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30 Not-That-Obvious Signs That Show That Someone Isn’t A Good Person, As Shared In This Online Group
How could we recognize a bad person? Culture and, in particular, cinema, give us a lot of advice, but they often turn out to be absolutely unusable in real life. After all, stereotyped scoundrels, with a look from under their brows and an ominous laugh, exuding evil with their whole appearance, practically do not occur in reality.
On the contrary, a really bad person, rather, will be incredibly pleasant in communication, will do everything to ingratiate themselves with you - and then, when they reach their goal, they will definitely do something harmful to you. But there is a wonderful science of psychology, and it helps, by the smallest, seemingly invisible at first glance, signs, to determine that you are dealing with someone who is not as good as they seem.
A thread starter appeared on the AskReddit community just one day ago, asking the question: "What is a subtle sign someone isn't a good person?" The result is over 15.4K upvotes and approximately 9.2K various comments. Now it will definitely be much more difficult for the villains to ingratiate themselves with us!
Bored Panda has compiled for you a selection of the most popular and useful tips from the original thread. Therefore, feel free to read, scroll to the very end, leave your own comments - and may bad people never cross your life path!
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Littering. It's not a violent act or anything, but it does indicate a lack of respect that usually carries into other aspects of the person's life.
I think I posted this here a while back. I once threw a cup outside the car window when I was a really young kid and it haunted me for years. I have never littered since that day. It was so culturally accepted I never questioned it as a kid.
How they treat people in the service industry. When they act like they are better than waiters, fast food employees, or retail workers.
Their treatment of the weakest members of society including defenceless animals, the homeless and those in low service positions.
Not owning up to their mistakes and always attributing it to someone or something else.
They don’t put the shopping cart in the designated area and leave it randomly in the parking lot.
They have a habit of talking bad about other people behind their backs and spreading gossip and rumor. You can tell a lot about a person by observing how they talk about their peers behind their back.
When a person occasionally vents by talking bad about someone (like their boss, or classmate) because of some unpleasant experience, that's okay. We all do it. But when a person habitually talks s**t about people behind their back, that's a big red flag.
My mama always taught me if they gossip to you behind others' backs, they'll gossip about you behind your back.
When they talk about themselves then stop listening when u talk about yourself
They believe that respect is earned but demand it immediately from you.
Those who say that are power trippers and place themselves so high up on a pedestal they think they're royalty. A lot of gangster wannabes and drug dealers act like that.
When they see someone else's progress or success as a threat.
I found a quote in my native language that means 'Happy with someone's trouble and annoyed with someone's success.'
I've learned that when someone is claiming to be really "direct" or "blunt" or "honest" it is often a self justification for being controlling and rude.
Those who claim to be brutally honest are usually more interested in the 'brutal' than the 'honest'. It is entirely possible to be honest without being brutal.
The truth is often unpleasant, tiptoeing around a problem doesn't serve anyone in the long run.
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I prefer it when people are direct with me, but that's because I suck at taking hints and reading social cues. That being said, it is definitely possible to be direct and nice at the same time. However, I definitely get what OP is saying here. Some people really are just rude a-holes.
Power dynamics make a diff. One reason im brutally honest is after speaking my mind to authority/groups, ppl consistently thank me later for "beautifully articulating what the whole room was thinking but was scared to say". I'm pretty encouraging when ppl are blunt with me. Criticism isn't the end of the world. The quiet ppl are usually WAY more critical once you get to know them
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That's my mother-in-law. She prides herself on "telling it like it is", which is simply an excuse to be rude as hell. She's arriving for a two week stay in a few days. Yay.
I really really hate that sort of attitude- "I'm just being honest," "it's the truth", and "I just called it like I see it" are all just code for "my opinions are more important than your feelings."
True friends, people that love you tell you what you NEED to hear. Sometimes that means telling you a harsh truth that spares you additional heartache in the future. Just because you want to do something doesn't mean you possess the capability to do so, just because you're angry or offended doesn't make you right, or someone else wrong. Yes, people who are intentionally out to hurt your feelings for no reason are insufferable a$$holes, but that's different than positing that your feelings are more important than acknowledging reality just because you dislike it.
Load More Replies... Not necessarily. Some people with ASD do not have thought filters and say whatever they think is true without realising others find it offensive. Source: I know about 10 ASD people and they all do this..
True, but there's a marked difference between "I pride myself on selecting Mean Yet Vaguely Trueish things to say to people! I hurt people's feelings for fun!" and "I should warn you that I have no sense of social mores and no way to guarantee that I won't say something that might seem offensive."
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Some neuro-diverse don't understand that it comes across as rude, they're just stating facts and emotion is not part of it.
I agree, but I don't think OP is talking about people like that. There are people that use the tell-it-like-it-is mentality as an excuse to be a jerk who is unwilling but capable of changing their attitude.
Load More Replies... Grew up in an area where people tended to be more "tell it like it is" and have to say I much prefer it to other places I've lived where everyone gets offened when you do that but are quite happy to talk about you when you aren't around.
Exactly. I'm honest with people, without intentional meanest. That's the only way I know how to be. I'd much rather have someone be above board & upfront about things rather than lie or tell half truths.
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I feel like this is also a big culture thing. A lot of people in my country (the Netherlands) are super direct. But it is normal. While in other countries I am considered direct and sometimes rude
Or by starting a sentence with "No offense, but" is always offensive.
I do think sometimes there are people you need to be " brutally honest " with. Either they don't get subtle hints or they misinterpret anything you say to fit their narrative.
I don't consider myself brutally honest. I definitely have foot-in-mouth disease. And I usually feel bad about it for the rest of eternity.
I don't consider myself brutally honest but I definitely have moments of foot in mouth disease. Then I feel bad about for the rest of my life.
I have ASD and I speak my mind, but it's not with bad intentions or to be rude. I literally have no filter between my brain and mouth. Sometimes it's hilarious for other people, and other times it's shocking.
I'm just sarcastic. People that are; are really telling the truth, and 95% of people Hate the truth. So, we get called a name for telling the truth.
No, this speaks of a lack of ego strength if you think someone being direct is being rude. You can learn so much by taking in information from people who are kind enough to be honest with you with no sugar coating or prevarication. I am that way, and every step forward in my progress as a person has come from someone being direct.
I had a coworker who was like that. Every time she was rude to an employee I’d call her out on it and she always replied with “I’m just being honest” but she honestly didn’t know the difference. Drove me crazy
I disagree with this. If we don't want to lie, while telling the truth as is... doesn't that leave the other person at fault? I rather tell it how it is then to lie. You can't have this and lying on the same list....it cancels each other out.
This can also be a sign of autism spectrum. Don't make assumptions!
Bullies defend their attitudes with the I'm blunt c**p.. no you are a mean bully...just being straightforward.
I think there is a difference between being honest but brutal (blunt and direct because you asked me) and brutally honest (honest facts/ opinion drawn out to hurt the other person)
I was raised with a mother like this. Didn't know better until my 40's! But I'm better now.
I think this one is wrong personally. I think you can be honest without being controlling, and if telling the truth come's across as rude, that more of an issue of the person being offended. If you ask someone if you look fat, and they say yes, and then you take offence, it's not their fault you got your feelings hurt. I respect people who are honest over people who lie to protect my feelings.
You can phrase EVERYTHING in a non offensive way, without lying. And making it an issue of the receiver shows lack of empathy and consideration.
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All their exes are crazy and nothing negative is ever their fault.
If all their exes are crazy, you have wonder why they kept choosing to date crazy people.
When they don't say things like thank you or please.
I just automatically assume people are a**holes when they can't do these basic, easy acts of kindness.
Passively aggressively insulting you in front of a group of people in such a way that you can’t say anything back without looking like you’re the emotional one even though you know that they intentionally insulted you to disrespect you.
It's sad our emotions are policed like this. F**k it. Get upset. Cry if you want to. Don't laugh. Our emotions are ours. Own them. The only reason people hate seeing you emote your true feelings is because it makes them uncomfortable. It makes them uncomfortable because they don't feel they're allowed to express their feelings outwardly, and don't believe anyone else should either. That's their problem. Don't allow them to make their problem your problem. They can leave any time.
The common denominator. They fall out with people all the time but it’s always the other persons fault or family members don’t talk to them but that’s not their fault because they’ve done nothing wrong.
It’s never them, it’s always everyone else is out to get them or is unreasonable, yet they’re the only common denominator in all the situations with all these supposedly shitty people
Yup. Much of these are someone I know to a 'T'. I'm beginning to think she's not a very good person.
They demand forgiveness instead of asking for it.
"I said I was sorry, it's done now. Get over it."
They share private information about others with you
Oh yes, That's private for a reason. The only people I confide in are my closest friends.
Regular putdowns that are disguised as "jokes"
EDIT: I think I need to be more clear here. I'm talking about "jokes" that they either carry on long after everyone else has stopped, or alternatively legit insults that they will *only* claim is a joke if you get upset.
That is desgusting, and this comming from a guy with a pitch black sence of humor, many Times a put myself down to promote a laugh ( fell free to check my comenta if in doubt ) i Mock myself before mocking someone else.
If they’re dismissive of what you have to say or want to share.
A lot of these are kind of blatant. To me a really subtle clue is when people are unable to be happy for others the moment things go wrong with their own life. Less obvious than people who fail to empathize with pain, and also less obvious than people who dismiss or minimize accomplishments, but ultimately indicative of the same empathy deficiency. Specifically in acquaintanceships and close friendships.
“I don’t want to hear about your fiancé proposing to you when my boyfriend just dumped me” sucks, and so does “Your fiancé proposed after 3 years and you’re going on a Hawaii honeymoon? That’s so nice for you sweetie, mine proposed after 2 years and we went on a tour around Europe for 3 months”
“I don’t care about your divorce because I’ve been through 3 divorces” is obviously a s**tty attitude, and “I care about your feelings about this divorce even though I’m also divorced” is basic decency.
What I look for (and try very hard to be) sounds like:
“I’m happy that you are experiencing career success even though I am unhappy at my job”
-I’m able to hear your joy without my eyes glazing over + my mind wandering to my apartment’s ant issue.
“If I compare myself to you this is painful to hear, but really what that means is you’re experiencing wonderful things, which I want for you”
“Even though I’m cold and hangry, I’m not going to bring anyone else’s mood down.”
Wait, “I don’t want to hear about your fiancé proposing to you when my boyfriend just dumped me” ... So, we're putting all of the "suck it up and be nice" on the person experiencing a hardship? Shouldn't the happy person who wants to share maybe also take some responsibility in sharing in appropriate avenues? I wouldn't insist on showing pictures of my new puppy to someone whose dog just died, for example
“Only God can judge me” tattooed anywhere on their body. I should’ve known…….
I think "Only Dog can judge me" is better, and dogs are good judges of ppl
When you’re going out and they judge or make a rude comment about a random person passing by.
someone who is incapable of reflecting. They are the centre of their own universe. They are unable to grasp the big picture or how they fit within it. Everyone has a place in the larger picture, which is their small view of the world.
And everyone/everything else exists only to serve their purpose or to oppose them.
Always blaming others for things that happen to them, and not putting the trolley back after they are done with it.
Yea lol, funny thing, trolleys here are "paid" all the trolleys are chained toguether and you have to depósit a 1€ coin in order to release the chain, só 95%of people take their trolleys back, and if they don't lol, theres always kids looking for " Lost " trolleys in the parking lot.
Note: this post originally had 39 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
People who prominently boast about how much activity they cram into their free time to be "fun", just before making snide comments about how they drove by your house and saw you "sitting on your couch watching TV", as if enjoying some down time and watching something educational means your "boring".
documentaries can be so fascinating and I like staying in. those people are just trying too hard, they need external validation. Cheers to the documentaries!
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People who brag about how much they go to church (especially the ones who imply that the only reason they're not out there doing bad things to other people is because they're afraid of god's judgment).
There are basically 3 things on this list. Most if the posts are about the same thing.
If they are a billionaire or close to it.... They've definitely f***** some people over
If theyre 1% they where either born into it or got lucky to be able to exploit something to get that rich. A decent human being usually cant be thay rich because theyll give most of it to people who need it more. Some content creators might be the acception to the rule like Mr Beast who actually does help a lot of people with the money he makes.
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It is a sign, but doesnt mean if somebody falls in the category that they are bad person. Or do we all believe that people are born bad?
I hear you to an extent. Some, not all, of these are not so much "bad person" as they are "person who annoys the heck out of me and no one wants to be around you."
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People that try and 'one-up' anyone else. Nobody is ever sicker, works more or gets less sleep than my husband. Everything is a contest with him. (He works 4 days a week, from home)
people who wear obscene clothing. Like the guy in my town who lies to walk around with a ballcap that says "FU*K YOU" on it
Why? Why do politics need to be dragged into everything? What is the purpose of it? Election happened. It's fine and over with. We're supposed to get a 4 year grace period before we have to listen to people bicker and bullsh*t about this c**p again and instead no one can seem to just let it go. Obviously the guy you wanted won, so what are you still so p*ssed about?
Load More Replies... Men who walk around in public without a shirt on is a big one for me. As well as people who drive with their music super loud and their windows down, and people who unnecessarily rev their motorcycles and their tuned cars. I've never seen any of these above being good people. Always douchey behaviour.
Well folks. I am a moderately bad person. Which I had always suspected. There are like 3 of these I'm guilty of.
We all are in our own ways. Don't sweat it if you feel like a moderately bad person. Just don't be a full on bad person. I could and should be a nicer person to people socially but I am a good person in many other ways. Others are very nice to people but in other ways do bad.
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The way the treat their mother. If they treat them badly specifically. I had a friend once who treated his mother so poorly with such disrespect. She would send him money everyday and he would be impatient and rude and complain that it wasnt enough and how he needed more always. But God, on the off chance she said no though, he would turn into this tantrum throwing man child calling her names, hanging up on her, complaining to others about how awful she was and why should couldn't just do what he said. and on and on. He is 47 years old. And his mom is losing her health quickly. It's very sad. But glad we're no longer friends.
me and my mom have problems but God gave my mom a son and what she feels about it is between God and her I have a life to live
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A lot of these are traits of narcissists. Anyone who actually thinks they're above others, or who are so insecure that they have to put others down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Anyone who manipulates situations so that they won't be put out - they act as though their wants and needs trump the wants and needs of others. Exploit the weaknesses of others. In my family, all my siblings have a very difficult time with confrontation, and I have seen how others exploit that - make it so there is a constant threat of an angry outburst, so you tend to go out of your way to placate them. On the other hand, specific to this, it's important and learn good communication skills so that confrontation can be dealt with in a healthy way, and boundaries can be set - you don't want to disallow others to ever show anger
The passive aggressive "jokes" were my family's favorite way to put me down. If I said anything they would act quite affronted. That's gaslighting. Call them on it. Eventually they will get the idea you aren't their punching bag. I avoided a lot of contact felt relieved. Sorry for those being put through it.
"I'm not here to make friends" aka. I made it to level 1 manager and f with anyone trying to do the right thing.
Blaming family members for how their life turned out because they made choices that NEVER benefited their future.
Of course, there's also the classic "I'm not ____, but..." Also, the ones who are sickly sweet to the point of being poisonous. You find this particularly in the southern US. I've seen people who'll smile while they stab you in the back. Literally, if they thought they could get away with it.
Is it my imagination, or is every single one of these a description of trump?
#31 When they make every f*****g thing political
Load More Replies... People who prominently boast about how much activity they cram into their free time to be "fun", just before making snide comments about how they drove by your house and saw you "sitting on your couch watching TV", as if enjoying some down time and watching something educational means your "boring".
documentaries can be so fascinating and I like staying in. those people are just trying too hard, they need external validation. Cheers to the documentaries!
Load More Replies... People who brag about how much they go to church (especially the ones who imply that the only reason they're not out there doing bad things to other people is because they're afraid of god's judgment).
There are basically 3 things on this list. Most if the posts are about the same thing.
If they are a billionaire or close to it.... They've definitely f***** some people over
If theyre 1% they where either born into it or got lucky to be able to exploit something to get that rich. A decent human being usually cant be thay rich because theyll give most of it to people who need it more. Some content creators might be the acception to the rule like Mr Beast who actually does help a lot of people with the money he makes.
Load More Replies... It is a sign, but doesnt mean if somebody falls in the category that they are bad person. Or do we all believe that people are born bad?
I hear you to an extent. Some, not all, of these are not so much "bad person" as they are "person who annoys the heck out of me and no one wants to be around you."
Load More Replies... People that try and 'one-up' anyone else. Nobody is ever sicker, works more or gets less sleep than my husband. Everything is a contest with him. (He works 4 days a week, from home)
people who wear obscene clothing. Like the guy in my town who lies to walk around with a ballcap that says "FU*K YOU" on it
Why? Why do politics need to be dragged into everything? What is the purpose of it? Election happened. It's fine and over with. We're supposed to get a 4 year grace period before we have to listen to people bicker and bullsh*t about this c**p again and instead no one can seem to just let it go. Obviously the guy you wanted won, so what are you still so p*ssed about?
Load More Replies... Men who walk around in public without a shirt on is a big one for me. As well as people who drive with their music super loud and their windows down, and people who unnecessarily rev their motorcycles and their tuned cars. I've never seen any of these above being good people. Always douchey behaviour.
Well folks. I am a moderately bad person. Which I had always suspected. There are like 3 of these I'm guilty of.
We all are in our own ways. Don't sweat it if you feel like a moderately bad person. Just don't be a full on bad person. I could and should be a nicer person to people socially but I am a good person in many other ways. Others are very nice to people but in other ways do bad.
Load More Replies... The way the treat their mother. If they treat them badly specifically. I had a friend once who treated his mother so poorly with such disrespect. She would send him money everyday and he would be impatient and rude and complain that it wasnt enough and how he needed more always. But God, on the off chance she said no though, he would turn into this tantrum throwing man child calling her names, hanging up on her, complaining to others about how awful she was and why should couldn't just do what he said. and on and on. He is 47 years old. And his mom is losing her health quickly. It's very sad. But glad we're no longer friends.
me and my mom have problems but God gave my mom a son and what she feels about it is between God and her I have a life to live
Load More Replies... A lot of these are traits of narcissists. Anyone who actually thinks they're above others, or who are so insecure that they have to put others down in an attempt to feel better about themselves. Anyone who manipulates situations so that they won't be put out - they act as though their wants and needs trump the wants and needs of others. Exploit the weaknesses of others. In my family, all my siblings have a very difficult time with confrontation, and I have seen how others exploit that - make it so there is a constant threat of an angry outburst, so you tend to go out of your way to placate them. On the other hand, specific to this, it's important and learn good communication skills so that confrontation can be dealt with in a healthy way, and boundaries can be set - you don't want to disallow others to ever show anger
The passive aggressive "jokes" were my family's favorite way to put me down. If I said anything they would act quite affronted. That's gaslighting. Call them on it. Eventually they will get the idea you aren't their punching bag. I avoided a lot of contact felt relieved. Sorry for those being put through it.
"I'm not here to make friends" aka. I made it to level 1 manager and f with anyone trying to do the right thing.
Blaming family members for how their life turned out because they made choices that NEVER benefited their future.
Of course, there's also the classic "I'm not ____, but..." Also, the ones who are sickly sweet to the point of being poisonous. You find this particularly in the southern US. I've seen people who'll smile while they stab you in the back. Literally, if they thought they could get away with it.
Is it my imagination, or is every single one of these a description of trump?
#31 When they make every f*****g thing political
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