Teen Says Parents Shouldn’t Have Bought Nanny A First-Class Ticket, Regrets It After They Put Him In Economy For Being So Elitist
Two days ago, a story shared by a mom to 18-year-old Matt on AITA went viral, igniting a discussion on whether or not she crossed the line.
The son named Matt had a complicated personality change at age 11, when the parents put him in private school. “Maybe the contact with other teenagers brought out a selfish and elitist side of him,” his mom, nicknamed TAMommaof3, explained. “We tried our best to try to improve it, but with the onset of adolescence and stubbornness, it just seemed to get worse,” she added.
This year, when the high of the pandemic was finally over, the family decided to go on an international trip and they took their nanny named May with them.
The tension in the family started when Matt found out his mom was going to get the nanny a first-class ticket, while he was told he’d have to pay for his upgrade to the economy seat he was bought. While at first, Matt took it as a joke, he soon realized this was an important lesson his mom prepared for him.
Recently, a mom shared how she took her nanny on a family trip and bought her a first-class ticket, while she got an economy ticket for her 18-year-old son
Image credits: Robert Penaloza (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daniel Frese (not the actual photo)
Image credits: TAMommaof3 (not the actual photo)
Building and maintaining a healthy relationship between parents and their children can be a daunting task. It’s no secret that many family dynamics shift with time, and sometimes it’s not for the better.
But Joshua Coleman, a psychologist and senior fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families, argues that you can be a conscientious parent and your kid may still want nothing to do with you when they’re older. In fact, “when children grow up and they arrive at estrangement, parents and adult children seem to be looking at the past and present through very different eyes.”
According to historian Steven Mintz, the author of Huck’s Raft: A History of American Childhood, the conflicts between parents and their grown-up children in the modern time largely differ from the conflicts families would have in the past.
“Families in the past fought over tangible resources—land, inheritances, family property. They still do, but all this is aggravated and intensified by a mindset that does seem to be distinctive to our time. Our conflicts are often psychological rather than material—and therefore even harder to resolve,” Mintz argues.
Many people showed their support for the mom in this whole situation
Others, however, supported the son and said they understand his resentment
I like the person who said, "ask him why "almost torture" would be okay for the nanny but not for him"
I don't understand the people that are saying YTA. Did they not read the whole story or are they as entitled as the son is. If the grandparents want to treat him like a prince then they need to send him to live with them. I bet they would send him back to his parents after a week of hearing him complain. This young man needs to grow up and stop being such a classist.
I don't understand the people saying that "making him work from the age of 16" is such a horrible, terrible thing. Hell, I've worked since I was 15, 13/14 if you count babysitting. Lots of 16 year olds I know work. And OP said it's only part time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a kid learning to work for their own money. That's how things work in the real world. As long as he still has time to be a kid, and do his own thing-and again, he only works PART time-him having a job is a GOOD thing. Wtf.
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Entitled shithead kid via personality shift? I've witnessed it happen. And guess what? It isn't always the parents. The kid I saw go through this was always sweet and patient and such a kind guy. After his father passed away, he got bitter and lashed out at everyone. I was good friends with his mother, and trust me when I say that she was a good mother. I agree that parents hold a huge part in their child's behavior, but sometimes it goes beyond them.
The move to a private school was probably part of the issue, there are a lot of entitled teens at these schools that think their parents' wealth should give them special treatment.
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It's really important to teach your kids the value of money, and the habit of work, especially if you don't have the kind of wealth that makes you willing to support them all your life. Sounds like he's also learning a valuable lesson about not treating employees and service staff badly.
While I think that was the right thing to do in this situation I think that these people are lacking in other places. They waited 6 years to do anything about his weird personality change. And it’s trues that him and his siblings seem to have had very different lives as young children which should also be taken into consideration.
How can anyone say YTA the entitlement reaches far I see. The ONLY thing I don't agree with is I would've made him pay his WHOLE way if he was gonna be like that. He's EIGHTEEN not eight. One commenter that was against her did say one thing that made sense though "If he is entitled someone had to set the stage" that part is absolutely true. They allowed it for years and it bit them. But for all the people saying she's the AH because she made him work lol please.
They tried to fix that entitlement multiple ways. Sometimes kids can't be helped. I came from a wealthy family, got everything I asked for. There were 4 kids, my parents taught us how to work hard for our money and taught us about family values. 3 kids (including myself) turned out great. My brother ended up being an a*s that thought the world owed him something. My dad did everything to try and set him straight but my brother was just an a*s.
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This person (the son) needs to realise how privileged he is as most families can't afford first class for everybody
Yeah, NTA. This kid seriously complained about what his parents were using THEIR money to spend on and it was to treat a person who really helps them out. It wasn't the money he was earning that was going to be used, and it's not like they didn't get him a plane ticket at all and told him to just figure out how to get there on his own, he was on the freaking plane.
For those saying yta, children are not entitled to get anything except basic stuff and normal love and care from their parents. Love, food, clothes, education. Even if they are rich now, so what? It's their money. The boy's attitude is bad. They could send him to therapy along with sending him to work. I would have honestly loved to have an opportunity to work as a teenager. We weren't rich and in my country there weren't any jobs for teens. Also no one sent me to therapy when I needed it. I survived. I blame my parents for the lack of family feelings and support, that's it. Not the lack of money or privileges.
Since the grandparents think she (mom) was wrong then they can take care of him. He can live with them and spend their money. I also don't understand the person who thinks it's torture for a 16 year old to work a part time job. Many many teens work a part time job and use that money to pay actual bills like rent and light. He works a job and can keep that money for himself. Not too many people have the funds to go on a vacation let alone pay for the Nanny and her child. Instead of learning a lesson in humility and grace he has taken the selfish road. NTA.
I bet the son was a real gift to his seat mates in economy on that 10 hour flight ✈️
Brilliant parenting. Imagine that difficult and entitled boy as an adult? Better nip it in the bud now. For the sake of the rest of us.
The young man is 18, so he should not be given everything. Maybe the parents were wrong gibing him everything he wanted before. He is 18, so he needs to learn to grow up. If something happened to his parents, what would he do then? Cry because mommy & daddy didn't have a big enough inheritance for him to not have to live an extravagant lifestyle!
I feel sorry for the people in economy who most likely had to put up with his whining
Boy, you aren't wealthy, your parents are. What you have is from them, beyond the necessities what they give you is at their leisure, not mandatory. Good lesson hopefully learned.
Next time please sit him in 1st class. I don't want a k**b like him sitting next to me on a flight.
I am voting gor NTA. More of that, I would make this boy to pay even for the economy by himself, not only for an upgrade.
NTA, but "private school" sounds elitist. This is where the root lies. He was thaught he was privileged by going to a privileged "private school". Now he has to unlearn all that.
the thing is, his parents have money, he does not. Good parents teach their kids to earn perks, even wealthy ones. the parents struggled and got ahead, he reaps the benefits only because he is their son and it is up to them to do something about it. Why does he care where the nanny sat, it isn't his money.
If the parents were not in a good financial state when they married, does that mean the grandparents were rich and abandoned them or they were poor themselves? If they were poor, they need to check THEIR attitude about money. G-son may get it from them. NTA
TBH i would have paid for him to sit with his family in first class. Punishing him financially isn't going to nail home what he said is wrong. He needs professional help, he needs a counselor. He should also be doing volunteer work.
I feel bad for everyone in this story…including the Nanny who got a first class seat to take a vacation with her employers…even if she wasn't there to work, IMHO she would prefer to take the money spent and go on her own vacation with her own family. So that was mistake No. 1. Mistake No. 2 is ruining your family vacation to spite your son in the name of teaching him a lesson. Sometimes family vacations are torture…first class or otherwise. Sometimes they are opportunities for closeness and conversations that don't come during normal life. This was a lost opportunity to guide your son to love and empathy in a kind way. Hopefully you will be able to use it now as a stepping stone to a more meaningful discussion of how reasonable people act, examining your own mistakes too. At 16 he's still a work in progress, so don't give up on him.
Please don't just downvote people because you disagree with them. They'll get blocked or even banned. A downvote should be reserved for spam and hate speech - not for a difference of opinion.
I’ve had the opposite explained to me. By people who’s job it is to design and maintain such functions on such forums, so I’m inclined to believe them. But there’s always a possibility that I could be wrong.
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Son got punished for being an insensitive jerk and thinking someone was beneath him. He got in trouble for being a spoiled brat.
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Then the son needs to learn to not be an entitled a*****e. He told his parents what to do with their money, then told his parents to treat the nanny as less than them. When my wealthy parents planned a 3 weeks Europe vacation when I was 18 they ended up leaving my brother home and taking my other brothers girlfriend. He was left home because he felt like my parents ignored where he wanted to go and was passed. The boy is 18, he needed that reality check.
Load More Replies...
I like the person who said, "ask him why "almost torture" would be okay for the nanny but not for him"
I don't understand the people that are saying YTA. Did they not read the whole story or are they as entitled as the son is. If the grandparents want to treat him like a prince then they need to send him to live with them. I bet they would send him back to his parents after a week of hearing him complain. This young man needs to grow up and stop being such a classist.
I don't understand the people saying that "making him work from the age of 16" is such a horrible, terrible thing. Hell, I've worked since I was 15, 13/14 if you count babysitting. Lots of 16 year olds I know work. And OP said it's only part time. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a kid learning to work for their own money. That's how things work in the real world. As long as he still has time to be a kid, and do his own thing-and again, he only works PART time-him having a job is a GOOD thing. Wtf.
Load More Replies... Entitled shithead kid via personality shift? I've witnessed it happen. And guess what? It isn't always the parents. The kid I saw go through this was always sweet and patient and such a kind guy. After his father passed away, he got bitter and lashed out at everyone. I was good friends with his mother, and trust me when I say that she was a good mother. I agree that parents hold a huge part in their child's behavior, but sometimes it goes beyond them.
The move to a private school was probably part of the issue, there are a lot of entitled teens at these schools that think their parents' wealth should give them special treatment.
Load More Replies... It's really important to teach your kids the value of money, and the habit of work, especially if you don't have the kind of wealth that makes you willing to support them all your life. Sounds like he's also learning a valuable lesson about not treating employees and service staff badly.
While I think that was the right thing to do in this situation I think that these people are lacking in other places. They waited 6 years to do anything about his weird personality change. And it’s trues that him and his siblings seem to have had very different lives as young children which should also be taken into consideration.
How can anyone say YTA the entitlement reaches far I see. The ONLY thing I don't agree with is I would've made him pay his WHOLE way if he was gonna be like that. He's EIGHTEEN not eight. One commenter that was against her did say one thing that made sense though "If he is entitled someone had to set the stage" that part is absolutely true. They allowed it for years and it bit them. But for all the people saying she's the AH because she made him work lol please.
They tried to fix that entitlement multiple ways. Sometimes kids can't be helped. I came from a wealthy family, got everything I asked for. There were 4 kids, my parents taught us how to work hard for our money and taught us about family values. 3 kids (including myself) turned out great. My brother ended up being an a*s that thought the world owed him something. My dad did everything to try and set him straight but my brother was just an a*s.
Load More Replies... This person (the son) needs to realise how privileged he is as most families can't afford first class for everybody
Yeah, NTA. This kid seriously complained about what his parents were using THEIR money to spend on and it was to treat a person who really helps them out. It wasn't the money he was earning that was going to be used, and it's not like they didn't get him a plane ticket at all and told him to just figure out how to get there on his own, he was on the freaking plane.
For those saying yta, children are not entitled to get anything except basic stuff and normal love and care from their parents. Love, food, clothes, education. Even if they are rich now, so what? It's their money. The boy's attitude is bad. They could send him to therapy along with sending him to work. I would have honestly loved to have an opportunity to work as a teenager. We weren't rich and in my country there weren't any jobs for teens. Also no one sent me to therapy when I needed it. I survived. I blame my parents for the lack of family feelings and support, that's it. Not the lack of money or privileges.
Since the grandparents think she (mom) was wrong then they can take care of him. He can live with them and spend their money. I also don't understand the person who thinks it's torture for a 16 year old to work a part time job. Many many teens work a part time job and use that money to pay actual bills like rent and light. He works a job and can keep that money for himself. Not too many people have the funds to go on a vacation let alone pay for the Nanny and her child. Instead of learning a lesson in humility and grace he has taken the selfish road. NTA.
I bet the son was a real gift to his seat mates in economy on that 10 hour flight ✈️
Brilliant parenting. Imagine that difficult and entitled boy as an adult? Better nip it in the bud now. For the sake of the rest of us.
The young man is 18, so he should not be given everything. Maybe the parents were wrong gibing him everything he wanted before. He is 18, so he needs to learn to grow up. If something happened to his parents, what would he do then? Cry because mommy & daddy didn't have a big enough inheritance for him to not have to live an extravagant lifestyle!
I feel sorry for the people in economy who most likely had to put up with his whining
Boy, you aren't wealthy, your parents are. What you have is from them, beyond the necessities what they give you is at their leisure, not mandatory. Good lesson hopefully learned.
Next time please sit him in 1st class. I don't want a k**b like him sitting next to me on a flight.
I am voting gor NTA. More of that, I would make this boy to pay even for the economy by himself, not only for an upgrade.
NTA, but "private school" sounds elitist. This is where the root lies. He was thaught he was privileged by going to a privileged "private school". Now he has to unlearn all that.
the thing is, his parents have money, he does not. Good parents teach their kids to earn perks, even wealthy ones. the parents struggled and got ahead, he reaps the benefits only because he is their son and it is up to them to do something about it. Why does he care where the nanny sat, it isn't his money.
If the parents were not in a good financial state when they married, does that mean the grandparents were rich and abandoned them or they were poor themselves? If they were poor, they need to check THEIR attitude about money. G-son may get it from them. NTA
TBH i would have paid for him to sit with his family in first class. Punishing him financially isn't going to nail home what he said is wrong. He needs professional help, he needs a counselor. He should also be doing volunteer work.
I feel bad for everyone in this story…including the Nanny who got a first class seat to take a vacation with her employers…even if she wasn't there to work, IMHO she would prefer to take the money spent and go on her own vacation with her own family. So that was mistake No. 1. Mistake No. 2 is ruining your family vacation to spite your son in the name of teaching him a lesson. Sometimes family vacations are torture…first class or otherwise. Sometimes they are opportunities for closeness and conversations that don't come during normal life. This was a lost opportunity to guide your son to love and empathy in a kind way. Hopefully you will be able to use it now as a stepping stone to a more meaningful discussion of how reasonable people act, examining your own mistakes too. At 16 he's still a work in progress, so don't give up on him.
Please don't just downvote people because you disagree with them. They'll get blocked or even banned. A downvote should be reserved for spam and hate speech - not for a difference of opinion.
I’ve had the opposite explained to me. By people who’s job it is to design and maintain such functions on such forums, so I’m inclined to believe them. But there’s always a possibility that I could be wrong.
Load More Replies... Son got punished for being an insensitive jerk and thinking someone was beneath him. He got in trouble for being a spoiled brat.
Load More Replies... Then the son needs to learn to not be an entitled a*****e. He told his parents what to do with their money, then told his parents to treat the nanny as less than them. When my wealthy parents planned a 3 weeks Europe vacation when I was 18 they ended up leaving my brother home and taking my other brothers girlfriend. He was left home because he felt like my parents ignored where he wanted to go and was passed. The boy is 18, he needed that reality check.
Load More Replies...
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