Acting like a "lady", smiling at strangers while walking down the street, looking like you just stepped out of a magazine cover — these are just a few things society assumes women want to do every day. Of course, it would be wrong to say that expectations for women haven’t changed in recent years. They certainly have, and for the better. But there’s still plenty of room for improvement.
Rubbergloves44 asked women of Reddit to share some of the outdated things they are expected to live up to, and they delivered. More than a thousand comments flooded the thread with subtle and not-so-subtle ways people set ridiculous presumptions about female behavior.
Whether it’s believing all women want children or need to be devoted to their lousy husbands, Bored Panda has selected some of the best answers from the thread. Upvote our favorites as you go, and let us know in the comments the outdated beliefs you personally think need to change right away.
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Policing the way women dress instead of policing the way men react to it
Automatically assuming all women enjoy, want and will have children.
Being docile and passive. We’re expected to take so much c**p on a daily basis without complaining. Sexual harassment? it’s just a compliment. Sexual assault? you had it coming. do you really want to ruin his life? Periods or any type of pain/illness? it’s not that bad. The amount of mental labor we’re expected to do is exhausting, but we have to do it or nothing would get done. And then men get offended and call us names when we assert ourselves or express any emotion other than happiness. Our boundaries are constantly trampled and we’re supposed to just take it with a smile. It’s so frustrating!
Taking care of a husband like he is an overgrown toddler incapable of doing anything for himself
A woman must be lady like
You know how I feel about that one? (Farts loudly) that’s how I feel
Having to defy the normal process of ageing and that ageing somehow diminishes our worth.
Ugh. This. Yes, I'm looking more like my grandma. So what? She had a boyfriend in her late 80s. :-)
A man can walk away from a pregnancy or a family and go on with life without a bat of an eye from society but heaven forbid a woman ever walk away from her kids
Yeah, I have known so many single mothers in my life, where the father is just not interested (despite wanting the kids in the first place). I have met some men who call themselves single dads. But then I found out that they are single dads two days a week or every other weekend, because the mother has the offspring the rest of the time. That's not what being a single parent is. I have never met a single father who had sole responsibility for the care of his kid(s), but I have known many, many dozens of women.
That's not always the man's fault. Women get primary custody by default in a lot of the US. The mom has to be really f****d up for a man to get primary custody. I know two such cases personally. I've heard some of the more progressive cities will recommend a 50/50 split. But the places that are not progressive will give Mom primary custody. I don't think there's any part of the country that would start with the assumption that the father should get primary.
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And somehow the mother is looked down upon for being a single mother. Like, where does that makes sense? The man is allowed to leave but the woman must have done something wrong!
Neither parent should walk away. Male or Female. To be fair, most do judge the mother harsher than the father.
Allow abortion to women and they will not walk away. A person is not walking away if they wanted the kid on the first place
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I don't really think society is unbothered with a man leaving his family. It just happens so often everyone just thinks "There goes another one. Great! Now this single mom is gonna burden the taxpayers." Which is just as frustrating because single moms are always being the ones to blame for everything, from putting her kids in "60% more at risk for abuse" (according to Dr. Phil's statistics. EVERY. DAMN. EPISODE), to having to work and pay "someone else having to watch their kids." People still expect mothers to do it all, on their own, with no help and no support. Apparently demanding child support is the same as using a man for money.
Dr. Phil is an idiot. I don't disagree with the point you're making, but there's got to be a better source of relevant information and/or statistics than Dr. Phil.
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There should be no stigma for admitting you cannot handle raising a child and being responsible enough to find someone who will. Every child deserves a loving home and realizing you can't do that is ok. We need to fix the other side of it - its not ok to just abandon you kids, regardless of gender. Just dropping them off at grandma and leaving doesn't count. If you can't handle the pressure for whatever reason, you need to make sure they are taken care of, be it finding appropriate adoptive parents or providing financial help to the caregiver who accepts responsibility. If grandma wants to raise them, her kid needs to provide child support to the grandkid.
Well there's a bit of a difference, you carry the child, nurture with milk. Do everything for the child. So ofc it seems harsh when mum walks out. It doesn't happen in the animal kingdom either. Men are expendable.
Hey. I got flack from people for leaving my pets behind when I got separated. I was forced to (pets are legally property and they aren’t part of the visitation process usually). And when people found out that I was the one who initiated the divorce, “don’t you miss your dogs though?” Was often the response. It was like they all thought I should sacrifice everything so i could see my pets. Didn’t matter why I was divorcing.
Or - she want to do an abortion and so, so, so many people think she is a criminal that could end up in prison for "murder." THAT is freaking wrong! Ugh.
I hate the term,”single mothers’,NO, they are just mothers doing their job, when the wimpy blokes just bugger off.
You probably walked away from yours didn't you?? Is that why you're so quick to be bitcμ
Wow you're a troll!! I bet youre a cun+ to be around too!! People like you that just have to put your a*****e two cents in die lonely and miserable.
You shouldn't walk away from your kids no matter of gender but yes, women will be judged more for it. Like you are mentally ill for "abandoning your kids" vs men who often "didnt like the relationship" or something similar. Women are often expected to stick out in relationships for the kids as well and that's expected because it's "better for the kids" (doesn't matter if she's happy or not). Or look at the view of men being heroes for "babysitting" the kids for 2hrs vs the woman who takes care of them the other parts of the day are just doing what's expected. Or when mothers wants to focus on their work vs when fathers do. Kids reinforce gender roles to the extreme and was one of the most sad and challenging things for me with parenthood.
As an addendum to this, when a couple breaks up the courts almost always give primary custody to the woman, fit or no. Many men don't want to walk away from their kids, but the courts can insist on it if the mother doesn't want him in *her* life.
Sorry to say this but some women should have the guts to do this! But you will still be looked down on! It's foolish!
I worked with a family where the mum had walked away (she had addiction issues) and the dad was left with 4 boys who were being significantly neglected. Social services wouldn't do anything because they thought a man staying to look after his kids (although that's a stretch) was amazing
Well, while it is clear that the genders are not viewed the same in this regard, a male abandoning his family is still breaking societal norms and will be sanctioned for it....maybe not by everyone, but by many.
I mean how does either parent just walk away from their kids. I just don't get it and don't want to honestly. I love my kids.
I don't totally buy this one. I believe a man would be judged for abandoning his family.
When is it ok for a man to walk away from his family? Deadbeat dads are useless garbage, deadbeat moms too. It takes two. I have never seen this as being as okay. Fact is usually the man loses the ability to see his child because of the courts giving mothers more rights than a father even when she is unfit.this one is garbage.
But that really isn't other women's fault or responsibility. We don't owe you anything.
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Yes, but not statistically to the same degree as men - and it's a significant difference.
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He can always wear a condom or..you know...not have sex... Your choice man
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That all women want a man/relationship.
I'm happily single for years and don't want to be in a relationship. I don't get why people assume that single women aren't as happy as the ones in a relationship, when it was proven that single women are the happiest population out there.
Preach! I love being single. I was never the little girl who grew up fantasizing about my future wedding to my Prince Charming. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less. People always assume my life is unfulfilling and lonely but it's the complete opposite! I have 100% freedom to do whatever I want to do and I love it!
That doctors STILL do not provide adequate health care for us. And the fact that we still don't have autonomy of our bodies (in the US)
in the us or anywhere else ; trans surgery = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; breast removal surgery (for example to prevent cancer(or any other reason (confort etc...)) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; trying to get a tattoo = are you sure, you'll regret it ; plastic surgery = you don't need it ; uterus removal (like to stop periods and period pain) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body --- [for now (and certainly for ever ): I 'am' a woman so I'm not sure if it's a woman only thing or doctors and surgeons just don't listen to anyone]
That we shouldn’t show anger. Men always talk about how hard it is that when they cry, they’re called a pussy or something like that. I agree that that is a valid issue and I wish it weren’t that way, but I also wish that women could express anger without getting called a b***h or being called irrational. We get asked if we’re menstruating, we get told we’re overreacting. Just once I’d like to feel free to be angry.
Exactly! Like am I only supposed to have emotions while I'm hormonal??
Being ok with getting paid less than men for the same job
Dressing for men. I see many people tell women that they should not dye or cut their hair, not get tattoos, or wear certain fashion because it is unappealing to men. However, a lot of women nowadays (like me) dress for themselves and not for male pleasure.
That vaginas should be smooth always
For the love of God, need we remind people that vaginas are an INTERNAL organ ... the outer area consists of inner and outer labia, and vulva.
That women should do all the cooking and cleaning.
My kid's teacher once asked what the kids thought about cleaning: was it the woman's responsibility or is it something that both should take care of? Only kid in class who thought it was a shared responsibility, was mine. I think we have a long way to go.
Ugh, I live in the Southern US & the whole “wife must fix husbands dinner plate before hers or the children’s” is strong here. I get in debates all the time about this—it agitates me to no end. I don’t know why. It just comes off very misogynistic.
The reasoning I’ve heard from people I know is that “if your husband works hard then he should not have to fix his own food when he comes home” as if women don’t also work hard & almost always have to pull the second shift if kids are involved. I don’t understand why it’s such a debate. If it matters who eats first, then it should be the kids. If there’s no kids, then who cares? Both spouses can make their own plate or one (either one) can make both plates. I’m not a housewife or a waitress for my husband. We are equals, we both work & gender roles are outdated as hell.
The concept of virginity.
Always confused me as a kid--who were all these studs having sex with if the women were all virgins?
That they need to wear makeup to look presentable — think a professional setting, a lot of people have the notion that it is lazy for a woman to not have ANY makeup on.
Now I wear makeup sometimes and sometimes I don’t, I just think it’s an outdated expecting that half of the population has never had.
This is just because people (read men) who write these rules have no idea what makeup is. You can have your whole face covered in ´naked´ style and they will say ´ You see how good you look without all those colors on!´
Vulgar language is not feminine.
Stopped counting how many times I was told that but I always told them to f**k themselves
That women can’t do anything. Fixing things, manual labor, etc. I hate when my girlfriends say “I’m waiting on him to do this or that and it’s frustrating.” How about you get off your a*s and figure it out like he did. Lol
Being event coordinator, sender of household thank you notes, purchasing holiday gifts
My mom bought all the gifts for my dad's side of the family for 15 years. And when she told my dad, it's your turn now, all the gifts stopped.
Being devoted to shi**y husbands
I have known a couple of women that were with guys just because "it would upset them to break up".. Girl he gives you a blackeye and you don't want to upset him, buy a clue. Leave, leave now, if it upsets him, who cares. The guy is obviously a d**k and deserves to be upset and alone.
That women automatically make better caregivers (children or the elderly).
Honestly, most of the time they are. But that doesn't mean that, as a man, you shouldn't at least try.
Having to smile and accommodate other people’s awkward and rude behavior. The- “I’m sorry I can’t help but to say or notice” and what they is creepy, unwarranted, intrusive, interrupting, offensive etc. Get out of my space! I don’t care that my voice is unusually high pitched or that whatever you noticed or have to say about me.
Or the the whole thing of of, you would be so much prettier if you did ______. Or two i get a lot, you smell good, and your eyes are so pretty......yeah I know because I shower and use a lotion and body spray combo that I love and I see my eyes every day, if you are getting that close you need to back out of my space or you might be met with a flying hand.
Sex isn’t a right when you’re in a relationship. You have to maintain other parts of the relationship to keep that flame alive. “You must be cheating” isn’t going to make the situation any better.
I hated it when [my now ex wife] would use that line. As if I was just a sex doll to her, a piece of meat without any person behind the flesh. (now I am well enough to say that I was the victim of an abusive partner)
That woman have to take birth control (hormonal) in a long term relationship
Giving birth. It is the second most terrifying and painful thing a person can go through, the first is burning alive. The industry is great at hiding the many difficulties of pregnancy just to further the human race. You can permanently lose grey matter in your brain, weaken your bladder, develop allergies?? during and after pregnancy. Don't even get me started on the labour itself- i have no idea why any informed woman would want that. just google 4th degree tears and you'll be put off for life
I HAVE been burnt alive , and I would give birth if I could, I most likely can't (related to the burn thing) but if women are not ready to go through giving life to have a baby they can adopt; I understand women are also ready to go through this it's their choice how about the maximum informations about it and then they make their choice?
It's mind blowing how many guys expect you to be a free therapist to them. Like, uh, I didn't sign up for this.
Off topic but related. Being the therapist friend to anyone isn’t fun. Try not to get yourself in that position. I was that friend all through middle school but when I looked for help myself, none came. I’ve rid myself of being that friend in high school but now I don tell anyone when I need help because I got so used to never getting any.
Note: this post originally had 80 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
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the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
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Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
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I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
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I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
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Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
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These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
Load More Replies... the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
Load More Replies... Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
Load More Replies... I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
Load More Replies... I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
Load More Replies... Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
Load More Replies... These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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