New Mom Warns Her Friend To Wear A Bra Before Meeting Baby, She Doesn’t Listen And Calls Her Misogynistic
If you saw a sign on the street that said “Danger: fierce hair puller ahead” and a hat next to it, would you take it? Assuming there’s no point in questioning why there is someone like that running around the city, of course. Call me crazy but my hunch says you would.
But when mother and Reddit user throwawayaitabra tried to prepare her friend for meeting her grabby baby and pointed out that the woman probably needs a bra to shield her nipples from his deathly grip, she not only chose to ignore the warning but also accused the mom of sexualizing her.
Needless to say, there were screams that day.
But the whole ordeal left the mom confused. She didn’t know what to think of her friend’s comments. So she did what every Redditor does in a situation like this; told the story to the “Am I the [Jerk]?” community and asked people to share their thoughts on what happened.
One mother advised her friend to wear a bra when meeting her son
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
But the woman wouldn’t listen and the day took a turn for the worse
Image credits: Sarah Chai (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Reddit
While the Redditor may have prepared herself mentally for potential bites when her child started teething, she might not have thought about him flicking and playing with a nipple he isn’t sucking on.
However, this habit, commonly known as twiddling, isn’t uncommon.
According to experts, it often starts around 6 months.
Twiddling may be affected by a variety of developmental and environmental factors. These include diminishing milk supply or the little one learning how to use a pincer grasp.
The baby may even go in and out of twiddling phases as they grow.
Very young newborns tend to be sleepy and need to concentrate on latching and sucking, older babies tend to fidget more while they feed.
As they become more mobile and alert, they may notice their mom’s other breast is within reach and want something to do with their hands.
Some babies and toddlers will even continue twiddling after they’ve been weaned, so parents want to keep an eye out for their children wanting to play with mommy’s chest even if they’re no longer being breastfed.
Just as there’s no one age of when to expect the twiddling to begin, there’s also no perfect answer for how to handle it. Some parents choose to ignore it if the act isn’t bothering them too much, but the Redditor said she’s already planning to put an end to it. “Don’t worry guys, my son will learn his lesson,” she said.
If you’re experiencing this problem as well, you can try several tactics, including:
- Use a piece of clothing or blanket to cover the breast your baby isn’t nursing from (out of sight, out of mind). You can also try covering the exposed nipple with your hand or finger if that’s easier for you.
- Wear a chunky necklace or offer something else your little one can fiddle with instead.
- Hold and massage your baby’s hands during breastfeeding sessions.
- Talk to your baby about gentle touch and how certain kinds of touch can be painful to you.
- If you’re practicing side-lying breastfeeding, you might consider feeding from the higher breast. This will make it harder for your baby to touch the lower one.
Plus, it’s totally acceptable to have different policies for twiddling in public versus at home.
Coming back to our story, the members of the “Am I the [Jerk]?” community unanimously agreed the mom was being reasonable and didn’t overstep any boundaries—something they couldn’t say about her friend, whose number, in the eyes of the many, she should have deleted a long time ago.
But the author of the confession said she’s worthy of the benefit of the doubt. “She’s been through a lot,” the woman explained. “I’ve known her since we were 12 (I’m 26 now) and … she wasn’t like this growing up.”
However, the future of their relationship isn’t looking too good. “After this and reading all of your lovely comments (and I don’t mean that sarcastically), [I realized that] she’s a toxic friend who I can’t help unless she helps herself, [and] unfortunately, it looks like cutting contact might be the best thing for the both of us right now … I hope she seeks therapy because this behavior is not acceptable and I refuse to tolerate it anymore,” the woman said.
People are certain that the mother is not in the wrong here and she was right to give her friend such a suggestion
Umm... OP was not sexualizing breasts. "Your nipples will be treated as milk-providing by my infant, please take preventative measures in self-defense." is not the same as "Please cover yourself, least my innocent child be scarred for life by seeing boobs." 'Friend' is sexualising the situation herself.
Yes, in this case it’s is a personal safety precaution for being around the baby. Exactly the same as tying hair back and taking off large or hoop earrings
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Your friend's an idiot. You were clear enough. NTA. You can't fix the stupid; maybe find a best friend with some braincells instead.
Lol baby 101 is to remove/ covet anything a baby can grab and/or hurt themselves with on your body. Jewelry, hair, metal zippers, lanyards, nipples, eyeglasses, hair accessories... anything.
My oldest, when she was a baby, liked to grab at teeth. One lady said she'd better be careful - her teeth would come out.
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Ok, so no one should be expected or told to wear a bra, i agree BUT... this is a baby. You can't learn or expect a 6 month old to do something differently. (And op even said she could borrow a sweater so no need to go and buy a bra) NTA.
She did not say it was expected. She recommended it. Big difference.
Load More Replies... Honestly I hope this women isn't planning on having kids. Totally self-absorbed and frankly it scares me a little bit that she thinks an infant can be "taught" not to grab. She reminds me of my mother who thought spanking a small baby for crying in the night was appropriate. No concept of brain development or age appropriate behavior.
Her friend's whole thought process, statements, and reactions, and telling all of their other friends, is disturbing and caustic. She's trying to damage the image of her friend and her baby. Her friend seems like she should seek some mental health advice and a break from contact is definitely needed. If any of her other friends don't agree with her about understanding how babies can behave and how her intentions were to protect her friend from possible pain, then she should take a break from them too. If her friends can't be understanding of her situation, then they should educate themselves or she should find better friends.
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I have very little experience with babies, but the moment I read piercings I knew precautions need to be taken. Babies are grabby, don't know better, and have surprisingly strong grips. The friend was lucky the little bugger didn't rip the piercing out.
The friend is an absolute idiot and does y sound like a true friend in the slightest. The new mother isn't sexualising her at all and is in no way a misogynist! She explains that the friend is dramatic like that all the time, I personally couldn't handle that, I would've cut her out of my life ages ago. She was warned and was given an explanation as to why, it's her own fault she didn't pay any attention. She's the one who's sexualising how babies feed and that's really weird. Going on and on about her miscarriage at a baby shower is so inappropriate and everyone there must've felt so awkward. Yes it's a sad thing to have happened but that is definitely not the the time nor the place to go on and on about it. It sounds to me like she needs a whole lot of therapy. I think she should be avoided for a while, being a new mother is stressful enough as it is and this “friend” certainly isn’t going to help.
The word "misogynist" gets thrown around at every opportunity these days . Now one woman is telling another shes a misogynist .... if sense of entitlement could be eaten she'd be able to feed the world .
Well some women have internalized misogyny, but that's definitely not what's going on here. But yeah a lot of people just throw around buzzwords without actually understanding them. OP is not a misogynist, she was just warning her friend so she wouldn't get hurt. Then her friend proceeded to be the biggest idiot about the whole thing
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NTA. Accusing you of sexualizing and afterwards gossiping about you behind your back? While things were her OWN FAULT, but making YOU the bad guy? I've ended friendships for this kind of disrespect.
Her "friend" needs to be dropped from the friend group immediately.
Load More Replies... It's no different than saying "please put your hair in a ponytail if you don't want the baby to tug it "
The friend is a drama queen and I cringe at the way she is sexualizing the baby's actions and also drawing attention to herself by telling other people.
Her friend is a moron who doesn't even understand sexualization, or babies. There was nothing sexual about it, babies get their nutrition from breasts and everyone knows that. OP was trying to warn her friend about the inevitable boob grabbing, which would hurt a lot, and her friend just disregarded that and got boob grabbed. And she kinda deserved it being if I'm being honest. She didn't even learn from her mistake and still goes on to blame OP instead of taking responsibility. NTA, OP gave a fair warning. Also, her friend is a shitty person if she's spreading rumors about how op sexualized her instead of telling the actual story. She needs to get over herself.
My mom had to stop wearing dangly earrings when I hit 5 months old. I liked shiny dangly things
My mom learned that the hard way when I ripped one THROUGH the bottom of her ear. Its the # 1 lesson I teach to teens during the babysitting course I teach.
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Seems like the friend is narcissistic. She obviously made a mistake but cannot admit it. How a baby grabbing breasts is sexual i cannot imagine....
Well, at least now you know your friend wants to sexualize her breasts at all times, cuz it def wasn't you doing it. Be a pal, make her a hoodie with the definition of misogyny, cuz she def has zero clue what it is. Babies attack everything, breastfeeding babies attack boobs, you warned her, she chose not to listen...... You can lead an idiot to water, but you can't stop them from dying of dehydration.
If she thinks that a tiny baby can be taught to not do something, then maybe it is just as well that she did not get a child. She does not seem to be ready.
Can someone who had a baby or knows about them why they try to grab nipples? I mean, I understand why they want to suck them because that's how they get the milk out, but why do they grab it? They can't eat like that, so is it just a human instinct to grab everything? Sorry for the dumb question, I am not a fan of babies so i usually stay away from them, but I'm curious about this.
Babies have a gripping reflex. They will grab everything they can, probably as an evolutionary remnant of when they would have had to hold onto their mother's fur so as not to fall off while being carried. Considering how tiny and helpless they are, it's quite surprising when you're first grabbed by a baby. They have an insane grip strength.
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NTA Your ex-friend is a self-centered twat with a breast obsession somewhat on the same mental level as the infant.
NTA… You made yourself very clear. No misogyny of sexualizing present in your advice to her. Some women just want to make everything about these two issues, whether present or not. I have known more of them than I wish I have. Your friend was trying to make a statement, and she was dead wrong, and proved it to herself when she came to visit. Suggest that you not get together with this friend for quite awhile, if ever. She does not sound like a friend, but simply a person that you know with a personal agenda. Like you didn’t have enough in your life as a new Mother, now she makes you deal with her agenda, which is insane! I do hope you told her “I told you so!” When my sister first met our daughter (adopted at 9 months old) she was earring her pearls. When the baby grabbed at the pearl necklace, my sister took them off her neck, and offered to let our daughter hold them. That meant she was unlikely to break them. Worked like a charm.
Anyone who has ever nursed a baby nose that they love holding on the boobs. I’d say this lady has no idea what she’s talking about.
Yeah its called dumbass b***h with an inflated ego syndrome lol
Load More Replies... As I have learned the hard way, don't cradle a baby close to feeding time. Glad I was wearing a padded bra because that bite hurt like hell!
You don't need drama queen friends like her.. move on. You did nothing wrong.
Your “friend” is the AH. You warned her but she refused to listen. Or perhaps she wanted to see what a nursing infant would do when he found himself in the arms of a women with nipples poking through her shirt? The baby isn’t stupid. He knows what a food source looks like. And shouldn’t he start teething soon? And she still blames you. Hmmm, doesn’t sound like she will be around much longer. Or have children herself!
She intentionally went without a bra because I bet she thought you were jealous and was out to hurt and offend because you suggested a bra or thicker shirt. And it backfired. It sounds like shes the one sexualizing herself since it seems shes the one who needs everyone to notice her nipples are pierced.
"Ma'am you should really put your hair up if you're going to be welding." "Whatever." Spark catches hair on fire. "MISOGYNIST!!!" That's exactly what OP's friend sounds like.
OMG NTA!!! You have no idea how happy I was to see this and know I'm not alone... The exact same thing happened to me. I HAD a friend with her nipples pierced. I told her you might wanna cover better because my baby boy is viscous!! She didn't listen and he ended up RIPPING OUT HER NIPPLE HOOP!!!! I ended up having to pay her medical bills because she ignored me and didn't listen. Had nothing to do with sexualizing your breasts when those breasts are there to feed a child. And my child was always nursing and twiddling. There's no grip like a breast fed baby!!!!!
You shouldn't have paid her medical bills. It was her own fault.
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Her stupid friend is a joke! She sexualized her own breasts by piercing the nipples. Sorry but the PIERCED-NIPPLE woman accusing the BREASTFEEDING woman of breast sexualization has made a ridiculous joke of herself. One of these women is using her breasts & nipples in the NATURAL way that nature intended, and the other has jammed metal bars through each of her nipples for the purpose of sensitizing them. Which one is treating their breasts in an unnatural way? BTW, NO offense intended towards any of you pierced-nipple ladies, their YOUR nipples to do with as you please.
I'm the one here who is going to disagree. When my nephew was a baby he bit and grabbed me on the breast (and it hurt ) while I was wearing both a bra tshirt and jumper. If a baby is going to bite they will regardless of what you aren't or are wearing.
That's not a friend. That's an emotional vampire. Dump the friend.
Friend is DUMB and ignorant. If mom is breastfeeding, baby will go for ANYONE'S nipples. Trust me on that one.
NTA - your friends an idiot, all babies love nipples, has nothing to do with sexualization...... they are a food delivery systems, and all babies are born knowing this, every species. And all babies love to eat.
Anything hanging or dangling is unsafe with a baby. I have had other people's bottle fed babies attempt to assume the position with me. I guess they figure I have enough to share.
Modern day feminism at its best...you should wear a bra...dont sexualize my body...lmao literally did it to yourselves now its coming back for everyone and now they will agree people are going too far
Most people exist solely to be offended or make situations that have nothing to do with them all about them at a moments notice. She already thrives off the daily looks and conversation her nipples give her so by you attacking her only form of personality you basically attacked all of her.
*sighs* more proof people have become even more stupid. OP needs better friends
My baby is a year old now and when dad is shirtless he doesn't latch on because of the hair. But there is very serious consideration of the options even so.
Babies are SUPER VICIOUS and love to grab EVERYTHING. I should know, I have a baby sister myself. VICIOUS AF. NTA.
Why would you even want to hold someone else's baby? Besides grabbing everything they can, they also are super fragile and can't land on their feet like cats, so I wouldn't touch them unless I absolutely have to, like if I need to get a baby out of a burning building.
Because it's like holding a puppy or a kitten, they're cute and warm and cuddly. And I say this as someone who never ever wants children of my own. I love holding other people's babies though. And the plus point of them being other people's babies is you get to hand them back when they need changing or feeding or anything and then you get to go home and get sleep which the parents won't be doing for about a year!
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Welcome to "How to Tell Someone Didn't Read the Article 101."
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Umm... OP was not sexualizing breasts. "Your nipples will be treated as milk-providing by my infant, please take preventative measures in self-defense." is not the same as "Please cover yourself, least my innocent child be scarred for life by seeing boobs." 'Friend' is sexualising the situation herself.
Yes, in this case it’s is a personal safety precaution for being around the baby. Exactly the same as tying hair back and taking off large or hoop earrings
Load More Replies... Your friend's an idiot. You were clear enough. NTA. You can't fix the stupid; maybe find a best friend with some braincells instead.
Lol baby 101 is to remove/ covet anything a baby can grab and/or hurt themselves with on your body. Jewelry, hair, metal zippers, lanyards, nipples, eyeglasses, hair accessories... anything.
My oldest, when she was a baby, liked to grab at teeth. One lady said she'd better be careful - her teeth would come out.
Load More Replies... Ok, so no one should be expected or told to wear a bra, i agree BUT... this is a baby. You can't learn or expect a 6 month old to do something differently. (And op even said she could borrow a sweater so no need to go and buy a bra) NTA.
She did not say it was expected. She recommended it. Big difference.
Load More Replies... Honestly I hope this women isn't planning on having kids. Totally self-absorbed and frankly it scares me a little bit that she thinks an infant can be "taught" not to grab. She reminds me of my mother who thought spanking a small baby for crying in the night was appropriate. No concept of brain development or age appropriate behavior.
Her friend's whole thought process, statements, and reactions, and telling all of their other friends, is disturbing and caustic. She's trying to damage the image of her friend and her baby. Her friend seems like she should seek some mental health advice and a break from contact is definitely needed. If any of her other friends don't agree with her about understanding how babies can behave and how her intentions were to protect her friend from possible pain, then she should take a break from them too. If her friends can't be understanding of her situation, then they should educate themselves or she should find better friends.
Load More Replies... I have very little experience with babies, but the moment I read piercings I knew precautions need to be taken. Babies are grabby, don't know better, and have surprisingly strong grips. The friend was lucky the little bugger didn't rip the piercing out.
The friend is an absolute idiot and does y sound like a true friend in the slightest. The new mother isn't sexualising her at all and is in no way a misogynist! She explains that the friend is dramatic like that all the time, I personally couldn't handle that, I would've cut her out of my life ages ago. She was warned and was given an explanation as to why, it's her own fault she didn't pay any attention. She's the one who's sexualising how babies feed and that's really weird. Going on and on about her miscarriage at a baby shower is so inappropriate and everyone there must've felt so awkward. Yes it's a sad thing to have happened but that is definitely not the the time nor the place to go on and on about it. It sounds to me like she needs a whole lot of therapy. I think she should be avoided for a while, being a new mother is stressful enough as it is and this “friend” certainly isn’t going to help.
The word "misogynist" gets thrown around at every opportunity these days . Now one woman is telling another shes a misogynist .... if sense of entitlement could be eaten she'd be able to feed the world .
Well some women have internalized misogyny, but that's definitely not what's going on here. But yeah a lot of people just throw around buzzwords without actually understanding them. OP is not a misogynist, she was just warning her friend so she wouldn't get hurt. Then her friend proceeded to be the biggest idiot about the whole thing
Load More Replies... NTA. Accusing you of sexualizing and afterwards gossiping about you behind your back? While things were her OWN FAULT, but making YOU the bad guy? I've ended friendships for this kind of disrespect.
Her "friend" needs to be dropped from the friend group immediately.
Load More Replies... It's no different than saying "please put your hair in a ponytail if you don't want the baby to tug it "
The friend is a drama queen and I cringe at the way she is sexualizing the baby's actions and also drawing attention to herself by telling other people.
Her friend is a moron who doesn't even understand sexualization, or babies. There was nothing sexual about it, babies get their nutrition from breasts and everyone knows that. OP was trying to warn her friend about the inevitable boob grabbing, which would hurt a lot, and her friend just disregarded that and got boob grabbed. And she kinda deserved it being if I'm being honest. She didn't even learn from her mistake and still goes on to blame OP instead of taking responsibility. NTA, OP gave a fair warning. Also, her friend is a shitty person if she's spreading rumors about how op sexualized her instead of telling the actual story. She needs to get over herself.
My mom had to stop wearing dangly earrings when I hit 5 months old. I liked shiny dangly things
My mom learned that the hard way when I ripped one THROUGH the bottom of her ear. Its the # 1 lesson I teach to teens during the babysitting course I teach.
Load More Replies... Seems like the friend is narcissistic. She obviously made a mistake but cannot admit it. How a baby grabbing breasts is sexual i cannot imagine....
Well, at least now you know your friend wants to sexualize her breasts at all times, cuz it def wasn't you doing it. Be a pal, make her a hoodie with the definition of misogyny, cuz she def has zero clue what it is. Babies attack everything, breastfeeding babies attack boobs, you warned her, she chose not to listen...... You can lead an idiot to water, but you can't stop them from dying of dehydration.
If she thinks that a tiny baby can be taught to not do something, then maybe it is just as well that she did not get a child. She does not seem to be ready.
Can someone who had a baby or knows about them why they try to grab nipples? I mean, I understand why they want to suck them because that's how they get the milk out, but why do they grab it? They can't eat like that, so is it just a human instinct to grab everything? Sorry for the dumb question, I am not a fan of babies so i usually stay away from them, but I'm curious about this.
Babies have a gripping reflex. They will grab everything they can, probably as an evolutionary remnant of when they would have had to hold onto their mother's fur so as not to fall off while being carried. Considering how tiny and helpless they are, it's quite surprising when you're first grabbed by a baby. They have an insane grip strength.
Load More Replies... NTA Your ex-friend is a self-centered twat with a breast obsession somewhat on the same mental level as the infant.
NTA… You made yourself very clear. No misogyny of sexualizing present in your advice to her. Some women just want to make everything about these two issues, whether present or not. I have known more of them than I wish I have. Your friend was trying to make a statement, and she was dead wrong, and proved it to herself when she came to visit. Suggest that you not get together with this friend for quite awhile, if ever. She does not sound like a friend, but simply a person that you know with a personal agenda. Like you didn’t have enough in your life as a new Mother, now she makes you deal with her agenda, which is insane! I do hope you told her “I told you so!” When my sister first met our daughter (adopted at 9 months old) she was earring her pearls. When the baby grabbed at the pearl necklace, my sister took them off her neck, and offered to let our daughter hold them. That meant she was unlikely to break them. Worked like a charm.
Anyone who has ever nursed a baby nose that they love holding on the boobs. I’d say this lady has no idea what she’s talking about.
Yeah its called dumbass b***h with an inflated ego syndrome lol
Load More Replies... As I have learned the hard way, don't cradle a baby close to feeding time. Glad I was wearing a padded bra because that bite hurt like hell!
You don't need drama queen friends like her.. move on. You did nothing wrong.
Your “friend” is the AH. You warned her but she refused to listen. Or perhaps she wanted to see what a nursing infant would do when he found himself in the arms of a women with nipples poking through her shirt? The baby isn’t stupid. He knows what a food source looks like. And shouldn’t he start teething soon? And she still blames you. Hmmm, doesn’t sound like she will be around much longer. Or have children herself!
She intentionally went without a bra because I bet she thought you were jealous and was out to hurt and offend because you suggested a bra or thicker shirt. And it backfired. It sounds like shes the one sexualizing herself since it seems shes the one who needs everyone to notice her nipples are pierced.
"Ma'am you should really put your hair up if you're going to be welding." "Whatever." Spark catches hair on fire. "MISOGYNIST!!!" That's exactly what OP's friend sounds like.
OMG NTA!!! You have no idea how happy I was to see this and know I'm not alone... The exact same thing happened to me. I HAD a friend with her nipples pierced. I told her you might wanna cover better because my baby boy is viscous!! She didn't listen and he ended up RIPPING OUT HER NIPPLE HOOP!!!! I ended up having to pay her medical bills because she ignored me and didn't listen. Had nothing to do with sexualizing your breasts when those breasts are there to feed a child. And my child was always nursing and twiddling. There's no grip like a breast fed baby!!!!!
You shouldn't have paid her medical bills. It was her own fault.
Load More Replies... Her stupid friend is a joke! She sexualized her own breasts by piercing the nipples. Sorry but the PIERCED-NIPPLE woman accusing the BREASTFEEDING woman of breast sexualization has made a ridiculous joke of herself. One of these women is using her breasts & nipples in the NATURAL way that nature intended, and the other has jammed metal bars through each of her nipples for the purpose of sensitizing them. Which one is treating their breasts in an unnatural way? BTW, NO offense intended towards any of you pierced-nipple ladies, their YOUR nipples to do with as you please.
I'm the one here who is going to disagree. When my nephew was a baby he bit and grabbed me on the breast (and it hurt ) while I was wearing both a bra tshirt and jumper. If a baby is going to bite they will regardless of what you aren't or are wearing.
That's not a friend. That's an emotional vampire. Dump the friend.
Friend is DUMB and ignorant. If mom is breastfeeding, baby will go for ANYONE'S nipples. Trust me on that one.
NTA - your friends an idiot, all babies love nipples, has nothing to do with sexualization...... they are a food delivery systems, and all babies are born knowing this, every species. And all babies love to eat.
Anything hanging or dangling is unsafe with a baby. I have had other people's bottle fed babies attempt to assume the position with me. I guess they figure I have enough to share.
Modern day feminism at its best...you should wear a bra...dont sexualize my body...lmao literally did it to yourselves now its coming back for everyone and now they will agree people are going too far
Most people exist solely to be offended or make situations that have nothing to do with them all about them at a moments notice. She already thrives off the daily looks and conversation her nipples give her so by you attacking her only form of personality you basically attacked all of her.
*sighs* more proof people have become even more stupid. OP needs better friends
My baby is a year old now and when dad is shirtless he doesn't latch on because of the hair. But there is very serious consideration of the options even so.
Babies are SUPER VICIOUS and love to grab EVERYTHING. I should know, I have a baby sister myself. VICIOUS AF. NTA.
Why would you even want to hold someone else's baby? Besides grabbing everything they can, they also are super fragile and can't land on their feet like cats, so I wouldn't touch them unless I absolutely have to, like if I need to get a baby out of a burning building.
Because it's like holding a puppy or a kitten, they're cute and warm and cuddly. And I say this as someone who never ever wants children of my own. I love holding other people's babies though. And the plus point of them being other people's babies is you get to hand them back when they need changing or feeding or anything and then you get to go home and get sleep which the parents won't be doing for about a year!
Load More Replies... Welcome to "How to Tell Someone Didn't Read the Article 101."
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