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Quitting your job can be scary. Many of us were raised not to take things for granted and to keep pushing through even if something isn't really working out. But that notion is what often allows employers to mistreat their staff in the first place — they know they can abuse people who idolize their position way too much.

This mentality, however, appears to be losing its prevalence. In August, 4.3 million Americans handed their bosses their resignations. The quits rate, which is measured against total employment, rose to 2.9% that month, according to the Labor Department’s Job Openings and Labor Turnover Survey, which is the highest in a data series that goes back to December 2000.

Image credits: HelanaDarwin

Social media reflects this phenomenon quite well. Helana Darwin, Ph. D., recently asked Twitter users to share their stories of quitting their jobs to help her come to terms with her own choices. Here are some of the replies. Let them be a warning to all of you toxic managers out there.

#1

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Genius management style actual. Short staffed = alienate remaining employees.

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WilvanderHeijden
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess the manager had a similar conversation with Sarah. Insanity Is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

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We managed to get in touch with Dr. Darwin and she was kind enough to speak to us about the origin of her tweet. We can sit and discuss numbers all we want, but it's often the human factor that allows us to grasp social dynamics, and Helena's story perfectly encapsulates it.

"I realized fairly quickly that I was in a bad situation at my job. I had been hired to perform a brand new role that my boss neither understood nor respected," Dr. Darwin told Bored Panda. "I assumed that as the expert on that specialty I would be treated with some measure of respect and have some autonomy, but that was not the case. He refused to give me instructions, but everything I did was somehow wrong, and by my third week he began publicly humiliating and berating me during company-wide zoom calls. I was shocked that he would treat an employee this way, especially one who had only been there for three weeks. I knew it was a bad sign."

"We had an hour-long check-in each morning and another hour-long check-in at the end of the day, amounting to 10/40 hours per week in check-ins that could have been completed so much more effectively through individual check-in emails to him," she continued. "Everyone complained about these meetings and how much time they wasted. But he liked them, so we had to sit through them. During my second meeting, I hopped on my treadmill, figuring that walking desks had become an established thing during the pandemic, but he complained that it made him dizzy. I then switched over to my exercise bike and tried to hold my head as still as possible and he called me after the meeting to tell me it was inappropriate. He was very clear that we had to have our cameras on and had to sit still."

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#2

People-Quit-Toxic-Jobs

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WilvanderHeijden
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should have sued them for blatant racism, but also, you probably would have lost.

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#3

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Daniel Marsh
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The U.S. passed the Health Insurance Portability Act under Pres. George W. Bush, allowing people to remain insured when they leave a job. After only a few months, you have to pay your own insurance, which can be very expensive, especially if you don't have a job.

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This policy made Dr. Darwin a prisoner of her boss's venomous behavior. "While he yelled at me and talked to me like I was an idiot, the whole company could see my face," she said. "I had to fairly conspicuously break the rules to turn off my camera so I could cry."

When she found herself doing that for the third time in one week, she started looking for jobs again.

"He had blown up at me yet again during [one of our morning meetings] because I highlighted something wrong. When I apologized and mentioned that the task he had given me was a lot of work, more than he seemed to think, he said 'Yeah. That's why it's called work. It's work. This is work, Helana.' He repeated this over and over again, rocking back and forth in his chair, yelling at the camera, red in the face."

#5

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Sam Chilton
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Felt the same after the last kitchen I worked in. Chef was super nice and kind, helpful etc the rest of the crew? Absolute monsters. Hope they got screwed over when Covid hit.

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Nicola Roberts
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Me too. I'm a payroll specialist and new management have decided to outsource payroll. Now I'm working in HR (not accounts) and have been asked to complete the implementation with the new company. It feels like I'm digging my own grave. I'm professional so I will give a month's notice but that is all they will get. Fingers crossed with my interviews next week. They will not take my mind and soul.

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By this point, other staff members couldn't take it anymore too. "He was so disrespectful and egregious that a coworker actually spoke up in my defense, telling him that it was unacceptable to talk to me that way. (I had been slacking with my coworkers for months about how out of line he was with me). I considered rage-quitting on the spot, but decided to try to breathe through it and mute the rest of the meeting," Dr. Darwin said.

But after the meeting, she hated herself for staying. "I had promised myself that if he did this one more time, I'd walk out the door. Why had I stayed? Why did I take some sick pride in tolerating abuse? As a sociologist of gender, the parallels between this dynamic and domestic abuse were very clear to me. I stayed because I was financially dependent on him and he had been effective in his campaign of humiliation to the point that I had very little self-esteem left. I felt like I was betraying my past self who had made a promise to future me that the next time would be the last time."

#8

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WilvanderHeijden
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Businesses with that kind of work-culture should be named and shamed, but chances are that a lot of people would say that all the employees are spineless snowflakes who should grow some balls to deal with the real world.

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Kay blue
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The manager was trying to prove how caring they were towards staff, my guess is that someone higher up wanted to know why they had a high turnover of staff.

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#10

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Sky Render
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this is the correct response to a gaslighter: just walk away shaking your head in disappointment.

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Little did her boss know, Dr. Darwin had a job interview lined up for later that same day. "[It] paid way less, but would at least be equivalent to an unemployment check, so when they offered me the job, I decided to make a point and quit the same day he had crossed the line. I invited my 9-year-old to witness the moment since he had overheard me complaining about this man for months."

The whole thing took roughly 40 seconds. "When someone was about to log off early because they were sick, I said they might want to hear what I had to say first. I actually took a video of this and posted it to Facebook so people who had been trying to encourage me to quit could see me be brave. I said, 'Tomorrow will be my last day. I promised myself that if [boss] lashed out at me one last time, I would quit. And he did. I considered rage-quitting in the moment. It triggered my PTSD so badly, having this white man yelling at me, that I couldn't stop shaking for over an hour afterward. If any of you also feel abused by this man, I encourage you to quit too. I will come by the office tomorrow to clear out my office and return my work computer. Good luck with your company.' And I hung up. The coworker who had stood up for me that morning tried to talk over me to tell me I was out of line when I got to the part about encouraging other people to quit, but I kept going. It is no coincidence that he is also a white man. Power protects power."

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Even though Dr. Darwin is an award-winning scholar, it took her three months of applying for jobs and interviewing for them before she received an offer.

#11

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#12

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Brian bell
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually this is not even quite right. You literally give time being alive, your actual life time, to a place. It can't actually be about money, but has to be about satisfaction, goals, interest, and all the rest. This can't be understated: You are giving your LIFE time to them, you will NEVER owe them anything and they will owe you everything! It is THEM who need to be eternally grateful of your working for them! This is so backwards in how we conceptualize work and life... it is sad...

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#13

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Felice Coles
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, yeah. Abuse is such a good way to start a professional relationship with a new employee. (eye roll)

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Luckily, she had people who supported her throughout the whole ordeal. "My husband gave me his blessing to quit months earlier, when he saw what this man was doing to my mental health," Dr. Darwin said.

But that wasn't always the case. "I grew up with a father who regularly blew up at me and yelled at me, telling me not to defend myself, and that children are meant to be seen and not heard. I then found myself powerless in graduate school with an advisor who sexually abused me. I couldn’t say anything because if he got fired, my own career would suffer enormous consequences and I would lose my funding. And here I was, starting my career outside of academia, trying for a fresh start, only to find myself with a boss who felt entitled to berate me and belittle me, and expected me to silently take it."

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Dr. Darwin couldn’t believe this was happening to her again, not after the price she had already paid. "I had made such strides in my mental health since graduate school and it was all unravelling. But I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t a quitter. I rationalized that there are a lot of shitty abusive bosses out there and I can’t just quit every time I have one. It felt like some sort of endurance test, some sort of learning opportunity. But it was so sadistic," she said.

#15

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MelFunction
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a fact that people, in general, don't deserve animals, and veterinarians get to witness that first-hand every day. I'm sure it takes its toll.

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#16

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Felice Coles
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's good to have an insider opinion that you trust. Saves a lot of agony of "but why now?"

You'd think that breaking such a vicious cycle calls for a celebration. But it's not that easy to simply forget all the emotions it has drained. "As soon as I quit, I went to a bar," Dr. Darwin recalled. "It seemed like the thing that people do when they quit their job. I wound up crying to the bartender and asking the other barflies to commiserate with me about any time they had quit a job. While I was sitting there, I tweeted my now-viral tweets."

"At the time, I had 10K followers, so I suspected I would get a good amount of commiseration and support from my virtual community. I did not expect it to become the most viral tweet I have ever made. It was amazing to feel so held and supported by others who have made tough decisions to walk away from abusive work situations. It’s the only time a viral tweet of mine hasn’t mutated into some sort of toxic attack on me. It was pure solidarity."

"I was so grateful and also so amused by the thought that my former boss would likely be notified that his company’s image was compromised by the amount of support that I got," Dr. Darwin added. "Although I didn’t say his name or his company's name, it’s not difficult to access my resume. I will say that I read everyone's replies and quote-tweets for comfort that night and the next morning, before getting overwhelmed with the scope of the data. It spoke to people in a deep way and I suspect the vulnerability I displayed in my original tweet attracted people to my account—my follower count rose from 10.4K to 12K in the span of 48 hours. My tweet also wound up on the anti-work Reddit page and is being covered by journalists. So it definitely made an impact and spoke to the moment of employees saying hell no to workplace abuse."

#17

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WilvanderHeijden
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2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do Christian coffee shops serve their coffee with communion wafers instead of cookies?

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#18

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#19

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Felice Coles
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ooh, management must've hated that one. They got you for cheap and now they're suffering. Good.

#20

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John C
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Serious question: how does it work when you move to a country with universal healthcare? Are you covered just because you're breathing the air there, or do you have to get a job & pay taxes? Or maybe own property / rent? Please don't use this opportunity to sh!t on the US healthcare system, we know all too well how horrible it is. This is just an honest question.

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#21

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Helen Haley
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why does corporate or head office always seem to love the complete aholes?

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#22

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Felice Coles
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you! Academia is for people who also like teaching and administration. Some people just can't take all the bullsh*t.

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#23

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WilvanderHeijden
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ending up in ER the first time wasn't enough of a red flag? I quit a job in the first hour when they explained their health and safety policy. Didn't wait around to get crushed under a 2 ton paper roll in a printing company.

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WilvanderHeijden
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In most European countries getting laid off means that you get some sort of unemployment benefit that's quite enough to keep you going for a while, all be it that you really have to budget to make ends meet.

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over it already
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did that, too! Sad thing is, I loved the work and the clients, but the supervisor....I have no words for the relief of getting away from her

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#29

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Tee Witt
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have come across one or two "toxic" workplaces in my time. None as bad as appear here but I did not waste time, I just left, That is why I gave up lecturing/teaching poisonous staff and poisonous students sometimes, not for me.

#30

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Seadog
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Left a supervisor position in banking and went to work in a mirror factory. People there couldn't understand how I could make such a change. Easy. No more nights and weekends, no more stress. I come in do my job, get thanked for a job well done and go home ON TIME. After 90 days the foreman came around and gave me a 25 cent/hr raise and apologized that it couldn't be more. I told him he just gave me a $40/mo raise after 90 days. Last raise at the bank after 7 years? $36/mo

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