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When you just start dating someone, there is this honeymoon period where they seem so nice and wonderful, but time has a way of revealing that some folks don’t actually have that much going on up there.
Someone asked “What was your "I'm dating an idiot" moment?” and people share their dumbest experiences. From a basic lack of understanding of how temperatures work, to the inability to comprehend satire, get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorites and be sure to share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
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#1
They put shrimp in my food to see if I am really allergic to seafood or just being " dramatic."
Anaphylaxis occurred, epi-pen deployed, ambulance trip. The hospital suggested I press charges.
They never admitted it was the wrong thing to do. They never apologized.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
This should be classified as attempted murder, if it isn't already. Or at least assault/battery.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 year ago
Definitely assault. I think attempted murder is a bit harsh if the intent to kill wasn't there.
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Alexandra Nara 1 year ago (edited)
so press charges they have to learn the hard way before they killing someone
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
That's a crime. You can press charges. Bet that will have a good education then
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
Always assume someone is telling the truth when it comes to food allergies.
Frozengeckolover 1 year ago
My step mom did this, and then fussed at me because I projectile vomited all over her custom dinning table and imported rug before falling out, unresponsive. I did not have an epi-pen. She left me laying there. I recovered enough to crawl to the phone after about an hour. She claimed she didn't do it. My dad believed her. A couple of months later, she tried again. That time, I realized something was up before I ate the food. I moved out after that. I was homeless for a while, but it was safer than being in a house with that b*tch.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago
This is considered - "aggravated assault, criminal conspiracy, simple assault and recklessly endangering another person." ...... Not to mention what would've happened to them had the person died. Definitely press charges, even if they never admit what they did was potentially lethal? It'll be on their records hopefully making finding a job etc harder for them in the future.
Kelley Baltierra 1 year ago
Oh yes because all people with food allergies are just "being dramatic"
Laserleader 1 year ago
SIL did it with goat cheese in a lasagna. I mean who puts goat cheese in lasagna? My throat was closing up after a few small bites, and I asked what ingredients were in it. She didn't even mention the goat cheese the first time she listed it, then she suddenly "remembered". She's a self-professed Ceiliac, and flaunts her "allergy" every second, but I had told her a few times before about my anaphylaxis allergy. Hmmm
RELATED:
#2
This was way back when (in the 90s), but a dude invited me back to his place for dinner, said he'd make scallops. I love seafood, so heck yeah! That boy made Betty Crocker Scalloped Potatoes. Yeah, from a box. He didn't even make them well, either. They were still funky and crunchy in the middle! *But.......* I met his roommate that day, and he and I've been married for almost 30 years, so it wasn't a total loss.
Camber Hollywood 1 year ago
Adding this to my dating plan: get an idiot roomate and talk to their dates.
#3
She said that the temperature in her house never changed, so she couldn't understand why she was always hot/cold.
She had never taken the packaging off of the digital thermometer, so she was just looking at a sticker that said 72 degrees.
MaxMi 2 weeks ago
I once saw a similar stick over a digital watch we’ve been gifting a colleague who wasn’t the sharpest tool on the shelf. Without him noticing, I removed the stick and put it on his computer monitor, right over the desktop. After a while he blast "and now what is this ?" I go peek and tell him it’s the watch app. It installed when you activated it out of the box. We came back from the coffee break to find him trying to move the "app" icon with the mouse.
#4
He kept littering. I really hate littering. The day he spit his gum out on the sidewalk of a zoo I called him out on it. He says "It will evaporate". I laughed and said "Thats funny but no seriously you should just use the trash can.". He gave me a confused look. Thats when I realized he was serious. He was so convinced that trash evaporates in the sun we had a full on debate about it.
Edit: The f*****g idiot was me because I stayed with him for 3 years after that.
Ronald Robin 1 year ago
good on you for taking accountability of your own stupidity. it takes an intelligent person to do that.
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 1 year ago
Well said! I have big respect for people that can acknowledge and admit their faults. Those who refuse to do so shows extremely weak character imo
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Joshua David 1 year ago
Trash evaporating? How do you say you're American without mentioning you're American? Im American btw.
Debra Robinson 1 year ago (edited)
Did his one malformed braincell evaporate? That's being extremely generous.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Does he think he's living in an early 2000s video game world where stuff just conveniently disappears up to and including the body of the guy you just killed?
Katherine McNeal 1 year ago
Singapore made chewing gum illegal for several years, consistent with laws against litter, graffiti, and others that could put perpetrators in jail. Or caned
#5
Had a boy try to convince me that he didn't need to use a condom because I couldn't get pregnant while he was taking antibiotics. (Would have been the first time we got physical, I noped out when he would not tell me why he was taking them- I still think I dodged a bullet).
Sergio Bicerra 1 year ago
If the anibiotics were because of an infection after a dog chomped his d**k off, then he was right.
Seanette Blaylock 1 year ago
True, if the woman is the one taking them. If the man is, then the antibiotic is not in the woman's bloodstream and won't interact with any meds she's taking.
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Lisa Z 1 year ago (edited)
Too many of these to correct every one of them. Taking antibiotics reduces the efficacy of birth control pills. Since men don’t take BCP, their antibiotic prescription has zero effect on the chance of pregnancy. And yes, grapefruit can interfere with some meds, but not BC.
Kate Jones 1 year ago
There are some people who think you can't get pregnant at night because the sperm are asleep. Seriously.
#6
In my early 20’s, I started living with my boyfriend at the time. I got my period and he demanded to know what I had done with the egg.
Folks, this 21-year-old man, whose mother was a nurse, who had a sister that had just given birth to twins, thought that human women LAID AN EGG when they had their period.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I... I mean, we SHED an egg (ovum) with our endometrial lining... does that count as "laying" an egg? XD
Alexandra Nara 1 year ago (edited)
You want the egg? Oh I would hand him something to find out where the egg is and take a pic of his bloody horror. Better listen in school guys
Marielle Vos - van Stempvoort 1 year ago
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Gwyn 1 year ago
He thought they lay eggs but he knows women give birth so.... What did he think the purpose of the egg was? They just lay them for shits and giggles?
Carbonel 1 year ago
Exactly. I’m also wondering what he thought pregnant women were carrying around inside them.
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Guess Undheit 1 year ago
How does someone reach age 20 and be THAT lacking in curiosity. Forget having a nurse for a mother, HOW do you function or survive that long without wanting to know anything? Oh right, cisgender heterosexual males fail upwards.
Sunny Day 1 year ago
I work with a woman my age (upper 50s). She has a son nearing 40. I mentioned that I couldn't tell when I started menopause because my periods stopped when I had my uterus removed. She said "is that where the blood comes from?"
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Stimpy 1 year ago
Well, basically laying an egg is exactly what happens... It just happens to be a LOT smaller, made of less cells and without a shell but basically he is not entirely wrong...
María Hermida 1 year ago
An unfertilised egg, any egg (human or bird) is just one cell.
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Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
When I first started menstruating I looked for a tiny egg in my underwear (when I started having cramps before getting the period.). I did this several times then finally gave up. What the heck, I was 11!
justagirl 1 year ago
Okay, ngl, before my reproduction unit in science, I knew girls shed uterine lining and all that, but I always that when having sex the guy's part was to go into the vagina, go way, way up, crack open the egg, and release the sperm. I legit thought that the sperm would become the baby. Science class got my head on straight real quick.
#7
I took her out to dinner, gave her two options: an Italian restaurant or just like a regular restaurant where they served all kinds of stuff. She said she really hated Italian food, so we went to the regular restaurant. Where she ordered a lasagna.
Aelin Wildfire 1 year ago
To be fair, IS lasagna Italian, or is it one of those foods created by Italians in America? There's a bit of a gray area there.
Matthew Barabas 1 year ago
did you ever consider that she disliked how the food was *made* at that italian resteraunt?
#8
I have an Ex-wife who pretends to be allergic to chocolate (spoiler alert, she isn't), and one year for my birthday we went out to eat with all my friends and family.
I offered her some of my coconut shrimp, which she gladly accepted. 4 seconds later, she made a terrible "RRRUuUgggGgHHhhH!" sound and spat the chewed shrimp onto the table. As loud as she could, she said "Was that COCONUT SHRIMP?!?"
"Yes" I replied.
"Coconut??? COCONUT???..." She shouted, and was met with blank stares. "COCOA-Nut?!?" She hollered, trying very hard to embarrass me in front of everyone I know.
Once the laughter died down, I asked her if she really thought there was Cocoa in Coconut. We're divorced now, thankfully. .
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Why would anyone "pretend" to be allergic to chocolate? That stuff is awesome!
Patricia Smith 1 year ago
Well at least you still enjoy the cocoa part and left the nut for her. Very appropriate.
SkippityBoppityBoo 1 year ago (edited)
I really don't like people like this, those who pretend to be allergic to something when they're not. Just because it makes it harder for those people who actually are allergic, sometimes severely, to be taken seriously.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
I tried to make the sound described above, I have looks of horror from GoodBoi
JammaCoast2Coast 1 year ago
I have the same reaction to coconut - the texture is like eating cat hair.
Sarah bell 2 weeks ago
People who fake allergies need to have some sense shaken into them . Its People like her that cause people to test people with real allergies .
Laserleader 1 year ago
I know a self-proclaimed "Ceiliac" who uses a ton of Guar gum and xantham gum, and a bunch of other baking adhesives, which also have side effects that mimic the exact symptoms of Celiacs disease. So, she acusses everyone of poisoning her, and only eats homemade stuff that makes her sick... and she won't belive anyone.
#9
We had a heated debate about whether or not dinosaurs were alive during the American Revolution. Her stance was ‘there’s really no way to know’.
Donald 1 year ago
The image of Washington riding a T-Rex across the Delaware River on Christmas eve to smash Hessian mercenaries is gonna get me through the day. Thank you lol
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Stephanie Did It 1 year ago
Worse, they reproduce and they're allowed to drive.
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Alex Boyd 1 year ago
I'm weirdly curious whether this person's nonsensical position was that they could've been alive and well in some area of the world that is not extensively documented during that period, or that they could have actually been in the 13 Colonies and for some reason just nobody from that time mentioned them in writing or drew a picture of one. Both are nuts, but different flavors of nuts.
Patricia Smith 1 year ago
This is what happened when the powers that be stripped any kind of American Civics in middle school!
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Or critical thinking. "Just pass standardized test that only requires remembering specific s**t" and you'll be ready for the world.
Load More Replies... Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 9 months ago
Shes right at home in MAGA now... bet shes a huge Rogan and RFK fan too.
#10
We were in the forest discussing a possible pregnancy scare. She wanted to 'knock on wood'.
She walked up to a tree and asked me "This is made of wood, right?"
Bless her heart,
(Thank God she wasn't pregnant....).
ShyWahine 1 year ago
Her belief has us stumped, but also tree-mendous relief she's knot pregnant
Fanstacia D 1 year ago
Good, good. Let the puns flow through you. Muwhahahah
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Binky Melnik 1 year ago
When I say “Knock on wood” and there’s no wooden anything around, I knock on the head of whoever I’m talking to. They always laugh, but nearly 100% of the time, I’m trying to tell them something. They don’t get it, though, and just laugh, thus proving my point. 😕
Jenna Kay 1 year ago (edited)
.... ??? Also, why is did you lowercase God? Just asking, as that isn't correct capitalization, unless you meant to imply that God is not a proper noun and therefore a common item, or that you are speaking of one of many gods.
Load More Replies... #11
In college, I dated this guy who was nice but kind of dumb. And he had some bizarre personal habits around the house, the worst of which was the fact that he only owned one towel and he rarely washed it, like once every couple months. It hung in his bathroom as stiff as sheet metal and as a rough as a cats tongue.
So, for Christmas, I bought him two more bath towels, a hand towel, and several washcloths. When he opened it, he looked quietly at it for a second, like a goat looking at a new fence, and said, “but I already *have* a towel…”
he was genuinely puzzled as to why anyone would own more than one towel since “it gets cleaner every time you use it.”.
Karina 1 year ago
I had a friend like this, so I gifted him to fluffy beach towels. He promptly put one as a seat protector in a work van he didnt own, and the other one was perfect to lay on the floor ans soak up the water that pooled around the toilet. His own towels look like a cat threw up on them, but hey..
John Mosley 1 year ago
We're supposed to just let "the water that pooled around the toilet" go with no further questions?
Load More Replies... Daya Meyer 1 year ago
And none of the guys had a thought like: It gets nastier over the years, maybe I should buy a new one.?
#12
Got in a big fight with my girlfriend at the time because I saw a bear crossing sign and thought it was worth pointing out. She called me an idiot because there was no way there were possibly bears in Michigan. I reminded her that we were going to the Sleeping *Bear* Dunes. That made us discuss if there were bears in our hometown (also in MI). I said yes. She said there couldn't possibly be bears in our hometown and I'm stupid for thinking that. We got in some ridiculous fight about how she can't date an idiot. A week later, a car accident happened less than a mile from her house where the car hit a bear. I sent her the news article, and that's when another fight started.
Daisy1355 1 year ago
My great grandmother lived in the UP. Her house had a deck that was high up (20 feet) with berry bushes under it. Used to sit at the patio door/on the deck watching the black bears venture out of the nearby woods to grab the berries.
JP Doyle 1 year ago
Also from da U.P. Bears looking inside thru my bedroom window was a thing when I was a kid. Just last month they had notices in the news warning people that two bears were wandering the town looking for food
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Regina Holt 1 year ago
Yeah, some idiots get angry when you show them hard and fast evidence that they are wrong.
#13
We watched Shrek and she didn't believe that the guy who voiced Shrek was the same guy who played Austin Powers because "their accents aren't the same."
I explained that it was the same actor doing different voices. She couldn't fathom it.
When I told her that Austin Powers' voice wasn't the actor's real voice either, that was too much for her to handle.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
To be fair, I had a moment of disbelief when I first learned the actor Hugh Laurie ("House") is English. His American accent is flawless. However, I was able to use my one remaining braincell to actually believe the fact once I was shown video evidence (and wikipedia, lol.) It's one thing to have disbelief at how well some actors can speak in different accents... it's another thing entirely to completely not believe it even after being shown the truth. XD
Nicole Weymann 1 year ago
I loved his performance(s) in Blackadder! If you don't know it, try it. He's a regular in seasons 3 and 4 (season 1 is not a highlight). He also co-starred with Stephen Fry in " A Bit of Fry & Laurie" and "Jeeves and Wooster"
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Super Beast 1 year ago
I will never understand fighting over stuff like this when you have Google
Dream 1 year ago
Mike is sort of an exception and is Canadian right but why are actors from the UK so good at doing American accents but Americans are so bad at doing British accents? Lakota's comment made me think of this.
Emma S 1 year ago (edited)
Because British actors tend to be classically trained at drama schools such as RADA and the Guildhall. Many of them spent years honing their craft on the stage with the National Theatre or RSC before they progress onto TV and movies, therefore giving them much more opportunity to work on their range. They know that to make it in Hollywood they have to be able to do a convincing American accent. Also, a lot of media that we consume in the UK comes from the US so they grew up listening to American accents. Not all American actors do a bad British accent though. But sadly, for every Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Doors, there's a D**k Van Dyke in Mary Poppins.
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Iseabail Munro 1 year ago
Had a pal obsessed with Keith lemon, didn't believe me when I told her he's just a character played by Leigh Francis. Showed he proof on Google and even showed other characters he's played (bo selecta) before she finally believed me.
Chewie Baron 1 year ago
Mike Myers was born in the UK, Liverpool in fact. His family emigrated to Canada when he was a kid.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
This surprised me, since I mostly recognize actors by their voices (male actors I mean).
#14
After almost 6 months I finally decided I could introduce him to my extremely judgy friend group. Sitting at the bar having a great time. My friend whispers “he’s a keeper” I’m thrilled they get along. Not even a minute later while talking he states out of no where “well the earth is flat” and that he knows because “YouTube “ I sailed the globe in the Navy, my friend is a long haul pilot and he just kept referring to YouTube. Thought he was being funny, he was serious. Took him home, dropped him off and never saw him again. So. Still single!
Belladonna.dreams 1 year ago
Not true! It has to be posted on tik tok or Instagram for it to be true!
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Eugenia 1 year ago
Someone said that if the Earth was flat, cats would have already thrown everything from the edge
Max Fox 1 year ago
Many conspiracy theorists, for thigs like Flat Earth, are otherwise fully functioning adults, and are logical and reasonable, except when it comes to the specific topic of their conspiracy theory. Only recently have conspiracy theories becomes part of the political platform of a major party, and have become something that takes over people's entire life.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
You can go down a rabbit hole full of some conspiracy theories on YouTube.
#15
My Hispanic date said she would never marry a black guy because she didn’t want to have Puerto Rican kids. Edit: she wasn’t joking.
#16
My period arrived when we were at dinner and he asked me to ‘hold it’.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 year ago
I've seen this before where some men (stupid, stupid men) think a period is like urination; that it can just be "held" until a convenient time.
Karina 1 year ago
We have , probably most of us, stupidly tried to hold it in as well, while running to the bathroom 😅 it really dosnt work
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Fanstacia D 1 year ago
Had a frickin’ TEACHER ask me this once. Not only did he think we could ‘hold it’ he thought the female students purposely chose not to just to mess with him. Another student dragged her (female) biology teacher in after class one day, male teacher looked at her and I kid you not, said “No. We are not having this conversation again.” So apparently people had already tried to address it with him, and specifically the biology teacher and he still was t having any of it.
Anna Drever 1 year ago
I think I’d have ended up in detention as I’d deliberately sit in his chair and leak. I’m saying that as a 60-something year old woman. Teen me would never. 🙂
Load More Replies... ShyWahine 1 year ago
His belief is bloody funny, but go with the flow, don't ovary-act or let it cramp your style
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
I'm not a woman, but I can imagine a lot of woman would love to be able to just "hold it".
Ralph Watkins 1 year ago
An old racist joke was that Asian women's privates go side to side, not front to back. It was made up during WW-II by GIs in the Pacific. My dad must have told that one to my mother when they were dating back in the 1940s. We had a Chinese girl marry into our family & my mom was excited to meet her. And one of the first questions she was going to ask was about that joke. "OMG, Ma. They are normal, like any other woman on the planet, front to back, front to back", I told her. Awkward meeting averted.
Lost Penny 1 year ago
Doesn't even surprise me. I've heard it so many times that I don't even facepalm anymore.
#17
College girlfriend who was not a fully-functioning adult. Zero life skills. Got a flat tire while driving alone, stood by the car acting helpless until a guy stopped and offered to help. He changed it, but unbeknownst to her had set the parking brake. She gets in her car and it won't go anywhere because the parking brake was set. She runs out of the car and asks the guy, "my car won't go, did you put the wheel on backwards?" No s**t, she actually told everybody about it.
Carbonel 1 year ago
I know in theory how to change a tyre but unless I was in the middle of nowhere with no other option, I wouldn’t attempt it. That’s what I pay breakdown cover for. I’d be absolutely terrified I hadn’t tightened a nut properly and my wheel was about to come off. The handbrake thing though…
Deep One 1 year ago
When I was in middle school (1977) we had Home Ec, Small engine repair, wood working, metal shop, home repair, etc. I have heard they have done away with these but we desperately need a living life course for modern times. Balancing a checkbook, basic car maintenance, cooking (home ec), everyday stuff. A lot of this we used to learn from parents and grandparents or other family members but now that we are so isolated from one another we need these classes in school.
Robert Trebor 1 year ago
All the time around Austin, Texas you see really expensive cars left on the shoulders, sometimes for days. Someone told me that her rich friend never did the service, and when it died, she called an Uber, and bought a new car.
Fanstacia D 1 year ago
What’s more she put herself in danger trusting a stranger rather than learn how to change a tire. 🤦🏻♀️
Tommy DePaul 5 months ago
Like all the women that seriously ask why it hurts to be kicked in the balls but you can squeeze the skin of the s*****m.
John Lovakovic 1 year ago
Some people don't know how to change a tyre. Our daughters first boyfriend wanted to come with her when she was getting her car serviced. He couldn't get over when she pulled up at our house and serviced her car.
#18
She thought i didnt actually have a gluten sensitivity and was just being a picky eater so she told me she had ordered a gluten sensitive alternative to a food i wanted but actually didnt and watched me eat it to catch me lying. i ended up in the hospital, in a foreign country on the other side of the world. three weeks later i got diagnosed with celiac and she lost a girlfriend.
Myoviridae 1 year ago
Why the heck do people keep trying to challenge food allergies/sensitivities? If you have a wheat allergy or are celiac, then you go straight to the hospital if you eat it. If you have gluten sensitivity, then you get the fun of lots of pain, plus hours/days of quality time in the bathroom, depending on how much you ate.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
It's a lack of empathy and sympathy and the belief that you *must* be "faking it". I don't have any food allergies/sensitivities, but I get migraines so bad that they sometimes put me in the ER. My mom is convinced they're "not that bad" and that I can "just feel better if I want to". She also doesn't believe mental illnesses are "real" and thinks my clinical depression is just because I "want attention". It's not the same thing as disbelieving a food allergy, but it's along the same vein. My mom is the textbook definition of toxic narcissist.
Load More Replies... Regina Holt 1 year ago
Seriously, if someone says they are allergic to something, how the he!! does that affect you? This "testing" to see if they are really allergic isn't funny or trying to make a point. What does it matter to you what the He!! I eat?
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
Or lying about what you’re feeding them. I saw a story a couple of years ago when a new roommate made breakfast for everybody including bacon and then said, “haha it wasn’t really bacon. It was vegetarian.” OP had an allergic reaction and a hospital stay. OP asked roommate to pay their hospital bills and when she refused they pressed charges. Roommate has a criminal record, lost her scholarship and had to pay the hospital bill. All because she wanted to prove vegetarian food is tasty.
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
Why do ppl let these scum get away with feeding them food that they are either allergic to or sensitive to? The person ends up in a hospital suffering both physically and financially. Press charges and sue for the cost of the medical care
Sophia Athene 1 year ago (edited)
People have got to start pressing charges after this happens. How else will it end?!? Or reduces the # of times this keeps happening.
Vinnie 1 year ago
WTF, treating people like lab rats!! When I was in a restaurant in Cuba, a young woman at the next table was trying to get information on a menu item - she couldn't have gluten. Luckily, my husband could speak Spanish and chatted with the waiter. I joked afterwards that he had "gallantly saved a beautiful Swedish blonde", but I was sincerely glad he helped her. Cuba has good hospitals, but why put someone through hell on a whim?
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
Once again, it's not worth a hospital visit to see if someone is lying about their body
Frozengeckolover 1 year ago
I only question people's claims of allergies (or sensitivities) if I see them contradict themselves. Then I get mad because fakers complicate things for legit allergy sufferers. I developed a severe allergy to raw tomatoes in my 30's. I can eat them cooked, which causes some confusion. People occasionally try to trick me into eating them raw, and I end up in the ER. Cross contamination is a huge issue; I won't risk ordering a salad in a restaurant. My mom started claiming she had the same allergy. I believed her, at first. Then I found out she was eating tomato sandwiches a couple of times a week (bread, mayo, and slice of raw tomato). She also claimed to be allergic to mayo and gluten, so that sandwich should have killed her. She told me she could eat all that stuff "sometimes". I didn't speak to her for weeks after that because I was so p*ssed.
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 1 year ago
Even if someone is possibly being dramatic or whatever about a food allergy, I will still treat it like it will kill them. Better safe than sorry.
Ralph Watkins 1 year ago
Retired nurse here. Gluten free tend to just be trend eaters. Ask them what happens when they eat gluten, they usually don't give any of the right answers for celiacs. I used to ask patients if any foods upset them. They gave detailed descriptions of what foods did what & they essentially told me they had celiacs without saying they had a gluten issue.
Lena Flising 6 months ago
It's horrible to do it to a celiac person (or to someone with other severe allergies) of course, but for a picky eater it's not fun either. If I eat meat with fat in it, or with bones, I start regurgitating it, I can't control it. It's not that bad if I'm at home, when I can run off and spit it out, but eating something like that in a public place is very embarassing. Sptitting out food is not considered good behavior...
#19
I came home and she was upset about a news story she watched earlier about a new method of execution being approved in... I forget where, like Ohio or something. She proceeded to explain the process, where one a person sits on the seat it automatically activates a grabber arm, which has a topical anesthetic applied to each prong to "numb the area to make it totally painless" before it twists their head off. There was more to it, but we got about 30 seconds in to her explanation when it was clear this isn't a thing. I tried to reassure her of that, which led to an argument and her eventually sending me the video in question. This was a video from The Onion. This was clearly not real, and not even clever satire, it was just dumb. Even then I tried laughing it off and showing her where it was from and what they do, and she still persisted. It's the news, and they can't just make things up. I left her that week.
Nicole Weymann 1 year ago
"Where's the harm in posting stupid $hit like that? It's not as if anyone was dumb enough to believe it!" Some people will believe anything - and on the other side of the spectrum people will believe nothing because it's all lies anyway. I swear: one of the most important skills to learn (and teach!) now more than EVER with so much info around is source evaluation, as in "Who said that? Are they reliable? Who else says that? How do they know?"
Vinnie 1 year ago
I had a friend who believed anything from dubious websites (such as Dr. Mercola) and mistrusted information from mainstream media. When I asked her why, she told me that she had been raised to be skeptical of what she read. Selective skepticism. Mainstream media and science aren't perfect, but they do have editors and peer reviews.
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BannedFromABoatShow 1 year ago
Whoa whoa whoa, are you saying not everything on the internet is real?! 🤯
Lost Penny 1 year ago
"It's the news, and they can't just make things up." Has she ever watched Fox News?
Vicki Perizzolo 1 year ago
Our prior prez told people to drink bleach and take a horse dewormer to cure COVID ...must be true right???
James King 1 year ago
No, he didn't say drink bleach and yes, Ivermectin is effective against Schmovid. Congratulations, you're exactly what the DNC looks for in a voter!
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Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 1 year ago
if she thinks the 'news cant just make things up", she should try watching Fox News, um, excuse me, Fox Entertainment
Fanstacia D 1 year ago
Remember when Tucker Carlson won his court case with the, “Fox News viewers don't expect facts from Tucker Carlson” defence? I mean I get having hope in humanity and all, but that ruling was just naive.
Sarah bell 2 weeks ago
I cant remember if the name is right but I can remember being very very little and seeing one of those magazines ...I thought bat boy was real . Again super tiny but old enough to read . They had them at every register at every store . As I got older I liked to buy them for the entertainment value but for a short period of time bat boy was real to me . My sister believes in big foot
Sarah bell 2 weeks ago
To be fair the onion can't match the reality of stuff going on now . It feels like we are living in a mid 2000s article.
James King 1 year ago
A defector from North Korea to America would probably not notice any difference in how NK's state-run media covered the NK government and how our MSM covers the Democrats.
#20
When my ex decided to dine and dash but was stupid enough to leave his car in the parking lot of the place i picked him up from.....
drove him back took his wallet and made him pay the full tab and tipped the poor girl who was crying in the back $30.
Fanstacia D 1 year ago (edited)
Oof. Seeing how people treat hospitality staff and front line workers is a litmus test for empathy
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
What a dickweed. I'm glad OP made him pay! Glad to also hear he's an ex!
Vinnie 1 year ago
A lot restaurants make the wait staff pay for losses. If you don't want to pay for your meal, either order something cheap at a counter or cook at home.
Cat Chat 1 year ago
What? There is no either here. If you can't or don't want to pay, just don't eat out. Period.
Load More Replies... #21
Google had an April Fool's joke one year where if you lick your phone screen, you can actually taste the object of what's being displayed on the screen. Needless to say, she did it several times and said it didn't work.
Lost Penny 1 year ago
This would make an awesome scene in House. One of the clinic scenes 🤣
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
OP should have also told her that the word "gullible" does not appear in the dictionary.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
Hmm, was she doing it right? I swear when I lick my phone screen, I taste glass
Chewie Baron 1 year ago (edited)
I taste those nanobots that Bill Gates releases whenever I think of cheese.
Load More Replies... #22
Met a cute girl and asked her for a date. This was pre-cell phone or GPS so I asked her for directions. She state: "Go past the train track, take the second left, the third right, the second right then the second left and my house is the white one." Started at the train tracks, took her directions, and ended up in the middle of nowhere. Did this three times. So, just for sh**s, I started at the train tracks, everywhere she said 'left' I turned right and where she had said 'right' I turned left. Found her place on the first try. During the date she also told me she wanted to be a 'veteran' because she loved working with animals.
TheGoodBoi 1 year ago
Ahh yes the good ol landmark directions. "Once you get to the tree that looks like an elephant ear, make a U-turn, then turn by Old Man Murphy's house. 'bout 6 washing machine lengths down, you're there!"
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
Turn left where the jewelry store used to be.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
All the lefts and right she gave the OP were correct - if he was starting at her house and going to where they had their conversation.
Super Beast 1 year ago
Im an autistic adult, raised by 2 parents with adhd. I have to think about my left and my right. It gets especially confusing when other perspectives get in the convo. "My left or the screen left???"
Dreaming Spirit 1 year ago (edited)
I have to stop and think too, can't tell left from right off the top of my head. My friends barred me from being our tour guide :D
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David Martin 1 year ago
"I just wanna say that being chosen as this month's Miss August is, like, a compliment I'll remember for as long as I can. Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA, but my goal is to become a veterinarian cause I love children!" ~Earth Girls Are Easy
Lorraine R 1 year ago
Hilarious song, " 'Cause I'm a Blonde" by Julie Brown, who sings it in the film.
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Puppy Dancing! 1 year ago (edited)
I have a learning disability which literally prevents my brain from understanding left and right.Did great in Uni, except with graphs and diagrams.
Thomas Schwarting 1 year ago
Happened to me once on a delivery MANY years ago. So amazingly inaccurate!
#23
We were watching the movie Se7en, where each murder is tied to one of the seven deadly sins. The first victim was found murdered after being force fed to death, with the big reveal being when they found the sin written on the wall behind a fridge or something I think. I will never forget the sound of this man’s voice as they moved the fridge aside to reveal his sin and he slowly started to realize which one it was… “Ooooooooohhhhhh. Gluten.”
Toasted Applesauce 1 year ago (edited)
Ah yes, Pride, Sloth, Anger, Lust, and Gluten (I forgot two of them. Greed maybe?) Edit: Greed and envy! Thanks guys!
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
Beelzebub definitely doesn't have a devil set aside for him.
Ralph Watkins 1 year ago
We had a little religious cult in my one Army unit. Very creepy people. Talk about a slam dunk comeback. The one cult girl walks up to one of our snarky NJ party girls & starts calling here a wh*re & being full of lust. Jersey girl rips right back, I may be a wh*re for sex but you are no different, stuffing your face all the time, you're nothing but a wh*re for food. What an epic comeback. The cult never challenged this party girl again.
Frozengeckolover 1 year ago
Oooooohhhhhh! Maybe thats why so many people are allergic to it! It's actually a deadly sin!
#24
Ex of my best friend: thought that a (online-) cloud is located in the actual clouds and was really concerned about his data getting lost when it started raining. Dude was 19 and working in trades.
Julie S 1 year ago
It's amazing how many people don't realise the cloud is actually under the sea
Vera Diblikova 1 year ago
Hasn´t it st in common with education? Does he absolve the elementary school?
#25
We were talking about my dog who was about to be spayed and the after care (how she will have a stitches on her abdomen). He was incredibly confused as to why she would have stitches there… I asked him to explain to me how he thought a female dog was spayed. His response “don’t they just …. sew it closed?” ….
Paul C. 1 year ago (edited)
When my cat was neutered, she also had a herniated belly button (it stuck out a bit) so they said the would stitch it back in at the same time. She came back and looked like a zip-up pyjama case. She seemed most upset that we kept laughing at her.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Our GSD mix Stilgar had an umbilical hernia too! Our vet didn't want to put Stilgar under anesthesia multiple times since we were planning on neutering him eventually (large breed, so we wanted to wait until after he turned 1 year old, plus he had distemper as a puppy and survived, so he has some... issues.) When our vet opened him up to fix the hernia, he said internally it was the LARGEST hernia he's seen in his 20 years as a vet XD He called all the other vets in the practice into the surgery room just to look at the gigantic hernia! XD Our poor doggo had the same type of pajama-zipper belly scar XD I'm convinced cats and dogs can sense and understand our emotions to a degree, so they can ABSOLUTELY tell when we're laughing at them XD Stilly got a corn dog as a special treat after the surgery, but his expression in the attached photo is pretty much the expression he had 24/7: judgmental and disgusted side-eye XD step1-6690...a001a5.jpg 
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 1 year ago
interestingly, cows, pigs, and horses can prolapse their vagina and uterus, and after the vet replaces it, as in 'pushes it back in', he will stitch 'it' closed while it heals. also, if a horses' (maybe the other livestock too, but i only know horses) vagina gets well, sunken in at an odd angle, so that the manure will enter it, the vet will stitch it closed. very important to have the stitches removed before breeding, and before foaling. very important.
#26
Dated a woman who was sweet and sassy, but not terribly bright. One weekend we went out for an afternoon walk and I made a casual observation about the moon (it was visible that day). She stopped and just kinda stared at it. Told me "that can't be the moon!" After some light interrogation I found out that she believed: - the sun and moon cannot be out at the same time - she thought the sun and moon were the same thing - she thought that the moon is just the sun when it "runs out of fuel." This kinda lead to whole rabbit hole of other things (misconceptions, light conspiracy theories, etc). We did enjoy ribbing each other a bit, but I felt genuine pity for her the more I learned and started to hold back.
Bec 1 year ago
I've read a few similar stories like this, it's a misconception but how can they never have noticed the moon out during the day? If she thinks it's not the moon, what the hell is it?
iseefractals 1 year ago
This exact thing was a throw away gag on Family Guy with Brian's girlfriend "jillian" (voiced by drew barrymore)
Rabbit Of ill Portent(she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
Jillian- how do I know if I'm Jewish? Brian- are you Jewish? J- no. B- there ya go, sport.
Load More Replies... Ronald 1 year ago
I was a child when I saw the moon during early evening in Summer. Sun Up and Dad explained the moon's orbital motion. It spurred me to avidly read all astronomy books I could. Currently, am a maths and sciences tutor for grade schoolers. My wife is impressed with my knowledge
Vera Diblikova 1 year ago
We learn some basic informations at school, but as an adult, I learn that the very big moon whom we sometimes see in a sky-line isn´t really so big, when you bend and look between your knees, the big moon looks ordinary small.
Load More Replies... Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Holy c**p, I knew someone like this too! There are MORE of them?!
Todd Clark 1 week ago
I came up with the same theory. When I was 7. Realized it was stupid by 7.5.
#27
Kept insisting that it's disgusting to not have a period/ regular period bc that how "the cooch gets clean", and I was nasty for not having one for a long time due to the birth control I was on FOR HIM.
Gwyn 1 year ago
That's an interesting take on periods. What does he think happens during pregnancy when you don't get your period though?
Frozengeckolover 1 year ago (edited)
I dated a guy who thought along the same lines. I told him we shouldn't do "it" for a few days because I had a yeast infection. He looked confused and said, "It will be more than a few days baby, you just got off your period." It was my turn to look confused. He explained that we would have to wait until the yeast infection got flushed out by my next period. We had a long talk about female anatomy, and antifungal treatments. He also misunderstood how yeast infections start; he thought it happened when women ate too much bread (hahahaha!). One good thing, though, is that he didn't argue with me about it. He listened, asked questions, and apologized for making assumptions. His willingness to learn is the only reason I kept dating him
Farah the Turtle 1 year ago
Um mine comes every 2 months chill (Dont worry folks, I checked with a doc and she said its normal now since its been like that for my whole life and Im not in danger)
Tricia Neville 6 months ago
I saw a young, male doctor (GP) and he flatly refused to believe that I had a 35 day cycle. He said it "wasn't possible". I had a friend who had even more irregular periods than I had, and we shared the same doctor. He said the same thing to her. It's clear he hadn't learned anything from having at least two living examples that varied from his text book.
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WindySwede 1 year ago
I saw that on YT! /JK! (This is why sex-ed is so important!)
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Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Jackass. That would make me instantly break up with him if I were her.
#28
When they tried to argue with me about whether babies can breathe underwater or not.
Protip: they can't.
Persephone 1 year ago
Mammalian diving reflex. Mammal babies hold their breath briefly when water hits their faces.
Neon 1 year ago
Yep, they dont swim and you are gonna have to pull em out - BUT they do hold breathe for a while! Case in point -tried it with my 3month old, she had a smile and open eyes in the pool!! And yes i have pictures ;)
Load More Replies... Vix Spiderthrust 1 year ago
They can swim reflexively up to about six months, maybe that's what he meant.
Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
isn't this sort of thing how that MLM essential oil guy ended up drowning his baby during a waterbirth, by assuming they were okay underwater.
Nika Strokappe 1 year ago
Just after birth, if the umbilical cord is still attached and functional they can kind of "breath underwater" because they still geen oxygen via the umbilical cord. Maybe that is what he meant
#29
I’m embarrassed to even share this. But my ex truly believed that black and Asian people could not have babies because “they are too genetically different”. I wish I was joking.
Alexandra 1 year ago
You must have been living under a rock your whole life in order to believe that!
Rinso The Red 1 year ago
Especially when one such person is pretty darned famous and happens to be called "The Rock"
Load More Replies... Vera Diblikova 1 year ago
Sure that one. Or pure ignorance? My aunt in 1950 saw an Afro man first time in her life. She unbelievably looks at him around. In communist central Europe are only native people, Slaves, Germans, Hungarians and south-Slaves.
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imsouravmitra 1 year ago
It is really hard for some people to imagine that all human beings are 99.9% similar genetically.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
What, does he think they're different species or something? And he's never seen people that are part black and part Asian? Wow, just...wow
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
My Indian-Chinese nephew (Mother, my cousin, Chinese - Father, Aussie of (ironically) mixed Indian-Chinese heritage) would like a word with the ex...
#30
My ex would find a recipe online, not follow it, and blame the recipe for being s**t. Things like subbing breadcrumbs with flour, adding pepper flakes in dishes that are not spicy. Those were the most disgusting swedish meatballs I've ever had.
Cat Chat 1 year ago
It's actually kinda fun to read reviews of recipes by people who trash the recipe but also state everything they changed. Sorry folks, but when you change something and it turns out bad, that's on you, not the recipe.
Agamemnon O'Neill 1 year ago
"I'm allergic to eggs so I substituted Kalamata olives. The cake was terrible."
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Lost Penny 1 year ago (edited)
I don't understand how people can possibly like Chicken Marsala. I followed the recipe to a t, but the end result tasted disgusting! I even improved this recipe a bit, but it didn't help. I substituted flour with instant mashed potatoes, didn't use salt or pepper (those things are extremely toxic!), swapped chicken for some pork chops, used margarine instead of butter, replaced olive oil with bacon grease, and added some grape soda instead of wine (I am not a drunkard!). It was disgusting! Shame on you for promoting such a horrible recipe!!!11 I wish I could speak to your manager!!!
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
One of the funniest recipe comments I ever read was from someone who said her husband doesn’t Iike leeks so she substituted chocolate for them. 🤣
#31
My first hint was when he insisted that girls on the beach were "cladly dressed." I could not convince him the term he was going for was "scantily clad." Nope, they were cladly dressed and that was the end of it. Later he would watch those reality shows like Survivorman (I may be mixing up titles, it's whatever one would be dropped off with a backpack and camera crew) because he was confident the guy was going to die on camera at some point and he was going to see it. I would point out, this isn't airing live, he's not actually alone (camera crew at minimum), and if he did die during filming not only would it not be aired but you'd probably hear about it before it could have aired anyway. Nope, I'm wrong, the guy is completely alone and if he dies we'll see it happen. Also insisted Kriss Angel actually has a pact with the devil because otherwise how could he make things as big as construction vehicles and buildings magically disappear? He definitely really does, it's on camera and there's a live audience. I gave up at that point.
Elvira394 1 year ago
To this very day, my husband of 20 years still argues the proper term is "sleek my lust", not "sate my lust". Oh, and on a recent trip to national park I discovered that he believes the word "cairn" is something I totally made up on the spot just to fool him.
Persephone 1 year ago
Well... and I am being a total dork here... Survivorman (Les Stroud), is actually alone and does all of his own filming, no camera crew. In some instances he pretends to have a broken down car ( which he admits is staged), but that's in order to show you how to survive. He's still alone during filming. Of course he would have a satellite phone for emergencies, but they definitely wouldn't show his death after retrieval of film gear! Everyone else that I'm aware of, has a crew and support and even planted prey.
Frozengeckolover 1 year ago
Les Stroud (Survivorman) actually is out there alone. He operates a one-man camera rig to record the show. His survival tips are realistic, and he cautions viewers against taking risks. One episode he had a legit medical emergency, and kept recording during the rescue airlift. He insisted that the episode be aired because he wanted people to understand that the wilderness can be dangerous, even for him. Bear Grylls has a camera crew with him, edits the scene-takes until his preformance looks effortless, and many of the survival tips he displays are useless. Worse yet, many of his "tips" have led to a lot of misinformation, which is dangerous.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Just the fact that he wants to see someone die on camera makes him not only an idiot but a total asswipe.
cadena kuhn 1 year ago
My former best friends husband had convinced her the same about criss angel. I tried to explain it to her but not sure if she believed me
Fire Singer 1 year ago
I'd forgive the cladly dressed because I love when people make up their own words for popular saying, makes me laugh, but the rest...yeah...
BoredWolfe 1 year ago
The problem there is that clad and dressed mean the same thing. He's saying they're dressedly dressed (cladly clad).
Load More Replies... #32
An ex dropped me off the first day at a job. He was late picking me up and when I called 30 min after my closing shift to see what was up, he said it was because the car was stolen. I called to find another ride so a friend came to get me instead. Homeboy drove across the street to get a soda AND WALKED HOME. HE FORGOT THE CAR. We saw it on the way back to the apartment.
Bored something 1 year ago
He drove across the street? Wouldn't that be more effort than the walk?
Hugh Crawford 1 year ago
Yes, but I think we can agree that logical thought is not in his skill set
Load More Replies... Bookworm 1 year ago
Depending on where they were, this could have been completely logical. A lot of U.S roads are not safely crossable on foot, you have to get in your car and drive across.
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Heffalump 1 year ago
I did that. Parked at the local Chinese a few doors from home to pick up a meal, walked home, nearly called the cops when the car wasn't in front of my apartment building the next morning.
Dreaming Spirit 1 year ago
Sometimes my husband picks me up from the office on his way home and we stop for groceries in a market near our home (5 minute walk). We already left the car in the parking lot twice and went back home carrying heavy bags.
Load More Replies... iseefractals 1 year ago
My younger cousin is one of the worst drivers EVER. Between the age of 17 and 25, she totaled TEN cars, along with a countless number of "minor" accidents....but the dumbest thing: After the 10th destroyed car...she rented a car, because she was in college. She drove to the university, parked her car, went to class....and then couldn't find her car. Was sure that it must have been stolen, reported it as such (police absolutely did not care) she then rents ANOTHER car...."to look for it" A week had passed before i found out about any of this and my first thought was "you forgot where you parked" which she swore didn't happen...i then suggested she contact the rental place to have them activate the tracker. Amazingly enough, it was right where she left it.....And once she found it, she got in the "lost" car, leaving the second rental car behind....where she just plum forgot about it for THREE weeks until she was notified that it the rental company had retrieved it.
#33
Explained to her that Mules were sterile. She then asked " If they are sterile ..how do they urinate?".
HighNMightyBigshotBossOfWorld 1 year ago
There are some men who believe that women pee out of their vaginas, maybe she is related to those guys.
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 1 year ago
she should go out with the guy that thinks they sew 'it' shut when spayed....
Frozengeckolover 1 year ago
That was a twist I didn't expect. I thought she was going to ask how we get baby mules. Lol.
#34
She had received an email from what appeared to be a spam Best Buy account. I told her over the phone to ignore it. Got annoyed and hung up on me. Deal with it yourself I said. Bad move. Said she was charged $400 for a software she got when she bought her Mac. Ended up calling the number and downloaded a software to give the scammers access to her laptop to “delete the software”. Somehow they managed to get into her bank account and transferred money from one account to the other. They said while trying to refund her the $400, they accidentally refunded $9000, instantly. They told her if she didn’t want to go to jail she had to go to Walmart and buy $9000 worth of gift cards. I arrived home to her hysterically crying while still on the phone with the scammers. I jumped on the phone and knew she’d got got. When I hung up on them she gasped and thought she was going to jail.
Paul C. 1 year ago
Scammer rang me, I knew immediately and decided to sing "Hello is it me you're looking for" by Lionel Ritchie, only got half way through the second line before he hung up!
nm (he/him) 1 year ago (edited)
He called from abroad and said that he was Johnny from Microsoft. I immediately recognized that singing Indian accent, but I was not in the mood to prolong the conversation. So I told him "F**k off you Indian scammer". He hung up!
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Fire Singer 1 year ago
Aw I feel bad for the lady in this one. She should have been able to see it was a scam, but that's what these scammers prey on and the exact people they hope for. People who don't know any better and scare easily.
Bookworm 1 year ago
This. The cleverer variety of scammers are good at getting people to panic, because panicked people don't think clearly. They want you upset and in a hurry and doubting yourself. The convoluted nature of this specific scam is a good example; they keep changing the situation to keep her off-balance and get her more and more freaked out.
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Aussiegirl 1 year ago
I received an email the other day from the director of the FBI saying he had permission to release my fund which had $4.8 million in it. I just had to give all my personal details 🤦♀️
CanadianDimes 1 year ago
I got a scam call the other day purporting to be the UK government with a prerecorded message saying they’ve been trying to reach me and not reach me. I hung up before the paradox could get me
Missael Silvestre 1 year ago
My stupid a$$ almost got my identity stolen. Asked for my SSN but I forgot. I *actually* called back after finding it, but they hung up on me.
Frozengeckolover 1 year ago
My great-grandma got scammed on the phone. They told her she was going to jail if she didn't pay a fine right then. She was afraid to tell my grandpa, so she gave them their bank account numbers. Unfortunately, my grandpa had just made a transfer from his savings account. The scammers got $60,000. I blame the bank too. It took several days for that charge to clear. While my grandma hid it from grandpa, the bank never bothered to call my grandpa to see if it was legit. If you think you might have been scammed, tell someone right away. Embarrassment fades, losing a huge amount of money is a bigger priority. If my grandma had told my grandpa right away, he could have had the bank stop the charge.
Susy Hammond 1 year ago
That happened to me, unfortunately. It was a giant pain in the a*s to close bank accounts, change credit cards, etc. I was very naive. Scammers, a pox on them all!
Regina Holt 1 year ago
I once got a postcard that told me that I won a cruise. They asked for my credit card, so that i could pay some sort of "proccessing fee" i kept him on the phone, playing dumb, as wondering if it was a scam. He then tried to get me to realize that they were legit because of some seal from some florida entity, I then asked how I could know that is was legit. I said that I wanted to hang up and call that entity, then call back to continue the conversation. He said that if I hung up, I would lose the deal. I wasted a half of an hour with that guy. I was actually having fun, and saving some other victims being caught up with his scam, that he would have been able to do if I didn't waste so much of his time.
#35
We were walking together in a park when an older lady with a small dog passed by, and she, inquiring about the dog, asked the owner, "is that a Belgian Waffle?" I laughed my a*s off and thought it was the funniest joke I had ever heard until I realized she was entirely straight faced. .
Mark Fuller 1 year ago
I'm married to someone who still asks, "what make is that dog?" Not breed or species... make. So I just always reply Tesla or Ford.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I have a Belgian Waffle! He just turned one year old! XD fennnnnn-6...6bb973.jpg 
Stephanie Did It 1 year ago
Please respect the breed. It's officially A Belgian Malinwaffle. Please tell me his name is Maple so I can sleep tonight!
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#36
We had stopped by a gas station as I was taking her home from our first date. As we got done in line she uses both hands to scoop out all of the change from the give a penny take a penny tray. She then dumped it in her purse and told the cashier, "Thanks for patronizing me." I was honestly struck silent with surprise until asking her outside why she'd done that. She then explained to me that she saw someone do it one time and thought, "Wow, that's what that's for?" Apparently the cashier had said to her, "Thanks for patronizing me," after the guy nabbing the tray had left and now she thought it was some kind of hack to get that change. She was very earnest, she really believed this. Then on our second date she said some terrible things to our waitress and that was when I learned that you can still learn lessons from people who have life figured out even less than you do.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
I hope OP told her to take all that change back and add more to it as well.
Binky Melnik 1 year ago
Why was there a second date? 😱 I don’t understand these ones where someone demonstrates they don’t know how to operate their brains but the poster then mentions something else that happened days/weeks/months/years later. 😞 When someone shows you how stupid they are, believe ‘em the first time!
#37
She didn't know dinosaurs were real animals. She thought they were made up, mythical creatures like a Pegasus.
JK 1 year ago
Surely, Pegasus is Greek isnt it? So it's Pegasuses - and Latin adds the 'i'. Thats why "octopuses" is the correct term and not "octopi" - are any classical language pandas able to clarify?
Load More Replies... Myoviridae 1 year ago
This absolutely has to do with their prior education. I remember speaking with a student in my class who was really excited to learn that Pangea was real and not just a mythical place. We should not look down upon people who have not been educated about certain things. If they are willing to learn, then that is great!
Dainty72 1 year ago
Couldn't agree more!! I've laughed at some of these, but I now feel terrible! I wouldn't comment nasty stuff though, like some have. (Not all have)
Load More Replies... Fire Singer 1 year ago
This to me depends on her age, where she was educated, and honestly if she was raised in a super strict religion. Some religions (at least one that I know of because of my grandma) don't believe dinosaurs are real and the bones are plant from God to test our faith. And not all kids learn about dinosaurs in school, or they forget about it as they get older.
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
I believe that such religious people may have been placed on earth to test our patience.
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Michael Largey 1 year ago
I'm a husband who takes care of the laundry, does dishes, and cleans house. So I guess we're only endangered.
Load More Replies... Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
it's not A Pegasus. Pegasus was a specific winged horse. that was his name. he wasn't A Pegasus. he WAS Pegasus. who was a winged horse.
#38
He had this PIN number written ON THE CARD THAT THE PIN WAS FOR.
Bored something 1 year ago
My MIL would do this. But she would.'disguise' it as $12.34 and think no body would see through it.
The Other Guest 1 year ago
One time I noticed a co-worker had his first name written on a post-it next to his computer. When I asked him why, he said it was his password and he didnt want to forget what it was. It's been twenty years since then and I still shake my head in disbelief when I think about it.
SDLT010 1 year ago
You could set your first name as your password and forget that your password was your first name
Load More Replies... Eugenia 1 year ago (edited)
A bank clerk told me to write a wrong PIN number on my card. If stolen, at the third consecutive wrong attempt ATMs will capture the card and the thief cannot make any other attempts elsewhere. Chances are they will try three times on the same ATM.
Ruben Schelstraete 1 year ago
When when I had surgery, I had to put a sticker with the PIN code on my phone, Because I always forgot. Fun times 😎
Laurie Ostergaard-Overbey 1 year ago
and to this day, cards have printed on them, 'do not write your pin number on the card'.....
#39
Had an argument with a girl I was seriously considering dating until the moment.
She told me she was scared to hold her breath because she would pass out and die.
I told her that her body would continue to breathe, even unconscious, just like when you’re asleep.
We got in an intense argument about it. And we did not end up dating.
Fanstacia D 1 year ago
A key aspect of drowning is your body LITERALLY trying to breathe through holding your breath. The reflex and need for respiration becomes stronger than consciously denying it. So holding your breath you might start seeing stars and feeling light-headed but the body will correct willing or not.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
You only need an intact brainstem to keep breathing. Apparently this woman didn't have much more than that.
Dumdum 1 year ago (edited)
You can be scared over things, you know isn't dangerous. When I was a child I freaked out over things like that. My logic said you can't die of this, but my anxiety was strong and told my body I was in danger. could have misunderstood what the diskussion was about. Her being scared ws. Real facts.
#40
When I mentioned that a particular restaurant made their own pickles and he firmly corrected me, informing me that "pickles grow on bushes.".
Gwyn 1 year ago
Yes if course, you just water the cucumber plant with lots of vinegar and tada! Pickles!
Min 1 year ago
I once spent about an hour arguing with one of my best friends who flat would not believe me that dill pickles were not a separate, distinct vegetable and were simply cucumbers. She never did believe me.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
And a cucumber is that thing men wear around their waists when they're in formal wear.
BarfyCat 1 year ago
To be fair my U.S. Southern FIL always referred to the one variety of cucumber traditionally used to make pickles in the region as "pickles" whether they had gone through the pickling process or not. "Cucumbers" were the other varieties that you would put on a salad or just slice and eat.
Alex Boyd 1 year ago
Yes, we say the same thing in Pennsylvania Dutch country.
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Lin Simpson 1 year ago
I worked for a company that managed Heinz warehouses and they call the cucumber crops "pickle crops". First time I heard that in a meeting (as in "we can't update the systems until after the pickle crop") I just about fell off my chair laughing. I actually had to explain the the brains in the room that cucumbers are the crop, pickles are the processed foods.
Stephanie de Blaauw 1 year ago
I did think that as a kid, because in my language they just have a 'name' instead of the description of 'pickled'. I thought they were just a kind of vegetable LIKE the cucumber.. you know, the nasty kind XD
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
The restaurant has a vegetable garden out the back, duh. What are you, thick?
#41
He thought the national anthem started 'Jose can you see'.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I imagine that there may be some people out there who think the last two words of the US national anthem are "Play ball!"
Cat Chat 1 year ago
I read one online debate with someone claiming "the rockets red glare" was fireworks and that's why we celebrate July 4th with fireworks. 🤦♀️
Bookworm 1 year ago
I mean, if you're not familiar with the historical use of fireworks in celebrations, I can see the logic.
Load More Replies... Thatkamloopsguy 1 year ago
With all the Mexicans' coming in, maybe it should be. Would drive Trump crazy.
Miracle Max 1 year ago (edited)
"By the Dawnzer lee light..." You are old if you can name that book!
Eris Kallisti 1 year ago
I know it's one of the Ramona books, but I don't remember which one. "Turn on the dawnzer, please."
Load More Replies... Tricia Neville 6 months ago
From my British point of view, it's a difficult song to sing and the lyrics seem to fit in awkwardly.
#42
I have a copper bracelet I wear on occasion. It was hot out and I was getting sweaty so after several hours I had some green tarnish marks on my wrist. She freaked out thinking it was an allergic reaction. I tried explaining it was just from the salt and the same reaction is what made the statue of liberty green. Nope, still couldn’t grasp it and thought I was dying.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Oooh, this one reminds me of a naughty joke. A woman goes to the doctor and says "I've got these weird green marks on the insides of both thighs. See?" Doctor says "Hmm... are you a lesbian?" "Yes?" "Then tell your girlfriend her earrings aren't real gold."
#43
Not sure if she's the idiot or her friend. She got a tattoo from her friend with the word Angle on it.
Obviously it was supposed to say Angel.
Alexandra Nara 1 year ago
things you do on partys at 3 am....." I've got a new Tattoo machine""Honey I may be hammered like you but I trust you"
Lynn Korbel 1 year ago
Yhe other one that drives me bats is when someone types "viola!" instead of "voila!"
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I had a friend whose surname was Engle. Too many people thought it was either Agle or Angel...
#44
She and I climbed a small mountain about ten miles from the ocean. When we got to the top, she sees a small lake at the base of the mountain and asks me if it was the ocean. I started to laugh but caught myself when I realized she was serious.
Gwyn 1 year ago
Lots of people haven't seen the ocean, if you grow up poor you may not get to travel until you grow up!
Sophia Athene 1 year ago
It's not so much about never having seen the ocean. It's that she has zero concept of how high they climbed and the size of the ocean.
Load More Replies... Lin Simpson 1 year ago
I once asked my husband why all the boats at the beach had rocket launchers on them. Turns out they are fishing pole holders. Yes, I was serious. Yes I think I had heat stroke also. We still laugh about it to this day. Sometimes people just do stupid s**t.
Ralph Watkins 1 year ago
Before digital cameras I was vacationing in some islands off of Africa, While there I took a day trip to another island & took a trip to the top of a 12,000 foot mountain. There were adults in my family who thought the clouds below were the ocean. They knew the ocean well but had not flown enough to know that one could be above the clouds. I'm sure that they ocean was indeed out there but obscured by the clouds.
#45
In HS I was dating a girl, that when we watched the movie “300”, she asked me if all those people were real. I thought she meant live actors vs CGI. I told her a lot is real actors. She then asked me, “all of those people had to die to make this movie?” We stayed together for awhile after that, she had a great a*s.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
True fact, and an excellent word. "Nationality: Callipygian"
Load More Replies... #46
My ex and I went to the hospital to see his sister's new baby. When he saw the baby he got really quiet, not saying anything the rest of the visit. When we left he wanted to know why everyone was so happy when there was something obviously wrong with the baby. I told him the baby was adorable there is nothing wrong with him. He said but it's eyes are open, they are not suppose to have their eyes open right after birth. I had to explain that the baby is not a kitten.
tresgatos72 1 year ago
If you wanna REALLY freak hin out, tell him that human babies can open their eyes before they are born, while still inside their mom!😱
#47
I was dating an idiot She kept applying to jobs, but she was always immediately turned down. I was upset for her and didn't understand at the time. It turns out that this 23 year-old was applying to work for banks driving armored trucks. having a track record of pilfering cash from registers. This lady had a history of theft and robbery; I was unaware at the time that she had ever been arrested. she was bewildered as to why an armored truck company would not hire her.
#48
Years back a semi-pro basketball team formed in my city and a buddy and I got tickets to go. Watching TV with my then girlfriend and a commercial for the game comes on, I said, "That's the game Mike and I are going to." She dead-a*s looked me in the eye and said, "Well then don't watch it!" Yes, don't ruin the live game by seeing who wins on TV first...
#49
It ended right after this date, but it is COVID related. His employer (Intel) was going to start requiring their employees to get the vaccine. He absolutely refused and said he would claim religious exemption. He wasn't religious. He said COVID wasn't real and said he would just go to the local tractor supply store and buy the horse paste if they got sick. I asked why he would go get the horse paste, if COVID wasn't real. The date went silent, and i dumped him via text on the way home. We had only been dating about 3 weeks at that point.
Gwyn 1 year ago
Ok, I'm not versed on these pseudo treatments but wondered don't you need a prescription? Apparently not for the horse paste! I did a little more googling and the more I read about it the more ridiculous it seems that anyone would take that for COVID. But I had to stop searching there because now I'm worried that Facebook is going to feed me all kinds of weird c**p. Pray for me please.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Using that for Covid was also promoted by the resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC, USA
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Deborah B 1 year ago
"Covid isn't real, and horse wormer will fix it." Why do people believe this sort of c**p?
Regina Holt 1 year ago
MAGAs believed it because their cult leader president pushed that.
Load More Replies... tresgatos72 1 year ago
If he wasn't sick *before* he tried the horse wormer, he would be afterwards!🙄
#50
She became more and more insistent that we didn't need to use condoms. Potential for STIs aside, I asked her how we would keep from getting pregnant. She said she just "knew" when she was ovulating and would tell me when it wasn't safe. That was all the red flag I needed to break up with her. A couple years later out of curiosity I looked her up online and she had become a single mom.
BunnyMommy 1 year ago
I usually knew when I was ovulating, as well. Also, my periods were so regular our kids were born on the 21 and 22 of the month. Different years, thankfully.
#51
We were 10 days into a trip in the Philippines and he talked about how he always wanted to visit Asia…not realizing Philippines was in Asia. Keep in mind everyone we met there was Filipino lol.
René Sauer 1 year ago
For me it was India. I always knew that India wasn´t in Europe, but for some reason I also barely connected it to Asia. For the longest time India was just, like... it´s own thing or something for me 😂
#52
She stayed inside the building, in bed, during a fire alarm, because she "needed her sleep" . Fire marshal had to go and retrieve her. She then complained that she hadn't been able to sleep anyway, as the fire alarm was really loud. She told me this expecting me to sympathise with her that it was all really unreasonable of everyone involved except her.
#53
She was complaining about money problems and then casually spent 2000$ on a lingerie photoshoot without telling me until after she already spent the money…this was the beginning of the end of our relationship. Oh, the other one that sticks out in my mind: I was driving and it was dark af out. There weren’t any lights around except for the headlights on my car, so she whips out her phone light and puts it up to the front windshield as if to help. I roasted her pretty hard for that one, but in hindsight, I should have seen that as a red flag.
Gwyn 1 year ago (edited)
Gosh I'm so short on money this month but I'm only buying necessities!!! How did this happen?
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
I’m guessing that she saw was offered a discount so needed to buy it immediately. Some people can’t resist a sale and are easily persuaded. I’m really hoping that isn’t US dollars though.
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#54
Russia had just invaded ukraine and she was asking why nobody was doing anything about it or why it had even happened. I started to try and explain and talk about the UN, but she had no idea what that was. I tried to explain what the UN was but she had no idea what anything was that i was bringing up. I went down a list of what i thought was very well known historical events and people to try to find something that she could latch on to. Eventually i got a little frustrated and asked if she knew what world war 2 was. She paused and thought about it for a few seconds before replying, "That's the one with the nazis, right?" That made a lot of stuff that she did and said make more sense.
tresgatos72 1 year ago
A student of mine once said, "When the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor and won WWIII." He wasn't kidding. *facepalm*🙄
#55
There were many signs, but the clearest was the day she intentionally rear-ended a car in traffic. “I was so angry at my mom and my boss I just slammed on the gas.” What is almost worse is she became a hero of her friend group for doing it. They all thought it was the coolest thing. I got made fun of for pointing out she could have killed somebody. Found out later she was dropped by her insurance and lost her license. Apparently it was not an isolated incident. So hot, and yet, so unbelievably dumb.
Willie D'Kay 1 year ago
At least the universe was kind enough to give her a pretty face to try to make up for the lack of brain cells.
#56
He bragged that he’s never read a book. I asked him how he managed school and he replied “cliff notes or cheated”. I then asked what about a book growing up or on a fun topic you enjoy replied “that’s what tv and movies are for!”.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
According to one of his ghost writers, Trump hasn't even read the books he "wrote".
Load More Replies... Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
I think that’s probably quite common. When I was young (born in the 80s) it was before the internet when the TV only had a few channels, no TV in my bedroom. If you are a child without parents that encourage reading then surely lots of kids would play video games and watch TV all day and read online cliff notes of books for English class.
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
I once loaned a book to an acquaintance because he said it sounded cool. After a couple of weeks, I asked him about it. He said that he gave it to his mom to read so that "she'll tell me what it's about".
Matthew Barabas 1 year ago
he is able to read, right? thats all that really matters. i dont read many books because i rather dislike many of them.
#57
He got mad at me for feeding my dogs leftover eggs after breakfast. He insisted they’d start killing chickens and would have to be put down. Now I understand that might be the case for dogs on farms or in the country, but I live in a metropolitan subdivision. I told him I thought they’d be ok, I just wouldn’t take the dogs to the grocery store or let them see the egg container in the fridge.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 1 year ago
That's a myth, anyway. If a dog kills a chicken, they don't "develop a taste for it." Dogs are predators, and they have certain instincts. Don't put down your dogs because they do dog things.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
"Don't put down your dogs because they do dog things."Are you directing that to Kristi Noem?
Load More Replies... Shark Lady 1 year ago
My childhood dog had scrambled eggs every day for breakfast, never killed a chicken
Mystery Kitteh 1 year ago
Dogs have a prey drive. Some are high and some are low. My dog loves small.animals. she tries to play with my cats and the squirrels outside (low prey drive). My neighbors, high prey, dog will chase anything; squirrels, other dogs, cars...
V 1 year ago
Our old neighbour had a sheepdog and no sheep, so it would try and round up birds, lizards and children .
Load More Replies... Vera Diblikova 1 year ago
Do we speak about uncooked eggs for breakfast? If your dog likes cooked or scrambled eggs how can he cook it outside?If only he brings them to you and you both enjoyed it.
#58
Saw a picture of the pope on a magazine at the store, I said “oh look, it’s the pope, I’ve been to his house!” He said, “I have no idea who this “pope” person is.” I replied, “oh you don’t know who the current pope is or you don’t know what a pope is?” He said “I have never heard the word “Pope” in my life, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” On top of this, he applied for a job at the local police station where my best friend’s mom worked. She called me after they received his application and said “you have to help him fix his resume, almost every other word is spelled wrong and it’s basically unreadable.” He was 23 at that time.
tresgatos72 1 year ago
This might explain why some of the dumbest guys I knew in high school ended up being cops...🤔
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
It's so sad, but I recently have seen numerous badly written resumes with cover letters/emails that include misspellings, abbreviations and emojis to convey their meaning. Like, "idk if ur are hireing rn but if ur, please cunsitter me (smiley emoji)"
#59
A hour long argument with her trying to convince me that all electric cars have exhaust pipes cause all cars have to have exhaust pipes cause that's what cars have and I should stop trying to trick her by pointing at cars that don't have exhaust pipes clearly the pipes are hidden under the cars if they're not visible so there.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Yes, Kitteh. Yours is much shorter, and you still added a comma. Thank you! Reading long run on sentences drive me batty.
Load More Replies... #60
My ex once tried to microwave a frozen pizza with the cardboard still on. The house smelled like burnt paper for days.
Robert Trebor 1 year ago
But this also explains why the boxes sometimes have "Remove from box before consuming product."
Craig Walker 1 year ago
Most of the frozen pizza's I get don't have cardboard under them, so didn't notice the cardboard once myself (it was really thin) and it set off the smoke alarm.
SDLT010 1 year ago
I think they meant the pizza was still in the cardboard box when he microwaved it.
Load More Replies... Charles McChristy 1 year ago
Well, there are some brands where you are supposed to leave it in the box.
Bookworm 1 year ago
Those are usually very specific items, like paninis, that they're trying to toast on the outside with a special reflective layer in the box. Not regular microwave pizzas.
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San Geerts 1 year ago
my ex sister in law didn't remove the plastic before heating the pizza. Was really surprised this wasn't the right way to do it. She was in her twenties at the time....
#61
We were eating curry and we got talking about rice. She didn't believe that a rice plant produced more than one grain. "Now that would be an incredible amount of rice plants just for our meal" got her to start thinking she might be wrong.
#62
They idolize Andrew Tate.
30ninjazinmybag 1 year ago
So many pathetic men have a hard on for this man. Just so happens they cannot follow his s**t because they are all single and sad.
#63
I went on a hike with a girl I was dating to a remote mountain lake. The elevation was about 900M. I told her to just bring enough water for the hike up because it was grueling and we could refill at the lake. The lakes a good size but the actual shore access is tiny. Long story short she s**t in the water at the only access. I told her she tainted the water and unsuspecting people are gonna fill their bottles there. She said "I don't see the big deal, the tide will take it away". Very awkward 7 hour trip out. Edit: The water spot is not stagnant. She pooped right in the lake part that feeds the spot. I didn't want to ramble on but the water experts are getting annoying.
Nina 1 year ago
Who takes a dump in a water course? That's just weird. Go find some undergrowth like a normal person.
Epona 1 year ago
Merriam-Webster: Grueling = trying or taxing to the point of exhaustion. Gruel = a thin porridge
Load More Replies... #64
Top 3: I watched him attempt to make tea by filling a ceramic tea pot with tap water, dropping one teabag in, and putting it directly on the burner. He thought that you didn't have to wash produce if it was organic. Also insisted on pronouncing draught as "draw-gat" when ordering beer at the pub and refused to change even after being politely corrected by the barman (and everyone else in the pub).
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
In Old/Middle English the '-ght' sound was pronounced. If you've ever heard Chaucer read aloud it sounds like Dutch or Low German.
TheElderNom 1 year ago
My boyfriend made tea with hot water from the tap, second worst tea I've had. Thankfully he learned after one brief lesson.
Deborah B 1 year ago
The problem isn't "tea-snobbery" it's that putting a ceramic teapot on the burner is likely to cause the teapot to break.
Load More Replies... #65
Dated a guy that thought you couldn't get pregnant on your period. Odds are low but never zero. Also dated a guy that thought it was funny to tell the waitress at the Chinese buffet "I'm dating one of your people. Can I have a discount?" I am not Chinese.
#66
We were playing Headbanz, that game where you have a card with a random object or animal on your head that everyone but you can see, and you have to ask questions to figure out what it is. I asked so many questions, determined it was an animal, and when I asked if it was a mammal, he said "I'm pretty sure it is." And got weird looks from my kids. It was an octopus. A f*****g octopus. "Well I thought they were mammals cause of how intelligent they are!" They don't have hair, babe... They don't even have bones...
#67
After moving in together. Me: “your breath is kicking go brush your teeth” Him: “I don’t brush on the weekends” He was 27. 27 years old and didn’t brush his teeth on the weekends like a 5 year old. I should have ran then instead of waiting a year.
#68
She comes back to my flat. I have a big well-stocked marine fish tank at the time with loads of fish. She tries to look interested (she wasn't), then asks me how I stop it overflowing from the fish peeing in it all the time.
#69
She literally laughed in my face when she found out I believed in evolution. She already knew I was an atheist, I guess she just assumed I was one of those atheists that believe we were created by god. This was YEARS into the relationship.
Mark Buxbaum 1 year ago
I don't laugh in their face, but I feel sorry for people who are religious.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
I feel sorry for the people whose lives they affect.
Load More Replies... Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
I don't understand how this did not come up before? Years into the relationship? Did they not talk like ever?
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
How often do you bring up evolution and dinosaurs in conversation? I don’t think I’ve ever initiated a conversation about that.
Load More Replies... Puppy Dancing! 1 year ago
You shouldn't have to ignore reality to fit it into a 2000-4000 year old story book.
Kitty 🥀 1 year ago
Um, a ton of religious people know that evolution is true. They just believe god had a hand in nudging it along at the beginning, or something. Intelligent religious people don’t take the “7 days” of creation as what we think of as 7 actual earth days; they interpret it as like a trillion years for us is a day for god. That’s how my religious mother explained it to me when I was younger.
#70
My ex came over after doing yard work. The next few days I began itching terribly. Poison Ivy. I asked him about it because I am incredibly allergic to it. He said he cleaned out the poison ivy in his backyard but took a shower before coming over. But then put the same clothes back on.
#71
When she started an mlm 'business'.
Bookworm 1 year ago
To be fair, *starting* an mlm puts you at the top of the pyramid, so you'll make a lot more money than *joining* an mlm.
#72
He would get gas with his car turned on, he ruined TWO of my parents Crockpots by turning on the stovetop and putting the whole entire Crockpot ON the burner, he would make fun of me every time I would get homesick or cry, he didn’t know how to chew with his mouth shut.. I could keep going. Not sure how I lasted 6 years.
Charles McChristy 1 year ago
You reworded exactly what she said. Absolutely brilliant! 🙄
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Dave In MD 1 year ago
So, why do you think fueling your car while it is running is bad? Do you think it uses gas as fast as you pump it in? Are you worried about it going boom? It won't. Bigger concern would be someone jumping in and stealing the car.
Andie 1 year ago
Thank you! I was honestly wondering about this as my parents used to do this all the time when I was little and we were all in the car. I didn't know if there was another reason I wasn't seeing.
Load More Replies... Robert Trebor 1 year ago
He says, I was trying to get rid of her, so I did all this stupid stuff, and I don't understand why it took six years.
#73
She always told me how much she hated tide pods over regular detergent. I told her it was easier. Then I seen her doing laundry one day with them, she was rippling them open and squeezing them into the laundry individually.
Natty Tempest 1 year ago
Grammatically inaccurate, but much like 'I ain't seen nothin' it is a common speech-habit.
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Me Oh My (He/They) 1 year ago
Philistine, but phili-STAIN, because it's laundry related. Not really offensive, just a terrible pun.
Load More Replies... #74
He is a musician and owns a ton of super expensive equipment (even tho he can’t afford it 💖). He also didn’t drive his car, so I was his primary chauffeur. During the first month of us dating, he was playing a show and we agreed to meet at the bar next door to hang out. I was already there, and he came and met me, sans equipment. I asked him if he needed me to let him put his stuff in my car, but he said it was okay, so I didn’t bring it up anymore. We sat and talked for a while. Then, someone came up to him, a bit upset, and said, “Hey [name], you left all your stuff outside in front of the stairs where everyone’s walking. I took everything and put it inside [bar he just played at], but they’re locking up so you have to grab it tomorrow. Next time, don’t leave your stuff sitting out in the open to be stolen.” My bf just laughed and thanked the guy. Not fazed at all. Instead of asking me or ANYONE to safely keep his 1000s of dollars worth of instruments, he left them all outside of the entrance to the bar where hundreds of people were crowding around. ANYONE could have snagged any of his stuff without bf or anyone ever finding out who did it. This was one of many, many, MANY just stuuuuuuupid things he did during our time together. He was the exact opposite of self-sufficient and just plain pitiful. Gd he sucked so bad.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 year ago
Genuine question: would a female chauffeur technically be a chauffeuse?
Annik Perrot 1 year ago
Not in French. A chauffeuse is a chair. We do have trouble with the former "men only" professions. Some people add an e, (chauffeure), but most leave it as is, but use the féminine article ( une chauffeur).
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#75
When, at 23 years old, he was amazed I was able to pee with a tampon in. had a quick sex education lesson in the bathroom of a frat house on the female anatomy.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 1 year ago
But if he's willing to learn, that's OK. The infuriating ones here are those that are ignorant but continue to insist they're right. Not knowing something but being willing to be educated is perfectly fine.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
Ignorant is not knowing but being willing to learn, stupid is not knowing, not caring and not wanting to learn. There is a difference.
Load More Replies... Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
I think it’s pretty common to not know this. I’ve seen posts like this before where both males and females have been ignorant. Depends what your sex education class was like and if you were paying attention (which is hard to do in a room full of your friends when your teacher is talking about sex).
Zoe Vokes 1 year ago
I never heard about toxic shock syndrome until I was about 20. I don’t remember the teacher talking about tampons and pads. I just remember (in the 90s) one lesson that was pretty basic - here are male and female body parts. Wear a condom to protect against unwanted pregnancy and STDs. There might have been more than that but that’s all I remember.
Load More Replies... Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I know girls (who weren't 'allowed' to use tampons) who didn't know this!
#76
She was filling out a form and had to pull out her drivers license to verify how to spell her first name. Now that I think about it, she also got a tattoo to honor her brother who had passed away years prior but had his name spelled wrong on it.
Nicole Weymann 1 year ago
Yes, but normally that's a fact the person is well aware of - and try to make doubly sure to check the spelling, or have it checked for them.
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#77
He said that Al Quaeda was a country. .
CrunChewy McSandybutt 1 year ago
I knew a lady who thought that Al Quaeda was the Afghani version of the Pentagon. There were so many gems of idiocy from that one.
Ian Morrison 1 year ago (edited)
Al Queda means 'The Base' short for Database and the Pentagon did run a lot of these guys in the 80s to counter a Soviet invasion.
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#78
One of my ex gfs thought Texas was north of Oklahoma. She also said she was pregnant with my baby almost a year after we broke up.
#79
She tried telling me that the number 0 was a positive number. Let alone the fact that it's neither a negative nor a positive number. I let the idiocy slide until she started to tell me that all tv's are the same size they just say they're different sizes to scam you out of your money. Like what?
Vix Spiderthrust 1 year ago
...did she mean resolution, not size? That would still be wrong but it's at least believable.
#80
When she told me she doesn't tell me all kinds of stuff because she is afraid of manifesting negativity. Our relationship fell apart because I wanted to communicate and she wanted to remain silent and pretend everything is great.
Ariel Andersen 1 year ago
The Molotov cocktail of relationships. Bortles!
Load More Replies... #81
When she asked me to proofread her paper in college (she was a Comm major) and I felt like I was reading something from a 5th grader. The amount of spelling and grammatical errors was horrendous. Her run-on sentences spanned the length of paragraphs. She constantly repeated herself, or just completely changed topic in the middle of a sentence. I simply could not believe that she had made it through high school with her level of writing. Never experienced such a thing before. I began to see a lot more characteristics and actions that were just poorly planned, and also began to see that we weren’t having very intellectually-stimulating conversations… we mostly just talked about what we were currently doing or stuff at parties we attended. It all slowly fell into place and I realized it wasn’t going anywhere. We amicably ended things, and I stopped helping her out with her homework. To no surprise, she left college the following semester.
Gwyn 1 year ago
I was a teacher's assistant at community college one year and it was an eye opener.... At least half the class had no writing skills whatsoever. Also one term about half the class submitted the same paper for a big assignment and it didn't even really fit the instructions for the assignment... Someone selling cheat papers I guess? It was pretty sad.
TiNaBoNiNa 1 year ago
I was a "mature" student at a community college and had to take a writing class. (I love writing and began tutoring at the college at the instructor's recommendation.) For one of our first papers we were to have a group read our papers and then tell them how they did. This one girl was just like the one described above. There was no way I could embarrass her in front of everyone in her group by giving my honest opinion, so I gave her a couple suggestions on a repetition and a misspelling or two. I think the others in the group may have done the same as they said it was OK. It was not.
Load More Replies... Charles McChristy 1 year ago
I once made the mistake of helping an ex with all of her college homework. She ended up dropping out after I split, too.
#82
I was on a camping date with a fireman. He was having trouble starting a fire so I told him to use liquor. He then argued with me about how alcohol isn't flammable. He was drop dead gorgeous and in magazines/ on MTV but sometimes, it's just not enough!
Doctor Strange 1 year ago
Hate to break it to you, but no you can't just light liquor on fire. Yes alcohol is flammable, but most liquor isn't strong enough in concentration to be flammable. It must be at least 80 proof (though 100 and up is more likely) to be able to light it. https://vinepair.com/articles/which-alcohol-catches-fire/
CrunChewy McSandybutt 1 year ago
I briefly dated a guy who was WAY out of my league, looks-wise. But holy mother of god he was as blunt as a sack of hammers. Absolute dirt clod.
#83
The first time he stayed the night I heard him talking to his friend on the phone the next morning (this was before texting) and he said, “Hey man guess what this girl has, like, BOOKS and s**t.”.
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
He may, in his sweet way, be expressing awe and admiration.
Dream 1 year ago
Seeing as most American dudes like that brag about NOT reading, this guy just realized he was out of his depth I'm guessing.
Load More Replies... #84
She tried cooking spaghetti in the microwave. I was awoken by the smoke alarm and in the microwave was dry spaghetti noodles in a bowl with a cup of spaghetti sauce. The noodles were burning.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago
This is something a child does. Adults should know how to feed themselves without burning down the house.
#85
I was a senior in high school and started dating a boy my age who decided to drink almost an entire 5th of vodka on NYE and not let anyone know that he was a diabetic. He got really sick and threw up all over my friend's bathroom, to the point I had to call his parents and ask them to come pick him up. Thankfully his mom was super cool about the whole thing and showed up right away to get him. As if this wasn't bad enough, while using his phone to find his mom's number, he got a notification from some other girl who was actively sending nudes to him. I'm not usually one to snoop, but there was unmistakably some other girl's tits on the notification. So not only did he make poor choices with his health, but he didn't respect me either. After he left, I stayed up until almost 6 in the morning cleaning my friend's bathroom because I was so embarrassed I brought that mess to their house. Then, when the man of the hour woke up and texted me the next day as if nothing happened, I invited him over and broke up with him at my front door.
Matthew Barabas 1 year ago
no. she showed stupidity by breaking up in person. if you can, always break up via text. its safer.
Load More Replies... #86
We were at a Cubs game (he was the fan, not me). We were in nice seats and he was acting a fool and screaming wildly, blocking this sweet older lady. I mean, when nothing is happening in the game, you can sit like everyone else is and just be respectful of who is behind you that you may be blocking. If something happens, by all means, stand up and cheer. Anyway, he had people complaining about him and got a talking to a few times. He was out of his mind drunk, so he never corrected the behavior. We saw security coming again so I pointed that out and he decided we should just go sit in another section. Instead of choosing a section far away, he picks the section next to ours and walks up to the security guard manning the entrance saying “can you believe this? They were going to kick me out!!” Security instantly gets on the radio lol. We walk back out of that section and are met by no less than 16 security guards, who basically perp walk him out of the stadium. I was allowed to stay (obviously) but I went because otherwise I’d be alone. So yeah, that’s how my (now) ex got me kicked out of Wrigley Field.
#87
When she didn't know the earth travelled around the sun.
Rosgrana 1 year ago
Copernicus didn’t know either, but at least he based his ideas on the information available at the time.
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#88
The baking tray for the cookies was too big for the oven, which prevented the door from closing completely. She decided to ignore the issue, and just bake the cookies with the door a couple inches ajar, and she cranked up the temperature of the oven to compensate.
Bookworm 1 year ago
Me too. We have one baking sheet that's just a little big for our oven, but it's not enough to prevent the door from closing.
Load More Replies... #89
When I saw an onion stuck with a fork on her bedside table. She was not feeling well and she read that it could make her better.
Me Oh My (He/They) 1 year ago
I think voodoo would involve more goats/animal sacrifice. This is based on my very limited knowledge of the religion, so anyone feel free to correct me.
Load More Replies... Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
If she had a stuffy nose it might help her breathe. Would also be uncomfortable and make your eyes cry too though!
#90
Kindergarten teacher. She was driving to meet me at my work. I was giving directions and used a colloquial term to turn at the 3rd “red light” instead of saying traffic signal or intersection. It was after work commute and all of the signals were timed green for the flow of traffic. She ended up so many miles away before encountering a 3rd red light.
Ronna Black 1 year ago
Third SET of lights, Nimrod. The literal minded appreciate clarity, and they are not stupid.
Jeremy James 1 year ago
Reminds me of once when I was driving and my partner said, "go around the roundabout." So I went 360° around, back the way we came. If he had said something like, "continue on past the roundabout," I would have understood.
Load More Replies... Kelly Scott 1 year ago
Like my brother. "Turn left..." he whips a quick left across oncoming traffic into a parking lot "...at the next light." The parking lot belonged to a 7-11. We were going to eat at a restaurant.
Christos Arvanitis 1 year ago
I've had people tell me to turn at e.g. the "green light" and I always ask them what to do if it's red, and they always get annoyed. It's a stupid expression really... so I think the poster has it backwards.
#91
My ex-wife said that the reason I don't enjoy the big Bang theory is because "I don't understand astrophysics" while snapping her fingers.
Dream 1 year ago
I've always heard Big Bang is a show made by stupid people how they think smart people act. I don't watch it so I'm not sure if that's accurate. Just restating what I've heard. People seem to love it or hate it.
Caroline Nagel 1 year ago
UCLA professor David Saltzberg, who was a science consultant on Oppenheimer, also consulted on Big Bang. No, it is not written by stupid people, it is accurate on the science stuff.
Load More Replies... #92
My wife struggled in school. She does well, she's a great mom. But sometimes she comes up with the dumbest f*****g questions. Her all time best, which I reminder her of at least once a year (we've been together 16 years, this is about 13 years ago) > in which Carribean Island is Hawaii? To say geography and history isn't her strong suit is an understatement.
Super Beast 1 year ago
Why don't you gently lead her to Google maps and look together? Intelligence comes in many forms.
Willie D'Kay 1 year ago
"reminder her"? If that wasn't an unfortunate autocorrect mistake I don't think this guy is in any position to be so critical of someone else's intelligence. But the verb noun agreement mistake in the last sentence makes me think it most likely was an intentional error.
#93
He had a meltdown because the toaster broke and he thought that meant he couldn't make toast. Stovetop and oven were both in working order. Funny enough, he was a nuclear physicist with a PhD, but when it came to simple problem solving... dumb as a rock.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
Totally agree with you, not the same at all as with a toaster.
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Paul Brown 1 year ago
I had a friend who was near genuis level smart, but dumb as a rock when it came to life stuff. Forget to turn water faucet, forget to turn off the car before getting out, leave the car running, and just walk away. Always forgetting, keys, wallets, glasses when leaving his house. He was a great guy, thankfully his girlfriend loved him and kept him from major injuries.
Carrie B 1 year ago
I used to think you could only cook hotdogs in the micro or on the grill. Didn't learn about boiling them until I was in my 20s. I don't think I'm an idiot, but who knows.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
I didn't know until recently that people 'grilled' them. Where I live they are only ever boiled.
Load More Replies... Sheena Leversedge Wood 1 year ago
we have this TV show where people review each others bed and breakfast establishments. on this particular one, the mans wife had to drop out of the competition for other commitments, so he continued on his own, and he was complaining that the self catering breakfast hamper had eggs and bread but "I don't know how to cook them." there was a toaster. there was a kitchen. before they opened their B&B, this man was a DOCTOR. I can see why he's an ex doctor, if he can't figure out how to make toast in a toaster.
What do you think ?
Nina 1 year ago
Really does point out the shocking level of education of certain places. And what happens when several generations of idiots reproduce to make these people.
Ariom Dahl 1 year ago
You are SO right! What's wrong with the education systems in these places?
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Dragon mama 1 year ago
I think we all could do a better job differentiating between stupidity and ignorance. People have many many varied paths through life and what is "common" knowledge to one person is totally unknown to another. We can all do a better job of coexisting if we come at situations like these with kindness and offer education/information. Those that are open to learning have the chance to grow and those that willfully refuse to learn will have rightly earned your scorn.
similarly 1 year ago
I was trying to think how to say this and looked down and saw your post. Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. I mean, honestly, what I actually know and understand is pretty insignificant stacked up to all the things I don't know and don't understand.
Load More Replies... Margaret Shannon 1 year ago
There’s a lot of teacher blaming in the comments. One of these days society will realize the problem is “students “ and only then will we see real change.
Sophia Athene 1 year ago (edited)
I think it's a combo of students and how hamstrung teachers are in their district in what they can say and teach and the inaccurate textbooks they're required to use. The appalling lack of sexual understanding, e.g., about periods and birth control, in millennials may be due to GW Bush's policy drastically curtailing what could be taught and basing a school's federal funding on whether they followed the policy. Around 1995 in Georgia (USA), my public high school science teacher was discussing the scientific theories of the creation of the earth and evolution of animals. She was required to discuss the word "theory" at length and required to teach the Bible's literal 7 day creation on Genesis 1 (even though Gen 2 contradicts it).
Load More Replies... Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
Some of these are kinda hypocritical, dating a hot person just for their looks and then complain about them being stupid? I mean come on.
Ariom Dahl 1 year ago
On second thoughts; maybe it's not that these people are stupid, it's that they have never been told facts about all sorts of things like geography and history and biology and science and -- well, life, the universe and everything. (Please forgive my awful grammar; I got rather carried away. )
Janice Sanz 1 year ago
This post reminds me why we are in the shape we are in as a country. SO many really ignorant people. A shame.
Nina 1 year ago
Really does point out the shocking level of education of certain places. And what happens when several generations of idiots reproduce to make these people.
Ariom Dahl 1 year ago
You are SO right! What's wrong with the education systems in these places?
Load More Replies... Dragon mama 1 year ago
I think we all could do a better job differentiating between stupidity and ignorance. People have many many varied paths through life and what is "common" knowledge to one person is totally unknown to another. We can all do a better job of coexisting if we come at situations like these with kindness and offer education/information. Those that are open to learning have the chance to grow and those that willfully refuse to learn will have rightly earned your scorn.
similarly 1 year ago
I was trying to think how to say this and looked down and saw your post. Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. I mean, honestly, what I actually know and understand is pretty insignificant stacked up to all the things I don't know and don't understand.
Load More Replies... Margaret Shannon 1 year ago
There’s a lot of teacher blaming in the comments. One of these days society will realize the problem is “students “ and only then will we see real change.
Sophia Athene 1 year ago (edited)
I think it's a combo of students and how hamstrung teachers are in their district in what they can say and teach and the inaccurate textbooks they're required to use. The appalling lack of sexual understanding, e.g., about periods and birth control, in millennials may be due to GW Bush's policy drastically curtailing what could be taught and basing a school's federal funding on whether they followed the policy. Around 1995 in Georgia (USA), my public high school science teacher was discussing the scientific theories of the creation of the earth and evolution of animals. She was required to discuss the word "theory" at length and required to teach the Bible's literal 7 day creation on Genesis 1 (even though Gen 2 contradicts it).
Load More Replies... Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
Some of these are kinda hypocritical, dating a hot person just for their looks and then complain about them being stupid? I mean come on.
Ariom Dahl 1 year ago
On second thoughts; maybe it's not that these people are stupid, it's that they have never been told facts about all sorts of things like geography and history and biology and science and -- well, life, the universe and everything. (Please forgive my awful grammar; I got rather carried away. )
Janice Sanz 1 year ago
This post reminds me why we are in the shape we are in as a country. SO many really ignorant people. A shame.
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