Psychologists think that we tend to ignore red flags because we simply don’t want to be right. Falling in love can really mess up our minds, and turning a blind eye to behavior that’s obviously not right is one way. After all, finding someone you truly like is like winning the lottery these days, but no matter how much we’d want to fall in love, some glaring signs indicate we may better off without them.

So when Twitter user Lauren Chanel initiated a thread asking people “what’s a simple red flag that has never failed you? something small like a person quoting 48 laws of power,” it instantly resonated with many people.

The illuminating replies started pouring in and they definitely shed light on what to be cautious about in our love interests. From people who say they hate animals to “littering,” some things may look basic at first, but when you really think about it…

After you’re done reading this post, be sure to check out Bored Panda’s previous article on the most common red flags spotted by couple therapists that they say indicate problematic relationships right here.

Image credits: MichelleHux

#1

People-Share-Red-Flags-Relationships

arion_exclusive Report

Marc
Community Member
6 months ago

Again, this is a sign for a bad character and bad overall behavior. Often enough those people prove themselves to be not only rude to service workers, but later to everyone else and you. They can't hide it forever.

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#2

People-Share-Red-Flags-Relationships

cmpriest Report

Raine Soo
Community Member
6 months ago

I have always wondered why people think that it is alright to say that they hate cats. The general response would be "Yeah, I get it. Cats are assholes." If you say you hate a dog, then the whole world is against you. "How dare you hate a dog? What sort of sub-human are you?" To cat-haters: what in the world did a cat ever do to you? So, yes, I'd run far, far away from someone who would harm a cat, or any animal, really.

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#3

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Razafirme Report

Marc
Community Member
6 months ago

In my experience, people who have to point out that they are nice people, usually aren't nice people. If you are nice or good, your actions will prove it.

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Have you ever been in love? Your best friend, your family friend, your parent? If so, you’d know very well how love changes people. Thankfully, the transformation is usually for the better, but sometimes we fall head over heels so deeply that we lose the ability to detect doubts and other negative reactions we have with our love interests.

In fact, very few of us are immune to this phenomenon, says nationally recognized psychotherapist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, who considers blind love to be something that doesn’t have to do with appearances. It usually hits during the honeymoon phase, when we still haven’t had enough time to experience the negative side of our loved one.

According to relationship expert Susan Winter, the honeymoon phase brings all the best parts of our significant others to the spotlight. “We haven't experienced the many times they'll disappoint us, let us down, and hurt us. These are the things that occur later in a relationship. Without knowing the totality of our partner, we are forced to see them in a state of love blindness.”

#4

People-Share-Red-Flags-Relationships

happyhappywho Report

Periwinkle
Community Member
6 months ago

Oh god.. Wolf pack leader, awooo.

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#5

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RERittenhouse Report

Troux
Community Member
6 months ago

There's some sense to this statement. You can have respect for your fellow human and also respect the roles that different people have. If you make a big spill in a mall or airport, will you get a mop or a janitor? Just apologize and show gratitude.

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#6

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Juel92 Report

Marc
Community Member
6 months ago

My sister is someone like that, I have to say. She has only experienced setbacks in her life and always falls flat on her face. And it's always the others. It's never her own fault. They don't say for nothing that change always starts with oneself. In fact, you only have the power to change yourself, no one else.

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After the honeymoon phase ends, many lovebirds start to see and experience the not-so-pretty side of their relationship. This is why recognizing your initial doubts in the beginning of a relationship is crucial. Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach, suggests seeking a person who can meet one's needs, “regardless of surface or social standing.”

“They need to not completely judge people right off the bat, but they should also prioritize those compatibility traits." Thus, often that very first hint of a negative reaction you have may be the most telling one.

#7

People-Share-Red-Flags-Relationships

but_im_kim_tran Report

Keri O'Donnell
Community Member
6 months ago

omg - the most violent person I know is a huge litter bug - flings stuff all over the place, disgusting...also a serial domestic abuser and physically violent

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#8

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elizabethjoy_xo Report

Pamela24
Community Member
6 months ago

Those people also often can't stand jokes of similar type aimed at them.

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#9

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HelenKennedy Report

Marc
Community Member
6 months ago

Even more - if someone is generous and giving, e.g. through charity work, or large donations, but is otherwise an awful person, treating other people badly who are out of your league, then this giving is usually just a facade to hide the ugly face behind it.

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#10

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j_derekb Report

Periwinkle
Community Member
6 months ago

That's part of someone's identity, It's important you get it right to respect them if they are sensitive or feel more comfortable with you doing so.

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#11

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JessBot5000 Report

Periwinkle
Community Member
6 months ago

Disgusting.

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#12

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humahasit Report

mph seti
Community Member
6 months ago

Yeah, I've never understood people who bond over and constantly talk about things they hate instead of things they like. Sure, it's fine to mention it when it comes up...But to actively seek out things to hate is sad.

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#13

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kianamoods Report

David Retsler
Community Member
6 months ago

A basic apology demonstrates remorse for something you did or didn't do. You start by saying "I'm sorry." Then you identify what it was that you did or didn't do to offend, you show you understand it hurt or offended the other person and how it hurt or offended them, and you tell them what you will do to avoid repeating it in the future. For example: "Hey, John- I'm sorry I told Mike you were getting divorced. You told me that in confidence and I know I betrayed your trust by sharing it with him. I value your trust, John, and promise you that if you ever confide in me again, my lips will be sealed." Notice I didn't offer an excuse like "I did it just that one time" or " I didn't know it wasn't public info." OWN IT when you apologize. Explaining yourself can come later if THEY request it. Otherwise, you're just throwing out excuses and not owning it.

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#14

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LusraGray Report

Remi Flynne
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

Ex friend kept doing this to me. I would start a conversation that she would wave away with with the comment 'oh, you and your x idea' as though it was weird when it was usually just something I'd seen in the news and wanted to share thinking she'd be interested. She'd roll her eyes and pull faces if she didn't understand or agree. She would demean compliments I got from people to make them appear worthless. I realised her low self esteem got a boost from belittling me. People who only feel better when they try to diminish you are not genuine friends. Real friends would want to listen and support you. Even if you miss the fun times (I do) it's truly not worth the other times when you go home upset and thinking 'what on earth was that for?'.

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#15

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mitzy247 Report

Remi Flynne
Community Member
6 months ago

People who won't apologise. Accept it if you have stuffed up. There is no weakness in recognising that and saying sorry to those you have hurt. It is weak to try and hide it, cowardly to try and pretend you did nothing wrong.

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#16

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PeterAstridKane Report

Mohsie Supposie
Community Member
6 months ago

In UK, in most supermarkets, you have to put a £1 coin to get a trolley. If you want your coin back, you must return the trolley. (and yes, we call it a trolley!)

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#17

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GleaningSage Report

Ozacoter
Community Member
6 months ago

Like when you dont drink alcohol and people keeps pushing you to have one.

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#18

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ehs06702 Report

Some Cool Guy
Community Member
6 months ago

She obviously doesn't drive all day for a living

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#19

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WaltHasNoCell Report

troufaki13
Community Member
6 months ago

Or not saying thank you when someone holds the door for you

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#20

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LisaNNwachukwu Report

Chicago Dog Lover
Community Member
6 months ago

Similar to "if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you."

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#21

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AlisaValdesRod1 Report

Remi Flynne
Community Member
6 months ago (edited)

My sister would believe 100% every critical story about every new boyfriend's exes. Boyfriend after boyfriend - they all had evil exes. Then, shock, discover that her boyfriends were actually the people with the problem. Not saying that applies in all cases but be wary if it's a trend in the partners you pick.

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#22

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AlisaValdesRod1 Report

Wendillon
Community Member
6 months ago

What about a woman thinking it's "cute" when a man cooks them dinner? Are we throwing those women in the trash too or is this a gender specific thing?

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#23

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megpillow Report

Troux
Community Member
6 months ago

100%. It tells me they are more a fan of cults than sports.

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#24

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freddymac2020 Report

Vic
Community Member
6 months ago

I see narcissistic behaviour is rising among people, or maybe it was always there any social just makes it more evident.

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#25

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kjxoxo Report

Kristof De Smet
Community Member
6 months ago

Just a quick remark: men are not the only ones who do this

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#26

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officialsadgyal Report

Pink kitty
Community Member
6 months ago

I used to work as a cleaner. I couldn't understand why some people would leave their lunch rubbish on the table when you had to pass the bin to leave the room!

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#27

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SarahSmith4WA Report

Wendillon
Community Member
6 months ago

I feel like this might also be the influence of movies showing that you have to be persistent and if you keep trying he/she will fall in love with you so "don't give up".

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#28

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LisaNNwachukwu Report

Leo Domitrix
Community Member
6 months ago

IMHO? We have to be careful what we mean by "drama", as in, do we mean overexaggerating small problems, or do we mean the person is a self-fulfilling prophecy of doom, or do we mean that they had bad luck and are feeling crappy about it?

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#29

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janieboo25 Report

Giovanni
Community Member
6 months ago

I barely work and barely play, i mostly take depression naps. Is it ok?

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#30

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_Astro_Nerd_ Report

Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
6 months ago

I've never been religious, but I do like that line in the bible about how when you do good deeds it doesn't count if you brag about it afterwards. Because it's true - you should do kind, charitable things for their own sake, not just to make yourself look good.

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#31

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naima Report

Mohsie Supposie
Community Member
6 months ago

Again, TRUMP!

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#32

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thelexep Report

mph seti
Community Member
6 months ago

I hate this one. People have always been having their feelings hurt by insensitive (and bigoted) comments. It's just that nowadays it's much more acceptable to call people out on it. For example, decades ago, women had to just quietly take workplace harassment or be fired.

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#33

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LacieDank Report

Truth Monster
Community Member
6 months ago

I disagree with this one. There is a lot of politically correct racist and misogynist things said and there are a lot of not politically correct things which are not racist and misogynistic. The preamble is to recognize that you may not agree with what they are saying. That doesn't make it automatically wrong.

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#34

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kindaashady Report

Paul Mitchell
Community Member
6 months ago

Or... I'm a nice person.... it's not for them to judge, it's for people who know them to decide if that's what they think.

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#35

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astro78 Report

StIJN
Community Member
6 months ago

actually it means something worse : "they don't want to see their kids"

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#36

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WarmestRegardss Report

Hermitbunny
Community Member
6 months ago

It's easy to assume women who don't have women friends must not like women. When really tons of us are just too f*ckin shy ^.^;;

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#37

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Juva881 Report

Thenatural
Community Member
6 months ago

Wtf is a ride or die woman?

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#38

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Teacher_Toni Report

Iggy
Community Member
6 months ago

No generation is soft. Those who suggest it should stop paying attention to silly Daily Mail nonsense.

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#39

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msdanifernandez Report

Marc
Community Member
6 months ago

At the beginning of our relationship, I always told my wife how beautiful I thought she was. At some point she said that she thought it was really sweet, but a) it wasn't important to her and b) she didn't want to be reduced to that. That opened my eyes. I still tell her that I think she's beautiful (because she is), but I appreciate her undeniable other qualities much more often. That being said, no one is perfect. That's nonsense. We are all good at something, but we are equally bad at many things. We all have good days and really bad days. We all make mistakes and don't even realise it. I guess that's what you call human.

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#40

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rosiebuttoncups Report

Marc
Community Member
6 months ago

That's too abstract for me. I admire Elon Musk, for example, very much for his visionary spirit. Do I like him personally? Rather not. But honestly, you should also be careful about judging someone you only know through the media. He would not be the first person about whom so much nonsense is spread, half of which is not true. You can also just be neutral about him.

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