Imagine you're ordering a meal. Or writing the sweetest text to your crush. Or even making the perfect presentation to your colleagues. Suddenly the words simply stop... coming. Or worse, you start spitting random jibberish that makes absolutely no sense. Brain farts are real, ladies and gentlemen. But the good news is that you aren't the only one who's dropping these stink bombs. Continue scrolling and check out some of the funniest struggles people have had with the English language, so that the next time you release a gassy wind of iuhgkfhregwlrh you can remember that it happens to the best of us.
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Interestingly, there's a scientific term for what we like to call a "brain fart." Whenever you're having one, you're experiencing tip-of-the-tongue (TOT) syndrome, from the phrase "it's on the tip of my tongue." And while there is no universally accepted cause, there are some scientific theories that try to explain it.
The first one to describe the TOT phenomenon was psychologist William James. "A sort of wraith of the name is in it, beckoning us in a given direction, making us at moments tingle with the sense of our closeness and then letting us sink back without the longed-for term," he wrote in his 1890 book Principles of Psychology.
Go back now for the change. Just casually explains that you have a huge bladder that takes 3 years to empty.
That's absolutely hysterical, I'm glad I'm alone as I'm crying-laughing so much!!!!
Me to bursted into laughter , can't imagine what librarian was thinking =)
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I could smell what was going to go wrong in the beginning of the story from a mile away but is still enjoyed it and laughed out loud
hahahaha i picture the scene and it looks straight out of Monty Python
When you rehearse for one place but go to another first. " Give me a quarter pounder " at the hardware store. Not that I've ever done that just saying.
They might be. Didn't stop to give name. So librarian basically has a free fiver
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why would anyone have to rehearse that they have to pay a fee to the library?
It is very, very easy for this to happen. It sounds like it was an accidental errour in pronunciation. I give credit to anyone learning English as it isn’t an easy language.
Load More Replies...However, no empirical research was done until 1966 when Harvard researchers Roger Brown and David McNeil published a paper in the Journal of Verbal Learning and Verbal Behavior. They read definitions to people, and then asked them to remember the defined words. During the TOT state, these people could recall certain aspects of the word, and the closer they came to remembering it, the more accurate their associations became.
"The signs of it were unmistakable; he [the subject] would appear to be in mild torment, something like the brink of a sneeze, and if he found the word his relief was considerable. While searching for the target, [he] told us all the words that came to his mind. He volunteered the information that some of them resembled the target in sound but not in meaning; others he was sure were similar in meaning but not in sound."
Gay used to mean happy so just say you are old fashion like that.
At least you didn't said "you're problem." That will be real embarrassing then.
At that ungodly time, any and all miscommunications between brain and tongue are understandable.
I had a colleague worried about oversleeping while at a conference, so she wanted to ask if I could wake her by knocking on her door --- but not being a British native she asked if I could "knock her up" in the morning... cue silence around the dinner table.
Isn’t it funny how embarrassed we all still get, given we *all* seem to do it?
If someone messes a phrase up when talking to me, and I know what they were trying to say, I always ignore the mess up and answer as if they had been correct. That's what I hope someone would do when I mess my words up!
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I'm laughing so hard, my dog took off to sleep somewhere else. Can't.stop...
I'm having to laugh quietly because it's 2 am. My poor dog is in a panic thinking I can't breathe, I ended up having to hold his collar so he wouldn't start barking in a panic XD
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I was eating Reeses Pieces and offered them to a friend. What almost came out of my mouth was, Would you like some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups? But I knew that wasn't right so I corrected myself midway through talking and said, Would you like some Reeses Pean-ieces?
Earlier this week I complimented a coworker on her new haircut. I asked "Did you get a new haircut? It looks nice. Thank you!" without skipping a beat in between. She just looked at me and laughed. So I spent the rest of the day thanking everyone for no reason.
Try having English be one of three or four languages you speak. Even if it's your first and primary language, you are tired or get stuck and suddenly it's the Tower of Babel in your head and "Where's the koci... Nie, no, I meant the catcher, the kot, the... ARGH! The red stuff! The red stuff!"... And this is why I eat my fries plain.
So kids, what have we learned from this? Don't be too self-concious when this happens, because apparently it's just a regular glitch in the human system. :-D (Yes, it happens to me too, frequently!)
After church on Sundays, we used to have Sunday school. It's about an hour of extra bible class for the kids. Our teacher spoke about a lot of things the adults did not usually speak about, like the end of days, anti Christ etc. One day I tried to ask him to tell us about 666. I ended up asking him to tell us about sex sex sex
Had, for example, Swedish been your first language, that is what you would have said. The number 6 is 'sex' in Swedish and Icelandic, 'seks' in Danish and Norwegian, and 'sechs' in German. By pure coincidence, I quit Sunday school when I was six, maybe it was the sixth of June...
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I once tried to say " that's a great spot to pitch a tent" but actually said " that's a great spot to pinch a tit". To make things worse it was at my Pastor's house.
I was taking a pastor visiting from my country to a hotel, and since there was a lot of free time until the afternoon function, I took him on a winding 'sightseeing tour' of the city, including the run-down area where, pretty close to the hotel he was staying at, the brothels and most of the prostitution were found. As he checked in at the Hotel Vergina, the man in the reception took a hard look at me and said "The room is booked for one person!". After taking the pastor back to the hotel after lunch, I stopped at a side road across the street from the hotel to let him go and pick something up. He got out of the car, looked across the road, did a double-take, opened the car door again and said - "I thought you had said the hotel was called "Vagina!" We both broke down crying with laughter. He was a good sport
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Talking to a 90 year old lady. In my language (faroese) we say "How do you live?" (Meaning "How are you?") Instead I asked: "Are you still alive?" I don`t think she ever forgave me.
I was trying to ask for popcorn... I accidentally switched the first p and the c...
I just said that out loud to figure out what you meant. Oh dear!
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One Easter my high school friend and I were door knocking to raise funds for the Children's hospital (happens every good friday) Got to one house and a rather attractive man who obviously took care of himself answered the door, shirtless. Stammered through and told him why we are at his door. He makes a donation and right as we are leaving I mix "Thank you " and "sorry to disturb you" I say "Thanks for disturbing you" He got the biggest grin on his face and I turned heel and practically ran away from embarrasment
I work in a call center and make outbound as well as inbound calls regarding car loans. I was also reading the news about a celebrity who was getting divorced so when they answered the phone instead of saying I was calling about the car loan I said I was calling about the divorce
Worked at a large call center for a insurance company know for it's red umbrellas. I had a customer on the line that was being pretty forceful in trying to make us take the blame for something, I IM'ed my boss "heads up, this guy is pushy" but actually wrote "heads up, this guys pussy." My boss was a young female. Luckily I saw it right away and sent the correction and apologized. At the next group meeting she shared a screen shot with everyone for a good laugh.
I had just called my mother before a phone interview and we say "love you goodbye" and after the phone interview I said "thanks, love you, goodbye" and hung up
My wife went for an interview with a manger who’s surname is Wright. She walked into reception and without thinking said ‘I am looking for Mr Wright’.
Once going through the Burger King drive thru, I expected the guy at the window to say "Thank you, have a nice day!" What I heard was "Thank you, I hope you come again!" To which I replied "You too!!!" I died that day haha
That time at work a coworker and i were putting back a very large long heavy box that needed tilting upward and i asked him if he could get it up. Mind you I am a female! Lol. We laughed about that for a few days!
a regular thing that my friend will do is mix up the first letters of words. For example; Razy Liver.
Are used to do that as well. Palt and Shecker papers! (Salt and pepper shakers)
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At a previous job where we had to map out areas of cities/towns for customers calling in to send off for permits, maps, etc. Co-worker was mapping something out and meant to say "To confirm, that would be Valley Regional Park, correct?" and what came out was "To confirm, that's Vaginal Park..." and she just stopped off with a strangled silence. Then quickly said "THANK YOU" ... call ended verrry shortly after.
when re-enlisting, i always tell myself 'uniform code of military justice. not unicorn form.' i always end up stuttering.
Those are hilarious! I was working at a place where the morning procedures were split between a long list and a short list. We were going to combine them so I though long and hard and blurted out, s*****g list. After a moment of silence, someone said, no that's already taken.
Working in a retail store in a mall that has a place that bakes cookies all day. Was hungry and smelling the cookies and a customer walked in eating one. Meant to say is there anything I can help you with. Dead set came out as can I get you some milk with that. Hungry = no brain 😂
I said "wow you have a food full of locker!" when I was referring to a friend's locker with food inside. We laughed about it
Spanish class this morning: I had to pee, but for some reason, my brain forgot how to say "Puedo ir el bano" AND "Can I use the bathroom", so, here I am, I'm pointing at the bathroom pass. And I'm saying "buhubuhuuuuuaaa". And he UNDERSTANDS. My Spanish teacher understood me, guys.
My favorite line from 30 Rock, when after taking a sedative for a flight, Liz hallucinates that she is sitting next to Oprah: "(on the phone) I'll have to call you back. I'm snitting next to Borpo." Still laughing about that.
I had to stop reading these in class cause I started actually laughing and it's not good
I was around 6-7 at the time but remember it vividly. I was very hungry and my grandma was cooking dinner. I was going to say "My tummy is hungry!", but apparently my brain had other plans. Instead I said "My hungry is tummy". The worst thing about that was my 10-11 year old sister was sister was standing right there. I am 17 now and she is 20, but at every family gathering (we only hang with my mothers side of the family not my dads, only ever met his mother once, wasn't very fun) she tells the story of when I said "My hungry is tummy". Warning: My mother's family extended is made up of 34 other people and counting, so lots of people know
There's always the classic: Going to work on your birthday and someone says Happy Birthday! Your response: You too!
JOBER AS A SUDGE: After hearing that joke for the first time I can't say it normal even when sober
Just goes to prove that you're not as think as you drunk you are. (Sorry, couldn't resist ;-)
Load More Replies... The awful thing about these is how they've burned into your brain so you can never forget. When you're checking out of life probably your last thought is some stupid c**p you said 40 years ago.
Naaah, that's not the way to see it, Kenny. These are innocent gems that should become relished memories to bring a smile or a laugh, not thought of as 'some stupid c**p' to feel bad over.
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Great read on a Friday morning! Bored Panda you never disappoint!!
I was asking a Friend A why Friend B was absent at school one day. She said he went to Texas. I remember him going to Texas earlier in the year, so I try to say "Isn't that the second he went to Texas?" and instead say "Isn't that sexy?" to my friend of the opposite gender.
i said " looter lasers" instead of later losers to my sibling the other month, they wont let it go and remind me of it every time i see them
Once a waiter accidentally messed up while asking me for an order. I think they meant to say "What would you like, ma'am" but it came out "What do you want, mom" I could see he realized what he had said and became really flustered as he tried to apologize. I could tell he was messing up his words again, so to save him any further embarrassment I cut him off with "Just the pasta special. Thank you for asking, son."
When I was very pregnant with my first my mom and I had spent the day going from fabric store to fabric store in order to find fabric for the nursery. I was exhausted and just wanted to quit and intended to say "I'm pooped, let's go." Instead I said, loudly in the middle of the store, "I pooped". After my mom and I laughed for a good minute she replied "well that is a good reason to go home". I can still hear her laughing, nearly in tears...I'd give anything to hear that laugh again. Such a silly moment but a great memory of how much fun we had. I love stories like these because I know I'm not the only one with brain farts:)
I didn't screw up what I said, but one time a buddy of mine called me from the airport because his flight was delayed and I asked what happened. He said the plane was stuck in the great lakes. My dumb a*s responded with "What's it doing in the lakes" lmao. As soon as I said it I was like c**p....
One time in a restaurant, the waiter came to take my order. I was trying to order the 12 ounce steak but instead asked for the 12 inch, and then realized I was wrong, so stopped. The waiter never missed a beat, and replied "I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you with that". My friend tells the story whenever he introduces me to someone new!
I came out of work to find my car battery was dead. I asked a coworker if he could "jack me off" instead of "jump me off"
https://www.bbc.com/ideas/videos/have-you-been-getting-a-phrase-wrong-all-your-life/p079j4sl?playlist=the-wonderful-world-of-words
Been there.. I was working in a hostel a while back where one shift consisted of picking guests up downstairs with the elevator (because you need a card to operate it). I was working the night shift, and a guest showed up at 3am. Upon exiting the elevator he says “Thank you!”. My brain couldn’t pick between “You’re welcome” and “No problem” so I cheerfully shouted “You’re problem!” after him. He didn’t say anything so i’m gonna assume he didn’t hear me..
One time I pulled up to the speaker at Army's and ordered a Cherry Bend over. I had just finished telling my friend that that was what the geeky guys I work with call cherry turnovers.
My sister used to have her own landline phone in our house, so I always knew they were calling for her, but we would answer her phone and take a message. So, I knew that it would go "Hello?", then "Is Vicki there?", and I would say, "I'm sorry, she's not home right now, can I take a message." So, it rings one day, and my brain skipped tracks and first thing I say is, "I'm sorry, she's not home right now, can I take a message?" I realized that things were not quite right, so I try to get this back on track. I skip back to, "Is Vicki there?", which is of course not my line in the script. So, things went from bad to worse and I backed up more and went with "Hello?" next. It was my niece calling for her Mom, and she just says, "Auntie, are you OKAY?" Then I started laughing so hard, I couldn't answer her and had t hang up the phone. She's still thinks I'm a loon.
I worked at a casino as a customer service attendant. One day i gave my landlord my rent check, as he said "Thank you", I responded "Good luck"! He was shocked, as I, truly mortified, tried to explain that I had to say that to all of my customers for each transaction.
Coworker of mine was very embarrassed. Seems he sent an email to our boss about the state of storage for our University. She walked up to him with a print out of the email confused and said "I didn't know our University was involved in this kind of business." Instead of sending the email with a title of "State of the Warehouse," he sent it with "State of the Whorehouse." Uhm...oopsie.
I one asked for a Dr Peppie with my food order. I was laughing and said i mean Pepper. The drive thru lady giggled and repeated it back the same way i orginally said it
My most embarrassing public one of these has to be the time I loudly shouted "Hello!" as I got off a bus, rather than "thank you".
I’m an American currently living in Amsterdam. My Dutch is pretty nonexistent but I try to pretend I know more than I actually do. Went to see a movie with a friend and bought a soda at the concession stand. The woman handed it to me and said something in Dutch; I thought she was asking if I wanted a receipt so I replied “nee” (no in Dutch). She gave me a really weird look and then turned around to see if any of her coworkers heard. I realized right away that she didn’t ask about a receipt, she told me to enjoy the movie and I literally smiled and responded “no”. Not quite the same as a brain fart but still pretty good. I explained to the concession lady and we both had a good laugh.
The language is an open and living system. (Excepet the dead languages ). Mistakes, mistypes, misusages are very common in everyday language usage. Native speakers and second language users make many mustakes in everey day. This is natural, because we dont speak in grammatical forms, but in chunkies. These chunkies make the language a living and breathing thing. The beginning of linguistic arrogance is judging others from their language mistakes. Usage of an incorrect or not very adequate form as a "fart of the brain" is the example of the lingvistic arrogance. Pierre Bourdieu worte, that the lingvistic snobism and imperialism starts, when we start to make cynicism from others language misusages. :-(
I had a colleague worried about oversleeping while at a conference, so she wanted to ask if I could wake her by knocking on her door --- but not being a British native she asked if I could "knock her up" in the morning... cue silence around the dinner table.
Isn’t it funny how embarrassed we all still get, given we *all* seem to do it?
If someone messes a phrase up when talking to me, and I know what they were trying to say, I always ignore the mess up and answer as if they had been correct. That's what I hope someone would do when I mess my words up!
Load More Replies... I'm laughing so hard, my dog took off to sleep somewhere else. Can't.stop...
I'm having to laugh quietly because it's 2 am. My poor dog is in a panic thinking I can't breathe, I ended up having to hold his collar so he wouldn't start barking in a panic XD
Load More Replies... I was eating Reeses Pieces and offered them to a friend. What almost came out of my mouth was, Would you like some Reeses Peanut Butter Cups? But I knew that wasn't right so I corrected myself midway through talking and said, Would you like some Reeses Pean-ieces?
Earlier this week I complimented a coworker on her new haircut. I asked "Did you get a new haircut? It looks nice. Thank you!" without skipping a beat in between. She just looked at me and laughed. So I spent the rest of the day thanking everyone for no reason.
Try having English be one of three or four languages you speak. Even if it's your first and primary language, you are tired or get stuck and suddenly it's the Tower of Babel in your head and "Where's the koci... Nie, no, I meant the catcher, the kot, the... ARGH! The red stuff! The red stuff!"... And this is why I eat my fries plain.
So kids, what have we learned from this? Don't be too self-concious when this happens, because apparently it's just a regular glitch in the human system. :-D (Yes, it happens to me too, frequently!)
After church on Sundays, we used to have Sunday school. It's about an hour of extra bible class for the kids. Our teacher spoke about a lot of things the adults did not usually speak about, like the end of days, anti Christ etc. One day I tried to ask him to tell us about 666. I ended up asking him to tell us about sex sex sex
Had, for example, Swedish been your first language, that is what you would have said. The number 6 is 'sex' in Swedish and Icelandic, 'seks' in Danish and Norwegian, and 'sechs' in German. By pure coincidence, I quit Sunday school when I was six, maybe it was the sixth of June...
Load More Replies... I once tried to say " that's a great spot to pitch a tent" but actually said " that's a great spot to pinch a tit". To make things worse it was at my Pastor's house.
I was taking a pastor visiting from my country to a hotel, and since there was a lot of free time until the afternoon function, I took him on a winding 'sightseeing tour' of the city, including the run-down area where, pretty close to the hotel he was staying at, the brothels and most of the prostitution were found. As he checked in at the Hotel Vergina, the man in the reception took a hard look at me and said "The room is booked for one person!". After taking the pastor back to the hotel after lunch, I stopped at a side road across the street from the hotel to let him go and pick something up. He got out of the car, looked across the road, did a double-take, opened the car door again and said - "I thought you had said the hotel was called "Vagina!" We both broke down crying with laughter. He was a good sport
Load More Replies... Talking to a 90 year old lady. In my language (faroese) we say "How do you live?" (Meaning "How are you?") Instead I asked: "Are you still alive?" I don`t think she ever forgave me.
I was trying to ask for popcorn... I accidentally switched the first p and the c...
I just said that out loud to figure out what you meant. Oh dear!
Load More Replies... One Easter my high school friend and I were door knocking to raise funds for the Children's hospital (happens every good friday) Got to one house and a rather attractive man who obviously took care of himself answered the door, shirtless. Stammered through and told him why we are at his door. He makes a donation and right as we are leaving I mix "Thank you " and "sorry to disturb you" I say "Thanks for disturbing you" He got the biggest grin on his face and I turned heel and practically ran away from embarrasment
I work in a call center and make outbound as well as inbound calls regarding car loans. I was also reading the news about a celebrity who was getting divorced so when they answered the phone instead of saying I was calling about the car loan I said I was calling about the divorce
Worked at a large call center for a insurance company know for it's red umbrellas. I had a customer on the line that was being pretty forceful in trying to make us take the blame for something, I IM'ed my boss "heads up, this guy is pushy" but actually wrote "heads up, this guys pussy." My boss was a young female. Luckily I saw it right away and sent the correction and apologized. At the next group meeting she shared a screen shot with everyone for a good laugh.
I had just called my mother before a phone interview and we say "love you goodbye" and after the phone interview I said "thanks, love you, goodbye" and hung up
My wife went for an interview with a manger who’s surname is Wright. She walked into reception and without thinking said ‘I am looking for Mr Wright’.
Once going through the Burger King drive thru, I expected the guy at the window to say "Thank you, have a nice day!" What I heard was "Thank you, I hope you come again!" To which I replied "You too!!!" I died that day haha
That time at work a coworker and i were putting back a very large long heavy box that needed tilting upward and i asked him if he could get it up. Mind you I am a female! Lol. We laughed about that for a few days!
a regular thing that my friend will do is mix up the first letters of words. For example; Razy Liver.
Are used to do that as well. Palt and Shecker papers! (Salt and pepper shakers)
Load More Replies... At a previous job where we had to map out areas of cities/towns for customers calling in to send off for permits, maps, etc. Co-worker was mapping something out and meant to say "To confirm, that would be Valley Regional Park, correct?" and what came out was "To confirm, that's Vaginal Park..." and she just stopped off with a strangled silence. Then quickly said "THANK YOU" ... call ended verrry shortly after.
when re-enlisting, i always tell myself 'uniform code of military justice. not unicorn form.' i always end up stuttering.
Those are hilarious! I was working at a place where the morning procedures were split between a long list and a short list. We were going to combine them so I though long and hard and blurted out, s*****g list. After a moment of silence, someone said, no that's already taken.
Working in a retail store in a mall that has a place that bakes cookies all day. Was hungry and smelling the cookies and a customer walked in eating one. Meant to say is there anything I can help you with. Dead set came out as can I get you some milk with that. Hungry = no brain 😂
I said "wow you have a food full of locker!" when I was referring to a friend's locker with food inside. We laughed about it
Spanish class this morning: I had to pee, but for some reason, my brain forgot how to say "Puedo ir el bano" AND "Can I use the bathroom", so, here I am, I'm pointing at the bathroom pass. And I'm saying "buhubuhuuuuuaaa". And he UNDERSTANDS. My Spanish teacher understood me, guys.
My favorite line from 30 Rock, when after taking a sedative for a flight, Liz hallucinates that she is sitting next to Oprah: "(on the phone) I'll have to call you back. I'm snitting next to Borpo." Still laughing about that.
I had to stop reading these in class cause I started actually laughing and it's not good
I was around 6-7 at the time but remember it vividly. I was very hungry and my grandma was cooking dinner. I was going to say "My tummy is hungry!", but apparently my brain had other plans. Instead I said "My hungry is tummy". The worst thing about that was my 10-11 year old sister was sister was standing right there. I am 17 now and she is 20, but at every family gathering (we only hang with my mothers side of the family not my dads, only ever met his mother once, wasn't very fun) she tells the story of when I said "My hungry is tummy". Warning: My mother's family extended is made up of 34 other people and counting, so lots of people know
There's always the classic: Going to work on your birthday and someone says Happy Birthday! Your response: You too!
JOBER AS A SUDGE: After hearing that joke for the first time I can't say it normal even when sober
Just goes to prove that you're not as think as you drunk you are. (Sorry, couldn't resist ;-)
Load More Replies... The awful thing about these is how they've burned into your brain so you can never forget. When you're checking out of life probably your last thought is some stupid c**p you said 40 years ago.
Naaah, that's not the way to see it, Kenny. These are innocent gems that should become relished memories to bring a smile or a laugh, not thought of as 'some stupid c**p' to feel bad over.
Load More Replies... Great read on a Friday morning! Bored Panda you never disappoint!!
I was asking a Friend A why Friend B was absent at school one day. She said he went to Texas. I remember him going to Texas earlier in the year, so I try to say "Isn't that the second he went to Texas?" and instead say "Isn't that sexy?" to my friend of the opposite gender.
i said " looter lasers" instead of later losers to my sibling the other month, they wont let it go and remind me of it every time i see them
Once a waiter accidentally messed up while asking me for an order. I think they meant to say "What would you like, ma'am" but it came out "What do you want, mom" I could see he realized what he had said and became really flustered as he tried to apologize. I could tell he was messing up his words again, so to save him any further embarrassment I cut him off with "Just the pasta special. Thank you for asking, son."
When I was very pregnant with my first my mom and I had spent the day going from fabric store to fabric store in order to find fabric for the nursery. I was exhausted and just wanted to quit and intended to say "I'm pooped, let's go." Instead I said, loudly in the middle of the store, "I pooped". After my mom and I laughed for a good minute she replied "well that is a good reason to go home". I can still hear her laughing, nearly in tears...I'd give anything to hear that laugh again. Such a silly moment but a great memory of how much fun we had. I love stories like these because I know I'm not the only one with brain farts:)
I didn't screw up what I said, but one time a buddy of mine called me from the airport because his flight was delayed and I asked what happened. He said the plane was stuck in the great lakes. My dumb a*s responded with "What's it doing in the lakes" lmao. As soon as I said it I was like c**p....
One time in a restaurant, the waiter came to take my order. I was trying to order the 12 ounce steak but instead asked for the 12 inch, and then realized I was wrong, so stopped. The waiter never missed a beat, and replied "I'm sorry, I don't think I can help you with that". My friend tells the story whenever he introduces me to someone new!
I came out of work to find my car battery was dead. I asked a coworker if he could "jack me off" instead of "jump me off"
https://www.bbc.com/ideas/videos/have-you-been-getting-a-phrase-wrong-all-your-life/p079j4sl?playlist=the-wonderful-world-of-words
Been there.. I was working in a hostel a while back where one shift consisted of picking guests up downstairs with the elevator (because you need a card to operate it). I was working the night shift, and a guest showed up at 3am. Upon exiting the elevator he says “Thank you!”. My brain couldn’t pick between “You’re welcome” and “No problem” so I cheerfully shouted “You’re problem!” after him. He didn’t say anything so i’m gonna assume he didn’t hear me..
One time I pulled up to the speaker at Army's and ordered a Cherry Bend over. I had just finished telling my friend that that was what the geeky guys I work with call cherry turnovers.
My sister used to have her own landline phone in our house, so I always knew they were calling for her, but we would answer her phone and take a message. So, I knew that it would go "Hello?", then "Is Vicki there?", and I would say, "I'm sorry, she's not home right now, can I take a message." So, it rings one day, and my brain skipped tracks and first thing I say is, "I'm sorry, she's not home right now, can I take a message?" I realized that things were not quite right, so I try to get this back on track. I skip back to, "Is Vicki there?", which is of course not my line in the script. So, things went from bad to worse and I backed up more and went with "Hello?" next. It was my niece calling for her Mom, and she just says, "Auntie, are you OKAY?" Then I started laughing so hard, I couldn't answer her and had t hang up the phone. She's still thinks I'm a loon.
I worked at a casino as a customer service attendant. One day i gave my landlord my rent check, as he said "Thank you", I responded "Good luck"! He was shocked, as I, truly mortified, tried to explain that I had to say that to all of my customers for each transaction.
Coworker of mine was very embarrassed. Seems he sent an email to our boss about the state of storage for our University. She walked up to him with a print out of the email confused and said "I didn't know our University was involved in this kind of business." Instead of sending the email with a title of "State of the Warehouse," he sent it with "State of the Whorehouse." Uhm...oopsie.
I one asked for a Dr Peppie with my food order. I was laughing and said i mean Pepper. The drive thru lady giggled and repeated it back the same way i orginally said it
My most embarrassing public one of these has to be the time I loudly shouted "Hello!" as I got off a bus, rather than "thank you".
I’m an American currently living in Amsterdam. My Dutch is pretty nonexistent but I try to pretend I know more than I actually do. Went to see a movie with a friend and bought a soda at the concession stand. The woman handed it to me and said something in Dutch; I thought she was asking if I wanted a receipt so I replied “nee” (no in Dutch). She gave me a really weird look and then turned around to see if any of her coworkers heard. I realized right away that she didn’t ask about a receipt, she told me to enjoy the movie and I literally smiled and responded “no”. Not quite the same as a brain fart but still pretty good. I explained to the concession lady and we both had a good laugh.
The language is an open and living system. (Excepet the dead languages ). Mistakes, mistypes, misusages are very common in everyday language usage. Native speakers and second language users make many mustakes in everey day. This is natural, because we dont speak in grammatical forms, but in chunkies. These chunkies make the language a living and breathing thing. The beginning of linguistic arrogance is judging others from their language mistakes. Usage of an incorrect or not very adequate form as a "fart of the brain" is the example of the lingvistic arrogance. Pierre Bourdieu worte, that the lingvistic snobism and imperialism starts, when we start to make cynicism from others language misusages. :-(
