Creepy Man Gets Seated Next To A Teen On A Plane, Luckily Another Passenger Overhears His Harassment
Recently, Canadian journalist Joanna Chiu told her 45K Twitter followers about the time she witnessed a man making sexual advances towards a teen girl on a plane. Chiu was on a flight from Toronto to Vancouver when she heard a passenger behind her complaining about having to sit in the middle seat. However, the complaints stopped when a teenage girl traveling separately from her family sat next to him.
Image credits: joannachiu
“I thought it was strange that suddenly he seemed very happy to be where he was in the middle seat, and it seemed like it was because a teenage girl had come up and sat beside him in a window seat,” Chiu told CBC. “He kept asking about her school, what she was studying, what she wanted to be when she was older. It definitely raised some flags, so I started listening pretty carefully.”
It soon got to a point where the creep was asking her out and even though the girl was ignoring him, it was pretty obvious that he was determined to keep going. Luckily, with the help of other passengers and crew members, Chiu stopped the predator. Continue scrolling to read how everything unfolded in the journalist’s own words.
More info: Twitter
Image credits: joannachiu
Image credits: joannachiu
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Image credits: joannachiu
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Image credits: joannachiu
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Image credits: joannachiu
Image credits: joannachiu
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Image credits: joannachiu
Image credits: joannachiu
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Chiu also added a link to a piece by The New York Times that teaches bystanders to intervene. This allows everyone to stop harassment, instead of offering people just the two of either harasser or victim. And even though bystander training is still relatively rare in the corporate world, it has been proven effective on college campuses, in the military, and by nonprofits.
Interestingly, most trainers don’t advise confronting the harasser in the heat of the moment, because that may escalate the situation and put the bystander in jeopardy. If comfortable doing so, they suggest, a bystander can use a phrase like, “That joke wasn’t funny.” Another option of disrupting the situation is by loudly dropping a book or asking the victim to come to the conference room.
A crucial element, according to researchers, is for bystanders to talk to targets of harassment. Not only could they feel isolated, but observers also might have gotten the right idea about the interaction. They could say something like, “I noticed that happened. Are you O.K. with that?”
“So many victims blame themselves, so a bystander saying, ‘This isn’t your fault, you didn’t do anything wrong,’ is really, really important,” said Sharyn Potter, a sociologist at the University of New Hampshire who runs a research group there for sexual violence prevention.
However, it’s worth mentioning that while training protects companies from lawsuits, it can also reinforce gender stereotypes, at least in the short term. Primarily because it usually portrays men as powerful and sexually insatiable and women as vulnerable. Thus, women might find themselves in a difficult position in terms of feeling confident and empowered in the workplace.
Other women came forward with similar stories
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I’m a 14 year old girl, and I’ve been in several uncomfortable situations with older men via social media, in public, and even at my summer job. It’s ridiculous that we can’t even fly on planes without worrying. Props to those women for helping the girl, though!
As a society we tell women from a very young age that they have to be polite, that their comfort is unimportant. Creeps like this take advantage. We need to be alert to situations like this and have the courage to intervene. But we also need to tell children, and girls especially, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE POLITE WHEN YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE. Some random person comes up to you and starts chatting and your spidey-sense goes off? You don't owe them a conversation, you don't have to tell them your name, you can say you don't want to talk. It might be rude, bout you probably feel uncomfortable for a reason, and your safety matters.
More importantly, we need to train our sons to both not have the attitude that they have carte blanche to hit on any woman or especially any girl; and to be aware of what the things men say to women are perceived by the woman—-the creepy stuff , and especially the things that could escalate. They should learn to read body language or just to ask the woman when the creep can’t hear and, failing that, to simply make it known someone’s listening and ready to intervene.
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When I was 17 I was at a mall with a group of friends doing some holiday shopping. The mall we were at happened to be by a US Naval base so there were always guys there in uniform walking around. I was with a friend and suddenly we were being followed by two guys who would not get the clue we weren't interested. We even held hands and pretended we were a couple, only to get MORE attention from them. They finally got the hint when one of our guy friends saw what was happening, walked up behind us, kissed me on the cheek and started walking holding our hands. I will never be able to thank James enough for that; at 17 years old he saw something and he intervened. These men who claim to be oblivious need to just open their eyes! If they were raised to respect women, they know the signs because it's what they were taught NOT to do!!!
To respond to the "not every mans does this" commentariat: While not every man has behaved inappropriately towards women, I'm fairly sure that every woman has experienced inappropriate behavior from men.
What I think the "not every man" people fail to realize is that these guys do it every chance they can possibly get. So just one creepy guy might hit on 100 or more young teen girls and leave them with those unpleasant memories forever after.
Load More Replies... I'm over 60 now, but my first experience with a creepy middle aged or older man was when I was about 12 or 13. These guys deliberately pick out very young women/girls to harass because they know they lack the experience to deal with this and are often still at the stage where they feel they have to be polite and respectful to adults.
Wow, when I flew last Christmas, the guy in the aisle seat would not get up for me to go use the restroom and he gestured for me to crawl over him. I was so disgusted and started talking louder (yet politely), asking him to please let me out, until the people around me took notice and he finally stood up so I could get out. I thought he was just clueless but maybe he was just a disgusting human who does this to other women.
I would never scoot. A guy refuses to get up? I'd walk OVER him. Literally.
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As a man I am ashamed that there are other males out there who behave this way. I am the father of a teenage girl, I am always (any situation, be it travelling on public transport, walking in the street, shopping, whetever) looking out for guys acting creepy, especially towards youngsters. We all have a duty as humans to behave with decency and treat others with respect.
Totally agree. Though the best thing a parent can do for their child is to teach them how to deal with it, how to look after themselves. A parent can't be there all the time or trust that there is a good, decent stranger who can help. Knowledge and being prepared is vital. We need to stop keeping our children in the dark and thinking we are protecting their innocence. All that does it makes them vulnerable. Age appropriate knowledge of course.
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From a young age women are taught to be quiet and polite, we need to stop with that mess.
and adults need to stop telling girls who were NOT taught to be submissive that they are wrong to speak up for themselves and others.
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I was on the subway with my 15-year-old niece , and there was standing room only. We both noticed a middle-aged man, who was seated near where she was standing, just openly and brazenly stare at her. She became increasingly uncomfortable, so I stepped in between them, and glared at him whilst he was straining his neck to bypass me to stare at her. I said to him: "What's your problem? What are you looking at?" I was loud enough for other passengers to hear me. But, he just ignored me, and continued to shift in his seat to stare at my niece. "Hey! Stop that you a*****e!" I bellowed. No one spoke up. And, I tried to shield my niece from his creepy gaze. When our stop came up, my poor niece ran out as fast as she could. I glared and cursed at him as I left, and he just laughed. I am not a violent person by nature, but I really wanted to punch him.
It kinda makes me sad that it's the fact that no one spoke up. It's one thing to actually experience it, but personally, it's so much worse feeling like no one is willing to help and step in when creepy people are overstepping boundaries. Good for you for watching out for your niece though!
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Makes me thankful for guys like the one I sat next to on my last flight. He slept through most of the flight and the only words we exchanged were when I asked him if I could close the window blind because the sun was hurting my eyes. He closed it himself so I didn't have to reach over him and then started dozing. 10/10 seatmate.
It happens to young guys as well! I've personally experienced it twice when i was 12 and then 14
I'm willing to bet just about every woman has a similar story from when they were teens too. I know I do. I was luck enough that my uncle was there to intervene. As this young woman was lucky to have these women looking out for her too. It'd be real great if these creepy men would just stop already.
In addition to notifying the attendants, she also could have invited the girl to sit in her row, which she said had two empty seats. That would have helped as well.
I'm a 15-year-old girl and this has happened to me before. I was on the public bus home and some guy asked to sit next to me. I try to be friendly by default, so I let him (also, I wouldn't turn down someone wanting to sit). He then proceeded to say things like "I'm glad I'm sitting next to you and not those ugly people." I've tried to block the whole situation from my mind (happened about a month ago) so I don't have any more examples, but I was really shaken up. I remembered all these stories I've heard of men following girls home and my house was less than a block from the stop I got off on. I felt safer when I got inside but I was still really worried.
Sorry this happened to you and so glad you are okay. If it happens again then can you call someone to meet you at your bus stop? If there is a ticket checker/bus conductor then tell them you feel unhappy with the situation and ask to sit near where they are or move near to other women. Never think that you need to be polite to strangers who overstep the mark.
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I was once seated next to a teenager boy. He had the window seat while I sat in the isle seat. He seemed too young to be traveling solo and we were nowhere near flight attendant bay. I asked if he was traveling alone and if he was OK. He said his parents were a few rows ahead of us and didn't say anything afterwards. I hope he didn't think I was being weird. I was only concerned about his well-being.
That's a normal exchange. You just asked, and you respected his silence once you knew he was OK. Don't worry. I don't think you made him feel uncomfortable, because it was a completely normal question. Nothing personal, just basic politeness.
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Not on a plane, but on a Greyhound bus...I was sitting near the back. A woman that was visibly pregnant was by herself. This guy that climbed on at the next stop staggered his way to the back. He starts harassing her.."c'mon, Baby. Just let me get a quick feel." Then a male passenger, there with his girlfriend, stepped in to stop him. The jerk threatened to beat on him if he didn't mind his own business. This guy tells the pregnant girl to take his seat and when the jerk tried to follow her, the guy shoves him back into his seat and pins him. His girlfriend notified the bus driver who called the cops. Outside the stopped bus, the cops arrest him. Turns out the jerk was drunk, on his way to court ordered rehab. Guess he went to jail instead. He'll have to hit on his cellmate now.
These stories are horrible but it also annoys me when some of the women say that all men are the same. I'm a guy and if I ever saw a man being like this to a female, I would kick the s**t out of him. Yes, there are far too many men who are sexist pricks, but don't forget that there are also lots of us who would intervene.
I don't think all men are the same but I do worry that too many just don't realise. Glad you do though.
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I think some men ARE oblivious to what's going on around them whereas most women are always on guard, when in public.
i was hoping this was going to have an ending where it was a misunderstanding & the guy wasn't actually a gross creep & was actually watching out for the young lady & was truly genuinely concerned for her well being but NOPE. bc why should he be?!?!?!? ugh. f**k. I swear im not a Pollyanna, I knew it would probably go this way, I was just hoping I was wrong. good on the ladies for keeping an eye out. we need to keep having each others backs esp in situations like these & watch over young men who are alone too - they are @ risk as well. sick to f*****g death of predators.
I always sort of look out for kids in general when I'm out. Sad to say but the world we live in requires us to look out for each other.
YES! It is absolutely better to step in and be embarrassed than to potentially let something important slide. I wish someone had helped me when I was 10 and had a long stopover. Some old man sat next to me, touched my leg, and proceeded to follow me whenever I tried to leave or switch seats. When we got on the plane, he tried to switch seats to sit next to me! Thank God they didn't let him. I was terrified.
Some men are pigs. They think with their penises. Its just disgusting. All I can say is that if you are young and flying on a plane, don't be friendly to men and wear ear buds so they think you are listening to music and don't want to be bothered. That will help with most of them , but there are some that will try to talk to you anyway. Tell them to F off !!
A book helps, too. You can be so engrossed in it you don't even see the jerk. And if the hand comes too close you can whack it with the book. (Gauranteed to get noticed by authority-types.)
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Comments on here: Women sharing similar experience Comments on Facebook: DURRRH WOMAN UGLY tHIS LiE
This doesn't just happen to young women...my sister is 86 and recently told me that her neighbor joined her at the mailbox down the road a proceeded to unzip his pants and "pull his thingy out'....he is 91
She can complain to the cops and they'll put him on a 73-hour 'watch' in the local lock-up psych unit to see if he's gone senile.
Load More Replies... Such an important issue. Some men feel they're being complimentary, charming or funny when they do this, not understanding they have become predators by doing so. Girls are so often told, from early childhood, that boys, and later men, who act that way are doing it because they "like" you. Females are taught to smile and accept it.
A situation similar to this happened in a convenience store. I was paying for my items and the guy behind me, who I did not know, kissed me on the cheek. When I told my dad about this, he told the owner of the store about it and wouldn't let me go in the store again unless he was with me. I was in my early twenties and didn't know what to do.
It's important that people stand up to predators. Imagine if nobody had said anything and this girl just thought that this was normal, okay adult behavior. That's exactly what kids end up thinking if adults pretend like nothing is wrong or just ignore the situation because it's uncomfortable.
Yes! This! Incidents like the one described above happened to me more times than I'd care to try to count in my early teenage years and not once did anyone step in or speak up. My mom repeatedly told me to suck it up (or worse - be flattered by it!) because that was normal male behavior and to be expected, and I believed that for much of my life. Looking back now I find it shocking that anyone could have seen grown men hitting on a child as "normal" in any circumstance. I am grateful to the point of tears that I can raise my daughter in a world where that behavior is not normal, acceptable or tolerated. Wholehearted thank you to everyone who has stood up or will stand up in the future for children being preyed upon.
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Girls need to be taught from a young age that they are allowed to tell men to f*ck off if they're making them feel uncomfortable. They should also be taught to say, "STOP IT, YOU'RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE" in a loud voice so others will intervene or at the very least make the guy self-conscious enough to knock it off.
I don't know about this case, but I have seen many where guys did step in. They would help the girl out or tell the offender to back off. But definitely, I do think that we can all improve in our awareness about these kinds of issues.
The way these kinds of people mix sex and power over the vulnerable is utterly disgusting. And so many times they're like automatons, not realizing they're making a choice to be threatening and gross; their id's trigger is suddenly pushed on and away it goes. I'm recalling the blank face of a man on the city bus when I was 11. He was apparently compelled to masturbate in front of me, like he was in a trance, from the moment he spotted me and sat beside me until I screamed. The driver stopped the bus and kicked the man out the back door. Dude was still in his head, and his trousers were still down. Unless they confront this ugly part of themselves, all the yelling at them in the world isn't going to change how people like this behave. They have to have it in them to change their own behavior and dig out what's setting them off to sexually harass and assault people.
I like the "I'm sorry I'm clumsy" warning approach (followed by an elbow to the face when going to the toilet). The only thing I ever got from an airline seat neighbour was a flea (maybe more, but only one made it to my house), from a confused old lady.
It's not that most men don't notice; it's that most men are cheering this jerk on and wishing they were him! After all, we live in a society where it's acceptable to acquit a rapist, even though he's obviously guilty, because 'why should 20 minutes ruin the rest of his life?' What about her life, moran? Good for Joanna Chiu and everyone else who's intervened in a situation like this.
The system works like this. From being a baby, girls are being rewarded for being pretty and polite, i.e. not loud or agressive or, gasp, ugly and not interested in their appearance. Princess-like behaviour is encouraged and rewarded, sexual outfits gestures are encouraged and rewarded at an age, where girls have absolutely no idea what that REALLY means. At the same time, there is this whole idea that women must be able to defend themselves, if they don't, they 'want it'. So we raise girls without the ability to stand up for themsleves or defend themselves - because being pretty and polite is paramount. Then we claim they have to know ho 'to put a stop to it', the moment they become victimised. But if smiling is all you ever learned that is impossible. And legions of police, judges and internet trolls make it very clear, that rape is just a normal result of the 'wrong' behaviour of the vicitim. So we cripple girls into being good victims and then blame them for being victimized.
And to top this off, there is this ongoing myth that we have equality so discussions like the #metoo movement get this insane amount of backlash. All of this ensures the status quo. It is especially depressing when women themselves are complicit in this.
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!) It should never have happened, and I am glad that someone took notice and helped. 2) WAY too many people here bashing men for "not doing their jobs," while also patting themselves on the back. Yes, they should have responded. But you cannot respond if you do not notice the problem, and the sad reality is that most people regardless of gender do not notice, and are more in tune to it if they experienced the same problem in the past. 3) Great idea to help educate! Everyone should be aware and not be afraid to interfere! Everyone, not every female, not every male, EVERYONE! Personally, I have interfered a few times, some of which I was wrong and she was fine. But I would rather be safe than sorry (granted, my daughter had experienced issues, so I may be one that is more sensitive to this)
OK, but how about the other guy's daughter. Doesn't she deserve to be protected, too? Protest loudly. Be a 'jerk', 'no fun', 'that guy'. (Yeah, I've heard all those excuses and a lot more.)
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I am surprised, I thought there were rules about not placing a kid travelling alone next to an unknown man in flight.
That would be impossible, since each passenger makes a seat reservation for themselves. Unless you're travelling in a group and choose seats next to each other, you never know who's gonna be seated next to you. And it would be unfair and stupid to just assume by people's looks and relocate immediately (immagine the hurtful accidents families would need to face by such an approach).
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Recently, at the beach, I watched two sketchy men walking in front of me, when their eyes stopped on a mother and daughter who were tentatively walking into the water. I could tell by their expressions and mannerisms that they were discussing the two women. Sure enough, they passed the women, and walked into the water next to them. I got up from my chair (I'm a woman also), walked/ran to the water, went up to the two ladies and said "Hi, I'm here to prevent some unwelcome visitors." They both turned, looked at the men, and whispered "Thank you!" The men, once I entered the conversation with the ladies, turned and high-tailed it out of there. Watch your fellow women and act!
females get harassed all the time either on transport or in the street, wherever. Most of us keep quiet so as not to make a scene and frightened of any repercussions, when we are young... However as a mature woman I no longer put up with any nonsense. i.e. Toronto airport passport check out. Guy behind the counter mentioned the size of my boobs. I went around to give him a piece of my mind but noticed he was disabled and sitting on a stool. I figured he had enough problems and let it go..
I think most women have been harassed whilst travelling and just keep quiet as to not make a scene. However a few years ago I was in Toronto airport going through security when one of the staff mentioned my big boobs. I went around the counter to give him a piece of my mind when I noticed he was disabled and sitting on a stool. I decided against saying anything and walked out...
It's pathetic to see a man drooling around an adult woman who doesn't want any attention of that kind, but to see an adult man drooling around a minor is disgusting. We should always be alert to stand for each other. Thank you for protecting that girl in the name of all of us who have kids.
I just have to say that @giajordan, in the comments listed in the post, said the most ignorant thing. Generalized and sweeping statements like hers are just as much a problem as the behavior being depicted...I'm male but when flying alone as a teenager, I had a man who followed me through the Dallas airport during a layover. He followed me into a bathroom and tried to come into a stall with me. I kicked him and ran but never reported it because I was scared and confused. Creeps are going to be creeps and everyone needs to be able to recognize them and hopefully, be willing to help.
I always watch out for other kids and other ladies. I was never taught to be deferential to men or if they were trying to teach me, it went in one ear and out the other. I have so many friends who have been victims of sexual harassment or sexual assault or just plain creeps on trains and buses. An old dude in tennis shirt and shorts gets on the PHX train from the airport. I was coming home from a business networking event. I was not looking directly at him but out of the corner of my eye, I see him staring hard at me and hes fondling his junk (not in that quick scratch way either). I was grossed out and then I was FURIOUS. I did not look at him but I clenched my fist and flexed my bicep. He quickly stopped. I didnt know if that would work but I am glad it did. Dudes, leave kids and women alone on or near transportation. Doesn't traveling suck enough as it is?
Thanks to the columnist for keeping track of this situation, but SHE HAD A ROW TO HERSELF. Invite the teen to join her and get away from him.
I'm 71 so not at much danger of being "creeped" , or so I thought. However I play Scrabble and Words with Friends on line. My photo shows up so opponents know what I look like. I get offers to play from strangers. That should be no problem. The women never try to converse, but the men always do! It starts with a simple hi, then proceeds to get too personal. I once acused one of them of being in a "creep club". He proclaimed innocence, then disappeared from the game. It happens with every man I play these games with.
This type of behaviour is definitely unacceptable, as simple as that. However, I must warn people not to take this awareness-raising campaign to the extreme, as this might do more harm than harassment itself. In my country, a woman has infinitely better chances of success suing a man for sexual harrasment. Often, a simple statement of harassment without sound evidence is good enough to put a man behind bars for years. Some women exploit this to gain money (staging themselves or worse, their teenage daughters, as victims). So "normal" men actually become unwilling to help out a kid or a teenage girl who seems in trouble out of fear of being prosecuted. You even have to avoid riding in the same elevator with a girl, because who knows what her mother would tell her to tell the police afterwards. So nowadays I'm even more scared of my own daughter left without help in a crititcal situation than being harassed.
It's good to be aware of this, and I'm glad the women took care of the situation. On a side-note: Please stop using the term "predator" for people like these guys. Humans are predators in that we hunt and kill animals for food. Wolves are predators. They are not evil or immoral. "Predator" is too tame of a word for people like these and is in no way accurate. I know it's common to use the word "predator" and it has bugged me since the media made it a common mis-use of the word. Defy the idiot media and call these people what they are: pedophiles, abusers, etc.
I'm a male. I walked into my friend's office and walked past the attractive young woman working for him. I spoke, she spoke. She recognizes me and knows I am her employer's good friend. Speaking to him, in the way we do (and we are both straight and married to women) I said, "How's tricks, sweetheart?" Before he answered, she said that all was normal, etc. I stopped as it took a second to realize she thought I spoke to her. I told her that my male friend is whom I called sweetheart and I emphatically explained that I would NEVER speak to her or any female in that manner. I appreciated that she did not blow up but told her she had every right to do so. I explained that nobody has the right to address her in that manner. She has a name and a title but most importantly, she is a human that deserves common decency. It was a little uncomfortable for us both, I imagine but I hope she took my meaning to heart and will never stand for being addressed in a condescending manner.
Men --- look at the seating. Is the lone female sitting with family or is she flying alone? Listen to the conversation. Should the conversation be something you would not want your wife, daughter to experience, contact the steward. See if other passengers have the same feeling for what is happening.
I think the men did not respond partly because she was polite and friendly (at least at first) which is what we are taught to be as women. They took that as assent. When I was younger, I had several occasions where some guy out and out told me that they thought I was "into them" because I smiled and was nice to them. Ugh!
About 7 years ago I was stuck on a tarmac (delay) on my way back from O'Hare, and had the misfortune to be in the middle seat. The guy at the window was talking on his phone and gesturing nonstop; at one point he had his arms over his head and brought his elbow down hard on my head. I pushed his arm away and he glared at me and said to the person on the phone, "oh sorry, this b***h next to me interrupted me." I was like, WTF. I"m in my 40s and was wearing a business suit. No one around me said or did anything in my defense. Now mind you this was not creepy per se, just incredibly disrespectful. I did change seats which also angered me because he got more room that way.
I am a man. That some man was a creep doesn't make me feel ashamed to be a man - it is not news that some men are creeps. But that not one *other* man of 100+ on the plane stood up and defended this (literal!) damsel in distress, now, *that* makes me ashamed to be a man.
I, white-haired 65-yr-old woman sitting on the subway one evening, reading, became a chaperone to an attractive young woman who sat next to me. A young man took the seat ahead and turned toward us, grinning at her but not speaking, while she, pointedly ignoring him, started reading the paper. He had clearly been hitting on her before she got on the train and sat next to me. He kept on giving her this ingratiating grin without saying anything, while she continued to ignore him. I had to get off the train before she did but I was happy to have been briefly of assistance, however passively.
I guess i was different as a teen because I would've told that man to f**k off. As an adult I would've said keep his mouth shut or I will break all 206 bones in his body with a ball bat
The guy is obviously a creep and Ms Chiu did the right thing. However, I'm confused by her need to virtue signal about how great she is for doing it and why she is so needy for these pats on the back from internet strangers for being one of the "good guys". The reward of her own actions being appreciated by the young girl and the crew of the plane should be enough. But oh no, we need 20 "Look at me" tweets so we all know how great she is. No, thanks.
I nice how Miss Joanna Chiu seems to characterize all men as perverted and uncaring in her tweets. It is good that she stepped in on this incident, but was the young girl really a underage teen? Too many times people try and play like they are a police officer, and create more problems.
How about you go back to the stone age if you can't handle the modern one?
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Some men DON’T care. Many refuse to say anything if they do notice.
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Good story. Too bad it's not true. Some people are so desperate for attention.
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This story is Canadian. Canadians can speak both French and English.
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"Also, for every woman that has a story about a man being inappropriate there is a story about a man who was accused of doing something wrong and didn't." This is AMAZINGLY false! Amazing. I literally know ONE man who has been falsely accused of anything. Every. Single. Woman. I know has a story like this one. That's not to say anyone ever being falsely accused is okay, but you're so incredibly wrong it's almost painful. Please ask the women in your life if anything like this has happened to them. Then ask the men you know who among them has been falsely accused of anything. I'm certain you'll see your statement is incorrect.
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What he did was sexual harassment to a minor. She also may have known what to do but was too frightened. She thought she would have to stay by the creep for several hours, so she would not want to provoke him.
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He was a creep and she did the right thing. Don’t make excuses.
Load More Replies... Oh, ffs, NOBODY is blaming all men!!! The journalist pointed out that she recognized the behaviour immediately because she was once a teenage girl. I guarantee that almost every woman on the planet had this experience at least once - and mostly far more than once - when she was between the ages of 12 and 18. The simple fact is, a creep will harass every single young girl he comes across. So while he might be part of a tiny minority of men, the number of young women that he affects will be in the dozens.
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Sure, all the women have just gotten together to make up these stories just to make you look bad. You got your tinfoil hat on?
Load More Replies... I’m a 14 year old girl, and I’ve been in several uncomfortable situations with older men via social media, in public, and even at my summer job. It’s ridiculous that we can’t even fly on planes without worrying. Props to those women for helping the girl, though!
As a society we tell women from a very young age that they have to be polite, that their comfort is unimportant. Creeps like this take advantage. We need to be alert to situations like this and have the courage to intervene. But we also need to tell children, and girls especially, YOU DONT HAVE TO BE POLITE WHEN YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE. Some random person comes up to you and starts chatting and your spidey-sense goes off? You don't owe them a conversation, you don't have to tell them your name, you can say you don't want to talk. It might be rude, bout you probably feel uncomfortable for a reason, and your safety matters.
More importantly, we need to train our sons to both not have the attitude that they have carte blanche to hit on any woman or especially any girl; and to be aware of what the things men say to women are perceived by the woman—-the creepy stuff , and especially the things that could escalate. They should learn to read body language or just to ask the woman when the creep can’t hear and, failing that, to simply make it known someone’s listening and ready to intervene.
Load More Replies... When I was 17 I was at a mall with a group of friends doing some holiday shopping. The mall we were at happened to be by a US Naval base so there were always guys there in uniform walking around. I was with a friend and suddenly we were being followed by two guys who would not get the clue we weren't interested. We even held hands and pretended we were a couple, only to get MORE attention from them. They finally got the hint when one of our guy friends saw what was happening, walked up behind us, kissed me on the cheek and started walking holding our hands. I will never be able to thank James enough for that; at 17 years old he saw something and he intervened. These men who claim to be oblivious need to just open their eyes! If they were raised to respect women, they know the signs because it's what they were taught NOT to do!!!
To respond to the "not every mans does this" commentariat: While not every man has behaved inappropriately towards women, I'm fairly sure that every woman has experienced inappropriate behavior from men.
What I think the "not every man" people fail to realize is that these guys do it every chance they can possibly get. So just one creepy guy might hit on 100 or more young teen girls and leave them with those unpleasant memories forever after.
Load More Replies... I'm over 60 now, but my first experience with a creepy middle aged or older man was when I was about 12 or 13. These guys deliberately pick out very young women/girls to harass because they know they lack the experience to deal with this and are often still at the stage where they feel they have to be polite and respectful to adults.
Wow, when I flew last Christmas, the guy in the aisle seat would not get up for me to go use the restroom and he gestured for me to crawl over him. I was so disgusted and started talking louder (yet politely), asking him to please let me out, until the people around me took notice and he finally stood up so I could get out. I thought he was just clueless but maybe he was just a disgusting human who does this to other women.
I would never scoot. A guy refuses to get up? I'd walk OVER him. Literally.
Load More Replies... As a man I am ashamed that there are other males out there who behave this way. I am the father of a teenage girl, I am always (any situation, be it travelling on public transport, walking in the street, shopping, whetever) looking out for guys acting creepy, especially towards youngsters. We all have a duty as humans to behave with decency and treat others with respect.
Totally agree. Though the best thing a parent can do for their child is to teach them how to deal with it, how to look after themselves. A parent can't be there all the time or trust that there is a good, decent stranger who can help. Knowledge and being prepared is vital. We need to stop keeping our children in the dark and thinking we are protecting their innocence. All that does it makes them vulnerable. Age appropriate knowledge of course.
Load More Replies... From a young age women are taught to be quiet and polite, we need to stop with that mess.
and adults need to stop telling girls who were NOT taught to be submissive that they are wrong to speak up for themselves and others.
Load More Replies... I was on the subway with my 15-year-old niece , and there was standing room only. We both noticed a middle-aged man, who was seated near where she was standing, just openly and brazenly stare at her. She became increasingly uncomfortable, so I stepped in between them, and glared at him whilst he was straining his neck to bypass me to stare at her. I said to him: "What's your problem? What are you looking at?" I was loud enough for other passengers to hear me. But, he just ignored me, and continued to shift in his seat to stare at my niece. "Hey! Stop that you a*****e!" I bellowed. No one spoke up. And, I tried to shield my niece from his creepy gaze. When our stop came up, my poor niece ran out as fast as she could. I glared and cursed at him as I left, and he just laughed. I am not a violent person by nature, but I really wanted to punch him.
It kinda makes me sad that it's the fact that no one spoke up. It's one thing to actually experience it, but personally, it's so much worse feeling like no one is willing to help and step in when creepy people are overstepping boundaries. Good for you for watching out for your niece though!
Load More Replies... Makes me thankful for guys like the one I sat next to on my last flight. He slept through most of the flight and the only words we exchanged were when I asked him if I could close the window blind because the sun was hurting my eyes. He closed it himself so I didn't have to reach over him and then started dozing. 10/10 seatmate.
It happens to young guys as well! I've personally experienced it twice when i was 12 and then 14
I'm willing to bet just about every woman has a similar story from when they were teens too. I know I do. I was luck enough that my uncle was there to intervene. As this young woman was lucky to have these women looking out for her too. It'd be real great if these creepy men would just stop already.
In addition to notifying the attendants, she also could have invited the girl to sit in her row, which she said had two empty seats. That would have helped as well.
I'm a 15-year-old girl and this has happened to me before. I was on the public bus home and some guy asked to sit next to me. I try to be friendly by default, so I let him (also, I wouldn't turn down someone wanting to sit). He then proceeded to say things like "I'm glad I'm sitting next to you and not those ugly people." I've tried to block the whole situation from my mind (happened about a month ago) so I don't have any more examples, but I was really shaken up. I remembered all these stories I've heard of men following girls home and my house was less than a block from the stop I got off on. I felt safer when I got inside but I was still really worried.
Sorry this happened to you and so glad you are okay. If it happens again then can you call someone to meet you at your bus stop? If there is a ticket checker/bus conductor then tell them you feel unhappy with the situation and ask to sit near where they are or move near to other women. Never think that you need to be polite to strangers who overstep the mark.
Load More Replies... I was once seated next to a teenager boy. He had the window seat while I sat in the isle seat. He seemed too young to be traveling solo and we were nowhere near flight attendant bay. I asked if he was traveling alone and if he was OK. He said his parents were a few rows ahead of us and didn't say anything afterwards. I hope he didn't think I was being weird. I was only concerned about his well-being.
That's a normal exchange. You just asked, and you respected his silence once you knew he was OK. Don't worry. I don't think you made him feel uncomfortable, because it was a completely normal question. Nothing personal, just basic politeness.
Load More Replies... Not on a plane, but on a Greyhound bus...I was sitting near the back. A woman that was visibly pregnant was by herself. This guy that climbed on at the next stop staggered his way to the back. He starts harassing her.."c'mon, Baby. Just let me get a quick feel." Then a male passenger, there with his girlfriend, stepped in to stop him. The jerk threatened to beat on him if he didn't mind his own business. This guy tells the pregnant girl to take his seat and when the jerk tried to follow her, the guy shoves him back into his seat and pins him. His girlfriend notified the bus driver who called the cops. Outside the stopped bus, the cops arrest him. Turns out the jerk was drunk, on his way to court ordered rehab. Guess he went to jail instead. He'll have to hit on his cellmate now.
These stories are horrible but it also annoys me when some of the women say that all men are the same. I'm a guy and if I ever saw a man being like this to a female, I would kick the s**t out of him. Yes, there are far too many men who are sexist pricks, but don't forget that there are also lots of us who would intervene.
I don't think all men are the same but I do worry that too many just don't realise. Glad you do though.
Load More Replies... I think some men ARE oblivious to what's going on around them whereas most women are always on guard, when in public.
i was hoping this was going to have an ending where it was a misunderstanding & the guy wasn't actually a gross creep & was actually watching out for the young lady & was truly genuinely concerned for her well being but NOPE. bc why should he be?!?!?!? ugh. f**k. I swear im not a Pollyanna, I knew it would probably go this way, I was just hoping I was wrong. good on the ladies for keeping an eye out. we need to keep having each others backs esp in situations like these & watch over young men who are alone too - they are @ risk as well. sick to f*****g death of predators.
I always sort of look out for kids in general when I'm out. Sad to say but the world we live in requires us to look out for each other.
YES! It is absolutely better to step in and be embarrassed than to potentially let something important slide. I wish someone had helped me when I was 10 and had a long stopover. Some old man sat next to me, touched my leg, and proceeded to follow me whenever I tried to leave or switch seats. When we got on the plane, he tried to switch seats to sit next to me! Thank God they didn't let him. I was terrified.
Some men are pigs. They think with their penises. Its just disgusting. All I can say is that if you are young and flying on a plane, don't be friendly to men and wear ear buds so they think you are listening to music and don't want to be bothered. That will help with most of them , but there are some that will try to talk to you anyway. Tell them to F off !!
A book helps, too. You can be so engrossed in it you don't even see the jerk. And if the hand comes too close you can whack it with the book. (Gauranteed to get noticed by authority-types.)
Load More Replies... Comments on here: Women sharing similar experience Comments on Facebook: DURRRH WOMAN UGLY tHIS LiE
This doesn't just happen to young women...my sister is 86 and recently told me that her neighbor joined her at the mailbox down the road a proceeded to unzip his pants and "pull his thingy out'....he is 91
She can complain to the cops and they'll put him on a 73-hour 'watch' in the local lock-up psych unit to see if he's gone senile.
Load More Replies... Such an important issue. Some men feel they're being complimentary, charming or funny when they do this, not understanding they have become predators by doing so. Girls are so often told, from early childhood, that boys, and later men, who act that way are doing it because they "like" you. Females are taught to smile and accept it.
A situation similar to this happened in a convenience store. I was paying for my items and the guy behind me, who I did not know, kissed me on the cheek. When I told my dad about this, he told the owner of the store about it and wouldn't let me go in the store again unless he was with me. I was in my early twenties and didn't know what to do.
It's important that people stand up to predators. Imagine if nobody had said anything and this girl just thought that this was normal, okay adult behavior. That's exactly what kids end up thinking if adults pretend like nothing is wrong or just ignore the situation because it's uncomfortable.
Yes! This! Incidents like the one described above happened to me more times than I'd care to try to count in my early teenage years and not once did anyone step in or speak up. My mom repeatedly told me to suck it up (or worse - be flattered by it!) because that was normal male behavior and to be expected, and I believed that for much of my life. Looking back now I find it shocking that anyone could have seen grown men hitting on a child as "normal" in any circumstance. I am grateful to the point of tears that I can raise my daughter in a world where that behavior is not normal, acceptable or tolerated. Wholehearted thank you to everyone who has stood up or will stand up in the future for children being preyed upon.
Load More Replies... Girls need to be taught from a young age that they are allowed to tell men to f*ck off if they're making them feel uncomfortable. They should also be taught to say, "STOP IT, YOU'RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE" in a loud voice so others will intervene or at the very least make the guy self-conscious enough to knock it off.
I don't know about this case, but I have seen many where guys did step in. They would help the girl out or tell the offender to back off. But definitely, I do think that we can all improve in our awareness about these kinds of issues.
The way these kinds of people mix sex and power over the vulnerable is utterly disgusting. And so many times they're like automatons, not realizing they're making a choice to be threatening and gross; their id's trigger is suddenly pushed on and away it goes. I'm recalling the blank face of a man on the city bus when I was 11. He was apparently compelled to masturbate in front of me, like he was in a trance, from the moment he spotted me and sat beside me until I screamed. The driver stopped the bus and kicked the man out the back door. Dude was still in his head, and his trousers were still down. Unless they confront this ugly part of themselves, all the yelling at them in the world isn't going to change how people like this behave. They have to have it in them to change their own behavior and dig out what's setting them off to sexually harass and assault people.
I like the "I'm sorry I'm clumsy" warning approach (followed by an elbow to the face when going to the toilet). The only thing I ever got from an airline seat neighbour was a flea (maybe more, but only one made it to my house), from a confused old lady.
It's not that most men don't notice; it's that most men are cheering this jerk on and wishing they were him! After all, we live in a society where it's acceptable to acquit a rapist, even though he's obviously guilty, because 'why should 20 minutes ruin the rest of his life?' What about her life, moran? Good for Joanna Chiu and everyone else who's intervened in a situation like this.
The system works like this. From being a baby, girls are being rewarded for being pretty and polite, i.e. not loud or agressive or, gasp, ugly and not interested in their appearance. Princess-like behaviour is encouraged and rewarded, sexual outfits gestures are encouraged and rewarded at an age, where girls have absolutely no idea what that REALLY means. At the same time, there is this whole idea that women must be able to defend themselves, if they don't, they 'want it'. So we raise girls without the ability to stand up for themsleves or defend themselves - because being pretty and polite is paramount. Then we claim they have to know ho 'to put a stop to it', the moment they become victimised. But if smiling is all you ever learned that is impossible. And legions of police, judges and internet trolls make it very clear, that rape is just a normal result of the 'wrong' behaviour of the vicitim. So we cripple girls into being good victims and then blame them for being victimized.
And to top this off, there is this ongoing myth that we have equality so discussions like the #metoo movement get this insane amount of backlash. All of this ensures the status quo. It is especially depressing when women themselves are complicit in this.
Load More Replies... !) It should never have happened, and I am glad that someone took notice and helped. 2) WAY too many people here bashing men for "not doing their jobs," while also patting themselves on the back. Yes, they should have responded. But you cannot respond if you do not notice the problem, and the sad reality is that most people regardless of gender do not notice, and are more in tune to it if they experienced the same problem in the past. 3) Great idea to help educate! Everyone should be aware and not be afraid to interfere! Everyone, not every female, not every male, EVERYONE! Personally, I have interfered a few times, some of which I was wrong and she was fine. But I would rather be safe than sorry (granted, my daughter had experienced issues, so I may be one that is more sensitive to this)
OK, but how about the other guy's daughter. Doesn't she deserve to be protected, too? Protest loudly. Be a 'jerk', 'no fun', 'that guy'. (Yeah, I've heard all those excuses and a lot more.)
Load More Replies... I am surprised, I thought there were rules about not placing a kid travelling alone next to an unknown man in flight.
That would be impossible, since each passenger makes a seat reservation for themselves. Unless you're travelling in a group and choose seats next to each other, you never know who's gonna be seated next to you. And it would be unfair and stupid to just assume by people's looks and relocate immediately (immagine the hurtful accidents families would need to face by such an approach).
Load More Replies... Recently, at the beach, I watched two sketchy men walking in front of me, when their eyes stopped on a mother and daughter who were tentatively walking into the water. I could tell by their expressions and mannerisms that they were discussing the two women. Sure enough, they passed the women, and walked into the water next to them. I got up from my chair (I'm a woman also), walked/ran to the water, went up to the two ladies and said "Hi, I'm here to prevent some unwelcome visitors." They both turned, looked at the men, and whispered "Thank you!" The men, once I entered the conversation with the ladies, turned and high-tailed it out of there. Watch your fellow women and act!
females get harassed all the time either on transport or in the street, wherever. Most of us keep quiet so as not to make a scene and frightened of any repercussions, when we are young... However as a mature woman I no longer put up with any nonsense. i.e. Toronto airport passport check out. Guy behind the counter mentioned the size of my boobs. I went around to give him a piece of my mind but noticed he was disabled and sitting on a stool. I figured he had enough problems and let it go..
I think most women have been harassed whilst travelling and just keep quiet as to not make a scene. However a few years ago I was in Toronto airport going through security when one of the staff mentioned my big boobs. I went around the counter to give him a piece of my mind when I noticed he was disabled and sitting on a stool. I decided against saying anything and walked out...
It's pathetic to see a man drooling around an adult woman who doesn't want any attention of that kind, but to see an adult man drooling around a minor is disgusting. We should always be alert to stand for each other. Thank you for protecting that girl in the name of all of us who have kids.
I just have to say that @giajordan, in the comments listed in the post, said the most ignorant thing. Generalized and sweeping statements like hers are just as much a problem as the behavior being depicted...I'm male but when flying alone as a teenager, I had a man who followed me through the Dallas airport during a layover. He followed me into a bathroom and tried to come into a stall with me. I kicked him and ran but never reported it because I was scared and confused. Creeps are going to be creeps and everyone needs to be able to recognize them and hopefully, be willing to help.
I always watch out for other kids and other ladies. I was never taught to be deferential to men or if they were trying to teach me, it went in one ear and out the other. I have so many friends who have been victims of sexual harassment or sexual assault or just plain creeps on trains and buses. An old dude in tennis shirt and shorts gets on the PHX train from the airport. I was coming home from a business networking event. I was not looking directly at him but out of the corner of my eye, I see him staring hard at me and hes fondling his junk (not in that quick scratch way either). I was grossed out and then I was FURIOUS. I did not look at him but I clenched my fist and flexed my bicep. He quickly stopped. I didnt know if that would work but I am glad it did. Dudes, leave kids and women alone on or near transportation. Doesn't traveling suck enough as it is?
Thanks to the columnist for keeping track of this situation, but SHE HAD A ROW TO HERSELF. Invite the teen to join her and get away from him.
I'm 71 so not at much danger of being "creeped" , or so I thought. However I play Scrabble and Words with Friends on line. My photo shows up so opponents know what I look like. I get offers to play from strangers. That should be no problem. The women never try to converse, but the men always do! It starts with a simple hi, then proceeds to get too personal. I once acused one of them of being in a "creep club". He proclaimed innocence, then disappeared from the game. It happens with every man I play these games with.
This type of behaviour is definitely unacceptable, as simple as that. However, I must warn people not to take this awareness-raising campaign to the extreme, as this might do more harm than harassment itself. In my country, a woman has infinitely better chances of success suing a man for sexual harrasment. Often, a simple statement of harassment without sound evidence is good enough to put a man behind bars for years. Some women exploit this to gain money (staging themselves or worse, their teenage daughters, as victims). So "normal" men actually become unwilling to help out a kid or a teenage girl who seems in trouble out of fear of being prosecuted. You even have to avoid riding in the same elevator with a girl, because who knows what her mother would tell her to tell the police afterwards. So nowadays I'm even more scared of my own daughter left without help in a crititcal situation than being harassed.
It's good to be aware of this, and I'm glad the women took care of the situation. On a side-note: Please stop using the term "predator" for people like these guys. Humans are predators in that we hunt and kill animals for food. Wolves are predators. They are not evil or immoral. "Predator" is too tame of a word for people like these and is in no way accurate. I know it's common to use the word "predator" and it has bugged me since the media made it a common mis-use of the word. Defy the idiot media and call these people what they are: pedophiles, abusers, etc.
I'm a male. I walked into my friend's office and walked past the attractive young woman working for him. I spoke, she spoke. She recognizes me and knows I am her employer's good friend. Speaking to him, in the way we do (and we are both straight and married to women) I said, "How's tricks, sweetheart?" Before he answered, she said that all was normal, etc. I stopped as it took a second to realize she thought I spoke to her. I told her that my male friend is whom I called sweetheart and I emphatically explained that I would NEVER speak to her or any female in that manner. I appreciated that she did not blow up but told her she had every right to do so. I explained that nobody has the right to address her in that manner. She has a name and a title but most importantly, she is a human that deserves common decency. It was a little uncomfortable for us both, I imagine but I hope she took my meaning to heart and will never stand for being addressed in a condescending manner.
Men --- look at the seating. Is the lone female sitting with family or is she flying alone? Listen to the conversation. Should the conversation be something you would not want your wife, daughter to experience, contact the steward. See if other passengers have the same feeling for what is happening.
I think the men did not respond partly because she was polite and friendly (at least at first) which is what we are taught to be as women. They took that as assent. When I was younger, I had several occasions where some guy out and out told me that they thought I was "into them" because I smiled and was nice to them. Ugh!
About 7 years ago I was stuck on a tarmac (delay) on my way back from O'Hare, and had the misfortune to be in the middle seat. The guy at the window was talking on his phone and gesturing nonstop; at one point he had his arms over his head and brought his elbow down hard on my head. I pushed his arm away and he glared at me and said to the person on the phone, "oh sorry, this b***h next to me interrupted me." I was like, WTF. I"m in my 40s and was wearing a business suit. No one around me said or did anything in my defense. Now mind you this was not creepy per se, just incredibly disrespectful. I did change seats which also angered me because he got more room that way.
I am a man. That some man was a creep doesn't make me feel ashamed to be a man - it is not news that some men are creeps. But that not one *other* man of 100+ on the plane stood up and defended this (literal!) damsel in distress, now, *that* makes me ashamed to be a man.
I, white-haired 65-yr-old woman sitting on the subway one evening, reading, became a chaperone to an attractive young woman who sat next to me. A young man took the seat ahead and turned toward us, grinning at her but not speaking, while she, pointedly ignoring him, started reading the paper. He had clearly been hitting on her before she got on the train and sat next to me. He kept on giving her this ingratiating grin without saying anything, while she continued to ignore him. I had to get off the train before she did but I was happy to have been briefly of assistance, however passively.
I guess i was different as a teen because I would've told that man to f**k off. As an adult I would've said keep his mouth shut or I will break all 206 bones in his body with a ball bat
The guy is obviously a creep and Ms Chiu did the right thing. However, I'm confused by her need to virtue signal about how great she is for doing it and why she is so needy for these pats on the back from internet strangers for being one of the "good guys". The reward of her own actions being appreciated by the young girl and the crew of the plane should be enough. But oh no, we need 20 "Look at me" tweets so we all know how great she is. No, thanks.
I nice how Miss Joanna Chiu seems to characterize all men as perverted and uncaring in her tweets. It is good that she stepped in on this incident, but was the young girl really a underage teen? Too many times people try and play like they are a police officer, and create more problems.
How about you go back to the stone age if you can't handle the modern one?
Load More Replies... Some men DON’T care. Many refuse to say anything if they do notice.
Load More Replies... Good story. Too bad it's not true. Some people are so desperate for attention.
Load More Replies... This story is Canadian. Canadians can speak both French and English.
Load More Replies... "Also, for every woman that has a story about a man being inappropriate there is a story about a man who was accused of doing something wrong and didn't." This is AMAZINGLY false! Amazing. I literally know ONE man who has been falsely accused of anything. Every. Single. Woman. I know has a story like this one. That's not to say anyone ever being falsely accused is okay, but you're so incredibly wrong it's almost painful. Please ask the women in your life if anything like this has happened to them. Then ask the men you know who among them has been falsely accused of anything. I'm certain you'll see your statement is incorrect.
Load More Replies... What he did was sexual harassment to a minor. She also may have known what to do but was too frightened. She thought she would have to stay by the creep for several hours, so she would not want to provoke him.
Load More Replies... He was a creep and she did the right thing. Don’t make excuses.
Load More Replies... Oh, ffs, NOBODY is blaming all men!!! The journalist pointed out that she recognized the behaviour immediately because she was once a teenage girl. I guarantee that almost every woman on the planet had this experience at least once - and mostly far more than once - when she was between the ages of 12 and 18. The simple fact is, a creep will harass every single young girl he comes across. So while he might be part of a tiny minority of men, the number of young women that he affects will be in the dozens.
Load More Replies... Sure, all the women have just gotten together to make up these stories just to make you look bad. You got your tinfoil hat on?
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