Psychologists think that we tend to ignore red flags because we simply don’t want to be right. Falling in love can really mess up our minds, and turning a blind eye to behavior that’s obviously not right is one way. After all, finding someone you truly like is like winning the lottery these days, but no matter how much we’d want to fall in love, some glaring signs indicate we may better off without them.
So when Twitter user Lauren Chanel initiated a thread asking people “what’s a simple red flag that has never failed you? something small like a person quoting 48 laws of power,” it instantly resonated with many people.
The illuminating replies started pouring in and they definitely shed light on what to be cautious about in our love interests. From people who say they hate animals to “littering,” some things may look basic at first, but when you really think about it…
After you’re done reading this post, be sure to check out Bored Panda’s previous article on the most common red flags spotted by couple therapists that they say indicate problematic relationships right here.
Image credits: MichelleHux
Have you ever been in love? Your best friend, your family friend, your parent? If so, you’d know very well how love changes people. Thankfully, the transformation is usually for the better, but sometimes we fall head over heels so deeply that we lose the ability to detect doubts and other negative reactions we have with our love interests.
In fact, very few of us are immune to this phenomenon, says nationally recognized psychotherapist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, who considers blind love to be something that doesn’t have to do with appearances. It usually hits during the honeymoon phase, when we still haven’t had enough time to experience the negative side of our loved one.
According to relationship expert Susan Winter, the honeymoon phase brings all the best parts of our significant others to the spotlight. “We haven't experienced the many times they'll disappoint us, let us down, and hurt us. These are the things that occur later in a relationship. Without knowing the totality of our partner, we are forced to see them in a state of love blindness.”
After the honeymoon phase ends, many lovebirds start to see and experience the not-so-pretty side of their relationship. This is why recognizing your initial doubts in the beginning of a relationship is crucial. Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach, suggests seeking a person who can meet one's needs, “regardless of surface or social standing.”
“They need to not completely judge people right off the bat, but they should also prioritize those compatibility traits." Thus, often that very first hint of a negative reaction you have may be the most telling one.