Woman Explains Why You Should Respect Your Child’s Privacy In An Eye-Opening Message
Being a parent is hard as it is – you want the best for your child but sometimes good intentions can be a cause for toxic actions. For example, some parents are over-protective of their children, therefore, they are having a hard time trusting them. One Tumblr user told a story about participating in a panel of Girl Scouts event, where a question was asked: “Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?” Seemingly, the older and the younger generation had very conflicting opinions about it.
Other users sided with OP by sharing their own thoughts on children’s privacy
One teenager offered their own experiences to support the idea that over-protective parents harm their relationship with children
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As someone who has depression and anxiety since a young a child, I used to write poetry in a book and hid it under my mattress, I once came home to my uncle reading it, when he saw me he said "that's F***ing depressing" I was mortified. I felt I had nobody to talk to, I didn't have friends and I was 10 years old. I always felt that nobody took me seriously, I would feel like there was a black hole inside I could not fill and adults told me to get over of it. As an adult it took me a long time to come to terms with it all, but I had a wonderful friend who supported me and gave me perspective. Finally I gained some insight and it is this: Different generations are taught, raised differently, and have a tool box... sometimes they don't have the right tools. If i could give advice. Listen to your child, try to understand or at least take their feelings seriously because feelings are real; regardless of whether they are warranted.
I’m so sorry for you, it must have been horrible… I’m glad you’re better!
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I can tell you for a fact this is true. My parents read all my texts put trackers on my phone and even took the door off my bedroom. I had nothing that was mine, it felt like my thoughts were the only thing I had. I lost respect for them, and eventually lied constantly. They tracked my phone so I would leave my phone in the mailbox, they read my texts I'd stop texting anything Important to me. The only thing I wanted was to get away from them. To this day now that I'm out of the house my brother is now going through the same problems. Our parents may have thought they knew everything about me, but in reality they pushed me away. Strict parents create rebellious kids, kids who know how to get around them.
Wow your parents are f*cked up... Should be totally illegal what they did to you.
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When I was young my parents got a divorce and it hit me hard. I struggled a lot and only ever spoke to my mom out of fear my dad would get mad at me so I spent a lot of time texting my mom. He got angry at me over that and installed a nanny app on my phone (monitors screen time, apps used, displays texts, etc.). Once that was there I didn’t text anyone and closed myself off. Those were the loneliest years of my life, I still suffer from it. Had my father let me be my own person and not gotten angry that I didn’t open up to him I might have talked more. Seriously, parents, spying on your kids is damn near the worst thing you can do.
I hate it when a divorce gets ugly enough between spouses that the kids get dragged into the crossfire. A friend of mine had a father that didn't deal with loss very well. When her little brother died, he destroyed every picture of him so he wouldn't have to remember him. When her mother died years later from cancer, she hid pictures of her mother. He found most of them. When I met her..she only had three left because he'd found the rest and destroyed them. Her father became a raging alcoholic and was very severe in his punishments (making them stand in the corner and hold a dictionary with outstretched arms for an hour.) She eventually moved in with an older brother and went wild child from all the new found freedom.
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I had an experience when I was keeping a diary, my father snuck into my room while I was in the shower and read my diary. When I got out, he was laughing at my latest entry, about feeling like I wanted to die. Another thing, whenever I tell my mother things, she tells her friends, if I tell her someone said something mean to me, she would have called my school, and so to this day I never write a diary, and I never tell my parents anything, because I can't trust them.
When parents have to read their children's diaries and texts to learn what's going on in their lives, they've already failed as parents from the beginning. Controlling your kids is not equal to loving them. It leads to losing them to drugs, criminality, alienation or suicide.
When I was a kid, my parents went through one of my social media accounts. They found some potentially dangerous but already solved s**t that I did and banned me from it. Not only did I resent them and feel violated, I had trouble making friends because I had a lot of internet pals on there. My mom even once explicitly said to me; "You're a kid. You have no privacy." It really f*****g pisses me off when people tell kids that they have no rights or that they have no privacy. Blatant adultism.
I suppose there is a reason the US is the only country on the planet that has not ratified the "Convention on the Rights of the Child". The right to privacy and the right to be raised without physical punishment is in there.
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It's much better to openly talk to them about their activity on the internet and about the dangers (and possibilities) that internet brings and maybe even ask them to voluntarily(!) show you some of their communications if you're really worried than going behind their backs and constantly monitor their communications and their every move. They do need privacy but they also need parents who are interested in them and how they day went and who will ask about it and listen to them, parents whom they trust and who trust them. You only get that from open communication, and it takes time and effort. The most important and hardest thing to do is find a balance and keep it.
I had a social media profile in sixth grade where I put my feelings onto. As soon as I fell asleep every night, my parents would go onto my phone, onto my account, and read every post that my friends that live across the country wrote, and me complaining about my brothers. I trusted those people, and I did trust my parents. I posted a joke about suicide, which was clearly a joke. I was sent to therapy, which I resisted. I've since left my account behind and I still go to therapy, but this time, with trust issues. I change my phone and computer password every month, just to make sure no one finds them out. Don't go onto your children's phones and social media to check what their friends see. Listen to them when they're upset, and stop when they don't want to talk about them. If you invade their privacy like that, it'll cause problems in the future, and probably make their mental health worse.
Any relationship thrives if it is based on trust. This is equally true for a marriage as it is for parents caring for a toddler! Of course you need to protect your children. But trusting them is the first step to make them trust that they can seek you in need of help REGARDLESS of what might have happened.
In most European countries we have 'Secrecy of correspondence' which protects people from other people who want to read their personal messages. Also children could easily sue their parents of they read their personal diary or other texts without their permission. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secrecy_of_correspondence
We need this here in America!
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Am so glad I was a child in a semi-rural area in the era before mobile phones, before the internet, some of my friend's homes didn't even have landlines. Kid's and parents today would find it difficult to imagine the freedom we had (the major rule was don't go anywhere with strangers). It must be dreadful to be checked-up on and your life invaded by overprotective parents , although obviously todays technology has brought it's own unique dangers.
Since I'm the youngest in my family I had no alone time or could hide anything. I mean my sister figured out my password and read all my texts, emails, my tweets+twitter, and Instagram DMs she figured out that I had a girlfriend and was bisexual and told my parents. I don't know if anyone is in the LBGQ+ community on here but someone figuring it out and telling everyone and everyone asking you if its true is f**king scary. I'll come out when I am ready. So, parents/siblings/friends: If you do think your kid(s)/sibling(s)/friend(s) are part of the LBGQ+ community, DO NOT PUSH THEM TO COME OUT!!! THEY WILL WHEN THEY ARE READY edit: I told my parents that I wanted to see a therapist one time and they said "we don't have the money" as they're buying tickets for cruises, traveling, concerts and movies because all of that is WAY more important than your child's mental
That is f***ed up. We are struggling right now to pay for hearing aids for our adult autistic son. My husband and I went through the list of "luxury" items we get weekly (Starbux, fast food, sweets and movies) and figured out alternatives that were cheaper so we can set money aside for him to be able to hear. In the meantime, we are looking for a tutorial on sign language. We would do anything to help my son live a normal life (he is in therapy too.) I get angry at selfish parents that care more about their desires over their children's needs. I'm sorry your parents are being douchebags.
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My mother reads my texts all the time. I have a tracker on my phone and I always feel like s**t that I am always studying. It's like my childhood is being stolen from me. Therapists don't do nothing. I want to run away, but I have nowhere to go. I try to talk to her, but I have just given up trying cause she just don't listen. I go to a good school, but everybody lives 30 minutes away. The kids in my neighborhood are all too young to play with. Old friends don't talk to me cause they are "trying to solve that drama." Nobody knows about this account, no one. It is the only thing I have left that is mine.
Sit tight kid, you'll get out of this at some point and then you can live your life the way you want to.
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Have any of you ever been the parent to a child that has been groomed online? To have that man tell your 13 year old that your parents don't understand or love you the way he does? To have that man tell your 13 year old that it's ok to send him photos of yourself and he then shares with an online forum? To have that man in his 30s organise to meet up and rape your child who is 13? Or have a child that has been cyber bullied and told to hurry up and kill yourself? To have a large forum of stranger mainly kids yes other kids bombard you with threats and calling you all these horrible things? To have these same kids track down all your other social media and start telling you your worthless and mean nothing and the world is better off without you? And your child at 12 years old attempts to commit suicide because she can't take all the abuse and taunting from strangers online. This is why parents can be protective, this is why my daughter now has a app I can protect her.
She also knows the app is on her phone, sometimes safety is more important than you realise. Parents aren't always the bad guy. I've never done anything without asking her, unless I knew her safety was at risk. So don't down vote because you think I'm invading her privacy you have to realise, some teenagers need to be protected. She was groomed, raped and left for dead at 13 and you are down voting.
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when I try to talk to my mom she always thinks im just being ridiculous or yells at me and if I try to explain to her im afraid shell turn it around on me
I assure you that your situation isn't the whole world. When you grow up and are on your own, you get to decide what goes on. Not everyone is like your mom, and you don't have to follow in her footsteps. You can keep the parts of her you like and ditch the rest. Being an adult is awesome.
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I'm still in middle school so I may not know alot. I don't have many friends but I have one friend in primary who I love to chat with about school, daily life and others. By that time, I was still close to my parents in terms of trust. But then, when I'm about to enter middle school, they began searching my phone and laptop for my chats, so I began to stop talking about my problems in school and just keep it in for the time being. Since I entered middle school, I lost contact with my friend (because I haven't contacted in such a long time and since it seems that she changed her ID/number). Further in middle school, my parent's made a new policy to make me report my location each time I change locations, then I learned they compared it to my Google Maps Timeline data connected via my personal Google account logged in on their computer. Then I started thinking: do they trust me? So now, if I were to contact someone, I use incognito in chrome and create a new gmail account if needed.
Wow. Im sorry your parents are so controlling. Mine were too when i was a teen. Hang in there. I know its tough.
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I am not depressed but my parents follow my social media so i can only really express myself on here, and even then i have to find a post that has something to do with what i wanted to say.
That is sad...my parents do not have a reason to go through my stuff unless they think I might be in danger.
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I kept a diary for about 2 years until my parents went through it. They found pages they didn't like, so they ripped them out and posted them on our fridge. I live in a family of 11 kids, 2 parents. My private thoughts were no longer private.
That most horrible thing I red here, do you live in some kind (please no offence) amish community? Where everything belongs to Lord - even thoughts. I hope that everybody here will read your post to see, that they are complaining about petty things...
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My Mom read my diary when I was 16. This was the end of our really strong and trustful relationship, which showed in hours of talks. She broke my trust and killed the joy of diaring stuff, as i wrote both bad and good things there. I don't think I ever forgave her that. So DON"T do it people, cause you WILL loose your child.
"It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people." Very, very true. I think that's why I dislike having only younger cousins. Also a huge reason I don't want to be a parent-- if you just end up creating someone who isn't considerate, and/ or have a broken relationship with them, it would just feel like I did more bad than good. I don't want to destroy my own spawn's life. My preferred way is to not have children.
I decided not to have children after babysitting during my teen years. I actually got along with most, do like children, but wasn't sure I could deal with them full-time. Another deciding factor: I grew up feeling like an inconvenience to my mother -- I didn't want to have a child and then have to say, "Sorry I can't love you." I do enjoy most children, so being an aunt or family friend gives parents a break and me a connection without the huge responsibilities.
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My mom used to want to look through the things I said online. I think I know why now.. she hasn't been listening to me. I once tried to tell her about an abusive teacher I had in 7th grade and why I don't want to be in that class - she laughed at every other sentence, told me "Be careful with those words" when I talked about how abusive the teacher was, and insisted I needed the teacher (she was a teacher I had for my anxiety/depression, mostly).
As a 14 year old, id just like to say that kids my age and younger do some bad and stupid things, and they usually won't tell their parents about it anyways, I've seen my former friends take pictures in the shower and do some overall dangerous and dumb stuff online. I just think parents should check up on their kids social media, texts, etc. often.
My parents have opposite parenting styles. My mom forbid everything she didn't like, like friends, clothing, and all sorts of things. And she could ask for my opinion about someone and then pass it on to the person. My dad never forbidden anything, I at 14 told him things I would never tell him now when I'm 30. He never lost his cool, never yelled at me. He talked about everything and pointed out the consciences by making me think about whats next. I have no relationship with my mom. At all. Me and my dad are best friends. My parents are not divorced, the are together still, but I treat mom as an acquaintance. So be careful on your actions, because you will not be able to fix it latter, you will have to to live with the relation you build with your child when they are adult.
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FINALLY! Someone lays it out. So. I am a small child, 13 and in 8th grade. My parents recently took away my phone and have forbidden all unauthorized access to anything electronic. Actually, in writing this comment, I'm blatantly disobeying them, because they changed the password to my email. This is one I created behind their back, to get around those exact rules. I am a textbook example of losing my parents trust- and in turn my trust for them through electronics and social media. They discovered my Tumblr and WattPad by going behind my back and looking through my phone. I've turned into a habitual liar, and I notice it every time I do it. Back to my point instead of complaining about myself, this is the point I've been trying to make. I'm so glad someone actually recognizes it and knows how to turn it into words. Thank you.
Psssst...put a passcode on your phone...whenever you break through the parental locks remember to cover your tracks... totally not speaking from experience...
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yeah, my boyfriend had his door removed and I felt bad for him because he didnt have much privacy anymore. My family takes away my phone a lot for little things and they ask me when I'm depressed and I tell them I can't talk to my friends. They tell me to go and get some "real" friends (irl friends,) but they don't understand that I'm introverted and having these online friends let me privately vent to them if I need to, feeling more bold to talk to them about these things because they can't see me cry or judge me based on how I look.
I am just a teen right now, but in the future if I ever have any kids I will never check their texts or judge them based on their social profiles because I want them to be them and I want us to build trust, I may not allow them access to certain things until a certain age but when they do get it they are almost guaranteed not to have their venting resources taken away from them.
Load More Replies... When I was 16 yo I catched my mother in the act reading my diary! I felt betrayed and hurt, but she meant she was entitled to do so as a parent.I hated her for that, never trusted her anymore and kept a lot for myself, things I would had been talking to her before. And I never got over it.
I only read the first part but jesusfuckingchrist! People would think nothing of reading their child's private stuff? No, no, no, nooooooo. No. Nope. No. Stop being hoverparents FFS. I think it's monumentally sick to want to read your kid's private s**t. OF COURSE there's going to be stuff in there you don't like. They're kids! Kids push boundaries and do dumb s**t. That's how they learn and grow. Affecting that will affect them, but not in a good way. In a "I'm a dysfunctional adult because my parents never gave me the freedom to learn and grow" type of a way. How is this a revelation?
Reading all the stories of broken trust (which never quite repairs itself) is infinitely saddening. Unfortunately, it happened to my son (16 years old), whose dad violated his privacy one too many times, until finally, my son cut all his interaction with him. Despite my attempts to rationalize with the both of them, the damage is done, and it would take tremendous effort to even partially restore their communication.
I can first-hand attest to this. Looking at the differences in how open I am with my parents versus how open my boyfriend is with his parents is striking. My parents read my journals and diaries when I was younger, read my texts and emails, and yelled at me whenever I tried to tell them something or open up. Especially about my depression and anxiety. My boyfriend's parents, however, never did any of that, they knock before entering (I'm not even allowed to close my door, not even at night), they don't interfere with his private life, and as a result, he is open and honest about everything with them!
I was the victim of bullying from the time I was 6 until I turned 16. Before I was 10, I'd go to my mom and tell her about the bullying. Instead of her answer being to talk to me and help me through it or to approach the counselors on how to mediate a peace talk, she'd find out who was doing the bullying and ream their parents over the coals. The result...you guessed it..the bullying got worse. So I just stopped telling my mother about it. The height of the bullying is when I was 13, I was handed a set of pages that turned out to be a petition signed by pretty much everyone in my class saying they didn't like me and wanted me to stay away from them. When I turned 16, my older sisters friends gave me a make-over and lessons on sarcasm. My junior and senior year was a blast. My father admitted that he went through my room. My mother admitted she screened my calls. My Aunt was the only one I trusted. I've adopted my Aunt's approach with my son. Hands off and learn to trust.
What a sad story. I´m so sorry those things happened to you.
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My parents have always respected my privacy, and so I am open (for the most part. Mostly to my mother, as I’m closer to her). I have friends who have had to sneak about to contact me, even enlisting friends to send info my way, all because their parents snooped around. These friends, I have noticed, are paranoid. It literally makes your children afraid of you. Don’t look through their diaries or conversations. It’s horrible and mentally abusive.
I have a friend who has trackers too. Who if someone texts her, is recorded and stuff. My number my put on her moms watchlist since I texted my friend. My friend also told me that her mom thinks I'm rude. Sure I say bad language but that doesn't mean my friend will pick it up. She only has WiFi from 5:00 to 9:00 pm and I can't call her or text her since not only her mom disabled anybody from calling her (probably just me) that means she had NO trust in me hanging out with her or just generally herself.
It's only a problem in the States, European and Asian countries don't treat their kids like snowflakes, don't hover over their every step, and aren't afraid to be their PARENTS instead of trying to be their FRIENDS. In Europe/Asia kids know what are expected of them and what the consequences are if those expectations aren't met.
I burnt my diaries after I found out my mum read them. I was such an edgy teen....
i'm a honest person, really. i always answer my mom's question like "how do you do at work/school/etc ?" honestly. but, some times i don't feel like it anymore. i mean, sometimes my mother talk about it with someone else that not even related, at all. like when i do bad, all of my neighbor will know it too ||||-_-) . i'm still trusted my mother though, "what's wrong with me?"
I can see both sides of the argument here. Letting kids the freedom, as people,to think their own thoughts and grow to be who they are and to protect them from themselves and others. Teenagers naturally rebel,if you want to call it that as they become independent but they aren't fully cooked and parents are still responsible for their actions, financially, etc. perhaps the child should know that mom/dad won't snoop but can if there are indications that the child is in danger or if they suspect that drugs or other illegal activities are occurring. The columbine school shooters kept extensive diaries that could have saved them and their victims if read and they had gotten in trouble before that final horrible act.
But can you draw a line between spying and merely trying to check that your kid is not a serial killer/victim of a serial killer? Simple enough: there is no line. Like the author of the post said, there is a 99.9% probability that it's a bad idea. A very bad one. So should we take the risk of destroying the trust our kids should have in us just for the remaining 0.1%? I don't think so... The solution is simple though: dialogue. If that doesn't work, help exists.
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I was raised by my grandma and starting living with my parents and younger sister at the age of ten. I knew very little of them and felt uncomfortable sharing space with them. Specially how they alienating me by treating me like an adult and giving work you would not give a ten year old.Let’s just say, I only say good morning and good night to these people.
While I agree that reading someone's texts and hacking their social media is wrong and breaks trust, there's also tons of inappropriate content on the internet. And I don't just mean porn, there are tons of violent and/ or disgusting pictures and videos. And that's not even mentioning the deep web. I never did keep a diary though. It always seemed so risky leaving my thoughts like that for someone to find. And seeing these posts of family members reading diaries I was right. I suppose these days it could be done safely on a PC via an encrypted text file (it seems I was always a paranoid bastard).
Honestly, having a large family, normally makes parents stop giving value to the younger children's opinion. Especially in Asian households, the kids point is overlooked and seen to not help and then all of a sudden parents expect the kids to take care of everything when they are just as dependant as they were on the older kids. This was the reason I ended up not speaking to my parents if something hurt me deeply, because they gave me space not because they cared about my feelings but because they didn't care enough to create that bond.
This is completely true, as a kid my mom never invaded my privacy without me knowing. If she installed something on one of my devices to track apps I had she told me. My dad did the opposite (they're divorced for context), though he want able to take any of my devices bc my mom bought them all he would still look over my shoulder at them, take my phone and read my texts if they were open but say he was joking, go through my sketchbooks and poetry. I talk to my mom about everything, my dad hardly knows anything. So yah, this is very true and I get to see both sides.
For me I use to be open with my parents. Their response when I was trying to talk to them about serious matters? "Suck it up. Life isn't that bad." Or my brother's response "You're so weak. I have friends who suffer more than you and they function." It was extremely damaging because I stopped talking to them. Stop answering them when they asked if I was okay and made plans to kill myself. I made the decision, me, to go to counseling, and me and my counselor both decided I needed medication. And even a few years ago, even though my mother is doing better now at listening to me, she said "It's easier for me to listen to you when you don't live here anymore. Because you're not constantly bringing me down." I had started keeping her in the loop when she finally got over her self righteous, better than you attitude. But after that I stopped again.
i've been through both. when i was younger, my mom would randomly read my texts/check my phone. i hated it, but given that i was like, 11, i didnt really do anything about it. but i stopped talking to her. i figured there was no point, since anything she wanted to know was right there. i don't know how or when it happened, but she seemed to realize what the problem was. she deleted my accounts off her phone, she stopped asking for my password and going through my phone randomly, and now our relationship is stronger than ever. i tell her pretty much everything now. if you want to actually build a relationship with your kids, you let them have their privacy
I agree with all of this. I have depression and anxiety, but i'm afraid to tell my parents because i know if i try to they will just brush it off as me being a hypochondriac. My dad doesn't believe in getting me a therapist and refuses to no matter how many times i tell him i need one. My dad doesn't believe in privacy as right either. He once took my doorknob off of my door, he put it back on but its switched around so that HE can lock ME in my room. My parents are always monitoring me as well, even having my younger sister monitor me. I know they are just trying to protect me, but they are doing it in a wrong way. At this point in my life, you would say i am a rebellious teen who talks back to their parents, gets in trouble a lot, lies to their parents. When i ask for help, they ignore me.
My mom used to always read mine and my brothers texts and constantly pestered is with questions about our lives. We slowly stopped telling her things and now my brother hardly even talks to her. If she wasn’t so demanding we probably would have been much more open to discussing things with her
I am a sophomore in high school and my mom has been going through my phone since 6th grade. On Christmas I had received my first phone and I was ecstatic! I had gone through those weird youtube phases where the MLG meme was incredibly popular along with furry force (I don't recommend watching) and my friend alyssa had asked me to send her the link. Now I may say this was a incredibly weird furry s**t that haunts me to this day and me being the innocent mind before sex ed I missed the obvious signs of sexual orientation an stuff. My mom had looked through my phone (I wasn't allowed to have it in my room at night along with locks on it as well) and whatched the video I had sent. Lets say my phone was taken away until I got it back freshman year. In between those years i had made a secret Facebook account in 7th grade so I could be involed in the art community their, my dad found out and i was grounded and had all my passwords reset and still dont know them to this day. My mom hasnt really changed over the years either.... Ive been constantly threatened of my door removed, drawing privileges taken away (one of my cope methods), my phone of course, new schools, everything in my room taken away and just leave my bed and mattress, stuffed animals (another cope method because they dont speak, so they cant tell others...), I've had many Instagram accounts and gmails because my mom stalks me. I've been worn down by her so much i can barely decide anything for my self and my depression levels are high and ive been lying because I'm too scared to tell her whats really wrong... Ive burned all my diaries and now am a jealous, envious, ball of anger and pent up emotions all because I dont trust my Mom...or my dad....
I don't totally agree. I creep every so often on my kid's accounts. I make sure they are not being vulgar in a disturbing way eg being hateful etc. More importantly, I make sure they are not being groomed by predators. If they say bad things about my hubby or me? pass. if they swear or cuss? pass. if they are being homophobic or racist (which hasn't happened btw) ok we need a discussion. if they are being suicidal, BOOM we need help. at this point my kids are really comfy talking to me. and i don't helicopter. they are good with saying, mom, back off. so i do. cuz i know they know i'm here. they have their privacy once they hit their rooms. and i'm very open that i creep. that's how i found out that my 11 yr old was having some problems that he didn't realize he was having. now he's very glad that momma found out, and found help for him, that he didn't even know he needed. he's a kid! he needs support!
It's good that you have a line, this is what everyone needs, and I completely agree with you
Load More Replies... I LOVE THIS POST. when i was younger my parents were very invassive (reading notes from my friends, listening to phone conversations, snooping thru my room, reading my journal, searching my backpack, the list goes on.) I ended up moving out at 16, dropping out of school, drinking, doing drugs. As a young parent I fully trust my children. I dont monitor their social media, i dont snoop threw their phones or rooms or journals. My kids are well behaved and up front with me. (My 15 year old has a job, gets good grades and enjoys going to the gym) last summer my youngest son and his friends pushed and poked at a sand sculpture in the park, my son told me right away - where as the neighbors son hid it from his parents (they are VERY strict). My kids deserve their own privacy and i respect that. In return my kids respect me.
As a teen, I once said to my mom "I feel like you don't listen to me anymore" and she replied "What kind of b******t nonsense is this ?!" Needless to say, I didn't talk about my feelings with her anymore until I became an adult....
This is SO REAL! My parents gave me the upmost privacy growing up with this sort of thing! My friends parents would read their texts and so on and I used to be so shocked. That same friend now barely tells her mother anything and leads a very sheltered life from her parents, me on the other hand have strong bonds with both my parents and they know (almost) ;) everything about me because I TELL THEM! Don't invade childrens/teens privacy it will pay off!
Let's also not forget the parents that dump their little kids on YouTube to babysit them. Theres a ton of disturbing content (elsagate) that still makes it on to YouTube Kids. Don't use YouTube to babysit your toddlers.
Why the downvotes? It's the truth. https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/danidiplacido/2017/11/28/youtubes-elsagate-illuminates-the-unintended-horrors-of-the-digital-age/amp/
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People seem to think this is an either or kind of thing. The Internet is a wild wide open space. As parents, it's your job to help your child navigate this unwieldy beast. You start by talking to your child early about appropriate use. Then you set boundaries for technology use. You keep the lines open, in fact, prod your child into talking. Keep in mind that once they turn 14 they will begin to create more distance. That's why the early conversations are important before they are faced with hard decisions. If your child starts behaving oddly, stops communicating, or breaks the rules, then you have an obligation to find out what's going on with them by any means necessary. That is what it means to be a parent. Remember children are people but their brains are not fully developed and won't be until they are in their young 20's. They need our guidance until then. That is the responsibility of the parent even if it means risking your "popularity" with your child.
This has nothing to do with privacy. These parents would have reacted the same way if their kid handed them their diary or a printed and bound signrd 1st edition copy of all of their texts. The issue here is that you have parents that dont see their child beyond and extension of themselves. If they admit that something is wrong with their kid then that is admitting something may be wrong with them. I dont have an issue with reading a kid's text. When Collombine and all the other school shootings happened the first thing that happened was everyone asking how the parents didn't know. Why werent they monitoring their kids? Kids, while they are individuals and should be afforded every right to peace, comfort and safety are still kids. They make terrible decisions and can easily put themselves and others at high risk because they tend to not be able to see past the present moment. If you are naive enough to believe that if you are friends enough to your children they will tell you everything then you havd never been a parent. It is natural for children to want their own sense of "me-ness" that is beyond the reach of their parents, but until they can be found to be sound in judgment and reason they mist still be guided and to do that a parent may have to play detective. If for no otber rason than to give the child the impression that they are independent while at the same time staying abreast of what is going on. These are not issues of privacy but of respect and humility. Parents, of they are going to snoop they must be prepared for whatever they find. Some just arent.
BS. You can not compare a diary to social media. Social media is out there for the world to see. It's shared at least among friends and possibly with the entire world. If we hadn't monitored our kid's online activities we wouldn't have been able to teach them lessons about safety and politeness as well as safe posting.
I would say monitoring their social media is less like reading a diary, and more like listening in on all their conversations. Not the same thing, but similar in that they are both invasions of privacy.
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It isn't like kids are absolute idiots, and then suddenly turn smart at the age of 21. No, there's a lot of variation. Some teens are dumb, but some are actually more mature than you. Keep an open mind.
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If they feel they have to hide things from you, it’s BECAUSE of you. Your kids don’t trust you, and that’s YOUR fault.
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One thing my parents never failed me on is communication. They warned me away from sketchy sites that could have people that could hurt me. They told me to avoid/tell someone about people who were trying to get my information and trying to get to know me (Stranger Danger). Always, ALWAYS, TALK WITH YOUR CHILD. I don't understand why communication seems to be lost between parents and kids now, but that's the key here. You tell them to be careful of people that could hurt them and they'll learn to see the signs and get away. You don't need to stalk your child to keep them safe UNLESS THEY GIVE YOU A DARN GOOD REASON. So please, don't stalk your kid. Talk to them.
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As someone who has depression and anxiety since a young a child, I used to write poetry in a book and hid it under my mattress, I once came home to my uncle reading it, when he saw me he said "that's F***ing depressing" I was mortified. I felt I had nobody to talk to, I didn't have friends and I was 10 years old. I always felt that nobody took me seriously, I would feel like there was a black hole inside I could not fill and adults told me to get over of it. As an adult it took me a long time to come to terms with it all, but I had a wonderful friend who supported me and gave me perspective. Finally I gained some insight and it is this: Different generations are taught, raised differently, and have a tool box... sometimes they don't have the right tools. If i could give advice. Listen to your child, try to understand or at least take their feelings seriously because feelings are real; regardless of whether they are warranted.
I’m so sorry for you, it must have been horrible… I’m glad you’re better!
Load More Replies... I can tell you for a fact this is true. My parents read all my texts put trackers on my phone and even took the door off my bedroom. I had nothing that was mine, it felt like my thoughts were the only thing I had. I lost respect for them, and eventually lied constantly. They tracked my phone so I would leave my phone in the mailbox, they read my texts I'd stop texting anything Important to me. The only thing I wanted was to get away from them. To this day now that I'm out of the house my brother is now going through the same problems. Our parents may have thought they knew everything about me, but in reality they pushed me away. Strict parents create rebellious kids, kids who know how to get around them.
Wow your parents are f*cked up... Should be totally illegal what they did to you.
Load More Replies... When I was young my parents got a divorce and it hit me hard. I struggled a lot and only ever spoke to my mom out of fear my dad would get mad at me so I spent a lot of time texting my mom. He got angry at me over that and installed a nanny app on my phone (monitors screen time, apps used, displays texts, etc.). Once that was there I didn’t text anyone and closed myself off. Those were the loneliest years of my life, I still suffer from it. Had my father let me be my own person and not gotten angry that I didn’t open up to him I might have talked more. Seriously, parents, spying on your kids is damn near the worst thing you can do.
I hate it when a divorce gets ugly enough between spouses that the kids get dragged into the crossfire. A friend of mine had a father that didn't deal with loss very well. When her little brother died, he destroyed every picture of him so he wouldn't have to remember him. When her mother died years later from cancer, she hid pictures of her mother. He found most of them. When I met her..she only had three left because he'd found the rest and destroyed them. Her father became a raging alcoholic and was very severe in his punishments (making them stand in the corner and hold a dictionary with outstretched arms for an hour.) She eventually moved in with an older brother and went wild child from all the new found freedom.
Load More Replies... I had an experience when I was keeping a diary, my father snuck into my room while I was in the shower and read my diary. When I got out, he was laughing at my latest entry, about feeling like I wanted to die. Another thing, whenever I tell my mother things, she tells her friends, if I tell her someone said something mean to me, she would have called my school, and so to this day I never write a diary, and I never tell my parents anything, because I can't trust them.
When parents have to read their children's diaries and texts to learn what's going on in their lives, they've already failed as parents from the beginning. Controlling your kids is not equal to loving them. It leads to losing them to drugs, criminality, alienation or suicide.
When I was a kid, my parents went through one of my social media accounts. They found some potentially dangerous but already solved s**t that I did and banned me from it. Not only did I resent them and feel violated, I had trouble making friends because I had a lot of internet pals on there. My mom even once explicitly said to me; "You're a kid. You have no privacy." It really f*****g pisses me off when people tell kids that they have no rights or that they have no privacy. Blatant adultism.
I suppose there is a reason the US is the only country on the planet that has not ratified the "Convention on the Rights of the Child". The right to privacy and the right to be raised without physical punishment is in there.
Load More Replies... It's much better to openly talk to them about their activity on the internet and about the dangers (and possibilities) that internet brings and maybe even ask them to voluntarily(!) show you some of their communications if you're really worried than going behind their backs and constantly monitor their communications and their every move. They do need privacy but they also need parents who are interested in them and how they day went and who will ask about it and listen to them, parents whom they trust and who trust them. You only get that from open communication, and it takes time and effort. The most important and hardest thing to do is find a balance and keep it.
I had a social media profile in sixth grade where I put my feelings onto. As soon as I fell asleep every night, my parents would go onto my phone, onto my account, and read every post that my friends that live across the country wrote, and me complaining about my brothers. I trusted those people, and I did trust my parents. I posted a joke about suicide, which was clearly a joke. I was sent to therapy, which I resisted. I've since left my account behind and I still go to therapy, but this time, with trust issues. I change my phone and computer password every month, just to make sure no one finds them out. Don't go onto your children's phones and social media to check what their friends see. Listen to them when they're upset, and stop when they don't want to talk about them. If you invade their privacy like that, it'll cause problems in the future, and probably make their mental health worse.
Any relationship thrives if it is based on trust. This is equally true for a marriage as it is for parents caring for a toddler! Of course you need to protect your children. But trusting them is the first step to make them trust that they can seek you in need of help REGARDLESS of what might have happened.
In most European countries we have 'Secrecy of correspondence' which protects people from other people who want to read their personal messages. Also children could easily sue their parents of they read their personal diary or other texts without their permission. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secrecy_of_correspondence
We need this here in America!
Load More Replies... Am so glad I was a child in a semi-rural area in the era before mobile phones, before the internet, some of my friend's homes didn't even have landlines. Kid's and parents today would find it difficult to imagine the freedom we had (the major rule was don't go anywhere with strangers). It must be dreadful to be checked-up on and your life invaded by overprotective parents , although obviously todays technology has brought it's own unique dangers.
Since I'm the youngest in my family I had no alone time or could hide anything. I mean my sister figured out my password and read all my texts, emails, my tweets+twitter, and Instagram DMs she figured out that I had a girlfriend and was bisexual and told my parents. I don't know if anyone is in the LBGQ+ community on here but someone figuring it out and telling everyone and everyone asking you if its true is f**king scary. I'll come out when I am ready. So, parents/siblings/friends: If you do think your kid(s)/sibling(s)/friend(s) are part of the LBGQ+ community, DO NOT PUSH THEM TO COME OUT!!! THEY WILL WHEN THEY ARE READY edit: I told my parents that I wanted to see a therapist one time and they said "we don't have the money" as they're buying tickets for cruises, traveling, concerts and movies because all of that is WAY more important than your child's mental
That is f***ed up. We are struggling right now to pay for hearing aids for our adult autistic son. My husband and I went through the list of "luxury" items we get weekly (Starbux, fast food, sweets and movies) and figured out alternatives that were cheaper so we can set money aside for him to be able to hear. In the meantime, we are looking for a tutorial on sign language. We would do anything to help my son live a normal life (he is in therapy too.) I get angry at selfish parents that care more about their desires over their children's needs. I'm sorry your parents are being douchebags.
Load More Replies... My mother reads my texts all the time. I have a tracker on my phone and I always feel like s**t that I am always studying. It's like my childhood is being stolen from me. Therapists don't do nothing. I want to run away, but I have nowhere to go. I try to talk to her, but I have just given up trying cause she just don't listen. I go to a good school, but everybody lives 30 minutes away. The kids in my neighborhood are all too young to play with. Old friends don't talk to me cause they are "trying to solve that drama." Nobody knows about this account, no one. It is the only thing I have left that is mine.
Sit tight kid, you'll get out of this at some point and then you can live your life the way you want to.
Load More Replies... Have any of you ever been the parent to a child that has been groomed online? To have that man tell your 13 year old that your parents don't understand or love you the way he does? To have that man tell your 13 year old that it's ok to send him photos of yourself and he then shares with an online forum? To have that man in his 30s organise to meet up and rape your child who is 13? Or have a child that has been cyber bullied and told to hurry up and kill yourself? To have a large forum of stranger mainly kids yes other kids bombard you with threats and calling you all these horrible things? To have these same kids track down all your other social media and start telling you your worthless and mean nothing and the world is better off without you? And your child at 12 years old attempts to commit suicide because she can't take all the abuse and taunting from strangers online. This is why parents can be protective, this is why my daughter now has a app I can protect her.
She also knows the app is on her phone, sometimes safety is more important than you realise. Parents aren't always the bad guy. I've never done anything without asking her, unless I knew her safety was at risk. So don't down vote because you think I'm invading her privacy you have to realise, some teenagers need to be protected. She was groomed, raped and left for dead at 13 and you are down voting.
Load More Replies... when I try to talk to my mom she always thinks im just being ridiculous or yells at me and if I try to explain to her im afraid shell turn it around on me
I assure you that your situation isn't the whole world. When you grow up and are on your own, you get to decide what goes on. Not everyone is like your mom, and you don't have to follow in her footsteps. You can keep the parts of her you like and ditch the rest. Being an adult is awesome.
Load More Replies... I'm still in middle school so I may not know alot. I don't have many friends but I have one friend in primary who I love to chat with about school, daily life and others. By that time, I was still close to my parents in terms of trust. But then, when I'm about to enter middle school, they began searching my phone and laptop for my chats, so I began to stop talking about my problems in school and just keep it in for the time being. Since I entered middle school, I lost contact with my friend (because I haven't contacted in such a long time and since it seems that she changed her ID/number). Further in middle school, my parent's made a new policy to make me report my location each time I change locations, then I learned they compared it to my Google Maps Timeline data connected via my personal Google account logged in on their computer. Then I started thinking: do they trust me? So now, if I were to contact someone, I use incognito in chrome and create a new gmail account if needed.
Wow. Im sorry your parents are so controlling. Mine were too when i was a teen. Hang in there. I know its tough.
Load More Replies... I am not depressed but my parents follow my social media so i can only really express myself on here, and even then i have to find a post that has something to do with what i wanted to say.
That is sad...my parents do not have a reason to go through my stuff unless they think I might be in danger.
Load More Replies... I kept a diary for about 2 years until my parents went through it. They found pages they didn't like, so they ripped them out and posted them on our fridge. I live in a family of 11 kids, 2 parents. My private thoughts were no longer private.
That most horrible thing I red here, do you live in some kind (please no offence) amish community? Where everything belongs to Lord - even thoughts. I hope that everybody here will read your post to see, that they are complaining about petty things...
Load More Replies... My Mom read my diary when I was 16. This was the end of our really strong and trustful relationship, which showed in hours of talks. She broke my trust and killed the joy of diaring stuff, as i wrote both bad and good things there. I don't think I ever forgave her that. So DON"T do it people, cause you WILL loose your child.
"It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people." Very, very true. I think that's why I dislike having only younger cousins. Also a huge reason I don't want to be a parent-- if you just end up creating someone who isn't considerate, and/ or have a broken relationship with them, it would just feel like I did more bad than good. I don't want to destroy my own spawn's life. My preferred way is to not have children.
I decided not to have children after babysitting during my teen years. I actually got along with most, do like children, but wasn't sure I could deal with them full-time. Another deciding factor: I grew up feeling like an inconvenience to my mother -- I didn't want to have a child and then have to say, "Sorry I can't love you." I do enjoy most children, so being an aunt or family friend gives parents a break and me a connection without the huge responsibilities.
Load More Replies... My mom used to want to look through the things I said online. I think I know why now.. she hasn't been listening to me. I once tried to tell her about an abusive teacher I had in 7th grade and why I don't want to be in that class - she laughed at every other sentence, told me "Be careful with those words" when I talked about how abusive the teacher was, and insisted I needed the teacher (she was a teacher I had for my anxiety/depression, mostly).
As a 14 year old, id just like to say that kids my age and younger do some bad and stupid things, and they usually won't tell their parents about it anyways, I've seen my former friends take pictures in the shower and do some overall dangerous and dumb stuff online. I just think parents should check up on their kids social media, texts, etc. often.
My parents have opposite parenting styles. My mom forbid everything she didn't like, like friends, clothing, and all sorts of things. And she could ask for my opinion about someone and then pass it on to the person. My dad never forbidden anything, I at 14 told him things I would never tell him now when I'm 30. He never lost his cool, never yelled at me. He talked about everything and pointed out the consciences by making me think about whats next. I have no relationship with my mom. At all. Me and my dad are best friends. My parents are not divorced, the are together still, but I treat mom as an acquaintance. So be careful on your actions, because you will not be able to fix it latter, you will have to to live with the relation you build with your child when they are adult.
Load More Replies... FINALLY! Someone lays it out. So. I am a small child, 13 and in 8th grade. My parents recently took away my phone and have forbidden all unauthorized access to anything electronic. Actually, in writing this comment, I'm blatantly disobeying them, because they changed the password to my email. This is one I created behind their back, to get around those exact rules. I am a textbook example of losing my parents trust- and in turn my trust for them through electronics and social media. They discovered my Tumblr and WattPad by going behind my back and looking through my phone. I've turned into a habitual liar, and I notice it every time I do it. Back to my point instead of complaining about myself, this is the point I've been trying to make. I'm so glad someone actually recognizes it and knows how to turn it into words. Thank you.
Psssst...put a passcode on your phone...whenever you break through the parental locks remember to cover your tracks... totally not speaking from experience...
Load More Replies... yeah, my boyfriend had his door removed and I felt bad for him because he didnt have much privacy anymore. My family takes away my phone a lot for little things and they ask me when I'm depressed and I tell them I can't talk to my friends. They tell me to go and get some "real" friends (irl friends,) but they don't understand that I'm introverted and having these online friends let me privately vent to them if I need to, feeling more bold to talk to them about these things because they can't see me cry or judge me based on how I look.
I am just a teen right now, but in the future if I ever have any kids I will never check their texts or judge them based on their social profiles because I want them to be them and I want us to build trust, I may not allow them access to certain things until a certain age but when they do get it they are almost guaranteed not to have their venting resources taken away from them.
Load More Replies... When I was 16 yo I catched my mother in the act reading my diary! I felt betrayed and hurt, but she meant she was entitled to do so as a parent.I hated her for that, never trusted her anymore and kept a lot for myself, things I would had been talking to her before. And I never got over it.
I only read the first part but jesusfuckingchrist! People would think nothing of reading their child's private stuff? No, no, no, nooooooo. No. Nope. No. Stop being hoverparents FFS. I think it's monumentally sick to want to read your kid's private s**t. OF COURSE there's going to be stuff in there you don't like. They're kids! Kids push boundaries and do dumb s**t. That's how they learn and grow. Affecting that will affect them, but not in a good way. In a "I'm a dysfunctional adult because my parents never gave me the freedom to learn and grow" type of a way. How is this a revelation?
Reading all the stories of broken trust (which never quite repairs itself) is infinitely saddening. Unfortunately, it happened to my son (16 years old), whose dad violated his privacy one too many times, until finally, my son cut all his interaction with him. Despite my attempts to rationalize with the both of them, the damage is done, and it would take tremendous effort to even partially restore their communication.
I can first-hand attest to this. Looking at the differences in how open I am with my parents versus how open my boyfriend is with his parents is striking. My parents read my journals and diaries when I was younger, read my texts and emails, and yelled at me whenever I tried to tell them something or open up. Especially about my depression and anxiety. My boyfriend's parents, however, never did any of that, they knock before entering (I'm not even allowed to close my door, not even at night), they don't interfere with his private life, and as a result, he is open and honest about everything with them!
I was the victim of bullying from the time I was 6 until I turned 16. Before I was 10, I'd go to my mom and tell her about the bullying. Instead of her answer being to talk to me and help me through it or to approach the counselors on how to mediate a peace talk, she'd find out who was doing the bullying and ream their parents over the coals. The result...you guessed it..the bullying got worse. So I just stopped telling my mother about it. The height of the bullying is when I was 13, I was handed a set of pages that turned out to be a petition signed by pretty much everyone in my class saying they didn't like me and wanted me to stay away from them. When I turned 16, my older sisters friends gave me a make-over and lessons on sarcasm. My junior and senior year was a blast. My father admitted that he went through my room. My mother admitted she screened my calls. My Aunt was the only one I trusted. I've adopted my Aunt's approach with my son. Hands off and learn to trust.
What a sad story. I´m so sorry those things happened to you.
Load More Replies... My parents have always respected my privacy, and so I am open (for the most part. Mostly to my mother, as I’m closer to her). I have friends who have had to sneak about to contact me, even enlisting friends to send info my way, all because their parents snooped around. These friends, I have noticed, are paranoid. It literally makes your children afraid of you. Don’t look through their diaries or conversations. It’s horrible and mentally abusive.
I have a friend who has trackers too. Who if someone texts her, is recorded and stuff. My number my put on her moms watchlist since I texted my friend. My friend also told me that her mom thinks I'm rude. Sure I say bad language but that doesn't mean my friend will pick it up. She only has WiFi from 5:00 to 9:00 pm and I can't call her or text her since not only her mom disabled anybody from calling her (probably just me) that means she had NO trust in me hanging out with her or just generally herself.
It's only a problem in the States, European and Asian countries don't treat their kids like snowflakes, don't hover over their every step, and aren't afraid to be their PARENTS instead of trying to be their FRIENDS. In Europe/Asia kids know what are expected of them and what the consequences are if those expectations aren't met.
I burnt my diaries after I found out my mum read them. I was such an edgy teen....
i'm a honest person, really. i always answer my mom's question like "how do you do at work/school/etc ?" honestly. but, some times i don't feel like it anymore. i mean, sometimes my mother talk about it with someone else that not even related, at all. like when i do bad, all of my neighbor will know it too ||||-_-) . i'm still trusted my mother though, "what's wrong with me?"
I can see both sides of the argument here. Letting kids the freedom, as people,to think their own thoughts and grow to be who they are and to protect them from themselves and others. Teenagers naturally rebel,if you want to call it that as they become independent but they aren't fully cooked and parents are still responsible for their actions, financially, etc. perhaps the child should know that mom/dad won't snoop but can if there are indications that the child is in danger or if they suspect that drugs or other illegal activities are occurring. The columbine school shooters kept extensive diaries that could have saved them and their victims if read and they had gotten in trouble before that final horrible act.
But can you draw a line between spying and merely trying to check that your kid is not a serial killer/victim of a serial killer? Simple enough: there is no line. Like the author of the post said, there is a 99.9% probability that it's a bad idea. A very bad one. So should we take the risk of destroying the trust our kids should have in us just for the remaining 0.1%? I don't think so... The solution is simple though: dialogue. If that doesn't work, help exists.
Load More Replies... I was raised by my grandma and starting living with my parents and younger sister at the age of ten. I knew very little of them and felt uncomfortable sharing space with them. Specially how they alienating me by treating me like an adult and giving work you would not give a ten year old.Let’s just say, I only say good morning and good night to these people.
While I agree that reading someone's texts and hacking their social media is wrong and breaks trust, there's also tons of inappropriate content on the internet. And I don't just mean porn, there are tons of violent and/ or disgusting pictures and videos. And that's not even mentioning the deep web. I never did keep a diary though. It always seemed so risky leaving my thoughts like that for someone to find. And seeing these posts of family members reading diaries I was right. I suppose these days it could be done safely on a PC via an encrypted text file (it seems I was always a paranoid bastard).
Honestly, having a large family, normally makes parents stop giving value to the younger children's opinion. Especially in Asian households, the kids point is overlooked and seen to not help and then all of a sudden parents expect the kids to take care of everything when they are just as dependant as they were on the older kids. This was the reason I ended up not speaking to my parents if something hurt me deeply, because they gave me space not because they cared about my feelings but because they didn't care enough to create that bond.
This is completely true, as a kid my mom never invaded my privacy without me knowing. If she installed something on one of my devices to track apps I had she told me. My dad did the opposite (they're divorced for context), though he want able to take any of my devices bc my mom bought them all he would still look over my shoulder at them, take my phone and read my texts if they were open but say he was joking, go through my sketchbooks and poetry. I talk to my mom about everything, my dad hardly knows anything. So yah, this is very true and I get to see both sides.
For me I use to be open with my parents. Their response when I was trying to talk to them about serious matters? "Suck it up. Life isn't that bad." Or my brother's response "You're so weak. I have friends who suffer more than you and they function." It was extremely damaging because I stopped talking to them. Stop answering them when they asked if I was okay and made plans to kill myself. I made the decision, me, to go to counseling, and me and my counselor both decided I needed medication. And even a few years ago, even though my mother is doing better now at listening to me, she said "It's easier for me to listen to you when you don't live here anymore. Because you're not constantly bringing me down." I had started keeping her in the loop when she finally got over her self righteous, better than you attitude. But after that I stopped again.
i've been through both. when i was younger, my mom would randomly read my texts/check my phone. i hated it, but given that i was like, 11, i didnt really do anything about it. but i stopped talking to her. i figured there was no point, since anything she wanted to know was right there. i don't know how or when it happened, but she seemed to realize what the problem was. she deleted my accounts off her phone, she stopped asking for my password and going through my phone randomly, and now our relationship is stronger than ever. i tell her pretty much everything now. if you want to actually build a relationship with your kids, you let them have their privacy
I agree with all of this. I have depression and anxiety, but i'm afraid to tell my parents because i know if i try to they will just brush it off as me being a hypochondriac. My dad doesn't believe in getting me a therapist and refuses to no matter how many times i tell him i need one. My dad doesn't believe in privacy as right either. He once took my doorknob off of my door, he put it back on but its switched around so that HE can lock ME in my room. My parents are always monitoring me as well, even having my younger sister monitor me. I know they are just trying to protect me, but they are doing it in a wrong way. At this point in my life, you would say i am a rebellious teen who talks back to their parents, gets in trouble a lot, lies to their parents. When i ask for help, they ignore me.
My mom used to always read mine and my brothers texts and constantly pestered is with questions about our lives. We slowly stopped telling her things and now my brother hardly even talks to her. If she wasn’t so demanding we probably would have been much more open to discussing things with her
I am a sophomore in high school and my mom has been going through my phone since 6th grade. On Christmas I had received my first phone and I was ecstatic! I had gone through those weird youtube phases where the MLG meme was incredibly popular along with furry force (I don't recommend watching) and my friend alyssa had asked me to send her the link. Now I may say this was a incredibly weird furry s**t that haunts me to this day and me being the innocent mind before sex ed I missed the obvious signs of sexual orientation an stuff. My mom had looked through my phone (I wasn't allowed to have it in my room at night along with locks on it as well) and whatched the video I had sent. Lets say my phone was taken away until I got it back freshman year. In between those years i had made a secret Facebook account in 7th grade so I could be involed in the art community their, my dad found out and i was grounded and had all my passwords reset and still dont know them to this day. My mom hasnt really changed over the years either.... Ive been constantly threatened of my door removed, drawing privileges taken away (one of my cope methods), my phone of course, new schools, everything in my room taken away and just leave my bed and mattress, stuffed animals (another cope method because they dont speak, so they cant tell others...), I've had many Instagram accounts and gmails because my mom stalks me. I've been worn down by her so much i can barely decide anything for my self and my depression levels are high and ive been lying because I'm too scared to tell her whats really wrong... Ive burned all my diaries and now am a jealous, envious, ball of anger and pent up emotions all because I dont trust my Mom...or my dad....
I don't totally agree. I creep every so often on my kid's accounts. I make sure they are not being vulgar in a disturbing way eg being hateful etc. More importantly, I make sure they are not being groomed by predators. If they say bad things about my hubby or me? pass. if they swear or cuss? pass. if they are being homophobic or racist (which hasn't happened btw) ok we need a discussion. if they are being suicidal, BOOM we need help. at this point my kids are really comfy talking to me. and i don't helicopter. they are good with saying, mom, back off. so i do. cuz i know they know i'm here. they have their privacy once they hit their rooms. and i'm very open that i creep. that's how i found out that my 11 yr old was having some problems that he didn't realize he was having. now he's very glad that momma found out, and found help for him, that he didn't even know he needed. he's a kid! he needs support!
It's good that you have a line, this is what everyone needs, and I completely agree with you
Load More Replies... I LOVE THIS POST. when i was younger my parents were very invassive (reading notes from my friends, listening to phone conversations, snooping thru my room, reading my journal, searching my backpack, the list goes on.) I ended up moving out at 16, dropping out of school, drinking, doing drugs. As a young parent I fully trust my children. I dont monitor their social media, i dont snoop threw their phones or rooms or journals. My kids are well behaved and up front with me. (My 15 year old has a job, gets good grades and enjoys going to the gym) last summer my youngest son and his friends pushed and poked at a sand sculpture in the park, my son told me right away - where as the neighbors son hid it from his parents (they are VERY strict). My kids deserve their own privacy and i respect that. In return my kids respect me.
As a teen, I once said to my mom "I feel like you don't listen to me anymore" and she replied "What kind of b******t nonsense is this ?!" Needless to say, I didn't talk about my feelings with her anymore until I became an adult....
This is SO REAL! My parents gave me the upmost privacy growing up with this sort of thing! My friends parents would read their texts and so on and I used to be so shocked. That same friend now barely tells her mother anything and leads a very sheltered life from her parents, me on the other hand have strong bonds with both my parents and they know (almost) ;) everything about me because I TELL THEM! Don't invade childrens/teens privacy it will pay off!
Let's also not forget the parents that dump their little kids on YouTube to babysit them. Theres a ton of disturbing content (elsagate) that still makes it on to YouTube Kids. Don't use YouTube to babysit your toddlers.
Why the downvotes? It's the truth. https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.forbes.com/sites/danidiplacido/2017/11/28/youtubes-elsagate-illuminates-the-unintended-horrors-of-the-digital-age/amp/
Load More Replies... People seem to think this is an either or kind of thing. The Internet is a wild wide open space. As parents, it's your job to help your child navigate this unwieldy beast. You start by talking to your child early about appropriate use. Then you set boundaries for technology use. You keep the lines open, in fact, prod your child into talking. Keep in mind that once they turn 14 they will begin to create more distance. That's why the early conversations are important before they are faced with hard decisions. If your child starts behaving oddly, stops communicating, or breaks the rules, then you have an obligation to find out what's going on with them by any means necessary. That is what it means to be a parent. Remember children are people but their brains are not fully developed and won't be until they are in their young 20's. They need our guidance until then. That is the responsibility of the parent even if it means risking your "popularity" with your child.
This has nothing to do with privacy. These parents would have reacted the same way if their kid handed them their diary or a printed and bound signrd 1st edition copy of all of their texts. The issue here is that you have parents that dont see their child beyond and extension of themselves. If they admit that something is wrong with their kid then that is admitting something may be wrong with them. I dont have an issue with reading a kid's text. When Collombine and all the other school shootings happened the first thing that happened was everyone asking how the parents didn't know. Why werent they monitoring their kids? Kids, while they are individuals and should be afforded every right to peace, comfort and safety are still kids. They make terrible decisions and can easily put themselves and others at high risk because they tend to not be able to see past the present moment. If you are naive enough to believe that if you are friends enough to your children they will tell you everything then you havd never been a parent. It is natural for children to want their own sense of "me-ness" that is beyond the reach of their parents, but until they can be found to be sound in judgment and reason they mist still be guided and to do that a parent may have to play detective. If for no otber rason than to give the child the impression that they are independent while at the same time staying abreast of what is going on. These are not issues of privacy but of respect and humility. Parents, of they are going to snoop they must be prepared for whatever they find. Some just arent.
BS. You can not compare a diary to social media. Social media is out there for the world to see. It's shared at least among friends and possibly with the entire world. If we hadn't monitored our kid's online activities we wouldn't have been able to teach them lessons about safety and politeness as well as safe posting.
I would say monitoring their social media is less like reading a diary, and more like listening in on all their conversations. Not the same thing, but similar in that they are both invasions of privacy.
Load More Replies... It isn't like kids are absolute idiots, and then suddenly turn smart at the age of 21. No, there's a lot of variation. Some teens are dumb, but some are actually more mature than you. Keep an open mind.
Load More Replies... If they feel they have to hide things from you, it’s BECAUSE of you. Your kids don’t trust you, and that’s YOUR fault.
Load More Replies... One thing my parents never failed me on is communication. They warned me away from sketchy sites that could have people that could hurt me. They told me to avoid/tell someone about people who were trying to get my information and trying to get to know me (Stranger Danger). Always, ALWAYS, TALK WITH YOUR CHILD. I don't understand why communication seems to be lost between parents and kids now, but that's the key here. You tell them to be careful of people that could hurt them and they'll learn to see the signs and get away. You don't need to stalk your child to keep them safe UNLESS THEY GIVE YOU A DARN GOOD REASON. So please, don't stalk your kid. Talk to them.
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