good with one. And he is super happy being the only one, and even as an adult says he doesn't feel like he missed anything by not having siblings. It truly is each family's decision, and assuming a child feels lonely being an only is ignorant.
I have two siblings and sometimes that feels like more than enough, so I am not going to insult someone for having one child.
Except they often are. Children don't need siblings but they do need unstructured time with other children. I believe parents of only children have a responsibility to give their children ample opportunities to develop close peer relationships.
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My mum has a miscarriage either side of my birth. It’s legit a thing that happens.
12 cycles of IVF and we have one amazing son. We are more than happy being a triangle family.
Don't ask anyone anything kid related. And if a person says they don't want kids, don't harrass them and pressure into saying why... the same way you wouldn't ask someone why they chose to have kids
I was an only child for 7 years. I loved every minute of it. I had plenty of friends and my parents to play with. In fact, once my sister was born, their attention went to her and made me more lonely.
I'm an only child and sure, sometimes i get lonely- but i still have friends and it's not like i never see another human being
This so much!!!!! I get so much crap from people bc I only have 1 child. I divorced from his father when he started acting jealous an then as he got older (but still a baby) started acting emotionally abusive. So yeah I only have 1 child bc we left a shitty situation. My focus is my son not finding someone else to have another kid with.
I'm an only child (I have step siblings but have never lived with them as they were through my dad's marriages and I've always lived with my mum). I have not suffered in the slightest. I'm not a spoilt brat, I'm not lonely. I had plenty of friends growing up and my mum would also play and interact plenty with me too. And honestly, having experienced both worlds (i.e. having "siblings" when with my dad for a weekend, and being an only child with my mum) I much prefer being an only child. I'm currently pregnant with my first child, and honestly I've had a very difficult pregnancy and can't see myself wanting to repeat it. Baby will have a half-sister who visits once every two weeks, but largely he's likely going to be raised as an only child. I'm sure I'll get questions about when I'm having another, but I can't see myself going through this again.
I completely agree with this one. My two children are nearly 7 years apart in age. I had three miscarriages with them and my youngest was a complete surprise. Every time someone asked why my son doesn't have a sibling to play with it was like a kick in the gut.
I get questions like this often about having an only child and it's incredibly hurtful.
It's none of your goddamned business how someone else is living their life, even if it's a child............unless they are in need of actual medical or life-threatening help.
I can confidently say that being an only child is one of the best things that ever happened to me.
And besides only people who were not only child can say something so stupid. Only painful thing in being only child is that you hear a lot of "only childs are so lonely" and "only childs are selfish" crap. It's like if you don't have a siblings, you don't meet another child ever. I got lots of friends and cousins growing up and to be honest, I never longed for siblings.
Or if the pregnancy or the birth of the child was accompanied by a lot of pain or difficulties so that the mother cannot / does not want to have a second child.
I am on only child of only children and I did not miss having siblings! Nor do I have any BRUs (Biological Replacement Units.)
when you think about it ts tells you that acting up on your child is not the right think to do when i was little by mom and dad lived together but know they seperated
Three rules on this: (1) Does it need to be said? (2) Does it need to be said by ME? (3) Does it help?
Even if you come from a family where there are two or three children and you were the only son or daughter you get told that you couldn't have had much fun growing up. There's such a thing as friends and you have to develop social skills to make friends with children outside of the family if you don't have siblings for playmates.
We plan to adopt a couple of the already excessive 8 billion on the planet in orphanages.
I've been saying since chilhood I didn't want to have kids and people said I'll change my mind. Nearing 50 and haven't changed my mind. So don't tell that to people who say it.
YES! I get this a lot and it cuts deep! Another child was very much wanted but after many miscarriages (the last at 19 weeks) my heart and body could not take anymore.
Saying the same thing to people with no partner and no kids. Oh it must be lonely . Ah no. Also I have furkids. Never lonely, Never hurt, never mistreated. lol
Insect have thousands of offspring and hope a handful survive. Compare that to mammals. Intelligence favours offspring you actually commit to - physically and otherwise.
This another child guy type people is the reason for over population
I’m currently pregnant with my first child. I find out how many in a few weeks and I pray it’s only one because one is all I want. Kids are expensive and interrupt your life. Someone else’s reproductive choices are their business period.
Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Daniel Wendler, a therapist and author of “Improve Your Social Skills.” According to Daniel, the unwritten rules are really just an expression of the golden rule, “which is to treat others as you would want to be treated (or even better, to treat others as they would want to be treated).”
Dr. Wendler continued: “Many of society's unwritten rules are simple expressions of empathy and courtesy, a way to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize what you can do to be kind to them.”
However, if you’re worrying about whether you or someone else lacks common sense, the therapist suggests not worrying about something “so vague that it could mean any number of things.” “Instead,” he suggests, “it's better to focus on the things we have control over—like trying to be a little more kind today than we were yesterday.”
Be kind to people who are working: food staff, medical staff, etc. Don’t take your bad day out on someone else.
For buses/trains/any other public transportation, let people exit first before you get on.
Don't say s**t about someone's appearance if it can't be fixed in less than 30 seconds. Spinach in someone's teeth? Let a homie know. Body type? Bad haircut? Worn-out clothes? Don't need to mention it.
Dr. Wendler also said that there are many people who struggle to pick up on the unwritten social rules. “Sometimes, this is because they didn't have a lot of opportunity to socialize with others growing up, so they never got experience in putting themselves in someone else's shoes and learning what was expected.”
Other times, “it's because they have a condition such as autism or social anxiety that makes it more difficult to read other people and learn how to interact socially.”
Dr. Wendler claims that the good news is that whether it's easy for you to pick up on social rules or difficult, everyone can get better at it. “Just try to challenge yourself to get 1% better each day—maybe learn one unwritten rule, or practice one social action—and before you know it, you'll see dramatic improvement,” he concluded.
Do not swipe left or right if someone shows you a photo on their phone.
I live by this rule I made after thinking about things late at night.
If someone does something that makes them happy and confident. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, animals included. Then leave them alone, let them do that thing. Let them be happy.
Don't propose at someone else's wedding.
That’s a given, the only time it is okay is if the bride and groom are happy with it. Also don’t wear a white dress.
Meanwhile, Lynn How, a life coach and author of “Positive Young Mind” who specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues, told Bored Panda that unwritten rules are important to establish a certain culture, whether it is in a sports, company, or societal context.
“They are needed to ensure at least a basic level of expected behavior. For example, your boss has never said to you that you can't drink alcohol at work, but you know this already without needing it written down or having verbal clarification,” the author explained.
While most people do share a common understanding of unspoken rules, some have more difficulty picking them up. “We need to take time for a more detailed explanation of something we feel doesn't need to be said where required,” Lynn suggests.
You can be wrong. It isn't a bad thing, either. And when you are wrong, acknowledge it, and learn from it, you don't need to dig down in your beliefs to try and comfort yourself because you can't handle not being right all the time.
Always say please and thank you. Just because your an adult doesn't give you the right to stop practicing manners. Drives me crazy.
Guys they made a good point, whether or not they spelled "you're" correctly. Maybe we should learn some manners like the author suggested and stop rudely pointing out other's grammatical mistakes.
Chew with your mouth closed. Shocks me how many adults i see chewing with their mouth open.
I agree for the most part but in some cultures it is a show of appreciation. We have a friend that is Chinese and he is an extremely loud chewer and chews with his mouth open and that is the way he was brought up. So whilst it maybe annoying for many we just have to deal with it because that is his culture.
“Perhaps the person has a particular additional need that would require a more detailed explanation or it may be that the person in question did not have good role models growing up, which means they may find that many things that were acceptable in their family are not acceptable to the wider world.”
Alternatively, there may be a solid reason why one unspoken rule or another has not established itself among groups of people. Lynn suggests various causes may be at play, like “maybe your company’s unspoken rules are quite strict or perhaps there is an unwritten dress code?” In that case, Lynn recommends turning this sort of unwritten rule into a written one.
There was only 1 rule in my house growing up...do not wake anyone up. My parents worked shift work. Its amaZing to me now how many people don't respect sleep.
There are 2 people in your life you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE TO. Your doctor and your lawyer.
If you're borrowing it for a third time, you need one of your own.
True but for some things the other person may not be able to afford one of their own. We have lent our lawnmower out to a friend a few times but he can’t afford to buy one for himself. He is trustworthy so we have no issues lending it to him.
FFS be self-aware. I mean, be aware of the space you occupy, of your movements, of where you are. Don't zig-zag on sidewalks, don't fill the entire width of the sidewalk. Be aware of your kid moving their arms like a helicopter. DON'T STOP IN YOUR TRACKS TO CHECK THE F**KING PHONE, walk slower, or step aside but don't be that kind of person.
Just be aware of your body and don't be a dummy. This applies to whole families too, and people in cars, in supermarket lanes, wherever.
This should apply to big family groups walking at a snail’s pace in staggered formation through IKEA. Why on earth have you taken 3 generations there for a day out anyway? IKEA is a terribly disorientating circle of hell anyway without making it worse.
Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle!
Don’t mess up an apology with an excuse.
When I moved back to New Zealand from Japan, I noticed that we tend to give a reason more than Japanese people do. I don’t dislike that; in fact, in a lot of cases I think just think “S**t happens; you don’t need to offer the reason for my approval”.
Wash your hands after the toilet. Walkouts are shocking.
surprising how many people don't wash their hands after using public toilets even in covid
If you borrow someone's car, fill up the tank before you return it.
Only borrow if you are insured to drive that car. Uninsured drivers are breaking the law.
Announce your visits.
You can't be offended that nobody is home when you decide to drop by at random.
Plus it's super unfair to the host since it gives no time to prepare anything and they might have to drop everything they were just doing just to entertain you or cancel their plans.
Don't let friends drive drunk. Maybe offer to get an uber or something for strangers, too, if you can
Always ask if a dog is friendly. You never know what kind of weird behavior things a dog can have, even when they appear friendly at first.
I had a dog who would be fine until someone bent down to pet him. He was very protective and nearly bit a few people. I'd they has asked first we could have told them that he doesn't like being pet by strangers.
I would hate to have to put my dog down because you are an idiot around animals.
Also, please put your dogs on a leash! I can't tell you how many times I have been walking my dog and someone's off leash dog has come charging at us. "Don't worry, he's friendly" they always yell. Well good for you, but my dog is not. He was bit by a "good dog" who was not on a leash and is traumatized by strange dogs running up to him. Just because your dog is well behaved doesn't mean everyone's is.
Turn down your bass! Be more considerate of your neighbors in apartment complexes.
I'm tired of people sitting outside my window in their car with their bass on full blast...at 2-3am! ((That's why I'm awake right now.)) I'm also greatly annoyed at my neighbors turning up their music (bass) to the point where it's rattling things on my walls. After getting multiple complaints you know it's a problem thus are choosing to be bad neighbors. *Also they have a lot of small children who should definitely be asleep but of course arent.
Be kind to strangers even if you’re having a hard time
Don't cook fish in the office kitchen
When driving a car, dont be nice, be predictable. People being nice leads to a s**tload of accidents.
be predictable = use your blinkers and use them before your car is already turning
When out to dinner with a group, only the person who ordered the least expensive meal/combo of things can offer to split the check evenly.
I have two:
1. do not wear perfume or cologne if you’re getting on an airplane.
2. do not use speaker phone or play videos on your phone without headphones in public places. Especially in public transit.
Why not perfume or cologne? I'd say "do not pour half the bottle" as many people do, but a little? Everything smells, really, and I think the smell of "people", like sweat or God only knows what else, is far more annoying than perfume.
If someone asks you a question, finish what you’re saying with, “what about you?”
Enjoy noticing how many people actually don’t do this.
DON’T USE THE URINAL IN YOUR DREAM! You’ll thank me later.
I have done this once as a teen but instead of a urinal it was a toilet, and of course I ended up wetting the bed. I have had many dreams about toilets but they are usually gross, have no doors, flooded, full of crap, covered in toilet paper etc so I never use the toilet in those dreams and don’t wake up needing to pee. Bit of a gross dream I know but I can’t help it lol.
If you have to cancel on a friend, it should be your responsibility to reschedule.
If your going out to dinner with other people, and theyre paying, dont order the most expensive thing on the menu, go cheap
With one exception: if a billionaire ever takes me out to dinner, I am gonna enjoy. Yes, I know it's not gonna happen, but being honest.
If someone whispers, you whisper back.
If you're going to listen to music, videos, or anything else on your phone that requires sound and isnt a phone call, either wait until you get home or invest in some headphones.
Don't talk to anyone at the urinal.
"Hey man. Nice testicles" - Was the last thing Aaron said before he died
Note: this post originally had 50 images. It’s been shortened to the top 40 images based on user votes.
This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
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It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
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Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
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1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
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The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
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This is a basically a list of do and don't in normal every day life when you don't want to come across as a total uncultured rude swine. It's sad that this list exists. Just goes to show that there are people out there who need to be reminded.
Most of these are so obvious, it makes me wonder what kind of rude as-sholes some of you hang out with...
If you wish to speak to person A but they’re currently engaged in a face-to-face conversation with person B, don’t walk up and interrupt the conversation, cutting off person B so you can ask your question or speak to person A. And if you’re person A, don’t allow this to happen. Tell the intruder to let you finish with person B first - then you’ll address their matter.
Puts people on the spot though. If I don't want one some people are going to be offended if I say no. Maybe, if you care enough to want to hug a person, find out how they feel overall about it in a general conversation first.
Load More Replies... It is good manners but should just be common sense yeah
Load More Replies... Be as polite to your friends and family as you would be to an important client.
If it ain't yours, don't mess with it. Probably the first one I taught my kids, and I'm surprised this one didn't come up in some form.
Unwritten rules are generally such because they are too dubious to go into print.
My rule: RESPECT IS MY BASELINE: it is not "earned," it is where I begin with everyone, unless they show that they don't deserve it.
Don't talk to somebody about their mental illness. Things like depression and anxiety can't be rushed through, so don't try to rush anybody. This is different from talking somebody out of suicide. Just know they will still need help if you have talked somebody about their mental health.
Unwritten rule... You don't go through a purse or bag when the owner is not around to watch you, even if you are dating.
Obvious! Even if you are dating, or it's your mother's. Only if the owner tells you to get something there, or if it is an emergency.
Load More Replies... 1. if you are in a group chat like discord NEVER use the @everyone unless it's very seriously important. 2. If you are in a voice chat like zoom or discord etc, don't just sit there with your microphone on when there's lots of background noise, especially a crying baby/barking dog. 3. Again on voice chats, mute your microphone if you are eating, don't chew/slurp/smack your lips in other peoples ears
My unwritten rule (guess it's written now): If you don't invite me to holidays and parties, don't call me when you need to be bailed out of anything.
I would add "Think with your intellect before you react with your emotions".
You're missing "if you feel the need to keep something a secret maybe you shouldn't be doing it"
Not necessarily. If you keep a secret because you are embarrassed and don't want to be judged... you need to either stop hanging around judgmental people, or stop caring what they think.
Load More Replies... The problem is, most all breeders can't be bothered to teach their little abominations Social Manners or Social Responsibility. It's all "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME", "MINE, MINE, MINE", "What **I** want"!!!
Tip mainly for restaurants, having a group of us elderly women having lunch together often called "you guys" by the staff doesn't go over well.
It doesn't mean they think less of you as women, it's just a casual saying.. Oh hey what's up guys? There is nothing negative about it.
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