“This Kind Of Rhetoric Is Really Disturbing, Offensive, And Disrespectful”: Childless Sister-In-Law Requests To Be “Equally Celebrated” On Mother’s Day
Being a mother is a blessing – however, it’s an incredibly tough job. The unforeseen pregnancy complications, a frightening delivery that can never be thoroughly planned and, of course, those sleepless nights that your little one is bound to bring upon you.
No matter how prepared you think you are, motherhood will turn your world upside down; a once carefree existence will now be focused on your offspring’s emotional and physical well-being. Every mother wants their kid to live a wholesome and untroubled life, meaning that our minds will always be clouded with worries.
Mother’s Day is a meaningful celebration that allows folks to honor their beloved mothers who went and, perhaps, are still going through an immense amount of stress to give their children the best life possible. Everyone celebrates it their own way, yet a couple of days prior, this online user was startled by an odd request from her childless sister-in-law.
More info: Reddit
Sometimes it’s hard to not get offended when folks say the most absurd things, especially if that person is in your family
Image credits: Cuyahoga Jco (not the actual image)
“Will I be the a-hole for not celebrating my sister-in-law (who doesn’t have kids) on Mother’s Day?” – A woman took it to a well-known online community to reveal a rather odd request that her brother’s wife had sprung upon her. The post received over 3.4K upvotes and nearly 900 comments discussing the absurdity of the event.
A mom of 3 wonders if she’s wrong for not wanting to celebrate her childless sister-in-law on Mother’s Day
Image credits: u/reneehonay987
The author began her post by introducing her family; she’s a 27-year-old mother who has a brother and two older sisters. The woman revealed that her brother got married a year ago and before the couple decided to tie the knot, they were only together for a few months, meaning that the sister-in-law hasn’t “acclimated” to the household just yet.
Image credits: u/reneehonay987
The OP then went on to explain that she and her sisters are very close because they all have children and are quite close in age. As per usual, the woman was looking forward to celebrating Mother’s Day with them as they always have a big brunch at their family home and just spend the day with all of their kids. However, the author’s brother decided to send a message to the family group chat, saying that he would like them to “equally celebrate” his wife, as they’ve been also trying to conceive for some time. The woman revealed that whilst she does have sympathy for folks who have difficulties conceiving, she just thought she’d get her SIL a card, even though she intends to purchase gifts for her sisters and her mother.
Image credits: Harold Bingley (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/reneehonay987
However, what really infuriated the woman was the SIL’s response. The 24-year-old asked her husband’s family to comply with her wishes as she’s just as much of a mother as they are. The author then mentioned that she’s a mother of 3 kids, 2 of whom she homeschooled herself while working from home and taking care of a newborn. Both of her sisters also have four kids each, which is why this clueless request really offended her. The woman then finished her post off by wondering whether she’ll be a bad guy for totally ignoring her SIL’s request and celebrating the day just like she initially planned.
Image credits: u/reneehonay987
Later on, the OP edited her post and added a disclaimer saying that she’s not looking down on her SIL whatsoever, and the reason why she mentioned her sex work career was to give the context to her life. She wanted the Redditors to understand that her brother and SIL live their lives solely for themselves, which, of course, means that this whole “I’m just as much of a mother as you are” malarkey is a bunch of nonsense. Moreover, turns out, that it wasn’t the first time the 24-year-old had demanded something completely out of place: for instance, she once asked the family not to celebrate Christmas because she’s Jewish.
Image credits: Mycatkins (not the actual image)
Presumably, after reading some comments from the members of the online community, the woman decided to call her brother to apologize just in case they had lost a child that she was unaware of. The brother, though, said that they hadn’t and the couple was actually in the middle of a nasty fight. The man said that the text was actually sent from his phone without his permission, besides, he was also pretty puzzled as the woman justified it by saying that she’s the one who’s going to birth sons who will carry on his family name and that his sisters don’t even have that name anymore, hinting at the fact that she’s more important.
Fellow Redditors shared their own thoughts regarding this questionable situation
I've had 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth. I consider myself a mother with no living children. But I didn't expect others to treat me like a mother or celebrate me on Mother's Day. It's so painful, and really a day I just want to forget.
I'm sorry for your losses.. I had a son who passed at 4 months old. Just because they didn't get to grow up, doesn't make you any less of a mother...happy belated mother's day Jaycee
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Wait...She *will* be the mother of boys that will carry on the family name? What kind of Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII sounding sh*t is that? She seems super confident about that.
"Why should you get to celebrate your birthday today and I don't? Maybe I wasn't born on this day but I was just as much born as you!"
I got an eclair for mother’s day from my mom. I asked her „wtf why?” because I don’t (and can’t) have kids and she said „ well you’re a good mom to your cat”. *sob* ;)
SIL sounds jealous and nuts. On the other hand I'm not a mother myself but would - under other conditions - have loved to have children myself. To be excluded from the motherday family fun stings! I think there can be another way to deal with it (if SIL wasn't this offensive, in this case OP is NTA!).
Mothers Day..Fathers day.... Please cancel this s**t. we need a parents day and not these stoneage roleplay fests...
This lady would have just as much trouble with parents' day. She's not a parent (yet).
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Let the children wish Happy Mother's Day or Happy Father's day to their parents rather than wishing this to a stranger. It will save us all a whole bunch of awkward and internal grief when we don't fit your societal expectations.
This! The only person I will wish happy mothers day and get gifts is my mother. I don't say it to my sisters, let alone strangers.
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My family refused to include me in the celebrations because my "kid" is technically my cousin I'm adopting so "I'm not actually a mother" and i didn't throw this much of a fit. (My kid gave me a hand made card and wrote me a little story and we stayed home and grilled burgers and hot dogs, which is honestly all i needed.)
Your kid is gold! Your bio family are a bunch of assholes.
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I'm sorry but wanting to be a mother doesn't make you a mother. I've lost one to miscarriage and even I don't consider myself a mother. At best, I am a fur mom but that's not what the day is about. I don't presents or cards or "Happy Mother's Day" wishes and it doesn't bother me in the slightest because I have no children, thus I am not a mother.
I always wanted to be a pediatrician, but went to advertising instead. Regardless of that, please start calling me Dr. Sergio from now on. Thank you.
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"her desire to be a mother makes her a mother..." And I want to be a millionaire, doesn't mean I'm buying jetskis this weekend. 🙄
One of my friends had an acquaintance that pulled this c**p. She apparently had a melt-down a few years ago on Mother's Day, and flipped out on her boyfriend (who was my friend's friend) because he hadn't gotten her a card, flowers, made her breakfast in bed, nothing. He was baffled by this, because they didn't have kids, or even pets for the "dog/cat mom" joke. She wasn't a mother! Oh, no, she insisted. Mother's Day was, according to her, a day that all women celebrated their potential to be mothers as well. She MIGHT be a mother someday, therefore her boyfriend should have celebrated her in that with a whole bunch of Mother's Day gifts. No, I don't get it either. Yes, they broke up later that year.
Load More Replies... I'm fine with people who want to celebrate the Moms in their lives. In fact, my sister-in-law has one child, and is currently due any day now with her second. I made meal kits that she can freeze and warm up, for her, for mother's day. I did the same for my mother-in-law who just got out of major surgery last week. These are women who have major impact on my life, and who are better mothers and sisters than my biological ones. I even gifted my aunt-in-law because she has been like a third parent to my partner, and his family. She definitely loved/lived/breathed her niece and nephews. She had no kids of her own. This is all fine, to me. You celebrate who you want. --> but dang. No one should demand other people celebrate them. That's so entitled. Gifts and celebrating is for people who deserve it, from the people who feel they deserve it. Just like my bio mom gets d**k-all from me for her atrocious behavior.
My niece buys me flowers on MD. I try to be as much of a mum to her as I can and she loves me for that but I would never demand that she did such a thing. That would take away any joy from the act. OP is defo NTA here!
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I dont get the entitlement. Im the only girl in the family without kids and I fully intend to have them. Yesterday was not about me. Mom & StepMom got flowers, SILs got cards and I paid for the BBQ as the "gift" Then I played with my nibblings and left before things got nuts or diapers needed to be changd. Would I like to be celebrated? Hell yes, but its not my time yet.
Huh? Just don't go if you fear you'd be left out? I mean, ttc and miscarriages are awful, but I understand that Mother's Day are about the day to day work. You don't have to make everything about you. It's understandable and ok to be sad, just don't be rude about it. Leave it alone.
"I understand that Mother's Day are about the day to day work." That's my understanding as well. Although I don't doubt the bond that can form during a pregnancy & the pain experienced when a miscarriage occurs, I don't see how that qualifies one for a Mother's Day gift if the act of parenting outside the womb never occurred. Isn't it generally agreed upon that children don't owe their parents for basic things like giving birth to them, clothing them, feeding them, etc but for things like raising them properly, showing them love, & making daily sacrifices on behalf of the kids? I would've thought it would be insensitive to wish someone who experienced a miscarriage a happy Mother's Day because she never got to take on the role of a parent & it would make her think about all she & her child missed out on, & it's somewhat disrespectful to the mothers who have completely changed their lifestyles to revolve around their kids is someone who hasn't done the same is celebrated the same way.
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Aside from all the family drama with SIL, I truly hope that brother sees the light before this woman "produces sons," as she puts it. She sounds mentally deranged, and he actually sounds like a nice guy, so maybe he should drop this gal and find a woman who behaves like a normal woman? If SIL does beget these sons she talks about, she will be absolutely unbearable, superior, and I'll have to feel very sorry for her children.
I have not heard anything about adoption so far! I lost a baby during the "infertility wars," but went on to adopt 2 wonderful babies who are now grown and having babies of their own. My motherhood by adoption is no less genuine than if I had conceived them and carried them to term and birthed them! My children always call me on Mother's Day and we try to get together when it's convenient for everyone....a rare event. And until just this year, my husband of 35 years NEVER once wished me a "Happy Mother's Day," reminding me year after year that I am not HIS mother. How sad. I have raised his children. I wasn't aware there was such a strict criteria for recognition on Mother's Day. But for some reason, this year he wished me one. Perhaps, he read my scathing post from last year?
Mother's day is a pointless hallmark holiday used to guilt people to buy crappy gifts. That being said, SIL is nucking futs! She should only be celebrated on mental health awareness day. Please for all that is good and holy, DO NOT IMPREGNATE THIS WOMAN!
A few days ago my daughter, who was expecting any day, was excluded from an invitation to celebrate Mother’s by her husband and MIL. It was all about the MIL who has never been kind to my daughter. This upset my daughter who considered herself a mother because she had been carrying his child inside her for 9 months. I guess reasonable people can disagree but it was all resolved when she gave birth on Sunday which was Mother’s Day. So Saturday she wasn’t to be acknowledged by her own husband or MIl but now they have to include her.
It’s tough when you see that your daughters in- laws & husband are asshats. Happy belated special Day to new Mom and Grandma
Load More Replies... My Dad just did the nicest thing ever for me in mother's Day... He just bought the same flowers he got for my sister and gave them to me, saying they are just because I am who I am and I should not be the only one not getting anything I certainly did not expect anything, since I don't have children, I was happy celebrating mothers Day with my family and just spending time with everyone, but I gotta say it was a really thing for him to do. Just for context: I am the only female in the family who isn't a mother or soon to be a mother & probably never will be a mother...
Mothers and Fathers day are so intense. Families have to navigate the feelings of multiple mothers. If you have 3 kids by the same parent unit, it's one mom and 2 grandmothers who want to be celebrated on the day. Those kids grow up and get married and now its potentially 3 moms, 6 grandmoms, 12 great grandmoms. If you all live close to each other, who gets to choose how the day is celebrated?
My list keeps getting longer. My wife, (my mom is diseased), my son's wife, my married daughter, my sisters, my married nieces, my married granddaughters, married female friends..... All get acknowledged, toasted, given cards and/or gifts for Mother's Day. If they have no kids, I skip them because it would be kinda awkward to say "Happy Mother's Day" otherwise.
Soo many red flags with this bat c**p crazy SIL. This post is a year old. I hope OP's brother has filed for divorce and kicked out the nut job.
I would just carry on with your plans as you have always done and just ignore her. If she wants to push it afterwards, deal with it then. Especially since your brother does support her wacky notions. It really sounds like she is just trying to stir the pot, since it appears this is not her first foray into bizzaro world...
I was due in JUNE 11TH with my first (in 1985), I didn't receive any gifts that year, did not feel bad. Our son was born the day after Father's day ( he went over 7 days). I was more bummed that 'dad' didn't have the experience of holding the baby that day. First borns can and do take so long to 'getting' here. Started labor on Saturday and born at 7:13 am Monday.
Your brother needs to get her gone ASAP. Partying is fun but in the end, she'll destroy him.
A mother is a woman who has given birth. Period. I've had a few miscarriages of my own, so I could understand if that was the case, but the OP makes it perfectly clear that it is not. The SIL is an attention wh*re, with more than one screw loose.
You under 40 year old liberal pieces of s*** are what's ruining this country leave us alone leave our celebrations alone leave our holidays alone if you choose not to celebrate him that's your business but don't try to effing tell me what I have to do or how I celebrate anything as far as I'm concerned you have not lived long enough or accomplished enough in your life to be able to tell us anything
My wife's daughter is a druggie I had her arrested and I called CPS and had her daughter our granddaughter removed from her care we adopted her seven years ago and people still wish her a happy Mother's Day and I refuse to and I refuse to acknowledge her in any way as her mother because she's useless I called her the invisible mom because she's never around screw her and screw all you liberals who think differently
If you do not have children of your own or you are not a parent to someone else's children you don't deserve to be celebrated as a mother so STFU
This is just beyond the pale. We had a family member that we used to celebrate mothers day with, who did not have children. She had 3 miscarriages and a baby that had passed away of SIDS. In her later years she started fostering dogs and helped rescue and secure good homes for hundreds, possibly a thousand or so of them, we did mother's day with her because she was a "dog mom" and we gave her cards that we altered to say dog mom and gifts from the dogs.
Mothers should be celebrated 24/7/365, not only one day a year. In this case, she has to have had SOMETHING that she has mothered, even if it was a pet, which it sounds like she hasn't. NTA.
Another 'entitled' nut job hits the fan. Another 'me, me, me' who's got to horn in on other people s day, or celebration or whatever ya got, just gimme, gimme, gimme. Similar post above where the MIL wants every gift a man gives his wife. I have no patience with these needys
I think something is wrong in a lot of ways her husband is living off her earning and she does porn and very fast marriage plus very self important...wow hope divorce coming soon
The SIL is a bit nuts and is just looking for ways to make it all about her. I also have nothing against sex work and often advocate for it to me made legal or decriminalized so it can be safer, but I think this career choice may have gotten to her head, where she is the center of attention, asking the entire family not to celebrate Christmas because she is Jewish? That's disrespectful. So no, you would not be the AH because she is not a mother, nor is she the messiah for carrying on the family name. And saying she will give her husband boys? Genetics are not in her favour for that one.
With that in mind, I'm over mother's day. I love my mom and am grateful forever to her, but I gave her gift to her a day earlier since that's the day I managed to make it to her house, she loved it as it was apparently more useful than flowers. And is now not speaking to me because I didn't say happy mothers day on the date. My in-laws don't give a c**p about any special day because they hate the pressure they're supposed to have. My family puts pressure on all of them. My birthday is next week and I begged them to ignore it. Also I'm short listed for a job that would have me working on Christmas, when asked if it was a problem I told them I'd do it for years if hired. I hate "special" days now because of my family.
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I'm going to take different view here. I think OP either looked down on her SIL because the SIL don't have the same life standard as her or because the SIL have not acclimated to her family. And then OP try to give reasoning for her action by mentioning the SIL lifestyle or "former demands". Mother's Day or any other celebration Day, should be celebrate with people dear to us, and I suppose the SIL was just trying to know her husband's family better by requesting to join that event. Personally, I think the SIL should just accept that she will never be accepted by her husband's family and moving on
Any woman who has lost a child, be it from miscarriage, stillbirth or a heartbreaking death, is a mother and has a child waiting for her in whatever hereafter she believes in.
I feel sorry for your brother honestly. You are definitely NTA though
I was pregnant only once and lost it early in the pregnancy. I tried a lot after that and never conceived. Never during those years did it occur to me to be celebrated as a mother. Then to expect the family to stop celebrating Christmas because she's Jewish?. That's a special kind of entitlement!
I am going to die one day but I don't expect people to bury me now.
All women who have miscarriages, are mothers. They should be celebrated as mother's, maybe as I've seen it put "mothers of angels" but when you love like that, you are a mother. Love sent out does not return void. It just doesn't.
Many may not want to be, though. There HAS to be room for that. My best friend had a miscarriage in April, and the last thing she wanted on Mother's Day was to be "celebrated as [a] mother,," and all that rhetoric with people insisting she was the "mother of [an] angel" only made it more painful for her. This is the biggest problem with something like Mother's Day: not all mothers want or need the same thing, and the rhetoric doesn't give us room to opt out or say "no, thanks."
Load More Replies... Why does she demand to be celebrated? A royal title no one knew she had - distant cousin of the Romanoff dynasty? This is such a weird story. Mother's Day was a marketing ploy to sell greeting cards. I personally have no human babies - never could have them. I celebrate the Mums in my family of human and four-footed.
I miscarried both times. The first one was hard as I was home alone and no phone to call anybody. The 2nd time was Christmas Eve, it took me years before I felt like celebrating Christmas. The SIL is the AH, she has never lost a child she needs to get over herself.
Oh dear. Just the choice of words would have pissed me off. “Please comply with our wishes”? I’m sorry, are you the FBI? “Comply” indeed - tell me you’re giving an entitled order without telling me you’re giving an entitled order.
I'm a little disappointed in the people acting like she can't get her sister's gifts on mother's day. It's a tradition, it's how they celebrate eachother. Motherhood is hard. I call my sisters, if I'm going to see them I get them a bottle of wine or some flowers. Because they are important mothers in my life and it is mother's day. I also celebrate the mother's of the children in my daycare. This lady shouldn't be told to stop her family tradition by her SIL or any of the commenters here.
I don't understand the whole fuss around the mother's day. Do you people really need it? To be so celebrated, to make parties, presents, to tell each other how awesome it is to have lots of children and how it is the ultimate life goal? Ok, if you DO think it's the ultimate life goal, it's your right. But this drama is just annoying and childish. Celebrate quietly without informing everyone and you'll have no problem. This thread is a soap opera of crazy women.
Some people like the ritual of holidays. Parties and presents are fun. You may not like parties and presents and celebrations, but don't spit on those who do. It doesn't need to be an ultimate life goal to be worthy of celebration. I mean, I don't think being born was my biggest accomplishment ever, but I still celebrate my birthday.
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I try to be kind, so if she's having problems to conceive, or had misscariages, i would celebrate her a "soon-to-be mother's day" to try and support her. But she sounds a little entitled (not wanting family to celebrate christmas, not celebrating her own mother in mother's day) so i would leave her off the celebration
My aunt never had any biological children, but wanted to be honored on Mother's Day because she helped raise my dad. Although we thought it was weird, we did it to keep peace. I am not saying that this is what needs to happen here, I am just telling a little story. The only women that I personally have wanted to celebrate on Mother's Day are my mom, my two grandmothers, and my great grandmother. For the last few years, we have included my youngest aunt because she miscarried my cousin when she was five months pregnant. She doesn't make this big of a deal out of it.
Giving your sisters a mother's day gift is weird in my opinion. And if everybody gets gifts but not the SIL, that's kind of rude too. I agree that SIL isn't a mother, but then I think mother's day is a sham anyways. You chose to be a mom, these days are just dumb Hallmark events.
Two parts… Mother’s Day is for mothers of all kinds. And she is a child who is stomping her feet cause she’s feeling left out. But second part, there should be a day for us women who never had a child. My husband and I spent a lot of money trying and never had a child. A few misses, but no kids. So I kind of hate Mother’s Day. But I do celebrate those who are mothers. And Sunday, I did grit my teeth a little but I smiled and stayed happy for all mothers out there. Cause I am a grown up and it’s not always about me.
Great day for civilization when we acknowledged shaving and displaying your cabbage for living as "work".
I can see why SIL hasn't "gelled" with this family. There is no attempt to include her. Things are really pretty dramatic now but would it have been if she had been included to begin with? What's the harm of including a childless SIL on Mother's Day since it's a special celebration for all the other women? Even giving her a small gift to make her feel included? Geesh, what a closed minded group of women. I have no children but I get calls, texts, emails, whatever on Mother's Day from my sisters and some of my nieces and nephews.
You’re a crazy rabbit. The SIL is also crazy. Entitlement stretched into insanity.
Load More Replies... In my opinion, they’re all at fault. Sister in law seems a bit jealous to tell you the truth. She mentions her sex worker lifestyle with a lot of envy. Anyway, both sides need to work out some issues here. I see delusion both ways.
To be honest, I don't know what her line of working had to do here, maybe trying to bias readers with sil's "sinful job'. Either way, sil is out of line.
Load More Replies... I loathe Mother's Day myself, in part because of erosive family drama. OP and SIL both sound like they're off plumb, and for it to devolve to an issue of whether or not SIL, who's been trying to conceive, has -really- had a miscarriage or not ... good grief. Everyone in this needs a time out.
I've had 3 miscarriages and a stillbirth. I consider myself a mother with no living children. But I didn't expect others to treat me like a mother or celebrate me on Mother's Day. It's so painful, and really a day I just want to forget.
I'm sorry for your losses.. I had a son who passed at 4 months old. Just because they didn't get to grow up, doesn't make you any less of a mother...happy belated mother's day Jaycee
Load More Replies... Wait...She *will* be the mother of boys that will carry on the family name? What kind of Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII sounding sh*t is that? She seems super confident about that.
"Why should you get to celebrate your birthday today and I don't? Maybe I wasn't born on this day but I was just as much born as you!"
I got an eclair for mother’s day from my mom. I asked her „wtf why?” because I don’t (and can’t) have kids and she said „ well you’re a good mom to your cat”. *sob* ;)
SIL sounds jealous and nuts. On the other hand I'm not a mother myself but would - under other conditions - have loved to have children myself. To be excluded from the motherday family fun stings! I think there can be another way to deal with it (if SIL wasn't this offensive, in this case OP is NTA!).
Mothers Day..Fathers day.... Please cancel this s**t. we need a parents day and not these stoneage roleplay fests...
This lady would have just as much trouble with parents' day. She's not a parent (yet).
Load More Replies... Let the children wish Happy Mother's Day or Happy Father's day to their parents rather than wishing this to a stranger. It will save us all a whole bunch of awkward and internal grief when we don't fit your societal expectations.
This! The only person I will wish happy mothers day and get gifts is my mother. I don't say it to my sisters, let alone strangers.
Load More Replies... My family refused to include me in the celebrations because my "kid" is technically my cousin I'm adopting so "I'm not actually a mother" and i didn't throw this much of a fit. (My kid gave me a hand made card and wrote me a little story and we stayed home and grilled burgers and hot dogs, which is honestly all i needed.)
Your kid is gold! Your bio family are a bunch of assholes.
Load More Replies... I'm sorry but wanting to be a mother doesn't make you a mother. I've lost one to miscarriage and even I don't consider myself a mother. At best, I am a fur mom but that's not what the day is about. I don't presents or cards or "Happy Mother's Day" wishes and it doesn't bother me in the slightest because I have no children, thus I am not a mother.
I always wanted to be a pediatrician, but went to advertising instead. Regardless of that, please start calling me Dr. Sergio from now on. Thank you.
Load More Replies... "her desire to be a mother makes her a mother..." And I want to be a millionaire, doesn't mean I'm buying jetskis this weekend. 🙄
One of my friends had an acquaintance that pulled this c**p. She apparently had a melt-down a few years ago on Mother's Day, and flipped out on her boyfriend (who was my friend's friend) because he hadn't gotten her a card, flowers, made her breakfast in bed, nothing. He was baffled by this, because they didn't have kids, or even pets for the "dog/cat mom" joke. She wasn't a mother! Oh, no, she insisted. Mother's Day was, according to her, a day that all women celebrated their potential to be mothers as well. She MIGHT be a mother someday, therefore her boyfriend should have celebrated her in that with a whole bunch of Mother's Day gifts. No, I don't get it either. Yes, they broke up later that year.
Load More Replies... I'm fine with people who want to celebrate the Moms in their lives. In fact, my sister-in-law has one child, and is currently due any day now with her second. I made meal kits that she can freeze and warm up, for her, for mother's day. I did the same for my mother-in-law who just got out of major surgery last week. These are women who have major impact on my life, and who are better mothers and sisters than my biological ones. I even gifted my aunt-in-law because she has been like a third parent to my partner, and his family. She definitely loved/lived/breathed her niece and nephews. She had no kids of her own. This is all fine, to me. You celebrate who you want. --> but dang. No one should demand other people celebrate them. That's so entitled. Gifts and celebrating is for people who deserve it, from the people who feel they deserve it. Just like my bio mom gets d**k-all from me for her atrocious behavior.
My niece buys me flowers on MD. I try to be as much of a mum to her as I can and she loves me for that but I would never demand that she did such a thing. That would take away any joy from the act. OP is defo NTA here!
Load More Replies... I dont get the entitlement. Im the only girl in the family without kids and I fully intend to have them. Yesterday was not about me. Mom & StepMom got flowers, SILs got cards and I paid for the BBQ as the "gift" Then I played with my nibblings and left before things got nuts or diapers needed to be changd. Would I like to be celebrated? Hell yes, but its not my time yet.
Huh? Just don't go if you fear you'd be left out? I mean, ttc and miscarriages are awful, but I understand that Mother's Day are about the day to day work. You don't have to make everything about you. It's understandable and ok to be sad, just don't be rude about it. Leave it alone.
"I understand that Mother's Day are about the day to day work." That's my understanding as well. Although I don't doubt the bond that can form during a pregnancy & the pain experienced when a miscarriage occurs, I don't see how that qualifies one for a Mother's Day gift if the act of parenting outside the womb never occurred. Isn't it generally agreed upon that children don't owe their parents for basic things like giving birth to them, clothing them, feeding them, etc but for things like raising them properly, showing them love, & making daily sacrifices on behalf of the kids? I would've thought it would be insensitive to wish someone who experienced a miscarriage a happy Mother's Day because she never got to take on the role of a parent & it would make her think about all she & her child missed out on, & it's somewhat disrespectful to the mothers who have completely changed their lifestyles to revolve around their kids is someone who hasn't done the same is celebrated the same way.
Load More Replies... Aside from all the family drama with SIL, I truly hope that brother sees the light before this woman "produces sons," as she puts it. She sounds mentally deranged, and he actually sounds like a nice guy, so maybe he should drop this gal and find a woman who behaves like a normal woman? If SIL does beget these sons she talks about, she will be absolutely unbearable, superior, and I'll have to feel very sorry for her children.
I have not heard anything about adoption so far! I lost a baby during the "infertility wars," but went on to adopt 2 wonderful babies who are now grown and having babies of their own. My motherhood by adoption is no less genuine than if I had conceived them and carried them to term and birthed them! My children always call me on Mother's Day and we try to get together when it's convenient for everyone....a rare event. And until just this year, my husband of 35 years NEVER once wished me a "Happy Mother's Day," reminding me year after year that I am not HIS mother. How sad. I have raised his children. I wasn't aware there was such a strict criteria for recognition on Mother's Day. But for some reason, this year he wished me one. Perhaps, he read my scathing post from last year?
Mother's day is a pointless hallmark holiday used to guilt people to buy crappy gifts. That being said, SIL is nucking futs! She should only be celebrated on mental health awareness day. Please for all that is good and holy, DO NOT IMPREGNATE THIS WOMAN!
A few days ago my daughter, who was expecting any day, was excluded from an invitation to celebrate Mother’s by her husband and MIL. It was all about the MIL who has never been kind to my daughter. This upset my daughter who considered herself a mother because she had been carrying his child inside her for 9 months. I guess reasonable people can disagree but it was all resolved when she gave birth on Sunday which was Mother’s Day. So Saturday she wasn’t to be acknowledged by her own husband or MIl but now they have to include her.
It’s tough when you see that your daughters in- laws & husband are asshats. Happy belated special Day to new Mom and Grandma
Load More Replies... My Dad just did the nicest thing ever for me in mother's Day... He just bought the same flowers he got for my sister and gave them to me, saying they are just because I am who I am and I should not be the only one not getting anything I certainly did not expect anything, since I don't have children, I was happy celebrating mothers Day with my family and just spending time with everyone, but I gotta say it was a really thing for him to do. Just for context: I am the only female in the family who isn't a mother or soon to be a mother & probably never will be a mother...
Mothers and Fathers day are so intense. Families have to navigate the feelings of multiple mothers. If you have 3 kids by the same parent unit, it's one mom and 2 grandmothers who want to be celebrated on the day. Those kids grow up and get married and now its potentially 3 moms, 6 grandmoms, 12 great grandmoms. If you all live close to each other, who gets to choose how the day is celebrated?
My list keeps getting longer. My wife, (my mom is diseased), my son's wife, my married daughter, my sisters, my married nieces, my married granddaughters, married female friends..... All get acknowledged, toasted, given cards and/or gifts for Mother's Day. If they have no kids, I skip them because it would be kinda awkward to say "Happy Mother's Day" otherwise.
Soo many red flags with this bat c**p crazy SIL. This post is a year old. I hope OP's brother has filed for divorce and kicked out the nut job.
I would just carry on with your plans as you have always done and just ignore her. If she wants to push it afterwards, deal with it then. Especially since your brother does support her wacky notions. It really sounds like she is just trying to stir the pot, since it appears this is not her first foray into bizzaro world...
I was due in JUNE 11TH with my first (in 1985), I didn't receive any gifts that year, did not feel bad. Our son was born the day after Father's day ( he went over 7 days). I was more bummed that 'dad' didn't have the experience of holding the baby that day. First borns can and do take so long to 'getting' here. Started labor on Saturday and born at 7:13 am Monday.
Your brother needs to get her gone ASAP. Partying is fun but in the end, she'll destroy him.
A mother is a woman who has given birth. Period. I've had a few miscarriages of my own, so I could understand if that was the case, but the OP makes it perfectly clear that it is not. The SIL is an attention wh*re, with more than one screw loose.
You under 40 year old liberal pieces of s*** are what's ruining this country leave us alone leave our celebrations alone leave our holidays alone if you choose not to celebrate him that's your business but don't try to effing tell me what I have to do or how I celebrate anything as far as I'm concerned you have not lived long enough or accomplished enough in your life to be able to tell us anything
My wife's daughter is a druggie I had her arrested and I called CPS and had her daughter our granddaughter removed from her care we adopted her seven years ago and people still wish her a happy Mother's Day and I refuse to and I refuse to acknowledge her in any way as her mother because she's useless I called her the invisible mom because she's never around screw her and screw all you liberals who think differently
If you do not have children of your own or you are not a parent to someone else's children you don't deserve to be celebrated as a mother so STFU
This is just beyond the pale. We had a family member that we used to celebrate mothers day with, who did not have children. She had 3 miscarriages and a baby that had passed away of SIDS. In her later years she started fostering dogs and helped rescue and secure good homes for hundreds, possibly a thousand or so of them, we did mother's day with her because she was a "dog mom" and we gave her cards that we altered to say dog mom and gifts from the dogs.
Mothers should be celebrated 24/7/365, not only one day a year. In this case, she has to have had SOMETHING that she has mothered, even if it was a pet, which it sounds like she hasn't. NTA.
Another 'entitled' nut job hits the fan. Another 'me, me, me' who's got to horn in on other people s day, or celebration or whatever ya got, just gimme, gimme, gimme. Similar post above where the MIL wants every gift a man gives his wife. I have no patience with these needys
I think something is wrong in a lot of ways her husband is living off her earning and she does porn and very fast marriage plus very self important...wow hope divorce coming soon
The SIL is a bit nuts and is just looking for ways to make it all about her. I also have nothing against sex work and often advocate for it to me made legal or decriminalized so it can be safer, but I think this career choice may have gotten to her head, where she is the center of attention, asking the entire family not to celebrate Christmas because she is Jewish? That's disrespectful. So no, you would not be the AH because she is not a mother, nor is she the messiah for carrying on the family name. And saying she will give her husband boys? Genetics are not in her favour for that one.
With that in mind, I'm over mother's day. I love my mom and am grateful forever to her, but I gave her gift to her a day earlier since that's the day I managed to make it to her house, she loved it as it was apparently more useful than flowers. And is now not speaking to me because I didn't say happy mothers day on the date. My in-laws don't give a c**p about any special day because they hate the pressure they're supposed to have. My family puts pressure on all of them. My birthday is next week and I begged them to ignore it. Also I'm short listed for a job that would have me working on Christmas, when asked if it was a problem I told them I'd do it for years if hired. I hate "special" days now because of my family.
Load More Replies... I'm going to take different view here. I think OP either looked down on her SIL because the SIL don't have the same life standard as her or because the SIL have not acclimated to her family. And then OP try to give reasoning for her action by mentioning the SIL lifestyle or "former demands". Mother's Day or any other celebration Day, should be celebrate with people dear to us, and I suppose the SIL was just trying to know her husband's family better by requesting to join that event. Personally, I think the SIL should just accept that she will never be accepted by her husband's family and moving on
Any woman who has lost a child, be it from miscarriage, stillbirth or a heartbreaking death, is a mother and has a child waiting for her in whatever hereafter she believes in.
I feel sorry for your brother honestly. You are definitely NTA though
I was pregnant only once and lost it early in the pregnancy. I tried a lot after that and never conceived. Never during those years did it occur to me to be celebrated as a mother. Then to expect the family to stop celebrating Christmas because she's Jewish?. That's a special kind of entitlement!
I am going to die one day but I don't expect people to bury me now.
All women who have miscarriages, are mothers. They should be celebrated as mother's, maybe as I've seen it put "mothers of angels" but when you love like that, you are a mother. Love sent out does not return void. It just doesn't.
Many may not want to be, though. There HAS to be room for that. My best friend had a miscarriage in April, and the last thing she wanted on Mother's Day was to be "celebrated as [a] mother,," and all that rhetoric with people insisting she was the "mother of [an] angel" only made it more painful for her. This is the biggest problem with something like Mother's Day: not all mothers want or need the same thing, and the rhetoric doesn't give us room to opt out or say "no, thanks."
Load More Replies... Why does she demand to be celebrated? A royal title no one knew she had - distant cousin of the Romanoff dynasty? This is such a weird story. Mother's Day was a marketing ploy to sell greeting cards. I personally have no human babies - never could have them. I celebrate the Mums in my family of human and four-footed.
I miscarried both times. The first one was hard as I was home alone and no phone to call anybody. The 2nd time was Christmas Eve, it took me years before I felt like celebrating Christmas. The SIL is the AH, she has never lost a child she needs to get over herself.
Oh dear. Just the choice of words would have pissed me off. “Please comply with our wishes”? I’m sorry, are you the FBI? “Comply” indeed - tell me you’re giving an entitled order without telling me you’re giving an entitled order.
I'm a little disappointed in the people acting like she can't get her sister's gifts on mother's day. It's a tradition, it's how they celebrate eachother. Motherhood is hard. I call my sisters, if I'm going to see them I get them a bottle of wine or some flowers. Because they are important mothers in my life and it is mother's day. I also celebrate the mother's of the children in my daycare. This lady shouldn't be told to stop her family tradition by her SIL or any of the commenters here.
I don't understand the whole fuss around the mother's day. Do you people really need it? To be so celebrated, to make parties, presents, to tell each other how awesome it is to have lots of children and how it is the ultimate life goal? Ok, if you DO think it's the ultimate life goal, it's your right. But this drama is just annoying and childish. Celebrate quietly without informing everyone and you'll have no problem. This thread is a soap opera of crazy women.
Some people like the ritual of holidays. Parties and presents are fun. You may not like parties and presents and celebrations, but don't spit on those who do. It doesn't need to be an ultimate life goal to be worthy of celebration. I mean, I don't think being born was my biggest accomplishment ever, but I still celebrate my birthday.
Load More Replies... I try to be kind, so if she's having problems to conceive, or had misscariages, i would celebrate her a "soon-to-be mother's day" to try and support her. But she sounds a little entitled (not wanting family to celebrate christmas, not celebrating her own mother in mother's day) so i would leave her off the celebration
My aunt never had any biological children, but wanted to be honored on Mother's Day because she helped raise my dad. Although we thought it was weird, we did it to keep peace. I am not saying that this is what needs to happen here, I am just telling a little story. The only women that I personally have wanted to celebrate on Mother's Day are my mom, my two grandmothers, and my great grandmother. For the last few years, we have included my youngest aunt because she miscarried my cousin when she was five months pregnant. She doesn't make this big of a deal out of it.
Giving your sisters a mother's day gift is weird in my opinion. And if everybody gets gifts but not the SIL, that's kind of rude too. I agree that SIL isn't a mother, but then I think mother's day is a sham anyways. You chose to be a mom, these days are just dumb Hallmark events.
Two parts… Mother’s Day is for mothers of all kinds. And she is a child who is stomping her feet cause she’s feeling left out. But second part, there should be a day for us women who never had a child. My husband and I spent a lot of money trying and never had a child. A few misses, but no kids. So I kind of hate Mother’s Day. But I do celebrate those who are mothers. And Sunday, I did grit my teeth a little but I smiled and stayed happy for all mothers out there. Cause I am a grown up and it’s not always about me.
Great day for civilization when we acknowledged shaving and displaying your cabbage for living as "work".
I can see why SIL hasn't "gelled" with this family. There is no attempt to include her. Things are really pretty dramatic now but would it have been if she had been included to begin with? What's the harm of including a childless SIL on Mother's Day since it's a special celebration for all the other women? Even giving her a small gift to make her feel included? Geesh, what a closed minded group of women. I have no children but I get calls, texts, emails, whatever on Mother's Day from my sisters and some of my nieces and nephews.
You’re a crazy rabbit. The SIL is also crazy. Entitlement stretched into insanity.
Load More Replies... In my opinion, they’re all at fault. Sister in law seems a bit jealous to tell you the truth. She mentions her sex worker lifestyle with a lot of envy. Anyway, both sides need to work out some issues here. I see delusion both ways.
To be honest, I don't know what her line of working had to do here, maybe trying to bias readers with sil's "sinful job'. Either way, sil is out of line.
Load More Replies... I loathe Mother's Day myself, in part because of erosive family drama. OP and SIL both sound like they're off plumb, and for it to devolve to an issue of whether or not SIL, who's been trying to conceive, has -really- had a miscarriage or not ... good grief. Everyone in this needs a time out.
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