As you probably know, scientists distinguish five main stages of any person's perception of the inevitable: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, the last stage - acceptance. When a person has already completely resigned themselves to the inevitability of something that was so hard to fit in one's mind, with the existence of a sad truth, a new reality is thus formed. And no matter how difficult it is to admit that one's friend or relative is terminally ill, that we will never see the people closest to us again, that some of us are doomed to loneliness until the very end of our lives, sooner or later comes the realization of any sad fact. As painful as this realization may be.
A new thread appeared in the AskReddit community a few days ago, the author of which asked just one simple question: "What is a depressing truth you have made peace with?" As a result, there are over 37.2K upvotes and almost 22K comments in the thread so far. People share their innermost experiences - and often receive priceless moral support.
Bored Panda has put together a special curated list of the most touching and sincere comments, which we are sure will touch you to the core. So feel free to read to the very end of the list and, of course, express your own feelings, as support is so vitally important in any situation, no matter how sad it is.
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My dad passed away 6 weeks ago and I will NEVER see, hear, chat or get to hug him ever again & that forever is a long time.
The worst part was the occasional out-of-the-blue feeling of "I should go see my dad. I haven't seen him in a while." and then realizing that I simply can't. It's no longer an option.
I will never get back the time I have lost to depression.
Edit: I am amazed by the huge response, and appreciate your comments and the awards. Thankfully, life is mostly better for me. We can and do recover. I wish those of you in the middle of it you peace and love. Reach out for help, you are worth it.
A friendship you thought would last forever can end in an instant
I found out my so called best friend was stealing money from me and like had hundreds of pictures of underage girls on his computer. I noped out were done in a heartbeat.
Thats so horrible! An ex-friend of mine also had child p/rn/graphy on his computer, as well as supporting n/zi-like ideals
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I remember when my childhood best friend broke my heart when we were 18. We grew up in the 90s when it still kind of wasn’t really okay to be gay, where we live. He came out as gay to his mom and stepdad and wanted me to be there to give him support, so I did. I went on every family trip with them. I went to Pride marches and events with him. I went on his first date (secretly, at his request) and sat at another table nearby and pretended I was a stranger, because he was afraid to go alone. I would have taken a bullet for him. Then, when I was 18, I started dating someone who was Chinese. Suddenly, my best friend of 10+ years turns out to be incredibly racist and says, “I can’t BELIEVE you’re dating a (insert racial slur here)!” He stopped talking to me after that. I tried to get back in touch with him, but the last time I talked to him on the phone a year or so later, he said “Crystal WHO???” like he didn’t know who I was. I’m 40 now and it STILL HURTS. Andy, if you’re out there… why?
I'm so sorry you went thru that Lakota. I married a Chinese woman and had a baby. The looks and snears I used to get from Chinese people in San Fran Chinatown were hurtful and spiteful. I was beneath them, I wasn't good enough for them, and my ex-wife 2 kids who I sponsored to come over here, treated me the same. I was there to serve them. Sorry Lakota kinda got off the wrong track. But I do feel your pain.
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My "best friend" started his own company and became quite successful, made kits of money. It changed him into a nightmare of a human being and constantly brags about his success. But mostly by showing off the expensive things he now possesses, like cars, his home, and luxury toys. He used to be a very humble person that we all loved. Now he's just a rich, selfish jerk.
The man who was my best friend for several decades stopped having anything to do with me and I have no idea why. We no longer live in the same city but used to stay in touch, and then at some point he must have decided I just wasn’t worth the effort. We’d been friends since the 1980s.
Hurts to learn you really meant very little , even though you loved them
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Yep. Been there, done that. Best friend called me ugly, a b***h and that I should kill myself in front of the whole class after saying that the comments made by the boys in our class are not only racist, but sexist and ableist.
I lost one good friend to this Q-Anon nonsense. We'd been friends for decades, saw each other through thick and thin, were there for each other when we each had kids, even watched a World Series-winning game together and celebrated long into the night, it was magical. She was gorgeous inside and out, smart, funny, and an awesome mother and wife. Had it all. Now, she's changed her social media profile pic to the Q logo and firmly believes Bill Gates is tracking us and Tom Hanks drinks babies blood, just fell for all of it. I tried talking to her, but she laughed at me. It broke my heart the day I realized she was lost to me.
Me too, Tiny. Not so much Q-Anon, but general conspiracy theories about new world order, George Soros, 5G, and particularly covid vaccination with all the nanoparticle and implantable microchip c**p. The change was so dramatic I was actually worrying about whether he was having a psychotic breakdown, as all this seemed to come out of nowhere. He got so angry and verbally aggressive if I tried to talk to him about it, or tried to get him to explain why he believed it, or tell me what was his proof. It was awful realising he was too far drawn in to speak rationally about it, and the final straw was him accusing me of being part of the whole covid conspiracy-I work in healthcare, this has been a horrible time for everyone, and being accused of killing patients for money, and putting them through treatment for a disease that doesn't exist was too much.
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I told my friend of 30 yrs I had alcohol problems. She immediately ghosted , blocked me. That sting was deep
I know that struggling with alcohol can be hard, but the sad truth is that it does not only hit the alcoholic, but can pull entire families down and have an influence of the lives many generations down the line. Unfortunately the main battle must be fought by the alcoholic alone as any bystanders only have very little influence on what is going to happen. In some cases the familiy and friends may actually end up making the problem worse, by supporting the alcoholic to such an extend that things will not hit rock bottom, so the problem can continue. Furthermore an alcoholic will often be in denial, and the alcohol will scew their perception of what is going on (the tape recorder is simply turned off a times) whereas a sober person around them sees it all, and feel the full consequences. It may sound a bit harsh, but the advice that most proffesionals gives to relatives, is to avoid being dragged down with the alcoholic. Abusers can be really manipulative and hard to be hard to be around
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I lost mine because rather I moved school, or she did. It just isn’t the same.
I, unfortunately, had to abandon all my friends a few weeks ago. This one in particular hits very hard with me.
My best friend of 20 years suddenly stopped talking to me and wouldn't tell me what on earth I'd done that made him break off the friendship. We hadn't had a fight (in 20 years we had 3 fights.), we hadn't disagreed about anything, there was no major life event, nothing - And eleven years later I still don't know what his reason for shutting me out was. I wish I did so at least if I *did* do something that calls for an apology I could properly apologize.
My closest and oldest friend (of almost 50 years) contracted covid (pre vaccines). Several heart attacks, strokes, organ failure and a diagnosis of progressive neuro degeneration later and although they survived, they'll never be the same again ... I'm now a complete stranger to them ... It feels incredibly selfish of me to even write this, it's not meant to be. It's just to say that the people we love and care for in our lives today, may not be there tomorrow. Sometimes it's somebody's fault and sometimes things just happen...
I am so sorry you lost your friend in this way even though they are still physically alive. I know how torturous that is (my dad had a catastrophic brain injury when I was 18 and just like that, “my dad” was gone, body stayed alive for 21 more years). I hope you can find peace soon. It’s not selfish at all… you absolutely suffered a loss.
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My oldest friend was in two relationships, the first ended badly. He quickly started dating someone who wanted kids, he said maybe in 10 years. I told him she was 35, there wasn't going to be ten years for her. She broke it off, as they wanted different things. He got so angry, and it turned into all women are evil. I can't talk with him anymore. He has become a crazy racist incel (without the celebecy). Everything is about how BLM is evil, and women only care about money. I am a Latino Jew with daughter's. Why would I want to hear that c**p?
I've recently started hanging out with my best friend from school. We stopped speaking to each other more than a decade ago but I decided to let it go. The best friend I made when I moved to a big city.... she knows what she did. She recently reached out to me after two years and admitted she was drunk while doing it. I'm better off. I was nothing more than her therapist who paid for things while she refused any actual help she needed. There's only so much self destructive behavior you can take before you realize that person doesn't want to be saved.
This hits HARD I had a friend from 4th grad till we were 30....until she got addicted to pain pills, then heroin, then decided to lie to my mom and con her out of money, oh and told my family horrible lies about me because I refused to sell her MY prescription (I had 3 herniated disc's in my back oh and she was pregnant)
Finding out that I meant nothing to people that I loved dearly was probably the worst thing I've ever had to face. It's been almost 15 years and I'm still not totally over it.
I've had many friends over the years who have bailed on me because I'm disabled. Apparently, it was too difficult for them to support me, even though I always supported them. Whatever. I'm better off without people like that in my life.
I was sexually assaulted and my so-called best friend didn't believe me because it was a mutual friend. Peace out to her!
I learned the hard way, there is no such thing as "forever". I love all my friends to death, but nobody can see into the future...
I really didn't have friends. I was bullied and/or ignored by almost everyone I knew at elementary school. Now, in middle school, people ask why I talk, they harass me, my friend, my only friend ignores me, her friends use me and talk abt how I am the worst.... So I can feel your pain...
Hang in there. School years can be absolute torture. You can get through them. Hang on to friends you make in other places (like here!) People your age are still figuring out who they are and often don’t have identities of their own yet, so they lash out at others they don’t understand. It doesn’t justify their behavior towards you at all, nor do you owe them compassion. But it may help explain things. I was you, through all my school years. My mom pulled me out of school in 7th grade, my dad homeschooled me for 8th grade, and I started college at 14. That made things WORSE. To this day I get along with people younger than me, not people my own age. Hang in there, you got this. :)
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my best friend of all time passed away in a car crash. the other driver was really drunk. he drived a truck. 11 years and dies. that is tragic. i miss you alma:(
I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your friend’s name with us. Now we can all remember them too, in a small way :)
Load More Replies... People tend to forget that things chance, and personalities evolve, and that how things are currently will not be how they will remain forever. Just think about how you felt for a certain fashion item (a hair style, yoyos, fidget spinners etc.), they felt so right back then, but when you look back at the photos now, you think "what was I thinking". The conclusion must be that how your life developes is hard to predict, so stay humble and accept that sometimes some curve balls just come flying out of nowhere and have to be delt with. Stuff like depression, alcoholism or brain damage can completely chance someone's personality to a point where they can be hard to reconise, and those illnesses often comes as surprice to the bystandars, who did not even consider it possible when making their lifeplans or imagine how their marriage would end.
The people that cause the most harm to the world will go unpunished, live happy and fulfilled lives, and die getting to do pretty much anything they ever wanted simply because they were either born into wealth or managed to acquire tons of if through nefarious means.
Or non-nefarious such as becoming an actor, model, musician and having the astonishingly good fortune of becoming rich and famous.Or rich and famous for nothing. Looking at you KUWTK. Although, they were already wealthy.
Just because you think someone is "the one", doesn't mean they think you are.
I find it more comforting than depressing but some people will see it as the opposite. I'm entirely fine with being in no relationship. It's been almost a decade since the last one and I just don't see it as the priority that others do. I'm entirely fine with just having friends and colleagues. Hell I'm happy. I just wanna toss it out there because some people might find my reasoning to be helpful in deciding their life priorities.
I realized in therapy yesterday I'm only keeping myself alive out of a sense of obligation to others. That wasn't a fun realization.
No one is coming to help
This is a huge fear. People just don't want to get involved.
The majority of the human race are narrow, deluded, arbitrary believers in fantasies, willfully ignorant about everything not immediately useful to them, violent, destructive, warlike, tribal as hell, and willing - under the right motivation or excuse - to commit any imaginable atrocity or horror on others... even their own neighbors. Humans are brutal apes with a thin veneer of civilization barely holding them back from constant genocide and cruelty.
I didn't want to believe this, and I have fought this conclusion for all of my 62 years. But I am rational, it cannot be denied. It must be accepted.
Whatever glory humans achieve, they can never truly be trusted. I cannot dismiss this any longer.
The worse part: you have to live within the algorithms set by their crazy.
That at the end of the day, the only one I can rely on is myself
My childhood is gone, and I have no good memory from that phase of my life
You are not alone in this. Make as much of your present life as you can! Do what you love most as frequently as possible, be it walking in nature, reading, chatting with friends, etc. Childhood is generally out of our control, but independent life is up to us.
Sometimes people you care deeply about will choose to drop out of your life and all you can really do is have the grace to let them
To everyone struggling with being left behind, and to everyone struggling with having to be the one to leave- I hope the pain eases for you soon.
Yep. My best friend of several decades recently dropped me and I have no idea why.
I will always fight my demons. There is no healing from it.
Being alive is expensive.
Dying is expensive too. I don't need a funeral, just throw me in the trash.
I'm aware enough to know that there is something wrong with me. But I'm not aware enough to know what it is, let alone fix it.
A sick mind cannot heal itself. Sometimes we need help from someone else. I've learned so much from therapy, and I've needed it at different times in my life, for different reasons. It was always helpful, and never a waste.
You can do everything perfectly and still fail completely.
That and
People would rather leave you than own up to what they did and they’ll never even give you a second thought. Humans, turns out, are good at lying to themselves.
I heard the first part from ST:TNG "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.”
No matter how hard you love someone, they can fall out of love with you and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. Took me a lot of self destruction and pain to realize it. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
Yeah. And while love can be brought back it takes that both are willing to really work for it. You can't bring life to a dead relationship on your own.
My grandpa just wanted to get to know me and the man I was becoming during his last year of life. Which I was too young and too selfish to realize.
My depression is very likely chronic. I'll be living with it for the rest of my life.
You can do yourself a favor by seeing a doctor. Antidepressants literally saved my life. I went on and off them when I was younger, but at this point, it’s not worth it to me to go off them.
You're completely alone inside your own head. No one will ever be able to truly feel what you feel.
That’s not true! I have the little voice in my head to keep me company!!
I'm aging nonstop
I don't like when people say 'never get old'. I don't have a choice. You can't stop it. You gotta learn to appreciate it. I've learned to appreciate my age. I'm 36, and while my back hurts in the morning, I am so much more comfortable with myself than when I was younger. I continue to become happier with who I am, and care less about the little things. While sometimes it does upset me, I try to remember that as I get older, the less F**KS I will give!
I will always have the big sad following me, I can push it down for a bit, but it will come back eventually.
I just need to remember to breathe and remember I can get past it.
I'll never be comfortable financially. I have failed every attempt. I really did try. I promise you, I did. But nothings worked for me. I just have to accept it.
There will be no cure for my spinal cord injury in my lifetime. It was initially very depressing to realise, but almost 3 years in I'm kind of okay with it.
They should cure other stuff like ALS first, and if it has to be SCI related - cure the nerve pain, or the bowel/bladder stuff. The not walking is very low on my list of priorities personally.
I'm aware of ongoing research, but have no faith in any of it. We'd have to either revolutionise neurology or be very lucky.
Chronic illness and Injuries can happen and they don’t pick convenient moments to dump on you. I just try to make the best of what I have
That one day I won’t be alive and neither will anybody I love 🥺
That my whole life has been a waste. That if I disappeared tomorrow nobody would even know or care. I used to consciously feel the existential dread that brings, but now I just kind of ignore it and keep going on with my mechanical existence.
Working at a desk, literally being tethered to a computer and phone, I feel like a zombie, a shell of my body, and all the torment I've endured over the years has left me numb and I can't even muster to do anything about it.
I’m a coward and it’s costing me.
Edit:
I read a few of the many comments, and I’ll answer a few. I’m a coward because I’m afraid of change, I’m afraid to fail and to hurt people, I’m afraid my dreams make me selfish and that I’ll step on people who are just like me if I try to pursue them. Yes, I am afraid to ask people out, and I’m afraid that someday I’ll realize that they might have been the one. I’m afraid my efforts however inconsequential are in vain. I’m afraid to stand up, for myself and for others. I was afraid of the truth, and at least I can say I got past it, because now, I am oh so intimately familiar with my flaws. I’m afraid that I have a superiority complex and act like a snob, while I am ironically afraid that I am rather stupid. I’m afraid I talk to much and I annoy everybody I talk to, and that even when they smile, in their mind they are begging me to shut up for a minute. I’m afraid that I’m a fraud, and I’m afraid that I have no right to fear these things so early in life.
I don’t see a therapist because they cost money, and I work at a gas station.
Maybe I haven’t really made peace with it. I hope to god I’m not this way forever. I know, that someday, somehow, I’ll find a way, but for now, It’s all I can do to stay in perspective and slink forward to the next day. And look forward to a future that seems oh so far beyond the reach of one with the means I posses.
Sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder. I struggle with this too.
If your parent(s) were abusive, they will be abusive to your spouse and children. Walk away so they cannot spread poison into your life anymore.
F**k that. I refuse to let anyone abuse my children. At the cost to my own life I will go down fighting to keep my children safe .
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given
Justice is, and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, an ideal. You can't reach it, only try to approach it, because people are individuals and societies change. Something that feels good/is right for one person at one time may feel bad/be wrong for another one, and laws have to generalize.
If your parent(s) were abusive, they will be abusive to your spouse and children. Walk away so they cannot spread poison into your life anymore.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Justice is, and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, an ideal. You can't reach it, only try to approach it, because people are individuals and societies change. Something that feels good/is right for one person at one time may feel bad/be wrong for another one, and laws have to generalize.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Note: this post originally had 96 images. It’s been shortened to the top 37 images based on user votes.
Most of this list is less coming to terms and more a worrying display of the lack of mental health support available to these individuals. I read a lot of these as cries for help.
Yeah, a lot of them sound clinically depressed and unable to get any help for it.
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For anyone who actually got through this, I don’t want you guys to end sad so I found this. https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-baby-hippo-image21401803 Pictures of hippos
I've come to terms that my baby boy died of sids. And I'm now in therapy, on meds and doing much better. Now i have mental space to help my husband and children deal with their grief too. This post helped alot. Thank you BP.
This is heartbreaking *and* life affirming (and not a contradiction in terms!). I don't mean to be flippant - I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss, but you have described how well you are now doing as well as being in a position to help the others who have not yet reached your level of acceptance. This is truly coming to terms with something awful and I wish you all the very best internet hugs from a stranger can offer.
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This post is depressing. Can we get more of the uplifting posts, BP? We need them now more than ever at a time like this.
i think it is useful to help people who cannot get help otherwise. Many people here on BP are kind and will offer helpful suggestions to depressed or abused people.
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So many of us stuck in the griefs of this world. God tells us We will have trouble in this world. Fortunately, He has overcome it and there will be a new one without suffering for those who want it. Hang on to Him. I can’t imagine suffering this without Him. I see so many trying and it pains me.
I got one. A romantic partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to be dishonest, manipulative and vindictive can be indistinguishable from a partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to remain that way forever. It leaves you unable to make the determination if minor idiosyncrasies are benign like most people, or if they are the red flags you should have seen in the first relationship. It will drive you crazy wondering if you are crazy, and it will further drive you crazy to think maybe you scrutinized backwards: you were generous and forgiving when you should have been hyper vigilant, and hyper vigilant when you should have been generous and forgiving.
Most of this list is less coming to terms and more a worrying display of the lack of mental health support available to these individuals. I read a lot of these as cries for help.
Yeah, a lot of them sound clinically depressed and unable to get any help for it.
Load More Replies... For anyone who actually got through this, I don’t want you guys to end sad so I found this. https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-baby-hippo-image21401803 Pictures of hippos
I've come to terms that my baby boy died of sids. And I'm now in therapy, on meds and doing much better. Now i have mental space to help my husband and children deal with their grief too. This post helped alot. Thank you BP.
This is heartbreaking *and* life affirming (and not a contradiction in terms!). I don't mean to be flippant - I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss, but you have described how well you are now doing as well as being in a position to help the others who have not yet reached your level of acceptance. This is truly coming to terms with something awful and I wish you all the very best internet hugs from a stranger can offer.
Load More Replies... This post is depressing. Can we get more of the uplifting posts, BP? We need them now more than ever at a time like this.
i think it is useful to help people who cannot get help otherwise. Many people here on BP are kind and will offer helpful suggestions to depressed or abused people.
Load More Replies... So many of us stuck in the griefs of this world. God tells us We will have trouble in this world. Fortunately, He has overcome it and there will be a new one without suffering for those who want it. Hang on to Him. I can’t imagine suffering this without Him. I see so many trying and it pains me.
I got one. A romantic partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to be dishonest, manipulative and vindictive can be indistinguishable from a partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to remain that way forever. It leaves you unable to make the determination if minor idiosyncrasies are benign like most people, or if they are the red flags you should have seen in the first relationship. It will drive you crazy wondering if you are crazy, and it will further drive you crazy to think maybe you scrutinized backwards: you were generous and forgiving when you should have been hyper vigilant, and hyper vigilant when you should have been generous and forgiving.
