Sister Is At Furious With This Bride For Only Letting 3 Of Her 10 Kids Come To The Wedding
Recently, a 25-year-old woman who got married in August shared an incident on the AITA subreddit that turned the most beautiful day in her life sour.
“We kept it small and simple and didn’t want too many guests due to budget, so we only invited close family members and friends,” the author Bright_Physics_8375 explained. Among the close family who was invited was her older sister Dawn, who, along with her husband, are “hardcore Christians” and they say their 10 children are “God’s will.”
The author, however, realized that inviting all her nieces and nephews may be a little too steep in terms of a budget. So she did what she thought was right and invited only a couple of them, wondering if maybe it was a mistake.
A bride wonders if she was wrong to only invite three of her sister’s ten children to her “small and simple” wedding
Image credits: Leonardo Miranda (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Charlein Gracia (not the actual photo)
The author later clarified some information about her wedding in response to this comment
Many people expressed their support for the author in the comments
This person said that the incident is not one-sided and the answer who is wrong in this situation is not an obvious one
10 children good lord this family is an environmental disaster in a post
I'm willing to bet that the oldest three, especially the oldest girl, are pressed into service as free babysitters all the time. That's the real reason the sister got miffed - she actually had to pay for a sitter instead of leaving it to her older kids to corral and watch the youngest.
You know damn well those boys aren't made to do squat.
Load More Replies...
NTA but, it might have been better to have a child free wedding instead and explain why if they asked. Then there wouldn't be the question of playing favorites.
it may have been God's will for her to have 10 kids, but evidently it wasn't God's will to have them invited to her sister's wedding.
WTH is wrong with her sister? Just because you decide to birth a whole sports team you can't expect for other people to cater to your whims. You can't possibly expect others to adjust their plans to include TEN additional people?!
Might be unpopular opinion but if it wasn’t a child free wedding , not inviting all of her children was rather rude of her… at the end of the day, they are her children no matter how many she has… a better way would be to invite them all but talk to the sister and try to persuade her to leave some behind (in a nice way ;) ) due to budget… Weddings are expensive , if people still want to do them they have to consider things like tbat. I think op was being rather selfish and rude no matter the life choices of her sister
It's pretty obvious from the post the sister wasn't going to be reasonable about the children. Most extremely religious people are impossible to reason with.
Load More Replies...
I suppose she could’ve told her sister… “I’m allowing our sister and brother bring the one kid each that they have, and I’d love to have you bring all your kids, but I can only afford to have two kids come.” And allowed her sister to pick which two. At least then she wouldn’t be accused of picking favorites. As for her parents and other siblings making snide comments about “Don’t get excited for XYZ”… I’d let them know the comments are unnecessary and they bother me. So, anytime I hear that… I’ll be skipping those events.
I don't know... Family is important, so I would have skimped on anything, even the decorations, to bring all my nieces with me. But on the other part the OP explained her reasons and the sister could have made an offer to pay for her children. The parents can stick their bullying up their own culo.
Money aside, maybe she didn't want that many kids disrupting the wedding celebrations??? Y'all know it was bound to happen. Babies cry, toddlers have melt down. Only two parents how were they gonna handle it. Because somehow I don't think the father is very hands on once the kids are born...
Load More Replies...
Not respecting your religion? Of what? Of having a woman's vagina as a revolving door?
Isn't it customary that the wedding gift is at least as expensive as the costs for that one person? So let's say one guest costs the couple 200€. Just tell the sister that she can bring her other 7 children only if the wedding present will be worth additional 1400$. Then it is her decision if she wants to bring them or not.
Religion made you have 10 kids? Probably one of those quiverfull loons then.
Or catholic. Catholics do not believe in contraceptives. Source: me. I grew up catholic. Most catholic families are large. I have a cousin with 6 kids between the ages of 15 and 6.
Load More Replies...
When children attend a wedding, two groups are unfairly imposed upon - the bridal couple and the children.
I really hope I find the words to express this in English. Reading the wedding posts in BP makes me happy I live in a small European country where people can actually invite relatives to their weddings not expecting much as a gift. Close family of the couple usually gift them generous amount of money and extended relatives always make sure to cover the cost of their food plus a little bit extra for the couple. Even if the extra can be a very little amount. Most of the time the cost of the wedding is from the gifts the couple get. And we seem to all be fine with this. The bride and the couple isn't greedy, nor are the guests stingy. It's a day to celebrate and have fun.
The sister is a delusional entitled cumdumpster with splooge goblins. Just end it with her. What do you even owe her any relationship anyways. And don't say dna
Reminds me of the Duggar family. When their children got old enough the babysat all the younger ones. The reason was that way Ma and Pa Duggar could make more babies with no interruptions.
NTA, whilst it may have been easier to make the wedding child-free, that would have definitely excluded the other sister's only child and the groom's nephew. Rather than viewing this as young children excluded, it would be better to view this as three eldest offspring allowed. But what if the 17yo wasn't interested in attending but the 10yo was, would OP have been clear her suggestion on who to bring was flexible? It is also unclear whether OP's comment that if Dawn had covered some of the cost was actually relayed to Dawn - just because OP had said all your 10 kids is over our budget does not mean that Dawn heard 'but if you can subsidise the costs for the others, you can still bring them'. Seven kids would be a lot of babysitter costs, unless other family were helping out whilst they attended, so Dawn likely had to pay something out anyway. Having said that, two parents, even with the assistance of 3 teens, keeping an eye on that many children in at a wedding...what could go wrong?
If the Op's sister felt that offended then she should have told her sister she wasn't coming. Wedding costs alot of money even a small one. Not to mention small children don't care about weddings. They want to laugh and play and that's usually noisy. The sister has no problem kicking dirt on her own family member, something she thinks her sister has done to her. Her faith is Christain, what happened to turning the other cheek? What happened to forgiveness? NTA is my 4 cents.
Oh oh oh 🤔 but what if Dad had stayed home to watch all the kids so wife could attend sister's wedding ???? What? No? Keeping costs down for both sides, no paid sitter needed, bride only needs to pay for one head. I'm sure they never considered that because it's women's work to care for the children.
NTA. I can see inviting the 3 eldest, bc they are old enough to enjoy, behave, remember. They also don't need to be constantly monitored to make sure they're not causing destruction or getting hurt.
Even if cost was not a concern. 6 toddlers at any event is MUCH different than 2. I’m a teacher, I used to work at a preschool in my college years. Believe me, toddlers are heinous.
The sister is an a*****e first of all for having that many damn kids, second, the OP explained why she couldn't accommodate 12, people, but did the sister offer to contribute for her kids, of course not. She went on an unhinged rant, OP is def not the a*****e, people in the original post saying she was clearly didn't read the whole thing, or couldn't comprehend it..
to be fair, why would you have to pay for a full course meal for a 3yo? bring the kid, it shouldn't cost anyone anything, no?
To be fair, not the point, that is too many little kids at the ceremony, do you honestly the mom could keep them all under control? Yea, no! Also, to be fair, the mother could have offered to pay for extra food, did she? No!!!
Load More Replies...
Quiverfull. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiverfull Quiverfull is a Christian theological position that sees large families as a blessing from God. It encourages procreation, abstaining from all forms of birth control, as well as natural family planning, and sterilization.
I am hyper sensitive about imposing my family of 5 on people, even just for a visit.
She could have given the older three those traditional teen wedding "jobs"- guestbook attendant, hostess, etc. And made it kid free guest-wise to get the best of both worlds
I have never heard of those "jobs" being for "teens", weird. How about respect your sisters wish and dont bring all those damn kids....
Load More Replies...
I think it's rude to invite one kid and not the other one. Just make it cheaper if it's only for the money or if it has to be luxurous, say no kids at all. This is weird.
It's ruder still to show up at a wedding and intentionally pick a fight with the bride, so...
Load More Replies...
How friendly is a childless bride really going to be with children under ten who are indoctrinated into fundamentalist Christianity?
Load More Replies...
She DID explain the financial issues in advance, and the sister waited until AT THE WEDDING to flip her s**t, instead of saying beforehand, "All of us or none of us." Oh, and I can quite confidently say that none of the younger children giva a rat's bunghole about it. I never felt slighted at not being invited to family weddings as a kid, just excited that I got a babysitter and pizza. Didn't much care that cousins WERE invited, either. Because MY parents didn't raise me to think that someone else's wedding was all about ME.
Load More Replies...
Do not agree. She wasn't going to avoid this at all, from the entitlement of the sister. You can't avoid it when someone is the type to accept your hospitality, only to then have a fit AT THE EVENT about you not inviting her over the top number of kids. Set an age limit, and she would have shown up with all the kids anyway, probably. Not invite her at all, she starts drama all over the whole family. Demand she pay for her younger kids, she whines loudly at the event that she's been "forced to pay" when "no one else has." Actually invite them all, she lets them run wild and destroy the event completely. Know how I can tell this? She tried to turn it into "I AM BEING PERSECUTED FOR MY RELIGION!" which doesn't even make SENSE since the event wasn't ABOUT her religion. OR her. Could the bride have avoided some drama over it by having a kid-free wedding? Maybe, but she may also have been starting yet MORE drama, since, you know, THE GROOM has a say, too, and he wanted HIS nephew.
Load More Replies... 6-8 toddlers is much different than 2, which I think is how many she said were at the wedding. At the end of the day, it comes down to communication and boundaries. The bride set a boundary and explained her reasoning. The sister didn’t offer any solution or compromise and instead just seemed to respond with agitation.
Load More Replies...
It's my wedding, I do what I want. Think it's rude? There's the door.
Load More Replies...
It would cost extra to have the caterer produce chicken nuggets and fries on top of all the other foods.
Load More Replies...
This is THEIR wedding. Bride and Groom should invite who they want.
Load More Replies...
there's no way a couple can adequately give ten children the attention each of them deserves. i can guarantee you the oldest children are absolutely miserable being forced to give up extracurricular activities, meet-ups with friends, & other normal parts of growing up in order to babysit their siblings all the time. the middle children never get their parents' attention because they're too busy with the babies, so they constantly bother their older siblings & invade their privacy, & nobody's happy. it's hard for parents to keep up with the latest interests of even three kids. with ten, i doubt they know any of their childrens' hobbies. having this many kids leads to a very poor family dynamic full of neglect, resentment, & unfairness. & to justify it with "god says it's okay to make my childrens' lives miserable"? that's not okay at all. being a parent means making sacrifices for the sake of your children. that means wearing a condom so you dont end up with more kids than you can raise
Load More Replies...
10 children good lord this family is an environmental disaster in a post
I'm willing to bet that the oldest three, especially the oldest girl, are pressed into service as free babysitters all the time. That's the real reason the sister got miffed - she actually had to pay for a sitter instead of leaving it to her older kids to corral and watch the youngest.
You know damn well those boys aren't made to do squat.
Load More Replies... NTA but, it might have been better to have a child free wedding instead and explain why if they asked. Then there wouldn't be the question of playing favorites.
it may have been God's will for her to have 10 kids, but evidently it wasn't God's will to have them invited to her sister's wedding.
WTH is wrong with her sister? Just because you decide to birth a whole sports team you can't expect for other people to cater to your whims. You can't possibly expect others to adjust their plans to include TEN additional people?!
Might be unpopular opinion but if it wasn’t a child free wedding , not inviting all of her children was rather rude of her… at the end of the day, they are her children no matter how many she has… a better way would be to invite them all but talk to the sister and try to persuade her to leave some behind (in a nice way ;) ) due to budget… Weddings are expensive , if people still want to do them they have to consider things like tbat. I think op was being rather selfish and rude no matter the life choices of her sister
It's pretty obvious from the post the sister wasn't going to be reasonable about the children. Most extremely religious people are impossible to reason with.
Load More Replies... I suppose she could’ve told her sister… “I’m allowing our sister and brother bring the one kid each that they have, and I’d love to have you bring all your kids, but I can only afford to have two kids come.” And allowed her sister to pick which two. At least then she wouldn’t be accused of picking favorites. As for her parents and other siblings making snide comments about “Don’t get excited for XYZ”… I’d let them know the comments are unnecessary and they bother me. So, anytime I hear that… I’ll be skipping those events.
I don't know... Family is important, so I would have skimped on anything, even the decorations, to bring all my nieces with me. But on the other part the OP explained her reasons and the sister could have made an offer to pay for her children. The parents can stick their bullying up their own culo.
Money aside, maybe she didn't want that many kids disrupting the wedding celebrations??? Y'all know it was bound to happen. Babies cry, toddlers have melt down. Only two parents how were they gonna handle it. Because somehow I don't think the father is very hands on once the kids are born...
Load More Replies... Not respecting your religion? Of what? Of having a woman's vagina as a revolving door?
Isn't it customary that the wedding gift is at least as expensive as the costs for that one person? So let's say one guest costs the couple 200€. Just tell the sister that she can bring her other 7 children only if the wedding present will be worth additional 1400$. Then it is her decision if she wants to bring them or not.
Religion made you have 10 kids? Probably one of those quiverfull loons then.
Or catholic. Catholics do not believe in contraceptives. Source: me. I grew up catholic. Most catholic families are large. I have a cousin with 6 kids between the ages of 15 and 6.
Load More Replies... When children attend a wedding, two groups are unfairly imposed upon - the bridal couple and the children.
I really hope I find the words to express this in English. Reading the wedding posts in BP makes me happy I live in a small European country where people can actually invite relatives to their weddings not expecting much as a gift. Close family of the couple usually gift them generous amount of money and extended relatives always make sure to cover the cost of their food plus a little bit extra for the couple. Even if the extra can be a very little amount. Most of the time the cost of the wedding is from the gifts the couple get. And we seem to all be fine with this. The bride and the couple isn't greedy, nor are the guests stingy. It's a day to celebrate and have fun.
The sister is a delusional entitled cumdumpster with splooge goblins. Just end it with her. What do you even owe her any relationship anyways. And don't say dna
Reminds me of the Duggar family. When their children got old enough the babysat all the younger ones. The reason was that way Ma and Pa Duggar could make more babies with no interruptions.
NTA, whilst it may have been easier to make the wedding child-free, that would have definitely excluded the other sister's only child and the groom's nephew. Rather than viewing this as young children excluded, it would be better to view this as three eldest offspring allowed. But what if the 17yo wasn't interested in attending but the 10yo was, would OP have been clear her suggestion on who to bring was flexible? It is also unclear whether OP's comment that if Dawn had covered some of the cost was actually relayed to Dawn - just because OP had said all your 10 kids is over our budget does not mean that Dawn heard 'but if you can subsidise the costs for the others, you can still bring them'. Seven kids would be a lot of babysitter costs, unless other family were helping out whilst they attended, so Dawn likely had to pay something out anyway. Having said that, two parents, even with the assistance of 3 teens, keeping an eye on that many children in at a wedding...what could go wrong?
If the Op's sister felt that offended then she should have told her sister she wasn't coming. Wedding costs alot of money even a small one. Not to mention small children don't care about weddings. They want to laugh and play and that's usually noisy. The sister has no problem kicking dirt on her own family member, something she thinks her sister has done to her. Her faith is Christain, what happened to turning the other cheek? What happened to forgiveness? NTA is my 4 cents.
Oh oh oh 🤔 but what if Dad had stayed home to watch all the kids so wife could attend sister's wedding ???? What? No? Keeping costs down for both sides, no paid sitter needed, bride only needs to pay for one head. I'm sure they never considered that because it's women's work to care for the children.
NTA. I can see inviting the 3 eldest, bc they are old enough to enjoy, behave, remember. They also don't need to be constantly monitored to make sure they're not causing destruction or getting hurt.
Even if cost was not a concern. 6 toddlers at any event is MUCH different than 2. I’m a teacher, I used to work at a preschool in my college years. Believe me, toddlers are heinous.
The sister is an a*****e first of all for having that many damn kids, second, the OP explained why she couldn't accommodate 12, people, but did the sister offer to contribute for her kids, of course not. She went on an unhinged rant, OP is def not the a*****e, people in the original post saying she was clearly didn't read the whole thing, or couldn't comprehend it..
to be fair, why would you have to pay for a full course meal for a 3yo? bring the kid, it shouldn't cost anyone anything, no?
To be fair, not the point, that is too many little kids at the ceremony, do you honestly the mom could keep them all under control? Yea, no! Also, to be fair, the mother could have offered to pay for extra food, did she? No!!!
Load More Replies... Quiverfull. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiverfull Quiverfull is a Christian theological position that sees large families as a blessing from God. It encourages procreation, abstaining from all forms of birth control, as well as natural family planning, and sterilization.
I am hyper sensitive about imposing my family of 5 on people, even just for a visit.
She could have given the older three those traditional teen wedding "jobs"- guestbook attendant, hostess, etc. And made it kid free guest-wise to get the best of both worlds
I have never heard of those "jobs" being for "teens", weird. How about respect your sisters wish and dont bring all those damn kids....
Load More Replies... I think it's rude to invite one kid and not the other one. Just make it cheaper if it's only for the money or if it has to be luxurous, say no kids at all. This is weird.
It's ruder still to show up at a wedding and intentionally pick a fight with the bride, so...
Load More Replies... How friendly is a childless bride really going to be with children under ten who are indoctrinated into fundamentalist Christianity?
Load More Replies... She DID explain the financial issues in advance, and the sister waited until AT THE WEDDING to flip her s**t, instead of saying beforehand, "All of us or none of us." Oh, and I can quite confidently say that none of the younger children giva a rat's bunghole about it. I never felt slighted at not being invited to family weddings as a kid, just excited that I got a babysitter and pizza. Didn't much care that cousins WERE invited, either. Because MY parents didn't raise me to think that someone else's wedding was all about ME.
Load More Replies... Do not agree. She wasn't going to avoid this at all, from the entitlement of the sister. You can't avoid it when someone is the type to accept your hospitality, only to then have a fit AT THE EVENT about you not inviting her over the top number of kids. Set an age limit, and she would have shown up with all the kids anyway, probably. Not invite her at all, she starts drama all over the whole family. Demand she pay for her younger kids, she whines loudly at the event that she's been "forced to pay" when "no one else has." Actually invite them all, she lets them run wild and destroy the event completely. Know how I can tell this? She tried to turn it into "I AM BEING PERSECUTED FOR MY RELIGION!" which doesn't even make SENSE since the event wasn't ABOUT her religion. OR her. Could the bride have avoided some drama over it by having a kid-free wedding? Maybe, but she may also have been starting yet MORE drama, since, you know, THE GROOM has a say, too, and he wanted HIS nephew.
Load More Replies... 6-8 toddlers is much different than 2, which I think is how many she said were at the wedding. At the end of the day, it comes down to communication and boundaries. The bride set a boundary and explained her reasoning. The sister didn’t offer any solution or compromise and instead just seemed to respond with agitation.
Load More Replies... It's my wedding, I do what I want. Think it's rude? There's the door.
Load More Replies... It would cost extra to have the caterer produce chicken nuggets and fries on top of all the other foods.
Load More Replies... This is THEIR wedding. Bride and Groom should invite who they want.
Load More Replies... there's no way a couple can adequately give ten children the attention each of them deserves. i can guarantee you the oldest children are absolutely miserable being forced to give up extracurricular activities, meet-ups with friends, & other normal parts of growing up in order to babysit their siblings all the time. the middle children never get their parents' attention because they're too busy with the babies, so they constantly bother their older siblings & invade their privacy, & nobody's happy. it's hard for parents to keep up with the latest interests of even three kids. with ten, i doubt they know any of their childrens' hobbies. having this many kids leads to a very poor family dynamic full of neglect, resentment, & unfairness. & to justify it with "god says it's okay to make my childrens' lives miserable"? that's not okay at all. being a parent means making sacrifices for the sake of your children. that means wearing a condom so you dont end up with more kids than you can raise
Load More Replies...
81
162