Man Mistreats His Stepdaughter For Years, She Then Proceeds To Refuse To Help Him Out After Finding Out That He’s Seriously Sick
No matter how hard we sometimes try to do the right thing, there are times when life puts us in a position where we have to think about things long and hard before reaching some kind of solution, especially when it comes to family. From the day we are born, we are taught that these people are the ones we should trust and love the most. However, reality sometimes becomes very different from what we want things to be after finding out that even the closest people in our life are ready to turn their back on us. For this reason, Reddit user @u/Calm_Cover_3862 decided to reveal a little bit of her family story and ask people online whether she was right to dismiss her half-sister’s plea to help her dad who is now terribly ill. The reason for her harsh yet probably right decision was that he didn’t want to raise his stepdaughter, even though he agreed to be part of this blended family.
More Info: Reddit
Family is considered to be one of the most important things in a person’s life. But what if these people are the same ones who turned their back on you?
Image credits: JBLM MWR (not the actual image)
The woman started her story by sharing that when she was just a few months old, her mom met her stepdad, with whom she later welcomed another daughter named Katie. When Katie was born, the author of the post was just 4 years old, but she already knew how much her stepdad resented her. From the first day he met OP, he made it very clear that he didn’t want to raise her and that she would always be someone else’s kid and not his. While she had to suffer his neglect, her half-sister got everything she wanted or needed from him. And it seemed that for the longest time, Katie didn’t understand or perhaps didn’t want to admit that her dad didn’t like his stepdaughter. She was quite sure that if OP asked for the same things that Katie received, she would get that too. However, the reality for the older daughter was very different.
A 24-year-old decided to share her family story in hopes to find out if she was wrong to refuse to help her ill stepdad
Image credits: u/Calm_Cover_3862
For the reason that she was disregarded by her parents, the author of the post revealed that just before her 18th birthday, she left the family home. The woman even shared that not that long after that, her mom died, but her stepdad didn’t even let her say a final goodbye to her mother. So this was another reason why the young woman decided to break off contact with her family.
The woman shared that her stepdad despised her her whole life because she wasn’t his kid, but adored her half-sister
Image credits: u/Calm_Cover_3862
Probably that’s how their relationship would’ve ended if Katie hadn’t contacted her sister with some news about her dad, who is seriously ill. The 20-year-old called her older half-sister to ask for help as she didn’t want her dad to suffer his final time all alone. However, OP didn’t see why she should help him if he never really cared about her. This is when her sister once again started saying that he was a good father to both of them and that they shouldn’t leave him all alone.
Not only did OP’s stepdad seem neglectful, but her mom didn’t care too much about her older daughter either
Image credits: Tom Brogan (not the actual image)
When the woman once again told her that she doesn’t want to help the person that despised her so badly, the sister then confessed that she can’t do this all by herself. OP advised her to find someone who could help her with this, once again explaining that she won’t be that person when she was then called “selfish” for not wanting to assist her half-sister in this difficult situation. This is when the author of the post started doubting herself and turned to people online for some advice.
The woman’s half-sister never understood why she didn’t like their dad as they were treated extremely differently
Image credits: u/Calm_Cover_3862
This story started a lengthy discussion online where OP revealed some additional information about her relationship with her mom, how she feels about her sister, and explanations on why she doesn’t want to find out who her real dad is. A lot of people expressed their support for OP after finding out that she was robbed of a safe and happy childhood. Some of them even suggested that the woman should give her sister a chance and perhaps even try to maintain some kind of relationship knowing that she’s probably the only family that she has. What is your take on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
The woman decided to move out before her 18th birthday and didn’t even attend her mom’s funeral because of her stepdad
Image credits: u/Calm_Cover_3862
The hassle continued after OP’s sister contacted her and shared that her dad was diagnosed with a serious illness
Image credits: u/Calm_Cover_3862
Not liking your stepparent is quite a common occurrence in blended families. We’ve probably read some books or seen movies and TV shows showing a kid having a troubled relationship with their stepmom or stepdad. But why don’t stepparents like their stepkids? The fact that stepparents aren’t supposed to instantly fall in love with their stepkids may come as a relief for those who find it hard to get used to their new role. What if you never wanted to be a parent in the first place, and now you’ve found the love of your life who already has kids? It might be difficult to adjust to the new situation and let not one, but a few people into your life.
The 20-year-old asked her half-sister to help her to take care of their dad, however, she disagreed
Image credits: u/Calm_Cover_3862
It’s also hard to love someone else’s kid when they themselves are going through a tough time and perhaps don’t want to have a very close relationship with you because they don’t want to hurt their other parent. While there might be many other reasons, it’s important to not dismiss your feelings but to talk about them and admit to going through some rough times trying to have a healthy relationship with your stepkid. Talking with your partner about it and perhaps finding some common ground on how to proceed further is the first and most important step. It’s also crucial to give yourself and your stepkid some time to adjust and find things to bond over together.
Despite not wanting to help her stepdad, the woman started doubting her decision
Image credits: Nenad Sojkovic (not the actual image)
A lot of people online expressed their support to the 24-year-old and agreed with her decision to stay out of it
Some were curious to know if she perhaps wants to do this to maintain a relationship with her half-sister
Image credits: u/Calm_Cover_3862
The OP didn't eat with them at dinner, didn't go to movies or restaurants and didn't get the same clothing as Katie. Katie also heard and saw the way the father treated her. She must also remember that OP was not there for her mother's funeral, and that she left the home 6 years previous. Nope. This is some serious gaslighting. Katie may be 20, but she must recognize the pain her father put her sister through.
It took one of my sisters 20 years to realize how badly my parents abused me. She actually apologized for not trying to stop it and helping them by acting like the abuse was my fault, while growing up. Sometimes it takes a while.
Load More Replies...I’m waiting for the day my sister wants me to help look after our mother (I have NC with either of them) and I look forward to telling her f*ck no.
F*CK Yea! Revenge is good. Revenge is very good. You should throw a huge party instead and make sure your sister is VERY aware of it. Start saving up for it now! Make it epic.
Load More Replies...The sister is looking for validation because the thought of her dad being a bad dude is something she can't accept. So she's trying to force OP into her viewpoint so she never has to be uncomfortable. So sad
Or she doesn't care and just wants someone else to be unpaid labor while she goes out & has fun. All the questions as a kid could have been disingenuous, too. A way to stick pins into the unloved child while claiming innocence.
Load More Replies...My parents hated me. They constantly told me they didn't like me as I was growing up. Tossed me out at 17, and made it very clear that they never wanted to see me again. My sisters, they treated like they could do no wrong. One of my sisters reached out to me about a year ago saying that my parents needed help as they were aging. I told her that I haven't seen, or heard from them in almost 40 years, and they wanted that way. Who am I to go against their wishes?
They've got some f*****g nerve crying that they need you.........now. sure noooow they need you. How selfish.
Load More Replies...Op should not let the sister off so lightly as being "too young to understand" at 12! My oldest two are 4 and 6 and they will not accept unequal treatment and not just in favour of themselves, they will share stuff between themselves or try to refuse something if they don't think it's fair on their sibling. Twelve is MORE than old enough to comprehend how unfair her sister's life has been.
Especially not eating with them. That is Cinderella level s**t.
Load More Replies...I am so sorry that your mother failed you. She should have never married your stepfather. She should have said, "We are a packaged deal. Either you accept my daughter as your own or this relationship is not happening." Obviously, your mother had issues. Why would she marry a man like your stepfather. You are under no obligation to care for that abusive man. Don't let your half sister guilt you into doing it. Your sister is in complete denial about your relationship with your stepfather. She wants to believe her father is a saint.
My wife had three kids from her first marriage. I told them I wasn't their dad (the deadbeat was still in the picture), but I treated them as I would any child I was responsible for raising - good times and bad. When the youngest was 15, my wife and I had our daughter. I treat my daughter the same as my stepkids (though my wife spoils her to the point where I have said something). I don't understand being in a relationship with someone who is dismissive of your children. Or getting into a relationship where you think you can box out the kids...
Katie is confused because OP isn’t accepting her role as the family goat anymore. As the goat, OP should be scrambling to gain the favour of the father and the golden child. OP wants to maintain a relationship with her sister but it may not be possible because of these entrenched roles.
OP is a person, who thru no fault of her own was "raised" by two complete j******.Mother was only interested in him,He hates OP. sister is not getting it. Sit her down in a neutral place,( park ,diner,etc ) and explain to her exactly what you went through because of your so-called parents. If she didn't understand why you never got to go with her/ them. Why didn't she ever stay with you ,not them? That one question you need to ask her. He is HER father NOT yours.
Yes, Katie was old enough to know what was going on. She could have tried to stand up for her sister and confront her father with his favouritism. But she didn’t - she continued to live in la-la princess land.
Load More Replies...In a situation like this, DO NOT give in, EVER. NO, NO, NO to being involved on ANY level w/ step dad. When people are sick who cannot take care of themselves they go to a hospital or a nursing home. This guy isn't your responsibility. He was your abuser. Don't feel guilty about saying no. It is self preservation. This so-called step-dad needs a different name, because he was not a dad to you. You are really young & it takes years to heal from abuse. Your reality growing up is not your sister's. I hope you can find love & support w/ friends💜💙💜
Some people are a bonus parent, some are a step-parent, while others such as this monster are a parent's spouse only.
Load More Replies...I agree with everyone. OP owes no one from that family anything. Ever. I do think we can agree with OP without completely vilifying her sister. 20 years old is still a youth brain. And she's looking at being an orphan. Her perception is skewed and self centered and OP doesn't need to entertain her demands /request for help, even if I have a small bit of empathy for her.
Have you ever looked for your bio dad ? Does he know about you? I'm so sorry this happened to you. My eldest sister was adopted by our dad when she was about a year old. He never ever ever saw that as anything but that was his daughter he was my best friend. I haven't talked to my mom in four years though and it feels good to get the toxicity out.
That's my question. Where was her actual father, while all this was happening?
Load More Replies...This dynamic is not as uncommon as people might think, whether the siblings are adopted/step/half/blood. Even family members can put grandchildren and nieces/nephews to the same abuse. There's a golden child(ren) and scapegoat(s). This is why it's confusing for people who did have good childhoods and healthy parental/guardian relationships blinded by the abuse of another. How could one parent(s) love certain kids and loathe the other? When love and respect are weaponized to divide it's hard for either to see what the other is seeing bc they grew up in the same household but entirely different lives. As adults if the golden child continues to deny the abuse of their sibling(s), then they are unwittingly continuing the cycle of abuse on behalf of their parent(s). The scapegoat child(dren) never hold the golden ones accountable, but the golden child(ren) are complicit bc they were groomed to continue the abuse. It's not favouritism, it's plain abuse.
Someone else might have said this, but I hope that the OP doubled down on the "he told me himself that he is not my father, so I have no father to help". His own words are reason enough that she is not obligated to help. Also, if he really wants to make amends to fix all the years of abuse (which he does not have a right to just because he's sick), using OP's sister instead of talking to OP himself is a horrible way to do it. NTA and I would not respond to sister unless it was something not-father related.
There is no damn way in hell I would ever put my kids through this, and I don't care what the man had to offer. My kids have different dads (been married twice), and my current husband is closer to his own, but accepts mine as his. He is actually really gentle with her, and treats both my children as equals, just as I do. Now, when it comes to health things, I would not expect my oldest to drop everything and run to help with my husband. In fact I wouldn't expect either of my kids to do that....it's not their responsibility. I would, however, expect them to be there for one another - just not in this situation. The mom was the ultimate AH in OP's situation. I mean, it's not normal for a child to not even be allowed to eat with the rest of the family. And for the mom to act helpless in this situation, no. My babies are first and if you can't accept them, you aren't getting me. End of discussion.
This right here. I had 4 children with my first husband, when I finally left him (too many reasons to get into) I had already heard that no one would want me with 4 kids so many times... The man I chose later on (the kids were between the ages of 4 and 10 when we got together) is good to my children, accepts my grandchildren as his own, and has earned their love and respect. It wouldn't have gotten far if he had mistreated any of my children. They come first.
Load More Replies...Truly sad! Your half-sister is well aware of the volatile relationship you had with her Dad she is not deaf or blind. She is 20, most likely has no money and does not want the full burden of tending to her dad … that’s were you come in! Your NTA! Would be curious to know the last time you actually had contact with her prior to her calling for help.
NTA. The Beatles said that, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. This guy made none, he gets to take none. Equation intact.
Walk away run away do whatever you have to do to be away from that toxic man!
The sister was aware of what her dad was doing to the OP even as a kid or she wouldn't have asked the questions she asked.
I wouldn't feel bad at all. Let Katie deal with her great dad who NO ONE wants to help out with...he probably treated everyone around him shitty. As you live, so you die. People are crazy to expect compassion and care from people that they have mistreated. Katie needs to take care of HER dad. Letter writer deserves peace from both of those fools!
She had every right to refuse an abuser who neglected his step daughter , him rot in hell and her whinning sister spoiled brat to step up to the plate.
Nope he has already caused enough pain. Your sister is old enough to realize what went on. I found out long ago why some elderly are abandoned in nursing homes he is lucky he has someone but it doesn't have to be you.
Well, I have made my judgment and am at peace with it: Absolutely, positively, I could not emphasize this more, NTA!!! He was an ice king to OP when she was younger, so may he rot his days away painfully with just Katie to help him. I feel a little for Katie but not enough to not condemn her miserable excuse of a father and OP's ignorant excuse of a mother. She's 20 now so she should be wiser and honestly, OP owes her and them, nothing!
The stepfather sounds like a sociopath. He took pleasure in abusing her and made sure she knew he despised her. Cut him out of your life. I don't know about the half-sister. It's hard to say if she's just using you or if she's delusional because she's young.. Not many people would still defend the man after witnessing the years of abuse.
Screw him and her. Go on about your life and don't look back. Been there done this. Stepdad hated me and always on my case while his son always in and out of jail was the favorite. I left and never looked back. Even when he died I did not care
Katie knows her parents treated OP like c**p, she probably helped it along. Tell her to get doubly lost. Until she admits he was a total creep to his stepdaughter ALL HER LIFE, she deserves no contact. Don't for one minute feel guilt. He'd probably continue to abuse OP during care for him. It's masochism to want him back for more psychological trauma. Katie is proving she's just like him now.
What a very tough situation but then again, you reap what you sow. I presume Katie still lives at home and will inherit her father’s estate. There are hospice facilities she can contact. But can the abused sister in good conscience leave her little sister to figure it all out herself and offer no support? I dunno. I’m glad she got therapy after she escaped that horrible “home” environment, but the effects of neglect and abuse can linger, affecting all aspects of life. The tormentor will soon be gone but can she develop a better relationship with her one remaining relative? Does she want to? Sometimes you do have to close the book.
Damn. This really hurt to read. Poor kid. I couldn't imagine living in a home with this tension surrounding me. Especially as a damn kid! When you're little, You know when an adult is angry or upset. You can feel it. You can't really make sense as to why a lot of the time.. but you know that negative energy is around... so knowing that energy was because of you has to be horrible to grow up with. I bet she always thinks she's the problem in relationships or thinks ppl are mad at her. I bet she's even more surprised when ppl don't feel that way & want to love her because it was something that she didn't receive for free in her childhood. When she should have. I just wanna give OP hug & adopt her into my family. My own family was horrible growing up. But my father wasn't. He's passed now. But it breaks my heart that she doesn't have a family to be there for her.
Guy is a d**k, goes without saying, but so is your mum for sticking with him after he said (unbelievably) that you would never mean anything to him. Good riddance a*****e man.
Not your problem. He treated u like s**t and your mother allowed it. When u get treated like your not part 〽️ f a family and favoritism is shown over the other kid or kids. The best thing to do that is get on with your life and stay far away. U owe this Hateful SOB NOTHING. Let the bio daughter take it n the creep.
OP is right. She should not help her father but more importantly, he wouldn’t want her help anyway. He’s what the IChing would call a “small man” due to his lack of moral strength and character. Many men have adopted other men’s children through marriage and loved them as their own. This guy had no heart. He deserves to die alone. I hope he thinks about his past behavior and realizes why OP has deserted him.
You know something you are right to don't give a .... But pay a visit and told this man in his face that you are not going to help him and to rot in hell. There is not forgiveness to someone who will mistreat a innocent child, the scars will show for a long time if not for life.
Sounds like Katie never intervened or tried to use the goodwill her father felt toward her to influence her father's attitude toward her sister. Katie is likely going to be the sole heir to the father's estate, which includes the mother's estate already. I would tell Katie you will help her IF she persuades the father to add you as a beneficiary in his will, and leave you and your sister an equal 50% to PROVE once and for all he cares about you. You know he will not do this. You can waive this denial in Katie's face as the last proof of her father's hateful regard for you, and just walk away.
My God this is just awful, I feel so bad for her after reading all the horrible things they put her through. This is yet another case of "not my child so I'm going to abuse/ignore them" syndrome from men. It happened to me as a child but was more severe. I was physically and mentally abused as a child by my tormentor/stepfather and was also severely neglected and my horrible mom who went along with it. My half brother was also the Golden child. Though my brother and I are on good terms, he didn't remember any of the abuse, mostly because it happened when he was not around, and my dad got custody of us when I was 11 and he was like 7. She is not in the wrong, he went out of his way to make her feel like she was not his daughter in anyway. He purposely made her feel unloved and unwanted. She has no obligation to help him or her sister. Throw him in a nursing home if her sister can't be a caretaker full time for him.
Think of it this way:. Would your step-father help you if you were extremely ill? No, he wouldn't. Also, it sounds like his illness is going to become terminal. Do you want to take care of this man for YEARS until it does? He is an AH and he will die an AH.
Wow, this really is the easiest NTA ever. Write your sister a nice, long letter explaining everything, then change your phone number and cut contact. This is a situation I'm quite familiar with, unfortunately. As the golden child she's been taught that you were mistreated because of something you did. She doesn't understand that you were mistreated because you had the nerve to exist. That's why she always insisted that if you would just fawn harder over Daddy he'll like you. She's not likely to ever understand. Time for baby to grow up, like you had to at 6 months old.
Sounds to me like Katie is simple minded or trying to treat her sister like her dad did by pushing him off on her tomake it easy on herself.
OP is NTA for not wanting to help with the stepdad. OP should make it clear to step sister that she is there to help HER during this difficult time - ask is there anything that is NOT related to the stepdad you can help with. Do not continue to tell her her dad was a jerk - she's not going to hear it. Sometime in the future she may (or she may never be ready to understand). Reiterate that YOUR experiences with you mom and stepdad were different than hers, let her no that you are glad that she did not have to live through what you did - and that you cannot think we'll of THEM. Separate your experiences from hers and maybe you can salvage some type of a relationship with her. Don't burn that bridge unless you really need to.
Big time. OP'S stepfather planted the knife in her heart, Katie twisted it, and OP'S mother watched and encouraged it. Time for OP to go completely, totally NC. The Toxic Trio created the brew; Daddy and Daughter Dearest are now obliged to drink it. Every. Bitter. Drop.
Load More Replies...This is your time, OP!!! Drink their tears! Celebrate! Treat yourself! Live well and spite them all. And remember what you already know: Katie is not your friend. She's their accomplice and their protegee. She will continue to let her happiness trump others' suffering for the rest of her life. Your mother and stepfather programmed her to be that way. Get free!
I had a very similar upbringing. My stepfather met my mom when I was a toddler. He fell for her, but I was part of the package, like it or not. I have no good memories of his arrival into our lives. Screaming fights with my grandmother, the person I loved most next to my mom. His treatment of me was to humiliate me and say he was teasing. Nothing I ever did was good enough. But he hid this all from my mom...and she loved him, so I wasn't about to tell her. They had 2 sons, so they were treated differently, just like OPs situation. I too never asked for anything and left home as soon as I could. I'm 58 now, and when my stepfather died 11 years ago, I didn't care at all...never went to the funeral either. And I had told my brothers years ago that if he needed care in the future it was on them...I was out.
You owe that man ZERO. He set the tone for your childhood, your sense of self and your identity. And robbed you from it. But instead of breaking you and making you into a Psychological disaster, it made you strong and resilient. Your mum did not deserve a beautiful daughter like you. Your half sister is not tone deaf and blind so she does not get a pass from me. She's not stupid and was right there when you grew up. You owe her zero along with her father. At 16, you know s**t and she knew. Let her deal with her daddy. Remove yourself from that negative train and go find your rainbow. You NTA. You have a good heart.
Wow. She’s a complete sweetheart for doubting her decision. I would’ve told her sister to F off and tell her “dad“ to rot in hell. She did the best thing for herself. Way to go girl.
If I were the OP, I'd be going completely non contact with the sister. She sounds selfish and self-absorbed.
"She was fine with that" .........unreal. I will never ...as long as I f*****g live... I will NEVER understand these toxic f*****g women putting their SPERM DONATING D**K APPOINTMENTS......before their WHOLE LIVING F*****G CHILD.......often a daughter.... which. Men and especially boys get s/ad and r***d plenty despite no media EVER covering it bc it doesn't fit the narrative of men bad. So they all suffer in silence. But their own f*****g "Mother" ??!... being the one responsible.
Very heartbreaking that the older sister never got any sort of love from her step-dad or mom.. Her mom was very desperate and selfish woman who compromised her own child to marry a hateful person.. How could she allow her child to be neglected and try to pretend her life was good..and the younger sister knew what was going on but was in denial about it.. She should not have married a person who was not willing to accept her daughter as his own.. Shows that he did not truly love his wife.. Cant blame the older daughter for not helping..
NTA, by any means. But your sister is young; young people are often so self-centered, they genuinely don't see things objectively. I wouldn't give that man one minute of your life. However, siblings are different and you should try to maintain a relationship.
I cannot express how sad and angry I feel right now. This article is the Top of the way our society has become. And the biggest reason our country is where it's at today. I really don't want to run on and on about how you were forced to grow up. And the none ending treatment from that I can't even say man because he wasn't. The years of loneliness and heartbreak you had to endure is beyond what anyone should have to go through. I hope you can get through this one day. And I really hope you know that there are many many human beings out there that treat others with Love kindness and compassion. Our world has gone down the Shitter the past 30 years. To the point of its mine and give me give me now!!! Parents have just stopped raising their children and society has accepted this new world of hatred, no morals,no respect, and KILLING. If a kid gets mad these days. Parents just hand them a phone. Our civilization is being destroyed and no one CARES. So try to remember that there are GOOD
Normal is a relative term. Her "normal" is not your "normal" even if you did live together. She didn't have abuse and disgust at every turn. Sorry you had to endure it and had no one to support you. You owe only yourself peace - them, nothing. Research hospices for her. That is enough. Good luck.
No, her sister picked up on the stepfather's cues long ago. Tell her to pay for help. And go live a fulfilling life.
When my dad got with my stepmom, his very first rule was simple: he had a young daughter and if she didn't accept that or didn't treat me like a mother would, he wouldn't stay with her. I was unbelievably lucky to have her in my life because even though we aren't blood she's treated me like her own for as long as I've known her. That mother clearly didn't care in the least about OP, if she was forcing her to endure being told by her "dad" that he didn't care about her. He deserved to die alone for his cruelty.
Go to him and tell him to his face don't care if he's a dying . I spat right in my Dad's face when I was 15 for all my childhood trama and wudda got Momma too if she didn't run in the house and locked the doors ..I was the baby of 17 and the lawyer couldn't even help me sue them 4 psychology monies lawyer said not a one of the brother or sisters will come forward and tell judge I'm was telling the truth
Tbh, I was nervous that my sister and mom were going to ask me to fly to GA to help with my ex step dad (sisters dad)... he stole everything from me (my life). He robbed us 20+ years. And finally my mom left him in 2020. A few months after the pandemic started... I would support my sister. I love her. I dont want her to deal with things like this alone. But at the same time. I owe nothing to him. And I would tell him that to his face... hospital bed or not... I think it got to the point that my sister and mom stopped telling me whats going on because I wouldn't have the "omg thats so terrible" reaction... id just be like "oh..."... I spent my whole life feeling hated because of that guy and now im finally in a decent mental place. And im safe. Why the hell would I go try to help someone who won't even help himself? And honestly, that's the same question you need to ask yourself... even if you did go help because of your sister... not because of him....
The half sister has the easy role of commentator when everything has been on her side. It's easy to say "do this, do that" when you wear privilege. It's also emotionally immature and is just using previous example on how to treat someone without empathy or compassion. Two options: walk away or set strict boundaries on how you will help her not him. No one should be obligated to help their abuser.
The funny thing about all these stories with stepchildren and step parents is that after a while it becomes obvious what is wrong with our society, yet we choose to blatantly ignore it, all the while making it exponentially worse.
My hald sisters dad dad died when they were 4 nd 5. My mom.had an affair and boom i was born. My bio dad wanted nothing to do with me. So my mom met a man 2 years later and i needed medical care and this man wanted a wife and a kid of his own. So they married, adopted me and had my half brother. My whole life i was treated differently. I was called the bastard child because my dad didnt want me. My sisters treat me like c**p and i disowned my brothr. My mom treated us all like slaves. We were told daily what mistakes we were. My sisters left at 15 and 16. I left my mom at 11 to go with my adopted dad. He is my dad. Blood and dna dont matter. He has been my only.constant is this hell.of a life. I miss having siblings but i dont miss the trauma. My childhood turned into 15 year drug addiction to erase the pain of being unwanted and told my whole what pos i was. I am 36 have my OWN loving accepting. I have a great husband and 2 kids who i have been blessed with.
I promised myself from the time i was 7 i would be everything my mom wasnt. I tell my kids everyday how loved and wanted they are. My daughter is 12 and my son 16 and i am celebrating my 18 yr anniversary tomorrow. My kids seen stuff they shouldnt and i wish i could take it all.back but i did break the cycle of abuse. Therapy and treatment was the best choice ever
Load More Replies...OP you need to go on with your life. Your sister was not that young to see that you was treated differently and I also blame your Mother. Because there are men that have loved and nourished children along with their biological children and you never knew the difference. This man distinctly wanted you to know that you were not welcomed and was wondering why you wanted the things and the love he was giving his child. Your step-sister is selfish and she need to take the full responsibility to take care of the father that cherished the ground she walked on. Go on with your life and don:t look back because you Mother, your Step-father, and your Half-sister never gave you a second thought of your emotional and caring needs. You are doing the right thing...Don't Look Back. GOD have blessed you to live your life and please do not feel guilty. Ask GOD in the name of Jesus to forgive you for turning her down, and ask him not to hold it against you and ask GOD that you will never need her.
Cut your ties. No one needs that kind of negativity. Obviously the younger step sister is still way too immature to understand. Blood is NOT thicker than water!!! MAYBE 20 yrs from now she’ll understand. But don’t hold your breath.
Did that grudge you hold/held against your parents cloud your perception of them and possibly how you talked to them. My oldest blames me for her mother passing away, even though we were not together and she moved to another city. My daughter says she has no clothes. Except she has 2 double door closets full and she likes to cut her clothes, even though we ask her not to ruin her clothes. Why buy new clothes all the time when they will just get ruined. All im saying is it's always a two way street. My daughter would jump online, tell her side and how much of a jerk i am, because i wont let her wear her cut up clothes to school, but she left out the clothes are cut right below her butt. She'll say its her body her choice. But when we are getting a call in the middle of the day to bring her new clothes, because the ones shes wearing are to provocative. As i tell my children everyday, be the bigger person! Don't stoop to their level. Either be just like him, or better than him.
OP you got nothing to feel guilty about girl. He was no stepdad to u he in not a real man A REAL MAN treats his step son/daughter the same as his own.he bullied her constantly through our her life reminding her every chance he got that she was not his and never will be and now he,is dieing.KARMA is a bastard ay nobody to blame but yourself if u had of been a real man and brought OP up just like katie.wich Katie knew her dad was like that with OP all the time. ANd she still has the cheek to ask her sis for help she never helped op when she was needing it did she no sha didnae I've been through something like wot op has been through so I know how she feels if u don't want to do it don't let them pressure u by using any and all the guilt tricks do fall for any of them OP hope u get the life that deserve which is one that will be filled with nothing but love and happiness one love people peace out 🏴🥃👻🇺🇦
It's interesting how many stories there are like this. Parents in modern times who are still youngish and healthy treating their kids badly only to find out later they will one day need them badly in their old age and they won't be there to help them. In older times, parents used to sat they had kids so they will have someone to take care of them in their old age, and parented accordingly.
"She was fine with that" ..... then she isn't a mother. How repulsive. Your kids are part of the deal. What the f**k is wrong with some people I stg.
I agree that you should cut them both out of your life for your mental & emotional health. Your sister sounds like she is still in denial! You don't owe anyone anything in that so called (very dysfunctional) family. Slam the door shut & RUN LIKE HELL!
Correction: If after he has died and you think you want to reach out to her, do it in your timeline.
You have lived through so much pain. You are right to stand up for yourself.. Tell your sister you don't want anything to do with him and she should back off. If you haven't elaborated on things in detail of how you were treated, do it now. Don't presume she has any memory of your life. She was raised to be selfish and in her own ivory castle. She lives in her own world and is unable to relate to you. I'm so glad you got counseling. Everytime she calls she is rubbing salt in the wounds, causing you to relive the pain and feelings from your childhood. For now you should sever all ties with her. If, after he has died you think you want to reach out to her for do in your timeline. With the understanding that like religion and politics your family won't be discussed. Should she not honor that request then leave and don't look back. Please take care of yourself, you have done well to stay strong.
Funny thing is my older siblings actually had my bio dad their lives more often than I did. My parents split when I was 10 after 15 years together. My mom and I moved away from our hometown when I was 13 but my oldest sibling were adults by then so they still lived in the same town as "our" dad. My dad always introduces even my extended family as his own. My maternal cousins that still live nearby are his nieces and nephews. This is cruel and bizarre on the dad's part.
The people you treat badly now, you might need them later, and they won't want anything to do with you...and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
Treatment like what she went through, you're better off without them in your life. Accepting toxicity from people who aren't worth the trauma they bring with them isn't doing any favors. Some bridges are not only better off burned, they should be blown to Kingdom come.
Load More Replies...I would say, "ADIOS & SOYONARS. That means getty-up, I'm out of here. You get the idea. LOL!
Based on what you have disclosed re your upbringing I would ask yourself how you feel. If you feel you dont owe him anything then be true to that. If you can live with the possible consequences and feelings of doing that. The fact that u r second guessing yourself and asking strangers for validation means you r not totally comfortable with walking away.
This is just me, but I think that the OP should go see this man and have Katie with her. Maybe if she sees her father treat the OP like c**p now,she might finally get it and leave her alone.
This is a difficult pill to swallow.... it is not good to speak ill of the dead ... but mum did not pave the way she did not secure her child's interest ... but clearly you are not mean spirited ... so your contribution is minimum... you can give X dollars ... and that is it ... at the end only sis will benefit because HE is not leaving anything for her ...so minimum or nothing.
The reddit stated she didn't know her natural father, the mother was with different men. We don't even know that her father knows she exists. She would have probably been better off with him. Of course a natural father would be expected to provide love and support for his children. The point is how she was treated by her stepfather who married her mother knowing she had a precious baby. He is an AH. Her mother is an AH for staying with him. "This is why you don't get involved with someone who has children"?? You mean unless you're willing to accept them as your own and treat them well, right? I disagree so strongly with what you seem to be inferring. And why are you saying she "chose" to eat alone? Also as she was an infant when her mother got with this man, what could she have possibly done to earn his mistreatment at that age forward? "I wonder why..."? ??? Lastly, is this sarcasm? If so it's not coming across. Just no, sir.
Load More Replies...The OP didn't eat with them at dinner, didn't go to movies or restaurants and didn't get the same clothing as Katie. Katie also heard and saw the way the father treated her. She must also remember that OP was not there for her mother's funeral, and that she left the home 6 years previous. Nope. This is some serious gaslighting. Katie may be 20, but she must recognize the pain her father put her sister through.
It took one of my sisters 20 years to realize how badly my parents abused me. She actually apologized for not trying to stop it and helping them by acting like the abuse was my fault, while growing up. Sometimes it takes a while.
Load More Replies...I’m waiting for the day my sister wants me to help look after our mother (I have NC with either of them) and I look forward to telling her f*ck no.
F*CK Yea! Revenge is good. Revenge is very good. You should throw a huge party instead and make sure your sister is VERY aware of it. Start saving up for it now! Make it epic.
Load More Replies...The sister is looking for validation because the thought of her dad being a bad dude is something she can't accept. So she's trying to force OP into her viewpoint so she never has to be uncomfortable. So sad
Or she doesn't care and just wants someone else to be unpaid labor while she goes out & has fun. All the questions as a kid could have been disingenuous, too. A way to stick pins into the unloved child while claiming innocence.
Load More Replies...My parents hated me. They constantly told me they didn't like me as I was growing up. Tossed me out at 17, and made it very clear that they never wanted to see me again. My sisters, they treated like they could do no wrong. One of my sisters reached out to me about a year ago saying that my parents needed help as they were aging. I told her that I haven't seen, or heard from them in almost 40 years, and they wanted that way. Who am I to go against their wishes?
They've got some f*****g nerve crying that they need you.........now. sure noooow they need you. How selfish.
Load More Replies...Op should not let the sister off so lightly as being "too young to understand" at 12! My oldest two are 4 and 6 and they will not accept unequal treatment and not just in favour of themselves, they will share stuff between themselves or try to refuse something if they don't think it's fair on their sibling. Twelve is MORE than old enough to comprehend how unfair her sister's life has been.
Especially not eating with them. That is Cinderella level s**t.
Load More Replies...I am so sorry that your mother failed you. She should have never married your stepfather. She should have said, "We are a packaged deal. Either you accept my daughter as your own or this relationship is not happening." Obviously, your mother had issues. Why would she marry a man like your stepfather. You are under no obligation to care for that abusive man. Don't let your half sister guilt you into doing it. Your sister is in complete denial about your relationship with your stepfather. She wants to believe her father is a saint.
My wife had three kids from her first marriage. I told them I wasn't their dad (the deadbeat was still in the picture), but I treated them as I would any child I was responsible for raising - good times and bad. When the youngest was 15, my wife and I had our daughter. I treat my daughter the same as my stepkids (though my wife spoils her to the point where I have said something). I don't understand being in a relationship with someone who is dismissive of your children. Or getting into a relationship where you think you can box out the kids...
Katie is confused because OP isn’t accepting her role as the family goat anymore. As the goat, OP should be scrambling to gain the favour of the father and the golden child. OP wants to maintain a relationship with her sister but it may not be possible because of these entrenched roles.
OP is a person, who thru no fault of her own was "raised" by two complete j******.Mother was only interested in him,He hates OP. sister is not getting it. Sit her down in a neutral place,( park ,diner,etc ) and explain to her exactly what you went through because of your so-called parents. If she didn't understand why you never got to go with her/ them. Why didn't she ever stay with you ,not them? That one question you need to ask her. He is HER father NOT yours.
Yes, Katie was old enough to know what was going on. She could have tried to stand up for her sister and confront her father with his favouritism. But she didn’t - she continued to live in la-la princess land.
Load More Replies...In a situation like this, DO NOT give in, EVER. NO, NO, NO to being involved on ANY level w/ step dad. When people are sick who cannot take care of themselves they go to a hospital or a nursing home. This guy isn't your responsibility. He was your abuser. Don't feel guilty about saying no. It is self preservation. This so-called step-dad needs a different name, because he was not a dad to you. You are really young & it takes years to heal from abuse. Your reality growing up is not your sister's. I hope you can find love & support w/ friends💜💙💜
Some people are a bonus parent, some are a step-parent, while others such as this monster are a parent's spouse only.
Load More Replies...I agree with everyone. OP owes no one from that family anything. Ever. I do think we can agree with OP without completely vilifying her sister. 20 years old is still a youth brain. And she's looking at being an orphan. Her perception is skewed and self centered and OP doesn't need to entertain her demands /request for help, even if I have a small bit of empathy for her.
Have you ever looked for your bio dad ? Does he know about you? I'm so sorry this happened to you. My eldest sister was adopted by our dad when she was about a year old. He never ever ever saw that as anything but that was his daughter he was my best friend. I haven't talked to my mom in four years though and it feels good to get the toxicity out.
That's my question. Where was her actual father, while all this was happening?
Load More Replies...This dynamic is not as uncommon as people might think, whether the siblings are adopted/step/half/blood. Even family members can put grandchildren and nieces/nephews to the same abuse. There's a golden child(ren) and scapegoat(s). This is why it's confusing for people who did have good childhoods and healthy parental/guardian relationships blinded by the abuse of another. How could one parent(s) love certain kids and loathe the other? When love and respect are weaponized to divide it's hard for either to see what the other is seeing bc they grew up in the same household but entirely different lives. As adults if the golden child continues to deny the abuse of their sibling(s), then they are unwittingly continuing the cycle of abuse on behalf of their parent(s). The scapegoat child(dren) never hold the golden ones accountable, but the golden child(ren) are complicit bc they were groomed to continue the abuse. It's not favouritism, it's plain abuse.
Someone else might have said this, but I hope that the OP doubled down on the "he told me himself that he is not my father, so I have no father to help". His own words are reason enough that she is not obligated to help. Also, if he really wants to make amends to fix all the years of abuse (which he does not have a right to just because he's sick), using OP's sister instead of talking to OP himself is a horrible way to do it. NTA and I would not respond to sister unless it was something not-father related.
There is no damn way in hell I would ever put my kids through this, and I don't care what the man had to offer. My kids have different dads (been married twice), and my current husband is closer to his own, but accepts mine as his. He is actually really gentle with her, and treats both my children as equals, just as I do. Now, when it comes to health things, I would not expect my oldest to drop everything and run to help with my husband. In fact I wouldn't expect either of my kids to do that....it's not their responsibility. I would, however, expect them to be there for one another - just not in this situation. The mom was the ultimate AH in OP's situation. I mean, it's not normal for a child to not even be allowed to eat with the rest of the family. And for the mom to act helpless in this situation, no. My babies are first and if you can't accept them, you aren't getting me. End of discussion.
This right here. I had 4 children with my first husband, when I finally left him (too many reasons to get into) I had already heard that no one would want me with 4 kids so many times... The man I chose later on (the kids were between the ages of 4 and 10 when we got together) is good to my children, accepts my grandchildren as his own, and has earned their love and respect. It wouldn't have gotten far if he had mistreated any of my children. They come first.
Load More Replies...Truly sad! Your half-sister is well aware of the volatile relationship you had with her Dad she is not deaf or blind. She is 20, most likely has no money and does not want the full burden of tending to her dad … that’s were you come in! Your NTA! Would be curious to know the last time you actually had contact with her prior to her calling for help.
NTA. The Beatles said that, in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make. This guy made none, he gets to take none. Equation intact.
Walk away run away do whatever you have to do to be away from that toxic man!
The sister was aware of what her dad was doing to the OP even as a kid or she wouldn't have asked the questions she asked.
I wouldn't feel bad at all. Let Katie deal with her great dad who NO ONE wants to help out with...he probably treated everyone around him shitty. As you live, so you die. People are crazy to expect compassion and care from people that they have mistreated. Katie needs to take care of HER dad. Letter writer deserves peace from both of those fools!
She had every right to refuse an abuser who neglected his step daughter , him rot in hell and her whinning sister spoiled brat to step up to the plate.
Nope he has already caused enough pain. Your sister is old enough to realize what went on. I found out long ago why some elderly are abandoned in nursing homes he is lucky he has someone but it doesn't have to be you.
Well, I have made my judgment and am at peace with it: Absolutely, positively, I could not emphasize this more, NTA!!! He was an ice king to OP when she was younger, so may he rot his days away painfully with just Katie to help him. I feel a little for Katie but not enough to not condemn her miserable excuse of a father and OP's ignorant excuse of a mother. She's 20 now so she should be wiser and honestly, OP owes her and them, nothing!
The stepfather sounds like a sociopath. He took pleasure in abusing her and made sure she knew he despised her. Cut him out of your life. I don't know about the half-sister. It's hard to say if she's just using you or if she's delusional because she's young.. Not many people would still defend the man after witnessing the years of abuse.
Screw him and her. Go on about your life and don't look back. Been there done this. Stepdad hated me and always on my case while his son always in and out of jail was the favorite. I left and never looked back. Even when he died I did not care
Katie knows her parents treated OP like c**p, she probably helped it along. Tell her to get doubly lost. Until she admits he was a total creep to his stepdaughter ALL HER LIFE, she deserves no contact. Don't for one minute feel guilt. He'd probably continue to abuse OP during care for him. It's masochism to want him back for more psychological trauma. Katie is proving she's just like him now.
What a very tough situation but then again, you reap what you sow. I presume Katie still lives at home and will inherit her father’s estate. There are hospice facilities she can contact. But can the abused sister in good conscience leave her little sister to figure it all out herself and offer no support? I dunno. I’m glad she got therapy after she escaped that horrible “home” environment, but the effects of neglect and abuse can linger, affecting all aspects of life. The tormentor will soon be gone but can she develop a better relationship with her one remaining relative? Does she want to? Sometimes you do have to close the book.
Damn. This really hurt to read. Poor kid. I couldn't imagine living in a home with this tension surrounding me. Especially as a damn kid! When you're little, You know when an adult is angry or upset. You can feel it. You can't really make sense as to why a lot of the time.. but you know that negative energy is around... so knowing that energy was because of you has to be horrible to grow up with. I bet she always thinks she's the problem in relationships or thinks ppl are mad at her. I bet she's even more surprised when ppl don't feel that way & want to love her because it was something that she didn't receive for free in her childhood. When she should have. I just wanna give OP hug & adopt her into my family. My own family was horrible growing up. But my father wasn't. He's passed now. But it breaks my heart that she doesn't have a family to be there for her.
Guy is a d**k, goes without saying, but so is your mum for sticking with him after he said (unbelievably) that you would never mean anything to him. Good riddance a*****e man.
Not your problem. He treated u like s**t and your mother allowed it. When u get treated like your not part 〽️ f a family and favoritism is shown over the other kid or kids. The best thing to do that is get on with your life and stay far away. U owe this Hateful SOB NOTHING. Let the bio daughter take it n the creep.
OP is right. She should not help her father but more importantly, he wouldn’t want her help anyway. He’s what the IChing would call a “small man” due to his lack of moral strength and character. Many men have adopted other men’s children through marriage and loved them as their own. This guy had no heart. He deserves to die alone. I hope he thinks about his past behavior and realizes why OP has deserted him.
You know something you are right to don't give a .... But pay a visit and told this man in his face that you are not going to help him and to rot in hell. There is not forgiveness to someone who will mistreat a innocent child, the scars will show for a long time if not for life.
Sounds like Katie never intervened or tried to use the goodwill her father felt toward her to influence her father's attitude toward her sister. Katie is likely going to be the sole heir to the father's estate, which includes the mother's estate already. I would tell Katie you will help her IF she persuades the father to add you as a beneficiary in his will, and leave you and your sister an equal 50% to PROVE once and for all he cares about you. You know he will not do this. You can waive this denial in Katie's face as the last proof of her father's hateful regard for you, and just walk away.
My God this is just awful, I feel so bad for her after reading all the horrible things they put her through. This is yet another case of "not my child so I'm going to abuse/ignore them" syndrome from men. It happened to me as a child but was more severe. I was physically and mentally abused as a child by my tormentor/stepfather and was also severely neglected and my horrible mom who went along with it. My half brother was also the Golden child. Though my brother and I are on good terms, he didn't remember any of the abuse, mostly because it happened when he was not around, and my dad got custody of us when I was 11 and he was like 7. She is not in the wrong, he went out of his way to make her feel like she was not his daughter in anyway. He purposely made her feel unloved and unwanted. She has no obligation to help him or her sister. Throw him in a nursing home if her sister can't be a caretaker full time for him.
Think of it this way:. Would your step-father help you if you were extremely ill? No, he wouldn't. Also, it sounds like his illness is going to become terminal. Do you want to take care of this man for YEARS until it does? He is an AH and he will die an AH.
Wow, this really is the easiest NTA ever. Write your sister a nice, long letter explaining everything, then change your phone number and cut contact. This is a situation I'm quite familiar with, unfortunately. As the golden child she's been taught that you were mistreated because of something you did. She doesn't understand that you were mistreated because you had the nerve to exist. That's why she always insisted that if you would just fawn harder over Daddy he'll like you. She's not likely to ever understand. Time for baby to grow up, like you had to at 6 months old.
Sounds to me like Katie is simple minded or trying to treat her sister like her dad did by pushing him off on her tomake it easy on herself.
OP is NTA for not wanting to help with the stepdad. OP should make it clear to step sister that she is there to help HER during this difficult time - ask is there anything that is NOT related to the stepdad you can help with. Do not continue to tell her her dad was a jerk - she's not going to hear it. Sometime in the future she may (or she may never be ready to understand). Reiterate that YOUR experiences with you mom and stepdad were different than hers, let her no that you are glad that she did not have to live through what you did - and that you cannot think we'll of THEM. Separate your experiences from hers and maybe you can salvage some type of a relationship with her. Don't burn that bridge unless you really need to.
Big time. OP'S stepfather planted the knife in her heart, Katie twisted it, and OP'S mother watched and encouraged it. Time for OP to go completely, totally NC. The Toxic Trio created the brew; Daddy and Daughter Dearest are now obliged to drink it. Every. Bitter. Drop.
Load More Replies...This is your time, OP!!! Drink their tears! Celebrate! Treat yourself! Live well and spite them all. And remember what you already know: Katie is not your friend. She's their accomplice and their protegee. She will continue to let her happiness trump others' suffering for the rest of her life. Your mother and stepfather programmed her to be that way. Get free!
I had a very similar upbringing. My stepfather met my mom when I was a toddler. He fell for her, but I was part of the package, like it or not. I have no good memories of his arrival into our lives. Screaming fights with my grandmother, the person I loved most next to my mom. His treatment of me was to humiliate me and say he was teasing. Nothing I ever did was good enough. But he hid this all from my mom...and she loved him, so I wasn't about to tell her. They had 2 sons, so they were treated differently, just like OPs situation. I too never asked for anything and left home as soon as I could. I'm 58 now, and when my stepfather died 11 years ago, I didn't care at all...never went to the funeral either. And I had told my brothers years ago that if he needed care in the future it was on them...I was out.
You owe that man ZERO. He set the tone for your childhood, your sense of self and your identity. And robbed you from it. But instead of breaking you and making you into a Psychological disaster, it made you strong and resilient. Your mum did not deserve a beautiful daughter like you. Your half sister is not tone deaf and blind so she does not get a pass from me. She's not stupid and was right there when you grew up. You owe her zero along with her father. At 16, you know s**t and she knew. Let her deal with her daddy. Remove yourself from that negative train and go find your rainbow. You NTA. You have a good heart.
Wow. She’s a complete sweetheart for doubting her decision. I would’ve told her sister to F off and tell her “dad“ to rot in hell. She did the best thing for herself. Way to go girl.
If I were the OP, I'd be going completely non contact with the sister. She sounds selfish and self-absorbed.
"She was fine with that" .........unreal. I will never ...as long as I f*****g live... I will NEVER understand these toxic f*****g women putting their SPERM DONATING D**K APPOINTMENTS......before their WHOLE LIVING F*****G CHILD.......often a daughter.... which. Men and especially boys get s/ad and r***d plenty despite no media EVER covering it bc it doesn't fit the narrative of men bad. So they all suffer in silence. But their own f*****g "Mother" ??!... being the one responsible.
Very heartbreaking that the older sister never got any sort of love from her step-dad or mom.. Her mom was very desperate and selfish woman who compromised her own child to marry a hateful person.. How could she allow her child to be neglected and try to pretend her life was good..and the younger sister knew what was going on but was in denial about it.. She should not have married a person who was not willing to accept her daughter as his own.. Shows that he did not truly love his wife.. Cant blame the older daughter for not helping..
NTA, by any means. But your sister is young; young people are often so self-centered, they genuinely don't see things objectively. I wouldn't give that man one minute of your life. However, siblings are different and you should try to maintain a relationship.
I cannot express how sad and angry I feel right now. This article is the Top of the way our society has become. And the biggest reason our country is where it's at today. I really don't want to run on and on about how you were forced to grow up. And the none ending treatment from that I can't even say man because he wasn't. The years of loneliness and heartbreak you had to endure is beyond what anyone should have to go through. I hope you can get through this one day. And I really hope you know that there are many many human beings out there that treat others with Love kindness and compassion. Our world has gone down the Shitter the past 30 years. To the point of its mine and give me give me now!!! Parents have just stopped raising their children and society has accepted this new world of hatred, no morals,no respect, and KILLING. If a kid gets mad these days. Parents just hand them a phone. Our civilization is being destroyed and no one CARES. So try to remember that there are GOOD
Normal is a relative term. Her "normal" is not your "normal" even if you did live together. She didn't have abuse and disgust at every turn. Sorry you had to endure it and had no one to support you. You owe only yourself peace - them, nothing. Research hospices for her. That is enough. Good luck.
No, her sister picked up on the stepfather's cues long ago. Tell her to pay for help. And go live a fulfilling life.
When my dad got with my stepmom, his very first rule was simple: he had a young daughter and if she didn't accept that or didn't treat me like a mother would, he wouldn't stay with her. I was unbelievably lucky to have her in my life because even though we aren't blood she's treated me like her own for as long as I've known her. That mother clearly didn't care in the least about OP, if she was forcing her to endure being told by her "dad" that he didn't care about her. He deserved to die alone for his cruelty.
Go to him and tell him to his face don't care if he's a dying . I spat right in my Dad's face when I was 15 for all my childhood trama and wudda got Momma too if she didn't run in the house and locked the doors ..I was the baby of 17 and the lawyer couldn't even help me sue them 4 psychology monies lawyer said not a one of the brother or sisters will come forward and tell judge I'm was telling the truth
Tbh, I was nervous that my sister and mom were going to ask me to fly to GA to help with my ex step dad (sisters dad)... he stole everything from me (my life). He robbed us 20+ years. And finally my mom left him in 2020. A few months after the pandemic started... I would support my sister. I love her. I dont want her to deal with things like this alone. But at the same time. I owe nothing to him. And I would tell him that to his face... hospital bed or not... I think it got to the point that my sister and mom stopped telling me whats going on because I wouldn't have the "omg thats so terrible" reaction... id just be like "oh..."... I spent my whole life feeling hated because of that guy and now im finally in a decent mental place. And im safe. Why the hell would I go try to help someone who won't even help himself? And honestly, that's the same question you need to ask yourself... even if you did go help because of your sister... not because of him....
The half sister has the easy role of commentator when everything has been on her side. It's easy to say "do this, do that" when you wear privilege. It's also emotionally immature and is just using previous example on how to treat someone without empathy or compassion. Two options: walk away or set strict boundaries on how you will help her not him. No one should be obligated to help their abuser.
The funny thing about all these stories with stepchildren and step parents is that after a while it becomes obvious what is wrong with our society, yet we choose to blatantly ignore it, all the while making it exponentially worse.
My hald sisters dad dad died when they were 4 nd 5. My mom.had an affair and boom i was born. My bio dad wanted nothing to do with me. So my mom met a man 2 years later and i needed medical care and this man wanted a wife and a kid of his own. So they married, adopted me and had my half brother. My whole life i was treated differently. I was called the bastard child because my dad didnt want me. My sisters treat me like c**p and i disowned my brothr. My mom treated us all like slaves. We were told daily what mistakes we were. My sisters left at 15 and 16. I left my mom at 11 to go with my adopted dad. He is my dad. Blood and dna dont matter. He has been my only.constant is this hell.of a life. I miss having siblings but i dont miss the trauma. My childhood turned into 15 year drug addiction to erase the pain of being unwanted and told my whole what pos i was. I am 36 have my OWN loving accepting. I have a great husband and 2 kids who i have been blessed with.
I promised myself from the time i was 7 i would be everything my mom wasnt. I tell my kids everyday how loved and wanted they are. My daughter is 12 and my son 16 and i am celebrating my 18 yr anniversary tomorrow. My kids seen stuff they shouldnt and i wish i could take it all.back but i did break the cycle of abuse. Therapy and treatment was the best choice ever
Load More Replies...OP you need to go on with your life. Your sister was not that young to see that you was treated differently and I also blame your Mother. Because there are men that have loved and nourished children along with their biological children and you never knew the difference. This man distinctly wanted you to know that you were not welcomed and was wondering why you wanted the things and the love he was giving his child. Your step-sister is selfish and she need to take the full responsibility to take care of the father that cherished the ground she walked on. Go on with your life and don:t look back because you Mother, your Step-father, and your Half-sister never gave you a second thought of your emotional and caring needs. You are doing the right thing...Don't Look Back. GOD have blessed you to live your life and please do not feel guilty. Ask GOD in the name of Jesus to forgive you for turning her down, and ask him not to hold it against you and ask GOD that you will never need her.
Cut your ties. No one needs that kind of negativity. Obviously the younger step sister is still way too immature to understand. Blood is NOT thicker than water!!! MAYBE 20 yrs from now she’ll understand. But don’t hold your breath.
Did that grudge you hold/held against your parents cloud your perception of them and possibly how you talked to them. My oldest blames me for her mother passing away, even though we were not together and she moved to another city. My daughter says she has no clothes. Except she has 2 double door closets full and she likes to cut her clothes, even though we ask her not to ruin her clothes. Why buy new clothes all the time when they will just get ruined. All im saying is it's always a two way street. My daughter would jump online, tell her side and how much of a jerk i am, because i wont let her wear her cut up clothes to school, but she left out the clothes are cut right below her butt. She'll say its her body her choice. But when we are getting a call in the middle of the day to bring her new clothes, because the ones shes wearing are to provocative. As i tell my children everyday, be the bigger person! Don't stoop to their level. Either be just like him, or better than him.
OP you got nothing to feel guilty about girl. He was no stepdad to u he in not a real man A REAL MAN treats his step son/daughter the same as his own.he bullied her constantly through our her life reminding her every chance he got that she was not his and never will be and now he,is dieing.KARMA is a bastard ay nobody to blame but yourself if u had of been a real man and brought OP up just like katie.wich Katie knew her dad was like that with OP all the time. ANd she still has the cheek to ask her sis for help she never helped op when she was needing it did she no sha didnae I've been through something like wot op has been through so I know how she feels if u don't want to do it don't let them pressure u by using any and all the guilt tricks do fall for any of them OP hope u get the life that deserve which is one that will be filled with nothing but love and happiness one love people peace out 🏴🥃👻🇺🇦
It's interesting how many stories there are like this. Parents in modern times who are still youngish and healthy treating their kids badly only to find out later they will one day need them badly in their old age and they won't be there to help them. In older times, parents used to sat they had kids so they will have someone to take care of them in their old age, and parented accordingly.
"She was fine with that" ..... then she isn't a mother. How repulsive. Your kids are part of the deal. What the f**k is wrong with some people I stg.
I agree that you should cut them both out of your life for your mental & emotional health. Your sister sounds like she is still in denial! You don't owe anyone anything in that so called (very dysfunctional) family. Slam the door shut & RUN LIKE HELL!
Correction: If after he has died and you think you want to reach out to her, do it in your timeline.
You have lived through so much pain. You are right to stand up for yourself.. Tell your sister you don't want anything to do with him and she should back off. If you haven't elaborated on things in detail of how you were treated, do it now. Don't presume she has any memory of your life. She was raised to be selfish and in her own ivory castle. She lives in her own world and is unable to relate to you. I'm so glad you got counseling. Everytime she calls she is rubbing salt in the wounds, causing you to relive the pain and feelings from your childhood. For now you should sever all ties with her. If, after he has died you think you want to reach out to her for do in your timeline. With the understanding that like religion and politics your family won't be discussed. Should she not honor that request then leave and don't look back. Please take care of yourself, you have done well to stay strong.
Funny thing is my older siblings actually had my bio dad their lives more often than I did. My parents split when I was 10 after 15 years together. My mom and I moved away from our hometown when I was 13 but my oldest sibling were adults by then so they still lived in the same town as "our" dad. My dad always introduces even my extended family as his own. My maternal cousins that still live nearby are his nieces and nephews. This is cruel and bizarre on the dad's part.
The people you treat badly now, you might need them later, and they won't want anything to do with you...and you'll have no one to blame but yourself.
Treatment like what she went through, you're better off without them in your life. Accepting toxicity from people who aren't worth the trauma they bring with them isn't doing any favors. Some bridges are not only better off burned, they should be blown to Kingdom come.
Load More Replies...I would say, "ADIOS & SOYONARS. That means getty-up, I'm out of here. You get the idea. LOL!
Based on what you have disclosed re your upbringing I would ask yourself how you feel. If you feel you dont owe him anything then be true to that. If you can live with the possible consequences and feelings of doing that. The fact that u r second guessing yourself and asking strangers for validation means you r not totally comfortable with walking away.
This is just me, but I think that the OP should go see this man and have Katie with her. Maybe if she sees her father treat the OP like c**p now,she might finally get it and leave her alone.
This is a difficult pill to swallow.... it is not good to speak ill of the dead ... but mum did not pave the way she did not secure her child's interest ... but clearly you are not mean spirited ... so your contribution is minimum... you can give X dollars ... and that is it ... at the end only sis will benefit because HE is not leaving anything for her ...so minimum or nothing.
The reddit stated she didn't know her natural father, the mother was with different men. We don't even know that her father knows she exists. She would have probably been better off with him. Of course a natural father would be expected to provide love and support for his children. The point is how she was treated by her stepfather who married her mother knowing she had a precious baby. He is an AH. Her mother is an AH for staying with him. "This is why you don't get involved with someone who has children"?? You mean unless you're willing to accept them as your own and treat them well, right? I disagree so strongly with what you seem to be inferring. And why are you saying she "chose" to eat alone? Also as she was an infant when her mother got with this man, what could she have possibly done to earn his mistreatment at that age forward? "I wonder why..."? ??? Lastly, is this sarcasm? If so it's not coming across. Just no, sir.
Load More Replies...
90
128