Dad Is Furious After Finding Out His Parents Were Bullying His Kids – Kicks Them Out During The Pandemic
When it seems that raising teenage kids on your own is challenging enough, some people, especially the ones closest to us, don’t make it any easier. On the contrary, these two elderly parents of a single dad of two have not only not shown any support, but kept constantly criticizing his daughter and son.
The story comes from an author on r/AITA and divorced dad, who’s in full custody of the 16-year-old boy named Marcus and 15-year-old Maria. The problems started when his “higher risk” parents moved into the family’s house to stay during the pandemic.
“They would both always comment (to me) about their behaviors and hobbies with comments such as ‘He’s not very manly’ or ‘that’s not very ladylike’ and other such comments,” wrote the dad about his mom and dad being needlessly mean to his kids.
But at one point, the tense situation reached a boiling point and the dad kicked them out. Now, unsure if it was the right thing to do, he turned online to ask for advice.
The single dad of two teenage kids had enough of his elderly parents criticizing their behavior and personalities, so he kicked them out of his house amid the pandemic
Image credits: Stevan Sheets (not the actual photo)
And this is what people had to comment on the whole incident
206Kviews
Share on FacebookHis wife lets him abuse kids. She is a horrible person as well.
Load More Replies...Well, granddad belives in tough love, so I see no problem with kicking him out.
Yes but he told a girl in pain to "suck it up" instead of helping. Does that seem ok to you?
Load More Replies...You did what's right never put anyone not even your parents in front of your kids.Your kids will be forever grateful to you.Sometimes parents get older and think it's their right to take advantage of their grown kids.I wish I had known half of what I know now.If I did I wouldn't be in the shape I am in today.Your kids are blessed to have a father who loves them so much.Anr whatever you do do t let your parents move back in with you ever.
The only way OP could be the A-hole is by allowing his parents to move in knowing how they are with his kids and should have kicked them out the minute they started. But this is far out weighed by the fact OP kicked them out for their behaviour towards his kids and to be honest they sound like kids I would be proud of. When placed in the balance, the 1g of a-holeness is far outweighed by the 100tons of love and care and protection of his real family. Conclusion: NOT the a-hole. Just don't fall for their sh*t again. Please
100% NTA. The grandparents are toxic and it seems that they've always been this way. Your kids will be better off without that nastiness in their lives and so will you.
It always amuses me when ‘family’ thinks it’s OK to bash. In my case, I’m happily estranged from them all.
You are a warrior and blessing to your children. You showed by example how to defend the most precious part of all of us. Unfortunately or fortunately pain is a great motivator to look inside and get clarity. Well done!
The fact that you re not the asshole in this situation, and yet you are beating yourself up for being an asshole, let’s me know that you are even less of an asshole than I anticipated in the beginning. Grandparents are supposed to be loving and supportive, I believe you are a very good dad to your children.
People who have self awareness usually are never the Asshole.
Load More Replies...I am sorry for the life you had growing up. But also happy for the parent you are. Most parents don't have to be how they were were raised, a lot choose to be. Your mother and father enable each other in their bullying behavior. Good for you for not giving in and putting your children first, good man.
Definitely NTA. Unfortunately, my parents are kinda like the grandparents at times (both were raised through hardship and tough love). I still remembered the time my dad called me 'weak' for having anxiety and my mom doesn't really take excuses. She doesn't even allow me to skip school if I was sick and stuff. I wish that they'd be more understanding...
This is a single incident, I'm sure the problems didn't start overnight. I'm so sick of old toxic people running over everyone just because they're old. Glad he kicked them out.
As sad as it may sound, sometimes children have to throw their parents out of the house if they cannot keep their inappropriate comments to themselves.
The OP is NTA. You don't talk to your grandchildren in that manner. Being artistic doesn't make a guy less manly. I mean, look at art history. There's Picasso, Van Gogh, Da Vinci. A girl doing sports doesn't make her less of a lady. I think that it's cool that the daughter is into sports in spite of her health condition. On the endometriosis, this girl can't just suck it up and get over it and I think that it's very sweet that her brother takes care of her during that time.
Can someone explain to me what all those abbreviations mean? AITA, TA, PO, ... Is AITA "Am I The Asshole"'?
AITA - Am I The Asshole; NTA - Not The Asshole; YTA - You're The Asshole; ESH - Everyone Sucks Here; NAH - No Assholes Here. Have you maybe transposed PO for OP? OP - Original Post(er).
Load More Replies...are we just not gonna talk about the guy with the username "bigbuttfucker"
This started out being wrong. Your parents moved into a house with two teenagers who were constantly running to different activities where they were exposed to many, many people, and you and your parents thought this would keep them safer from COVID then if they stayed at their own place and isolated?
Any parenting site would recommend that until the children are 21, they are to be their parent, not the pal. So his folks are not 'minors' but the teenagers are. He needs to support the children at all levels, to the best of his abilities. His own parents are on their own or keep their opinions to themselves. A warning to change may have been nice, but not necessary.
I can understand. I have a couple of pious aunts who were always talking to my mum about my illnesses/disabilities as though they knew better than us & my doctors, always saying that I should fight through the pain & be more sociable. I also have PCOS/endometriosis, so I understand the frustration. My mum did more or less the same thing & told them where to stick it, adding that they weren’t being very Christian towards their own niece. They still haven’t changed & we aren’t about to bow to their superiority complex! 🤷♀️
My house, MY rules. and anyone who comes here needs to respect that. I am surprised that you don't ask them to leave mush sooner.
You, Sir, are a wonderful parent of two amazing and wonderful children. I am so happy that you put your children first as they should always be your priority! Your parents, unfortunately, have never learned to parent well and it is therefore amazing that you turned out to be such a fabulous parent yourself! Congratulations on raising two lovely children who care for one another and you. Keep your family close and do not let others hurt you, including your own unfortunate terrible parents who have little compassion for you or their own grandchildren.💖💖💖
Papa Bear, you did well by standing up for your children who have clearly felt loved and respected by you! It is hard that your parents have been difficult throughout your life - but I am thrilled and proud that you gave them boundaries and stood by your kids.
There is a difference in offering a critique and being critical. Being critical brings stress which can be detrimental to one's mental health and happiness. The grandparents were critical and were warned not to be. They didn't listen. Throw them out and let them criticize life, that's what they do best and they'll be the only ones who will listen
NTA. He might allow them moving in again, if they change this behaviour. You cannot change one's beliefs, at least not instantly, but, for example, the granddad could "man up", here translating into "shut up" when things don't match his opinion on masculinity. He's by no means in order of setting up rules at that home, just because he's Dad's Dad. They can suck it up and accept the things, rules, their son's family as is - or move out finally and for good. Offering that, in case they aren't that toxic in general, would be my approach. Or leaving them outside and everything as is, for knowing which one, I don't know enough of this.
Had similar situation with my mother in law. She is toxic af. She has played favorites since my kids were little. The kids noticed. The favored kids feel horrible that they are treated kindly and other sibling is crapped on. We've all tried to run interference and be a barrier between grandma and the kid she dislikes but refuse to do it any longer. Pandemic or no, I told my spouse that his mother needed to leave or the kids and I were leaving. 16 months later, she is finally gone.
Talk to your children. See how they feel and what they want. They were the targets. Let it be their call. NTAH
It's disturbing to me how they're leaving messages trying to guilt you. It seems like they've been abusive for a long time.
Terrible. I wonder how they would react if they were my grandparents and I came out to them as bi. Yea, I would be dead before i finish the sentence. NTA
Some parents need to learn that just being a parent doesn't automatically give you a respect.You need to earn it just like anyone else.Giving someone life doesn't give you right to be mean.Good on you dad, you're awesome!
Respect to the dad for having the kids back immediately. You're an awesome dad and NTA.
Definitely NTA! Your parents are belittling their own grandchildren and that is awful. Have you tried to explain the magnitude of their actions to them?
100% NTA. Some grandparents your kids have. If I were you I’d keep my kids away from those abusing assholes.
unfortunately, there are far too many similar examples out there, and those who just accept it as the way it is.
Umm you let yourself be manipulated into letting them sponge off you and insult the humans you are responsible for even once in your own home???!!! Do you not have a spine and balls?! End your relationship and severe all contact immediately and get yourself into an assertiveness course stat!!
NTA but he missed a great opportunity to model conflict resolution to his kids. Not everything in life can be solved this way and his kids need to see how to have a conversation about a difficult topic. He could have sat down with his parents - the kids should have been present too - and laid out exactly what the problems were. I think it would have been powerful to give them one chance to change their behavior after the conversation but if he'd decided not to that would be reasonable too. But the kids missed the chance to hear their father defend them to his parents, explain the problems, and to give them a chance to listen and change. That's a skill badly needed and how will the kids learn it if he doesn't show them?
Conflict resolution doesn't mean sticking around to be abused, and it especially doesn't mean leaving your kids around abusers. They can "listen and change" somewhere else.
Load More Replies...It seems like the type of thing that he could have been spoken to them about without kicking them out but he's right to look out for the well being of his kids. It's hard to say without having met the parents but If they absolutely will not shut their mouths then he did what he had to do.
They are adults with all of their marbles in place, and they are not homeless. This man grew up with these people abusing him and he will not permit them to abuse his kids. This is not complicated.
Load More Replies...Grandparents are awesome parents are wusses, thats why kids are like they are today.
Okay, let's change who's in the receiving end to give you a better perspective on this, because apparently you don't give a s**t about your kids. If your parents did nothing but verbally harass and insult your spouse in front of you, would you just sit there like a coward and do nothing about it?
Load More Replies...NTA but not very good at communicating either. Imo, instead of just letting his Dad run his mouth, he should have given a clear warnign earlier.
he did. Op said he told the gandfather multiple times to stop
Load More Replies...since the "grandfather" is so much into traditional roles you should have asked him, before kicking his ass out, what kind of useless pussy bitch is he that he married a woman who is older than him
His wife lets him abuse kids. She is a horrible person as well.
Load More Replies...Well, granddad belives in tough love, so I see no problem with kicking him out.
Yes but he told a girl in pain to "suck it up" instead of helping. Does that seem ok to you?
Load More Replies...You did what's right never put anyone not even your parents in front of your kids.Your kids will be forever grateful to you.Sometimes parents get older and think it's their right to take advantage of their grown kids.I wish I had known half of what I know now.If I did I wouldn't be in the shape I am in today.Your kids are blessed to have a father who loves them so much.Anr whatever you do do t let your parents move back in with you ever.
The only way OP could be the A-hole is by allowing his parents to move in knowing how they are with his kids and should have kicked them out the minute they started. But this is far out weighed by the fact OP kicked them out for their behaviour towards his kids and to be honest they sound like kids I would be proud of. When placed in the balance, the 1g of a-holeness is far outweighed by the 100tons of love and care and protection of his real family. Conclusion: NOT the a-hole. Just don't fall for their sh*t again. Please
100% NTA. The grandparents are toxic and it seems that they've always been this way. Your kids will be better off without that nastiness in their lives and so will you.
It always amuses me when ‘family’ thinks it’s OK to bash. In my case, I’m happily estranged from them all.
You are a warrior and blessing to your children. You showed by example how to defend the most precious part of all of us. Unfortunately or fortunately pain is a great motivator to look inside and get clarity. Well done!
The fact that you re not the asshole in this situation, and yet you are beating yourself up for being an asshole, let’s me know that you are even less of an asshole than I anticipated in the beginning. Grandparents are supposed to be loving and supportive, I believe you are a very good dad to your children.
People who have self awareness usually are never the Asshole.
Load More Replies...I am sorry for the life you had growing up. But also happy for the parent you are. Most parents don't have to be how they were were raised, a lot choose to be. Your mother and father enable each other in their bullying behavior. Good for you for not giving in and putting your children first, good man.
Definitely NTA. Unfortunately, my parents are kinda like the grandparents at times (both were raised through hardship and tough love). I still remembered the time my dad called me 'weak' for having anxiety and my mom doesn't really take excuses. She doesn't even allow me to skip school if I was sick and stuff. I wish that they'd be more understanding...
This is a single incident, I'm sure the problems didn't start overnight. I'm so sick of old toxic people running over everyone just because they're old. Glad he kicked them out.
As sad as it may sound, sometimes children have to throw their parents out of the house if they cannot keep their inappropriate comments to themselves.
The OP is NTA. You don't talk to your grandchildren in that manner. Being artistic doesn't make a guy less manly. I mean, look at art history. There's Picasso, Van Gogh, Da Vinci. A girl doing sports doesn't make her less of a lady. I think that it's cool that the daughter is into sports in spite of her health condition. On the endometriosis, this girl can't just suck it up and get over it and I think that it's very sweet that her brother takes care of her during that time.
Can someone explain to me what all those abbreviations mean? AITA, TA, PO, ... Is AITA "Am I The Asshole"'?
AITA - Am I The Asshole; NTA - Not The Asshole; YTA - You're The Asshole; ESH - Everyone Sucks Here; NAH - No Assholes Here. Have you maybe transposed PO for OP? OP - Original Post(er).
Load More Replies...are we just not gonna talk about the guy with the username "bigbuttfucker"
This started out being wrong. Your parents moved into a house with two teenagers who were constantly running to different activities where they were exposed to many, many people, and you and your parents thought this would keep them safer from COVID then if they stayed at their own place and isolated?
Any parenting site would recommend that until the children are 21, they are to be their parent, not the pal. So his folks are not 'minors' but the teenagers are. He needs to support the children at all levels, to the best of his abilities. His own parents are on their own or keep their opinions to themselves. A warning to change may have been nice, but not necessary.
I can understand. I have a couple of pious aunts who were always talking to my mum about my illnesses/disabilities as though they knew better than us & my doctors, always saying that I should fight through the pain & be more sociable. I also have PCOS/endometriosis, so I understand the frustration. My mum did more or less the same thing & told them where to stick it, adding that they weren’t being very Christian towards their own niece. They still haven’t changed & we aren’t about to bow to their superiority complex! 🤷♀️
My house, MY rules. and anyone who comes here needs to respect that. I am surprised that you don't ask them to leave mush sooner.
You, Sir, are a wonderful parent of two amazing and wonderful children. I am so happy that you put your children first as they should always be your priority! Your parents, unfortunately, have never learned to parent well and it is therefore amazing that you turned out to be such a fabulous parent yourself! Congratulations on raising two lovely children who care for one another and you. Keep your family close and do not let others hurt you, including your own unfortunate terrible parents who have little compassion for you or their own grandchildren.💖💖💖
Papa Bear, you did well by standing up for your children who have clearly felt loved and respected by you! It is hard that your parents have been difficult throughout your life - but I am thrilled and proud that you gave them boundaries and stood by your kids.
There is a difference in offering a critique and being critical. Being critical brings stress which can be detrimental to one's mental health and happiness. The grandparents were critical and were warned not to be. They didn't listen. Throw them out and let them criticize life, that's what they do best and they'll be the only ones who will listen
NTA. He might allow them moving in again, if they change this behaviour. You cannot change one's beliefs, at least not instantly, but, for example, the granddad could "man up", here translating into "shut up" when things don't match his opinion on masculinity. He's by no means in order of setting up rules at that home, just because he's Dad's Dad. They can suck it up and accept the things, rules, their son's family as is - or move out finally and for good. Offering that, in case they aren't that toxic in general, would be my approach. Or leaving them outside and everything as is, for knowing which one, I don't know enough of this.
Had similar situation with my mother in law. She is toxic af. She has played favorites since my kids were little. The kids noticed. The favored kids feel horrible that they are treated kindly and other sibling is crapped on. We've all tried to run interference and be a barrier between grandma and the kid she dislikes but refuse to do it any longer. Pandemic or no, I told my spouse that his mother needed to leave or the kids and I were leaving. 16 months later, she is finally gone.
Talk to your children. See how they feel and what they want. They were the targets. Let it be their call. NTAH
It's disturbing to me how they're leaving messages trying to guilt you. It seems like they've been abusive for a long time.
Terrible. I wonder how they would react if they were my grandparents and I came out to them as bi. Yea, I would be dead before i finish the sentence. NTA
Some parents need to learn that just being a parent doesn't automatically give you a respect.You need to earn it just like anyone else.Giving someone life doesn't give you right to be mean.Good on you dad, you're awesome!
Respect to the dad for having the kids back immediately. You're an awesome dad and NTA.
Definitely NTA! Your parents are belittling their own grandchildren and that is awful. Have you tried to explain the magnitude of their actions to them?
100% NTA. Some grandparents your kids have. If I were you I’d keep my kids away from those abusing assholes.
unfortunately, there are far too many similar examples out there, and those who just accept it as the way it is.
Umm you let yourself be manipulated into letting them sponge off you and insult the humans you are responsible for even once in your own home???!!! Do you not have a spine and balls?! End your relationship and severe all contact immediately and get yourself into an assertiveness course stat!!
NTA but he missed a great opportunity to model conflict resolution to his kids. Not everything in life can be solved this way and his kids need to see how to have a conversation about a difficult topic. He could have sat down with his parents - the kids should have been present too - and laid out exactly what the problems were. I think it would have been powerful to give them one chance to change their behavior after the conversation but if he'd decided not to that would be reasonable too. But the kids missed the chance to hear their father defend them to his parents, explain the problems, and to give them a chance to listen and change. That's a skill badly needed and how will the kids learn it if he doesn't show them?
Conflict resolution doesn't mean sticking around to be abused, and it especially doesn't mean leaving your kids around abusers. They can "listen and change" somewhere else.
Load More Replies...It seems like the type of thing that he could have been spoken to them about without kicking them out but he's right to look out for the well being of his kids. It's hard to say without having met the parents but If they absolutely will not shut their mouths then he did what he had to do.
They are adults with all of their marbles in place, and they are not homeless. This man grew up with these people abusing him and he will not permit them to abuse his kids. This is not complicated.
Load More Replies...Grandparents are awesome parents are wusses, thats why kids are like they are today.
Okay, let's change who's in the receiving end to give you a better perspective on this, because apparently you don't give a s**t about your kids. If your parents did nothing but verbally harass and insult your spouse in front of you, would you just sit there like a coward and do nothing about it?
Load More Replies...NTA but not very good at communicating either. Imo, instead of just letting his Dad run his mouth, he should have given a clear warnign earlier.
he did. Op said he told the gandfather multiple times to stop
Load More Replies...since the "grandfather" is so much into traditional roles you should have asked him, before kicking his ass out, what kind of useless pussy bitch is he that he married a woman who is older than him
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