40 Ridiculous Things Parents Engrained In You As A Child, Shared By This Online Thread
We are all products of our environment, and parents are a big part of it. For better or worse.
A few Mondays ago, Redditor u/i_cant_see_my_ears posted a question on the platform, asking other users what things did their moms and dads ingrain in them as problematic but they later realized were actually ridiculous.
From white lies ("Cracking your knuckles causes arthritis") to questionable social conditioning ("Women can't curse"), here are some of the answers that sparked plenty of intense discussions in the comments.
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This is so dumb but just happened last week. I got out of the shower & grabbed a towel & started to dry my hair with it while I stood there cold & dripping wet. I had a flashback to when I was like 10 or something & asked my mom if I could use 2 towels, one to dry/wrap around my hair & the other to dry my body - like all the ladies do on TV. She said no, of course because " something something wasting towels because I said so blah blah blah" . I suddenly realized I'm an adult & this is my bathroom & my towels & I make my own rules. So for the 1st time in my 55 year old life I used TWO towels & it was was wonderful!
I thought it was weird that I was asked why I need 2 towels when I'm visiting other people. My mom used 2 all the time. Since I shed like crazy, a separate towel is needed otherwise I would get stray hairs all over me.
Girls take care of babies and kids. Men don’t.
Sometimes I still fall into the trap it’s so ingrained in my brain. I saw a Dad at a party taking his kid to the bathroom for a diaper change and my mind went “he shouldn’t be doing that. Where’s his wife?”. I quickly realized how dumb that was. But it’s so drilled into my head.
It's obviously a problem in most of society as you hardly see baby changing rooms in mens public toilets but they have been and always are in ladies rest rooms.
We got in touch with u/i_cant_see_my_ears and they were kind enough to have a little chat about the inspiration behind their now-viral post. "I was on lunch break at work and sitting in my truck. I had the interior lights on and randomly thought of when I was younger [and] my dad would freak out if someone turned a light on in the car while driving at night. Thought it was ridiculous and wondered what other things parents teach or do that stick with their kids," u/i_cant_see_my_ears told Bored Panda.
After going through the comments, they think "the biggest thing I learned is that many people have the same or very similar experiences and might not realize it; I read many similar answers.
That I have to finish all my food which is on the plate. Whenever we would eat, at home or in the restaurant my mum would forced us to eat everything on the plate.
That can cause issues around food like eating disorders/habits.
This is partly why I'm fat. I eat mechanically until my plate is empty. I started using smaller plates, this helps remind me to keep my protons smaller.
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We had a different system. If you dished up your own food you had to eat everything on your plate, but if someone else dished up for you the rule didn't apply.
And worse: that you *have* to eat certain meals, just because. E.g. you *have* to eat breakfast, you *have* to eat 3 meals a day, etc. It took me decades to figure out that I’m allowed to not eat if I’m not hungry.
I agree. Eat only when you're hungry - and eat only what you can. In the event that there's any food left, save it for the next meal.
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My awful step-mom did this with me to the point she was shouting at me as I was hurling up the food she made me eat. She could have just asked how much food I wanted instead of shoveling it on my plate as I was saying no more because she always made too much food. It's not a kid's fault if someone gives them bigger portions than they can handle. I pack up what we can't eat and I never hold off on dessert. Eating is not this chore that has these barbaric punishments imo.
No if you are in a poor society such as ours, throwing food out is unforgivable. You either package it and give it away or you put it in the fridge if you have space or have a fridge at all.
When I lived in San Francisco, I would take whatever I couldn’t eat, put it in a Baggie and set it on one of the seats of the MUNI bus shelters for someone to pick up, if they were interested.
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This one needs to be higher up. Parents telling kids to eat everything causes problems. On the other hand it comes from wanting to be a good parent so this is really hard to deal with. How about "Eat your veggies but leave the rest"? IDK as I'm an auntie not a mum.
One savvy four-year-old negotiated with his dad, a lawyer. "If I eat all the carrots, can I stay up late?"
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And I am still paying the price 70 years down the road...but my plate is empty.
Yeah. Jo, what I've been doing these last few years is cooking way less food and putting small amounts on our plates, setting the table (not in front of tv) and chewing more. That helps. Oh and cheese after a meal is healthy ;)
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My mum was like that. We were in a poor country and she was on her own. I would throw up frequently as portions were always adult size and dinners were often close to bedtime, there were no kinds friendly meals. I ended up with a chronic gastritis for decades and found out when I was adult that I have dairy allergy that my mum knew about since I was born but completely ignored it for most of my childhood. Don't force your kids to eat.
Ingrid, I'm so sorry you've been through that. My mum was similar. I've always had a bad gut, but she insisted there was nothing wrong with me and forced me to eat. If I didn't eat, I was "ruining everyone else's meal". I wouldn't throw up, it would cause me trouble at the "other end" (sorry if TMI). I now have a terrible relationship with food and awful IBS and other gut problems. I've never understood why she did that to me.
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When I was very young, MANY years ago, my mom would always say, “…eat that. You know people are starving in Europe”, whenever I didn’t want to eat something I didn’t like. Her slap marks on my face lasted 2 days, after I answered her once with, “Why don’t you send them this then”.
My mum realised a few years ago that this has probably contributed to us being overweight. Now we eat slower and only until we're satisfied
I wince threw my leftover in the dustbin and my bio mother fished it out, with hair and other bits of dirt on it and forced me to eat it. Still nauseous thinking about it till this day.
That is sadistic. She could have just explained that next time, put the leftovers in a container to eat later on.
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it is still imbedded in my brains and you know what, it is a good learning process to not waste food.. rather adjust the plate to be lesser so you can finish everything, rather than dishing up more than the stomach can take and leaving it out or wasting it. food is privilege and privilege muss be cherished. I respect this because now I am my own man and I have food that I buy (groceries) and a family that I feed..
Yea. Right. It’s not fast food. Sugar drinks. Snacks. It’s finishing your meal, which by chance you put on your plate in the first place? If you want to eat less, why not cook less, serve less? If I make 4 portions of soup, it’s still me who decides if I eat all 4 portions right now, alone, today. Some dishes we ate for almost a week. Like Kale. How does “don’t waste food, so think before you fill up your plate” lead to obesity?
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Yeah this mentality is bad and lazy. Instead of starting with a decent portion and then refilling when finished, they just overfill it. What the older generation of parents didn't realize, this child gets accustomised to overeating. I've never had this problem growing up since food is rationed to be just enough.
My favorite part is how older people defend it like "There were no fat kids in my day", while there are tons of fat adults their age... It only took some time for the side effects of ignoring fullness to show.
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I had eating problems as a child, i would sit at the table for hours since i wasn't allowed to rise without finishing the food. Even now, as a grown ass woman, i feel guilt over not finishing the food. I never had a good relationship with food, and never found a balance - i either gorge myself or don't eat for days.
For me it wasn't home, but school. I once sat 3 hours with a plate cos I knew I would vomit if I ate it but couldn't leave before the plate was empty. Won that one, and learnd that teacher can be twats and not know everything.
This one has caught up to me as I have gotten older. Young me could finish his plate no problem!! Older me sometimes has eyes bigger than his stomach but MUST CLEAN PLATE!! Then I spend the next several hours feeling uncomfortably full and miserable. I'm working on it!
My mom didn’t teach me this, but she did make me eat a few more bites of my food before dessert.
My grandparents taught me this. At the time my sister and I were malnourished when we went to live with them. I absolutely understand that they were trying to help us and that they were raised during the Great Depression. I do not hold this teaching against them nor do I feel any animosity towards them. I can fix myself and I appreciate them doing what they could to help us thrive after an abusive home under my mother.
no one engraved that onto me but i have a weird "I AM VERY DISRESPECTFUL TO A COOK IF I DON'T EAT EVERYTHING" feeling, including sticks of herbs. Don't know where that came from, but it is
My dad gets like this sometimes, he still tells us especially at restaurants that we need to eat everything there and not waste anything, even though we can easily box it up and take it home
I am a parent and I say this to my kids... and here is why... I will suggest to my daughters what I know they will eat. They will say that they want something else and beg, and beg, and beg for the something else. Finally I give in and let them. We get the food, they eat 3 bights and are "full." I get upset but whatever. 20 minutes later they are "hungry" again. I tell them to eat their left overs, they say they put the leftovers in the trash when they got out the ice cream. Eating disorders are real, but a parent telling their kid to eat all of their food isn't always a cause for that to happen. Sometimes kids make bad choices and the parents are teaching them accountability before it can really hurt.
God, at 40 I still struggle with this s**t. My parents would make me sit at the table for hours. Now I eat to the point of being uncomfortable, even knowing better.
My mom belonged to the Clean Plate Club (with a member card) during WWII. I took care of some kids in the 1980s where the mom told me not to force the kids to clean their plates.
This is one reason I am so fat. I felt so guilty for the longest time. Now my friends are like, "youre too fat" but when I don't eat everything on my plate, "You're wasiting food" There is no winning. I've told them politely why I'm doing it and they are stressing me out by mentioning me wasting food but it is ingrained in them to mention it to me. So I told them I'm just going to be rude as crap to them and tell them to F off when they do it.
Probably when your mum grew up the last thing her mum was worrying about was eating disorders - she was almost definitely worried about (a) feeding her child and (b) avoiding food waste. Times were different and priorities were different too.
Never had this rule in my house but my husband had it in his. He says it teaches you to only grab what you can eat but I am 100% against it. I know it will be a battle when we have kids because no child of mine is going to eat until they are sick because they got to big of a serving. My husband does that, eats way to much then moans for the next few hours. Completely insane. He is a thin guy so it is not like he over eats for every meal, but I have absolutely no sympathy for him when he is moaning in pain after eating too much and he thinks it is mean of me not to rub his stomach or feel bad for him. No dude, you did that to yourself. Also, proves the point that even after 36 years he has still not learned not to take more than he can eat.
It's a breach of the child's bodily autonomy to force food on them. It's 100% abuse. My suggestion would be to don't have kids with him until this is resolved, keeping in mind that it might never be. Or integrate him into your lifestyle by using smaller plates (less plate to "fill" and "clean") and making/buying smaller food portions.
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My mom taught us this. Finish everything on your plate. But she prefixed it with "get only what you think you can finish and get more if you're still hungry" - this taught us to be mindful of what we ate and not waste food.
we were allowed to serve ourselves and told not to take more than we could eat so we had to finish what we took - the clean plate club !
We have this, but to me it's not a bad thing. We were poor and food were precious. I think it depends on how you look at it?
It's completely understandable, especially for people whose parents were brought up in wartime. But it's a bad habit. My cousin used to let her children leave food, but if they got hungry later, they got the leftovers.
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I was taught that I could eat as much as I liked but I should always leave something on the plate (I could take seconds or thirds if I wanted to), even if it was just a solitary pea. It really helped with only eating till full, but not overeating.
Only get what you can eat so b you don't waste food. It is a privilege people take for granted to be able to leave food to waste
If you hate your job you just have to suck it up and make the best of it. Don't complain because you'll be pegged as a troublemaker, and if you quit you'll be seen as flaky and nobody else will hire you.
This nugget has caused more damage to my physical and emotional well being than anything else. You really don't want to hear their views on staying in an unhappy, dysfunctional marriage (they're similar).
"Nobody else will hire you" is so effing wrong and another attempt to shut employees up and keep them hostage in their sh!t job. I've been told so many times that I would never get a job again if I walked out of this job. I still walked out and always got a new job within one week.
Going to church every Sunday or high holiday makes you a good person. It does not.
No it doesn’t. I’ve known people who would go to church every Sunday, then think it was okay to do whatever they wanted the rest of the week, even if it was wrong.
The number of things each of us has to "unlearn" can vary. But if you had a tough childhood, know that you’re not alone. Turns out, a not-so-ideal upbringing is extremely common.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 61% of adults report having at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), with women and People of Color at a higher risk of experiencing more than four ACEs.
"I don't think it's possible to grow up without parents ingraining something nonsensical into their children because there will always be something kids disagree with their parents on at some point," u/i_cant_see_my_ears added. "Parents might think they are teaching their kids something very important but the kids [might not see it that way]. I don't think (good) parents try to teach their kids anything that's not important, just that everyone has different opinions."
The good thing is that we continue to grow and heal throughout our lives, and figure out healthier ways to navigate life as an adult.
Indian food is disgusting. Just had it yesterday for the first time at the age of 27. Maybe the best meal I have ever had.
That I had to take care of everyone else and make sure they were happy before I could be happy.
That women can’t curse or be impolite in the very slightest.
A man is never going to like me if I have a PHD. Men don’t like women who are smarter than them.
My wife is a teacher for French, Latin and ancient Greek, so I guess she is smarter than me. Married for 25 years :-)
Obedience. My dad tried to ingrain in us that the most important thing was being obedient.
Like... no. This taught me to blindly do whatever an authority figure told me to. Luckily I wasn't put into these situations, but this put me at a huge risk for sexual abuse. If an authority figure had told me to do something terrible to be doing with a child, I probably would have done it because that's what I was conditioned to do.
It actually almost happened in high school, and I had no idea what to do because it was a teacher and I thought I had to respect and obey them. So I just avoided the person, but I was so lucky I was able to avoid them and didn't have something worse happen.
I've grown out of it now of course, but teaching kids to blindly accept your authority translates to them thinking that's what they need to do for everyone. And it could be so damaging.
You are supposed to accept abuse from anyone in a superior position to yours : parent, manager … If you don’t then you are a troublemaker and a shame to the family because you rebel. You will never get anywhere in life and end up alone. Be submissive. You are a woman, that’s enough of a sin already.
That long hair and tattoos means you're a problem to society.
That children aren't allowed to show emotions when they're upset at their parents. Doubly so when they're getting chewed out.
My father used to make me wash my hands after greeting/handshaking with my uncle (who is homossexual), like you could "acquire gay through touching". My uncle is a respected surgeon dentist.
I know I was just a child following what my parent was asking me to do, but I still feel a deep remorse to this day for doing something so homophobic and pointless.
If you work hard and go to college you'll get a great job.
What a load of utter nonsense. The first job I had in my industry stressed me out so bad I left entirely.
Putting up with people and going to events because “family.” Yea, I want to keep my sanity, thank you.
You don’t get to choose your family and they can be as toxic as anyone else.
A whole bunch of misogyny from both parents, but mostly from mum. The highlights include being told not to play certain musical instruments, not to go into certain professions (only boys can be doctors. You can be a nurse instead), not to whistle as my future husband wouldn’t like it (I was five), not to say ‘I love you’ to other girls (again, five) and the good old lock/key analogy when I was old enough to question why only girls were sl*ts and not boys.
I wish those types of women would stop being such shits. As if this makes them good (religion) women. You can be whatever you want, you can say fu*k and "I love you" to anyone you want and that lock/key should be at the bottem of the lake. Boys can be sluts and cheap too.
‘Be a man’ ‘boys don’t cry’ ‘men don’t b*tch’
It doesn’t make anyone manlier, it just makes someone repress their feelings and become emotionally incompetent.
Teach kids honesty, and encourage them to say what they think. Also lowers the chances they’ll take their repression out on people, or start punching walls instead of verbalising their needs
My parents always told me that because Canada's social security system is so good that homeless people are only homeless because they are drug addicts or schizophrenic, so you shouldn't give them money.
It wasn't until I was an adult that I learn a) how bad the social security system actually is, b) how hard it is to survive even if you are on government assistance and c) that having an addiction or mental health issue is not a reason why someone should be treated as less than human.
“How can you be both depressed and anxious?!? By their very definition they would cancel each other out anyway.”
Those words are burned into my memory. This was my parents’ response to my therapist’s findings when I had just started middle school and was struggling.
I never saw that wonderful therapist again. They managed to find one that they could agree with, that I should just get over myself and stop being such a child…which I was.
It took me far too long to seek help again.
That cracking your knuckles will cause arthritis. Not true at all.
The sound is nitrogen bubbles popping in the synovial fluid of the joints. No damage occurring.
That I had to fight back my bullies with wit and outsmart them. Yeah no, I had to kick their asses.
That if I share a bed with a man he has full rights to do whatever he wants to me/my body.
That as a girl, I should never be the one to reach out to the guy first, he must be the one to make the effort first. (Ex: if I want to hangout with a boy I like or even simply text him, I need to wait for him to text me or reach out to me first) it really messed up how I talk to guys I’m attracted too, because I’m 23 years old so I can do what I want when it comes to guys but I sometimes still have this mindset.
The crazy thing is now my parents wonder why we don’t even reach out to any guys we are interested in lol
That being gay is a sin. Furthermore, the saying “love the person but hate the sin” when applied to our gay neighbors. I loved them but wasn’t allowed to walk their dog anymore once my parents found out they were gay. This is among many other ridiculous beliefs that came along with their extremist religion.
Oh yes. Your parents don't want you to catch "gay" from their dog. *eyeroll*
You catch colds simply by being exposed to cold. For some reason I just never questioned the idea that temperature itself caused viruses, but it's such a ridiculous notion once you think about it
Well cold can lower your immune system making you more vulnerable so there is a little truth to that one
The good ol' "You gotta learn to cook, clean, etc. because one day you'll have to do it for your husband. Do insert random hobby now because your husband won't tolerate it one day. The wife always needs to be less educated than the husband. Etc." They made a relationship with a man sound like servitude where my life is immediately over and after a liferime of telling me that they wonder why I don't want to get married yet
That I need to maintain a positive relationship with people who don't like me.
My parents taught me to be on everyone's good side no matter the cost. In college, we had a serious rift in the friend group. They said that they had hated me all along and only hung out because I'd buy them things. Using my parents advice, I put too much energy into trying to "fix" those who I thought would change their hearts. Now that I'm older, I've realized that trying to fix people who don't care for you is manipulation and it's healthy to be selective about who you associate with.
Hair grows back faster/thicker after you shave it for the first time.
while this is not true, it looks thicker bc the hairs have been cut off at the root, where it is thicker and then that is the thickness of the hair the whole length through!
Turning on the interior light in the back seat will cause us to immediately crash and die or go straight to prison.
They used to basically tell me that driving on the highway was extremely dangerous and that I should stick to backroads. Turns out they were just projecting their own fears of cars moving really fast onto me.
For the first couple years of driving / my career I would go only backroads. One summer I got sick of having to drive for over an hour to get to work, and I figured it would be lower traffic then so I gave it a try, it was way easier than taking backroads, and the highways were better maintained than the roads I was used to taking, with far less turns, blind spots, etc. it was way safer and quicker.
I live in an area prone to dangerously thick fogs, and the freeways are one of the safer places to be when the fog closes in. The warmth of the asphalt helps to lift it a little and the speed of the moving cars creates enough wind to clear more, and the headlights and the taillights are sometimes the only things you can see. On the back roads the fog closes in and you can see absolutely nothing, stay on the freeways if you can!
That spanking your children is acceptable, and that they were right no matter what. Discussion? What's that?
Now, I never agreed with them, and I frequently didn't know what I did wrong, but I just accepted it as something all parents do. Now, as an adult, I will say with 100% confidence that spanking is always wrong. Got studies to back me up, y'all!
My dad used to back hand me across the face and my mother used to force me to take my clothes off and she'd whip me with the dog's lead or hit me with the wooden spoon. ALL physical discipline is wrong.
That if you don't like something, just keep your head down and push through.
You have to wait 30 minutes after eating before you go back in the pool, otherwise you'll get cramps and drown.
That growing facial hairs make you a thief, drug addicted and a failure to society. Still wonder how does that even make sense to this day.
I should tell my hubby this, he's currently been working 12-14 hours a day, 6 days a week. Geez, can't believe I married such a failure.
That you are lazy if you watch TV during the day
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My mom is pressuring me to marry at 20 in college like she did. Number one, she divorced him, and number two, I’m not forcing me and my mental health issues on someone. That wouldn’t be fair. Also 20 is way too young, in my opinion.
To always respect your elders, respect is earned, and just because someone has lived longer than you doesn't make them wiser. Some of the biggest racists and xenophobes are older, so according to this rule I should respect their backwards opinion.
For me ... I show respect as the default, no matter the age. The fastest way for me to realize someone is a loser is that they show me lack of respect from the start.
Load More Replies... Ah, yes. Teaching girls to be submissive and inferior to boys. And telling them that their only purpose in life is to be a submissive, quiet wife who has none of her own opinions and is dependent on her husband for everything and mother to lots of her husband's babies. And teaching girls that they must always be willing to do anything and everything to please their husbands, and that they mustn't have any other interests besides being a wife and mother, and that their husband and children should be their entire life. I've even seen girls taught that they need a husband (and children), and that they should be needy towards their husband for everything, including their happiness. Overall, that they need a husband and children to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all", and that getting married and having children is the only way to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all".
My mom is a wonderful woman who, despite her always saying the exact opposite, showed me through her behaviour that you should always be subservient. Whenever my partner is in the need for something I immediately jump into action, without being asked to do so. I never accept help for myself though. My dad is a sweet man but through his behaviour he taught me that a man deep down doesn't really care about you, even though he says he does.
Surprise no mention of "Swallowing" chewing gum / bubble gum BS.....
Ah yes it takes like 7 years to digest or something was the rumor?
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I say I'm sorry for everything. I ask permission for everything. It bugs my husband. My mom made me say I'm sorry when I was a child until she was satisfied, even if I hadn't done anything or is it wasn't my fault. I also needed permission for everything so she wouldn't get mad and scream at me. I'm 41 and still do these things, like when I asked permission to buy some new underwear to my husband. My sister has similar issues.
That sounds like me. My husband hates it and every time he mentions it I have to apologize for it. We've been married for 10 years and I still flinch when he moves near, thanks to my mom, too.
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My Mom never understood that I really wasn't a girly-girl growing up. I watched sports with Dad, played football and baseball with my three brothers. I was more comfortable talking about the Monday Night game than I was flipping my hair and batting my eyelashes.I have never dated a whole lot, although I was once married, have had a few boyfriends, and have upped the girly factor a bit. The men in my life are often just close platonic friends, though, and are frequently happily hooked up with someone else. This was beyond my Mom's comprehension. She never lost the attitude that men were basically objects of attraction/affection, and having a non-dating friendship with a man was odd or unusual. (Especially if he was in a relationship and the other woman wasn't threatened -- that kind of blew her mind.) In so many other respects my Mom was amazing, and I miss her all the time. She just was very old-fashioned in her notions about male/female relationships.
My mom is pressuring me to marry at 20 in college like she did. Number one, she divorced him, and number two, I’m not forcing me and my mental health issues on someone. That wouldn’t be fair. Also 20 is way too young, in my opinion.
To always respect your elders, respect is earned, and just because someone has lived longer than you doesn't make them wiser. Some of the biggest racists and xenophobes are older, so according to this rule I should respect their backwards opinion.
For me ... I show respect as the default, no matter the age. The fastest way for me to realize someone is a loser is that they show me lack of respect from the start.
Load More Replies... Ah, yes. Teaching girls to be submissive and inferior to boys. And telling them that their only purpose in life is to be a submissive, quiet wife who has none of her own opinions and is dependent on her husband for everything and mother to lots of her husband's babies. And teaching girls that they must always be willing to do anything and everything to please their husbands, and that they mustn't have any other interests besides being a wife and mother, and that their husband and children should be their entire life. I've even seen girls taught that they need a husband (and children), and that they should be needy towards their husband for everything, including their happiness. Overall, that they need a husband and children to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all", and that getting married and having children is the only way to be happy and fulfilled, and "have it all".
My mom is a wonderful woman who, despite her always saying the exact opposite, showed me through her behaviour that you should always be subservient. Whenever my partner is in the need for something I immediately jump into action, without being asked to do so. I never accept help for myself though. My dad is a sweet man but through his behaviour he taught me that a man deep down doesn't really care about you, even though he says he does.
Surprise no mention of "Swallowing" chewing gum / bubble gum BS.....
Ah yes it takes like 7 years to digest or something was the rumor?
Load More Replies... I say I'm sorry for everything. I ask permission for everything. It bugs my husband. My mom made me say I'm sorry when I was a child until she was satisfied, even if I hadn't done anything or is it wasn't my fault. I also needed permission for everything so she wouldn't get mad and scream at me. I'm 41 and still do these things, like when I asked permission to buy some new underwear to my husband. My sister has similar issues.
That sounds like me. My husband hates it and every time he mentions it I have to apologize for it. We've been married for 10 years and I still flinch when he moves near, thanks to my mom, too.
Load More Replies... My Mom never understood that I really wasn't a girly-girl growing up. I watched sports with Dad, played football and baseball with my three brothers. I was more comfortable talking about the Monday Night game than I was flipping my hair and batting my eyelashes.I have never dated a whole lot, although I was once married, have had a few boyfriends, and have upped the girly factor a bit. The men in my life are often just close platonic friends, though, and are frequently happily hooked up with someone else. This was beyond my Mom's comprehension. She never lost the attitude that men were basically objects of attraction/affection, and having a non-dating friendship with a man was odd or unusual. (Especially if he was in a relationship and the other woman wasn't threatened -- that kind of blew her mind.) In so many other respects my Mom was amazing, and I miss her all the time. She just was very old-fashioned in her notions about male/female relationships.
