We're guessing that many boys and men alike would love to know exactly how to tell if a girl likes you. Now, we could give you some tips and pointers on that, but sadly, it's not so simple with the girls. The foxy ladies like to include some subtle hints into sending signs that she likes you. And the signs themselves can be so faint that misinterpreting them could lead to all sorts of disaster. But even when a woman tries to make her intentions as clear as they possibly can, some guys just don't know how to take a hint, no matter how obvious that hinting might be. Check out these funny stories of missed and mixed signals to see what we mean.
The texts contain some of the funniest examples of women trying - and failing - to seduce oblivious members of the opposite sex. Have you also tried going after someone but they were oblivious to your intentions? Or maybe you have just realized how blind you were and couldn't spot someone's delicate hints in trying to seduce you? If so, share your stories below and don't forget to upvote your favorite ones!
Cover Image: senshistock
In high school I walked into a classroom and a very attractive girl that was an acquaintance at most came up to me and said "djw, did you know that Rodrigo and I broke up?"
I said, "oh, sorry to hear that," and went on my way.
Then I spent the rest of the day and night thinking about that. Why the hell would SHE tell me that? Why they hell would she tell ME that? Why was she smiling when she told me that?
The next time I saw her, I asked her what she was doing that weekend and she said, "nothing, do you want to go to a movie?" And that was the moment that I realized what was happening. And I wound up getting a date out of it.
And eventually, a family.
I was living with my then-boyfriend a few years ago. Feeling a little flirtatious, I suggested we could take a shower together, you know, to save water, wink wink.
His response? "Why? We don't pay for water."
Girl kisses me in the dark in her bedroom at her birthday party. "You should leave before we do something stupid," she whispers. I nod and leave.
Can I say one I was oblivious to?
I was out of town, chatting to a girl at a bar. We figured out I was 13 inches taller than her. She said, "That's funny, I'm going on a date with a guy who is 13 inches taller than me tomorrow. And I'll probably f*ck him after."
My response? "Well, that's a weird coincidence!"
I didn't figure it out until I was on a plane home.
Early interaction with my boyfriend-
Me: "That suit looks great on you. It would look better on the floor."
Him: "That would wrinkle the suit."
"Hey, there's room in my tent if you want to join me"
"Thanks, but I brought my own tent!"
And that's the story of why my friends think I'm socially retarded
Watching TV in my living room at roughly 2am, in the dark
Her: applying strawberry lip gloss.
Me: why are you putting on lip gloss?
Her: strawberry lip gloss tastes so nice.
Me: haha youre weird
Her: want to taste?
Me: nah I already know what it tastes like
Commence several years of late night self loathing and regret
Girl: Are you going to that party?
Me: Yeah for a little bit. Probably gonna be boring.
Girl: Yeah...was thinking of just staying in.
Me: Probably a good plan.
Girl: So yeah...I'll just be here tonight. Roommates are gone.
Me: Sounds nice; my roommates never leave.
Girl: Ok. So. I'll be here all alone in my apartment. If the party sucks.
Me: Very good.
One time I was texting my bf and told him that I bought a vibrator for the nights he was away at work or something rather. his exact response was, "oh cool, what colour?" I sent him a pic of it and he replied with "can you put it up your butt too?". I sent him a text replying, "come over and find out" and he replied two minutes later, "nevermind, I just Googled it"
A few years ago I was working at my elementary school's annual spring fling. That day I volunteered to be the school mascot(a big-ass bear costume) for the morning shift. It was a boring job of feeling like a pedophile the whole time because little kids would hug you constantly and be all over you. They were at just the perfect height for every kid's face to be just in your crotch. It was nearing noon and my shift was soon to be over when a girl my age, 17, stole the bear head right from my own head and ran away with it. I wasn't gonna pay for a damn bear head if she didn't return it, so I ran after her and followed her into an empty classroom with the lights off and the shudders shut tightly. She said something like "oh looky here, mr papa bear, I'm holding your head, I'm a bad girl" I was pissed she took it and wasn't thinking so I, being oblivious to her remark, took the head yelled "THE CHILDREN NEED ME" and stormed out.
I was staying the night at a female friend's house. I had a huge crush on her and it was the first night sleeping in the same bed.
Her: Just so you know, jeans aren't allowed in my bed. You have to take them off.
Me: Hahaha that's a dumb rule keeps them on
That one still stings
Oh my god my friend fits this sign completely.
He was working on his doctorate in some science, I think physics and he was very busy, I had only seen him once in the past few weeks and he was always with this girl who was really cool.
They would hang out a lot while he would do research and she would do work for her masters' thesis, would text each other every day and also they would once a week go out to burger king (poor college students and have stuff from the dollar menu). It was pretty clear that they dug each other as they seemed to be very similar and were both very interesting.
They had met when he was finishing up his doctoral work and so I asked him what he planned to do. Well he said that he planned on asking her out.
Now this confused me, as I had thought they had been dating for roughly the last six months, so I ask him if they've ever hooked up. And he's like yeah every time she comes over and they sleep in the same bed roughly 5 nights out of the week. Do you go out with her? He took her to burger king. Do you really enjoy talking to her? Yeah I'm glad we talk all the time and stuff. And I say "Dude this sounds suspiciously close to a relationship".
And he goes "Oh that explains this then". She had sent him a text saying "happy 6 months baby!! :D". Even after this he still wasn't sure. So yes my friend is retarded. They are still together to this day.
A girl once asked to use my shower, and left the door wide open as an invitation. So I thought I'd be a funny guy and throw ice cubes at her.
Me: I think you're really cute and I like you. A lot.
Him:.... uh, thanks.
Accepting this unrequited crush, I decided I was happy being friends with him.
3 months down the line he spent hours comforting me after a disastrous night and then finally confessed he had feelings for me, going back 6 months. When I asked why he didn't say anything when I told him my feelings "but I wasn't sure you liked me"
That was 4 years ago, he's still as cute and dense now, and is fast asleep next to me.
Girl: Mind if we go somewhere a little more quiet to talk?
Me: Its not that noisy in here, just tell me here.
I'm a certified dumbass.
She told me she likes tall, muscular, hairy guys.
A few days later she asked me why guys don't pick up on hints.
I'm a tall, muscular, hairy guy.
We're dating now.
I'm a guy, and a friend weaseled her way over to watch a movie at my place with me. I didn't think too much of it.
We were happily watching a movie, then another. Me on my side of the couch, her on her side.
After the second movie, she just looked over at me and said out loud, "oh f*ck it"
At that point, she literally just jumped me.
and, as clever as I am, that's the moment I realized she was interested in me... when she was on top of me removing her clothes.
I'm pretty quick sometimes.
My current boyfriend and I started out in this weird friends that flirt stage. I was trying to find a way to get him to make a move. One very hot evening (middle of august) we were sitting in his backyard with a few of our friends drinking beer. I sat on the SAME lawn chair as him, kind of wiggled in, and said "I'm cold".
He left me alone in the chair and proceeded to build a giant fire. It took like an hour. When he was finished making the fire he sat back down in a DIFFERENT lawn chair.
This girl was sitting with our group of boys and saying "if I was to get with one of you, it would be you [my name]" And I was just like "Ah thanks very much, very kind of you to say that"
I've posted this before, but I had a huge crush on the girl who lived next door to me in high school. Was texting her one night, and she told me that she always wanted to be kissed in the rain. Some short time later she told me to meet her in her driveway and I said something along the lines of "What are you crazy?! It's pouring outside!"
When I was in Senior in High School during prom season, there was this girl in most of the classes I was attending. We were good friends, we had much in common, we were at the top of our class. Also, I thought she was cute. One day she and her friend approaches me during lunch.
Girl: Hey, don't you wanna ask me something?
Me: ...........I don't know, what?
[She and her friend gives each other a look]
Girl: Are you going to prom?
Me: I'm not sure, I don't have anyone to to with.
I didn't get the hint until years after. But I did end up going to prom with the fellas. I'm a fool.
In high school I sat next to a very quiet guy that I liked and whenever I was cold I made my arm touch his. He would never move but never talked to me other than to ask about class. Ten years later I messaged him on Facebook asking about the reunion and jokingly asked him to be my date. He said sure why not. We've been married for year next month. He said he didn't remember me from high school.
Ok. At 17 I met this girl and she said come over. Let's hang out. It's 2am. We hang out near her house. And at 3 am, she's like. "Let's go upstairs and have some coffee"
I said "no. I'm good. I'm tired. This was fun. Let's do it again ok?" And just left. She never responded to me again.
At 31. I was in a diner with a few friends and they were talking about how we missed signals. I started to laugh and.. it hit me. Holy shit she wanted sex. God damn it.
Her: Let's hang out after school, nobody is going to be at my house
Me: Ok cool
Drive her home and hang out with her.
Her: Hey I have a finished attic I like to hang out in and watch movies
Me: Ok cool
Go in the attic where a couch, sheets on the floor, and a TV on a stand are chilling. Turn on some random movie and she proceeds to cuddle on me.
Her: So what do you want to do?
Me: Idk random chatter about movie
Her: My last boyfriend couldn't last more than 2 minutes with me. No guy has actually.
Me: Oh I could do better than that
Her: Oh yeah? ;)
Me: random chatter about movie
On a trip with a high school sport team, I had a huge crush on a girl on the team. Long story short we start making out in the hotel in a crowded room. She says we should go back to her room because she forgot something. We go back, she sprawls on the bed. I proceed to get on my hands and knees to look for the thing she forgot. We never had sex.
Had a girl I was dating in high school, we were macking on my bed and I started kissing her neck. She says "stop that makes me horny" but in a playful way. Youngster me was like woah no rape from I
One day shortly before my husband returned home from work I stripped down and put on one of his button up shirts, jumped in to bed, sat all sexy like and waited for him to get home. He gets home and walks in to the bedroom. Boom! Naked wife with her boobs hanging out of your shirt, I thought I was being obvious.
Nope. He lays in bed next to me, talks about his day and looks to be getting ready for a nap. I thought, "Oh, maybe he's super tired. I'll catch him after his nap." I jump out of bed, but some pants and a shirt on and go down the hallway to fold laundry.
Not but a couple minutes later my husband comes running down the hallway before coming to screeching halt in front of me, he's doing his best to be smooth with a hint of awkward. He didn't realize I was initiating sexy time at all. He pulled out all his best moves and dragged me back in to the bedroom.
After a conversation with my boyfriend about not being obvious enough when trying to initiate sex, I decided to entice him by posing naked on the corner of the bed and seductively whispering "Hey, you" as he walked in the room.
His reaction? He walks in the room, gives me a bro nod, and says, "Hey, babe! I gotta poop."
We did NOT end up having sex that night.
Well, when I was in high school a bunch of us went swimming at a local park. While there a girl kept messing with me, splashing me etc. Later we went to a friends house and I grabbed my clothes to change in a bedroom. That girl wanted to "help me change my clothes". I told her that I was totally capable of changing my own clothes! Can anyone here out naive that?
We were married two full years before I finally understood that if she took a bath at night I was going to get some. Watched a lot of baseball while she lay sparkling clean in bed alone.
My then-not-boyfriend and I were waiting at the train station on my train home; he would leave with the bus after it arrived. My train came and I thought 'f*ck it' and kissed my then-not-boyfriend on the mouth. Immediately after, I jumped on the train, on which the doors then closed. I didn't see his reaction nor felt it so I sat pretty anxious on the train, thinking I ruined it all. About 5 minutes later, I got a text saying:
'That was meant as a friends kiss, right?'
Lol, bless his heart.
I knew this girl for a year and had kinda had feelings for her the whole time. We got close for a few weeks and one time I'm watching some films at hers. It gets late and I start to head out, she says "I don't want you to go".
Thinking she was just feeling lonely or whatever I follow her upstairs and we get in bed... and do nothing. Lights go out, we start going to sleep. I'm sitting there the whole time thinking "damn, I wish I had the balls to make a move" but don't.
Then she sits up, takes her top off in a way I couldn't possibly miss, and lies down again. Still, I don't get that SHE'S trying to make moves on ME.
10 minutes later she finally gives up and just kisses me. She mocked me about this for months after.
"You know I'm single right?"
I was coming back home and I was at the bag pickup. This really cute girl and I started talking. The conversation was about how she was just visiting Miami and really didn't know where to go. After a while we realized that we were the only two people who haden't gotten their bags cause we were at the wrong conveyor. After some joking and a trip to the baggage claim we got our bags and stayed there talking for a bit. My mom called me telling me that she was outside. I said I had to go and I saw a small look of confusion/frown on her face. I got into the car and then it hit me: she wanted me to show her around town, duh. I just look at my mom and said, "you have raised the biggest idiot on the planet" and she called me gay once I told her the story.
A girl once shyly approached me at a friend's house and said, "So, I think I need to learn how to give blowjobs. I think I might just, you know, ask a male friend to be a, you know, a test subject. And give me feedback." I said, "Huh, okay," and then I played Settlers of Catan for four hours.
Last summer I was doing my best to seduce who is my current boyfriend. We were going swimming at a friend's house, and while they were changing into their bathing suits in the house, me and him make our way to the pool.
I take advantage of this moment to strip in front of him, as sensual as possible. (Bathing suit was underneath my clothes.)
He runs past me, full sprint, and cannonballs into the pool.
Freshmen year of college, a girl gave me a mix-tape for my birthday (yes I'm old.) The first song was "Why don't we do it in the road?" I didn't ask her out for another 3 months, because I am stupid.
She is now my wife :)
I started talking to a guy who was behind on Game Of Thrones. So I offered to give him my HBO password so we could watch it at his place, thinking it would be a good excuse to hang out. He ends up marathoning the show without me. We're dating now, but he sure as hell not watch season 7 without me
Texting him every day: he thought I was doing it in a friendly manner. Calling him cute names: he though I was kidding. Asking him to judge my outfits: he didn't think nothing of it. Making bets with him, the loser had to have something done which always revolved around sex: just joking.
I had to tell him I would have liked to have sex with him when I was tipsy, for him to realize I liked him. In the end I'm glad I've had something to drink that day, or we wouldn't have been together for 7 years
I had a girl literally just explicitly say she liked me and wanted to date and I assumed she was joking. She was not.
I'm the guy whose head it went over. After my first real date ever (though at the time I wasn't sure if it was a date) when I was 19 at the movies, I took her home. I offer to walk her to her door like a sir. When we're up there she tells me I didn't have to do that and I reply with something like "Well, sometimes I like to pull out the old school/traditional moves". She turns away from the key in her door, takes a slight step towards me, and says "Well, do you know any more of those traditional moves"...I f*cking bow, tip my f*cking hat, and f*cking say some corny shit like "I had a lovely time tonight, madam". I didn't realize what I'd missed until I was halfway home and I scared the people beside me at the light because I was screaming at the top of my lungs and pounding the dashboard. Telling that story still makes me mad at myself all these years later.
I was sent a picture of a "halloween" outfit. When i look back and think.. She was just in a bra. I responded with "you'll be cold". Woops.
In high school a girl I walked home with regularly asked me to go to her house to hang out. When we were sitting on her couch, she said that her parents wouldn't be home for hours and asked if there were any 'games' that I've always wanted to play with a girl... My reply was "I dunno, maybe Tekken or something".. So we played Tekken. On her couch. Alone. For two hours.
Spent the night at a particular guy's house for the first time. Told him I don't like sleeping alone at a strange house, which is mostly true. I kind of get freaked out in the dark. He set me up on his futon and made me a playlist of really comforting music. It was really sweet of him, and honestly I slept really well. The next morning I woke him up in his bed and he asked if all along I wanted to sleep in his bed. I laughed a little :)
Also we've been dating for awhile now.
She ordered an ice-cream cone, 'accidentally' smeared it on her cheek, and asked me to get it off. I grabbed the last napkin and wiped it off. Persistent as ever, she 'accidentally' smears ice-cream on her other cheek and politely informs me that I can get it off with my mouth, given our napkin deficit. I just said, "Nah, I hate strawberry", and used my dry elbows to get it off.
In hindsight, I should have used my shirt.
Texted a guy I work with "so what are you up to tonight?" as a prelude to asking if he wanted to get drinks or something. Instead of texting he calls me and says "Why, what's going on??" Thought I was about to hand him some work-related emergency. "Haha, no I was just wondering." "Oh okay, thank god! Haha bye." Hangs up the phone.
"No, but... I was... you... never mind."
Hey, computer store guy, the best response to "Hey, let me have your number so we can study at my place sometime" is not to roll your eyes and say "Oh yeah, because you're so much smarter than me. I don't need help! I'm fine."
Though watching your co-worker silently lose his shit in the background was reward enough for that interaction.
Girl invited me upstairs for coffee after a date. I replied with something very similar to:
" No thanks, I don't like coffee. It keeps me up."
It wasn't until I was watching Seinfeld later that I realized I have the dating skills of George Costanza.
This is a hint a girl dropped for me:
Girl: "hey ;)" Me: "hi" Girl: "I'm home alone, wanna come over?" Me: "uh it's sort of cold out" Girl: "oh"
Didn't even think about it until i was laying in bed that night
I worked the overnight shift at a hotel one summer. Worked with a gorgeous blonde. One Friday night, I came in as her shift was ending. "Your backup called in sick, so you'll be here by yourself," she said. "Okay," I replied. "Would you like me to stick around for a couple of hours? I hate to leave you all alone on a weekend night." "No, that's fine!" This went back and forth a few times, and then she gave me a big smile. "StuporCollider, I don't think you understand. I really want to stay." I smiled. "Okay, thanks!" Then I went and balanced the credit card receipts.
Oh my god, they literally pulled me on top of them. We were together visiting a friends house, and she walked in to his bedroom and I followed after, so she turned around and grabbed me by the tie then literally pulled me down on top of her on the bed. So what do I do? Get up and apologize.
I'm a guy and I've told this story before but I must again to make clear how oblivious we are:
Met this girl through my (female) best friend. Her and I became friends due to our mutual love of movies. She's come by most evenings and we'd chill, smoke a jernt and watch foreign films, work through the Criterion collection or catch some underground cult classics...she'd often stay well into the night and sleep over. Often in my room with me.
This went on for a long while and then one day she just disappeared, cut off FB and everything -- gone. I knew I did nothing so I figured "life change" and went on....
Flash forward to years later/last year-ish...I'm on the phone with my best friend and make some joke about 'Netflix and Chill' to her, she says "THATS WHAT ******* SPENT MONTHS TRYING TO DO WITH YOU"...I swear I didn't know until that moment and worst part is, I was head over heels for that girl.
Asked a guy for his number after a Meetup. Went on a date with him that he didn't realize was a date until his friend that we ran into texted him to apologize for crashing it. Currently sitting on the couch next to him, 3 years later, looking at dogs that are available for adoption. He eventually caught on.
Went on a date with a girl and she asked if I wanted to come back to hers and stay over. I thought it was perfect as I had work in the morning and she lived right around the corner. I literally got into her bed, said good night, turned over and went to sleep. About a year later something reminded me of that night and the penny dropped. What a f*cking idiot.
Girl at work is standing in front of the door I need to walk through with her back turned to me. I say "excuse me" and wait for her to move. Instead of stepping to the side, she drops her pen, and literally digs her ass into my crotch. I'm talking sliding the weenie between the buns here. Didn't think anything of it.
Couple days later she's like "Hey gshock37, some of us from work are going to the bar later, but I need a date. Know anyone who wants to go?"
My response: Hmm, not off the top of my head.
Yeah, I'm not suave.
After many moons of trying get this guy in bed I straight up humped his leg in an act of horny desperation. He thought it was hilarious. Years later he asked me why we never hooked up.
Edit: some clarification
We were making out on his couch at the time. I didn't just attack him and try to f*ck his leg.
We were leaving the beach, and I decided to try the change the suit under the towel trick. Keeping eye contact, I told him if I messed up and flashed him, I hope he likes what he sees. He promply turned around to give me privacy. I kissed him later that night-he got that one ;)
Oh so many. Just hints of like "It's getting late, you should stay over" and I respond with "Nah, I really like my bed."
Or getting a text at 3AM from a girl who said her bed was freezing and if only there was someway for it to heat up. I recommended a jumper.
I'll tell you, a lot of hints are missed when you are just f*cking tired.
I was married, and wanted to make life a little mor excited. So when he came home from work I stood in the hallway naked, with a rose between my theeth. He opened the door, looked and me and said: Have you swallowed the vase?
Well there was one time i did not get the hint.
I was walking home from school with a girl, and all of a sudden she kiss me and asks me if i want to come home with her because her parents were not home.
I said no because i had to get home in time to watch Rex Hunt's Fishing Adventures
.. i have a pole in my living room. so one day i dressed like a school girl and waited for my boyfriend to get home. he walks in and i started doing some pole tricks and he literally walked past me into the bedroom to change.. i was like 'uh hellllooooo im trying to f*ck' and he said 'oh i just thought you were dressed like that'.
he kinda killed it.
Me: "I really wanna try to sleep with a tall girl, see how it's like."
Attractive Girl: "Well, I'm 6 feet 2" (I'm about 5 feet 8)
Me: "Nah, I was thinking about 7 feet tall"
Still haunts me.
One of the bustiest, beautiful and smartest girls I've met in my life leans up against a nearby car and tells me "You should ask me out."
Never did. Only after she started acting angry at me did I realize she had a crush on me the whole time.
A friend (now boyfriend of 7 years) asked what I wanted to do that night. I said "you". He didn't even seem to register what I had said. He was like we should go see x movie.
We were seeing a movie together and she said she was cold. I said "yeah it's pretty chilly" and did nothing. Later she said it again, pretty obvious what she wanted. I proceeded to give her my jacket to put around her.
I'm a practical man.
I gave a girl a lift home from a date one night and she invited me in for "Coffee", I declined. My excuse being that it was late and I would not be able to sleep. That night I couldn't sleep, because I was up all night kicking myself once I'd realised what "Coffee" really meant!
Had a crush on my male bf. To start, I used to flirt with him (he'd flirt too), turned up to support him at a charity sport event he took part in when none of his friends did, went to his place for movie marathons, play-fight, and had cinema trips every weekend. Nothing from him. Nothing! So I gave up and decided our friendship was more than enough. I dialed back the flirting and just relaxed.
It took him a year and a half to figure it out. We're now engaged. Apparently patience does pay off!
When me and my fiance were in high school we were "best friends", which of course meant I was too big of a chicken to tell him how I really felt. Well, my move was to always take the seat in front of him and purposely have my thong showing while we had lectures. This went on for all the classes we had together, and we had a lot. I finally had to confess how I felt to him before he left our home town for college after three years of this game. It turns out he was a chicken too. He said those four years were the biggest tease imaginable, it's hilarious to talk about now.
I attempted to low key ask him to prom. Had to be cool about it you know. Nice and smooth. My phrasing was something along the lines of, "Maybe you and I should go to prom together. It'd be more fun than going alone." His response was just "yeah maybe" before he walked away.
I took this as a rejection and immediately ceased all my other genius attempts at flirting such as hugging, touching his hair, letting him carry my bag to the bus (he just kind of did it? I never made him and it became a daily routine for us), smiling at him and other such things. I thought I was so subtle but almost everyone knew. I found out years later that he honestly had been clueless and the reason he had grown kind of distant with me is he thought I didn't like him back.
Oh god, I've got this one.
My buddy was dating a girl and we all went out to a bar, she brought a friend too (her roommate). Naturally the friend and I are talking and hitting it off. Later we all go back to their place and my buddy and the girl he's dating go up to her room. The friend invites me to hers.
Now I'm going to stop right here for a moment. I was 21 and a lot less experienced than I am now (29). Now that we have that caveat in place, let's continue.
So we go up to her room and we're making out in her bed (clothes on), there's a little hand wandering but nothing major. She pulls away for a second and looks me in the eye and asks "Are you big?". I reply "You tell me". So she grabs my dick through my jeans and starts basically giving me a handy. We start making out again and then she pulls back and says "Well I won't really know until you're inside me". Now in my retarded f*cking brain this meant, ok she is undecided until at some point in the future if she decides she wants to sleep with me, but that time is definitely not now.
We continue making out, but no clothes come off. My buddy and I leave the next day. I never sleep with her. This sequence of events doesn't strike me as odd, until YEARS later for some reason I am just walking somewhere random and the nights events pop into my head.
My prom date: "You could come see my room after we leave."
Her: "Oh never mind, forgot to clean it."
I still think about it once in a while and facepalm just as hard every time.
There was a girl i really liked when i was younger but never had the nerve to make a move. She slept over my house one time, in my bed. At one point she told me she was cold, so i went snd got her another blanket being the gentleman that i am. 12 years later via facebook she told me she was hinting that she wanted to have sex with me but i blew it. She is still super hot as well. Shame.
My fiance and I were chatting on FB Messenger near the start of our relationship and it went something like this:
Him: I haven't had sex in 2 years
Me: That's quite a streak, I'd hate to mess it up ;)
Him: Yeah it's been awhile
I then lured him into a hotel, f*cked his brains out, and now we're getting married.
Me: "Wow your muscles are super impressive!"
Him: "Yeah I work out at such and such gym you should check it out.
Me:"I mean I'm already checking you out, but sure I'll give it a try."
Him:" Okay see ya around"
I sat on his lap and I put his arms around my waist, rested my head on his shoulder and held onto his hands. He still had no idea I liked him
A lifetime ago in high school the extremely cute exchange student from Spain sort of cornered me and started asking questions about an upcoming school dance. What is it like? Is it fun? Are you going with anyone?
Ynez, if you're out there, I'm sorry. I'm a dope.
I was left home alone for a week during spring break when I was 17. I invited my friends over everyday and they came and went as they pleased. My best friend (female) and I went swimming and got into a conversation about sex with each other. Later that day everyone came to my house and we watched movies on netflix until about 2:30-3:00 ish in the morning. As they left I headed to bed and hear the door close. Next thing I know my best friend got in bed with me and asked can we cuddle so she can stay warm. We sleep and I wake up to our lips touching. I got out of bed and made breakfast. After she ate and left my house I got a text from her saying verbatim "why didn't you have sex with me I've been horny all week"
Me: "Do you want to f*ck?"
Me: "Do you want to f*ck?"
Him: [Pause.] "Yes."
We continued to make out. We had sex three months later. Maybe he thought it was more of a rhetorical question?
Walked a girl home because I had a huge thing for her and because that's what gentleman should do for ladies at night. Got to her door and she said I should see her room because she just decorated it and tells me all about it. I just nod and say it sounds really cool. She leans against the wall next to the door and just keeps talking to me, occasionally bringing up the room. Again I'm not taking the hint that I should move with her to the room. She starts playing with the hood strings on my hoodie, pulling them closer to her. I'm actually putting up resistance instead of just going in for the kiss. Finally she pulls really hard and I pull back and lose my footing and almost fall. We talk a little bit more, she brings up her room. I say something stupid like "Oh I'll have to see it next time I come over". She goes inside, I walk back across campus and realize what an idiot I am. I tell my friend about it and he literally smacks the shit out of me. She ended up having to kiss me a week later before I finally got the hint.
Had a friend do something like this. Some hot girls outside a bar wanted him to take their picture with his phone as they were leaving so one of them said "lemme give you my number so you can text it to me." He smiled and said "oh I can just use your phone." Which he did and then realized a week later his mistake.
Not a lady, but I had this girl visit me and sleep with me in the same bed on four different occasions...from half across the country.
I thought we were just friends.
Ten years later I was taking a shit and it dawned on me that she didn't travel across the country just to sleep ffs.
I feel bad for the girl now, because I was really into her too.
In college, I had a lot of crazy, curly hair. This girl in one of my classes started chatting me up, and said, "You have good hair. Whenever I see guy with good hair like that, I like to imagine grabbing on to it when he's going down on me."
I was all, like, "Oh, that's interesting."
I told my boyfriend to get naked and he responded "YOU get naked" so I said "Okay. I will if you're nice to me ;) ". He laughed and went to sleep. Guess he didn't want to be nice ._.
I was a freshmen in highschool and I had one of those digital organizers and this super hot girl put her number in it and I asked her "Why would you put your number in there?" Her answer: "You know I'm single, right? You can use that number to call me." and I just responded with "ha ha, yeah, me too" and I never called her. Oyyyy vey.
"We can go up to my dorm and work on this homework together if you want ..."
"Nah, we can just do it in the dorm lounge over there. "
Still internally scream about this when it comes to mind.
Hitting on my now boyfriend of three years. I was complimenting him on how handsome he was and how he had beautiful eyes. I wanted a closer view of them so he texted me this creepy ass shot of his eyeball with his eye as widely opened as possible. He legitimately thought that's what I wanted. After our first date, I immediately started talking about potential future dates and how much fun I had with him. I stayed out so late that I missed my friends party. However, because I didn't hug him properly and asked to split the cost of the meal, he thought I wasn't actually interested.
I was at a party drinking with a guy I had a bit of a crush on. We were joking around and I told him to touch my boob, because he jokingly accused me of padding my bra (since they're quite large).
He DID touch them for a second, but then he just kept going on with the conversation. I figured he wasn't interested and I got over it.
I think he realized his mistake cause he always made it a point to like everything I post on facebook.
Girl next door: "Could you walk me home? I get nervous in the dark"
Me: "I can see your house from here, the lights are on. Just text me when you get inside"
Coulda had a sweet make out sesh in the bushes... multiple times.
In class a girl asked if we could study together for a minor quiz at her place.
A friend overhears and asks if he can join us, I say yes immediately before she can say anything.
She sends us her address and a time. I show up and she answers the door in a bikini. Nobody else at her place. She says she was sunbathing and asks me into her room while she changes. I look away to be polite and then make small talk once she's done.
My friend shows up 30 minutes later, turns out she told him that the study group started 30 minutes after what she told me.
Invited me to her house when her parents were out. Then asked if I wanted to see her room.
Stupid teenage me was more curious how the popcorn from the popcorn machine in the kitchen tasted.
Climbing up on top of my lap in a hot tub and taking off her top and kissing me.
Me: "Haha you're silly that's not how you swim"
In my defense I was really really drunk
I was at the school gym when a very attractive girl that I knew from classes got off the stair climber and came and talked to me. She wanted to know what she could do to make her butt more rounded. She precedes to turn and arch her back so I can judge her butt. I knew very little on the subjective but I told her the stair climber and squats seemed like a good idea. She then asked what I thought of it, the whole time presenting her backside to me. I say "Oh, it looks fine" She just stares into my eyes with back still arched. I basically give her "Welp, see ya later"
It didn't dawn on me for a few weeks she was hitting on me. She was well out of my league. I was single. I hate myself.
Dang it, story time from my perspective. Hindsight is 20/20.
At work with this girl, K. She comes over to my house a lot. Spends time watching TV, joking around, snacking. I think just having fun together as friends because
1) I have never been in a relationship before. (About 21 at the time)
2) I was raised in a super conservative Christian home.
Anyways, one day her best friend is hanging out with me and asking tons of questions about how I feel about K. "You two are spending a lot of time together, are you going to ask her out?" Of course i respond with how we are just friends, she shouldn't worry about it, blah blah, I am so bad at hints it's painful.
Fast forward a week or so. K is over at my house super late and decides she isn't going home, she will just sleep at my place. I insisted on sleeping on the couch. She was having none of it. I find a "compromise" and sleep in pajamas for the first time in 10+ years and sleep under the blanket but not the sheet, so we are not actually touching. She gets super cuddly, and I roll over and go to sleep.
A girl once told me that out of all the guys she knows I would be the only one she would date and I responded saying sweet
I was talking to a girl I hadn't seen since we were kids. It was around the time of schools having their proms/formals and stuff. I asked her if she was taking anyone, and she said "no, but I really want to go with someone" and smiled and looked at me. I literally said "oh, I hope you find someone" and brushed it off. Not exactly smooth.
I was at a Halloween Party dressed up as a piece of bacon when this girl walks up to me tells me she wants my bacon. I was pretty drunk at this point and trying to find my friends so we could leave. When I finally got home I realized how much of an idiot I was.
During a College Bowl tournament, I once opened a storage closet out of curiosity and a girl followed me in, grinning. "Look at the size of this thing! I can't believe we're in this room every week and never noticed it!" She nodded enthusiastically and said "I know! This place is bigger than my bedroom!" She sat down, smiling. "Quieter, too." My response: "Yeah, these dividing walls are surprisingly thick." I then walked out of the closet and pounded on the wall. I poked my head in. "Could you hear that? Ha! Well, I'm getting a Diet Coke."
Her: "No one has even asked me to homecoming!"
Me: "Yeah, me either. So what are you going to do?"
Her: "Well, I guess if no one is going to ask me... I'll probably just stay home."
Me: "That's probably what I'll end up doing too."
Her: "Yeah, so... it would be really nice to go though."
Me: "I agree, but oh well!"
Me: "Mind if I call you that night?"
Her: "Ummm, sure.. "
In highschool I invited my first boyfriend over at 1am, while my parents were out of town, to watch Balto. We watched the whole damn thing, he gave me a hug, and biked home. To be fair it's a pretty bitchin' movie.
"Hey, do you want a girlfriend?"
"Nah, I hate pretty much everyone here."
Holy f*ck I'm a dumbass.
I had a crush on my co-worker. At the company party I was really drunk and I told him that I liked him. His answer: "Thanks." As a shy girl, I didn't really planned this and I felt shame all over me. I couldn't look him in the eyes for weeks.. Now this guy is fast asleep next to me and he is not my boyfriend anymore. He proposed to me last years and I said YES!
I was 19, in the Army, had just found out I was pregnant, and VERY alone. I cried on the shoulder of a good friend (not the father), and he finally said, "Let's go see a movie, and forget about it, for awhile." During the movie he whispered, "You know this is a date, right?" and I laughed, and told him to stop making fun of me. Three months, and many dr's appt's and baby gear shopping trips later, I was still oblivious...right up until he asked me to marry him. 33 years last January.
A girl I'd been chatting with for a while asked to come back to my hotel room to see my music collection on my laptop.
So I took her back and showed her my music collection for 30 minutes. That's not a euphemism, I literally did that until she took pity on how clueless I was and basically jumped me.
I remember one time I was at a party talking to one of my friends who I really like. She started talking about her job which involved dressing up like a princess and being a children's party entertainer. I can't exactly remember how the conversation went down but I said "That must be a fun job." and she smiled and said "Yeah but we could use a prince charming" or something along those lines. I being a socially inept blockhead just said something like "Well there are lots of people looking for jobs these days." and went off to get some chips. I still can't believe how dumb I am was.
I was in a girls bedroom when she tells me that she is now on birth control so she can have sex anytime. I said" oh, thats nice" (facepalm)
One time, before my boyfriend and I were dating, we sat on a bench together and two things happened. First, I sat there then said I was cold and proceeded to rest me head on his shoulder and snuggle real close. No reaction. The second thing that happened was I ended up standing up and holding my hand out in a way to show I wanted to hold his hand. He ended up using it to help himself up. Clueless. I laughed it off and told him I meant we should hold hands. His look of realization was priceless.
My friend told me this. Once he was out with a group of friends to a movie, and then he commented how cold it was and this girl friend offered her hand and said, "you can hold my hand, it's warm."
He said, "oh no need, I should be fine soon."
Not a lady, but a girl once asked me ”so where are you sleeping tonight?", and I was just like "at home, I live 5 minutes away so that pretty sweet". And it was pretty sweet until the day after when my friend told me that I’m retarded
In high school, a girl asked me for a ride home from a football game one time, to which I agreed. She asked if I wanted to come in and see her room (I forget why this seemed like a normal thing), and that it wouldn't bother her parents because they weren't home.
So, I went in and had a tour of her house, then left. I was pretty pissed off when I figured it out a while later.
Not sure if this counts.
I was talking with a new friend on a full bus about a short clip where this kid is playing with his toy and the toy says," I don't like it when you touch my buttons like that". This cute girl walks over to us interrupts our laughter and says," but I do" while intensely looking into my eyes. Most awkward 10 seconds ever.
In my defense, I was a high school freshman, who grew into his weight over the summer. I thought girls still thought I was fat and ugly.
There's this cute boy at work (theme park, lots of people) who has literally NO CLUE. I flirted with him for about a year before he finally realized what was happening. We went on dates while he thought he didn't stand a chance. When I knew he was into me I couldn't kiss him because of horrible cold sores that lasted about a month. Finally he realized I liked him and came into the reception area (where I was working) to report lost property: his heart. Most romantic moment of my life!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my dorm for Netflix and chill. We watched Parks and Rec for two hours and then he went home without touching me once.
"Do you wanna hookup?"
When I showed up at his house he was actually surprised that I wanted to have sex with him. I literally said, "I just want to have sex with you, please stop talking."
My bf: Do you wanna sex? Sure?
Me: I have your penis in my hand for 15 minutes, what do you think?
My bf: oh nice!
I stripped completely naked, played sexy music and started rubbing his shoulders.
He didn't even turn around and just asked if I wanted to order pizza for dinner...
A girl at a party told me I looked just like the lead singer from Everything Everything. I'd never heard of that band but uhh... thanks... I guess I'll google it at some point. So a bit later, a pretty catchy song came on and she said something about how she would f*ck anyone who looks at all like the guy from this band. You can see where this is going, but it whooshed right over my head.
An incredible blind-guy:
Met her in the bar
lot's of dancing together, drinks
her hand sitting on my thigh almost all the time as we sat
She asks me to walk her home, saying no-one is home and she feels unsafe.
I agree, infront of her home we stand there "the moment", she takes initiative and kisses me.
I literally jump up, because i was looking just past her face at this new Audi driving up the hill kinda half zoned out..
She drove 10 miles so I could give her a back massage, for which she was topless on my bed (facedown). I never acted on it, because I'm a f*cking idiot. "Welp, that's your massage" "uhh thanks does up bra dresses leaves" - 2 years later "oooooh. Whoops"
This girl and I were alone in my apartment, and we'd just finished watching a movie. She'd had her head resting on my lap the entire time. Afterwards we were spooning on the couch, she cuddled up against me, kissed me on the cheek, and looked up at me expectantly. I stared at her for a few moments and then said, "so... what do you want to do?". After a while I ended up taking her home.
A girl that was a really great friend needed a place to stay between the end of school and when her apartment would be ready. She stays with me. First night, in bed together and she has a big teddy bear in between us. Next morning I make a joke about the teddy bear being there. She comments "he doesn't need to be in the bed." Next night, I come home late. Find her asleep in bed without the bear. I fall asleep on the floor. She wakes me to come to bed. I fall back asleep on the floor. :(
At the end of a field-course where me and now husband met, we're all in a bar. I wait until most people are sat then "oh no, there's no seats, I'll have to sit on your knee". Proceed to laugh at jokes, flick hair etc. Later on I say I'm tired and would he walk me back to my room.
He responds "no I'm not tired yet"!
I was backpacking in finland, and stayed in a hostel. On my way walking there, I met a female backpacker at a bar. She asked where I'm heading and I told her. She proceed to ask me to share a room since if we pay together, we can get a nice private room. I said okay.
When we get to the room, I went straight for a bath. I didnt bother locking the door. She then enter and jumped on me. I was confused.
Did i took it wrong or did she took it wrong? My face was puzzled while she gave me a blowjob.
Boyfriend and I were in his fraternity bedroom, talking. I was trying to indicate that I was interested in him, and we began talking about his first time with a girl. He told me that the girl told him she couldn't tell what color his eyes were behind his glasses -- so he took them off, and, well, things progressed from there.
There was a long moment of silence, and I looked at him and said, "So -- what color ARE your eyes?"
(I'm the oblivious guy, not the lady.)
Before our third(?) date, she said I could stay over at her place if it got late. So we're watching a movie on TV there, and at the end of it, I said "I guess I better let you head off to bed. I'll take the couch."
She literally had to say "I was hoping we could snuggle" before I got the hint.
She would always bump into me by "accident" and her pupils grew immensely when I talked to her, only realised after my friends pointed this out.
My best friend in high school was a guy I had a huge crush on. I constantly dropped hints, flirted and hung out with him. One day he invited me to his house after school his parents were still at work. He was showing me around his house when we got to his garage and he was showing me a car he was fixing up. He said, "Yeah, I like to bring girls home that I like and have sex in the back seat." I was like, "Oh, cool." And went back inside the house. Yeah, I'm a dumb ass.
I had a major crush on a guy who I'd been friends with for a couple of years. He'd ask me out to various events, but he never indicated any interest in me. One night we were at a friend's birthday party and I told him I was flying to Toronto to see the Rolling Stones and that I was going to be staying in a hotel. I said "Hey, I have an extra ticket - why don't you come with me?" He replied "Well I don't really like the Rolling Stones." Amazingly, we are now living together.
Ok, so just spent the last hour trying to start off with my partner of 6 years, like my head was next to his balls whilst laying on the bed.
He places a hand on my head looks me straight in the eyes and say's, I wonder if they have a cheese market in Gouda. Then starts looking it up, I mean I love cheese and we are going there this year but really, really.
I was hanging out with a girl in first year university. We were cuddling and watching Harry Potter 2 if I remember correctly. She mentioned she was really "hot" and took off her pants. I just kept watching the movie. Took me a good 20 minutes until she went down on me to realize she was interested..
Me and a buddy were standing in line behind a beautifully tatted up blonde at the bank. When leaving the bank, (she walked out maybe 10 mins before us), she comes up to me and says her car won't start and asks if I had jumper cables and could come take a look at it. I say no, I don't have any jumper cables and drive off. She passed me on the road not 10 secs later.
I was collecting money for war veterans during military service and went to knocking door to door in a student dormitory. One door opened and two horny student chicks opened the door. I explained the matter and they replied they don't have money, but asked if they could give something else instead of money (flirting all the time). I laughed and said someone else tried already to give empty bottles, greeted for their time and closed the door.
I'm still trying to build a time-machine.
New year's eve party, a girl comes up to my best friend and tells him:
"Alex, i m going home, can we go back together?
Alex says: why ? you live north, i live south, it doesn't make sense.
we had to explain to him...
Years ago I was working on a passenger ship, this cute waitress invited me into her cabin for a massage because I was grumbling over an aching back. Later that evening, I'm in her cabin, laying face down on her bed with nothing but my undies on. She gives me a bloody amazing massage, went at it for like 45 minutes. When she was done I got up and got dressed, she asked me if I wanted to stay for the night.
I was like "Nah I'm good, thanks though" and left.
Took me a week to figure it out. *Sigh*
I'm a woman and I was the dumb one.
Met this guy ata bar. We started talking because he was the dd for his friend and I'm not much of a drinker. I'm a wallflower, so it was nice to be noticed. I was enjoying talking to him and I thought he was cute.
Fast forward to the end of the night and he hands me his business card (his construction company) and says that if I need any kind of work done to give him a call.
It wasn't until I saw him a few weeks later, that he explained it to me. Smh.
Him: (good looking, if a bit full of himself; surprisingly vacuous for his degree and position) Do you want to go into the bedroom?
Me: No, I'd rather stay in here with you.
Me: So, maybe I could buy you a drink tonight?
Him: Oh, I'm sorry, I don't drink!
Me: *internal scream* Oh... I guess I'll... see you around then...
(Luckilly, it did click after a while: it's our seventh anniversary this year.)
When I was in grade nine I had detention with a popular boy I thought was super cute. I was very shy and never tried to talk to him but this day he talked to me. He said he would totally date me and I replied, laughing, Pff, no you wouldn't. I'm not your type. Years later we met and talked and he told me he was dead serious but didn't pursue it because of what I said. What a bone head.