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There are rules, stupid rules, and rules that nobody argues about. Like, the one where you don’t answer out loud if someone whispers to you. Call it common sense, human behavior at its best, or an unwritten rule, that doesn’t change it—you just whisper if someone whispers at you.

So what are these unspoken rules that never get written down and are considered logical arguments or actions? Are they that different when it comes to various people?

A person on r/AskReddit dared to find out as they posted the seemingly simple, yet very illuminating question “What is one 'unwritten rule' you think everyone should know and follow?” 44.7k upvotes and 18.3k comments later, we’ve got some of the most interesting replies. They show some rules worth respecting don’t need to be carved into stone and can perfectly live in the part of the brain where “it’s just like this” is enough to explain why.

#1

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Never make fun of someone else's laugh — be it how they sound or how they look. Laughing is the most natural expression of joy and happiness, and for someone to feel self-conscious about that because of other people's comments is so brutal.

ArthurMcSlothington , Quinn Dombrowski Report

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Vic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I absolutely agree with this.. never take the freedom to express..

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#2

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t put your music on speakers when in a public space. It’s not like everyone wants the same genre or was in the mood for music. Get your headphones.

MedschoolgirlMadison , saturnism Report

#3

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t ever say ‘oh, you’ve only got one child. That must be so lonely for them.’

Because maybe that person tried for years to have that one child, maybe they chose one for good reasons, maybe that had another child that died that you don’t know about.

Or, maybe it’s none of your business how many children people have. Actually, it’s definitely not your business. So, shhhhh.

debbastar , TheVirtualDenise Report

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TexasWoman
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My opinion is the only time you need another 'child' is when it's an animal; example: I have 3 leopard geckos--not just one--so they have friends.

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Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Daniel Wendler, a therapist and author of “Improve Your Social Skills.” According to Daniel, the unwritten rules are really just an expression of the golden rule, “which is to treat others as you would want to be treated (or even better, to treat others as they would want to be treated).”

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Dr. Wendler continued: “Many of society's unwritten rules are simple expressions of empathy and courtesy, a way to put yourself in someone else's shoes and realize what you can do to be kind to them.”

However, if you’re worrying about whether you or someone else lacks common sense, the therapist suggests not worrying about something “so vague that it could mean any number of things.” “Instead,” he suggests, “it's better to focus on the things we have control over—like trying to be a little more kind today than we were yesterday.”

#4

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Be kind to people who are working: food staff, medical staff, etc. Don’t take your bad day out on someone else.

sas1013 , Chris Report

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Rebecca
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We do not get paid enough for your rude/mean/ignorant comments, but we have to put on a brave face or risk getting fire.

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#5

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” For buses/trains/any other public transportation, let people exit first before you get on.

miaowies , Oran Viriyincy Report

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Vic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even in lifts.. if this happens in a lift and it's a friend I say "do you think I was in the lift to kidnap you?" Specially if it's the first or last floor..

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#6

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't say s**t about someone's appearance if it can't be fixed in less than 30 seconds. Spinach in someone's teeth? Let a homie know. Body type? Bad haircut? Worn-out clothes? Don't need to mention it.

vaguelyhumanpotato , jessabean910 Report

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Dr. Wendler also said that there are many people who struggle to pick up on the unwritten social rules. “Sometimes, this is because they didn't have a lot of opportunity to socialize with others growing up, so they never got experience in putting themselves in someone else's shoes and learning what was expected.”

Other times, “it's because they have a condition such as autism or social anxiety that makes it more difficult to read other people and learn how to interact socially.”

Dr. Wendler claims that the good news is that whether it's easy for you to pick up on social rules or difficult, everyone can get better at it. “Just try to challenge yourself to get 1% better each day—maybe learn one unwritten rule, or practice one social action—and before you know it, you'll see dramatic improvement,” he concluded.

#7

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Do not swipe left or right if someone shows you a photo on their phone.

whattheheckisdecaf , Alan Levine Report

#8

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” I live by this rule I made after thinking about things late at night.

If someone does something that makes them happy and confident. If it doesn't hurt them or anyone else, animals included. Then leave them alone, let them do that thing. Let them be happy.

SpottyBoi , Benjamin Linh VU Report

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#9

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't propose at someone else's wedding.

LongliveLazarus , Robert Kintner Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s a given, the only time it is okay is if the bride and groom are happy with it. Also don’t wear a white dress.

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Meanwhile, Lynn How, a life coach and author of “Positive Young Mind” who specializes in supporting educators, parents, and children with improving and prevention of mental health issues, told Bored Panda that unwritten rules are important to establish a certain culture, whether it is in a sports, company, or societal context.

“They are needed to ensure at least a basic level of expected behavior. For example, your boss has never said to you that you can't drink alcohol at work, but you know this already without needing it written down or having verbal clarification,” the author explained.

While most people do share a common understanding of unspoken rules, some have more difficulty picking them up. “We need to take time for a more detailed explanation of something we feel doesn't need to be said where required,” Lynn suggests.

#10

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” You can be wrong. It isn't a bad thing, either. And when you are wrong, acknowledge it, and learn from it, you don't need to dig down in your beliefs to try and comfort yourself because you can't handle not being right all the time.

untakenu , Georgie Pauwels Report

#11

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Always say please and thank you. Just because your an adult doesn't give you the right to stop practicing manners. Drives me crazy.

sa-c-baker , Michael Livsey Report

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Jacob Allen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys they made a good point, whether or not they spelled "you're" correctly. Maybe we should learn some manners like the author suggested and stop rudely pointing out other's grammatical mistakes.

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#12

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Chew with your mouth closed. Shocks me how many adults i see chewing with their mouth open.

knasty015 , Peter Hellberg Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree for the most part but in some cultures it is a show of appreciation. We have a friend that is Chinese and he is an extremely loud chewer and chews with his mouth open and that is the way he was brought up. So whilst it maybe annoying for many we just have to deal with it because that is his culture.

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“Perhaps the person has a particular additional need that would require a more detailed explanation or it may be that the person in question did not have good role models growing up, which means they may find that many things that were acceptable in their family are not acceptable to the wider world.”

Alternatively, there may be a solid reason why one unspoken rule or another has not established itself among groups of people. Lynn suggests various causes may be at play, like “maybe your company’s unspoken rules are quite strict or perhaps there is an unwritten dress code?” In that case, Lynn recommends turning this sort of unwritten rule into a written one.

#13

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” There was only 1 rule in my house growing up...do not wake anyone up. My parents worked shift work. Its amaZing to me now how many people don't respect sleep.

tonineri31 , Toshiyuki IMAI Report

#14

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” There are 2 people in your life you NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LIE TO. Your doctor and your lawyer.

Dancersep38 , DarkoStojanovic Report

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Anne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES! Your doc doesn't care if you used drugs, he just needs to know so other procedures do not kill you because of that. Also, he's not even allowed to report you to police.

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Nyneva Kyte
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sort of feel like lying should generally be avoided. Maybe that's just me

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Karin Jansen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not completely true. Need to appear in criminal court? Sure, tell your lawyer the truth. He or she is allowed to lie to a judge for you. However, in many countries lawyers are not allowed to lie in civil cases or administrative cases. So, telling them the truth means putting them in a position in which, when asked, they have to come clean.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THIS. Please don't lie. If you do, you risk your life. You may feel shame, etc., but ... better alive to fix your problems, okay? Thank you.

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Ozacoter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am doubtful about this one. For example as soon as doctors know that you are depressed they dismiss all your complains as psychosomatic or due to anxiety.

f_h_ avatar
F. H.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if you don't tell them they might give you a wrong diagnosis because they take symptoms into account that actually came from anxiety and obscured the true diagnosis. If you think your doctor dismisses your complaints, find another doctor, but don't lie.

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Lorelai Purvis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

also therapist if u have one because they're trying to help and if u lie they cant help but not everyone has a therapist but i wanted to say

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Biljana Malesevic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or keep the truth away from you for any reason. Or "forgets" to tell you important rules about your treatment or medications.

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backatya
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And the police so you can be taken to jail if you're the criminal

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M Kate McCulloch
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being female - my doctor doesn't f*****g believe me even though I tell the truth. Has caused me no end of actual, literal pain and illness because they wouldn't address or even look at the things I knew were wrong - and got f*****g smug when I was eventually proven right by another doctor. I have a doctor with ears that work now and he had a similar experience as a child because of his race - go figure... So he listens and looks into the problems so they can be solved. I literally spent 25 years in pain, most days just bad, but 3 - 5 days -FULL DAYS - a month in labor-like pain - 25 advil give or take each day for 25 years - because a doctor thought I couldn't possibly know what was wrong. I mean for the love of god f*****g listen to your patients.

dc1 avatar
DC
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

... but you may have to search for one who you can trust.

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Hendra Lim
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

lawyers work to defend you as long they accepts your case. cops are there to catch you if you make mistake. they are different kind of job

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Pamda Panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Similarly, don't hide things from them!! I work at a law firm and almost got someone in massive trouble because he hid facts from me that would have resulted in filing the wrong paperwork.

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Franc Esca
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Disagree. Clearly you don't know how many prejudices doctors have. Half the time they roll their eyes, they do not want to hear the whil3 story

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Salty Old Woman
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then get a better doctor. Because lying about what substances you're on can literally get you killed. That is not an exaggeration. You can die. And it's more common than you think. If you're doctor has those types of prejudices, then they are an asshole and they don't deserve you as a patient.

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C.S. E.
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I add 'stylist' to this rule for me. If you go to a salon and get your hair colored, they are putting chemicals in your hair (duh). They NEED to know what you have done prior, like if any of your current hair has had boxed dye or been bleached at home. Doesn't apply to everyone, but this is just one of mine. Also for your doctor, keep track of any and all otc and vitamins you take - they matter as well.

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Arctic Fox Lover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Her, Ms. Lawyer, I'm guilty, but could you please defend me in court? Thanks." lol

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#15

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you're borrowing it for a third time, you need one of your own.

Kayge , Thomas Quine Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

True but for some things the other person may not be able to afford one of their own. We have lent our lawnmower out to a friend a few times but he can’t afford to buy one for himself. He is trustworthy so we have no issues lending it to him.

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#16

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” FFS be self-aware. I mean, be aware of the space you occupy, of your movements, of where you are. Don't zig-zag on sidewalks, don't fill the entire width of the sidewalk. Be aware of your kid moving their arms like a helicopter. DON'T STOP IN YOUR TRACKS TO CHECK THE F**KING PHONE, walk slower, or step aside but don't be that kind of person.



Just be aware of your body and don't be a dummy. This applies to whole families too, and people in cars, in supermarket lanes, wherever.

wastakenanyways , Free-Photos Report

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Karl Baxter
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This should apply to big family groups walking at a snail’s pace in staggered formation through IKEA. Why on earth have you taken 3 generations there for a day out anyway? IKEA is a terribly disorientating circle of hell anyway without making it worse.

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#17

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery aisle!

M3ggsandbacon , Polycart Report

#18

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don’t mess up an apology with an excuse.

MHE17 , Matus Laslofi Report

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Julie C Rose
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I moved back to New Zealand from Japan, I noticed that we tend to give a reason more than Japanese people do. I don’t dislike that; in fact, in a lot of cases I think just think “S**t happens; you don’t need to offer the reason for my approval”.

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#19

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Wash your hands after the toilet. Walkouts are shocking.

Master_Structure , Alabama Extension Report

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Little Ms. Quirky
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

surprising how many people don't wash their hands after using public toilets even in covid

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#20

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you borrow someone's car, fill up the tank before you return it.

simplypsyched , Mike Mozart Report

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Remi Flynne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only borrow if you are insured to drive that car. Uninsured drivers are breaking the law.

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#21

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Announce your visits.

You can't be offended that nobody is home when you decide to drop by at random.

Plus it's super unfair to the host since it gives no time to prepare anything and they might have to drop everything they were just doing just to entertain you or cancel their plans.

Dionysus24779 , AFL-CIO America's Unions Report

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Peko
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really hate it when people do that. I have a phone, you have a phone, everyone and their uncle have a phone, just give me a heads up.

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#22

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Leave it in a better condition than you found it.

Essexal , Elizabeth Backus Report

#23

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't let friends drive drunk. Maybe offer to get an uber or something for strangers, too, if you can

M31K_ , Quinn Dombrowski Report

#24

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't start drama at a funeral.

mattcruise , carolynabooth Report

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#25

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Always ask if a dog is friendly. You never know what kind of weird behavior things a dog can have, even when they appear friendly at first.

I had a dog who would be fine until someone bent down to pet him. He was very protective and nearly bit a few people. I'd they has asked first we could have told them that he doesn't like being pet by strangers.

I would hate to have to put my dog down because you are an idiot around animals.

Hotlikessauce69 , Maya ALESHKEVICH Report

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Jen Gem
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, please put your dogs on a leash! I can't tell you how many times I have been walking my dog and someone's off leash dog has come charging at us. "Don't worry, he's friendly" they always yell. Well good for you, but my dog is not. He was bit by a "good dog" who was not on a leash and is traumatized by strange dogs running up to him. Just because your dog is well behaved doesn't mean everyone's is.

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#26

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Turn down your bass! Be more considerate of your neighbors in apartment complexes.

I'm tired of people sitting outside my window in their car with their bass on full blast...at 2-3am! ((That's why I'm awake right now.)) I'm also greatly annoyed at my neighbors turning up their music (bass) to the point where it's rattling things on my walls. After getting multiple complaints you know it's a problem thus are choosing to be bad neighbors. *Also they have a lot of small children who should definitely be asleep but of course arent.

Komikazekitten , Rob Wall Report

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Kristal
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This includes bass in a sound system for TVs when in apartment living.

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#27

Be kind to strangers even if you’re having a hard time

hailsx Report

#29

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.

olafthebent , Gary J. Wood Report

#30

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” When driving a car, dont be nice, be predictable. People being nice leads to a s**tload of accidents.

Tauqmuk181 , Yonkers Honda Report

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elStiJneriNO
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

be predictable = use your blinkers and use them before your car is already turning

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#31

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” When out to dinner with a group, only the person who ordered the least expensive meal/combo of things can offer to split the check evenly.

FreshPrinceofDelTaco , alex roberts Report

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Vic
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But then it puts pressure on the person and makes it awkward. The person with most expensive bill should offer that everyone pays for their own.. or as we say India TTMM: Tu tera, mein mera (roughly translates to: you pay yours, I'll pay mine)

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#32

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” I have two:

1. do not wear perfume or cologne if you’re getting on an airplane.

2. do not use speaker phone or play videos on your phone without headphones in public places. Especially in public transit.

UninfluentialWear , Vetiver Aromatics Report

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María Hermida
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why not perfume or cologne? I'd say "do not pour half the bottle" as many people do, but a little? Everything smells, really, and I think the smell of "people", like sweat or God only knows what else, is far more annoying than perfume.

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#33

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If someone asks you a question, finish what you’re saying with, “what about you?”

Enjoy noticing how many people actually don’t do this.

thakrustykrabpizza , Pedro Ribeiro Simões Report

#34

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't look through the f**king gap of bathroom stalls.

PatricktheVieiraYep , Ben Schumin Report

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#35

DON’T USE THE URINAL IN YOUR DREAM! You’ll thank me later.

Yhslaw1 Report

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Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have done this once as a teen but instead of a urinal it was a toilet, and of course I ended up wetting the bed. I have had many dreams about toilets but they are usually gross, have no doors, flooded, full of crap, covered in toilet paper etc so I never use the toilet in those dreams and don’t wake up needing to pee. Bit of a gross dream I know but I can’t help it lol.

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#36

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you have to cancel on a friend, it should be your responsibility to reschedule.

Havoo , Stephanie Kier Report

#37

If your going out to dinner with other people, and theyre paying, dont order the most expensive thing on the menu, go cheap

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Jo Johannsen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

With one exception: if a billionaire ever takes me out to dinner, I am gonna enjoy. Yes, I know it's not gonna happen, but being honest.

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#38

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If someone whispers, you whisper back.

GalvanizedRubber , Olichel Report

#39

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” If you're going to listen to music, videos, or anything else on your phone that requires sound and isnt a phone call, either wait until you get home or invest in some headphones.

MartyMcMuffin , Tal Atlas Report

#40

40 Of The Best Answers To “What Is One 'Unwritten Rule' You Think Everyone Should Know And Follow?” Don't talk to anyone at the urinal.

MustBeTheMeds , Mike Mozart Report

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