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You’d think that more people would have respect for their partners when they’re giving birth. Unfortunately, the miracle of birth isn’t always the perfect and magical moment that you imagined it would be. Frankly, all it takes is a single phrase to turn a beautiful experience into something confusing when your partner starts criticizing you or even shows that they don’t much care about the entire miracle.

A labor and delivery nurse, who goes by Hollyd_rn online, poked fun at the inappropriate, misogynistic, and downright bizarrely unsupportive things that new fathers have said in the delivery room as the loves of their lives were going into labor. In a series of TikToks, Holly turned the quotes into ironic inspirational quotes that have captured the internet’s attention and are a great example of how not to behave when a brand new person is being born into the world.

Bored Panda had a quick chat with a relationship coach about how some of the behaviors that Holly criticized can do more harm than just hurting our feelings and sense of trust. Meanwhile, I also had an in-depth chat with nurse Holly about her videos. She told Bored Panda that she hopes her TikTok videos help bring positive attention to the unknown side behind the labor and delivery doors. She also pointed out that, in her experience, roughly 1 in 10 dads are unsupportive. Check out both interviews below.

More info: TikTok | Instagram

@hollyd_rnPart 1: Some partners are hard to live up to! Get you a good one #laboranddelivery #labor
♬ A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton
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Hilary Mol
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope. When the baby's coming out of you, then we can talk.

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Charlotte
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about I hold your balls during the rest of this labor and you tell me when you're ready for me to have an epidural, k?

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Marianne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he has valid concerns, he could have talked with her about it before the birth started. In the delivery room, she will make the decisions and his job is to make her comfortable.

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Vicky Z
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is nothing to discuss! It's not his decision to make! It's her body and her choice!

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Cheyenne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“I made just my decisión. As soon as this is over, we’re getting a divorce.”

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Ivana
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn, wish he would have said that prior to pregnancy. That is not a "we" decision and it certainly is not something you want to bring your mother into.

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Nadine Bamberger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mom didn't have that choice and as long as you or your mom don't plan on giving birth you shut tf up.

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Patti Vance
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

uh...how 'bout you take your upper lip, stretch it over your head until it reaches the back of your neck and then we will talk about it.

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Renske de Jonge
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This makes me think of that song. If you're a man who doesn't want to get killed with a knife, these are the things you don't say to your wife. https://youtu.be/XpFD-kgQxnI

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DKS 001
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my husband didn't even come to the hospital for our first baby. His boss had to make him leave work and come to be with me while I was having a c-section.

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Katherine Boag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wheres that male birth chair with the holes for his balls? HAND THIS WOMAN THE STRING

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Claire Clowater
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your mom probably didn't have access to that but you can bet your sorry ass she would have if available!! Also, shut up.

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Diana Hockley
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, his mother may have had him before epidurals were available.

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elfin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why bother since the wife's vote is the only one that counts?

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Adrienne Doyle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He needs that male birth chair, and his hopefully to be ex-wife given the strings around his balls.

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Cheyenne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“We”? What part of the actual labor and delivery is he sharing?

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Gina Ragone
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a mom who definitely had the epidurals as soon as I could, I did talk to my husband about them and would have listened to his concerns. It's his child too, and I tried to be cognizant that he had no control over "childcare" for 9 months. I know I would have felt very vulnerable and anxious if I had to trust someone else, even my spouse, with the sole and total care and protection of my baby. Respect is a two-way street.

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Bonnie Davis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Mom told me that I would have a natural birth for my son cuz she had one with me and missed the opportunity to experience of feeling the magical my birth. My Mom was checking me in and I told the doctor... epidural STAT!!! She got her wish cuz it was too late!!! 😂😂

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Nothanks L. Walk
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why is the husband involved AT ALL? This is exactly the sort of thinking that makes me assess the US to be a third world theocracy. Sure there's a first world resort on both beaches, but the middle? Basically Syria with corn. Her body, her health, her choices, end of story. Go sit in the waiting room if you can't keep your mouth shut.

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Anita Pickle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it was so important why has this conversation not already happened... Months ago.

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Granville Brune
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I came in contact with an hacker on instagram @redhackpro He explained how he would grant me access to my partner’s phone without any suspicious activities. I was able to spy on my husband phone remotely with the help of Redhackpro. You can easily connect with the person via a network and talk with them on whatsapp +1937-815-1491, Email hackprivate8@gmailcom

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Neil Bidle
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stupid way to phrase it, but in the heat of the moment women can have an epidural thinking they can't cope (or some don't even want to try, and that's fair enough), however they can end up with permanent back problems from it being in even slightly the wrong place. My wife had an emergency c section because the hospital screwed up, and then they almost paralysed her with a misplaced epidural so they had to quickly remove the needle and adjust.

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Leah Helbig
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2 years ago

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I had 3 kids all natural torn with all of them. You don't need an epidural there are a lot of cons with getting an epidural my snl leaked spinal fluid for 2 days afterward till they figured it out. It doesn't hurt that bad as long as there are no complications. My gallbladder attacks were way worse

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Ryan Deschanel
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2 years ago

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It's her body, her choice. And here, unlike for abortion, it is really only about their own body.

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Dynein
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what? You won't have to do the work of castrating yourself, either, plenty of people will be happy to do that for you!

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"I feel that this commonality can change based on demographics, but on average I would say that approximately 1 in 10 are unsupportive and/or insensitive dads. There tend to be a lot more dads that don’t know how to support their significant others in labor, but I wouldn’t say those dads are insensitive, they just need guidance," Holly told Bored Panda. "So as a nurse in Labor and Delivery (L&D) we do a lot of coaching and educating the support person to help their significant others through labor."

According to Holly, dads and anyone else in a supporting role in the labor room are significant. "Their place and presence in the labor/delivery room is noticeable and can be iconic for your laboring wife or significant other. It’s okay to not know what to do, but being mentally and emotionally present is essential," the nurse advised future dads.

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Celeste Grant
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's often referred to as the husband stitch... which is just horrific. Imagine the tightness of your partners vagina being your primary concern after she has just birthed your child! I saw a great response to this recently when the female dr responded "and exactly how small do you need it sir"

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Marianne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nice way to learn that your MIL doesn't believe in your fidelity...

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"Labor is no easy task, and it comes in all variations. Talk with your partner about their expectations and desires during labor, be adaptable as things progress, and be mentally and emotionally supportive of them. I guarantee your experience in the labor room will be unforgettable and you will develop more appreciation for your significant other during labor."

Holly also shared a bit about her journey into the realm of video content creation. She started making TikToks quite recent, back in February 2021, and her very first video was meant as a joke about L&D situations that she sent to her mom, who's also a nurse. "That video ended up going viral on TikTok and I soon realized that I could create a platform regarding my passion toward Labor and Delivery," she said.

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Nadine Bamberger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think no jury in the world would convict you if you'd castrated him on the spot.

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Bobert Robertson
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was exhausted when our first was born because my wife had been in labour for over 24 hours, so neither of us had slept in over a day. I can only imagine how tired she was. However, when they said the baby was coming, I've never felt more awake than I did at that time, no chance I could've taken a nap.

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"I fell in love with L&D when I had my first child, and I knew this was where I needed to be. I am inspired daily when I work with my patients as to just how incredibly strong women are. I love being able to support women during this time by encouraging, laughing, praying, and even crying with them and still being able to guide them through a moment in their life they will never forget."

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Holly’s video series proved that no matter how wonderful the occasion, there can always be someone who tries to ruin the magic. It also goes to show that, unfortunately, just because you’re becoming a dad doesn’t automatically turn you into a supportive husband, a loving partner, or a good person. These positive qualities are something that you build over years; they’re not handed to you the moment your partner goes into labor.

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COCO puff
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Universal health care is awesome, and nobody should make a health decision based on how money it will cost.

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Relationship coach Alex Scot told me that certain behaviors can have an actual negative physical effect, something that’s actually backed up by science. “Contemptuous interactions affect people physically, often resulting in increased cases of illnesses like colds and the flu,” Alex said that when partners express contempt for each other, they’re harming each other not just emotionally and psychologically but also physically.

The awareness that problems exist and the commitment to change are what help heal a relationship. Alex told Bored Panda that if both partners are aware of the negative (and sometimes toxic) behaviors that they express and they’re willing to do whatever it takes to embrace change, then the relationship can be salvaged. Instead of ending, it can then thrive.

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Chich
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I worked with a guy who went on a fishing trip with his buddies instead of staying around for his first born because "we've been planning it for so long". Single now.

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Marianne
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He will have a newborn child this weekend. I would very much like to know what plans might be more important.

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“However, if your partner is unwilling to admit their faults, and is not interested in growing together as a couple, then ask yourself if you’re willing to stay in that relationship long term,” Alex explained that there are some very difficult questions that you must ask yourself if your partner is constantly unsupportive and critical of everything that you do. Unfortunately, turning their toxicity into inspirational quotes won’t do much good, even if it helps bring attention to what not to do in the delivery room.

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Mihran Hovnanian
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to remain in hope that the good dads will outnumber these bozos... let's keep on educating & inspiring for good.

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Nadine Bamberger
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, maybe you should go and wait somewhere else, like inside an active volcano or on the dark side of the moon.

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