Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post Search
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Mom Asks If She Was Wrong To Refuse To Let Her Stepdaughter Use Her Deceased Daughter’s Wedding Dress
1.8K

Mom Asks If She Was Wrong To Refuse To Let Her Stepdaughter Use Her Deceased Daughter’s Wedding Dress

ADVERTISEMENT

We often like or feel attached to particular things and objects for their sentimental value. They carry memories about people, places, and moments in our lives.

Imagine how special and priceless a mother considers a wedding dress worn by her daughter who tragically passed away at a young age. “It was so sudden. She was doing okay and was getting ready for her wedding that was supposed to happen the same month she passed away,” the 49-year-old mom who goes by the handle u/67099107 shared in her story on the AITA subreddit.

Now, her 23-year-old stepdaughter Zoey is getting ready to get married. “We were talking about wedding dresses and she suddenly brought up Lauren’s wedding dress,” the mom recounted. “She then said she’d like to wear it at her wedding. I felt uneasy.” Read how the whole situation evolved right below, and share your thoughts about it in the comment section.

A woman shared how her stepdaughter asked to use her deceased daughter’s wedding dress, which made her very uncomfortable

Image credits: StockSnap (not the actual photo)

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

And this is what people thought about this whole situation

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
Share on Facebook
You May Like
Popular on Bored Panda
Add your comment
Add photo comments
POST
heatherphilpot avatar
joga113 avatar
Nena Rosebud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely. No need to further explain. Mom doesn't need to justify her reason.

Load More Replies...
kyirana avatar
Lilla Ontherun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The world would be much easier if people would accept 'no' without complaining and whining.

arinski avatar
йЫ щЪё
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also would be easier if people would have more common sense and not even ask such questions...

Load More Replies...
pjcabreza avatar
Eric Forman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stepdaughter: "She's dead she's not gonna use it anymore right?"

mandygora03 avatar
BorPand8
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems creepy and weird anyway. Even if I didn't have a personal attachment, knowing the history of the dress would be enough for me to nope on out of there. I mean, "She was so young, so looking forward to getting married and then she just died mysteriously..." "But it's so pretty! I wanna wear it!!!"

Load More Replies...
keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she really asked if you loved her as much as your biological daughter, then she is delusional. You've only known her a few years.....and your husband needs to keep his nose out of it and have total respect for your decision. This sounds like another entitled brat not taking no for an answer and you don't owe anyone an explanation. Although, I'd let the fiance hold onto the dress for a bit, so nothing nefarious happens to it. Brats that don't get their way tend to do stupid things.

joga113 avatar
Nena Rosebud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It also sounds incredibly manipulative. Asking the mom if she doesn't love her as much as her biological daughter?

Load More Replies...
leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister died 6 weeks before her wedding. there was no question of anyone using her dress, etc. None. Who *are* these people? Ugh.

juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How exactly is wanting to wear something after changing everything about it "trying to get close to you"?

joga113 avatar
Nena Rosebud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not the only wedding dress in the world. Girl needs to stop fixating on this one, pick another dress, and respect her step-mother's decision. No is no is no.

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the girl and her dad are trying to come up with a way to not pay for a wedding dress. That's what's going on. They don't give a damn about the dress, it's about the price. If she can get hold of that 1, she won't have to buy her own.

Load More Replies...
stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have it professionally wrapped and store it in a place that husband and stepdaughter can't find it. They are both totally unreasonable here. They don't know how devastated you are. Stepdaughter wanting to change it is out of the question. NTA

patricia_keith avatar
Patricia Keith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your still on good terms with your daughters finance then let him keep it at his place for safe keeping or donate to a worthy cause of someone who is dying and needs a wedding dress for that special moment before they die.In remembrance of your daughter talk to her then finance about the best option for the dress.

Load More Replies...
elanorrosser avatar
Ellie Rosser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't you love me as much as her? Why no, Zoe, no I do NOT love someone I just met as much as the daughter I knew and adored for 26 years.

jaime_pagano avatar
Jaime Pagano
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No Zoe, I don't love you like I loved and still love my daughter who has died. Matter of fact, I don't even like you after hearing your selfish entitled remarks. Good luck with your marriage, once your husband realizes what a t#@t you are, I'm not seeing you celebrating many anniversaries.

Load More Replies...
assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Leave him, tell the DIL to fuc* off and find some common decency in her being. No one should ever ask, nevermind DEMAND, that you give away the sentimental items of your deceased child. Both your husband and his daughter are horrible people who will never respect you, run, NOW.

imogenecargeaux avatar
Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rmr seeing this on Reddit and it INFURIATED ME! ive never lost a child. But I did just lose my dad. Not the same thing but I have experienced a similar situation. my step sister wanted my dad vintage jean jacket. a jacket that my dad gave me when he was still here. I don't wear it a lot bcuz I don't wanna F**k it up. My step sister is 4 yrs younger than me. We're not close. Her n my dad barely knew eachother n she has stolen SO MANY OF MY CLOTHES I lost count. I'll go on Instagram n see her wearing clothes of mine that I've been looking for. So annoying. So I told her "no, absolutely not. You cannot have the jacket." She then threw a tantrum n then went to my brothers n asked them to grab it for her because "I gave it to her but she forgot it" ... my brothers aren't stupid, they're not just going to take something of mine w/out asking. Which pissed her off. She went on a fb rant calling me all these names. It was ridiculous. Don't budge. F**k ur step daughter n your husband.

debrahuron avatar
Debra Huron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just read this… so sorry for your huge loss… I pray that you DO NOT let her wear your daughter’s dress!!! Please listen to ALL the comments.. how the hell could she be so selfish and manipulative… I would want nothing to do with this so called step daughter ever!!! Your daughter would not want anyone else wearing her dress!!! God bless you👏

Load More Replies...
joannafugal avatar
Amanita Muscaria
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I should stop seeing these posts. It is seriously making me lose my mind over these obnoxious people that people have to like.. deal with.

xolitaire avatar
xolitaire
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find it very telling that both husband and stepdaughter happily jump on the guilt trip wagon. If this is their usual behavior to enforce what they want, that woman should grab that dress and get the hell away from both of them.

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Sorry for your loss. A stepdaughter is out of order. So is the husband. If it would have been his daughter dying he wouldn't even entertain your daughter's requests. You can bond over coffee, cake, walks, shopping. You do not bond through requesting and offering money to destroy a wedding dress of a dead bride. Why would she want to wear it? It has a dark aura and is valuable to mum. Stepdaughter is so out of touch that I'm thinking selfish, no empathy, brat... I'd be deeply offended if my husband would not support me in a situation like this. Is he really husband? I'm sorry love is blind, and children come always first but this is outrageous and selfish behaviour from both of them. Stepdaughter and dad feelings outweigh your grieve. Grounds for extended solo holiday, maybe love isn't everything and you better off without them. I would leave the dress as it is, wouldn't attend a wedding of this brat, and any bonding would be off the table until adulthood.

koni_royval avatar
Koni Royval
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bride to be is not a child. The SPOUSE comes first. That so called husband needs a smack upside his head.

Load More Replies...
ashleighrenouf avatar
Ashleigh Renouf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my newborn daughter shortly after birth and still have things bought for her hidden away so her sisters can’t touch them. Losing a child is the most devastating experience on earth. I cannot imagine how heartless and selfish her husband and step daughter are. It breaks my heart because what this woman needs is support and compassion from her husband.

sugarducky avatar
Vivian Ashe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do so many people feel entitled to other people's stuff? It seems like most of the family arguments I hear about really boil down to: one person has something, family member thinks they're entitled to take, borrow, or control it, and they throw a tantrum when they don't get their way.

sunshine-aoc avatar
Lemonclouds20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So inappropriate of the stepdaughter to even ask. She's way out of line. Playing the your daughter too card. She can find her own dress.

barblynnmeade avatar
icmongeese
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The husband seems to have no regard for his wife's grief. He doesn't seem to understand the dress is a symbol of the love a mother had for her daughter, and the happy times that they had together choosing the dress. The husband has chosen his daughter's feelings over that of his wife's, and that does not bode well for the marriage. I don't think it will get any better in the marriage. Loyalty is not something that, once betrayed, is easy to recapture.

mary_kayser avatar
Mary Kayser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can NOT believe your step daughter had the audacity to even ask to wear the dress, let alone to get obnoxious about your response. Extremely disrespectful! And then for your husband to side with her was shocking. What a spoiled brat. This would take me a while to get over. You are completely right to be sensitive about this dress, and anyone who doesn’t understand that is heartless. I hope this hurt will soften with time, but I would cautious with heart when it comes to this manipulative girl. She seems to have her Dad exactly where she wants him. I hope this doesn’t end up coming between you.

kandy_2 avatar
Kandy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA... How cruel for another person to rip your heart out and cause you to relive this grief. It appears the step-daughter and father are of a like mind. I hope you signed a prenuptial. Confide in your daughter's fiance and ask if he will house the dress until after the step daughter marries. I have read so many times where the OP steals items for selfish gains. Then you need to reflect on your marriage. Will your husband take your side in future issues, or is this a light bulb moment?

anneswan_1 avatar
Anne Swan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I first read this as confiding in the stepdaughter's fiancé. Then I kind of like that after I got it right. Tell the fiance that his wife to be steals mementos and deaf people's clothing from grieving relatives. Imply that she may rob graves next. Problem solved - stepdaughter won't have a wedding.

Load More Replies...
seashelled avatar
Debb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NOT required to love your stepdaughter at all and I suspect she's trying to save herself money. That dress should be carefully preserved or made into a keepsake quilt for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. ❤️

phmerli avatar
P HMerli
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please hide this dress. And I find it heartbreaking that your husband cannot understand, respect your grief. Zoey sounds too demanding n she had no right to compare the love you have for your daughter and how you feel about her. It's narcissistic to say the least. I'm truly sorry about your loss. Cannot fathom the pain :(

pa2wa2laatgmaildotcom avatar
pa2wa2la atgmaildotcom
Community Member
2 years ago

It sounds to me like stepdaughter is thinking "free dress." Put it in storage ASAP. And maybe consult a lawyer about annulment or divorce, whichever is appropriate after a marriage of four months plus change.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any sane person would be creeped out by the idea of wearing a wedding dress whose previous owner died days before her wedding. SHe's not just insensitive, she's really messed up in her head.

lrkrstllptg avatar
Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The others really have the gall to tell a grieving mother she doesn't have the right to act like that infuriates me. I want names. I just wanna talk. And maybe slap them with my fist.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cry baby go get your own dress. Her daughter is DEAD. Have some f*****g respect. I'd leave that family quick fast and in a hurry. 3 months gone, charge it to the game. Her daughter is probably looking at her mother with a smile on her face for protecting her dress<3

vickypoulsen avatar
Vicky Poulsen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hell to the no!! This stepdaughter is a selfish, greedy brat…that dress will always be a beautiful reminder of how special she was to you. Stand your ground!

rsimmons106 avatar
Rene Simmons
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't even begin to wrap my head around this situation. You are so far from bta. I'm shocked that your husband doesn't have your back. His job is to protect you, love you and cherish you! He was aware that his daughters attitude is causing you pain. He didn't buy this dress, neither one of them have memories tied to it. You do! The audacity of apparently an extremely spoiled CHILD, throwing a temper tantrum! And her father encouraging her behavior is so wrong. I would LOVE to be able to sit down for a little heart to heart with them both. My heart breaks for you, losing your daughter, then realizing your stepdaughter is a spoiled brat, THEN realizing your husband's reaction is way beyond questionable. God bless you, because you're a saint.

angie_6 avatar
dugoutgirl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How they dare she even suggest such a thing. Go get your own damn dress!

camaroaustin avatar
Keisha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have read my "husband" the riot act in front of his entitled kid,gotten up and walked out. I wouldn't even address his idiot daughter. You lost your daughter and nobody has a right to try to force you or even ask you for your daughters things,even to borrow them.I don't understand how she even had the nerve to ask much less almost demand to use something with so much meaning. From what I gather they either didn't know your daughter or didn't know her well. That makes this even worse. Honestly I would be revaluating my marriage.I wonder how he would feel if his little princess was the one who died way to young,right before her wedding. If he was a good father he would be able to walk a mile in your shoes and completely understand what you are going through and told his daughter she was out of line and needed to learn some empathy.

lauraauthor-artist-poet avatar
Laura Author-artist-poet
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You need to leave this guy. This dress is a red flag. What will they do with your other stuff? What will you do when you're too old to say no and you have people like that around? What will a husband like that do if you get sick? Oh, I had to put her in a home, I needed room for my daughter to visit. You think this is a bad experience? I say it's a blessing telling you to get away from both of them. When you get divorced, tell him it least he has his daughter. Get out now before you're together long enough that your stuff becomes his. You're lucky the universe is giving you a big warning. Or is it a warning from your daughter? Would your daughter want you around people like that? If you really want to spike them, tell them the dress is for when you get married to a real person, because this guy is a loser. But seriously, i bet your daughter would ask where you are staying with a guy like this. If you care about a dress that's tied to years of being an amazing mom. Now you need to be a mom to yourself. Take care of yourself and get away from this guy. Who will you be in ten years visiting her grave if your husband is honking the horn to tell you to hurry up because his daughter is hungry.

jjluv_777 avatar
Ophelia Payne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, it's yours, you said no. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else.

laylagg666 avatar
Jules
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly she is so inconsiderate her daughter died in the same month of her f*****g wedding and her stepdaughter thinks she has some type of "claim" to the dress because she is also her daughter and then tries to emotionally manipulate you and guilt Tripp you tbh I wouldn't love her anymore

carolearrington avatar
Carole Arrington
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry for your loss I am surprised that they insisted they should borrow it and MAKE CHANGES to the dress. From what I read, it sounded like you were willing to consider her borrowing It until she said she was going to make changes to it. That to me is incredibly insensitive. If she had asked to where the wedding dress in honor of your daughter, she should have been willing to wear it as is and not wanted to change it to Make it her own. I do agree with others. Take the dress too a specialized dry cleaners who can pack the dress carefully in a manner that will preserve it. And then put it someplace where they can't find it.

marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Marigen Beltran
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the step-daughter is panning to change the dress to fit her style, Why not buy one that already has it? And why does she expect the OP to love her as a daughter when she really isn't and have met for only less than 3 years? I feel bad for the bullying, because to me it was.

patriciamorgan avatar
Patricia Morgan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes I agree Please get the.DRESS out of the HOUSE AND let ur Husband no to never go against u he did it once he will do it again. Happy that you said NO and u stick to your GUNS GOD BLESS YOU. REMOVE THE DRESS BEFORE ITS TO LATE

Load More Replies...
theresaanderson_1 avatar
Theresa Anderson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother is NTA..it would be different if the daughter and step daughter had been close and wearing the dress would be a way for her daughter to be part of the special day. If the mother could look at it that way, maybe her answer would be different. But since the stepdaughter and get father are trying to bully their way to the dress and want to change the specialness of it I definitely don't think she deserves to wear it. When the mother is ready to let it go I suggest donating it to The Angel gown project. They use donated wedding dresses to make burial gowns for babies who are still born or die as infants. The mother could look at it as a way to help other mothers who have lost their child.

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems weird that stepdaughter not only asked for dress, but also kept insisting. I mean, would you ask to wear dress meant for someone who died? If she like it so much, she can always buy something similar.

selenabeimer avatar
Selena M Beimer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA: they need to understand the sentimental value. Maybe you could offer to take stepdaughter to the same boutique to buy a similar gown and that way both of your girls have that same style dress? Also, I would preserve the gown/ put it in a display box or something so that it’s displayed in plain sight for safety instead of in a closet. I would hope your husband and stepdaughter wouldn’t just steal from you, but having it on the wall every day to see might make them realize how special it is to you, rather than hidden in a closet.

dorishagler avatar
Doris Hagler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The living nerves of her is unbelievable 🤦🏼‍♀️ And on top of it all she said she’s going to change a few things wow. Well I’d be making a few changes of my own starting with her getting out my house and taking her father with her. How dare he side with her. Omg that’s it he’s paying for the wedding and trying to save a few bucks. 🤦🏼‍♀️ That’s ok just get it all in the divorce. He’s showing his hand and I’d slam it in the door

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At first I was like mmm if they were close, that would be cool honor the sister and all. But then I finished reading. I just lost my dad two weeks ago and I have NOTHING of his. His greedy POS gf took/ lost / sold who knows... everything of his. So I have nothing for myself, my siblings or his grandchildren. That dress is sacred and I understand. When my dad was hospitalized the hospital gave me the clothes he was wearing. A ratty pair of sweats and an old nascar tshirt. If I knew then what was going to happen I never would've washed them. Those are literally the last things of my dads. Keep the dress, tell them to piss off. I can't believe the husband is even entertaining his brat.

angiehunt avatar
Angie Hunt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry for your loss 🙏 The girlfriend stepped way over bounds with your Dad's belongings,if they weren't married she had no claim to them ... Don't worry Karma will catch up with her , eventually.....I know that doesn't get your dad's things and I'm so sorry that you have no personal keepsakes for you and your family ...

Load More Replies...
givingback avatar
Giving Back
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, i am disgusted with the stepdaughter and your husband. As a mother myself, i would want to keep that precious wed dress of my beloved daughter and only when i am ready, i will let it go.... no one should push me on this.

louiseplatiel_1 avatar
Louise Platiel
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter does not respect boundaries. The question was asked and answered. Continuing to press the subject after that happens is a terrible trait that requires a firm but fair and decisive response that shuts any further conversation down. People grieve differently. What feels like a tribute to some, using the deceased's name for a new child is another example, feels disrespectful to others. It is absolutely vital that if your idea does not feel right for everyone that you refrain from adding further pain, even if you don't understand why.

keribridgett avatar
Keri Bridgett
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow just wow! I have no words. Your NTA but husband and step daughter are. She has no right to ask for the dress. She seems like a spoiled brat. Like other people have said NO means NO and that should be final without any guilt trips. Like others have suggested move the dress, out of sight, out of mind. Good luck with everything and I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your biological daughter you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

rkoons77 avatar
Dorene Fetter Koons
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, I am so sorry for your loss. The audacity of this girl and her father (your husband) absolutely floors me! You are nta.

buffyanne1303 avatar
Beth Hansen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm curious how long OP had been with her new husband. The level of disrespect has me thinking he's only along for the ride. I also feel that this father daughter duo sound like con artist. She needs to drop both. For her own mental health and safety.

weedwacker1983 avatar
Jimmi Weed-jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with mom it's a cenimental I myself wouldn't be comfortable wearing it but if she likes it so much she should consider getting a dress that looks similar design.

jrehmke avatar
Jane Rehmke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! If it was a perfect fit in both style and size, maybe it would be a tribute… but she is asking to turn it into her own!! Maybe thinking of saving money? But the alterations could easily add up to more than starting afresh.

miradwari avatar
Mir Adwari
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if she wanted to have the dress because it was a perfect fit, and would promise to make no alterations, it would still be a no. Most people accept that dresses can get damaged on the day. People sweat on them, drop food and spill drink, the seams on a very fitted dress can give. My sister's dress had a small train and it ended up with a heel from a shoe punching through it. Most come out fine but you simply cannot guarantee it. The mother wants it left alone. Pristine, unworn and intact. It is a memorial now.

Load More Replies...
guavafeathers avatar
Aurora Borealis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They suck for even asking. At first reading the title I was going to say that's a dumb response but after reading the story. No.

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I might feel differently if it was a younger sister, another daughter. But that entitled twat barely knew the girl that died, if at all. Mom is 1 million percent right in this one. No means no and if her husband REALLY loved her, he'd have supported her.

talljan avatar
Jan Cardiff
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bless your heart my dear for going through such a shocking experience after loosing your daughter unexpectedly. Sorry for your loss. Place that special wedding dress out of the house somewhere anywhere so that those shallow and cruel jerks do not take it out of your closet and use it anyway. If they think it okay to ask to use the dress and then not respectful to accept your answer of no then your dress is not safe.

charissedavies avatar
Charisse Davies
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're completely within your rights to decline the use of the dress to your step daughter. Your husband should be by your side on the matter and not hers. She clearly has mo eyes for a dress so she should buy one of her own. I completely understand where you're coming from as I lost a son and kept a special outfit of his. I would never allow someone else wear it as it was his. If they continue to pressure you I would kick him out of the home and threaten a divorce. If he can't respect your wishes then he doesn't respect you. Ask your daughter's would have been husband if he can temporarily mind the dress at his until your step daughter has her wedding. Stay strong hun!

ikaakbar avatar
PepsiCoke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter is playing sick power play. Dresses can be made. If she really wants to wear that dress, take a picture and had it re-made. So easy.

ellie_tiffany10 avatar
Tiffany Southcott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know why people can't understand the word no. That dress is very sentimental, especially due to the fact that the daughter put a lot of work into it and never got to wear it. The fact that the stepdaughter even has the audacity to continue asking and that your husband is taking her side too is ridiculous. It might be different if she just wanted to wear it but not change anything about it, and even that is pushing it. I wouldn't keep the dress in your house anymore due to the fact that they both keep pushing for it because you might just find the dress gone missing.

doritokatz avatar
Dorit Katz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

SO NTA. the step daughter and husband are so out of line even if the dress does not get altered. The fact that they want to alter it to fit her makes it all the worse. They are manipulating your emotions to make you feel guilty which is SO out of line. What a brat. OF COURSE YOU LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER MORE THAN HER. That they're using that to manipulate you is unconscionable. I don't usually reply to these things but this brought me out of my usual lurker state.

hotaz435 avatar
Susan McClure
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shame on your husband for not backing you up. It seems obvious, though, how step daughter got so entitled!

johncrandall_1 avatar
John Crandall
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would she have let a different biological daughter wear it? I agree, it is her choice and I don't like the purported resentment at mom for saying 'no.' some mother's might think they would rather the dress be worn than yellow with age, but, again, it is her decision.

angiehunt avatar
Angie Hunt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter showed disrespect from the start of that conversation.How dare she to ask to wear"that" dress...... She should have had more respect for you than to ask this...She must be a VERY SPOILED person..And the audacity of the husband to take sides ,makes my blood boil !!!!! Lady ,you need to start divorce proceedings immediately for you have entered into a LOSING BATTLE ....How dare him ask this of you ..Shows lack of feelings for your extreme loss and lack of common courtesy......No Questions Asked .....

dorothymcguire0 avatar
Dot McGuire
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds to me as though stepdaughter and dad want to wipe out daughter's existence. As if they resent this lady's deceased daughter and the love they shared. Sick pair. Get rid of both of them.

Load More Replies...
nataliagehenna avatar
Lonely Tentacle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She shouldn't even have asked to begin with. That was wrong and disrespectful from the beginning. Everything else just piles on that and just makes it worse.

craigjones avatar
craig jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Male perspective , if was use by say my mother I wouldnt care . but in this situation when daughter who died didnt get to. hide it . no way , they can copy it if they like it from photos . but it's kinda like a monument of her . couldnt imagine daughters partner would want anyone wearing it either

apontious2121 avatar
Amy Pontious
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you 💯 I would definitely move it, when your ready take to a wedding dress dry cleaner and they will but it in a bag then a box! Rip so sorry for your loss.

jeanpeterson avatar
Jp@nda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean i could see bonding if she OFFERED to let her borrow maybe a bracelet or even a veil is pushing it, but it has to be offered. Nobody has the right to demand you do anything with your child's things. Ever. And then they're gonna tag team gaslight this poor woman? Oh hell no, I wish I could tell them off for her. Also, I mean the mom just got married too, why couldn't she borrow something of hers to"bond"??

pohlengt72 avatar
Maggie Man
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perhaps a more effective way of rejecting her is to tell her that the wedding dress might have brought misfortune to her daughter, and she didn't want it to jinx the stepdaughter or the subsequent marriage

erin_metallica avatar
Esgain Erin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You met me 2.5 years ago, married my dad 5 months ago, you're supposed to love me the same way you loved your late daughter! Shame on you for not giving me what I want!" What an entitled, selfish, mean, rude and inconsiderate AH is the stepdaughter.

redophelia13 avatar
RedOphelia 13
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do people automatically assume they are ever, for any reason, entitled to someone else's things? People need to stop being so hung up on themselves thinking they're special or something. Mother said no multiple times, even to her new husband, who I'm guessing does nothing but cater to his daughters whims. Woman needs to hide that dress and get her marriage annulled if that's still even possible or just go full divorce with the new husband and send him packing back to his brat.

mdianascorpio avatar
Diana Ricciotti-Scorpio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss.Hide that dress with a close friend or relative. My friend buried her daughter in her wedding dress. She cut a piece of material from it and made it into a pillow including some of the beads. She thought the dress would be too painful of a reminder. Everyone feels differently. Step daughter and husband are out of line. Stay strong and offer no further explanation

dinkiiwashere avatar
Diane Konarske Reilly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could see the stepdaughter’s request as reasonable IF she and the daughter were close and maybe she wanted to wear the dress to feel like the daughter was still with her, but it doesn’t sound like they even knew each other. So why would she want it—as an inexpensive way to have a dress? Too damn bad. Mom doesn’t feel right about it, go buy your own dress! And the fact that Mom’s husband is siding with his daughter instead of respecting grieving mom’s wishes? HE is the biggest a-hole in all of this.

sherribullard_1 avatar
Sherri Bullard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, when people you should be able to trust, NOT MEAN YOU REALLY CAN. Many woman wish they had taken steps to protect themselves. 2ND Husband & step-daughter are OBVIOUSLY do not care about your feelings

sherribullard_1 avatar
Sherri Bullard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry for your loss. I can not believe how selfish your step daughter is. Also your husband. I would not trust either one of them now. Find an storage that is environment controlled. Make sure that only you are allowed in. Put that WEDDING DRESS and other important items into it. Obviously your husband and stepdaughter DO NOT CARE OF YOUR FEELINGS. Set up the storage so you can go there when you want and NEVER DISCLOSE TO YOUR HUSBAND AND STEPDAUGHTER WHERE IT IS. I suggest moving you most important belongs out when they are not at home. They never need to know. If I were you, open a checking account with only your name, do not order checks and just use atm card to pay storage AND ADD EXTRA MONEY TO IT EVERY MONTH. JUST IN CASE. With a Husband not caring about your grief for your daughter, OBVIOUSLY, there are other issues. File taxes separately, set up your own personal stuff. Protect your SELF. Meet privately with a lawyer and find out how and what you can do. Many woman wish h

lauralong avatar
Laura Long
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get rid of your husband while you are at it. There is someone for you who will have your best interest at heart. I'm sorry for your loss you sound like a kind wonderful person.

archimedesblackhearr avatar
Archimedes Blackhearr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were the husband, I would divorce her and if I were the daughter I would never speak to her again. Have a nice day😉

rosep82153 avatar
Rosemary Pari
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter was wrong to even ask, and your husband has disrespected your decision. No was your answer and that should be the end of it..

jaybird3939 avatar
Jaybird3939
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have my Mom's dress. I never had the opportunity to wear it. It's sealed in an airtight box. I can still see and admire it and remember my Mom, but it would be a pretty deliberate chore to get it out of that box.

kat_kenner avatar
Kat Kenner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my daughter at 28 from a stroke. She left behind a 6 month old baby. She and my grandsons father were not married. I can see both ends of this situation, I would hope the step daughter would have asked to honor your daughter, but other than an alteration for size, no changes should have even been suggested. My suspicion is she asked so she didn't have to buy her own. Your husband should have enough love and respect for you to tell his daughter to leave it alone. My daughter had a jean jacket for 15 years, that I bought her when she was 13. It had Rips, tears, patches (both the fix it patches and the cool patches of bands etc). That jacket has been all over the country, it still had a cigarette burn mark on it from when a cigarette from a car ahead of us flicked one out and landed in our back seat and caught on fire. Here we were on the side of the road, me stomping out the jacket and her screaming "my jacket, my jacket!!!" It is sacred to me. You are NTA

lisettemccown_1 avatar
LittleLiz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Keep the dress at the late daughter's fiance's house until this is over. Just to make sure it's with someone who will respect the value of it

jacquelineward avatar
Jacqueline Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many words to describe your stepdaughter and her father. Despicable. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I understand sentimentality, you have every right to say no. No is no. If your stepdaughter and her father can’t accept that, I agree with another person when they said—file for divorce. Giving up your daughter’s wedding dress isn’t worth the marriage. Do not let them have it!

poisonblackmaharet avatar
Darleen Marie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Me, the OP, I would've told her: "Here, I give you permission to take a photo. With the money you offered. You can go to a seamstress". 💁🏼‍♀️The audacity and the entitlement astonishes me. What astonishes me more. Is the husband. Since his daughter didn't take no. For an answer. He should put himself in her shoes. What about if it were backwards and his daughter were dead. With a bought and paid for wedding dress.

zainabazim avatar
Zainab Azim
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Zoey is being very unethical here. It is just outrageous that she wants to use the same dress as Lauren and make changes it would make a tiny bit more sense if she didn't want to change the dress but she says that she'll make changes she's better off buying a new one in the first place you should hide the dress in a safe and secure place because Zoey might still take the dress and make it look unrecognizable by making changes and also your husband isn't doing his part in partnership either you should opt for divorce because there is no saying what your husband might do next...... especially if he doesn't understand your feelings he might emotionally hurt you once again so please opt for a divorce

lynnhorner avatar
Lynn H
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that the stepdaughter will have to change the dress makes me angry for the mom.

tina-rust2015 avatar
Tina Rust
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry for this woman's loss. I sympathize with her completely. However, anyone who understands the human mind knows that holding on to objects attached to a deceased loved one quickly leads to hoarding. The deceased daughter doesn't appear to have a child to pass the dress to. What will you do with the dress? Hold onto it indefinitely? The dress currently only holds sad memories of a wedding that never happened. You can turn into into a happy memory for someone else's wedding day. Either let the step-daughter use it, or sell it.

fliconmigo avatar
Rachel Betancort
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Move the dress to a safer location, I dont put it past them to try again when you are having a moment of weakness. Full stop tell them that you will not change your mind and that the subject is closed. For your " loving and understanding" husband to participate in this manipulation is horrible. It would maybe be a deal breaker for me and unforgivable.

michaelsmutek avatar
Michael Smutek
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely a no to wearing the dress unless it was solely expressed to be passed down

lisa518us avatar
Lisa Pockat Bork
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. Stick to your guns about the dress. Zoey has no right to use it and shouldn't have even asked.

tysonbumgardner avatar
Tyson Bumgardner
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If we relatively mentally healthy people don't start standing up to these narcissists, collectively they're never going to shut up. Of course you don't have to share your dead daughter's dress with this interloper. What a pair of assclowns for pressing you on the topic.

nanxwarren avatar
yellowphantom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having lost a daughter and a son, I am 100% in agreement with this mother. Having had a few years since the second loss, my personal reaction is that if her husband refuses to support her in this, she needs to get out of that marriage. The problem is that when you are still new to this loss, it is hard to push anyone else out, even if they are kind of toxic, because it is still more loss. Since most people will never experience the loss of a child, our Western culture is very poor at handling it and tries to treat it like deaths they are more familiar with. But even if it was her sister's or mother's dress, she is entitled to experience the meaning that dress has for her. If she wanted to wear it herself, every day, that should be just fine and no one else's business.

fifthsnail avatar
Angelique Durante
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take the dress and put it in a safety deposit box under your name only. I would hate to see the dress defiled.

maricalowery avatar
Marica Lowery
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree hide the dress. They're thoughtless You need not explain. You rightly said no. End discussions. I am sorry you live with this grief.

natemoore avatar
Red
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 2 daughters, one who is alive and well, and one whose in an urn on our mantle. And I guarantee, if someone tried to say that I owe them anything regarding my 2nd daughter (the one on the mantle), they'd be swallowing their own teeth.

mersadeesgeigle avatar
Mersadees Geigle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say no I have a daughter and I couldn't fathom letting someone else where her dress no matter the relation it's disrespectful to argue further if anything tell her where you fit the dress and she can buy her own.

katherineholt avatar
Katherine Holt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When i first read the title I thought. "Why not allow your step daughter to wear her siblings dress? Show her she is just as important?" But what changed my mind is the time frames here. You say you have "known" her for 2 1/2 years, but only been married to her father for 5 months. So the sibling relationship is non existent. You also said that your daughter made special alterations and decorations to the dress that reflect her and that the stepdaughter wanted to change the dress to her taste. It might be different if the dress were to be honored and worn as your daughter made it, but to insist on using it and destroying the last artistry your daughter made before her death is hateful and cruel. Maybe you can get an annulment. Your husband could ask, but should have supported your answer the FIRST TIME 100%. They will never Let this go. It will be a source of future harassment for the rest of your life. And it never should have been asked to start or with.

bilottaleslie avatar
Leslie Agans Bilotta
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so sorry about your daughter. Your heart must be broken. Please accept my prayers and thoughts of you through this horrible time. I cannot even imagine your pain. Your dress should not even have been a topic of discussion. The fact she insensitively brought it up is distributing. I would NEVER even ask! Unfor., you are now seeing a part of your new husband that is pretty disgusting as well! NOONE had the right to ask! NOONE! I cannot believe they had the nerve! And then , let’s “add a few things”. Just push the knife in further! There is something wrong with these 2. You will see changes in both of them from here on out! This is big and will , I believe, cause a wedge. You do NOT owe anyone anything. Esp this sacred dress. Besides , it was YOUR DAUGHTER. It’s called , respect! ! HIDE THE DRESS! Big prayers, Darlin! 🙏🙏🙏

pennypeacock avatar
Penny Peacock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have evert right to say , "NO". Your husband needs to support you because his daughter is alive. Also, your daughter didn't get to wear the dress so why would you want to see someone else in her wedding dress. And why can't she find her own gown? Take care of your daughter's wedding dress and her memories.

2pinkflamingoes avatar
Paula Allison
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At some point you are going to want to let go of that dress but to watch somebody else alter it, and wear it. That's not going to be how. It's not even her size or the style she wants so what it really is, is a manipulative power play. People are saying hide the dress but if you have to hide that dress then you need to seriously rethink that entire relationship. Your husband should be supporting you regardless of what his spoiled brat kid wants. A 23 year old girl has zero understanding of what it would be like to lose a grown child but, your husband does. He should be firmly steering her away from this idea not backing her up in bullying you. I would suggest some counseling ...if not, I would suggest you've made a mistake in choosing a life partner.

phyllismeredith avatar
Phyllis Meredith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sincere condolences on your loss. NO means NO. The time spent with your daughter getting the dress is a beautiful memory for you and so special. I do advise that you take the dress to an expert that will treat the material and put it in a special box or garment bag to display it. Then hide it till after stepdaughter's wedding.

giovannaeisberg avatar
Giovanna Eisberg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a licensed clinical social worker, I feel I must chime in here which I rarely ever do. Your stepdaughter should have never asked you to wear your decreased daughters wedding dress, She crossed a boundary which many people today have issues with. This one is over the top. I am sorry for your loss. You shouldn't have to justify your "no".

bibiayeshahafeji avatar
Bibi Ayesha Hafeji
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she is going to alter the style, look of the dress etc then why not just buy another one already? Her reasons for wanting the dress make no sense at all. You're right to say no.

circular-motion avatar
Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either hide the dress and all of the daughter's things or just get rid of the disrespectful husband and change the locks. I know which I'd prefer.

michelleskowronski avatar
Mishka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Also, if step-daughter needs to change some things about the dress to make it more her style, then she should just go find a dress that is her style.

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That mom needs to hide that dress ASAP! I don't trust her hubs or his entitled daughter. Dear Parents: PLEASE teach your offspring that NO means NO. NO discussion, NO nagging, NO whining, etc!! I would also reconsider my marriage if I were OP.

meganlovesshaun89 avatar
Megan Adair
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see this was over a year ago I need updates. I hope you stood your ground with telling them NO. ANYONE WHO FELT OTHERWISE SHOULD GO FLUFF THEMSELVES. I hope things blew over with the dress and how big of a ass your husband was being and if not I hope by now you've left him. Him not being on your side and respecting your decision from the day it was brought up then guilt tripping you too definitely a huge 🚩🚩🚩

aurorarider2013 avatar
No you can't have my name
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Why can't you pay attention to me now that you don't have another daughter to shower affection on" Stepdaughter probably.

abigailluv23 avatar
Abigail Hernandez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To the the mom , no you are not wrong , & you need to keep it safe , put it in a safe or lock box , because you can not put it past your husband or stepdaughter to take it , It is your daughters dress and memories, even if your stepdaughter would of not changed it , she still has no right to wear it , DO NOT LET THEM GIULT TRIP YOU ..YOU ARE A MOTHER WHO LOST HER DAUGHTER, YOUR HUSBAND should be counting his blessings to see his daughter get married as you couldn't... Also if they keep , divorce him because him showing that his inconsiderate of your feelings , that is a red flag 🚩, you deserve someone who understands you & the memories you have with that dress 👗... As I dont know what your going through, I do know the meaning of losing a daughter, I was pregnant at 37 weeks & found out I had lost my daughter & birthed her Nov 16, 2021 / As I carried a dead baby girl wishing I could here her cry ,I know I could never see her grow , So don't feel wrong, YOU ARE NOT WRONG

crystalcardenasraulston avatar
Crystal Cardenas Raulston
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Might be hard for the fiancé to see it again, but I'm sure he'd be even more upset if something happened to it. He might keep it at his place where the vultures can't get to it...

doritokatz avatar
Dorit Katz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to continue, hide the dress at another location, immdiately. Your husband's behavior is beyond inappropriate and looks like a very red flag for future problems. I would find someone to mediate for you about his inappropriate behavior. I would not address this by yourself. It's too much.

https-bethel avatar
bumblebee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it's the audacity and entitlement for me. that girl is not her daughter and has no obligation to that dress whatsoever. her husband needs to teach his daughter and himself that boundaries exist. A no is a no and if they cannot accept that and respect her daughter, then some serious action needs to take place. absolute nonsense

berlindarogers avatar
Berlinda R. Rogers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a mother and losing a child is not easy. I am sorry for your loss. Zoey or her father is being understanding to your feelings. As it has already been said, take the dress out of the house. If Zoey, could pay you for the dress she should go and buy her own wedding dress and get it made exactly the way she wants it.

tinamcnally avatar
Tina McNally
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one has the right to ask you for that dress. Your step daughter is extremely entitled and completely insensitive to even ask for the dress. You did ansolutely nothing wrong in saying no. Both your husband and step daughter should be ashamed of themselves for even asking.

tanyastevens avatar
Tanya Stevens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the daughters trying to come between the relationship really and dad’s falling for it hook line and sinker. She’s getting married so dad will be alone after the divorce he allowed his daughter to manipulate he better watch it.

tanyastevens avatar
Tanya Stevens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like daughters way of coming between her dads happiness really and dads falling for it hook n sinker. The daughters getting married though it’ll be him all alone he better watch the manipulation.

jill_hudson avatar
Jill Hudson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You have the right to say no ..Your daughter already made changes to the dress and your just not ready that's all . Your in no way being difficult at all . Your just not ready and because it's still to soon for YOU! You lost a child and the grief, I believe ,is alot different. Your stepdaughter should pick her own dress if she wants to make her chances and not to a dress that has your daughter's changes and her memories in that dress.

valariewinston avatar
Valarie Winston
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always wonder if these OPers show the AHoles what these comments are saying then have a change of heart.

loveamber12112 avatar
Amber.exe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said no,and the stepdaughter wants to change it in the first place(size and style). She can't accept no,but she said no for good reason,it has sentimental value

terrycranford avatar
Terry Cranford
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all, I want to give you my deepest condolences for your loss. And next, I will agree with everyone to say NO…HIDE IT and don’t let anyone guilt trip you into given in. It was your daughter special dress and, if you want to save it the rest of your life, or do what you want to do with it…it’s your business. Her father should be providing her with her special dress and that one is NOT IT. Good luck and God bless!

iybryant avatar
I Y Bryant
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So sorry about her daughter. 💝 Absolutely not. NEVER do something bout of guilt. No means no. She has every right to do as she pleases with her daughter's dress and giving it to a step-daughter you're not close to, who's trying to be manipulative is not the answer. SHAME on her husband for not supporting her decision!!!! Only she can decide when, how and if she wants to relinquish the dress. Until then: HIDE THE DRESS!

ot7 avatar
OT7
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so FU that you would have to go through this. This really show their ture personality. That dress should've never been a topic of discussion unless you offered. As for that backstabbing husband he would've seen his last days with that title. How could they be so insensitive. You have the right to grieve and hold to any piece of you child for a long as your need to, and no one has to right to suggest you let go of any part of that memory. If he don't have your back on this and understand your feeling, I will hate to see what happens the next time his entitled child wants something.

dorothywilder avatar
Dorothy Wilder
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

skylarjaxx avatar
Skylar Jaxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They said if he brings it up again file for divorce I say there is no further disrespect that could happen that would hurt more. Divorce him now. He doesn't even care how u feel. It will always be his daughters best interest over urs. This is not going to be the first thing she sees that she "wants" it won't stop there and everyone already said it but HIDE THE DRESS! SEND IT TO A RELATIVE!

gabrielgawrada avatar
Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a retired man so my opinion is just that. You will never be right in anything involving those two; your husband of only five months has chosen "sides". This won't be the last time they try to bully and guilt you. File for divorce now before it becomes more painful to do so.

lwhitings avatar
Lee Whitings
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take the dress to a dry cleaners and have them store it for you until after your stepdaughter's wedding. In the meantime deal with your husband and his hurtful disregard of your feelings.

fayehermans avatar
Faye Hermans
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Your feelings are valid and ENOUGH of a reason. The feelings of the fiance should also be taken into consideration. Even if he will not be at the wedding he will likely see the DIL's wedding picture at some point. How insensitive of her.

dancychandler avatar
Dancy Chandler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'It's alright, I've told you so. Now gimme.' I think this a horrible test that a really entitled, thoughtless immature stepdaughter is shoving on her stepmother. Tell her the dress is yours, and it will remain the way your daughter left it. Then walk away, from both, if they keep obsessing over it.

pa2wa2laatgmaildotcom avatar
pa2wa2la atgmaildotcom
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

williamstevenson avatar
William Stevenson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First point...the mother owns the dress and is the first, last, and only person who gets to decide what to do with the dress. If she doesn't want it used by anyone else, it doesn't get to be used by anyone else. On the other hand, wedding gowns are so mind bogglingly expensive and so much gravitas placed onto them it only seems natural to me to reuse it within the family. Family reuse of wedding gowns happens and is a way to honor the family. But that is secondary to the mother, the current owner of the dress, and her need to keep the dress as a memory of her daughter. Maybe her husband and stepdaughter went too far or the wrong way about it, but there is some good to their request. And after she said no it should have ended.

melissamymin avatar
Melissa Baker
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds like bull! Come on people are saying this woman is wrong? Utter lies, shame on this site!!!

gayatri_chitale avatar
Gayatri Chitale
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta. However it could be healing for you to get the dress a new life a new purpose. You mght feel some pain relieved

misty_souders avatar
Misty Souders
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey OP. HERE just some food for thought. Yes there's is ASSOCIATEd with your daughter. But your actions. WAS put of line. I understand thatvthe dress US sentimental to you. But in time Unless it's stored CORRECTLY it won't LAST. TWO had a SON. IF quite positive that his FUTURE wide won't want dress it's OLD SCHOOL. the point t is this. EVENTUALLY the dress will MEAN SOMETHING to YOU BUT know but else. To get a A GRU or threTen a DEVCOCE is child like. You need to an ADULT about the situation and and A T like an ADULT with your step daughter and husband about how feel. Either that or you will wi d up hurt and ANGRY. My ADICE because I've been there and done. If you keep.up this behavior O ER you daughter death AND anger over it. Your husband WILL GET tired of it. Yes the dress is IMPORTANT NOW. but in 5 10 how many years. Then it's WHATS it worth.

hatredpony avatar
Hatred Pony
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

This was posted to Reddit a year ago and the OP no longer uses the account. The author had to do a lot of digging on Reddit to even find this post whose replies are completely irrelevant today.

kiira avatar
Mondkatze
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I can't understand (or i can but not that much) why the mother don't want to give the dress to another somehow close Person because in my Imagination it could create beautyful New memories with parts of both her daughters. I sometimes feel very close to things because of the connected memories but i feel mir happy ess, if some more people can get good Feelings though this piece of cloth for example. Better that shut away. But that is my personal opinion and feeling. BUT the stepdaughter and husband are the as for not accepting the no! For me, i is ok, that they asked a second time and shared their thoughts but if the aswer is still a no, that should be respected!

praecordia avatar
Alma Muminovic
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

NTA your just grieving but at the same time giving her the dress to wear isn’t taking anything away from your daughter. You may have not gotten to see her walk down the isle in it but maybe you can see your step daughter? Holding on to that dress isn’t going to make you feel any less sad about your daughter. I also don’t think your step daughter is being malicious, and maybe she can alter it in a way so it can be altered back to your daughters preferences after? I don’t think your reaction is about the dress, maybe you should go speak with a therapist and get a different perspective from someone outside the family.

heatherphilpot avatar
joga113 avatar
Nena Rosebud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely. No need to further explain. Mom doesn't need to justify her reason.

Load More Replies...
kyirana avatar
Lilla Ontherun
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The world would be much easier if people would accept 'no' without complaining and whining.

arinski avatar
йЫ щЪё
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also would be easier if people would have more common sense and not even ask such questions...

Load More Replies...
pjcabreza avatar
Eric Forman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stepdaughter: "She's dead she's not gonna use it anymore right?"

mandygora03 avatar
BorPand8
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems creepy and weird anyway. Even if I didn't have a personal attachment, knowing the history of the dress would be enough for me to nope on out of there. I mean, "She was so young, so looking forward to getting married and then she just died mysteriously..." "But it's so pretty! I wanna wear it!!!"

Load More Replies...
keitho avatar
Keith O
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she really asked if you loved her as much as your biological daughter, then she is delusional. You've only known her a few years.....and your husband needs to keep his nose out of it and have total respect for your decision. This sounds like another entitled brat not taking no for an answer and you don't owe anyone an explanation. Although, I'd let the fiance hold onto the dress for a bit, so nothing nefarious happens to it. Brats that don't get their way tend to do stupid things.

joga113 avatar
Nena Rosebud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It also sounds incredibly manipulative. Asking the mom if she doesn't love her as much as her biological daughter?

Load More Replies...
leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister died 6 weeks before her wedding. there was no question of anyone using her dress, etc. None. Who *are* these people? Ugh.

juniorcj82 avatar
JuniorCJ82
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How exactly is wanting to wear something after changing everything about it "trying to get close to you"?

joga113 avatar
Nena Rosebud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not the only wedding dress in the world. Girl needs to stop fixating on this one, pick another dress, and respect her step-mother's decision. No is no is no.

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the girl and her dad are trying to come up with a way to not pay for a wedding dress. That's what's going on. They don't give a damn about the dress, it's about the price. If she can get hold of that 1, she won't have to buy her own.

Load More Replies...
stampfreak avatar
Suz66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have it professionally wrapped and store it in a place that husband and stepdaughter can't find it. They are both totally unreasonable here. They don't know how devastated you are. Stepdaughter wanting to change it is out of the question. NTA

patricia_keith avatar
Patricia Keith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If your still on good terms with your daughters finance then let him keep it at his place for safe keeping or donate to a worthy cause of someone who is dying and needs a wedding dress for that special moment before they die.In remembrance of your daughter talk to her then finance about the best option for the dress.

Load More Replies...
elanorrosser avatar
Ellie Rosser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don't you love me as much as her? Why no, Zoe, no I do NOT love someone I just met as much as the daughter I knew and adored for 26 years.

jaime_pagano avatar
Jaime Pagano
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No Zoe, I don't love you like I loved and still love my daughter who has died. Matter of fact, I don't even like you after hearing your selfish entitled remarks. Good luck with your marriage, once your husband realizes what a t#@t you are, I'm not seeing you celebrating many anniversaries.

Load More Replies...
assistanttodj avatar
Karis Ravenhill
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Leave him, tell the DIL to fuc* off and find some common decency in her being. No one should ever ask, nevermind DEMAND, that you give away the sentimental items of your deceased child. Both your husband and his daughter are horrible people who will never respect you, run, NOW.

imogenecargeaux avatar
Imogene Cargeaux
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I rmr seeing this on Reddit and it INFURIATED ME! ive never lost a child. But I did just lose my dad. Not the same thing but I have experienced a similar situation. my step sister wanted my dad vintage jean jacket. a jacket that my dad gave me when he was still here. I don't wear it a lot bcuz I don't wanna F**k it up. My step sister is 4 yrs younger than me. We're not close. Her n my dad barely knew eachother n she has stolen SO MANY OF MY CLOTHES I lost count. I'll go on Instagram n see her wearing clothes of mine that I've been looking for. So annoying. So I told her "no, absolutely not. You cannot have the jacket." She then threw a tantrum n then went to my brothers n asked them to grab it for her because "I gave it to her but she forgot it" ... my brothers aren't stupid, they're not just going to take something of mine w/out asking. Which pissed her off. She went on a fb rant calling me all these names. It was ridiculous. Don't budge. F**k ur step daughter n your husband.

debrahuron avatar
Debra Huron
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just read this… so sorry for your huge loss… I pray that you DO NOT let her wear your daughter’s dress!!! Please listen to ALL the comments.. how the hell could she be so selfish and manipulative… I would want nothing to do with this so called step daughter ever!!! Your daughter would not want anyone else wearing her dress!!! God bless you👏

Load More Replies...
joannafugal avatar
Amanita Muscaria
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I should stop seeing these posts. It is seriously making me lose my mind over these obnoxious people that people have to like.. deal with.

xolitaire avatar
xolitaire
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find it very telling that both husband and stepdaughter happily jump on the guilt trip wagon. If this is their usual behavior to enforce what they want, that woman should grab that dress and get the hell away from both of them.

tiinabender avatar
Iifa A.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Sorry for your loss. A stepdaughter is out of order. So is the husband. If it would have been his daughter dying he wouldn't even entertain your daughter's requests. You can bond over coffee, cake, walks, shopping. You do not bond through requesting and offering money to destroy a wedding dress of a dead bride. Why would she want to wear it? It has a dark aura and is valuable to mum. Stepdaughter is so out of touch that I'm thinking selfish, no empathy, brat... I'd be deeply offended if my husband would not support me in a situation like this. Is he really husband? I'm sorry love is blind, and children come always first but this is outrageous and selfish behaviour from both of them. Stepdaughter and dad feelings outweigh your grieve. Grounds for extended solo holiday, maybe love isn't everything and you better off without them. I would leave the dress as it is, wouldn't attend a wedding of this brat, and any bonding would be off the table until adulthood.

koni_royval avatar
Koni Royval
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bride to be is not a child. The SPOUSE comes first. That so called husband needs a smack upside his head.

Load More Replies...
ashleighrenouf avatar
Ashleigh Renouf
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my newborn daughter shortly after birth and still have things bought for her hidden away so her sisters can’t touch them. Losing a child is the most devastating experience on earth. I cannot imagine how heartless and selfish her husband and step daughter are. It breaks my heart because what this woman needs is support and compassion from her husband.

sugarducky avatar
Vivian Ashe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do so many people feel entitled to other people's stuff? It seems like most of the family arguments I hear about really boil down to: one person has something, family member thinks they're entitled to take, borrow, or control it, and they throw a tantrum when they don't get their way.

sunshine-aoc avatar
Lemonclouds20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So inappropriate of the stepdaughter to even ask. She's way out of line. Playing the your daughter too card. She can find her own dress.

barblynnmeade avatar
icmongeese
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The husband seems to have no regard for his wife's grief. He doesn't seem to understand the dress is a symbol of the love a mother had for her daughter, and the happy times that they had together choosing the dress. The husband has chosen his daughter's feelings over that of his wife's, and that does not bode well for the marriage. I don't think it will get any better in the marriage. Loyalty is not something that, once betrayed, is easy to recapture.

mary_kayser avatar
Mary Kayser
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can NOT believe your step daughter had the audacity to even ask to wear the dress, let alone to get obnoxious about your response. Extremely disrespectful! And then for your husband to side with her was shocking. What a spoiled brat. This would take me a while to get over. You are completely right to be sensitive about this dress, and anyone who doesn’t understand that is heartless. I hope this hurt will soften with time, but I would cautious with heart when it comes to this manipulative girl. She seems to have her Dad exactly where she wants him. I hope this doesn’t end up coming between you.

kandy_2 avatar
Kandy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA... How cruel for another person to rip your heart out and cause you to relive this grief. It appears the step-daughter and father are of a like mind. I hope you signed a prenuptial. Confide in your daughter's fiance and ask if he will house the dress until after the step daughter marries. I have read so many times where the OP steals items for selfish gains. Then you need to reflect on your marriage. Will your husband take your side in future issues, or is this a light bulb moment?

anneswan_1 avatar
Anne Swan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I first read this as confiding in the stepdaughter's fiancé. Then I kind of like that after I got it right. Tell the fiance that his wife to be steals mementos and deaf people's clothing from grieving relatives. Imply that she may rob graves next. Problem solved - stepdaughter won't have a wedding.

Load More Replies...
seashelled avatar
Debb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NOT required to love your stepdaughter at all and I suspect she's trying to save herself money. That dress should be carefully preserved or made into a keepsake quilt for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. ❤️

phmerli avatar
P HMerli
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please hide this dress. And I find it heartbreaking that your husband cannot understand, respect your grief. Zoey sounds too demanding n she had no right to compare the love you have for your daughter and how you feel about her. It's narcissistic to say the least. I'm truly sorry about your loss. Cannot fathom the pain :(

pa2wa2laatgmaildotcom avatar
pa2wa2la atgmaildotcom
Community Member
2 years ago

It sounds to me like stepdaughter is thinking "free dress." Put it in storage ASAP. And maybe consult a lawyer about annulment or divorce, whichever is appropriate after a marriage of four months plus change.

caseymcalister avatar
Casey McAlister
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any sane person would be creeped out by the idea of wearing a wedding dress whose previous owner died days before her wedding. SHe's not just insensitive, she's really messed up in her head.

lrkrstllptg avatar
Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The others really have the gall to tell a grieving mother she doesn't have the right to act like that infuriates me. I want names. I just wanna talk. And maybe slap them with my fist.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cry baby go get your own dress. Her daughter is DEAD. Have some f*****g respect. I'd leave that family quick fast and in a hurry. 3 months gone, charge it to the game. Her daughter is probably looking at her mother with a smile on her face for protecting her dress<3

vickypoulsen avatar
Vicky Poulsen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hell to the no!! This stepdaughter is a selfish, greedy brat…that dress will always be a beautiful reminder of how special she was to you. Stand your ground!

rsimmons106 avatar
Rene Simmons
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't even begin to wrap my head around this situation. You are so far from bta. I'm shocked that your husband doesn't have your back. His job is to protect you, love you and cherish you! He was aware that his daughters attitude is causing you pain. He didn't buy this dress, neither one of them have memories tied to it. You do! The audacity of apparently an extremely spoiled CHILD, throwing a temper tantrum! And her father encouraging her behavior is so wrong. I would LOVE to be able to sit down for a little heart to heart with them both. My heart breaks for you, losing your daughter, then realizing your stepdaughter is a spoiled brat, THEN realizing your husband's reaction is way beyond questionable. God bless you, because you're a saint.

angie_6 avatar
dugoutgirl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How they dare she even suggest such a thing. Go get your own damn dress!

camaroaustin avatar
Keisha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have read my "husband" the riot act in front of his entitled kid,gotten up and walked out. I wouldn't even address his idiot daughter. You lost your daughter and nobody has a right to try to force you or even ask you for your daughters things,even to borrow them.I don't understand how she even had the nerve to ask much less almost demand to use something with so much meaning. From what I gather they either didn't know your daughter or didn't know her well. That makes this even worse. Honestly I would be revaluating my marriage.I wonder how he would feel if his little princess was the one who died way to young,right before her wedding. If he was a good father he would be able to walk a mile in your shoes and completely understand what you are going through and told his daughter she was out of line and needed to learn some empathy.

lauraauthor-artist-poet avatar
Laura Author-artist-poet
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You need to leave this guy. This dress is a red flag. What will they do with your other stuff? What will you do when you're too old to say no and you have people like that around? What will a husband like that do if you get sick? Oh, I had to put her in a home, I needed room for my daughter to visit. You think this is a bad experience? I say it's a blessing telling you to get away from both of them. When you get divorced, tell him it least he has his daughter. Get out now before you're together long enough that your stuff becomes his. You're lucky the universe is giving you a big warning. Or is it a warning from your daughter? Would your daughter want you around people like that? If you really want to spike them, tell them the dress is for when you get married to a real person, because this guy is a loser. But seriously, i bet your daughter would ask where you are staying with a guy like this. If you care about a dress that's tied to years of being an amazing mom. Now you need to be a mom to yourself. Take care of yourself and get away from this guy. Who will you be in ten years visiting her grave if your husband is honking the horn to tell you to hurry up because his daughter is hungry.

jjluv_777 avatar
Ophelia Payne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, it's yours, you said no. It doesn't have to make sense to anyone else.

laylagg666 avatar
Jules
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly she is so inconsiderate her daughter died in the same month of her f*****g wedding and her stepdaughter thinks she has some type of "claim" to the dress because she is also her daughter and then tries to emotionally manipulate you and guilt Tripp you tbh I wouldn't love her anymore

carolearrington avatar
Carole Arrington
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry for your loss I am surprised that they insisted they should borrow it and MAKE CHANGES to the dress. From what I read, it sounded like you were willing to consider her borrowing It until she said she was going to make changes to it. That to me is incredibly insensitive. If she had asked to where the wedding dress in honor of your daughter, she should have been willing to wear it as is and not wanted to change it to Make it her own. I do agree with others. Take the dress too a specialized dry cleaners who can pack the dress carefully in a manner that will preserve it. And then put it someplace where they can't find it.

marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Marigen Beltran
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the step-daughter is panning to change the dress to fit her style, Why not buy one that already has it? And why does she expect the OP to love her as a daughter when she really isn't and have met for only less than 3 years? I feel bad for the bullying, because to me it was.

patriciamorgan avatar
Patricia Morgan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes I agree Please get the.DRESS out of the HOUSE AND let ur Husband no to never go against u he did it once he will do it again. Happy that you said NO and u stick to your GUNS GOD BLESS YOU. REMOVE THE DRESS BEFORE ITS TO LATE

Load More Replies...
theresaanderson_1 avatar
Theresa Anderson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother is NTA..it would be different if the daughter and step daughter had been close and wearing the dress would be a way for her daughter to be part of the special day. If the mother could look at it that way, maybe her answer would be different. But since the stepdaughter and get father are trying to bully their way to the dress and want to change the specialness of it I definitely don't think she deserves to wear it. When the mother is ready to let it go I suggest donating it to The Angel gown project. They use donated wedding dresses to make burial gowns for babies who are still born or die as infants. The mother could look at it as a way to help other mothers who have lost their child.

tahadata avatar
Lara Verne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems weird that stepdaughter not only asked for dress, but also kept insisting. I mean, would you ask to wear dress meant for someone who died? If she like it so much, she can always buy something similar.

selenabeimer avatar
Selena M Beimer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA: they need to understand the sentimental value. Maybe you could offer to take stepdaughter to the same boutique to buy a similar gown and that way both of your girls have that same style dress? Also, I would preserve the gown/ put it in a display box or something so that it’s displayed in plain sight for safety instead of in a closet. I would hope your husband and stepdaughter wouldn’t just steal from you, but having it on the wall every day to see might make them realize how special it is to you, rather than hidden in a closet.

dorishagler avatar
Doris Hagler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The living nerves of her is unbelievable 🤦🏼‍♀️ And on top of it all she said she’s going to change a few things wow. Well I’d be making a few changes of my own starting with her getting out my house and taking her father with her. How dare he side with her. Omg that’s it he’s paying for the wedding and trying to save a few bucks. 🤦🏼‍♀️ That’s ok just get it all in the divorce. He’s showing his hand and I’d slam it in the door

heathervance avatar
AzKhaleesi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At first I was like mmm if they were close, that would be cool honor the sister and all. But then I finished reading. I just lost my dad two weeks ago and I have NOTHING of his. His greedy POS gf took/ lost / sold who knows... everything of his. So I have nothing for myself, my siblings or his grandchildren. That dress is sacred and I understand. When my dad was hospitalized the hospital gave me the clothes he was wearing. A ratty pair of sweats and an old nascar tshirt. If I knew then what was going to happen I never would've washed them. Those are literally the last things of my dads. Keep the dress, tell them to piss off. I can't believe the husband is even entertaining his brat.

angiehunt avatar
Angie Hunt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry for your loss 🙏 The girlfriend stepped way over bounds with your Dad's belongings,if they weren't married she had no claim to them ... Don't worry Karma will catch up with her , eventually.....I know that doesn't get your dad's things and I'm so sorry that you have no personal keepsakes for you and your family ...

Load More Replies...
givingback avatar
Giving Back
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, i am disgusted with the stepdaughter and your husband. As a mother myself, i would want to keep that precious wed dress of my beloved daughter and only when i am ready, i will let it go.... no one should push me on this.

louiseplatiel_1 avatar
Louise Platiel
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter does not respect boundaries. The question was asked and answered. Continuing to press the subject after that happens is a terrible trait that requires a firm but fair and decisive response that shuts any further conversation down. People grieve differently. What feels like a tribute to some, using the deceased's name for a new child is another example, feels disrespectful to others. It is absolutely vital that if your idea does not feel right for everyone that you refrain from adding further pain, even if you don't understand why.

keribridgett avatar
Keri Bridgett
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow just wow! I have no words. Your NTA but husband and step daughter are. She has no right to ask for the dress. She seems like a spoiled brat. Like other people have said NO means NO and that should be final without any guilt trips. Like others have suggested move the dress, out of sight, out of mind. Good luck with everything and I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your biological daughter you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

rkoons77 avatar
Dorene Fetter Koons
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First, I am so sorry for your loss. The audacity of this girl and her father (your husband) absolutely floors me! You are nta.

buffyanne1303 avatar
Beth Hansen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm curious how long OP had been with her new husband. The level of disrespect has me thinking he's only along for the ride. I also feel that this father daughter duo sound like con artist. She needs to drop both. For her own mental health and safety.

weedwacker1983 avatar
Jimmi Weed-jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with mom it's a cenimental I myself wouldn't be comfortable wearing it but if she likes it so much she should consider getting a dress that looks similar design.

jrehmke avatar
Jane Rehmke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA! If it was a perfect fit in both style and size, maybe it would be a tribute… but she is asking to turn it into her own!! Maybe thinking of saving money? But the alterations could easily add up to more than starting afresh.

miradwari avatar
Mir Adwari
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even if she wanted to have the dress because it was a perfect fit, and would promise to make no alterations, it would still be a no. Most people accept that dresses can get damaged on the day. People sweat on them, drop food and spill drink, the seams on a very fitted dress can give. My sister's dress had a small train and it ended up with a heel from a shoe punching through it. Most come out fine but you simply cannot guarantee it. The mother wants it left alone. Pristine, unworn and intact. It is a memorial now.

Load More Replies...
guavafeathers avatar
Aurora Borealis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They suck for even asking. At first reading the title I was going to say that's a dumb response but after reading the story. No.

tinanewman avatar
Tina Newman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I might feel differently if it was a younger sister, another daughter. But that entitled twat barely knew the girl that died, if at all. Mom is 1 million percent right in this one. No means no and if her husband REALLY loved her, he'd have supported her.

talljan avatar
Jan Cardiff
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bless your heart my dear for going through such a shocking experience after loosing your daughter unexpectedly. Sorry for your loss. Place that special wedding dress out of the house somewhere anywhere so that those shallow and cruel jerks do not take it out of your closet and use it anyway. If they think it okay to ask to use the dress and then not respectful to accept your answer of no then your dress is not safe.

charissedavies avatar
Charisse Davies
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're completely within your rights to decline the use of the dress to your step daughter. Your husband should be by your side on the matter and not hers. She clearly has mo eyes for a dress so she should buy one of her own. I completely understand where you're coming from as I lost a son and kept a special outfit of his. I would never allow someone else wear it as it was his. If they continue to pressure you I would kick him out of the home and threaten a divorce. If he can't respect your wishes then he doesn't respect you. Ask your daughter's would have been husband if he can temporarily mind the dress at his until your step daughter has her wedding. Stay strong hun!

ikaakbar avatar
PepsiCoke
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter is playing sick power play. Dresses can be made. If she really wants to wear that dress, take a picture and had it re-made. So easy.

ellie_tiffany10 avatar
Tiffany Southcott
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know why people can't understand the word no. That dress is very sentimental, especially due to the fact that the daughter put a lot of work into it and never got to wear it. The fact that the stepdaughter even has the audacity to continue asking and that your husband is taking her side too is ridiculous. It might be different if she just wanted to wear it but not change anything about it, and even that is pushing it. I wouldn't keep the dress in your house anymore due to the fact that they both keep pushing for it because you might just find the dress gone missing.

doritokatz avatar
Dorit Katz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

SO NTA. the step daughter and husband are so out of line even if the dress does not get altered. The fact that they want to alter it to fit her makes it all the worse. They are manipulating your emotions to make you feel guilty which is SO out of line. What a brat. OF COURSE YOU LOVE YOUR DAUGHTER MORE THAN HER. That they're using that to manipulate you is unconscionable. I don't usually reply to these things but this brought me out of my usual lurker state.

hotaz435 avatar
Susan McClure
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shame on your husband for not backing you up. It seems obvious, though, how step daughter got so entitled!

johncrandall_1 avatar
John Crandall
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would she have let a different biological daughter wear it? I agree, it is her choice and I don't like the purported resentment at mom for saying 'no.' some mother's might think they would rather the dress be worn than yellow with age, but, again, it is her decision.

angiehunt avatar
Angie Hunt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter showed disrespect from the start of that conversation.How dare she to ask to wear"that" dress...... She should have had more respect for you than to ask this...She must be a VERY SPOILED person..And the audacity of the husband to take sides ,makes my blood boil !!!!! Lady ,you need to start divorce proceedings immediately for you have entered into a LOSING BATTLE ....How dare him ask this of you ..Shows lack of feelings for your extreme loss and lack of common courtesy......No Questions Asked .....

dorothymcguire0 avatar
Dot McGuire
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds to me as though stepdaughter and dad want to wipe out daughter's existence. As if they resent this lady's deceased daughter and the love they shared. Sick pair. Get rid of both of them.

Load More Replies...
nataliagehenna avatar
Lonely Tentacle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She shouldn't even have asked to begin with. That was wrong and disrespectful from the beginning. Everything else just piles on that and just makes it worse.

craigjones avatar
craig jones
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Male perspective , if was use by say my mother I wouldnt care . but in this situation when daughter who died didnt get to. hide it . no way , they can copy it if they like it from photos . but it's kinda like a monument of her . couldnt imagine daughters partner would want anyone wearing it either

apontious2121 avatar
Amy Pontious
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you 💯 I would definitely move it, when your ready take to a wedding dress dry cleaner and they will but it in a bag then a box! Rip so sorry for your loss.

jeanpeterson avatar
Jp@nda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean i could see bonding if she OFFERED to let her borrow maybe a bracelet or even a veil is pushing it, but it has to be offered. Nobody has the right to demand you do anything with your child's things. Ever. And then they're gonna tag team gaslight this poor woman? Oh hell no, I wish I could tell them off for her. Also, I mean the mom just got married too, why couldn't she borrow something of hers to"bond"??

pohlengt72 avatar
Maggie Man
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Perhaps a more effective way of rejecting her is to tell her that the wedding dress might have brought misfortune to her daughter, and she didn't want it to jinx the stepdaughter or the subsequent marriage

erin_metallica avatar
Esgain Erin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"You met me 2.5 years ago, married my dad 5 months ago, you're supposed to love me the same way you loved your late daughter! Shame on you for not giving me what I want!" What an entitled, selfish, mean, rude and inconsiderate AH is the stepdaughter.

redophelia13 avatar
RedOphelia 13
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do people automatically assume they are ever, for any reason, entitled to someone else's things? People need to stop being so hung up on themselves thinking they're special or something. Mother said no multiple times, even to her new husband, who I'm guessing does nothing but cater to his daughters whims. Woman needs to hide that dress and get her marriage annulled if that's still even possible or just go full divorce with the new husband and send him packing back to his brat.

mdianascorpio avatar
Diana Ricciotti-Scorpio
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss.Hide that dress with a close friend or relative. My friend buried her daughter in her wedding dress. She cut a piece of material from it and made it into a pillow including some of the beads. She thought the dress would be too painful of a reminder. Everyone feels differently. Step daughter and husband are out of line. Stay strong and offer no further explanation

dinkiiwashere avatar
Diane Konarske Reilly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I could see the stepdaughter’s request as reasonable IF she and the daughter were close and maybe she wanted to wear the dress to feel like the daughter was still with her, but it doesn’t sound like they even knew each other. So why would she want it—as an inexpensive way to have a dress? Too damn bad. Mom doesn’t feel right about it, go buy your own dress! And the fact that Mom’s husband is siding with his daughter instead of respecting grieving mom’s wishes? HE is the biggest a-hole in all of this.

sherribullard_1 avatar
Sherri Bullard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also, when people you should be able to trust, NOT MEAN YOU REALLY CAN. Many woman wish they had taken steps to protect themselves. 2ND Husband & step-daughter are OBVIOUSLY do not care about your feelings

sherribullard_1 avatar
Sherri Bullard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry for your loss. I can not believe how selfish your step daughter is. Also your husband. I would not trust either one of them now. Find an storage that is environment controlled. Make sure that only you are allowed in. Put that WEDDING DRESS and other important items into it. Obviously your husband and stepdaughter DO NOT CARE OF YOUR FEELINGS. Set up the storage so you can go there when you want and NEVER DISCLOSE TO YOUR HUSBAND AND STEPDAUGHTER WHERE IT IS. I suggest moving you most important belongs out when they are not at home. They never need to know. If I were you, open a checking account with only your name, do not order checks and just use atm card to pay storage AND ADD EXTRA MONEY TO IT EVERY MONTH. JUST IN CASE. With a Husband not caring about your grief for your daughter, OBVIOUSLY, there are other issues. File taxes separately, set up your own personal stuff. Protect your SELF. Meet privately with a lawyer and find out how and what you can do. Many woman wish h

lauralong avatar
Laura Long
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Get rid of your husband while you are at it. There is someone for you who will have your best interest at heart. I'm sorry for your loss you sound like a kind wonderful person.

archimedesblackhearr avatar
Archimedes Blackhearr
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I were the husband, I would divorce her and if I were the daughter I would never speak to her again. Have a nice day😉

rosep82153 avatar
Rosemary Pari
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Step daughter was wrong to even ask, and your husband has disrespected your decision. No was your answer and that should be the end of it..

jaybird3939 avatar
Jaybird3939
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have my Mom's dress. I never had the opportunity to wear it. It's sealed in an airtight box. I can still see and admire it and remember my Mom, but it would be a pretty deliberate chore to get it out of that box.

kat_kenner avatar
Kat Kenner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my daughter at 28 from a stroke. She left behind a 6 month old baby. She and my grandsons father were not married. I can see both ends of this situation, I would hope the step daughter would have asked to honor your daughter, but other than an alteration for size, no changes should have even been suggested. My suspicion is she asked so she didn't have to buy her own. Your husband should have enough love and respect for you to tell his daughter to leave it alone. My daughter had a jean jacket for 15 years, that I bought her when she was 13. It had Rips, tears, patches (both the fix it patches and the cool patches of bands etc). That jacket has been all over the country, it still had a cigarette burn mark on it from when a cigarette from a car ahead of us flicked one out and landed in our back seat and caught on fire. Here we were on the side of the road, me stomping out the jacket and her screaming "my jacket, my jacket!!!" It is sacred to me. You are NTA

lisettemccown_1 avatar
LittleLiz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Keep the dress at the late daughter's fiance's house until this is over. Just to make sure it's with someone who will respect the value of it

jacquelineward avatar
Jacqueline Ward
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many words to describe your stepdaughter and her father. Despicable. I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I understand sentimentality, you have every right to say no. No is no. If your stepdaughter and her father can’t accept that, I agree with another person when they said—file for divorce. Giving up your daughter’s wedding dress isn’t worth the marriage. Do not let them have it!

poisonblackmaharet avatar
Darleen Marie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Me, the OP, I would've told her: "Here, I give you permission to take a photo. With the money you offered. You can go to a seamstress". 💁🏼‍♀️The audacity and the entitlement astonishes me. What astonishes me more. Is the husband. Since his daughter didn't take no. For an answer. He should put himself in her shoes. What about if it were backwards and his daughter were dead. With a bought and paid for wedding dress.

zainabazim avatar
Zainab Azim
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Zoey is being very unethical here. It is just outrageous that she wants to use the same dress as Lauren and make changes it would make a tiny bit more sense if she didn't want to change the dress but she says that she'll make changes she's better off buying a new one in the first place you should hide the dress in a safe and secure place because Zoey might still take the dress and make it look unrecognizable by making changes and also your husband isn't doing his part in partnership either you should opt for divorce because there is no saying what your husband might do next...... especially if he doesn't understand your feelings he might emotionally hurt you once again so please opt for a divorce

lynnhorner avatar
Lynn H
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The fact that the stepdaughter will have to change the dress makes me angry for the mom.

tina-rust2015 avatar
Tina Rust
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry for this woman's loss. I sympathize with her completely. However, anyone who understands the human mind knows that holding on to objects attached to a deceased loved one quickly leads to hoarding. The deceased daughter doesn't appear to have a child to pass the dress to. What will you do with the dress? Hold onto it indefinitely? The dress currently only holds sad memories of a wedding that never happened. You can turn into into a happy memory for someone else's wedding day. Either let the step-daughter use it, or sell it.

fliconmigo avatar
Rachel Betancort
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Move the dress to a safer location, I dont put it past them to try again when you are having a moment of weakness. Full stop tell them that you will not change your mind and that the subject is closed. For your " loving and understanding" husband to participate in this manipulation is horrible. It would maybe be a deal breaker for me and unforgivable.

michaelsmutek avatar
Michael Smutek
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely a no to wearing the dress unless it was solely expressed to be passed down

lisa518us avatar
Lisa Pockat Bork
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA. Stick to your guns about the dress. Zoey has no right to use it and shouldn't have even asked.

tysonbumgardner avatar
Tyson Bumgardner
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If we relatively mentally healthy people don't start standing up to these narcissists, collectively they're never going to shut up. Of course you don't have to share your dead daughter's dress with this interloper. What a pair of assclowns for pressing you on the topic.

nanxwarren avatar
yellowphantom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having lost a daughter and a son, I am 100% in agreement with this mother. Having had a few years since the second loss, my personal reaction is that if her husband refuses to support her in this, she needs to get out of that marriage. The problem is that when you are still new to this loss, it is hard to push anyone else out, even if they are kind of toxic, because it is still more loss. Since most people will never experience the loss of a child, our Western culture is very poor at handling it and tries to treat it like deaths they are more familiar with. But even if it was her sister's or mother's dress, she is entitled to experience the meaning that dress has for her. If she wanted to wear it herself, every day, that should be just fine and no one else's business.

fifthsnail avatar
Angelique Durante
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take the dress and put it in a safety deposit box under your name only. I would hate to see the dress defiled.

maricalowery avatar
Marica Lowery
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree hide the dress. They're thoughtless You need not explain. You rightly said no. End discussions. I am sorry you live with this grief.

natemoore avatar
Red
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have 2 daughters, one who is alive and well, and one whose in an urn on our mantle. And I guarantee, if someone tried to say that I owe them anything regarding my 2nd daughter (the one on the mantle), they'd be swallowing their own teeth.

mersadeesgeigle avatar
Mersadees Geigle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would say no I have a daughter and I couldn't fathom letting someone else where her dress no matter the relation it's disrespectful to argue further if anything tell her where you fit the dress and she can buy her own.

katherineholt avatar
Katherine Holt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When i first read the title I thought. "Why not allow your step daughter to wear her siblings dress? Show her she is just as important?" But what changed my mind is the time frames here. You say you have "known" her for 2 1/2 years, but only been married to her father for 5 months. So the sibling relationship is non existent. You also said that your daughter made special alterations and decorations to the dress that reflect her and that the stepdaughter wanted to change the dress to her taste. It might be different if the dress were to be honored and worn as your daughter made it, but to insist on using it and destroying the last artistry your daughter made before her death is hateful and cruel. Maybe you can get an annulment. Your husband could ask, but should have supported your answer the FIRST TIME 100%. They will never Let this go. It will be a source of future harassment for the rest of your life. And it never should have been asked to start or with.

bilottaleslie avatar
Leslie Agans Bilotta
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so sorry about your daughter. Your heart must be broken. Please accept my prayers and thoughts of you through this horrible time. I cannot even imagine your pain. Your dress should not even have been a topic of discussion. The fact she insensitively brought it up is distributing. I would NEVER even ask! Unfor., you are now seeing a part of your new husband that is pretty disgusting as well! NOONE had the right to ask! NOONE! I cannot believe they had the nerve! And then , let’s “add a few things”. Just push the knife in further! There is something wrong with these 2. You will see changes in both of them from here on out! This is big and will , I believe, cause a wedge. You do NOT owe anyone anything. Esp this sacred dress. Besides , it was YOUR DAUGHTER. It’s called , respect! ! HIDE THE DRESS! Big prayers, Darlin! 🙏🙏🙏

pennypeacock avatar
Penny Peacock
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. You have evert right to say , "NO". Your husband needs to support you because his daughter is alive. Also, your daughter didn't get to wear the dress so why would you want to see someone else in her wedding dress. And why can't she find her own gown? Take care of your daughter's wedding dress and her memories.

2pinkflamingoes avatar
Paula Allison
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At some point you are going to want to let go of that dress but to watch somebody else alter it, and wear it. That's not going to be how. It's not even her size or the style she wants so what it really is, is a manipulative power play. People are saying hide the dress but if you have to hide that dress then you need to seriously rethink that entire relationship. Your husband should be supporting you regardless of what his spoiled brat kid wants. A 23 year old girl has zero understanding of what it would be like to lose a grown child but, your husband does. He should be firmly steering her away from this idea not backing her up in bullying you. I would suggest some counseling ...if not, I would suggest you've made a mistake in choosing a life partner.

phyllismeredith avatar
Phyllis Meredith
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sincere condolences on your loss. NO means NO. The time spent with your daughter getting the dress is a beautiful memory for you and so special. I do advise that you take the dress to an expert that will treat the material and put it in a special box or garment bag to display it. Then hide it till after stepdaughter's wedding.

giovannaeisberg avatar
Giovanna Eisberg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a licensed clinical social worker, I feel I must chime in here which I rarely ever do. Your stepdaughter should have never asked you to wear your decreased daughters wedding dress, She crossed a boundary which many people today have issues with. This one is over the top. I am sorry for your loss. You shouldn't have to justify your "no".

bibiayeshahafeji avatar
Bibi Ayesha Hafeji
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she is going to alter the style, look of the dress etc then why not just buy another one already? Her reasons for wanting the dress make no sense at all. You're right to say no.

circular-motion avatar
Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either hide the dress and all of the daughter's things or just get rid of the disrespectful husband and change the locks. I know which I'd prefer.

michelleskowronski avatar
Mishka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Also, if step-daughter needs to change some things about the dress to make it more her style, then she should just go find a dress that is her style.

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That mom needs to hide that dress ASAP! I don't trust her hubs or his entitled daughter. Dear Parents: PLEASE teach your offspring that NO means NO. NO discussion, NO nagging, NO whining, etc!! I would also reconsider my marriage if I were OP.

meganlovesshaun89 avatar
Megan Adair
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see this was over a year ago I need updates. I hope you stood your ground with telling them NO. ANYONE WHO FELT OTHERWISE SHOULD GO FLUFF THEMSELVES. I hope things blew over with the dress and how big of a ass your husband was being and if not I hope by now you've left him. Him not being on your side and respecting your decision from the day it was brought up then guilt tripping you too definitely a huge 🚩🚩🚩

aurorarider2013 avatar
No you can't have my name
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Why can't you pay attention to me now that you don't have another daughter to shower affection on" Stepdaughter probably.

abigailluv23 avatar
Abigail Hernandez
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To the the mom , no you are not wrong , & you need to keep it safe , put it in a safe or lock box , because you can not put it past your husband or stepdaughter to take it , It is your daughters dress and memories, even if your stepdaughter would of not changed it , she still has no right to wear it , DO NOT LET THEM GIULT TRIP YOU ..YOU ARE A MOTHER WHO LOST HER DAUGHTER, YOUR HUSBAND should be counting his blessings to see his daughter get married as you couldn't... Also if they keep , divorce him because him showing that his inconsiderate of your feelings , that is a red flag 🚩, you deserve someone who understands you & the memories you have with that dress 👗... As I dont know what your going through, I do know the meaning of losing a daughter, I was pregnant at 37 weeks & found out I had lost my daughter & birthed her Nov 16, 2021 / As I carried a dead baby girl wishing I could here her cry ,I know I could never see her grow , So don't feel wrong, YOU ARE NOT WRONG

crystalcardenasraulston avatar
Crystal Cardenas Raulston
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Might be hard for the fiancé to see it again, but I'm sure he'd be even more upset if something happened to it. He might keep it at his place where the vultures can't get to it...

doritokatz avatar
Dorit Katz
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

to continue, hide the dress at another location, immdiately. Your husband's behavior is beyond inappropriate and looks like a very red flag for future problems. I would find someone to mediate for you about his inappropriate behavior. I would not address this by yourself. It's too much.

https-bethel avatar
bumblebee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it's the audacity and entitlement for me. that girl is not her daughter and has no obligation to that dress whatsoever. her husband needs to teach his daughter and himself that boundaries exist. A no is a no and if they cannot accept that and respect her daughter, then some serious action needs to take place. absolute nonsense

berlindarogers avatar
Berlinda R. Rogers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a mother and losing a child is not easy. I am sorry for your loss. Zoey or her father is being understanding to your feelings. As it has already been said, take the dress out of the house. If Zoey, could pay you for the dress she should go and buy her own wedding dress and get it made exactly the way she wants it.

tinamcnally avatar
Tina McNally
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one has the right to ask you for that dress. Your step daughter is extremely entitled and completely insensitive to even ask for the dress. You did ansolutely nothing wrong in saying no. Both your husband and step daughter should be ashamed of themselves for even asking.

tanyastevens avatar
Tanya Stevens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the daughters trying to come between the relationship really and dad’s falling for it hook line and sinker. She’s getting married so dad will be alone after the divorce he allowed his daughter to manipulate he better watch it.

tanyastevens avatar
Tanya Stevens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like daughters way of coming between her dads happiness really and dads falling for it hook n sinker. The daughters getting married though it’ll be him all alone he better watch the manipulation.

jill_hudson avatar
Jill Hudson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You have the right to say no ..Your daughter already made changes to the dress and your just not ready that's all . Your in no way being difficult at all . Your just not ready and because it's still to soon for YOU! You lost a child and the grief, I believe ,is alot different. Your stepdaughter should pick her own dress if she wants to make her chances and not to a dress that has your daughter's changes and her memories in that dress.

valariewinston avatar
Valarie Winston
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always wonder if these OPers show the AHoles what these comments are saying then have a change of heart.

loveamber12112 avatar
Amber.exe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She said no,and the stepdaughter wants to change it in the first place(size and style). She can't accept no,but she said no for good reason,it has sentimental value

terrycranford avatar
Terry Cranford
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First of all, I want to give you my deepest condolences for your loss. And next, I will agree with everyone to say NO…HIDE IT and don’t let anyone guilt trip you into given in. It was your daughter special dress and, if you want to save it the rest of your life, or do what you want to do with it…it’s your business. Her father should be providing her with her special dress and that one is NOT IT. Good luck and God bless!

iybryant avatar
I Y Bryant
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So sorry about her daughter. 💝 Absolutely not. NEVER do something bout of guilt. No means no. She has every right to do as she pleases with her daughter's dress and giving it to a step-daughter you're not close to, who's trying to be manipulative is not the answer. SHAME on her husband for not supporting her decision!!!! Only she can decide when, how and if she wants to relinquish the dress. Until then: HIDE THE DRESS!

ot7 avatar
OT7
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so FU that you would have to go through this. This really show their ture personality. That dress should've never been a topic of discussion unless you offered. As for that backstabbing husband he would've seen his last days with that title. How could they be so insensitive. You have the right to grieve and hold to any piece of you child for a long as your need to, and no one has to right to suggest you let go of any part of that memory. If he don't have your back on this and understand your feeling, I will hate to see what happens the next time his entitled child wants something.

dorothywilder avatar
Dorothy Wilder
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

skylarjaxx avatar
Skylar Jaxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They said if he brings it up again file for divorce I say there is no further disrespect that could happen that would hurt more. Divorce him now. He doesn't even care how u feel. It will always be his daughters best interest over urs. This is not going to be the first thing she sees that she "wants" it won't stop there and everyone already said it but HIDE THE DRESS! SEND IT TO A RELATIVE!

gabrielgawrada avatar
Gabriel Gawrada
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a retired man so my opinion is just that. You will never be right in anything involving those two; your husband of only five months has chosen "sides". This won't be the last time they try to bully and guilt you. File for divorce now before it becomes more painful to do so.

lwhitings avatar
Lee Whitings
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take the dress to a dry cleaners and have them store it for you until after your stepdaughter's wedding. In the meantime deal with your husband and his hurtful disregard of your feelings.

fayehermans avatar
Faye Hermans
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Your feelings are valid and ENOUGH of a reason. The feelings of the fiance should also be taken into consideration. Even if he will not be at the wedding he will likely see the DIL's wedding picture at some point. How insensitive of her.

dancychandler avatar
Dancy Chandler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'It's alright, I've told you so. Now gimme.' I think this a horrible test that a really entitled, thoughtless immature stepdaughter is shoving on her stepmother. Tell her the dress is yours, and it will remain the way your daughter left it. Then walk away, from both, if they keep obsessing over it.

pa2wa2laatgmaildotcom avatar
pa2wa2la atgmaildotcom
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

williamstevenson avatar
William Stevenson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First point...the mother owns the dress and is the first, last, and only person who gets to decide what to do with the dress. If she doesn't want it used by anyone else, it doesn't get to be used by anyone else. On the other hand, wedding gowns are so mind bogglingly expensive and so much gravitas placed onto them it only seems natural to me to reuse it within the family. Family reuse of wedding gowns happens and is a way to honor the family. But that is secondary to the mother, the current owner of the dress, and her need to keep the dress as a memory of her daughter. Maybe her husband and stepdaughter went too far or the wrong way about it, but there is some good to their request. And after she said no it should have ended.

melissamymin avatar
Melissa Baker
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This sounds like bull! Come on people are saying this woman is wrong? Utter lies, shame on this site!!!

gayatri_chitale avatar
Gayatri Chitale
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta. However it could be healing for you to get the dress a new life a new purpose. You mght feel some pain relieved

misty_souders avatar
Misty Souders
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey OP. HERE just some food for thought. Yes there's is ASSOCIATEd with your daughter. But your actions. WAS put of line. I understand thatvthe dress US sentimental to you. But in time Unless it's stored CORRECTLY it won't LAST. TWO had a SON. IF quite positive that his FUTURE wide won't want dress it's OLD SCHOOL. the point t is this. EVENTUALLY the dress will MEAN SOMETHING to YOU BUT know but else. To get a A GRU or threTen a DEVCOCE is child like. You need to an ADULT about the situation and and A T like an ADULT with your step daughter and husband about how feel. Either that or you will wi d up hurt and ANGRY. My ADICE because I've been there and done. If you keep.up this behavior O ER you daughter death AND anger over it. Your husband WILL GET tired of it. Yes the dress is IMPORTANT NOW. but in 5 10 how many years. Then it's WHATS it worth.

hatredpony avatar
Hatred Pony
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

This was posted to Reddit a year ago and the OP no longer uses the account. The author had to do a lot of digging on Reddit to even find this post whose replies are completely irrelevant today.

kiira avatar
Mondkatze
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I can't understand (or i can but not that much) why the mother don't want to give the dress to another somehow close Person because in my Imagination it could create beautyful New memories with parts of both her daughters. I sometimes feel very close to things because of the connected memories but i feel mir happy ess, if some more people can get good Feelings though this piece of cloth for example. Better that shut away. But that is my personal opinion and feeling. BUT the stepdaughter and husband are the as for not accepting the no! For me, i is ok, that they asked a second time and shared their thoughts but if the aswer is still a no, that should be respected!

praecordia avatar
Alma Muminovic
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

NTA your just grieving but at the same time giving her the dress to wear isn’t taking anything away from your daughter. You may have not gotten to see her walk down the isle in it but maybe you can see your step daughter? Holding on to that dress isn’t going to make you feel any less sad about your daughter. I also don’t think your step daughter is being malicious, and maybe she can alter it in a way so it can be altered back to your daughters preferences after? I don’t think your reaction is about the dress, maybe you should go speak with a therapist and get a different perspective from someone outside the family.

Popular on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda