Acting like a "lady", smiling at strangers while walking down the street, looking like you just stepped out of a magazine cover — these are just a few things society assumes women want to do every day. Of course, it would be wrong to say that expectations for women haven’t changed in recent years. They certainly have, and for the better. But there’s still plenty of room for improvement.
Rubbergloves44 asked women of Reddit to share some of the outdated things they are expected to live up to, and they delivered. More than a thousand comments flooded the thread with subtle and not-so-subtle ways people set ridiculous presumptions about female behavior.
Whether it’s believing all women want children or need to be devoted to their lousy husbands, Bored Panda has selected some of the best answers from the thread. Upvote our favorites as you go, and let us know in the comments the outdated beliefs you personally think need to change right away.
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Policing the way women dress instead of policing the way men react to it
Automatically assuming all women enjoy, want and will have children.
Being docile and passive. We’re expected to take so much c**p on a daily basis without complaining. Sexual harassment? it’s just a compliment. Sexual assault? you had it coming. do you really want to ruin his life? Periods or any type of pain/illness? it’s not that bad. The amount of mental labor we’re expected to do is exhausting, but we have to do it or nothing would get done. And then men get offended and call us names when we assert ourselves or express any emotion other than happiness. Our boundaries are constantly trampled and we’re supposed to just take it with a smile. It’s so frustrating!
Taking care of a husband like he is an overgrown toddler incapable of doing anything for himself
A woman must be lady like
You know how I feel about that one? (Farts loudly) that’s how I feel
Having to defy the normal process of ageing and that ageing somehow diminishes our worth.
Ugh. This. Yes, I'm looking more like my grandma. So what? She had a boyfriend in her late 80s. :-)
A man can walk away from a pregnancy or a family and go on with life without a bat of an eye from society but heaven forbid a woman ever walk away from her kids
That all women want a man/relationship.
I'm happily single for years and don't want to be in a relationship. I don't get why people assume that single women aren't as happy as the ones in a relationship, when it was proven that single women are the happiest population out there.
Preach! I love being single. I was never the little girl who grew up fantasizing about my future wedding to my Prince Charming. I can't think of anything I'd rather do less. People always assume my life is unfulfilling and lonely but it's the complete opposite! I have 100% freedom to do whatever I want to do and I love it!
That doctors STILL do not provide adequate health care for us. And the fact that we still don't have autonomy of our bodies (in the US)
in the us or anywhere else ; trans surgery = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; breast removal surgery (for example to prevent cancer(or any other reason (confort etc...)) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body ; trying to get a tattoo = are you sure, you'll regret it ; plastic surgery = you don't need it ; uterus removal (like to stop periods and period pain) = rejected you don't dispose of YOUR body --- [for now (and certainly for ever ): I 'am' a woman so I'm not sure if it's a woman only thing or doctors and surgeons just don't listen to anyone]
That we shouldn’t show anger. Men always talk about how hard it is that when they cry, they’re called a pussy or something like that. I agree that that is a valid issue and I wish it weren’t that way, but I also wish that women could express anger without getting called a b***h or being called irrational. We get asked if we’re menstruating, we get told we’re overreacting. Just once I’d like to feel free to be angry.
Exactly! Like am I only supposed to have emotions while I'm hormonal??
Being ok with getting paid less than men for the same job
Dressing for men. I see many people tell women that they should not dye or cut their hair, not get tattoos, or wear certain fashion because it is unappealing to men. However, a lot of women nowadays (like me) dress for themselves and not for male pleasure.
That vaginas should be smooth always
For the love of God, need we remind people that vaginas are an INTERNAL organ ... the outer area consists of inner and outer labia, and vulva.
That women should do all the cooking and cleaning.
My kid's teacher once asked what the kids thought about cleaning: was it the woman's responsibility or is it something that both should take care of? Only kid in class who thought it was a shared responsibility, was mine. I think we have a long way to go.
Ugh, I live in the Southern US & the whole “wife must fix husbands dinner plate before hers or the children’s” is strong here. I get in debates all the time about this—it agitates me to no end. I don’t know why. It just comes off very misogynistic.
The reasoning I’ve heard from people I know is that “if your husband works hard then he should not have to fix his own food when he comes home” as if women don’t also work hard & almost always have to pull the second shift if kids are involved. I don’t understand why it’s such a debate. If it matters who eats first, then it should be the kids. If there’s no kids, then who cares? Both spouses can make their own plate or one (either one) can make both plates. I’m not a housewife or a waitress for my husband. We are equals, we both work & gender roles are outdated as hell.
The concept of virginity.
Always confused me as a kid--who were all these studs having sex with if the women were all virgins?
That they need to wear makeup to look presentable — think a professional setting, a lot of people have the notion that it is lazy for a woman to not have ANY makeup on.
Now I wear makeup sometimes and sometimes I don’t, I just think it’s an outdated expecting that half of the population has never had.
This is just because people (read men) who write these rules have no idea what makeup is. You can have your whole face covered in ´naked´ style and they will say ´ You see how good you look without all those colors on!´
Vulgar language is not feminine.
Stopped counting how many times I was told that but I always told them to f**k themselves
That women can’t do anything. Fixing things, manual labor, etc. I hate when my girlfriends say “I’m waiting on him to do this or that and it’s frustrating.” How about you get off your a*s and figure it out like he did. Lol
Being event coordinator, sender of household thank you notes, purchasing holiday gifts
My mom bought all the gifts for my dad's side of the family for 15 years. And when she told my dad, it's your turn now, all the gifts stopped.
Being devoted to shi**y husbands
I have known a couple of women that were with guys just because "it would upset them to break up".. Girl he gives you a blackeye and you don't want to upset him, buy a clue. Leave, leave now, if it upsets him, who cares. The guy is obviously a d**k and deserves to be upset and alone.
That women automatically make better caregivers (children or the elderly).
Honestly, most of the time they are. But that doesn't mean that, as a man, you shouldn't at least try.
Having to smile and accommodate other people’s awkward and rude behavior. The- “I’m sorry I can’t help but to say or notice” and what they is creepy, unwarranted, intrusive, interrupting, offensive etc. Get out of my space! I don’t care that my voice is unusually high pitched or that whatever you noticed or have to say about me.
Or the the whole thing of of, you would be so much prettier if you did ______. Or two i get a lot, you smell good, and your eyes are so pretty......yeah I know because I shower and use a lotion and body spray combo that I love and I see my eyes every day, if you are getting that close you need to back out of my space or you might be met with a flying hand.
Sex isn’t a right when you’re in a relationship. You have to maintain other parts of the relationship to keep that flame alive. “You must be cheating” isn’t going to make the situation any better.
I hated it when [my now ex wife] would use that line. As if I was just a sex doll to her, a piece of meat without any person behind the flesh. (now I am well enough to say that I was the victim of an abusive partner)
That woman have to take birth control (hormonal) in a long term relationship
Giving birth. It is the second most terrifying and painful thing a person can go through, the first is burning alive. The industry is great at hiding the many difficulties of pregnancy just to further the human race. You can permanently lose grey matter in your brain, weaken your bladder, develop allergies?? during and after pregnancy. Don't even get me started on the labour itself- i have no idea why any informed woman would want that. just google 4th degree tears and you'll be put off for life
I HAVE been burnt alive , and I would give birth if I could, I most likely can't (related to the burn thing) but if women are not ready to go through giving life to have a baby they can adopt; I understand women are also ready to go through this it's their choice how about the maximum informations about it and then they make their choice?
Are you ok? How bad were your burns? It must really suck
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How about needing my husbands "permission" to get my tubes tied after my first child. I s**t you not. My doctor said I had to get him to sign a form agreeing to the procedure before they would do it because I guess it was his body too. HA. I said "no problem, doc. He's waiting in the car for me." I went down the elevator and when I got back the form was signed and I had the procedure. Hubs was at home at the time.
hey I always thought that ^^ it's so much better (we can leave the eggs safe in a warm place and go to sport/work/school and the best we don't have either breasts/milk factories or periods yay! )
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A friend's husband said to me (in front of his pregnant wife). Why do women even have to go classes or to the hospital? They just naturally know how to do it. They've been doing it since the beginning of time. (and dying since the beginning of time, I told him--go visit a Victorian cemetery)
Women dying in labor back then was caused by doctors not washing their hands between the autopsy room and the delivery room. Midwives at the time had much higher survival rates.
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Right? I gained 60lbs and it took a year to lose, i ripped my lady bits, messed up some other parts, and occasionally pee myself now and my baby is 2! Not to mention all the sexist B******t i went through with doctors and family while expecting. I love being a mom and i love my kid, but when people ask me if I'm having more I'm like sure if it's developed in a test tube.
As a dude, I will never understand why woman come within a mile of our weiners considering the potential outcome
I have noticed that women with many kids seem worn out. Not tired, but used up. As though there is only so much nutrition that you can pass on to your kids before you run out.
Unfortunately men can't do anything about this. We cannot give birth to keep the human species alive. Many of us would take that burden from the women we love if we could, but we can't. All we can do is be a supportive as possible. You also insult women who are happy to go through labor in order to bring their little angel into the world. Not all people are all the same. My stepmom had no regrets and she went through labor 4 times. Only getting an epidural once. I asked her directly.
I've done this 4 times, I very much doubt it's anywhere near to being burned alive - yeah it hurts like b'jesus but it's not constant so you get breaks between contractions. Maybe I'm lucky that it wasn't too bad - don't get my wrong, it's taken it's toll, my body has been through a lot of trauma, it's changed and not for the better, I'll never be who I was before kids - I've accepted this. My kids were worth it. I agree that it should be better understood how difficult pregnancy is and how dangerous it can be - too many people think it's easy - it really isn't.
Especially when men look at you just after giving birth and expect you to have a flat stomach.
3rd degree scald was the worst pain I've ever felt. The sort of pain that would make you pass out. Also have kids, one without pain relief and that didn't even come close.
Some women want that. I’ve given birth three times and would love to do it again. Sure it hurts but the memory of the pain is soon forgotten and anyway it’s a small price to pay for bringing another person into the world
True, I think the main issue is assuming all women do. It’s an absolutely incredible experience for people who want it, and some people don’t want it and never will.
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Thank god it's not systematically as traumatic as described here... and I've been through this twice, first one C-section, 2nd time vaginal birth without epidural - yet it's still one of the best memories of my life (despite the pain and all).
People who are able to give birth do so because of a circumstance of birth. There is no other way to bring humans into the world, except for someone, somewhere to give birth to them. It's nobody's fault. And now we are making bigger and bigger babies, with bigger and bigger heads and our bodies have not been able to evolve quickly enough to cope.
My kids were big, but got smaller each time. My first was 10lbs10 - and not everyone would've been able to birth a baby so big - I'm lucky I could. Even at that my smallest was my 4th at 8lbs3 - still bigger than average. Because my first was so big I was monitored closely by my midwives to keep track of size and induced me before my due date if needed. But yeah, women are the only way to have children, there's no other way and we can't escape nature. I didn't need to have kids, it was a choice, did I fully understand the impact it could have on my body? Hell no, but since I did it 3 more times I must've decided that it was worth it
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question..why do many women who have given birth have several children?
Nature has designed us to forget about the trauma and the pain otherwise the species would have become extinct
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People have a very different values toward family. We had problems with infertility. It was no issue for us to switch to adoption and I'd never change it for the world. There were women in an infertility group that felt like "failures" since they needed invitro to give birth. One woman had two kids and didn't feel like a "woman" due to needing help. We let that group go, but it stuck in my mind how different people think about family. Sorry if it's off topic.
The second time around, after 10 hours of labor, the nurse came in and was going to "Just break your water," before I had the epidural, "To speed up the process..." I told her if she valued her f*****g life that she'd better not... Then asked the doctor to remove her from my room.
Choosing not to have children, period. Yes, I have 2 of my own, but that was my PERSONAL choice. Not all women want (or should have) kids. And that is absolutely fine.
This, and also, THERE SHOULD BE MORE INFO READILY AVAILABLE ABOUT PPD.
Never have wanted to give birth and never did. Was a nurse in labor room Dr. overheard future father say " Come on honey it can't be that bad" Doctors reply was how would you like to pass a watermelon through your b******e! That shut the jerk up!
I developed an allergy and my hair changed colour when I had my first child, weird and scary stuff happens to our bodies when pregnant.
Oh yes! I know why I would never never ever want to be pregnant. The foetus is having a fight inside of the human who carries it, a fight for resources, that's the reason one has a placenta. To protect the carrier. I do not want all the bad things that come with pregnancy and giving birth. I do not need a child. I do not want one.
Nah probably a snake jumping out of the toilet and bitting you while you pee
As someone who has given birth twice: The thing about pregnancy and giving birth is that it can be everything from relatively easy to a life-threatening, life changing catastrophe, all outcomes are possible (I would know because I had one easy giving birth and one rather bad, but not that bad.) Even if giving birth goes easy-peasy, it will still be a bloody, painful hassle with interludes of total boredom. No need to panic but inform yourself and don't get to attached to your birthing plan. If you are financially able, get your butt to a doctor you trust and like, go there regularly during your pregnancy, give birth in a decent hospital (and take all the drugs they are willing to give you). Cut every bastard out of your life who gives you s**t about how you are supposed to give birth, breastfeed or just feel about your baby / new role as a mom. Kids are sometimes great, but definitely not all the time. Sometimes they are just a job you have to do.
Some birth stories can be really traumatic, it's true. But compared to being burned alive...? That's more about the mindset and medical experience of the person going into labor and thru birth than the process itself. It's really unfortunate how people only talk about the negative aspects of birth, and then those who do have good experiences or "easier" pregnancies or labor are told they didn't have a "real birth" or "real pregnancy". Not all births are traumatic or bad. Point blank period.
YES! I am EXPECTED to have children and marry, like hardcore I MUST do that, and it's like- I don't want to. I'm not mentally stable enough to have children (heavy chronic depression and anxiety) and I don't want to pass those genetics onto my kids. And yet I know that I'll probably end up with children anyway, just to satisfy my religion and culture and parents. It sucks so much and I really don't want to go through that. Like let me live my life. PLEASE.
Rylee, the only person who gets to decide what to do with your life, should be you. I don't know your specific situation, or what country you're from, etc, but unless you believe in reincarnation, this is the only life you get. It should be 100% your own.
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Omg I shouldn't have Google it.. I am 3 months pregnant and my biggest fear of life is giving birth...
It's okay :). By the end of your pregnancy, it will get to the point where you don't care how it gets out, as long as it gets out.
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True. But they can understand better that pregnancy is very difficult and life changing in many ways - I'm not the same as before I had kids, in so many different ways. My ex-husband expected everything to be business as usual days after giving birth, in every way - it wasn't and he didn't give me any time at all to recover. That wasn't fair. Being supportive and understanding isn't that much to ask for is it?
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It's mind blowing how many guys expect you to be a free therapist to them. Like, uh, I didn't sign up for this.
Off topic but related. Being the therapist friend to anyone isn’t fun. Try not to get yourself in that position. I was that friend all through middle school but when I looked for help myself, none came. I’ve rid myself of being that friend in high school but now I don tell anyone when I need help because I got so used to never getting any.
Note: this post originally had 80 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
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the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
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Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
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I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
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I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
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Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
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These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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I cut my hair from a longish Bob to a buzz cut. Everyone asked how my husband would feel about it, what if he preferred long hair. If he prefers long hair, he can grow his own!
When I cut my hair short I remember a family member said "You know, men prefer long hair," and I said, "Well men should grown their hair long then." That shut them up.
Load More Replies... the future will look upon is and our time and think we were barbaric middle ages. what's the justification for paying women less than men again ?
The level of order determines the the amount of equality between the majority/stronger/oppressor group and the minority/weaker/oppressed group in a society/community. This may apply to almost all facets, like race, caste, sex, culture, ethnicity, etc. We've come a long way from when women were treated as objects, to chattels, to humans, although not absolutely. It's a given that the far future would be a much better place for everyone, including women. For our descendants, we would just be inferior, savage old farts.
Load More Replies... Being called a Karen if you stand up for yourself or express any discontent. Send your undercooked chicken back in a restaurant? You’re a Karen. Want a company to honor their warranty? Karen. Expect a clerk to wait on you instead of the man who arrived after you? Karen. And on and on.
That's... not what "Karen" means - it's how you go about things. And the fact that you're that clueless means... you might want to take a look at how you complain.
Load More Replies... I'd like to publicly thank my mom, who managed to uninstall a lot of this in me before I even hit puberty, despite it being prevailing thinking of the time, and it being how she was raised.
this is one my sister got a lot... shaving. women are expected to shave their legs armpits and other parts that they should only shave if they want to
I never understood this one. How has "hair" become ugly? Some covergirl stereotypes make sense to me, but not this one.
Load More Replies... I got one too. I enjoy going to events (theatre for example) by myself (I am a woman) and for many men so far it has been like an invitation to come to me and (and I quote): "to keeping me company because I'm there alone". I never noticed it would happen to my male friend. I don't go there to meet men but simply to enjoy time there by myself.
I was taught to be submissive to men growing up, and to always look pleasing to men. F**k that. I'm still recovering from my misogynistic upbringing.
If yall liked this yall should probably read the book "Cinderella is dead"
Almost all of these issues relate to how the woman is perceived by the man for doing/not doing a thing. Fact is, the second women stop wanting the approval and desire of men, they will stop caring about doing or not doing most of the things on this list. We have the power. We have the choice.
Except when it comes to employment. The majority of higher management positions, boards of directors, etc. are held by men. Every time diversity is brought up, I get tepid agreement and then treated to a monologue about the need to hire quality candidates, as if hiring mostly white men meant that the company was hiring quality candidates.
Load More Replies... Also, that all women want to and should get married. And that all women should only be wives and mothers.
The entirety of mankind/humankind is in for such a huge shock in the near future.
Men and women should not CONTROL each other. If this is happening in your life - either male or female get the hell out of that relationship. There is a difference between give and take, some people can't or don't want to realize the difference! Control is just the start of future abuse. Get out while the gettin's good!
Yeah, experienced lot of that. Sorry, not there for this. And I will let you know. 35 without childern and my hubby has hands. So stop your nonsence. And I have hairy legs :D
I sing in bars and clubs. When a man is interested in me, he thinks I'll quit this job. When I sing a love song, every man thinks I'm going home with him. Every man thinks I am just singing until I find a man to support me. That my singin/writing songs/recording albums and jingles is just something fun I do until I find "a real job."
So where's the thread about men? Expected to pay for women, protect them, be the breadwinner, not allowed to show emotion, supposed to drink beer, watch sports, be handy, it's always the man's fault a divorce happened, supposedly men always cheat, men are always child predators, the list goes on and on. Women think they have it bad but believe me, there's s**t on both sides
I'm going to agree with you here (albeit not on every point). BP has had entire articles on toxic masculinity and there's lots to suggest that outdated stereotypes also harm men. Let's be clear - they don't harm men as much as women but suggesting there is a problem shouldn't be controversial!
Load More Replies... Actually, it's the product of sexism and misogyny, but thanks for playing!
Load More Replies... These are not complaints, they are issues. Real life issues. How would you feel if everything on this list happened to you?
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