It's one thing to see your friends do it but quite another to live it yourself.
Recently, one Reddit user submitted a question to the platform, asking moms and dads to share the funniest things child-free people have told them about their idea of parenting. And they delivered.
From calling maternity leave "a vacation" to the classic "just sleep when the baby sleeps", here are some of the phrases that let parents know you have no clue what they're going through.
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When I was pregnant, I couldn't sleep well because every position was uncomfortable. Well, my friend said, 'You probably can't wait to give birth so you can catch up on some sleep!'
Bored Panda contacted the author of the post (who wanted to remain anonymous) to learn more about what inspired them to create it in the first place. "I think I was talking to a child-free friend about working from home during lockdown and how my husband and I found it quite challenging since the day care (which we usually use) was not an option and taking care of a 2-year-old is a full-time job as is, let alone when you have your 9-to-5 job with it," they said.
I was getting a passport for my 3-week-old daughter, and the worker said I needed to sit her up on her own, then when I told him she couldn't, he stormed off to get a manager.
"She was completely shocked since she wasn't even thinking about it that way. She enjoyed working from home and was able to organize her time well, while using this whole lockdown thing to catch up on all the books she never had time to read. Then I was shocked," they added, jokingly. "It just became clear to me how our conceptions differ depending on our life choices, and I instantly remembered unsolicited pieces of advice about parenting (not from this friend), as well as some benevolent comments which clearly show how parenting really isn't one of those things you can have a preview of."
This one was from my ex who I should have know would be a terrible parent.
In the hospital, I just had a baby and was struggling to breast feed. I went to the washroom and when I came out my ex was feeding my newborn applesauce. FREAKING APPLESAUCE. She was only hours old and 4 weeks premature.
Also he told me that I needed to wait for my 5 month old to calm down and self sooth before I fed her her bottle because when a baby cries when they are hungry that’s how they manipulate the parents.
God I hate him.
I'm wondering what kind of scary childhood this guy had if he thinks a 5 month old is capable of manipulation.
Naturally, the author of the post also had misconceptions about parenting when they were child-free. At least for the newborn stage. "I didn't know babies needed to learn basically everything. Like, I thought breastfeeding comes to them naturally, meaning it's not challenging for a mom at all. Then I had my daughter who literally needed to learn how to suckle."
"When I first heard about babies 'rolling onto their tummies', I didn't know that was something they needed to learn. Of course, I know they won't be able to sit, crawl, etc., but I never thought that turning your body is something that's acquired. There were many misconceptions," they explained. "I learned they weren't the case at all by having my baby."
When we were working on our baby registry, my husband couldn't understand the need for a stroller, saying, 'I'll just carry the babies.' What makes it even funnier is that we were having twins!
The Reddit user wasn't expecting that the post would get so much attention. "I didn't have the time to read all of the replies but I had more than a few good laughs and I also learned that us parents need to be there for each other. It's hard for others to understand [what we're going through], so judging each other is really counter-productive. Also, even though I've started my post by stating that it shouldn't be about how child-free people were rude (just clueless), I have received a couple of really ill-meaning comments where parents saw judgment regardless of the fact that there probably wasn't any."
I guess the bottom line is that people who had huge misconceptions about parenting expanded their horizons. And gave the Internet a good laugh. That's a win-win in my book.
I was working from home with a 6-month-old, and it was hard trying to have conference calls and entertain her at the same time. Well, my husband said, 'Don't worry — it'll get easier when she's around 12 months old, when you can just sit her down for an hour or two with a coloring book.'
This should get double points for not being said by a child-free person.
When I went on maternity leave with my third kid, my boss said, 'Enjoy your vacation.'
Not completely wrong. In Sweden we have 480 days paid parental leave per kid and many save some months to go on vacation with them later. I have been on several vactions with my 3 kids while on parental leave.
Once, my child-free friend asked me if my 18-month-old would sleep in the next morning because it was Saturday. I laughed so hard!
Recently, we were visiting our friends — who are child-free by choice — and they really love my kid. When they heard my kid was into puzzles, they brought her a 1,000-piece one! She's 3 years old.
When I was pregnant, one day I realized my baby hadn't moved as much as usual, so I told my friend I might need to go get checked. She replied, 'Can't you just tell the baby to move with your mind?'
I foolishly thought I'd have all this free time during maternity leave, and I actually suggested to my husband that it would be the perfect time for us to get a puppy because I'd have time to train it!
I was pregnant at the time and working in a kitchen. My general manager caught me sitting down while prepping some potatoes for service and said "It must be nice to get to laze around whenever you want". It took all of my will to not say something snarky. He did get fired 3 weeks later for a non related incident. Karma is a b**ch.
My favorite is always, 'Just sleep when the baby sleeps.'
A thing I said before I had kids. "I feel like parenting is easier than most people make it out to be." Said to my old boss with 2 kids. She laughed so hard she almost peed herself and then put that quote on her bulletin board to remind me when I had kids.
We took our baby to a wedding when she was 2 months old, and they had a place setting at the table for her — complete with a full set of metal cutlery and a highchair!
Um, unless the newlyweds cooked and served the meal, this is more on the caterers.
I agree. I imagine they were told how many adult guests there were and how many children, no more details. On my country, the menu is different for adults and kinds, so I guess nobody stopped to think.
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Yeah the venue is unlikely to know more than that the child is under 3. They hear under proper chair size they set up for a high chair. People often give venues wrong information, and it's better to take away a highchair and setting, than not have the highchair there, need one and not have one available.
Most parents who have a baby bring their own stuff to feed the baby. Just move the cutlery and stop being a Karen... you should be grateful that your friends actually allowed babies at their wedding and even asked for a highchair... entitled much?
I think that's on you. The RSVP usually and asks how many adults and kids, its for food/seating. If you know your kid is too young to eat then you'd not even mark them, or comment baby-no food (so they don't have to pay for the "head")
I DONT SEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS? A. Babies do not belong at weddings B the awesome people who allowed a baby at your wedding made sure your child had a high chair and C if you are the picky parent and bringing a kid to a wedding then I'm sure you have a diaper bag complete with plastic baby dining ware right?
In this thread- being thoughtful is "Hilariously Wrong." F*****g idiot.
I can’t believe you brought a 2 month old to a wedding. Sitter too expensive?
While that's nice of the couple, I doubt they'd have been as generous if the baby had screamed through their nuptials. A 2-month old is no place for a wedding.
Probably they forgot to tell the caterer how old the baby was. Nevertheless I imagine it was nice to have more space at the table
I wonder if somewhere along the line they mistook the 2 month old for a 2 year old? I think it's sweet that they at least made the effort though. :)
I've worked banquets before, and the rule is that each table and place setting must look exactly the same- I'm surprised their was a high chair at all! That would normally be brought out while people are being seated.
I don't understand what's wrong with that? My kids have been in a high chair with cutlery since they were twelve months old
You don't want a baby to handle metal cutlery. At that age, they tend to have anger management problems and very poor impulse control.
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My sister visited once and scolded me for letting my children take our couch cushions off the couch to make a fort. That's the last thing I was worried about with three kids under 7 years old!
One of my relatives was always getting offended when she would call my baby to come to her and always get offended that the baby was ignoring her. The baby was 10mo., barely started walking at that point. I told my relative, "she barely knows that she is a person and has legs, she's not exactly choosing where she is stumbling to."
I hope that relative never has kids. Or even pets. Sounds like those morons who have kids/pets and expect them to fix their self-esteem issues.
My favorite is always when people say, 'When we have kids, it won’t change our lifestyle at all. We will just bring the kids wherever we go!'
Well that actually worked for me so it depends on the kid and Your lifestyle.
I wish it was as humorous as a lot of the stuff I’m seeing but I have been told by far too many people (mostly without kids but a few with) that because I had an emergency cesarean I didn’t really give birth. It’s usually overly joking but still annoying as hell
My sister had an emergency caesarean because it was that or THE KID DIES. Which just makes this even more offensive. (My nephew came out just fine and is a strong and healthy toddler now, if anyone's wondering. Kiddo was just too damn big to be born the other way).
My friends used to hit me up at like 7:00 at night, asking me to come out that night — and then they'd be shocked that I couldn't just 'get someone to watch the baby!'
Are we saying that you don’t keep an adult teen in your spare room all week for the occasion?
My 22 year old brother telling me that instead of nursing my baby while we are together because it weirds him out, I can pump enough beforehand and feed bottles and then baby will be good all day. I explained that if I miss a nursing session then I would be really uncomfortable and have to pump during that time anyways so I usually only pump when I'm away from my baby. Sorry kid
My wife and I told her parents that "We trained our dogs really well, kids can't be that much harder..."
18 years later I've got good kids, but the dogs need attention.
The kids were easy to 'train' my dog on the other hand..... it's a battle of wits and I appear to be losing lol
I could never understand why parents had to plan around their baby's nap. Well, fast-forward five years and two children later, and I now know that if you don't, all hell will break loose halfway through your 'fun' outing!
Never planned anything around naps. They just sleep when tired, in the carrier, nearest sofa or lap. Depends on the kids and the training I guess.
My mate thought it was genuinely OK to pop out for a bit whilst your baby was having a nap. I think her example was going out for a meal.
I had a friend who's husband used to do that. He worked from home several days/week and would put the baby down for a nap and then go out and get a haircut. I told her that if the baby woke and the neighbors heard it crying for an extended period of time and called the cops, they'd have the baby taken away. She thought it was ok for him to do that. He, obviously, thought it was fine as well. Morons.
Someone I know suggested doing using maternity leave to do your masters.
My husband thought kids start talking at around 3 months, and he joyfully asked our friend whether her 4-month-old was already saying something funny!
@Javiera Gotelli- you are seriously unhappy in your life- all of your comments in this thread are straight disrespectful and or in poor judgmental taste. I hope one day you can find some happiness- because the way you must be living is not living at all. Someone really needs to give you a hug.
When I was pregnant and picking out a bouncer, my husband said, 'Is this really necessary? Why can't we just put the baby in a chair?'
When I had my son, the first child from that generation, my cousin straight up asked, "are his eyes open yet?" Like I had a kitten instead
Fair enough, Babies are used to close their eyes a lot. Took 3 days to see my nieces wonderful blue eyes!
We were convinced that having a baby would have no significant impact on our ability to do things. So at seven weeks old when we got a message a relative was in our city for one night we said "sure we'd love to meet for dinner" and commited to a one hour train journey in each direction and dinner.
We got home at ten pm exhausted and saying "never again". The meal was wonderful but the trip home was exhausting
There is a learning curve. When dating my ex husband, often he wanted my son to join us. When out to eat, he entertained my son -- like taking him to watch the lobsters -- my son adored him and loved the attention. Realistic expectations. He would order whatever my son wanted, within reason. Sometimes it was a plate of grated cheese. Happy child = peaceful dinner - usually.
At 32 weeks pregnant I had the nursery complete and set up. All one could ever need to provide good care for a baby was in there.
Childless people around me: 'Oh, so early? Now you'll have to wait so long for the baby! What will you be doing in the meantime?
I got hospitalised at 33 weeks for being in labour
I had to call in to my last job because my 4 year old was sick. My boss asked if I could just get someone else to watch her. As if someone else would be willing to take off work, risk getting sick, not to mention- I'm her mother, I'm the one people call to take care of MY child when she's sick. I just told him no after a confused pause. My current job is sooo much better about this. I was frustrated at the time, but now I think it's just silly.
In my country parents have additional few vacation days per year for stuff like this. I believe they can be taken without any notice, too.
Note: this post originally had 46 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I am childfree, but my entire life I've been hearing from relatives and random strangers that I should totally have a child. When I point out the difficulties of pregnancy, birth and the actual raising of such, they normally respond in a rather dismissive way. Having kids is like a dead-end trap, once you are there you try to lure others in.
I've never tried to lure others in to having children they don't want or aren't ready for. My only child (daughter) doesn't want kids. I'm fine with that. It's her life to live, not mine, and she doesn't "owe" me grandkids. Would I like to have grandkids? Absolutely! But not at the expense of my daughter's happiness. My choice to give her life doesn't entitle me to run her life.
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This could easily have been a post called, "misconceptions people have before kids". Instead the title is a snarky "child free people", which sets up a negative dynamic. Child free people can be a ally if you don't talk to them like they are an idiot for not knowing something
Agree. I hate being treated like an idiot bc I don't know what f*****g size a two-year old wears or whether it's ok to give a 3 yo a 1000 pc puzzle (yep that post pissed me off). It's a gift, don't go bitching about it on the internet or go all dismissive and patronizing
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Is it me or a lot of the fathers do not seem to have prepared at all for pregnancy or their child and have no idea about childrearing? Its sad how women are still expected to deal with it alone in most families.
In my experience, women glean a little information about pregnancy & childbirth during their teen and adult years from other moms, while men avoid this info like the plague until they have a kid.
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If you are so bloody stressed about your rugrats, then next time you get busy, use contraception! It's not like you didn't know about contraception, you fools!
Yeah. They chose to have kids and then whine about them all day long. Also a lot of parents attack childfree people for not wanting them. I guess that we deserve to suffer because they do.
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Having a child is a choice. Don't complain about how difficult it is, how tired you are or how the childless "don't understand". You brought this on yourself. If someone who doesn't have children or has no experience with children and makes an ignorant comment. Inform them, kindly, and don't shame them. Some of these examples are only ridiculous if you are a parent.
So we're never allowed to complain? We have to pretend it's perfect?
Load More Replies... Reading about parents say/ask these moronic stuff about their own children just proves that there should be a basic skill test for people who want to have kids... There are enough idiots in the world, and now they're raising future idiots.
Breeding license...that might solve a lot of issues.
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So this is about childless people, not childfree. Childfree = doesn’t have and doesn’t want kids, childless = doesn’t have kids, but wants them in the future. BIG difference. Also, most childfree people know how it works VERY well, which is why we never want kids.
Probably the dumbest s**t I ever heard: my uncle (lives in Paris) asked my mother (lives in Canada and has four kids): "If I had a child, would you raise it for me?"
My grandfather handed off one of his children to his brother and walked away. This was after his wife and other child had died. He moved to another location, met a new woman and started again. We only found out about the other part of the family in recent years. Not judging him - I expect he was devastated and the other child was at least cared for by family who loved her.
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Eh some usual parent snobbery in the posts.. so many people act like they weren't a "real person" before they had kids
I'm sick of people bitching about how hard it is to be a parent, how expensive it is, how tired they are. It's a choice...especially when you have more than one. Ladies and gentlemen...meet Trojans.
When folks would ask why I didn't settle down, get married and have kids I would always say I didn't want to share my toys. Really I did not mature enough until I was in my late forties and by then it was to late. My dad was 53 when I was born and died at 68. I do not regret not having children.
Parents need to effing relax. If you get a gist from someone that is too advanced for you're special little treasure, just keep it until they're old enough. That's it. Just say thank you and go back to thinking you're little snow flake is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Okay, I know BP is very anti-children (or anti-parents-ever-talking-about-children at least) but can you just sit down for a minute? This post was just about the stupid things that people have thought about parenting, which I thought was pretty inoffensive. Why is everyone getting so mad about people sharing parts of their lives? The argument that, just because people have kids, they're never allowed to complain or be stressed about them is horrible and inhumane. If this article was so annoying to you, don't read it! If you're a child-free person who doesn't care about parenting or kids, don't read it! It's that easy.
Yeah. I advocate for total freedom from being pushed into having kids or annoyed by ppl questioning one's decision about not having kids. I also hate when ppl brush aside the emotional connection someone might have with their pets. But here I saw the true faces of some in those situations, that are completely unable to put themselves in other's shoes, they are behaving exactly like the ones they complain about, generalistic and dismissive of other's emotional connections. Entitled and full of themselves, pseudo mind readers
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every single boss who calls maternity leave a "vacation" should be shamed.
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I know this post was supposed to be funny but the hate slinging in the comments just ruins it. It would honestly be great [imo] to just stop with any posts regarding kids at all bc the divisiveness is toxic at this point. [yes I know that won’t happen, it’s just discouraging how much we hate each other].
Some of this stuff is common sense, yet other items... if you don't have kids, how are you supposed to know?
all the anti baby people here, A) why did you even read this, and B) no one complains day in and day out, you are taking one example someone throws on the internet out of an 18 year commitment and taking it as gospel. Give me a break. There are good times and there are bad times. And all you anti baby people, if you don't have kids you don't get to have an opinion on the stress it may or may not put on someone. Not everyone knows exactly what's entailed. When I had my first one, no one told me about colic. No one told me about power shitting across the room lol. But you learn and you move on. but to chastise those having kids and being tired or frustrated, you have no idea. But the good (for me) far outweighed any bad.
Believe us people pester us all the time for not having kids, specially as a woman. My mil wouldnt stop asking me for years until I told her that my illneses make me basically infertile. My ebtire family doesnt respect my decision (they dont know about the infertility) and treat me as if I am a monster for not wanting then. I had a gyn shouting at me for not wanting kids "what about your husband?!". My last three gyns refuse to give me a hysterectomy that I need for medical reasons "because you will change your mind". The last one refused to give me a salpingectomy and make me sterile despite pregnancy being dangerous for me after the surgery that he pushed me to have (he didnt told me about the risks).
Load More Replies... 1. Nobody forced you to have kids. 2. If you're struggling with one, then don't have three or four. 3. If your spouse is a moron and you still chose to have kids with them, well... 4. People who don't have kids DO GET TIRED. They also HAVE PROBLEMS. Stop whining because, again, nobody forced you to have kids. 5. If your kids are brats, only the parents are to blame. Kids can't be expected to behave/learn/do things if no one teaches them. Also, if people feel like they're entitled to give you crap about your kids, it's because you allow them to do so.
Once had a friend who called unexpectedly during the afternoon crazies (you know that time of day). She scolded me for not keeping my 1 and 2-year old kids politely quiet while she was talking to me on the phone. “You need to get that under control,” she said. Then she had a kid. She called me to apologize one day, out of the blue, a few years later. By then my kids were old enough to know mommie was on the phone, and her kid was raising hell in the background.
I am childfree, but my entire life I've been hearing from relatives and random strangers that I should totally have a child. When I point out the difficulties of pregnancy, birth and the actual raising of such, they normally respond in a rather dismissive way. Having kids is like a dead-end trap, once you are there you try to lure others in.
I've never tried to lure others in to having children they don't want or aren't ready for. My only child (daughter) doesn't want kids. I'm fine with that. It's her life to live, not mine, and she doesn't "owe" me grandkids. Would I like to have grandkids? Absolutely! But not at the expense of my daughter's happiness. My choice to give her life doesn't entitle me to run her life.
Load More Replies... This could easily have been a post called, "misconceptions people have before kids". Instead the title is a snarky "child free people", which sets up a negative dynamic. Child free people can be a ally if you don't talk to them like they are an idiot for not knowing something
Agree. I hate being treated like an idiot bc I don't know what f*****g size a two-year old wears or whether it's ok to give a 3 yo a 1000 pc puzzle (yep that post pissed me off). It's a gift, don't go bitching about it on the internet or go all dismissive and patronizing
Load More Replies... Is it me or a lot of the fathers do not seem to have prepared at all for pregnancy or their child and have no idea about childrearing? Its sad how women are still expected to deal with it alone in most families.
In my experience, women glean a little information about pregnancy & childbirth during their teen and adult years from other moms, while men avoid this info like the plague until they have a kid.
Load More Replies... If you are so bloody stressed about your rugrats, then next time you get busy, use contraception! It's not like you didn't know about contraception, you fools!
Yeah. They chose to have kids and then whine about them all day long. Also a lot of parents attack childfree people for not wanting them. I guess that we deserve to suffer because they do.
Load More Replies... Having a child is a choice. Don't complain about how difficult it is, how tired you are or how the childless "don't understand". You brought this on yourself. If someone who doesn't have children or has no experience with children and makes an ignorant comment. Inform them, kindly, and don't shame them. Some of these examples are only ridiculous if you are a parent.
So we're never allowed to complain? We have to pretend it's perfect?
Load More Replies... Reading about parents say/ask these moronic stuff about their own children just proves that there should be a basic skill test for people who want to have kids... There are enough idiots in the world, and now they're raising future idiots.
Breeding license...that might solve a lot of issues.
Load More Replies... So this is about childless people, not childfree. Childfree = doesn’t have and doesn’t want kids, childless = doesn’t have kids, but wants them in the future. BIG difference. Also, most childfree people know how it works VERY well, which is why we never want kids.
Probably the dumbest s**t I ever heard: my uncle (lives in Paris) asked my mother (lives in Canada and has four kids): "If I had a child, would you raise it for me?"
My grandfather handed off one of his children to his brother and walked away. This was after his wife and other child had died. He moved to another location, met a new woman and started again. We only found out about the other part of the family in recent years. Not judging him - I expect he was devastated and the other child was at least cared for by family who loved her.
Load More Replies... Eh some usual parent snobbery in the posts.. so many people act like they weren't a "real person" before they had kids
I'm sick of people bitching about how hard it is to be a parent, how expensive it is, how tired they are. It's a choice...especially when you have more than one. Ladies and gentlemen...meet Trojans.
When folks would ask why I didn't settle down, get married and have kids I would always say I didn't want to share my toys. Really I did not mature enough until I was in my late forties and by then it was to late. My dad was 53 when I was born and died at 68. I do not regret not having children.
Parents need to effing relax. If you get a gist from someone that is too advanced for you're special little treasure, just keep it until they're old enough. That's it. Just say thank you and go back to thinking you're little snow flake is the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Okay, I know BP is very anti-children (or anti-parents-ever-talking-about-children at least) but can you just sit down for a minute? This post was just about the stupid things that people have thought about parenting, which I thought was pretty inoffensive. Why is everyone getting so mad about people sharing parts of their lives? The argument that, just because people have kids, they're never allowed to complain or be stressed about them is horrible and inhumane. If this article was so annoying to you, don't read it! If you're a child-free person who doesn't care about parenting or kids, don't read it! It's that easy.
Yeah. I advocate for total freedom from being pushed into having kids or annoyed by ppl questioning one's decision about not having kids. I also hate when ppl brush aside the emotional connection someone might have with their pets. But here I saw the true faces of some in those situations, that are completely unable to put themselves in other's shoes, they are behaving exactly like the ones they complain about, generalistic and dismissive of other's emotional connections. Entitled and full of themselves, pseudo mind readers
Load More Replies... every single boss who calls maternity leave a "vacation" should be shamed.
Load More Replies... I know this post was supposed to be funny but the hate slinging in the comments just ruins it. It would honestly be great [imo] to just stop with any posts regarding kids at all bc the divisiveness is toxic at this point. [yes I know that won’t happen, it’s just discouraging how much we hate each other].
Some of this stuff is common sense, yet other items... if you don't have kids, how are you supposed to know?
all the anti baby people here, A) why did you even read this, and B) no one complains day in and day out, you are taking one example someone throws on the internet out of an 18 year commitment and taking it as gospel. Give me a break. There are good times and there are bad times. And all you anti baby people, if you don't have kids you don't get to have an opinion on the stress it may or may not put on someone. Not everyone knows exactly what's entailed. When I had my first one, no one told me about colic. No one told me about power shitting across the room lol. But you learn and you move on. but to chastise those having kids and being tired or frustrated, you have no idea. But the good (for me) far outweighed any bad.
Believe us people pester us all the time for not having kids, specially as a woman. My mil wouldnt stop asking me for years until I told her that my illneses make me basically infertile. My ebtire family doesnt respect my decision (they dont know about the infertility) and treat me as if I am a monster for not wanting then. I had a gyn shouting at me for not wanting kids "what about your husband?!". My last three gyns refuse to give me a hysterectomy that I need for medical reasons "because you will change your mind". The last one refused to give me a salpingectomy and make me sterile despite pregnancy being dangerous for me after the surgery that he pushed me to have (he didnt told me about the risks).
Load More Replies... 1. Nobody forced you to have kids. 2. If you're struggling with one, then don't have three or four. 3. If your spouse is a moron and you still chose to have kids with them, well... 4. People who don't have kids DO GET TIRED. They also HAVE PROBLEMS. Stop whining because, again, nobody forced you to have kids. 5. If your kids are brats, only the parents are to blame. Kids can't be expected to behave/learn/do things if no one teaches them. Also, if people feel like they're entitled to give you crap about your kids, it's because you allow them to do so.
Once had a friend who called unexpectedly during the afternoon crazies (you know that time of day). She scolded me for not keeping my 1 and 2-year old kids politely quiet while she was talking to me on the phone. “You need to get that under control,” she said. Then she had a kid. She called me to apologize one day, out of the blue, a few years later. By then my kids were old enough to know mommie was on the phone, and her kid was raising hell in the background.
