24 Y.O. Woman Blamed Of “Hiding” Her Actual Job As She Told Folks She’s A Software Engineer
Once I overheard someone get called a s#$%ty liar. And, to be honest, that’s not really a bad thing. I’d take it as a compliment any day cause it just means I’m honest. Sure, my skills at verbal deception are lacking, but I think being brutally honest is a finer and more useful skill in life.
Most folks don’t really have a reason to lie, especially if they’re proud of something. But that doesn’t stop other people from assuming someone is lying, in spectacularly crazy ways sometimes.
One Redditor has recently gotten accused of lying when they really weren’t, and it stirred quite a bit of drama in a circle of people that seems like they enjoy drama all too much. Also, racism, stereotypes and hatred.
Apparently, assuming someone is lying can lead to equally spectacular drama if you really try hard—maybe too hard, like this bride-to-be did
Image credits: Sunny (not the actual image)
A 24-year-old woman by the nickname of u/sailorangelxo turned to the r/AmITheA-Hole community on Reddit with a conflict she got into at a friend’s engagement party.
The story goes that OP and her fiance, both POC (Pakistani and Indian-Afghan respectively), but both brought up in Canada, went to an engagement party hosted by the fiance’s best friend Alex and his wife-to-be Nell.
A Redditor shared a story of how she was accused of lying, when she wasn’t, and that spiraled wildly out of control
Image Credits: u/sailorangelxo
All was fine and dandy until OP sat down for a chat with Alex’s aunt. She, turns out, is too an engineer—the iron rings they both had are given to engineers upon graduation, you see, so that was the start of their bonding.
During their conversation, the bride-to-be approached and just straight up asked her why she was lying about her being an engineer. That seemingly threw OP off because she wasn’t lying, and the sudden abruptness of it all was just out of the blue.
Image Credits: u/sailorangelxo
The back-and-forth escalated quickly, with the bride-to-be starting to berate her and developing into a full-on scene at the party. At first they speculated she was drunk, but nope, just disrespectful. She started saying OP was ruining her party, which led to OP and her fiance simply leaving early.
This whole situation already seems wild, but it got crazier. The bride-to-be’s friends started calling and texting OP, calling her names and accusing her of being stand-offish. Her fiance also got a call from the groom-to-be, which didn’t go anywhere, and now nobody’s talking any more. This was the original point of the post.
OP also provided an extensive update that solidified the fallout of the two couples and provided more context for the story
Image credits: WOCinTech Chat (not the actual image)
Image Credits: u/sailorangelxo
But, soon after, OP provided an extensive update, which, in short, didn’t lead to a reunion, but did put some things into perspective.
OP explained her and her fiance’s backgrounds, how they were raised in Canada, but are actually ethnically Pakistani and Hindi-Afghan, how she’s a software engineer who worked hard to get to where she is, and what happened after the party.
The two got another call from Alex, surprisingly asking for an apology. What for? Well, apparently OP made the bride-to-be look bad in front of her in-laws because she didn’t know OP had actually graduated. OK, off to “a good start.”
Image Credits: u/sailorangelxo
Image credits: holycalamity (not the actual image)
One thing led to another and OP realized that the bride-to-be was being straight up racist. She had assumed OP had dropped out of college, never finishing her degree, because she “seemed like the type.” That conversation didn’t end well as it only escalated into insults and an eventual hang-up, and blocking.
After all this, folks online were supportive of OP, saying that she is not the jerk here. According to them, OP did absolutely nothing wrong. It was all the bride. Folks started speculating that she might be insecure, jealous of her, and, if anything, the in-laws probably needed to see just how what the heck?! she can be.
Well, at least OP won’t have to buy them a wedding gift now.
Folks online were having none of it, saying OP’s NTA and the bride (and her fiance by proxy) has issues
You can check out the post and the update on your own terms and in context, but before you do that, stay a while and tell us your thoughts in the comment section below! Or check out the other AITA articles you might have missed, because it’s the summer and that tan ain’t gonna get itself.
"You don't look the type" - oh for f#ck's sake! Does this idiot think that every woman needs light-coloured skin and a penis to program??
If you are a woman in programming, then you must have a penis. /s
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"You don't look the type..." Neither did my mother, and she has a degree in Chemical Engineering. Her last job (for 10+ years) before retirement had more to do with MECHANICAL Engineering than Chemical. That I can remember, none of her jobs had anything to do explicitly with her degree, but she was successful in all of them.
Years back, I worked with engineers from Romania. One woman had been surprised at the chauvinism against women in North America. Whatever problems there were under Communism (dictatorship, of course), sexism in STEM wasn't one of them.
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I knew about the iron ring, it's fascinating to read about. I had no idea it extended to software engineers. I thought it was only the type of engineer who work in construction. I wonder if Alex's aunt stood up for her, as a fellow female engineer.
It's not that she's racist, it's that she's also very bad at racisms? I mean isn't the negative racist stereotypes that Asian people *are* more likely to be engineers? It's kind of like saying to a gay person that they can't possibly be into musicals. It's bad on so many levels
I know! That's what I kept thinking. It sounds more like sexism except her fiance's aunt is a woman who is an engineer so she should, at the very least, know that women can be engineers (whether or not she thinks they should), but people from the Indian subcontinent are strongly stereotyped as being into STEM subjects so that makes no sense either.
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Nell doesn't sound very Canadian does she! Someone should revoke her citizenship :P
NTA Hope you block each and everyone who fell for this racist b***h. She may just realised her mistake after the awkward silence after her first thought that you could be able to achive a degree, but was too insercure/arrogant to say sorry and build up this whole b******t to pressure you to say sorry.
I’m curious what level of degree you need to complete to get a ring. Bachelor’s? Master’s? I wish schools in the US did something like this - I worked really hard to get my computer engineering degree, and was frequently the only female in my classes. And let me tell you - guys do not bend over backwards to “do things for you” when you’re the only female in the room. They ignore you, belittle you, and talk down to like your a moron who doesn’t belong in “their” degree. I’m so glad my teachers were pretty awesome.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Ring It is presented to engineering graduates (so a bachelor's) but you usually still need to go on and get licensed and certified according to the regulations of the province you work in.
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Apart from the rampant racism, if someone gave out my number just to make lots of people send me hate message, I'd tear them to pieces. Unfckingbelivable!!
Should've recorded that bigoted rant of hers. I would do that the moment it is clear both of them see no wrong in their ways. Maybe I'm just evil, but letting the world know of their bigotry seem to be the right thing to do, the right dose of karma and the right flavor of schadenfreude.
My first "you don't look like it" was when I was in math class in middle school. Yes, I decided not to take this sh*t when I was 14. Never let someone tear you down. You don't have to lie and you should not bother with people like this.
She’s racist and jealous that someone she’s racist off could possibly be more successful than her. Definitely NTA and I’m glad you and your fiancé broke contact. She’s toxic and her fiancé is enabling.
Trash took itself out. Well, it did require an assist, but...gone is gone. Good riddance. And the iron ring thing is really, really, cool. My (Canadian) wife went to a school in Nova Scotia where their own ring is pretty iconic (those of you who know, will know), but I love the symbolism of the iron ring. I am a SW Engineer by trade, but I got a basic college ring from the state school I went to in the U.S. It's nice, but no symbolism, just a ring.
Hey - racist, sexist, pathetically insecure, socially incompetent AND a hateful bìtch; what an absolute catch. What a golden diamond glittering goddamned PRIZE of a woman. Congratulations, “Alex”, you deserve everything you get for the rest of your life. Now you’ve been warned; if you even contemplate a continued anything with this lunatic, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
Lol, oh no this woman is pretty And claiming to be smart! No way she can be both and I can see she is still pretty so therefore she is not smart. I will call her out on her obvious lie! Jealous much 🙄 Edit to add: how do you determine a job/career by appearance?! I am in disability support and some look like middle aged parents (me), some look like gorgeous super models, some look like grandparents and some look like skater bois. We all do the same job and we all do it equally well. Stuff appearances.
How awful for OP! I'm so glad she stood up for herself at the party and on the phone call. Op did not back down. Also, I like that the fiancée stood by her and told his friend what for! The couple are better off without those friends and their own eventual wedding will be so much happier with fair weather friends like those.
Bet Nell was being racist and thinking that OP cannot be smart because she’s Pakistani and Pakistan is a poor country and poorly educated blah blah blah! This info may be wrong, but Pakistani are rated the 4th most intelligent people across the globe! Also Kudos to OP’s fiancé for not putting up with that s**t :D
People need to get all of these stereotypes out of their heads. A person is not going to match the stereotype you have of them when you first meet them. Nell's behavior was completely inappropriate and very rude and she is the one that needs to apologize. She is the one who created a scene at her engagement party by refusing to accept this woman's information. It was really none of Nell's business because the OP was not speaking to her. Nell sounds like immature brat that is used to being allowed to behave anyway she chooses and the OP refused to put up with it. OP doesn't need to have anything to do with this woman, especially now that she knows how she feels about people of different cultures and races.
"You don't look the type" - oh for f#ck's sake! Does this idiot think that every woman needs light-coloured skin and a penis to program??
If you are a woman in programming, then you must have a penis. /s
Load More Replies... "You don't look the type..." Neither did my mother, and she has a degree in Chemical Engineering. Her last job (for 10+ years) before retirement had more to do with MECHANICAL Engineering than Chemical. That I can remember, none of her jobs had anything to do explicitly with her degree, but she was successful in all of them.
Years back, I worked with engineers from Romania. One woman had been surprised at the chauvinism against women in North America. Whatever problems there were under Communism (dictatorship, of course), sexism in STEM wasn't one of them.
Load More Replies... I knew about the iron ring, it's fascinating to read about. I had no idea it extended to software engineers. I thought it was only the type of engineer who work in construction. I wonder if Alex's aunt stood up for her, as a fellow female engineer.
It's not that she's racist, it's that she's also very bad at racisms? I mean isn't the negative racist stereotypes that Asian people *are* more likely to be engineers? It's kind of like saying to a gay person that they can't possibly be into musicals. It's bad on so many levels
I know! That's what I kept thinking. It sounds more like sexism except her fiance's aunt is a woman who is an engineer so she should, at the very least, know that women can be engineers (whether or not she thinks they should), but people from the Indian subcontinent are strongly stereotyped as being into STEM subjects so that makes no sense either.
Load More Replies... Nell doesn't sound very Canadian does she! Someone should revoke her citizenship :P
NTA Hope you block each and everyone who fell for this racist b***h. She may just realised her mistake after the awkward silence after her first thought that you could be able to achive a degree, but was too insercure/arrogant to say sorry and build up this whole b******t to pressure you to say sorry.
I’m curious what level of degree you need to complete to get a ring. Bachelor’s? Master’s? I wish schools in the US did something like this - I worked really hard to get my computer engineering degree, and was frequently the only female in my classes. And let me tell you - guys do not bend over backwards to “do things for you” when you’re the only female in the room. They ignore you, belittle you, and talk down to like your a moron who doesn’t belong in “their” degree. I’m so glad my teachers were pretty awesome.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iron_Ring It is presented to engineering graduates (so a bachelor's) but you usually still need to go on and get licensed and certified according to the regulations of the province you work in.
Load More Replies... Apart from the rampant racism, if someone gave out my number just to make lots of people send me hate message, I'd tear them to pieces. Unfckingbelivable!!
Should've recorded that bigoted rant of hers. I would do that the moment it is clear both of them see no wrong in their ways. Maybe I'm just evil, but letting the world know of their bigotry seem to be the right thing to do, the right dose of karma and the right flavor of schadenfreude.
My first "you don't look like it" was when I was in math class in middle school. Yes, I decided not to take this sh*t when I was 14. Never let someone tear you down. You don't have to lie and you should not bother with people like this.
She’s racist and jealous that someone she’s racist off could possibly be more successful than her. Definitely NTA and I’m glad you and your fiancé broke contact. She’s toxic and her fiancé is enabling.
Trash took itself out. Well, it did require an assist, but...gone is gone. Good riddance. And the iron ring thing is really, really, cool. My (Canadian) wife went to a school in Nova Scotia where their own ring is pretty iconic (those of you who know, will know), but I love the symbolism of the iron ring. I am a SW Engineer by trade, but I got a basic college ring from the state school I went to in the U.S. It's nice, but no symbolism, just a ring.
Hey - racist, sexist, pathetically insecure, socially incompetent AND a hateful bìtch; what an absolute catch. What a golden diamond glittering goddamned PRIZE of a woman. Congratulations, “Alex”, you deserve everything you get for the rest of your life. Now you’ve been warned; if you even contemplate a continued anything with this lunatic, you have nobody to blame but yourself.
Lol, oh no this woman is pretty And claiming to be smart! No way she can be both and I can see she is still pretty so therefore she is not smart. I will call her out on her obvious lie! Jealous much 🙄 Edit to add: how do you determine a job/career by appearance?! I am in disability support and some look like middle aged parents (me), some look like gorgeous super models, some look like grandparents and some look like skater bois. We all do the same job and we all do it equally well. Stuff appearances.
How awful for OP! I'm so glad she stood up for herself at the party and on the phone call. Op did not back down. Also, I like that the fiancée stood by her and told his friend what for! The couple are better off without those friends and their own eventual wedding will be so much happier with fair weather friends like those.
Bet Nell was being racist and thinking that OP cannot be smart because she’s Pakistani and Pakistan is a poor country and poorly educated blah blah blah! This info may be wrong, but Pakistani are rated the 4th most intelligent people across the globe! Also Kudos to OP’s fiancé for not putting up with that s**t :D
People need to get all of these stereotypes out of their heads. A person is not going to match the stereotype you have of them when you first meet them. Nell's behavior was completely inappropriate and very rude and she is the one that needs to apologize. She is the one who created a scene at her engagement party by refusing to accept this woman's information. It was really none of Nell's business because the OP was not speaking to her. Nell sounds like immature brat that is used to being allowed to behave anyway she chooses and the OP refused to put up with it. OP doesn't need to have anything to do with this woman, especially now that she knows how she feels about people of different cultures and races.
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