Woman Gets Into Fight With Husband And His Family After Refusing To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom, Asks The Internet For Advice
Support and respect are crucial in building a happy marriage. As long as two people find balance and look after each other, their bond can flourish and blossom into a beautiful relationship. But if there’s no appreciation, let alone consideration for a much-needed sense of independence, things can quickly go sideways. Something that Redditor DorothyNoBrickRoad experienced firsthand when she simply searched for more meaning in her life.
Two days ago, the 21-year-old woman reached out to the AITA community, wondering if she was being unreasonable for looking for a job. Being three months pregnant, she found her world turned upside down by her husband after he moved them away to an isolated farm. “I didn’t really want to do that but I agreed as I knew how much it meant to him,” the user explained.
Unfortunately, the regret of this decision started looming over her head as her spouse kept dismissing her attempts at a bit of freedom. Not only that, but he also pressured the woman to be a stay-at-home mom as “everyone will be happier”. What followed turned into a heated marital dispute that made the user doubt her choices and seek advice from people online. Scroll down to read the full story, decide for yourself whether the user is in the wrong, and be sure to share your thoughts about the situation in the comments below.
Recently, a pregnant woman shared how her husband pressured her to be a stay-at-home mom and dismissed her wish to find a job
Image credits: Andrew Neel (not the actual photo)
Unsure of how to react, she asked the internet for perspective
Image credits: Live on Shot (not the actual photo)
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: DorothyNoBrickRoad
After reading the story, members of the AITA community rushed to the comments section to express overwhelming support for the woman. At the same time, they seemed to have raised a brow or two at her husband’s and in-laws’ behavior and shared concerns about the woman’s well-being. As the replies show, many Redditors pointed out that the author of this post should reconsider her options, discussing the red flags in the relationship the woman doesn’t seem to pick up on. Well, at least for now. Because the way the users see it, their marriage seems to be growing into a toxic bond between two people where the woman can, unfortunately, find herself in a deeply unsettling situation.
It can be extremely difficult to navigate through your relationship when you’re confronted with the adversity of differences in opinion. Especially when it aims to isolate you and take away any ounce of freedom you first expected. As Katherine Baldwin, a love, dating and relationship coach, and the author of How to Fall in Love told Bored Panda in a previous interview, it’s common to miss red flags, overlook them or even override them when we do spot them at the beginning of the relationship. “Red flags we miss or overlook at the start of a relationship will always be there, and unless they’re addressed and resolved, they can develop into serious issues that sabotage the relationship, causing hurt and heartache,” Baldwin said.
Finding yourself on a path to becoming isolated from the outside world is definitely a red flag. Isolation is one of the earliest signs of emotional and physical abuse where the abuser slowly cuts off all emotional ties to others except the one to him or her. According to a blog post on Collaborative Therapeutic Services (CTS), these negative behavior patterns from our partners may be difficult to detect. That’s why it’s important to learn about signs that show your significant other is slowly moving you away from your support network.
Some of the most common ways partners may try to isolate you is by demanding as much one-on-one time as possible and coming up with reasons to not see your friends and family. If they cancel your plans without your permission or make alternate arrangements any time you mention spending time with loved ones, it may show they feel threatened by your plans. “Again, this spontaneity can feel romantic at first, but when this behavior becomes a pattern of preventing you from seeing your family and friends, it should be a warning sign,” CTS wrote.
One more controlling tactic to have in mind is them monitoring your forms of communication with the outside world. Moreover, if you pick up that they are using jealousy, guilt, or other forms of emotional manipulation to get what they want, these are some powerful signs of trying to make you feel separated. “‘Making you feel guilty’ because you enjoy spending time with other friends, for example, implies that spending time with other friends is wrong, when in fact it’s perfectly normal and healthy,” they explained.
Isolation as a control tactic is difficult to recognize but can be extremely dangerous if not addressed. If you can relate to this story or any of the warning signs above, listen to your gut and know you can always reach out to loved ones or professionals for help. Just remember, watch out for these controlling behaviors and make sure to feel free, respected, and loved in your relationships.
People shared an outpouring of support for the woman and sounded the alarm about this relationship
Woah, if it's their "family tradition" to be a stay-at-home mom, it should have been discussed BEFORE you got married and decided to have a baby. Trapping a pregnant woman in that godforsaken farm with no personal money, no car, no laptop and crappy connection and impose on her your questionable "traditions" is beyond f****d up. She needs to get out of there, it sounds like a nightmare
I would love an update on this story. I hope it has a happy ending for her!
Her post was removed along with her account. I'm worried!
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Mjor red flags. I read "Get out of there!" and I can only agree with that advice. Honestly, that to me alos looks like married way too early, without having gotten to knownow the partner properly. 21...come on P.S. During Covid lockdowns millions of people started working from home. Pretty insulting to call that a scam
She needs to leave. As others point out, he is isolating her. And it doesn't really add up. She can't have a car because they need them to work around the farm, which implies being away from the house. But he also needs access to his laptop 24/7 to interact with customers? When the internet isn't great? I wonder how far away from the house he can get and still have a signal.
If he needs to work on the farm why he needs the laptop and the car 24 hours 7 days a week? He can use his mom's car if any emergency comes up. With slow internet how will he too have access to his clients?
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Just ask if he does not care about the baby if he wants to work, because obviously he does not want to care for it and rather work./s
Everyone has great points in the comments. I want to add she does know what she wants but is being gaslit by the entire list of in-laws trying to get her to change her desires that were pretty solid. Also, he needs both the car and the laptop 24/7?
Why do people still get married so damn young?? You don't even know who YOU are at 21, let alone know who the other person is.
"we got married a few months ago" and "I've been pregnant for three months". I will bet my life savings that the pregnancy was unintentional and is what triggered his proposal.
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So absolutely nta. It's obviously completely understandable to want to work. Our parental leave here is quite long (a little over a year is standard) and after that time I was itching to go back to work. Loving your child is one thing but it isolating in itself (and demanding) so if you don't feel that's what you absolutely want to do full time you'll need something to balance that up with (work). For you and your ability to be the best parent you can be. Besides if she doesn't she will have to depend on him and his family.... financially and socially - that means she'll be totally trapped and isolated. He is using dangerous tactics to keep her there. I would try to get out as soon as possible, it will be much harder after the child is born.
Yeah and if they have a daughter, would they expect her to deal with this mentality?
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Wait…what? He called you and a*****e and told you to go sleep in the guest room?!? Why did you not jump in the car and leave? You sound like you will be a prisoner there. No car for you…no internet access…no money of your own…RUN!
Oh, honey. So many red flags. This is why discussions about expectations, family of origin, plans on how to raise any children, whose job would trump, etc. should be part of marriage prep for any couple. If there is inheritable property discuss what you would do with that.
You’re young but that doesn’t mean he or his family should be running over all aspects of your life. How can they object to your working from your home? Most at-home jobs let you do so at whatever time you like, so no car needed, baby can be taken care of by you. He is too controlling. He didn’t tell you how adamant he was about this before moving you to the country farm, did he? And why don’t you get a car living way out there? You need to stick up for yourself or leave. Don’t waste time getting more dependent on him. You are NTA.
She is NTA. Despite the fact that she should have talked about this beforehand, no one has the right to dictate what her life is going to be. Unfortunately, she set the precedent by meekly agreeing when she should have stood her ground and spoke about what SHE wants. This is an atrocious situation. She has every right to happiness too. If that means a divorce, then so be it.
Why are so many people marrying and start having children without having discusssed the most basic of things for their joint future? I just don't get it. Values, kids, where and how to live, joint finance or not - those things need to be talked about. And what's with this 'I didn't want to argue.' Why not? Argue! negotiate! TALK to each other.
It's possible this was a "shotgun wedding", where they only got married because she was already pregnant.
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I can't say what's worse: Telling women that they're heartless for wanting to work while raising their children, or making men feel like a failure if they can't support their family as a sole breadwinner.
Considering wages vs pricing/inflation/gouging... 74% of Jobs out of the total don't pay enough... So you have to tell most men that. Not their fault. 1%'s fault and the co-opted conservative movement that now just bows to corp demands despite not contributing to civilization at all... It's funny how they fool them by constantly hinting you'll be needing our tax breaks soon wink wink... Vote against your interest truuust me.... An actual conservative... Lobbyists and speculators (spit!) much like Adam Smith said... Should be rounded up and run out of town ...assets seized...
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Just do what you want. If you want a work from home job get a laptop and get one. If you want to leave leave. Don’t be quick to give in to others nonsense and don't let them shame you into doing what you want. It’s 2022 not 1950.
If I were her, I would fake a medical emergency. Say you're having severe cramping, you think there's something wrong with the baby, you need a hospital, etc. This will be the performance of a lifetime. Make it believable. Once at the hospital you can reach out to police, social services or whatever agency can help you escape. You NEED to get out of that house!
Excellent idea. She needs a plan in place and then needs to act. I hope she has family to turn to after. Mom's, raise strong daughters.
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Is, is this a Jordan Peele movie premise? Because it should be. I'm getting "Get Out" vibes. Men of this family go out, get girlfriends, marry them quickly and get them pregnant, get them to an isolated location (like the farm mentioned) and denying them access to their own vehicle, and gaslight them into being even more isolated by being a stay at home mom. This is freaky.
I'm worried that the poster's account has now dissappeared from Reddit. Is anyone else worried about this?
Oh no! Not a good sign. Wish I knew exactly where she was. I'd send police to do a wellness check.
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You've been taken hostage and are being gaslighted..Have your family visit. You will see his cards on the table.Are you seeing a doc regularly ? Are you expected to give birth at home? Sounds like a horror show.
This story made me sick to my stomach. How deceiving of him with zero regard to her well being, that's not love. How does one stay in a situation such as this. I agree with everyone that said run, please run and don't look back.
I'm certainly inclined to say NTA here. However, there's something that wasn't addressed in this. If she did go to town to work, who is watching the baby? Let's say that with all the work needed on the farm the husband can't do it. Ok, is the grandmother watching the baby? Is she physically able to do so? Problem with these AITAs is that you only get one side of the story. Granted, the way she's telling it, it seems like she needs to GTFO of Kansas, and fast. There's just never enough details in these things and I have LOTS of questions, lol.
Is it only HER job to watch the baby? Does the baby not have a father, with the same responsibilities? That said, Why THE EFF do you get pregnant with a new husband at 21??? Geeeeeeeez.
Load More Replies... Her account and post was deleted! We need to find her and check on her ASAP! Does anyone know what farm she was talking about
I think she married a man she knew very little about too quick, he is a bully, I hope she sees sense and leaves him and his dreadful family. I would also as someone else said love an update on this story.
Leave now! Before the baby comes. He is isolating you. No job, no friends, no getting any kind of break. He lied about this. What else did he lie about? You shouldn't be forced to be a shame, you'll resent the baby and hate yourself for it. Please leave now! Try counseling if you want to work it out, but don't allow him talk you into ANYTHING until things are resolved. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave, especially with a child
OP, take car and run far, far, far away. The other side of the country probably will not be far enough. File for divorce. Then when the baby is born file for sole custody and child support. Good luck.
Seems she never visited the family or the farm as she didn't know how isolated it was. How does she know his father only passed recently? Maybe it's been a while & it took him some time to find the 'ideal wife' to bring back home? No mention of her parents, so are they also dead? Many questions unanswered but it doesn't sound like an ideal situation to stay & raise a child in as she's already unhappy. I hope she sees sense & leaves before it's too late!
She's NTA, but she's dumb as a rock. What did she thing if she was moving to a farm? Farms are a TON of work, he's going to need her to work there. People never think beyong their "Love" and it's the reason so many divorce.
Why the fvkk do people get married and have a baby at 21? Because you only got about 24 years+ left to get to know yourself, your needs and a person to spend the rest of your life with and raise a human being? Christ...
That sounds like you got live bomved then kidnapped and brought to a low key sect. That guys wgo needs polishing and this manipulation is plain wrong. This is a situation you need to reconsider. This is bot healthy and wont improve.
Women need to aspire to be something important and actually do something helpful instead of adding more brats to the world.
That is pretty rude. Raising the next generation is pretty important. And it is a tough job, make no mistake,but ONLY if you want to. If she wants to, she can do both, but on her terms. HOWEVER, every woman needs to be able to take care of herself first. Only then can you care for another.
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Hey pos, the 1700's are calling. According to other posts you've made, you seem to really hate women. Incel
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Woah, if it's their "family tradition" to be a stay-at-home mom, it should have been discussed BEFORE you got married and decided to have a baby. Trapping a pregnant woman in that godforsaken farm with no personal money, no car, no laptop and crappy connection and impose on her your questionable "traditions" is beyond f****d up. She needs to get out of there, it sounds like a nightmare
I would love an update on this story. I hope it has a happy ending for her!
Her post was removed along with her account. I'm worried!
Load More Replies... Mjor red flags. I read "Get out of there!" and I can only agree with that advice. Honestly, that to me alos looks like married way too early, without having gotten to knownow the partner properly. 21...come on P.S. During Covid lockdowns millions of people started working from home. Pretty insulting to call that a scam
She needs to leave. As others point out, he is isolating her. And it doesn't really add up. She can't have a car because they need them to work around the farm, which implies being away from the house. But he also needs access to his laptop 24/7 to interact with customers? When the internet isn't great? I wonder how far away from the house he can get and still have a signal.
If he needs to work on the farm why he needs the laptop and the car 24 hours 7 days a week? He can use his mom's car if any emergency comes up. With slow internet how will he too have access to his clients?
Load More Replies... Just ask if he does not care about the baby if he wants to work, because obviously he does not want to care for it and rather work./s
Everyone has great points in the comments. I want to add she does know what she wants but is being gaslit by the entire list of in-laws trying to get her to change her desires that were pretty solid. Also, he needs both the car and the laptop 24/7?
Why do people still get married so damn young?? You don't even know who YOU are at 21, let alone know who the other person is.
"we got married a few months ago" and "I've been pregnant for three months". I will bet my life savings that the pregnancy was unintentional and is what triggered his proposal.
Load More Replies... So absolutely nta. It's obviously completely understandable to want to work. Our parental leave here is quite long (a little over a year is standard) and after that time I was itching to go back to work. Loving your child is one thing but it isolating in itself (and demanding) so if you don't feel that's what you absolutely want to do full time you'll need something to balance that up with (work). For you and your ability to be the best parent you can be. Besides if she doesn't she will have to depend on him and his family.... financially and socially - that means she'll be totally trapped and isolated. He is using dangerous tactics to keep her there. I would try to get out as soon as possible, it will be much harder after the child is born.
Yeah and if they have a daughter, would they expect her to deal with this mentality?
Load More Replies... Wait…what? He called you and a*****e and told you to go sleep in the guest room?!? Why did you not jump in the car and leave? You sound like you will be a prisoner there. No car for you…no internet access…no money of your own…RUN!
Oh, honey. So many red flags. This is why discussions about expectations, family of origin, plans on how to raise any children, whose job would trump, etc. should be part of marriage prep for any couple. If there is inheritable property discuss what you would do with that.
You’re young but that doesn’t mean he or his family should be running over all aspects of your life. How can they object to your working from your home? Most at-home jobs let you do so at whatever time you like, so no car needed, baby can be taken care of by you. He is too controlling. He didn’t tell you how adamant he was about this before moving you to the country farm, did he? And why don’t you get a car living way out there? You need to stick up for yourself or leave. Don’t waste time getting more dependent on him. You are NTA.
She is NTA. Despite the fact that she should have talked about this beforehand, no one has the right to dictate what her life is going to be. Unfortunately, she set the precedent by meekly agreeing when she should have stood her ground and spoke about what SHE wants. This is an atrocious situation. She has every right to happiness too. If that means a divorce, then so be it.
Why are so many people marrying and start having children without having discusssed the most basic of things for their joint future? I just don't get it. Values, kids, where and how to live, joint finance or not - those things need to be talked about. And what's with this 'I didn't want to argue.' Why not? Argue! negotiate! TALK to each other.
It's possible this was a "shotgun wedding", where they only got married because she was already pregnant.
Load More Replies... I can't say what's worse: Telling women that they're heartless for wanting to work while raising their children, or making men feel like a failure if they can't support their family as a sole breadwinner.
Considering wages vs pricing/inflation/gouging... 74% of Jobs out of the total don't pay enough... So you have to tell most men that. Not their fault. 1%'s fault and the co-opted conservative movement that now just bows to corp demands despite not contributing to civilization at all... It's funny how they fool them by constantly hinting you'll be needing our tax breaks soon wink wink... Vote against your interest truuust me.... An actual conservative... Lobbyists and speculators (spit!) much like Adam Smith said... Should be rounded up and run out of town ...assets seized...
Load More Replies... Just do what you want. If you want a work from home job get a laptop and get one. If you want to leave leave. Don’t be quick to give in to others nonsense and don't let them shame you into doing what you want. It’s 2022 not 1950.
If I were her, I would fake a medical emergency. Say you're having severe cramping, you think there's something wrong with the baby, you need a hospital, etc. This will be the performance of a lifetime. Make it believable. Once at the hospital you can reach out to police, social services or whatever agency can help you escape. You NEED to get out of that house!
Excellent idea. She needs a plan in place and then needs to act. I hope she has family to turn to after. Mom's, raise strong daughters.
Load More Replies... Is, is this a Jordan Peele movie premise? Because it should be. I'm getting "Get Out" vibes. Men of this family go out, get girlfriends, marry them quickly and get them pregnant, get them to an isolated location (like the farm mentioned) and denying them access to their own vehicle, and gaslight them into being even more isolated by being a stay at home mom. This is freaky.
I'm worried that the poster's account has now dissappeared from Reddit. Is anyone else worried about this?
Oh no! Not a good sign. Wish I knew exactly where she was. I'd send police to do a wellness check.
Load More Replies... You've been taken hostage and are being gaslighted..Have your family visit. You will see his cards on the table.Are you seeing a doc regularly ? Are you expected to give birth at home? Sounds like a horror show.
This story made me sick to my stomach. How deceiving of him with zero regard to her well being, that's not love. How does one stay in a situation such as this. I agree with everyone that said run, please run and don't look back.
I'm certainly inclined to say NTA here. However, there's something that wasn't addressed in this. If she did go to town to work, who is watching the baby? Let's say that with all the work needed on the farm the husband can't do it. Ok, is the grandmother watching the baby? Is she physically able to do so? Problem with these AITAs is that you only get one side of the story. Granted, the way she's telling it, it seems like she needs to GTFO of Kansas, and fast. There's just never enough details in these things and I have LOTS of questions, lol.
Is it only HER job to watch the baby? Does the baby not have a father, with the same responsibilities? That said, Why THE EFF do you get pregnant with a new husband at 21??? Geeeeeeeez.
Load More Replies... Her account and post was deleted! We need to find her and check on her ASAP! Does anyone know what farm she was talking about
I think she married a man she knew very little about too quick, he is a bully, I hope she sees sense and leaves him and his dreadful family. I would also as someone else said love an update on this story.
Leave now! Before the baby comes. He is isolating you. No job, no friends, no getting any kind of break. He lied about this. What else did he lie about? You shouldn't be forced to be a shame, you'll resent the baby and hate yourself for it. Please leave now! Try counseling if you want to work it out, but don't allow him talk you into ANYTHING until things are resolved. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave, especially with a child
OP, take car and run far, far, far away. The other side of the country probably will not be far enough. File for divorce. Then when the baby is born file for sole custody and child support. Good luck.
Seems she never visited the family or the farm as she didn't know how isolated it was. How does she know his father only passed recently? Maybe it's been a while & it took him some time to find the 'ideal wife' to bring back home? No mention of her parents, so are they also dead? Many questions unanswered but it doesn't sound like an ideal situation to stay & raise a child in as she's already unhappy. I hope she sees sense & leaves before it's too late!
She's NTA, but she's dumb as a rock. What did she thing if she was moving to a farm? Farms are a TON of work, he's going to need her to work there. People never think beyong their "Love" and it's the reason so many divorce.
Why the fvkk do people get married and have a baby at 21? Because you only got about 24 years+ left to get to know yourself, your needs and a person to spend the rest of your life with and raise a human being? Christ...
That sounds like you got live bomved then kidnapped and brought to a low key sect. That guys wgo needs polishing and this manipulation is plain wrong. This is a situation you need to reconsider. This is bot healthy and wont improve.
Women need to aspire to be something important and actually do something helpful instead of adding more brats to the world.
That is pretty rude. Raising the next generation is pretty important. And it is a tough job, make no mistake,but ONLY if you want to. If she wants to, she can do both, but on her terms. HOWEVER, every woman needs to be able to take care of herself first. Only then can you care for another.
Load More Replies... Hey pos, the 1700's are calling. According to other posts you've made, you seem to really hate women. Incel
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