As you probably know, scientists distinguish five main stages of any person's perception of the inevitable: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, the last stage - acceptance. When a person has already completely resigned themselves to the inevitability of something that was so hard to fit in one's mind, with the existence of a sad truth, a new reality is thus formed. And no matter how difficult it is to admit that one's friend or relative is terminally ill, that we will never see the people closest to us again, that some of us are doomed to loneliness until the very end of our lives, sooner or later comes the realization of any sad fact. As painful as this realization may be.
A new thread appeared in the AskReddit community a few days ago, the author of which asked just one simple question: "What is a depressing truth you have made peace with?" As a result, there are over 37.2K upvotes and almost 22K comments in the thread so far. People share their innermost experiences - and often receive priceless moral support.
Bored Panda has put together a special curated list of the most touching and sincere comments, which we are sure will touch you to the core. So feel free to read to the very end of the list and, of course, express your own feelings, as support is so vitally important in any situation, no matter how sad it is.
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My dad passed away 6 weeks ago and I will NEVER see, hear, chat or get to hug him ever again & that forever is a long time.
The worst part was the occasional out-of-the-blue feeling of "I should go see my dad. I haven't seen him in a while." and then realizing that I simply can't. It's no longer an option.
I know the feeling, and I'm sorry. For years I tried to call my mom. Only to realize half way to the phone that she's gone, and can't answer. Or look to see if I've got an email from her. It will take time..It will never go away, but it will soften. I'm sorry, M. I'd take away your pain, but it reminds you how much you love him.
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My mom died 8 years ago, and I still have urges to call her up. Like me, she was a big reader, and we loved to talk about what we were reading. I'll read something wonderful and think, "I can't wait to tell Jane!" Which is immediately followed by the realization that I'll never talk to her again.
This was also a very hard realization for me. For years I would come across something or see or hear something and think, "dad will love this" or "dad will not believe this," only to remember that he had died.
It's been 18 months and I still look across to 'his' chair he always sat in to tell him something. With me it's some weird little fact or a daft joke I know he would have loved to hear about and I think "I have to tell dad that one" and then I remember I can't.
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I’ve come to realize that I’ll never stop missing my grandparents. I no longer cry because they’re gone, but I know I’ll never stop loving them and missing them. They live in my heart.
My dad passed away unexpectedly 10 months ago. Went through some very cathartic moments in dealing with grief. I've accepted that he's gone. But the regrets of unfulfilled promises and not being able to say a final goodbye before he died still weigh heavily. And now I have an anxiety about my mom living far away from her kids and I don't want to go through these regrets a second time.
My brother has been gone for just over 4 years. We spent 2-3 days a week together, running a sports club and teaching another (seasonal) sport. Even now when something happens that concerns either sport, he's the first person I want to share things with. It hurts to realize I'll never be able to share with him again.
Sometimes I want to call my mom and tell her hey Look what your granddaughter did. Then I remember she's gone.
I'm so sorry for your loss, Scott. My Mum has been gone for 9 years, and her first great-grandchild is now 9 months old, and we all think how much Mum would have adored her (we wouldn't have had much a of a look-in, if she was around, though!).
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A few weeks ago I dreamt that I was wanting to call my dad, but I couldn’t remember his phone number and in the dream I realized I hadn’t talked to him in a while ! I started trying to figure out how to get in touch with him. Like who I should call to get his number. I was getting stressed in the dream but I woke up and the realization hit me that he died in 2008:( I cried for hours maybe the most I’ve cried since he died . We were very close !
I'm so sorry for your loss. Both of my parents are gone now (1977 and 2013), so I feel your pain. Dreams are weird, aren't they? Your sub-conscious knew that you wouldn't be able to contact him, and so that's why you "lost his number".
Load More Replies... My mum died last October. This weekend I had to go to hospital with chest pain and breathing problems. Ended up having to have an Angio procedure done. Kept wanting to phone her. Couldn’t. She’s not there anymore
I'm so sorry for your loss, Ellie. I've lost both my parents. I hope that your health improves soon.
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I lost my mum in 2009... she was 62. I am now 54... I still miss her...
My mom died about a month ago and I still have the urge to call her on my way home from work. When I remember I don't have anyone to call, everything turns dark and becomes irrelevant.
I know the feeling. Lost my dad 6 months ago, all of a sudden, I had to make a last minute trip back to my home country to say good bye, which I fortunately could. He pases two days after I got there and held his hand during his most moments. Not a day passes by that I don't miss him or feel the urge to talk to him. He was both my dad and my best friend.
My grandparents have been gone for 21 years and 16 years and I still have that feeling every once in a while. That void never goes away. Same with my friends that have passed.
I can so relate to this having lost my Dad in 2018 and my Aunt who died this February (2022). It is such an odd feeling too.
This week is the first anniversary of my dad's death. I feel this one hard.
4 years since my dad died. It does get easier with time-I still miss him, I still think about him and find myself thinking "I must remember to tell dad about.." and then realise I can't. But the emotional ambushes lose their impact eventually, and nowadays memories of him tend to leave me with a smile and a sense of happiness rather than a rush of grief. Losing a loved one is never easy, the pain is the price we have to pay for the love we have.
The shock takes time to work through. Work through it in your own time, not anyone else's. Grief is such a personal thing. My dad has been gone for 24 years and my mom for 15. Over the years my grief has changed. But still, there are times when I think about how much one or the other would love something and it comes back. Even now, at 65, it comes in a wave and it becomes like I'm a child again. "I miss my daddy". I miss my "Mother dear" (a funny thing between us). But eventually there will be more stuff to smile about than be sad about.
My mom passed in November 2021 and I still forget she's gone when I try to call her as I see something on TV she might like. The realization when the recording says "This number is no longer in service" hurts yet I do it again and again.
My father and all my siblings (and I'm the eldest too). All I have left is my mum.
It hurts 11 years after too. Today is the 11th anniversary of my mom’s death.
20 years ago my folks died within 7 weeks of eachother. But still, to this day, I'll often think, "I have to call mom (or dad) and ask her (him) about such & such." Then I remember I can't.
My grandfather died 6 years ago, my grandmother 9 years ago. And I still feel as if I can go to their house. I try with all my heart to avoid the area of town they lived at. Because if I do, I have to go past the house, and I never did before. I even used to call the number when he passed away to hear the answering machine message. The day I discovered it was cut off was devastating.
Same. 11 weeks tomorrow. He was only 62 and even though he passed in my arms I still can't believe he's gone and I still can't believe he's not coming back. I already miss his insanely stupid and insanely hilarious jokes. His little chuckle. His bow legged walk. Excuse me while I go cry.
I know this feeling all to well. I lost my mom as of 8 weeks ago. I've kept all of the last voicemails she left me just so I can hear her voice.
My parents are still alive and not "old" but I was plagued with those thoughts recently. Also my cat. That one day I'll be facing their death. That it could be unexpected. The thought of saying goodbye to my cat made me feel physically ill.
Same. It's been 12 years for me, and to this day I'll still come across a picture or something of his and I am utterly undone.
Talk to him, I have chats with mine all the time, mostly swearing at him when I'm doing DIY at mums. It helps a lot, you feel connected.
I'm way too familiar with this. My dad died in 2018 and my mom died only back in December. I miss them like crazy.
I feel you. My mom passed away three years ago. Sorry to say, you never get over it.
My dad passed away in 2018 and it will be his birthday on Saturday, it does not get better.
I lost my mother 8 months ago and I still unconsciously start praying for her health and life suddenly realising she is not alive. Its so painful she had brain tumour. Lung failure. I know what u feel im sorry
The worst part about dying is the pain it leaves the living with. I have family members that have passed more than 20 years ago and my heart still aches for the fact that I will never see them again. It's rough!
I will never get back the time I have lost to depression.
Edit: I am amazed by the huge response, and appreciate your comments and the awards. Thankfully, life is mostly better for me. We can and do recover. I wish those of you in the middle of it you peace and love. Reach out for help, you are worth it.
A friendship you thought would last forever can end in an instant
I found out my so called best friend was stealing money from me and like had hundreds of pictures of underage girls on his computer. I noped out were done in a heartbeat.
The people that cause the most harm to the world will go unpunished, live happy and fulfilled lives, and die getting to do pretty much anything they ever wanted simply because they were either born into wealth or managed to acquire tons of if through nefarious means.
Or non-nefarious such as becoming an actor, model, musician and having the astonishingly good fortune of becoming rich and famous.Or rich and famous for nothing. Looking at you KUWTK. Although, they were already wealthy.
Just because you think someone is "the one", doesn't mean they think you are.
I find it more comforting than depressing but some people will see it as the opposite. I'm entirely fine with being in no relationship. It's been almost a decade since the last one and I just don't see it as the priority that others do. I'm entirely fine with just having friends and colleagues. Hell I'm happy. I just wanna toss it out there because some people might find my reasoning to be helpful in deciding their life priorities.
I realized in therapy yesterday I'm only keeping myself alive out of a sense of obligation to others. That wasn't a fun realization.
No one is coming to help
This is a huge fear. People just don't want to get involved.
The majority of the human race are narrow, deluded, arbitrary believers in fantasies, willfully ignorant about everything not immediately useful to them, violent, destructive, warlike, tribal as hell, and willing - under the right motivation or excuse - to commit any imaginable atrocity or horror on others... even their own neighbors. Humans are brutal apes with a thin veneer of civilization barely holding them back from constant genocide and cruelty.
I didn't want to believe this, and I have fought this conclusion for all of my 62 years. But I am rational, it cannot be denied. It must be accepted.
Whatever glory humans achieve, they can never truly be trusted. I cannot dismiss this any longer.
The worse part: you have to live within the algorithms set by their crazy.
That at the end of the day, the only one I can rely on is myself
My childhood is gone, and I have no good memory from that phase of my life
You are not alone in this. Make as much of your present life as you can! Do what you love most as frequently as possible, be it walking in nature, reading, chatting with friends, etc. Childhood is generally out of our control, but independent life is up to us.
Sometimes people you care deeply about will choose to drop out of your life and all you can really do is have the grace to let them
To everyone struggling with being left behind, and to everyone struggling with having to be the one to leave- I hope the pain eases for you soon.
Yep. My best friend of several decades recently dropped me and I have no idea why.
I will always fight my demons. There is no healing from it.
Being alive is expensive.
Dying is expensive too. I don't need a funeral, just throw me in the trash.
I'm aware enough to know that there is something wrong with me. But I'm not aware enough to know what it is, let alone fix it.
A sick mind cannot heal itself. Sometimes we need help from someone else. I've learned so much from therapy, and I've needed it at different times in my life, for different reasons. It was always helpful, and never a waste.
You can do everything perfectly and still fail completely.
That and
People would rather leave you than own up to what they did and they’ll never even give you a second thought. Humans, turns out, are good at lying to themselves.
I heard the first part from ST:TNG "It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not weakness, that is life.”
No matter how hard you love someone, they can fall out of love with you and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. Took me a lot of self destruction and pain to realize it. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.
Yeah. And while love can be brought back it takes that both are willing to really work for it. You can't bring life to a dead relationship on your own.
My grandpa just wanted to get to know me and the man I was becoming during his last year of life. Which I was too young and too selfish to realize.
My depression is very likely chronic. I'll be living with it for the rest of my life.
You can do yourself a favor by seeing a doctor. Antidepressants literally saved my life. I went on and off them when I was younger, but at this point, it’s not worth it to me to go off them.
You're completely alone inside your own head. No one will ever be able to truly feel what you feel.
That’s not true! I have the little voice in my head to keep me company!!
I'm aging nonstop
I don't like when people say 'never get old'. I don't have a choice. You can't stop it. You gotta learn to appreciate it. I've learned to appreciate my age. I'm 36, and while my back hurts in the morning, I am so much more comfortable with myself than when I was younger. I continue to become happier with who I am, and care less about the little things. While sometimes it does upset me, I try to remember that as I get older, the less F**KS I will give!
I will always have the big sad following me, I can push it down for a bit, but it will come back eventually.
I just need to remember to breathe and remember I can get past it.
I'll never be comfortable financially. I have failed every attempt. I really did try. I promise you, I did. But nothings worked for me. I just have to accept it.
There will be no cure for my spinal cord injury in my lifetime. It was initially very depressing to realise, but almost 3 years in I'm kind of okay with it.
They should cure other stuff like ALS first, and if it has to be SCI related - cure the nerve pain, or the bowel/bladder stuff. The not walking is very low on my list of priorities personally.
I'm aware of ongoing research, but have no faith in any of it. We'd have to either revolutionise neurology or be very lucky.
Chronic illness and Injuries can happen and they don’t pick convenient moments to dump on you. I just try to make the best of what I have
That one day I won’t be alive and neither will anybody I love 🥺
That my whole life has been a waste. That if I disappeared tomorrow nobody would even know or care. I used to consciously feel the existential dread that brings, but now I just kind of ignore it and keep going on with my mechanical existence.
Working at a desk, literally being tethered to a computer and phone, I feel like a zombie, a shell of my body, and all the torment I've endured over the years has left me numb and I can't even muster to do anything about it.
I’m a coward and it’s costing me.
Edit:
I read a few of the many comments, and I’ll answer a few. I’m a coward because I’m afraid of change, I’m afraid to fail and to hurt people, I’m afraid my dreams make me selfish and that I’ll step on people who are just like me if I try to pursue them. Yes, I am afraid to ask people out, and I’m afraid that someday I’ll realize that they might have been the one. I’m afraid my efforts however inconsequential are in vain. I’m afraid to stand up, for myself and for others. I was afraid of the truth, and at least I can say I got past it, because now, I am oh so intimately familiar with my flaws. I’m afraid that I have a superiority complex and act like a snob, while I am ironically afraid that I am rather stupid. I’m afraid I talk to much and I annoy everybody I talk to, and that even when they smile, in their mind they are begging me to shut up for a minute. I’m afraid that I’m a fraud, and I’m afraid that I have no right to fear these things so early in life.
I don’t see a therapist because they cost money, and I work at a gas station.
Maybe I haven’t really made peace with it. I hope to god I’m not this way forever. I know, that someday, somehow, I’ll find a way, but for now, It’s all I can do to stay in perspective and slink forward to the next day. And look forward to a future that seems oh so far beyond the reach of one with the means I posses.
Sounds like you may have an anxiety disorder. I struggle with this too.
If your parent(s) were abusive, they will be abusive to your spouse and children. Walk away so they cannot spread poison into your life anymore.
F**k that. I refuse to let anyone abuse my children. At the cost to my own life I will go down fighting to keep my children safe .
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given
Justice is, and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, an ideal. You can't reach it, only try to approach it, because people are individuals and societies change. Something that feels good/is right for one person at one time may feel bad/be wrong for another one, and laws have to generalize.
If your parent(s) were abusive, they will be abusive to your spouse and children. Walk away so they cannot spread poison into your life anymore.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Justice is, and ALWAYS HAS BEEN, an ideal. You can't reach it, only try to approach it, because people are individuals and societies change. Something that feels good/is right for one person at one time may feel bad/be wrong for another one, and laws have to generalize.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Realizing that justice went from being a right, to a theory, to a concept, then merely to a word. And that in reality, it’s become such a disregarded “right” for so long that it’s now normalized, and there are so many who are part of the system in one way or another (including those who claim to advocate for someone’s rights) that they are comfortable brazenly and openly committing on a daily basis, it’s now a given.
Note: this post originally had 96 images. It’s been shortened to the top 37 images based on user votes.
Most of this list is less coming to terms and more a worrying display of the lack of mental health support available to these individuals. I read a lot of these as cries for help.
Yeah, a lot of them sound clinically depressed and unable to get any help for it.
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For anyone who actually got through this, I don’t want you guys to end sad so I found this. https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-baby-hippo-image21401803 Pictures of hippos
I've come to terms that my baby boy died of sids. And I'm now in therapy, on meds and doing much better. Now i have mental space to help my husband and children deal with their grief too. This post helped alot. Thank you BP.
This is heartbreaking *and* life affirming (and not a contradiction in terms!). I don't mean to be flippant - I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss, but you have described how well you are now doing as well as being in a position to help the others who have not yet reached your level of acceptance. This is truly coming to terms with something awful and I wish you all the very best internet hugs from a stranger can offer.
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This post is depressing. Can we get more of the uplifting posts, BP? We need them now more than ever at a time like this.
i think it is useful to help people who cannot get help otherwise. Many people here on BP are kind and will offer helpful suggestions to depressed or abused people.
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So many of us stuck in the griefs of this world. God tells us We will have trouble in this world. Fortunately, He has overcome it and there will be a new one without suffering for those who want it. Hang on to Him. I can’t imagine suffering this without Him. I see so many trying and it pains me.
I got one. A romantic partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to be dishonest, manipulative and vindictive can be indistinguishable from a partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to remain that way forever. It leaves you unable to make the determination if minor idiosyncrasies are benign like most people, or if they are the red flags you should have seen in the first relationship. It will drive you crazy wondering if you are crazy, and it will further drive you crazy to think maybe you scrutinized backwards: you were generous and forgiving when you should have been hyper vigilant, and hyper vigilant when you should have been generous and forgiving.
Most of this list is less coming to terms and more a worrying display of the lack of mental health support available to these individuals. I read a lot of these as cries for help.
Yeah, a lot of them sound clinically depressed and unable to get any help for it.
Load More Replies... For anyone who actually got through this, I don’t want you guys to end sad so I found this. https://www.dreamstime.com/stock-photos-baby-hippo-image21401803 Pictures of hippos
I've come to terms that my baby boy died of sids. And I'm now in therapy, on meds and doing much better. Now i have mental space to help my husband and children deal with their grief too. This post helped alot. Thank you BP.
This is heartbreaking *and* life affirming (and not a contradiction in terms!). I don't mean to be flippant - I'm so dreadfully sorry for your loss, but you have described how well you are now doing as well as being in a position to help the others who have not yet reached your level of acceptance. This is truly coming to terms with something awful and I wish you all the very best internet hugs from a stranger can offer.
Load More Replies... This post is depressing. Can we get more of the uplifting posts, BP? We need them now more than ever at a time like this.
i think it is useful to help people who cannot get help otherwise. Many people here on BP are kind and will offer helpful suggestions to depressed or abused people.
Load More Replies... So many of us stuck in the griefs of this world. God tells us We will have trouble in this world. Fortunately, He has overcome it and there will be a new one without suffering for those who want it. Hang on to Him. I can’t imagine suffering this without Him. I see so many trying and it pains me.
I got one. A romantic partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to be dishonest, manipulative and vindictive can be indistinguishable from a partner who is loving and caring at the beginning of the relationship but turns out to remain that way forever. It leaves you unable to make the determination if minor idiosyncrasies are benign like most people, or if they are the red flags you should have seen in the first relationship. It will drive you crazy wondering if you are crazy, and it will further drive you crazy to think maybe you scrutinized backwards: you were generous and forgiving when you should have been hyper vigilant, and hyper vigilant when you should have been generous and forgiving.
