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Woman Upset After Finding Out Why She Wasn’t Invited To Friend’s Book Club Ball
Interview With ExpertThrowing a good party is no easy task: from planning the theme to setting the vibe, it takes serious time, effort, and creativity. So it’s no surprise that hosts often go the extra mile to make sure everything turns out just right.
For instance, one woman shared how she organized a book-themed ball for her club but decided not to invite her close friend, fearing she’d “ruin the aesthetic” by showing up underdressed. When the friend eventually found out, it led to hurt feelings and silence. Now, the internet is split: was the host simply protecting her vision, or was she being unnecessarily shallow?
RELATED:
A woman shared how she decided to host an elegant ball-themed party for her book club, inspired by the grand book balls trending online
Image credits: seventyfourimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
However, she admitted to not inviting one of her closest friends, believing she wouldn’t dress up or match the event’s formal vibe
Image credits: valeriygoncharukphoto / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: YellowSockMonkey
Planning a party is more than ordering props; it’s about creating an experience and coordinating every detail
Throwing a great party can be one of the most exhilarating experiences: the music, the laughter, the décor, and the thrill of creating a night people won’t stop talking about. From birthdays and anniversaries to quirky themed get-togethers, hosting gives people a chance to express creativity and bring friends together. It’s also why many turn to professional event planners to bring their vision to life, because behind every picture-perfect party is a ton of planning, coordination, and last-minute chaos that often pros can handle gracefully.
To dive deeper into the world of theme parties, we spoke with Umang Narvekar, popularly known as The Tanned Event Planner. With over a decade of experience in event production, weddings, concerts, and festivals, Umang has seen it all. “Today, one can choose any theme, quite literally,” he laughs. “We’ve had clients come to us with ideas ranging from classic ones like Harry Potter or The Great Gatsby to completely offbeat ones like funky socks or Bollywood villains. The key is to make it fun and personal, something that sparks excitement the moment guests hear about it.”
When it comes to selecting the right concept, Umang says it’s important to balance creativity with relatability. “We always suggest clients go for themes their guests can connect with. You don’t want people to feel out of place or confused about what to wear or how to participate,” he explains. “If it’s too niche, you risk losing the enthusiasm. But if it’s too common, it may not stand out. So, striking that perfect middle ground is essential; that’s what creates magic.”
As the owner of T-House Productions, Umang emphasizes that executing a good theme party is far from easy. “It takes time and careful planning,” he says. “We don’t just order props online and call it a day. We research, design, and customize every detail, from the music playlist to the lighting tones. We want people to walk in and instantly feel transported into another world.” His approach goes beyond decoration; it’s about storytelling through space, sound, and energy.
“Finding the right venue is another crucial element,” Umang adds. “It needs to match the scale and mood of your theme. If you’re hosting a grand masquerade ball, a cozy café won’t cut it. But if you’re planning an intimate reading night, a large hall might feel cold and empty. The venue sets the tone; it’s the first impression guests get when they walk in.” He stresses that even logistical aspects like parking, accessibility, and acoustics can make or break the experience.
Sticking to a budget can be challenging, especially for a themed party, but with careful planning and smart choices, it’s possible to pull off a stunning event without overspending
Recognized in ET Panache’s 35 Under 35, Umang has built a name for seamlessly blending creativity with practicality. “Just like decorations, the food and drinks need to be on par with the theme,” he says. “You can’t have a tropical beach party with plain sandwiches and tea. Details matter; even serving cocktails with tiny umbrellas can add charm. We curate menus that not only match the theme visually but also enhance the mood of the night.”
Of course, even the best-planned event is nothing without excitement from the guests. “Hype is everything,” Umang grins. “Get people talking about your party before it even begins. Send creative invites, tease the theme on social media, maybe even drop a few costume hints. When people show up dressed the part, the energy automatically doubles. Everyone becomes a character, and that’s what makes it unforgettable.”
Budgeting, though often the least glamorous part of planning, is where most parties succeed or fail. “You can have a million ideas, but without a realistic budget, it all falls apart,” says Umang. “We help clients prioritize and focus on what truly matters. You don’t need to spend a fortune to make it look amazing. Sometimes, clever lighting or minimal decor can make a big impact.”
As we wrapped up, Umang left us with a piece of advice every aspiring host should remember: “A great party isn’t about perfection, it’s about connection,” he says with a smile. “You can have glittering décor and five-star catering, but if people aren’t smiling, laughing, and feeling good, it’s just another event. Focus on the vibe, make your guests feel special, and everything else will fall into place.”
In this particular case, it’s clear that the host poured a lot of time, energy, and creativity into planning the ball. But the decision not to invite her close friend raises an important question: was it fair to exclude someone she cares about, even if she thought her friend wouldn’t dress up? It’s a tricky balance between protecting the vision of an event and maintaining relationships. Some might argue that a true friend could still attend respectfully, while others may understand wanting to preserve the aesthetic. What’s your take: was she justified, or should she have handled things differently?
Many online felt the host should have still invited her friend, but made it clear that dressing according to the theme was required
Some commenters argued that both women were at fault, one for excluding, the other for not being open to compromise
Others defended the host, saying she put in tremendous effort to plan a themed event and deserved guests who shared her enthusiasm
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What do you think ?
UnclePanda 1 month ago
Right of refusal - "The dress code is mandatory and, although I know it's not something you're into, if you want to get on board with the theme, we'd love to have you at the party."
DrBronxx 1 month ago (edited)
Such a huge YTA. A big red flag reading this was right at the start when she immediately defended her book group as not being nerdy. She has has an online book club where they discuss historical fiction. It's nerdy. Own it. That was the first sign that appearances matter a little too much to OP. So much so that she didn't even give her friend the *chance* to decide whether she'd like to participate in the big soiree. I mean, how did OP think this was going to turn out - that the group were going to plan, prepare for, and enjoy this huge lavish event that is probably unlike anything they've ever done, and NOT talk about it? OP may consider the excluded person a friend, but I hope the friend realises that OP is *not* her friend.
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
Yeah that whole "we have a book club BUT ITS NOT NERDY, OKAY?" If she's that defensive just posting to a bunch of internet strangers, then how is she just in real life?
Load More Replies...
Rika 1 month ago
YTA. It would've been so simple to send her an invitation clearly mentioning the dress code. She could've chosen to either skip the event or show up in jeans. In the latter case, OP would have been in the right (and most likely backed up by the other guests) to tell her to leave. Not inviting someone on the assumption they're not gonna be interested is an AH move.
moggiemoo 1 month ago
The friend has form for this so it's not really an assumption, it's a certainty. If she insists on always playing by her own rules she should just accept that sometimes she won't be allowed to join the game.
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Jaya 1 month ago
She could have handled it much better. She could have asked her "Do you wanna get an invitation? I know you feel uncomfortable dressing up, and the party has a mandatory dress code, I really want the party to feel like we're in that world, so I really only want to invite people who are going to dress up in a big way. But I'd love to have you there, and I can help you dress up, but I also completely understand if you don't wanna dress up, so let me know whether to send you the invite". Also, some women feel really uncomfortable dressing up very feminine or dressing up while being themselves, but feel fine to dress up masculine or dress up while playing a character. So maybe she would have felt completely fine dressing up as a butler or something.
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
OP was immediately the AH for being so defensive about her book club being judged as "nerdy". What a weird thing to be so concerned about when posting to a bunch of internet strangers. Kind of outing herself for the type of person she is.
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
The mere fact she paid for the venue, catering, gowns, accessories and everything just to have some booktok party tells me she lives in a much different tax bracket than I do.
Antoinette the Red 1 month ago
Me too, but that has nothing to do with the story, or does it?
Load More Replies...
Auntriarch 1 month ago
Not inviting the person is beyond rude and unfriendly. She should have given the friend a chance. Even given her the opportunity to dress as a butler or something. But absolutely make it the friend's decision to join in or not. Oh, and keep your phone hidden in your reticule
Margaret Shannon 1 month ago
Now that I know who she really is inside, I don’t like OP and would never attend her book group, much less her party. I think I will invite Ms Casually-Dressed to my house for build-your-own pizza night and movies. Bet we'll have more fun! Plus, asking guests to pay to attend a party is tacky as hell.
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago (edited)
A*****e - send invite, say dress up is mandatory and no exceptions.
Catherine Kane 1 month ago
given that the"friend" lead with asking if OP wouldn't want her there if she wore regular clothes, she's sent a pretty clear entitled message. Think Op's choice is sound
Upstaged75 1 month ago
Telling the friend that she "wouldn't put effort in to looking good" was NOT the way to go about this. I agree that she should have invited her but said the dress code was mandatory. That being said, Sam sounds kind of exhausting.
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago
This woman thinks she's some upper-class broad but inside she is nothing but poor white trash.
Peter Bear 1 month ago
YTA. Have you never once run across the expression 'Don't judge a book by it's cover'? You're no friend, you're toxic and shallow.
Little Bit 1 month ago
YTA. How do you KNOW your friend wouldn't have been willing to dress up for the occasion? Even people who dress casually most of the time enjoy dressing up occasionally. And to say she would have ruined the aesthetics was downright rude and insulting and would have made her feel ugly and worthless. I don’t blame her for not talking to you. If I were her I wouldn’t want anything more to do with you.
Kellyann Conway 1 month ago
What if she would have wanted to participate if she could wear a tux instead of a ballgown?
UnclePanda 1 month ago
Right of refusal - "The dress code is mandatory and, although I know it's not something you're into, if you want to get on board with the theme, we'd love to have you at the party."
DrBronxx 1 month ago (edited)
Such a huge YTA. A big red flag reading this was right at the start when she immediately defended her book group as not being nerdy. She has has an online book club where they discuss historical fiction. It's nerdy. Own it. That was the first sign that appearances matter a little too much to OP. So much so that she didn't even give her friend the *chance* to decide whether she'd like to participate in the big soiree. I mean, how did OP think this was going to turn out - that the group were going to plan, prepare for, and enjoy this huge lavish event that is probably unlike anything they've ever done, and NOT talk about it? OP may consider the excluded person a friend, but I hope the friend realises that OP is *not* her friend.
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
Yeah that whole "we have a book club BUT ITS NOT NERDY, OKAY?" If she's that defensive just posting to a bunch of internet strangers, then how is she just in real life?
Load More Replies... Rika 1 month ago
YTA. It would've been so simple to send her an invitation clearly mentioning the dress code. She could've chosen to either skip the event or show up in jeans. In the latter case, OP would have been in the right (and most likely backed up by the other guests) to tell her to leave. Not inviting someone on the assumption they're not gonna be interested is an AH move.
moggiemoo 1 month ago
The friend has form for this so it's not really an assumption, it's a certainty. If she insists on always playing by her own rules she should just accept that sometimes she won't be allowed to join the game.
Load More Replies... Jaya 1 month ago
She could have handled it much better. She could have asked her "Do you wanna get an invitation? I know you feel uncomfortable dressing up, and the party has a mandatory dress code, I really want the party to feel like we're in that world, so I really only want to invite people who are going to dress up in a big way. But I'd love to have you there, and I can help you dress up, but I also completely understand if you don't wanna dress up, so let me know whether to send you the invite". Also, some women feel really uncomfortable dressing up very feminine or dressing up while being themselves, but feel fine to dress up masculine or dress up while playing a character. So maybe she would have felt completely fine dressing up as a butler or something.
JayWantsACat 1 month ago
OP was immediately the AH for being so defensive about her book club being judged as "nerdy". What a weird thing to be so concerned about when posting to a bunch of internet strangers. Kind of outing herself for the type of person she is.
Luke Branwen 1 month ago
The mere fact she paid for the venue, catering, gowns, accessories and everything just to have some booktok party tells me she lives in a much different tax bracket than I do.
Antoinette the Red 1 month ago
Me too, but that has nothing to do with the story, or does it?
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 1 month ago
Not inviting the person is beyond rude and unfriendly. She should have given the friend a chance. Even given her the opportunity to dress as a butler or something. But absolutely make it the friend's decision to join in or not. Oh, and keep your phone hidden in your reticule
Margaret Shannon 1 month ago
Now that I know who she really is inside, I don’t like OP and would never attend her book group, much less her party. I think I will invite Ms Casually-Dressed to my house for build-your-own pizza night and movies. Bet we'll have more fun! Plus, asking guests to pay to attend a party is tacky as hell.
KatSaidWhat 1 month ago (edited)
A*****e - send invite, say dress up is mandatory and no exceptions.
Catherine Kane 1 month ago
given that the"friend" lead with asking if OP wouldn't want her there if she wore regular clothes, she's sent a pretty clear entitled message. Think Op's choice is sound
Upstaged75 1 month ago
Telling the friend that she "wouldn't put effort in to looking good" was NOT the way to go about this. I agree that she should have invited her but said the dress code was mandatory. That being said, Sam sounds kind of exhausting.
Lee Gilliland 1 month ago
This woman thinks she's some upper-class broad but inside she is nothing but poor white trash.
Peter Bear 1 month ago
YTA. Have you never once run across the expression 'Don't judge a book by it's cover'? You're no friend, you're toxic and shallow.
Little Bit 1 month ago
YTA. How do you KNOW your friend wouldn't have been willing to dress up for the occasion? Even people who dress casually most of the time enjoy dressing up occasionally. And to say she would have ruined the aesthetics was downright rude and insulting and would have made her feel ugly and worthless. I don’t blame her for not talking to you. If I were her I wouldn’t want anything more to do with you.
Kellyann Conway 1 month ago
What if she would have wanted to participate if she could wear a tux instead of a ballgown?
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