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Mom Complains Their Son Won’t Have Children, Gets Response She Didn’t Expect
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Mom Complains Their Son Won’t Have Children, Gets Response She Didn’t Expect

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If you’re anything like me, you take the letters written to ‘agony aunts’ in the newspaper with a pinch of salt. Some just seem too weird to be real, others just make you think “Don’t you have any friends to ask instead?”

Still, some people seem to believe that this method, asking a total stranger for advice about private matters on a public forum, is the best way forward. Take this mother for example, who wrote to ‘Dear Prudence’ an agony aunt on Slate that appears as a podcast, live chat and publication on their website.

Like many older mothers, she dreams of the pitter-patter of tiny feet returning once again to the family in the form of dear grandchildren. Feeling like she’s tried all options on the table to get her son and daughter-in-law to agree, she turns to Prudie. “How do we convince them that we only want them to be happy?” She asks.

I think it’s fair to say, Prudie is not impressed. Scroll down to see her scathing response, and tell us what you think. Do you agree with Prudie? Have any sympathy with the mother? Let us know in the comments below!

This letter to ‘Dear Prudence,’ an agony aunt on the magazine Slate, appeared recently and received a scathing reply from Prudie

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People reacted by relating to and agreeing with Prudie’s advice

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zori-i-iana avatar
Zori the degu
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Finally someone told these people to stop, perfect, simple response. I have a similar case with my grandmother. I've told her that when I grow up I don't want to have anything to do with children. They are noisy. They are too much responsibility, they eat from your time and finances... I'm sure many people would disagree but that's how I see children. Lets not mention that I hate most children, I really do. Some are cool smart little guys but most of them are no no. So, anyway, when grandma heard me saying it, she gave me that look of hers "What!? You disagree with my views?"(yeah, she's a bit narrow-minded in my opinion.) and turned to my father, asking loudly: "You wouldn't let her not have kids, right?. He gave her an amused smile and said:"Who are we to decide, if she doesn't want kids, she won't have." I have the best parents ever. :)

michelleclark avatar
Michelle Clark
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do have awesome parents! As a CF (childfree, which is different from childless btw) I knew at 12 I never wanted kids; for pretty much your exact reasons. My mother has always been supportive. I'm 37 now, and still feel the same way; actually it's worse because the dreamy "happily ever after" version of parenthood has been replaced by reality. Don't let anyone pressure you and remember you are NOT alone! Plenty of CF's all over the world.

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zselyke_szekely avatar
Nomadus Aureus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I want children. One day. But what pissess me off is when people tell me, I owe it to my parents to have them. And that I'm being disrespectful by not having children, since they've had me. I don't quite remember asking them to?

jitka-zachova avatar
Pamela24
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd say I owe my parents their care...and I'd feel terrible not taking care of them in the future when/if they need me to. But having children isn't anyone else's business but yours (and your partner).

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hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pressuring your kids is one thing... annoying and not healthy, but it is nothing compared to going to their spouse. WHY!? You could damage their marriage, or when she does have children, she could chose to limit your access.

jewels7377 avatar
Julie Partridge
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was told when I was 15, that because of health conditions (I'm not sickly, just have things wrong with me) I'm a high risk pregnancy. It upset me at first, but as I got older, I decided I didn't want kids-for many reasons. I've since gotten married & my husband got a vasectomy in order to not risk getting me pregnant. Luckily, my parents have never pressed kids on me, but other people...my god. They act as though my lack of desire for children means I'm murdering all children everywhere. Even after I tell them I or the child could die, I get the "adopt" suggestion. Sure, if I really wanted to, but financially that's not a viable option right now. I just wish people understood that some people don't want to become parents.

lou_delue avatar
Zenozenobee
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how some people are sooooo sure that they know the truth, that they know better what is good for someone else that 1) they don't give a s**t that maybe the person can't have kids and that it could hurt her/him to talk about it. 2) they insist until they get medical information that are none of their business. 3) they act as if the person is too stupid to think of solution like adoption by her/himself.... Live your life as you want to live it with your husband. If you WANT to have kids you will find your way WHEN you want it. If you don't want kids, I'm sure you will find your way to enjoy your life together. Plus being a mother of two, I can tell you that those noisy and unsolicited good advices would not stop if you have kids ;p .

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alusairalustriel avatar
Alusair Alustriel
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people like kids and want to have them, others dislike them and do not want them. I think, that we all should respect other people's choices and stop forcing our point of view on others. That is a problem affecting not only childbirth, but also several other aspects like religious marriages, partnerships with no marriage at all and many other issues. Stop thinking, that your point of view is the only accurate one. And stop telling others phrases like "When you will have a kid, you'll change your mind, I'm sure." Respect other people's boundaries. Something you want/like/approve isn't something another person will, and the world won't ever be as you like it 100%.

lisah_2 avatar
lisa H
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't that sum it up?? "We should respect other people's choices and stop forcing our point of view on others." You win the internet today..

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kimberlyrobinson avatar
Kimberly Robinson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This son and his wife are the essence of patience and restraint because I would have told those prying in-laws off years ago, especially that old biddy of a mother-in-law. Even better, this man should have put his foot down and told his parents to stop butting in and badgering his wife. They're HIS parents. I realize that different families have different standards of intimacy and boundaries, but I still don't understand how any civilized person thinks it's okay to ask a couple when they are having children. Just congratulate a couple when they make a pregnancy announcement and if it never comes, then so be it. Also, since this man's parents wants little children around so badly and are also financially well off, they might consider becoming foster parents. There are kids out there without homes who could really benefit from the slavering devotion of two parents. If they would find ways to fill their own lives, they wouldn't feel a need to put pressure on their son and daughter-in-law.

brianisha9tailedfox avatar
Brianna LaPoint
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

or maybe his parents should have another child rather than bothering their son about it/.

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dmladislas avatar
Dawn Ladislas
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not everyone wants kids. The fact that the MIL told the DIL 'you don't have to work" tells me everything there, basically she thinks the role of women is to reproduce, and nothing else. Very offensive because many women aspired to be more than just a stay at home mother.

sarah-lennie avatar
TheKnightOwl
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last comment about children being like cats is spot on. In regards to the subject matter, when your kids turn into adults, they make their own decisions. You job is done. My mum asked when we were having number three to the point where when I did get pregnant again, I didn't want to tell her.

mastermarkus avatar
Master Markus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody in my family bothers me about having children because they know how much I utterly despise babies and have too little patience for young children. Basically, I would make a bad parent, and there's no good in forcing unwanted children into the world. I don't understand parents who ask their kids to have grandchildren. I can be a very brutally honest person, and I would legitimately tell a pushy parent that they should just hang around a playground if they wanted to see people's kids without having to deal with the responsibility.

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm with you! Never wanted any, never had any. Luckily, when I told my parents they'd have to wait for my siblings to have kids, they were OK with that.

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raley-hudson avatar
Mary Raley
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe the worst thing you can do to your children is not genuinely want them. I don't want children, therefore I don't have any. My parents (and my in-laws) never said a word.

cheriebarnard avatar
Cherie Barnard
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom's on my case for a granddaughter. I already have a 7yo old son and I don't know how to tell her that I do not want more kids.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's your mother. Just tell her, then tell her the subject is closed and you won't talk about it any more. If she starts nagging, hang up on her or leave the room. Do this every time she starts hassling you. It's hard to do the first time, but eventually she'll get the point. ..... The job of a parent is to raise functional adults and her job is over.

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ilze-maskalane avatar
Sarcasticow
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've gained some weight and my father asked directly 'Are you pregnant?' All dinner table went silent. My mom responded first 'What was that???' And my father mumbled 'Nothing. It just would be nice if she were.' And since I have no boyfriend whatsoever and he knows that, I continued his sentence '... and I don't know who the father is!! How 'nice' is it now?' Sometimes you just have to respond to stupidity with stupidity.

kimberlyrobinson avatar
Kimberly Robinson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Awkward situation. Good of your mom to stand up for you, though. Your dad really owes you an apology.

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k4j82spartan avatar
Candace Stephens
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom wanted us kids to wait as long as possible to have our own. She didnt want to be grandma. My younger bro and sis have given her grandkids. I the eldest simply have no desire for crib midgets ,and my mom respected that choice. Love ya mom

dawn_welton avatar
lindalennon avatar
Linda Lennon
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What gets me is the people who comment "why not, do you hate children?" WTF? No, I don't 'hate' children; actually love the little buggers. I just don't want any of my own.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All you have to do is say "yes" once. I guarantee that person won't hassle you again.

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alex_newell avatar
Alex Newell
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought the unexpected response would have been the overpopulating crisis we're in. That's one of my main reasons.

hollyhobby avatar
Holly Hobby
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen. Those parents are WAY out of line and have no concept of Boundaries. And for what? Their own wants vs the needs of their son, his wife and any future children.

blackberrybunny avatar
Molly Block
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many people have kids they don't want/need/love. They are breeders and usually leave it to 'the system' to fund their "mistakes." I vote for spaying/neutering your partners! I never had kids, never wanted them. I refuse to. Don't need them. I wish more people were more responsible. And for those that want, maybe consider only having one, two at the most. NO MORE. These people who keep pumping them out, saying "god" told them to have more and more should be shot!

ananegura avatar
Ana
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Until a few years back my mom would bring up husband & kids combo because she's afraid I'll die alone. Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence mom. She's very helicopter-ish, it seems she's just like the lady who wrote the letter, they simply refuse to understand my position. For goodness sake, she gets offended and upset because I don't ask for financial help. I'm 34, not 14 anymore. I should be able to deal with finances by now. She just love a good, old self-sacrifice.

sapphire_adera avatar
Kristin Allen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"So when are you having another?" "-- I'm basically infertile between all the various health conditions I have. But thanks for rubbing salt in that wound." Over-reacting? Maybe. But I got asked this so many times I became bitter and started telling people I couldn't have more kids. Because as far as doctors were concerned, I would need a vast amount of expensive fertility treatments to conceive. Most people didn't believe me. They kept asking. It was mean.

laurenglenn avatar
Lauren Glenn
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad used to ask me when I was going to get married and have kids. Seems like his questions were answered when I had a sex change at 27. :)

jilldsumner avatar
Jilltdcatlady
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I decided young I didn't want children. My mother made sure to tell me repeatedly I was a nightmare to raise and she hoped my kids were just like me. Then I got married and found out I had too many "female irregularites" to get pregnant. (Ovarian cysts, endometriosis, misaligned uterus?) So I won the no child lottery. And she whines she wanted so many more children but I ruined everything. And now she moans how she will never have grandchildren. #1, it serves her right that karma is a b***h. #2 You reap what you sow.l

karolnat_ avatar
Karolína T.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im almost 40, married for more than 10 years, childfree for only one reason - I do not desire for being mother - and I find such ladies and mother-in-law ridiculous now. My parents never told me to have children because they know me and my attitude to babies and toddlers and I ceased the contact with other relatives asking such questions again and again. There is not another way, when someone is so rude and refuses to understand my choice.

adoracat avatar
adoracat
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son just got married. I asked about their future plans and that's IT. He wants to get established, she wants to pay off her student loans. They have plans! Their reproductive choices are THEIRS.

nubmaeme avatar
Nubmaeme
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I don't want any grandchildren. While I've never been good with kids, I did somehow manage to raise a son to be a good, decent adult. I'm far better at raising critters with four legs and fur than I am at raising those with two legs and hairless.

mauer_alicia0 avatar
Alicia Mauer
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's basically my mom. She says that god knew what she could handle because I was a pretty easy kid, as far as it goes. But she knows I don't want kids and especially don't want to be pregnant or deal with babies and she's perfectly content.

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katie-trondsen avatar
KT Trondsen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow that is some pretty atrocious behavior, especially approaching the DIL and telling her what to do. My husband and I were married for 9 years before we decided to have kids. My MIL never said anything, but my great grandpa in law and my own mom were constantly badgering us. The rich part? Now that we have kids my mom acts like I am horribly inconveniencing her when I ask her to watch the kids for 10 minutes (we live together). So DON'T have kids unless you want to, because people who push excessively may not want to actually help when the time comes. Oh, and we are very happy we decided to have kids. They turned out to be a lot more work than we anticipated but find they have truly enriched our lives :)

lanza130 avatar
Melody Lanzatella
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She thinks SHE has it bad! I have THREE grown children! 35, 33, and 28. NONE of them appear to want to children! Thats just the way it goes! I am making do with my "grand-furkids"! LOL Truth be told, if I were young today, Im not sure I would have kids either.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My MIL calls them her "grandkitties" and keeps them well-supplied with heavy duty catnip.

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allenscottldtke avatar
A dose of reality...
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now seriously: How much does it take (=how thick can be people be) to not realize that their children live different lives? On the other hand, what wrong with these two young people who won't stand up for what they want? The worst thing you can do is arrange your life around the life of others, especially if they are your parents. No need to do any talking, there is no possibility to not accept this.

jillvillechildcare avatar
JillVille Child Care
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister's 1st husband's mother pestered them constantly, even starting before the wedding, about having children. My sister wasn't Mom material and wasn't ready to admit that... but the MIL's ongoing questioning ended up ending their marriage. Just leave the kids alone. Sister is on her 3rd hubs now and still no kids. Just not her thing. My 4 children are bummed because they are without cousins. But have made a pact together that they will all have kids so they each have cousins. Let the kids figure it out, they'll do a better job anyway.

bdboy_x avatar
Lidee Moril
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These kind of pressuring gestures create unhappy people, families and kids. What’s the fun of having kids anyway?

swhitake2 avatar
Sharon Whitaker
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having children will not guarantee happiness, a lot of couples are quite happy without children. My grandson doesn't want any, he is my son's only child and he says he could have had children or not, so it doesn't matter to him. My grandson's girlfriend doesn't want any either, so there should be no arguments there. My mother and father raised me with realistic thoughts regarding children, the good and the bad side of it. I couldn't decide if I wanted any and I accidentally got pregnant with my son after 15 years of marriage and I later had another child who I planned. It is a personal choice and it is their choice, not moms, respect it by accepting what they choose.

makkihestenes avatar
makki
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you think having kids will make them happy? or you happy? because it doesnt seem like youre acting in their best interest rather then yours

michellelb020407 avatar
Michelle Blackwell
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I were 21 and 22 when we married so our families didn't ask us all the time when we were having children; they actually discouraged us from having children. As we were too young, we needed time to be alone, we needed time to ourselves even though we'd been together 4 years. As one lady posted she was infertile and since I have some medical problems we started trying 7 months after our wedding thinking nothing was going to happen but 7 months later I was pregnant and we were having a baby. Then everyone other than my husband's grandmother the baby's great grandmother were pretty upset we hadn't waited to have kids. By the time our son arrived they were all so please it was here and a miracle baby. And 2 years later when I accidentally got pregnant with my second son the same attitude but before my second son arrived they were all excited again. And ready for me to have a third one to try for a girl one more time. But our Checkbook said we were done we could only afford 2.

phlash12 avatar
Dan Long
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What do I think? I think parents who have children so that they can have grandchildren shouldn't have had children to begin with.

atruong74 avatar
SweetMamaP
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a complicated relationship with my mother but having children was never something that she pushed on me. No, it was her sisters, my aunts, who were so vocal about me having kids. One of them even went so far as to theorize to everyone that I was "too busy making money" to want to have kids (yep, she went there). The other one said that I couldn't keep coming to family events (like birthdays and showers) if I didn't have my own child to bring along (WTF?!). As annoyed and pissed off as I was, they've made me a better person. I no longer ask ANYONE about their reproductive goals or lack thereof.

mdclgyselinck avatar
Michèle Gyselinck
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother never pressured any of us kids to have kids of our own so she could have grandchildren to dote on, and at the age of 35 my sister was ready emotionally, relationally and professionally to have children, so they had one and the manufacture closed after that one since her pregnancy was difficult. But it was ok with my mom. She had one grandson and she was perfectly happy with that. Since we all live within 5 miles or so of her place, my mom gave the boy plenty of attention as he grew up, going so far as to pick him up from daycare on Wednesdays and taking him to her place where we gathered for supper. She continued that practice through his elementary and high school education, and now that he's in Junior College and within a five-minute walk of her place he walks to her place for supper once a week. I'm sure that Nicolas would go through fire for his Mamie--that,s what he calls her--and will be very sad when she dies.

mariegraphique avatar
Marie-Eve Barette
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was younger, I wanted to have kids. I even got pregnant and miscarried when I was 23. Then, life happened and I was never in a situation that I thought suitable to have and raise kids. Now that I am 45, I know that it won't happen and I actually feel grateful for that. I realize that I probably would have made a mediocre mom, at best. This said, I love kids nonetheless and I think I found the best way to indulge in my interest for children by becoming a teacher's aid in a grade school. This way, I get to nurture and educate little ones all week long (and I love it!) and then, I also get to go home without having to face all the stress relative to raising children. It makes me that much more available for my little kittens, since I start everyone of my workdays well rested and super happy to see them. :) Lastly, I am really grateful to my parents, who never pressured me into having kids.

tropeadanielle avatar
Danielle Tropea Ibclc Cpst
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure if anyone else mentioned this yet, but this couple may be struggling to conceive. Fertility is a private matter, and not one most share with even their parents- especially if those parents are extremely insensitive. Maybe the daughter-in-law has PCOS or another condition that makes it difficult to conceive. Maybe she has a non-fertility issue that would make pregnancy dangerous for her. Perhaps they are in the process of having a child through surrogacy or adoption. A lot of women, even young ones, struggle to become pregnant/maintain a pregnancy, and men do too! They may be dealing with the pain of miscarriage and decided to put off trying to conceive again until their hearts are ready. They may be blaming themselves and feeling guilt already. When you suffer loss, whether it is an inability to conceive or miscarriage, it is heart-breaking and not something most couples want to broadcast.

juliesiler avatar
Julie Siler
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WELL DONE, Prudie! You responded to this abomination of a "Mother" appropriately! The Mom should apologize and never bring the subject up again (but I'm guessing she will not since people like her never feel like they're wrong). Her son and daughter-in-law should stay on THEIR course and direction in life and the Mom needs to shut-up!

dinetkoopman avatar
Dinetk
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad once said 'We will not be those kind of people that nags for grandchildren' I still love him for that

egale_1 avatar
Anne
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And for the world it is the best not to put more children on it.

robert_mcgrory avatar
Robert McGrory
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People are never happy with how you live your own life, are they? I have 2 sons and I love them to no end. But I get it that people don't want kids. Parenting ain't for everyone and that's a fact. But people love to badger and for some reason the concept of "MYOB" doesn't seem to apply when it comes to procreation. Oh and the badgering never ends. Ever. When we first got married it was, "When are you having kids?" When we had our son (now 7) it was: "When are you having another one?" When we had our 2nd son (now 5) it became: "So...you gonna try for a girl?" I suppose once my wife reaches 50 it'll be a non-issue but then again we may hear, "You know, you can always have a foster child! Just sayin'"

bulmasan avatar
Jeanne Burch
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents have never pestered me about children, but I get the "when are you going to" anytime there's an extended family gathering. It was always annoying, but it's downright hilarious now that I'm nearly 60 and the same relatives are STILL asking "when?"

cookie avatar
Cookie
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I told my mum, if you want babies, go adopt one yourself.

1prairiegirl avatar
Marcy Schramm
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We chose not to have kids. No regrets. We’re 73. My parents thought it was a good decision.

mmcgrew avatar
Mark McGrew
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the parents ask their son about quitting HIS job to raise children?

crunchysopa12 avatar
Timothy Ochoa
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my solitude is just too priceless and enjoyed to even remotely think of dating a women, lmao let alone having children. great thing is my parents have never said squat about this/don't seem to give a s**t. which makes sense to be like that, and I'm thankful for it.

great_boo avatar
Charlarina
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My family were great and never asked if/when we were going to have children. The problem I found was so called friends constantly badgering us about having children. When we finally had a baby they then started asking us when are we going to have another one. One even asked when our baby was only 2 weeks old.

lizl_7 avatar
Laurie Price-Soto
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone was NOT cut out to be a parent. The foster care and adoption systems are overrun with kids proving just that. As are psychiatric institutions, jails, and graveyards. To know you don't want children and work hard to never have any is a blessing.

bobbinewell avatar
Bobbi Newell
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does this woman want her GRANDCHILDREN to be happy? They won't be, if their parents have them because of obligation. Children do best when they are wanted by their parents.

daniandshali avatar
Bridget Kielas-Fecyk
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will never have children due to my health. You would not believe how MANY people have asked me "When are you and your husband having children?" After hearing how long we've been married. When I say never, it's always "But why? Don't you like children?" Or "You won't be happy until your family is complete". Or those that know why I cannot have children is "Well I feel so bad for you, but you could adopt" It's like the idea that I don't WANT to have children, the fact I'm happy as I am, is anborrant to them.

hdemonaco avatar
Helga DeMonaco
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with Prudie. People have the right to make their own choices. Children ARE NOT an extension of their parents....they are their own people. As parents our "job" is to raise them to become their own functioning adults contributing positively to society....then we let them go....continuing to love them and become friends...parents in relationship only. I have a beautiful, grown daughter who hasn't had children. I LOVE Chernobyl, but her life has led her in a different direction. I LOVE her unconditionally.....and I support her 100%. SHE is my concern....not my " imaginary" grandchildren. Not everyone can, or should be parents.

shineyturds4president avatar
Victor Gear
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The idea that the mother could quit her job? Why not the father? Sounds like both had high power jobs. Why must the mother give up her ambitions, her dreams and goals for her future, for something she essentially doesn't want? I mean, jeeze. Kids are a handful. I couldn't do it. It's enough taking care of my own self, let alone the lives of little people.

megan_culleton_9 avatar
Megan Culleton
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've always fantasized about what it would be like to be a mother, but I've never wanted to give birth. I've set myself on the idea of becoming a foster parent when the time is right. I'll need to be financially secure with a home of my own and who knows how long that'll take.

tropeadanielle avatar
Danielle Tropea Ibclc Cpst
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet this woman has friends who have grandkids and feels left out. I also have a strong feeling that she thinks this couple should have had kids already based on them very likely being older than she was when she had her kids. Couples are starting families much later than they used to. My mother, a baby boomer, had me, in 1975, when she was 24. She was a stay-at-home mom for many years. I was 30 and 34 when I had my two kids and I was one of the first among my college and high school friends. I'm 42 now and those friends are just starting to have kids.

shanake_ avatar
Shana
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum and grandparents just accepted that I don't want any kids at all, my dad keeps asking every time I see him though. I just say that the 3 kids from my brothers are more than enough :P I think the people in this article are just really old-fashioned with the "woman doesn't need to work, she can just have babies" mentality. It is pretty rude to just say it like that and not to accept their son (and daughter-in-law)'s choices. Hopefully they do stop, otherwise they might just be pushing their only son away.

mixedupste_1 avatar
Mixedupste
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not once did my parents or my fiances parents ask or pressure us in to having children in the 5 years we have been together. You can not put pressure on people to have children! It's not right, I never wanted to children until i met my partner and also losing my only nephew who was 15 to a brain hemorrhage certainly changed me. I wanted my parents to have another grandchild. 8 months ago my fiance gave birth to our gorgeous daughter. They all over her to bits and we are all happy. My daughter now has the initial of my nephews name as her middle name. There was no pressure from parents at anytime for us to have children. We chose and they helped along the way of our journey. And that's the way it should be! Yes we get asked if we are having another one but not every 5 mins. And the answer is a no every time.

megancontreras avatar
Megan Contreras
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have 4 kids. Still young. Oldest is 16 and youngest is 5. I didn't mind being pregnant and I didn't mind raising my kids. It was hard at time with us both being military so when it comes to finances and stuff we were... okay. Army doesn't really start paying until you've been in for about 12 years. But I've told my husband many times that I would 100% not be upset if ANY of the kids told us that they don't plan on having kids or can't. Raising kids was hard for my generation and it seems to be getting harder and more expensive and the world is just an ugly place at times. I totally respect their decision. Maybe it'll change when they move out but honestly, I was 19 when I had my first and 30 for my last. I am looking forward to having an empty nest. My 15 yr old son has talked extensively about wanting to adopt. And I am ok with that too.

rebecahozuna avatar
Rebecah Ozuna
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mom got the answer that she deserved. Children are not for everybody and not everyone is fit to be a parent. My mom gave me to her sister and her husband, but along the way, even this man noticed that his wife wasn't fit to be a mom; she never treated me as a daughter, but more like a maid; years later i got that he didn't divorced her in order to protect me from her. He wasn't happy, but his decision keep me alive. I once told him that if i could, i'd take my life just to get away from her. It's the only time i saw him shed a tear. He took the roll of a mother, a father and a brother that i'll never had. I won't be having kids as i know for sure that i don't have what it takes to love them. A kid is neither a toy or a way for manutention. Freedom is priceless.

egale_1 avatar
Anne
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it is a very good and normal and healthy discion to have kids or not to have kids!!! It is your life. Your choice. Having kids does not mean you are getting happier!! 🤗

grasshopper1123 avatar
Carmen Devore-Blakestad
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Prudie gave the correct response. Not everyone in this world wants to be a parent (I'm one of those people. I don't like kids. Never have and never will). When someone asks me why I didn't have kids I just tell them straight up, I can't stand them. It's so shocking (I guess) that the matter drops right there!

desrtrse avatar
Debbie Tracey
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter will never have kids, always said she did not want kids, my son says he wants kids but has not found the right woman. Now he says he found the right woman but has suddenly kicked me out of his life. I love children, wanted to have more myself but couldnt and now my kids will probably not have kids. I long for grandchildren, makes me sad to see all of my friends loving their lives with grandchildren and I sit here feeling that my life will end with my kids. It is comforting to know that you can go on in time though grandchildren and great grand children, that parts of you will continue to live through the dna of generations to come. But for me, it seems to just end here. I struggled to have my own children and it seems it was all for nothing, when I die, when they die, that is it, we are gone from this earth :(. I do not bug them about it, but it makes me extremely sad inside.

tera2017 avatar
Tara Leigh
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then there are people who have kids and they get married treated by the grandparents like they are a huge unwanted burden.

cindylouwho38 avatar
Cynthia Rye
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's start with this: I have a niece and a nephew, my sister's two children. A year or two after I got married, mom came to me and said, "I'd really love some grandchildren." I replied, "You've got some." To her credit, she's never pushed any further.

annas-login-name avatar
Beth
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pressuring people into having kids is seriously stupid. They're such a huge commitment in terms of time, energy, financial resources etc etc that you really have to want to do it.

rene_thompson avatar
Rene Thompson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't expect my son to have children. If he does, fantastic! If he doesn't and I find I want children to love and help out with, there are tons of kids who can use mentors, or I could sign up to cuddle newborns at the NICU, volunteer at the local elementary school. But that's my responsibility, not my son's. His responsibility is to be the best and happiest him he can be.

wyltk75 avatar
Ian Cook
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell them that they should've had more kids. Odds are that at least one of their children would produce grandchildren.

thymianne avatar
Gabi Horvath
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I recently quit my job where I was taking care of 3 children whose mom has died. I was taking care of them for 10 months, and the beginning of this week i told to their father ok, that was it, I am quitting, i want to go on with my own life and wish them the best. According to my cintract, I was supposed go work for 8 more (calendar) days. I was considerate enough to tell him that i was staying til the end of the month, that would have given him 2,5 weeks to find someone. He gave me an ugly look, told me they were going to organise it all at the end of those 8 days, thank you. Since them they've (father, aunts, grandparents, etc.) been pestering me why I was leaving, was I pregnant, why I wasn't pregnant. I find this highly immoral and unprofessional since my private life is none of their f***** business. Now I have high blood pressure. 3 more days and I am off I just hope I will be able to pull through. Sometimes people really have no sense for where other people's privacy begins!!

sujol avatar
Su Jol
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this reminds me of an FML post I saw once, went something like "today my daughter taught my 4yo grandson to cry and ask 'am I not enough' whenever I ask her when she's going to have more kids." silly cow thought she'd find sympathy in the FML community. silly cow was mistaken.

jen-p-jones87 avatar
Jenni Jones
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never understood how anyone can ask a family member.. when they plan on having unprotected sex... get out of my life!

erinwelch_1 avatar
Erin welch
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S SMART! MY BROTHER AND I TOLD OUR PARENTS WE ARE NOT HAVING CHILDREN! IT JUST AINT GONNA HAPPEN, IT'S OUR CHOICE AND THAT'S IT! THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AFTER THAT, BUT THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BEFORE THEN EITHER BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WAS OUR CHOICE, WE'RE GROWN!

jewelfarmerxoxo avatar
Jewel Farmer
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Becoming a parent is such a huge step; you don't even know until you've had one, so yes, wait until you're ready. I'm glad that was a pressure I never had to deal with.

mrssalcedonancy avatar
Fsociety
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I have kids if it happens... the people who badgered the damn question"when are you going to have kids "or "no kids bummer " will not know til I pop the kid out.

polmacqueron avatar
Pol Macqueron
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents, as anyone, have to learn the difference between discussing and pressuring

silvermane7 avatar
Diane Wilson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a bloody busybody! Your kids are adults and are under no obligation to have kids if they don't want them. Maybe they enjoy being successful professionals? Maybe that's the life THEY want? Maybe they ARE happy! You know what's awesome? Not having kids. My spouse and I can sleep in, take holidays, go out whenever we want, have way more disposable income and dogs are better than kids any day. You know what else is awesome? Having parents that respect both my and my sister's choice to be child-free.

jlhall13 avatar
porcupine
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have the opposite problem; my MIL always asks her younger son and his wife when they’re having kids, but never my husband and me. Makes me kinda sad...

ilze-maskalane avatar
Sarcasticow
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think my father is pissing me off about when will I have children so he then can p**s off his grandchildren with when will they give him grandgrandchildren

onefineseamstres avatar
Betty Sines
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

omg the mother is really a big ol Buttinsky What might make them happier is to move far enough away from mom that she can't be as big a problem

holliemarie1995 avatar
Hollie Newton
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See my parents and my fiancé's would think us stupid for considering children right now (we don't want em anyway) purely because we struggle to look after ourselves and do not have much if any stability in our lives. They know our feelings and respect us for being responsible (genetic issues/partner has aspergers) and thinking about everything they accept they will have grand doggos :3

takutaxi avatar
Dennis Harris
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Asperger's shouldn't be a problem. I have a friend who's definitely on the spectrum (as am I) and his 25 yr old daughter is very intelligent and as "normal" as they come.

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Betsy Braddock
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That baby looks like the love child of Jim Gaffigan & James Corden.

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Kerry Pye
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i'm 38 and i told my mum i was getting my tubes tied and she told me i'd regret it. My oldest is 22 and youngest 20.

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Mcman Ken
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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aliaris avatar
Alia Ris
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess it's another example of generation gap. The baby boomers (in general, mind you) got less stuffs to think. "No parental leave? Stop working. Your partner's job is steady enough to make sure for all of your children." "I already bought house at my 20s. *twice*." Or "what? A nuclear war?? Impending environmental doom?? AHAHAHA.." (exagerrated version of course, but sometimes I'm so pissed off at how much less global anxiety these generation had)

brianlanning avatar
Brian Lanning
Community Member
6 years ago

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Mom worries that kids are making poor life choices by prioritizing work, money, and things over family, expresses this to kids repeatedly, gets stomped on by the internet. The mom is right. They need to stop chasing materialism and focus on things that will make them happy in the future. If materialism is the only thing that makes you happy, you're screwed up.

mauer_alicia0 avatar
Alicia Mauer
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are options other than 'kids" and "materialism." You have no idea what the DIL does for a living. She could be curing cancer or saving the world. Besides, kids aren't the road to happiness for most people. I have zero desire to have any, not because I want money (I'm in the wrong profession for that) but simply because I would be miserable as a parent.

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Joseph Mummerth
Community Member
6 years ago

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these "kids: are`nt seeing what the parents are seeing , an end to a genetic line going back , more generations than you would ever believe . a deletion from the gene pool of the human species , and the decision on the part of the "children " that the continued existence of the family means nothing compared to their personal gratification ! I side with the mother !

aaron_oakley avatar
Aaron Oakley
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your children are not empty vessels obligated to carry on your family line. They are living beings with their own emotions who are free to make their own decisions. If you have children purely because you want your genetic line to continue, that is messed up and you could just have used a sperm bank for that. What's so great about your genetic line anyway? There are million of genetic lines in the world, and many of them have extremely similar DNA. You can make a name for yourself in the world without forcing your offspring to do your bidding.

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Giovanni
Community Member
6 years ago

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I cannot understand people who don't want children, i respect their choice, but for me a descendance is the only thing that have the potential to not turn to dust or be forgotten in some millennia so it's the only thing worth living for. I understand the point of view of the parents but the way they constantly pressure their son is wrong anyway.

mastermarkus avatar
Master Markus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha! What if your kids don't have kids? Then it was a fruitless effort anyway! I mean, the reason we remember, say, Shakespeare isn't because he had children - it's because he did things that made all sorts of other people remember him!

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mastermarkus avatar
Master Markus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, what of it? Every comment is also left by a person who has or had hair on their bodies. Ooo! Natural states of being!

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Michelle Fowler Hollingsworth
Community Member
6 years ago

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wow,, I'm glad most of you are not having any kids. If they were has selfish and narcissistic as you people on the comments section of this article, mankind thanks you.

iggnir avatar
bob
Community Member
6 years ago

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The thing really bugging me is that a lot of people start thinking that having kids is a nuisance, as an excuse for not having any. I'm fine with people not having kids. But please, stop making parent (especially you parents) feel bad for having kids! You don't like it when people comment on you not having kids, so the very least you can do is stop making derogatory comments to people having kids (like "I hate kids anyway")... Doing so only makes you look desperate...

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids ARE a nuisance - and good parents admit that. Good parents also understand that they are the only ones who think their own kids are cute in any way. ... Tell me, why is it that people with kids are so hostile to people who choose not to have them? Are we that scary, or do you just want to spread the misery?

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Zori the degu
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. Finally someone told these people to stop, perfect, simple response. I have a similar case with my grandmother. I've told her that when I grow up I don't want to have anything to do with children. They are noisy. They are too much responsibility, they eat from your time and finances... I'm sure many people would disagree but that's how I see children. Lets not mention that I hate most children, I really do. Some are cool smart little guys but most of them are no no. So, anyway, when grandma heard me saying it, she gave me that look of hers "What!? You disagree with my views?"(yeah, she's a bit narrow-minded in my opinion.) and turned to my father, asking loudly: "You wouldn't let her not have kids, right?. He gave her an amused smile and said:"Who are we to decide, if she doesn't want kids, she won't have." I have the best parents ever. :)

michelleclark avatar
Michelle Clark
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do have awesome parents! As a CF (childfree, which is different from childless btw) I knew at 12 I never wanted kids; for pretty much your exact reasons. My mother has always been supportive. I'm 37 now, and still feel the same way; actually it's worse because the dreamy "happily ever after" version of parenthood has been replaced by reality. Don't let anyone pressure you and remember you are NOT alone! Plenty of CF's all over the world.

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Nomadus Aureus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I want children. One day. But what pissess me off is when people tell me, I owe it to my parents to have them. And that I'm being disrespectful by not having children, since they've had me. I don't quite remember asking them to?

jitka-zachova avatar
Pamela24
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd say I owe my parents their care...and I'd feel terrible not taking care of them in the future when/if they need me to. But having children isn't anyone else's business but yours (and your partner).

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Stille20
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pressuring your kids is one thing... annoying and not healthy, but it is nothing compared to going to their spouse. WHY!? You could damage their marriage, or when she does have children, she could chose to limit your access.

jewels7377 avatar
Julie Partridge
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was told when I was 15, that because of health conditions (I'm not sickly, just have things wrong with me) I'm a high risk pregnancy. It upset me at first, but as I got older, I decided I didn't want kids-for many reasons. I've since gotten married & my husband got a vasectomy in order to not risk getting me pregnant. Luckily, my parents have never pressed kids on me, but other people...my god. They act as though my lack of desire for children means I'm murdering all children everywhere. Even after I tell them I or the child could die, I get the "adopt" suggestion. Sure, if I really wanted to, but financially that's not a viable option right now. I just wish people understood that some people don't want to become parents.

lou_delue avatar
Zenozenobee
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how some people are sooooo sure that they know the truth, that they know better what is good for someone else that 1) they don't give a s**t that maybe the person can't have kids and that it could hurt her/him to talk about it. 2) they insist until they get medical information that are none of their business. 3) they act as if the person is too stupid to think of solution like adoption by her/himself.... Live your life as you want to live it with your husband. If you WANT to have kids you will find your way WHEN you want it. If you don't want kids, I'm sure you will find your way to enjoy your life together. Plus being a mother of two, I can tell you that those noisy and unsolicited good advices would not stop if you have kids ;p .

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Alusair Alustriel
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people like kids and want to have them, others dislike them and do not want them. I think, that we all should respect other people's choices and stop forcing our point of view on others. That is a problem affecting not only childbirth, but also several other aspects like religious marriages, partnerships with no marriage at all and many other issues. Stop thinking, that your point of view is the only accurate one. And stop telling others phrases like "When you will have a kid, you'll change your mind, I'm sure." Respect other people's boundaries. Something you want/like/approve isn't something another person will, and the world won't ever be as you like it 100%.

lisah_2 avatar
lisa H
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doesn't that sum it up?? "We should respect other people's choices and stop forcing our point of view on others." You win the internet today..

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Kimberly Robinson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This son and his wife are the essence of patience and restraint because I would have told those prying in-laws off years ago, especially that old biddy of a mother-in-law. Even better, this man should have put his foot down and told his parents to stop butting in and badgering his wife. They're HIS parents. I realize that different families have different standards of intimacy and boundaries, but I still don't understand how any civilized person thinks it's okay to ask a couple when they are having children. Just congratulate a couple when they make a pregnancy announcement and if it never comes, then so be it. Also, since this man's parents wants little children around so badly and are also financially well off, they might consider becoming foster parents. There are kids out there without homes who could really benefit from the slavering devotion of two parents. If they would find ways to fill their own lives, they wouldn't feel a need to put pressure on their son and daughter-in-law.

brianisha9tailedfox avatar
Brianna LaPoint
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

or maybe his parents should have another child rather than bothering their son about it/.

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Dawn Ladislas
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not everyone wants kids. The fact that the MIL told the DIL 'you don't have to work" tells me everything there, basically she thinks the role of women is to reproduce, and nothing else. Very offensive because many women aspired to be more than just a stay at home mother.

sarah-lennie avatar
TheKnightOwl
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That last comment about children being like cats is spot on. In regards to the subject matter, when your kids turn into adults, they make their own decisions. You job is done. My mum asked when we were having number three to the point where when I did get pregnant again, I didn't want to tell her.

mastermarkus avatar
Master Markus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody in my family bothers me about having children because they know how much I utterly despise babies and have too little patience for young children. Basically, I would make a bad parent, and there's no good in forcing unwanted children into the world. I don't understand parents who ask their kids to have grandchildren. I can be a very brutally honest person, and I would legitimately tell a pushy parent that they should just hang around a playground if they wanted to see people's kids without having to deal with the responsibility.

janellecollard avatar
Janelle Collard
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm with you! Never wanted any, never had any. Luckily, when I told my parents they'd have to wait for my siblings to have kids, they were OK with that.

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Mary Raley
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe the worst thing you can do to your children is not genuinely want them. I don't want children, therefore I don't have any. My parents (and my in-laws) never said a word.

cheriebarnard avatar
Cherie Barnard
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom's on my case for a granddaughter. I already have a 7yo old son and I don't know how to tell her that I do not want more kids.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's your mother. Just tell her, then tell her the subject is closed and you won't talk about it any more. If she starts nagging, hang up on her or leave the room. Do this every time she starts hassling you. It's hard to do the first time, but eventually she'll get the point. ..... The job of a parent is to raise functional adults and her job is over.

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Sarcasticow
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've gained some weight and my father asked directly 'Are you pregnant?' All dinner table went silent. My mom responded first 'What was that???' And my father mumbled 'Nothing. It just would be nice if she were.' And since I have no boyfriend whatsoever and he knows that, I continued his sentence '... and I don't know who the father is!! How 'nice' is it now?' Sometimes you just have to respond to stupidity with stupidity.

kimberlyrobinson avatar
Kimberly Robinson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Awkward situation. Good of your mom to stand up for you, though. Your dad really owes you an apology.

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Candace Stephens
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom wanted us kids to wait as long as possible to have our own. She didnt want to be grandma. My younger bro and sis have given her grandkids. I the eldest simply have no desire for crib midgets ,and my mom respected that choice. Love ya mom

dawn_welton avatar
lindalennon avatar
Linda Lennon
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What gets me is the people who comment "why not, do you hate children?" WTF? No, I don't 'hate' children; actually love the little buggers. I just don't want any of my own.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

All you have to do is say "yes" once. I guarantee that person won't hassle you again.

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Alex Newell
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought the unexpected response would have been the overpopulating crisis we're in. That's one of my main reasons.

hollyhobby avatar
Holly Hobby
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen. Those parents are WAY out of line and have no concept of Boundaries. And for what? Their own wants vs the needs of their son, his wife and any future children.

blackberrybunny avatar
Molly Block
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too many people have kids they don't want/need/love. They are breeders and usually leave it to 'the system' to fund their "mistakes." I vote for spaying/neutering your partners! I never had kids, never wanted them. I refuse to. Don't need them. I wish more people were more responsible. And for those that want, maybe consider only having one, two at the most. NO MORE. These people who keep pumping them out, saying "god" told them to have more and more should be shot!

ananegura avatar
Ana
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Until a few years back my mom would bring up husband & kids combo because she's afraid I'll die alone. Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence mom. She's very helicopter-ish, it seems she's just like the lady who wrote the letter, they simply refuse to understand my position. For goodness sake, she gets offended and upset because I don't ask for financial help. I'm 34, not 14 anymore. I should be able to deal with finances by now. She just love a good, old self-sacrifice.

sapphire_adera avatar
Kristin Allen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"So when are you having another?" "-- I'm basically infertile between all the various health conditions I have. But thanks for rubbing salt in that wound." Over-reacting? Maybe. But I got asked this so many times I became bitter and started telling people I couldn't have more kids. Because as far as doctors were concerned, I would need a vast amount of expensive fertility treatments to conceive. Most people didn't believe me. They kept asking. It was mean.

laurenglenn avatar
Lauren Glenn
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad used to ask me when I was going to get married and have kids. Seems like his questions were answered when I had a sex change at 27. :)

jilldsumner avatar
Jilltdcatlady
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I decided young I didn't want children. My mother made sure to tell me repeatedly I was a nightmare to raise and she hoped my kids were just like me. Then I got married and found out I had too many "female irregularites" to get pregnant. (Ovarian cysts, endometriosis, misaligned uterus?) So I won the no child lottery. And she whines she wanted so many more children but I ruined everything. And now she moans how she will never have grandchildren. #1, it serves her right that karma is a b***h. #2 You reap what you sow.l

karolnat_ avatar
Karolína T.
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im almost 40, married for more than 10 years, childfree for only one reason - I do not desire for being mother - and I find such ladies and mother-in-law ridiculous now. My parents never told me to have children because they know me and my attitude to babies and toddlers and I ceased the contact with other relatives asking such questions again and again. There is not another way, when someone is so rude and refuses to understand my choice.

adoracat avatar
adoracat
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son just got married. I asked about their future plans and that's IT. He wants to get established, she wants to pay off her student loans. They have plans! Their reproductive choices are THEIRS.

nubmaeme avatar
Nubmaeme
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally, I don't want any grandchildren. While I've never been good with kids, I did somehow manage to raise a son to be a good, decent adult. I'm far better at raising critters with four legs and fur than I am at raising those with two legs and hairless.

mauer_alicia0 avatar
Alicia Mauer
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's basically my mom. She says that god knew what she could handle because I was a pretty easy kid, as far as it goes. But she knows I don't want kids and especially don't want to be pregnant or deal with babies and she's perfectly content.

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KT Trondsen
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow that is some pretty atrocious behavior, especially approaching the DIL and telling her what to do. My husband and I were married for 9 years before we decided to have kids. My MIL never said anything, but my great grandpa in law and my own mom were constantly badgering us. The rich part? Now that we have kids my mom acts like I am horribly inconveniencing her when I ask her to watch the kids for 10 minutes (we live together). So DON'T have kids unless you want to, because people who push excessively may not want to actually help when the time comes. Oh, and we are very happy we decided to have kids. They turned out to be a lot more work than we anticipated but find they have truly enriched our lives :)

lanza130 avatar
Melody Lanzatella
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She thinks SHE has it bad! I have THREE grown children! 35, 33, and 28. NONE of them appear to want to children! Thats just the way it goes! I am making do with my "grand-furkids"! LOL Truth be told, if I were young today, Im not sure I would have kids either.

onemessylady avatar
Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My MIL calls them her "grandkitties" and keeps them well-supplied with heavy duty catnip.

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A dose of reality...
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Now seriously: How much does it take (=how thick can be people be) to not realize that their children live different lives? On the other hand, what wrong with these two young people who won't stand up for what they want? The worst thing you can do is arrange your life around the life of others, especially if they are your parents. No need to do any talking, there is no possibility to not accept this.

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JillVille Child Care
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister's 1st husband's mother pestered them constantly, even starting before the wedding, about having children. My sister wasn't Mom material and wasn't ready to admit that... but the MIL's ongoing questioning ended up ending their marriage. Just leave the kids alone. Sister is on her 3rd hubs now and still no kids. Just not her thing. My 4 children are bummed because they are without cousins. But have made a pact together that they will all have kids so they each have cousins. Let the kids figure it out, they'll do a better job anyway.

bdboy_x avatar
Lidee Moril
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These kind of pressuring gestures create unhappy people, families and kids. What’s the fun of having kids anyway?

swhitake2 avatar
Sharon Whitaker
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Having children will not guarantee happiness, a lot of couples are quite happy without children. My grandson doesn't want any, he is my son's only child and he says he could have had children or not, so it doesn't matter to him. My grandson's girlfriend doesn't want any either, so there should be no arguments there. My mother and father raised me with realistic thoughts regarding children, the good and the bad side of it. I couldn't decide if I wanted any and I accidentally got pregnant with my son after 15 years of marriage and I later had another child who I planned. It is a personal choice and it is their choice, not moms, respect it by accepting what they choose.

makkihestenes avatar
makki
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you think having kids will make them happy? or you happy? because it doesnt seem like youre acting in their best interest rather then yours

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Michelle Blackwell
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I were 21 and 22 when we married so our families didn't ask us all the time when we were having children; they actually discouraged us from having children. As we were too young, we needed time to be alone, we needed time to ourselves even though we'd been together 4 years. As one lady posted she was infertile and since I have some medical problems we started trying 7 months after our wedding thinking nothing was going to happen but 7 months later I was pregnant and we were having a baby. Then everyone other than my husband's grandmother the baby's great grandmother were pretty upset we hadn't waited to have kids. By the time our son arrived they were all so please it was here and a miracle baby. And 2 years later when I accidentally got pregnant with my second son the same attitude but before my second son arrived they were all excited again. And ready for me to have a third one to try for a girl one more time. But our Checkbook said we were done we could only afford 2.

phlash12 avatar
Dan Long
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What do I think? I think parents who have children so that they can have grandchildren shouldn't have had children to begin with.

atruong74 avatar
SweetMamaP
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a complicated relationship with my mother but having children was never something that she pushed on me. No, it was her sisters, my aunts, who were so vocal about me having kids. One of them even went so far as to theorize to everyone that I was "too busy making money" to want to have kids (yep, she went there). The other one said that I couldn't keep coming to family events (like birthdays and showers) if I didn't have my own child to bring along (WTF?!). As annoyed and pissed off as I was, they've made me a better person. I no longer ask ANYONE about their reproductive goals or lack thereof.

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Michèle Gyselinck
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother never pressured any of us kids to have kids of our own so she could have grandchildren to dote on, and at the age of 35 my sister was ready emotionally, relationally and professionally to have children, so they had one and the manufacture closed after that one since her pregnancy was difficult. But it was ok with my mom. She had one grandson and she was perfectly happy with that. Since we all live within 5 miles or so of her place, my mom gave the boy plenty of attention as he grew up, going so far as to pick him up from daycare on Wednesdays and taking him to her place where we gathered for supper. She continued that practice through his elementary and high school education, and now that he's in Junior College and within a five-minute walk of her place he walks to her place for supper once a week. I'm sure that Nicolas would go through fire for his Mamie--that,s what he calls her--and will be very sad when she dies.

mariegraphique avatar
Marie-Eve Barette
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was younger, I wanted to have kids. I even got pregnant and miscarried when I was 23. Then, life happened and I was never in a situation that I thought suitable to have and raise kids. Now that I am 45, I know that it won't happen and I actually feel grateful for that. I realize that I probably would have made a mediocre mom, at best. This said, I love kids nonetheless and I think I found the best way to indulge in my interest for children by becoming a teacher's aid in a grade school. This way, I get to nurture and educate little ones all week long (and I love it!) and then, I also get to go home without having to face all the stress relative to raising children. It makes me that much more available for my little kittens, since I start everyone of my workdays well rested and super happy to see them. :) Lastly, I am really grateful to my parents, who never pressured me into having kids.

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Danielle Tropea Ibclc Cpst
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure if anyone else mentioned this yet, but this couple may be struggling to conceive. Fertility is a private matter, and not one most share with even their parents- especially if those parents are extremely insensitive. Maybe the daughter-in-law has PCOS or another condition that makes it difficult to conceive. Maybe she has a non-fertility issue that would make pregnancy dangerous for her. Perhaps they are in the process of having a child through surrogacy or adoption. A lot of women, even young ones, struggle to become pregnant/maintain a pregnancy, and men do too! They may be dealing with the pain of miscarriage and decided to put off trying to conceive again until their hearts are ready. They may be blaming themselves and feeling guilt already. When you suffer loss, whether it is an inability to conceive or miscarriage, it is heart-breaking and not something most couples want to broadcast.

juliesiler avatar
Julie Siler
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WELL DONE, Prudie! You responded to this abomination of a "Mother" appropriately! The Mom should apologize and never bring the subject up again (but I'm guessing she will not since people like her never feel like they're wrong). Her son and daughter-in-law should stay on THEIR course and direction in life and the Mom needs to shut-up!

dinetkoopman avatar
Dinetk
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad once said 'We will not be those kind of people that nags for grandchildren' I still love him for that

egale_1 avatar
Anne
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And for the world it is the best not to put more children on it.

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Robert McGrory
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People are never happy with how you live your own life, are they? I have 2 sons and I love them to no end. But I get it that people don't want kids. Parenting ain't for everyone and that's a fact. But people love to badger and for some reason the concept of "MYOB" doesn't seem to apply when it comes to procreation. Oh and the badgering never ends. Ever. When we first got married it was, "When are you having kids?" When we had our son (now 7) it was: "When are you having another one?" When we had our 2nd son (now 5) it became: "So...you gonna try for a girl?" I suppose once my wife reaches 50 it'll be a non-issue but then again we may hear, "You know, you can always have a foster child! Just sayin'"

bulmasan avatar
Jeanne Burch
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents have never pestered me about children, but I get the "when are you going to" anytime there's an extended family gathering. It was always annoying, but it's downright hilarious now that I'm nearly 60 and the same relatives are STILL asking "when?"

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Cookie
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I told my mum, if you want babies, go adopt one yourself.

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Marcy Schramm
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We chose not to have kids. No regrets. We’re 73. My parents thought it was a good decision.

mmcgrew avatar
Mark McGrew
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did the parents ask their son about quitting HIS job to raise children?

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Timothy Ochoa
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my solitude is just too priceless and enjoyed to even remotely think of dating a women, lmao let alone having children. great thing is my parents have never said squat about this/don't seem to give a s**t. which makes sense to be like that, and I'm thankful for it.

great_boo avatar
Charlarina
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My family were great and never asked if/when we were going to have children. The problem I found was so called friends constantly badgering us about having children. When we finally had a baby they then started asking us when are we going to have another one. One even asked when our baby was only 2 weeks old.

lizl_7 avatar
Laurie Price-Soto
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone was NOT cut out to be a parent. The foster care and adoption systems are overrun with kids proving just that. As are psychiatric institutions, jails, and graveyards. To know you don't want children and work hard to never have any is a blessing.

bobbinewell avatar
Bobbi Newell
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Does this woman want her GRANDCHILDREN to be happy? They won't be, if their parents have them because of obligation. Children do best when they are wanted by their parents.

daniandshali avatar
Bridget Kielas-Fecyk
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I will never have children due to my health. You would not believe how MANY people have asked me "When are you and your husband having children?" After hearing how long we've been married. When I say never, it's always "But why? Don't you like children?" Or "You won't be happy until your family is complete". Or those that know why I cannot have children is "Well I feel so bad for you, but you could adopt" It's like the idea that I don't WANT to have children, the fact I'm happy as I am, is anborrant to them.

hdemonaco avatar
Helga DeMonaco
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with Prudie. People have the right to make their own choices. Children ARE NOT an extension of their parents....they are their own people. As parents our "job" is to raise them to become their own functioning adults contributing positively to society....then we let them go....continuing to love them and become friends...parents in relationship only. I have a beautiful, grown daughter who hasn't had children. I LOVE Chernobyl, but her life has led her in a different direction. I LOVE her unconditionally.....and I support her 100%. SHE is my concern....not my " imaginary" grandchildren. Not everyone can, or should be parents.

shineyturds4president avatar
Victor Gear
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The idea that the mother could quit her job? Why not the father? Sounds like both had high power jobs. Why must the mother give up her ambitions, her dreams and goals for her future, for something she essentially doesn't want? I mean, jeeze. Kids are a handful. I couldn't do it. It's enough taking care of my own self, let alone the lives of little people.

megan_culleton_9 avatar
Megan Culleton
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've always fantasized about what it would be like to be a mother, but I've never wanted to give birth. I've set myself on the idea of becoming a foster parent when the time is right. I'll need to be financially secure with a home of my own and who knows how long that'll take.

tropeadanielle avatar
Danielle Tropea Ibclc Cpst
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet this woman has friends who have grandkids and feels left out. I also have a strong feeling that she thinks this couple should have had kids already based on them very likely being older than she was when she had her kids. Couples are starting families much later than they used to. My mother, a baby boomer, had me, in 1975, when she was 24. She was a stay-at-home mom for many years. I was 30 and 34 when I had my two kids and I was one of the first among my college and high school friends. I'm 42 now and those friends are just starting to have kids.

shanake_ avatar
Shana
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mum and grandparents just accepted that I don't want any kids at all, my dad keeps asking every time I see him though. I just say that the 3 kids from my brothers are more than enough :P I think the people in this article are just really old-fashioned with the "woman doesn't need to work, she can just have babies" mentality. It is pretty rude to just say it like that and not to accept their son (and daughter-in-law)'s choices. Hopefully they do stop, otherwise they might just be pushing their only son away.

mixedupste_1 avatar
Mixedupste
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not once did my parents or my fiances parents ask or pressure us in to having children in the 5 years we have been together. You can not put pressure on people to have children! It's not right, I never wanted to children until i met my partner and also losing my only nephew who was 15 to a brain hemorrhage certainly changed me. I wanted my parents to have another grandchild. 8 months ago my fiance gave birth to our gorgeous daughter. They all over her to bits and we are all happy. My daughter now has the initial of my nephews name as her middle name. There was no pressure from parents at anytime for us to have children. We chose and they helped along the way of our journey. And that's the way it should be! Yes we get asked if we are having another one but not every 5 mins. And the answer is a no every time.

megancontreras avatar
Megan Contreras
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have 4 kids. Still young. Oldest is 16 and youngest is 5. I didn't mind being pregnant and I didn't mind raising my kids. It was hard at time with us both being military so when it comes to finances and stuff we were... okay. Army doesn't really start paying until you've been in for about 12 years. But I've told my husband many times that I would 100% not be upset if ANY of the kids told us that they don't plan on having kids or can't. Raising kids was hard for my generation and it seems to be getting harder and more expensive and the world is just an ugly place at times. I totally respect their decision. Maybe it'll change when they move out but honestly, I was 19 when I had my first and 30 for my last. I am looking forward to having an empty nest. My 15 yr old son has talked extensively about wanting to adopt. And I am ok with that too.

rebecahozuna avatar
Rebecah Ozuna
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mom got the answer that she deserved. Children are not for everybody and not everyone is fit to be a parent. My mom gave me to her sister and her husband, but along the way, even this man noticed that his wife wasn't fit to be a mom; she never treated me as a daughter, but more like a maid; years later i got that he didn't divorced her in order to protect me from her. He wasn't happy, but his decision keep me alive. I once told him that if i could, i'd take my life just to get away from her. It's the only time i saw him shed a tear. He took the roll of a mother, a father and a brother that i'll never had. I won't be having kids as i know for sure that i don't have what it takes to love them. A kid is neither a toy or a way for manutention. Freedom is priceless.

egale_1 avatar
Anne
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it is a very good and normal and healthy discion to have kids or not to have kids!!! It is your life. Your choice. Having kids does not mean you are getting happier!! 🤗

grasshopper1123 avatar
Carmen Devore-Blakestad
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Prudie gave the correct response. Not everyone in this world wants to be a parent (I'm one of those people. I don't like kids. Never have and never will). When someone asks me why I didn't have kids I just tell them straight up, I can't stand them. It's so shocking (I guess) that the matter drops right there!

desrtrse avatar
Debbie Tracey
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter will never have kids, always said she did not want kids, my son says he wants kids but has not found the right woman. Now he says he found the right woman but has suddenly kicked me out of his life. I love children, wanted to have more myself but couldnt and now my kids will probably not have kids. I long for grandchildren, makes me sad to see all of my friends loving their lives with grandchildren and I sit here feeling that my life will end with my kids. It is comforting to know that you can go on in time though grandchildren and great grand children, that parts of you will continue to live through the dna of generations to come. But for me, it seems to just end here. I struggled to have my own children and it seems it was all for nothing, when I die, when they die, that is it, we are gone from this earth :(. I do not bug them about it, but it makes me extremely sad inside.

tera2017 avatar
Tara Leigh
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Then there are people who have kids and they get married treated by the grandparents like they are a huge unwanted burden.

cindylouwho38 avatar
Cynthia Rye
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's start with this: I have a niece and a nephew, my sister's two children. A year or two after I got married, mom came to me and said, "I'd really love some grandchildren." I replied, "You've got some." To her credit, she's never pushed any further.

annas-login-name avatar
Beth
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pressuring people into having kids is seriously stupid. They're such a huge commitment in terms of time, energy, financial resources etc etc that you really have to want to do it.

rene_thompson avatar
Rene Thompson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't expect my son to have children. If he does, fantastic! If he doesn't and I find I want children to love and help out with, there are tons of kids who can use mentors, or I could sign up to cuddle newborns at the NICU, volunteer at the local elementary school. But that's my responsibility, not my son's. His responsibility is to be the best and happiest him he can be.

wyltk75 avatar
Ian Cook
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell them that they should've had more kids. Odds are that at least one of their children would produce grandchildren.

thymianne avatar
Gabi Horvath
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I recently quit my job where I was taking care of 3 children whose mom has died. I was taking care of them for 10 months, and the beginning of this week i told to their father ok, that was it, I am quitting, i want to go on with my own life and wish them the best. According to my cintract, I was supposed go work for 8 more (calendar) days. I was considerate enough to tell him that i was staying til the end of the month, that would have given him 2,5 weeks to find someone. He gave me an ugly look, told me they were going to organise it all at the end of those 8 days, thank you. Since them they've (father, aunts, grandparents, etc.) been pestering me why I was leaving, was I pregnant, why I wasn't pregnant. I find this highly immoral and unprofessional since my private life is none of their f***** business. Now I have high blood pressure. 3 more days and I am off I just hope I will be able to pull through. Sometimes people really have no sense for where other people's privacy begins!!

sujol avatar
Su Jol
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this reminds me of an FML post I saw once, went something like "today my daughter taught my 4yo grandson to cry and ask 'am I not enough' whenever I ask her when she's going to have more kids." silly cow thought she'd find sympathy in the FML community. silly cow was mistaken.

jen-p-jones87 avatar
Jenni Jones
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never understood how anyone can ask a family member.. when they plan on having unprotected sex... get out of my life!

erinwelch_1 avatar
Erin welch
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S SMART! MY BROTHER AND I TOLD OUR PARENTS WE ARE NOT HAVING CHILDREN! IT JUST AINT GONNA HAPPEN, IT'S OUR CHOICE AND THAT'S IT! THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING AFTER THAT, BUT THEY DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BEFORE THEN EITHER BECAUSE THEY KNEW IT WAS OUR CHOICE, WE'RE GROWN!

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Jewel Farmer
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Becoming a parent is such a huge step; you don't even know until you've had one, so yes, wait until you're ready. I'm glad that was a pressure I never had to deal with.

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Fsociety
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If I have kids if it happens... the people who badgered the damn question"when are you going to have kids "or "no kids bummer " will not know til I pop the kid out.

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Pol Macqueron
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Parents, as anyone, have to learn the difference between discussing and pressuring

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Diane Wilson
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What a bloody busybody! Your kids are adults and are under no obligation to have kids if they don't want them. Maybe they enjoy being successful professionals? Maybe that's the life THEY want? Maybe they ARE happy! You know what's awesome? Not having kids. My spouse and I can sleep in, take holidays, go out whenever we want, have way more disposable income and dogs are better than kids any day. You know what else is awesome? Having parents that respect both my and my sister's choice to be child-free.

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porcupine
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have the opposite problem; my MIL always asks her younger son and his wife when they’re having kids, but never my husband and me. Makes me kinda sad...

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Sarcasticow
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think my father is pissing me off about when will I have children so he then can p**s off his grandchildren with when will they give him grandgrandchildren

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Betty Sines
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

omg the mother is really a big ol Buttinsky What might make them happier is to move far enough away from mom that she can't be as big a problem

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Hollie Newton
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

See my parents and my fiancé's would think us stupid for considering children right now (we don't want em anyway) purely because we struggle to look after ourselves and do not have much if any stability in our lives. They know our feelings and respect us for being responsible (genetic issues/partner has aspergers) and thinking about everything they accept they will have grand doggos :3

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Dennis Harris
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Asperger's shouldn't be a problem. I have a friend who's definitely on the spectrum (as am I) and his 25 yr old daughter is very intelligent and as "normal" as they come.

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Betsy Braddock
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That baby looks like the love child of Jim Gaffigan & James Corden.

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Kerry Pye
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i'm 38 and i told my mum i was getting my tubes tied and she told me i'd regret it. My oldest is 22 and youngest 20.

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Mcman Ken
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Alia Ris
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess it's another example of generation gap. The baby boomers (in general, mind you) got less stuffs to think. "No parental leave? Stop working. Your partner's job is steady enough to make sure for all of your children." "I already bought house at my 20s. *twice*." Or "what? A nuclear war?? Impending environmental doom?? AHAHAHA.." (exagerrated version of course, but sometimes I'm so pissed off at how much less global anxiety these generation had)

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Brian Lanning
Community Member
6 years ago

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Mom worries that kids are making poor life choices by prioritizing work, money, and things over family, expresses this to kids repeatedly, gets stomped on by the internet. The mom is right. They need to stop chasing materialism and focus on things that will make them happy in the future. If materialism is the only thing that makes you happy, you're screwed up.

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Alicia Mauer
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are options other than 'kids" and "materialism." You have no idea what the DIL does for a living. She could be curing cancer or saving the world. Besides, kids aren't the road to happiness for most people. I have zero desire to have any, not because I want money (I'm in the wrong profession for that) but simply because I would be miserable as a parent.

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Joseph Mummerth
Community Member
6 years ago

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these "kids: are`nt seeing what the parents are seeing , an end to a genetic line going back , more generations than you would ever believe . a deletion from the gene pool of the human species , and the decision on the part of the "children " that the continued existence of the family means nothing compared to their personal gratification ! I side with the mother !

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Aaron Oakley
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your children are not empty vessels obligated to carry on your family line. They are living beings with their own emotions who are free to make their own decisions. If you have children purely because you want your genetic line to continue, that is messed up and you could just have used a sperm bank for that. What's so great about your genetic line anyway? There are million of genetic lines in the world, and many of them have extremely similar DNA. You can make a name for yourself in the world without forcing your offspring to do your bidding.

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Giovanni
Community Member
6 years ago

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I cannot understand people who don't want children, i respect their choice, but for me a descendance is the only thing that have the potential to not turn to dust or be forgotten in some millennia so it's the only thing worth living for. I understand the point of view of the parents but the way they constantly pressure their son is wrong anyway.

mastermarkus avatar
Master Markus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ha! What if your kids don't have kids? Then it was a fruitless effort anyway! I mean, the reason we remember, say, Shakespeare isn't because he had children - it's because he did things that made all sorts of other people remember him!

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Master Markus
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, what of it? Every comment is also left by a person who has or had hair on their bodies. Ooo! Natural states of being!

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Michelle Fowler Hollingsworth
Community Member
6 years ago

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wow,, I'm glad most of you are not having any kids. If they were has selfish and narcissistic as you people on the comments section of this article, mankind thanks you.

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bob
Community Member
6 years ago

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The thing really bugging me is that a lot of people start thinking that having kids is a nuisance, as an excuse for not having any. I'm fine with people not having kids. But please, stop making parent (especially you parents) feel bad for having kids! You don't like it when people comment on you not having kids, so the very least you can do is stop making derogatory comments to people having kids (like "I hate kids anyway")... Doing so only makes you look desperate...

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Aunt Messy
Community Member
6 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids ARE a nuisance - and good parents admit that. Good parents also understand that they are the only ones who think their own kids are cute in any way. ... Tell me, why is it that people with kids are so hostile to people who choose not to have them? Are we that scary, or do you just want to spread the misery?

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