Dad Gives Meat And Dairy To His Daughter’s Friend Despite Her Family Being Vegan, Wonders If His Actions Are Justified
Every household has its own rules and no way is the wrong way. (If we disregard extreme examples, of course). So, when a parent raises their child a certain way, whether it’s due to their culture, ethics, or health, others should respect these decisions. And that includes the kid’s friend and their family who are having the little ones over for a sleepover.
This dad, however, doesn’t see it that way. Reddit user u/believeblackbodies has admitted to feeding his daughter’s 12-year-old buddy meat even though she’s following a strict vegan diet at home. At first glance, you might think why is this such a big deal. After all, the man isn’t deceiving the little girl and she knows what she is stuffing inside her mouth — it’s her choice. And you might have a point.
But she’s twelve and he’s doing so without her parents knowing.
Image credits: Andra (not the actual photo)
Image credits: believeblackbodies
The sleepover, along with its close cousin the slumber party, took off in the ’50s and ’60s and has become an essential part of childhood for boys and girls. There simply comes a time when camping in the living room with mom and dad no longer cuts it.
But Talya Stone, a former editor-in-chief turned parenting blogger and the woman behind Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, thinks there is no magic formula that gives the exact age a child is ready for them. “It really depends on the individual child’s emotional maturity and independence levels,” she told Bored Panda. “Every parent knows their child and is the best judge of this.”
And it’s not just her. In an article for The Chicago Tribune, Sleepover Survival Guide, Heidi Stevens quotes an expert who notes that the American Academy of Pediatrics doesn’t offer age guidelines for sleepovers and slumber parties.
“If your child seems confident and not anxious with other people and in different surroundings, and doesn’t need assistance in getting off to sleep at night, and shows a keen interest in having a sleepover then those are all great signs,” Talya Stone said. “For some kids, this can be as young as 5 or 6, for others who might be less secure or more anxious, this might not be until they are 10-12. You are your child’s own best judge so I would recommend parents take their cues and evaluate the readiness signs. Also, it’s important to remember that just because a child says they want to have a sleepover doesn’t mean they are ready or that it will be a success.”
Some people think the man is out of his mind
It takes a lot of guts to trust someone else with the most valuable person in your life. To give another parent control over your kid.
“It is a big leap of faith, but we all have to do it at some stage,” Talya Stone said. “It’s important not to project your worries or anxieties on your child, and remember that kids are for the most part more resilient and capable than you think. That said, when it comes to sleepovers, be sure that you know the host family well enough that you can trust them, and have enough of a rapport to communicate any must-dos and dealbreakers before the sleepover.”
According to the mom, making sure that everyone is on the same page will help you feel a lot more comfortable about handing your child over to someone else.
But some believe he’s acting within reason
From the description of the foods prepared and fed to the little girls, I am more wondering if the author and his family are overweight than about whether the “smaller and paler” girl is actually malnourished. Anyway, it’s wrong to secretly teach someone’s kid to disobey their parents. If he seriously believed she is malnourished, he should talk with her parents, teachers, contact the authorities etc. - that’s the right way to resolve such situations. And it’s hard to believe no one else in the school or neighbourhood wouldn’t have noticed. The fact that he described the girls family as “neurotic” also kind of indicates that he might be doing this because he disrespects their lifestyle rather than because of serious concern about the girl’s wellbeing.
Nothing in the description indicates the food would mean the family is overweight. It is completely plausible to do a great big dinner one night a week and a big breakfast twice a week and eat smaller meals during the week on top of exercising. I tend to make large meals on the weekend and my kids eat oatmeal or yogurt for breakfast during the week. We have a salad at least once a week and during the winter we do soup and bread twice a week. While I feel this parent is overstepping their boundaries I don't think it is fair to say they are overweight from a onetime meal they do. But, then again, we just don't know.
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There are absolutely no reasons to assume that the kid is undernourished or malnourished because she looks pale. It's just a case of biased @ssholery. I'm sure if the girl was Muslim she would have been given pork. Deliberately going against how the parents raise their kids shows a lack of respect. I'm sure shyte is going to hit the fan when the vegan parents find out.
Aside from everything else, the fact that he's making assumptions about her health and making decisions about her diet because of it really gets me. He's not her freaking doctor and has no business trying to remedy whatever health problems he's conjured out of thin air. I'm not vegan, but his post makes me furious. If he *actually* truly believes the girl is malnourished (which is neglect/abuse), he should report the parents to CPS, not try to take matters into his own hands. But I suspect he hasn't reported them because the daughter is not, in fact, malnourished, and he's just looking for an excuse to pretend to be morally superior to vegans by "helping" their daughter. All that said, I think a talk is in order between the girl and her parents if she wants to stop being vegan. Her parents should respect that.
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Even when my kids were 12, I would have asked the parents first before doing something like that. This isn't about what's good for the kid, it's about this person making an ideological statement. Bad, bad judgement on the meat-eater's part.
But the parents are strict vegans so what would asking the parents help? The kid loves the food and knows full well that it's not what her parents like but eats it anyway, over and over again. Also, she doesn't get sick...going from a strict vegetarian diet to such a heavy meal is bad for her body so her not getting sick for me is a sign that she gets meat/dairy from other sources too...
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NTA. Or at least, not entirely. I'm kind of going with letting the kid decide her own menu. As someone mentioned above, if a kid at this age decides to go vegan or vegetarian, it's "no big deal". If they decide to go omnivore, it should ALSO be "no big deal". Where the topic breaks down is, the kid should have had a talk with her parents about her diet. Period. It's not his decision, it's hers and her folks. She seems to have made it and just not discussed it with her parents so, unless he's forcing her to eat, I don't see the problem from his side.
It's not his place to decide what that girls diet should be. If he's concerned he can have a talk with her parents, not secretly feed her meat. How would he like if they in return feed his daughter only candy. Just big bags of candy. I'm sure she'll love it too.
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Lady, you're going to cost your daughter a friendship, because there's no way a kid of that age will be able to keep a secret like that. And when her parents find out, she will never be allowed to associate with your daughter again! Not worth it, for a baseless assumption about her health. Some people are naturally smaller and paler than others, you have no idea whether her home diet is actually doing her any harm.
I am so sick of this nonsense. There are entire cultures where people are raised vegetarian from birth and they are perfectly healthy. Being vegan or vegetarian is perfectly healthy. I will never understand why people are so aggressively militant against this. I am an adult and I have had people try to hide meat in my food when they find out I am a vegetarian. Educate yourselves.
I was raised vegetarian too and I feel the same, the people in this story are just unable to respect another way of life.
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I'm on the fence. I was raised strict vegetarian (no diary, meat etc) but we were allowed home farmed free range chicken eggs and honey (not commercial). We also wernt allowed lollies, breads or anything else with animal protiens or gelatin. At 12 years old I knew that a strictly vegetarian diet was not ideal for me. I didnt get enough protein, I was always hungry and often tired. I used to 'sneak' meat whenever I could. There were kids in our social group who were thin and pale, some becuase they were just supremely fussy and some, like me, who would have benefited from more fat and protein in thier diet. At 12 we are starting to get a better idea of what works for our own bodies and if this child is clearly consenting to and enjoying eating meat then that should be her choice. The judgement could be arseholery or from experience it could be genuine concern. What is sad about the whole story, is that the child does not feel safe enough to express to her parents that she is not vegan
That's a good point. If she doesn't feel safe telling her parents that she doesn't want to be vegan, then that's an important consideration. The OP is still the AH, though. He should have talked with her and her parents before feeding her meat and dairy. If they said no and denied her wishes, that's a whole different issue, and I'd probably change my opinion somewhat.
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Total and complete asshole without a shadow of a doubt. I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian but you can totally have a healthy diet without consuming any meat. And of course she loves the food, McDonalds wouldn't be where it is today if humans didn't crave all the fatty, salty heart attack specials. I hope this guy would be equally ok if somebody gives his daughter double espresso and 7 kittens to raise.
I grew up with someone who was essentially being raised vegan, but before it was a thing. Except there were damn good medical reasons why he couldn't have dairy or meat. As in, his digestive system really couldn't process it and it could land him in hospital. So yeah, he looked thinner and paler than the rest of us kids. He was getting all the nutrients he needed from additional supplements. Now, at 12 M should probably have been told about any medical problems by now, but I can totally see a 6 year old just trotting out "I'm not allowed to drink milk" without any further explanation as to *why*. This guy's heart may be in the right place, but his head is clearly absent.
I would be very angry to find out an adult man was encouraging my child to keep secrets from me. The proper response would be to tell the child to talk to her parents about her feelings, if she’d prefer to eat meat. Are we sure the kid understands what is happening even? This guy is presuming a lot and way overstepping his role.
I didn't get the impression that he specifically encouraged her to keep it a secret. i thought he just assumed she didn't tell them? i mean, that is still problematic, but a whole different thing in my opinion.
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Helping a 12 yr. old lie to her parents, and getting a kick out of it???? Something is really wrong here.
I think a lot of people are biased against veganism so I think they also will look at someone and see them as less healthy when they are probably perfectly fine. A lot of people always assumed I was underweight but I actually have always been within the healthy range of my BMI and I have a very healthy diet. I do eat meat and animal products, but since I am a very small person, people see me and assume I was undernourished. Not something she should be doing. I think vegans typically take nutrition really seriously and work hard to make sure their kids are getting everything they need specifically because they get a lot of people judging them for starving their kids. Around 20% of children in the USA are obese and I don't see a lot of adults reacting by only feeding the kids salad and carrots when they come over. You refuse a decent meal to a child because you think they are over weight then people would flip out completely. Just not your place. Between the parents and their doc.
Malnourished or not, her parents get the right to feed her the food they deem sensible. How do you define malnourished? Some children look smaller but are quite well-fed. The child is eating the food because it tastes different. It has nothing to do with veganism. Also, you are encouraging a child to lie to her parents. What if someone does that to your kid? The non-veg parent is way out of line in this because she does not get to say anything in thing regard. I am sure the parents are feeding M well. By the way, there are plenty of vegan food available that can be nourishing. India has vegetarian recipes that can be fine tuned to vegan meals.
It's not your business, it is up to the kid to tell her parents, she doesn't want this diet anymore. She's 12 and old enough to talk to her parents. You have to keep out of this. I
The parents probably aren't even aware she isn't eating when she's not home. As adults, the guy serving the meat with such glee needs to make a courtesy call to her parents, and let them know what he's serving her. No big deal, just a check in and heads up. She's 12. She is NOT old enough. Unless she's financially able to buy her own groceries, her own cookware, make the food and clean up after herself, she is under her parents roof and rules.
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"How much smaller and paler"? Some of us are smaller or paler by genetics, or kids just didn't hit growth spurts yet, etc. ------ And if the girl chooses to cheat, fine. That's her choice. But that's not an indictment on veganism. If they're worried, ask the parents to get the kid to a doctor.
If my child's vegan friend comes over and asks for meat, I'm not going to deny it to them. I'm not going to tell her to lie to her parents either, but I'm not going to deny a hungry child food. If you let them stay at my house you're imposing my parenting onto them just like if my child were to stay at their house the same expectation flies. I am strongly against forcing diet choices and religion for that matter onto someone, especially children. My husband is Muslim and already expects our daughter to not eat pork. I put my foot down on that. She can decide for herself.
I never understood this whole "malnourished looking" thing, where people assume, if they see someone vegetarian/vegan that they need meat. I mean lots of meat eating people, adults or kids are eating unhealthy but no one cares in the same way. It seems to me they are actually bothered by the fact that someone is different. As a kid my parents often got told "this poor kid" would need meat and tried (without luck) to feed me meat behind their backs. And I didnt even look unhealthy. Also my blood values are perfectly normal.
Such a huge asshole! I'm not vegan but it's not your place to overstep another families rules and have their kid lying to them. You also don't know the reasoning for it, the post mentions nothing about religion or dietary needs. And for people to state that the child made a choice are also assholes. There are children with Type 1 diabetes who would wolf down a bucket of sweets if given the opportunity, so if you offer them candy and they took it and go into shock you don't think you would be responsible. For an adult to say that the child made a choice is a bitch move. Maybe the family has a dietary issue or a religious belief or maybe not. You need to respect that family as you would expect for them to respect yours. Cause I bet that dude would be pissed as hell if someone gave something to his kid he disapproves of and was told "well chap, your kid made a choice". He also needs to take into consideration that his act can also have legal consequences.
I would say not totally an asshole but you kinda are. I believe that the 12 year old is definitely old enough to decide if she wants meat or not. Same if it was religion. Anyway your the asshole for the way your talking and judging the other parents. I would be very careful though coz if the parents get wind of this your daughter may lose a friend. Although I hope they speak to their daughter and understand her feelings on eating meat. They could even compromise and say she can get her meat fix at the friends house, so they don't have to be apart of it.
I think this is the right take. The girl seems to prefer an omnivorous diet, and deserves the opportunity to make those choices, but the dad feeding her meat on the sly is absolutely being disrespectful to her family. This is definitely an inclement s**t storm.
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This is a clear case where everyone is asshole except the poor kids who might lose each other's friendship because of stupid parents! You don't force to your kid your strict vegan diet and you don't make a kid lie to their parents because of what you believe is better.
Literally every human on planet earth "forces" their own diet onto their children by virtue of being their parent and having their child eat what they eat. Vegans are no different from anyone else. If a child's nutritional needs are being met, there is no reason to criticize.
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Sounds like the father already has so many prejudices against vegans and doesn't have any clue about nutrition in general. If he really believes the child is malnourished, he has two options. 1) Call child protective services, 2) Tell the parents that you only feed non-vegan meals at your house and let the adults choose what they want. Making unilateral decisions about someone else's child, while critiquing their parenting behind their backs, is sickening. How would he feel if someone made decisions about his daughter's health behind his back? I bet he would explode. Respect what other parents want for their kids, and if you can't, then I direct you back to points 1) and 2).
My children are 7 and 9. My younger is vegetarian and my oldest isn’t - fine. I’m vegetarian and husband isn’t. I make meals we can all eat and sometimes one gets meat and the other gets a plant substitute. They’re both small and pale. Why? Genetics. I would never let my kids go over to this persons house again, more because of the lying and deception than the meat, though.
What an asshole. Why is it always the common type of man who makes meat his personality who is always pulling this kind of sh*t? She isn't your kid, and you have no business going behind her parents' back to feed her meat and dairy.
I so hope this person gets sued by kids parents for millions of dollars and plaintiff wins every single penny plus more for what they sue him for. Mind your own business people when it comes to special diets. Just don't mess with peoples food. It's that simple.
YTA First, you shouldn't be altering her diet that dramatically because it can cause her all sorts of problems like intestinal cramps and diarrhea. Second, if her friend was not allowed gluten products, would you just pile her full of it not knowing if she has an allergy or a medical condition like Crohn's that can cause her more harm? Lastly, if you are that concerned with her health, contact her parents. They may be making her vegan diet so strict without realizing that she may have a medical condition that requires that her vegan diet be tweaked to allow her the proper nutrition. They can still be strict vegans and look out for their daughters health too. Maybe suggest a blood test to make sure she's not experiencing some deficiencies. If it comes back normal, she may have a different medical issue..something that pouring meat products on will not fix in the long run.
M's parents are definitely assholes. Enforcing a diet on your child based on YOUR principles and beliefs is an incredibly shitty thing to do and probably can be qualified as child abuse.Being vegan is a choice, and this choice shoiuld be made by yourself, not your parents or somebody else. The girl happily eats meat, so I guess she's absolutely not interested in being vegan and therefore shouldn't be forced to do it.Op is not an asshole for making meals for M (it's not like he's force-feeding her non-vegan dishes or something). Asking the kid to keep secrets from her parents isn't exactly a good thing to do though. It's a tricky sutuation to be in.
ALL diets are forced upon a child, it's just that eating meat is still socially excepted more. But it's still forcing your child to eat dead animals, which is also a choice.
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well, I really hate that vegan teacher and her 'statements' but... this is also bad!... If I were someome, who will know such a girl, and let's say that whe would be really malnourished, I would do my research about balanced vegan foods with enough of nutrients in it to feed her 'properly' based on her family diet choice.
So what do her parents think she's eating at sleepovers? If they send vegan food i could see an issue. Have they told OP "M" is to not have certain things? And at 12 she is old enough to make her own choices in eating lifestyle. Her body her choice!
If her parents are anti-gun, you're going to take her to the shooting range? Either you have actual concerns then you talk to parents/doctors/social services, or you don't then you respect. This is obviously willful undermining of other parents, just for kicks.
Okay this is a prickly topic for me. If I didn't have kids I would probably be vegan. But because I've warmed to the idea of veganism recently, my kids haven't been raised that way. I know if I were to pressure them into it without them being old enough to understand the reasons behind it (unethical factory farming, excessive use of limited resources, climate change and so on), it will likely just turn them off the idea. I also don't want to guilt/ manipulate them into adopting my personal views. It's a tricky topic for a parent to navigate.
My ex and I, who are both vegan had the discussion on whether we would raise a potential child vegan as well and what we came to was that we would cook vegan meals at home but it would be their choice what they would do out in the wider world. I think if they grow up with it from an early age then it won't be an issue for them but I think in your case it would be hard if they are already use to a diet with meat.
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Is anyone else confused that the "interview with an expert" has nothing to do with food, but rather sleepovers?
She might be undernourished because vegan doesn't mean healthy automatically. Vegan diet must be really balanced and it's easy to end up deficit in some vitamins, minerals etc if they lack proper knowledge about vegan diet and just stop eating certain food groups and think that's it.
I find this so disrespectful and concur with what everyone else has posted. I would be livid if I raised a child on a certain diet and another parent decided they knew better.
No it is not OK. How dare this twot feed animal flesh to a child that A) Doesn't need it B) Doesn't need it and C) is all about him shoving his crappy uneducated violence down this poor child's neck. Dietary needs for all family members can be met and sustained without raping cows and killing the baby cows to steal their milk and carving flesh off innocent animals. What an ignorations, if I was a violent man and he subjected my child to his vile flesh fetishes and breast feeding from another species weirdness I'd slap his dumbass face off.
Just because I don't follow a vegan lifestyle doesn't mean I'm going to go against another parent's way of raising their child because they aren't the same size as my own. That is incredibly stupid!! So what if she's pale? Maybe her parents are too. I'd be looking at her energy level, activity, and motor skills. Are they normal for a child her age? If not, then I would be concerned and have a conversation with her parents before taking it upon myself to feed her what I think is best.
Good job at wrecking the friendship and having the friend's parents no longer trust you.
Would he be mad when his daughter gets a tofu sandwich with a side of broccoli at her house? Probably. Then he will claim she came home starving and malnourished. What a d**k
The kid didn't get to choose her diet, so if she want to eat meat when she is over, well its her choice. I see nothing wrong with this situation.
She's 12 yrs. old. Her brain isn't even fully formed yet. She doesn't get to choose.
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@boredpanda, please control your content or you are just as guilty in the capitalism thing. Don’t give this stuff a voice on your platform. Please. Think about it.
YTA - are you a medical professional? A dietician? Or just a d*ck who thinks his opinion is more important than respecting someone's preferred eating methods? My sister & her family are vegan and the rest of us respect that as her choice. My 11 y/o niece is a perfectly healthy & active young lady. Has it occurred to you that this kid is just small & pale? (MY daughter was and she ate like a lumberjack) or that maybe she has some sort of medical condition that is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS? You are a complete and total ASSH*LE and I hope her parents find out what your doing. Your daughter's going to be so proud of you when she loses her best friend.
as a "meat eater" i'd vote YTA on this, if this guy really had concerns about this childs heath he should talk to a doctor or child welfair, its not a case of "if the child wanted to go vegan they would'nt agree to eat the burger" because i'm pretty sure that a child who has to restrict how much sugar they can eat would still want to eat a cake you dont decide what other peoples children should or shouldnt eat
i don't know if there's an a*****e here - i don't see all the information i need to build an opinion. is there vegan food available, too? Does the girl know that she's eating meat? does she want to be a vegan? I got the impression, that the girl eats meat because she wants to. and i think a twelve year old is able to decide for herself whether or not she wants to eat meat. if this impression is wrong, than of course my conclusion is bs. i would always make both options available, just to make sure she didn't eat meat to be polite, but i don't see why i would question or discipline her, when she chooses to eat meat.
i forgot one point - of course a vegetarian/vegan diet can be totally healthy. that's the one point i clearly disagree with the dad. still a 12 yo girl has a right to decide about her own body. including her diet.
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I'm just gonna say, that no, guy doesn't have the reason here. But I'm also divided: it appears that the child doesn't clearly wants to follow the vegan diet that it's imposed to her by her family. She eats a lot of meat when she goes to that house, and doesn't et sick? That's because she eats meat regularly from other sources. She wouldn't do that if she wanted to be vegan. That's for one. But, there's other problem: this dad it's overstepping his boundaries. If he feels that the kid may be malnourished, and/or that the kid his forced on a diet that doesn't want to follow, and can't confront her parents about it, then he SHOULD firstly talk with the kid about it, then confront her parents, and as a last resource, denounce the child abuse. Never by any concept encourage a child to lie to her parents, specially if it is really no evidence of abuse.
If she and her parents know about that, then it is ok. Let them know, and they can decide if it is ok for her to visit.
The girl is old enough to make up her own mind. If one of my kids wanted to go veggie at her age I think I would let them. Question is, will her parents let her go omnivorous? If not, it crosses a boundary into control freakery.
It's not his business to do this. But calling child welfare on a family forcing veganism on a child would be called for. People evolved to eat foods derived from animals and there are nutrients that can not be gotten other ways - either at all or not easily. It's too easy for a parent to prevent their child from receiving all the nutrients they need, including cholesterol. If she looks sickly and it's known she's being forced into a vegan diet, call child services. But don't just give her meat and dairy. Although it seemed to go well, it could cause a child severe digestive problems. Also, she might have allergies. Also, maybe she's just pale. Maybe they are well-enough off to somehow provide her with all the nutrients she is not getting from her food via supplements, and if they are doing that, then there is no need to give her meat and dairy. (Dairy is not a required foodstuff over age 4, and below 4, only human milk.)
Dude, you're risking your kids friendship. If they parents find out she may never be allowed to your place again. Should really think this through. Also, when someone is on a vegan diet having meat/dairy can really be upsetting for the system and can cause a bunch of unpleasant symptoms
I think I'm more offended by the fact that this little girl is keeping a secret from her parents. A secret that is shared with another adult that isn't her parents. That just sets a very dicey Precedent. "Don't tell your parents that you do something in secret with your friends father whenever you're at their house." That's fucken weird. I don't have as big of an issue with the food considering this child KNOWS it's meat n is choosing to eat it with enthusiasm. But that's something that this child n the parents should discuss n come to a decision on... it's not something her friends father n her should be deciding together n hiding from her own parents. If the child didn't know what she was eating that would be even worse. But this dudes still the asshole. Not your child. Not your choice. N is he a pediatrician or a doctor? Who is he to say a child is "malnourished?" If that's truly the case.. you need to talk to her parents about this if you're really that concerned about her health.
The judgy way it's written comes off like YTA. Based on the action of offering meat alone, I would have said NTA--it doesn't seem wrong to me to ask, "M, do you want this veggie burger, or do you want one of the cheeseburgers?" (I'm assuming he gives an option for the benefit of the doubt.) But to justify something by saying M and her family are pale and neurotic...! It makes it less of an affectionate "aww, let me fatten you up" and more of a malicious statement of "I'll show them." I think the meat-eating family should invite M's whole family over for a potluck vegan meal to try it their way and to try to build a better relationship.
I don't think he should be forcing this, but if the child asks for this type of food while at his house, why deny? It may also indicate that M is maybe forced to be vegan if she happily eats un-vegan food Also, he stated that his child is made to live the vegan life at the friends house. Yes its their house and should live how they want to but it kind of is them forcing their believes on his child It's a touchy subject for sure
Every parent forces their own eating-beliefs onto their children, that isnt an vegan exclusive thing. And regardless on how you raise/feed your children, you dont always have to give in to what they ask for. Or should a 12 y/o who asks for coffee and candy also get it every time they ask for it?
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Vegetarian and vegans diets can be very healthy, but you do need to ensure that you're getting the rights kinds of protein, especially for growing children. The fact is, most kids are picky about food, and if this kid is refusing to eat the protein sources her parents are providing, she may well be malnourished. Unless the family are vegan for religious reasons, I don't see any problem with serving her the food that your family eats while she is staying with you.
She doesn't have to conform to religious expectations either. If she wants to eat the meat then she should. Although he should really quit judging her family and shouldn't encourage her to keep secrets from her family.
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Being vegan can be perfectly healthy, plenty of cultures are vegan cultures. But being vegan can also be unhealthy, eg. many American vegans that simply cut everything out of their diet without bringing any balance back to it. Which one is the girl? We have no idea. And I suspect this parent doesn't have any idea either. But if the kid is always pale and ravenous, that's a clue. I support the idea of letting the kid make their own choices. If the kid came over from day one and ASKED for that kind of food, then sure, although I think there should be some back pressure on the kid to have them talk to their parents, or fearing the parents to their doctor in private. But to just start shoveling meat on the kid's plate? NO! NO! NO! NO!
Everybody, except for the kids, suck (based on given information). OP is actively teaching the kid to lie to her parents, engage in keeping secrets, and potentially doing more damage than good — it's not about the fact that the kid is eating meat, but the fact that OP is teaching kid to be DISHONEST, which is a huge no-no. As several people said — if you think the kid is “malnourished”, talk to the parents for heaven's sake, you're neither her doctor nor her guardian. If you know you're doing the right thing, you wouldn't have to conceal it or lie about it. For the vegan parents, I'm on the fence; while it is true there are families and cultures where people have been nutrionally healthy while being vegetarian, veganism seems a tad too much to force on a kid, unless they're making it up for the nutrition in other ways.
NTA. It was implied that M knew that there was meat and eggs in these meals and she still consumed them gratefully
Aside: What does M's parents think she eats when she goes over there?
Unpopular opinion but based on a real story: my best friend's daughter became vegetarian at abotu 8 or so. her mom went along but made her eat iron supllements. Couple of years later the daughter gave it up and her mom was very relieved because, lo and behold, she became noticably less pale. A vegan diet is a religious decision. I have a deep respect for anybody who lives vegan, but it is not based on our biology. We were so succesfull as a species because we can eat and digest almost anything. Leaving out a substantial part of those options entirely has consequences. Most of the people I know are vegetarians, ssome are vegans - nobody makes their children eat the same things. they all get eggs, small amounts of fish and sometimes meat.
A 12 year old is more than old enough to decide what they want to eat. If she's going back for seconds, she obviously likes it. sounds like yet again, parents have forced their beliefs on their unwilling child and she's afraid to speak up. It sounds like this guy has created a safe space for the child to make her own decisions.
F*****g asshole! Cross me with my kid and first I'll sue you then I'll kill you.
It is not OK to go against the parents of a kid behind their back. But I have to ask something, if the girl wants to eat meat, enjoys it, shouldn't this be her decision? Why do parents keep forcing their beliefs on children? I know of vegans who leave their kids alone to decide whether they want to be one or not. I know religious people letting their child to decide their beliefs and religion. The child is not their parents possession. And of course vegetarian kids are smaller and paler especially if their vegetarian parents have no idea what they're doing! I know exactly what this person means, I've seen it too many times! And no, my boys are not fat, as someone suggested. They are very tall and athletic, they have abs and all. But compared to vegan children they look 5 years older, pink and all.
Funny thing is that probably no one would have judged him if he had served vegan food for a kid that comes from a family that things that meat is only right food..
Also I think given the state of the world today he should have her vaccinated and buy her a gun. /s
HUGE difference between religious objections and parents diet desires. Having said that, the OP does NOT know if there is a medical reason, so that is a concern. OTOH, I greatly dislike parents imposing their potentially unhealthy choices on kids. Kids have different nutritional needs than parents, and unless the parents are working with a licensed nutritionist they could be malnourishing their child. Your body will tell you what you need, and her wolfing down this food is an indication her body needs it. I ate a salad last night with tons of veggies in it at 11 pm. I listened to my body that I really needed that. Let your children have access to all foods not prohibited by your religion and let them choose. Vegetarianism should be a CHOICE, not forced upon them.
Looks like Bored Panda has finally moved away from all the Disney Princesses and USA bashing, and embraced their newfound love for bitching about and picking fights about veganism.
Stop reading the site if you don't like the content?
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Wow, what a major a$$hole. I might feel vegans are undernourished and culturally dim, but they have rights same as me.
No kid decides to eat meat either... If you put a chick in front of a kid, it will hug the animal, not salivate.
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From the description of the foods prepared and fed to the little girls, I am more wondering if the author and his family are overweight than about whether the “smaller and paler” girl is actually malnourished. Anyway, it’s wrong to secretly teach someone’s kid to disobey their parents. If he seriously believed she is malnourished, he should talk with her parents, teachers, contact the authorities etc. - that’s the right way to resolve such situations. And it’s hard to believe no one else in the school or neighbourhood wouldn’t have noticed. The fact that he described the girls family as “neurotic” also kind of indicates that he might be doing this because he disrespects their lifestyle rather than because of serious concern about the girl’s wellbeing.
Nothing in the description indicates the food would mean the family is overweight. It is completely plausible to do a great big dinner one night a week and a big breakfast twice a week and eat smaller meals during the week on top of exercising. I tend to make large meals on the weekend and my kids eat oatmeal or yogurt for breakfast during the week. We have a salad at least once a week and during the winter we do soup and bread twice a week. While I feel this parent is overstepping their boundaries I don't think it is fair to say they are overweight from a onetime meal they do. But, then again, we just don't know.
Load More Replies... There are absolutely no reasons to assume that the kid is undernourished or malnourished because she looks pale. It's just a case of biased @ssholery. I'm sure if the girl was Muslim she would have been given pork. Deliberately going against how the parents raise their kids shows a lack of respect. I'm sure shyte is going to hit the fan when the vegan parents find out.
Aside from everything else, the fact that he's making assumptions about her health and making decisions about her diet because of it really gets me. He's not her freaking doctor and has no business trying to remedy whatever health problems he's conjured out of thin air. I'm not vegan, but his post makes me furious. If he *actually* truly believes the girl is malnourished (which is neglect/abuse), he should report the parents to CPS, not try to take matters into his own hands. But I suspect he hasn't reported them because the daughter is not, in fact, malnourished, and he's just looking for an excuse to pretend to be morally superior to vegans by "helping" their daughter. All that said, I think a talk is in order between the girl and her parents if she wants to stop being vegan. Her parents should respect that.
Load More Replies... Even when my kids were 12, I would have asked the parents first before doing something like that. This isn't about what's good for the kid, it's about this person making an ideological statement. Bad, bad judgement on the meat-eater's part.
But the parents are strict vegans so what would asking the parents help? The kid loves the food and knows full well that it's not what her parents like but eats it anyway, over and over again. Also, she doesn't get sick...going from a strict vegetarian diet to such a heavy meal is bad for her body so her not getting sick for me is a sign that she gets meat/dairy from other sources too...
Load More Replies... NTA. Or at least, not entirely. I'm kind of going with letting the kid decide her own menu. As someone mentioned above, if a kid at this age decides to go vegan or vegetarian, it's "no big deal". If they decide to go omnivore, it should ALSO be "no big deal". Where the topic breaks down is, the kid should have had a talk with her parents about her diet. Period. It's not his decision, it's hers and her folks. She seems to have made it and just not discussed it with her parents so, unless he's forcing her to eat, I don't see the problem from his side.
It's not his place to decide what that girls diet should be. If he's concerned he can have a talk with her parents, not secretly feed her meat. How would he like if they in return feed his daughter only candy. Just big bags of candy. I'm sure she'll love it too.
Load More Replies... Lady, you're going to cost your daughter a friendship, because there's no way a kid of that age will be able to keep a secret like that. And when her parents find out, she will never be allowed to associate with your daughter again! Not worth it, for a baseless assumption about her health. Some people are naturally smaller and paler than others, you have no idea whether her home diet is actually doing her any harm.
I am so sick of this nonsense. There are entire cultures where people are raised vegetarian from birth and they are perfectly healthy. Being vegan or vegetarian is perfectly healthy. I will never understand why people are so aggressively militant against this. I am an adult and I have had people try to hide meat in my food when they find out I am a vegetarian. Educate yourselves.
I was raised vegetarian too and I feel the same, the people in this story are just unable to respect another way of life.
Load More Replies... I'm on the fence. I was raised strict vegetarian (no diary, meat etc) but we were allowed home farmed free range chicken eggs and honey (not commercial). We also wernt allowed lollies, breads or anything else with animal protiens or gelatin. At 12 years old I knew that a strictly vegetarian diet was not ideal for me. I didnt get enough protein, I was always hungry and often tired. I used to 'sneak' meat whenever I could. There were kids in our social group who were thin and pale, some becuase they were just supremely fussy and some, like me, who would have benefited from more fat and protein in thier diet. At 12 we are starting to get a better idea of what works for our own bodies and if this child is clearly consenting to and enjoying eating meat then that should be her choice. The judgement could be arseholery or from experience it could be genuine concern. What is sad about the whole story, is that the child does not feel safe enough to express to her parents that she is not vegan
That's a good point. If she doesn't feel safe telling her parents that she doesn't want to be vegan, then that's an important consideration. The OP is still the AH, though. He should have talked with her and her parents before feeding her meat and dairy. If they said no and denied her wishes, that's a whole different issue, and I'd probably change my opinion somewhat.
Load More Replies... Total and complete asshole without a shadow of a doubt. I'm not a vegan or even a vegetarian but you can totally have a healthy diet without consuming any meat. And of course she loves the food, McDonalds wouldn't be where it is today if humans didn't crave all the fatty, salty heart attack specials. I hope this guy would be equally ok if somebody gives his daughter double espresso and 7 kittens to raise.
I grew up with someone who was essentially being raised vegan, but before it was a thing. Except there were damn good medical reasons why he couldn't have dairy or meat. As in, his digestive system really couldn't process it and it could land him in hospital. So yeah, he looked thinner and paler than the rest of us kids. He was getting all the nutrients he needed from additional supplements. Now, at 12 M should probably have been told about any medical problems by now, but I can totally see a 6 year old just trotting out "I'm not allowed to drink milk" without any further explanation as to *why*. This guy's heart may be in the right place, but his head is clearly absent.
I would be very angry to find out an adult man was encouraging my child to keep secrets from me. The proper response would be to tell the child to talk to her parents about her feelings, if she’d prefer to eat meat. Are we sure the kid understands what is happening even? This guy is presuming a lot and way overstepping his role.
I didn't get the impression that he specifically encouraged her to keep it a secret. i thought he just assumed she didn't tell them? i mean, that is still problematic, but a whole different thing in my opinion.
Load More Replies... Helping a 12 yr. old lie to her parents, and getting a kick out of it???? Something is really wrong here.
I think a lot of people are biased against veganism so I think they also will look at someone and see them as less healthy when they are probably perfectly fine. A lot of people always assumed I was underweight but I actually have always been within the healthy range of my BMI and I have a very healthy diet. I do eat meat and animal products, but since I am a very small person, people see me and assume I was undernourished. Not something she should be doing. I think vegans typically take nutrition really seriously and work hard to make sure their kids are getting everything they need specifically because they get a lot of people judging them for starving their kids. Around 20% of children in the USA are obese and I don't see a lot of adults reacting by only feeding the kids salad and carrots when they come over. You refuse a decent meal to a child because you think they are over weight then people would flip out completely. Just not your place. Between the parents and their doc.
Malnourished or not, her parents get the right to feed her the food they deem sensible. How do you define malnourished? Some children look smaller but are quite well-fed. The child is eating the food because it tastes different. It has nothing to do with veganism. Also, you are encouraging a child to lie to her parents. What if someone does that to your kid? The non-veg parent is way out of line in this because she does not get to say anything in thing regard. I am sure the parents are feeding M well. By the way, there are plenty of vegan food available that can be nourishing. India has vegetarian recipes that can be fine tuned to vegan meals.
It's not your business, it is up to the kid to tell her parents, she doesn't want this diet anymore. She's 12 and old enough to talk to her parents. You have to keep out of this. I
The parents probably aren't even aware she isn't eating when she's not home. As adults, the guy serving the meat with such glee needs to make a courtesy call to her parents, and let them know what he's serving her. No big deal, just a check in and heads up. She's 12. She is NOT old enough. Unless she's financially able to buy her own groceries, her own cookware, make the food and clean up after herself, she is under her parents roof and rules.
Load More Replies... "How much smaller and paler"? Some of us are smaller or paler by genetics, or kids just didn't hit growth spurts yet, etc. ------ And if the girl chooses to cheat, fine. That's her choice. But that's not an indictment on veganism. If they're worried, ask the parents to get the kid to a doctor.
If my child's vegan friend comes over and asks for meat, I'm not going to deny it to them. I'm not going to tell her to lie to her parents either, but I'm not going to deny a hungry child food. If you let them stay at my house you're imposing my parenting onto them just like if my child were to stay at their house the same expectation flies. I am strongly against forcing diet choices and religion for that matter onto someone, especially children. My husband is Muslim and already expects our daughter to not eat pork. I put my foot down on that. She can decide for herself.
I never understood this whole "malnourished looking" thing, where people assume, if they see someone vegetarian/vegan that they need meat. I mean lots of meat eating people, adults or kids are eating unhealthy but no one cares in the same way. It seems to me they are actually bothered by the fact that someone is different. As a kid my parents often got told "this poor kid" would need meat and tried (without luck) to feed me meat behind their backs. And I didnt even look unhealthy. Also my blood values are perfectly normal.
Such a huge asshole! I'm not vegan but it's not your place to overstep another families rules and have their kid lying to them. You also don't know the reasoning for it, the post mentions nothing about religion or dietary needs. And for people to state that the child made a choice are also assholes. There are children with Type 1 diabetes who would wolf down a bucket of sweets if given the opportunity, so if you offer them candy and they took it and go into shock you don't think you would be responsible. For an adult to say that the child made a choice is a bitch move. Maybe the family has a dietary issue or a religious belief or maybe not. You need to respect that family as you would expect for them to respect yours. Cause I bet that dude would be pissed as hell if someone gave something to his kid he disapproves of and was told "well chap, your kid made a choice". He also needs to take into consideration that his act can also have legal consequences.
I would say not totally an asshole but you kinda are. I believe that the 12 year old is definitely old enough to decide if she wants meat or not. Same if it was religion. Anyway your the asshole for the way your talking and judging the other parents. I would be very careful though coz if the parents get wind of this your daughter may lose a friend. Although I hope they speak to their daughter and understand her feelings on eating meat. They could even compromise and say she can get her meat fix at the friends house, so they don't have to be apart of it.
I think this is the right take. The girl seems to prefer an omnivorous diet, and deserves the opportunity to make those choices, but the dad feeding her meat on the sly is absolutely being disrespectful to her family. This is definitely an inclement s**t storm.
Load More Replies... This is a clear case where everyone is asshole except the poor kids who might lose each other's friendship because of stupid parents! You don't force to your kid your strict vegan diet and you don't make a kid lie to their parents because of what you believe is better.
Literally every human on planet earth "forces" their own diet onto their children by virtue of being their parent and having their child eat what they eat. Vegans are no different from anyone else. If a child's nutritional needs are being met, there is no reason to criticize.
Load More Replies... Sounds like the father already has so many prejudices against vegans and doesn't have any clue about nutrition in general. If he really believes the child is malnourished, he has two options. 1) Call child protective services, 2) Tell the parents that you only feed non-vegan meals at your house and let the adults choose what they want. Making unilateral decisions about someone else's child, while critiquing their parenting behind their backs, is sickening. How would he feel if someone made decisions about his daughter's health behind his back? I bet he would explode. Respect what other parents want for their kids, and if you can't, then I direct you back to points 1) and 2).
My children are 7 and 9. My younger is vegetarian and my oldest isn’t - fine. I’m vegetarian and husband isn’t. I make meals we can all eat and sometimes one gets meat and the other gets a plant substitute. They’re both small and pale. Why? Genetics. I would never let my kids go over to this persons house again, more because of the lying and deception than the meat, though.
What an asshole. Why is it always the common type of man who makes meat his personality who is always pulling this kind of sh*t? She isn't your kid, and you have no business going behind her parents' back to feed her meat and dairy.
I so hope this person gets sued by kids parents for millions of dollars and plaintiff wins every single penny plus more for what they sue him for. Mind your own business people when it comes to special diets. Just don't mess with peoples food. It's that simple.
YTA First, you shouldn't be altering her diet that dramatically because it can cause her all sorts of problems like intestinal cramps and diarrhea. Second, if her friend was not allowed gluten products, would you just pile her full of it not knowing if she has an allergy or a medical condition like Crohn's that can cause her more harm? Lastly, if you are that concerned with her health, contact her parents. They may be making her vegan diet so strict without realizing that she may have a medical condition that requires that her vegan diet be tweaked to allow her the proper nutrition. They can still be strict vegans and look out for their daughters health too. Maybe suggest a blood test to make sure she's not experiencing some deficiencies. If it comes back normal, she may have a different medical issue..something that pouring meat products on will not fix in the long run.
M's parents are definitely assholes. Enforcing a diet on your child based on YOUR principles and beliefs is an incredibly shitty thing to do and probably can be qualified as child abuse.Being vegan is a choice, and this choice shoiuld be made by yourself, not your parents or somebody else. The girl happily eats meat, so I guess she's absolutely not interested in being vegan and therefore shouldn't be forced to do it.Op is not an asshole for making meals for M (it's not like he's force-feeding her non-vegan dishes or something). Asking the kid to keep secrets from her parents isn't exactly a good thing to do though. It's a tricky sutuation to be in.
ALL diets are forced upon a child, it's just that eating meat is still socially excepted more. But it's still forcing your child to eat dead animals, which is also a choice.
Load More Replies... well, I really hate that vegan teacher and her 'statements' but... this is also bad!... If I were someome, who will know such a girl, and let's say that whe would be really malnourished, I would do my research about balanced vegan foods with enough of nutrients in it to feed her 'properly' based on her family diet choice.
So what do her parents think she's eating at sleepovers? If they send vegan food i could see an issue. Have they told OP "M" is to not have certain things? And at 12 she is old enough to make her own choices in eating lifestyle. Her body her choice!
If her parents are anti-gun, you're going to take her to the shooting range? Either you have actual concerns then you talk to parents/doctors/social services, or you don't then you respect. This is obviously willful undermining of other parents, just for kicks.
Okay this is a prickly topic for me. If I didn't have kids I would probably be vegan. But because I've warmed to the idea of veganism recently, my kids haven't been raised that way. I know if I were to pressure them into it without them being old enough to understand the reasons behind it (unethical factory farming, excessive use of limited resources, climate change and so on), it will likely just turn them off the idea. I also don't want to guilt/ manipulate them into adopting my personal views. It's a tricky topic for a parent to navigate.
My ex and I, who are both vegan had the discussion on whether we would raise a potential child vegan as well and what we came to was that we would cook vegan meals at home but it would be their choice what they would do out in the wider world. I think if they grow up with it from an early age then it won't be an issue for them but I think in your case it would be hard if they are already use to a diet with meat.
Load More Replies... Is anyone else confused that the "interview with an expert" has nothing to do with food, but rather sleepovers?
She might be undernourished because vegan doesn't mean healthy automatically. Vegan diet must be really balanced and it's easy to end up deficit in some vitamins, minerals etc if they lack proper knowledge about vegan diet and just stop eating certain food groups and think that's it.
I find this so disrespectful and concur with what everyone else has posted. I would be livid if I raised a child on a certain diet and another parent decided they knew better.
No it is not OK. How dare this twot feed animal flesh to a child that A) Doesn't need it B) Doesn't need it and C) is all about him shoving his crappy uneducated violence down this poor child's neck. Dietary needs for all family members can be met and sustained without raping cows and killing the baby cows to steal their milk and carving flesh off innocent animals. What an ignorations, if I was a violent man and he subjected my child to his vile flesh fetishes and breast feeding from another species weirdness I'd slap his dumbass face off.
Just because I don't follow a vegan lifestyle doesn't mean I'm going to go against another parent's way of raising their child because they aren't the same size as my own. That is incredibly stupid!! So what if she's pale? Maybe her parents are too. I'd be looking at her energy level, activity, and motor skills. Are they normal for a child her age? If not, then I would be concerned and have a conversation with her parents before taking it upon myself to feed her what I think is best.
Good job at wrecking the friendship and having the friend's parents no longer trust you.
Would he be mad when his daughter gets a tofu sandwich with a side of broccoli at her house? Probably. Then he will claim she came home starving and malnourished. What a d**k
The kid didn't get to choose her diet, so if she want to eat meat when she is over, well its her choice. I see nothing wrong with this situation.
She's 12 yrs. old. Her brain isn't even fully formed yet. She doesn't get to choose.
Load More Replies... @boredpanda, please control your content or you are just as guilty in the capitalism thing. Don’t give this stuff a voice on your platform. Please. Think about it.
YTA - are you a medical professional? A dietician? Or just a d*ck who thinks his opinion is more important than respecting someone's preferred eating methods? My sister & her family are vegan and the rest of us respect that as her choice. My 11 y/o niece is a perfectly healthy & active young lady. Has it occurred to you that this kid is just small & pale? (MY daughter was and she ate like a lumberjack) or that maybe she has some sort of medical condition that is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS? You are a complete and total ASSH*LE and I hope her parents find out what your doing. Your daughter's going to be so proud of you when she loses her best friend.
as a "meat eater" i'd vote YTA on this, if this guy really had concerns about this childs heath he should talk to a doctor or child welfair, its not a case of "if the child wanted to go vegan they would'nt agree to eat the burger" because i'm pretty sure that a child who has to restrict how much sugar they can eat would still want to eat a cake you dont decide what other peoples children should or shouldnt eat
i don't know if there's an a*****e here - i don't see all the information i need to build an opinion. is there vegan food available, too? Does the girl know that she's eating meat? does she want to be a vegan? I got the impression, that the girl eats meat because she wants to. and i think a twelve year old is able to decide for herself whether or not she wants to eat meat. if this impression is wrong, than of course my conclusion is bs. i would always make both options available, just to make sure she didn't eat meat to be polite, but i don't see why i would question or discipline her, when she chooses to eat meat.
i forgot one point - of course a vegetarian/vegan diet can be totally healthy. that's the one point i clearly disagree with the dad. still a 12 yo girl has a right to decide about her own body. including her diet.
Load More Replies... I'm just gonna say, that no, guy doesn't have the reason here. But I'm also divided: it appears that the child doesn't clearly wants to follow the vegan diet that it's imposed to her by her family. She eats a lot of meat when she goes to that house, and doesn't et sick? That's because she eats meat regularly from other sources. She wouldn't do that if she wanted to be vegan. That's for one. But, there's other problem: this dad it's overstepping his boundaries. If he feels that the kid may be malnourished, and/or that the kid his forced on a diet that doesn't want to follow, and can't confront her parents about it, then he SHOULD firstly talk with the kid about it, then confront her parents, and as a last resource, denounce the child abuse. Never by any concept encourage a child to lie to her parents, specially if it is really no evidence of abuse.
If she and her parents know about that, then it is ok. Let them know, and they can decide if it is ok for her to visit.
The girl is old enough to make up her own mind. If one of my kids wanted to go veggie at her age I think I would let them. Question is, will her parents let her go omnivorous? If not, it crosses a boundary into control freakery.
It's not his business to do this. But calling child welfare on a family forcing veganism on a child would be called for. People evolved to eat foods derived from animals and there are nutrients that can not be gotten other ways - either at all or not easily. It's too easy for a parent to prevent their child from receiving all the nutrients they need, including cholesterol. If she looks sickly and it's known she's being forced into a vegan diet, call child services. But don't just give her meat and dairy. Although it seemed to go well, it could cause a child severe digestive problems. Also, she might have allergies. Also, maybe she's just pale. Maybe they are well-enough off to somehow provide her with all the nutrients she is not getting from her food via supplements, and if they are doing that, then there is no need to give her meat and dairy. (Dairy is not a required foodstuff over age 4, and below 4, only human milk.)
Dude, you're risking your kids friendship. If they parents find out she may never be allowed to your place again. Should really think this through. Also, when someone is on a vegan diet having meat/dairy can really be upsetting for the system and can cause a bunch of unpleasant symptoms
I think I'm more offended by the fact that this little girl is keeping a secret from her parents. A secret that is shared with another adult that isn't her parents. That just sets a very dicey Precedent. "Don't tell your parents that you do something in secret with your friends father whenever you're at their house." That's fucken weird. I don't have as big of an issue with the food considering this child KNOWS it's meat n is choosing to eat it with enthusiasm. But that's something that this child n the parents should discuss n come to a decision on... it's not something her friends father n her should be deciding together n hiding from her own parents. If the child didn't know what she was eating that would be even worse. But this dudes still the asshole. Not your child. Not your choice. N is he a pediatrician or a doctor? Who is he to say a child is "malnourished?" If that's truly the case.. you need to talk to her parents about this if you're really that concerned about her health.
The judgy way it's written comes off like YTA. Based on the action of offering meat alone, I would have said NTA--it doesn't seem wrong to me to ask, "M, do you want this veggie burger, or do you want one of the cheeseburgers?" (I'm assuming he gives an option for the benefit of the doubt.) But to justify something by saying M and her family are pale and neurotic...! It makes it less of an affectionate "aww, let me fatten you up" and more of a malicious statement of "I'll show them." I think the meat-eating family should invite M's whole family over for a potluck vegan meal to try it their way and to try to build a better relationship.
I don't think he should be forcing this, but if the child asks for this type of food while at his house, why deny? It may also indicate that M is maybe forced to be vegan if she happily eats un-vegan food Also, he stated that his child is made to live the vegan life at the friends house. Yes its their house and should live how they want to but it kind of is them forcing their believes on his child It's a touchy subject for sure
Every parent forces their own eating-beliefs onto their children, that isnt an vegan exclusive thing. And regardless on how you raise/feed your children, you dont always have to give in to what they ask for. Or should a 12 y/o who asks for coffee and candy also get it every time they ask for it?
Load More Replies... Vegetarian and vegans diets can be very healthy, but you do need to ensure that you're getting the rights kinds of protein, especially for growing children. The fact is, most kids are picky about food, and if this kid is refusing to eat the protein sources her parents are providing, she may well be malnourished. Unless the family are vegan for religious reasons, I don't see any problem with serving her the food that your family eats while she is staying with you.
She doesn't have to conform to religious expectations either. If she wants to eat the meat then she should. Although he should really quit judging her family and shouldn't encourage her to keep secrets from her family.
Load More Replies... Being vegan can be perfectly healthy, plenty of cultures are vegan cultures. But being vegan can also be unhealthy, eg. many American vegans that simply cut everything out of their diet without bringing any balance back to it. Which one is the girl? We have no idea. And I suspect this parent doesn't have any idea either. But if the kid is always pale and ravenous, that's a clue. I support the idea of letting the kid make their own choices. If the kid came over from day one and ASKED for that kind of food, then sure, although I think there should be some back pressure on the kid to have them talk to their parents, or fearing the parents to their doctor in private. But to just start shoveling meat on the kid's plate? NO! NO! NO! NO!
Everybody, except for the kids, suck (based on given information). OP is actively teaching the kid to lie to her parents, engage in keeping secrets, and potentially doing more damage than good — it's not about the fact that the kid is eating meat, but the fact that OP is teaching kid to be DISHONEST, which is a huge no-no. As several people said — if you think the kid is “malnourished”, talk to the parents for heaven's sake, you're neither her doctor nor her guardian. If you know you're doing the right thing, you wouldn't have to conceal it or lie about it. For the vegan parents, I'm on the fence; while it is true there are families and cultures where people have been nutrionally healthy while being vegetarian, veganism seems a tad too much to force on a kid, unless they're making it up for the nutrition in other ways.
NTA. It was implied that M knew that there was meat and eggs in these meals and she still consumed them gratefully
Aside: What does M's parents think she eats when she goes over there?
Unpopular opinion but based on a real story: my best friend's daughter became vegetarian at abotu 8 or so. her mom went along but made her eat iron supllements. Couple of years later the daughter gave it up and her mom was very relieved because, lo and behold, she became noticably less pale. A vegan diet is a religious decision. I have a deep respect for anybody who lives vegan, but it is not based on our biology. We were so succesfull as a species because we can eat and digest almost anything. Leaving out a substantial part of those options entirely has consequences. Most of the people I know are vegetarians, ssome are vegans - nobody makes their children eat the same things. they all get eggs, small amounts of fish and sometimes meat.
A 12 year old is more than old enough to decide what they want to eat. If she's going back for seconds, she obviously likes it. sounds like yet again, parents have forced their beliefs on their unwilling child and she's afraid to speak up. It sounds like this guy has created a safe space for the child to make her own decisions.
F*****g asshole! Cross me with my kid and first I'll sue you then I'll kill you.
It is not OK to go against the parents of a kid behind their back. But I have to ask something, if the girl wants to eat meat, enjoys it, shouldn't this be her decision? Why do parents keep forcing their beliefs on children? I know of vegans who leave their kids alone to decide whether they want to be one or not. I know religious people letting their child to decide their beliefs and religion. The child is not their parents possession. And of course vegetarian kids are smaller and paler especially if their vegetarian parents have no idea what they're doing! I know exactly what this person means, I've seen it too many times! And no, my boys are not fat, as someone suggested. They are very tall and athletic, they have abs and all. But compared to vegan children they look 5 years older, pink and all.
Funny thing is that probably no one would have judged him if he had served vegan food for a kid that comes from a family that things that meat is only right food..
Also I think given the state of the world today he should have her vaccinated and buy her a gun. /s
HUGE difference between religious objections and parents diet desires. Having said that, the OP does NOT know if there is a medical reason, so that is a concern. OTOH, I greatly dislike parents imposing their potentially unhealthy choices on kids. Kids have different nutritional needs than parents, and unless the parents are working with a licensed nutritionist they could be malnourishing their child. Your body will tell you what you need, and her wolfing down this food is an indication her body needs it. I ate a salad last night with tons of veggies in it at 11 pm. I listened to my body that I really needed that. Let your children have access to all foods not prohibited by your religion and let them choose. Vegetarianism should be a CHOICE, not forced upon them.
Looks like Bored Panda has finally moved away from all the Disney Princesses and USA bashing, and embraced their newfound love for bitching about and picking fights about veganism.
Stop reading the site if you don't like the content?
Load More Replies... Wow, what a major a$$hole. I might feel vegans are undernourished and culturally dim, but they have rights same as me.
No kid decides to eat meat either... If you put a chick in front of a kid, it will hug the animal, not salivate.
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