Grandparents Pierce Baby’s Ears Behind The Parents’ Back And Are Then Mad They Don’t Get To Babysit Anymore
When it comes to family dynamics, little things can stir up trust issues. For one family, it was the grandparents who thought they knew what’s best for their 9-month-old granddaughter, even if that meant going against the parents’ will.
“We basically decided it was gonna be up to Thalia when she’s older if she wants to get her ears pierced,” wrote the dad of the baby named Thalia in a post on r/AITA. But the grandparents were so persistent that even after Thalia’s mom and dad told them a solid “no” to the idea, they did it nevertheless.
The disagreeable move was destined to cause family drama that resulted in the grandparents being allowed to only have supervised visits with Thalia. Let’s read the complex story in full below and hit us with what you think about the whole situation in the comment section.
Parents left enraged after grandparents pierce their baby daughter’s ears behind their backs, and family drama ensues
Image credits: Hélder Almeida (not the actual photo)
Image credits: no_wayout_
And this is what people had to comment on the whole situation
I'd remove the earrings and make sure the grandparents see the unadorned ears the next time they visit.
Child abuse. Assault. Pissed that you are not allowed to see the child/victim without supervision anymore?! Kiss the parents feet and thank them everyday for not getting you arrested!
I think it was right not to cut off contact forever, but not being allowed to have alone-time with the child is the least thing the grandparents should have anticipated. What were they thinking??
They were only thinking of themselves and their own wishes ... or were't thinking at all
Load More Replies... Body modification should never ever be done without the consent of the person who owns the body, period. My piercer - who will only do piercings with a needle because the danger and horror of "piercing guns" which is a whole other topic that I could get into - will expressly ask any kid brought in if they really want it away from their parents because she noticed that nearly 90% of those being brought in were being coerced. If the kid says no, she refuses.
That's brilliant! I totally agree with her course of action!
Load More Replies...
I got my ears pierced as a baby since in Spain it was done by default. I never wore earrings because i am allergic to most of them. But I am 31yo and the holes are still open and will never heal. I hate them.
I'm from Portugal, same thing here. Thankfully my parents resisted but I still remember my grandparents trying to make my mind to pierce my ears when I was 6/7 years old. I resisted too and I love my intact years today.
Load More Replies...
Why would you pierce a baby's ears in the first place? Does she really need earrings before she can walk and talk? Is this a thing somewhere?
Honestly, all of the arguments that I have heard for it have been either "to get it out of the way when too young to remember", "so people know that she is a girl", and "girls are meant to have pierced ears". It is a thing in some cultures for some reason, no body modification should be done without consent of the owner of the body.
Load More Replies...
This is malicious injury and could get punished by law...at least here (Germany).
Agreed with the posters who said no. The grandparents were given explicit instructions and then they completely disregarded them. You simply can't trust people like that, no matter if the action was perceived as "slight". Plus, the grandparents showed complete disrespect to the parents of the baby.
Grandparents awnt a baby to play with and dress up? Buy 'em a doll. Not okay to do this. IMO.
IMO? EVERYONE agrees with this. Also, they should buy them a doll. If they act like kids, they get treated like kids.
Load More Replies... Are babies not cute enough as they are? I've a lot of piercings and I love piercings on other people but not on babies. That's just awful. Aside from how it looks, it is inflicting a wound on a baby. Why would anyone do that? The grandparents are gits for disrespecting the parents' wishes and for inflicting pain (because there would be pain) on their grandchild.
"We stopped talking to them after that for disrespecting our decision." -> You stoppd talking to them after they allowed your baby to be assaulted. I would press charges against the person who did the piercing and against them as accessories. There is little difference between a tiny ear piercing and breaking someone's bones when there is no consent!
I am THE aunt. The fun aunt, the cool aunt, the hide-you-from-your-parents-when-you-run-away aunt. I am the most over-stepping aunt in the world. You don't want your kids to have too many sweets? Too bad, we're baking cookies. Your kids have a very strict bedtime routine? Not at my house and I don't care if they brush their teeth or say their prayers. You don't want your kids watching scary movies? Then you better not come over this weekend because your kids and I have plans. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER do something like this. I would never cut their hair, pierce their ears, or do anything else that is permanent. Piercing a child's ears is beyond even me.
Report the old fools and their friend to the police for assault and bodily harm and never let them near the child again. Their next idea might be that female genital mutilation would look cute on her and I'm sure they'll find a friend to do it.
you can buy those cheap disposable ear piercing guns now. i think my dad might wake up with a pierced ear after a nap if that ever happened. probably also very cute.
Legally speaking, the parents are the ones who have the say over any invasive procedure being done. Piercing is an invasive procedure. Without their permission it is an assault, no matter who does it. Maybe explain that fact to the grandparents and because of that, for the foreseeable future the visits will not happen without one of you there because you cannot trust them. You can always take the earrings out and let the holes close over. Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future. With that, maybe they will learn the lesson about "No!" Means "No!". You are the parents and they're not.
My ears have been pierced since I was four months old (very, very young) and I have had no reason to regret it. HOWEVER, those grandparents crossed the line. It was not up to them.
That is a massive betrayal of trust. Also altering the kid's look without consent is just bad. Also that kind of enforces old-school gender role things. With those principles alone, the parents should be mad and disappointed in their elders who've done this. Ear piercings are indeed painful, and infants do feel the same level of pain as adults. What if the kid has an allergic reaction to the metals used? Or if it got infected? That can cause even more pain and issue. Piercings are a serious deal since the skin is cut. THE SKIN IS CUT! Heck I have piercings and I remember that they are uncomfortable for the first 6 weeks of healing even with proper cleaning and care procedures (got a few ear piercings from teen to adult years). My folks never enforced gender role stuff or stuff like that without consent. We learn to appreciate what we have, piercings aren't what defines our beauty. :(
My first ear piercing caused me to end up in hospital. If that had happened to a baby...
Load More Replies...
The issue here is boundaries. It's not even so much about the ear piercing. It's that you as parents specifically stated that your daughter was not getting her ears pierced and they went and did it behind your back. Next time, what will it be? Riding a four-wheeler without a helmet? "Tasting" some alcohol? Helping grandpa put in some electrics? Letting her swim in the sea without an adult? If they think they can do whatever they want, they WILL do whatever they want, and therefore cannot be trusted as childminders or caregivers.
My grandmother took me to get my ears pierced when I stayed with her for a week. My mom was pissed. To be fair though I was 10, grandma was cool and it was my idea. Mom got over it and now it's a funny story. A baby? Different story.
No, nta. I had my earrings pierced when I was a baby, and I'm really glad my parents did that, but I know a handful of people that would not have wanted their ears pierced at all. You should let the baby grow up so they can make their own decision.
Here in the States, the laws around this vary from state to state. However, in all 50 states, it is illegal to get a minor's ears pierced without parental permission. The severity of the repercussions ranges widely from state to state. In Arkansas, it is a misdemeanor and will result in a fine between $20 and $200. In Arizona, it is a class 6 felony and can result in up to two years in prison.
Where did they find these friends and acquaintances that all agree it's their fault vs. the grandparents?? Every reply online says the opposite, "NTA"!
People saying that it is "not a big deal" are 100% wrong. This is a big deal. Never leave your child with someone that doesn't respect your wishes on how you are raising them. The fact that it was an ear piercing isn't the issue, the fact that they went behind the parents backs and did something they specifically opposed... that IS a "big deal"
Short and to the point.....A BIG NO NO !! remove the stud and the hole will close up..
Rachel's sister Amy (played by Christina Applegate) get's Emma's ears pieced while babysitting and then she decides to become a stylist for babies. I think she said that the ear piercings make Emma's nose look smaller. Rachel ofc freaks out, but Ross freaks out even more, and Amy just doesn't understand why.
Load More Replies...
Absolutely agree with the baby's parents. I never left my daughter alone with anyone except her dad until she was about 6 years old. She asked to have her ears pierced at 6, but doesn't wear earrings anymore. My in-laws (now ex) were hideous people with no redeeming qualities; left with her they would have fed her the same garbage they fed their son. MIL even wanted me to give up breastfeeding so she could feed the baby "properly" with a bottle of formula.
Jezz,I am a grandma to 3 and no way I would even think to do something so invasive. I don't even give them cookies or junk food unless my son and daughter in law say ok. Not my place and if I were those parents I would do the same thing after not allowing them to see her for some time. They need to know how disrespectful that was and accept their punishment!!
NTA - what else might they do against the parents wishes? Making an alteration to her body for 'cuteness' is bad, and if they can't that they've done wrong, they may do worse in future. Any rule the parents make that the grandparents dislike, they will be able to come up with sufficient (to them) justification for circumventing, particularly if they think they won't get caught. Maybe this means having her baptised behind their back (mostly harmless) maybe it means exposing her to diseases before she's vaccinated to 'build her immune system' (potentially fatal). They've broken trust. Imagine if it were a babysitter - you'd never trust them with your kid again. Why should you trust the grandparents? Supervised visits only.
I could not have been held responsible for my actions had tbis happened to me. Probably would have caught a charge myself. That is nefarious intent. Like they wanted to hurt a baby in order to bedazzle her. If there was no way for charges to have been brought against them then I'm very sorry to say that I would beat an old persons ass over this. And save your opinions if you want to argue that this is trashy or not the right way to handle it. I respect your valid opinion but people literally count on othera to choose to be the "bigger" person and not do anything because this means that their shitty actions have no real consequence.
I know a lot of parents do that here in Texas, but I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 13 or 14. What's even scarier is that they had a *friend* do it. They knew they didn't qualify as guardians, so instead of going to even a shopping mall, they had someone they knew do it in unsanitary conditions. Those grandparents are lucky they're EVER seeing that baby (and probably any other grandbaby) again!
when I was a kid it was like a standard to do it to very young baby girls... but my ears were pierced by a pediatrician... I can't even imagine it being done in any conditions other than a doctor's office
Load More Replies...
I would respond with "Would you rather have them brought up on charges of child abuse and assault? Would you rather I sue them for the pain and suffering my child endured and the trauma I feel at never feeling I can trust my child with them again? Should I get Child Protective Services involved and have their rights as grandparents completely taken away? That's over-reacting! I think I'm being pretty generous just letting them see their granddaughter anymore without getting the courts involved."
My parents didn't pierce my ears. I never knew why, all the other girls had earrings, but it wasn't a really big issue for me. When I was 12 or 13, I asked my dad to get my ears pierced, and he took me. No problem. As a kid, I never understood why I grew up without pierced ears, but now I totally get it and I understand these parents' frustration. The grandparents definitely crossed a line.
No way I would be livid maybe even homicidal. I waited for my daughter to want pierced ears. She got them for her 13th bday. It was up to her she doesn't regret it unless it's an agreed upon tradition or part of your religion the children should have to consent and at an age appropriate age.
The Grandparents were in the wrong. They should've accepted your parenting style and choice. But no. No wonder you don't want them near your baby
My MIL has 74 years and her ears have never eben pierced. My daughter had hers done when she was 12 At her own wish
THIS WAS NO ONE'S DECISION TO MAKE, NO ONE'S, BUT THE PARENT'S THEMSELVES. ONLY!
It's the child's decision only, it's her body, and the child is too young to consent.
Load More Replies... 
The grandparents crossed the line here. It wasn't their decision whether the baby got her ears pierced or not and they should not have done this behind the parents' back. They can't seem to be trusted when left alone with the baby so being supervised is a proper measure. The parents are definitely NTA, the grandparents are for going against the parents' wishes.
I’d be enraged that my parents did this behind my back! Decades ago, the church I attended didn’t believe in cutting a females hair. I left my infant daughter in the care of my in-laws and my ex-husband and I went on vacation. We left explicit instruction for them not to cut her hair even though we knew that’s what my mother-in-law wanted to do. When we came back from our short three day vacation, we saw our daughter’s hair was cut. I was livid! It was the only time my daughter ever spent the night with her grandparents. Don’t feel bad regarding your decision. You can always change your mind later. I was your age when this happened to me. Older parents always think they know best. I’m now 65 and my daughter is 40!
I know a few ladies who had their ears pierced as babies. Sure, it's cute - but they all said it was a really bad decision. As their ears grew, the placement of the piercing changed. Instead of being properly centered, the holes are too close to the bottom of their lobes. How about using temporary, self-sticking sequins for photo shoots?
I would have taken the bloody thing out of her ears in front of my parent, and stamp on he bloody things to destroy them, then tell my parents to get out and stay out!
They basically maimed the child by doing that, now she has pierced ears whether she wants them or not. They also went behind the parents back even after being told no. You should have called the police on them, they abused and assaulted the child, and should never see that child again. They cannot be trusted.
Ohhhh lordy, I can relate to this SO HARD. When my daughter was almost two, she spent a weekend with my parents. Now, I'm agnostic and my parents are kinda-christian (they go to church Easter and Xmas, that's it) and I told them I plan on letting my kid decide whether or not she wanted to be baptized when she was old enough to make an informed decision. Well, I went to pick her up on the Sunday evening and...you guessed it- they proudly told me they had had her baptized in their church that morning. I was beyond livid, shaking with anger and practically speechless. I couldn't believe the church had allowed it either. It took a very long time for me to feel comfortable letting them have her unsupervised after that. Wow over 20yrs later and just talking about it still enrages me...
These parents are absolutely and completely in the right. It's also completely correct that these grandparents are not to be trusted until they (and the rest of the family) get over themselves. Family is so important, especially for new parents. A friend of mine, who was an amazng single Mom, always says it is true that it takes a village. So having grandparents who want to help and support is huge. But they need to remember while they might get to share their point of view, the final decisions are made by the parents of the child. These grandparents don't get to take over. Period.
OK, I got to say it and I don't care who get mad. My husband and I left our firstborn (Stephanie) with his parents when I went into hospital to have the 2nd baby. Inlaws brought her back as they came to see the new baby on the 3rd day, Stephanie had a high fever, we rushed her to the ER, she had pneumonia. M-I-L says "I saw she had a fever, I gave her wine to help her sleep." Steph survived and seemed fine. Fast-forward several more months and at regular checkup Steph tested positive for TB, had to be on low-dose antibiotic for 12 months. ASKED entire family to be tested, PLEASE! Husband, newborn, and I were clear. M.I.L. tested positive. Finally after (grrr) gentle questioning she says "I chewed food for Steph while she was here, I did it for my babies." Steph was 15 1/2 mo old when left with them, plenty old enough to chew food. It changed Stephanie's life, her lungs were always tricky, bronchitis and such. At 14 she wanted to be a Candy-Striper with her sister, was not allowed.
The grandparents are totally out of line. I would make sure the child is NEVER left with them for ANY reason. They needed to take the earrings out the minute they found them. The holes would eventually grow back over. It would leave a small indention though that might never go away. My wife, now 68, decided to have hers pierced when she found out that jewelry makers just were not making "clasp" type earrings anymore. She was probably close to 40 when she got her ears pierced. She had asked me about it and my response was, "If that is what YOU want to do, then go ahead". It was close to her birthday when her ears healed and for her birthday, I bought her a nice pair of diamond stud earrings to celebrate both occasions.
I don't understand this obsession people have with piercing a baby's ears when they're, you know, A BABY. It's not that important.
I agree with the supervised visits, they can't be trusted around your child. Side note here; if you remove the earrings the holes should close up again, and quickly, as young as your child is. Let them see their grandchild without the earrings.
Outrageous! What piercings today, and nail extensions and breast augmentation tomorrow? You could, as someone suggested, take the earrings out, but you would still be left with ugly holes. That was totally out of order. So sad that you cannot trust your own parents. Never ieave your child with them unattended. The other people siding against you,vare not your friends either. They should either support your decision, or stay totally neutral.
Grandparents are clearly butt monkeys of the highest order. Personally I don’t think it’s nice to see babies with piercings. The choice should be their own.
it would be a long time before i would let them have the child alone. my mom didn't do anything as drastic as physically change my son. after he was old enough to spend the summer with her and my dad, i was happy for them to have him all to themselves. they were well aware of my spiritual desires for him. upon his first night home, he proceeded to pray a catholic prayer before dinner which totally shocked me; i'm jewish and mom is devout catholic (dad not pushy about religion.) instead of embarking on confusing him further i left it alone but let her know i was not happy. she also influenced him to attend catholic school & paid the tuition. he's 42 now...and an atheist. thanks, mom. (p.s...still love and miss you, mom.)
Just imagine if the grandparents agreed with FGM and the parents didn't would they have that done without their consent. It's a body modification and should be treated as assault.
That's awful so many people think nothing of Piercing a baby's ears as they don't think they feel pain the same way but they do. Also just cause someone is unable to tell you no is not a reason to decide yourself especially considering the parents had already decided to let their daughter make up her own mind . They will fully disregarded the feelings and beliefs of the parents and didn't even consider there granddaughters feelings just treating her likes doll . even consider that
Don't pierce babies. I feel like that's common sense. If you walked up to someone on the street and were like "will you pierce this baby?" they would look at you like you were insane. I have a ton of piercings, and my piercer refuses to pierce anyone under the age of 14. Even with parental consent.
I always thought piercing a baby's ears was wrong because they may hate it later. And the grandparents were totaly in the wrong here, so cutting them off is understandable and the best course of action in my opinion.
I would never allow them near my child again. Take the earrings out and sue them for assault. What if your baby had an allergic reaction to the piercing? They put their enjoyment over respecting you and caring for your child.
Big fat no!!!! I wouldn't let them see my daughter alone ever. In fact to help them understand the choice they made for her... tell them that if they want to see your daughter alone in the future... they have to agree to a piercing in a place of your choice on them and they can't say no. Nose, ear, lip, cartilage, belly, body studs. At that point if they don't agree they might understand the line they crossed. The ear piecing at a baby age is such an old fashioned idea. Mind you at 5 I wanted my ears pierced and my mom took me to get it done. I ran out the store after the first one. And took two years to get my other ear. When I asked for a 2nd hole on my ears my mom said no. Then at 9 I took a needle and did both ears myself. Another long story.
Does the piercer not have any responsibility to check that the adult accompanying a child is their actual guardian? I feel like she ought to be in some trouble too
NTA. My parents pierced my ears when I was 2 mos. old. I was fine with it, but if they did that to my baby w/o my permission i would not be happy.
You were two months old. You were not fine with it. You could not understand what was happening, you were scared, & you were in pain. You may be fine with it now, but at the time you were not. You were a literal infant being held still & either stabbed with a needle or pierced with a big scary object by your face (piercing gun) for some arbitrary beauty standards you couldn't even begin to comprehend. At that age, you were not fine with it. Being fine with it in the future is not at all the point. If someone wants piercings later in life, they can get them later in life. The decision should not be made for them.
Load More Replies...
I agree with the baby's parents. The grandparents would NOT be left alone with the baby again!
It's so nice to hear you are taking such a strong stand, because if not it will never stop. My in-laws went behind my back every chance they got. From buying toy guns for my little boy to supplying him with black powder at 11 when he nearly lost his eye and hearing, to allowing my teen daughter to bleach her hair and both preteen and teen to watch R rated movies. All specifically against my too stringent rules. And to top it off, talking about me behind my back starting when they were children into their teens. And without me not only not having the knowledge until later and my husband being a wimp, it didnt end until the kids themselves had had enough and then it just got real ugly really fast. Terrible feelings for years. So YAY for you! Stand up for your child, your way. And if they don't like it, get them outta your life now!
This is horrifying. The parents were right- it should be up to the daughter when she's older. Not up to some kids who think they know everything about what everyone wants even when they don't have fully formed communication skills and believe they're entitled to the world and everyone on it. (The grandparents)
Flat out violation of rights of the child! I would’ve done the same thing! They were automatically assuming you weren’t ditto make that decision, and will likely assume more so, in the future. Never let them alone with her, until she is old enough to tell them no, they are wrong. Even then, I’d still be leery of letting them be alone with her. No overnights at the grandparents ever!
Hopefully the ears will close up if you don't put anything in there. I would take legal action against the grandparents and they would not see my child again.
Unfortunately, you’ve now opened the floodgates with these grandparents. All they need to do now is nag, nag, nag and they’ll get what they want. You’ve created bratty grandparents!
They are SO LUCKY to even get SUPERVISED visits! Not shaming the parents but I would've quit letting them have her alone soon as piercings were mentioned! Just me? Depends on experiences, I guess. They are DEFINITELY NTAs!
My parents' neighbour and friend took me to get my ears pierced for my 4th bday because I had apparently asked. As a surprise for my parents, who were already planning to do so. But my mom was super pissed off because she would obviously have preferred to be present. Don't think she ever fully forgave her friend. My mom got to take one of my daughters to have her ears pierced so they could share that experience together. She got them pierced at 5 years old. Still quite young, but old enough to make the decision herself. Where we live, it's quite a normal thing, not frowned upon or anything, but no social pressure to have them pierced either.
You have every right to be upset. I get that part. I'm a grandmother and would never do something like that with a grandchild. However, I disagree with those alleging or inferring its criminal. And I doubt there'd ever be any other incident. Although maybe you fear there would be, and is why they can't see her without supervision. I do think there is likely a decision that lies between the extremes.
To pierce the kid's ears without consent? It's assault, I believe that it is a felony in parts of America.
Load More Replies...
If there is a metal allergy in the family, this will trigger it. Once an allergy is activated it can not be reversed. It makes any future contact with metals a problem.
I WISH my grandparents had done this to me. I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 10 and I remember it like it was yesterday (and I'm 50). Between the anxiety and pain, it was an awful experience I'll never forget. At least this baby won't remember any of it.
So you know how painful & scary it can be even for an older child, & you would still subject a baby to that? A baby who can't understand what's happening beyond the fear & pain, a baby who doesn't even want piercings in the first place? Wow. Looks like we found the grandparents.
Load More Replies...
Munwar Iqbal: STFU. (yeah, IK this is rude, but this is not his advertising website)
My parents got my ears pierced rather early, I wasn't 2 yet. I'm happy they did so though. I used to have self esteem issues and having my ears pierced before people I wanted to be made me feel a little better. I LOVE earrings, even though I now I don't think about wearing them currently. My personal experience with earrings were never bad, but I mean, I do see why these parents want their daughters consent. I know people who hate earrings, most saying because it was for girly girls. These grandparents shouldn't have gotten them on her and these parents decision about how to deal with that is really good. Just a personal opinion: some of you who say this is assault, I think this situation is too trivial to be considered as such. The gp's didn't intend to hurt the girl, they just thought she'd look cute in them. Of course, since it was against the parents will, it was not ok. Not at all, but earring holes do go away if you never put earrings on the child.
You're missing the fact that the baby is a person who couldn't consent to a painful procedure. The way you're phrasing it sounds like the grandparents accidentally spilled sauce on a shirt but it can be washed out. It isn't as simple as that. Yes, it's a good thing the holes can close, but what about the fear & pain the baby felt while getting pierced, likely with a cheap piercing gun? (Most reputable piercers use needles & don't pierce anyone under the age of 14, so it would most likely be a shitty piercer with shitty tools). The situation was not "trivial" to the baby. I don't know if you've ever seen a baby getting pierced, but they are TERRIFIED.
Load More Replies... that it a F*****G big deal! I would never let them see the kid again and sue for mutilation
It does not make it less bad. It was costomary in Spain too and my generation has learned that it should not be done
Load More Replies... 
Never mind culture. Parents said no. Grandparents mutilated their grandchild and caused the grandchild great pain for their own amusement. They are lucky they're allowed to see this child at all.
Load More Replies... One does don't cancel the other. Circ. is really bad and should be illegal for minors. But that doesnt mean that this isnt bad.
Load More Replies...
I'd remove the earrings and make sure the grandparents see the unadorned ears the next time they visit.
Child abuse. Assault. Pissed that you are not allowed to see the child/victim without supervision anymore?! Kiss the parents feet and thank them everyday for not getting you arrested!
I think it was right not to cut off contact forever, but not being allowed to have alone-time with the child is the least thing the grandparents should have anticipated. What were they thinking??
They were only thinking of themselves and their own wishes ... or were't thinking at all
Load More Replies... Body modification should never ever be done without the consent of the person who owns the body, period. My piercer - who will only do piercings with a needle because the danger and horror of "piercing guns" which is a whole other topic that I could get into - will expressly ask any kid brought in if they really want it away from their parents because she noticed that nearly 90% of those being brought in were being coerced. If the kid says no, she refuses.
That's brilliant! I totally agree with her course of action!
Load More Replies... I got my ears pierced as a baby since in Spain it was done by default. I never wore earrings because i am allergic to most of them. But I am 31yo and the holes are still open and will never heal. I hate them.
I'm from Portugal, same thing here. Thankfully my parents resisted but I still remember my grandparents trying to make my mind to pierce my ears when I was 6/7 years old. I resisted too and I love my intact years today.
Load More Replies... Why would you pierce a baby's ears in the first place? Does she really need earrings before she can walk and talk? Is this a thing somewhere?
Honestly, all of the arguments that I have heard for it have been either "to get it out of the way when too young to remember", "so people know that she is a girl", and "girls are meant to have pierced ears". It is a thing in some cultures for some reason, no body modification should be done without consent of the owner of the body.
Load More Replies... This is malicious injury and could get punished by law...at least here (Germany).
Agreed with the posters who said no. The grandparents were given explicit instructions and then they completely disregarded them. You simply can't trust people like that, no matter if the action was perceived as "slight". Plus, the grandparents showed complete disrespect to the parents of the baby.
Grandparents awnt a baby to play with and dress up? Buy 'em a doll. Not okay to do this. IMO.
IMO? EVERYONE agrees with this. Also, they should buy them a doll. If they act like kids, they get treated like kids.
Load More Replies... Are babies not cute enough as they are? I've a lot of piercings and I love piercings on other people but not on babies. That's just awful. Aside from how it looks, it is inflicting a wound on a baby. Why would anyone do that? The grandparents are gits for disrespecting the parents' wishes and for inflicting pain (because there would be pain) on their grandchild.
"We stopped talking to them after that for disrespecting our decision." -> You stoppd talking to them after they allowed your baby to be assaulted. I would press charges against the person who did the piercing and against them as accessories. There is little difference between a tiny ear piercing and breaking someone's bones when there is no consent!
I am THE aunt. The fun aunt, the cool aunt, the hide-you-from-your-parents-when-you-run-away aunt. I am the most over-stepping aunt in the world. You don't want your kids to have too many sweets? Too bad, we're baking cookies. Your kids have a very strict bedtime routine? Not at my house and I don't care if they brush their teeth or say their prayers. You don't want your kids watching scary movies? Then you better not come over this weekend because your kids and I have plans. I would NEVER, EVER, EVER do something like this. I would never cut their hair, pierce their ears, or do anything else that is permanent. Piercing a child's ears is beyond even me.
Report the old fools and their friend to the police for assault and bodily harm and never let them near the child again. Their next idea might be that female genital mutilation would look cute on her and I'm sure they'll find a friend to do it.
you can buy those cheap disposable ear piercing guns now. i think my dad might wake up with a pierced ear after a nap if that ever happened. probably also very cute.
Legally speaking, the parents are the ones who have the say over any invasive procedure being done. Piercing is an invasive procedure. Without their permission it is an assault, no matter who does it. Maybe explain that fact to the grandparents and because of that, for the foreseeable future the visits will not happen without one of you there because you cannot trust them. You can always take the earrings out and let the holes close over. Maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future. With that, maybe they will learn the lesson about "No!" Means "No!". You are the parents and they're not.
My ears have been pierced since I was four months old (very, very young) and I have had no reason to regret it. HOWEVER, those grandparents crossed the line. It was not up to them.
That is a massive betrayal of trust. Also altering the kid's look without consent is just bad. Also that kind of enforces old-school gender role things. With those principles alone, the parents should be mad and disappointed in their elders who've done this. Ear piercings are indeed painful, and infants do feel the same level of pain as adults. What if the kid has an allergic reaction to the metals used? Or if it got infected? That can cause even more pain and issue. Piercings are a serious deal since the skin is cut. THE SKIN IS CUT! Heck I have piercings and I remember that they are uncomfortable for the first 6 weeks of healing even with proper cleaning and care procedures (got a few ear piercings from teen to adult years). My folks never enforced gender role stuff or stuff like that without consent. We learn to appreciate what we have, piercings aren't what defines our beauty. :(
My first ear piercing caused me to end up in hospital. If that had happened to a baby...
Load More Replies... The issue here is boundaries. It's not even so much about the ear piercing. It's that you as parents specifically stated that your daughter was not getting her ears pierced and they went and did it behind your back. Next time, what will it be? Riding a four-wheeler without a helmet? "Tasting" some alcohol? Helping grandpa put in some electrics? Letting her swim in the sea without an adult? If they think they can do whatever they want, they WILL do whatever they want, and therefore cannot be trusted as childminders or caregivers.
My grandmother took me to get my ears pierced when I stayed with her for a week. My mom was pissed. To be fair though I was 10, grandma was cool and it was my idea. Mom got over it and now it's a funny story. A baby? Different story.
No, nta. I had my earrings pierced when I was a baby, and I'm really glad my parents did that, but I know a handful of people that would not have wanted their ears pierced at all. You should let the baby grow up so they can make their own decision.
Here in the States, the laws around this vary from state to state. However, in all 50 states, it is illegal to get a minor's ears pierced without parental permission. The severity of the repercussions ranges widely from state to state. In Arkansas, it is a misdemeanor and will result in a fine between $20 and $200. In Arizona, it is a class 6 felony and can result in up to two years in prison.
Where did they find these friends and acquaintances that all agree it's their fault vs. the grandparents?? Every reply online says the opposite, "NTA"!
People saying that it is "not a big deal" are 100% wrong. This is a big deal. Never leave your child with someone that doesn't respect your wishes on how you are raising them. The fact that it was an ear piercing isn't the issue, the fact that they went behind the parents backs and did something they specifically opposed... that IS a "big deal"
Short and to the point.....A BIG NO NO !! remove the stud and the hole will close up..
Rachel's sister Amy (played by Christina Applegate) get's Emma's ears pieced while babysitting and then she decides to become a stylist for babies. I think she said that the ear piercings make Emma's nose look smaller. Rachel ofc freaks out, but Ross freaks out even more, and Amy just doesn't understand why.
Load More Replies... Absolutely agree with the baby's parents. I never left my daughter alone with anyone except her dad until she was about 6 years old. She asked to have her ears pierced at 6, but doesn't wear earrings anymore. My in-laws (now ex) were hideous people with no redeeming qualities; left with her they would have fed her the same garbage they fed their son. MIL even wanted me to give up breastfeeding so she could feed the baby "properly" with a bottle of formula.
Jezz,I am a grandma to 3 and no way I would even think to do something so invasive. I don't even give them cookies or junk food unless my son and daughter in law say ok. Not my place and if I were those parents I would do the same thing after not allowing them to see her for some time. They need to know how disrespectful that was and accept their punishment!!
NTA - what else might they do against the parents wishes? Making an alteration to her body for 'cuteness' is bad, and if they can't that they've done wrong, they may do worse in future. Any rule the parents make that the grandparents dislike, they will be able to come up with sufficient (to them) justification for circumventing, particularly if they think they won't get caught. Maybe this means having her baptised behind their back (mostly harmless) maybe it means exposing her to diseases before she's vaccinated to 'build her immune system' (potentially fatal). They've broken trust. Imagine if it were a babysitter - you'd never trust them with your kid again. Why should you trust the grandparents? Supervised visits only.
I could not have been held responsible for my actions had tbis happened to me. Probably would have caught a charge myself. That is nefarious intent. Like they wanted to hurt a baby in order to bedazzle her. If there was no way for charges to have been brought against them then I'm very sorry to say that I would beat an old persons ass over this. And save your opinions if you want to argue that this is trashy or not the right way to handle it. I respect your valid opinion but people literally count on othera to choose to be the "bigger" person and not do anything because this means that their shitty actions have no real consequence.
I know a lot of parents do that here in Texas, but I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 13 or 14. What's even scarier is that they had a *friend* do it. They knew they didn't qualify as guardians, so instead of going to even a shopping mall, they had someone they knew do it in unsanitary conditions. Those grandparents are lucky they're EVER seeing that baby (and probably any other grandbaby) again!
when I was a kid it was like a standard to do it to very young baby girls... but my ears were pierced by a pediatrician... I can't even imagine it being done in any conditions other than a doctor's office
Load More Replies... I would respond with "Would you rather have them brought up on charges of child abuse and assault? Would you rather I sue them for the pain and suffering my child endured and the trauma I feel at never feeling I can trust my child with them again? Should I get Child Protective Services involved and have their rights as grandparents completely taken away? That's over-reacting! I think I'm being pretty generous just letting them see their granddaughter anymore without getting the courts involved."
My parents didn't pierce my ears. I never knew why, all the other girls had earrings, but it wasn't a really big issue for me. When I was 12 or 13, I asked my dad to get my ears pierced, and he took me. No problem. As a kid, I never understood why I grew up without pierced ears, but now I totally get it and I understand these parents' frustration. The grandparents definitely crossed a line.
No way I would be livid maybe even homicidal. I waited for my daughter to want pierced ears. She got them for her 13th bday. It was up to her she doesn't regret it unless it's an agreed upon tradition or part of your religion the children should have to consent and at an age appropriate age.
The Grandparents were in the wrong. They should've accepted your parenting style and choice. But no. No wonder you don't want them near your baby
My MIL has 74 years and her ears have never eben pierced. My daughter had hers done when she was 12 At her own wish
THIS WAS NO ONE'S DECISION TO MAKE, NO ONE'S, BUT THE PARENT'S THEMSELVES. ONLY!
It's the child's decision only, it's her body, and the child is too young to consent.
Load More Replies... The grandparents crossed the line here. It wasn't their decision whether the baby got her ears pierced or not and they should not have done this behind the parents' back. They can't seem to be trusted when left alone with the baby so being supervised is a proper measure. The parents are definitely NTA, the grandparents are for going against the parents' wishes.
I’d be enraged that my parents did this behind my back! Decades ago, the church I attended didn’t believe in cutting a females hair. I left my infant daughter in the care of my in-laws and my ex-husband and I went on vacation. We left explicit instruction for them not to cut her hair even though we knew that’s what my mother-in-law wanted to do. When we came back from our short three day vacation, we saw our daughter’s hair was cut. I was livid! It was the only time my daughter ever spent the night with her grandparents. Don’t feel bad regarding your decision. You can always change your mind later. I was your age when this happened to me. Older parents always think they know best. I’m now 65 and my daughter is 40!
I know a few ladies who had their ears pierced as babies. Sure, it's cute - but they all said it was a really bad decision. As their ears grew, the placement of the piercing changed. Instead of being properly centered, the holes are too close to the bottom of their lobes. How about using temporary, self-sticking sequins for photo shoots?
I would have taken the bloody thing out of her ears in front of my parent, and stamp on he bloody things to destroy them, then tell my parents to get out and stay out!
They basically maimed the child by doing that, now she has pierced ears whether she wants them or not. They also went behind the parents back even after being told no. You should have called the police on them, they abused and assaulted the child, and should never see that child again. They cannot be trusted.
Ohhhh lordy, I can relate to this SO HARD. When my daughter was almost two, she spent a weekend with my parents. Now, I'm agnostic and my parents are kinda-christian (they go to church Easter and Xmas, that's it) and I told them I plan on letting my kid decide whether or not she wanted to be baptized when she was old enough to make an informed decision. Well, I went to pick her up on the Sunday evening and...you guessed it- they proudly told me they had had her baptized in their church that morning. I was beyond livid, shaking with anger and practically speechless. I couldn't believe the church had allowed it either. It took a very long time for me to feel comfortable letting them have her unsupervised after that. Wow over 20yrs later and just talking about it still enrages me...
These parents are absolutely and completely in the right. It's also completely correct that these grandparents are not to be trusted until they (and the rest of the family) get over themselves. Family is so important, especially for new parents. A friend of mine, who was an amazng single Mom, always says it is true that it takes a village. So having grandparents who want to help and support is huge. But they need to remember while they might get to share their point of view, the final decisions are made by the parents of the child. These grandparents don't get to take over. Period.
OK, I got to say it and I don't care who get mad. My husband and I left our firstborn (Stephanie) with his parents when I went into hospital to have the 2nd baby. Inlaws brought her back as they came to see the new baby on the 3rd day, Stephanie had a high fever, we rushed her to the ER, she had pneumonia. M-I-L says "I saw she had a fever, I gave her wine to help her sleep." Steph survived and seemed fine. Fast-forward several more months and at regular checkup Steph tested positive for TB, had to be on low-dose antibiotic for 12 months. ASKED entire family to be tested, PLEASE! Husband, newborn, and I were clear. M.I.L. tested positive. Finally after (grrr) gentle questioning she says "I chewed food for Steph while she was here, I did it for my babies." Steph was 15 1/2 mo old when left with them, plenty old enough to chew food. It changed Stephanie's life, her lungs were always tricky, bronchitis and such. At 14 she wanted to be a Candy-Striper with her sister, was not allowed.
The grandparents are totally out of line. I would make sure the child is NEVER left with them for ANY reason. They needed to take the earrings out the minute they found them. The holes would eventually grow back over. It would leave a small indention though that might never go away. My wife, now 68, decided to have hers pierced when she found out that jewelry makers just were not making "clasp" type earrings anymore. She was probably close to 40 when she got her ears pierced. She had asked me about it and my response was, "If that is what YOU want to do, then go ahead". It was close to her birthday when her ears healed and for her birthday, I bought her a nice pair of diamond stud earrings to celebrate both occasions.
I don't understand this obsession people have with piercing a baby's ears when they're, you know, A BABY. It's not that important.
I agree with the supervised visits, they can't be trusted around your child. Side note here; if you remove the earrings the holes should close up again, and quickly, as young as your child is. Let them see their grandchild without the earrings.
Outrageous! What piercings today, and nail extensions and breast augmentation tomorrow? You could, as someone suggested, take the earrings out, but you would still be left with ugly holes. That was totally out of order. So sad that you cannot trust your own parents. Never ieave your child with them unattended. The other people siding against you,vare not your friends either. They should either support your decision, or stay totally neutral.
Grandparents are clearly butt monkeys of the highest order. Personally I don’t think it’s nice to see babies with piercings. The choice should be their own.
it would be a long time before i would let them have the child alone. my mom didn't do anything as drastic as physically change my son. after he was old enough to spend the summer with her and my dad, i was happy for them to have him all to themselves. they were well aware of my spiritual desires for him. upon his first night home, he proceeded to pray a catholic prayer before dinner which totally shocked me; i'm jewish and mom is devout catholic (dad not pushy about religion.) instead of embarking on confusing him further i left it alone but let her know i was not happy. she also influenced him to attend catholic school & paid the tuition. he's 42 now...and an atheist. thanks, mom. (p.s...still love and miss you, mom.)
Just imagine if the grandparents agreed with FGM and the parents didn't would they have that done without their consent. It's a body modification and should be treated as assault.
That's awful so many people think nothing of Piercing a baby's ears as they don't think they feel pain the same way but they do. Also just cause someone is unable to tell you no is not a reason to decide yourself especially considering the parents had already decided to let their daughter make up her own mind . They will fully disregarded the feelings and beliefs of the parents and didn't even consider there granddaughters feelings just treating her likes doll . even consider that
Don't pierce babies. I feel like that's common sense. If you walked up to someone on the street and were like "will you pierce this baby?" they would look at you like you were insane. I have a ton of piercings, and my piercer refuses to pierce anyone under the age of 14. Even with parental consent.
I always thought piercing a baby's ears was wrong because they may hate it later. And the grandparents were totaly in the wrong here, so cutting them off is understandable and the best course of action in my opinion.
I would never allow them near my child again. Take the earrings out and sue them for assault. What if your baby had an allergic reaction to the piercing? They put their enjoyment over respecting you and caring for your child.
Big fat no!!!! I wouldn't let them see my daughter alone ever. In fact to help them understand the choice they made for her... tell them that if they want to see your daughter alone in the future... they have to agree to a piercing in a place of your choice on them and they can't say no. Nose, ear, lip, cartilage, belly, body studs. At that point if they don't agree they might understand the line they crossed. The ear piecing at a baby age is such an old fashioned idea. Mind you at 5 I wanted my ears pierced and my mom took me to get it done. I ran out the store after the first one. And took two years to get my other ear. When I asked for a 2nd hole on my ears my mom said no. Then at 9 I took a needle and did both ears myself. Another long story.
Does the piercer not have any responsibility to check that the adult accompanying a child is their actual guardian? I feel like she ought to be in some trouble too
NTA. My parents pierced my ears when I was 2 mos. old. I was fine with it, but if they did that to my baby w/o my permission i would not be happy.
You were two months old. You were not fine with it. You could not understand what was happening, you were scared, & you were in pain. You may be fine with it now, but at the time you were not. You were a literal infant being held still & either stabbed with a needle or pierced with a big scary object by your face (piercing gun) for some arbitrary beauty standards you couldn't even begin to comprehend. At that age, you were not fine with it. Being fine with it in the future is not at all the point. If someone wants piercings later in life, they can get them later in life. The decision should not be made for them.
Load More Replies... I agree with the baby's parents. The grandparents would NOT be left alone with the baby again!
It's so nice to hear you are taking such a strong stand, because if not it will never stop. My in-laws went behind my back every chance they got. From buying toy guns for my little boy to supplying him with black powder at 11 when he nearly lost his eye and hearing, to allowing my teen daughter to bleach her hair and both preteen and teen to watch R rated movies. All specifically against my too stringent rules. And to top it off, talking about me behind my back starting when they were children into their teens. And without me not only not having the knowledge until later and my husband being a wimp, it didnt end until the kids themselves had had enough and then it just got real ugly really fast. Terrible feelings for years. So YAY for you! Stand up for your child, your way. And if they don't like it, get them outta your life now!
This is horrifying. The parents were right- it should be up to the daughter when she's older. Not up to some kids who think they know everything about what everyone wants even when they don't have fully formed communication skills and believe they're entitled to the world and everyone on it. (The grandparents)
Flat out violation of rights of the child! I would’ve done the same thing! They were automatically assuming you weren’t ditto make that decision, and will likely assume more so, in the future. Never let them alone with her, until she is old enough to tell them no, they are wrong. Even then, I’d still be leery of letting them be alone with her. No overnights at the grandparents ever!
Hopefully the ears will close up if you don't put anything in there. I would take legal action against the grandparents and they would not see my child again.
Unfortunately, you’ve now opened the floodgates with these grandparents. All they need to do now is nag, nag, nag and they’ll get what they want. You’ve created bratty grandparents!
They are SO LUCKY to even get SUPERVISED visits! Not shaming the parents but I would've quit letting them have her alone soon as piercings were mentioned! Just me? Depends on experiences, I guess. They are DEFINITELY NTAs!
My parents' neighbour and friend took me to get my ears pierced for my 4th bday because I had apparently asked. As a surprise for my parents, who were already planning to do so. But my mom was super pissed off because she would obviously have preferred to be present. Don't think she ever fully forgave her friend. My mom got to take one of my daughters to have her ears pierced so they could share that experience together. She got them pierced at 5 years old. Still quite young, but old enough to make the decision herself. Where we live, it's quite a normal thing, not frowned upon or anything, but no social pressure to have them pierced either.
You have every right to be upset. I get that part. I'm a grandmother and would never do something like that with a grandchild. However, I disagree with those alleging or inferring its criminal. And I doubt there'd ever be any other incident. Although maybe you fear there would be, and is why they can't see her without supervision. I do think there is likely a decision that lies between the extremes.
To pierce the kid's ears without consent? It's assault, I believe that it is a felony in parts of America.
Load More Replies... If there is a metal allergy in the family, this will trigger it. Once an allergy is activated it can not be reversed. It makes any future contact with metals a problem.
I WISH my grandparents had done this to me. I didn't get my ears pierced until I was 10 and I remember it like it was yesterday (and I'm 50). Between the anxiety and pain, it was an awful experience I'll never forget. At least this baby won't remember any of it.
So you know how painful & scary it can be even for an older child, & you would still subject a baby to that? A baby who can't understand what's happening beyond the fear & pain, a baby who doesn't even want piercings in the first place? Wow. Looks like we found the grandparents.
Load More Replies... Munwar Iqbal: STFU. (yeah, IK this is rude, but this is not his advertising website)
My parents got my ears pierced rather early, I wasn't 2 yet. I'm happy they did so though. I used to have self esteem issues and having my ears pierced before people I wanted to be made me feel a little better. I LOVE earrings, even though I now I don't think about wearing them currently. My personal experience with earrings were never bad, but I mean, I do see why these parents want their daughters consent. I know people who hate earrings, most saying because it was for girly girls. These grandparents shouldn't have gotten them on her and these parents decision about how to deal with that is really good. Just a personal opinion: some of you who say this is assault, I think this situation is too trivial to be considered as such. The gp's didn't intend to hurt the girl, they just thought she'd look cute in them. Of course, since it was against the parents will, it was not ok. Not at all, but earring holes do go away if you never put earrings on the child.
You're missing the fact that the baby is a person who couldn't consent to a painful procedure. The way you're phrasing it sounds like the grandparents accidentally spilled sauce on a shirt but it can be washed out. It isn't as simple as that. Yes, it's a good thing the holes can close, but what about the fear & pain the baby felt while getting pierced, likely with a cheap piercing gun? (Most reputable piercers use needles & don't pierce anyone under the age of 14, so it would most likely be a shitty piercer with shitty tools). The situation was not "trivial" to the baby. I don't know if you've ever seen a baby getting pierced, but they are TERRIFIED.
Load More Replies... that it a F*****G big deal! I would never let them see the kid again and sue for mutilation
It does not make it less bad. It was costomary in Spain too and my generation has learned that it should not be done
Load More Replies... Never mind culture. Parents said no. Grandparents mutilated their grandchild and caused the grandchild great pain for their own amusement. They are lucky they're allowed to see this child at all.
Load More Replies... One does don't cancel the other. Circ. is really bad and should be illegal for minors. But that doesnt mean that this isnt bad.
Load More Replies...
227
185