Parents Tell Their Daughter They’re Removing Her From The Will Because She Has No Kids, So She Ruins Their Holidays
Kids. Some folks want to have ‘em. Some folks don’t. Either way, it can be a sore and embarrassing topic of discussion with family members. Especially around the holidays. But if you think you’re feeling pressured to have kids by your loved ones, you’d better check again because things might not be as bad for you as for some.
Redditor Doesnotcontributes shared the story of how her entire family got into a massive argument before Christmas. Her parents wrote her out of their will because she was the only one of her three other siblings not having kids.
So in response, the woman demanded that her family members leave her house. Later, she let them know very clearly that she wouldn’t be hosting Christmas at her house this time. The redditor then turned to the ‘Am I the Assh*le’ subreddit for their advice whether she was justified in doing what she did.
A woman shared her story of how she ruined her family’s Christmas because her parents cut her out of the will
Image credits: Ken Mayer (not the actual photo)
Why did they do that? Well, their daughter wasn’t having kids
Image credits: doesnotcontributes
Doesnotcontributes’ post got removed from the subreddit because it breached the community’s rule on not posting revenge stories. However, the story can still be found hiding, lurking, deep in the dark corners of the internet (Twitter and Imgur).
The vast majority of redditors thought that Doesnotcontributes was not in the wrong and blamed her family for believing that the only way to ‘contribute’ is by having kids. However, some internet users thought that she could have responded more calmly. While others thought that the entire family was to blame.
The holiday season can be a rough time and cause a lot of arguments because of how different reality is from high expectations. According to Dr. Zoe Shaw, some parents can be very inflexible because they expect that each and every Christmas Eve and Christmas Day should be spent with the extended family, even when everyone’s all grown up. However, spending all that time just with your family can be exhausting. Everyone needs some basic boundaries and some time to be alone to unwind.
Meanwhile, Yesenia Almonte writes that telling your family members that you don’t want to have kids is especially difficult in some communities. For example, if you’re Hispanic, there are certain traditional expectations that you will create a family.
Dr. Ellen Walker explains that one of the best things that you can do if you don’t want to have kids is to have a clear and solid understanding of the reasons why you’re choosing to do what you do. She also suggests that when talking about your choices to others that you be assertive but not confrontational or trying to control the beliefs of others. After all, it’s not about being right; it’s about understanding one another.
The vast majority of people thought that the woman wasn’t in the wrong; the parents were
I have fertility issues and I am also the only one out of 4 children that has not/can not have children and the father saying that to her just p****s me off! It's so rude and just a load of c**p. Weather you choose to not have kids or can't have kids has nothing to do with contribution. I am so happy that her Husband backed her up without batting an eye. I know if I was in her shoes my husband and I would do the exact same as her. You don't need toxic people in your life even if they are family.
It makes me sick when I hear my coworker say her son is getting married so she can finally get grandchildren. If that is what you are shooting for then your priorities are all wrong. My wife and I have been married 9 years and with her fertility issues, my parents have NEVER said a word about us having kids. its never come up. I am so thankful for their understanding. Sounds like this woman is the ONLY good egg to come from that family.
Load More Replies...It is no one's business how many kids you do or don't have. There is no Biblical, moral, economic, societal, altruistic mandate or obligation to have kids or have a certain number of kids. END OF STORY!!!!
Not only that, but there were only 1 billion of us in 1800, 2 billion in 1930, and now we are going full steam towards 8 billion humans on our suffering planet. https://www.ecology.com/population-estimates-year-2050/
Load More Replies...I am so glad that my family accepted my decision to not have kids. The only one who actually asked more than once (read: twice) was my great-grandmother and I'm fairly sure she just forgot.
This should not have been kicked off a site for being a "revenge" story. This is a "setting boundaries" story.
She did right on throwing them all out of her house. But she should have also blocked all of them on her phone and on facebook. They all made it clear on that day that they think she's not a "worthy" family member so there's no need for them to be able to contact her anymore.
I find it ironic. Did it ever occur to the other families, that they were able to afford such a large house, because they didn't have to support kids? With family like that, you don't need many enemies... I shudder to think what would be the reaction if she was gay or married outside her race, if they shunned her just for not having kids....
I bet they would have 'dealt' with it if she married outside of her race, if there was kids involved. That's sad, it makes it seem that the mere presence of grandchildren is far more important to them than the needs and wants of their actual child. :(
Load More Replies...Woman are NOT baby machines! So Happy her hubby stepped up and stood by her side. what a bunch of a******s. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO HAVE CHILDREN IF THEY DO NOT WANT THEM. saying "Aww but what if she had fertility issues?" that isn't the point! No one should be forced to have children they do not want them.
So having a kid is contributing? What kind of Nineteenth century belief is this? I'm an only child on my 20s and I already told my parents I don't want to be a mother. They didn't even bat an eye - thankfully they aren't out of their minds like op's dad and siblings. What an ungrateful family she has.
It's almost like her Dad feels it makes him more important the more grandkids he has. Weird. Like you say, how is having a kid a "contribution"? Are they trying to build up a cult or something?
Load More Replies...I would have been meaner, as I wouldn't have told them about them not being invited for Christmas and gone on a trip fantasising about them banging on my door. Why should I contribute even by text?
Lingon, you win the internet today. I left BP and brooded involuntarily about the story while I cleaned up the kitchen. I not only agree with OP and applaud her spouse for backing her up - I think she could have gone further. The thing is this wasn't the first family rodeo! You KNOW there have been both large and small incidents building to this moment. Stand strong OP!
Load More Replies...It's a shame isn't it? When you are bought up to be an individual and independent and then you become an adult with your own ideas, but someone in the family doesn't like your perspective (what ever it is). Be you, be independent and be strong. Love and be loved by those who count.
I can't have kids and my brother has two. When we are all together I get totally ignored; my parents are only interested in my brother and their grandchildren. I usually cook for us all and I get left feeling like I'm just the hired help but without the pay cheque! It really annoys my partner to the point where we have decided I won't be going to stay next Christmas; I'm going to visit before spending time just the two of us. I hope that will stop me feeling so worthless and emotionally burnt out by the festive season.
Your parents are crazy to ignore you for not having children. Your partner is right. You just need to enjoy the holidays with someone who loves you no matter what.
Load More Replies...Damn entitled breeders. That's all jealousy: the childfree couple is doing amazingly with all the money and time and resources they can enjoy because they are childfree, the breeders want a piece of that during the holidays but then spit on it because they can't have the same lifestyle. Well get out of the house you entitled jealous brat.
I think the Parents or Grandparents in this situation are definitely "breeders". I don't use that term on everyone who has children, but on people who make having kids a condition of being part of the family or people who have an unreasonable amount of children. Especially in any Western nation there is no/little need to have a lot of kids, few families actually farm any longer and those who do use farm equipment for most of the labor as opposed to what farm life was like 50 or 100 years ago. Plus we have modern medicine which ensures most babies survive into adulthood and adults live longer too. Plus human overpopulation is causing animal species to go extinct at a scary pace. So yes, the family judging this childless couple are entirely "breeders" and no that is not a nice term!
Load More Replies...I wouldn't call this revenge--more like self-defense. No man, including a father, has the right to tell a woman she MUST have children. It's up to her, assuming she can have kids. If she wants them, she can decide (with her husband) to give it a go. I have had to distance myself from family members because they were too toxic to have in my life. It's healthier than pretending.
I agree. Just as no woman has the right to trick or pressure a man into having a child.
Load More Replies...This woman was 100% in the right to throw all of those rude and awful people out of her house. They had no right to treat her that and then expect everything to be cool. The father has some balls to spend every holiday in his daughter's home and then insult her for not having kids and her siblings just seem like little robots that do whatever they are programmed to do.
You don't owe your parents grandkids and they don't owe you their money or property.
The stupid thing is that there ISN'T any money to speak of. It was just a snotty move on her father's part. My grandmother used to threaten me with that all the time - and she DID have money. The funny thing was, she never had a will. Everything got split down the middle between my mother and her brother's kids (her brother died years ago). So much for the threats.
Load More Replies...I have 4 children and only one has chosen to have children. That's their right to have children or not.
Similar situation in my family. Much as my mother would have preferred to have more thane 2 grandchildren, she never nagged the 4 of us to produce them. She just asked me once if I planned to have any, so that she could adjust her own expectations. I thought that was pretty fair.
Load More Replies...Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship with them. If it's toxic, walk away.
Thank you! That’s a great story. I lost my husband two years ago & my daddy a year later. I had to deal with the most despicable family members who all thought they were entitled to things & had “rights”. First with my husbands crazy family then my sis and I, his only children, had to deal with our wack job family. I saw they were after stuff and $$. My husbands family, two days after he died I shut them down. I said, “I’m his wife of 35 years, I have all the rights & you have none. Now pass from my sight, lose my phone #, the mementos I was going to gift are off the table, I never want to see you again.” Daddy’s people, same thing. He wasn’t rich, but he left everything he had to me and sis. After my husband & that nightmare, I was ready for them. “Go away, I never want to see you again, if you come to my house I will immediately call 911.” Some thought I was harsh. I said “a*****e are a******s. Family? Those people harassed a widow & daughter, they’re nothing.“
I know what it's like to feel forced into having kids. It's a constant nagging from family and friends to "give your husband a baby", "have a child so someone will take care of you when you're old", "you have to have at least one", "you need to leave a legacy", and on and on. So eventually I gave in and am now dealing with a very painful and difficult pregnancy. I wish people would just let others live.
My parents will be very surprised when I send them to a retirement home. I cannot stand them even for a week, no way I am taking care of them. Why? They use to beat me a lot as a kid and still find it normal. They even told me they weren't beating me enough when I brought the topic. Obviously they made the kids very young and by pressure, and here is the result.
Load More Replies...I wanted to literally stand up and applaud OP for her reaction. GOOD. FOR. HER. And her husband. And ultimate shame and disgrace on the rest of the family. So, OP is good enough to host the holidays but not good enough to include in the will? They can line up and bite me.
After all, our job is to only breed, right? If we don’t breed we are looked at differently. Kids are not toys for grandparents. It is the biggest decision of your life. If you decide against it, people should respect it. Getting punished for it, shows ignorance and a complete lack of boundaries. I think a lot of families suffer from lack of boundaries. Being blood related does not give you the right to tell someone what to do and how to do it. Setting boundaries with my family was the hardest thing to do, but also the best thing. A lot of people still have a hard time with it but oh well.
I was not the favorite child in my family . . . but, when my parents grew old and sick, my siblings with family were not available. Because I was childless and unmarried, it was easy for me to change my life and care for them until they passed, in their own home, in as much comfort as I could manage. They willed me everything. My final parting words to my bro and sis were "Your children saw how you ditched your parents and never helped or went to see them. They have learned the life lesson that it will be okay to do that to you."
I'm glad your parents finally appreciated you.Your siblings contributed nothing, no time, no money, no help of any sort. In my family, we all contributed something when my mother was quite ill.
Load More Replies...Epitome of NTA. If my count is correct, she was hosting AT LEAST seven people (dad, three siblings, at least one child each, not counting spouses or Mom, who weren't mentioned), likely upwards of ten or twelve, with all of the labor and thought and planning that goes into it, and they say she doesn't contribute? Maybe her response was petty, but so was the dad basically cutting her out of the family for not having kids. There's nothing wrong with returning petty to sender. Using his words against them is just the icing on the cake. Good for her, and good on her husband for having her back. I hope she has lovely future holidays with people who actually appreciate her.
Nothing petty about it. Totally justified. Dad is a complete k**b.
Load More Replies...She was 100% right to throw their belongings into a pile. That is horrible for the family to do that to someone they supposedly love. What if she couldn’t get pregnant or what if she wasn’t married to a man and preferred being married to a woman (Sure she could adopt, IVF but that is her choice) or what if she wanted to be alone. That is her choice. She did the right thing and her response was valid.
Besides, what was she supposed to do: do the dirty laundry, fold it neatly, sort out everyone's stuff into family areas neatly? Fat chance! She said they'd trashed her house already--and not for the first time. Good riddance.
Load More Replies...We recently learned that we will not be sharing in anything when my hubby's parents die. Not even a memento off a shelf. Nope. Zero. Why? We don't have kids. We don't "need" anything. BTW, my hubby's parents have about $1M in assets. So we re-did our wills and left out my hubby's siblings and their kids. We don't have much, but by golly, it's not going *there* after *that* little CHristmas surprise a few weeks ago!
Children are not a "contribution" to the family you fools, they are human beings and some people do not feel they are capable of handling children, or else physically cannot have them. This father and those siblings have a backwards and ridiculously absurd way of thinking. Thank your daughter for the bloody hospitality, because if it was me, I'd do more than kick them out of my house.
I would not have commented on their christmas eve plans. I'd just have kept the door locked and let them knock. Her family sounds like a******s.
So NTA on this one. No one can treat you like c**p unless you let them and this woman had every right to tell everyone to gtfo. I admire her strength greatly. She turned out great despite her rotten family. I chose not to have kids, too. There are more ways to contribute to the world than contributing to its overpopulation.
Having a kid doesn't make u superior, it makes you insane. Get these people out of your lives. You don't need kids and more so, you don't need a family that requires you to have kids.
I'm so lucky my parents weren't a******s & respect my choice not to have children.
If my parents expected me to give them grandkids in order to inherit whatever they left for me in their will, I'd tell them to f**k off, and give money to an orphanage or something. I don't want or need the hassle of kids in my life just to get some c**p from old people after they die.
So having kids and being broke is a requirement in her family. One of the most cleansing things in the world is to tell those self-righteous members of your family where they can stick their old world mentality. My mother thought I should have stayed home and given up my life, remaining poor, so I could be a good housewife like she did. She's now divorced, on disability, mostly blind with none of her children wanting to visit her because of her self righteousness. And I'd want to be just like that because....? You did the right thing GF! Stand your ground!
I'm also a kind of second class person in my family due to not having children. (which was also not voluntarily). But it's been a lot more subtle and certainyl noone would cut me out of a will or anythign this drastic. I am applauding the woman for her extreme measures, especially right on the day. To have her host christmas for so mayn years, sit at her table and eat her food and then say she doe not contribute really is just astonishing!
I personally plan to have children but this story makes me so annoyed. This person was kind enough to share her home and host meals for her family numerous times. THAT is certainly contributing. In my family just being there and bringing a small dish is enough. I hope you don't let this ridiculous mindset get you down.
Clearly this family has never heard of unconditional love. Children and grandchildren are wonderful but they are not for everyone. What would happen to this world if we actually valued people for who they are?
The world would be a much better place and relationships would not get broken over things like this.
Load More Replies...I have never heard of a parent removing a child from a will for not procreating. But, it takes all types, I suppose. I'm glad the couple in question stood up to her family and tossed them out. I knew early on that having children was not for me. It was my choice and my parents were fine with it.
Maybe back in the day when it was important to reproduce. Not now, when overpopulation is one of the key causes of climate change, species loss and all the other huge environmental problems we are facing.
Load More Replies...My daughter and SIL are a 2-person family and I love them for it. 100% support their decision. This couple's family sound like total A-holes. Dad is a spiteful old control-freak and the sibs are spineless spongers. I do think, though, that kicking them out with a 1/2 hour notice is maybe a bit harsh, especially when small children are involved. Next day might have done? But maybe not. "Get-out-tomorrow" might have just led to another 18 hours of shouting and spite. Stick to your guns, girl. Your ungenerous family will never recognize your fundamental and open-hearted generosity in hosting them all those years.
Functional fun parents could have made it an adventure for the kids. "Pack your pjs kids and let's burn some rubber getting home to Fido!"" Okay. Maybe not.
Load More Replies...WTF??? Having children at demand? Are they Royals, to sternly demand descendants? I'd thrown away the entire family for good as well!
It is horrible how some families can only see things one way. They were clearly not thinking about how much work this poor woman was doing with each holiday to help make their holidays special. It has got to be the height of rudeness to blurt this out during dinner then she had to also go through those looks from all of them staring at her while they sat eating her food knowing she was not only providing them with food and lodging at that moment but they clearly assumed she was going to continue to do it. Whether she had chosen to wait to have children or decided it just wasn't right they were wrong to act like she was any less caring when it sounds like she was doing way more than they were! She probably should have sent each family member with an itemized bill for the times they took her contributions to the family for granted!
My parents have never expected this of me or my sister (she has two, anyway). They understand that my mental health must come first and the pressures of parenthood would be too much for me - as I have told them, and they accept this. They would rather me be happy and well, and I'm a fantastic aunty!
The parents are jerks... in fact sounds like the whole family is well worth "disposing" of.... these people don't deserve you. Attend no more "family" occasions - this isn't family, this is gestapo.
Obviously her siblings who agreed with their dad didn't realize their children, who might have been their aunt's heirs, probably can't expect anything in the future.
This went beyond the reprehensible "having kids" thing. He then sat there and disrespected her. Then her siblings also had the gall to SIT IN HER HOUSE and say she wasn't 'contributing'. She's far better off away from greedy immature breeders like that.
Funny thing is doesnotcontributes seems to be the richest of the family and with no kids guess where their inheritance was probably going. In many cases it goes to the nieces and nephews. I'm guessing it won't this time. Some lucky charity maybe.
I wonder how these parents would have treated an LGBTQ child? If you're not going to love your kids, don't have them.
To have your father tell you “you’re not having kids, you don’t contribute” is heartbreaking. More than that, after years of catering to her entire family, they’re telling her "you’re worthless". There is absolutely no reason this woman and her husband should ever feel obligated in anyway to care about those who treat her like she’s something to be discarded.
We have a saying here that you only are good with your family in pictures.
Dad and siblings don't know how to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and they took her hospitality for granted. Parents who attempt to manipulate their children with money are despicable.
Good on the couple. Having kids doesn’t define you. I have chosen not to have kids because I don’t want them. This doesn’t make me any less entitled to heirlooms or inheritance.
How is having kids contributing to anything? Kids cost so much money and sh1t. They're a pain in the @ss. Kids are the responsibility of the person having them, and if a person chooses to not take on that responsibility no one should say s**t. They're not the ones raising the kids.
A year or two after my son married, his father-in-law asked me what I thought about them not having kids yet. This is what i told him: "Not only is the subject not my business, but not yours either." They don't speak to her parents anymore over other things along with this. Parents of adult children have only one job, Love and Support. That's it.
This is so right on! Families that think progeny is productivity are f****d up. Good on this couple. Us childfree smart people need to stick together! Just wait until those parents are super old and their grandkids don't visit and other kids don't take care of them because they are too busy with their crotch nugs. This woman and her husband should block the family completely off!
I don't understand the feeling of wanting kids, even less grandchildren. But I get it's something a lot of people want to see and have but that shouldn't be a priority, especially when it's not your body and your life.
I'm fully behind her and her husband, but I doubt her family got the message.
I am an only child. I *HOPE* my kids (4) have children, but the language I use with them is 'if', not 'when'. You are not obliged to reproduce.
Sounds like a bunch of entitled a******s to me taking advantage of their daughter/sister. I’m sorry she’s related to them.
It's shocking to me that anybody could think that it is an obligation to have kids and to cut them out of their WILL for it? That's just absolutely ridiculous.
Really wish we could evolve to the point that parents did not harrass their kids about grandkids. Not everybody wants to be parents and then you have people who want them but can't and harassing them is just plain cruel!!!
I completely agree with the OP. Toxic families, especially how they just wanted to forget it what happened and have Christmas there. I have this with my family, although it’s not about kids. I learned not to have any holidays with them whatsoever. My kids and I celebrate ourselves without any drama.
While they are your parents and family, they do not deserve you, they have obviously been using your home and you and are ungrateful wretches. Sometimes we just have to ban toxic family from our lives to be happy and mentally healthy. Block all of them from your phone and social media. Enjoy your understanding husband and your home, and enjoy the life you have chosen and built for yourself. Just remember, you do not owe anyone anything and your happiness depends only on you.
Good for her! Only one of my four children has children, one isn't married or seeing anyone and the other two are childless by choice. I'm good with their decisions as it's not my business what they do. I love them all no matter what and just want them to be happy.
The OP is 100% correct. Having children is a choice. How dare her parents and siblings chastise her for not breeding. Best financial decision she and her hubby could have made.
Uh, I am from a large family. And I have many kids. But, despite everyone else in the family having their own situations my parents are giving it ALL to me. Now this sounds odd at first, but realize that my siblings all chose this too, and it is a simple reason: mom and dad do not want to break their hearts planning their death, so it will be up to me to fairly distribute the items because lord knows there wont be money. They essentially trust me. But, nowhere in ANY of that planning and discussions were any consideration on how any child contributed or not, via kids or money or effort. Love is the reason, never "contribution." Of note: I do not want this position, nor was I informed of it until years later. But I accept their reasoning.
Ugh when it comes to a parents will (or lack thereof) it turns people into a******s. I've seen it first hand with my dad's family. I feel what the dad said was pretty s****y' but it feels somehow worse that her siblings didn't defend her. Screw them...let them eat somewhere else.
The father was just using the only lever he had left in trying to control his daughter. The others were probably backing the idea that she should have kids but not the inheritance thing.
Wow. The nerve of the family who were LITERALLY STAYING IN HER HOME to say she didn't contribute! She might've been dramatic about it, but I fully support her actions. I can't believe they'd expect her to host again!
Bravo to this couple. They are part of a family of ungrateful A holes. They did the right thing by standing up to these jerks.
The best story I heard today.... like it and good luck to you my hero..... stay away from the family like I did and no regrets.
I agree with :B. Semisch. When clown parents tell their married children to have babies or be left out of their Will; the answer is: the door you came is still there.
Our 6 year old daughter has been telling me for about a year that she doesn't want to get married and that she doesn't want children either and I tell her every time "More important than anything else is that you are happy. No matter if with or without partnership/marriage or children" and she seems to be relieved every time that I don't try to convince her of something else.
my parents want me to grow up and start breeding because it's "selfish" to not do so. no way jose. you guys can slither away
I agree with all of you and I add: I don't think there was another solution for Christmas, there is always one. It's just that some people, expecially in the family area, give everything for granted, think they can throw s***t at you and then everything comes back to normal. They don't know what real love is, because real love is respecting and really caring about others. I hope they understand and in the meantime, I hope she finds a lot of grateful friends to spend time with.
First of all, it is completely no ones business. They are out of line even discussing it. Second, overpopulation is a real thing and we are running out of resources. Third, I hate to be such a buzz kill but with the way the world is now why would you bring an innocent life into it? War, murders, abductions, school shootings, shootings in general, corrupt governments, debt to get an education, famine, drought, climate change, toxic air and water etc. It seems glutinous and selfish to have children in this day and age.
I know I am late to responding to your comment, but you are not being a buzzkill. There are too many horrible things happening in the world for there to be more innocent lives being forced to endure it.
Load More Replies...Lady, your family sounds like a bunch of snobby twats. You'd be better off without that negativity it your life.
How rude, nasty, control freak Dad, greedy sibs...yatta, bleh. I do understand most of unspoken agenda in the tale of Thanksgiving past and Christ birthday future. 2 sibs live at parent's place in town. One left for a few years and the other for less than a year. Too many issues with it all for getting into so I'll stick to one brought up in sad story. Inheritance has NOT a darn thing to do with happenstance of being born into the nuclear family. It has to do with what a dead parent/step parent may leave you for whatever reason. There is no right of inheritance. The costs inherent when a child barely leaves the nest for decades add up and rarely are considered. Should one build and reside in a home never permitted things get REALLY untenable if/when insurance, tenancy and stress become voided. When the locale is offering NO PENALTIES for small home never permitted, inspected, insured and adult sib refuses to deal with issue there should be ramifications. Same for other living there
has extreme champagne tastes on Mom's widows funds. Trying really hard to stay on proper side of not a revenge thing and avboout to dance on the line. house issue at 2500usd daily from date of notice +/- 18 months ago, could take both houses and the 2.5 acres they sit on in Silicon Valley. Might get our ranch about 15 minutes into hills from that site. And that would send patho truth challenged I married, built homes on both coasts for, moved to Belgium then worked under table with. Had a gorgeous bebe grrl with her while in NJ. We'd discussed perhaps having another child 5 or so years after moving back to California. Then the miracle twins, grrl/boy 1ea were conceived at some time or other. Most likely 2 egg omelet with left overs for bound person. Boyo enjoys well handling fast cars and totals them after using college fund for down payment. Grrl twin apparently is much more self directed and well educated than any parent. Quite the snafu this lifetime of penury4me. It is what it mystic1-5e...7279a8.jpg
Load More Replies...This world os in dire trouble thanks to overpopulation, and they want to force someone to add more children into this world against their wishes? And being taken for granted sucks. Bye bye selfish family.
WTF is wrong with some people?? Her parents sound like they should never have had children! I could never, ever say anything like that to any of my 3 children. I have never asked my adult children and their partners about having children, that is one of the most private questions.I know which of them want kids,they have told me when they were younger but when they have them is their and their partners business.
I am absolutely disgusted. How dare a family impose sanctions on a member because that member and husband choose not to have children. By today's standard I myself would also think twice and stuff the world it is for all accounts and purposes it is their decision to make . I would not have them back either. After the years of supplying them and offering them all the hospitality of your home and they do this? I too would have called a halt. I think this is the most disgraceful thing I have ever read. Stick to this and do not give in their are people who would appreciate getting together with you and they are probably not family but they would be more like it. I Have rarely had a family christmas in years my family are not interested in what I do. I never ever get invited to their houses any more. I am a widow and I just do it for myself, believe it though it is not fair or right, but I do not see why I should do all the travelling each year .
I am the youngest of 3 and I have NEVER been pressured into having children. Quite rightly my Mother says if you don't want them more than anything else in the world 110% and can live with anything and everything they come with DONT HAVE THEM. You can't give them back to anyone when it gets hard because they are yours. They are a total disruption to your life and the expense is astronomical and don't even think about it if you can't calm down a screaming child without loosing your cool. Parenthood is the hardest job in the world. If you can't do it or don't want to do it. DONT DO IT.
My mother demanded to know when I was giving her grandchildren. I told her my brother had already given her 4; that was enough. She replied it wasn't the same (he's out-of-state, I'm not.) So I replied, "With or without a husband?" (I wasn't married then, and I'm still not.) Shocked, she said, With, of course!" (She was born in 1916; it's instinctive. She also sent me to college to catch a doctor...) My response was, "Then don't hold your breath." She finally got the idea and stopped harassing me.
If my family had DAINED to say that, I would have been snarky AF and asked for a donor uterus, or a bajillion dollars for fertility treatments! JFC, people just don’t get it. It’s NO ONE’s business if you have children or not. Family therapy for the hateful parents and siblings is definitely in order!
So the family has 3 other kids? They are all presumably having kids? What's the problem?
My husband and I have two and after our second we both agreed that we're done. He had a vasectomy to more or less "seal the deal." He had the procedure 2 years ago and his family and my family are aware we had that done. His sister, cousins and uncles STILL ask when we're going to have another one! It bothers me bc they KNOW he had that procedure done. Bothers me most when my SIL asks bc she used to get soooo mad when their parents/uncles/aunts would ask when she was going to have her first child!! Like we already have TWO?! I'd love to have a soccer team's worth of kids but It's just not happening.
I think your relatives are just trying to be annoying. They know that he had the procedure and that it's a done deal, they just like to bringing it up.
Load More Replies...I spent time trying to say what I think about this but I'm a tad speechless...I seriously think they should get therapy because if they think having children makes a "contribution" then they some mental issues. Like people say, THEY'RE HUMAN BEINGS! If all of her siblings have children (at least 2)...Then I assure you her parents will have enough descendants to continue their family name (if that's what their worried about). Seriously...I would block my entire family and move to the other side of the country if they did that to me!
How awful. What if they couldn't have kids, for health reasons and dealt with that between them. How painful will that have been. I love how they are a team though. (Ps. Am I the only one thinking that of all the family members.. this lady should have procreated and not the rest? Her set of genes seem far superior to her siblings.. (yeah I know.. they in theory have the same set - but obviously not))
Absolutely disgusting. Not ALL women choose to her mothers and god forbid the lady or her husband do have a medical reason. Sounds to me like the dad is a bit of a control freak. As for NOT CONTRIBUTING exactly WHOS house were they all freeloading in. Good for her. I'd have fkd their stuff in the garden after inviting them all outside then went in and locked my door. I would also have had them arrested for trespass if they weren't gone by the stipulated time. Would love to have seen their faces when they had to cook AND look after their own offspring hahahahaha brilliant
Anything can procreate - it's not special. Many of us don't feel the penury to bring more children into this world. Enough of my family’s DNA is out in the world without the necessity for me to spawn more mouths and resources to feed. Nor does my ego require a copy of oneself to express love, empathy or kindness.
There's plenty of blame to go around. The father was being a jerk. The mature thing to have done was let it go on Thanksgiving evening. Not kick them all out with 30 minutes notice. After thanksgiving have a private conversation with the father for clarification. If the father was sticking to his posistion then that would have been the time to indicate, if grandchildren are the only measure you use father and don't consider anything else we do as contributing to the family then we will just stop doing those things and then sticking to that position until they came around to a better way of thinking. Sounds like they'd be better off without that toxic dump of a family.
I don't have kids by choice either - I doubt most realize just how expensive carpet-crawlers really are or how much you actually have to sacrifice for them - but I have had a similar experience with family ... sad as it is, I have been out their orbit for so long now, and just so little a part of that family that I doubt I will ever see any of them again - I hear they are still all out for their own gain and quite willing to screw over the closest next person in line, and with what it has cost me both physically, mentally and financially, I stood to lose a lot more by foolishly sticking it out and staying around - their loss and their's alone.
Parents should understand that their kids are theirs until they die or their kids do. If they want their kids to be nice to them when in old age or sick, they should give them a reason to NOT to toss them away at a nursing home.
I don't own my home (renter), I don't have kids nor a career so an aunt once told me I didn't achieve anything/I'm worthless because I don't have at least one of the above and all of my brothers have at least children or own a house, so they are better than me. She was very smug about that too. Never mind that one of my brothers was unable to give his children a stable and happy home, he was still above me. Strangely, when there is a family function, I make sure not to sit next to her and she doesn't understand why.
I always thought my family was whack-a-doo until Reddit. Good Lord for all of our crazy we do truly love each other and don't go out of our way to purposely hurt a parent or sibling. And I thought families with adult children did potluck holidays. Maybe that's just us. We all have things we're fantastic at making and at every holiday gathering we contribute that item.
Completely agree with the couple. They were well within their rights to throw that ungrateful bunch out the door. I agree with another poster. Family isn't always about blood; it's about those whom you choose to have in your life.
You go girl! You and your hubby definitely did the right thing. What the hell is wrong with that family? They can't expect everyone to want children. Your children do not "owe" you any grandchildren and if you're going to be petty about it, don't be surprised when it hits you back in the face.
My only child does not want children, of course I would have loved a grandchild, but it's not my decision, when it comes down to it I just want HER to be happy with her life.
"...one of the best things that you can do if you don’t want to have kids is to have a clear and solid understanding of the reasons why you’re choosing to do what you do." Bullshit. I don't want children because I don't want children, period, I (nor anyone else) don't need to justify my choices. No one is asking people why they want children, why should the opposite happen?
This story is so troubling on so many levels! No one, including your parents has the right to tell you that you must have children. If you don't want children and they don't like it, they are quite honestly not people you need in your life. I have gone through some pretty tough times with my family and ultimately decided they were making me feel worse about myself then I ever had (I'm hard enough on myself). I finally simply started focusing on the people who treated me with love and gave as much as I did in return when it came to caring. As a side note, I am a widow with one son. He is gay, and has made it very clear that he has no desire to have children with his partner. Does this hurt me deep down? Yes, I always envisioned myself having grandchildren running around. However I would NEVER tell anyone to have children that don't want them. I grew up in a large family of 11. It was not a happy upbringing! I would not attend any further celebrations.
I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to have kids. The world's overpopulated already and they aren't for everyone.
Yet another example of how so many Americans have the mentality of the dark ages. In Europe, the dark ages ended about 500 years ago.
Stop American bashing. Fairly sure there are stupid, selfish fools in every country on the planet.
Load More Replies...She should have stayed silent when they were talking about going to het house for Christmas, letting them assume it was ok to come. Then invite her husband's family and decorate and go all out and then when her family showed up say sorry! No room!
I have fertility issues and I am also the only one out of 4 children that has not/can not have children and the father saying that to her just p****s me off! It's so rude and just a load of c**p. Weather you choose to not have kids or can't have kids has nothing to do with contribution. I am so happy that her Husband backed her up without batting an eye. I know if I was in her shoes my husband and I would do the exact same as her. You don't need toxic people in your life even if they are family.
It makes me sick when I hear my coworker say her son is getting married so she can finally get grandchildren. If that is what you are shooting for then your priorities are all wrong. My wife and I have been married 9 years and with her fertility issues, my parents have NEVER said a word about us having kids. its never come up. I am so thankful for their understanding. Sounds like this woman is the ONLY good egg to come from that family.
Load More Replies...It is no one's business how many kids you do or don't have. There is no Biblical, moral, economic, societal, altruistic mandate or obligation to have kids or have a certain number of kids. END OF STORY!!!!
Not only that, but there were only 1 billion of us in 1800, 2 billion in 1930, and now we are going full steam towards 8 billion humans on our suffering planet. https://www.ecology.com/population-estimates-year-2050/
Load More Replies...I am so glad that my family accepted my decision to not have kids. The only one who actually asked more than once (read: twice) was my great-grandmother and I'm fairly sure she just forgot.
This should not have been kicked off a site for being a "revenge" story. This is a "setting boundaries" story.
She did right on throwing them all out of her house. But she should have also blocked all of them on her phone and on facebook. They all made it clear on that day that they think she's not a "worthy" family member so there's no need for them to be able to contact her anymore.
I find it ironic. Did it ever occur to the other families, that they were able to afford such a large house, because they didn't have to support kids? With family like that, you don't need many enemies... I shudder to think what would be the reaction if she was gay or married outside her race, if they shunned her just for not having kids....
I bet they would have 'dealt' with it if she married outside of her race, if there was kids involved. That's sad, it makes it seem that the mere presence of grandchildren is far more important to them than the needs and wants of their actual child. :(
Load More Replies...Woman are NOT baby machines! So Happy her hubby stepped up and stood by her side. what a bunch of a******s. NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO HAVE CHILDREN IF THEY DO NOT WANT THEM. saying "Aww but what if she had fertility issues?" that isn't the point! No one should be forced to have children they do not want them.
So having a kid is contributing? What kind of Nineteenth century belief is this? I'm an only child on my 20s and I already told my parents I don't want to be a mother. They didn't even bat an eye - thankfully they aren't out of their minds like op's dad and siblings. What an ungrateful family she has.
It's almost like her Dad feels it makes him more important the more grandkids he has. Weird. Like you say, how is having a kid a "contribution"? Are they trying to build up a cult or something?
Load More Replies...I would have been meaner, as I wouldn't have told them about them not being invited for Christmas and gone on a trip fantasising about them banging on my door. Why should I contribute even by text?
Lingon, you win the internet today. I left BP and brooded involuntarily about the story while I cleaned up the kitchen. I not only agree with OP and applaud her spouse for backing her up - I think she could have gone further. The thing is this wasn't the first family rodeo! You KNOW there have been both large and small incidents building to this moment. Stand strong OP!
Load More Replies...It's a shame isn't it? When you are bought up to be an individual and independent and then you become an adult with your own ideas, but someone in the family doesn't like your perspective (what ever it is). Be you, be independent and be strong. Love and be loved by those who count.
I can't have kids and my brother has two. When we are all together I get totally ignored; my parents are only interested in my brother and their grandchildren. I usually cook for us all and I get left feeling like I'm just the hired help but without the pay cheque! It really annoys my partner to the point where we have decided I won't be going to stay next Christmas; I'm going to visit before spending time just the two of us. I hope that will stop me feeling so worthless and emotionally burnt out by the festive season.
Your parents are crazy to ignore you for not having children. Your partner is right. You just need to enjoy the holidays with someone who loves you no matter what.
Load More Replies...Damn entitled breeders. That's all jealousy: the childfree couple is doing amazingly with all the money and time and resources they can enjoy because they are childfree, the breeders want a piece of that during the holidays but then spit on it because they can't have the same lifestyle. Well get out of the house you entitled jealous brat.
I think the Parents or Grandparents in this situation are definitely "breeders". I don't use that term on everyone who has children, but on people who make having kids a condition of being part of the family or people who have an unreasonable amount of children. Especially in any Western nation there is no/little need to have a lot of kids, few families actually farm any longer and those who do use farm equipment for most of the labor as opposed to what farm life was like 50 or 100 years ago. Plus we have modern medicine which ensures most babies survive into adulthood and adults live longer too. Plus human overpopulation is causing animal species to go extinct at a scary pace. So yes, the family judging this childless couple are entirely "breeders" and no that is not a nice term!
Load More Replies...I wouldn't call this revenge--more like self-defense. No man, including a father, has the right to tell a woman she MUST have children. It's up to her, assuming she can have kids. If she wants them, she can decide (with her husband) to give it a go. I have had to distance myself from family members because they were too toxic to have in my life. It's healthier than pretending.
I agree. Just as no woman has the right to trick or pressure a man into having a child.
Load More Replies...This woman was 100% in the right to throw all of those rude and awful people out of her house. They had no right to treat her that and then expect everything to be cool. The father has some balls to spend every holiday in his daughter's home and then insult her for not having kids and her siblings just seem like little robots that do whatever they are programmed to do.
You don't owe your parents grandkids and they don't owe you their money or property.
The stupid thing is that there ISN'T any money to speak of. It was just a snotty move on her father's part. My grandmother used to threaten me with that all the time - and she DID have money. The funny thing was, she never had a will. Everything got split down the middle between my mother and her brother's kids (her brother died years ago). So much for the threats.
Load More Replies...I have 4 children and only one has chosen to have children. That's their right to have children or not.
Similar situation in my family. Much as my mother would have preferred to have more thane 2 grandchildren, she never nagged the 4 of us to produce them. She just asked me once if I planned to have any, so that she could adjust her own expectations. I thought that was pretty fair.
Load More Replies...Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean that you have to have a relationship with them. If it's toxic, walk away.
Thank you! That’s a great story. I lost my husband two years ago & my daddy a year later. I had to deal with the most despicable family members who all thought they were entitled to things & had “rights”. First with my husbands crazy family then my sis and I, his only children, had to deal with our wack job family. I saw they were after stuff and $$. My husbands family, two days after he died I shut them down. I said, “I’m his wife of 35 years, I have all the rights & you have none. Now pass from my sight, lose my phone #, the mementos I was going to gift are off the table, I never want to see you again.” Daddy’s people, same thing. He wasn’t rich, but he left everything he had to me and sis. After my husband & that nightmare, I was ready for them. “Go away, I never want to see you again, if you come to my house I will immediately call 911.” Some thought I was harsh. I said “a*****e are a******s. Family? Those people harassed a widow & daughter, they’re nothing.“
I know what it's like to feel forced into having kids. It's a constant nagging from family and friends to "give your husband a baby", "have a child so someone will take care of you when you're old", "you have to have at least one", "you need to leave a legacy", and on and on. So eventually I gave in and am now dealing with a very painful and difficult pregnancy. I wish people would just let others live.
My parents will be very surprised when I send them to a retirement home. I cannot stand them even for a week, no way I am taking care of them. Why? They use to beat me a lot as a kid and still find it normal. They even told me they weren't beating me enough when I brought the topic. Obviously they made the kids very young and by pressure, and here is the result.
Load More Replies...I wanted to literally stand up and applaud OP for her reaction. GOOD. FOR. HER. And her husband. And ultimate shame and disgrace on the rest of the family. So, OP is good enough to host the holidays but not good enough to include in the will? They can line up and bite me.
After all, our job is to only breed, right? If we don’t breed we are looked at differently. Kids are not toys for grandparents. It is the biggest decision of your life. If you decide against it, people should respect it. Getting punished for it, shows ignorance and a complete lack of boundaries. I think a lot of families suffer from lack of boundaries. Being blood related does not give you the right to tell someone what to do and how to do it. Setting boundaries with my family was the hardest thing to do, but also the best thing. A lot of people still have a hard time with it but oh well.
I was not the favorite child in my family . . . but, when my parents grew old and sick, my siblings with family were not available. Because I was childless and unmarried, it was easy for me to change my life and care for them until they passed, in their own home, in as much comfort as I could manage. They willed me everything. My final parting words to my bro and sis were "Your children saw how you ditched your parents and never helped or went to see them. They have learned the life lesson that it will be okay to do that to you."
I'm glad your parents finally appreciated you.Your siblings contributed nothing, no time, no money, no help of any sort. In my family, we all contributed something when my mother was quite ill.
Load More Replies...Epitome of NTA. If my count is correct, she was hosting AT LEAST seven people (dad, three siblings, at least one child each, not counting spouses or Mom, who weren't mentioned), likely upwards of ten or twelve, with all of the labor and thought and planning that goes into it, and they say she doesn't contribute? Maybe her response was petty, but so was the dad basically cutting her out of the family for not having kids. There's nothing wrong with returning petty to sender. Using his words against them is just the icing on the cake. Good for her, and good on her husband for having her back. I hope she has lovely future holidays with people who actually appreciate her.
Nothing petty about it. Totally justified. Dad is a complete k**b.
Load More Replies...She was 100% right to throw their belongings into a pile. That is horrible for the family to do that to someone they supposedly love. What if she couldn’t get pregnant or what if she wasn’t married to a man and preferred being married to a woman (Sure she could adopt, IVF but that is her choice) or what if she wanted to be alone. That is her choice. She did the right thing and her response was valid.
Besides, what was she supposed to do: do the dirty laundry, fold it neatly, sort out everyone's stuff into family areas neatly? Fat chance! She said they'd trashed her house already--and not for the first time. Good riddance.
Load More Replies...We recently learned that we will not be sharing in anything when my hubby's parents die. Not even a memento off a shelf. Nope. Zero. Why? We don't have kids. We don't "need" anything. BTW, my hubby's parents have about $1M in assets. So we re-did our wills and left out my hubby's siblings and their kids. We don't have much, but by golly, it's not going *there* after *that* little CHristmas surprise a few weeks ago!
Children are not a "contribution" to the family you fools, they are human beings and some people do not feel they are capable of handling children, or else physically cannot have them. This father and those siblings have a backwards and ridiculously absurd way of thinking. Thank your daughter for the bloody hospitality, because if it was me, I'd do more than kick them out of my house.
I would not have commented on their christmas eve plans. I'd just have kept the door locked and let them knock. Her family sounds like a******s.
So NTA on this one. No one can treat you like c**p unless you let them and this woman had every right to tell everyone to gtfo. I admire her strength greatly. She turned out great despite her rotten family. I chose not to have kids, too. There are more ways to contribute to the world than contributing to its overpopulation.
Having a kid doesn't make u superior, it makes you insane. Get these people out of your lives. You don't need kids and more so, you don't need a family that requires you to have kids.
I'm so lucky my parents weren't a******s & respect my choice not to have children.
If my parents expected me to give them grandkids in order to inherit whatever they left for me in their will, I'd tell them to f**k off, and give money to an orphanage or something. I don't want or need the hassle of kids in my life just to get some c**p from old people after they die.
So having kids and being broke is a requirement in her family. One of the most cleansing things in the world is to tell those self-righteous members of your family where they can stick their old world mentality. My mother thought I should have stayed home and given up my life, remaining poor, so I could be a good housewife like she did. She's now divorced, on disability, mostly blind with none of her children wanting to visit her because of her self righteousness. And I'd want to be just like that because....? You did the right thing GF! Stand your ground!
I'm also a kind of second class person in my family due to not having children. (which was also not voluntarily). But it's been a lot more subtle and certainyl noone would cut me out of a will or anythign this drastic. I am applauding the woman for her extreme measures, especially right on the day. To have her host christmas for so mayn years, sit at her table and eat her food and then say she doe not contribute really is just astonishing!
I personally plan to have children but this story makes me so annoyed. This person was kind enough to share her home and host meals for her family numerous times. THAT is certainly contributing. In my family just being there and bringing a small dish is enough. I hope you don't let this ridiculous mindset get you down.
Clearly this family has never heard of unconditional love. Children and grandchildren are wonderful but they are not for everyone. What would happen to this world if we actually valued people for who they are?
The world would be a much better place and relationships would not get broken over things like this.
Load More Replies...I have never heard of a parent removing a child from a will for not procreating. But, it takes all types, I suppose. I'm glad the couple in question stood up to her family and tossed them out. I knew early on that having children was not for me. It was my choice and my parents were fine with it.
Maybe back in the day when it was important to reproduce. Not now, when overpopulation is one of the key causes of climate change, species loss and all the other huge environmental problems we are facing.
Load More Replies...My daughter and SIL are a 2-person family and I love them for it. 100% support their decision. This couple's family sound like total A-holes. Dad is a spiteful old control-freak and the sibs are spineless spongers. I do think, though, that kicking them out with a 1/2 hour notice is maybe a bit harsh, especially when small children are involved. Next day might have done? But maybe not. "Get-out-tomorrow" might have just led to another 18 hours of shouting and spite. Stick to your guns, girl. Your ungenerous family will never recognize your fundamental and open-hearted generosity in hosting them all those years.
Functional fun parents could have made it an adventure for the kids. "Pack your pjs kids and let's burn some rubber getting home to Fido!"" Okay. Maybe not.
Load More Replies...WTF??? Having children at demand? Are they Royals, to sternly demand descendants? I'd thrown away the entire family for good as well!
It is horrible how some families can only see things one way. They were clearly not thinking about how much work this poor woman was doing with each holiday to help make their holidays special. It has got to be the height of rudeness to blurt this out during dinner then she had to also go through those looks from all of them staring at her while they sat eating her food knowing she was not only providing them with food and lodging at that moment but they clearly assumed she was going to continue to do it. Whether she had chosen to wait to have children or decided it just wasn't right they were wrong to act like she was any less caring when it sounds like she was doing way more than they were! She probably should have sent each family member with an itemized bill for the times they took her contributions to the family for granted!
My parents have never expected this of me or my sister (she has two, anyway). They understand that my mental health must come first and the pressures of parenthood would be too much for me - as I have told them, and they accept this. They would rather me be happy and well, and I'm a fantastic aunty!
The parents are jerks... in fact sounds like the whole family is well worth "disposing" of.... these people don't deserve you. Attend no more "family" occasions - this isn't family, this is gestapo.
Obviously her siblings who agreed with their dad didn't realize their children, who might have been their aunt's heirs, probably can't expect anything in the future.
This went beyond the reprehensible "having kids" thing. He then sat there and disrespected her. Then her siblings also had the gall to SIT IN HER HOUSE and say she wasn't 'contributing'. She's far better off away from greedy immature breeders like that.
Funny thing is doesnotcontributes seems to be the richest of the family and with no kids guess where their inheritance was probably going. In many cases it goes to the nieces and nephews. I'm guessing it won't this time. Some lucky charity maybe.
I wonder how these parents would have treated an LGBTQ child? If you're not going to love your kids, don't have them.
To have your father tell you “you’re not having kids, you don’t contribute” is heartbreaking. More than that, after years of catering to her entire family, they’re telling her "you’re worthless". There is absolutely no reason this woman and her husband should ever feel obligated in anyway to care about those who treat her like she’s something to be discarded.
We have a saying here that you only are good with your family in pictures.
Dad and siblings don't know how to MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS and they took her hospitality for granted. Parents who attempt to manipulate their children with money are despicable.
Good on the couple. Having kids doesn’t define you. I have chosen not to have kids because I don’t want them. This doesn’t make me any less entitled to heirlooms or inheritance.
How is having kids contributing to anything? Kids cost so much money and sh1t. They're a pain in the @ss. Kids are the responsibility of the person having them, and if a person chooses to not take on that responsibility no one should say s**t. They're not the ones raising the kids.
A year or two after my son married, his father-in-law asked me what I thought about them not having kids yet. This is what i told him: "Not only is the subject not my business, but not yours either." They don't speak to her parents anymore over other things along with this. Parents of adult children have only one job, Love and Support. That's it.
This is so right on! Families that think progeny is productivity are f****d up. Good on this couple. Us childfree smart people need to stick together! Just wait until those parents are super old and their grandkids don't visit and other kids don't take care of them because they are too busy with their crotch nugs. This woman and her husband should block the family completely off!
I don't understand the feeling of wanting kids, even less grandchildren. But I get it's something a lot of people want to see and have but that shouldn't be a priority, especially when it's not your body and your life.
I'm fully behind her and her husband, but I doubt her family got the message.
I am an only child. I *HOPE* my kids (4) have children, but the language I use with them is 'if', not 'when'. You are not obliged to reproduce.
Sounds like a bunch of entitled a******s to me taking advantage of their daughter/sister. I’m sorry she’s related to them.
It's shocking to me that anybody could think that it is an obligation to have kids and to cut them out of their WILL for it? That's just absolutely ridiculous.
Really wish we could evolve to the point that parents did not harrass their kids about grandkids. Not everybody wants to be parents and then you have people who want them but can't and harassing them is just plain cruel!!!
I completely agree with the OP. Toxic families, especially how they just wanted to forget it what happened and have Christmas there. I have this with my family, although it’s not about kids. I learned not to have any holidays with them whatsoever. My kids and I celebrate ourselves without any drama.
While they are your parents and family, they do not deserve you, they have obviously been using your home and you and are ungrateful wretches. Sometimes we just have to ban toxic family from our lives to be happy and mentally healthy. Block all of them from your phone and social media. Enjoy your understanding husband and your home, and enjoy the life you have chosen and built for yourself. Just remember, you do not owe anyone anything and your happiness depends only on you.
Good for her! Only one of my four children has children, one isn't married or seeing anyone and the other two are childless by choice. I'm good with their decisions as it's not my business what they do. I love them all no matter what and just want them to be happy.
The OP is 100% correct. Having children is a choice. How dare her parents and siblings chastise her for not breeding. Best financial decision she and her hubby could have made.
Uh, I am from a large family. And I have many kids. But, despite everyone else in the family having their own situations my parents are giving it ALL to me. Now this sounds odd at first, but realize that my siblings all chose this too, and it is a simple reason: mom and dad do not want to break their hearts planning their death, so it will be up to me to fairly distribute the items because lord knows there wont be money. They essentially trust me. But, nowhere in ANY of that planning and discussions were any consideration on how any child contributed or not, via kids or money or effort. Love is the reason, never "contribution." Of note: I do not want this position, nor was I informed of it until years later. But I accept their reasoning.
Ugh when it comes to a parents will (or lack thereof) it turns people into a******s. I've seen it first hand with my dad's family. I feel what the dad said was pretty s****y' but it feels somehow worse that her siblings didn't defend her. Screw them...let them eat somewhere else.
The father was just using the only lever he had left in trying to control his daughter. The others were probably backing the idea that she should have kids but not the inheritance thing.
Wow. The nerve of the family who were LITERALLY STAYING IN HER HOME to say she didn't contribute! She might've been dramatic about it, but I fully support her actions. I can't believe they'd expect her to host again!
Bravo to this couple. They are part of a family of ungrateful A holes. They did the right thing by standing up to these jerks.
The best story I heard today.... like it and good luck to you my hero..... stay away from the family like I did and no regrets.
I agree with :B. Semisch. When clown parents tell their married children to have babies or be left out of their Will; the answer is: the door you came is still there.
Our 6 year old daughter has been telling me for about a year that she doesn't want to get married and that she doesn't want children either and I tell her every time "More important than anything else is that you are happy. No matter if with or without partnership/marriage or children" and she seems to be relieved every time that I don't try to convince her of something else.
my parents want me to grow up and start breeding because it's "selfish" to not do so. no way jose. you guys can slither away
I agree with all of you and I add: I don't think there was another solution for Christmas, there is always one. It's just that some people, expecially in the family area, give everything for granted, think they can throw s***t at you and then everything comes back to normal. They don't know what real love is, because real love is respecting and really caring about others. I hope they understand and in the meantime, I hope she finds a lot of grateful friends to spend time with.
First of all, it is completely no ones business. They are out of line even discussing it. Second, overpopulation is a real thing and we are running out of resources. Third, I hate to be such a buzz kill but with the way the world is now why would you bring an innocent life into it? War, murders, abductions, school shootings, shootings in general, corrupt governments, debt to get an education, famine, drought, climate change, toxic air and water etc. It seems glutinous and selfish to have children in this day and age.
I know I am late to responding to your comment, but you are not being a buzzkill. There are too many horrible things happening in the world for there to be more innocent lives being forced to endure it.
Load More Replies...Lady, your family sounds like a bunch of snobby twats. You'd be better off without that negativity it your life.
How rude, nasty, control freak Dad, greedy sibs...yatta, bleh. I do understand most of unspoken agenda in the tale of Thanksgiving past and Christ birthday future. 2 sibs live at parent's place in town. One left for a few years and the other for less than a year. Too many issues with it all for getting into so I'll stick to one brought up in sad story. Inheritance has NOT a darn thing to do with happenstance of being born into the nuclear family. It has to do with what a dead parent/step parent may leave you for whatever reason. There is no right of inheritance. The costs inherent when a child barely leaves the nest for decades add up and rarely are considered. Should one build and reside in a home never permitted things get REALLY untenable if/when insurance, tenancy and stress become voided. When the locale is offering NO PENALTIES for small home never permitted, inspected, insured and adult sib refuses to deal with issue there should be ramifications. Same for other living there
has extreme champagne tastes on Mom's widows funds. Trying really hard to stay on proper side of not a revenge thing and avboout to dance on the line. house issue at 2500usd daily from date of notice +/- 18 months ago, could take both houses and the 2.5 acres they sit on in Silicon Valley. Might get our ranch about 15 minutes into hills from that site. And that would send patho truth challenged I married, built homes on both coasts for, moved to Belgium then worked under table with. Had a gorgeous bebe grrl with her while in NJ. We'd discussed perhaps having another child 5 or so years after moving back to California. Then the miracle twins, grrl/boy 1ea were conceived at some time or other. Most likely 2 egg omelet with left overs for bound person. Boyo enjoys well handling fast cars and totals them after using college fund for down payment. Grrl twin apparently is much more self directed and well educated than any parent. Quite the snafu this lifetime of penury4me. It is what it mystic1-5e...7279a8.jpg
Load More Replies...This world os in dire trouble thanks to overpopulation, and they want to force someone to add more children into this world against their wishes? And being taken for granted sucks. Bye bye selfish family.
WTF is wrong with some people?? Her parents sound like they should never have had children! I could never, ever say anything like that to any of my 3 children. I have never asked my adult children and their partners about having children, that is one of the most private questions.I know which of them want kids,they have told me when they were younger but when they have them is their and their partners business.
I am absolutely disgusted. How dare a family impose sanctions on a member because that member and husband choose not to have children. By today's standard I myself would also think twice and stuff the world it is for all accounts and purposes it is their decision to make . I would not have them back either. After the years of supplying them and offering them all the hospitality of your home and they do this? I too would have called a halt. I think this is the most disgraceful thing I have ever read. Stick to this and do not give in their are people who would appreciate getting together with you and they are probably not family but they would be more like it. I Have rarely had a family christmas in years my family are not interested in what I do. I never ever get invited to their houses any more. I am a widow and I just do it for myself, believe it though it is not fair or right, but I do not see why I should do all the travelling each year .
I am the youngest of 3 and I have NEVER been pressured into having children. Quite rightly my Mother says if you don't want them more than anything else in the world 110% and can live with anything and everything they come with DONT HAVE THEM. You can't give them back to anyone when it gets hard because they are yours. They are a total disruption to your life and the expense is astronomical and don't even think about it if you can't calm down a screaming child without loosing your cool. Parenthood is the hardest job in the world. If you can't do it or don't want to do it. DONT DO IT.
My mother demanded to know when I was giving her grandchildren. I told her my brother had already given her 4; that was enough. She replied it wasn't the same (he's out-of-state, I'm not.) So I replied, "With or without a husband?" (I wasn't married then, and I'm still not.) Shocked, she said, With, of course!" (She was born in 1916; it's instinctive. She also sent me to college to catch a doctor...) My response was, "Then don't hold your breath." She finally got the idea and stopped harassing me.
If my family had DAINED to say that, I would have been snarky AF and asked for a donor uterus, or a bajillion dollars for fertility treatments! JFC, people just don’t get it. It’s NO ONE’s business if you have children or not. Family therapy for the hateful parents and siblings is definitely in order!
So the family has 3 other kids? They are all presumably having kids? What's the problem?
My husband and I have two and after our second we both agreed that we're done. He had a vasectomy to more or less "seal the deal." He had the procedure 2 years ago and his family and my family are aware we had that done. His sister, cousins and uncles STILL ask when we're going to have another one! It bothers me bc they KNOW he had that procedure done. Bothers me most when my SIL asks bc she used to get soooo mad when their parents/uncles/aunts would ask when she was going to have her first child!! Like we already have TWO?! I'd love to have a soccer team's worth of kids but It's just not happening.
I think your relatives are just trying to be annoying. They know that he had the procedure and that it's a done deal, they just like to bringing it up.
Load More Replies...I spent time trying to say what I think about this but I'm a tad speechless...I seriously think they should get therapy because if they think having children makes a "contribution" then they some mental issues. Like people say, THEY'RE HUMAN BEINGS! If all of her siblings have children (at least 2)...Then I assure you her parents will have enough descendants to continue their family name (if that's what their worried about). Seriously...I would block my entire family and move to the other side of the country if they did that to me!
How awful. What if they couldn't have kids, for health reasons and dealt with that between them. How painful will that have been. I love how they are a team though. (Ps. Am I the only one thinking that of all the family members.. this lady should have procreated and not the rest? Her set of genes seem far superior to her siblings.. (yeah I know.. they in theory have the same set - but obviously not))
Absolutely disgusting. Not ALL women choose to her mothers and god forbid the lady or her husband do have a medical reason. Sounds to me like the dad is a bit of a control freak. As for NOT CONTRIBUTING exactly WHOS house were they all freeloading in. Good for her. I'd have fkd their stuff in the garden after inviting them all outside then went in and locked my door. I would also have had them arrested for trespass if they weren't gone by the stipulated time. Would love to have seen their faces when they had to cook AND look after their own offspring hahahahaha brilliant
Anything can procreate - it's not special. Many of us don't feel the penury to bring more children into this world. Enough of my family’s DNA is out in the world without the necessity for me to spawn more mouths and resources to feed. Nor does my ego require a copy of oneself to express love, empathy or kindness.
There's plenty of blame to go around. The father was being a jerk. The mature thing to have done was let it go on Thanksgiving evening. Not kick them all out with 30 minutes notice. After thanksgiving have a private conversation with the father for clarification. If the father was sticking to his posistion then that would have been the time to indicate, if grandchildren are the only measure you use father and don't consider anything else we do as contributing to the family then we will just stop doing those things and then sticking to that position until they came around to a better way of thinking. Sounds like they'd be better off without that toxic dump of a family.
I don't have kids by choice either - I doubt most realize just how expensive carpet-crawlers really are or how much you actually have to sacrifice for them - but I have had a similar experience with family ... sad as it is, I have been out their orbit for so long now, and just so little a part of that family that I doubt I will ever see any of them again - I hear they are still all out for their own gain and quite willing to screw over the closest next person in line, and with what it has cost me both physically, mentally and financially, I stood to lose a lot more by foolishly sticking it out and staying around - their loss and their's alone.
Parents should understand that their kids are theirs until they die or their kids do. If they want their kids to be nice to them when in old age or sick, they should give them a reason to NOT to toss them away at a nursing home.
I don't own my home (renter), I don't have kids nor a career so an aunt once told me I didn't achieve anything/I'm worthless because I don't have at least one of the above and all of my brothers have at least children or own a house, so they are better than me. She was very smug about that too. Never mind that one of my brothers was unable to give his children a stable and happy home, he was still above me. Strangely, when there is a family function, I make sure not to sit next to her and she doesn't understand why.
I always thought my family was whack-a-doo until Reddit. Good Lord for all of our crazy we do truly love each other and don't go out of our way to purposely hurt a parent or sibling. And I thought families with adult children did potluck holidays. Maybe that's just us. We all have things we're fantastic at making and at every holiday gathering we contribute that item.
Completely agree with the couple. They were well within their rights to throw that ungrateful bunch out the door. I agree with another poster. Family isn't always about blood; it's about those whom you choose to have in your life.
You go girl! You and your hubby definitely did the right thing. What the hell is wrong with that family? They can't expect everyone to want children. Your children do not "owe" you any grandchildren and if you're going to be petty about it, don't be surprised when it hits you back in the face.
My only child does not want children, of course I would have loved a grandchild, but it's not my decision, when it comes down to it I just want HER to be happy with her life.
"...one of the best things that you can do if you don’t want to have kids is to have a clear and solid understanding of the reasons why you’re choosing to do what you do." Bullshit. I don't want children because I don't want children, period, I (nor anyone else) don't need to justify my choices. No one is asking people why they want children, why should the opposite happen?
This story is so troubling on so many levels! No one, including your parents has the right to tell you that you must have children. If you don't want children and they don't like it, they are quite honestly not people you need in your life. I have gone through some pretty tough times with my family and ultimately decided they were making me feel worse about myself then I ever had (I'm hard enough on myself). I finally simply started focusing on the people who treated me with love and gave as much as I did in return when it came to caring. As a side note, I am a widow with one son. He is gay, and has made it very clear that he has no desire to have children with his partner. Does this hurt me deep down? Yes, I always envisioned myself having grandchildren running around. However I would NEVER tell anyone to have children that don't want them. I grew up in a large family of 11. It was not a happy upbringing! I would not attend any further celebrations.
I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to have kids. The world's overpopulated already and they aren't for everyone.
Yet another example of how so many Americans have the mentality of the dark ages. In Europe, the dark ages ended about 500 years ago.
Stop American bashing. Fairly sure there are stupid, selfish fools in every country on the planet.
Load More Replies...She should have stayed silent when they were talking about going to het house for Christmas, letting them assume it was ok to come. Then invite her husband's family and decorate and go all out and then when her family showed up say sorry! No room!
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