Guy Deletes All Of His Fiancée’s Work Because She Doesn’t Go With Him To A Birthday Party
Striving for the perfect work-life balance is a task many of us have trouble with. No matter how hard we try, sometimes our work bleeds into our personal lives. But when you have a loving partner who understands your needs and supports you no matter what, you can cope with nearly anything.
Sadly, this wasn’t the case for Redditor Anna34757. A few days ago, she shared a troubling story on the AITA subreddit about how her fiancé took drastic measures to get back at her for a minor argument. You see, Anna had a tight deadline to finish an important project that could lead to a potential promotion at work.
So when her fiancé insisted she comes with him to a friend’s birthday party, she apologized and said her work is just too important. Well, this wasn’t good enough of a reason for her SO. He felt the need to get even after Anna “embarrassed him by forcing him to go alone and get weird looks and questions from everyone.” Scroll down to see how the story unfolded and tell us what you think about it in the comments.
Redditor Anna34757 shared a story about her fiancé’s drastic measures to get back at her for refusing to come to his friend’s birthday party
Image credits: dusan jovic (not the actual photo)
Image credits: laflor (not the actual photo)
When it comes to heated arguments in a relationship, partners often do things they later regret. But wiping the author’s entire project from her computer is a whole other level of disrespect. As we found out from the post, Anna worked hard and wanted to prove herself worthy of the promotion. So when the fiancé could not stand his public image somehow getting ruined, justifying his actions by saying it was “classless and socially unacceptable” for him to attend the party alone, he showed a serious lack of support.
The author mentioned later in the comments her fiancé comes from a family that cares a lot about their image. We may only guess that seeing her excel at her job and be so close to reaching another milestone in life could look to him as a potential threat.
It’s challenging to work toward your goals when your partner does not have your back. It’s especially hard when their behavior includes an element of manipulation. Sadly, some people feel insecure about their SO’s victories, and even end up discouraging them and hindering their growth.
“When we talk about others sabotaging our progress or success, we almost immediately think of control,” therapist Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S, told Talkspace. “This control can come in a direct and obvious way or it can be in the form of subliminal control. We have to remember that control is not always accompanied by fear or force. It can also be present in subliminal ways.”
She pointed out that manipulation, pinpointing insecurities and weaknesses, diminishing your successes, not providing emotional support, and talking about you in a negative way are some of the signs people should be on the lookout for.
The most common reason for sabotaging is insecurity, fear of abandonment, or jealousy, the therapist argued. “Another reason might be the lack of trust,” she added. “Success might come with extra attention from others and this might scare some individuals, creating mistrust.”
“Recognizing the sabotage is just the first step. Avoiding making excuses for our partner’s negative behavior is the second one.” Well, the author of this post mentioned in the comments that her fiancé’s behavior has crossed pettiness and is becoming worse. She is already sick and tired of her fiancé’s inappropriate actions, so she seems to be on the right track.
If your partner is constantly letting you down, reducing your self-worth, or is generally making life difficult for you for the smallest reasons, don’t stay silent. You should sit down and have a sincere conversation. “Be honest and talk to your partner about what you see, think, and feel and be open and clear communicating the need for the sabotaging behaviors to stop,” Catchings suggested.
At the end of the day, we all want to be with someone who’ll listen to our problems, boost our confidence, and be there for us whenever we have any doubts. Even if there was a hidden meaning behind the fiancé’s action, if he continues to behave this way, the relationship will start to quickly crumble.
Commenters unanimously agreed that the author was NTA, here’s what they had to say
Is this even worth a comment? I hope he's her ex-fiance and still alive, because he isn't worth going to prison over.
Definitely not worth the 25-life jail or marriage
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This gave me so many terrifying flashbacks of my thank-goodness-he's-dead long-ago ex. His behavior started this same way and ended badly for me. I ended up broke, unemployed and homeless once the police saved me from him. I hope OP has changed the locks, found a new place to live, emptied her accounts and cancelled the credit cards. No one needs to go through this, ever again.
It's how it always starts.. small things.. "don't hang out with your friends.. I want to spend time with you" or "do you really have to talk on the phone to your mom everyday or every other day?" Or "why did you stay late at work?" "Whose Brian? Is he just your coworker or are you f*****g him?" "You're not allowed to go to after work functions without me" then he turns it up a notch to.. stealing your phone n monitoring your communications.. deleting ppls numbers from your phone.. guilting you into thinking that you're making him into this insecure psycho..So u make excuses for him.. n then it turns up another notch to doing s**t like this.. undermining your career. Treating you like property not a human being. Demanding you drop your personal responsibilities to prioritize theirs n when u don't ALL HELL BREAKS LOSE.. then that's usually when it kicks up another notch.. to verbal abuse, throwing s**t, breaking s**t.. then next it usually turns physical if it hasn't already.
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They could also say, "next time, save it to the cloud". (I agree she should dump him, but if it was saved to the cloud or backed up to a hard drive disc, it would be a lot less painful to retrieve. Just sayin').
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This is close, but I'm still waiting for "AITA for bleeding on the floor after my vicious boyfriend stabbed me multiple times?"
I think one cannot overestimate the amount of brainwashing people undergo when they have a gaslighting, manipulative spouse. They really end up thinking THEY are the problem, when it's crystal clear for an outsider that the spouse is a psycho.
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I'm going tell you something most people might think is over the top. You truly need to file an official complaint with your police department. This absolutely needs to be on an official record with them. A complaint is not the same as pressing charges (although I believe you have grounds). That man is dangerous. Right now he has sabotaged your job (financial independence), blamed you for what he did (you made him do it) and is doing everything he can to convince you that you were at fault and he never would have done this if you had just behaved the way he told you to. These are the people who end up killing their "loved ones" and blame them for it. Even if he never escalates that far he has already exhibited his potential for greater harm, stalking etc. Make an official trail with work and PD now. With luck this would end here but it's not worth chancing.
That simply put is grounds for abuse. Mental, emotional, and psychological abuse DUMP HIM and have a good lawyer help you in filing a case against him.
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Please, don't marry this jerk he's showing you who he really is. Good luck.
Jesus, why does she even have to ask? She needs to get out of this relationship as fast as possible. The guy is a controlling freak.
A lot of domestic abuse victims end up on AITA because they've been gaslit into doubting their reality but are not so bad yet that they're convinced the behavior is as normal as the abuser claims.
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This relationship needs to be ended right now. This guy is insane and it's only going to get worse. She needs to change the locks, throw out his stuff, and file for a restraining order. She also needs to tell her employer what happened and if necessary get law enforcement involved.
Good lord, this guy is pathetic. Controlling, abusive and pathetic.
This is abuse and it will get worse. Even more worrying, he’s using DARVO- Deny Attack Reverse Victim Offender. It’s gaslighting and standard abuser behavior. Run.
He's a garbage human, has no respect or consideration for her whatsoever. He's destructive, abusive, and gaslighting her already, trying to convince her that she deserved to have her hard work taken away because she didn't perform as he demanded. There's nothing that excuses his behavior. He's completely irrational. I saw her one comment to a person about his family's level of social expectations and that doesn't make it any less his responsibility for his own behavior. I'm not sure she's at her breaking point but she needs to GTFO ASAP, he's a sad man who thinks of her as nothing but property and less than a equal human being sharing a life with him. His negative behavior will only escalate if she lets him come back.
If that's his behaviour when only engaged imagine what the marriage will be like. Run as fast as possible! he has shown he has no problem hurting you in very serious ways.
Wow. He is so insecure he can't just go, and say "yeah, she couldn't come she had a work deadline" and enjoy the party? I get missing your SO and wishing they were there to enjoy the party, but that is SO different then going on about how it made you look bad. And no, you don't "get even" like he tried to.
Leave now when you have the chance... while people are not perfect, this is not normal imperfect behaviour... This is something only enemies or office rivals do...
Reset is good. Delete that fiancé immediately. Worst kind of spam.
All I can say is VULNERABLE NARCISSISM HOLY none of these comments seem to mention that his behavior is literally that of a covert narcissist.
Whenever you get the "you made me do this" justification, it's time to _run_. At some point this will escalate to him physically assaulting her and blaming her for "making" him do it. I would also speak to company to see if they can bring charges against him. Or she to seek legal counsel over a personal civil suit against him for lost time and potential wages from promotion depending on how strong the case for promo would be had the project been done/presented/accepted. Depending on the time and how long the notebook was idle, the company may have auto backup software and it may have backed up _some_ version of the project.
This guy needs a warning label on him, so no one ever enters into a relationship with him ever again.
He is eventually going to lock her up or hit her while saying "Now look what you made me do".
This sounds like an example of red flag behaviour from the subject of a true crime documentary. End the relationship, now. Just staying with him, let alone marrying him, is extremely dangerous and will destroy your life.
A few observations: The fiancee is rich, and clearly does not see the big issue as he feels he /his family will provide so he does not think her job matters that much. Still makes his reaction wrong on so many levels, but for a different reason than a lot of people think. There is no way that someone, in the time it takes to shower, can mess up a Windows laptop(this was confirmed on reddit) so much that the files cannot be recovered. Again, the action itself is horrible but her job and promotion should be safe. If this really happened (most of the stories on reddit are not true) this breach of trust and fundamental difference of opinion what matters in life should make them reconsider their future together. I for one would never be able to trust my partner after this.
I would be suspicious of "confirmations"... especially those on reddit. A PC can absolutely be messed up in the time it takes for a shower. OP doesn't mention the amount of time that passed.. so any "confirmation" is based on pure speculation. Also, the ability to recover files depends the knowledge of the user (it's not something most users are going to know); what was done to eliminate the files; and the software needed to recover files (something most users aren't going to have).
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This relationship ended when this child gave her grief for not going to a party. OP is not just arm candy. She's obviously intelligent and motivated. Child's destruction of her work was a tantrum and was unacceptable.
Anna, I'm 69 and have been through hell due to picking the wrong man. I'm a fixer and the queen of denial. YOU MUST GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW!! You are lucky he showed his true colors now and not after the IDo's. He will sabotage you at every turn. Then it will get really ugly. I don't care if he's a gazillionaire, GET OUT. You have a career that seems to inspire you, or you wouldn't put so much of yourself into it, so get your promotion and reap YOUR rewards. There's a ton of fish in the sea sweetie.
How does she not understand what the actual problem is? Someone who deliberately destroys your personal property/intellectual output, and is unapologetic about doing so, because you didn't go to a party with them... run. Run faster than running. While they are in the hotel, pack your things and leave. But it's probably not going to happen in this case.
Have you been in an abusive relationship? I have. This man has gaslit her to the point where she truly doesn't recognize the monster that he is. These wretched people are very, very good at slowly brainwashing their partners to accept their controlling and psychotic behavior, because they make their victim doubt their own memory. "It didn't happen that way. You're crazy."
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Soon as I saw the title, I thought, "What, no backup!" Should be a running series of backups for every day, or every section, whatever works best. Somebody 'resetting' the laptop is no worse than the cat throwing up on it. Disaster is disaster. That's why you back up!
OMG get out Now!! This guy is borderline dangerously psychotic. Please please heed everyone's warnings and save yourself! GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE. You're def NOT the ah. He is narcissistic, immature and WAAAY too controlling anyone who would do something that malicious needs to be in therapy. Omg
OP needs to put a big thank you note on top of his packed belongings. He just showed you a sliver of the abusive nightmare that your life is about to become. And all in time for you to get out without attorneys. Do not look back.
I hope she ended this abusive relationship . It will only get worse!
NTA Besides all of the good advice your getting from everyone, also make sure he doesn't have any code, pins, or passwords to any of your accounts and not just the ones on line either. If he does change them immediately. After what he did to all your hard work to get ahead, it wouldn't be beyond him to take money to pay for the motel. His weird reasoning would be you started all of it with the birthday party and the mean hurtful things you said made him move to the motel. If it gets bad get a protect order against him.
Does she even really need to ask if she's the AH? Obviously, very obviously not.
Part of abusive relationships is the abuser gaslighting the victim until they don't trust their version of what happened. Everyone in her life is helping gaslight her into believing this is normal.
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Don’t forget the restraining order after changing all the locks. Good idea contacting the IT department.
Do NOT marry this man. There is more of this BS in store for you if you do.
So sorry this happened. Run from that entire family. Think about notifying your company and maybe consult with a lawyer. He sounds like he's abusing and harassing you. Perhaps file a restraining order against him? If a loss of wage or promotion happens, maybe consider litigating? Next time, use a password lock on your computer and get cloud storage. And never date anyone who has a problem with you doing or protecting your work!
NTA. Deleting your work is unacceptable and it also shows he is a sick, twisted man. I hope you left him for good.
Lol I frickin love the first comment. "You spelled ex-fiance incorrectly". Yes she did. I really hope she's safe and that she broke up with him. That's abusive behavior and tons of red flags from him. She is SO NTA.
Break this engagement now! He has demonstrated that he is emotionally abusive. Won't be long before he starts becoming physically abusive. Get out while you still can.
Why is she still his fiance? Dump that guy pronto! This isn't a one-off. If he does this crap now he'll do it again every time he doesn't get his way.
I write for a living. If a man did this to my computer, pretty soon you'd see me on the news with someone saying, "and that's why she murdered him."
If she stops for a moment and reflects on their relationship she will see many many red flags already flying furiously warning her that this episode was coming.
Run girl run. Change your number and don't look back. He pulled an extreme move over a simple birthday party. What will he do with something more serious? Please don't stay to find out.
Show him your back and run as fast as your legs will carry you. He's not merely an a*****e, he's sociopath - very dangerous.
Dump him and expose to everyone he knows what a baby he is
Run. Do not walk. Get this guy in your tail lights ASAP. Your fiance has come to believe he's entitled to harm people ( you) when it suits him. This WON'T change. Personality disorders of this type are rarely fixable. He'll eventually abuse your family, your friendships, your children if you stay in this. Secure your personal finances immediately- YES, he WILL take your $$ if he sees fit. I'm not smarter, more spiritual, stronger than you Kid. I'm simply old & I've lived this sh*t. There are worse things than being alone.
He destroyed your relationship when he destroyed your work. Dump him. This will only get worse.
Move on asap! He is a narcissistic abusive human and this is clear message. DO NOT let him gaslight you. This is not a*****e behavior, this is abuse and should not be tolerated. Change the locks and get a restraining order if needed. Honestly, this is like watching a train wreck! You may need to get some counseling to try to determine why you are willing to be engaged to a person like this exclamation?!! I should know I’ve been there and done that, 23 years of my life, three children with damage to them. Many years of counseling for myself, but I know that leaving was the best thing that I ever did! It’s too easy to get sucked in by a narcissistic abusive person. Trust your instincts and do not let this go any further. good luck!
There must be a crime you can charge him with for that behavior. Not only don't marry the creep, sue him or prosecute him but don't ever see him alone again.
Please tell me you called it off! Anyone who does a move like that then blames you for HIS actions is not worth it. Also agree with other commenters. Sounds like he just sees you as a trophy to show off
Sooner or later, that pathetic excuse for a fiancé (hopefully, EX-fiancé by now) will cross someone who won't take it lying down or bending over. Pity the fool, but not for long.
It ALWAYS starts with Isolation, which looks different in different situations but ALWAYS involves trying to control what you do, and making YOU feel guilty for doing something other than what they want! RUN!
I would tell all those " friends" just what he did, how good of an image will he have when it's that of a 3 year old child
I was thinking the same thing! What a real great image he presents doing things like this. Yikes.
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I couldn't even finish.. look up "Gaslighting" . If you don't end it, I'll jump.
Only abusive manchildren are willing to ruin your entire career over a bruised ego.
He was definitely wrong for deleting your work keep it moving someone said change the locks absolutely post haste because it will only get worst & he is insecure what an idiot
If anyone ever treats you like this, get away from them as quickly as you can. Run!!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your "ex-fiancee" I hope, is petty, insecure and a child-man who acted like a vindictive child. A real man would support his partner and be proud of her accomplishments. He also has no sense of accountability or work ethic if he would sabotage your work like that. He and his family seem obsessed by their perceived social standing. His acts show what a classless, tasteless and selfish individual he is. I would rather have a man with integrity and honesty that loved and supported my goals than an unkind, childish man with a social pedigree...if he even has one. His verbal abuse that he denigrates you with will become worse. Change the locks, dump his stuff outside and find a good man that deserves you. You are NTA.
Really important to stop at red flags. No one is perfect but please do not marry this person.
First off get out. End of story. Would he give up a promotion for your best friends birthday party? No. He is beyond insecure, abusive, psychologically abusive and he seems to have s**t friends anyway. Go out and find something better. Marriage deserves more maturity.
I was scrolling down hoping to see if there was an update telling me she dumped that pos. Good grief, in my wildest dreams I would nopt belive somebody would actually do that AND then say the victim of this sabotage contributed to it. The guy is a total psycho. More red flags than a communist parade.
I hope that the OP can arrive at the conclusion that she needs to leave her abusive partner and deserves better, AND that she has a good friend or respected family member who will hold her to this decision. When I told my aunt that I'd decided to leave my similarly abusive ex, she asked me to promise that I wouldn't go back to him. She was tired of seeing friends leave abusive relationships only to turn around and get back together multiple times. I promised her and I'm glad I did, because I might have crumbled and gone back to him. It's so important to get counselling - gas lighting and abuse takes a psychological toll that leaves people lastingly dependent on an abuser.
You are with a controlling, manipulating womanizer. I am divorced from three of them. I suggest he is not worth you getting married.
In the UK and here he’d be facing jail time for Coercion. It’s a CRIMINAL OFFENCE both in my country and the UK
Let that big baby cry in his lonely hotel room. Nothing says pathetic like doing severe damage on purpose and then not being able to take the heat for it.
Get rid of this guy. Seriously. Things are going to get worse from here. Be done with him.
This guy is nasty and abusive. I hope she's ok and leaves that relationship. I've been with some people who acted quite a lot like this. Thank goodness I'm far away from them.
I'm surprised this made it into a post. Dump his psycho-saboteur ass. Do you really need to ask the internet for advice? His actions were so destructive. What's next? He cuts your brake lines because you didn't want to go out to dinner at his favorite restaurant? F*****g yikes Geena.
Complete Psychopath. Do not date this asshat. And don't be a wuss in letting him talk you out of walking. If either moves ahead with the other, you have zero self worth.
First comes destroying your work for embarassing him, then "honour killing"
I'm sorry, but this is an obvious no-brainer. I mean really now, do you really need to ask if you're the a**hole in this situation?? This "fiancé" totally sabotaged and undermined his partner (whom he supposedly loved) and her job! Over what? Having to show up to dinner without her and thinking it makes him "look bad"?! Ridiculous, on so MANY levels. Why oh WHY would people at the dinner think anything bad about his fiancé having to do important work stuff (to get a promotion no less!!!) rather than have dinner out??!!?! I say again, no-brainer, it's not hard to see who the a**hole is in this situation
Run dear , run far and fast . This is not the man for you. This sort of behavior won't stop . It's potentially how he will treat future children. Somebody who loves you and has an ounce of emotional maturity would never do that to you. Life gets really difficult at times , how is this potential life partner going to go through the difficult times with you? If he can't understand that you had to work , and he thinks it's ok to reset your laptop because he had his panties in a twist , he's not going to be a good partner . He will be another child for you to manage . Get you a man . Let that boy go play games somewhere else
He doesn't think of her as a partner, he thinks of her as property. That's psycho behavior. If she doesn't break up with this dude and I'm betting there'll be a lot more posts from her on AITA when she didn't do anything wrong
NTA should break it off now, and softly advise fiancé to get counseling. PS, IT can likely recover from back-up. Sorry.
Honey - run,don't walk, to the nearest exit. His name is spelled L.O.S.E.R -
Always back up your work. Never expect that things will still be there when you get back. NTA. As others have said, change your passwords, your locks, move anything valuable to a safe place - especially not with mutual "friends". Your work IT department may be able to find your work unless it's done a factory reset. And even then if they're really good. Let the Police know. They might not do anything now, but if this escalates then they'll have a record. Get yourself safe if you haven't already.
NTA really hoping she dumps his ass. That ain't worth the time, effort an investment. 1st off, your partner should NEVER feel the need to "get back" at you. If that's a default behaviour, you need to run. This man just went up and threatened your independence because of his insecurities. Like...f**k that.
This is abuse. Ill say it again ... YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP and this is only the start of it It will only escalate from here. Get out now! You are worth it, you have value, hes not good for you. Save yourself and your future ... leave him.
Please don't stay with this man it will turn ugly there is a man out there that will totally support you and this man will understand that your trying to better yourself for your guys relationship in the future! KICK THIS SORRY A**HOLE TO THE CURB!!!!
I wish every woman knew her worth and knew how to spot the telling red flags of abuse like this cuz even if she dumps him he is going to pull the same crap on the next woman he dates & probably has zero clue that what he's doing is way beyond crossing the line. If his family is so concerned with what is socially acceptable maybe this woman should tell all his friends & family what he did then ask if THAT kind of behavior is "classy and acceptable" in THEIR eyes, since his image is so damn important. Maybe hed think twice next time about his actions if hed just ask himself "would I be embarassed if my whole social circle knew about this like when they found out the last time? Maybe what I think is acceptable actually isn't since everyone else besides me clearly does NOT think its classy or ok even a little" but I'm sure that's wishful thinking on my part. People like him hardly ever change or learn unless they go to therapy & WANT 2 figure out why women keep leaving them.
He is TA. I hate to put any blame on you, but why wasn't you work laptop locked? For Windows it's the windows key+L to lock. No one but you should have the password to your work laptop. IT has other ways of getting into your computer even if it's locked. I would have called them to see if any of it was recoverable. Following that practice of locking the computer, the only way to get at the computer data would either require physically harming the laptop, or using a very strong magnet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely blaming you, HE IS THE A$$H0LE
Pack his stuff, leave it on the curb, change your locks and for the sake of your future RENT A P.O. BOX! Someone this petty will steal your mail. Seriously consider moving elsewhere, perhaps closer to your office. This man is a sociopath/psychopath and will soon be pouting because "you made me beat you again." Do NOT marry him. He's all (fake) style and no substance.
Not cool. He was childish and compromised her chances of a promotion. I hope she learned a valuable lesson. Always backup your work to the cloud.
NTA and a good time to think about secure back up options. Oh, and leaving him. That should definitely happen, too.
This should not only be about the obviously horrible relationship situation. What the man did is illegal and that portion of his actions were directed at OP's employers. Unauthorized access of a computing system to begin with plus malicious actions taken once access had been attained. I had a friend whose husband pulled something similar. He managed to avoid jail time, but he got plenty of other penalties for his trouble.
It's baffling why someone would have to even post this scenario to confirm they were not in the wrong. Hopefully this was a wake up call their fiancé is banana crackers and should be kicked to the curb.
I don't think that's possible when it's been factory reset. The hard drive is wiped as clean as the day it left the factory. Metaphorically speaking.
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How do people keep getting so far along in a relationship as to get engaged to some of the worst human beings?
It was HIS friend’s birthday party, the only reason he wanted her to come was because he didn’t want to explain to his friends that “she told me no when I told her to come with me”. Also, at get together like that the men end up just wanting to hang with “the boys” and all the wives and girl friends are forced to mingle with a bunch of other women who don’t want to be there. What if it wasn’t just a promotion on the line? What if he pulls something like this when her entire job is on the line? Dump him!
She needs to sue him for financial loss if she wasn't able to turn the project in time and lost the promotion. And she needs to kick him to the curb.
I hope that her work IT was able to recover the "deleted" project from her laptop--very few things are permanently gone once they're deleted, you just have to know how/where to recover them. I also hope that OP had the project on an external drive, just in case. And it goes without saying that I hope he's her EX-fiance now. Screw that manipulative BS. She can do better.
He did not just sabotage her. He committed an act of vandalism against her employers. They should press charges.
NTA ...and you do need to change the locks and get his things out of the apartment, block his phone numbers and officially break the engagement. Sorry about your work, hopefully - it's in the cloud somewhere., if you can finish the project and submit it - do so. Complete the project and be grateful that you dodged "a bullet" by not marrying him.
She deleted her post and her entire account, which is troubling. Something tells me he found out about it and all hell broke loose. I just hope she got out of there.
If i were op, dude would have his belongings at his parents house along with a lawsuit. I'm pretty sure She can sue for something like property damage...
Really need to let him go. You have plans and he doesn't support you. Cut that child loose.
I'm a little unsure if this is a true story. If she was using a company laptop, then it would be impossible to reset without passwords etc. Those things are heavily locked down to stop people from stealing them - also, resetting a laptop takes longer than a shower worth of time. If it was her own laptop, I'd still be suspicious, mainly due to the amount of time it takes to reset a laptop. Troll post, I think.
If his family is "financially capable" I bet there are other women out there that have been mistreated by this "man" and his family has paid off them and the authorities. That behavior didn't start with her. I hope she's been able to get out of that relationship. I fear for her if she hasn't.
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Sweetie, that right there makes it OK to help Karma along with some payback. Just sayin'. ;)
I used to work for a sexist pig like this. He was the principal at the small private (church-run) school where I taught Kindergarten for five years. Eighth grade graduation there was always an event. The last year I worked there, he got sick that week. Graduation night, the teacher in the 5th/6th combo and I saw her come in and I knew she was FURIOUS. She came over and sat with us, and tried to act like nothing was wrong, but eventually it came out: he'd asked her to take his place, and there was no other option for her. As usual. What really pissed her off is that she was the activities director at a senior citizen's community center, loved her job, loved the people she worked with, and not ONCE in the three years she'd been there had he even made an attempt to come to her workplace simply to meet her co-workers. I've lost touch, but it wouldn't surprise me if they split up, even though they were married for 30+ years.
I'm sorry, but this sounds fake to me. 1) you should always lock your computer. that's normally company policy. but even if she didn't lock it: how can he know where to delete her whole project? is it just one file on the desktop? most companies have their data on a server, so elaborate file structures. 2) there are multiple ways to restore data. can't imagine that he was so malicious to clear her bin/cloud. He is an a**, but she clearly has no concept on how to work from home.
S**t my ex used to do! Ppl like this think it's their right to make your life hell!
Reading this gave me the chills. I actually felt like someone walked over my grave. This is not ok on any level. This is not getting even. There was nothing to get even for. If he can't see that your success, is his success, because it speaks to your image as a couplewho love and respects each other. Then he has the wrong end of the axe. Don't get chopped up by this person. Make sure you change ALL your passwords immediately.
To the left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left...
Usually, peole on this site call for divorce, break ups, etc. over some really silly stuff that can be worked out via communication. But this s**t is just inexcusable. Imagine marrying such an insecure baby that has not regard for others. If she marries him after this then she is will regret it
I have been married for 49 years. That is my Phd in relationships. Frankly. If you allow him to treat you like a child, then you have a future in depression and anxiety. Get rid of him and examine just what drew you to him. Then make sure you don't get another one like him. If you're lonely get a dog. If you can't afford to live alone, make other arrangements. This male person is a child and treats you like one.
Honey, if you haven't already, LEAVE HIM. This behavior will only worsen. You cannot change him. Rip off the bad aid and move on. Save yourself the heartache and headaches and humiliation. I know so please, please, please listen. Leave. Now.
Wait wait wait...the entire work laptop was reset? Like to factory settings so the whole laptop is wiped? I can't delete a program off my work laptop or even access task manager to shut down a program without admin rights (which only the tech department at my company has) but he was able to reset her laptop? Let's say for some reason her company allows changes to her laptop by a user the work laptop would likely have password protection so how did he access the ability to wipe the laptop unless he has her work password?
Please do not marry this man! OMG! I am scared for you. He can't say fiancé is working, I am so proud of her she is a rock star at work. When is working and advancing your career not acceptable? I am so glad everyone told her not to marry him.!! Who are these people anyway?Oligarchs? We don't have royalty in America. It was a birthday party, not a coronation.
Even if he never escalates it beyond destroying property, this is still abusive behaviour
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Omg tiit for tat would be refusing to go to an event in the future that you hoped he would attend and even that would mean you are nta.sabotage is not acceptable reaction in a loving relationship ever. Move out now if the apt is in his name, change locks if the apt is in your name.
Why is she still with that guy? Dump his insecure infantile a**e. Does anyone even need to ask who is the a*****e here?
Was she able to get her work back? Like even attempt at getting a recovery software that can retrieve this even if it got wiped - I did get one after my son accidentally wiped the family HDD with 16 yrs worth of pics n movie clips/vids of them. She can still get it back. As for the duchebag of an EX - girl, doncha marry him! He's a walking timebomb, a living death sentence if you get hitched with him
The OP should have entitled this "AM I a fool?" The thing about gaslit people is that they rarely understand the concept or the fact that has happened to them. Gaslighting is a TACTIC employed by an abusive, controlling person. Not only are people saying she is NTAH they are WARNING her to GET OUT. Most likely she will not. Most are too fragile, too needy, too blind to heed this. She will take the validation of strangers for the AH part and concentrate on all of her guy's "good qualities" (his looks, his money, the sex, his family, their circle of friends..." Years later if she EVER gets out alive she will be bitter and disillusioned as she will realize she WASTED herself on this guy. Think about a man so childish and vindictive that he sabotage his finances future over a party. THINK ABOUT IT. If he does not turn her into a shambling zombie of a woman totally dependent on him in a few years (beware the "don't work , stay home with the kids temptation) abuse is in her future.
Is this really a real story? The reaction is so drastic and petty that I have a hard time believing it. Wish BP would only post good/believable IATA stories.
What if it was an assignment that she needed to complete to keep her job. Like trash, leaving it alone, allowing it to stay will really began to stink. Put out the trash. Do not go back, dumpster diving not allowed. I feel your pain, he is not good for your continued growth.
I hate to be blunt, but your fiance` sounds like a Summer's Eve product and the bag it comes in. You, on the other hand, sound as though you deserve someone better than him. Good luck!
Definitely NTA. Important points though, how did you not see this side of him? Why were you still with him if you did? Did you report this action to the police? If not, why? This type of behavior goes both ways, men towards women and women towards men but no matter which way it goes, almost everybody stays in the relationship. Who should definitely be your ex now should have been your ex long ago. You already knew the answer to your question. Men in your situation ask your question because men are usually afraid to be alone and are looking for others to tell them to get out. Women in your situation are usually looking for affirmation and are looking for others to lift them up. You know what to do. Leave this guy and find someone that values you as much as you value them.
Every single one of these AITA posts is made up. It's basically just a creative writing sub and this one is even faker than most.
Where did you find the information that all AITA posts are fake? I couldn't find any statistics or confirmation. The closest was a discussion of clues that might indicate that a story was made up. I'm relatively good at spotting scams, but not literature.
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She knew when she met his family what she was signing up for. The trophy wife that stands quietly by her man and makes him shine. Career-oriented women do not fit that bill. This is a wake-up call that the two of you are from two different worlds and are not compatible. He erased your work as a signal that he should always be more important than your career. He needs to find a trophy girl from finishing school and you need to stay single and get a cat.
Interesting...sounds as though she is more interested in her success than being a partner. Yes, he could have handled it differently, but she sounded as though she let the deadline come up to her rather than work timely is SHE the AH? Irrefutably YES.
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Your work laptop doesnt have a password? That's pretty irresponsible. She wasnt gonna get the promotion anyway when the janitor is probably more qualified.
He could have gone for a jobless one or one with no ambition to get a promotion, who wants to go to parties.
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You realize nobody said she was the a*****e because she isnt right?
Load More Replies... Is this even worth a comment? I hope he's her ex-fiance and still alive, because he isn't worth going to prison over.
Definitely not worth the 25-life jail or marriage
Load More Replies... This gave me so many terrifying flashbacks of my thank-goodness-he's-dead long-ago ex. His behavior started this same way and ended badly for me. I ended up broke, unemployed and homeless once the police saved me from him. I hope OP has changed the locks, found a new place to live, emptied her accounts and cancelled the credit cards. No one needs to go through this, ever again.
It's how it always starts.. small things.. "don't hang out with your friends.. I want to spend time with you" or "do you really have to talk on the phone to your mom everyday or every other day?" Or "why did you stay late at work?" "Whose Brian? Is he just your coworker or are you f*****g him?" "You're not allowed to go to after work functions without me" then he turns it up a notch to.. stealing your phone n monitoring your communications.. deleting ppls numbers from your phone.. guilting you into thinking that you're making him into this insecure psycho..So u make excuses for him.. n then it turns up another notch to doing s**t like this.. undermining your career. Treating you like property not a human being. Demanding you drop your personal responsibilities to prioritize theirs n when u don't ALL HELL BREAKS LOSE.. then that's usually when it kicks up another notch.. to verbal abuse, throwing s**t, breaking s**t.. then next it usually turns physical if it hasn't already.
Load More Replies... They could also say, "next time, save it to the cloud". (I agree she should dump him, but if it was saved to the cloud or backed up to a hard drive disc, it would be a lot less painful to retrieve. Just sayin').
Load More Replies... This is close, but I'm still waiting for "AITA for bleeding on the floor after my vicious boyfriend stabbed me multiple times?"
I think one cannot overestimate the amount of brainwashing people undergo when they have a gaslighting, manipulative spouse. They really end up thinking THEY are the problem, when it's crystal clear for an outsider that the spouse is a psycho.
Load More Replies... I'm going tell you something most people might think is over the top. You truly need to file an official complaint with your police department. This absolutely needs to be on an official record with them. A complaint is not the same as pressing charges (although I believe you have grounds). That man is dangerous. Right now he has sabotaged your job (financial independence), blamed you for what he did (you made him do it) and is doing everything he can to convince you that you were at fault and he never would have done this if you had just behaved the way he told you to. These are the people who end up killing their "loved ones" and blame them for it. Even if he never escalates that far he has already exhibited his potential for greater harm, stalking etc. Make an official trail with work and PD now. With luck this would end here but it's not worth chancing.
That simply put is grounds for abuse. Mental, emotional, and psychological abuse DUMP HIM and have a good lawyer help you in filing a case against him.
Load More Replies... Please, don't marry this jerk he's showing you who he really is. Good luck.
Jesus, why does she even have to ask? She needs to get out of this relationship as fast as possible. The guy is a controlling freak.
A lot of domestic abuse victims end up on AITA because they've been gaslit into doubting their reality but are not so bad yet that they're convinced the behavior is as normal as the abuser claims.
Load More Replies... This relationship needs to be ended right now. This guy is insane and it's only going to get worse. She needs to change the locks, throw out his stuff, and file for a restraining order. She also needs to tell her employer what happened and if necessary get law enforcement involved.
Good lord, this guy is pathetic. Controlling, abusive and pathetic.
This is abuse and it will get worse. Even more worrying, he’s using DARVO- Deny Attack Reverse Victim Offender. It’s gaslighting and standard abuser behavior. Run.
He's a garbage human, has no respect or consideration for her whatsoever. He's destructive, abusive, and gaslighting her already, trying to convince her that she deserved to have her hard work taken away because she didn't perform as he demanded. There's nothing that excuses his behavior. He's completely irrational. I saw her one comment to a person about his family's level of social expectations and that doesn't make it any less his responsibility for his own behavior. I'm not sure she's at her breaking point but she needs to GTFO ASAP, he's a sad man who thinks of her as nothing but property and less than a equal human being sharing a life with him. His negative behavior will only escalate if she lets him come back.
If that's his behaviour when only engaged imagine what the marriage will be like. Run as fast as possible! he has shown he has no problem hurting you in very serious ways.
Wow. He is so insecure he can't just go, and say "yeah, she couldn't come she had a work deadline" and enjoy the party? I get missing your SO and wishing they were there to enjoy the party, but that is SO different then going on about how it made you look bad. And no, you don't "get even" like he tried to.
Leave now when you have the chance... while people are not perfect, this is not normal imperfect behaviour... This is something only enemies or office rivals do...
Reset is good. Delete that fiancé immediately. Worst kind of spam.
All I can say is VULNERABLE NARCISSISM HOLY none of these comments seem to mention that his behavior is literally that of a covert narcissist.
Whenever you get the "you made me do this" justification, it's time to _run_. At some point this will escalate to him physically assaulting her and blaming her for "making" him do it. I would also speak to company to see if they can bring charges against him. Or she to seek legal counsel over a personal civil suit against him for lost time and potential wages from promotion depending on how strong the case for promo would be had the project been done/presented/accepted. Depending on the time and how long the notebook was idle, the company may have auto backup software and it may have backed up _some_ version of the project.
This guy needs a warning label on him, so no one ever enters into a relationship with him ever again.
He is eventually going to lock her up or hit her while saying "Now look what you made me do".
This sounds like an example of red flag behaviour from the subject of a true crime documentary. End the relationship, now. Just staying with him, let alone marrying him, is extremely dangerous and will destroy your life.
A few observations: The fiancee is rich, and clearly does not see the big issue as he feels he /his family will provide so he does not think her job matters that much. Still makes his reaction wrong on so many levels, but for a different reason than a lot of people think. There is no way that someone, in the time it takes to shower, can mess up a Windows laptop(this was confirmed on reddit) so much that the files cannot be recovered. Again, the action itself is horrible but her job and promotion should be safe. If this really happened (most of the stories on reddit are not true) this breach of trust and fundamental difference of opinion what matters in life should make them reconsider their future together. I for one would never be able to trust my partner after this.
I would be suspicious of "confirmations"... especially those on reddit. A PC can absolutely be messed up in the time it takes for a shower. OP doesn't mention the amount of time that passed.. so any "confirmation" is based on pure speculation. Also, the ability to recover files depends the knowledge of the user (it's not something most users are going to know); what was done to eliminate the files; and the software needed to recover files (something most users aren't going to have).
Load More Replies... This relationship ended when this child gave her grief for not going to a party. OP is not just arm candy. She's obviously intelligent and motivated. Child's destruction of her work was a tantrum and was unacceptable.
Anna, I'm 69 and have been through hell due to picking the wrong man. I'm a fixer and the queen of denial. YOU MUST GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW!! You are lucky he showed his true colors now and not after the IDo's. He will sabotage you at every turn. Then it will get really ugly. I don't care if he's a gazillionaire, GET OUT. You have a career that seems to inspire you, or you wouldn't put so much of yourself into it, so get your promotion and reap YOUR rewards. There's a ton of fish in the sea sweetie.
How does she not understand what the actual problem is? Someone who deliberately destroys your personal property/intellectual output, and is unapologetic about doing so, because you didn't go to a party with them... run. Run faster than running. While they are in the hotel, pack your things and leave. But it's probably not going to happen in this case.
Have you been in an abusive relationship? I have. This man has gaslit her to the point where she truly doesn't recognize the monster that he is. These wretched people are very, very good at slowly brainwashing their partners to accept their controlling and psychotic behavior, because they make their victim doubt their own memory. "It didn't happen that way. You're crazy."
Load More Replies... Soon as I saw the title, I thought, "What, no backup!" Should be a running series of backups for every day, or every section, whatever works best. Somebody 'resetting' the laptop is no worse than the cat throwing up on it. Disaster is disaster. That's why you back up!
OMG get out Now!! This guy is borderline dangerously psychotic. Please please heed everyone's warnings and save yourself! GET AS FAR AWAY FROM HIM AS POSSIBLE. You're def NOT the ah. He is narcissistic, immature and WAAAY too controlling anyone who would do something that malicious needs to be in therapy. Omg
OP needs to put a big thank you note on top of his packed belongings. He just showed you a sliver of the abusive nightmare that your life is about to become. And all in time for you to get out without attorneys. Do not look back.
I hope she ended this abusive relationship . It will only get worse!
NTA Besides all of the good advice your getting from everyone, also make sure he doesn't have any code, pins, or passwords to any of your accounts and not just the ones on line either. If he does change them immediately. After what he did to all your hard work to get ahead, it wouldn't be beyond him to take money to pay for the motel. His weird reasoning would be you started all of it with the birthday party and the mean hurtful things you said made him move to the motel. If it gets bad get a protect order against him.
Does she even really need to ask if she's the AH? Obviously, very obviously not.
Part of abusive relationships is the abuser gaslighting the victim until they don't trust their version of what happened. Everyone in her life is helping gaslight her into believing this is normal.
Load More Replies... Don’t forget the restraining order after changing all the locks. Good idea contacting the IT department.
Do NOT marry this man. There is more of this BS in store for you if you do.
So sorry this happened. Run from that entire family. Think about notifying your company and maybe consult with a lawyer. He sounds like he's abusing and harassing you. Perhaps file a restraining order against him? If a loss of wage or promotion happens, maybe consider litigating? Next time, use a password lock on your computer and get cloud storage. And never date anyone who has a problem with you doing or protecting your work!
NTA. Deleting your work is unacceptable and it also shows he is a sick, twisted man. I hope you left him for good.
Lol I frickin love the first comment. "You spelled ex-fiance incorrectly". Yes she did. I really hope she's safe and that she broke up with him. That's abusive behavior and tons of red flags from him. She is SO NTA.
Break this engagement now! He has demonstrated that he is emotionally abusive. Won't be long before he starts becoming physically abusive. Get out while you still can.
Why is she still his fiance? Dump that guy pronto! This isn't a one-off. If he does this crap now he'll do it again every time he doesn't get his way.
I write for a living. If a man did this to my computer, pretty soon you'd see me on the news with someone saying, "and that's why she murdered him."
If she stops for a moment and reflects on their relationship she will see many many red flags already flying furiously warning her that this episode was coming.
Run girl run. Change your number and don't look back. He pulled an extreme move over a simple birthday party. What will he do with something more serious? Please don't stay to find out.
Show him your back and run as fast as your legs will carry you. He's not merely an a*****e, he's sociopath - very dangerous.
Dump him and expose to everyone he knows what a baby he is
Run. Do not walk. Get this guy in your tail lights ASAP. Your fiance has come to believe he's entitled to harm people ( you) when it suits him. This WON'T change. Personality disorders of this type are rarely fixable. He'll eventually abuse your family, your friendships, your children if you stay in this. Secure your personal finances immediately- YES, he WILL take your $$ if he sees fit. I'm not smarter, more spiritual, stronger than you Kid. I'm simply old & I've lived this sh*t. There are worse things than being alone.
He destroyed your relationship when he destroyed your work. Dump him. This will only get worse.
Move on asap! He is a narcissistic abusive human and this is clear message. DO NOT let him gaslight you. This is not a*****e behavior, this is abuse and should not be tolerated. Change the locks and get a restraining order if needed. Honestly, this is like watching a train wreck! You may need to get some counseling to try to determine why you are willing to be engaged to a person like this exclamation?!! I should know I’ve been there and done that, 23 years of my life, three children with damage to them. Many years of counseling for myself, but I know that leaving was the best thing that I ever did! It’s too easy to get sucked in by a narcissistic abusive person. Trust your instincts and do not let this go any further. good luck!
There must be a crime you can charge him with for that behavior. Not only don't marry the creep, sue him or prosecute him but don't ever see him alone again.
Please tell me you called it off! Anyone who does a move like that then blames you for HIS actions is not worth it. Also agree with other commenters. Sounds like he just sees you as a trophy to show off
Sooner or later, that pathetic excuse for a fiancé (hopefully, EX-fiancé by now) will cross someone who won't take it lying down or bending over. Pity the fool, but not for long.
It ALWAYS starts with Isolation, which looks different in different situations but ALWAYS involves trying to control what you do, and making YOU feel guilty for doing something other than what they want! RUN!
I would tell all those " friends" just what he did, how good of an image will he have when it's that of a 3 year old child
I was thinking the same thing! What a real great image he presents doing things like this. Yikes.
Load More Replies... I couldn't even finish.. look up "Gaslighting" . If you don't end it, I'll jump.
Only abusive manchildren are willing to ruin your entire career over a bruised ego.
He was definitely wrong for deleting your work keep it moving someone said change the locks absolutely post haste because it will only get worst & he is insecure what an idiot
If anyone ever treats you like this, get away from them as quickly as you can. Run!!
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your "ex-fiancee" I hope, is petty, insecure and a child-man who acted like a vindictive child. A real man would support his partner and be proud of her accomplishments. He also has no sense of accountability or work ethic if he would sabotage your work like that. He and his family seem obsessed by their perceived social standing. His acts show what a classless, tasteless and selfish individual he is. I would rather have a man with integrity and honesty that loved and supported my goals than an unkind, childish man with a social pedigree...if he even has one. His verbal abuse that he denigrates you with will become worse. Change the locks, dump his stuff outside and find a good man that deserves you. You are NTA.
Really important to stop at red flags. No one is perfect but please do not marry this person.
First off get out. End of story. Would he give up a promotion for your best friends birthday party? No. He is beyond insecure, abusive, psychologically abusive and he seems to have s**t friends anyway. Go out and find something better. Marriage deserves more maturity.
I was scrolling down hoping to see if there was an update telling me she dumped that pos. Good grief, in my wildest dreams I would nopt belive somebody would actually do that AND then say the victim of this sabotage contributed to it. The guy is a total psycho. More red flags than a communist parade.
I hope that the OP can arrive at the conclusion that she needs to leave her abusive partner and deserves better, AND that she has a good friend or respected family member who will hold her to this decision. When I told my aunt that I'd decided to leave my similarly abusive ex, she asked me to promise that I wouldn't go back to him. She was tired of seeing friends leave abusive relationships only to turn around and get back together multiple times. I promised her and I'm glad I did, because I might have crumbled and gone back to him. It's so important to get counselling - gas lighting and abuse takes a psychological toll that leaves people lastingly dependent on an abuser.
You are with a controlling, manipulating womanizer. I am divorced from three of them. I suggest he is not worth you getting married.
In the UK and here he’d be facing jail time for Coercion. It’s a CRIMINAL OFFENCE both in my country and the UK
Let that big baby cry in his lonely hotel room. Nothing says pathetic like doing severe damage on purpose and then not being able to take the heat for it.
Get rid of this guy. Seriously. Things are going to get worse from here. Be done with him.
This guy is nasty and abusive. I hope she's ok and leaves that relationship. I've been with some people who acted quite a lot like this. Thank goodness I'm far away from them.
I'm surprised this made it into a post. Dump his psycho-saboteur ass. Do you really need to ask the internet for advice? His actions were so destructive. What's next? He cuts your brake lines because you didn't want to go out to dinner at his favorite restaurant? F*****g yikes Geena.
Complete Psychopath. Do not date this asshat. And don't be a wuss in letting him talk you out of walking. If either moves ahead with the other, you have zero self worth.
First comes destroying your work for embarassing him, then "honour killing"
I'm sorry, but this is an obvious no-brainer. I mean really now, do you really need to ask if you're the a**hole in this situation?? This "fiancé" totally sabotaged and undermined his partner (whom he supposedly loved) and her job! Over what? Having to show up to dinner without her and thinking it makes him "look bad"?! Ridiculous, on so MANY levels. Why oh WHY would people at the dinner think anything bad about his fiancé having to do important work stuff (to get a promotion no less!!!) rather than have dinner out??!!?! I say again, no-brainer, it's not hard to see who the a**hole is in this situation
Run dear , run far and fast . This is not the man for you. This sort of behavior won't stop . It's potentially how he will treat future children. Somebody who loves you and has an ounce of emotional maturity would never do that to you. Life gets really difficult at times , how is this potential life partner going to go through the difficult times with you? If he can't understand that you had to work , and he thinks it's ok to reset your laptop because he had his panties in a twist , he's not going to be a good partner . He will be another child for you to manage . Get you a man . Let that boy go play games somewhere else
He doesn't think of her as a partner, he thinks of her as property. That's psycho behavior. If she doesn't break up with this dude and I'm betting there'll be a lot more posts from her on AITA when she didn't do anything wrong
NTA should break it off now, and softly advise fiancé to get counseling. PS, IT can likely recover from back-up. Sorry.
Honey - run,don't walk, to the nearest exit. His name is spelled L.O.S.E.R -
Always back up your work. Never expect that things will still be there when you get back. NTA. As others have said, change your passwords, your locks, move anything valuable to a safe place - especially not with mutual "friends". Your work IT department may be able to find your work unless it's done a factory reset. And even then if they're really good. Let the Police know. They might not do anything now, but if this escalates then they'll have a record. Get yourself safe if you haven't already.
NTA really hoping she dumps his ass. That ain't worth the time, effort an investment. 1st off, your partner should NEVER feel the need to "get back" at you. If that's a default behaviour, you need to run. This man just went up and threatened your independence because of his insecurities. Like...f**k that.
This is abuse. Ill say it again ... YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP and this is only the start of it It will only escalate from here. Get out now! You are worth it, you have value, hes not good for you. Save yourself and your future ... leave him.
Please don't stay with this man it will turn ugly there is a man out there that will totally support you and this man will understand that your trying to better yourself for your guys relationship in the future! KICK THIS SORRY A**HOLE TO THE CURB!!!!
I wish every woman knew her worth and knew how to spot the telling red flags of abuse like this cuz even if she dumps him he is going to pull the same crap on the next woman he dates & probably has zero clue that what he's doing is way beyond crossing the line. If his family is so concerned with what is socially acceptable maybe this woman should tell all his friends & family what he did then ask if THAT kind of behavior is "classy and acceptable" in THEIR eyes, since his image is so damn important. Maybe hed think twice next time about his actions if hed just ask himself "would I be embarassed if my whole social circle knew about this like when they found out the last time? Maybe what I think is acceptable actually isn't since everyone else besides me clearly does NOT think its classy or ok even a little" but I'm sure that's wishful thinking on my part. People like him hardly ever change or learn unless they go to therapy & WANT 2 figure out why women keep leaving them.
He is TA. I hate to put any blame on you, but why wasn't you work laptop locked? For Windows it's the windows key+L to lock. No one but you should have the password to your work laptop. IT has other ways of getting into your computer even if it's locked. I would have called them to see if any of it was recoverable. Following that practice of locking the computer, the only way to get at the computer data would either require physically harming the laptop, or using a very strong magnet. Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely blaming you, HE IS THE A$$H0LE
Pack his stuff, leave it on the curb, change your locks and for the sake of your future RENT A P.O. BOX! Someone this petty will steal your mail. Seriously consider moving elsewhere, perhaps closer to your office. This man is a sociopath/psychopath and will soon be pouting because "you made me beat you again." Do NOT marry him. He's all (fake) style and no substance.
Not cool. He was childish and compromised her chances of a promotion. I hope she learned a valuable lesson. Always backup your work to the cloud.
NTA and a good time to think about secure back up options. Oh, and leaving him. That should definitely happen, too.
This should not only be about the obviously horrible relationship situation. What the man did is illegal and that portion of his actions were directed at OP's employers. Unauthorized access of a computing system to begin with plus malicious actions taken once access had been attained. I had a friend whose husband pulled something similar. He managed to avoid jail time, but he got plenty of other penalties for his trouble.
It's baffling why someone would have to even post this scenario to confirm they were not in the wrong. Hopefully this was a wake up call their fiancé is banana crackers and should be kicked to the curb.
I don't think that's possible when it's been factory reset. The hard drive is wiped as clean as the day it left the factory. Metaphorically speaking.
Load More Replies... How do people keep getting so far along in a relationship as to get engaged to some of the worst human beings?
It was HIS friend’s birthday party, the only reason he wanted her to come was because he didn’t want to explain to his friends that “she told me no when I told her to come with me”. Also, at get together like that the men end up just wanting to hang with “the boys” and all the wives and girl friends are forced to mingle with a bunch of other women who don’t want to be there. What if it wasn’t just a promotion on the line? What if he pulls something like this when her entire job is on the line? Dump him!
She needs to sue him for financial loss if she wasn't able to turn the project in time and lost the promotion. And she needs to kick him to the curb.
I hope that her work IT was able to recover the "deleted" project from her laptop--very few things are permanently gone once they're deleted, you just have to know how/where to recover them. I also hope that OP had the project on an external drive, just in case. And it goes without saying that I hope he's her EX-fiance now. Screw that manipulative BS. She can do better.
He did not just sabotage her. He committed an act of vandalism against her employers. They should press charges.
NTA ...and you do need to change the locks and get his things out of the apartment, block his phone numbers and officially break the engagement. Sorry about your work, hopefully - it's in the cloud somewhere., if you can finish the project and submit it - do so. Complete the project and be grateful that you dodged "a bullet" by not marrying him.
She deleted her post and her entire account, which is troubling. Something tells me he found out about it and all hell broke loose. I just hope she got out of there.
If i were op, dude would have his belongings at his parents house along with a lawsuit. I'm pretty sure She can sue for something like property damage...
Really need to let him go. You have plans and he doesn't support you. Cut that child loose.
I'm a little unsure if this is a true story. If she was using a company laptop, then it would be impossible to reset without passwords etc. Those things are heavily locked down to stop people from stealing them - also, resetting a laptop takes longer than a shower worth of time. If it was her own laptop, I'd still be suspicious, mainly due to the amount of time it takes to reset a laptop. Troll post, I think.
If his family is "financially capable" I bet there are other women out there that have been mistreated by this "man" and his family has paid off them and the authorities. That behavior didn't start with her. I hope she's been able to get out of that relationship. I fear for her if she hasn't.
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I used to work for a sexist pig like this. He was the principal at the small private (church-run) school where I taught Kindergarten for five years. Eighth grade graduation there was always an event. The last year I worked there, he got sick that week. Graduation night, the teacher in the 5th/6th combo and I saw her come in and I knew she was FURIOUS. She came over and sat with us, and tried to act like nothing was wrong, but eventually it came out: he'd asked her to take his place, and there was no other option for her. As usual. What really pissed her off is that she was the activities director at a senior citizen's community center, loved her job, loved the people she worked with, and not ONCE in the three years she'd been there had he even made an attempt to come to her workplace simply to meet her co-workers. I've lost touch, but it wouldn't surprise me if they split up, even though they were married for 30+ years.
I'm sorry, but this sounds fake to me. 1) you should always lock your computer. that's normally company policy. but even if she didn't lock it: how can he know where to delete her whole project? is it just one file on the desktop? most companies have their data on a server, so elaborate file structures. 2) there are multiple ways to restore data. can't imagine that he was so malicious to clear her bin/cloud. He is an a**, but she clearly has no concept on how to work from home.
S**t my ex used to do! Ppl like this think it's their right to make your life hell!
Reading this gave me the chills. I actually felt like someone walked over my grave. This is not ok on any level. This is not getting even. There was nothing to get even for. If he can't see that your success, is his success, because it speaks to your image as a couplewho love and respects each other. Then he has the wrong end of the axe. Don't get chopped up by this person. Make sure you change ALL your passwords immediately.
To the left, to the left. Everything you own in the box to the left...
Usually, peole on this site call for divorce, break ups, etc. over some really silly stuff that can be worked out via communication. But this s**t is just inexcusable. Imagine marrying such an insecure baby that has not regard for others. If she marries him after this then she is will regret it
I have been married for 49 years. That is my Phd in relationships. Frankly. If you allow him to treat you like a child, then you have a future in depression and anxiety. Get rid of him and examine just what drew you to him. Then make sure you don't get another one like him. If you're lonely get a dog. If you can't afford to live alone, make other arrangements. This male person is a child and treats you like one.
Honey, if you haven't already, LEAVE HIM. This behavior will only worsen. You cannot change him. Rip off the bad aid and move on. Save yourself the heartache and headaches and humiliation. I know so please, please, please listen. Leave. Now.
Wait wait wait...the entire work laptop was reset? Like to factory settings so the whole laptop is wiped? I can't delete a program off my work laptop or even access task manager to shut down a program without admin rights (which only the tech department at my company has) but he was able to reset her laptop? Let's say for some reason her company allows changes to her laptop by a user the work laptop would likely have password protection so how did he access the ability to wipe the laptop unless he has her work password?
Please do not marry this man! OMG! I am scared for you. He can't say fiancé is working, I am so proud of her she is a rock star at work. When is working and advancing your career not acceptable? I am so glad everyone told her not to marry him.!! Who are these people anyway?Oligarchs? We don't have royalty in America. It was a birthday party, not a coronation.
Even if he never escalates it beyond destroying property, this is still abusive behaviour
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Omg tiit for tat would be refusing to go to an event in the future that you hoped he would attend and even that would mean you are nta.sabotage is not acceptable reaction in a loving relationship ever. Move out now if the apt is in his name, change locks if the apt is in your name.
Why is she still with that guy? Dump his insecure infantile a**e. Does anyone even need to ask who is the a*****e here?
Was she able to get her work back? Like even attempt at getting a recovery software that can retrieve this even if it got wiped - I did get one after my son accidentally wiped the family HDD with 16 yrs worth of pics n movie clips/vids of them. She can still get it back. As for the duchebag of an EX - girl, doncha marry him! He's a walking timebomb, a living death sentence if you get hitched with him
The OP should have entitled this "AM I a fool?" The thing about gaslit people is that they rarely understand the concept or the fact that has happened to them. Gaslighting is a TACTIC employed by an abusive, controlling person. Not only are people saying she is NTAH they are WARNING her to GET OUT. Most likely she will not. Most are too fragile, too needy, too blind to heed this. She will take the validation of strangers for the AH part and concentrate on all of her guy's "good qualities" (his looks, his money, the sex, his family, their circle of friends..." Years later if she EVER gets out alive she will be bitter and disillusioned as she will realize she WASTED herself on this guy. Think about a man so childish and vindictive that he sabotage his finances future over a party. THINK ABOUT IT. If he does not turn her into a shambling zombie of a woman totally dependent on him in a few years (beware the "don't work , stay home with the kids temptation) abuse is in her future.
Is this really a real story? The reaction is so drastic and petty that I have a hard time believing it. Wish BP would only post good/believable IATA stories.
What if it was an assignment that she needed to complete to keep her job. Like trash, leaving it alone, allowing it to stay will really began to stink. Put out the trash. Do not go back, dumpster diving not allowed. I feel your pain, he is not good for your continued growth.
I hate to be blunt, but your fiance` sounds like a Summer's Eve product and the bag it comes in. You, on the other hand, sound as though you deserve someone better than him. Good luck!
Definitely NTA. Important points though, how did you not see this side of him? Why were you still with him if you did? Did you report this action to the police? If not, why? This type of behavior goes both ways, men towards women and women towards men but no matter which way it goes, almost everybody stays in the relationship. Who should definitely be your ex now should have been your ex long ago. You already knew the answer to your question. Men in your situation ask your question because men are usually afraid to be alone and are looking for others to tell them to get out. Women in your situation are usually looking for affirmation and are looking for others to lift them up. You know what to do. Leave this guy and find someone that values you as much as you value them.
Every single one of these AITA posts is made up. It's basically just a creative writing sub and this one is even faker than most.
Where did you find the information that all AITA posts are fake? I couldn't find any statistics or confirmation. The closest was a discussion of clues that might indicate that a story was made up. I'm relatively good at spotting scams, but not literature.
Load More Replies... She knew when she met his family what she was signing up for. The trophy wife that stands quietly by her man and makes him shine. Career-oriented women do not fit that bill. This is a wake-up call that the two of you are from two different worlds and are not compatible. He erased your work as a signal that he should always be more important than your career. He needs to find a trophy girl from finishing school and you need to stay single and get a cat.
Interesting...sounds as though she is more interested in her success than being a partner. Yes, he could have handled it differently, but she sounded as though she let the deadline come up to her rather than work timely is SHE the AH? Irrefutably YES.
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Your work laptop doesnt have a password? That's pretty irresponsible. She wasnt gonna get the promotion anyway when the janitor is probably more qualified.
He could have gone for a jobless one or one with no ambition to get a promotion, who wants to go to parties.
Load More Replies... You realize nobody said she was the a*****e because she isnt right?
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