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30 People Share Stories About How Their Parents Treated Them Vs. Their Younger Siblings
Being the oldest child in a family can sound pretty nice in theory: you have younger siblings you can boss around whenever you need, pull the seniority card if they try to rebel, and you get to know you had at least one year where your parents gave you their full attention. However, the reality is there are plenty of negatives, too.
Comedian and writer Abby Govindan just tweeted one of them. It's the annoying special treatment of the younger brats you have to witness. You had to save up $60 for a Nintendo when you were 7? Your brother gets an Xbox when he's 7. You're threatened you'll be kicked out of your house if you don't make your bed? Your sister lets food rot in hers and no one says anything. That kind of stuff.
Abby's tweet has accumulated nearly 500K likes and 46K comments, many of which were written by other older siblings and detail similar struggles. Here are some of the best ones for you to enjoy scrolling through!
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I'm the oldest, toughest and meanest, it helped being the oldest of 6, lol.
my mom worked for the airforce, she was the oldest of 12, and she acts like it...
When i was 14 i did a lot of bad things and i got scolded i got grounded and spanked, now I’m 23 years old and live on my own but these past few weeks i decided to stay with my mom for personal reasons and my brother was recently brought back from a health behavioral hospital for suicidal thoughts and he also does drugs like popping pills and weed, my parents didn’t even scold him before being taken, he was allowed to go out at nights , hang out with his friends and still do drugs and they didn’t even scold him, they let him get away with it like nothing.. what do i do???
Eldest boys can have tons of issues & be strong too. Why is this even gendered?
Women good men bad. Same as always. Older siblings in general deal with a lot of s**t, male or female.
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It's called hyperbole. I'm sure the OP meant it in the sense of strength of mind anyway. There is some truth to the sentiment.
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Also, parents should be careful about this. If children feel they are getting unequal amounts of your attention, discipline, and responsiveness, it can lead to sibling rivalry. It usually continues throughout childhood and can be very frustrating and stressful to the whole family.
According to Sara Laule, MD, the best thing parents can do to avoid this is not playing favorites. "Try not to compare your children to one another," she wrote. "For example, don't say things like, 'Your brother gets good grades in math—why can't you?'"
Enjoying each of your children’s individual talents and successes is important as well, however, it should not get in the way of them forming a team. "Set your kids up to cooperate rather than compete. For example, have them race the clock to pick up toys, instead of racing each other."
PREACH. Thats ALL my siblings say whenever I FINALLY get something of my own
You must've gotten a pretty awesome tattoo if you changed your mom's mind about them :)
How does someone who is legally an adult let their parents dictate them a curfew and rules about drinking?
My mom did the same thing to me and said I'd never get a job or amount to anything...unbeknownst to me, a few years later I came to visit and accidentally happened upon her and my step-dads weed stash. Double standard. Now, my 18 yr old daughter moved in with them....they said "no smoking at our house" so when my step-dad found her stash, he stole it, smoked it and lied about it. Then bought weed from her bf. Idiots....
Ok but....kick her out? In 8th grade? Maybe I'm lazy but sometimes I forget to do my homework and my Mum usually just asks me a bunch of questions such as 'What was stopping you from doing it?' or 'Do we need to do anything to help you be more responsible?'
Note: this post originally had 42 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I am an older sibling and yet find these strange. We got all the new stuff, our parents had more time, our parents had less experience parenting and would rather fall for our tricks. Thus: you could equally argue why it sucks to be the younger one. Unfortunately, many of the entries here are not about older or younger sibling but about bad parenting. Sorry for spoiling the fun.
Some of it is the difference between how parents treat male and female siblings - overprotecting the girls. Teaching sexism in the family home from the word go 🙄. Some of it is just losing the will to bother with subsequent childreen though that's a weak AF excuse really. As the third out of four children it is also 'the baby' of the family syndrome where they get spoiled rotten as they stay as the baby forever (let them grow up ffs). Though my parents also called me names, my father behaved very questionably on a number of occasions and both were more harsh with me than any of my siblings so sometimes parents just treat on child differently regardless. I don't know if parents are oblivious at times but as a child it was fecking obvious and yet 'we don't have favourites'. Sure you don't. Bad parenting as you say.
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Some of these are proper double standards and must be really annoying for the older sibling. Other ones? Not so much. It seems to me that some aren't taking into account the fact that their parents' views had progressed (possibly even because of the older sibling), that society had progressed a little, or even that it's just that their parents didn't have as much money when they (the older sibling) were younger as they (the parents) did when the time came for the younger sibling to receive the same item. There's a lot that kids don't know about their parents. For me, it was only by either looking back, or having conversations with my parents as an adult that I fully understood some things that absolutely did not seem fair at the time. I'm not even sure this comment makes sense. Bit of waffle, really.
I think it makes a lot of sense! The trick parents miss is not explaining things to their children. Most children will understand 'we have more money now, sorry we couldn't do it earlier for you'. Parents often underestimate a child's ability to understand the pressures they are under or think they are protecting them - if a child ends up holding on to a grievance because of a perceived injustice then they aren't protecting them at all. Possibly the reverse.
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Both my elder sisters got a particular present at age 13 so I was so sure I would too... nope. Was so disappointed. Never said anything though. My younger sister routinely got away with breaking every rule set. Even when given a curfew she'd obey it for one day and then start coming home late again. My parents were as soft as butter with her. She then proceeded to go off the rails, take drugs (injecting and stuff - she didn't muck about) get drunk and sleep with practically anyone - might have happened anyway but it is a shame that they didn't try much with her as she's the one that appeared to need it the most. Also gave them an excuse to continue to be tough on me 'aw, but she needs help'.
It sounds like you know how it feels to have both the down fault of being the younger sibling and the down fault of being a older sibling. Something I feel a lot of ppl don’t talk about. Some may see it as a perk, but the majority of the time younger siblings often fight for independence. Either way parents need to treat their kids the same and siblings need to stop bullying each other.
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Same with me! My mom monitors everything I do, random checks, ect. I'm 16 ! I caught my 7 year old brother watching porn on the family Ipad and took the Ipad away from him and brought it to my mom... I got grounded for 1 week from "yanking it out of his hands". We yank things out of each others hands ALL THE TIME and my mom hates it. Also he didn't get any punishment.
You quite possibly have parents who think it is appropriate to have different standards for boys and girls. On the whole that is archaic and foolish. It gets justified as 'protection' when really it's just that they've been brainwashed (probably by their parents) into thinking that control = protection when it doesn't. Unfortunately, yanking things out of each others hands is juvenile - a 7 year old doing it would be annoying but at 16? It looks like a lack of impulse control. Most people would find that irritating and 'doing it all the time' makes it sound worse. If you want to be treated in a more adult manner then the only way is to behave in one. Sorry, I'm with you on the points about your brother watching porn and your parents having skewed standards.
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I think younger siblings have a lot of their own stories as well. After HS, my mother bought my sister a car. I had to buy my own which I could only afford when I was 27 years old. When my sister moved out of the house my mother gave her everything she needed for the flat. When I moved out, my dad gave me an old microwave... Thanks Dad 😘
Exactly!! My sister got her college paid for and I didn’t. Not to mention she got braces, Disney world and dances lessons, and guess who didn’t? The little sister. 🙄 A lot of these older siblings don’t realize that sometimes the “discrimination” cuts both ways
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I had to stop reading around 8 entries in it was just pissing me off so much. I experienced this and it sucked so bad and was so unfair and hurt so much. Even though I'm nearing 40 now, memories of those times and of being unfairly treated or targeted for things as the oldest really gets to me. Its not funny, it's dysfunctional (okay not all the time but in my case...yes).
I’m the youngest and I agree. Although I didn’t have that experience bc my sister actually had a childhood. I didn’t. So she can’t really complain if I got a toy at an age younger age than she did bc she got to go on family vacations and dance classes. I think a lot of these are double standards with brother vs sister though. Almost everyone of these have a little brother involved. My mom is a middle child and she hated being compared to by her big sister and she also noticed how her younger brother was babied.... as for the emotional trauma it can definitely happen! Which is why parents need to treat the kids fairly and kids need to stop bullying their siblings bc of it!
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It’s so much worse when you’re an older brother to a younger sister - because yay sexism - and you also happen to have ADHD and bad grades, while said sister can say LITERALLY ANYTHING about you and your parents would believe it, because she’s “trustworthy,” and throw out your point of view because they “just don’t know what to believe anymore”
I'm the youngest of 3, both of my older siblings were somewhat trouble makers. When my Dad was angry with them the whole mood of the house totally sucked! So I tried my best to never make Dad mad, because I had to deal with it even when it wasn't my fault. So I *rarely* got into any trouble. They still pick on me about this and it really aggravates me. I wasn't a goodie twoshoes, I was just trying to keep the peace.
They shouldn't pick on you for that - do they realise how much it affected you? They sound like they need to be told how you really felt and why you chose to keep out of trouble. If you have already done that then they need to grow up and let it go.
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I am the youngest sibling and yes I do think I am spoiled. But at least I have a brain, when my parents joke about me inheriting the 88' Corvette I tell them give it to my brother because he's been interested in it for a lot more time than I have. I think hand-me-downs are appropriate not brand new jeeps or iPhones and iPads. My siblings have different interests, I prefer a laptop because I do various tasks that I can't on a phone, and my sister doesn't complain about no laptop. And when she does, my parents say that a MacBook is not required for yearbook (actual reason, she asked for a laptop for yearbook). I got my phone around end of 5th grade, which my siblings had to wait for flip phones in 6th grade graduation. The thing is they already had the spare iPhones so they just re-activated it. Re-use not Re-buy
I feel like these aren’t Older sibling vs Younger sibling, it’s sister vs brother. As the youngest sibling I feel like I can relate to a lot of the big sibling struggles tbh. Like my sister can argue that I got away with a few things she didn’t, but she can never say I had it easier. Bc she had an actual childhood, something that I missed out on completely.
As the youngest I had the opposite. My siblings are 13 and 16 years older than me. I was denied a lot of things because "your sister did this and your brother did that when they had that" so I basically paid for their mistakes even though I have always been the more responsible and mature sibling... so much so that my dad has made me executor of his will when he passes.
As the oldest, I usually get harsher punishments that last longer and my parents get angrier about something if I did it, but part of it is the fact that I never get in trouble. It felt like a massive win when my brothers were fighting and my mom yelled at the youngest for never leaving people alone, the middle for being nasty about stuff, and it took them a few seconds to think of something for me.
I'm a little sister (big sis is 6 years older than me) and I totally got spoiled compared to her! She got her 1st tat at 22, while living in NYC (we grew up in RI), and showed the family on a visit home one weekend. Dad flipped out and grounded her - she said "Fine," got in her car and drove back to her home in NYC. I had 3 tats before I was 22, and Dad found out when a cousin ratted me out at Thanksgiving dinner that year. He just looked at me, shook his head, and rolled his eyes, but never said a word. BUT, now that we are both in our 40's, our roles have reversed. I'm more the big sister bc I check in on her, make sure she's getting enough sleep and isn't running herself into the group between work, teaching at the college, getting her PhD, and volunteer work. I remind her of family events and obligations and I'm now the protective sister.
My parents didn't even let me sleep on the top bunk of a bunk bed until I was 10 and my little sister got to go up there whenever when she was 6. She also got a phone before I did, I wasn't allowed to have one until i was 14, and she wasn't even 10 when she got hers.
This sort of happened to me but I’m happy that my brother won’t go through the same things I did. And I’ll be sure to treat any future children of mine well too, despite their age
Most parents forget though - parenting shoves the memories aside. I hope you really do remember. The aim should be to be even-handed with how you treat them - don't hold boys and girls to different standards and explain why you do things. If you get it wrong, say sorry. Parenting doesn't make a person immune from apologising yet many parents hope their children won't notice - they do.
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Now let's do one about how mothers treat their daughters differently than they do their sons. I am the youngest, but my brother got so much more than I did. More material things, more time, more attention, lighter sentences for acting out. It was ridiculous. We are in our 40's now and it is still the same way.
Appears to be an all too common theme... If parents can't be more even-handed with their children then sounds like they should have stuck with just the one. Makes me rather glad I wasn't my parents favourite by any means - at least my sisters don't resent me!
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When my mom found me vaping she took my phone for a year and put me in therapy thinking I’m going crazy. When my brothers were found smoking at about my age (14) he joined them thinking he was in the “cool kids” group ;-;
I’m the youngest and my mom wants me to be the best child, so i have to go to college i already have a job at 14. If i take one step out of line i have to go back to therapy. My parents are acting like i their personal Barbie doll that they can make as perfect as they want and its getting on my nerves that they think they can just change me and think I’ll be fine with whatever.
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My parents were poor and never had money to celebrate my birthday or get me a nice present. I was born in February - winter, electricity etc. But then they always had money to celebrate properly my younger sisters birthday - she is born i April. They got her a bike once - only to her - with gears! I mean, I never got a bike after the 3-wheeled. My sis banged her bike and totaled it and they blamed me, because she went to the supermarket with it and they initially sent me, but she said she will go. So, yes, I got yelled. Also, my sister was smoking cigarettes, stealing money from my parents and managed somehow to convince my father that my friend was coming to the house and doing both things. Literaly she said he was coming at home to smoke (she was leaving cigarete buts at the balcony). One boy gave me a golden ring and she stole it. Once she stole my phone. Yet, my parents yelled at me all the time. She never went to college and she still lives with them (with her boyfriend)
She sounds like proof that letting your children have everything teaches them that they are as entitled AF and does no-one any favours. Your parents do sound like they have stuffed up and blaming you is probably an attempt to avoid shouldering the blame. Sorry you had that experience.
Load More Replies... I am a younger sibling and even though I still argue with my sister when my parents treat her unfairly I ask them to stop and usually get shouted at
I noticed that a lot of these stories involve alcohol, drugs, and teenage sex. What kind of homes did these kids grow up in? What other dynamics were involved?
My YOUNGER sister actually got her phone a month before me because her birthday is a month before mine, because when my mom announced I'd be getting a phone for my birthday my sister threw a tantrum.
Yeah - parents aren't supposed to reward tantrums. 🙄 Teaching a child that they work is not a good idea.
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Bruh. my little brother was allowed to play war games rated pg-13 at age 7. I wasn't allowed to play ANIMAL JAM until I was 10. I snuck a cookie like 5 times (separate occasions) and got yelled at and lectured about how they're not good for me and that s**t every time, and my little sis steals everyone's stuff (at least once a week), sneaks WHOLE TUBES OF PRINGLES , doesn't get in trouble AT ALL and the food still gets pinned on me.
I was reading these aloud (muttering, not loudly) and my dad comes in and asks if I'm talking to anyone online and what I'm doing and he wants to see and did I study (he knows the semester is over) and grills me on if I have a secret life online. I have to friend my mom on all social media, too.
Everyone has a secret life - parents simply cannot police the inside of your head. I found that fact very comforting on many occasions.
Load More Replies... im an older sibling and I think all the parents here are fucktards. I mean REALLY!!! COME ON PARENTS!!! JUST BC U GIVE BIRTH TO ANOTHER CHILD, DOESN'T MEAN U CAN TREAT THEM BETTER THAN WHAT U DID YO YOUR FIRST ONE!!
My parents couldn't help my sister and I pay for college because they had to save their money for our younger siblings, but we couldn't get any help because by the time we went to college they were making a comfortable six figures each and that's not going to get you any help. My brother and sister got out of college debt free and with brand new cars because they graduated college.
My younger brother and baby sister both had whatever school they tried paid for by mother. Me? MY school loans will NEVER be paid off. And I'm the only one with a degree.
when i turned 12 i got 3 notebooks and a drawing tablet. MEANWHILE, WHEN MY SISTER TURNED NINE, SHE GOT A FRIKIN DRONE. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FLY IT AND IT JUST SAT IN THE CUPBOARD FOR A YEAR. my parents still got me a smart watch and power bank for my 13th, so i guess thats fair.
My mom took away my phone and grounded me for two summers because i was looking up stuff about the LGBT+ community
AND MY YOUNGER SISTER WAS CAUGHT WATCHING PORN AND MY MOM SAID IT WAS JUST A PHASE
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every single one of these is absolutely infuriating. my brain hurts because these people are SO EFFING STUPID.
I think you should tell ur parents how unfair it is and if they punsih u 4 it just f it and not take the punishment
Even though I'm a younger sibling I feel like I really want to join this union. Equal rights for all siblings!
older sibling, here. when I was a few months old, I was given to my grandfather (the best man that has ever lived) to raise, as my parents were students still. my parents took me back at age 5, and things never recovered, I guess... I was never the kid they expected me to be. I was sad a lot, I was fat and ugly for my mum, and stupid for my dad. my sister was raised by them 7 years afterwards, and luckily, she was the child they wanted. they never made an effort to hide it.
This list has made me so sad for these families. Reading between the lines, these are later generations to mine, even the parents, I think. My Mom was born to a woman who always wanted to be the centre of attention, so never encouraged love between her children. So when my parents, who were both over 30, got married, Mum said her children would not have the same life as she had. I was the firstborn, my sister came 3 years later. Mum said that with the new baby there, she would need help, and I was roped in to help look after Wee One. To this tiny scrap she said, Big Sister came First, Big Sister knows Best, so you must listen to Big Sister. And Wee One adored me. We were encouraged to do things for each other, I'd hang her dressing-gown on the hook where she couldn't reach, she'd put my slippers away. To this day, (I'm 77, she's 74) we do things for each other. I'm in a retirement community, housebound, she does shopping for me, while I'm digitising her many photographic slides.
My friend growing up was adopted, as was his younger sister. For one Christmas when they were teens, the parents bought her an expensive stereo system. He got two blank casette tapes. (They also told him when he was 11 that he had to start contributing monetarily to the groceries. He had an ulcer by age 12.)
I'm an older sibling too, I feel all of this so hard. my parents monitor my every move online an say that im not responsible to have a tv in my room. my sister gets a tv plus they dont watch her NEARLY as much. although my parents are more chill about dating with me than my sister (which is kinda sexist and by extension transphobic)
I had to take the bus regardless of the weather. Rain...stood out there. Snow...stood out there. Mosquitoes...stood out there. My sister? Has no idea what a bus looks like. I had to set the formal table every night for dinner. Pad, tablecloth, matching cloth napkins, etc. clear and do the dishes. Pledge the table, redecorate. My sister? Not once. Older siblings really do all the hard work. Lol. Sister...graduated from college got a new car. Completed 20 years military service...didn't even attend my ceremony. Lol. I know who the favorite is. You don't gotta tell me. Hahahaha!
When I told my parents I am bisexual, when I was approx 14-15, it turned into a huge thing. It was unnatural, gross, "just a phase" yada yada. I was even in love with a female friend at that time, who liked me back, and I wasn't allowed to invite her home since my parents were worried we would make out in the kitchen and other "nasty and unnatural stuff". I had approx 8 years of anxiety and feelings of unworthiness because of these things until I told myself that this is who I am and that's ok. When my younger sister told about her sexuality (also bisexual), my parents just responded "oh, ok" and even accepted her long term girlfriend to come and stay with us for a week. Treating her like the best guest. My sister also got her first car as a gift (used one, however). I had to purchase my first one (also used, but still).
The most infuriating injustice between siblings that I know is the exact opposite: the older sibling was the center of attention, spoiled, allowed to do/study whatever he wanted, went on expensive trips to the Americas, was endowed with a 3-bedroom flat to live on his own when he was eighteen, despite being a d*ckhead, repeating one year in HS, studying a useless subject and probably being unemployed atm. The mom was always picking on the younger one, who didn't get similar gifts, education and travels.
*disclaimer* my mother has a crazy busy job, she is not that bad of a parent 1. I took care of all of my siblings in 5th grade through senior year of high school. I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends because I had my “responsibilities” that should have been my mother’s. I had to do pretty much all the housework. Yet when my little siblings had to pick up something they left on the floor, I had to do it because it was “my fault.” 2. So, in 6th grade I started watching anime and my mother absolutely hated me for it. Yet my little brother watched it every day and my mother said it was “adorable” 3. Just so you know, I am the third child. My older brother was treated way better than me.
Girl/boy differences in standards maybe? Children should help parents but not replace them. If a parent has a crazy busy job then maybe having several children and dumping their care on one child wasn't the best decision.
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i'm a younger sister and i don't get a lot of stuff (like everything you guys said) but my brother does one time my mom wrapped all the presents for christmas and i looked under the tree there was only my brothers presents non of them were mine
Girl/boy double standards - your parents are not being even-handed and that is simply wrong. I'm so sorry. It isn't about being the youngest in your situation, some parents just value boy children more and that speaks volumes about them and their poor judgement. You go on and be more successful than your brother - that's the only way to show them. Don't blame your brother though, it isn't his fault. Though if he grows up and is overly-entitled and lazy don't be too surprised. Your parents will have caused that. I sincerely wish you all the best.
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I'm the younger one, but all my life or atleast from 10+ i have felt like beibg the older one. My older brother is moms favorite. And in moms absence i did her role of helping my brother... Currently i'm 27 and decided to show some tough love and exclude my brother from my life as his leeching affected me negatively and exhausted me.
Yeah - parents often favour the boy with no reason other than they are male. It's c**p parenting. Clearly taught your brother some great standards!!
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My Mum said my older sister and I were not allowed to have a landline extension phone in our bedrooms even though there was a plug in each room for the phone and we argued we needed privacy at our age. 3 years later not only did our youngest sister get a phone.. but it was her own private line which they had to get a technician in to put in a plug. When we were aghast our Mum said.. She needs her privacy. Seriously..wth! Lol!
It's our own fault. We beat down the doors & exhausted our parents so they didn't have any energy left to properly look after our siblings.
Nope, still the parents fault. They had one, found it hard work and then had another. It didn't get easier - SHOCK!
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In my family, the oldest daughter (me) and the youngest daughter had to deal with an over-protective mother. Years back, my then 19-year-old youngest sister said she'd invite her new boyfriend over while our parents were on vacation. My mother called me in a panic, acting as if the guy was a serial rapist and threatening to cancel the vacation. I thought "She pulled that overprotective c**p on me, she's not doing it to the youngest sister!". I told her to go and promised to keep an eye on my kid sister. My parents left. I called my sister, asked what her new boyfriend was like. "He's really nice!" she said. Good enough for me. I don't think my mother would have approved of my hands-off approach... heheheh.
I hate over protective parents but I also had a sister who had zero judgement and frequently her nice boyfriends turned out to be control freaks with anger management problems (she kept picking men just like our dad!). When a partner is new that is when you are learning about them, not fully knowledgeable and people are often not what they seem. That said it's not your business and it's only your parents as she was living in their house - I think I'd have done the same.
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I was bullied in primary school, my parents moved my younger sister to another school. I was in the final year, so was left there to see it out!
Charming. Why did your parents move your sister - was she also being bullied?
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I was always the one that got into the most trouble. My middle brother had behavioural problems so his behaviour was excused quite often by my mum and my younger brother kept to himself. My middle brother was mollycoddled so much that he was even given birthday presents on my younger brothers and my birthday so he didn’t feel left out (our birthday is the same day).
I would trade my happy ten years of childhood for fiftey years of a happy adulthood anyday. The youngest children are never respected by the other family members. And we are treated badly for the rest of our lives after childhood. And the oldest is more likely to live a fulfilling and successful life.
That sounds rather like personal experience is colouring how you think all families are. They aren't all the same. Some youngest siblings get babied and over-protected their whole life but have a very successful career. Some oldest children go off the rails. You are over-simplifying I'm afraid.
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The fact is, if you are born first, your parents are learning on you.
not oldest sibling but I do have a younger brother. My older sisters do get a few more privileges but they're understandable, but my younger brother. I get to watch Harry Potter for the first time, he gets to watch with me even though he's several years younger because "he feels left out" we had the same bed time for years, and my personal favourite, I get mad at him for not letting me sleep in, I yell and slam the door, suddenly I'm the devil incarnate (christian family btw, just for reference!) I tease my brother a bit about his love of monkeys (see: I literally called him a monkey. He calls himself a monkey all the time) he pushes me over and drops a glass water jug on my head giving me concussion and a huge bump, and guess whose fault it is! Mine. For "hurting his feelings".
Parents really shouldn't be so wet 'feels left out' is not a good reason though Harry Potter is quite safe. Regardless, we got told 'you will get that privilege when you reach their age' and had to accept that. Otherwise how are children going to learn that you can't have everything you want, when you want it? Be a nasty shock when they are adults. I find I frequently can't have whatever I want. Teasing often ends in tears - I'd highly recommend not doing it unless it is purely good natured. You have to learn to get along some time and just think how much kudos you'll get. It does sound like your brother needs a few more barriers (though you don't mention his age).
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I am the "baby". I think my mom was just tired by the time I came along. Uhhh just do wth you want. Wasn't much fun so I became the rule nazi. Haha
I am the guilty parent. - When you have your first kid, everything is so serious, everything has to be perfect, they have to be perfect. By your second kid, you calm down a lot. You see things are just fine, the world won't come to an end.
That's fine as long as you explain the reasons for your changing decisions. If you don't explain you may well end up with your older child/children harbouring grievances. Children often see these as injustices that matter a lot when a parent might not realise that the child has even picked up on it - or might laugh off a stroppy child with a 'they'll get over it'. Children remember and are bothered about these things far more than parents realise. The way around that is by explaining yourself - most kids are smart enough to understand and appreciate being treated as smart enough to understand. Any parent now reacting with a 'I don't need to explain myself' lacks empathy.
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I am an older sibling and yet find these strange. We got all the new stuff, our parents had more time, our parents had less experience parenting and would rather fall for our tricks. Thus: you could equally argue why it sucks to be the younger one. Unfortunately, many of the entries here are not about older or younger sibling but about bad parenting. Sorry for spoiling the fun.
Some of it is the difference between how parents treat male and female siblings - overprotecting the girls. Teaching sexism in the family home from the word go 🙄. Some of it is just losing the will to bother with subsequent childreen though that's a weak AF excuse really. As the third out of four children it is also 'the baby' of the family syndrome where they get spoiled rotten as they stay as the baby forever (let them grow up ffs). Though my parents also called me names, my father behaved very questionably on a number of occasions and both were more harsh with me than any of my siblings so sometimes parents just treat on child differently regardless. I don't know if parents are oblivious at times but as a child it was fecking obvious and yet 'we don't have favourites'. Sure you don't. Bad parenting as you say.
Load More Replies... Some of these are proper double standards and must be really annoying for the older sibling. Other ones? Not so much. It seems to me that some aren't taking into account the fact that their parents' views had progressed (possibly even because of the older sibling), that society had progressed a little, or even that it's just that their parents didn't have as much money when they (the older sibling) were younger as they (the parents) did when the time came for the younger sibling to receive the same item. There's a lot that kids don't know about their parents. For me, it was only by either looking back, or having conversations with my parents as an adult that I fully understood some things that absolutely did not seem fair at the time. I'm not even sure this comment makes sense. Bit of waffle, really.
I think it makes a lot of sense! The trick parents miss is not explaining things to their children. Most children will understand 'we have more money now, sorry we couldn't do it earlier for you'. Parents often underestimate a child's ability to understand the pressures they are under or think they are protecting them - if a child ends up holding on to a grievance because of a perceived injustice then they aren't protecting them at all. Possibly the reverse.
Load More Replies... Both my elder sisters got a particular present at age 13 so I was so sure I would too... nope. Was so disappointed. Never said anything though. My younger sister routinely got away with breaking every rule set. Even when given a curfew she'd obey it for one day and then start coming home late again. My parents were as soft as butter with her. She then proceeded to go off the rails, take drugs (injecting and stuff - she didn't muck about) get drunk and sleep with practically anyone - might have happened anyway but it is a shame that they didn't try much with her as she's the one that appeared to need it the most. Also gave them an excuse to continue to be tough on me 'aw, but she needs help'.
It sounds like you know how it feels to have both the down fault of being the younger sibling and the down fault of being a older sibling. Something I feel a lot of ppl don’t talk about. Some may see it as a perk, but the majority of the time younger siblings often fight for independence. Either way parents need to treat their kids the same and siblings need to stop bullying each other.
Load More Replies... Same with me! My mom monitors everything I do, random checks, ect. I'm 16 ! I caught my 7 year old brother watching porn on the family Ipad and took the Ipad away from him and brought it to my mom... I got grounded for 1 week from "yanking it out of his hands". We yank things out of each others hands ALL THE TIME and my mom hates it. Also he didn't get any punishment.
You quite possibly have parents who think it is appropriate to have different standards for boys and girls. On the whole that is archaic and foolish. It gets justified as 'protection' when really it's just that they've been brainwashed (probably by their parents) into thinking that control = protection when it doesn't. Unfortunately, yanking things out of each others hands is juvenile - a 7 year old doing it would be annoying but at 16? It looks like a lack of impulse control. Most people would find that irritating and 'doing it all the time' makes it sound worse. If you want to be treated in a more adult manner then the only way is to behave in one. Sorry, I'm with you on the points about your brother watching porn and your parents having skewed standards.
Load More Replies... I think younger siblings have a lot of their own stories as well. After HS, my mother bought my sister a car. I had to buy my own which I could only afford when I was 27 years old. When my sister moved out of the house my mother gave her everything she needed for the flat. When I moved out, my dad gave me an old microwave... Thanks Dad 😘
Exactly!! My sister got her college paid for and I didn’t. Not to mention she got braces, Disney world and dances lessons, and guess who didn’t? The little sister. 🙄 A lot of these older siblings don’t realize that sometimes the “discrimination” cuts both ways
Load More Replies... I had to stop reading around 8 entries in it was just pissing me off so much. I experienced this and it sucked so bad and was so unfair and hurt so much. Even though I'm nearing 40 now, memories of those times and of being unfairly treated or targeted for things as the oldest really gets to me. Its not funny, it's dysfunctional (okay not all the time but in my case...yes).
I’m the youngest and I agree. Although I didn’t have that experience bc my sister actually had a childhood. I didn’t. So she can’t really complain if I got a toy at an age younger age than she did bc she got to go on family vacations and dance classes. I think a lot of these are double standards with brother vs sister though. Almost everyone of these have a little brother involved. My mom is a middle child and she hated being compared to by her big sister and she also noticed how her younger brother was babied.... as for the emotional trauma it can definitely happen! Which is why parents need to treat the kids fairly and kids need to stop bullying their siblings bc of it!
Load More Replies... It’s so much worse when you’re an older brother to a younger sister - because yay sexism - and you also happen to have ADHD and bad grades, while said sister can say LITERALLY ANYTHING about you and your parents would believe it, because she’s “trustworthy,” and throw out your point of view because they “just don’t know what to believe anymore”
I'm the youngest of 3, both of my older siblings were somewhat trouble makers. When my Dad was angry with them the whole mood of the house totally sucked! So I tried my best to never make Dad mad, because I had to deal with it even when it wasn't my fault. So I *rarely* got into any trouble. They still pick on me about this and it really aggravates me. I wasn't a goodie twoshoes, I was just trying to keep the peace.
They shouldn't pick on you for that - do they realise how much it affected you? They sound like they need to be told how you really felt and why you chose to keep out of trouble. If you have already done that then they need to grow up and let it go.
Load More Replies... I am the youngest sibling and yes I do think I am spoiled. But at least I have a brain, when my parents joke about me inheriting the 88' Corvette I tell them give it to my brother because he's been interested in it for a lot more time than I have. I think hand-me-downs are appropriate not brand new jeeps or iPhones and iPads. My siblings have different interests, I prefer a laptop because I do various tasks that I can't on a phone, and my sister doesn't complain about no laptop. And when she does, my parents say that a MacBook is not required for yearbook (actual reason, she asked for a laptop for yearbook). I got my phone around end of 5th grade, which my siblings had to wait for flip phones in 6th grade graduation. The thing is they already had the spare iPhones so they just re-activated it. Re-use not Re-buy
I feel like these aren’t Older sibling vs Younger sibling, it’s sister vs brother. As the youngest sibling I feel like I can relate to a lot of the big sibling struggles tbh. Like my sister can argue that I got away with a few things she didn’t, but she can never say I had it easier. Bc she had an actual childhood, something that I missed out on completely.
As the youngest I had the opposite. My siblings are 13 and 16 years older than me. I was denied a lot of things because "your sister did this and your brother did that when they had that" so I basically paid for their mistakes even though I have always been the more responsible and mature sibling... so much so that my dad has made me executor of his will when he passes.
As the oldest, I usually get harsher punishments that last longer and my parents get angrier about something if I did it, but part of it is the fact that I never get in trouble. It felt like a massive win when my brothers were fighting and my mom yelled at the youngest for never leaving people alone, the middle for being nasty about stuff, and it took them a few seconds to think of something for me.
I'm a little sister (big sis is 6 years older than me) and I totally got spoiled compared to her! She got her 1st tat at 22, while living in NYC (we grew up in RI), and showed the family on a visit home one weekend. Dad flipped out and grounded her - she said "Fine," got in her car and drove back to her home in NYC. I had 3 tats before I was 22, and Dad found out when a cousin ratted me out at Thanksgiving dinner that year. He just looked at me, shook his head, and rolled his eyes, but never said a word. BUT, now that we are both in our 40's, our roles have reversed. I'm more the big sister bc I check in on her, make sure she's getting enough sleep and isn't running herself into the group between work, teaching at the college, getting her PhD, and volunteer work. I remind her of family events and obligations and I'm now the protective sister.
My parents didn't even let me sleep on the top bunk of a bunk bed until I was 10 and my little sister got to go up there whenever when she was 6. She also got a phone before I did, I wasn't allowed to have one until i was 14, and she wasn't even 10 when she got hers.
This sort of happened to me but I’m happy that my brother won’t go through the same things I did. And I’ll be sure to treat any future children of mine well too, despite their age
Most parents forget though - parenting shoves the memories aside. I hope you really do remember. The aim should be to be even-handed with how you treat them - don't hold boys and girls to different standards and explain why you do things. If you get it wrong, say sorry. Parenting doesn't make a person immune from apologising yet many parents hope their children won't notice - they do.
Load More Replies... Now let's do one about how mothers treat their daughters differently than they do their sons. I am the youngest, but my brother got so much more than I did. More material things, more time, more attention, lighter sentences for acting out. It was ridiculous. We are in our 40's now and it is still the same way.
Appears to be an all too common theme... If parents can't be more even-handed with their children then sounds like they should have stuck with just the one. Makes me rather glad I wasn't my parents favourite by any means - at least my sisters don't resent me!
Load More Replies... When my mom found me vaping she took my phone for a year and put me in therapy thinking I’m going crazy. When my brothers were found smoking at about my age (14) he joined them thinking he was in the “cool kids” group ;-;
I’m the youngest and my mom wants me to be the best child, so i have to go to college i already have a job at 14. If i take one step out of line i have to go back to therapy. My parents are acting like i their personal Barbie doll that they can make as perfect as they want and its getting on my nerves that they think they can just change me and think I’ll be fine with whatever.
Load More Replies... My parents were poor and never had money to celebrate my birthday or get me a nice present. I was born in February - winter, electricity etc. But then they always had money to celebrate properly my younger sisters birthday - she is born i April. They got her a bike once - only to her - with gears! I mean, I never got a bike after the 3-wheeled. My sis banged her bike and totaled it and they blamed me, because she went to the supermarket with it and they initially sent me, but she said she will go. So, yes, I got yelled. Also, my sister was smoking cigarettes, stealing money from my parents and managed somehow to convince my father that my friend was coming to the house and doing both things. Literaly she said he was coming at home to smoke (she was leaving cigarete buts at the balcony). One boy gave me a golden ring and she stole it. Once she stole my phone. Yet, my parents yelled at me all the time. She never went to college and she still lives with them (with her boyfriend)
She sounds like proof that letting your children have everything teaches them that they are as entitled AF and does no-one any favours. Your parents do sound like they have stuffed up and blaming you is probably an attempt to avoid shouldering the blame. Sorry you had that experience.
Load More Replies... I am a younger sibling and even though I still argue with my sister when my parents treat her unfairly I ask them to stop and usually get shouted at
I noticed that a lot of these stories involve alcohol, drugs, and teenage sex. What kind of homes did these kids grow up in? What other dynamics were involved?
My YOUNGER sister actually got her phone a month before me because her birthday is a month before mine, because when my mom announced I'd be getting a phone for my birthday my sister threw a tantrum.
Yeah - parents aren't supposed to reward tantrums. 🙄 Teaching a child that they work is not a good idea.
Load More Replies... Bruh. my little brother was allowed to play war games rated pg-13 at age 7. I wasn't allowed to play ANIMAL JAM until I was 10. I snuck a cookie like 5 times (separate occasions) and got yelled at and lectured about how they're not good for me and that s**t every time, and my little sis steals everyone's stuff (at least once a week), sneaks WHOLE TUBES OF PRINGLES , doesn't get in trouble AT ALL and the food still gets pinned on me.
I was reading these aloud (muttering, not loudly) and my dad comes in and asks if I'm talking to anyone online and what I'm doing and he wants to see and did I study (he knows the semester is over) and grills me on if I have a secret life online. I have to friend my mom on all social media, too.
Everyone has a secret life - parents simply cannot police the inside of your head. I found that fact very comforting on many occasions.
Load More Replies... im an older sibling and I think all the parents here are fucktards. I mean REALLY!!! COME ON PARENTS!!! JUST BC U GIVE BIRTH TO ANOTHER CHILD, DOESN'T MEAN U CAN TREAT THEM BETTER THAN WHAT U DID YO YOUR FIRST ONE!!
My parents couldn't help my sister and I pay for college because they had to save their money for our younger siblings, but we couldn't get any help because by the time we went to college they were making a comfortable six figures each and that's not going to get you any help. My brother and sister got out of college debt free and with brand new cars because they graduated college.
My younger brother and baby sister both had whatever school they tried paid for by mother. Me? MY school loans will NEVER be paid off. And I'm the only one with a degree.
when i turned 12 i got 3 notebooks and a drawing tablet. MEANWHILE, WHEN MY SISTER TURNED NINE, SHE GOT A FRIKIN DRONE. SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO FLY IT AND IT JUST SAT IN THE CUPBOARD FOR A YEAR. my parents still got me a smart watch and power bank for my 13th, so i guess thats fair.
My mom took away my phone and grounded me for two summers because i was looking up stuff about the LGBT+ community
AND MY YOUNGER SISTER WAS CAUGHT WATCHING PORN AND MY MOM SAID IT WAS JUST A PHASE
Load More Replies... every single one of these is absolutely infuriating. my brain hurts because these people are SO EFFING STUPID.
I think you should tell ur parents how unfair it is and if they punsih u 4 it just f it and not take the punishment
Even though I'm a younger sibling I feel like I really want to join this union. Equal rights for all siblings!
older sibling, here. when I was a few months old, I was given to my grandfather (the best man that has ever lived) to raise, as my parents were students still. my parents took me back at age 5, and things never recovered, I guess... I was never the kid they expected me to be. I was sad a lot, I was fat and ugly for my mum, and stupid for my dad. my sister was raised by them 7 years afterwards, and luckily, she was the child they wanted. they never made an effort to hide it.
This list has made me so sad for these families. Reading between the lines, these are later generations to mine, even the parents, I think. My Mom was born to a woman who always wanted to be the centre of attention, so never encouraged love between her children. So when my parents, who were both over 30, got married, Mum said her children would not have the same life as she had. I was the firstborn, my sister came 3 years later. Mum said that with the new baby there, she would need help, and I was roped in to help look after Wee One. To this tiny scrap she said, Big Sister came First, Big Sister knows Best, so you must listen to Big Sister. And Wee One adored me. We were encouraged to do things for each other, I'd hang her dressing-gown on the hook where she couldn't reach, she'd put my slippers away. To this day, (I'm 77, she's 74) we do things for each other. I'm in a retirement community, housebound, she does shopping for me, while I'm digitising her many photographic slides.
My friend growing up was adopted, as was his younger sister. For one Christmas when they were teens, the parents bought her an expensive stereo system. He got two blank casette tapes. (They also told him when he was 11 that he had to start contributing monetarily to the groceries. He had an ulcer by age 12.)
I'm an older sibling too, I feel all of this so hard. my parents monitor my every move online an say that im not responsible to have a tv in my room. my sister gets a tv plus they dont watch her NEARLY as much. although my parents are more chill about dating with me than my sister (which is kinda sexist and by extension transphobic)
I had to take the bus regardless of the weather. Rain...stood out there. Snow...stood out there. Mosquitoes...stood out there. My sister? Has no idea what a bus looks like. I had to set the formal table every night for dinner. Pad, tablecloth, matching cloth napkins, etc. clear and do the dishes. Pledge the table, redecorate. My sister? Not once. Older siblings really do all the hard work. Lol. Sister...graduated from college got a new car. Completed 20 years military service...didn't even attend my ceremony. Lol. I know who the favorite is. You don't gotta tell me. Hahahaha!
When I told my parents I am bisexual, when I was approx 14-15, it turned into a huge thing. It was unnatural, gross, "just a phase" yada yada. I was even in love with a female friend at that time, who liked me back, and I wasn't allowed to invite her home since my parents were worried we would make out in the kitchen and other "nasty and unnatural stuff". I had approx 8 years of anxiety and feelings of unworthiness because of these things until I told myself that this is who I am and that's ok. When my younger sister told about her sexuality (also bisexual), my parents just responded "oh, ok" and even accepted her long term girlfriend to come and stay with us for a week. Treating her like the best guest. My sister also got her first car as a gift (used one, however). I had to purchase my first one (also used, but still).
The most infuriating injustice between siblings that I know is the exact opposite: the older sibling was the center of attention, spoiled, allowed to do/study whatever he wanted, went on expensive trips to the Americas, was endowed with a 3-bedroom flat to live on his own when he was eighteen, despite being a d*ckhead, repeating one year in HS, studying a useless subject and probably being unemployed atm. The mom was always picking on the younger one, who didn't get similar gifts, education and travels.
*disclaimer* my mother has a crazy busy job, she is not that bad of a parent 1. I took care of all of my siblings in 5th grade through senior year of high school. I wasn’t allowed to go out with my friends because I had my “responsibilities” that should have been my mother’s. I had to do pretty much all the housework. Yet when my little siblings had to pick up something they left on the floor, I had to do it because it was “my fault.” 2. So, in 6th grade I started watching anime and my mother absolutely hated me for it. Yet my little brother watched it every day and my mother said it was “adorable” 3. Just so you know, I am the third child. My older brother was treated way better than me.
Girl/boy differences in standards maybe? Children should help parents but not replace them. If a parent has a crazy busy job then maybe having several children and dumping their care on one child wasn't the best decision.
Load More Replies... i'm a younger sister and i don't get a lot of stuff (like everything you guys said) but my brother does one time my mom wrapped all the presents for christmas and i looked under the tree there was only my brothers presents non of them were mine
Girl/boy double standards - your parents are not being even-handed and that is simply wrong. I'm so sorry. It isn't about being the youngest in your situation, some parents just value boy children more and that speaks volumes about them and their poor judgement. You go on and be more successful than your brother - that's the only way to show them. Don't blame your brother though, it isn't his fault. Though if he grows up and is overly-entitled and lazy don't be too surprised. Your parents will have caused that. I sincerely wish you all the best.
Load More Replies... I'm the younger one, but all my life or atleast from 10+ i have felt like beibg the older one. My older brother is moms favorite. And in moms absence i did her role of helping my brother... Currently i'm 27 and decided to show some tough love and exclude my brother from my life as his leeching affected me negatively and exhausted me.
Yeah - parents often favour the boy with no reason other than they are male. It's c**p parenting. Clearly taught your brother some great standards!!
Load More Replies... My Mum said my older sister and I were not allowed to have a landline extension phone in our bedrooms even though there was a plug in each room for the phone and we argued we needed privacy at our age. 3 years later not only did our youngest sister get a phone.. but it was her own private line which they had to get a technician in to put in a plug. When we were aghast our Mum said.. She needs her privacy. Seriously..wth! Lol!
It's our own fault. We beat down the doors & exhausted our parents so they didn't have any energy left to properly look after our siblings.
Nope, still the parents fault. They had one, found it hard work and then had another. It didn't get easier - SHOCK!
Load More Replies... In my family, the oldest daughter (me) and the youngest daughter had to deal with an over-protective mother. Years back, my then 19-year-old youngest sister said she'd invite her new boyfriend over while our parents were on vacation. My mother called me in a panic, acting as if the guy was a serial rapist and threatening to cancel the vacation. I thought "She pulled that overprotective c**p on me, she's not doing it to the youngest sister!". I told her to go and promised to keep an eye on my kid sister. My parents left. I called my sister, asked what her new boyfriend was like. "He's really nice!" she said. Good enough for me. I don't think my mother would have approved of my hands-off approach... heheheh.
I hate over protective parents but I also had a sister who had zero judgement and frequently her nice boyfriends turned out to be control freaks with anger management problems (she kept picking men just like our dad!). When a partner is new that is when you are learning about them, not fully knowledgeable and people are often not what they seem. That said it's not your business and it's only your parents as she was living in their house - I think I'd have done the same.
Load More Replies... I was bullied in primary school, my parents moved my younger sister to another school. I was in the final year, so was left there to see it out!
Charming. Why did your parents move your sister - was she also being bullied?
Load More Replies... I was always the one that got into the most trouble. My middle brother had behavioural problems so his behaviour was excused quite often by my mum and my younger brother kept to himself. My middle brother was mollycoddled so much that he was even given birthday presents on my younger brothers and my birthday so he didn’t feel left out (our birthday is the same day).
I would trade my happy ten years of childhood for fiftey years of a happy adulthood anyday. The youngest children are never respected by the other family members. And we are treated badly for the rest of our lives after childhood. And the oldest is more likely to live a fulfilling and successful life.
That sounds rather like personal experience is colouring how you think all families are. They aren't all the same. Some youngest siblings get babied and over-protected their whole life but have a very successful career. Some oldest children go off the rails. You are over-simplifying I'm afraid.
Load More Replies... The fact is, if you are born first, your parents are learning on you.
not oldest sibling but I do have a younger brother. My older sisters do get a few more privileges but they're understandable, but my younger brother. I get to watch Harry Potter for the first time, he gets to watch with me even though he's several years younger because "he feels left out" we had the same bed time for years, and my personal favourite, I get mad at him for not letting me sleep in, I yell and slam the door, suddenly I'm the devil incarnate (christian family btw, just for reference!) I tease my brother a bit about his love of monkeys (see: I literally called him a monkey. He calls himself a monkey all the time) he pushes me over and drops a glass water jug on my head giving me concussion and a huge bump, and guess whose fault it is! Mine. For "hurting his feelings".
Parents really shouldn't be so wet 'feels left out' is not a good reason though Harry Potter is quite safe. Regardless, we got told 'you will get that privilege when you reach their age' and had to accept that. Otherwise how are children going to learn that you can't have everything you want, when you want it? Be a nasty shock when they are adults. I find I frequently can't have whatever I want. Teasing often ends in tears - I'd highly recommend not doing it unless it is purely good natured. You have to learn to get along some time and just think how much kudos you'll get. It does sound like your brother needs a few more barriers (though you don't mention his age).
Load More Replies... I am the "baby". I think my mom was just tired by the time I came along. Uhhh just do wth you want. Wasn't much fun so I became the rule nazi. Haha
I am the guilty parent. - When you have your first kid, everything is so serious, everything has to be perfect, they have to be perfect. By your second kid, you calm down a lot. You see things are just fine, the world won't come to an end.
That's fine as long as you explain the reasons for your changing decisions. If you don't explain you may well end up with your older child/children harbouring grievances. Children often see these as injustices that matter a lot when a parent might not realise that the child has even picked up on it - or might laugh off a stroppy child with a 'they'll get over it'. Children remember and are bothered about these things far more than parents realise. The way around that is by explaining yourself - most kids are smart enough to understand and appreciate being treated as smart enough to understand. Any parent now reacting with a 'I don't need to explain myself' lacks empathy.
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